Keeping it Real

WRITTEN BY BLAIR FJESETH

I showed up to the restaurant five minutes early. I wanted to secure a decent table for the occasion: No dark corners and definitely not adjacent to the bathroom.

My outfit was thoughtfully curated, more so than for a date with my husband. I'm not sure if that's just embarrassing or if it shows how desperately I wanted this lunch to go well.

These sorts of things are always so uncomfortable at first; as a very social and extroverted person, even I get anxious about meeting new people.

On paper, we look so compatible. Our kids attend the same school, and I've seen their family at our favorite breweries, concerts and outings. They seem to have the same laid-back parenting style as my husband and me. Their kids, from what I can tell, are outgoing, kind and funny. Most importantly, they get what it's like to have three kids and the chaos that comes with three individual humans, all with uniquely busy schedules.

Platonically dating other parents is complicated and something they certainly don't teach you in school. They never tell you that once you have kids, you have to find other people who have children so that all the kids can grow up being friends and having a "village." We've met friends organically over the years, sure, but now that the kiddos are in elementary school, it would be great to find friends with children in the same school.

Research suggests parents' friendships—and the proverbial "parenting village"—play a vital role in the success of a child's upbringing. You aren't just picking people to hang with at school events casually. You are building a support system for your kids, people who will have their backs when mom and dad aren't around, people who will call them out when they are in the wrong, not to mention being solid role models. What happens if it doesn't work out and I see them at every bake sale and soccer tournament for the next 14 years?

She showed up, sat down and said, "OMG, I was so nervous for today." It was just what I needed to hear. A sigh of relief left my body, and the rest of our lunch flew by like we were old friends. We've hung out a few times as family units and it seems to be going well. Check back for Episode Two of "Please Date My Family," where we dive into PTO shenanigans, the schoolyard drama and more.

When I thought about sharing this story, I knew it would be a tad mortifying. What grown woman can't make friends? Putting my pride aside, I want to convey that being new to town, a school or parenthood comes with different social challenges. Most people have their heads in their phones and striking up conversation at a ballet recital can seem intrusive rather than friendly. Making friends in established communities can feel unnatural, daunting or even impossible. But take it from me. We are all the awkward kid waiting to find buddies with whom to share this thing called parenthood. Include other moms when you can, use birthday parties to network and don’t be afraid to ask a mom to lunch.

Blair Fjeseth is a working professional and proud Montana mom. You can reach her at blairparker.inc@gmail.com. Follow her Instagram @blair_mt for more adventures.