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Sphygmo - February 2013 The Facebook Edition http://www.mmsa.org.mt Friends

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Okay so, I’m gonna need you to put down that cup of coffee/can of Red Bull for a second...

Born

1951

Location

Mater Dei Hospital, MSD 2090 Msida

How’s it going? Medical course driven you mad yet?

Whether the answer to the latter question is “yes it has” or “no it hasn’t”, here at the MMSA, we aim to provide you with a lil’ stress relief in the form of a lil’ publication called SPHYGMO. From time to time, all medical students require some light reading (and we don’t mean the small companion books to those large text books you’ve never opened). This is why, in the following pages, the contents have been made shamelessly fun... from a good old fashioned game of “guess who”, to crappy advice from a disgruntled lecturer. You can bet your sweet bippy there’s no boring respiratory cytology or lists of surgical incisions in here.

So before you continue your caffeine-fuelled study marathon, take 15 minutes to read and relax a bit - you certainly deserve it!

Special thanks go to everyone involved in the making of this publication =) See y’all around guys and don’t forget to like our photos! =D The SPHYGMO Team

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MMSA - SCOPH Organ Donation Seminar (SCOPH-SCOME)

Tuesday, 12th February, 16:00 – 19:00, Central Auditorium, MDH

Valentine's Day Blood Drive

Wednesday, 13th & Thursday, 14th February, outside Car Park 6

ClimateCare during the Global Health Week (SCOPH-SCORP)

Monday, 25th February – Friday, 1st March on Campus

Antitobacco Campaign - Outreach and Seminar

Wednesday, 6th March, 10:00 – 14:00, on Campus

in collaboration with MADS HEALTHFEST 2013

April

MMSA - SCORA Valentine’s Day Campaign in collaboration with MHSA

Wednesday, 13th & Thursday, 14th February, 09:00 – 14:00, University Quadrangle

Mr. & Mrs. Breastestis sessions

Monday, 18th February – Friday, 22nd February, St. Aloysius’ College

Reproductive Neoplasms Campaign - Outreach & Seminar

Wednesday, 20th February, 09:00 – 14:00, on Campus

Antihomophobia Campaign during the Global Health Week

Monday, 25th February – Friday, 1st March on Campus

(SCORA-SCORP) Preconception Care Campaign Public Seminar

TBA

International Women’s Day (SCORA-SCORP)

Friday, 8th March

Publication of the SCORA e-newsletter

March/April

MMSA - NPET 3 simultaneous Peer-education sessions: Anti-bullying, Anti-tobacco and Sex Education

Monday, 18th February, 13:00, Verdala International School

MMSA - Media Murmur

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MMSA - SCOME Organ Donation Seminar (SCOME-SCOPH)

Tuesday, 12th February, 16:00 – 19:00, Central Auditorium, MDH

Time to Care Seminar

Monday, 18th February, 16:00 – 19:00, Dar Manuel Magri

Ideas Café for Clinical – Take 2

Tuesday, 19th February, 12:00 – 13:00, Central Auditorium, MDH

Careers Convention

Tuesday, 26th February, 16:00 – 19:00, Central Auditorium, MDH

Don’t Do A House

Tuesday 5th March, 16:00 – 19:00, Central Auditorium, MDH

Audits Seminar

Thursday 14th March, 16:00 – 19:00, Central Auditorium, MDH

Minima Medicamenta – 2nd Edition

March

Medical Language Translator

March

MMSA - SCORP Global Health Week

Monday, 25th February – Friday, 1st March on Campus

Water Campaign – Outreach and Seminar

Wednesday, 27th February, 09:00 – 14:00, on Campus

International Women’s Day (SCORP-SCORA)

Friday, 8th March

MMSA - Exchanges Research Workshop

TBA

MMSA - Leisure Il Ballo Divino: Tickets at €25 , Dress Code: Formal

Saturday, 2nd March, 21:00 – 03:00, Montekristo Wine Vaults

MMSA Administration Organisations’ Gathering

April

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Arlène Gatt

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Jade Zammit

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Matthew Baldacchino

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Kurt Apap

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Stephanie Vella

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Sarah Bugeja Kissaun

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Gianluca Fava

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Leonard Callus

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Olive Ochuba

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Julian Agius

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Anna Micallef

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A Day in the Life of a First Year Student Monday 7th January 2013 5:30 - Woke up, had some quick breakfast and got dressed for Uni. Was excited to see my friends again after a weekend of studying =D 5:50 - Waiting on the bus-stop for Arriva to come. Six people were discussing Arriva’s very “punctual” service.

6:15 - 6 o'clock bus did not come - what the heck!?! Had to wait for the next bus… =/

6:35 - 6:30 bus came just a little bit late, but at least it came - almost full up, with people about to fall out of the bus - safety at its best as always O.o 7:45 - Stuck in traffic… =/ Will definitely not be on time for the 8 o'clock lecture.

8:15 - Bus arrived at Uni – had to dash to LT2 (wherever that is!?!?!)

8:20 - Upper limb with Stabile - just as I stepped in, she told me that there were empty seats at the front - obviously to make me feel more embarrassed =( 8:30 - Logged in to Facebook. Seems like today everyone’s poking themselves to feel their epicondyles… What fun!! =) 9:00 - Yay, 2 hours free!! Went to the library to "study" -.- Decided to check if there are any MMSA events on Facebook this week.

10:30 - How the heck did time pass by so quickly?!?! Meh it was too late to start studying at this point anyway… needed to pack quickly to find a good place to sit in the nALR. 11:00 - Video dissection with Pomara - the "spacements" this week seem quite interesting.

11:20 - Pomara grabbed the mic with greasy gloves and also tapped on his Macbook. Can’t imagine touching that notebook ever again - ugh!

11:40 - Couldn’t understand the structures he was showing so I decided to browse through Facebook like everyone else =D

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A Day in the Life of a First Year Student Monday 7th January 2013 .... Seems like the world has not ended ;-) Let’s continue our day as first years .....

12:00 - Biochem with Prof. Hunter o.O 13:00 - Phew, glad that’s over - I deserve to spend the next free period doing nothing at our beloved Faculty =) 14:00 - Last lecture with Dr. Cauchi.

14:10 - Lesson hasn’t started yet. Lapel mic would not work… might as well check Facebook.

14:50 - Lesson was over but it was time for the question of the day - unfortunately I had to dash to catch the 3 o’clock bus (yeah,

cos that’s how Arriva time their buses at University - they think that students can teleport or something!!)

15:00 - Managed to catch the bus - barely!! I might just arrive home at a decent time today =D 16:30 - Finally home! Grabbed a bite and decided to take a nap until 5:30.

19:00 - Aaargh!! Overslept - again!! I need to get my act together! =/ Decided to study the next chapter on Snell’s - still on Thorax Part II. 19:30 - Dinner time - Snell can wait.

20:15 - Let’s do this Snell!! Studying went well for the first half an hour, but now I had to check Moodle/VLE/Facebook/Google Groups for notes and the updated timetable.

20:20 – Embryology, Histology, Cell Biology, Neurology… How am I going to study all these minor subjects!?! O.o 21:00 - Dang!! I have to prepare for the CTS on shoulder injuries for tomorrow =( 22:00 - Finally ready - time to finish off that chapter on Snell’s.

23:00 - That took longer than expected - time to check in with the real world one last time - Facebook it is!! =D 00:00 - Better switch off and sleep - I’ve got a long day ahead of me tomorrow =/

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TRD Photos #1 – Cartoon Party

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Your Average MD Class...

The Anti-social Pariah

The Insanely Rich Kid

The Party Animal

The Slutty One

The Girly Group

The One Who Never Shows Up

The Coffee Addict

The Class Bitch

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The Eager Beaver

The Couple

The Rocker

The One Who Writes Everything

The Tomboy

The Jock

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The Hippie

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The Loud One

The Lost One

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Dr. Bridget Ellul So what did you all tell your class today?

Prof. Paul Caruana Instruct the patient to put only a small amount of stool into the container, because sometimes the patient gets overexcited and tries to fill the whole container.

Dr. Ruben Cauchi Today is Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday, the weekend!

Dr. Pierre Schembri-Wismayer Check your testicles!!!

Prof. Vanessa Agina I told mine to bugger off.

Prof. Paul Cuschieri This is how you spell “pus”: P-U-S. Not “pussy”!

Prof. Albert Fenech The secret in life is lubrication.

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Dr. Ruben Cauchi Today we are going to talk about the respiratory system. As you can see, it looks a lot like a tree. Minister Pullicino likes trees – he is obsessed with trees, but we are not talking about trees: we are talking about the respiratory system!

Prof. Paul Cuschieri My wife asked me, “How would you like your eggs?” I told her, “spissated,” and she said, “terġax tibdili b’dawn l-affarijiet!”

Prof. Isabel Stabile Levator labi superiori alaequae nasi; if I were a muscle, I really would like to be called that. Wouldn’t you like to have a name like that too?

Prof. Albert Fenech What can happen to the body during stress? Amongst other things, vaginal dryness and erectile dysfunction, which is a pity really…

Dr. Ruben Cauchi Look at this equation... You see? It’s sexy!

Prof. Isabel Stabile There is no penis too big.

Prof. Albert Fenech Don't take away the pleasure out of a patient's life! There are two pleasures in life: food and sex… yes: sex.

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Prof. Vanessa Agina

Prof. Vanessa Agina Advice by Prof. V. Agina, MD (#1)

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---------------------- 10th January 2013 ----------------------

The One Who Writes Everything Do I need to know [insert random complicated medical jargon here]?

Prof. V. Agina When every question that has started like this has ended in a screeching “YES” over the wheels of rolling eyeballs, why do you think you’ll be the genius that finds the question to the answer, “no”? Tip from an actual genius: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

The Anti-Social Pariah When will this morning’s lecture notes be available?

Prof. V. Agina Can you just chill??? They’ll be available when they’re available.

The Lost One I want to reply to your e-mail... How’s it done?

Prof. V. Agina For the love of God, my inbox, your fellow classmates’ inboxes, my inbox, your greatly depreciating popularity (if you so care) and also did I mention, MY INBOX. As per the aforementioned, please refrain from replying at all, tempting as it may be.

The Loud One Can I talk during class?

Prof. V. Agina I suppose a “facedesk”, as deemed by today’s youth, is appropriate at this point?

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Prof. Vanessa Agina Advice by Prof. V. Agina, MD (#2)

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The Eager Beaver If I so happen to choke in class, may I reach for a swig of water?

Prof. V. Agina I shall answer this question in two parts: 1. There are no rules against choking in class. None whatsoever. You may choke, but woe betide you if you so much as reach for a bottle of water. You’ll be HUNTED down and dealt with so severely, you’ll wish you just choked and died.

2. If and when you choke, rest assured that I will be the first to gladly sit and watch as you turn every possible shade of blue.

The Activist OMG Professor! Do you know how many trees are cut down every year just so we can take our exams on paper? Surely the faculty must have considered healthier green options?

Prof. V. Agina Bite me.

The One Who Never Shows Up Will [insert more colourful jargon here] be tested on in our exam?

Prof. V. Agina -.- Ask PSW.

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