Business + Motherhood = Guilt By Brodie Lee Tsiknaris

“The obligation for working mothers is a very precise one: the feeling that one ought to work as if one did not have children, whilst raising one’s children as if one did not have a job.”- Annabel Crab.

Motherhood by far, is the best achievement of my life and something I worked so hard for, but OMGosh I wasn’t prepared for the guilt that would come with it! In the newborn days I found the juggling act easy. So easy, while breastfeeding I would respond to all my emails/ texts, return calls whilst bub was napping, I was so productive and used to living on no sleep, that I was so proactive!

Fast forward to the 5-month regression/ progression where babies love to wake and practice their new tricks in their sleep, AKA my little champion roller woke hourly for a good 6 weeks. This tested me… Sleep deprivation was at MAX and my business needed me to step back in and bring excitement and energy, the team were messaging and calling. Covid was introducing added pressures and suddenly I felt overwhelmed trying to give my attention to my team, juggling business and my number one priority sweet Arabella, it all had me feeling like “where the f*** is my village?” The Village everyone talks about...

The thing that hit me like a tonne of bricks was GUILT, yep G- U- I- L- T. I was not prepared for that. I had gone from being so productive, to tired and not wanting to miss a moment of Bella’s awake time. I would spend every minute she was awake trying to do as many activities and enjoy every first and last; tummy time, peekaboo, music, and swimming lessons, and then somewhere I had to work on my business. When she would sleep for only half hour at a time it wasn’t leaving much time to work on my business during the day, and then if I didn’t get my business stuff done, another form of guilt would hit me ... Business Guilt....

You see, the thing is, the quote above is so true. As a working mum, society expects us to still do all that we did before having a baby, but as a business mum – wow… did I need to get organised more than ever, and get comfortable with dealing with this torn feeling. With a husband that has a business also working long hours and with over 24 staff that we are responsible for and a business and a team that had my 100% attention before, how can I balance more? How could I strive to hit my goals, whilst not feeling guilty. If I was to deal with this motherhood guilt, I was going to look it right in the face and tackle it head on. My mother spent many years working around the clock, and whilst I don’t remember the early years, I do consider I had a wonderful childhood, my parents managed to juggle their careers and now it’s my turn. I’ve had to work on managing the technology that makes you contactable 24/7, no longer does society work on ‘polite hours’, adjusting to its OK if you can’t respond immediately. I got through that sleep regression, and then it was teething but there is light and waking less a night #reality #sleepdoesgetbetter!

TIME TO SET BOUNDARIES

Did you know guilt usually relates to a person’s moral code? So morally, what did I personally need, to feel better about this guilt? I absolutely shouldn’t feel guilty, I worked so hard to have my beautiful baby and I continue to work hard and have done for years at my business, so what is it that I am comfortable with? What are my NONNEGOTIABLES? These things must have a bloody good reason to be interrupted. Family time before work in the mornings and our Sundays. These are precious, whilst I try really hard not to ever work those times, sometimes work things cannot be changed to suit me, and I then have to put them in the ‘they have to be for the love of it’ or ‘good money’ or they are not worth it for me buckets. It took me a long time, but yes, I can finally say ‘No, I’m not available, if it doesn’t tick the right boxes.

Mornings I am 100% present before work, after settling Bella for the night I make sure everything is organised: meal prep done and outfits out, bags are ready, so that Bella has my full attention. This time is precious, and for me, if I know if I am present in the morning, then we start the day with our cups completely full. My staff know to call if sick, I will answer. Otherwise, I don’t return any calls until business hours.

IN SALON TIME:

When I’m in the salon I am BUSINESS brain on. I am 100% there for my team and the business, but when I am HOME, I strive for 100% off. This is the biggest struggle I have, and to be honest I’m not sure if it gets easier, but I find if I set time to check my emails and messenger twice a day, it’s scheduled in and that’s the plan, sometimes the plan needs to change but I always start with a plan.

I’ve learnt to delegate more than ever; it’s been my biggest learning in the last couple of years as a Leader to teach the way and give others the opportunity to step up. Learning to trust that the hard work I put into my team, business and family is stable and if something can’t be achieved in a day like it used to, there is always tomorrow. If you don’t have a village like me, then that’s okay, do you really need one? or do you need to delegate more? I took my time finding a salon coordinator/ EA and she’s now in my business corner, my team have my back and know that I will always have theirs, and whilst I’m still learning to juggle it all, I give it my best to blend the two worlds of business and motherhood.

YOU TIME:

The old saying “you must put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others” is never truer! Filling up our cups as Mothers and Business owners so we can give more to others. The Mum, The Business Owner, The HR Officer, The CEO, The Life Coach, The Friend, The Cleaner, and The Milk Maid if breastfeeding. LOL. The career woman, the one who still has major goals to kick and achieve. In order to give our best energetically we need to fill our cup up first. For me I personally am ok with working hard and I’ve learnt to remind myself that if I feel the Guilt is starting to get to me, it’s ok to say ‘No’, it’s probably not worth me doing it if it causes me to question whether I’m ok with it or not. We are all human and so long as we get clear on our Non-Negotiables , Values and what we will and will not do or accept, we can succeed. Being raised by parents with high work ethics, marrying into a family who share the same work ethics and having a Mum who is one of the strongest people I know, I want my daughter to grow up valuing that hard work equals success, but I also want to be around for as much of her special moments as I can, I’m sure the guilt is always there and will always be there, but as mums we should really cut ourselves some slack, we are like super humans already.

Do I believe women can have it all? YES, but with a fuck load of hard work, mental work, learning to reduce the guilt and being okay with “If not today, tomorrow’s a new day”