6 minute read
Gratitude & Giving Back
WRITTEN BY JESSICA CARTWRIGHT
Gratitude seems so obvious and simple; we’ve all heard about its benefits before. And yet the profoundness of practicing the often subtle, daily act of gratitude can drastically change our mindset and emotional landscape.
And, as with most things in life that are truly good for us, we want our kids to have access to it too. I truly believe that our kids can be one step more evolved than we are if we share the wisdom of what we learn, so that they may benefit.
Having a tangible gratitude practice is one of those things.
Most of us know of the important and benevolent work of Brene Brown. Brene is a leading researcher on shame, vulnerability and leadership, and I find her findings on gratitude quite interesting.
~ Brene Brown on Joy and Gratitude
“The relationship between joy and gratitude was one of the important things I found in my research. I wasn’t expecting it. In my 12 years of research on 11,000 pieces of data, I did not interview one person who had described themselves as joyful, who also did not actively practice gratitude.
For me it was very counterintuitive because I went into the research thinking that the relationship between joy and gratitude was: If you are joyful, you should be grateful. But it wasn’t that way at all.
Instead, practicing gratitude invites joy into our lives.
Practice is the part that really changed my life, that really changed my family and the way we live every day. When I say practice gratitude, I don’t mean "the-attitude-of-gratitude" or feeling grateful, I mean practicing gratitude.
These folks shared in common a tangible gratitude practice.” A tangible gratitude practice is something we’re actively participating in. It could be writing down daily what you’re thankful for, or sharing with each other at family dinners. Brene goes on to write:
“[Having a gratitude practice has] been extraordinary because not only does it invite more joy into our house, it also is such a soulful window into what is going on in my kids’ lives. There are some days when my eighth-grader will say, ‘I’m joyful that there is a huge thick wall between my room and my brother’s room.’ She’ll say something very honest. But recently she had a friend whose mother died. For a month she would say, ‘I’m just so grateful you all are healthy right now.’
Not only did it make us all more aware of what we had and more willing to slow down and really be thankful for the joyful moments we had, but it also let me know where she was emotionally in her life. My son often says, ‘I’m grateful for bugs.’ ‘I’m grateful for frogs.’ But sometimes he’ll say, ‘I’m grateful that you picked me up early.’ Or ‘I’m grateful that I finally understand adjectives.’”
Oftentimes kids really just need someone to hold the space for them without expectation. And I love that that’s what she’s doing here. Holding space, and letting our kids surprise us.
Let this practice feel easy and natural!
This practice doesn’t have to be serious or strenuous – let it be fun!
I often incorporate this on the walk to school with my daughter. I’ll take a deep breath and comment on something I appreciate about the day or the weather and something that my heart feels thankful for. Then I’ll ask her what she’s thankful for that day. It really does give me a beautiful glimpse into what’s going on in that heart and mind of hers! Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes it feels completely out of left field, but I love knowing what she’s been processing or carrying.
We also often do this at our family dinners. It might be as simple as, “Thank you farmers,” etc. for the fresh food before us. Or in the form of a “sweet and sour” – something challenging about the day, and something that made you feel happy.
Another thing I started doing as a little girl was listing off all the things I was grateful for as I
Some photos of the fam, some from Guatemala and one is of the items we donated to sponsor several families through the yoga studio last holiday season!
was trying to get to sleep. I realized it always put me into a peaceful slumber. I do this as an adult now too, and it works. I’ve also just started sharing this with my 6-year-old daughter to help her rest easy at night. It’s so beautiful to do together, and I’m grateful she’ll have it as a tool for life.
Giving back as a family
The flip side of gratitude is being of service to others. They are one and the same.
The Guatemalan spiritual lineage I was trained in taught me how to be of service to the earth and our community. We were taught to first offer, then to ask or receive. It connects us to our roots and gives us a sense of belonging and purpose that we all so badly need to anchor ourselves.
It’s important to have a sense of purpose and belonging for simply existing that doesn’t depend on external benchmarks of achievement (like grades or to-do lists, the house you live in or the money in your bank account). We belong simply because we exist. And part of existing is being in a community. And part of being in a community is supporting each other when we need it.
We do this in our family by sponsoring a couple of families every holiday season and talking to our daughter about why some people might be having a hard time so we are doing what we can to help make their season feel a bit more peaceful and happier. (You can simply Google “sponsor a family” and your town and see what comes up or ask your local school if they have any programs like this.)
It can also be visiting your elderly neighbors and having tea with them.
Or volunteering at the pay-what-you-can food kitchen (check out Fork and Spoon in Bozeman).
Creating a feel-good cycle and positive impact
Giving back gives us a sense of fulfillment and can also drastically change our mood for the better. It initiates a feel-good cycle that, when also paired with an active daily gratitude practice, can really carry us through the holiday season and hopefully the year to come.
So, give gratitude practice a try for at least 30 days, and plan some ways to give back this year as a family. Let yourself be surprised at how it nourishes and connects your family on so many levels.
Jessica Cartwright is a mama, yoga teacher, Ayurvedic Women’s Health Specialist, birth doula and co-founder of Our Yoga Family, Bozeman’s family yoga studio. She is also a featured writer for Elephant Journal, So Much Yoga and BOHO Daily.
