Misc.09.21.23

The Miscellany News

Student protest supports professors in ongoing litigation

Jacques Abou-Rizk, Sarah McNeil Editor-in-Chief, News Editor

Flocks of students in red shirts flooded Main Drive outside of Taylor Hall last Wednesday, Sept. 13, at the first faculty meeting of the year to show support for the pay inequity litigation against the College. The protest was the first of an ongoing movement started by student-led “HearUsOut” to ensure that awareness of the lawsuit stays in the campus conversation and mainstream media.

“The goal is to put pressure on the school to settle the lawsuit. In their ideal world, they would wait as long as possible while there’s less pressure from the students or the media,” said Tallulah de Saint Phalle ’24, a member of HearUsOut.

The protest started growing around 3 p.m., at the beginning of the first faculty meeting of the year. Not long after, chants of “Equal pay, yesterday,” “Seven Sisters, five plaintiffs” and “Pay people fair wages” rang through the air. Signatories and plaintiffs, dressed in white to show solidarity, held signs reading “We our students,” taking photos with one another and tearing up at the sight of their students.

Professor of Philosophy Giovanna Boradorri, one of the 36 signatories, attended the faculty meeting. She said of the student protest, “It feels incredible. It feels fundamental to my teaching, to my career and

to our career together as women who have been here over 30 years and tried to express our disappointment—our struggle and the need for justice for 20 years, and we were not heard.” She continued, “To feel the students’ support opens my heart.”

The faculty meeting did not conclude until after 5 p.m., with many students remaining for the event’s entire duration. When faculty exited the building, they were met with loud cheers expressing support. Harriet Simons ’27 commented, “[I came] to show that we’re here for the professors, that they’re doing something brave for everyone and that we support them.”

Solaar KirkDacker ’24, one of the organizers of HearUsOut, said she worked with Gwynne Smith ’24 to organize the student protest. Together, they created a survey to gauge student interest and create an organizing committee. Emails were sent to Vassar student organization leaders and over 400 people responded to the survey, creating an organizing committee of 15 people.

KirkDacker added, “We spent those five days leading up to the protest thoroughly researching the lawsuit, connecting with attorneys and building our knowledge of the relationship between protest and legal action. A protest pressuring Vassar to settle ultimately seemed like the most effective action students could take.”

The Vassar Student Association (VSA)

See PROTEST on page 3

Introducing Professor Pendoley Big Band brings community

Emma Brown Guest Reporter

Emotions have a tendency to be all-consuming, confusing and complex. But for Vassar College’s newest tenure-track philosophy professor Kathryn Pendoley, the complex nature of human consciousness is exactly what drives her years of research on the philosophy of psychology and mind.

Pendoley began her career as an educator while in graduate school by working at Hunter College and Brooklyn College. The recently tenured professor will spend the fall semester of her third year at Vassar teaching three courses: “Philosophical Questions,” “Philosophy of Science” and “Logic.”

“Often, ‘Philosophy of Science’ students are coming from other majors, and they are bringing their different ideas and expertise about what is happening in different sciences,” explained Pendoley, who has been teaching the course for three years. “It has been really interesting to watch students with different starting assumptions. Vassar students are fantastic at talking with each other and really exchanging ideas, especially about these sorts of questions.”

Pendoley arrived in Poughkeepsie in the Fall of 2021 as a visiting assistant professor after receiving her Ph.D. in philosophy at the City University of New York in 2020, where she had dedicated her time to understanding

the nature of emotion and how it is investigated through a neuroscientific lens.

“There is this intuition that your experience of emotion can be a big part of caring about having an experience at all because you care about how you feel, be it good or bad,” Pendoley says. “When I was first getting into philosophy of mind, I thought, ‘People are talking about consciousness, but they are not talking about their felt experience emotionally,’ so I wanted to think about that.”

For Pendoley, her knowledge of emotions informs more than just her research. While Pendoley encourages her students to remain devoted to their coursework, she also advises them to be mindful of their emotional states and to strive to maintain a healthy work-life balance.

“Vassar students are particularly good about remaining alive to the way that career can be connected with play,” Pendoley notes. “Philosophy can be so hard to read or think about, so when you are immersed in something and you are really working through it, it is really important to remain alive to the parts of it that are really exciting to you, even through challenges.”

When she is not teaching or meeting with students, the professor spends her time on the Vassar campus furthering her research on the intersection of philosophy and emotion. Currently, Pendoley is in the process of drafting a

See PROFESSOR on page 7

Naomi Sullins Guest Columnist

OnThursday, Sept. 14, the Roy Hargrove Big Band played at Skinner Hall. For many, free tickets meant an opportunity to go out on a Thursday night; for others, it was a way to connect with the jazz creations of the late Roy Hargrove. No matter their reasons for attendance, audience members became part of a grand celebration of talent and legacy through a setlist of riveting solos, striking horns and powerful rhythms. The talent these musicians possessed was almost supernatural, but as they laughed to each other and shook their heads in appreciation for their friends, you came to feel as if you knew them.

That night, the band consisted of 17 members, including original musicians and some new members. According to his website, Hargrove always dreamt of forming a big band. In 1995, the Roy Hargrove Big Band made its debut. With a rotating cast of musicians, Hargrove and his band released their first album entitled “Emergence” in 2009. To keep the Big Band alive after Hargrove passed away, Roy Hargrove Legacy LLC was founded by his wife, Aida Brandes-Hargrove, and his daughter, Kamala Hargrove. The band was graciously brought to Vassar College by the Alex Krieger ’95 Memorial Fund.

The group plays arrangements of standards and original works written by Hargrove. The first piece they played was “Conservation” by Bobby Watson, Hargrove’s long-time mentor. As the rhythm section kicked off the song with intense energy, all the eyes in the audience widened. The horns then fell in, perfectly stacked and mixed as if they were one entity. The piece was counted off by music director Bruce Williams, who gave cues while simultaneously playing his own saxophone parts. The first solo of the night was taken by saxophonist Mark Gross, who performed with such emotion that the rest of the band could not help but react. Nearly all the band members had a solo that night, and they were all met with the same joy and respect from their bandmates. They seemed elated just seeing what they had created together. As each of the band members are incredible musicians in their own rights, this awe is not difficult to understand. Hargrove held immense respect for the people who shaped him, as evidenced by the setlist. The band included a trilogy of Hargrove’s original compositions, named “Velera” after his mother, “Roy Allan” after his father and “Brian’s Bounce” for his brother. “Velera” was a beautiful trumpet-led ballad full of emotional chord changes and atmospheric percussion. This piece was immediate -

See BIG BAND on page 6

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Protest galvanizes student support

sent an email to the student body on Monday, Sept. 11, on behalf of the HearUsOut committee, which included information about the faculty meeting protest. The Equity Executive of the VSA Cabinet Traci Francis ’25 served as the VSA point of contact for HearUsOut and said of the event, “I think we collectively agreed that the VSA doesn’t always need to run or be the face of everything on campus. Our role was important but more quiet as we became a resource and provided any support that the organizers needed.”

President of the College Elizabeth Bradley disclosed Wednesday’s meeting agenda, saying in a written statement to The Miscellany News, “There were president remarks, faculty remarks, the consent agenda from CCP, a report from the Dean of Faculty Search Committee about learnings from their listening sessions, a report from the Faculty Policy and Conference Committee on merit reviews and compensation, a report from Admission on the Class of 2027 and the Supreme Court decision, a report on Google storage, and announcements about Community Works and QPR training.”

HearUsOut reached out to The New York Times, who attended the protest on Wednesday, publishing a story on Vassar’s activism in the early morning of Monday, Sept. 18. The article referenced a communication Bradley had with the publication: “Last week, Ms. Bradley said in a statement to The New York Times that Vassar had agreed to allow a faculty committee to hire an independent compensation-analysis firm to examine salaries, and would act on the findings.” Bradley confirmed with The Miscellany News that there are no updates on the lawsuit at time of publication.

KirkDacker and Smith are looking to maintain their momentum, bringing the protest to Vassar admission tours. KirkDacker said, “We are hoping to continue gaining traction and raising awareness about the case. We want to provide accurate information to prospective students about salary inequities.” She continued, “Many students feel this wage disparity as a personal betrayal, too, as Vassar capitalizes off of ideas of ‘gender equity’ and ‘uplifting women in academia’ only to fall short of these claims in their treatment of female professors. Prospective students deserve to know the hypocrisy behind these claims

before making their decisions about applying/enrollment.”

Coleman Hunter ’27 shared, “As a [firstyear], it’s definitely a little jarring to have this introduction, especially because of my impressions of Vassar and one of the reasons I wanted to attend here was because of the ideas and qualities it was promoting. To find out so early on that isn’t necessarily the case, it only feels right to be here and to support the plaintiffs and to stand up for what I personally believe are the traditions and values that Vassar stands for.”

When asked about the protest, Bradley commented, “We are delighted that the protest was peaceful and did not disrupt the faculty meeting or other college functions. We are glad the students are engaged in important campus issues.”

KirkDacker expressed pride for her college’s activism, saying, “It was wonderful to see how many students felt so passionately about this issue. I hope professors felt the widespread support for their cause and anger towards this injustice.” She added, “It was one of the few times that all professors and administrators would be together. We wanted to initiate the year by showing our steadfast support.”

Igor Martiniouk/The Miscellany News.

Anonymous social media app bubbles up on campus

What’s

Fizzin’? The anonymous, campus-specific social media platform Fizz has made a big impact on the Vassar community in the last few weeks. The app, founded by two Stanford students, first launched in the Summer of 2021 and has only grown since. Previously, Vassar has had its share of anonymous posting through apps like Yik Yak and the widely followed @vassar.confessions page on Instagram. What makes Fizz different?

In the founding story, the creators credit Fizz with constructing a new type of social media, writing, “We saw that unlike existing social apps, Fizz has completely changed the culture, creating a wholesome, intimate, and uplifting online space through proper community-based moderation.” One of Vassar’s paid moderators, Nico Silverman-Lloyd ’25, echoed the sentiments shared by the app’s founders, sharing “I chose to become a Fizz moderator because I actually think the app is doing good things for campus, and I like the idea of being able to help keep it leaning towards the harmless, positive side as opposed to falling into the toxic pitfalls that many social media apps are prone to.” Explaining the moderator position, Silverman-Lloyd said, “There is an interesting system in play where at least two moderators have to agree on the post’s fate before it is carried out.”

Fizz encourages their moderators to adhere to the app’s guidelines of what should be taken down and to use the college’s culture as a framework to make these decisions, adding a more personal aspect to the job. Silverman-Lloyd’s role is integral to upholding the app’s mission to create a space for students to share their college-specific content with other students.

Since Fizz is a third party over which Vassar has no ownership or control, there have been several incidents of speech that violated Vassar’s guidelines. Dean of the College Car-

los Alamo-Pastrana sent an email to students on Sept. 5, just a few days into the start of the semester, sharing regulations for using apps like Fizz. In the email, he stated, “While these platforms offer a space for dialogue, we ask that you exercise caution and consider how your words significantly impact others around you, even when anonymous.”

the anonymous posting could potentially take a turn for the worst. I’ve seen that happen before on similar apps like Instagram where people hide behind anonymity to basically bully people or make them super uncomfortable. I don’t really want to watch anything like that happen.”

While most of the posts are harmless and light-hearted, a few have crossed the boundary of mockery and harassment. The app allows students to flag any post for removal should it be found threatening, targeted, biased, bullying, misinformation, spam or obscene content. Inoa ended his statement by sharing, “Fizz has

been responsive to our requests to either remove posts that are threatening or harassing. They will also identify users when there are concerns which involve a crime.”

To the general Vassar community, Fizz is a fun way to share memes, compare hot takes about which building on campus is the most beautiful, and even learn about campus current events and functions, but it is important to keep it this way. Silverman-Lloyd highlighted the good nature of the app, stating, “The relatability of the content on Fizz feels like the hallmark of the app and lets all of us Vassar students connect with each other through shared campus experiences.”

Alamo continued to post the Vassar College Regulations along with a warning that Associate Dean of the College Luis Inoa also shared when discussing the app—it is not as anonymous as one might think. Inoa explained what prompted the email from Alamo: “The social media guidelines email sent on [Sept. 5] was sent to address a recent situation involving threatening language as well as multiple instances of defamatory and derogatory impersonation.”

Inoa added, “While I can’t delve into specific information about instances due to privacy and other concerns, I can say that in addition to threatening language, there were some incredibly crude and offensive posts.”

Emma Youngblood ’26, not a Fizz user, commented, “Though I think some Fizz posts can be funny, and it may help people connect with each other, I think that

Tori Kim/The Miscellany News.

Makenna Monaghan Guest Reporter

“The social media guidelines email sent on [Sept. 5] was sent to address a recent situation involving threatening language as well as multiple instances of defamatory and derogatory impersonation.”

Tori Kim/The Miscellany News.

Cigarettes After Sex’s ‘Heavenly’ debut at Forest Hills Stadium

The breezy winds brushed through my hair as I entered Forest Hills Stadium in Queens, New York. The city’s temperatures were just starting to drop, creating an autumnal atmosphere for Cigarettes After Sex’s debut. Eager fans gathered in anticipation, all dressed in shades of black and silver. Everyone curated an outfit suited to the musical aesthetic. I hurried past a sea of knee-high boots and studded chokers to my seat, thrilled for the night ahead.

Once the sun had set, lead singer Greg Gonzalez and his band took the stage under the stars as dreamy smoke filled the stage. With a minimal stage set, the audience was left alone with just the trio and their music. Opening with “Crush,” a 2018 single, the crowd echoed every word back. Their lush tone evoked moods of candlelit balconies, black-andwhite films and darkened dive bars. Each song has a cinematic approach to the sound—the poetic lyricism created mysterious sensuality. Gonzalez began “Crush” with “I wanna line my walls with photographs you sent/ Of you lying in your swimsuit on the bed/ Can’t live without your love inside me now/ I’ll find a way to slip into your skin somehow.” The imagery immediately put the listener in a hazy bedroom, feeling overwhelmingly in love.

A newer song, “Pistol,” tells the story of yearning for a previous relationship. “I know if I saw you/ And we kissed just once/ You could be happy/ Maybe you’d come back/ ’Cause I really miss you/ Don’t know how much more I can take.” The boyish language

explains Gonzalez’s aching heart. He began the song by using a “pistol” to take a shot in the dark, metaphorically alluding to a lack of conversation between the two partners. But Gonzalez does not mind “wast[ing] his time,” as the love he feels for her is immense.

Singles, such as “Heavenly,” include striking black-and-white artwork that speaks to the musicality of the song itself. When the trio played those songs, the blank screen surrounding the stage lit up with an animated version of the artwork. Just as the songs came to life through their live performance, their artistic physicality did as well. A rose burned behind Gonzalez as he swooned over his partner’s every word in “You’re All I Want.” The imagery created a stunning backdrop for every song, fully immersing the audience.

“Cry,” a personal favorite of mine, brought the crowd to a melodramatic lull. Gonzalez describes in an interview with Paper Magazine that each time he felt chemistry with another, touring with the band almost always hindered a possible relationship. The lyrics describe his partner “saying you’d wait for me to stay,” but unfortunately his heart could never remain faithful. The simplistic chords reveal Gonzalez’s mournful sentiment. As the second chorus ends, the music comes to a gradual swell and jarring release, resembling the painful emotions that come with romance itself. I encourage listening to this distressingly heavy song staring out of the Metro-North window—you will feel all the feels.

After playing their iconic hits “Apocalypse” and “K.” under the illusory disco ball, the band returned to the stage for their encore piece, “Opera House.” The song is incredibly

romantic—so much so that the entire stadium swayed their flashlight to the beat. As the song begins with “Built an opera house for you in the deepest jungle,” the lyrics imply that Gonzalez would do anything for the one he loves, even if it means pulling out all the stops. Grand gestures and harsh realities are recurring lyrical themes. Gonzalez describes the crushing feeling that comes with all-encom-

passing love through his constant reiteration of “I was meant to love you” throughout the entire chorus. After the music crescendoed, the band took their final bow and exited the stage, leaving their audience overcome with emotion. Cigarettes After Sex performed a stunning concert full of infatuation, melancholy and wistfulness. If you ever have the chance to see them live, do not forget tissues.

Dissecting the success of ‘Jeopardy!’

Contests

centered around feats of intelligence or the memorization of knowledge are, like sports, one of the most common ways humans compete against one another. Bar trivia, spelling bees, Quizbowl and Scrabble are all widespread formats used by those seeking a battle of the wits. Our non-competitive educational activities are also often co-opted in this manner, with students seeking to one-up each other on grades, standardized tests and more. However, the influence of one knowledge-based competition towers above the rest: “Jeopardy!.” People tend to enjoy feeling smart or accomplished, but this does not provide all the answers to the show’s lasting success. What is the unique appeal of “Jeopardy!,” and why has it enjoyed such longevity?

A personal answer to approach this question would involve detailing my own history with “Jeopardy!.” As a kid, I had long been interested in compilations of knowledge. Encyclopedias and atlases filled up my bookshelves, and I would often play trivia games at afterschool programs. My family started watching the show in my middle school years as a way to spend time together. “Jeopardy!” allowed us to bond by competing against each other casually; it was always amusing to watch my parents bicker over the correct answer until one (or both) were revealed to be wrong. At this age, I lacked the knowledge necessary to perform well, meaning every correct answer was followed by a rush of excitement. I competed against my family, contestants and myself every time I tuned in. Highlighting one of these match-ups in my mind was enough to stay engaged; having all three felt exhilarating.

Although I did not watch “Jeopardy!” ev-

ery week, I would enter into periods of consistent viewing throughout high school. As is the case with everyone, my knowledge of the world had accumulated over time, and I continually felt the unique satisfaction of answering more and more clues. The consistent elation of answering correctly fueled my desire to passively absorb additional knowledge. Getting questions right would only reinforce this drive, creating a loop of sorts. By the time I started at Vassar, my mother and I had made active efforts to find more “Jeopardy!” programming. Our diet on my summer breaks encompassed YouTube videos, streaming specials and live television, an expansive ecosystem to satiate our watching needs. In short, “Jeopardy!” was a personally rewarding experience to partake in and a way of connecting with others, even if the information used to solve prompts was auxiliary knowledge.

From a general perspective, the appeal of “Jeopardy!” may be partially extrapolated from my own story of enjoyment. Everyone can tune into the TV show and feel casually satisfied with getting a couple of clues right here and there. The program’s structure lends itself to various approaches across the entire spectrum of competitiveness; no one has to worry about wrong answers until they take the stage themselves. Impressively, the unique format of “Jeopardy!” is even deployed in academic and social settings, utilized by teachers and leaders as an engaging form of testing. You get to play “Jeopardy!” without even having to watch it, a success which is rarely replicated by other game show formats. The distinctive gimmick of solving the board’s answers by providing the question helps distinguish the program from other quiz shows, as noted by Franz Lidz of Sports Illustrated (e.g. “Greek philosopher known for his Socratic dialogues” would be the pro-

vided answer or clue, to which a contestant responds with “Who is Plato?”). “Jeopardy!”

has grown so popular that it is almost synonymous with testing games, a standard to which all others must rise. By avoiding association with the pressure, prestige and academic nature of events like the Scripps National Spelling Bee, the show manages to occupy a niche between mass media and elitism. “Jeopardy!” is for all competitive approaches and experiences, enabling it to capture a wider audience.

One could argue that interest in a show like “Jeopardy!” requires some form of privilege; “Jeopardy!” will be drier unless the viewer has the education or free time necessary to acquire enough knowledge for active participation. The acquisition of random information is easier for those with greater resourc-

es—both material and immaterial—at their disposal. However, it is worth noting the perspective of former host Art Fleming; regarding the new incarnations of Jeopardy, he stated in a 1989 Sports Illustrated interview that “It’s much too easy.” In the same interview, Fleming also pushed back on former host Alex Trebek’s claims regarding the show’s educational merit. Regardless of how one feels about its supposed sophistication (or lack thereof), “Jeopardy!” earns its widespread popularity through a distinctive gameplay scheme and an appeal to our collective fascination with the minutiae of everything worldly. As “Jeopardy!” enters its 40th season this year, it seems unlikely that the iconic production will lose steam anytime soon; so long as audiences love trivia, they will love “Jeopardy!.”

Emma Lawrence Columnist

Emma Lawrence/The Miscellany News.

Allen Hale Arts Editor

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Roy Hargrove Big Band brings community to Vassar

ly followed by “Roy Allan,” which began with an R&B groove that contrasted with the more standard big band compositions. As soon as the drums began—cued in by a few swings of Williams’ right hand—the audience began to yell in delight. I could tell that the groove of this particular song was the one designed to fully reach this room of students, and it did. The saxophone players in the front row began to clap along to the rhythm that drummer Willie Jones created, and they encouraged us to do the same. It did not take long for nearly everyone in

The sense of community the Big Band created was epitomized in the final song. “Ms. Garvey, Ms. Garvey” was a composition by Big Band member and assistant musical director Jason Marshall, who was introduced as having known Hargrove the longest. This was not supposed to be the last song, but after the band played “Requiem” by Frank Lacy, in which saxophones were traded for flutes, Brandes-Hargrove went up on stage and regretfully informed Williams that the show was past its allotted time and had to end soon. Many were upset about the performance being cut short,

but the song the band chose to end with certainly salvaged the mood. Williams said that this last song was going to be a party to ensure good feelings and a good semester; it certainly was. Brandes-Hargrove was dancing and clapping in the corner of the room. There were faces smiling and faces in awe of how these musicians were able to play so quickly and with such emotion. In that hall, at a little after 9 p.m. on a Thursday, the room was still incredibly full of life. Stage lights were bouncing off Rubin’s guitar and reflecting shadows on the wall. Soundwaves were hitting every surface and

reaching engaged ears. I can confidently say that everyone in that room experienced something great that night.

If you wish to see them play again, the Roy Hargrove Big Band maintains a residency at The Jazz Gallery in New York City, where they play once a month. Perhaps they may even return to the College, judging by the promising response the crowd had given after Williams shouted, “Can we come back?” In the meantime, if you would like to engage further with Roy Hargrove and the Big Band, you can learn more at https://royhargroveofficial.com.

the room to keep time with the band (all clapping on beats two and four, thankfully). It was a beautiful thing to be in a room with people feeling the beat of a song so implicitly, unafraid to be emotionally moved as their faces scrunched and their knees bounced. This song featured Saul Rubin on guitar, who was cued into a solo. This improvisation bound together big band jazz and modern songwriting, using a slight increase of gain and progressive scales which emanated Hargrove’s influence. “Brian’s Bounce” brought us back into the big band scheme, beginning with a drum solo that filled the whole room. As the other instruments cut out for Jones to solo, it seemed like the dynamics in the room did not even change. Each of these pieces can be found on Hargrove’s 1995 album “Family,” with both “Velera” and “Roy Allan” featured on “Emergence.”

Sweeping, swinging loneliness in Mitski’s latest album

Lauren Showalter Guest Columnist

Mitski Miyawaki, a Japanese-American indie singer-songwriter who goes by the stage name Mitski and is known for hits such as “Francis Forever” and “Washing Machine Heart,” released her seventh studio album, “The Land Is Inhospitable and So Are We,” this past Friday, Sept. 15. The entirety of the album is written by Mitski and produced by Patrick Hyland. The first single to kick off the new album announcement, “Bug Like an Angel,” came out July 26, with the songs “Star” and “Heaven” being released together on Aug. 23.

With a worldwide streaming release as well as early listening parties around the globe, fans were eager to get another album after she broke her four-year release hiatus last year with the acclaimed album “Laurel Hell.” Mitski went on tour for countless sold-out audiences, bringing her more into the mainstream after her popularity on social media surged her music into the playlists of young, new listeners. In a Rolling Stone cover story last year, Mitski expressed that her struggles as a music artist come from a sense of losing parts of herself to the music industry’s consumer culture. For “Laurel Hell,” her attitude towards performing was that, “I have to do this even though it hurts me, because I love it.” Now in her explanation video for a new song, “My Love Mine All Mine,”she proclaims, “To love is the best thing I ever did in my life. Better than any song I’ve ever written, better than any achievement by far. To love is truly the

best and most beautiful thing I ever did.”

This shift to using music as both an attempt to immortalize her love and a way to investigate the mortal incapability of being able to love forever mark this new album’s emotional depths. There are five songs as of writing this that have similar videos on her YouTube channel: “Buffalo Replaced,” “My Love Mine All Mine,” “Star,” “Heaven” and “Bug Like An Angel,” each filmed in BombShell Studios in Nashville, Tennessee, where most of the album was recorded.

The first single released, “Bug Like An Angel,” is a perfect selection to introduce the new sonic and lyrical world of “The Land Is Inhospitable and So Are We.” The stripped-down instrumentation of guitar and piano alongside the sudden loud choir gives the auditory landscape of a church. This mirrors the music video, which features Mitski playing guitar with a group of people next to her, all in long blue robes, soundtracking an older woman’s chaotic drunken walk down a street. The pair of singles released together, “Star” and “Heaven,” are both songs that Mitski had been reworking for years. Both of these songs from the past lyrically concentrate on love. “Heaven” is described by Mitski in the “Behind the Song” video as the closest to a love song out of the entire tracklist. “Heaven” features a heavy lean into a Western sound with a swinging beat followed with powerful guitar chords, and the addition of a grand string section adds to the drama and romance.

The songs “Buffalo Replaced” and “The Frost” are also coupled on the album. The

two pieces form an ambiguous tale of the narrator alone with their dog, and what happens when the dog dies and the narrator is left alone with their existential thoughts. Only Mitski could bring such sorrow to the line, “She shits where she’s supposed to, feeds herself while I’m away,” which may end up representing the catatonic state of the narrator if left completely alone. In her Spotify bio, written by Will Arbery, Mitski is quoted as saying, “This is my most American album,” which is reflected in the desolate descriptions of loneliness and nature in the two pieces.

verse packing an emotional punch with “I blast music loud, and I work myself to the bone.” It perfectly encapsulates mental illness and the subsequent struggles with productivity. While short in duration, the song makes the message loud and clear for its listener, the driving concept behind an album full of vivid, intimate emotions and soundscapes without much breathing room.

The closer to the record, “I Love Me After You,” continues the dark Western image the album has been defined by. However, this song probably has the least clear lyrical meaning. While there is imagery of walking naked by a window and being king of all the land, if the land is inhospitable, what is the “king” really ruling over? The narrator’s domain may be the lonely darkness where nothing can survive. Thus, they are left to a despondent existence where no one can reach them; if someone does breach into the heart of the narrator, they may abandon them through death or being consumed by their problems.

What I think of as the Vassar Student Anthem is “I Don’t Like My Mind,” the first

This album is so important to the time and place in which it is being released. Even though the songs have not all been written recently, the themes of loneliness, emotional struggle, death and despair are especially pertinent to a era dictated by lack of connection. Isolation and the crushing weight of a timed existence in which to love and care for others are themes prominent throughout the project. This album speaks to the pain of being human, examining the limit on how much we can love, hurt and be alone with our own thoughts.

Sophia Kim/The Miscellany News.

They seemed elated just seeing what they had created together.

[“I Don’t Like My Mind”] perfectly encapsulates mental illness and the subsequent struggles with productivity. While short in duration, the song makes the message loud and clear for its listener, the driving concept behind an album full of vivid, intimate emotions and soundscapes without much breathing room.

The Philosophy Department welcomes Professor Pendoley

Continued from PROFESSOR on page 1

research paper on the way that emotions operate within social contexts when oppression is present. In the Spring of 2023, Pendoley published a paper called “Stubborn Emotions, Stubborn Beliefs,” which focused on the enduring nature of both.

Outside of work, Pendoley enjoys hiking with her dog, Frankie, and walking in Vassar’s Preserve. She also workshops her poetry with friends, a pastime that impacts her instructional style.

“My group of friends has a way of listening very carefully and helping someone’s work grow, even if it is not a style you would choose,” Pendoley says. “I strive to always treat people like that. [Working with my friends] has helped me get better at listening to what someone else is trying to do and meeting it on its own terms.”

This school year, Pendoley aims to spend time discussing ideas with her colleagues and becoming better acquainted with the Vassar community.

Ann Patchett appreciates the precious mundane

Rebecca Goodman Guest Reporter

The first time I heard of Ann Patchett, I was sitting in the courtyard of a hotel with my mother, grandmother and little sisters. My mom told us that she was going to read aloud an essay titled “Three Fathers” from the book she was reading, “These Precious Days.” I closed my eyes as my mom read and listened to the story of Patchett’s three fathers: her biological father and her two stepdads. Through personal insights and wholesome family anecdotes that made each father come to life, Patchett dissected what each father meant to her at different times in her life and career. I was moved and captivated, and I told my mom I wanted to read the rest of the book. She bought me a copy, and I was so excited to dig in. Schoolwork and other obligations intervened, so it was another year and a half before I finally picked up the book myself.

It was in the wake of the publication of Patchett’s most recent novel, “Tom Lake,”

that I finally brought myself to open my long neglected copy of “These Precious Days.” I reread the “Three Fathers” essay and marveled at its impact the second time around. From then on, I not only read Ann Patchett, but also I felt and believed every word that she put to page. Not because she is my idol, nor my favorite author of all time, but because of the earnestness with which she writes. She tells intensely personal stories with such dignity and certainty that I unequivocally trust her. Above all, I admire her ability to start with the apparently mundane and from there, write in a way that engages readers so that they may begin to think about little things in a bigger way. A day at the beach becomes a pivotal goodbye. A hobby of knitting becomes a lifeline. Tattoos become symbols of war and conflict. Snoopy becomes a literary icon. In this way, Patchett is similar to Joan Didion, famously capable of turning nothing into a story. To me, that is the best kind of writing, and Patchett has perfected the craft.

“These Precious Days” is a collection of

essays by Patchett from the time leading up to and during the pandemic. This was the first nonfiction book I had encountered that takes place during that pivotal time, and it was fascinating to see how Patchett captured the decidedly cliché subject of the pandemic, separation and “these unprecedented times.” She drew upon memories of life before and during the pandemic. There is an essay on her husband getting his pilot’s license, another on helping to manage the will of her best friend’s late father and one on a year spent without shopping. She reflects on her old work, her career as a writer and the way she has been drawn to revisit her past, both intentionally and unintentionally, throughout the years. The way that she reflects makes me excited to grow old (not that she is). I want to grow old so that I may look back on my experiences as Patchett does and discover how special they all have been. I want to look back with appreciation and gratitude for how I spent my precious days, and hopefully, I will be able to write about them with the skill that

Patchett wrote about hers.

There is something to be said for reading a book about nothing. Often, the most substance resides there. Ann Patchett found the most something in the nothingness of everyday occurrences: cleaning out drawers, meeting new people, shopping. “These Precious Days” is, at its core, a love story to time—the time we have for ourselves and with the ones we love. Patchett reinforces just how invaluable this time is, how precious these days are. After reading this book, you will never take them for granted again.

I wrote earlier that I now look forward to getting old and reflecting and writing as Patchett has, but I would like to amend my previous statement. What this book has perhaps saved me from is waiting. It will be great when I am old, but if this book has impressed upon me one message, it is that waiting, while human, is a disgusting waste of time. So, may I begin now by reflecting on and holding close the memories of these precious days.

‘Butterfly 3000’ brought warmth to my winter

Ben Kaplan Guest Reporter

If there is a feeling that can be both incredibly abstract but also deeply visceral, it is extreme melancholy. When so much of the music coming out today is brought into our ears through pounding 808 drums and hihats that rise and crash in unison in seemingly endless loops, it can be a wonderful feeling to find a song that slowly lifts and comforts us. I found that feeling at the beginning of this year in the cold latter half of a New England winter while listening to the album “Butterfly 3000” by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (KGLW).

A psych-rock outfit known for their eccentricity and eclectic catalogue of albums spanning surfer rock, garage rock and jazz, KGLW is one of the more exciting bands to rise in the 2010s. Compared to their Australian psychedelic colleagues, such as Tame Impala and Pond, KGLW has always leaned toward the zanier side, not shying away from strange aesthetics like tongue-incheek satanism, post-apocalyptic environmentalism and anything psychedelic.

What stands out about their 2021 album “Butterfly 3000” is that it elicits hope. It is an album made during quarantine, yet inspired by the birth of lead vocalist Stu Mackenzie’s son—that bittersweet optimism leaks out of every synth-pop crevice in the album. I came across “Butterfly 3000” fol-

lowing a dour Massachusetts winter. College rejections and the isolation that comes with the December holidays had left me deflated and somewhat aimless. I remember taking long walks with no destination, eventually circling back to my home and returning to the safety of my room. It was on one of these walks that I decided to listen to this strangely named album for the first time.

As the arpeggiated synths of “Shanghai”—the second and most popular track on the project—came and combined with the delicate, almost fairy-tale vocals of Stu Mackenzie and Ambrose Kenny-Smith, I felt a kind of comfort not afforded much in times of despair. It was not relief or direct happiness, but more of a return to simplicity: to forget the minutiae that dragged me down to Earth and walk as if the next door would open to something better, or at least cozy. It was the feeling of smiling for no reason while walking home from school in the cold as the sun set at 4 p.m. It was a feeling of warmth in the cold.

The dyad of the second track “Shanghai” with the third track “Dreams” perfectly shows the control of mood and the general vibe of songs throughout the album. Both songs use similar arpeggiated synths, sections where said synths spin off before resettling, all carried lightly by hushed vocals. However, the songs carry two completely different moods. From the arrangement of

the synths to the urgency of the vocals, the differences are meaningful enough to make each song a beast of its own. “Shanghai” is carefree and almost whimsical, whereas “Dreams” is fittingly nocturnal and evokes a more immediate and action-focused scene. Considering the limitation on textures— really only synths, soft drums and vocals alongside light guitars––these two songs show how KGLW could go from mastering the stage with psych-rock classics to real studio rats.

The album inspired me for the rest of its runtime, especially partway through the album with the second incredible dyad of “Interior People” and “Catching Smoke.” Both begin as simple but groovy tracks that eventually expanded and grew into triumphantly jubilant songs about fighting back intrusive thoughts and reveling in life, respectively. As the sun finally returned to Boston in late March and an email from Vassar admissions landed in my inbox one day while I was walking my dog, I felt closer and closer to the final chorus of “Catching Smoke,” where hope becomes cathartic bliss, and the past seems a waning synth lost in the blur of drums and life.

Sometime in April, on the first day warm enough to feel like spring, I removed the tarp off of my bike and took off across the sunlight-speckled concrete. As the cool breeze that only lasts a week once the depressing winter of New England finally breaks rolled

over me, I put on “Butterfly 3000” again. As the 10 songs bounced around, I really took in and appreciated the fact that not only had the album kept me warm in the cold just a few months prior, but also it still shined so bright now that the world around me reflected it. The infectious groove and smile-inducing demeanors of songs such as “Black Hot Soup” and “2.02 Killer Year” rang even truer knowing that it had helped me make it to this moment. It really felt like the beginning of a new stage to my life when the penultimate, immaculately sprawling track “Ya Love” seamlessly transitioned into the self-titled “Butterfly 3000,” which ends the album with flying synths evocative of staring into a starry night sky.

I realized then that the greatest beauty of “Butterfly 3000” lies within its creation, that of an album made by a band both worried by the future and inspired by the cycle of human life. The onslaught of depressing news, worrying trends and seemingly dire reports on our future can make it seem as if we are just little bits of warmth tucked under a sheet of cold. “Butterfly 3000” made me realize that our internal warmth, our eternal hope and lust for that hope, is our greatest strength. That the simple hope for love, for a happy life and to be a better person can triumph over the obstacles that loom in the distance. And for that, I am very grateful that I had the time to simply listen and experience an album this special.

Image courtesy of Kathryn Pendoley.

“Vassar students are particularly good about remaining alive to the way that career can be connected with play.”

‘AM’ 10-year anniversary concert prompts nostalgia

Carina Cole Assistant Features Editor

On Sept. 9 at Forest Hills Stadium in Queens, New York, a 37-year-old Alex Turner languidly sauntered onto stage. At this point in his career, he can afford to adorn a casual, cool-guy persona: the alternative rock crooner merely struts the stage in his black leather boots, and the crowd goes berserk.

Despite being on the North American leg of their “The Car Tour”—celebrating their relaxed, lounge-pop seventh studio album of the same name—the Arctic Monkeys brought back the rockabilly aesthetics of their fifth studio album, “AM,” for the night. The 10-year anniversary of “AM” coincided with the Forest Hills Sept. 9 tour date. As I walked through a sea of knee socks and black tennis skirts, slowly making my way to the stadium seats, the crowd was more reminiscent of a 2013 garage-rock show than a 2023 sold-out stadium.

To commemorate their piece of mid2010s cultural iconography—an homage to the dark corners of lackluster night clubs and middle-of-the-night texts from ex-lovers—the quartet brought out English performance poet John Cooper Clarke. With tinted sunglasses and a gravelly voice, Clarke, a living legend of late ’70s punk poetry stage performance, began to recite the longing lines of his poem “I Wanna Be Yours.” Originally released on Clarke’s 1982 album “Zip Style Method,” “I Wanna Be Yours” was covered by Turner and the band for “AM.” Clarke’s rhythmic ramblings of personifying vacuum cleaners and electric meters perfectly coincide with Turner’s melancholic serenades that occupy the equally gloomy album.

Despite Turner’s melodramatic musings

“AM” marked a time in my life where I was not only discovering my own personal music taste, but also my personality itself.

on “AM,” the Arctic Monkeys opened their Forest Hills Show with the electricity-laced hit “Do I Wanna Know.” This opener decision was a departure from the tour’s usual setlist—the band has opened most shows with “Sculptures of Anything Goes,” a gritty, bass-driven track from the tour’s namesake. At the first chords of the fan favorite, a nostalgia-tripping crowd roared in the stands, instantly singing along.

At this point in his career, [Turner] can afford to adorn a casual, cool-guy persona: the alternative rock crooner merely struts the stage in his black leather boots, and the crowd goes berserk.

From the first song onwards, the band kept their infectious energy up. Tearing through notable up-beat classics from their catalog, the entire stadium was standing and bobbing around, mirroring Turner’s sporadic parading around the stage. Hearing the seamless and unexpected transition between two less frequently played tracks—“Teddy Picker” and “Crying Lightning,” from the band’s second studio album “Favorite Worst Nightmare” and third “Humbug,” respectively—was a particular highlight. Nick O’Malley’s bass riffs brought the songs to a new, never-before-heard life. Unlike the recorded versions of the songs, the live show was grounded in a crunchy, yet consistent, rhythm.

Throughout the night, the Monkeys played plenty more songs from “AM” in honor of its 10th birthday. Although my personal favorite Arctic Monkeys album is “Humbug,” “AM” holds a special place in my heart because of its dark-hued aesthetics—a

primary influence on my middle-school fashion sense. “AM” marked a time in my life where I was not only discovering my own personal music taste, but also my personality itself. The age of mid-2010s alternative rock aligned with my adolescence. As my shouted lyrics echoed those of the crowd, I felt connected to every former tween-rocker. In fact, I could not help but let out a girlish squeal when guitarist Jamie Cook effortlessly shredded a riff during the climax of “Arabella,” a sultry ballad that reveres interstellar-gator skin boots and Barbarella silver swimsuits.

As the sun set behind the low-hanging clouds, the quartet began to slow things down. For the duration of the show, a giant mirrorball emblazoned with MONKEYS spun tentatively in circles. Tranquil piano suddenly sounded, and a giant spotlight

shone on the mirrorball, signaling the start of the lead single from “The Car,” “There’d Better be a Mirrorball.” The whole stadium was lit with glittering light that matched the sparkling night sky, the stadium moving in time with the beat. Subtly, the slinky tune shifted into the opening piano chords of “505.” I had to catch my breath before diving head first into screaming the lyrics— an experience both beautiful and cathartic. The concert came to a close without its energy dwindling. Each familiar song elicited memories and subsequent excitement I had not felt since my adolescent years. As Turner trampolined around the stage, becoming just a young rockstar from Sheffield with a curtain of shaggy hair, I became my 13-year-old self again, sitting on my living room floor, doing my algebra homework and listening to the Arctic Monkeys.

Carina Cole/The Miscellany News.

Breaking News

From the desk of Nicholas Tillinghast, Humor Editor

Professor moves astronomy class location to outside Retreat: “We’ll just push a bunch of tables together.”

Students furious: Central Receiving too central on campus

Benjamin Savel Always Delivers

Vassar was overwhelmed by a deluge of complaints last week from a group of students concerned for their safety. Central Receiving was so central on campus that it was taking up space in Main dorm rooms, interfering with service at the Retreat and interrupting conferences in the Villard room.

The complaints began after a Villard-based lecture from esteemed professor Jonathan Warehouse was interrupted by an army of students who piled the day’s UPS orders into the lecture hall. Soon after, the boxes became so numerous that they spilled out into the hallway, filling the next four floors and covering the American flag that flies over Main Building.

Some Main occupants were excited at the new change. Envy Lope ’27, a new resident of Main, was shocked at how quickly her package arrived. “I was so hyped because the useless piece of plastic I ordered that I’ll probably return in two days was hand-delivered directly to my room! But my room is filled with 275 other random packages right now, so I can’t find it.”

The packages, too, were unable to handle the emotional stress of their harrowing jour-

ney up the stairs of Main. Many students reported on the packages’ mental distress: the boxes were completely broken down in the hallway and were piled together in front of a TV after being depleted at the end of the day.

On Friday afternoon, student Julia Shipper ’24 created the SHIPGO (Students Hoping to Induce Packages to Get Out) committee to address the dire emergency. Shipper’s first priority was to remove Central Receiving so far from the center of campus that no student could easily access it.

In Shipper’s proposal, students will have to travel past Main, travel through the Bridge, make a left, walk past Skinner, hike up a steep, overgrown patch of grass bordered by a driveway with swerving cars and 18-wheelers, trudge up a sunny hill and walk through a parking lot to get to their packages.

Shipper also ordered all pedestrian walkways destroyed to make it more difficult for students to access Receiving. “Let’s make the students walk on an active driveway that opens to a highway if they want a care package from their grandmother. That’ll show them!”

Students are delighted that Shipper’s plan will solve the issue of packages piling up in Main. The ingenious plan goes into effect next week.

Vassar Grounds won’t apologize for being super loud at 8 a.m.

Nicholas Tillinghast Grounded

AMESSAGE FROM DIRTS BENTLEY, VASSAR GROUNDS FOREMAN:

We’ve recently been told by the College that we need to discuss some complaints about lawn mowing and large vehicles moving through campus early in the morning. Apparently the epic sounds of grounds management are not welcome here. In this message, I’m hoping to address student complaints, reveal our new weekly schedule and not apologize for any of it.

Mondays

The rumors are true. The “bomb-like” sounds that you have been hearing on the residential quad at 7 a.m. are from experiments we’ve been conducting with subterranean explosives. We’re hoping we can use these devices to forcibly eject weeds out of the ground. Tests have been mixed so far, but on a positive note, only one class tree has fallen because of us. On a similar note, we’ve also been experimenting with unmanned aerial vehicles for terminating undesirable plants—drone strikes, if you will. Those weeds won’t know what hit them! Where are we getting all of these high-tech additions from? Well, Vassar’s ties to the U.S. military have been somewhat understated in recent years.

Tuesdays

Heavy machinery sounds you’ve been hearing on the south side of campus are from a project on the Chapel lawn that we are calling the Academic Quad Two, except without all of the sciency stuff. To

match the topography of the academic quad, we are planning on digging a crater and then planting a bunch of random stuff over it. This project has required large, high-powered drilling machinery. Just like the academic quad, it’ll look really good in summer and fall, and then consistently depressing in the winter. Hey, maybe you can ski down into it.

Wednesdays

We would like to address complaints that students were hearing Drake’s “6 God” blasting outside of Strong and Lathrop. That was in fact us as well. Champagne Papi has become a vital part of our Wednesday routine, something we are calling “Drake Wednesday.” We do not plan on making any changes to Drake Wednesday. Blasting Drake’s music has increased our morning productivity by 80 percent. We won’t apologize for doing those kinds of numbers. Drake never has.

Now we’ve also gotten student complaints (is that all you guys do?) about certain ads blasting in between Drake tracks. This is because none of us have Spotify Premium and the College won’t cover it for us. If someone would let us borrow their account, that would be really helpful.

A lot of you have also been asking why all of the ads happened to be for Mike Pence’s presidential campaign. That can be explained quite easily. Mike Pence, our former vice president, is running for president. He runs ads on the internet.

Vassar Grounds may or may not be endorsing a certain presidential candidate. We are leaning far more towards one of those possibilities.

Thursdays

Going around watering all of these planters around campus is brutally time-consuming, so we’ve been installing high pressure water cannons on the quad and on the library lawn. These cannons will be able to shoot a precise stream of water all the way from Jewett to New Hackensack. As you can imagine, these will be very loud (big surprise). For our design we looked heavily towards nature, so these water cannons will vaguely resemble a Blastoise. Again, a huge thank you goes out to the U.S. military.

Fridays

In the Bible, the last day of creation was

a day of rest and that’s a concept we value quite a bit at Vassar Grounds. Unlike the Bible though, we’re still gonna be working and it’s still gonna be really loud outside. In celebration of another successful work week, we will be setting off fireworks at 8 a.m. Also, we must note that these are daytime fireworks, so they will be brighter and much louder than traditional fireworks. For the rest of the morning, we will be DEMOLISHING those dorm lawns with mowing.

That’s all for the update. Good luck with the rest of the school year, Vassar students! Invest in some ear plugs. You’re gonna need them.

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

‘The Snatching 2023’: When Vassar students fly

Emma daRosa Paragon of Rule-Following

Rooftops have long been a prime location for Vassar students to do business. That is…funny business. Cockroach fighting rings, paper cup black markets, dealings with the devil to obtain Retreat sushi— you name it, it’s all been going down on the rooftops of Vassar College. After hundreds upon thousands of reports of shenanigans, mischief and downright tomfoolery, Grounds Manager Dean Jaeger finally had enough and took decisive action last Friday. In an all-campus email, Jaeger announced that he had contracted out drones to monitor the rooftops for a night. Students were shocked to read the true purpose of this monitoring.

“Our ultimate goal here is to snatch up all you dirty little rule-breakers and make sure you never return,” the email explained. In a conversation with one of the drone operators, I was able to find out exactly what orders they were given.

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure of the legality of it all, but they’ve given us good money to fly around scooping up any students we see on the roofs and to get ’em outta there, so that’s what we’re gonna do.”

Hearing this left me shocked to say the least. Who among us hasn’t had a little fun getting high on campus? I, of course, will not incriminate myself, but I certainly can

empathize with the strong, innate, practically carnal desire to climb… I think of myself as deeply connected to my primate roots, always wanting to climb higher… branch to branch…

That’s beyond the point though. I’m here to report the hard facts so that you can keep yourself safe. The question that’s been on everyone’s mind: “Where did they take the dirty little rule-breakers??” Well readers, fear not, I have an answer. The drones used a sort of hook-and-reel system to catch students. You can think of the students as little naive fishies, all of a sudden being pulled up and away from everything they know, I imagine it was terrifying and exhilarating all at once…

Of course, I wouldn’t really know as I do not engage in rule-breaking on the Vassar College campus. The students were then flown far, far away into the distant land of the South Commons, forced to trudge their way back to the real part of campus and to find solace in their moderately comfortable twin beds. For some students the experience was practically spiritual, intensifying their deep desires to soar above the skies of Poughkeepsie…

Again, I am merely reporting to you what I’ve heard, I consider myself something of a paragon of rule-following. One student confided in me about his experience with what has been scornfully dubbed “The Snatching of 2023.”

“Yeah I got snatched, and what about it? Dean Jaeger and his little robots aren’t gonna stop me from climbing. Lying on a roof...it’s not like anything else. The wind in your face, the freedom coursing through your veins. The sky, fickle mistress that she is, finally feels within reach! I would do it again. No man or machine will come between me and getting high.”

Practically every student I spoke to had this same passion for their rooftop inclinations. Who can blame them? If I were to engage in such behaviors I too would certainly fall victim to the allure of being at the top of the universe where nothing can touch you… To have that disturbed by the cold, unforgiving metal of a drone would be devastating to say the least.

Unfortunately for Jaeger, it seems the snatching has had the opposite effect from what he was hoping for. Another student I spoke with described to me the desire to soar that the snatching has sparked within her.

“I never really thought much about getting high before, but seeing all those people I know flying over the campus Friday night? I’ve never wanted anything more in my life! I would hate to miss it in case Dean Jaeger tries to strike again in secret, so me and a bunch of friends are going to start sleeping on a different roof every night until we get snatched!”

“The Snatching of 2023” can serve as

both a lesson and a warning. Hopefully Jaeger will learn that the connection some students have with climbing can never be broken. To all of my fellow students, be warned that the next time you try to get high, you may have more company than expected, and you may find yourself going on a wilder ride than you ever imagined…

Students protest increasingly vague issues

Oliver Hollmann Freedom Fighter

“WE WANT THIS! WE WANT THIS!”

Over 400 students raised their collective voices in support of the latest mass protest on campus. Set up awkwardly close to the Retreat’s sushi line, the crowd chanted impassioned, albeit vague, words.

This outbreak was the fourth in a series of increasingly confusing protests immediately following that of the wage gap, chronologically including the topics “NO MORE TURKEY BACON,” “SOME PAINTINGS ARE BAD” and most recently, “BOATS?!”

The crowd roared: “WHAT DO WE

WANT?” “YEAH!” “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?” “YEAH!” While their spirit was bold, their message was less so, many of our report-

When asked about the protest’s intent, participants adamantly responded, “What?” “Not sure!” and “Who cares?!” One excited individual exclaimed:

“We are a movement, and you can’t stop us from reaching our goals!” Another protester quickly joined in, remarking, “Yeah! You can’t touch our coals, bitch!”

At one point the chant “It is our RIGHT to FIGHT!” broke out, stirring the crowd into a frantic cacophony. However, this jeer eventually broke off into various poorly rhymed offshoots, including “it is our NIGHT to KITE!” and “it is our PIE to PIE!”

reporter managed to find what seemed to be the gathering’s organizer: a shaken, bucket hat-wearing first-year sitting cross-legged on trampled grass. When asked what his intentions were in administering such a protest, he replied, “Protest? I just posted on Fizz that there was a Barbie-themed TH party here. I don’t know why anyone believed me, there aren’t any THs in Main. Then someone just started yelling random words and people joined in.”

ers being unable to distinguish any particular direction within the movement.

After hours of searching through a sea of braceleted wrists and bad hairdos, one field

Vassar College Instagram posted: “We are so proud of our students for joining together to preach what they believe in! We’re not sure what exactly that is, but slay anyway! #couplegoals #harlemshake.”

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

“Yeah! You can’t touch our coals, bitch!”

Anna Kozloski

OBSERVATION #6

Deece Cream: Is Deece madness or Deece delicious?

Never in my 18 long years of life could I have possibly fathomed that my greatest love-hate relationship would be with the creamy cold dessert delight that lies in the Sweets section of the Deece. Forget Byzantine essay prompts assigned by banal professors, midnight showers that chill your bones and waking up to the constant caterwaul of false fire alarms: nothing taunts me more than the Herculean task of foraging my Deece Ice Cream (or Deece Cream, for short) from the tubs it inhabits. And yet, Deece Cream is simultaneously my constant companion—the Kevin Hart

Nothing taunts me more than the Herculean task of foraging my Deece Ice Cream (or Deece Cream, for short).

to my The Rock, the Snoop Dogg to my Martha Stewart.

From the instant I enter the Deece, only

one gastronomic pleasure consumes my mind: Deece Cream. I am cognizant that a sweet treat at the end of my day lies in those intimidating brown vats. And thus, on the prowl, I approach the dessert that tantalizes me, when, much to my chagrin, I discover an inordinate line. Though dejection pounces upon me, with inner valor and willpower, I regain my vision of Deece Cream and eagerly join the line. Surprisingly, the wait ends up being de minimis and within two shakes of a lamb’s tail, I arrive at the tubs. Upon arriving, I begin to fold under the pressure of my position: line conqueror, ice cream scooper, patron of the Deece. How am I expected to perform when there are swaths of impatient Deece Cream enthusiasts just waiting for me to finish? I begin to scoop.

The Deece Cream bullies me, twists my arm, dares me to bear no fruits from my labors. Excavating the sacred dessert, I dig harder. The spoon jabs back at me; ice cream splashes within the tub. The thoughts of the Deece Cream enthusiasts swarm me like bees. “When will she finish?” Sting. “God, she’s taking forever.” Sting. “Does she even know how to scoop ice cream? You would think it’s a relatively common-sense skill.” Sting. Due to the exterior social pressure, I accelerate my scooping, relinquishing my opportunity to dabble in different flavors. By the end of my wrestle, I had managed to obtain three

miniature scoops. My scoops are just Pluto, a dwarf planet, when I wanted the whole world. But what am I to do? I am left powerless by the sweet treat I so ardently wanted to devour.

I transport my Deece Cream back to my seat. I must take pride in my dessert, regardless of its size. As soon as the Deece Cream hits my mouth, I am reminded why I went through all of the toil. Sweet, luscious, succulent ice cream sedates my mouth. Pillowing and then cooling my tongue, the ice cream melts and leaves

is most similar to that of Remy the rat from “Ratatouille” when he unveils the joys of blending foods through one hunk of cheese and a strawberry. Just like Remy, I encounter internal fireworks—infernos even—of appreciation for a multi-dimensional gastronomic experience.

Just like Remy, I encounter internal fireworks—infernos even—of appreciation for a multi-dimensional gastronomic experience. The Deece Cream bullies me, dares me to bear no fruits from my labors.

behind but a trace of the delicious harmony that once reigned. I feel connected to the cow, the farm, the truck and even the Deece freezer that supplied this delicious delight for my enjoyment. My experience

Oh Deece! Deece was truly and irrevocably delicious. I am nourished and content. But was it worth the cost? The harrowing scooping feels like my interminable fate. The question I pose, I cannot answer. That is why my love-hate relationship with Deece Cream only accumulates with time. I am mentally yanked in many directions, but regardless, I will probably be seen tomorrow in the Sweets section of the Deece, relishing in the creamy cold dessert delight known as Deece Cream.

Cassandra Brook Inside Scooper

ARIES March 21 | April 19

HOROSCOPES

Oliver Stewart Starry Consumer

Hobbies feeling a little stale? This week, kickstart your career as a libertarian DJ. Create a fire mixtape decrying the regulatory state and demanding freedom from government interference, and send it unsolicited to record companies and all of your friends. They’ll appreciate it, I promise.

LIBRA Sept. 23 | Oct. 22

Ever heard of Fungusball? No? What about Waterfall Hockey? Okay, fine, I just made those up right now. However, don’t let that stop you from spending this week getting weirdly into an obscure sport and bothering all your friends by talking about it nonstop. Act fast, because the Slovenian Boat-Tennis season kicks off next Tuesday.

TAURUS April 20 | May 20

Freshen up your vocabulary this week! How long has it been since you’ve used a veritable, honest-to-god SAT word? You know, the kind they use to torment children in the cruel, barbaric Scripps National Spelling Bee, America’s very own answer to bullfighting and other blood sports? Integrate some of these into your everyday speech, starting with “verisimilitude,” “étouffée” and “becquerel.”

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 | Nov. 21

This week, you may find valuable new friends in unexpected places. To facilitate this, do your best to start conversations with strangers, even if it feels unnatural. Ask that guy who keeps picking his nose at the library how his weekend was and whether he’s found anything in there today! Tell the pigeon that somehow got into your room about all of your classes! Don’t you know that friendships formed in college last the rest of your life?

GEMINI May 21 | June 20

On the off chance that you’re attending some kind of Thanksgiving preview event this week, don’t let the chance to carve the turkey pass you by. If the opportunity arises, seize the carving knife with both hands, then let go of it with one of the hands so you can also seize the carving fork. Your destiny awaits.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 | Dec. 21

It brings me no pleasure to inform you that digestional problems are in store for you this week. Really, no pleasure at all. Is it funny? Okay, yes, a little, but it’s still not bringing me any pleasure. I don’t have any say in this. I just write what the stars tell me, and in this case, all they’re telling me is “IBS.” Sorry.

CANCER June 21 | July 22

This week, act like a grub. Embed yourself in rotting logs, feast on the detritus of the forest, and molt repeatedly before you ultimately achieve your final form as one of the nearly 350,000 species of beetle found worldwide. Did you know there were that many kinds of beetle? I certainly didn’t. Better hope you get one of the good ones.

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 | Jan. 19

This week, find a body of water—doesn’t have to be too big, anything above 45 hoppus feet should do—and go swimming! Glub glub glub glub. What? You’re still here? Not clear enough for you? Want more info? Sorry, no can do. Glub glub.

LEO July 23 | Aug. 22

Online shopping holds great perils for you this week. Empty your cart; unbookmark those pants. Too hard? Need an alternative? Try scrounging, a skill which young people today sorely lack. Don’t be one of them.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 | Feb. 18

This week, be a nuisance. Reserve a room and kick everyone out of it, not because you’re having a meeting or anything, but just for fun. Do your French presentation in Spanish. Leave chaos in your wake.

VIRGO Aug. 23 | Sept. 22

This week, ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. Because you are late for class. Get up.

PISCES Feb. 19 | March 20

Worried about falling short of your ambitions this week? Just stop having them! Aspire to nothing! Yearn for nothing! From dust we came, and to dust we shall return. So what’s the big deal?

Letter to the Editor: Male professors support lawsuit

To the Vassar Community:

We are writing to voice strong support for our female colleagues, fellow full professors and professors emeritae/i, in their class-action lawsuit against the College due to long-standing, gender-based discrimination in salary. Accordingly, we call upon President Bradley and the Vassar College Board of Trustees to settle the case amicably and promptly by agreeing to full compensation for the resulting financial inequities. The settlement should also include full compensation for the costs associated with our colleagues’ efforts to rectify this injustice, and a commitment to address all forms of discrimination in the College’s salary and compensation structure.

Sincerely,

Mark C. Amodio Professor of English

Tobias Armborst Professor of Art and Urban Studies

Michael Aronna Professor of Hispanic Studies

Christopher Bjork Professor of Education

Robert K. Brigham Professor of History

Andrew Bush Professor of Hispanic Studies

Randolph Cornelius Professor Emeritus of Psychological Science

Andrew Davison Professor of Political Science

Brian Godfrey Professor of Geography

Luke Hunsberger Professor of Computer Science

Haoming Liu Professor of Chinese and Japanese

John Long Professor of Biology and Cognitive Science

Benjamin Lotto Professor of Mathematics and Statistics

Brian Lukacher Professor of Art

John McCleary Professor Emeritus of Mathematics and Statistics

James Merrell Professor Emeritus of History

Himadeep Muppidi Professor of Political Science

Leonard Nevarez Professor of Sociology

Joseph Nevins Professor of Geography

Sidney Plotkin Professor of Political Science

Ismail Rashid Professor of History

Elliott Schreiber Professor of German Studies

Joshua Schreier Professor of History

Charles Steinhorn Professor Emeritus of Mathematics and Statistics

Vinay Swamy Professor of French and Francophone Studies

David Tavárez Professor of Anthropology

Dan Ungurianu Professor of Russian Studies

Bryan W. Van Norden Professor of Philosophy

Jeffrey Walker Professor of Earth Science

Campus thefts showcase importance of door-locking

Britt Andrade Columnist

Ithas been three weeks since the semester started and the Clery Act emails about theft on Vassar’s campus have already begun to roll into our collective inboxes. I have been seeing these emails for six years, first through my husband’s Vassar email and now through my own. Last year we received six emails, almost all of them detailing burglaries into unlocked cars, rooms or Town Houses (THs) and Terrace Apartments (TAs). I have two responses to these emails. One is funny, the other incredibly serious. I would like to preface this joke by saying that mistakes happen and there is no real judgment in the following statements, just light-hearted humor about what has become a time-honored Vassar tradition. If you had something stolen from an unlocked car or room or TA/TH…no you did not. You gave someone a gift. You paid for a mistake the same way you would pay for a parking ticket. Consider this an opportunity to practice the giving spirit of communism. Consider this an opportunity to let go of material possessions tying you down. Okay, it is all out of my system now. Joking aside, these emails always spark genuine worry in my heart for my classmates. Every single one of you has been incredibly lucky that all that happened was a stolen car or possession. From a personal safety standpoint, an unlocked door is more than just an opportunity to steal something, it is a risk of bodily harm to the people who exist on the other side of the door. According to the FBI, someone is home during almost 30 percent of burglaries. Of the burglaries interrupted, more than 25 percent become victims of a violent crime, and 67 percent of victims report their mental health being affected in the aftermath of a break-in, according to Safewise. People experience trouble with depression, inability to sleep, fear of repeated break-ins, etc. It sucks, it can be traumatizing, and as much as I

joked earlier, it is not your fault. So how can we improve campus safety? Every time someone successfully breaks in on this campus, it invites more attempts later. The facts are that most break-ins occur between noon and 4 p.m., according to Safewise. This is on trend with the Vassar campus because many classes and activities fit into that time block. The average burglary takes between eight and 10 minutes, according to Alarms.com. More than enough time when the shortest walk from dorm to classroom is roughly five to 10 minutes. All of these statistics and more were compiled into an easy-to-access website by Insurify.com as a safety guide for homeowners, by the way. In most cases the primary bedroom is the first stop in a break-in, but for those targeting Vas-

sar dorms, single rooms become one-stop shops for quick theft. Since the majority of students are away from their rooms and vehicles during the noon to 4 p.m. window, it is important to consider the easiest and most cost-effective ways to avoid a breakin: locking your doors. I know that keys are bulky and easy to lose. I know that the Vassar bubble is very real, and it can feel very safe. I know that you may be a very safe person with a roommate who always forgets to lock up behind themselves. I get it. I spent seven years in the military where “there was only one thief, everyone else was just trying to get their shit back.” I lived with a roommate that always left the doors unlocked and left her keys behind when she went out. Speaking from personal experience, I got really good at locking my

stuff in my closet and I slept with a metal softball bat next to my bed. You do not want to do that. It is not a fun way to live. It is stressful and detrimental to your overall quality of life. So lock your dang doors. Start building the habit now. Perfect the wallet-phone-keys pocket slap everytime you leave your room. If you live in a SoCo, TA or TH, lock the door to your personal room along with the front and back doors. Do whatever you need to do to make sure your doors are locked. On a campus with as much foot traffic as Vassar, a locked door can be enough to deter an attempted breakin. It will give you better peace of mind and better personal safety. Finally, as a mother, speaking on behalf of all mothers, lock your doors so we can get some sleep tonight instead of worrying about your safety.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Club soccer provides competitive escape

Caris Lee

Copy Editor

As classes come to a close for the day, some students choose to schlep to the library to tackle their piles of work and others just want to dart back to their dorms for that well-needed post-class nap. Another group of students, however, decide to play soccer. By 5:30 p.m., club soccer players are donning their cleats, small groups kicking the ball around in a circle on Joss Beach. Pugg goals, small portable goals about six feet wide and three-and-a-half feet tall, are set up to make two fields. Then, they gather in a big circle, count off into four teams and begin to play.

Club soccer is a co-ed organization where anyone—regardless of skill or experience— can come to play impromptu, casual games recreationally. Whether you want to play with cleats, sneakers, shin guards or no equipment at all, the goal of club soccer is to just have a good time. People trickle in late and join a game, others leave early and the teams are slightly adjusted to balance the numbers. The rules are self-regulated, as there are no referees or scorekeeping. Towards the end of practice, the golden goal rule is utilized, where the first one to score “wins,” and oftentimes multiple golden goals will be invoked in order to prolong the playing. Nevertheless, the game maintains a high level of competitiveness and aggressiveness while upholding its easygoing, informal nature.

“It’s a bunch of busy adults playing pickup soccer, that’s how it’s played all around the world,” remarked Julian Gross ’26, a member of the club’s executive board, during one of their practices. “We like to keep it casual in practices, that’s what we settled on, and to play something close to pickup and work on technical skills and togetherness as a team. We can be that sort of outlet for stressed-out people. A couple times a week, I can play what I’ve been playing for my whole life. It’s a lot of fun.”

Even on the bumpy, lumpy terrain of Joss Beach, through almost any weather and, sometimes, with pennies that desperately need laundering, around 40 people come consistently to every practice. Of those 40 people, only 10 percent are female. Several of the female captains that were present last year are now abroad. Additionally, there are not enough female players to split the team gender-wise. While this all may seem like a deterrent for the female players, it has actually made them want to show up even more.

Isabella Cusick ’26, another member of the executive board, commented during practice: “It can be a little disheartening and intimidating, seeing the number of girls that there were, but those girls were my closest connections. It’s super casual, we ourselves are here to just play and have fun and foster those relationships.” She continued, “It’s important to have female leadership, and we aren’t here to dictate anything. It’s our stress reliever, but it is always nice to have some figures to look up to, and I looked up to the three female captains we had last year. That was honestly the reason why I kept coming, because I knew they would be here.”

Three first-years, Erika Shiffman, Harriet Simons and Amalia Mesa, all shared similar sentiments regarding the gender disparity. As some male players warmed up before practice, the girls sat on the side watching them—not because it was an official drill they were being excluded from, but rather because it felt harder for them to informally jump into an all male circle.

“I still feel comfortable,” Shiffman asserted. “There is always a factor that the guys are less likely to pass to you. You have to be a certain level of good to be considered good for a girl, but for a guy it’s kind of automatic.”

This pressure the female players feel to be “good” is especially exacerbated on a primarily male team. However, this feeling of not being “good” enough is not due to their lack of skill, but rather the fundamental difference of being female.

Simons noted, “It’s fine, I’m still coming because I still want to play soccer, but there is the added pressure of playing because we don’t have the same physical, not capability, but starting point.”

Nevertheless, the female players continually emphasized that they still enjoy playing with their community, the whole point of club soccer, after all. Club soccer is less of an obligation and more of a relief—being outnumbered by male players does not tarnish this attitude.

Mesa expressed, “We can’t ignore the male dominance, but it’s still fun. I don’t mind it. It’s a good environment and a fun level of competitiveness.”

Gross has been aware of the gender disparity and is continuing to work on making the environment more accessible and welcoming while maintaining its informality. He commented: “We’ll keep working to make it a more equitable practice—we are a co-ed team, after all.” He plans to discuss how to make the team specifically more inclusive of the female players during the first captains’ meeting.

After Gross gathered everyone into a group circle to count off for teams, Shiffman, Simons and Mesa joined in and played seamlessly with the male players, unbothered and unworried. Soon, you could hear various yelling of names, callings for the ball and cheers when a good play happened. Halfway through practice, the teams were switched up, and they continued to play again as if they had never paused.

At the end of practice, as everyone began to disperse at different times depending on when their game reached golden goal, the Pugg goals were placed into the trunks of several different cars or dorm basements and Gross announced that the team would be holding a group dinner upstairs in Gordon Commons. Other events they hold include watch parties for different competitions, in Europe especially. In the future, they hope to have a proper field space on the turf or practice fields and buy more formal

equipment, such as larger goals. Coming up during Families Weekend, the team is planning to travel to Skidmore to play their club soccer team.

Club soccer is only a couple of years old as an official VSA organization, but whatever your class year, gender identity or level of experience, don your cleats (or not), pick up a penny that hopefully has been cleaned, and just have fun. As Victor Zhang ’25 reflected, “It’s the collective chaos that is club soccer.”

Igor Martiniouk/The Miscellany News.

NFL Week Two filled with highs and lows

Henry France Guest Columnist

Between the 644 points scored on Thursday and Sunday, we saw record-breaking comebacks, overtime thrillers and, well, the Chicago Bears did what the Bears do. If anyone could make Baker Mayfield superior to his predecessor (Tom Brady) it would be that paper-mache Chicago defense. Mayfield completed 26 out of 34 passes for 317 yards and a touchdown as the Bears fell to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday.

Rewinding three nights, quarterback Jalen Hurts’ Philadelphia Eagles posted an impressive 34 points in a 34-28 win over the Minnesota Vikings. Philly saw signs of last year’s Super Bowl magic on a 63-yard touchdown pass from Hurts to wide receiver DeVonta Smith. In just three seasons,Vikings wideout Justin Jefferson already has more receiving yards than any Chicago Bears receiver in team history.

Perhaps the biggest news of the year to date came Monday night as New York Jets fans witnessed their first glimpse of hope this decade—Hall of Fame quarterback Aaron Rodgers—tear his achilles without having completed a pass. The cruel occurrence was perhaps karma for my words towards my roommate (and die-hard Bears fan) Casey last week, as my Jets are now forced to rely on the struggling young quarterback Zach Wilson. 2021 Defensive Rookie of the Year Micah

Parsons applied the pressure to Wilson’s Jets, forcing two sacks and two fumbles as New York fell 30-10 to Dallas.

In Los Angeles, the San Francisco 49ers flaunted their tenacious offense at the whims of a better-than-expected Los Angeles Rams team. L.A.’s defense was their downfall as their offense looked solid despite all-pro wide receiver Cooper Kupp missing time due to injury. Stepping into Kupp’s absence was rookie wide receiver Puka Nacua who posted 15 receptions for 147 yards.

In Denver, Russell Wilson’s Broncos fell to 0-2 despite posting 33 points. It was an impressive comeback for the Washington Commanders, overcoming a 21-3 deficit. Running back Brian Robinson contributed two touchdown carries in this high-scoring affair. Denver needs to get things figured out sooner or later, or a rebuild might be approaching.

The New York Giants, meanwhile, seemed to undergo a rebuild in a matter of hours on Sunday afternoon, coming back from a 21-0 deficit (a franchise-record comeback) against the Arizona Cardinals. In the second half, Giants quarterback Daniel Jones was sharp, totaling 321 yards on 26 completions and three touchdowns. If Jones and his Giants can keep this up against better competition, things look good for them this season.

The Green Bay Packers fell in a one-point loss to the Atlanta Falcons, but with quarterback Jordan Love (150 yards, three touchdowns) at the helm, Packers fans have hope as

Fan reflects on fantasy football losses after Week One

Two weeks ago, I debuted my fantasy football expertise with style and confidence. Given a full page of Vassar’s oldest student paper of record, I carefully curated detailed explanations for the players that I believed would be the 20 best players in this season’s iteration of fantasy football. Generous as ever and aware that a fantasy football draft goes much deeper than 20 players, I provided an additional 30 rankings. The production of it all was convincing. I imagine anyone who read the article thought to themselves: “Whoever this ‘student’ is, they really must know a lot about this stuff. I should trust them.” I say this with confidence because, well, even I believed in myself. I crunched the numbers, immersed myself in hours of film and participated in countless mock drafts. I thought I had it all down to a science, so I confidently stuck to my research when it came time for me to select my two teams.

After a week of NFL competition (two weeks, by the time you have read this), I return to The Miscellany News sports section humbled, reminded that the game I tried to make sense of never really will.

Yes, I am writing to you all to clear up the rumors that you have likely heard. Yes, I, Billy Fan, The Miscellany News’ resident “fantasy football expert,” lost both of my Week One fantasy games.

In my league with my high school classmates, I lost 121.66 to 112.66. In my league with some Vassar friends, I failed to eclipse 100 points, posting 95.16 while my opponent scored 102.46.

Now, how did someone who once seemed as qualified as I suffer a pair of shameful defeats? Well, the answer starts with my quarterback and running back situation.

As we all know, the Dallas Cowboys historically humiliated the New York Giants on

Sunday. In a 40-0 blowout, the Giants were so bad, they set some mind-boggling records. No team has ever lost 40-0 or worse, lost the sack battle 7-0 or worse, lost the turnover battle by 3-0 or more, had a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown and thrown a pick-6 in the same season. The Giants did it all in one game. Luckily for me, I started the heart of the Giants’ offense: quarterback Daniel Jones and running back Saquon Barkley. They entered the matchup predicted to score 17 points and 14 points, respectively. Instead, they produced 6 points and 8 points.

Earlier in the day, the Cincinnati Bengals’ offense seemed to never get off the bus, leading to an upset loss and a disastrous fantasy performance from all Cincinnati skill players. Wide receiver Tee Higgins seemed to intentionally mock me for selecting him in the third round by putting up a goose egg—exactly 0.0 points. Tyler Boyd, another Cincinnati receiver who made me feel foolish for believing in him, was not much better, contributing a whopping two points.

Undoubtedly, my team left points on the board. We plainly did not play to our potential, which leads me to what might have been the most painful part of Week One. My opponents did not do anything special. Their players just played to their projections, while mine failed to step up. Some weeks, you just have to tip your cap to your opponent because their running back decided to score three touchdowns. This was not that week. The game was there to be won, even with the Cowboys’ defensive explosion.

This past week humbled me. But as legendary football coach George Allen said: “Football isn’t necessarily won by the best players. It’s won by the team with the best attitude.” I have not given up on my guys, so they sure as heck are not going to give up on me. Maybe if I am unable to provide analysis that survives the test of time, I’ll at least be able to provide some good vibes. Onto the next week!

Love showed that his Week One dominance was not a fluke. Unfortunately for Love, he went head-to-head with another young stud in rookie running back Bijan Robinson, who put on a show for Atlanta, leading them to their second straight win.

The Kansas City Chiefs were under pressure to pick up a win against the Jacksonville Jaguars after a tough loss to open up their season, and they were barely able to get it done. With Travis Kelce and Chris Jones back, the Chiefs should have been convincing, but they seemed apprehensive and ambivalent. If the Jaguars had their best stuff, the Chiefs would have fallen to 0-2. Luckily for them, quarterback Trevor Lawrence’s Jags struggled to find a rhythm, losing in a low scoring 17-9 outing.

The Baltimore Ravens beat the Cincinnati Bengals 27-24 due to another deplorable showing from the Cincinnati offense. Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow signed a fiveyear $275 million contract extension this offseason and has since all but retired. Cincinnati has a stellar offense that needs to get active, and soon.

In Texas, the Indianapolis Colts topped the Houston Texans 31-20. After getting off to a hot start with two touchdowns, Indianapolis’ rookie quarterback Anthony Richardson went down with an injury and was replaced by Gardner Minshew. Minshew did not miss a beat, going 19 for 23 with 171 yards and a touchdown in a truly glorious showing of

Minshew Mania.

In Nashville, the Tennessee Titans had their way with the Los Angeles Chargers. The Titans played very well while the Chargers were disappointing. L.A. had good moments but could not go the distance, converting on just two of 14 third downs.

Meanwhile, the Titans looked like they could make some noise in the AFC South if quarterback Ryan Tannehil gets going consistently. He certainly did on Sunday, going 20 of 24 with 246 yards and two touchdowns, and making the Titans hard to beat.

Rounding out Sunday, the Miami Dolphins were steady in their win against the New England Patriots. Miami quarterback Tua Tagovailoa attacked New England’s defense from every which way, targeting nine different receivers, six of which had 20 or more receiving yards, perhaps due to the Patriots subduing Miami’s star receiver Tyreek Hill.

New England was not bad, but they just were not good enough. They shot themselves in the foot with sloppy turnovers and lackluster offensive play when it mattered most.

As Week Three approaches, NFL fans can get excited about many storylines.Will the Bengals avoid 0-3 next week? Can the Jets still make some noise without Aaron Rodgers? Will Casey and Bears fans everywhere muster up the strength and willing ignorance to sport his Khalil Mack jersey once again this upcoming Sunday?

Billy Fan Guest Columnist

Answers to last week’s puzzles:

By Sadie Keesbury

The Miscellany Crossword

“Misc Mini 1”

By Miranda Chen

ACROSS

1. One who believes they have superior taste

5. Title of a 2011 Shakira song that translates to “crazy”

6. Female counterpart to wizard

7. Beige

8. One who can look into the future

DOWN

1. Cut

2. _____ Dame; Indiana university famous for its football team

3. Take place

4. _____ humbug

6. First name of “The Grand Budapest Hotel” director

“Misc Mini 2”

By Felix Mundy-Mancino

DOWN

ACROSS

1. State often confused with Vassar residential house

6. Permit

7. Indigenous group of the Caribbean Islands

8. Counterpart to click

9. Where one from 3D might go after death

“Misc

ACROSS

1. Fool

Vassar Categories Answer Key:

Colleges with nouns for names: RICE, BARD, COLGATE, UNION

Glutinous grains: WHEAT, SPELT, BARLEY, RYE

Types of hat: BASEBALL, BEANIE, COWBOY, BOWLER

Vassar buildings: NEW ENGLAND, STRONG, SWIFT, FERRY

1. Something often struck

2. Feminine activewear brand

3. Homer’s prequel to the Odyssey

4. Used on one occasion, or a British insult

5. Teddy bear creatures of the Forest Moon of Endor

Mini 3”

By Benjamin Ryan

5. Fashion magazine

6. Abate, like rain

7. Old home media players (abbr.)

8. Jacob’s first wife

DOWN

1. Vassar eatery

2. Plus _____ (Motto of Spain)

3. Stuffed toy

4. Scared noise

6. _____ up, as seen in video games

Anagrams Answer Key:

1. HEAVEN

2. ESTABLISH

3. HOWEVER

4. BLANKET

5. WARDROBE

6. SYNONYM

7. NET WORK

8. MATRIX

9. TONGUE

10. BEYOND