Horses Heal the Human Soul When Words Cannot

WRITTEN BY SALLY JO HAND

One warm spring day at my barn (The Heart and Hand Center), a 10-year-old girl leaned against her parents’ parked car staring down at her tennis shoes. She stood silent and sullen, arms folded across her chest, refusing her parents’ entreaties to come and meet me. This was Naomi’s first therapy session with me and she clearly did not want to be there. She was not going to talk.

Naomi’s dad had called me a few weeks before: “My daughter has become very depressed since her mother and I ended our marriage two years ago. She refuses to talk to anyone and she refuses to go to counseling. Naomi loves horses and her school counselor recommended we call you because you work with horses and maybe you could help. How soon can you fit her in?”

It was painfully obvious that Naomi did not feel comfortable, did not want to talk and was not going to be coerced or bribed into budging. Praying for wisdom, I approached this hurting little girl and introduced myself.

“Hi, Naomi. I’m Sally. I understand you like horses. Do you want to meet my horses? You don’t have to talk here if you don’t want to. We do therapy here in a different kind of way.“

In apparent disbelief, Naomi looked up and, gazing at me through blonde bangs, she nodded.

Without a word she then followed me into the barn.

We stood quietly near the haystack. The fragrant smell of horses and sweet hay enveloped us in a calm quietness. The cats came to meow hello. The horses looked on curiously. I always let clients chose their horse. People usually chose the horse best suited to teach them what they need. Naomi chose my Thoroughbred, Joker.

Naomi watched as I showed her how to halter Joker. Then she quietly groomed her horse, getting to know the feel of him. Naomi listened attentively as I explained how horses need love, leadership and a language they can understand. “The most important thing to a horse is: Who is the leader? For the horse, this is life or death.”

Naomi absorbed every word as I demonstrated how horses choose the leader in their herd by playing games. The one who gets the others to move their hooves is the leader. She quickly grasped the concept. Then I showed her how we play similar games to show the horse who is the leader in our horse/human relationship.

"Start with the lightest pressure possible. Gradually increase if the horse doesn’t respond." I demonstrated by wiggling my finger toward Joker’s front leg asking him to take a step backwards. Joker understood. He backed up. Naomi watched fully focused. “Would you like to try?” I asked.

Although Naomi had difficulty finding words to express herself with humans, she quickly learned to communicate nonverbally with Joker. I sat high on the haystack watching this 10-year-old girl move my huge Thoroughbred back and forth and in circles around her, easily using language he understood. Joker connected with Naomi, and she began to smile.

At the end of the session Naomi and I sat together on the haystack. She then talked easily telling me what she’d learned. “If I can use gradually increasing pressure to get Joker to do what I want, maybe I could use that to get my brothers to leave my room when I want them to.”

The next week, Naomi’s dad came into the barn first. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he thanked me. “I have my little girl back! Since last week at your barn, Naomi has started playing her piano again. She’s smiling and talking to us. She’s even doing her homework!”

Horses are amazing healers. Many kids, like Naomi, don’t know how to use words to describe how they’re feeling or what they need. Pushing difficult feelings to the background, they act out with withdrawing, defiance or aggression. Horses have a way of changing this. They understand emotions running deeper than words. When a child or adult finds that connection with a horse where they feel seen and understood, defenses melt away and they are able to begin talking about how they feel and what they need. Research shows that even 30 minutes with a horse causes significant increase in feel-good chemicals that reduce anxiety and depression while increasing joy and relaxation.

Naomi came to my barn every week for sessions with Joker. She attended our summer day camps where she learned to express her needs and feelings with art therapy, drumming and hiking. Naomi grew from a depressed, shut down little girl into a mature, confident and articulate adult. Her transformation and healing journey began at the barn with a horse named Joker.

Horses heal the human soul when words cannot.

Sally Jo Hand, LCPC, ATR-BC is the Executive Director at The Heart and Hand Center.