Starting the Conversation Early: Why and How

WRITTEN BY MAYA KEEFER

What does learning about reproductive health look like for you and your little human?

When Bridgercare enters a kindergarten classroom they don’t teach traditional “sex ed.” Instead, students learn what family means and what different types of families can look like. They teach that kids can do activities regardless of their gender, and that you need permission to touch someone else’s body. This serves as a model for how parents can teach their little kiddos about gender, stereotypes, consent and their own bodies.

Why do you need to teach your kids the right names for their body parts?

It can feel uncomfortable to say the word vagina around your kid, yet it is important that you do. Teaching your children anatomically correct names for their genitals reduces stigma around their own bodies. Evidence shows that kids knowing the correct names for their body parts increases positive body image, confidence and openness. Our society is uncomfortable saying vulva or penis, and that prevents people from teaching their kids those words, creating a message that somebody’s genitals are inherently inappropriate to talk about. Kids using the correct names and functions of body parts is empowering and it lays the foundation for them being informed about their bodies, comfortable asking questions and able to identify pain or whether someone has crossed boundaries. The Academy of Pediatrics supports children knowing medically accurate names because it puts youth at a lower risk for exploitation and sexual assault and makes them more likely to report it. Furthermore, talking to your kids about reproductive health establishes an open line of conversation –which prevents them from turning to the internet to answer questions.

Why it’s important to talk to your little kids about consent, and how to do it?

Children having the right words to describe their bodies helps them know where it is appropriate for other people to touch. Conversations about consent don’t have to be scary. Consent doesn’t just apply to sex – you also should get consent to give someone a hug or to touch their hair. Talking about personal boundaries and the importance of asking permission both empowers kids to establish their own boundaries and helps them respect those of others. A consent conversation for a child doesn’t need to include the word consent; it can be as simple as teaching them that they have the right to say “no” to anyone, including an authority figure, and to you. Teaching them that their “no” should be respected helps them establish their own bodily autonomy, boundaries and confidence. It’s your responsibility to respect the boundaries of your child and intervene when others are not. For example, if grandma wants to kiss your kid, and they don’t want that, you should tell grandma no. As a parent, there are times when a no isn’t an acceptable answer, like bedtime. In those situations, providing options (would you like to read a book and then go to bed or go to bed now) can help your child still feel a sense of agency.

Fighting gender norms and encouraging emotions

As a Peer Educator with Bridgerare, I’ve taught people from the age of 5 to those in their 60s, and one thing that is consistent among them is that they all generalize based on gender when talking about stereotypes. Comparing what men and women eat, what sports people play and what emotions people feel will likely get you the same answers from elementary schoolers, teens or adults alike. This activity shows why gender norms can be harmful, and how people don’t fit within the prescribed gender box traits. The fact that kindergarteners know norms like women drink wine and men drink beer illustrates something scary: How early we socialize our kids to know and believe gender stereotypes. Consciously working as a parent to teach your kids that people don’t need to fit within these stereotypical boxes is important for them to develop their own identity. This can look like allowing your son to cry and validating those emotions, or like letting your kiddos play with the toys they want and wear the clothing that they choose.

May Keefer is an incoming senior at Bozeman High School and interested in reproductive justice. They have been a member of Bridgercare and Haven’s Peer Ed program for three years which has instilled a love for teaching sex education around the community. Maya grew up in Bozeman exploring the outdoors: biking, heading to Bridger, camping, and jumping into mountain lakes. They are also a Nordic skier for Bridger Ski Foundation, and an avid book reader and coffee consumer.