One The Elements “Don’t dwell on what went wrong! Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer!”
Denis Waitley When faced with despair, uncertainty, and sorrow stemming from loss and any other emotionally or mentally disabling challenge, many of us have the tendency to quit. We become unmotivated and unproductive. Chasing dreams become nothing more than an idea, not a desire. Restoring happiness in our lives becomes too arduous. Living becomes uneventful and repetitive. The method to overcoming life’s deviant ploys to preventing our happiness is to move forward, courageously. Moving forward is the essential key to life. A child, once born, never can return to the womb. He must move forward through the developmental stages of life, and like every other living creature at its end, make his peace with nature. Similarly, a day and night gone by never can be relived; hence, any deeds associated to their passing cannot be retracted. As nature operates on this principle, we too should apply this rule to our lives. For many of us, moving forward comes with great difficulty. Heartbreaks, financial hardships, health complications, and the losses of those we love and cherish send us into emotional tirades. In turn, we bring our lives to a standstill. “I can’t make it,” we say, as we cry miserably during the painful moments. “I can’t go on!” we yell, unable to see the opportunity of happiness beyond the fog of grief that hovers over us. We then ask the unanswerable and proverbial question: “Why me?” Thoughts pertaining to happiness soon become long forgotten as we lay underneath the emotional ruins stemming from unfortunate circumstance. However, before we give up, we should consider one important fact: Time waits for no one. She will leave us without comfort and age us despite our choice not to move forward. Each moment we spend in fear, resentment, disbelief, and sorrow increases our susceptibility to failure, continued unhappiness, and many other undesirable outcomes. Therefore, to help us move forward, we need only use the power we innately possess: courage. The Power of Courage “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” Anonymous Courage has helped many of us face numerous challenges, rebound from losses, and surmount difficult tasks. I didn’t understand this power fully until I was faced with a challenging task as a young Marine Corps recruit. My platoon marched from the barracks to the “stairway to heaven,” a 30-foot, 90-degree ladder appearing to breach the sky. “Who out here is afraid of heights?” my drill instructor asked. My hand shot up foolishly in the air. “Very well,” he continued, “come here, Thomas.” “Sir, yes sir!”
I marched over to the drill instructor and stood before him in the position of attention. “You see that ammo can at the top?” he pointed to the clouds. “Yes, sir!” “Bring it to me!” Huh? I questioned in my mind. Climb that? Didn’t I say I was afraid of heights? I could fall easily through spaces between each step. “I ain’t got all day, Thomas!” My drill instructor barked. “Hurry the hell up!” Okay, I can do this, I told myself. I’m on the first step, yippee! I looked up. Lord, have mercy on me. Don’t let me fall. My fellow recruits watched fretfully as I took another step. I nearly lost my footing, and I grabbed the pole in panic, too afraid to keep climbing. “I’m waiting, Thomas!” my drill instructor hollered. I inhaled deeply and looked up. So far to go. Following one reach and pull after the other, I finally reached the top. “It’s beautiful up here,” I whispered, straddling the bar for dear life. I had the ammo can, but now what? I had two hands coming up, but only one available to descend. A two-inch mat at the base of the stairway waited to catch me. It was not a thought I wished to entertain. Very slowly, I negotiated each step as I descended the ladder, praying not to fall. Following a few close calls, I made it to the ground safely, ammunition can in hand. I faced my drill instructor with my heart racing. “Very good,” he said. “Now put my damn ammo can back where you got it! What the hell, Thomas?” I stared at my drill instructor. Do it again? Heck! Why send me up there in the first place if he didn’t want it? I sighed, and then faced the difficult task before me. Ammo can securely under my left arm, I climbed once again toward the heavens, concentrating, with all my focus on succeeding. Mission completed! Following hours of torturous training, the platoon and I marched back to the barracks. As everyone settled in and prepared for class, I found my drill instructor alone in his office. “Permission to enter, sir?” I asked. “What is it, Thomas?” he stared coldly at me. “Sir,” I said, “why did you call on me to be the first to climb the stairway?”
He looked around to ensure that no one else was behind me. “You were the first one to bravely admit his lack of courage,” he said with a smirk. “I needed you to be an example to the rest of the platoon. Most people rarely face their inner obstacles squarely. To you, a job well done!” “Thank you,” I said with a smile. Two recruits suddenly approached me from behind. “Now drop and give me sixty for smiling, Thomas!” he yelled. “What do you think this is, a damn comedy show?” I dropped to the floor, counting out my push ups. “Honor, courage, commitment…one…” Life is a series of ups and downs. Throughout our lives, we’ll experience emotional highs and emotional lows. The courage necessary to ascend the ladder of happiness and joy is the same courage we must use to face the challenges and losses responsible for our emotional descents. Courage “The key to change…is to let go of fear!” Rosanne Cash Many dictionaries define courage as bravery, strength, fortitude, and will. For the sake of argument, courage is “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, and pain.” This is the power that helps us to move forward through the path of uncertainty and the unknown circumstances toward rebuilding our happiness. It is the energizing catalyst that promotes change— change in our attitudes, perceptions of the obstacles we face, and our current emotional and living conditions. It helps us to keep moving forward through the ashes and ruins of anguish, sorrow, heartache, sickness, and anything else that obstructs our vision of the life we desire. Mrs. Johnson drives up to her house after a mother-and-daughter day at the local market. She releases her four-year old from the car seat and lets her play in the yard with her new ball. Retrieving the groceries from the car, Mrs. Johnson notices that her daughter is not in the yard. She looks around. Terrified, she sees her daughter following her ball into the middle of the street as a speeding pickup truck flies around the corner. Overcome with the fear of losing her daughter, the loving mother drops her groceries and sprints insanely to the child. With only moments to spare, she leaps through the air, grabs her daughter, and rolls to a stop. Elbows bleeding and head bruised, she looks at her daughter, ensuring she’s okay. The little child smiles as if her life had never been in jeopardy. There’s little we cannot do when empowered by courage. Unfortunately, many of us will only surmount difficult, dangerous, and painful obstacles when we’re forced to, or when we are in jeopardy of losing something or someone. Why then do we struggle with exuding courage to improve or restore our lives? Fear is usually to blame. Fear—My Friend or Foe? “Always do what you are afraid to do.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson Napoleon Hill, perhaps one of the most recognized inspirational figures in history, and the author of many inspiring books, such as, The Laws of Success, and the multi-million selling, Think and Grow Rich, implies that fear is the reason we fail to progress in every area of our lives. “The majority of people, if asked what they fear most, would reply, ‘I fear nothing.’ The reply would be inaccurate, because few people realize that they are bound, handicapped, whipped spiritually and mentally through some form of fear.” Fear is nothing more than a bigmouthed bully. He takes away our hopes of happiness and smashes our thoughts of joy. He wants us to believe that rebuilding and restoring our lives is pointless or impossible. Once we have accepted this lie, we become sand tossed into the ocean—carried back and forth as the current sees fit. My childhood enemy, Rowan, served as a good example of how to face fear. Every morning before school, I would play basketball outside with my friends on our school’s outdoor court. Each morning, Rowan, a skateboard-riding, bushy redheaded boy, whose favorite pastime was shoving and beating up on the other kids, would start trouble. He’d take the littler boys’ lunch money, pull the girls’ hair, and push other boys to the ground who didn’t have money. As long as he didn’t bother me, I paid him no attention. Well, my turn finally had come. As I played with my friends in the gym, Rowan skated over to me. “Ellard!” he yelled, as he skated towards me. “What?” I replied nervously. “Today, I want you to clean my shoes!” “Yeah, right!” I whispered. Rowan hopped off his skateboard and kicked me in the butt. I did nothing, too afraid. He laughed and kicked me again. The other kids laughed and pointed at me. Paralysis set in. My heart beat faster. Standing in the midst of chuckles and giggles, I walked away to avoid further humiliation and punishment. “Yeah, you better run, coward!” Rowan yelled, as I fought back my tears. For the next few weeks, I became Rowan’s favorite target. The kids’ laughter finally got to me and brought me to my wit’s end, but I didn’t know what to do. Upon arriving home one day, I decided that I didn’t want to be Rowan’s spectacle. I stormed into the house. “Mom,” I said, tears filling my eyes, “where are you?” “In the kitchen, Ellard.” “Mom,” I said, as I entered the kitchen, “can I talk to you?” “What, son?” she responded, cutting potatoes for dinner.
“There’s this kid at school who keeps kicking me,” I said, softly. My mother stopped cutting and looked directly at me. “Why?” she asked. “It’s my turn, I guess,” I answered shamefully. “Your turn?” “Yeah, each kid gets picked on by him.” “Has anyone else fought back?” my mother asked. “None that I’ve seen!” My mother smiled warmly. “I didn’t raise cowards, Ellard,” she reminded me. “After today, this will no longer be a conversation, you understand me?” “Yes, but what am I supposed to do? I’m really scared!” “Baby,” she said lovingly, putting her hands on my shoulders. “The next time this boy kicks or hits you, I want you to punch him until you can’t punch anymore!” “Punch him?” I asked, thinking of how I’d never fought anyone. “Yes, the only way to deal with a bully is to fight back to show him you’re not scared. Now, go upstairs and get ready for dinner…” I had doubts about my mother’s advice, but I made up my mind to face Rowan. The morning after my conversation with my mother, I arrived at school to play with my friends. Like clockwork, Rowan rode in on his skateboard. “Hey Ellard,” he yelled, and skated towards me. “You know what to do. Bend over!” “Leave me alone,” I responded. Rowan hopped off his skateboard and walked up to me. “I will, right after this!” Rowan kicked me and laughed. I balled up my fists, thinking about what my mother had said. As Rowan stood laughing with his goons, anger overcame me. Without warning, I jabbed him in the chest. The crowd grew silent. Rowan’s eyes grew wide with surprise. I then sent a storm of left jabs and right hooks to his face, and unable to stop, I pushed him over his skateboard, causing him to fall. I fell upon him, and continued the beating. Everyone continued to watch and chanted,
“Ellard…Ellard!” My teacher finally dragged me away from my bloody foe. She helped Rowan to his feet, and escorted us to the principal’s office. A three-day suspension and no more fear of Rowan were the results of that day. From that day on, no one else feared the school bully. Like Rowan, fear is not as tough as we believe. He cannot continue to keep kicking us if we decide to fight back. Each seceding chapter reveals in detail the seven principles to help us acquire the courage we need to face our fears and improve the quality of our lives.