The Daily Splendour by Monster Children. Issue 04 - Friday July 21st.

Father John Misty & Maggie Rogers

04

2017

03

For most, holding down some form of gainful employment

in place. Like why you can’t piss against a tree—because when

until a time when sickness and fatigue take hold and one’s

you’ve got 90, 000 people doing it, it ends up running into the

permitted to slowly descend towards death (retirement) is

rivers and killing the fish. City dwellers might get annoyed, but it’s

all the 65-90 meaningless trips around the sun amounts

about having conversations about being more responsible.” This

to. Thankfully for, well, all 30-odd-thousand of us, and

year’s Splendour features all of the usual eco-features: compost

Australian culture at large, Splendour co-creator Jess Ducrou

showers and toilets, the Eco Police (no pissin’!), the Green Chiefs

wants a little more out of this caper than that. As we gear up

in the campground, and the new(ish) feature the Unfuckers, who

for the 17th edition of our beloved Splendour in the Grass, we

want you to “unfuck” the festival ie. take all of your shit with you

can rest safe in the knowledge that every possible step has been

and recycle, and in turn “unfuck” your life in general. “Ideally we

taken to make this year’s festival experience more vibrant,

want a 0% green footprint,” Jess concludes.

safe, efficient, and most importantly, more goddamn fabulous

You’d be forgiven for thinking that as the rich and fabulous

than the mark ’16 version. It’s an amazingly relaxed Jess

co-founder of Australia’s best festival, once Splendour starts

that I catch up with a week or so prior to the pinnacle of her

it’d be all cocaine and caviar for Jess, but the reality is less

professional year, to find out what went wrong, what’s going

mink, more hi-vis. “Oh, directing traffic,” Jess says when I ask

to go right, and what we should all be gearing up for at this

about what her Splendour experience looks like. By directing

year’s festival.

traffic Jess means both figuratively and literally, as when the

Aiming to start with the bad stuff and crescendo into an ecstasy-

traffic fiasco was going down last year, she was on the front

fuelled “see you at the Gold Bar,” I ask Jess where the major

line in luminous orange waving buses through the carpark. “My

headaches from last year’s festival came from, and how the

priority is getting people in on Thursday and Friday, making

leaks have been fixed this year. “Traffic,” she fires straight back.

sure that noise is managed and that everything inside is running

“After the traffic issues last year, trying to improve the process

like it should,” she continues. The problem with being a festival

and manage expectations has been the priority.” I offer my ever-

owner is that if shit hits the fan, you’re the one that gets the call,

impractical perspective of, “there’s only one road in and out,

whether it be traffic, illness, acts of god, whatever. Yet another

there’s not really much you can do…” to which Jess immediately

instance of nothing ever being quite as glam as it seems.

highlights my ignorance. “No, not at all. Last year was a case of

Seeing as Jess and myself will be spending the majority of the

people’s habits changing and us not being prepared. Uber started

festival working (no really) I asked Splendour’s gatekeeper

up, and on Friday about 1000 cars were dropping off (which

what she’d suggest for the Splendour virgin as the perfect way

was a first), all of the cars were coming in and clogging up the

to pop their cherry at this year’s festival. “Start from where you

process, and the drop-off point was in the middle of the carpark.

finish,” she tells me. “Come on Saturday at around lunch time,

By Sunday we’d moved it to the south carpark and we didn’t have

and get something to eat from one of the food trucks. Then go to

a problem.” This year, every measure possible has been taken

The Forum and immerse yourself in whatever’s on for a couple

to make entering and exiting the festival as easy and rapid as

of hours. Then go and check out Splendour in the Craft or go

possible. “This year the drop-off centre is at the bottom entry,”

shopping in the Very Small Suburb, maybe even get your hair

Jess continues. “And we’ve got a bus system running between

done. Then book yourself in for a roast at the Unicorn and chill

town and the festival site.”

out for an hour, and then watch Royal Blood and Queens of the

Now you’d be forgiven for having a mild anxiety attack on 5th

Stone Age at the Amphitheatre. When that’s done go and check

December of last year when news surfaced that Splendour in the

out the mix-up tent via the Global Village, and then onto the

Grass and Falls Festival had been partially sold to Live Nation.

Tipi Forest for a look and finish up at the Winery drinking some

Once the initial panicked googling revealed that “Live Nation” and

nice wine. Best day ever.”

“One Nation” are two entirely separate organisations with very

As for the future of our beloved Splendour, you can rest easy

different ethos’ (we stand in solidarity with Flume and his festival-

in the knowledge that the trajectory’s headed true north, with

ending quote of the 2016 festival, “Fuck Pauline Hanson”) what

the weird and wonderful aspects of the festival in particular,

this sale might mean for the state of Australia’s jewel in the festival

only set to grow. “I have a vision for my festival experience

crown was still up for interpretation. However, worries that the

and I’m not nearly there yet,” says Jess. “It’ll take some years

acquisition might lead to a commercialisation of the festival were

to see that fulfilled, and I want to lock in more space and

quelled with the announcement of what, you’d have to agree, is one

grow in an inclusive way.” The things that stand in the way of

hell of a line-up, and Jess echoes that in terms of the make-up of

progress on the scale that Jess desires are space, and the endless

the festival, it’s less of the bad and more of the good. “Nothing’s

bureaucratic hoop-jumping that is Australia circa 2017. But Jess

changed really, it’s nice to have more info on a global scale in

says that thriving and abiding by the rules is just something

terms of talent—it’s a nice partnership to have in that way.”

that you have to do, with the safety of patrons as the primary

You can’t hold a festival in Byron Bay without fielding questions

concern. “It’s about how we can present a good time without

about the environment, and those questions take on a serious

it feeling highly managed and how to grow freedom,” she

bent when your event hosts 30-odd-thousand people. Splendour

explains. “We’ve got to abide by the police and the council and

has always made being as green as possible one of their primary

to do that you have to tick a lot of boxes. Australia in a way is

objectives, and Jess explains that it’s a never ending quest. “Years

very regulated, which is cool because it means that everyone’s

ago we introduced the carbon offset to Splendour ticket sales, and

safe, but I want my festival to make people feel like they’re free

we studied the way that festivals like Glastonbury operate with

to move and be fluid. But be safe at the same time.” Don’t fret

things like the Green Police, so we introduced the Eco Cops to

fellow members of the great unwashed Splendour crowd, you’re

raise awareness of why it’s important to stand by the rules that are

in good hands.

Issue 04

Con Te NTs 02 06 08 10 12 14 16 17 20 23 24 26 28 30 32 33 34

A LETTER FROM THE HEADMISTRESS FATHER JOHN MISTY’S COYOTE’S FOLLOWED ME NOTE FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK - ROADMAP TO DAY ONE THE UNICORN THE ELECTRIFYING MAGGIE ROGERS NOT BEING A DICKHEAD AT A FESTIVAL YOUNG FRANCO WANTS YOU TO THROW SOCKS AT HIM BAD//DREEMS HAVE HAD A GUTFUL OF GATORADE YOUR STAR SIGNS - THIS DAY IN MUSICAL HISTORY A WALK DOWN SPLENDOUR LANE SPLENDOUR IN THE CRAFT KIRIN J CALLINAN’S GUIDE TO FESTIVAL FASHION BRITNEY, EVANESCENCE, AND JULIA JACKLIN WALK INTO A BAR… HOW TO BEAT DANCE MUSIC FESTIVALS AT THEIR OWN GAME FAKE NEWS SURPRISE BONSAI: MY FAVOURITE MEMORIES FROM SPLENDOUR PART ONE CLASSIFIEDS

THE KITE STRING TANGLE

Watch Live 4pm Friday The Mix Up Tent The Debut Album featuring

The Prize & Selfish Out Now

“One of the best Australian electronic albums in some time” The Music

I got followed by coyotes whilst on the

to mind another famously outspoken and

he tries to use that station to open people’s

ropes of being a popular artist, until leaving

phone interviewing Father John Misty.

unfiltered American, Donald Trump.

eyes. It admittedly becomes almost too ironic,

for his fateful mushroom trip in 2012.

It’s true that, no matter what you’re doing,

Surprisingly, especially for a guy who once

but there’s also a poetry to it. And even if

Tillman’s religious past is something he wears

being tailed through the woods by three large

cut a concert short when overcome with

he can’t elevate the form, he’s also happy to

on his sleeve—in fact, he told me he’d done an

predators is a memorable occurrence, if only

sadness when the now-president won the GOP

simply make music that people love. It’s about

interview with a Christian magazine moments

for the adrenaline explosion and potential

nomination, Tillman doesn’t flinch much at

keeping things in perspective.

before our call. Like many raised under strict

fight-or-flight situation. But if you’re familiar

the comparison.

“We imbue entertainment, because we’re

religious observance, his relationship with

with Father John Misty, neé Josh Tillman’s,

“I’ll say this, I’m a lot more suspicious of

so deranged by it, with these really lofty

the subject is complicated. It’s also something

psychedelic-infused shamanistic vibes,

someone who looks to Trump and says, ‘I’m

ambitions,” Tillman said with a laugh that’s at

that surfaces often in his music, such as Pure

you’ll get why such an event lends itself to

nothing like that guy’ than someone who

once sardonic and wholehearted. “Everyone is

Comedy’s title track:

deeper meaning than just consideration of

looks at him and goes ‘Yeah, that’s the deal

under some kind of delusion that what they’re

Oh, their religions are the best / They worship

the regional food chain. What’re the odds of

for me,’” Tillman admitted, adding that the

doing is bigger than entertainment. That pop

themselves yet they’re totally obsessed /

this seemingly chance encounter happening

characteristics we find so abhorrent in Trump

music is about empowerment or something.

With risen zombies, celestial virgins, magic

at the very moment I finally, after weeks of

exist to some degree in everyone. “Anyone

What it really comes down to, and this is

tricks, these unbelievable outfits / And

chasing, waiting, and wrangling, get Tillman

who’s paid attention to the human spirit can

something I’ve been saying a lot because

they get terribly upset / When you question

on the phone for an hour? Why not some other

see he’s not doing anything new.”

it’s the best way I can think to say it, is that

their sacred texts Written by woman-hating

evening, considering I walk through these

It’s Tillman’s belief we’re better off

entertainment is about forgetting your life,

epileptics / .

trails twice a day, every day, without ever

confronting inner darkness, rather than

and art is about remembering your life. And

I asked if he still considered himself a

seeing anything bigger than a squirrel? What

leaving it buried and festering deep

that’s what I aspire to, is to make things of

Christian, and Tillman answered cautiously,

does it mean?

inside. This is a predominant theme on his

beauty and of ugliness that remind people of

“Well, it really depends on who I’m talking

I should have asked him. Unfortunately, I

latest album, Pure Comedy. Rather than

their humanity.”

to.” Pressed, he said it was hard to explain his

didn’t notice my yellow-eyed entourage until

condemning people for being awful or evil, no

There’s no denying his talent. Whether he’s

views to people who weren’t raised the way

right after we hung up, and by then I had

matter what their belief system, he wants us to

acting the role of newly unbridled hipster

he was.

bigger things on my mind.

recognise everyone has their issues—nobody

mystic, as in his 2012 debut, Fear Fun, love-

“I think for a lot of people, for the uninitiated,

For the uninitiated, Father John Misty is the

is 100% right or perfect.

drenched ne’er-do-well, in 2015’s I Love You,

there’s this checklist of, ‘Well, I believe in the

ironic hipster jester demigod alter ego of

“What if we just bring these parts of us that

Honeybear, or cynical cultural philosopher, in

inherency of the Bible. I believe that it was

former Fleet Foxes drummer and once overly-

are less than savory out into the open and look

2017’s Pure Comedy, Tillman’s charisma and

literally written by a perfect God. I believe

earnest singer-songwriter Joshua Tillman.

at them and laugh at them, and recognize them sharp wit are backed by a jaw-dropping set of

in the historical accuracy of the person of

Legend, or at least oft-repeated backstory,

in ourselves? In doing that they have

pipes and underscored with innate comedic

Jesus Christ, and he literally rose…’ None of

has it that back in 2012, unfulfilled with life

less power.”

timing. His live shows are a mix of laconic,

that is important to me. None of that,” he said

and in search of both himself and a deeper

Tillman’s songs often act as parables.

mic-stand leaning diatribe and twitchy-

firmly. “What I relate to in terms of Jesus,

meaning, Tillman scarfed down a giant bag of

Clever, funny, cynical, biting parables, full

sexy Jim Morrison dance moves, songs are

and in terms of this new album, is that Jesus

magic mushrooms and hit the road, eventually

of ‘things I wouldn’t want your daughter to

delivered in conspiratorial whispers that

was somebody who went around saying,

landing naked in a tree cavorting amongst the

do,’ crooned in his honey and smoke lounge

explode into dramatic physical contortions

‘Don’t be like these people who claim to know

ghosts of the Beat Generation and Summer of

singer’s baritone. At their best, his lyrics are

and howled notes, his lanky frame bending

everything and who claim to know God.

Love hippies in Big Sur, California. Cradled

insightful, catchy in a way that makes a casual

impossibly backwards or thrown prone to the

Be like these little children who don’t know

within those branches Tillman had the

listener wonder if they heard them right,

ground. For an alleged narcissist, who can

anything, and it doesn’t matter to them. They

epiphany to eschew his former life, choosing

such as Pure Comedy’s ‘Total Entertainment

admittedly get caught up in “the Father John

don’t know and they don’t care, because they

to be reborn as an unfiltered, unfettered

Forever,’ which begins:

Misty fishbowl,” he’s also intensely engaged.

love.’”

version of his true self. Soon after coming

Bedding Taylor Swift /

Off stage, he deftly navigates the cultural

Love, he explained, is real magic.

down from that tree and venturing to Los

Every night inside the Oculus Rift /

pantheon, penning a hilarious Twitter feed,

As we become more and more focused solely

Angeles’ artsy Echo Park enclave, he laid

After mister and the missus finish dinner and

pulling stunts like covering Ryan Adams’ own on ourselves—literally, as Tillman pointed

down the tracks to Fear Fun, his first record

the dishes / And now the future’s definition is

“grotesque,” much-ballyhooed cover of Taylor

out, with all our selfies—and are beset by

under the FJM moniker, and began touring

so much higher than it was last year /

Swift songs, or releasing a film of himself

culturally perpetuated hatred, fear of anyone

the world in a flurry of sassy dance moves,

It’s like the images have all become real /

getting wasted on whiskey while sitting at a

different from ourselves, systemic classism,

subversively folky, groove-y songs, and

And someone’s living my life for me out in

desk. His willfully ironic character gives him

institutional hypocrisy, and a looming,

sardonic anti-corporate, anti-pop-culture,

the mirror.

an astonishing level of freedom, allowing

avoidable environmental apocalypse, we

anti-establishment monologues, establishing

But what of the dichotomy presented by

him to get away with things like launching

need a little magic. Something greater than

himself as a snarky subcultural messiah

a pop star who exists in part to take the

a signature perfume—“Innocence by Father

ourselves, unifying, a silver lining to the

whether he intended to or not.

piss out of other pop stars? Can Father

John Misty”—or writing songs for bona-fide

tragicomedy that plays out in headlines, yet

“Well, Josh Tillman was the persona,”

John Misty continue to function as both

pop stars like Lady Gaga and Beyoncé, moves

is non-commodified, not designed to act as a

Tillman tells me when I ask him if, as a

psychedelia-fuelled, truth-revealing underdog

that would cost other “underground” artists

subversive form of control like organised sects.

critic’s darling with sold out shows full of

while simultaneously ascending celebrity’s

street cred. Truly, Tillman’s tenure as Father

“My only goal is to write beautiful songs and

dreamy-eyed fans and now three well-received pyramid?

John Misty has been an impressive rebirth

say what’s on my mind,” Tillman concluded,

records under his/FJM’s belt, his pop cultural

Tillman says he can.

for the 36-year-old. Raised in a suburban

explaining he can only keep being who he is,

successes were painting his seemingly anti-

“The price of admission for enjoying my

evangelical Christian family, Tillman said

no matter how that appears to anyone else. “I

pop-culture persona into a corner. Tillman

music, whether you agree with everything I

he was “naïve” to most popular culture, even

can be really tone deaf in terms of a sentiment

claims I have it all wrong—the FJM character

say or not, is that you can hold these two ideas

at 17 listening only to “spiritually-themed”

or a song that, to me, feels very normal yet

isn’t a creative construct, it’s really who he is.

in your head at the same time,” he explained

music. After a year at New York’s Christian

comes off as completely, ballistically insane

He’s being wholly himself for the first time, no

calmly. “It’s like, ‘Oh he keeps having fun

Nyack College, he struck west for Seattle,

to people. But if I sat down to actually write

matter what the stage name. “That was part of

with the enterprise of being an entertainer,

where he worked as a baker and chased

something weird, intentionally, it would

the realisation, and why so much of Fear Fun

and he sees the innate bizarreness of that.’

his dream of being a musician. His sombre

probably be dogshit.”

was about identity—I ended the record with,

Sometimes the most authentic thing you can

ballads, much different from Father John

I still don’t know what the heck was up with

‘I never liked the name Josh, and I got tired of

do is be honest about how bogus you know

Misty’s bravado, caught the attention of

those coyotes. Haven’t seen ‘em since. But

J.’”

something is. And sometimes it’s not. And

singer-songwriter Damien Jurado, who let

according to the Encyclopedia of American

At the root of it, Tillman feels it’s his realness

sometimes it’s to intentionally be obtuse, to be

Tillman open for him. Over the next couple

Folklore, Native Americans view coyotes

that draws people to his music and to himself.

willfully ignorant of the context that you find

years Tillman would release several albums

as tricksters, messengers from the spirit

His unflinching honesty, ability to be totally

yourself in to achieve something bigger.”

as J. Tillman, bearing dour titles like Long

world who “rebel against social conventions

blunt, never shirking from things that fly in

Tillman, as FJM, wants to use his art and

May You Run, Cancer and Delirium, or I

through deception and humour” and deceive

the face of cultural or social norms. Naturally,

soap box to draw attention to bigger issues,

Will Return. Then, in 2008, he found himself

people by impersonating a god. It’s almost

this level of self-indulgence doesn’t garner

to pull back the cultural veil and reveal the

drumming for folk rock outfit Fleet Foxes,

too ironic, and almost too perfect. I’m not a

just good will. There are those who perceive

hypocrisy underneath. He’s cognisant of

signing on just as the band’s popularity

very superstitious person, but Josh, if you’re

his introspective songs and wild antics to be

playing to our penchant for celebrity worship,

exploded. He stayed with them for the next

reading this, please call off your dogs.

a symptom of unbridled narcissism, calling

aware of the falseness of his station, even as

four years, touring the world and learning the

By James Joiner

FATHER JOHN MISTY’S COYOTES FOLLOWED ME Catch Father John Misty at the Amphitheatre Friday 10.00-11.00

NEW ALBUM oUt AUGUSt 11 ExcLUSivE MErch & MUSic BUNdLES AvAiLABLE At pAULkELLy.coM.AU prE-ordEr NoW At yoUr LocAL MUSic rEtAiLEr.

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NOTES FROM THE EDITOR’S FOLD OUT DESK Last year’s Splendour in the Grass was far and away the most stressful, biggest, and ultimately most rewarding weekends that I can remember being a part of. We nonchalantly threw the suggestion of doing a daily newspaper for the festival in

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ALISTAIR KLINKENBERG PUBLISHERS CHRIS SEARL & CAMPBELL MILLIGAN CREATIVE DIRECTOR CAMPBELL MILLIGAN CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER RACHEL BLACKLEY MARKETING & PROJECT MANAGER DALE ROBINSON

the direction of Splendour’s powers that be, with little consideration of what it would actually take to pull off. When they said “yes” we found out, and boy, do I have a new found respect for the hacks in the mainstream “fake news” media—not for the work they do of course, but for maintaining an ongoing daily drivel deadline and not locking themselves in the garage with the car running. From our HQ (a demountable near the backstage latrines) we managed to get three papers to the printers (and subsequently back on-site) on time last year regardless, and still proceeded to party till our heart’s content. This year we’re back with a new found understanding of the task at hand, and a hatful of tricks to cut down the time spent actually working, and increase the time running around the site with our tongues wagging, or that’s the plan at this stage at least. And how could we not want to traverse this great festival and sponge up all that it has to offer? As with any great cultural affair, the main event is just a side show to the people who make the happening significant. And the same goes with Splendour. Whilst we initially come for the music, it’s the characters and the conversations that keep us coming back. Enjoy yourselves out there this weekend, go talk to some strangers.

MONSTER CHILDREN ROAD MAP TO DAY ONE

DESIGNER MATT PIKE DIGITAL DIRECTOR JAM HASSAN PHOTO EDITOR LINCOLN JUBB

“It’s a marathon not a sprint” was the ethos we lived by for last year’s Splendour in the

DIGITAL DESIGNER JASON DOMANCIE EDITORIAL COORDINATOR MONIQUE PENNING MARKETING COORDINATOR DANIELLE KELLY ACCOUNTS GEORGIA SHENTON CONTRIBUTING WRITERS JASON CROMBIE, ERIN BROMHEAD, MONIQUE PENNING, ELLIOT STRUCK, DALE ROBINSON, BERTRAND STARMAN, VAUGHAN DEADLY, JAMES JOINER CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS LINCOLN JUBB, SAM BRUMBY, JAM HASSAN, JAMES JOINER

CONTACT MONSTER CHILDREN SYDNEY OFFICE: 6 AUSTRALIA STREET, CAMPERDOWN, NSW, 2050 AUSTRALIA PH: +61 2 9517 2568

WWW.MONSTERCHILDREN.COM

THE DAILY SPLENDOUR IS PUBLISHED THREE TIMES A FESTIVAL BY MONSTER CHILDREN PTY LTD IN ASSOCIATION WITH ‘SITG’

DISTRIBUTED BY MONSTER CHILDREN

ANY SUGGESTIONS, COMPLAINTS OR IDEAS SHOULD BE SENT TO MONSTER@MONSTERCHILDREN.COM. THIS IS THE 4TH ISSUE OF THE DAILY SPLENDOUR. CONTENT IS COPYRIGHT MONSTER CHILDREN PTY LTD, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED.

Grass, and we highly encourage you to do the same this year. You’ve got three days, and a lot of bands to see. You’re going to miss some you’d like to see (and see some you’ve

12:15 MIX UP STAGE

WINSTON SURFSHIRT

1:45 GW MCLENNAN TENT THE WILSON PICKERS

never heard of), it’s inevitable. Whether it be a scheduling clash, or that extra drink in the campground, it doesn’t matter. You’ll miss something.

Friday is where you can make or break your entire festival. So be sensible, tick some

3:00 GW MCLENNAN TENT MAGGIE ROGERS

music off, and get off to a good measured start. Like Winston Surfshirt at 12:15 at the

3:30 AMPHITHEATRE

BIG SCARY

Mix Up Stage—they’re the lubricant for your entry to the festival. The Wilson Pickers

4:00 MIX UP STAGE

THE KITE STRING TANGLE

and Maggie Rogers at the GW McLennan tent will keep the ball rolling, but at a steady

5:15 MIX UP STAGE

LIL YACHTY

the Amphitheatre with Big Scary at 3:30, then get the foot falcons ready and head back

6:15 AMPHITHEATRE

PEKING DUK

7:30 TINY DANCER

YOUNG FRANCO

8:45 MIX UP STAGE

CUT COPY

If you’re ready to dance, which you should be by now, can we recommend Peking Duk

9:15 AMPHITHEATRE

HAIM

(Amphitheatre), Young Franco (Tiny Dancer Stage) and then into some ‘Lights and

10:00 GW MCLENNAN TENT FATHER JOHN MISTY 10:45 AMPHITHEATRE

THE XX

pace. Ditch the last 10 minutes of Maggie Rogers (sorry!) and head to your first act at to the Mix Up Stage for the end of The Kite String Tangle and prepare for our aquatic friend, Lil Yachty.

Ok, good, you’re keeping up, now it’s time for a drink or two as we set up for tonight.

Music’ with Cut Copy on the Mix Up at 8:45. Sheesh, that was a powerful few hours.

Time for some guitars, drums and a big stage—let Haim swoon you before you make the final decision of the day: Father John Misty on the GW McLennan or The XX on the Amphitheatre. We told you, you can’t have it all.

FRIDAY 21ST JULY FULL LINE-UP AMPHITEATRE

MIX UP TIME ACT

TIME ACT

TIME ACT

12.00-12.30 WHARVES

12.15-1.00 WINSTON SURFSHIRT

12.30-1.15 JARROW

3.00-3.50

WILLOW BEATS

12.50-1.30

OCEAN GROVE

1.00-1.30

LEWIS CANCUT

1.45-2.30

THE WILSON PICKERS

4.00-4.50

ALICE IVY

1.50-2.30

KINGSWOOD

1.30-2.15

VERA BLUE

3.00-3.45

MAGGIE ROGERS

5.00-6.30

SET MO

3.00-3.30

WELCOME TO COUNTRY

2.15-2.45

LEWIS CANCUT

4.15-5.00

JULIA JACKLIN

6.30-7.20

LUKE MILLION

3.30-4.15

BIG SCARY

2.45-3.30

COSMO’S MIDNIGHT

5.30-6.30

D.D DUMBO

7.30-8.30

YOUNG FRANCO

4.45-545

TASH SULTANA

3.30-4.00

SWINDAIL

7.00-8.00

REAL ESTATE

8.30-10.00 DJHMC

6.15-7.15

PEKING DUK

8.30-9.30

SAN CISCO

10.00-11.00 NITE FLEIT

7.45-8.45

VANCE JOY

4.00-4.45 THE KITE STRING TANGLE SWINDAIL

5.15-6.15

LIL YACHTY

6.15-7.00

SWINDAIL

7.00-8.00

BANKS

FOLLOW US ON THE INTERWEBS:

8.00-8.45

SUPER CRUEL

WWW.MONSTERCHILDREN.COM

8.45-9.45

CUT COPY

@MONSTERCHILDREN & #THEDAILYSPLENDOUR TO APPEAR IN ISSUE NO.5

WWW.THEDAILYSPLENDOUR.COM INSTAGRAM: @MONSTERCHILDREN SNAPCHAP: @MNSTRCHLDRN HASHTAG: #THEDAILYSPLENDOUR

TINY DANCER

TIME ACT

4.45-5.15

TAG YOUR PHOTOS

GW MCLENNAN

9.15-10.15 HAIM 10.45-12.00 THE XX

9.45-10.30 SUPER CRUEL 10.30-11.30 RL GRIME

10.00-11.00 FATHER JOHN MISTY

This year when you’re floundering

as his response as to why The Unicorn

time lying around talking on their shitty

The Menu

around Splendour in the Grass in a sea

should be the go-to for food at SITG this

camper stretcher beds in their tents, like

Entrée: Sides to share, charcoal-grilled

of uncertainty, suffering from depleted

year: “Because chips on a stick won’t get

‘I’m not really feeling it.’ Yeah, that’s

hot bread

energy reserves, or, you just need a

your serotonin recovering quick smart,”

cause you’re really hungover and the only

Main: Choice of roast

warm hug from a familiar sight, look no

he says, tucking a napkin into the front of

way to not be hungover is to keep going

Dessert: Pavlova

further than one of the greatest Aussie

his wife-beater in front of one delicious

at it.”

institutions within this great red land of

looking roast chicken whilst taste

And if you’re going to keep going at

Look simple? That’s because delicious

ours—the pub.

testing food at The Unicorn proper in

it, chances are you going to feel pretty

doesn’t have to be fancy.

Splendour’s only resident pub, The

Paddington, Sydney, that’ll be making an

bloody ill if you think that bacon and

Bookings via the Splendour in the Grass

Unicorn, is bringing something new

appearance on the menu at The Unicorn,

egg rolls and breakfast beers are going to

app highly recommended. Drop-ins

to the festival this year. If you’re

Splendour.

nourish you for the next 24 hours. Which

welcome.

after a square meal that’ll line your

And when it comes to running the

is where The Unicorn comes in. Book a

- Monique Penning

stomach the old fashioned way, this

Splendour race and recovering quick-

table for lunch for a far more enjoyable

is it: A three course set menu in their

smart, there’s no-one more equipped to

pre-game experience than eating slices

temporary pub for the people who,

dole out some wisdom than now festival

of devon and drinking warm beers on the

“might actually enjoy sitting down for

veteran Jake.

ground beside a tent, or, take a break from

an hour or something with their mates,

“There’s only speed at Splendour, it’s

the crowds in the evening and reserve

eating something fucking delicious and

fucking all out,” he says. “If you show

somewhere to regroup, recover, and act

drinking some beers,” as owner Jake

an ounce of weakness, you’re fucking

like a civilised human being before diving

Smythe puts it.

finished and it’ll get ya. Don’t be one of

back into the madness. You never regret a

Jake likes to keep things simple. Such

those guys at Splendour who spend their

visit to the pub, so swing by The Unicorn.

10

#MAKEMUSIC Kristina K and Matthew Charles of 10YRWAR & KK In Converse Chuck Taylor Hi and adidas Gazelle platypusshoes.com.au

THE ELECTRIFYING

The Internet is a beautiful beast. It can make or break a person in seconds. Luckily

her own past work experience. “My main job before this was as a camp counsellor.

for all of us, it did the former to Maggie Rogers. After a YouTube video of Pharrell

So, if anyone needs friendship bracelets, or their hair braided, or help with your

Williams losing his mind to her song ‘Alaska’ went viral, the 23-year-old singer

sailing knots, I’m really your go-to-girl. I did it for four years. I actually had a

and producer went from working summers as a camp councillor, to summers

couple of days off last week and I went back to say hi to everybody.” Does she miss

playing Glastonbury.

it? “I miss spending my summers outside a little bit. With festivals though, I still

In the video, Williams hosts a master class at N.Y.U, listens to a group of students’

get to be outside. I love camping and I love hiking—actually, touring is kind of

songs, and then offers feedback. After he finishes listening to Rogers’ song, a visibly

like hiking, cause you’re moving every day!” she laughs.

moved Williams says, “Wow. I have zero, zero, zero notes for that.” Though the clip has

Though Rogers has no intention of watching the Pharrell video again, she’s happy

racked up many millions of views, Rogers has only watched it once. “I really don’t want

to critique live footage of herself. “I’ll watch stuff like that sometimes, because

the video to affect my memory of it. I was just staring at my shoes, I actually didn’t

that feels different. I’m only sort of starting to learn how to be on stage without a

know he was making any faces until I saw the video,” she says.

guitar strapped to me, so watching footage from a show feels different because I’m

Needless to say, 2017 has been a little busier than usual for the Maryland

watching to figure out what to do with myself,” she says.

songwriter. After releasing her EP, Now That the Light Is Fading in February,

Listening to Rogers’ earlier releases, it’s easy to understand why she’s still

the following months saw her playing sold out shows across the US, and a wild

grappling with her change in sound. Up until Now That the Light Is Fading, Rogers

performance at this year’s Glastonbury Festival. “It’s unbelievable, it’s kind of

made folk music, and rarely sang without the twang of the banjo behind her. “The

hard to take in. Playing a festival kind of feels like getting electrocuted, but like,

instrument I’d go to pick up these days is probably a guitar or a piano, but I also

in the best way. The first time I played a festival, as soon as I finished, I had to

probably spend equal time—or more now—on a computer,” she explains. Her

go for a run outside because I just had so much energy in my body. But, I’ve never

eclectic taste in music extends far beyond her own sound, too. A quick scroll

actually been electrocuted before—I should say that.”

through whom Rogers follows on Instagram exposes her interest in a myriad of

Despite the relentless publicity and touring schedule, Rogers has few complaints.

genres. For instance, I point out that in the K’s alone, she follows Kurt Vile, Katy

“It’s been a pretty crazy year, but it’s been incredible. I very much jumped in with

Perry and Kendrick Lamar. “My background is in folk music, so I listen to a lot

two feet, so it’s been a quick learning curve, but I’m excited about all of it,” she

of that, but I’m kind of fascinated by pop music. And I love Kendrick because his

says. With so much already accomplished in the first half of the year, what’s left on

words are so incredible, and so is his rhythm. I have a lot of respect for a lot of

the 2017 to-do-list? “I’m working on a record right now, so the goal is just to finish

different kinds of musicians,” she explains.

it, and I’m really excited about that. And then maybe take some time off to hang

Before she hangs up, Rogers reminds me again of how excited she is to play at

with my family a little bit.”

Splendour, and you can tell her anticipation is genuine. If you want to see what

When I explain to Rogers that we have employed a special mailman to deliver The

electrocution looks like live on stage, head to her set. You’ll be in for a shock.

Daily Splendour to festivalgoers, she gasps with excitement, before ref lecting on

- Erin Bromhead

Catch Maggie Rogers at the GW McLennan Tent Friday 3.00-3.45

AT SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS

THE CONTRABAND ISSUE

fire twirling is a totally weird way to

Professional still cameras

Festivals are a bastard to organise and

spend your free time, and that it makes

Leave the long lenses for the

lines have to be drawn in the sand.

you completely unattractive to the

birdwatchers. Your iPhone will do just

It would be great if the fine people

opposite sex, ie. get a new hobby. As for

fine for your 2 am drum circle snaps.

who put on this great weekend could

fireworks and f lares, well, you do the

Laser lights

trust you reprobates enough to let

math.

If you’re still living in the early noughties

you come and go freely, bringing in

Skateboards

and think that laser pens are still hip then

whatever/whoever you wanted. But,

It’s not the X Games Tony, and besides,

take one to the Mix Up Stage at 5pm on

you’ve proven time and time again

where in God’s name are you going

Friday and shine one in Lil Yachty’s eyes

that you’re a bunch of idiots, so

to skate at a festival that’s held in a

and see how you get on. Actually don’t.

here’s a list of the things that you’re

glorified field?

Leave that pointer at home for terrorising

not allowed to bring into the festival

Boogie boards and boogie board

the cat.

according to the ever-thorough

covers

Umbrellas

https://www.splendourinthegrass.

Looking at you Corby. She might’ve

Umbrellas are dangerous man. Ask the

com. Some obvious, others less so: all

become an unlikely Australian cult

Nazi pilot who Indiana Jones’ dad killed

contraband.

hero (much in the vain of that Corey

via chasing a flock of birds into the

kid with the pierced nipples who threw

engine turbine.

Alcohol from the outside world

a house party when his parents went

Water pistols

A fairly obvious one, booze bucks make

away and just about burnt the suburb

Hey man, this ain’t no Spring Break. And

the world go ‘round and the blue horse

down), but following in Shaz’ footsteps

if you’re after some wet t-shirt action then

(Carlton Dry) didn’t pay through the

isn’t advisable, most notably because

Cheeky Monkeys is that way (south).

nose to see you walking around sucking

nine years in Kerobokan jail ain’t no

Protest paraphernalia and banners

on a silver bullet or a mango. If you’re

joke. Leave the sponge, and conta-filled

Unless it’s a “Fuck Pauline Hanson”

going to try and sneak booze into the

boogie bag, at home.

t-shirt.

festy then at least do your research and

Milk/bread crates

Any other items considered illegal or

buy the on-brand stuff (you didn’t hear

It’s literally the one weekend of the

dangerous

that from me).

whole year when you have to spend most

It’s a pretty comprehensive list, but just

Illegal drugs

of the day on your feet. Don’t be a slug.

in case there’s any clever dick loop-holers

Total no brainer. Drugs are bad and a

Chairs

out there, use your melon and don’t be a

one-way ticket to a life of crime and

Ditto.

clever dick loop-holer.

incarceration. If however, you manage

Anything studded

Strictly no animals

to get f lippers/disco biccies/percocet/

I once had a gold studded Quiksilver

Look, we love doggos as much as the next

purple drank/lean or whatever else

belt that was the treasure of my 16-year-

critter, but unless you’re blind (as in sight,

you kids are hooked on these days into

old wardrobe. That was until, during a

not intoxication) then leave Rex at home.

the festival, and you’re feeling guilty

particularly enthusiastic bout of underage

about your life decisions, then please

drinking, one of the studs came loose and

come to the shipping container around

sliced my midriff open Freddy Krueger

the back of the backstage area and

style. The moral of the story? Studs went

empty your pockets anonymously and

out of fashion for a reason.

judgment-free. The door says “The

Weapons of any kind

Daily Splendour” on it, but due to space

In the right hands anything can be

issues, it also doubles as the “Think

a weapon, but clearly you can’t ban

About Your life No Questions Asked

everything. So, we’re talking the usuals

Drug Depositary”.

here: ninja stars, nunchucks, knuckle

Glass

dusters, prison-style homemade shanks,

Splendour’s held in the beautiful Byron

you know what’s up.

Bay Hinterland, and you know what that

Containers of liquid fuel

means? Hippies. We love hippies, for the

‘cept lighters for sparking up ya lung

most part, and the last thing we want is

busters.

for one of our f lower power brethren to

Video and audio recording devices,

go skipping through the fields after the

including GoPros, excluding mobile

festival and get a shard of champagne

phones

f lute in their hoof.

Now you might think that this one’s

Cans and metal water bottles

geared towards preventing voyeurs from

Ok so you get the point, don’t bring your

filming up Josh Homme’s skirt and

own booze in. We don’t have to keep

uploading it straight to YouTube. But it

banging on about it.

actually goes much further than that on

Full or partly full bottles of water,

a cultural and societal level. Splendour

soft drink etc.

in the Grass do not want the type of

I feel like I’ve got dementia.

people who own offensive, unnecessary

Fireworks, flares, fire twirling

trinkets like GoPros to attend the

paraphernalia (sticks, balls etc)

festival. And we for one, wholly support

“But this is the Byron Shire!” I hear

this notion. The same goes for the next

you yell. “If I can’t twirl my fire here,

two items on the list: Selfie Sticks and

what do I have left?” The answer is that

Drones.

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OFFICIAL MAKEUP PARTNER OF SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS

17/7/17 10:52 am

You know him as Young Franco, but he

sense then that he’s still in need of socks.

There’s another genre Joey’s a big fan

likes it, he’s happy with it. “I really just

was born Joey Da Rin. The Brisbane-

Just kidding, that doesn’t make sense at

of that you mightn’t expect, though.

want to focus on myself and if I like the

based electronic producer became

all. But when we asked him what he’d like

Classical music. And it really helps him

song, then hopefully it will translate. I

musically active at the ripe old age of 17.

fans to throw to him on stage this year, he

with road rage. “Yep, it helps a lot! It

can’t and don’t really think about who will

At 19, he released his first EP, Futurefunk,

simply requested, “maybe just a new pair

actually helps when I’m on the plane,

like it and if it will get a good reaction live

and now, four years later, he’s reached the

of socks.”

too, and I’m a bit tired and I just want

or if it’ll get played on radio, it’s more just

pinnacle of his career with a feature in this

Though he’s now a certified virtuoso of

to chill out. It’s actually the same kind

like if I like it, that’s what I try to focus

here Daily Splendour. From a journalistic

dance music, Young Franco’s journey

of principle anywhere that I’m stressed;

on. Otherwise it over complicates things.”

standpoint, I find age comparisons to be

began with hip-hop. “I started out listening

it’s nice to listen to something that puts

What about when you just want to write

equal parts boring and lazy, but just for

to a lot of instrumental hip hop beats, and

you out of that space.” So does that mean

an absolute obvious banger, though? “Nah,

the record, I didn’t make my own doctor’s

when I was in high school I listened to a

we can look forward to some Chopin in

if you’re not writing music that you like,

appointment until I was 23. Last year,

lot of sampled production,” he says. “I was

an upcoming set? “Oh! Maybe one day.

then you’ll just get tired really quickly,”

Young Franco released the huge single,

kind of interested in how people found an

That’s a future question, I think.”

he says.

‘Drop Your Love’ ft. Dirty Radio, which

old song and sampled it to make something

The last time Young Franco graced the

Speaking of getting tired, I’m unhappy

has garnered over 8 million collective

new. So I took that inspiration and started

stage at Splendour, one thoughtful crowd

to report that is something you feel a lot

streams to date. Then, on the cusp of the

making my own stuff, and reproducing

member threw a pair of undies at him. So,

more of as you get older. But when your

New Year, he dropped another massive

what other people made.”

this year he’s making a request. “Just not

name depends on endless youth, what

track, ‘Miss You’, an energetic blend of

Then, he discovered French beatmaker,

underwear this time,” he pleads. “Maybe

happens if—god forbid—Young Franco

house, disco and pop. As innovative as

Onra. “That’s how I got into disco and

just a new pair of socks!”

makes it to 40? “I don’t have the answer

it is evolving, Young Franco’s sound has

funk. He wrote a really cool EP that’s a

I guess you could say Young Franco

to that! You’ll have to wait and see on

landed him a spot as one of Australia’s

combination of funk, house, disco and hip

doesn’t like asking for much, and that

my 40th birthday if I’m still Young

most exciting and in-demand producers

hop kind of stuff. So it kind of started

includes your opinion. When it comes

Franco. It’s to be confirmed!”

and performers.

from there, and as I learnt more I started

to his production, he wastes no time

After reaching such heights, it only makes

to want to make my own stuff.”

imagining its reception—as long as he

- Erin Bromhead

16 YOung FranCo WANTS YOU TO THROW SOCKS AT HIM Catch Young Franco at the Tiny Dancer Stage Friday 7.30-8.30

Catch Bad//Dreems at the GW McLennan Tent Saturday 4.15-5.00

HAVE HAD A GUTFUL OF GATORADE You know the conversation is going to be

it a four day working week. Friday off,

Sooo, yeah, pretty clear what Ben had had

yourself, and maybe learn a little before

good when the person you’re interviewing

and then late start Monday morning.”

a gutful of late last year when the track

you decide that you’re gonna conquer the

answers the phone by yelling your name

This year’s been a big one for the

was recorded. But what about now, what’s

world, one Facebook post at a time.”

down the line as if you’ve been friends for

Adelaide four-piece, who released their

he had a gutful of in the last few weeks?

Lyrically, in songs like ‘Gutful’ and ‘Mob

decades. And that’s exactly what Bad//

second full-length album, Gutful, in

“Well, I know what Miles, our drummer,

Rule’, Ben does a good job of expressing

Dreems vocalist Ben Marwe did when our

April. It’s a 38-minute slab of good,

has had a gutful of recently. He’s had a

his disappointment with many aspects of

call was connected, the sheer volume of

classic Australian rock. At face value, it

gutful of the seals on Gatorade bottles.

Australian culture. But he’s also proud of

which caught me by surprise.

projects the kind of sound synonymous

And I’ve had a gutful of moving house.

where he’s from, and a fervent supporter

“I’m in my old house that I’ve just moved

with getting rowdy over a couple of cold

That’s a first world problem though,

and champion of the Australian music

out of, and there’s no furniture,” Ben

ones with the boys. But take a closer

having a gutful of moving house.” What

scene. There’s plenty of other stuff he

explains. Pushing for an impromptu

listen, and you’ll discover the message

kind of a problem is having a gutful of

loves about this sunburnt country, too.

a capella performance, I cite the

is a whole lot deeper than that. “People

Gatorade bottle seals, though? “I dunno!

“Obviously it’s a beautiful place to

spectacular acoustics, but end up settling

talk about the stereotypical pub kind of

It just annoys him trying to pick it off

live; visually, aesthetically. I also think

for a lively discussion about current

guy, and I think you’d be surprised at how

when he just wants to get that fucking

Australian people are very funny. And

affairs instead. For instance, Trump’s

intelligent those people can be and the

Gatorade into him, I guess.”

I think there’s a very healthy lineage of

election win implying that literally

things they can say. But, I guess there’s a

When the question is returned to me, I

art, film and music that I love about it.

anyone can become president. With that

bit of an oxymoron kind of thing going on

say I’ve had an absolute gutful of social

Maybe healthy isn’t the right word for it,

in mind, we muse over whom we’d like

when you have our sound and then hear

media. The narcissism, the vapidity,

but you look at old films like Walkabout

to see next in the top seat in Australia.

the lyrics,” Ben says.

the nakedness. But Ben seems unfazed

or Sunday Too Far Away and there’s just

“Stan Grant. I just love the guy. First of

And what fantastic lyrics they are. Take,

by it all. “I barely go on it. But I use

something about those films—the way the

all, he’s just an intelligent man who says

for example, the opening verse from the

Instagram—I like Instagram. Facebook’s

landscape is portrayed is just something

the right things, he comes from a good

album’s title track, ‘Gutful’:

a piece of shit to me. It’s like, a bunch of

you don’t see elsewhere,” he says. “And

place intellectually, I think it’d be good to

“Had a gutful of your speed and coke /

ignorant people projecting their thoughts

obviously, some of the best music that’s

have an indigenous leader, and I like the

Had a gutful of your racist jokes / Had a

into the world. It just doesn’t make any

ever been written has come out of

documentaries he’s done.” And what if he

gutful of Australia Day / Had a gutful of

sense, what they say, and it’s based on

Australia.”

decided to run himself? What would his

the USA / Had a gutful of Donald Trump /

irrational thought. It’s so much easier

campaign promise be? “I’d probably make

Had a gutful of your baby bump.”

to sometimes keep your thoughts to

- Erin Bromhead

ARIES: Today you will find yourself

LIBRA: The guy from Future Islands

eating a wrap when you really wanted a

may punch you out today, but don’t take it

pie. Don’t beat yourself up about it, just

personally, he’s just really, really fucking

get a pie next time.

passionate.

TAURUS: You’ll find yourself in a bit of

SCORPIO: This week’s tempestuous

pickle today when you accidentally say

Scorpio full moon, plus a bunch of other

that King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard’s

celestial pressures, could see you in

name is too long. Your friends will forget

possession of not one, but three quality pies.

about it, however, when it comes to light

Eat one and bury the other two for later.

that you’re Bono’s dentist.

SAGITTARIUS: You’ll feel like you’re GEMINI: Celestial timing’s ripe for a

on the set of Friends today when Matt

personal purge for Geminis, which could

LeBlanc and Matthew Perry attack you

include a refurbishment in your home,

with bamboo while the guy that plays

friendships or affiliations. You might also

Gunther watches and masturbates.

have some pie.

CAPRICORN: Someone will CANCER: You’re probably not going

recommend inhaling the smoke from a

to make rent when you get back home,

dried plant and then going to see Pond

but that’s okay, because right now you’re

with them. You should totally do this.

dancing to LCD Soundsystem and AQUARIUS: Today you will randomly

enjoying a pie.

meet the lead singer of Catfish and the LEO: Someone named “Tyler” will

Bottlemen. Don’t mention how his band’s

attempt to bed you today, but don’t do

name brings Hooty and the Blowfish to

it. He has worse crabs than Father John

mind. He’s heard it a million times already.

Misty.

PISCES: This week pumps up the volume VIRGO: There might be some

with an intense full moon, an unstable

metaphorical bear traps set up this

Mercury/Uranus connection and some

weekend, so tread gently. There might also

powerful Mars/Jupiter synergy. What does

be some actual bear traps, so keep your

that mean? Who knows and who cares—

eyes out for that too. That and the bees.

Queens of the Stone Age are playing!

- Jason Crombie

Chris Martin’s Momentary Lapse of

The Sex Pistols went pop - 1977

Reason - 2003

Amidst national uproar, The Sex Pistols

Chris Martin is clean, too clean. He

made their TV debut on the national

didn’t lose his virginity till he was like,

treasure show Top of the Pops (now

30 or something, and if he’s ever had a

defunct, and formerly hosted by the

puff on a joint then chances are he didn’t

astonishingly never-prosecuted serial sex

inhale. However, even Saint Christopher

offender Sir Jimmy Savile). After much

occasionally loses his shit, as evidenced

ado, the Pistol’s lip syncing of ‘Pretty

on this day back in 2003. Chris was

Vacant’ went off fairly incident free, no

surfing (yep) somewhere in the Byron

doubt sounding infinitely better for their

Shire whilst on a little vacay. Some

instruments not being plugged in.

papster called Jon (not Anthony) Lister,

Appetite for Destruction unleashed on

had been peppering the shit out of the

the world - 1987

Coldplay frontman for the duration of his

One of the most aptly named albums in

tour down under, but when he snapped

history was released on the 21st July,

Jeff Wiggled his way out - 1953

shots of Chris shredding the gnar it was

1987. LA band Guns N’ Roses had

Yep that’s right, Jeffrey Wayne Fatt,

simply too much. Chris saw the red mist

already worked up quite the appetite

aka Jeff the Purple Wiggle, was born in

and went Johnny Drama on the guy’s

for destruction at this point, and the

Casino NSW on this day in 1953. The

car, reportedly smashing his window and

injection of cash after the success of

son of a Chinese family who owned a

letting the air out of his tyres (the men of

what, to give them their due, is one hell

retail store in Casino, after gaining a

Cactus would be proud Christopher!) In a

of an album, definitely didn’t quell their

degree in industrial design and opening a

truly measured English fashion all charges

thirst for the rockier aspects of the path

public address equipment business with

were dropped after Chris offered to pay

to superstardom. Yep, it was all downhill

his brother, Jeff joined The Wiggles and

for the damage to the car. Zzzzzzz.

from here for the gunners—a couple of

hasn’t looked back. Loved for his relaxed

The Beatles start recording one of the

average albums and one god awful one

attitude and falling asleep on the reg,

all-time greats - 1969

(The Spaghetti Incident) followed, as well

Jeff’s become a national treasure and was

Like most of the best Beatles tunes,

as the well-documented descent into the

honoured with the Order of Australia in

‘Come Together’ was written by John

world of severe drug and alcohol abuse by

2010 (along with the rest of The Wiggles)

Lennon. And on the 21st July, 1969,

a number of members, most famously the

for his “service to the arts, particularly

in Abbey Road Studios, Westminster,

still remarkably lucid Slash. Still, throw

children’s entertainment, and to the

London, The Beatles started recording the

Appetite for Destruction on in the car at

community as a benefactor and supporter

song that would open their iconic Abbey

night and try not to scream along to the

of a range of charities.” Onya Jeff, bloody

Road album.

best of your ability.

legend mate. - Alistair Klinkenberg

SCANDAL AND ACCOLADES THROUGH THE MUSICAL AGES

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HEAD TO W W W. M O N S T E R C H I L D R E N . C O M /S U B S C R I B E O F F E R AVA I L A B L E I N AU S T R A L I A O N LY

THANKS TO: @_ _BRITTANYLOUISE PHOTO: @LINCOLN_JAMES

This year marks the 17th year of

next anecdote is totally about me. I still

but to unwrap it with the same fervour

Australia’s best music festival, this

remember what I wore to Interpol’s

as a kid getting a Nintendo on Christmas

here Splendour in the Grass. Now,

Splendour sideshow at the Enmore in

morning. For his only Australian show in

17 years is a long time. Some of you

2005. Purple stovepipe jeans, a lilac

2011, he performed on a raised platform

would have been naught but a twinkle

button up short-sleeved cardigan, and

that hovered above the front rows of the

in your mama’s belly when it all

white Cons. Luckily it was pitch-black

audience, while back up dancers and

kicked off back in 2001. Then again,

in there. That same darkness hung over

fireworks lit up the stage. Super low-key.

some of you may have been there

their Splendour set as they delivered their

since the beginning—which reminds

haunting brand of gloom to a crowd of

2012:

me, how’s the hip replacement? To

adoring fans who couldn’t get enough of

Smashing Pumpkins

celebrate the bounty of riches the

their latest album, the seminal classic,

In 2012, Billy and his squashes toured

festival has provided us over the years,

Antics.

their new album, Oceania, refusing to

we packed a cheese sandwich lunch

play any of their hits that came before it.

and took a trip down memory lane.

2006:

By the divine grace of God, they lifted

Picking one band as the highlight of

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

this self-imposed ban for their Splendour

each year’s lineup is no easy feat, and

Fronted by the effortlessly cool,

set, treating the crowd to ‘Tonight,

I’m not sure why we tried to do it, but

quintessential New Yorker, Karen O,

Tonight’, ‘Disarm’, ‘Today’, and closed

it’s too late to backspace now. So here

Yeah Yeah Yeahs bought their incredible

with the epic ‘X.Y.U.’ And into the eyes of

it is, the best of Splendour. Past tense

second album Show Your Bones to life

the jackal I say ka-boom!

FOMO begins…now.

in Byron. Their stage presence was frenzied and electric, and they belted

2013:

2001:

their way through songs like ‘Gold Lion’

The National

Magic Dirt

and ‘Phenomena’ like human lightning

After six years of red tape, Splendour

In its inaugural year, Splendour took

bolts before inducing a sea of tears via

finally moved into its permanent home at

place as a one-day festival and boasted an

the world’s most bittersweet love song,

the North Byron Parklands. The National

almost entirely Aussie lineup, including

‘Maps’.

christened the space, bringing their Trouble Will Find Me tour to NSW. If

homegrown heroes Magic Dirt. Fronted by the supremely badass Adalita Srsen,

2007:

you’ve ever had the honour of witnessing

the Geelong four-piece had three albums

Gotye

Matt Berninger singing ‘I Need My Girl’

under their belt when they stormed the

Before ‘Somebody That I Used to Know’

live, you’ll understand why they were the

stage in 2001. I’ll tell you what; they don’t

catapulted Gotye to worldwide stardom,

highlight.

make ‘em like they used to.

we knew him as Wally De Backer who made an EP in his bedroom in Melbourne.

2014:

2002:

He’d released a song called ‘Heart’s a

DMA’s

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Mess’ that both himself and Splendour

DMA’s are a sight to behold live. And

After the success of its first year,

had no idea had amassed such popularity.

amongst a line-up of high rollers like

Splendour returned as a two-day festival,

Subsequently, his set on one of the

Outkast, Lily Allen and Future Islands,

armed with a slew of international

smaller stages of Splendour almost caused

the Newtown boys held their own,

headliners. Alongside Blackalicious,

a stampede when 99% of attendees all

holding the huge crowd in the palm of

Gomez, and Supergrass, Californian cool

turned up to watch. Legendary.

their faux-chav hands as they powered through tracks from their self-titled debut

kids BRMC brought their closet of leather to Byron and left a cloud of guitar fuzz in

2008:

their wake.

The Presets When Sydney duo The Presets dropped

2015:

2003:

their 2008 album, Apocalypso, it gave

Tame Impala

Placebo

the word debauchery a sonic definition.

The Perth band that need no introduction.

When I was 11, I thumbtacked a poster

The demonic dancefloor at Splendour was

Fronted by Kevin Parker, seeing TI play

of Placebo frontman Brian Molko to

further testimony to this, and legend has

is a somewhat spiritual experience—a

my bedroom wall. In the photo, he was

it that some attendees are still looking for

sensory overload, if you will. Backed by

pinching his nipple whilst biting his

their jaws today.

psychedelic projections, the band powered through (a set of) a decade of hits,

bright-red lips. Placebo always remind

MEMORABLE PERFORMANCES FROM EACH OF SPLENDOUR’S 16 YEARS

EP.

me of two things: 1) How cool my mum

2009:

cumulating in ‘Apocalypse Dreams’ and a

was for letting me put up such an age

Bloc Party

shitload of tripped out campers.

inappropriate poster, and 2) That while a

Four words: ‘Like Eating Glass’ encore.

2016:

friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend 2010: Florence and the Machine

The Avalanches

A year after she gifted the world with

Never has a return been as hyped as that

2004:

Lungs, Florence showed Splendour just

of Melbourne legends The Avalanches,

PJ Harvey

what a talented pair she has. For the

whose Splendour set last year was their

English rose Polly Jean Harvey graced the

first time since its inception, Splendour

first live performance in over a decade.

Splendour stage in 2004 as part of her Uh

stretched to a three-day extravaganza,

As the clock struck 9, Robbie Chater and

Huh Her tour. She opened with ‘The Life

and the sing along to ‘Dog Days’ toward

Tony Di Blasi transformed the fields of

& Death of Mr.Badmouth’, and ended on

the end of her set on Saturday night was

Splendour into a sonic wonderland as

the aptly titled ‘Big Exit’. It was only the

one for the history books.

they played tracks from their new album,

with weed is better.

Wildflower, as well as favourites from

second time Harvey had ever toured in Australia, and the crowd couldn’t have

2011:

been happier about her return.

Kanye West Say what you want about Kanye (and

2005:

most of us want to say a lot), but the guy

Interpol

has a gift. And when he puts that gift into

Not to make this about me, but this

action live on stage, you have no choice

their debut Y2K record, Since I Left You. 2017: TBD!

- Erin Bromhead

Like Centrelink money and food at

T-Shirt Bag Raiders

your parents’ house, things are always

Your old tees can get stockpiled in your

that little bit sweeter when they’re

closet, so why not bring one along to

free. Like Splendour in the Craft, for

Splendour and repurpose it into a bag?

example. Existing like a little planet

The lovely ladies at T-Shirt Bag Raiders

inside the SITG universe, Splendour

will be teaching you how to turn that Sea

in the Craft is where you can turn

World Queensland XXS tee into wearable

up, cover yourself in glitter, let your

fashion in no time. And if you left a spare

inhibitions run free with a hot glue

tee at home along with your common

gun, and bedazzle (not vajazzle)

sense, not to worry—they’ll have some

yourself happy. There’s activities

on hand for you to use. On a side note,

running throughout the entire

while a bag is really handy in a mosh, so

weekend, and you don’t have to pay a

is a thin layer of fabric in safeguarding

cent to be a part of it. And if you think

your sweat from the skin of an innocent

this is strictly ladies’ business, you’d be

neighbour. In the name of festival

wrong. Boys, instead of sliding into her

etiquette, please don’t sacrifice your only

Instagram DMs, why don’t you slide

t-shirt, ok?

her into a freshly knitted garment?

4PM-5:30PM FRIDAY

Just a suggestion. So, lock and load the hot glue guns and strap your

Put a Bling on it

environmentally friendly fanny pack

Thanks to the wood you’ll be making

on, because here’s the down on just

your earrings, rings, and necklaces

some of the craft lineup.

from, you can leave knowing your jewellery making practice is vastly more

Busted Salon de Beautie

sustainable than your relationship formed

One time I used some hairspray at a

in the mosh during a particularly steamy

nightclub in Sydney and they made me

Kirin J Callinan set. Floral bucket hat

pay handsomely for it in tips. The Busted

with Fruity Lexia filled hydration pack, if

Salon de Beautie however, is entirely

you’re reading this, text me xx.

free. And they’ve got more than just

1:30PM-3PM SUNDAY

hairspray—glitter, makeup, paint, all the

24

kind of jazzy stuff you need to jazz up

Totes Totes

your face. You come along, sit in a lovely

Come and make one of the most useful

climate controlled bus, get your festival

things you can possibly own (a tote bag)

Monkey Monkey Shake Shake

weary head fussed over, and leave none

with a legend of Australian art (Paul

Genres defy Monkey Monkey Shake

the uglier or poorer. In fact, you’ll leave

McNeil) in one of the most popular

Shake, but here we go: World quaking

feeling pretty damn snazzy. Sounds like

sessions at Splendour in the Craft. Screen

Neo-Dada Avante K-Pop craft punk

a good deal to me, you should go check

print your own bag, choosing one of

explosion. If you want to see something

it out. Oh, and screw you mega club in

four designs, then decorate and no doubt

a little different at Splendour, then we’d

Sydney, your hair spray and your $15

eventually misplace, to your heart’s

recommend this performance of people

dollar drinks suck.

content. When we say it’s a hot ticket in

dancing in felt grizzly bear costumes and

11AM-5PM FRIDAY TO SUNDAY

town, we ain’t kidding—get in early or

singing about pancakes.

you’ll miss out.

12:45PM-1PM AND 4:45-5PM FRIDAY

11AM-12:30PM SUNDAY

TO SUNDAY

and the most useful. Your clothes get as

Craftavism

Bags Not

busted up as you do at festival time, so

Activism is a Byron Bay as patchouli

It’s no secret that plastic is shitty for

it’s not a bad idea to show them a little

and nag champa, so this little spin-off

the environment. This year at SITG,

TLC. Come in and get your sequinned

makes perfect sense. Whether you’re

Boomerang Bags will have a collection

bras, ripped pants, broken zippered

penning a post card to the pelicans in

point running throughout the entire

sleeping bags (what were you doing?) and

government that run our fine country,

weekend, so you can upcycle or donate

whatever else mended, for free. It’s like

sewing blankets for animal shelters, or

reusable shopping bags and totes. Who’d

bringing your nan to Splendour, without

knitting up some warm clothes for asylum

have thought those environmentally

the sloppy forehead kisses. Please note:

seekers, get involved and do something

friendly alcopop transporter bags of your

leave your bent Indian headdress at the

good for someone else in the midst of one

youth would serve a more important

door, we don’t want that shit round here.

hedonistic long weekend.

purpose one day? - Monique Penning

12PM-3PM FRIDAY TO SUNDAY

4PM-5:30PM SUNDAY

11AM-5:30 PM FRIDAY TO SUNDAY

Mend it like Beckham No doubt the best name of them all,

GUIDE TO FESTIVAL FASHION LATEX GLOVES OPTIONAL Look 1 : Fruit Bowl Cowboy

Look 2: Communist Kobe

Where you’ll find him: “Skulking around the bathrooms or bursting through the saloon

Where you’ll find him: “Causing trouble.”

doors of the backstage, without anyone saying a word.”

Advice for wet weather: “Latex gloves—you’ll keep your hands clean. Everything else Find him in the mosh at: “Kirin J Callinan, Queens of the Stone Age, The Lemon

can get filthy but as long as your hands are clean, you’re good. You can even go to the

Twigs.”

bathroom and wash the latex gloves. There’s a certain level of anxiety created by latex gloves in social situations: airports, festivals etc. It definitely creates a certain tension

Fashion inspiration: “Paul Mercurio in Strictly Ballroom, Country and Western films

but so much of it depends on the colour—these ones say surgeon, dentist, germophobe

and Robert Forster. He wore some wonderful crop tops in his time.”

maybe.”

Stylist’s note: “The banana is pretty small, but it makes me look bigger.”

Wardrobe staple: “I own more singlets than anything else. There’s an American brand of tank top I like that comes in a kids range, but I just get the XXL size. And silk socks.

There’s a sock stand at these markets in London I like, I get a lot of silk socks to go with my slippers. Well they’re not actually silk, they’re imitation silk.”

- Erin Bromhead

“About time,” says Kirin J Callinan in response to the statement in the media hailing

a touch of tartan, berets and more, all infused with a literal hat-tip to cowboy culture.

him as “the most fashionable man in Australian music”. Despite the fact he’s just ripped

And, often—evident in a few photos that stubbornly defy the rules surrounding nudity

the entire backside of his favourite leather trousers in the midst of a vigorous squat, his

on Instagram—nothing at all. So when it came down to who would curate our guide to

feathers remain fairly unruffled as he mentions he’ll need a new leather man, and soon.

festival fashion at Splendour, there was no-one else we wanted. I ask him the age old

“I need to get them fixed up asap, I’m headed to the snow and you need a good cod piece

festival question, and one that may be plaguing you as you reach for your outfits over

in the snow.”

the next few glorious days: what’s more important, fashion or function? “People say

If you’ve ever attended a Kirin J Callinan show or even just perused his Instagram,

fashion and function as if they’re two mutually exclusive things but what’s mutually

you’ll be aware that personal style is not something he takes lightly. Though hard to

exclusive to me, is art and function,” he says. “But, fashion exists somewhere in-

define, his wardrobe includes pastel tanks, oriental embroidery, silk socks and slippers,

between the two.” So there you have it.

Look 3: Cowboy en Blanc

Look 4: Campside Cook

Where you’ll find him: “Watching music at the GW McLennan stage, or hitting the

You’ll find him: “At the campgrounds a week after Splendour.”

whiskeys, slumped over a bar.”

Fashion No-No’s: “No, there are no no-no’s. Everything works.”

Wearing white to a festival: “It’s a bold move. I’ve done it in the past at Glastonbury. I was staying at a friend’s house and I only had one outfit. I’d come back filthy at the end

Catch Kirin J Callinan at the GW McLennan Tent Sunday 3.00-3.45

of the day and the first thing I’d do would be put my clothes in the washing machine/ dryer. I’d go to bed, wake up and slip on the same outfit; it felt very modern, very totalitarian, fascist society. I looked impeccably clean every day, turning up next to these muddy, haggard British people. I was jumping up on stage with a bunch of bands everyday so I was this shining light on stage, lookin’ wonderful.”

Source this look from: “America. The belt was won in an arm wrestling competition in Montana. I arm wrestled some off duty marines and I’m surprisingly good at arm wrestling, I have a very long arm. I did have some assistance however; my friend jumped under the table and gave him a little fondle. He was furious, but his mates thought it was hilarious.”

Photos: Lincoln Jubb

28 Catch Julia Jacklin at the GW McLennan Tent Friday 4.15-5.00

Photos: Sam Brumby

Britney, Evanescence, and Julia Jacklin Walk into a Bar…

When I first heard Julia Jacklin’s song ‘Don’t Let The Kids Win’, I felt like someone was reading my diary out loud again.

The first time that happened, I was seven and my brother stole the key to my secret diary lock, opened it on my grandparents’ deck, and proceeded to read out an early April entry declaring my love for Timothy Rook to my entire extended family.

Needless to say, tears were shed that night.

Now to this second, albeit metaphorical

to Nashville and the woman in front of

quest at my school, and I have a memory

Who’s on her roster this year? “I’ll have to

diary reading. I was in my car, stopped

me, her water broke. And it went on my

that I fucking nailed it,” she says. “But

look, but at Laneway, I was like, ‘I gotta

at a red traffic light at the intersection of

bag and then we had to stop the bus and

then again, maybe I didn’t. I remember

talk to the King Gizzard guys.’”

South Dowling and Flinders St in Sydney.

she was going into labour, it was really

people after it coming up saying, ‘that

Jacklin is no stranger to playing

‘Don’t Let The Kids Win’ came through

intense. No one on the bus knew how to

was fucking great’ though, so I dunno.”

festivals, with performances at SXSW,

the speakers, and I was stunned. Every

handle it, she was alone and only like, 17.

While we’re digging up old skeletons, it’s

Glastonbury and Primavera all under her

verse got me, but nothing quite like the

That’s probably the craziest thing I saw.”

worth mentioning that Jacklin grew up

belt. She knows all too well the power

one about Jacklin’s mother. It goes:

Whilst it took a trip to America to kick

a die-hard Britney Spears fan. Though

of a good music festival, attending her

“Don’t let the time go by / Without sitting

Jacklin into gear for her first album, she’s

you may not hear much of her influence

first one at 17. “The first festival I ever

your mother down / And asking what life

not waiting for another eureka moment

in Jacklin’s songs, Britney is actually

attended was the Great Escape Festival,

was like for her / Before you came to be

to get working on her second. “Me before

the reason she took up singing lessons at

it was only around for one or two years.

around / And tell her it’s okay if she puts

I made my first record and me now are

10-years-old. “My fandom has wavered

It was Wolfmother and John Butler that

herself first / Us kids we’ll be alright if

extremely different people. Before, I

recently though,” she says. “I saw a

year. It was amazing. It changed my life.

we’re not the centre of her universe.”

wasn’t a full-time musician; I was a

music video where she seemed to cram

I was 17 and I thought it was the coolest

That night, I drove to my parents’ house

completely different person creatively

like 10 million product placements into

thing that ever happened,” she says.

and asked my mum just that. Less than

because I was making music as a hobby

it. I’m like, come on dude, you’ve got

Talking to Jacklin, I note how naturally

a year later, I’m seated next to Jacklin

after uni and kind of not expecting it to

a lot of money. I’m obviously in a very

she weaves clever insights into casual

at a Surry Hills café, asking when or if

do anything good. Now, I’m doing it full-

different realm as a musician, but I still

conversation—just as she does in her

she spoke to her own family about the

time and it’s a totally different feeling—

don’t understand that product placement

lyrics. Every track on her album is

song. “No, I haven’t! I was just thinking

it feels a bit harder now, I’m questioning

thing. It takes away from the joy of a

effortlessly peppered with insightful,

about that the other day,” she says. “I

everything.”

music video.” Does that mean she’d turn

heartfelt musings on everyday

think my mum doesn’t hear lyrics, you

While the success of the album has led to

down a meet and greet with the princess

occurrences, making her music a rare

know? She’ll be like, ‘that’s catchy.’”

sold-out shows in Australia and multiple

of pop? “I’m very hesitant to meet my

mix of smart, relatable, and accessible.

What about her younger brother then,

tours across the US and Europe, Jacklin

heroes. I think that it’s not the best idea,

Jacklin also possesses the ability to drop

who she also masterfully muses about on

still can’t help but reflect on simpler

usually.”

contemporary, cultural references in her

the same song, singing, “Don’t let your

times. Like the golden days of high

Is that ‘usually’ a reference to a personal,

songs without coming across as tacky

brother / Stop thinking you’re cool / Yeah

school, when her old band performed

grossly embarrassing experience? Of

or cheap. It’s like she’s making classics

I know he’s got a girlfriend now and he’s

Evanescence covers. (Yes, they did

course it is. “When I was about 13, I was

of her time, instead of timeless classics.

taller / But that don’t mean he stopped

that song). “I wish so, so much, that

obsessed with Grinspoon. I went to the

It’s lines like “I’ve been keeping my

looking up to you.” “My brother hasn’t

I could go back in time, and force my

ARIAs to watch, and I was on the red

eye for when you come online, and you

said anything either—I think maybe it’s

mum to buy a video camera, and film

carpet and Phil pulled up in a Cadillac

need me, emotionally” on ‘Hay Plain’, or

embarrassing or something. It’s awkward

me singing that song. I sung that at the

and I didn’t know what he looked like or

“Zach Braff, you look just like my dad,

sometimes to talk to your family about

band competition at this really bad music

anything because this was pre using the

back when I thought I had the best one,”

personal things and express those kinds

festival called ‘Weststock’ which is like

internet, and I was like, ‘Who are you?’

on ‘Small Talk’ that make you feel like

of emotions, and that’s why I wrote a

Western Sydney’s Woodstock. It was like

and he said, ‘We’re Grinspoon’ and I

you’re reading a text conversation with

song about it instead, to save talking to

a sausage sizzle with a jumping castle

just screamed my head off for about five

your best friend. But is it a conscious

them about it,” she says.

and a stage with local kid bands.”

minutes until he left. I just think you can

thing for her to drop current references

26-year-old Jacklin grew up west of

It’s at this point of the conversation that

never be composed and articulate and

in her music? “Yeah, I think it definitely

Sydney in the Blue Mountains. Her

I realise Jacklin and I are very different

say what you wanna say—I think if I was

is,” she says. “I think especially with folk

debut album, Don’t Let the Kids Win was

people. Personally, I feel nothing but

gonna meet a hero I’d just want it to be

music, and the genre I write in, it’s really

released in October of last year, receiving

enormous relief knowing most of my

casually, like, in the same toilet line.”

easy at the beginning to just fall into

immediate, widespread acclaim. Jacklin

creative output from my teenage years

It’s unlikely you’ll stumble upon Jacklin

really classic folk tropes, you know, and

had just returned from a transformative

has gone undocumented. The reason for

in the toilet line at Splendour this year,

just sing about mountains and rivers and

trip across America when she emailed

this is simple: In year 12, as my final

though. Instead, she’ll be backstage,

the country and stuff, and it doesn’t feel

Aldous Harding’s producer, Ben

artwork, I made a screen print of Jesus

casually avoiding eye contact with

that good to sing because I feel like a bit

Edwards, to ask if they could work on her

crucified at the stock exchange holding a

everyone. “Backstage at festivals, you

of a fraud. I dunno, it’s nice to sing about

first record together.

shopping bag and wearing an army tag.

kind of spend the whole time looking

current things and being a young person

While she was in the US, Jacklin

The work was aptly titled, ‘Why?’

around, trying not to bump into people

today, because a lot of people don’t like

spent a lot of time on the infamously

Needless to say, Jacklin is different, most

who you don’t want to talk to. I sometimes

to sing these things because it’s not the

shady Greyhound buses. “Probably

obviously because she’s talented—an

pretend I’m on my phone. Everyone’s in

way songs are supposed to be written.”

the strangest thing that happened on a

attribute I personally dodged at birth. “I

their little crews and you’re just trying to

Greyhound was when we were going

covered Evanescence again at the talent

figure out ways to infiltrate other bands.”

- Erin Bromhead

30 The death of the Australian dance music

little time for. Even if the sound isn’t

festival was not televised, nor was it

your tipple, it’s hard not to appreciate his

quick. It was a gradual de-evolution

savviness on some level.

which I personally watched right there

CC: DISCO! is one of my favourite

from the front left, t-shirt neckline

Boiler Room sets ever. She is a goddamn

plunging down to warm vodka and

selector, if ever you’ve seen one.

sugar in hand. It all began with such

Everything from rare funk to New

optimism, and an immense sense of

York house to 90s RnB, delivered with

togetherness. But it quickly became a

excellent fashion sense and a trill smile.

glutinous circus that catered primarily to

Just don’t let her catch you standing still.

a crowd who were both allergic to cotton,

Sam Weston, who you might know as

and lacking the kind of genre romance

one half of Alba, released his debut

required for any longevity. Stereosonic,

record this year on Soothsayer and wow,

I am absolutely looking at you. You too,

is it good. Leon Vynehall-inspired house

Parklife. And you didn’t act alone. I

played live, with perfect imperfections

totally under$tand how, and why, but that

and a little room for jamming. ‘Never

doesn’t make it any less disappointing.

Been In Love, Pt II’ is an unrelenting

Although, really, who needs dedicated

piano house masterpiece.

dance music festivals now when you have

Nite Fleit doesn’t sound like anyone else,

Splendour in the Grass? Splendour, for

and she does it amazingly well. We’re

whom dance music is not even a major

soon to be label mates, but I’d be going to

focus, still manages to annually curate

watch her regardless because she delivers.

a hyper tasteful and absolutely apex

Every. Single. Time. Chugging house and

dance element. 2017 is no diff. Here’s my

techno with a touch of class.

completely biased pick of sets to watch.

And now we reach the part of this guide

Sweet baby Yeezus I’ve missed Cut

where I tell you what I believe are the two

Copy. Cutters are, collectively, a treasure

best things you will see at Splendour in

of the Australian electronic scene. They

the Grass this year: Harvey Sutherland

were the first artists to release music on

and Bermuda, and LCD Soundsystem.

Modular Records; a 7-inch, Bauhaus-

The former are what you may describe

inspired sleeve encasing a pressing called

as a live psychedelic disco act. Late-70s,

1984. And they’ve been not only faultless,

cosmic disco too, Moog-heavy and richly

but dynamic, daring, and hypnotic,

textured; certainly not the glam 80s

ever since. They’ve also been quiet for

Miami stompers most associate with the

a minute and, knowing their history as

word. Drums, an electronic violin, and

fanboyishly as I do, that means they’ll be

Mr Sutherland himself on synthesis, three

bringing some fresh heat to Byron Bay.

elements that create a wildly detailed

Expect new joints sprinkled among their

tapestry and a true journey.

timeless back catalogue.

And, finally. New York’s greatest-ever

Also in early-noughties-Australian-

punk funk band, led by the ineffable

electro, Bag Raiders saw an unexpected

James Goddamn Murphy. You know

rise back to the top of the charts thanks to

their songs, subconsciously or not. And

the use of Shooting Stars in one of 2017’s

now, if you’ve never seen them before,

finest memes (spill some data on YouTube

you’ve been #blessed with a second

right now and then come back here). More

chance, given their reformation after

on this in a coming edition, but suffice to

a four-year hiatus. LCD Soundsystem

say, the Sydney duo are never not a good

are diamonds sparkling in a dark cave;

time.

built in suffocating New York basements

Client Liaison are back at Splendour

and matured by time on the road, this is

with their Commonwealth of Australia

live electronic music with true feeling.

INXS worship, and I’m here for it. 80s

A modern Talking Heads. Ambitious,

Australiana never sounded better—nor

emotional, and accidentally the best

looked better, for that matter. Salmon

band at any festival they’re ever billed

coloured suit? Check. Anthemic sound

by. Including Splendour in the Grass,

tailor-made for a Splendour stage? No

according to my humble opinion and rose-

doubt.

lensed glasses. Please do not miss.

RL Grime is in a league of his own when it comes to trap—a genre I usually have

- Elliot Struck

LIL YACHTY DEBUT ALBUM TEENAGE EMOTIONS OUT NOW

PERFORMING AT

MIX-UP STAGE 17:15 – 18:15, FRIDAY

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DAVID STRASSMAN TO REPLACE HAIM IN LAST MINUTE C ANC EL L AT ION

Mud, glorious mud!

We’ve got 35 square kilometres of the stuff, and everyone knows you haven’t had a wank until you’ve wanked in the mud! It’s true! Come wank in our mud! We’ve got more mud than anyone in the world! Mud! Mud! Mud! Come on down to mud world and rub one out—IN THE MUD! Mud World 498o Murray Valley Hwy, Strathgerton Victoria www.mudmudwankmud.com

Yesterday’s sudden disappearance of

At today’s performance, Strassman will

the band Haim has forced organisers

be rolling out his usual creepy, jokester

to replace them at the last minute with

puppets (Ted E. Bare, Chuck Wood, Little

ventriloquist David Strassman. The puppet

Ricky, etc.), but will also be showcasing a

comedian was at home talking to himself

new trio of sassy female puppets who are

in funny voices in the dark when the call

in a rock band. “Laim are a first in puppet

came through. “I was really surprised to

comedy,” says Strassman. “There are

hear from the Splendour organisers,” said

three puppets to operate at once, and they

the beady-eyed puppet master, “Normally

also do songs, which is very challenging

I do smaller venues and the odd bit on

for me as a ventriloquist.” The fact that his

TV. That said, I think the kids will dig my

new puppets bear a striking resemblance

show—it’s pretty hip!” The eerie cue ball

to the missing band, Haim, is purely

then went on to express concern for the

coincidental, he says, and there’s nothing

whereabouts of Haim. “It sure is strange

suspicious going on at all. “I guess it is

In today’s modern society, there’s no reason why you or anyone should

that those guys disappeared. I’m sure

pretty weird when you think about it,”

have it off with the same person forever—especially when that person is

they’ll turn up eventually. It’s not like

said the spooky cue ball puppet lord, “but

they’re chained up in an attic somewhere.

I’m sure those guys are off somewhere

Just look around you! There are plenty of young women who’ll have sex

Ha ha.” The disappearance of Haim has

eating pizza or something. I mean, I have

with you after eight drinks—so why not? Are we meant to be monogamous?

authorities stumped, but there is one piece

no idea, really... I’ll tell you one place they

Really? Then why do you keep fantasizing about doing Tiffany from

of evidence that could prove pivotal to the

most definitely are not: my place. And

accounts in the bum? Monogamy is not natural at all, otherwise you

investigation: a small shoe. “It’s a small

they’re definitely not chained up in my

shoe,” says Sgt. Kevin Murray of the NSW

murky attic amongst all the other puppets

Missing Persons Unit. “It’s too small for a

I have, the secret puppets, the puppets no

child, but would definitely fit, say, a doll.

one knows about.”

Right now this is all we have to go on. That and the clear signs of a violent struggle.”

- Jason Crombie

gradually becoming less and less attractive as they grow older.

wouldn’t be plagued by those smutty thoughts.

So, go ahead, have a fling or two. You’ve earned it.

A message from Wilhelm & Roberts Divorce Lawyers.

BOnsAI MY FONDEST MEMORIES OF SPLENDOUR PART ONE

the gig along with The Vines drummer

head spinning stuff.

and all-round deadset fucking legend,

Just before lunch, Hamish excused

Hamish Rosser. The director wanted

himself to go watch The Living End. I was

something completely at odds with the

keen to join him but the producer asked

usual backstage set up of the cool/goofy/

if I was cool to do one more interview,

eager/stylishly dishevelled haired music

solo. “It’s Bluejuice, and you’ll be talking

reporter asking the bands what bands

to Stav and Jake Stone.” Hmmmmnnn…

they were keen to check out at the fezzy.

Jake Stone… the name sounded familiar,

“We don’t even want you guys to ask any

but why? And then I remembered. Jake

questions at all,” he told us. “We just want

Stone was the very same fucker who’d

you to sit down, drink wine, and talk shit

written the Goons’ one star review in the

with whoever we bring in.” This sounded

street press. The guy who was writing off

perfect to me and Hamish, particularly

bands was in a band himself! Keen for

in light of the fact that sitting down,

retribution and a call-out ambush right

drinking wine, and talking shit were

there on MTV, I told the producer to bring

three of the very rare things we were dick

’em in.

swinging legends at doing.

Jake and Stav bounced into the bus

The line-up for Splendour that year was

completely out of their minds. The set

(as always) damn bitchin’ for its time with

they’d just finished had been a full blown

The Flaming Lips, The Specials, MGMT,

screamer (from memory, one that marked

Bloc Party, Happy Mondays, Friendly

their arrival as one of the great live acts in

Fires, Hilltop Hoods, Children Collide,

the country) and they were ramped up and

Augie March, and a heap of others all

ready to talk shit. But I wasn’t interested

scheduled to light it up for the masses over

in their band or how good they were going

Splendour means different things to

the three days. Hamish and I only had to

or what they thought of the crowd. I didn’t

different people. For some, it’s about

check in at the bus every hour or two to

give a fuck how many records they’d sold

getting free backstage passes and rubbing

see if the producers had teed someone up

or what they were working on or who else

shoulders with celebs and musos and, let’s

for a chat, and if they had, our job was

they might be keen to check out at the

face it, a heap of wankers in the VIP area.

to get drunk and chug a bunch of darts

fezzy. The only thing I wanted to know

For others, it’s about wearing headbands

with them, which we did with gusto. On

was why Jake Stone thought my band

and circular sunglasses and big boots

the first two days, we drained claret by

and my art, my passion and the passion

with little dresses and muscle tees and felt

the bucket and talked with Johnny from

of my bandmates, was only worth one

hats and fucken feathers in your hair. For

Children Collide about the length of a

lousy fucking star in his snooty-nosed,

a rare few, it’s about getting wasted and

piece of string, the Yves Klein Blue boys

holier than thou, piece of shit review. I

falling asleep on a port-a-loo with your

told us that everyone is red headed to the

could have schooled him and I should

pants around your ankles and the door

colour blind, Bob Evans revealed his real

have schooled him… but I didn’t. Instead

ajar so that everyone in line can see your

name was Kevin Mitchell, and Tim Rogers

I hugged Jake Stone, told him I was a

shrivelled knob perched on top of your

said his fake name was Jack Ladder. It was

big fan, poured him a glass of red, and

frozen ballbag like a purple cherry on a

all wonderfully trivial and shithouse until

happily chatted about pretty much fuck all

scoop of raspberry ice cream. For most

Neville Staples came in with The Specials

while he laughed, and smoked, and drank

though, it’s about soaking your soul in the

and provided us a highlight moment we’ll

from the very same glass that only hours

collective energy of the music, standing

never forget: all of us hugging and singing

earlier had doubled as the world’s first

in the fields and tapping into that flow –

“A Message To You, Rudy” together like

Bonsai Ballbag. Five-star revenge right

from the artists, through speakers the size

a long lost bunch of childhood gambinos.

there, motherfucker. - Vaughan Dead

of buildings, straight into your vibrating

What a lark.

carcass. There’s no doubt that when you

The next day we did it all again, only this

get the right band with the right crowd on

time things were slightly more hungover

the right night, everything in the world

and shambolic. Clay MacDonald, then

dissolves to nothing. You’re free of all

bassist of The Beautiful Girls, kicked

life’s horseshit in the explosion of that one

off the morning by performing his own

perfect fucking moment. It’s like riding a

interpretation of the Bonsai Kitten craze

unicorn made of lighting over an orgasm

(ie: cats shoved into small glass bottles)

rainbow with a sunflower in one hand and

that was making big news on the internet.

a porcelain figurine of Michael Jackson in

Standing on the small table inside the bus

the other. Nirvana.

he pulled down his dacks and dropped

I’ve seen and done all of the above at

his nuts straight into my wineglass.

one point or another in my Splendour

“Bonsai Ballbags!” he announced. Phil

experiences, but there was this one year

from Grinspoon called in and we talked

when I was gifted something entirely

about TDAATEC, his riff driven hip hop,

different. It was 2009 and MTV were

rock and roll side project with G Force

looking for some band guys to host

Messiah, Killer Wright, and D’Velvet

a bunch of Jim Jarmusch ‘Coffee &

Dragon (still one of the best albums ever

Cigarettes’ style interviews in a giant

and responsible for the classic Doped

double decker bus that was parked behind

Youth opening track ‘Kimono’, if you’re

the main stage. Despite the fact my band

interested). Wayne Coyne hung out for

(Goons of Doom) had just received a one

an hour and a half, marvelling about

star review in the Sydney street press for

everything from The Flaming Lips stage

what the writer called “the worst single

show to the spectacular perfection of

of the year”, I somehow got the call up for

vaginas. It was incredible, entertaining,

33

SEVEN THINGS WE LEARNT ABOUT

Tour riders hold endless fascination for

getting bigger and bigger and the thing I find

those of us outside the music industry. You

interesting is DJs. I mean, there’s only one of

know, that form where performers request

you, how many people are you bringing? Why

anything that strikes their fancy (relative

are you doing an overnight load-in with 15

to their level of fame) and expect someone

crew, are you plugging in your iPad?”

out there to source it for them. Whether

Panic if organic

it’s the vanilla requests of Ed Sheeran

“I was ringing around for weeks trying to

(Robinson’s Squash, a six-pack of Diet

get an organic, ruby red apple, that’s red but

Coke, orange Fanta and Sprite, and a jar

not too red, and a can of tuna that had to be

of Manuka Honey) the specifics of Slayer (a

certified organic. I’m ringing all these health

platter of hummus and sprouts arranged in

food shops trying to find organic tuna, and

a pentagram formation) or the undisputed

eventually someone told me, ‘Give up, you

king of the rider, Iggy Pop, who, among

can’t certify the ocean.’”

many things, asked for seven dwarves, a

BYO undies. Please.

Bob Hope impersonator, and cauliflower

“People ask for that all the time. Sometimes

and broccoli cut into individual florets and

you’ve just got to go no, that’s not ok. Like, I

thrown immediately into the garbage—

can’t buy people underpants, it’s gross.”

people just can’t get enough of that shit.

Oasis aren’t the only ones feuding

So to find out a little more about the 17 odd

One English band needed to have a family and

years-worth of SITG tour riders, we went

friends room, a production office, a wardrobe

straight to the source—Cathy James, Riders

office, a TV room, their own rooms, a warm-

Manager for Splendour talent since the very

up room and a crew room. Depending on the

beginning. From the batshit boring to the

band not all of them are talking to each other,

humanly impossible, there’s nothing she

so they’ll need separate areas.”

hasn’t seen and very little that can surprise

It’s not just the headliners who pull

her. Except undies.

“In the early years we had a bunch of little 6x3metre tents for the smaller bands. I

Size does matter

remember pulling open the tent flap for one

“There was one woman who wouldn’t come

of the small bands—it wasn’t even one in the

onsite until she knew the diameter of the

afternoon and they’d already run out of their

clothes rack rail. This was at the beginning

rider—and I was going in there to clean it

when we didn’t even have enough money to

out, and this guy was getting lucky. His first

rent them so we’d constructed it from a piece

festival, first show, he’d drunk all his rider and

of bamboo. The tour manager came on site and

he’s getting lucky, I was like ‘Oh rock ‘n’ roll!’

felt that the clothes rack was too round.”

I felt so happy for him, he was having the best

Entourages are getting bigger

day.”

“The year that we had Kanye, Coldplay, and

The English stereotype is alive and well

Jane’s Addiction, that was intense. They had

“The English people are obsessed with

a lot; there was an incredible amount of fried

drinking loads and loads of tea in the middle of

chicken created that year. The entourages are

the night, so we’ll do a midnight tea set-up.”

MISSED CONNECTIONS Tiffany m4w Tiffany. I can’t find my nunchucks

LOST&FOUND

anywhere. Have you seen them? Please call me. I can’t find them anywhere. My hoverboard is missing too. Also, why’d

Magic Sausages

you break up with me in 2011?

0406-650-430

I found some sausages on the bus and I have a feeling they are magic. I don’t have any proof of this, I’m just going on a

Lady on the Train w4m

feeling. There are three magic sausages

You boarded my train at Redfern during

in total, and I am selling them.

0406-650-430

Lost Doberman

FIGHTS!

“How many pies is too many pies?”

peak hour. You were missing a shoe,

Do you want a fight? I’ll fight you!

among others. There are four-minutes

you’d wet your tracksuit pants, and you

Come on! I’ve got hundreds of fights to

of silence on side B because I was...

were wearing a plastic bag for a hat. You

choose from! I’ve got your basic push-

combing my hair. Otherwise, the tape is

introduced yourself as Keith, and when I

and-shove, all the way up to your more

complete. Must sell.

pointed out that Keith was a man’s name,

seen at the park, eating a diaper he found

advanced scuff les, like the one where

0406-650-430

you called me a know-all and vomited

in a bin. You can’t miss him: big dog

I hit you with a billiard ball in a sock.

what has shit all over his face. Answers

All fights must go! Priced to clear!

to ‘Roscoe’. Give us a hoy if you see him.

0406-650-430

Have you seen my Roscoe? He was last

His name is Roscoe.

0406-650-430

Penis Chopsticks

Bag of Feathers & a Racist Joke For Sale. One large plastic bag full

down the front of your Garfield t-shirt.

Call me. I’d like to start a life together.

0406-650-430

of feathers, and one racist joke. The

Plumber w4m

I have a TDK Audio Cassette

feathers I have been collecting for ten

Are you the plumber who came to

90 Minutes of My Thoughts containing 90-minutes of things I

years. They are mostly cocky feathers,

unblock the office toilets last week? I’d

I found some left-handed penis chopsticks

thought on May 3rd, 1998. Random

but there are also some magpie and

really like to get to know you better.

at the Court House Hotel in Newtown on

musings include: “I can’t wait for the

sparrow feathers. The racist joke is

I would have approached you at the

Wednesday night. They’ve got dragons

new Harry Potter book to come out,”

about Scottish people being cheap.

office, but you were busy dislodging the

painted on them and have the initials T.J.

“Does the girl at the chemist fancy

Must sell as pair. No tire kickers.

enormous turd I did. Please call if this

me or is she just being nice?” And,

0406-650-430

is you.

engraved. Would like reward please.

0406-650-430

0406-650-430

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