A People Pleaser or an Overzealous Steamroller ?

By Elle Wilson

As beauty entrepreneurs, we are in the business of people. From clients to team members, our success is directly tied to our ability to build strong, positive relationships. But as we all know, human dynamics can be messy and complex. Conflict, misunderstandings, and personality clashes can be inevitable.

How we choose to show up in these challenging moments can make all the difference.

When faced with interpersonal tension, it’s easy to fall into our own reactive patterns. We may find ourselves people-pleasing, avoiding difficult conversations in an attempt to keep the peace. Or we may swing to the opposite extreme, becoming defensive and domineering, more focused on being right than understanding.

No one enjoys these extremes. They often lead to disconnection and dysfunction, causing anxiety and fear of how we might react.

In business, we need to show up for our clients even when things are not all sparkly and awesome. In fact, it is in these times we often have the most impact. But the question is how. Is it as simple as being a ‘good’ listener? Personally, I don’t believe this is the answer.

Let’s look at the people-pleasing mode. We may feel resentful, unheard, and out of alignment with our own needs when we contort ourselves into pleasing others, unauthentically. Leaving behind our integrity to control the environment and avoid conflict. It isn’t the right answer to interpersonal relations.

On the other hand, when we’re in bulldozer mode, we damage trust and rapport, creating resistance rather than collaboration. This is obvious, and yet these habits are persistent and need to be replaced with new strategy and perspective.

So how can we navigate challenging interpersonal situations in a way that feels authentic, respectful, and productive?

In my experience, it starts with self-awareness.

By learning to recognize our own reactive tendencies, we create space to choose a different response. The faster we train ourselves to check in, the more response time we have to choose wisely.

You become far less fearful of yourself and your reactions. The tiny little moment to look within and say to yourself… ‘Breathe deeply three times’ or ‘Now is not the time’, can be a huge game changer when dealing with challenging circumstances.

We can start to notice when we’re feeling triggered, when our fightor-flight response is activated. Rather than acting on impulse, we can take a breath, and we may ask for another time, for a moment. Time out is also powerful as it allows you to reframe a situation and regroup. Even with difficult client situations, you can never be forced to resolve anything at a given time. You have the power to choose.

A great way to deal with your own emotions is to ask yourself, “What might be going on for the other person?” By asking this question, we may quickly shift out of reactivity and into responsiveness. Of course, this is a new way of dealing with emotions that can very quickly stir up inside of us. We have to be committed to building meaningful relationships.

We can communicate with greater clarity and compassion when we have a powerful intention to want a positive outcome. In a client relationship, it is our responsibility, more often than not, to make room for the perspectives of our clients.

In this, we have to remind ourselves we aren’t being threatened in any way. Others are allowed their dissatisfaction and grievances. When we allow that, we are not resisting. Without resistance, we are more available.

We can set boundaries with firmness and kindness. We can stay focused on finding win-win solutions rather than proving a point.

Remember, you either want to be right or you want to build an impactful beauty business.

In my own journey as a beauty business owner, learning to navigate challenging relationships more skillfully has been a game-changer. It’s allowed me to build meaningful relationships and the wisdom to know when to end relationships.

Working with people isn’t always easy, but if we see our life as filled with the opportunity to know more, be more, and grow as a person, we see others as a reflection of our own selves. Staying connected is the mission.

These few true statements help me when I am handling difficult situations with grace and professionalism. Life isn’t meant to be fair. People don’t have to be kind. I find a deep peace comes over me when I tell myself the truth. It gives me the resilience to stay true to myself and my vision, even in the face of conflict.

I invite you to start bringing more awareness to how you show up in stressful interpersonal situations. Notice your patterns and practice pausing before reacting. Experiment with approaching difficult conversations from a place of empathy and care.

We are not an island. We need people.

Finally, as we build our capacity to respond rather than react, we increase the culture of our entire industry. We model a new way of being in business, one rooted in heart intelligence, authenticity, and compassion.

@ellewilsonofficial