FECK PERFUCTION

By Nathan Yip

I open my laptop to start writing my first instalment of the Hairbiz blog I have been given the opportunity to write, trying to comprehend what that means. A wave of pride and gratitude washes over me as I consider how far my growth and career has come and what this opportunity means for the direction I have been working towards.

It means the opportunity to share my thoughts, being trusted with my opinions and creating impact and influence in one of the hair industry's most important publications.

Sitting in a window seat looking out over Brisbane on my way to Christchurch for a few days teaching cutting and styling techniques with a group of hairdressers and salons, I settle in to consider what to write about, I have so many thoughts buzzing around all at once, then it hit me, I need to start with something that I believe plagues the majority of our industry. A toxic relationship with PERFECTIONISM.

First of all, I want to share my relationship with “Perfectionism” and what the idea of “Perfect” actually means. Over the last few years, I have been on a journey of self-exploration and awareness which includes me getting my diagnosis with ADHD which I had self-diagnosed but once confirmed I was able to understand myself better, cope with struggles better and be way gentler and understanding with myself.

Being able to harness this energy instead of seeing it as a disorder, in fact, it’s my superpower which gives me, ultra-focus on tasks and topics which I love but also an abundance of stamina, creativity, empathy and spatial and energetic awareness. Powers that are great for a hairdresser!

What this meant as a child and teenager was that I was forever being told at every parent-teacher interview and report card that I was “very bright and if I learnt to focus (or pull my finger out) I would be very successful”. This translated to my dad that I was smart but lazy, resulting in high expectations of me.

To be clear my father was a great dad and parented the best he could with the information he had, however, the high pressures of external expectation created an over-exaggerated intrinsic expectation on myself which manifested into “Perfectionism”.

What this meant was that I would be forever working, sometimes 7 days a week in many different jobs to prove myself ultimately to my dad. This also affected my relationships too because it meant I expected everyone to have just as high expectations and output as I did.

Let me now explain what has become apparent to me about perfectionism and the idea of “Perfect”. To start with “perfect” is 100% SUBJECTIVE! What you may consider to be perfect may not be the expectation of your client, peer, teacher etc at all. but conversely, what happens for most of us, our clients absolutely love their hair, YOUR WORK, but you neglect to hear their compliments and praise, instead you lie in bed awake until 2am catastrophising over the result or how those two foils in the back of your clients head bled slightly.

This certainly was my experience. Once I had this realisation, I could distinctly remember a particular client staring me dead in the eyes through the mirror after telling me 5 times she loved her hair and me continuing to finesse the smallest detail and she said, “You’re a real perfectionist, aren’t you?” I now realise she was saying I love my hair and I’ve had enough of sitting here let me out! To her it potentially it was the best haircut she had ever had, to me it was unfinished.

The things I have learnt about toxic relationships with Perfectionism is that it’s never intrinsic, it ALWAYS stems from an external factor, wanting to please or impress someone, the desire to prove yourself or the fear of judgement.

What the implication of perfectionism is that it absolutely kills creativity, kills play, intuition, experimentation, and trust in yourself. Ultimately limiting your skill and service.

What changed for me, I have been on a journey to heal childhood and intergenerational trauma so that I can be a better father and leader. I am doing so by consistently working with my PT on my body, with my psychologist on my mental fitness and some great resources that had a great impact on me. These included a book by James Victore called “Feck Perfcution” and a podcast called the imperfects.

Let me start with the facts; We are in the SERVICE industry so who are we doing hair for? Our clients, not us, so our number one purpose is to help our clients make an informed decision on their look and style with our experience and recommendation and facilitate their version of their best. They leave happy, pay their hard-earned money to you, rebook with you and compliment you, your job is DONE!

I’ve had to let go of many things that used to make me uncomfortable, I freely admit my baselines are probably a little less consistent and more wobbly than they used to be (unless I’m cutting a precision bob), but that’s not what my clients come to me for, my clients keep coming back to me because my focus is on giving a great structured haircut that lasts, that is easy to style and is super versatile and I reveal the best version of themselves by making them feel deeply seen and heard in the consultation.

I also had to let go of over-delivering when I taught classes because I wanted to deliver so much, I would always run late, which would create diminishing gains in the learner, fill the mind with too much content and create stress if they had to leave.

I realised my desire to over-deliver was my own ego, desire to prove myself and overcome self-worth that was causing it. Which made my role as an educator and leader, in a role that is 100% about service solely about me and not the learner.

Now I’m aware of this, I have become way more comfortable with what I’m capable of, what I’m worth, what I deliver, what my skills and strengths and that now shows up in how I serve my clients, students, kids, family, and peers.

I am now way more comfortable and gentler with myself, and with others and I no longer expect the same of people close to me. They are on their journey of self-discovery at their own pace.

So if you consider yourself as a perfectionist, if you stay up all night worrying about that one foil, if you are too scared to experiment or try something in fear of failing or others opinions I challenge you to start with becoming aware of those stories, challenge those stories and become curious with yourself not furious, be kind and gentle with yourself and I guarantee you will become kinder and more gentle with others. If you find this, just consider that you are enough exactly how you are because guess what you are enough!

@nathanyip