OPINION
Anger management
If you want to gain a unique perspective on human nature, deal with complaints from frequent flyers R I CH A R D TA MS A I R L I N E C O N S U LTA N T A N D E X E C U T I V E C O A C H
P
ublic relations executive and humourist Franklin P Jones once wrote that “untold suffering seldom is”. Having worked for almost three decades at the customer coalface of a renowned air transport provider, I can heartily echo this sentiment. My many days managing the relationship between the airline and its top corporate customers were peppered with the receipt of complaints of all shapes and sizes. Most would make me wince, some would make me scream, a few would make me laugh, while others would make me ponder on the importance of retaining some perspective. Being the willing recipient of complaints from our most frequent flyers gave me a clear line of sight as to what the airline was doing right and, more important, what it was getting wrong. While this was an important and valuable part of my role, very occasionally it also gave me a unique insight into some of the more unusual troubles these warriors of the skies had to endure at our behest and why some of them most definitely needed to get a life.
JUNE 2020
41
ILLUSTRATION: BENJAMIN SOUTHAN
FUR WILL FLY The first bizarre complaint that I remember receiving was from the chief executive of a company who wrote to inform me of a rather distressing occurrence in first class on descent into New York JFK. The captain had alerted passengers to their imminent arrival into the Big Apple and advised cabin crew to prepare for landing. At this point, the crew retrieved the chief executive’s wife’s coat
from the wardrobe and laid it on her knee FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS for landing. Other complaints provided even more As is often the case, the aircraft was then unfortunate insights into the soul of man. put into an unexpected holding pattern One of the least pleasurable jobs I had to above the airfield, delaying its arrival by 20 undertake was to occasionally extract a much minutes. This chief executive had put pen to sought-after loyalty card from its owner. These paper to severely reprimand the airline for cards were highly desirable because they could causing his wife the discomfort of almost not be earned or bought but were bestowed half an hour with her fur coat on her knee. on our most important flyers from above. From this point onwards, I realised that the Perhaps not surprisingly, those who perspectives of some frequent flyers and had loyalty cards rarely offered to return those of the rest of the world differed greatly. them when circumstances changed, and it I once received an angry letter from a would sometimes fall to me to notify the regular visitor to one of our business class holder of the cancellation of their card. lounges. The missive came shortly after This process was never pleasant and seldom we had replaced the individually wrapped without incident. After one rather tortuous Scottish shortbread snacks with a wider range extraction, I received a letter from the now of unwrapped cookies served in a large glass ex-cardholder. He told me that as a result jar. The author vigorously of our action, he had criticised the airline for not been severely diminished Some of the sparing a thought for all of socially. “My friends those mothers who relied consider me less of a man complaints would on such takeaway goodies now that I no longer have make me ponder on to stock their children’s this card,” he wrote. Well, the importance of lunchboxes throughout the with friends like that… week. How could we have Of course, the vast retaining perspective been so thoughtless? majority of complaints The airline’s catering about airports, missed department, naively flights and lost luggage believing a reduction in wasteful are justified and if you packaging would be applauded are tempted to write about by our frequent flyers, had not the various shortcomings of bargained on the wrath of the your airline of choice, please Mumsnet mafia. Legend has it proceed. It’s the only way they’ll that a couple of weeks later a learn. However, just before posting your man was stopped from walking letter, or pressing “send”, just remember that out of the lounge with a whole jar of the some of these occurrences are what we call offending snacks under his coat. “first world problems”.
