3 minute read
Pandemic Parenting: Tools for stay at home dads
One of the many lifestyle shifts triggered by Covid-19? More dads than ever are home with their kids. And just like us moms, they need community support, self-care and tools to navigate a shifting set of responsibilities. Unlike moms, they may be less likely to reach out for help. So guess what - I did a bit of reaching for you! The advice below is a compilation of tips from half a dozen all-star dads.
Do what you love and bring your kids into it. Are you into woodworking, gardening, baking, painting, hiking, playing the guitar? Keep doing what you love and bring your kids in. One dad wrote, “I’ve found solace in gardening with my 3 and 8 year old sons. I used to work at a horticulture therapy facility where we had a farm, nursery and landscaping company, so I know how healthy for the mind and spirit getting your hands dirty can be. Seeing joy on their faces when something pops up feeds my soul.” Another writes, “We ride bikes and fish. Both kids learned to ride their 2-wheel bikes during quarantine.” One dad found that it’s possible to get plenty of work done in the yard with his 2-year-old son nearby, thanks to a mini-wheelbarrow, a shovel and the directive to “find as many worms as you can!”
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Figure out what you need to keep your mind and body strong. Whether it’s working out from home, listening to motivational podcasts or taking a few hours to decompress with a walk in the woods - the dads I spoke with are putting effort into keeping their minds and bodies healthy so they can show up well for their families. With complete control over their meals, some are putting more thought into managing portions and eating more whole foods. To stay connected with friends, some are texting and video calling more often - even writing letters and mailing packages. [As an aside, the resurgence of pen-pals is a trend that I am 100% behind!]
Get to really know your kids. One dad writes, “The days are long but the years are short… I try to remember that this time is precious and I have a real opportunity here.” Another suggests: “Get down on their level, and just really listen to them. What kinds of activities are exciting for them? What kinds of cool ideas could you introduce them to? When you create a fun space for them to play in, it’s great to just see their imagination go wild. I have so much time with them compared to when I was working; I feel like I already know them better.”
Connect with other parents. If you know a friend is going through a similar transition, shoot them a quick text to see how they’re doing. Ask what they and the kids are up to. And if you’re stuck, reach out to them for advice. Check out a stay-at-home dad Facebook group, browse “fatherly” articles, regularly read Monterey Bay Parent (holla!) and start building up your own network. I don’t know how I would have survived working from home without mine. Truly, it’s worth braving a little awkwardness to make it happen.
Find a healthy way to decompress. A common thread when talking with these dads: they take this job seriously and that was true before Covid-19. The difference lies in how much time they’re actually spending with their kids. As stay-at-home moms know, those long hours are a mixed bag. Loads of beautiful moments. Loads of stress. It can help for dads to spend some time reflecting on what helps them feel good, and then communicate those needs to their partner. If needed, online therapy can be a good option, and you don’t have to wait until something is “really wrong.” We could all use a little more support these days. When in doubt, one dad suggests “Count to ten, take a deep breath and sip - don’t gulp! - the whiskey.”
You’ve got this, guys. Happy Father’s Day.
Katie Raquel is the founder of Katie’s Coldpress, a Realtor with Over the Moon Realty and the author of SQUEEZED: The Raw Truth About Work-Life Balance. She lives with her family in Monterey County.
