Vassar Inn and Institute opens to the public
Afive-minute
walk from Vassar Col-
lege’s residential quad and a few steps from Josselyn House, Vassar’s latest construction project has finally opened to the public. As detailed on Vassar’s website, the Institute for the Liberal Arts, the Heartwood Inn and the Salt Line restaurant are products of the College’s attempt to bridge the divide between the Vassar campus, Poughkeepsie and the surrounding world, with an emphasis on sustainability, accessibility and interconnectedness.
Walking through the doors and into the lobby of the Heartwood Inn, Vassar’s past,
present and future are on display. Plaques depicting each of the majors offered at Vassar line one wall. Across the room, black-and-white photos of Vassar students, postcards with frayed edges and broaches donated by alumnae/i are exhibited in drawers and display cases. From burgundy and gray stone tabletops to art pieces on display from Vassar’s Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center, the entrance to the building constructed with the College’s future in mind still honors the past.
Many of the rooms, like the Baldeck Snug, and the Arnhold Lobby, recognize members of the Vassar community and their contributions to the project. Art made by Vassar alumna Nancy Graves ’61
Alumnus speaks at DNC
Charlotte
Robertson Editor-in-Chief
On Aug. 21, Vassar alumnus and former Vassar Student Association President Carlos Eduardo Espina ’20 spoke at the 2024 Democratic National Convention (DNC) in Chicago. “Buenas noches, mi gente,” he addressed the enthusiastic crowd. “If two decades ago, when my parents immigrated to College Station, Texas, you told them that one day their son would reach 14 million followers on social media, graduate law school and speak at the Democratic National Convention, they might not believe you.” Espina was one of five social media influencers to secure a powerful speaking slot at the DNC this year—indicative of the Demo-
cratic Party’s attempt to adapt to a changing culture of news consumption that exists outside of “traditional” sources of information. “Ever since Biden took office, his administration’s been trying to make inroads with content creators because they recognize the influence and reach they have,” Espina said in an interview with The Miscellany News. Forging relationships with social media influencers, Espina added, allows for political administrations to verify content shared in videos. “Back in 2021 [the Biden administration] started doing briefings…for content creators, especially on very important topics like Covid and the war in Ukraine and Russia. They start[ed] inviting content creators to these meet-
are featured in the Heartwood’s lobby and in the Salt Line’s dining room.
Although spaces such as the “snugs,” or lounges, are available for student use, some students report feeling hesitant to visit the new building, citing concerns about whether they are welcome and how they are meant to use the space.
“The upscale facilities definitely have the potential to attract academics from other parts of the country and the world which would be an indirect benefit to Vassar students,” said Vassar student Clare Sullivin-Catlin ’27. “However, it definitely does not feel like it was created for the students, more for the professors and administration.”
INSTITUTE
Just upstairs from the Heartwood’s lobby is Vassar’s Institute for the Liberal Arts. Composed of meeting rooms, break out corners and its own lobby, the Institute is expected to accommodate classes, guest lectures, meetings and Vassar events after its official opening on Oct. 24.
“All aspects of the building are open to the public so when the College is not using the space, we expect the broader community to use it for meetings, events and overnight accommodations,” wrote Vassar Vice President of Communication Victoria Grantham in an email correspondence.
See Institute on page 3
Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866
Volume 162 | Issue 2
Letter from the editors
Welcome
back! As the academic year begins, the new Fall 2024 Upper Executive Board of The Miscellany News would like to highlight the policies and purpose of our publication so that we may thoroughly serve our community.
The Misc is completely run by students. As an independent newspaper, we do not accept donations from alumni or the College’s administration. We receive our funding solely from the Vassar Student Association and student and community constituent advertisements requested to run inside the newspaper. Maintaining financial independence is crucial in our commitment to prioritizing the autonomy of our student writers.
The Misc exists as a tool for the entire Vassar student body. We strive to give every student a voice in our publication. Whether it be a news story about an event you feel deserves more attention, a think-piece outlining an opinion you passionately hold or a feature of your favorite book, artist or athlete, The Misc wants to hear from you. With 800 print issues in circulation every week and a newsletter that reaches over 1,950 subscribers, The Misc offers students the opportunity to speak
Summer sports excite globally
Henry France Sports Editor
Wow,what a summer. Across the world, top athletes faced off in competitions ranging from the European Soccer Championship in Germany, Copa America in the United States, Wimbledon in England, the Tour de France and more, headlined by the 2024 Summer Olympics and Paralympics in Paris! The French events kicked off on July 26th with Lady Gaga and Celine Dion ringing in the games. The show was the first opening ceremony that took place outside of an arena as countries’ boats streamed down the newly cleaned Seine River. On July 14, and 650 miles away in Berlin, Germany, Spain won a thrilling 2-1 match over England to win a record-breaking fourth UEFA European Championship (Euro) title and third in the last five Euro tournaments. The final score was heartbreaking for England supporters who have been on the cusp of world tournament championship for decades, losing in the Euro final for the second consecutive tournament. The loss came against a formidable Spain squad that won all seven matches of their tournament, netting a tournament-record 15 goals. On the very same day, just hours earlier, the Copa America Championship, the North and South American equivalent to the European Championship, crowned Argentina in a 1-0 extra time record-breaking 16th victory.
The Copa America tournament was un-
derscored by controversies ranging from field conditions to venue security to referee quality. Members of the Argentina national team pointed out the low quality of the field, or pitch, in their interviews after a group stage game against Canada. Later on in the tournament, in a pivotal group stage game, the United States national team played a chippy match against Uruguay overcast by the shadow of timid and inexperienced refereeing. Kevin Ortega, the chief referee for the match, was repeatedly confused and frantic as high intensity moments emerged. As Uruguay closed out the match with a 1-0 victory, Ortega refused to shake the hand of United States player Christian Pulisic. The tournament’s challenges concluded during the final between Columbia and Argentina in Hard Rock Stadium in Miami, Florida. Slated to begin at 8pm., the match was delayed three times due to ticketless fans storming the stadium, before finally starting almost an hour and a half late. Many ticket holders unfortunately became trapped in the congestion and... It remains that Europe maintains their soccer, or ‘football’, dominance over the Americas. With the major soccer tournaments in the rear view mirror, focus turned to the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad—the 2024 Paris Olympics. The games were packed with drama. Iconic moments, tight medal races and a river safety controversy were among the headlines that defined the 2024 Paris Olym-
See Sports on page 14
Features Editor Caris Lee offers a meditation on summer and autumn reading lists. 6 FEATURES
9 HUMOR
All the way from Ireland, Emma DaRosa recounts her air travel tribulations. 5 ARTS Combining wit and earnesty, Guest Columnist Evan Seker reflects on Vassar’s Serenading.
The Fall 2024 Upper Executive Board
Emma Brown, Benjamin Savel Guest Reporters
See DNC on page 4
Image courtesy of Emma Brown ‘27 and Benjamin Savel ‘26.
See Letter on page 12
Image courtesy of Carlos Eduardo Espina ’20.
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Image courtesy of Karen Mogami ’24.
The Institute for the Liberal Arts debuts on Raymond Ave
The Institute’s conference rooms havebeen built with the technology necessary to engage as many scholars, students and visitors as possible. There is a camera in the Sycamore Room that intuitively follows the person speaking as they move around, creating an immersive experience for anyone virtually attending a meeting. In the Elm Room screens have been installed on all sides of the room to accommodate a round-table discussion.
“We really hope that the Institute is a place where new ideas will grow out of,” wrote Vassar Vice President for Finance and Administration Bryan Swarthout.
The Institute will host a number of Signature Programs this year which are derived from proposals submitted by faculty, students and members of the community. Proposals selected by the committee are awarded up to $25,000 per program. Among the programs this year are “Promoting Partnerships to Advance Educational Justice in Poughkeepsie” and “The Entrepreneurial Mind and the Liberal Arts.” This year’s Signature Programs will begin in November and conclude in May 2025.
“We hope that our Signature Programs are a meaningful starting point in our effort to have the Institute be known as a place that invites dialogue about important issues,” wrote Wesley Dixon, the Facility Director for the Institute. “In addition to the Signature Programs, we are keen to make sure the Institute is a place that is seen, and used, as a resource by members of the Vassar community and the broader Poughkeepsie and Hudson Valley communities. The diversity of people who we hope will host and attend Institute events, Signature or non-Signature, will support an experience in the space that facilitates meaningful dialogue.”
The deadline for submissions for the next cycle of Signature Programs has yet to be announced, but administrators encourage students to begin to prepare their projects.
SALT LINE
Behind the steel double doors next to the bar, the Hudson Valley’s first all-electric kitchen cooks meals for patrons of the Salt Line, Vassar’s newly-built restaurant. Head chef Zach Lovenguth and sous chef Will Manning use locally-sourced ingredients to craft the restaurant’s ever-evolving menu, collaborating with La Belle Farms, North Wind Farms, Veritas Farms, Hudson Valley Fish and the Poughkeepsie Farm Project.
“Our main goal is to have almost everything sourced from local farms and local purveyors,” said the Salt Line’s manager Ryllie Husted. “That way our dishes are completely localized. We are cutting down on our carbon footprint by doing things like this. It makes Poughkeepsie and those who live around here more aware of sustainability. They don’t notice that even the food affects sustainability. It’s not just cars and gas. It all comes together because in order to have a restaurant, you need to use gas and cars and that carbon footprint keeps elongating.”
Using local ingredients comes at the cost of a fixed menu and with an expectation of culinary innovation. Because the Salt Line relies on Hudson Valley produce, the restaurant’s menu will change throughout the year to accommodate the changes that come with seasonal harvests.
“We want you to be able to know that we’re reflecting our menu off the seasons,”
said Manning. “That’s being sustainable, to be able to react to the season that’s approaching. The fall time is going to be the best menu that we have here. It’s going to be something to look forward to.”
Working in an all-electric kitchen also means reimagining how food is prepared. Without a gas stove, the Salt Line’s chefs are learning to work without an open flame. This means the chefs must estimate the stove’s temperature and budget more time for the burner to warm.
However, having an electric kitchen also results in a cleaner experience, according to Lovenguth. Without the use of an open flame, the Salt Line’s dishes are prepared without the risk of having a charred taste.
At the Salt Line’s bar, named the Night Owls in honor of one of Vassar’s acapella groups, creativity and sustainability remain a focal point.
“Every one of those drinks that he makes, they’re back there and they’re juicing cucumbers and cilantro and they’re making everything fresh every day,” said Director of Guest Services Brian Albert. “There’s nothing there that’s prepared or bottled, it’s not like they’re using pre-made drinks. Everything is very an artisan style of drink.”
Manning echoed Albert’s sentiments: “Being sustainable is about being creative,” said Manning. “It allows us to be more creative and allows us to expand our brain past the point. It’s fun being sustainable. We’re in for a rollercoaster of a ride.”
INTENTIONAL BUILDING
Sustainability has been embedded into the building from the ground up, including 55 geothermal wells to power all of the building’s heating and cooling, solar panels on the Inn’s southern roof to supply electricity, four electric vehicle charging stations and nine solar thermal panels on the Institute’s roof to help heat water for the Salt Line kitchen and Institute.
The building’s geothermal pumps connect to water hundreds of feet below the ground that is at a constant 55 degrees Fahrenheit year round. The pumps can heat the building using extracted thermal energy from the groundwater or cool the building by pushing heat back into the ground. Similar plans for powering the entire college through heat pumps have been proposed, most recently at environmental professor Alex Barron’s lecture in April, but President Elizabeth Bradley and members of the Board of Trustees have commented that the plan is currently too expensive, costing around $100 million.
While the combination of solar and geothermal power accounts for most of the building’s needs, some additional energy from the grid is required. Vassar, however, acquires this grid energy through green energy contracts, so the building is 100 percent carbon neutral.
The building’s commitment to sustainability manifests in more subtle ways as well. The frit pattern on the Institute’s windows, which is designed to look like the wood frame of Alumnae House and prevent bird strikes, also helps to reflect sunlight, keeping the building naturally cooler. In addition, many of the Inn and Institute’s furnishings have been made out of natural materials; sets of tables, stairs, desks, chairs and even lamp shades are made out of wood, and the Institute’s exterior is made of recycled brick, which uses less energy to create.
In the coming months, the Institute plans to incorporate sustainability into academic discussion as well; one of the its first signature programs is dedicated
to sustainability, titled “Law and Ecology: Legal Innovations for a Heating Planet and EcoVisions: Finding Your Place in Environmentalism,” and hosted by Professor of Political Science Arpitha Kodiveri.
The building is also designed to be accessible. All pathways to the building are wheelchair accessible, the Institute conference rooms include hearing loops for hearing aid users, and all floors of the building can be accessed by elevator. Swarthout says the College learned from experience with the Bridge for Laboratory Sciences building that adding automatic door openers, which are not technically required by Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) standards, were important to include for true accessibility. (The Bridge, which had doors wide enough for a wheelchair but were notoriously difficult to open, gained accessible automatic door openers in early 2024).
INN
Also included in the project is the Heartwood Inn, a three-story hotel consisting of 18 king rooms, 30 queen rooms and two suites, all available in accessible options. The hotel also contains two snugs on the first two floors and a fitness center on the third. The second-floor snug contains books by faculty and alumae/i, printing services, decorations by a local artist based on flowers from the Vassar herbarium and a variety of chairs and couches. “It’s supposed to feel like a casual living room,” Bryan Swarthout, Vice President for Finance and Administration, stated. The nightly price usually ranges from $150 to $220, ebbing and flowing based on popularity— move-in, parent’s weekend, reunion and commencement book out quickly.
Swarthout emphasized that the Inn is not intended to replace Alumnae House, which connects to the newly-constructed building via an accessible, sloped “meander” up the hill. The 13 rooms in Alumnae House could be used alongside the Heartwood’s 50 rooms if more housing is necessary for an event than the Inn can accommodate.
“We really hope there is a positive synergy amongst the two,” Swarthout stated.
ECONOMICS
Day-to-day operation at the building is facilitated by Olympia Hospitality, who staff the hotel, manage the restaurant and facilitate catering for Institute events through a central elevator that runs from
the Salt Line’s kitchen to the Institute just above. The company also manages similar sites at other colleges, including the Inn on Boltwood (Amherst), The Hotel at Oberlin and the Inn at Swarthmore.
Financially, the building is expected to break even, according to Swarthout, with the combination of hotel and restaurant income as well as staffing and furnishing costs amounting to neither a large source of income for the College nor a drain on its finances. The returns are expected to be down the line—attracting admissions visitors, inviting scholars to campus, showcasing student and faculty work and bringing Vassar more media attention.
The building’s carbon neutrality was a significant factor to its cost. Even after receiving over $1 million in grants from the New York State Energy Research and Development Authority , the proposal was still more expensive than the non-carbon-neutral options. However, after student activism and additional donations, Bradley was able to move forward with the carbon-neutral plan in 2019. The final project was projected at $32 million, but the actual cost is slightly higher and currently unknown due to COVID-19 and ongoing contractual delays, Grantham stated.
The college’s decision to construct the building over the renovation of existing ones has faced significant controversy among the student body, with over 95.6 percent of surveyed students in the Vassar Student Association’s 2024 Annual Comprehensive Survey expressing that the college should prioritize repurposing or renovating existing ones before investing in the construction of new buildings. A College spokesperson responded in a written communication, stating, “We have undertaken major efforts to maintain existing buildings, so it is not either/or, but rather both/ and.” Swarthout noted that the college plans to increase investment in internal renewal over time but acknowledges challenges of renovating more than 100-year old buildings.
For the first time in 163 years, a model of Vassar housing, academics and dining is on display in a single building. The space is a microcosm of some of the college’s biggest 21st-century challenges and successes—visions for carbon divestment, strengthened community discourse, building renovation and connection with local Poughkeepsie— were integral to the project at all stages.
Image courtesy of Emma Brown ’27 and Benjamin Savel ’26.
Former VSA President talks immigration at the DNC
ings…just so they had correct information.”
Espina’s relationship with the White House began in January 2024, when he was approached by the White House digital communications team. He has since met with immigration advisors, President Joe Biden, First Lady Jill Biden and Vice President and DNC presidential nominee Kamala Harris. In mid-June, he posted a TikTok video with President Biden announcing a new immigration policy aimed at keeping American families of citizens and noncitizens together. Unlike his other content, the video was filmed in English. Espina provided Spanish subtitles. After describing the new policy, the two men embraced. “Thank you for what you do. You inspire a lot of young people,” said President Biden. “I never thought I’d hear that from the President,” Espina responded.
In the first week of August, Espina was invited to speak at the DNC. In the days that followed, his comments on social media flooded with positivity: “Amigo que orgullo y muchas felicitaciones por este inmenso LOGRO!!!!!!!!!! [Friend, I’m so proud
migrants!!!]” exclaimed another.
Espina is most active on TikTok, where he has amassed over 10 million followers. He created his account shortly after graduating from Vassar in 2020 with a degree in political science and Latin American studies; initially, he was filming videos for a nonprofit organization, but soon switched to making his own content. “It really just started as a hobby,” he said. Espina credits his rapid fame to a deficit in Spanish-spoken American political commentary online: “There was almost no one doing anything in my niche, which was Spanish content for people here in the U.S.,” he explained. “My first big boom was during the 2020 election,” he continued. “I went viral a lot of times analyzing each candidate’s proposals and breaking down the debates between Trump and Biden.”
Since beginning his account, much of Espina’s content has shifted to focus on immigration. “Immigration is kind of what I have more knowledge on, both firsthand and also actual formal studies in,” he said. Espina was born in Uruguay and spent the first five years of his life there; howev-
of you and many congratulations for this immense ACHIEVEMENT!!!!!!!!!!]” read one; “Orgullo latino gracias por aportar en beneficio de los emigrantes!!! [Latino pride thanks for contributing to the benefit of im-
er, both his parents had lived in the United States for years prior. “It is a little bit of a complicated story,” he said. “My dad’s from Uruguay. [He] moved to the U.S. in the ’80s during the dictatorship over there,” he ex-
plained. “My mom, at that point, was living in Mexico. My dad was traveling and met my mom in the early 1990s, and, well, they fell in love, and she moved to the U.S. with him… Unfortunately, in 1997, she was deported to Mexico.” Eventually, Espina and his parents all gained legal citizenship and moved to Texas.
“The United States—as long as it’s a great nation, people are going to want to come here,” Espina told The Miscellany News “No one crosses the desert or crosses the Rio Grande river or…all these other routes migrants take, unless they have no other choice.”
According to a survey conducted by the Statista Research Department in July, immigration is the second-most important issue for American voters this coming election. Espina praised the Harris administration’s approach to immigration in his DNC speech but emphasized bipartisanship and unity. To a symphony of cheers, he declared: “To be pro-immigrant is to be pro-America!” Notably, he referenced Ronald Reagan’s 1986 Immigration Reform and Control Act, which granted amnesty to approximately three million undocumented immigrants.
“Obviously [mentioning Reagan] was very intentional,” Espina explained. “Ronald Reagan’s the main Republican dude everyone looks up to.” He continued: “He talked about creating an open border. He talked about not having any fences, let alone any walls at the border. How can we move back towards that? The reality is any of these solutions that I’m proposing are not possible unless you have some degree of biparti-
san support.”
Highlighting the necessity of compromise, Espina explained: “If you look through a history about immigration and how it relates to the United States, it’s in pendulum swings.” He added: “I think we’re stuck in that moment where we’re at the height of anti-immigration sentiments, which, if history repeats itself, will at some point have to shift backwards.”
As for Espina’s personal opinions on immigration policy, he supports a revitalized immigration system with an expanded visa process and amnesty for undocumented individuals who meet certain requirements, such as residing in the United States for a particular period of time and having a clean criminal record. “If we want to decrease border crossings…the best way to do that is create legal pathways for people to be able to come,” he said.
With less than two months until election day, both Harris and Trump are attempting to appeal to the young voting demographic, which is predicted to be key in winning the presidential election. Addressing the Vassar student body specifically, he said: “Make the most of your education… A lot of stuff that I’m doing right now, even the stuff for my speech I gave at the DNC, is all stuff that I learned in my Latin American politics class.” Addressing young people as a whole, Espina stressed the importance of voting: “I say this as someone who works in the immigrant community, day in and day out. If you have the ability to vote, meaning you’re a U.S. citizen, you’re of age—you should exercise that. Whoever it’s going to be for.”
Image courtesy of Carlos Eduardo Espina ‘20.
Image courtesy of Carlos Eduardo Espina ‘20.
Serenading and spectating, also s’mores: Fire and companionship
Evan Seker Guest Columnist
Listen, we’ve all been to bonfire events. Well, I had not before this one. But I am sure most anyone reading this article has. Hope we are all on the same page here: Fire exists, and it’s happening, whether you like it or not. Campfire and Serenading, at the Noyes Circle (or Nircle, as everyone wants to call it, for some reason) was pretty fun. I mostly walked around with friends and encountered several interesting sights: including fire, burnt s’mores (I placed them in the fire), and people hanging out. I was also able to talk to some of my friends about the events of the night: One, Emerson Pelletier ’28, said she “found it fun” to sit and watch the performers. But I do not think the contents of the event were as fun as the space the event envisioned and facilitated for students to unite as a community; in other words, whatever happened during Campfire and Serenading night, simply the existence of a fun event students could go to to hang, was worth more than the minute de -
tails of the night. This is not to say that one could replace the joyous occasion of singing with people standing around and dunking fries in oil, for example. A firm foundation of something interesting must remain. But beyond that, nothing else is really needed. One of the performers, Molly Freer ’25, also somewhat agrees. When I asked her for her opinion on performing, she said the following: “I’ve been performing since I was little, so it feels very natural to me—and Serenading is such a fun event where we all get to support our fellow classmates. But as my first year performing as a duo alongside my lovely friend Kalina Rashkov ‘25 it felt even more freeing than usual—I wasn’t worried about making mistakes or the size of the crowd because I was getting to hang out with my friend.” Mistakes and whatever don’t matter; it’s really the one or two sentence summaries that you can mail home to your family that we remember, and that we care about. “I duetted a song with my friend in front of a sizable crowd and had fun, and I watched others perform as well” is all there will be in two, three years’ time. What
does this say about our memory, and how we experience life?
Who we are, especially in college, is malleable. We absorb ideas about ourselves, displacing others, constantly. We might throw ourselves against barricaded doors in hopes that they open, and inevitably change as people when we stop trying. But we also are constantly shifting those ideas as they enter us, and searching around those doors to find ones that open more easily. Even our memories are ever-cascading efficiency machines, removing the dull moments that don’t impact us, and prioritizing the best ones that do. The nature of human memory is not self-serving, for self-serving owns a specific connotation, as if one who remembers anything at all from their own perspective (which it is ultimately impossible not to do) is prioritizing their needs above all others. But memory is only self-drawn, in that its utmost source is from one’s wperception of events. I talked to my friend Jillian Galimi ’28 and she said that “it was a great opportunity to feel connected with other members of [her] class,”
and that “[she didn’t] think the event being different would have mattered to [her] but the music created a great energy.” As one can see, it is the “energy” and the “situation” of the event that makes its impact. If we all could just reach out and see the world as it really is, that would be the end of that. But we can’t. So the best we can do is try to look beyond the minute social or academic struggles during our time at Vassar, and ask this, of each and every day: how do I want to remember this? Because in the end, our memory is all that matters.
Even our memories are ever-cascading efficiency machines, removing the dull moments that don’t impact us, and prioritizing the best ones that do.
MJ Lenderman’s ‘Manning Fireworks’ surpasses expectations
Allen Hale Senior Editor
MJLenderman is accelerating on a path for total takeover. The Asheville, North Carolina-born singer-songwriter set a high standard for himself with his 2022 sophomore effort “Boat Songs,” comprising roughly 34 minutes of alternative-country filtered through the sonic approaches of indie and slacker rock. The recently released “Manning Fireworks” goes beyond his impressive past work, establishing Lenderman’s distinct voice and style as one of the most promising in all of contemporary music.
Drawing on progenitors like Will Oldham and Jason Molina—the latter being directly cited by Lenderman as an inspiration—has granted him a predestined yet developing cult following as a sort of “voice of his generation,” despite the seemingly confused and specific content of his lyrical repertoire. Whereas “Boat Songs” firmly presented Lenderman’s aforementioned genre syllogism, “Manning Fireworks” more thoroughly expresses his sensibilities as a writer.
“Boat Songs” unfortunately sat on my radar for nearly two years before I heard it, a mistake I have amended by listening to “Manning Fireworks” a half-dozen times in full since its release. Across the album’s tracklist, Lenderman’s word is given priority without diminishing any instrumental intensity. Rather, the delivery cuts across this sound in a manner that leaves immediate impressions for first-time listening; as someone who takes longer than usual to catch onto vocals, the impact was notable. A continuing interest in Americana, sports and melancholia forms the partial foundation of this project, with the emotional poignancy dialed up for new frontiers.
A biographical backdrop lends some explanation; in July, Lenderman separated from Katy Hartzman, his partner and fellow bandmate in the alternative rock group Wednesday. “Manning Fireworks” expectedly includes a great deal of self-reflection on romance. Rather than merely reading like a mopey 20-something working through heartbreak, Lenderman’s lyrics resemble a patchwork of stream-of-consciousness diary pages describing his inner turmoil and daily life, torn to shreds and
rearranged in new order. The end result is wry but sincere, detached yet direct, realistic and surreal; David Berman feels like the most obvious referent, but the two artists remain distinct enough to deny plausible connection. The first sentence in Jeremy D. Larson’s Pitchfork “Best New Music” review hits exactly on this point, claiming, “In an MJ Lenderman song, the extraordinary is always elbowing its way into the mundane.” Even without overturning such inspirations, Lenderman has decidedly put his own stamp on this niche at a young age. I will attempt to give my two cents without explaining away the charm.
“Manning Fireworks” opens with its title track, using an acoustic guitar pattern that recalls Neil Young’s “Harvest” and an Amer-
Rather than merely reading like a mopey 20-something working through heartbreak, Lenderman’s lyrics resemble a patchwork of stream-of-consciousness diary pages describing his inner turmoil and daily life, torn to shreds and rearranged in new order.
ican-football-inspired name that resonates with his previous track “Dan Marino.” The song is largely acoustic and lyrically vivid, driven by upright bass and complimentary strings. Lenderman’s delivery is swinging and easygoing, seemingly disaffected but strained enough to hold emotional weight. As noted by New York Times critic Lindsay Zoladz, an essential tension here consists of him singing “like someone who doesn’t care but then writ[ing] like someone who secretly and very deeply does.” In this regard, Lenderman seems willing to bear his soul if it can be filtered through partial distractions and comedic moments.
Lyrical non-sequiturs and humorous, self-aware delivery characterize the bizarreness of “Joker Lips.” Even after describing, “Draining cum from hotel showers / Hoping for the hours to pass a little faster,” he quickly course-corrects and states, “Please don’t laugh, only half of what I said was a joke,” out of embarrassment, navigating his openness and the resulting shame of being so frank. Pining still finds a place during the piece’s conclusion in which Lenderman offers a plea: “And you know I love my TV / But all I really wanna see, is see you need me.”
Out of context, the lyrics might appear gimmicky or attention-seeking. The country-rock of “Rudolph” and “Wristwatch” cut back in this regard while still finding the space to mention Lighting McQueen. Lenderman is seemingly naming whatever comes to mind, a set of cultural references and incongruent images amidst which loneliness reappears with Catholicism: “I wouldn’t be in the seminary if I could be with you / If I could be with you.” Deep, resonant guitar chords on the fourth song lead to another instrumental ending, including a guitar solo which—like other songs across the album—repeats the melody of previous vocal hooks. As with his vocal inflections, the product is understated but stylized.
At the center of “Manning Fireworks” is “She’s Leaving You,” a roaring track containing the LP’s most memorable chorus. It is the most straightforward exegesis on his breakup, even as it retains the “Lenderman-isms” of prior songs. Coping advice includes worshiping Eric Clapton as the second coming of Christ and the idea to “rent a Ferrari and sing the blues.” Another guitar solo rips through both traditional licks and a reprisal of the chorus, ending in a stunning combination of the song’s two main refrains. The simultaneous declaration of “She’s leaving you” and “It falls apart / We all got work to do / It gets dark / We all got work to do” hits like a southern-bound 18-wheeler, a refreshingly honest admission from our ever-evasive narrator.
“Rip Torn” is another acoustic number which traverses communicative struggles through the non-metaphor of difference between smoothies and milkshakes. The light strumming of “You Don’t Know the Shape I’m In” proceeds in similar fashion, touch-
ing again on concerns with distance and separation. Lenderman reminisces sitting under “a half-mast McDonald’s flag” while noting how those around him are “walking in twos leaving Noah’s ark / And it’s Sunday at the water park.” The past was not picturesque, but it at least offered a bonded outlet for Lenderman’s languid voice.
The pacing makes an abrupt turn with the punchy drums beginning “On My Knees,” a track listing choice which mirrors the variable content of Lenderman’s pen; an ascending three- note guitar riff here perfectly complements the end of musical phrases. “Bark
At the Moon” serves as the album’s lengthy finale, an audacious closer which finishes with extended, folksy ambiance. Although I wish the ending was more in line with the rest of the work, the slow fadeout serves as an appreciated debrief following the winding messages contained within. As this chapter of Lenderman’s already accomplished career comes to total silence, I will be eagerly awaiting the first rumblings of his future musical activity. If he continues to simply speak his mind, I am sure we will be rewarded.
Out of context, the lyrics might appear gimmicky or attention-seeking. The country-rock of “Rudolph” and “Wristwatch” cut back in this regard while still finding the space to mention Lightning McQueen. Lenderman is seemingly naming whatever comes to mind, a set of cultural references and incongruent images amidst which loneliness reappears with Catholicism.
What Brewers read and what Brewers should read
Caris Lee Features Editor
School is officially underway, and the lackadaisical summer days of pages nonchalantly turning in the breeze or towels strewn on beaches with sand-covered books are mournfully over. Summer is the time not just to catch up on that pile of books collecting dust in the corner but also to peruse new ones, even if just for a few chapters. And so, before we delve deep into the to-be-or-not-to-be aesthetic of Shakespeare or the lovelorn governesses of Brontë, let us review some of the memorable reads of the summer—and also some recommendations that are perfect for pumpkin spice season and sweater weather.
“Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants” is a collection of nonfiction essays by Robin Wall Kimmerer. Kimmerer, an enrolled member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation, connects the modern age of science to the traditional American indigenous notion that the natural world holds all the answers. A mixture of poetry, scientific language and indigenous wisdom, Kimmerer invites the reader to reframe our relationship to the natural world on topics such as gift economy and reciprocity, true gratitude and humility. The writing style is lyrical yet lucid and will make you want to sit in a hollowed-out tree with moss growing on the side and a beetle napping on your shoulder.
“Happy Place” by Emily Henry is a romantic comedy about two college sweethearts who have fallen out of love but have to pretend to still be together at their best friends’ wedding years later. Henry, author of “Beach Read,” “People We Meet on Vacation” and the newly-published “Funny Story,” is notorious for her witty dialogue and heartthrob characters. Perfect when you are looking for a fresh take on some classic tropes, “Happy Place” (and really any of her books) is suitable for laying back in a cabana and tuning into a lighthearted ro-
mantic story that has enough twists to keep you captivated under the warm sun.
“The Summer Book” by Tove Jansson, though first published in 1972, nevertheless encapsulates the spirit of summer, even over 50 years after it was first published. A six-year-old girl spends her summer with her elderly artist grandmother on a small island in the gulf of Finland. As a novella, each chapter is a vignette glimpsing into their lives, so you can easily breeze through. It takes some time for the grandmother and granddaughter to acclimate to each other’s rhythms, as the former is set in her ways and the latter stubborn in hers. Yet their bond strengthens, and there is a certain honesty about people who are very, very old connecting with those who are very, very young. The writing is not very flowery or lyrical, but its clear and distinct style makes it beautiful in a different way.
And finally, the first-year read was “The Prophets” by Robert Jones Jr. A novel told from many perspectives, “The Prophets” depicts the love story of Isaiah and Samuel, enslaved people working in the Deep South on a Mississippi cotton plantation. Elements of religion, myth, magical realism and history are present alongside a writing and storytelling style reminiscent of Toni Morrison and Jesmyn Ward. The juxtaposition of the cruel and horrific realities of slavery coexisting with their love is one to remember. On Monday, Sept. 23, Jones will be at Vassar for the William Star
Lecture to discuss his novel further.
Now, we will shift to a shortlist of fall reads to consider, leisurely or otherwise, that can set the autumnal tone for the season. Whether it is listening to an audiobook while strolling through the quad or sitting on a bench on Library Lawn amidst the falling leaves, the following books are perfect for those scenic hudson valley autumn days.
“Trust” by Hernan Diaz was one of the winners of the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 2023. “Trust” is a complex and multifaceted novel depicting the microcosm of Wall Street in the 1920s in the moments leading up to and the aftermath of the Great Depression. Seemingly a narrative about the American Dream and self-sufficiency, Diaz manages to weave competing voices and half-truths surrounding the mystery of how Benjamin and Helen Rask have acquired their wealth. A literary puzzle with revelations in each of the four parts, “Trust” explores themes of privilege, greed, deception, complicity and perception.
“Bluets” by Maggie Nelson is a lyrical, philosophical meditation and hyperfixation on the color blue, examining the color as a refraction of love and loss with her former partner. A collection of prose poems divided by numbered paragraphs, “Bluets” can be a casual read when you feel like the stress of school is becoming too much. This collection’s parts are cohesive in the sense that they all center around the color blue,
but they do not require remembering a specific storyline or character. In fact, the numbered—at times disparate—paragraphs of prose poems invite a pause and sense of slowing down. “Bluets” truly is a breath of crisp autumn air. Nelson mangages to incorporate academia seamlessly with references to Wittgenstein, Goethe, Stein and Emerson, so it feels like you are learning new tidbits of information through osmosis.
“Stoner” by John Williams takes place during the end of the nineteenth century and centers around William Stoner and his journey in academia. Being from a poor Missouri farm, his family’s expectation was for him to attend state university and study agronomy; however, he fell in love with English literature and went into a career in teaching. “Stoner” is a story revolving around academic life that relays the sentiment of being engrossed and obsessed in one’s studies—at times to the point of seclusion—all for the sake of this passion for scholarship. As a kind of bildungsroman, I think we as students can see ourselves reflected in “Stoner,” for better and for worse, as the academic year comes in full swing.
And so, though we are all busy with papers and assignments and quizzes, and our Google Calendars are gradually becoming blocks of color, I hope that we can all squeeze in some time to read for pleasure— or at least make our to-be-read stack a little bit taller.
Image courtesy of Karen Mogami ‘24.
Tori Kim/The Miscellany News.
Discussing faith in the small town of Gilead
WhenErin Thatcher Guest Columnist
I first picked up Marilynne Robinson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning fictional memoir “Gilead,” I was highly skeptical. The synopsis of the book describes the story as a long, reflective letter written by Reverend John Ames in the last months of his life and addressed to his seven-year-old son; Unfortunately, as compelling as it sounds, the potential of spending a solid $20 for 250 pages of sermon was horribly unappetizing.
I am not a religious person, even though my parents wanted me to be. I attended my First Communion, but beyond that, I never went back to Sunday school or church. Throughout adolescence, when asked if I believed in God, I said no. I have said that religion is illogical—that there is no point in entertaining the idea of something that is wholly invisible to us, that the only certain thing is death—and if we are going to spend our lives contemplating an idea, it should be the idea that once we are gone, that is it. I have said that there is no heaven, no hell, no significance to our existence or lack thereof— we are simply here until we are not.
When I trace those beliefs back through the last decade of my life, I am met with the sentiment that, growing up in an information revolution of technology and advancement, magic is so quickly taken from the world. A child can have the answers to all of the gorgeous and seemingly unexplainable happenings of the world by simply swiping their finger. Beyond that, a child can see an entire history of wrongdoing, transgression and hardship in an age when one will not possibly comprehend how to cope with that knowledge in an appropriate way.
After reading this book, I have come to realize that attempting to cope with the unpredictable, inescapable darkness and uncertainty of my surroundings has, over time, made me incredibly cynical. I ask myself
how I ever could have believed that faithful people were cowardly when, perpetually fretting over the possibility of the rug being pulled from under me, I have habitually been the one too cowardly to open my heart to the world.
These contemplations are exhibited within Robinson’s literary universe by the characteristics of the reckless prodigal son of the Reverend’s best friend. Endowed with the name John Ames Boughton (better known as “Jack”) after the protagonist, the arc of “Gilead” circles around the cracks of his moral compass. Jack had a child out of wedlock with a young girl 20 years prior to the occurrences of the novel and ran from Gilead in a panic. His family is effectively led to clean up a mess they did not make. The tension of Jack’s life is perfectly surmised by the juxtaposition between his consistently unreliable, dubious character and the fact that he is named after a preacher; he has always been the black sheep of the family as the only one who has not ardently devoted his life to following God.
Robinson’s striking advocacy of faith is at its brightest in the relationship between these two men, the antitheses of each other, forced within a mirroring orbit for a painful lifetime. Ames finds his grace, otherwise so simple and fluid, tested by the relentless distorted anger he feels toward Jack for all of the pain and sorrow that the younger man caused for many—for the mother of the child that he never met, for his seven siblings and for his father, who waited two decades for him to return home. In the course of reciting the history of his crimes and wrongdoings, Ames describes Jack as containing an indelible “meanness” that he cannot comprehend. Despite that, the resolve that Ames shows in coping with such a nuanced situation is astonishing. Cooped up in his study for hours, he writes endlessly about the nature of goodness—we owe it to everyone around us, even if we do not feel it in ourselves. He writes about forgiveness—we are forgiven always, but real
grace is found in the will to forgive. He writes about personal histories, which explain why we are who we are: “Every single one of us is a little civilization built on the ruins of any number of preceding civilizations, but with our own variant notions of what is beautiful and what is acceptable—which, I hasten to add, we generally do not satisfy and by which we struggle to live.” Most importantly, he writes about love; it is an eternal, ceaseless, monumental force in a life of ephemeral, material occurrences.
When Jack, the object of Ames’ life-long scorn, is about to leave home for good, the Reverend’s last words to his troubled godson are a reminder that he will always adore him. Not only that, but Ames goes so far as to bless him as they sit on a park bench in the light
of the warm Iowa sun—to look right into his core and express divine affection despite his ever-burning resentment.
Of course, it is a story about believing in God. But at the same time, “Gilead” is about a faith that, at its core, can be extracted from any and all religious connotations. The fictional memoir is concerned with igniting a reader’s belief that the world and every person, place or thing within it is beautiful. From Robinson’s concept of faith, I take overall a lesson about unconditional love, which is acknowledging the imperfections of not only ourselves, but of everyone and everything else, and accepting it all for the wonderful mess that it is: a hopeful lesson worth reading about for anyone, regardless of identity.
Tori Kim/The Miscellany News.
Tori Kim/The Miscellany News.
HUMOR
Ranking the top five trees at Vassar
#4: The one by the lamppost
It is an undeniable fact that there are a lot of trees on the campus of Vassar College, which happens to be a certified arboretum. There are so many, in fact, that it can be difficult for students to ascertain which of those trees are “hot” and which are “not.” Hopefully, this ranking of Vassar’s top five trees will finally put an end to the debate and allow students to focus on other, more pressing issues, like whatever the hell is going on in Sunset Lake.
#5: The one with all the squirrels
We’re starting off the list with a very strong entry: the one with all the squirrels. You know the one I mean, right? With the squirrels? There’s a lot of them there, probably at least five or six. They climb on it and hang out around there, which gives the whole thing a kind of squirrely charm. If you’re not sure what tree I’m talking about—you’ll know it when you see it. It’s kind of near the path that goes to that dorm, the one with the brick walls. Got it?
This next entry is another classic: the one by the lamppost. At night, when the lamp is illuminated, the light shines through the leaves, which creates a pleasing effect. This is actually kind of near the other tree, now that I think about it. It’s kind of medium height, with leaves, and sometimes flowers. You know the one I mean? Definitely a top five campus tree in my book.
#3: The short one
This one may be more of a niche pick, but for me it was a no-doubt inclusion on the list. It stands out immediately due to its short stature, but to me what makes it such a great tree is its leaves, which don’t really look like normal leaves. I’m not sure exactly how to describe them, but I’m sure you understand my meaning here. It’s sort of a sideways looking tree, kind of near the water but not too near it, see? An absolutely top-tier campus tree, I’m sure you’ll agree.
#2: The one they cut down
Unfortunately, this entry is no longer with
us after it was cut down last year, or maybe the year before. A long-time fixture in front of the dorm on that side of campus, this tree had a mix of trunk, branches and leaves that endeared it to all who passed—truly a complete package. I can’t remember why they cut it down, but the stump still stands as a memorial, unless they took that out too. I’m not sure, because I haven’t been over there yet this year. Either way, that one tree they cut down lives on fondly in the memory of all who remember it.
#1: That one
Well, you’ve seen my picks for the fifth, fourth, third and second best campus trees, and it should be obvious at this point which tree will be clocking in at number one: that one. You know, that one! The, uh, leafy one, with the branches. Near the thing, and that place where the other thing happens. Need I say more? No, I’m sure I need not. This tree has it all—wood, roots, sticks, the whole kit and caboodle! Next time you’re walking by, be sure to doff your cap in appreciation for what I believe should be the undisputed #1 tree on campus. Thank you.
A townhouse divided: Lessons from living together
Nicholas Tillinghast
Dr. Phil's Big Brother
Living in the Townhouses, Terrace Apartments or (god forbid) The SoCos (so called) means existing with other people in a quasi-house. Conflict is bound to come up. Me and my four roommates Gorgon, Nicheal, Krash, and Pelvin quickly learned that the hard way. After we said goodbye to our parents, suddenly, we were just a bunch of boys, on a deserted island, lords-of-the-flying it, no copilot.
On the first day, we tackled a common problem: how are we gonna customize our TH? I initially suggested that we remove all of the walls upstairs and combine the four upstairs bedrooms into one, sort of like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, an idea that came with an unexpected amount of dissent. In particular, Nichael (of all people) wanted to add more walls to the upstairs so that we could sublet part of the Townhouse to a local Poughkeepsian to help pay rent, a plan Krash strongly agreed with.
This sounded like a less-than-secure plan
to me and Gorgon, and so after a six-hour negotiation, we eventually compromised, opting to remove all of the upstairs walls and subletting the downstairs closet, and to sweeten the deal we fulfilled Krash’s request of heightening each of the stairs so that they were easier to crawl up. Additionally, we ended up bunking all of the beds, leaving plenty of multipurpose space for wrestling events and other activities, something everybody was excited about. Just like that, we squashed the beef and are working together to make our Townhouse into a townhome. Lesson learned: make compromises.
A side note: a lot of other Townhouses have been asking to borrow one of our hammers in the first week, but no one has asked to borrow our sledge hammer (maybe saving such projects for later in the semester). A word of advice though: rival Townhouses get really mad if you sledge through the dividing wall by accident, so be careful when you're decorating the place.
On the second day, we had to address another big question: when are we gonna invite our dads to the house? Naturally, each of us
wanted to invite our dads to the Townhouse at various points of the year in the semester. But of course, that conversation led to some dissent once we got into the details. For instance, Krash has two dads and he wanted to invite both of them at the same time, which felt very unfair. To be clear we had a strict “no moms in the house” rule, which we all agreed on, but isn’t it unjust that Krash gets to bring both of his parents to the house when I can only bring one? If that wasn’t bad, Gorgon has three step dads! What’s the fairness in that? Lesson learned: something as simple as everybody naturally wanting to invite their dads to the house can get complicated real quick. Prepare for turbulence.
On day three, we got into yet another conflict! Pelvin accidentally left his ladybug enclosure open one night and suddenly 10,000 ladybugs were swarming the house. This would have been fine if Gorgon’s 33 Eurasian spiders hadn’t also escaped from their cage that same night, a non-native species that could have an outsized ecological impact on the Poughkeepsie area in the next few years. After a few days, the swarm mostly
dissipated and four Eurasian spiders were recovered, and so I suggested that we institute a strict 10-insect-per-person limit, grandfathering in Nichael’s existing enclosure of 100 grasshoppers. Pelvin and Gorgon’s wouldn’t talk to me for days after I suggested this but we eventually compromised to a 24-insect-per-person policy with a possible 50-bug-per-person after a three-month probationary period. Lesson learned: keep the pets at home!
While all of these conflicts certainly plagued us, to be honest, the biggest issue with group living has been all of the little problems: small decisions every TH faces, like if we allow shoes in the house, what posters to put on the remaining walls and whether we should use the fridge for storing chemical compounds or food. Me and my four roommates Gorgon, Nicheal, Krash and Pelvin are sure to have more antics in the future, but at the end of the day, we just need to buckle down and work together if anything’s gonna get done, lest Poughkeepsie’s ecology get further wrecked by Gorgon’s 29 Eurasian Spiders at large.
Oliver Stewart Lumberjack
Josie Wenner/The Miscellany News.
Planes and pain: Why do the skies hate me?
Dearest
Emma DaRosa Currently Puking
readers,
This semester, I am studying abroad in Ireland. So glad to be here and everything, but the traveling was a true nightmare. Just getting from Idaho to New York is always bad enough every semester, and going from there across the ocean was no small feat for someone with a constitution as delicate as mine. As I was reflecting on some of my experiences traveling to and fro, across the country since starting at Vassar, I began to realize that I have a fundamental issue with air travel as a whole. I think that I’m simply not made for it, practically on a chemical level. I wanted to share with you all a few stories of my misadventures in the air and why I believe I should try to stop flying completely. Perhaps it will inspire some of you to embark on a humble road trip this year.
I take many issues with flying in general. A five-day road trip is my preferred method of getting to and from school, but alas, if I want to be home for Christmas, fly I must. First of all, I think that I have really bad luck. I say this because it seems like every time I go through airport security, the people in front of me barely even know where they are, much less what they should be doing; they might not even know what an airport is. In my opinion, you haven’t really experienced all that airports have to offer until you’re in a security line at 3:30 in the morning in a regional airport with outdated security equipment, listening to a middle-aged Mormon woman (accompanied by her gaggle of the six most annoying children in the world who don’t seem to know how to remove their shoes despite all being above the age of 10) tell a TSA agent that she has ALWAYS been allowed to fly with her massive bottle of self-tanner and she will be having a SERIOUS discussion with his boss if he confiscates it. There is no shortage of such tales from the Boise Airport. I’ve seen
people refuse to take their shoes off, say that they have no devices in their bag and then be shocked when their bag gets pulled aside and their laptop is removed and refuse to be patted down.
Honestly, though, I understand the objection to being patted down. It’s a little humiliating. I’ve been patted down many, many times at airports. Why, you may ask? Well, I’ve often had the bad fortune of flying while menstruating, and as it turns out, the scanners at the Boise Airport simply cannot cope with any sort of menstrual
Are you sick? Where’s your mom? Should I call your mom? Are you traveling alone? Does a flight attendant know? Oh you’re an adult? Should I call your mom anyway? Can I say a prayer for you? Where are you headed? Why New York?
product. The TSA agents are not all too gentle either. I mean god, you’d think she’d at least buy me a drink first.
You can see what I mean when I say I think I have bad luck with flying. I mean, this is all before even making it to the gate, and it’s already like the worst day ever. The next phase of humiliation comes from the fact that I am something of a “nauseous traveler.” I get motion sick, but even before that, I get very nauseous when I wake up too early and I get very anxious about flying, which in turn makes me more nauseous. So, I almost invariably go to a bathroom immediately after security to throw up.
This is no big deal when flying out of JFK; it’s huge, and everyone is busy. In the Boise Airport, though? I can’t count the number of times well-meaning mothers have had a barrage of questions upon my exiting the bathroom stall. These include but are not limited to:
Are you sick? Where’s your mom? Should I call your mom? Are you traveling alone? Does a flight attendant know? Oh you’re an adult? Should I call your mom anyway? Can I say a prayer for you? Where are you headed? Why New York? Oh I’m too afraid to ever visit New York. I’ll pray for your safety in New York. Why are you throwing up? Are you sick? Are you ok, you seem tired?
And on and on and on. I understand they’re well-meaning! Still, the realization that these women always think I’m about 12 years old, feels like I’m just getting kicked while I’m down. Still, after all of this, I must brave the actual flying.
First of all, I throw up a ton on airplanes. People offer me their sick bags and ginger ale as I try my best to convince them I’m not sick despite all the evidence to the contrary. The worst part of puking on planes is keeping all your little puke bags and then you walk off the plane holding a bunch of little puke bags and then everyone circles you and laughs and points and calls you the little puke girl. True story.
I also have trouble reading the seat rownumbers accurately and have been sitting in someone else's seat more times than I’d like to admit, leading to a horrific nightmare situation of shuffling around, moving my backpack and apologizing profusely with a little bit of vomit on my chin, certainly horrifying the seat’s rightful occupant.
Additionally, I think that I attract unfortunate seatmates. A woman reading some sensual material on a Kindle in what must be the maximum font size, an unaccompanied minor who keeps waking me up to pee, leading to more throwing up on my
part as I only sleep or get sick on airplanes, which then makes the child gag as well, a man who brought his own vodka shooters on board and winks at me while pouring one into his little cup of lemonade. You can see why I think that the universe is trying to dissuade me from getting on airplanes. The last flight that I took experienced the worst turbulence I’ve ever felt, and I essentially just thought, “Well, this is it. I should’ve listened.”
Hopefully I do make it back from Ireland, but if I don’t, you know why. I fear that if I keep ignoring the signs that flying isn’t meant for me, my nightmarish hubris will catch up to me. Honestly, if I ever were in a plane crash, I’m pretty sure everyone else would make it out just fine and I would like break my legs or something and it would just be sooooo embarrassing and they would all call me a little freak. Anyhoo, this has been my manifesto on why the United States is in desperate need of a high-speed rail system. The sky is simply not for everyone.
Nicholas Tillinghast/ The Miscellany News.
September 12, 2024
HUMOR
PB to get rid of bob
Josie Wenner Hairdresser
Dylan. Marley. Ross. Sponge. President Bradley. What do these five names have in common? They’re some of the most iconic bobs in the world. However, one of them plans to betray the boblliance and get a haircut. Tragedy is striking Vassar College campus this week, as PB has announced her plans to get rid of her bob.
“I’ve had the bob for so long,” PB said when interviewed. “It’s time for a change. I’m ready to switch things up.” This is like if the Pope decided to convert to Buddhism. This is like if Bernie voted red. This is like if an all-women school suddenly decided to start letting guys in.
What could PB possibly change her bob to? Could her hair even be styled any other way, or would it just bounce back to the bob? According to our sources, PB is planning on attempting a retro look and going with a beehive hairstyle. Vassar is committed to being a pollinator-friendly campus, and PB wants to give the bees a place to call home. She also strongly dislikes people with bee allergies, and wants them to stay as far away from her as possible.
Naturally, students are outraged. “As Haley ‘Bob’ Brown, I am horrified by the lack of solidarity in my community and hope that she’ll
stop that,” said sophomore Haley Brown (aka girl with the hair). PB’s decision is more than just a haircut. It’s a betrayal of her people and the trust in her community. The bobbed on campus will now be wandering aimless, lost without their BEO (Bob Executive Officer). With a shape as recognizable as a vase or two faces, PB’s bob is quite frankly one of the most iconic things about this school. A few years ago, the Board of Trustees tried to hold a vote to make our new seal a silhouette of PB and her bob, but the public outcry was just too much. While students loved the idea as much as they loved the bob, they were worried that advertising such a fierce look would make too many people apply to Vassar, and the campus would be too crowded. Nevertheless, PB’s bob has been an unofficial symbol of Vassar for years and it’s one that we wear with pride. Therefore, her decision to get a haircut is shaking us to the core and going against everything this school stands for.
What is PB even going to stand for if not President Bob? Ponytail Bradley? Perfect Balayage? Ridiculous. There is no Vassar without PB, and there is no PB without the bob. In these trying times, stability is of vital importance, and we need a stable, bobbed president in charge of our college.
Tuition will be going up as PB needs more money to fund her haircut.
Taking a stand against the Deece
issues with white disappear when you put in a little color?
How dare you use me like this! In case you newbies are wondering, no, I did not want to be intermittently thrown around The Deece. My motto is “take me or leave me”; not “every little bit counts.” Nor is it “something is better than nothing.” It is certainly not, in the words of my buddy Purple’s favorite songstress, “oh, whatever, it’s fine.” Using me as an accent. I find the very idea almost as insulting as the reality. I do not exist to make white look better. Do you really think a little bit of me will cleanse The Deece walls of white privilege? Why do people think that suddenly all the
That’s right, I am a color. I don’t want to hear any of this shade nonsense. Do you know how depressing it is to be Gray? It’s
I just want Vassar to whole-ass me. Is that too much to ask?
so depressing that I am used to symbolize depression (which I did not agree to, by the way). Why can’t I be used to symbolize happiness? Surely I deserve it over Yellow
and Green. Ok, I can’t badmouth Green, but Yellow! First of all, Yellow is not just the color associated with pee but you specifically don’t want your pee to be yellow. Also, Yellow is a primary color. I’m not saying that Yellow is a slut but it is a little too eager to get mixed up with other colors. Not only am I used to symbolize depression, but my accomplishments and contributions to pop culture are frequently ignored. Black and white movies are like 85 percent gray and yet they are called black and white movies. They should be called, fifty shades of gray films. To add insult to injury the movie that is actually called “Fifty Shades of Grey” is about sadomasochism (not to mention they spelled my name wrong). I
have no issue with weird sex things. After all, I am a neutral color. But I don’t want weird sex things to be associated with me. Pop culture has failed me. Now, The Deece has too. Vassar was treating me so well. Hell, I made it onto some of their shirts. Now, they have insulted me with their haphazard splattering of me. In the words of the great Ron Swanson, “never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.” I just want Vassar to whole-ass me. Is that too much to ask? There are many places I do belong. Clouds, roads, the hair of the elderly—who by the way should not be ashamed of me and cover me up with that blonde that no one thinks is real. 2.87 percent of The Deece is not one of those places.
The Color Gray Actually The Color Gray
Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.
Anna Kozloski/The Miscellany News.
HOROSCOPES
Jordan Alch
Starting the year off right!
ARIES March 21 | April 19
Welcome back to school. If you want to find out how the semester will go for you, you’ll need to speak to the geese by Sunset Lake. They’ll tell you what you need to know.
TAURUS April 20 | May 20
Do you have upstairs neighbors? Are they very loud? I’m very sorry. The only way that you can fix it is to start leaving them notes and signing them “your downstairs neighbor.” They won’t go looking for you, I promise.
GEMINI May 21 | June 20
You need to venture into the laundry room. I know that it’s scary. Maybe the ceiling is partially caved in. Maybe there’s a blanket that’s been in there for weeks. Maybe it’s yours. It’s calling you.
CANCER June 21 | July 22
I hope your new room is nice. I have a feeling that you have an extra roommate. Vassar is very old, you know. There are lots of ghosts on campus. They will probably move into your room if you try to speak to them. Not speaking from experience.
LIBRA Sept. 23 | Oct. 22
Your favorite Deece foods will make an appearance this week! It will be a good week for you, so get excited. My personal favorite? The zucchini bread. It’s not on the menu for the next week, but hopefully soon.
SCORPIO Oct. 23 | Nov. 21
The leaves are changing and the air is getting cooler! Well, at least for some time. Spend some time frolicking. Don’t go to Sunset Lake though, the geese don’t like people in their space.
SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 | Dec. 21
You should go to Crafted Kup this week. Unfortunately, the smell of it lingers on clothes. Do you know what else lingers? The Cranberries. It’s the season to “Linger.”
CAPRICORN Dec. 22 | Jan. 19
You will have an amazing week. I see it with my very own eyes. Don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how, but I know you will.
LEO July 23 | Aug. 22
How long have you been on campus? Right. That means it’s time to check your mailbox. Maybe there’s a gift card from your aunt for your birthday! Or a very old bill that should definitely be paid. Either way, go check.
AQUARIUS Jan. 20 | Feb. 18
Aug. 23 | Sept. 22
Avoid eye contact this week. If you meet anyone’s eye, they will know. They will know your secret. And I know it too.
PISCES Feb. 19 | March 20
You should look in both shoes going forward. There are lots of little friends in the buildings, and you don’t want to find one in your Docs/Sambas/Converse/ Bostons. It’s Vassar, we all wear the same kinds of shoes.
Practice better bathroom etiquette. Wipe down the sink after you spill water everywhere, don’t leave beard trimmings everywhere and don’t go into a shower stall with someone else’s stuff in there. They’re coming back, I promise. That’s just awkward for both of you.
VIRGO
OPINIONS
Letter from the editors: Reviewing the Misc’s policies
Continued from Letter on page 1
to a wide audience spanning the current and past members of the Vassar community.
Our staff consists of 45 students, ranging from the Executive Board to the Editorial Board and additional contributors. Members serve in various roles, including section editors, design editors, graphics editors, copy staff, columnists, contributing writers, social media managers, webmasters and distributors. All of these individuals are collaboratively responsible for our weekly turnaround
through their dedication to The Misc and the enterprise of independent journalism.
College newspapers have long existed as vital resources across the country, and we are proud to stand among outstanding young journalists. Our mission is to provide excellent, accurate reporting to Vassar College, and impartiality is essential to this mission. We uphold a strict conflict of interest policy to ensure that all of our content, excluding that of the Opinions section, remains unbiased—something of particular importance in
today’s growing selection of media and its accompanying tangle of misinformation.
To further protect the integrity of our reporting, we do not allow for after-the-fact quote approval for interviews on the record, nor do we share drafts of articles before publication. We accept corrections and redactions after publication.
To submit to The Misc, please email ideas or draft articles to misc@vassar.edu. Your article will be reviewed by the Executive Board and a relevant section editor before being
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In community,
Charlotte Robertson, Editor-in-Chief
Maryam Bacchus, Managing Editor
Allen Hale, Senior Editor Jesse Koblin, Senior Editor Nicolas Villamil, Senior Editor
Language revitilization efforts are critical
Lev Winickoff Opinions Editor
Language is a window through which we interpret our reality. Words define significant aspects of our culture and help us move effectively through the society we live in. For example, the words “watering can” tell us the components of an object and what to do with it. If you saw a watering can for the first time, you could wager a guess about what it is used for, but you might mistake it for an instrument used in food trucks to apply powdered sugar to fried dough en masse. The matter that we have words for exists readily in the space between our tongue and teeth, waiting to be rendered. What happens to matter when language is systematically erased? The matter itself remains, lingering in the bodies in which it is ingrained. Meanwhile, millions of windows are boarded up in millions of brains. Suddenly, a bowl is just a concave disc, and a wheel is a disc that is sometimes hollowed out, and a fork is just round then pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy; and we do not exactly know how to use any of it. We could adapt, of course, but without our language, there is fundamental knowledge
that could take centuries to relearn.
Beyond being a mode of communication, language comprises a world view. For many Native American tribes, language enables the continuance of the culture itself, the health of the planet and the people of the tribe. According to the International Journal for Equity and Health, “From principles of traditional ecological knowledge to traditional healing methodologies, Indigenous language is the vessel that most efficiently carries these cultural lifeways.” By this, the article refers to the ways in which Native Languages have coevolved with the environment over thousands of years.
The U.S. government attempted to cripple the sovereignty of Native communities through eradicating native languages. By 1926, over 60,889 Native American children (83 percent of Native American school age children) had been kidnapped and forcibly enrolled in the over 523 government funded, church-run boarding schools according to the National Native American Boarding School Healing Coalition. The goal of these schools was to “Kill the Indian and Save the Man,” through banning the speaking of Native languages and cultural
practices. In 2015, the Administration for Native Americans identified that of the 245 known Native languages in the US, 65 were already extinct and 75 were near extinction with only a few native speakers left. Language Restoration provides an opportunity to rebuild tribes from the inside out through substituting abusive systems of native language eradication with community-centered systems of reconnection.
Although Native Americans are at a higher risk for poor physical and mental health outcomes, the revitalization of Indigenous languages has tangible positive impacts on Native communities in both areas according to the International Journal for equity and health. The health benefits that were outlined in the article included reduced risk of suicide, obesity and diabetes, due to a range of potential effects of increased Indigenous language usage: increased rates of social connection, physical activity relating to traditional tribal activities and consumption of traditional food. It is also important to note that physical illnesses such as diabetes can be expensive for a population that already faces economic hardships.
According to the National Museum of
the American Indian, the strong traditions of storytelling in Indigenous cultures are vital to Native educational systems, as they help children develop their memories, listening skills and imagination, as well as supporting broader social and emotional learning. In terms of promoting language learning through the use of oral storytelling, film is a promising avenue. In addition, short, highly focused videos such as “Let’s all speak the language: Mahican 1” can provide widespread access to a fluent language teacher, as well as providing them the option of repetition at their discretion.
In an NPR interview, Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation Chuck Haskin identified the passage of time and the fragility of human life as the biggest obstacle the tribe is up against when it comes to Cherokee-language learning, due to the fact that most native Cherokee speakers are over the age of 70. He also explained that language learning takes resources and time, and so people have to be able to have a life using the language in order for them to commit to learning it. Thus, the more self-sustaining a tribe is, the greater the possibility of being able to lead a life predominantly using a native language.
MISCELLANY NEWS
Image courtesy of Erin Whittaker via Wikimedia Commons.
September 12, 2024
OPINIONS
Rhetorical hyperbole is deployed in politics
Soren Fischer Assistant Opinions Editor
Rhetoric is the art of persuasion, and though a discipline that spans many forms, it has frequented the realm of politics with a hyperbolic undertone in recent years— especially as utilized by Donald Trump.
There is nothing new about using rhetoric for political reasons, but I question when it is used as a tool to distort the already growing dichotomy between optics—the way things appear—and substance—the reality behind those appearances. In fact, research supports this concern. A study from the American Journal of Sociology revealed that people knowingly support falsehoods when they align with their personal politics.
Optics-driven leadership looks impressive on paper and on screen, and it is frequently practiced by both Republicans and Democrats alike to gain power and win elections.
Even his demagoguery has swayed since Vice President Kamala Harris became the Democratic nominee.
However, it does not function to build meaningful, lasting relations with the public.
A poll from the Pew Research Center found that most Americans feel increasingly
negative about political discourse and view it as a frequently divisive space. This polarization is largely due to an inflammatory usage of rhetoric. Interestingly, despite the public’s discomfort with such extreme partisanship, people still seem to label the opposing side with a plethora of nasty words. This discomfort with political discourse has prevented people from engaging in discussions that challenge their beliefs.
We are all familiar with Trump’s use of rhetoric. Whether through fervent lying or inflammatory remarks, his hyperbolic tendencies distract us from the wide range of internal and external problems. In our attention economy, Trump gets what he seems to desire most: attention and consequently power and wealth.
Even his demagoguery has swayed since Vice President Kamala Harris became the Democratic nominee. Trump’s rhetoric largely consists of vicious ad hominem attacks. Rather than focusing on the policies of Harris, he has attacked her intelligence, putting his racism and sexism on display.
Before Harris took over for President Joe Biden, it was, for many people, an election between two old guys with some notable policy differences sprinkled here and there. Since Trump’s ascendance into the political sphere, he has given special attention to one thing in particular: the deployment of insult politics.
This is where, I think, his rhetoric has become most bizarre, and his demagoging is put on full display. Through using inflammatory language to describe Biden as a “bad Palestinian” at the debate in June or deploying trigger words that people associate with anti-Americanism—like “Marxist” or “com-
munist” to describe Harris—this broad painting of all progressive beliefs erases nuanced political discussion.
Disagreeing on policy is normal and expected in a democracy—but pathological lying is a question of character, plain and simple. In a highly digitalized world where videos of Biden stumbling and looking wildly confused have frequented social media, people are bound to be more concerned than ever with how elected officials act and appear—not just the policy that is proposed, put forward and passed. Given how this country has continuously become more of a gerontocracy since 1990, I do not blame them. People want to feel represented by physically and cognitively capable beings.
This abuse of rhetoric has twisted the relationship between optics and substance—two terms that drove media discussions following President Biden’s disastrous debate performance this past June. Frequently, at least by left-leaning media, the debate was painted as Trump winning on optics and Biden winning on substance. I happen to believe that Biden did poorly on substance as well, but that is not the point.
Rhetoric is important but how to use and recognize it is even more so. When rhetoric is utilized for misleading and provocative reasons, take Jan. 6 for example, we know what can happen. Trump said, “We fight like hell. And if you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.” One can see how that could be interpreted? Rhetorical hyperbole, as used continuously by Trump, has greatly distorted this relationship between optics and substance.
One of Trump’s boldest and falsest claims
that he created the greatest economy (for workers)—echoed by MAGA and picked-up on by his vice presidential pick JD Vance—can be discredited by many statistical indicators, per FactCheck.org.
This past summer was filled with doomsday scenarios, and the looming battle of “joy” and “fear” has been adopted by the media. This sort of language can really grab your attention, right? America has an addiction to rhetorical hyperbole, not just politicians or the media.
We are so used to consuming this unregulated level of rhetoric that the lines between what can be easily interpreted are blurred. For example, Trump and Harris’ rhetoric is an echo chamber where people go to maintain their own biases, generally avoiding the perspectives of the other side due to uncomfort or disdain.
However, why is it that Trump, after all these years, still gets a pass for his hyperbolic comments? Because we are so incredibly used to it. Either you can see through his lies and distorted statements, or you continue to eat them up for what they are: inflammatory remarks designed to project his own insecurities and fear of his opponents, resulting in a fearful base that unconditionally accepts his lies as truth.
While Trump’s rhetoric paints a bleak and fear-driven picture of America’s future, Harris’ campaign leans on the idea of hope and optimism, creating a sharp contrast between the two. With “joy” fueling the Harris campaign, the “anger” behind Trump’s bid for a second term in the White House reminds us just how “weird” this election cycle has become.
Image courtesy of Jeremy Bishop via Unsplash.
Summer 2024 offers international sports drama
pics. After being awarded the games in September of 2017, Paris became the second city to host the Summer Olympics three times, and the preparations began. French Olympic officials estimated the games would cost about 9 billion euros, with nearly 1.4 billion euros contributing to the ambitious cleanup of the notoriously Seine river. The first, and potentially most infamous, of the Olympic storylines was the controversy of the Seine river’s threat to athlete health – with discussion of E. Coli causing bacteria – but after years and billions of clean up efforts, athletes dove into the water for events such as the triathlon and 5000 meter swim. As the games continued, athletes from around the globe gained attention for a breadth of reasons. Noah Lyles, a sprinter from the United States, gained traction in 2023 for his criticism of National Basketball Association (NBA) fans referring to the NBA champion as “World Champion” considering the NBA is a domestic league based in the United States of America, despite attracting the top talent from around the world. Many of the top basketball players attacked Lyles’ take. It is theorized that
Noah Lyles’ derogatory comments prompted the uniting of the top basketball players in the United States to represent the country in Paris as a team that was often referred to as ‘the avengers’. Both Lyles and the United States men’s basketball team left satisfied as Lyles won gold in the men’s 100 meter and the US men’s team won gold in basketball. The United States men’s basketball team’s victory was a game for the ages, with Golden State Warriors guard Steph Curry making four consecutive three-pointers in the last few minutes of the gold medal game against France to seal the deal— there was no more “world champion” doubt. The United States women’s basketball team also defeated France in the gold medal game to win their eighth consecutive gold medal.
Legendary Serbian tennis player Novak Djokovic won his first gold medal in men’s singles tennis after winning 24 grand slams, defeating Spanish player Carlos Alcaraz who Djokovic fell to weeks earlier in the finals at Wimbledon. United States swimmer Katie Ledecky continued her reign of dominance, setting yet another world record in the women’s 1,500 yard freestyle. After winning her
ninth gold medal, Ledecky claimed the title of most decorated American women in Olympic history. The United States women’s gymnastics team, led by the legendary Simone Biles, won gold after finishing second three years previous in Tokyo. Finally, the United States men’s volleyball team claimed their sixth olympic medal after defeating Italy in the bronze medal match. Vassar College alumni Matt Knigge ’18 contributed to the Olympic effort as an alternate middle blocker, one of three players who traveled and trained with the 12 rostered Olympians. Read more about Knigge’s journey in our article on Matt Knigge last fall. Turkey’s Yusuf Dikec attracted global attention for his nonchalant approach to the ten-meter air pistol event. Dikec went viral for his unserious look with a white team Turkey t-shirt, normal eyeglasses and his non-shooting hand in his pocket. Finally, break dancing made its olympic debut and finale, garnering backlash after Australian ‘breaker’ Rachel “raygun” Gunn went viral for her unorthodox performance. After the spawning of myriad memes making fun of Raygun, breaking was ultimately removed as an Olympic sport. It is unclear if the two events are connected.
Over the weeks of competition the gold medal count fluctuated, with the United States and China trading places for the lead. In the end, the two countries tied at 40 each, but the United States dominated the total medal count with 126 total medals, topping China’s 91 total medals. As the games and summer winded down, a post-COVID-19 sports world came into focus. After a quicker-than-normal three year turnaround for the Paris Olympics due to Tokyo’s postponement, the Olympics are back on their normal, four year cycle as the attention turns to Los Angeles for the 2028 Summer games. England fans hold their breath once again, eyeing the 2026 World Cup in the United States as their next opportunity. Tadej Pogacar cemented himself as a great as he won his third Tour de France, defending a lead of more than five minutes in the final day of racing. And, Carlos Alcaraz continued his streak of dominance, topping Novak Djokovic at Wimbledon to win his fourth grand slam. Though major international sports have come to an end for about two years, this year should be ripe with sports drama with the MLB playoff race heating up and the NFL season just kicking off.
Reflection on last year’s fantasy football season
Billy Fan Guest Columnist
Hello, fellow fantasy football sickos! Fantasy football season barrels towards us like a Derrick Henry outside run on third and short. I am particularly excited for this season, as my girlfriend has asked to play with me. This is also exciting for me because this article will have at least one faithful reader.
But before we can get into this year’s rankings and excitement, let us take a moment to look back at my glory from last season. I finished 7th out of 12 teams in my volleyball team’s league, 5th out of 18 in my Vassar league, and 2nd place out of 12 teams in my high school league. Embarrassingly, I woke up late on Championship Sunday and forgot to start Amari Cooper in my high school league, hence my second place finish. While no trophies were hoisted last year, my circadian rhythm and forgetfulness were the only things standing in my way. In my mind, fantasy was still a smashing success and my addiction lives on! For this week I will be reviewing my rankings from last year. I will give each of my top 50 rankings a grade using the grading scale as follows: A - Nailed it, B - Close, or there were extenuating factors, C - Pretty far off, D - REALLY far off, F - Retire buddy, N/A - Player was injured
1. Christian McCaffrey, Grade: A+ Projection: RB1, 2023 Finish: RB1
I’m him (and so is Chirstian McCaffrey)
2024: Healthy CMC will always be the best fantasy player. Despite his age, I’ll keep riding him this year.
2. Justin Jefferson, Grade: B+
Projection: WR1, 2023 Finish: WR26 Jefferson was hurt for 9 out of 17 weeks, and still managed to finish as WR26. He finished as WR2 in points per healthy week— still performed for people in fantasy playoffs, hence the B grade.
2024: Jefferson is a generational talent and somebody who can perform no matter his QB situation.
3. Austin Ekeler, Grade: F
Projection: RB2, 2023 Finish: WR31 I suck. Ekeler was perhaps my greatest failure last year–not only was he hurt for much of the year, but he sucked even when healthy, finishing as RB29 in points per week.
2024: The lesson here is that an aging running back is never good news for fantasy production. A god-awful fantasy season for Austin Ekeler, and god-awful ranking from Billy Fan.
4. Ja’Marr Chase, Grade: C+
Projection: WR2, 2023 Finish: WR13
Chase had an underwhelming finish at WR13, but this was due chiefly to star QB Joe Burrow missing time. With Burrow, Chase finished as the WR6 in points per week. Due to his lack of production during fantasy playoffs, I can’t give this ranking a B, but he was still a bonafide star for the first 10 weeks .
2024: Chase will be a premier WR1 with Burrow back and healthy this year.
5. Tyreek Hill, Grade: A-
Projection: WR3, 2023 Finish: WR2
My WR3 finished as WR2. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a win. Hill led the league in receiving yards with 1,799 and would have eclipsed 1,800 had he played in Week 15. Arguably the best wide receiver in football, Hill has proven yet again why he should be a top five pick in this year’s draft.
2024: Tyreek Hill is part of arguably the most WR-friendly system in the NFL, as Mike McDaniel schemes up incredibly creative and effective plays for Hill. The only knock on Hill is his age (30), but Hill is such a talent that I would not be surprised to see him unaffected.
6. Bijan Robinson, Grade: CProjection: RB3, 2023 Finish: RB12
I had Bijan ranked higher than most, and drafted him in two out of my three leagues. However, this proved to bite me as Bijan’s talent was stifled by terrible playcalling and the Falcons’ overall ineptitude.
2024: With a new play caller, coaching staff, and QB in place for Atlanta, Robinson is poised to meet the expectations that I had for him last year.
7. Travis Kelce, Grade: C Projection: TE1, 2023 Finish: TE3
The gold standard of fantasy tight end (TE) production, Travis Kelce posted a line of 93984-5. While this would be an impressive stat for most TEs, it marked the first time since 2015 that he fell short of 1,000 yards. This decline suggests that the 34-year-old Kelce might be slowing down.
2024: Playing with QB Patrick Mahomes continues to be a major advantage for any
pass catcher. Although Kelce may not be a first-round fantasy pick anymore, he remains a relatively valuable fantasy asset.
8. Nick Chubb, Grade: N/A Projection: RB4, 2023 Finish: RB86 Injured for most of the season.
2024: While Chubb will still be injured for the beginning of this season, I view him as a top three talent at his position and I plan on drafting him on as many of my teams as possible as a late round flyer.
9. Cooper Kupp, Grade: D Projection:WR4, 2023 Finish: WR41
The former triple crown winner was riddled with injuries all year while also getting showed up by rookie Rams WR Puka Nacua, who had the greatest rookie year of any WR ever.
2024: Kupp’s age and injury history has now come to the forefront. It’s apparent he’s not only lost a step but also isn’t the de facto best WR on his team anymore. He will be ranked much lower this year, but his potential ceiling is still there with the same QB in Matt Stafford.
10. Saquon Barkley, Grade: B Projection: RB5, 2023 Finish: RB13
Though Barkley did not have a stellar season, he ended with a respectable RB13 finish even after missing 4 weeks to injury. He was the only source of offense for an otherwise dreadful Giants team, and I feel okay about his rank here, given his injury.
2024: Saquon is no longer on the anemic Giants offense and is instead set to lead a high-scoring Eagles offense in 2024. This night-and-day situation improvement will lead me to rank Saquon similarly high.
11. Stefon Diggs, Grade: B Projection: WR5, 2023 Finish: WR12
Diggs started off the season in his usual form, averaging 14 points per game in his first 10 weeks. After the Bills fired their offensive coordinator midway through the season, however, Diggs dropped off in production. A seemingly disgruntled Diggs finished the last eight weeks averaging just five points per game.
2024: The biggest news for Diggs this year is that he gets a fresh start as a Houston Texan. Budding superstar QB CJ Stroud runs a pass-heavy, high octane offense in Houston, but Diggs’ fantasy value may be hampered by existing Texans receiving talent.
12. Ceedee Lamb, Grade: B Projection: WR6, 2023 Finish: WR1 Ceedee Lamb started off the season relatively slow, but proceeded to explode after his week seven bye. Averaging just over nine points a game the first six weeks is not bad by any means, but pales in comparison to a monstrous 20 points per game his last 11 games. The overall WR1 in fantasy, Lamb led the league in receptions with 135 and was second in receiving yards with 1,749. 2024: Lamb will be WR1 again. He has everything he needs for fantasy success: a track record, a good QB, a good offense and a cool name. Spoiler alert: he will be my WR1 this year.
13. Davante Adams, Grade: C+
Projection: WR7, 2023 Finish: WR14
Davante Adams is arguably one of the most talented WRs of the decade, which is why I still had him ranked so highly despite his spotty QB situation. I had Davante Adams as my WR7, but he only finished WR14. 2024: Gardner Minshew was named as the starter for the Raiders, who I think is an upgrade. I have Adams at a similar spot in my rankings this year. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, but that is exactly what I am doing with Adams’ rankings this year.
14. Tony Pollard, Grade: C-
Projection: RB 6, 2023 Finish: RB18
Tony Pollard finished the season averaging under 10 points a game as the lead back on a high-scoring Cowboys team. This is confusing because he averaged more the year before, when he was in a RB committee with Ezekiel Elliott. Overall, the preseason hype about his increased opportunity did not pan out in the slightest .
2024: The Cowboys let Pollard walk in free agency, and the Titans took a shot on the 27-year-old RB after his down year. He will again be in a RB committee with second-year RB Tyjae Spears.
15. Amon-Ra St. Brown, Grade: B-
Projection: WR8, 2023 Finish: WR3
My WR8 turned out to be the WR3 on the year. Not a terrible prediction, but I definitely did not expect St. Brown to be one of the very best fantasy players in the league this past year. He was arguably the most consistent WR, never scoring below 10 points in a full game he played.
Student outlines 2024-25 NFL season
Ben Vinson Guest Columnist
The summer is officially coming to a close, and despite the declining media coverage of Taylor Swift throughout the last year, the National Football League (NFL) still plans to begin play for a new season. This past offseason has been a turbulent one, with some big-name players like quarterback Kirk Cousins and wide receiver Stefon Diggs finding new teams while wide receiver Brandon Aiyuk spent his summer being a prima donna and vowing to leave the San Francisco 49ers before penning a new contract with them a month later. Overall, the 2024-25 season is poised to be a great one with more teams than usual having a legitimate shot to make a playoff push, and if last year showed us anything, it is that perceptions of a team can be flipped upside down in just a week. In anticipation of this season, I have gone through every matchup and compiled my predictions for the end of season league standings, playoff picture, Super Bowl winner and Award recipients.
Starting with the American Football Conference’s Eastern Division (AFC East), things are looking very different this year than in the past. With an old, but still capable, Aaron Rodgers returning to quarterback (QB) for the New York Jets behind a newly shored up offensive line, the Jets enter the season as the division front runner with a slightly strengthened defense just ahead of the Miami Dolphins. I am sorry to say this to all of you wonderfully loyal Buffalo Bills fans, but the window has closed on their Super Bowl chances. Josh Allen is an outstanding quarterback, but with a significantly weaker defense and the loss of Stefon Diggs to the Houston Texans, I cannot envision the Bills taking another trip to the playoffs without a spectacular season from Josh Allen. There is good news for New England Patriots fans though since they will be rewarded with a high draft pick and the potential to get the University of Colorado’s superstar wide receiver Travis Hunter if they do not have their affairs in order, which they most certainly will not.
In recent years, the AFC North—consisting of the Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, Pittsburgh Steelers and Cleveland Browns— has existed as a unique division in the NFL’s lengthy history, with each of its four teams maintaining strong rosters and benefiting from good coaching, meaning they all are very capable of making the playoffs. This year looks to be no different. The Bengals and Ravens are likely to top the division with top-tier quarterbacks and capable defenses, but I find it hard to count out the Pittsburgh Steelers. They are coming off of a playoff berth last year and got nothing in the offseason but roster upgrades in every needed position. They signed Pro Bowl linebacker Patrick Queen this offseason and got rid of the dismal QB Kenny
Pickett, so it is incredibly likely that future Hall of Fame head coach Mike Tomlin will be able to get into the playoffs once again. Finally the Browns, who also have some great talent but will struggle to win many more than 50 percent of their games because of their difficult schedule and mediocre quarterback with a mega-contract.
With the reigning back-to-back Super Bowl winning Kansas City Chiefs, the AFC West is appearing as lopsided as ever. The Chiefs have the undeniable best QB in the NFL in Patrick Mahomes, and with their high roster retention, they will dominate the division. The Las Vegas Raiders and Los Angeles Chargers are both lined up to have mediocre seasons once again, with the former likely having more success than the latter because of higher talent players like pass rusher Maxx Crosby and wide receiver Davante Adams. The Chargers did find a new head coach this year in Jim Harbaugh—whose University of Michigan tenure is marred by a cheating scandal—but with the loss of a couple key offensive pieces, it is unlikely that they will be any better than last year. There is not much to say about the Denver Broncos, though, since they are in the middle of a rebuild and are going to find wins sparsely throughout the year.
Ending off the AFC, the southern division finds itself in a similar situation to the west. The young and upcoming quarterback C.J. Stroud and the rest of the Texans’ stacked offense will catapult them to the forefront of the division and the AFC at large, while the Indianapolis Colts and Jacksonville Jaguars are both around the league average in effectively every metric and will be in a tough battle for second and a very small chance at a wild card playoff spot. Finally, the Tennessee Titans received nothing in the offseason but loss aside from Steelers three week legend Mason Rudolph to be their backup quarterback, so it will be tough for them to win more than six games despite their starting QB Will Levis’ steady development.
Starting off the National Football Conference (NFC), the NFC East division is unique because it is entirely devoid of mediocrity.
The Dallas Cowboys and Philadelphia Eagles are both star studded teams, with the former having a very solid overall roster and the latter losing star center Jason Kelce to retirement but gaining running back Saquon Barkley. The Cowboys are likely to top the division and then get throttled in the divisional round of the playoffs–par for the course for that franchise–while the Eagles have slightly better chances in the playoffs but could very well be held back by quarterback Jalen Hurts’ accuracy issues when the pressure is high. No mediocrity does not mean every team is good, though. The Washington Commanders and New York Giants will undoubtedly sit at the bottom of this division and conference standings. The Commanders have little to smile about roster-wise aside from rookie quarterback Jayden Daniels, who could give them a
chance to shine in a few years, but not quite yet.
In the coldest division in football—the NFC North—it will be the Detroit Lions who find the most success, having perfectly executed the rebuild under the leadership of head coach Dan Campbell. The Green Bay Packers were initially faced with similar odds in the offseason to the Lions, but after an MCL sprain that could sideline QB Jordan Love for over a month in their week one game against the Eagles in São Paolo, they will likely have to fight tooth and nail for a chance at a playoff berth. The Chicago Bears are opening this season in a situation many believe to be the end of a successful franchise rebuild, bringing in several quality weapons for last year’s number one draft pick Caleb Williams to throw to. It is unlikely that their time has come quite yet, though, with head coach Matt Eberflus being one of the worst in the league (Bears fans have been begging for him to be fired for several years). Finally comes the Vikings, who, despite having some great receiving targets, have to survive the quagmire of Sam Darnold’s quarterback play.
The NFC West holds the league’s most complete roster in the San Francisco 49ers, who, faced with the prospect of salary-cap hell in a few years due to them having to extend several stars on small contracts, will likely remain atop the conference in the meantime. The Los Angeles Rams are also in good position to make the playoffs having found young diamonds in the rough in running back Kyren Williams and receiver Puka Nacua. Things are not as positive for the Seattle Seahawks and Arizona Cardinals, though, with Seattle having slowly lost their life these last few years and Arizona having never found it in the first place.
The final division we have to look through is the NFC South, where things are looking up. The Atlanta Falcons fixed several of the major problems that haunted them last year, slapping QB Kirk Cousins on their biggest hole (if you watched this play team with Desmond Ridder last year, I’m really sorry), so their playoff chances are high. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have some larger issues to solve, but I expect quarterback Baker Mayfield to pull a rabbit out of his hat and squeak the team into the playoffs in the same late-season glorious fashion as last year. In the other half of the division, the New Orleans Saints are sitting right below the line of mediocrity, without a ton to look forward to, while Carolina Panthers fans are just better off just giving up on professional sports altogether (the Charlotte Hornets are not much better).
My playoff seed predictions are listed 1-7 per conference next to the overall standings projections, but the prime meat of this article is found in the award and Super Bowl predictions.
Most Valuable Player (MVP) - CJ Stroud (QB, Houston Texans). The reigning offensive rookie of the year, CJ Stroud is a generational
talent at the quarterback position, and with the offensive weapons that the Texans front office has given him this offseason, he is in a perfect position to find himself in a position to take home the league’s biggest honor.
Offensive Player of the Year (OPOY) - Ceedee Lamb (WR, Dallas Cowboys). Ceedee Lamb fell just short of this award last season, but his great skill as a receiver combined with potential voter fatigue hurting Christian McCaffrey’s odds makes him the rational choice.
Defensive Player of the Year (DPOY) - TJ Watt (Edge, Pittsburgh Steelers). TJ Watt is the best defensive player in football and has been for the last several years. Just three seasons ago he tied the all-time single season sack record—need I say more? Comeback Player of the Year (CBPOY) - Aaron Rodgers (QB, New York Jets).The ever-talented Aaron Rodgers is the shoe-in pick for comeback player of the year, an award reserved for players returning from season ending injuries (Rodgers tore his achilles tendon three plays into last season).
Offensive Rookie of the Year (OROY)Jayden Daniels (QB, Washington Commanders). The reigning Heisman Trophy winner (the award for the best player in college football), Jayden Daniels is in the perfect position to have a strong season despite playing for a poor team, having had a near perfect preseason as an impressively high-potential and multi-skilled player.
Defensive Rookie of the Year (DROY) - Jared Verse (Edge, LA Rams). Coming in at 6 foot 4 inches and over 250 pounds, Verse is both physically and technically impressive as a pass rusher, having excelled at Florida State and being in a prime position to do the same in a generally unimpressive Rams pass rush. Coach of the Year (COTY) - Demeco Ryans (Houston Texans).The Houston Texans went from near worst to near best in only a few years and things are still looking up, so it’s about time Ryans gets the recognition he deserves for his pragmatic leadership and effectiveness as their coach.
Now, the final task left is to predict the Super Bowl, and before doing so, I want to emphasize that all of these predictions are exactly that and within the entropy of this world, the slightest thing could happen to one player and everything I have said could crumble to dust. That being said, have a great semester everyone—let’s all be kind. The Super Bowl will be played between the Kansas City Chiefs of the AFC and the Detroit Lions of the NFC, and despite having that Mahomes magic, the Chiefs will fail to three-peat and fall to the Detroit Lions. The Lions have solid players in every position this season and they have an specific energy about them that is entirely unique to this moment throughout the franchise’s history, which is lathered in misery from decades of at-best mediocre football. Jared Goff has clearly shown himself to be a quarterback capable of playing at the biggest stage, and they have one advantage over every other team in the entire league: They just want it more.
The Miscellany Crossword
“Take The A Train”
By Felix Mundy-Mancino
ACROSS
1. “Woe ___”
5. “If ___ Hammer”, 1949 Pete Seeger protest anthem
10. Breanna Stewart and Kerolin Nicoli in 2023
14. Longstanding CBS procedural
15. Chocolate substitute
16. Sandwich cookie
17. Bad, slangily
18. Luke’s astro droid
19. Mork’s greeting, when doubled
20. “___ humanity!”
21. Red or Giant
22. Adherents to a nonviolent religion
23. Chicago airport
24. Facial hair
25. Butt of many sexist jokes
27. “Look at me, I’m Sandra ___”
28. Single menstrual product, incorrectly
30. URL heading
33. Anderson of WKRP in Cincinnati
35. Listen! (sp)
36. Sob
37. Former Libertarian Representative and one of Clinton’s main impeachers
40. 21+ Spanish beverage
42. Weather anyone?
43. ... --- ...
45. Biological information
46. New man?
47. Badminton tool
49. Opposite of ESE
52.Auxiliary
53. Wife, in Napoli
55. Yeatsian sprite
58. Opera set in Egpyt
60. Airline to Tel Aviv
61. Reverse
62. Movies, when filming is done
63. Sinister
64. Authorize
65. Dairy-laced coffee drink
66. Lasso and Danson
67. River to the underworld
68. What “two” meant to Paul
Revere
69. Helper (abbr.)
DOWN
Start at the northernmost station
on the A train, with 207th St.
2. Greatly damage
3. Explosive auteur?
4. Ridge formed by glacial streams
5. Affirmative response to a plea for help
6. Travel South through this cultural hotspot
7. Show with installations
8. Ways out
9. Letters used for blood types
10. Actress and artist Janelle
11. The French truth?
12. To leave the city altogether, catch the Amtrak at this station
13. Word before chef or vide
22. Continuing West on the A train, pass by this NYC airport (abbr.)
24. Sicilian mount
26. Prehistoric film franchise
29. Bird buoyancy device
30. Common patrons of London’s Lee Ho Fook’s
31. Chinese modernist artist, when doubled
32. New Deal org.
34. West African leader
36. National airer of Cubs games
37. Cozy vacation accommodations (abbr.)
38. Tic-tac-toe line
39. At the train’s terminus, enjoy this beach destination
41. Coming back home on the A train, pass the Barclays Center where this basketball team competes
44. Water pistol outputs
47. Solar emission
48. Modernize
50. Mild painkillers
51. Swing up through the financial district, famous for this bountiful boulevard
52. After getting back home, Cross the Harlem river and end up in this borough
54. Katniss’ love interest
55. Commotion
56. Picked ___ (quibbled)
57. Avant-garde
59. What was placed under the princess’ mattress
62. Priestly garb