The Story of Dad

With Father’s Day this month, I think about the stories kids will tell of their fathers. As humans, we evolved to be around people--to work together, to compete, to laugh, to cry, and to tell stories. For many, telling stories can be describing to others what just happened or an elaborate tale with a humorous ending. As a dad, I tell stories all the time to my daughter–whether that is reading a book, explaining how something works, or retelling a past event. So, the question is, what stories will your kids tell about you?

Nowadays, there are few opportunities to slay dragons, save the city from evil, or lead a rebellion. Kids don’t need extraordinary acts to have stories of you. Dads leave an impression of who they are on their children by how they interact daily and, in particular, when times are tough. Think of your growing up years and how you would characterize the kind of person your dad was.

There is little doubt that growing up during a pandemic and experiencing radical changes will leave an impact on children. They get their cues of how to respond when things are tough, and tough like now, from how their parents handle the situation. Parents can become the filter through which kids see the world. It may be worthwhile to think about what kinds

As a dad, I tell stories all the time to my daughter–whether that is reading a book, explaining how something works, or retelling a past event. So, the question is, what stories will your kids tell about you?

of emotions the kids see from you, as the dad, in the current situation. I don’t think anyone has been immune from feeling the anxiety of not knowing what will happen next. Have I been stressed? Yes. Has homeschooling my daughter been unpleasant? Yes. Has doing my job from home been hard? Yes. Has there been more screen time than I would like? Yes. Have I been a less-than-perfect parent? Yes. Shelter in place has stretched at the seams of this fabric of fatherhood, but overall, this has been a chance to create the plotline of how our family handled the pandemic and everything associated with it. The past generation that faced a pandemic and adversity raised a gen

eration that went on to do great things. We will too.

I hope the story my daughter tells will go something like this: During the pandemic, Daddy and I did a lot of arts and crafts. We went for walks all over Marina and the beach. We made rope swings on random trees in the parks, planted lots of stuff in the garden, and made Kool-aid pickles (yes, it’s a thing–look it up). Mommy baked lots of yummy things, and we played games. I hope that the story doesn’t become one of deprivation and isolation but rather one that was faced with innovation and ingenuity. In our family, we stay optimistic that things can always get better. Dads can help set the theme of the story. So, you can choose for the theme to be bleak or to be full of potential.

The extraordinary acts worthy of stories are the most ordinary ones–giving your kids a stable home, treating people with respect, providing food and shelter, pushing your kids to be better people, and making them feel safe. These are the ways that a child’s story gets written. On this Father’s Day, I do think there are many dads out there who especially deserve recognition, doing their essential services jobs and risking their health to benefit all of us. Then, there are the “everyday heroes” of dads who engage fully with their kids and assume their equal responsibilities as a parent. These are the stories we should all tell.

Writer Umberto Eco wrote, “I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.” All this time together has become an opportunity to teach the kids through our interactions together. The good thing is that the story of dad continues to be written, and the current events are just one chapter. As a dad, you can craft a happy ending to your child’s story.

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty 5-year-old daughter and reside in Marina. Rob’s writing was recently recognized with the 2020 Gold Award from the Parenting Media Association.