VIOLENCE HAS
NO
LANGUAGE BARRIERS
“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.” Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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Violence is its own language
What is domestic Violence Warning signs of domestic Violence 31 facts of domestic Violence in the latin@ community why do people abuse? a note about sexual violence
Mi viaje de ida y vuelta al infierno empezó hace doce años. Cuando la violencia empeoró y mi abusador comenzó a dirigirla a los niños, cambié. Sé lo que es la faltado al respeto por el sistema legal y cómo se siente ser ignorada. Me tomó muchos comienzos falsos, pero finalmente salí de una relación abusiva.
Violence is its own language
What is Domestic Violence? Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one part‑ ner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence does not discriminate. Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender can be a victim ‑or perpetrator ‑ of domes‑ tic violence. It can happen to people who are married, living together or who are dating. It affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. It includes the use of physical and sexual vio‑ lence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic depriva‑ tion. Many of these different forms of domestic violence/abuse can be occurring at any one time within the same intimate relationship. Here at The Hotline, we use the Power & Control Wheel* to describe most accurately what occurs in an abusive relationship. Think of the wheel as a diagram of the tactics an abusive partner uses to keep their victim in the relationship. While the inside of the wheel is comprised of subtle, continual behaviors, the outer ring represents phys‑ ical, visible violence. These are the abusive acts that are more overt and forceful, and often the intense acts that reinforce the regular use of other more subtle methods of abuse. *Although this Power & Control Wheel uses she/her pronouns for the victim and assumes a male perpetrator, abuse can happen to people of any gender in any type of relationship.
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows. Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because ev‑ ery relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partner. Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Tells you that you can never do anything right Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs Controls every penny spent in the household Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do Prevents you from making your own decisions Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children Prevents you from working or attending school Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexual‑ ly you’re not comfortable with Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
abusivas. Creí que él quería cambiar. Incluso fuimos a consejería juntos. Pasamos nuestros buenos momentos, pero una vez que nos casamos, su deseo de controlarlo todo se hizo más evidente. Empecé a creer que era mi culpa y sentí que estaba en una montaña rusa de la que no podía bajar.
Es terrible admitir que has estado no en una, sino en dos relaciones
Violence is its own language
“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap 31 Facts of catering to him, trying to fill Violenc a bottomless pit. But he’s not so Commu much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needsareyour responsibility,until you feel drained down to nothing.”
Violence is its own language
ts About Domestic ce in the Latin@ unity
1. 1 in 3 Latinas have experienced domestic violence in their lifetime 2. 50% of Latinas who experience abuse never report it 3. Due to barriers like anti-immigrant laws, Latinas are 1/2 as likely to report abuse vs survivors from other ethnic/racial groups 4. 1 in 12 Latinas have experienced domestic violence in the past 12 months 5. 63% of victimized Latinas experience multiple acts of victimization 6. Non-immigrant Latina survivors contact formal services for intimate partner violence resources more often than immigrant Latinas 7. More recent immigrant Latinas may not be as familiar w/laws, options, & possibilities regarding their domestic violence experience 8. 44% of Latin@s under 25 years old know a victim of domestic violence 9. In one study, 10% pregnant Latinas reported physical violence during pregnancy by their partner 10. In one study 19% pregnant Latinas reported emotional violence during pregnancy by their partner 11. 15.5 million kids live in homes where they witness domestic vio‑ lence in the United States 12. Many Latino men are actively engaged in ending violence against women not only in the U.S but also in Latin America. Learn more at www.teinvito.org 13. Youth have potential for demonstrating remarkable resiliency in overcoming adversity when they witness domestic violence 14. Latinas prefer to tell family members, female friends, or neighbors about their intimate partner violence, while non-Latinas may be more likely to tell health care workers or clergy 15. Reasons Latinas don’t report intimate partner violence: fear and lack of confidence in the police, shame, guilt, loyalty and/or fear of partners, fear of deportation, and previous experience with childhood victimization
16. 49% of Latin@s under 30 years old know a victim of domestic violence 17. 61% of Latin@s who knew a victim of domestic violence, say that they intervened and did something for the victim. Men and women responded similarly 18. In one study, 35% of Latina survivors reported an increased climate of fear due to the immigration enforcement environment 19. Latinas report seeking local shelters less than women from other ethnic/racial groups; this is especially true for immigrant Latina survivors 20. Studies find parents think children are unaware of domestic violence occurring in their homes. They’re not. 21. 41% of Latin@s believe the primary reason Latin@ victims may not come forward is fear of deportation 22. 49% of Latino men know a domestic violence victim 23. An especially powerful strategy some men use against Latinas and other undocumented non-English speaking women is to threaten them with taking their children away if she leaves him 24. Immigration status is a common and powerful control mechanism partners use to force immigrant women to stay in abusive relationships 25. Fewer than 3 in 10 Latinas have heard of intimate partner violence protective orders. Not many knew about local domestic violence agencies 26. 1 in 3 shelters do not have any Spanish-speaking staff. Let’s make language access a priority www.languageaccessplans.org 27. 62% of Latina women know a domestic violence victim 28. Only half of participating shelters in a study offered child-related services, a service that is very important to Latina survivors 29. More than half of Latin@s in the U.S. know a victim of domestic violence 30. Domestic violence in Latina communities is NOT traditional 31. It is important for parents to talk with their children about domestic violence and sexual assault. Learn how at www.wesaynomas.org
Violence is its own language
mi niña y sé que ella lo vio todo. Eso me yudó a poder ver la realidad. Le dije a mi abusador que se detuviera, pero no lo hizo. Lo empujé con fuerza para apartarlo de mi, pero él me empujó más fuerte. Después de que nos separamos, él comenzó a acosarme. Sanar toma tiempo...”
“Miro los ojos de
Violence is its own language
Why do People Abuse? Why Do People Abuse? Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship.
No matter why it happens, abuse is not okay and it’s never justified. Abuse is a learned behavior. Sometimes people see it in their own families. Other times they learn it from friends or popular culture. However, abuse is a choice, and it’s not one that anyone has to make. Many people who experi‑ ence or witness abuse growing up decide not to use those negative and hurt‑ ful ways of behaving in their own relationships. While outside forces such as drug or alcohol addiction can sometimes escalate abuse, it’s most important to recognize that these issues do not cause abuse.
Who Can Be in an Abusive Relationship? Anyone can be abusive and anyone can be the victim of abuse. It happens re‑ gardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race or economic background. If you are being abused by your partner, you may feel confused, afraid, angry and/or trapped. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse. You might also blame yourself for what is happening. But, no matter what others might say, you are never responsible for your partner’s abusive actions. Being abusive is a choice. It’s a strategic behavior the abusive person uses to create their desired power dynamic. Regardless of the circumstances of the rela‑ tionship or the pasts of either partner, no one ever deserves to be abused.
A Note About Sexual Violence Victims of both sexual and domestic violence were invited to participate in focus groups; however, participants were not asked to self-identify what type of violence they had experienced. While survey and focus group questions consistently referred to both sexual and domestic violence, discussion of sexual violence is conspicuously absent from our findings. While there is no doubt that both service providers and survivors had experience with this issue, it is likely that stigma or other barriers prevented this from becoming the focus of conversation. The Partnership recognizes that sexual violence remains an important issue—both in itself, and in the context of domestic violence—and will include sexual violence-specific training and resources in its next steps.
Violence is its own language
“The guarantee of safety in a battering
relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it must be based upon the self-protective capability of the victim. Until the victim has developed a detailed and realistic contingency plan and has demonstrated her ability to carry it out, she remains in danger of repeated abuse.� Judith Lewis Herman Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence: From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror