Confessions from a Recovering Micromanager.

By Gry Tømte

A day in the Life of a Perfectionist:

It’s Tuesday, 9:00 AM:

I’ve already rearranged the reception area twice, briefed my team about the importance of perfect towel folds (for the fifth time this week), and am now contemplating if I should just redo the whole towel inventory myself. Then remake the beds.

After all, it’s never quite right - so if you want something done right, do it yourself, right?

Ehm….

Welcome to a day in the life of a recovering micromanager.

The Micromanagement Trap.

If I’ll be honest, once upon a time I thought “fixing everything” (aka micromanaging) was my superpower.

I can spot a mistake in an email from a mile away and correct a slightly off- centre piece of wall art with my eyes closed.

It’s a real masterful talent a lot of us business owners have.

But here’s the twist: My team was about as inspired as a doorknob.

Why?

Because I was stifling their creativity, their growth, their problem-solving skills…. and probably their will to live tbh….

It hit me one day, right in the middle of instructing someone in on the ‘correct’ way to clean a brush.

I was definitely not leading; I was suffocating. And that was a hard truth to wake up to.

I now know, leadership starts with leading yourself. And that’s really hard to do when you feel like everything in your business hinges on you, and you can see ALL of it.

I remember my psychologist asking me during a session: “do you feel more in control or less in control when you try to control everything?”

Which I thought was an odd question….

But then, as I thought about it and thinking about how I was feeling and the reason I was there I realised.

Oh shit! My need to control actually made me feel OUT of control.

Like, psycho level out of control….

So, I had to learn to step back, breathe (yes, breathing is good), and let others shine. And watch them make decisions I KNEW were wrong. But let them do it anyway, make the mistakes and help them reflect and learn from them.

So, is it really that easy? Pouf - overnight you can just stop micromanaging.

Well, my exchange on slack this week with my manager over a booking done incorrectly tells me not so much…

It’s very much a journey. And like all journeys it has detours and swings and roundabouts.

Turning the Page: From Perfection to Progress

Let’s face it. This wasn’t just about fixing a management style; it was about completely changing my mindset.

From perfect lines of towels to lines of open communication.

From correcting to connecting.

From managing every detail - to showing my team the vision and letting them use their talents to achieve it.

The journey was less about becoming less of a micromanager and more about becoming more of a leader, a collaborator, and a listener.

Instead of telling my team how to do things, I started getting really good at asking open ended questions.

Asking for their ideas before I gave mine - IF I gave mine.

I had to make it a habit. So, I made a 3-month commitment that every time someone asked a question that didn’t require an urgent response, I’d ask 3 questions (any combination or all 3).

1. What do YOU think the right approach is?

2. What have you tried so far?

3. What else….

And guess what? They had ideas that were revolutionary,

They started problem-solving.

And each time they overcame a challenge on their own, it was clear that the accomplishment felt much sweeter because they did it on their own.

And as a result, I was a lot less needed. Which led to less overwhelm. Which led to me feeling less inclined to micromanage.

Win - win!

The Bumpy Road: Challenges and Setbacks

Changing isn’t easy.

Stressful days still sometimes sees me jumping back into my old ways.

When stress or overwhelm sets in, everything just seems more urgent and more important.

That one email that upset a client feels like a disaster.

The Instagram post with a dirty towel in the background feels like it will ruin our entire feed and see us lose followers.

And this mindset is exactly what happened to me last week.

I’d come back from a delicious yoga retreat all zen but itching to get back to work - because, you know, the entrepreneurial mind never sleeps. And if there’s days and days of nothing to do but meditate, I feel like things are just a bit off kilter.

So as soon as I came home and checked the diary, emails, and slack, I picked up on a number of things that all of a sudden “needed urgent fixing”.

It wasn’t until my clinic manager Amanda told me “Don’t worry. Everything is under control Gry

Ummm. “Gry”. She only calls me by my name when I’ve overstepped a boundary or stressing her out

So, I replied “oops. I know I’ve overstepped when you call me by my name. Jumping in the pool now!”

Of course, when we talked the next day, I apologised again, and she laughed.

I’m very lucky to have such a great mutually respectful relationship that we can pull each other up on things and still laugh about it the next day. She knows this is an occasional resurgence, not commonplace.

So, as I calm my farm, and I remember that a stressed micromanager is like a cat in a dog spa – totally out of place and pretty likely to cause chaos.

The Not-So-Glamorous Side of Micromanagement.

From a team perspective.

A team of talented therapists, each armed with amazing skills and talents - but under the watchful eye of a micromanager - never thrives. I’m sure you can imagine what it’s like being in an episode of ‘Big Brother’, the beauty edition! The result?

1. Creativity Cramped:

I remember that time I vetoed a suggestion for how we could improve a protocol. Because I knew it wasn’t a “good suggestion”. So instead of letting the team try it and figure out for themselves what the issues were I shut it down, which meant I also missed out on the elements that would have elevated the service tenfold!

It turns out, when you think you know everything, you learn nothing.

I was knee-deep in the details and because my team thought I knew everything (never really left room for anyone else to be creative) they just did what they’d always done, and we just stood still.

2. Morale Muted:

Ever seen a team walk on eggshells? It’s like watching a silent movie – lots of actions, no words. Micromanagement turns vibrant team members into robots. And robots don’t make great therapists. Or problem solvers…

3. Growth Grounded:

Personal growth? More like personal halt. A micromanaged team are so used to being corrected, they stop trying new things and taking risks.

It’s like telling a butterfly to forget flying and just stick to crawling.

From a Leader’s Perspective.

And then of course there’s you – the leader, the micromanager, the one who feel perfection is the key to success.

Here are just some of the costs you’re probably experiencing:

1. Stress: Running a business is supposed to be your dream, not a never-ending stress nightmare. Micromanaging honestly had me sweating more than a sticky Sunny Coast summer day.

I was in a constant state of worry and urgency –about things going wrong, about losing control. About all the little details I could see but were too many to keep control of and fix myself.

It was like trying to hold onto a handful of water; the tighter you grip, the faster it slips away.”

2. Loneliness of Leadership:

Being at the top can be lonely, but being a micromanager at the top? It’s like being stranded on an island. Except the island is your clinic, and you’re surrounded by people who are just too scared to come to you with a different solution.

3. Health Implications:

Let’s not forget the toll micromanaging took on my health – sleepless nights, no time for self care, and a diet that consisted mainly of coffee and more coffee. I was a walking contradiction: a health and beauty insider who neither looked healthy nor felt beautiful.

I can’t remember ever cooking in our old house…. It seemed like a waste of time because there was always something to “fix”.

So, if you’re finding yourself like that cat in a dog spa, read on.

Five Steps to Break Free from the Micromanagement Mould.

1. Delegate with Trust:

To be able to delegate to your team you have to first be clear with your expectations. The difference is setting a vision of what great looks like instead of dictating all the steps that will take you there.

This looks like: “Where we want to get to is our clients feeling important in every interaction. What are the things we can do to make that happen?”

Vs “These 10. Steps in the customer journey must be done this way exactly so our clients feel important when we engage with them”.

2. Communicate Effectively.

The most effective leaders I know ALL spend a lot of focus on communicating mindfully with their team.

You can run team days, team meetings, SWOT sessions…

In my own business we have several forums where everyone shares ideas, concerns - and of course the occasional joke about my previous micromanaging antics!

3. Allow for mistakes.

At HUD we actually made making mistakes into a value. The value is: “Fuck up, own it, learn and grow”. Meaning, when a new treatment doesn’t go as planned, instead of playing the blame game, we discuss and learn better ways in the future. Or when I as a leader make a mistake, I don’t feel a need to cover it up because I’m meant to have all the answers. Instead, I acknowledge I don’t have all the answers, and I’d love to learn more.

4. Create strong Leadership Habits.

As mentioned, one of my ABSOLUTE game changers was creating a daily habit for myself where I asked more questions rather than rushing to judgment or answering the questions. It allowed my team to start to discover how they could become better problem solvers, and also made them feel more trusted, valued, and heard.

5. Mindfulness and Stress Management. It’s almost impossible to be a good leader when you’re stressed and overwhelmed.

Starting yoga and daily reflections changed my life!

Picture this: Me, stiff as a board from stress, trying to do a downward dog. It wasn’t pretty, but it was necessary. I’ve since become a lot more flexible - both with my mindset and in my yoga practice.

I also realised that I needed some time away from the clinic to be able to gain some perspective. It started with more smaller breaks - and ended in moving interstate!

If I hadn’t made the changes I made, letting go of some of my micromanaging talents, I would still be chained to my business 24/7. Instead, I can now leave my team in control and have more balance.

Staying Steady. Leading Through Inevitable Stressful Times

Maintaining leadership composure during challenges is crucial. When the urge to micromanage resurfaces, I remind myself to step back and focus on the bigger picture.

Maintaining your newfound leadership zen in the face of a week without phone lines or an unexpected inspection is like trying to apply eyeliner while you’re driving – tricky but absolutely possible.

The key is to stay calm, collected.

When that habit sneaks up on you like it did me this week - do what you need to do to step back, breathe, gain perspective, and ask yourself:

“What is REALLY urgent and important here?”

And, “Have I communicated the bigger vision and why it matters clearly? Or do I need to do that again?”

Conclusion: There’s Beauty in Letting Go

In the end, letting go of control doesn’t mean losing standards; it means setting a clear vision for what those standards are and why it matters. It means gaining trust, creativity, and loyalty. It means discovering that the real beauty of leadership lies in watching others shine. Even when they fail. Because behind every failed attempt lies a great learning and a new skill. If you let it.

And me?

Oh, I’m still very much a perfectionist. But now I channel it into perfecting the art of leadership.

For more leadership wisdom and business conversations, jump onto Gry’s Instagram. @grytomte