Congratulations!

by Marcie Klock

In 2016, I applied to a position for the Department of Homeland Security. Applying for any job, it can be a difficult journey, more so with a government position where competition and selection processes are even tighter.

Nervous but hopeful, I felt I had a 50/50 chance. When I applied for this job, I was a Department of Defense contractor. With excitement, I spoke to a few people closest to me about this, “If I get this job, then x, y, z can happen,” meaning I knew if I got my foot in the door, I had the opportunity to advance quickly, especially with all the experience I had under my belt. I did feel that I had nowhere to go but up—the sky was the limit.

Months after applying and waiting, I finally got that email we all long for: “Congratulations, you have been selected.”

After I received the job, I worked very hard to find my way around and learn the operations of Cyber Security at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). During that time, I made new friends and the team I was on was very much a familylike environment, or at least it felt this way compared to my previous employer. People were friendly and invited me to coffee and lunches. There was a group of us who looked out for one another. It was nice.

After working for DHS for a little over a year, there was an opportunity for me to apply for a position managing another team. This would mean a significant promotion with a substantial pay increase. It also allowed me the opportunity to get my clearance upgraded to Top-Secret, which was a big deal to me. After applying for the position, with the encouragement of leadership, I later discovered that one of the

applicants I was going up against was one of the people from my “work family” that I mentioned earlier. Out of respect for his privacy, I will refer to him as “Applicant A,” because I don’t want to use his real name. After almost backing out form applying, simply because I felt awkward going up against this guy, however decided that it was the right move.

There were many things that happened leading up to this interview. The most significant though, is what happened after the interview.

I had prepared a presentation for a panel of executives that I didn’t know, nor did they know me. This was how our boss wanted the interview conducted so that everyone knew they had a fair chance.

A few weeks went by, and I found out that I had been selected for the position. I was so excited for the opportunity.

By the next week, everything in my office changed. Applicant A filed a formal complaint against me, and it said that I was favored because I was a white female who was a friend with someone in the leadership chain. But this friend had no say or impact on the panel whatsoever and was not even a part of the hiring process. My “work family,” all stopped talking to me and I was then excluded from their lunches and trips to grab a coffee.

My being selected for the promotion was one win that I wanted to celebrate, yet it came with negativity and jealousy that I wasn’t prepared for. I had no idea that losing people could potentially be a repercussion of being selected for a promotional opportunity. I experienced outside chatter in the background happening from people that I expected to be happy for me. This was

such an accomplishment for me, one that I had worked extremely hard for, and it was being sullied from unexpected sources.

Instead of feeling celebratory, I felt defeated.

Have you ever had something similar happen? Where you just feel defeated simply because of the words that come out of another’s mouth?

Life is hard enough, but we get to choose everyday the words we speak. It is so important to speak life into people and encourage and love people. After all, we don’t know what is going on in the background.

During this time, as if it was not difficult enough, I also had the challenges of a longdistance marriage, and my teenage son would face a very challenging freshman year of high school. There were days when I literally would go into my office, collapse at my desk and break down in tears or go home and collapse on my couch in tears. Not because of any one thing, but because the totality of everything was weighing on me. I was emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted.

This was a very difficult time in my life… and it also became one of the best times of my life.

I had one best friend who would listen to me cry during my lengthy commute almost daily. She would pray with me, encourage me, and extend love and grace to me like I could not ever have imagined before. Being accepted, counseled, and loved by another. She often paused her own busy day to be available for me. In that, I learned that we are not meant to do this thing alone. We are meant to carry each other’s burdens. I remember starting out nearly every call with: “I don’t think I can do this today.” She would either quickly get me in check, or promptly pray. She would speak blessings over me.

What I would come to realize is, not only were other people not speaking blessings over my life, I was not speaking blessings over my own life. I was speaking defeat.

Not intentionally, of course. Because really, which one of us has the intention of speaking negative things over ourselves? Not many. Statements like, “I don’t think I can do this,” or “I can’t take anything else,” are words that empower us to fail.

Of course, I could do this—I had done it every day up until all of this happened. I survived previously without the group of friends. I survived also without the people that I thought genuinely loved me and would be happy for me and the promotion. And, I had survived before my long-distance marriage challenges, and I certainly had survived prior to my son going through some tough love teenage moments. I could do it again.

This season and journey taught me so much. I learned a lot about my mental attitude. I learned a lot about never being the type of person who would turn their back on someone else. I learned that there are people who truly will cheer my successes and share in my increase. I want to be that person for others, too.

Ultimately, I learned that I am my biggest obstacle to triumph and happiness.

As difficult as it was, I met this quote: “One day you will look back on this season and know that you are truly blessed, and not because things were perfect, but because you found perfect grace in the worst of it.” —Morgan Harper Nichols