welcome to the theatre
C ONGRATULATIONS!
You’ll be working with your creative team and fellow cast members to put on a musical. Before you begin rehearsals , there are some important things you should know. This book is your script ss Whether putting on a school production or rehearsing a professional show, every actor , director , and stage manager works from a script. Your script contains some additional information like this introduction and a glossary. You can look up any bold words in the glossary at the back of this book. Be sure to take good care of your script, and use a pencil when taking notes in it, since what you’ll be doing onstage can change during rehearsals.
One of the first things you’ll need to learn is what to call the various areas of the stage. Since most stages used to be raked, or tilted down toward the house, where the audience sits, we still use the term downstage to refer to the area closest to the audience and upstage to refer to the area farthest from the audience. Stage left and stage right are from the actor’s perspective when facing the audience. The diagram above shows how to use these terms to label nine different parts of the stage.
what to expect during rehearsals
You will be performing a musical, a type of play that tells a story through songs, dances, and dialogue Because there are so many parts of a musical, most shows have more than one author. The composer writes the music and usually works with a lyricist, who writes the lyrics, or words, to the songs. The book writer writes the dialogue (spoken words, or lines ) and the stage directions , which tell the actors what to do onstage and what music cues to listen for.
Your director will plan rehearsals so that the cast is ready to give its best performance on opening night! Remember to warm up before each rehearsal so that your mind, body, and voice are ready to go. Every rehearsal process is a little bit different, but here is an idea of what you can expect as you begin to work on your show.
music:
Since you’re performing a musical, it is important to learn the music early on in the rehearsal process. Your music director will teach the cast all the songs in the show and tell you what to practice at home.
choreography:
After you’ve got the music down, you’ll begin working on the choreography – or dance – in the show. Your choreographer will create the dances and teach them to the cast. The music and the choreography help tell the story.
blocking & scene work:
Your director will block the show by telling the cast where to stand and how to move around the stage. You’ll use your theatre terms (downstage left, upstage right, etc.) a lot during this portion of the rehearsal process. You will also practice speaking your lines and work on memorizing them. Rehearsingyourpartfrommemory is called being off-book. Your director will help you understand theimportantactionineachscene so you can make the best choices for your character’s objective, or what your character wants.
make the script your own
Always write your name legibly, either in the space provided on the cover of your script or on the title page. Scripts have a way of getting lost or changing hands during rehearsals!
Mark your lines and lyrics with a bright-colored highlighter to make your part stand out on the page. This will allow you to look up from your script during rehearsals, since it will be easier to find your place when you look back down.
Underline important stage directions, lines, lyrics, and individual words. For example, if your line reads, “It is? Of course,” and your director wants you to stress the words “It is,” underline them in your script.
Save time and space by using the following standard abbreviations:
ON: onstage OFF: offstage
US: upstage DS: downstage
SL: stage left SR: stage right
CS: center stage X: cross
You may use these abbreviations to modify other instructions (e.g., you could write “R hand up” to remind yourself to raise your right hand). You may also combine them in various ways (e.g., you could write “XDSR” to remind yourself to cross downstage right).
Draw diagrams to help clarify your blocking. For example, if you are instructed to walk in a circle around a table, you might draw a box to represent the table, then draw a circle around it with an arrow indicating the direction in which you are supposed to walk.
Draw stick figures to help you remember your choreography. Remember, the simpler the better.
Mark your music with large commas to remind yourself where to take breaths while singing.
Although you should feel free to mark up your script, be careful it doesn’t become so cluttered with notes that you have a hard time finding your lines on the page! 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 3
Actor’s Script
(GANGSTERS exit.)
KITTY
Holy cats, Mr. Feldzieg! They’re gangsters.
FELDZIEG
Very perceptive. Now go powder your face. (KITTY exits.) I’ve got to stop this wedding but how? How! How?!
MAN IN CHAIR
I always thought that moment was a little overplayed. So with the story well on its way, let’s go to the groom’s room.
SCENE 2: ROBERT’S ROOM – MORNING
(#3 – ROBERT’S ENTRANCE begins. ROBERT is putting on his tux. He stares into the mirror.)
ROBERT Hey there, handsome. Show me those pearly whites. (beat)Now don’t you worry. It’s perfectly normal for a groom to be nervous on his wedding day. It is? Of course. (#4 – COLD FEETS (PART 1) begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
Cold Feets (Part 1)
COLD FEETS (PART 1)
2 3 4 5 6 8 7
some tips for the theatre
Don’t upstage yourself. Cheat out so the audience can always see your face and hear your voice.
Always arrive at rehearsal on time and ready to begin.
Keep going! If you forget a line or something unexpected happens, keep the scene moving forward. Chances are, the audience won’t even notice.
Remember to thank the director and fellow cast and crew members.
If you are having trouble memorizing your lines, try writing them down or speaking them aloud�
It takes an ensemble to make a show; everyone’s part is important.
Bring your script and a pencil to rehearsal.every
Before the show, say, “Break a leg”– which means “good luck” in the theater.
Be respectful of others at all times.
Be specific! Make clear choices about your character’s background and motivation in the show.
Always be quiet backstage. And keep in mind, if you can see the audience, they can see you, so stay out of sight.
HAVE FUN!
The Drowsy Chaperone JR. synopsis
The Drowsy Chaperone JR. begins with MAN IN CHAIR addressing the audience. He discusses musicals, bringing up one of his favorites: The Drowsy Chaperone. He plays a record, immersing the audience in the show.
MRS� TOTTENDALE and her UNDERLING enter, Tottendale admires her dress along with the rest of the cast, who appear onstage to introduce themselves (Fancy Dress). Everyone is gathered for the wedding of ROBERT MARTIN and JANET VAN DE GRAAFF, a “glamorous showgirl” giving up her career to be with the man she loves. Robert gives a speech about his soon-to-be bride, but GEORGE, the best man, speaks up, saying it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. George tasks DROWSY THE CHAPERONE with keeping the couple apart.
The couple is whisked away, and the focus shifts to Janet’s producer, FELDZIEG, who is clearly troubled that Janet is leaving her career behind. His distress intensifies when a pair of GANGSTERS appear. The gangsters were sent by the largest investor in Feldzieg’s company. They are tasked with ensuring that the wedding does not take place so the star of the show will remain. The gangsters threaten Feldzieg, who promises that the wedding will not occur.
Meanwhile, Robert is in his room with weddingday jitters. He gives himself a pep talk that turns into a lively dance (Cold Feets – Part 1). George enters, watching as Robert continues (Cold Feets –Part 2). When Robert finishes, George suggests that his friend roller skate to blow off steam. However, he also insists the groom wear a blindfold so he will not accidentally see Janet (Wedding Bells #1 - Parts 1 & 2)
At that moment, Janet is being interviewed about giving up her career. Among the swarm of reporters is Feldzieg, who begs her to stay with his show. Janet refuses, insisting she does not want to show off while simultaneously putting on a performance for the crowd (Show Off). The Gangsters witness Janet’s proclamation, telling Feldzieg it does not seem as if Janet wishes to stay in show business. Janet performs an encore (Show Off Encore). Feldzieg forms a new plan, recruiting unwitting ALDOLPHO by saying that the groom said he was a “scoundrel.” The producer suggests to an outraged Aldolpho that the man take revenge by kissing the bride. Aldolpho storms off in search of her.
In the bridal suite, Janet voices second thoughts about the wedding to her chaperone. She hopes the woman will give her some words of inspiration, but Drowsy simply expresses that in life, everyone is stumbling along, uncertain of themselves (As We Stumble Along). Still, Janet begs her chaperone for advice. Drowsy tells her to go to her fiancé. As Janet exits, Aldolpho enters, confusing Drowsy for the bride. Drowsy denies this at first, but when Aldolpho says that he must kiss the bride, the chaperone changes her story, telling Aldolpho that she is the bride. Before they share a kiss, Aldopho presses her to remember his name (Aldolpho)
Meanwhile, Robert, still in roller skates and blindfolded, stumbles into the garden and nearly runs into a plant. Janet enters and cries out to him, but he does not recognize her voice. When Janet realizes this, she takes on the identity of Mimi, a woman from France. With her vocal disguise, Janet prompts Robert to talk about her. Robert relives the moment he realized he was in love, and Janet, caught up in the moment, shares a kiss with him. However, Janet quickly realizes her fiancé just kissed a woman that he did not know was her. She slaps him and rushes off, leaving Robert in distress.
Not knowing about the interaction in the garden, the gangsters approach Feldzieg in Tottendale’s salon. They use menacing cooking phrases and movements to describe what they’re going to do to Feldzieg, the final result being a “Toledo Surprise.” However, Feldzieg is so caught up in their grace and rhythm that he asks them to repeat all this, turning the gangsters into surprisingly good performers (Toledo Surprise – Part 1). Aldolpho and Drowsy enter, Aldolpho proclaiming that he has kissed the bride and the wedding is cancelled. As soon as Feldzieg tells him that Drowsy is not the bride, Janet and Robert enter, again saying the wedding is off. Feldzieg joyfully joins the gangsters in another performance (Toledo Surprise – Part 2). The rest of the cast and a reluctant Janet and Robert join the dance (Act One Finale)
After the cancellation of the wedding, Janet stands alone on her balcony, tormented by her broken heart (Bride’s Lament). However, when Tottendale’s underling asks if the wedding pews should be taken away, Tottendale says no, believing that love will prevail (Love Is Always Lovely).
Drowsy enters the bridal suite and tells Janet that she is getting married to Aldolpho. Tottendale and her underling enter and announce that they, too, intend to be married. Robert bursts in next, insisting that he loves Janet and still wants to marry her. Feldzieg enters, arguing that Janet will miss the attention of show business if she follows through with the wedding. Janet turns to her chaperone for advice, and though Drowsy’s advice is unclear to the Man In Chair and the audience, Janet agrees once again to marry Robert. As the gangsters menacingly approach Feldzieg, he finds a replacement for Janet and quite unintentionally a wife in actress KITTY. All of the couples proceed to say “I do” in one wedding, officiated by TRIX (I Do, I Do in the Sky – Part 1) Suddenly, the power goes out in the Man’s home, bringing the wedding joy to an abrupt halt. The Man’s SUPERINTENDENT appears, telling him he had been calling to warn him about this. The superintendent resets the breakers, restoring power, and the wedding scene suddenly bursts to life once more (I Do, I Do in the Sky – Part 2). The Man rushes the superintendent out, frustrated that the mood has been broken. The Man addresses the audience, acknowledging the musical’s faults, yet sharing how much he still treasures it. He sings about it as the cast slowly trickles onstage, interacting with him for the first time (Finale Ultimo and Bows).
The Drowsy Chaperone JR. characters
(in order of appearance)
Drowsy Chaperone (Beatrice Stockwell)
Man In Chair
Underling
Mrs� Tottendale
Robert Martin
George Victor Feldzieg
Kitty
Gangster 1, Gangster 2, Gangsters
Aldolpho
Janet Van De Graaff
Trix
Superintendent
Ensemble – Guests, Staff, Reporters (including Reporter 1, Reporter 2, Reporter 3, Reporter 4)
PROLOGUE
(The theatre is dark. A voice from the stage addresses the waiting audience.)
MAN IN CHAIR
I hate theatre. You know what I do when I’m sitting in a darkened theatre waiting for the show to begin? I pray. Please let it be a good show. And let it be short. And keep the actors out of the audience… I didn’t pay good money to have the fourth wall come crashing down around my ears. I just want a story, and a few good songs that will take me away. I just want to be entertained. I mean, isn’t that the point?
(Lights up.)
Oh, hello. How are we today? I’m feeling a little blue myself. You know, a little anxious for no particular reason. Anyway, whenever I’m feeling this way, blue, I like to listen to my music. So, I was going through my records this morning – yes, records – and what did I find—
(extracting a record)
—but one of my favorite shows Gable and Stein’s The Drowsy Chaperone; Remember? It’s the full show with the original cast including Beatrice Stockwell as the Chaperone. Isn’t she elegant? And this is a full 15 years before she became Dame Beatrice Stockwell. Can you believe it? So. Would you… would you indulge me? Would you let me play the record for you now? I was hoping you would say yes.
(MAN IN CHAIR puts the record on the record player. He places the needle.)
(#1 – OPENING SCENE begins. MAN IN CHAIR settles back and listens for a moment.)
(MAN IN CHAIR)
Isn’t this wonderful? The curtain is going up. I can’t wait!
SCENE 1: TOTTENDALE’S ENTRANCE HALL – MORNING
(UNDERLING enters, followed by MRS. TOTTENDALE.)
TOTTENDALE
Underling?
Yes, madam?
How do I look?
UNDERLING
TOTTENDALE
UNDERLING
You look radiant, Mrs. Tottendale.
TOTTENDALE
I do love this dress so. It never goes out of style.
UNDERLING
It’s a miracle, madam.
(#2 – FANCY DRESS begins.)
FANCY DRESS
Wed ding bells will ring.
Wed ding bells will chime. -
Ma dame you're the hos tess and it's
Wed ding bells will ding TOTTENDALE, UNDERLING:
Wed ding bells will dong - -
(The STAFF enter and join the song.)
(TOTTENDALE:)
PART 1:
Wed ding bells will ding a ling and
PART 2:
(GEORGE walks up to TOTTENDALE.)
(GEORGE:) Ah, Mrs. Tottendale. Now, don't worry. I have this whole wedding planned out. The key is organization. See?
(He holds up his Þngers, each with a string tied around it.)
(GEORGE:) Each string represents a task yet to be completed. Pay the musicians, yell at the ßorist, book the Minister.
(GEORGE:) This whole wedding's going to run like clockwork.
TOTTENDALE: Oh, is there going to be a wedding?
We're GANGSTER 1, GANGSTER 2:
Ó Œ
(A group of GANGSTERS enter dressed as pastry chefs.)
pas try chefs. We're REST OF GANGSTERS:
cross our hearts, we're
pas try chefs. No GANGSTER 1, GANGSTER 2:
MAN IN CHAIR: Well there you have it, all the guests have arrived.
wed ding, a
wed ding to -
(MAN IN CHAIR:) We have a bride who's giving up the stage for love,
GROUP 1: GROUP 2:
GROUP 3: ALL: - -
day Ding a ling! Ding a
ling! Ding a ling! A
wed ding! It's her debonair bridegroom, a harried producer,
jovial gangsters posing as pastry chefs,
a ßaky chorine, a lothario, and an aviatrix.
And, of course, my favorite character, the Drowsy Chaperone. What more do you need for an evening's entertainment?
MAN IN CHAIR
Wasn’t that wonderful! “And we will ding-a-long”; I don’t even know what that means! Alright, I’ll lead you through this record as best I can. Don’t worry; it won’t be hard to follow. So, we begin with a welcome from the lovestruck groom.
ROBERT
Well, I just wanted to thank you all for coming. I tell you I must be some lucky fellow. Why, who would have thought that I, Robert Martin, would be marrying a glamorous showgirl, and that that glamorous showgirl would be willing to give up a successful career for me, Robert Martin.
ALL
(as in “isn’t that sweet”) Awww!
ROBERT
Here’s to Miss Janet Van De Graaff – the most beautiful girl in the world.
GEORGE
Absolutely not!
ALL (ad-libs) Gasp!
ROBERT Excuse me?
GEORGE
The groom musn’t see his bride on the day of the wedding. It’s bad luck!
MAN IN CHAIR
I hope you heard that, because that’s the plot. Basically. Hang on for the ride!
UNDERLING
Breakfast will be served in the Arabian room.
GEORGE
(to DROWSY CHAPERONE)
Look. You keep Janet away from Robert, you understand? You’re the chaperone, that’s your only job.
DROWSY CHAPERONE
Aye, aye mon capitan.
JANET
Oh, Robert! Who’s my funny bunny?
ROBERT
I am! I’m your funny bunny. (JANET and ROBERT exit.)
MAN IN CHAIR
So, the bride and groom are whisked away, and we turn our attention to the B plot which involves the Producer.
KITTY
Mr. Feldzieg?
FELDZIEG
Getting married and leaving show business.
KITTY
Mr. Feldzieg?
FELDZIEG
Doesn’t she know I got obligations?
KITTY
Mr. Feldzieg. I can be your leading lady. You said it yourself –I’m useless in the chorus.
FELDZIEG
Kitty! For the last time, you ain’t got what it takes.
KITTY
But, I been taking lessons; Singing. Acting. Ballet.
FELDZIEG Ballet?
KITTY
Yeah. I’m pretty good too. Last week I auditioned for Swanee Lake.
FELDZIEG
Kitty I don’t have time for this! (Enter GANGSTERS.)
GANGSTER 1
A petit four, Mr. Feldzieg?
FELDZIEG
Not now.
GANGSTER 2
Perhaps a nice profiterole.
FELDZIEG
I’m not hungry.
GANGSTER 1
Then perhaps we could give you something else to chew on.
ALL GANGSTERS
Yeah. Something that ain’t food.
FELDZIEG
What?
GANGSTER 1
Your confusion is to be expected. Although we stand here before you in the guise of innocent pastry chefs, we are also—
GANGSTER 2
And primarily employees of a certain individual who happens to be—
GANGSTER 1
—The largest single investor in Feldzieg’s Follies. He sent us here—
GANGSTER 2
As pastry chefs…
GANGSTER 1
To express his concern about Ms. Van De Graaff’s impending nuptials.
GANGSTER 2
Specifically…
GANGSTER 1
That if she gets married and leaves the show…
ALL GANGSTERS
… then there ain’t no show.
FELDZIEG
You tell your boss this wedding is never going to happen. You have my word.
GANGSTER 2
Oh, we’ll take your word, alright.
GANGSTER 1
But, to go back on that word – would be a recipe for disaster. Now we hope we have made ourselves perfectly éclair.
GANGSTER 2
One cannoli hope.
GANGSTER 1
You biscotti be kidding me.
GANGSTER 2
A trifle much?
Don’t tart with me.
GANGSTER 1
FELDZIEG
Alright. You can drop the pastry chef routine.
GANGSTER 1
Alas, we ganache.
We’re on the lamb.
GANGSTER 2
GANGSTER 1
Lamb’s an entrée, you macaroon. We’ll leave the matter in your hands, Mr. Feldzieg. In the meantime, feel free to browse the dessert carousel.
GANGSTER 2
Try the Toledo Surprise.
ALL GANGSTERS
It’s to die for.
KITTY
Holy cats, Mr. Feldzieg! They’re gangsters.
FELDZIEG
Very perceptive. Now go powder your face. (KITTY exits.)
I’ve got to stop this wedding but how? How! How?!
MAN IN CHAIR
I always thought that moment was a little overplayed. So with the story well on its way, let’s go to the groom’s room.
SCENE 2: ROBERT’S ROOM – MORNING
(#3 – ROBERT’S ENTRANCE begins. ROBERT is putting on his tux. He stares into the mirror.)
ROBERT
Hey there, handsome. Show me those pearly whites. (beat)
Now don’t you worry. It’s perfectly normal for a groom to be nervous on his wedding day. It is? Of course.
(#4 – COLD FEETS (PART 1) begins.)
COLD
The Drowsy Chaperone
JR.
Cold Feets (Part 1)
FEETS (PART 1)
(GEORGE enters on the phone, mid conversation.)
GEORGE: You don't say? Well, why don't you just slime back into your mud hole, you backstabbing worm! (He hangs up.) Well, now I have to Þnd another minister. Say, what are you up to?
ROBERT: I'm singing a song. A Dixie remedy for wedding day jitters.
GEORGE: You think you've got jitters? You got the easy part! I've still got to get rice, boutonnieres, and a minister! I have the weight of the wedding on my shoulders!
ROBERT: George, it sounds like you've got cold feets. (ROBERT starts to dance. The STAFF enters and joins the dance.)
GEORGE:
(getting into the rhythm)
Meno Mosso ROBERT, STAFF:
(They dance. GEORGE starts slowly and then joins them.)
(The tap routine builds to a solo for ROBERT or GEORGE or both.) (The tap solo finishes with the performer(s) out of breath. #5 – COLD FEETS (PART 2) begins.)
‰ . r ¿ . ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ You make da cold feets ¿ Œ Ó hot!
(STAFF exits on applause.)
GEORGE
Alright, alright. That’s enough of that. Dancing around like a fool. You could’ve snapped an ankle. Dancing is too dangerous. Why don’t you go out for a skate instead? That’s what I do when I want to blow off some steam. Roller skate.
(GEORGE hands ROBERT a pair of roller skates.)
ROBERT
George, what would I do without you?
GEORGE
Wait a minute. What was I thinking? Oh, n-n-n-no. You might see Janet. Here, put on this blindfold.
(GEORGE blindfolds ROBERT.)
ROBERT
George, you think of everything.
GEORGE
Just looking out for you, my boy. And no more tap dancing. (#6 – WEDDING BELLS #1 (PART 1) begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
Wedding Bells #1 (Part 1)
WEDDING BELLS #1 (PART 1)
Bouncy
& b b 4 4 2
(GEORGE pushes ROBERT out the door. The telephone rings as GEORGE starts singing.) œ œ œ œ œ # Œ Wed ding bells will ring, (GEORGE:) 6 -
(MAN lifts the needle on the record and waits it out.)
MAN IN CHAIR: Just ignore it. It does this occasionally. It rings. It will stop soon. Just ignore it. (yells to the phone) What? What do you want? | [phone rings]
[phone rings]
[phone rings]
(The ringing stops.)
(MAN IN CHAIR)
Oh, well, that’s it. The moment is ruined. Thank you. Thank you life. Sorry. Let’s just shake that off. Let’s go back in our minds to 1928. They didn’t have cell phones in 1928, but I’m sure they had something for the ruining of moments. Bugles, or something.
(MAN IN CHAIR puts the needle back. #7 – WEDDING BELLS #1 (PART 2) begins.)
Drowsy Chaperone JR. Wedding Bells #1 (Part 2)
WEDDING BELLS #1 (PART 2) &
GEORGE: Slow 4
4 4 Ó
(GEORGE exits.)
MAN IN CHAIR
So, the scene shifts and we find the bride, the glamorous Janet Van De Graaff, entertaining questions from reporters as she lounges by the pool.
SCENE 3: TOTTENDALE’S POOL – EARLY AFTERNOON
(#8 – JANET BY THE POOL begins. The BRIDE –JANET – entertains a large group of REPORTERS while lounging by the pool.)
REPORTER 1
Miss Van De Graaff, is it true you’re giving up a successful career to marry a man you hardly know?
JANET
Yes. Robert and I met on the lido deck of the Ile de France. He amused me with stories of his father’s oil interests. We giggled, briefly, and then he proposed.
REPORTER 2
So, you won’t be returning to stage? Ever?
JANET
I shan’t.
You shan’t?
I shan’t.
REPORTER 3
JANET
REPORTER 4
Can we quote you on that?
JANET
Of course. One more question.
FELDZIEG
I got a question. How can you give up the footlights when you know very well you got grease paint in your veins?
JANET
Victor, please.
FELDZIEG
Oh, Janet. I am begging you. Dump the mug, stay with the Follies. I’ll give you anything you want. I’ll put your name above mine on the marquee.
(The REPORTERS gasp.)
JANET
Oh, Victor, if you think this is about vanity, you couldn’t be more wrong.
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
(#9 – SHOW OFF begins.)
Show Off
SHOW OFF
(#10 – SHOW OFF PLAYOFF begins. The DROWSY CHAPERONE sits up. She has been sleeping onstage the whole time, hidden from the audience’s view by the REPORTERS and GUESTS.)
DROWSY
Did I miss something?
GANGSTER 1
Well, Mr. Feldzieg. It is painfully obvious that Miss Van De Graaff has no desire to continue a life on the stage.
GANGSTER 2
Can’t you see it’s killing her soul?
FELDZIEG
Don’t worry. This isn’t over yet.
REPORTER 1
Yeah. I’m surprised she didn’t do an encore.
(#11 – SHOW OFF ENCORE begins.)
SHOW OFF ENCORE
Keep 'em shout in' for
(JANET exits followed by everyone but FELDZIEG.)
FELDZIEG
Okay, begging and groveling didn’t work. On to plan B. And for that I am going to need an accomplice.
(ALDOLPHO enters.)
ALDOLPHO
La la la la la la—
FELDZIEG
Excuse me. I don’t believe we’ve met.
ALDOLPHO
I am Aldolpho.
You are Aldolpho?
Yes, I am Aldolpho.
Not, the Aldolpho.
Yes, I am Aldolpho.
FELDZIEG
ALDOLPHO
FELDZIEG
ALDOLPHO
FELDZIEG
Funny, you don’t look like a scoundrel.
ALDOLPHO
Yes… what?
FELDZIEG
Why, just now I overheard the groom saying that Aldolpho is a scoundrel.
ALDOLPHO
What? Aldolpho is a scoundrel!
FELDZIEG
Those very words.
Aldolpho is a scoundrel!
ALDOLPHO
FELDZIEG
It’s like I’m hearing it again.
ALDOLPHO
This is outrageous! Why I must… I must…
FELDZIEG
You must, you must take matters into your own hands. You know what they say, the best way to get revenge on a man is through his woman.
ALDOLPHO
Through his woman!
FELDZIEG
You Aldolpho! You must kiss his bride!
ALDOLPHO
Aldolpho will kiss his bride. That will show people that Aldolpho is no scoundrel. Show me to this bride.
(ALDOLPHO and FELDZIEG exit. #12 – JANET’S BRIDAL SUITE begins.)
SCENE 4: JANET’S BRIDAL SUITE – AFTERNOON
JANET
(looking in the mirror)
In a few hours I’m going to be Mrs. Robert Martin. Oh, my head is spinning.
DROWSY
Yes, life is a mad whirlwind.
MAN IN CHAIR
This is a really interesting scene. This is the only time in the show that Janet and the Chaperone are alone together on stage. Jane Roberts, who plays Janet, was an emerging star, but Beatrice Stockwell, the chaperone, was already well established and a force to contend with.
JANET
I know it seems crazy to give up a successful career to marry a man I hardly know, but somehow, for some reason when I look into his eyes… his big, bunny eyes… ah gee… I get all woozy. And that’s love isn’t it?
DROWSY
Not necessarily. The wooziness could be caused by any number of things. I mean, I’m woozy right now and I’m certainly not in love.
MAN IN CHAIR
Now, Beatrice Stockwell was famous for her rousing anthems. She demanded that a rousing anthem be included in every show she ever did, even if it wasn’t appropriate. But you just couldn’t say no to her. That’s star power.
JANET
Really you’re not being the least bit helpful. Couldn’t you at least allay my fears with a few choice words of inspiration?
(#13 – AS WE STUMBLE ALONG begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
As We Stumble Along AS WE STUMBLE ALONG
DROWSY: Inspiration? Really, dear, that's not my forte.
JANET: Yes, but if you—
JANET: That was quite nice, Chaperone, but I don't see how it pertains to my situation. DROWSY: Let me explain.
MAN IN CHAIR
Don’t you just love her?
JANET
Well, that was quite inspiring, Chaperone. But, I’m still conflicted. Oh. Please. Just tell me. Is Robert the man for me?
DROWSY
My dear, that’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself.
JANET
But, I just don’t know if he loves me.
DROWSY
Why don’t you ask him? Why don’t you say, “Roger, do you love me?”
JANET
It’s Robert. And I’m not allowed to see him. In fact, it’s your job to keep me away from him.
DROWSY
You’re right. And I take the responsibility very seriously. However, I’m just this moment feeling terribly, terribly drowsy. I’m afraid I have to have a lie-de-down. Now whatever you do, don’t go wandering through the garden seeking out your fiancé to ask him the question upon which your future happiness depends.
(The DROWSY CHAPERONE reclines, and closes her eyes.)
JANET
Oh, thank you, Chaperone. I just have to know if he loves me.
(JANET sneaks out.)
DROWSY
Such a fool. Still, I envy her. Oh, when will love come crashing through my door?
(ALDOLPHO enters.)
ALDOLPHO
La la la la la. I am Aldolpho! And you are bride.
DROWSY
No. I am not.
ALDOLPHO
Whaaat? This is bridal suite, you are the only one here. Therefore you must be bride.
DROWSY
Me-no-bride. Perhaps I could take a message.
ALDOLPHO
Yes, very good… Dear Van De Graaff bride, I must kiss you, sooner is better, signed Aldolpho, King of Romance.
DROWSY
Well, you saw through my little ruse. You’ve found me out.
ALDOLPHO
Ahh, so you are the bride.
DROWSY
Apparently, yes. Take me, Aldollface.
ALDOLPHO
No, no, no, not Aldollface – Aldolpho. You must remember my name. How can I make you remember?
(#14 – ALDOLPHO begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
ALDOLPHO
sure
ALDOLPHO: I'd do it now, but it would take hours. Now let us see if you can remember my name.
DROWSY: I'll give it a shot.
(#15 – ALDOLPHO PLAYOFF begins. ALDOLPHO and DROWSY exit arm in arm while the STAFF exits.)
MAN IN CHAIR
This was my mother’s favorite number in the show. I think it was her secret fantasy to be swept off her feet by a stranger. But that’s what musicals are all about, right? Romantic fantasy. Falling in love at the drop of a hat! Spontaneous tangoing. Suddenly finding yourself in an insanely romantic setting! Like a garden!
(#16 – ACCIDENT PREPRISE begins.)
Drowsy Chaperone JR.
(ROBERT rolls onto stage wearing roller skates and a blindfold.)
b b b 4 4 7 Easy 4 q = 124
(He is about to run into a plant when JANET enters.)
JANET: Robert, Look out!
SCENE 5: TOTTENDALE’S GARDEN – AFTERNOON
ROBERT
Don’t worry, madam. I’m getting married today, so I have to wear a blindfold. I’m an accident waiting to happen.
JANET A blindfold?
ROBERT
I’m sorry. Who am I speaking to anyhow?
JANET
Why, it’s me. I mean… Mimi. Mimi from France.
MAN IN CHAIR
This scene couldn’t be any more ridiculous.
JANET
So, you are marrying Janet Van De Graaff, non?
ROBERT
Oui.
I hear she’s very beautiful.
Oui.
JANET
ROBERT
And glamorous.
Ahh, oui. Oui.
JANET
ROBERT
JANET
Is it true that she has an exceptionally broad range and excels at playing both comedic and dramatic roles?
ROBERT
Say, I’m having trouble placing your accent. What part of France are you from?
JANET
Oh… the middle part… where they make the… toast. You were telling me about your, how do you say it in English; fiancé?
ROBERT
That’s right.
JANET
Well, tell me, when was the moment when you knew that she was the only one for you?
ROBERT
It’s a funny story, actually. We were standing on the lido deck of the Isle de France—
JANET
Yes?
ROBERT
I was amusing her with stories of my father’s oil interests—
JANET
And then what happened?
ROBERT
I looked into her eyes, her big glamorous eyes, and I felt all woozy—
JANET
And then you fell! Uh… and then you fell?
ROBERT
Yes. Right on my keister. And I said, “Well, I guess I don’t have my sea legs yet.”
(lost in the moment)
JANET
But we haven’t left the dock.
ROBERT
That’s what she said. And that’s when I knew it must be love. And then… we kissed.
(They are both so caught up in the moment, they kiss. A moment passes.)
JANET
Wait a minute… (JANET slaps ROBERT.) You kissed a strange French girl on your wedding day!
(JANET rushes off.)
ROBERT
Oh, no! What have I done! Wait!
(ROBERT skates off.)
MAN IN CHAIR
Well, it seems that the blindfold and the fake French accent have led to a terrible misunderstanding. What a mess! Will it all work out in the end? Of course it will! It’s a musical! Everything always works out in musicals. In the real world nothing ever works out and the only people who burst into song are the hopelessly deranged.
(#17 – I SURE DID! begins.)
SCENE 6: TOTTENDALE’S SALON – AFTERNOON
Mr. Feldzieg.
Where is Aldolpho?
KITTY
FELDZIEG
KITTY
Mr. Feldzieg. You don’t need Janet no more.
FELDZIEG
Kitty. Not now.
KITTY
I’ve been working on a mind-reading act.
(#18 – KITTY, THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE begins.)
(KITTY)
Presenting “Kitty, the Incomprehensible.”
(KITTY closes her eyes waves her fingers at FELDZIEG.) Now think of something.
FELDZIEG
Oh, I’m thinking of something, alright.
KITTY
Wait! I’m getting it… “Pick up some milk... and a loaf of rye bread… and don’t forget to shave your legs.”
(KITTY looks at him, confused.)
FELDZIEG
You’re reading your own mind, you idiot!
KITTY
No wonder it was so easy.
(KITTY exits. The GANGSTERS enter.)
GANGSTER 1
Mr. Feldzieg.
GANGSTER 2
It would seem the wedding is proceeding according to schedule.
GANGSTER 1
Now, it’s time you received your just desserts. What do you think, partner? Should we whip up something special for Mr. Feldzieg?
GANGSTER 2
Yeah. How about a Toledo Surprise?
FELDZIEG
A Toledo Surprise? I never heard of that.
GANGSTER 1
Those people who have heard of it are generally never heard from again.
GANGSTER 2
We’ll share the recipe with you.
GANGSTER 1
First you chop the nuts—
GANGSTER 2
Then you pound the dough—
GANGSTER 1
Then you bake it up nice and slow—
GANGSTER 1, GANGSTER 2
And then you got your Toledo. (slap)
Toledo Surprise.
FELDZIEG
Could you run that by me again?
GANGSTER 1
It’s a very simple recipe, Mr. Feldzieg. First you chop the nuts—
GANGSTER 2
Then you pound the dough—
GANGSTER 1, GANGSTER 2
Then you bake it up nice and slow—
And then you got your Toledo. (slap)
Toledo Surprise.
GANGSTER 1
Say why don’t we give him a little taste?
GANGSTER 2
All right.
(The GANGSTERS cock their fists.)
FELDZIEG
Hold it! What style! What grace! What rhythm! Open your fists! Now shake ’em! Now give me that recipe one more time.
(#19 – TOLEDO SURPRISE (PART 1) begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR. Toledo Surprise (Part 1) TOLEDO SURPRISE (PART 1)
Two beat
(FELDZIEG:)
GANGSTER 1, GANGSTER 2:
and slow (GANGSTER 1, GANGSTER 2:)
FELDZIEG: Now sell it! (The GANGSTERS sing with full conÞdence.)
(The GANGSTERS begin tentatively.)
FELDZIEG: Front!
FELDZIEG:
FELDZIEG: You boys are naturals.
GANGSTER 2: Honest?
FELDZIEG: Keep it up, I'll go work on the contracts.
ALL GANGSTERS: Hey!
(FELDZIEG:)
KITTY: Mr. Feldzieg. Oh, what's going on here?
FELDZIEG: Kitty. I'm developing a new act.
6 (KITTY enters.)
KITTY: You mean you're putting gangsters in the show and you won't put me in? They're not even in the union.
FELDZIEG: Shh. You got it all wrong. The new act – it's for you, Kitty. And these are your back up dancers.
KITTY: Back up dancers? Holy Cats! (KITTY dances with the GANGSTERS. Eventually the STAFF enters and begins dancing with them.)
To le do Sur
prise! - - -
(ALDOLPHO enters with the DROWSY CHAPERONE.)
ALDOLPHO
Wait! Wait! Aldolpho, he make announcement. Wedding is off!
GEORGE
What?
ALDOLPHO
Aldolpho has kissed the bride!
(ALDOLPHO indicates DROWSY CHAPERONE.) ALL What?
FELDZIEG
That’s not the bride, you idiot. That is the chaperone.
GEORGE
The wedding is on!
(JANET and ROBERT enter.)
JANET
The wedding is off!
What?
GEORGE
JANET
Robert kissed a French girl. Her name is Mimi. She’s very beautiful.
ROBERT
I couldn’t help it Janet. She was just like you, only French.
(JANET slaps ROBERT.)
GEORGE
Sweet mother of pearl!
Underling.
Yes, madam.
TOTTENDALE
UNDERLING
TOTTENDALE
What is all this commotion about?
UNDERLING
The wedding, madam.
TOTTENDALE
Oh, is there going to be a wedding?
FELDZIEG
Not anymore. (#20 – TOLEDO SURPRISE (PART 2) begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
TOLEDO SURPRISE
Toledo Surprise (Part 2)
(PART 2)
(FELDZIEG:) Oh, what a tragedy! What a wonderful, wonderful tragedy! (FELDZIEG turns to the GANGSTERS.)
Clear the ßoor, boys, I'll show you how it's done.
when you
if it tries to
Wait un til it's rea dy! Sur TOTTENDALE: KITTY, FELDZIEG: ¿ Œ Ó prise? - - -
Wait un til it's rea dy!
(The record skips. The MAN IN CHAIR rushes over to the record player and stomps on the ßoor. The record continues.)
That's a tas ty To
(#21 – ACT ONE FINALE begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR. Act One Finale
ACT ONE FINALE
JANET: Why are we dancing? Our dreams are in tatters.
ROBERT: Yes. Yes... But the tune is so infectious...
JANET: Oh, Robert. This is the saddest day of my life!
Two beat
MAN IN CHAIR
And that’s that. The curtain falls, and it’s time for the intermission. At least it would be, if we were actually sitting in the Morosco Theatre.
(MAN IN CHAIR changes the records.)
Now Act Two of The Drowsy Chaperone begins with a haunting lament from a very depressed bride. She sings it standing on her balcony bathed in the pale blue light of a sympathetic moon, which is ridiculous because it’s the middle of the day.
(MAN IN CHAIR starts the record.)
SCENE 7: COURTYARD – AFTERNOON
(#22 – BRIDE’S LAMENT begins.)
Bride's Lament BRIDE’S LAMENT
(MAN IN CHAIR:) Now, while you're listening to this, try to ignore the lyrics. I know it will be difÞcult, but block them out. They're not the best, but the tune is beautiful, and it truly communicates the bride's state of mind. Just ignore the lyrics.
MAN: Okay, here we go…
JANET: Wait!
MAN: Who are you?
JANET: I'm Janet Van De Graaff!
MAN: Do you need anyone?
JANET: I don't need anyone!
MAN: (speaking quickly) What about the love of one man?
JANET: What do I care about the love of one man when I am adored by millions!
MAN: Now she really lets go.
Sure, Ja net sure Ja net (STAFF:)
ped e stal and tried to JANET: Oh Robert! What a fool I've been! - -
(JANET:) A hapless fool! I know now that I love you, but I've thrown
sat on the top, but he -
(JANET:) it all away! I love you bunny... but is love enough?
(JANET:) Is love ever enough?
bove Is it my (JANET:)
(JANET:)
bun ny or my
Bun ny on a Rall. (STAFF:)
ped es tal.
MAN IN CHAIR
Don’t you just love that number? ...It has everything! Halfway between a show tune and a Looney Toon! “Bugsby Berkeley,” I like to call it. And that’s another thing I love about musicals in general. When a character is in crisis they sing and they dance. Which is so much more interesting than just whining about it. But that’s the glory of musical theatre—
(#23 – THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN begins. Phone rings.)
(MAN IN CHAIR)
Oh! Oh! You see? This is what I’m talking about. This is life. You manage to be happy for five seconds and then something starts ringing!
(MAN IN CHAIR crosses to the phone.)
SCENE 8: HALLWAY – LATE AFTERNOON
TOTTENDALE
What beautiful day for a wedding.
(MAN IN CHAIR picks up the phone quickly and sets it back down to make it stop ringing.)
MAN IN CHAIR
I don’t want the number ruined by a ringing telephone.
UNDERLING
Shall I have the pews removed now, or would you prefer I wait until morning?
TOTTENDALE
Why would you have the pews removed?
UNDERLING
The bride has called off the wedding, madam.
TOTTENDALE
Oh, Underling. Never listen to a bride on her wedding day. Love is a very complex emotion. You can be very close to someone one minute, and the next minute, why you just want to strangle them, do you understand?
UNDERLING
I’m familiar with the urge to strangle, yes.
TOTTENDALE
You see? That’s just the nature of love. (#24 – LOVE IS ALWAYS LOVELY begins.)
UNDERLING:
TOTTENDALE:
UNDERLING: Might I remind you, madam, that Anne Boleyn lost her head. TOTTENDALE: Yes! She was in love!
UNDERLING:
UNDERLING: Good grief.
(She grabs his hand and they dance a soft shoe. The phone rings again. The MAN rushes over to it and, after a brief struggle, rips it out of the wall. The dance concludes.)
(She grabs his hand and they dance a
The phone rings again. The MAN rushes over to
and, after a brief struggle, rips it out of the wall. The dance concludes.)
TOTTENDALE:
hus band was a brute I don't mean
(UNDERLING Þnally understands she is talking about him. He smiles.) A tempo TOTTENDALE:
Love is al ways love ly in the
him, you sil ly coot
Love
SCENE 9: JANET’S BRIDAL SUITE – LATE AFTERNOON
(#25 – INCIDENTAL begins.)
MAN IN CHAIR
Oh! There’s a moment coming up that I’ve become obsessed with.
JANET
There you are. Oh, Chaperone, I’m in a terrible state.
DROWSY
You certainly are. You can’t go to the wedding looking like that.
JANET
Oh, you poor dear. Haven’t you heard? The wedding’s been called off.
DROWSY
Not your wedding. Mine. Oh! That reminds me. Might I borrow your veil?
JANET
You’re getting married? But, to whom?
(ALDOLPHO enters, singing.)
ALDOLPHO
La la la la la. (notices JANET)
Ah, beautiful lady with baffled expression.
JANET
You’re marrying Aldolpho?
DROWSY
I know it’s surprising, but when I look into his eyes, his big, clumsy eyes, I get all drowsy. And that’s love, isn’t it?
ALDOLPHO
(to DROWSY)
Yes, dear. That is love. (to JANET) Help me…
(GEORGE bursts in. He rushes over to JANET.)
GEORGE
There you are. Alright, I’m going to put my cards on the table. I got a weak heart; can’t take the pressure. Please. Tell me. Is there going to be a wedding or not?
JANET
Yes. Aldolpho and the chaperone are getting married.
GEORGE What?
(UNDERLING and TOTTENDALE rush in.)
TOTTENDALE
There you are. I have wonderful news. There’s going to be a wedding.
GEORGE We know.
TOTTENDALE You know?
GEORGE
Yes. We just heard.
But who told you?
TOTTENDALE
JANET I did.
TOTTENDALE
But how did you know?
GEORGE What difference does it make?
UNDERLING
Mrs. Tottendale and I are to be married in the garden at 7:30 this evening.
GEORGE
What?
What? Oh, yes.
TOTTENDALE
JANET
Congratulations. To everyone.
GEORGE
Say, what kind of cockamamie wedding is this? Everybody’s getting married except the bride and groom!
(ROBERT rushes in.)
ROBERT
There you are. Aw Janet, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.
Hello, Mr. Martin.
JANET
ROBERT
Please don’t be that way, Janet, it’s our wedding day, George has gone to all this trouble, and, well, I do love you, more than I can say…
(#26 – ACCIDENT UNDERSCORE begins.)
JANET
But you kissed another woman.
ROBERT
Yes. And I just can’t understand it. I know this may sound ridiculous, but when I was kissing that French girl, why it was just like kissing you.
JANET
Oh, Robert. You were kissing me.
ROBERT
You mean, you’re Mimi? Well! That French accent was remarkably accurate.
(FELDZIEG, KITTY, and the GANGSTERS burst in.)
FELDZIEG
There you are! Before you do anything, think about this: no matter how well you play the part of the “happy wife,” you’ll never, ever get a standing ovation.
JANET
Oh, I just don’t know. Oh, I’m so confused. Chaperone, please, I beg you, just this one time give me some advice that is coherent and appropriate to the situation. Should I marry Robert?
MAN IN CHAIR
Okay. Now here it comes. The moment I was talking about. Not only the culmination of the plot, but a moment that has fascinated me more than any other and that has brought me back to this record again and again. Here it comes.
DROWSY
Well, my advice to you is—
And this is it. Listen.
MAN IN CHAIR
(ALDOLPHO drops his cane.)
DROWSY
L-ve while you can.
MAN IN CHAIR
Is she saying “live while you can,” or “leave while you can”?
(ALDOLPHO drops his cane.)
DROWSY
L-ve while you can.
MAN IN CHAIR
I mean, it’s Beatrice Stockwell, so it might just be a cynical quip, but this is a wedding after all and that’s exactly what you think when you’re standing at the altar, isn’t it, “live” or “leave” and you have to live. Because in the larger sense it’s better to have lived than left, right?
(ALDOLPHO drops his cane.)
DROWSY
L-ve while you can.
MAN IN CHAIR
You have no idea how many times I’ve listened to that.
[Here’s a tip to the CHAPERONE about performing this cane gag (three times in total). As soon as you hear the cane hit the floor, say VWHILE YOU CAN. By doing so, you’re amalgamating “L-ve” and “while” into one syllable VWHILE, and really emphasizing the V. Remember the CHAPERONE does not need to rush the line – there is enough time to say the line as the cane drops.]
JANET
Oh, Chaperone, you certainly have a way with words. Robert, my answer is yes. I will marry you.
GEORGE
Wonderful! Wonderful!
(The GANGSTERS approach FELDZIEG and KITTY.)
GANGSTER 1
Well, Mr. Feldzieg it looks like this wedding is a done deal.
GANGSTER 2
Now you’re in truffle.
GANGSTER 1
And there’s muffin you can do about it.
FELDZIEG
But there is. I found a replacement. A new leading lady.
(#27 – KITTY, THE INCREDIBLE begins.)
(FELDZIEG)
Presenting, “Kitty, the Incredible.” Okay Kitty, now concentrate and show the boys how you can read my mind. MY mind.
(KITTY concentrates.)
KITTY
“Kitty, will you marry me?” Holy cats! Mr. Feldzieg! Yes! Yes!
(KITTY and FELDZIEG laugh.)
FELDZIEG
(trapped)
Isn’t she amazing?
(EVERYONE cheers. The GUESTS prepare themselves for the ceremony as GEORGE speaks.)
GEORGE
Well, what are you waiting for? You ladies go put on your frillies. We’ll all get married in one big clump.
ROBERT
Well, George, I don’t know how you managed to pull it off. Four weddings in one day! I guess you’re everybody’s best man now.
GEORGE I am?
MEN
Of course, etc.
(Ad-lib.)
WEDDING BELLS #2 (PART 1)
GEORGE
Minister, you may begin. (GEORGE holds up a finger, the only one that still has a string tied around it.)
Oh no, I forgot the minister!
(#29 – WEDDING BELLS #2 (PART 2) begins.)
(airplane rumble)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
(AVIATRIX descends.)
(GEORGE:) Who are you?
let you love birds
tie the
(TRIX:) So sorry to crash the party, folks. But we'll have this Þxed in two shakes and then off to Rio for Carnival!
ROBERT: Wait! The captain of a ship can perform a marriage!
ALL: Yes!
UNDERLING: And a pilot is comparable to a captain.
ALL: Yes!
ALDOLPHO: And airplane is a kind of a sheep. A sheep of the air. Some call it an air-sheep!
ALL: Oh, ship! Yes!
GEORGE: Wait! I got it! Trix!
(#30 – I DO, I DO IN THE SKY (PART 1) begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
& & b b b b
œ œ œ œ œ œ bees and daf fo dil œ ú Œ mea dow ú Œ œ sigh but œ œ œ Œ Ah! œ œ œ ‰ j œ heart beats rush when ú ú la --& & b b b b
b b b b
b b b b
sweet hearts gush "I
do, I do" in the œ œ œ ‰ j œ N œ do, I do" in the ú Œ œ sky Do ú Ó sky TRIX:& & b b b b b b b b . ú b Œ you? Ó Œ œ b We UNDERLING, TOTTENDALE:
(TRIX:)
vows are said in a
(PART 1:)
heart beats rush when
(PART 2:)
heart beats rush when
JANET:
(PART 1:)
b b b b
(PART 2:)
b b b b
(PART 3:)
b b b b
(With the last note, the power goes out, the record winds down, and the stage is plunged into blackness.)
MAN IN CHAIR
Oh, no. Oh, I can’t believe it. Okay. Everybody stay calm. This happens occasionally. It’s a horrible old apartment with terrible wiring.
(MAN IN CHAIR rummages around for a flashlight.)
Just concentrate. Just keep the show alive in your minds.
(He finds a flashlight and turns it on.)
Don’t talk to anyone. I’ll find the fuse box.
(There’s a knock at the door.)
Everybody be quiet.
(The knocking continues.)
SUPERINTENDENT
It’s the super.
Oh, no.
Hi.
MAN IN CHAIR
(MAN IN CHAIR goes and opens the door. Another flashlight appears.)
SUPERINTENDENT
MAN IN CHAIR
Hello.
Your lights are out.
SUPERINTENDENT
MAN IN CHAIR Yes.
SUPERINTENDENT
Yea. We had to shut the power off because we’re replacing the breaker panel in the basement.
MAN IN CHAIR Yes.
SUPERINTENDENT
So, we replaced it, but when we turned the power off the breakers in all the apartments tripped.
MAN IN CHAIR
Yes.
SUPERINTENDENT
That’s what happens. It’s normal.
MAN IN CHAIR
Yes.
SUPERINTENDENT
So, I got to reset your breakers.
MAN IN CHAIR
Now?
SUPERINTENDENT
It’ll only take a second.
MAN IN CHAIR
Alright, alright, alright.
(The two flashlights move across the stage.)
SUPERINTENDENT
Because I tried calling you earlier before, but there was no answer.
MAN IN CHAIR
Oh. I’ve been having problems with the phone.
SUPERINTENDENT
Here we go.
(The SUPERINTENDENT switches the power back on, the lights come on revealing the cast, and the music roars back. #31 – I DO, I DO IN THE SKY (PART 2) begins.)
I Do, I Do In The Sky (Part 2) I DO, I DO IN THE SKY (PART 2)
& b b b b 4 4
(The MAN IN CHAIR quickly takes the needle off the record.)
SUPERINTENDENT
What was that?
It was a record.
MAN IN CHAIR
SUPERINTENDENT
What kind of music was that?
MAN IN CHAIR
It was just music. It was a show. You know, a musical.
SUPERINTENDENT
You like musicals.
No.
MAN IN CHAIR
SUPERINTENDENT
I love musicals. I go all the time. It’s amazing what they can do nowadays. Did you see Miss Saigon? They landed a helicopter onstage in that one.
(MAN IN CHAIR glances at the plane as the SUPERINTENDENT crosses to the door.)
Yeah, I’ve seen ’em all. I’ve seen CATS, Les Miz, Saturday Night Fever – I liked the movie better—
MAN IN CHAIR
Really. Well, goodbye.
(MAN IN CHAIR closes the door.)
Well that’s it: it’s ruined. One note away from the end of the show and the mood is broken.
(pause)
(MAN IN CHAIR)
I should just start the record again from the beginning. No. I can’t do that, can I? Oh, it’s so frustrating. You have to understand, I love this show so much. And I’ve never even seen it. My mother gave me the record. This was just before my father left us. Oh, he didn’t leave because of the record, although I’m sure it didn’t help matters. Look I know it’s not a perfect show; the rabbit motif is labored. But none of that matters. It does what a musical is supposed to do: it takes you to another world. And it gives you a little tune to carry with in your head, you know? A little something for when you’re feeling blue. You know?
(#32 – FINALE ULTIMO begins.)
The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
Finale Ultimo
FINALE ULTIMO
(As the MAN IN CHAIR sings, the CAST slowly comes out of their positions and begins to interact with him for the Þrst time in the show.)
TOTTENDALE:
FELDZIEG,
(#33 – BOWS begins.) (#34 – EXIT MUSIC begins.)
Words To Know From The Drowsy Chaperone JR.
Allay – to reduce or lessen
Apparatus – a piece of equipment or machinery needed to perform a purpose
Biscotti – Italian almond biscuits
Boutonnieres – a floral decoration worn on the lapel of a suit
Cad – a scoundrel
Chorine – a chorus girl
Cockamamie – absurd or bizarre
Culmination – the climax or highest point of a situation or thing
Debonair – confident and dashing
Éclair – a long pastry with cream filling
Ganache – a pastry glaze, icing, or filling made from chocolate and cream
Harried – stressed out or strained
Jovial – jolly or cheerful
Keister – an informal word for rear end
Labyrinth – a maze
Lament – expressing distress or grief
Petit four – a small cake or cookie
Lido deck – a ship’s deck with a swimming pool
Macaroon – a small cookie made from almonds
Mirth – amusement, especially expressing with laughter
Motif – a recurring, symbolic element in a narrative
Profiterole – a cream puff
Trifle – an English dessert made with layers of sponge cake
Wending – to move in a direction but without a specific route
glossary
actor: A person who performs as a character in a play or musical.
author: A writer of a play or musical, also known as a playwright. A musical’s authors include the book writer, a composer and a lyricist.
blocking: The actors’ movement in a play or musical, not including the choreography. The director usually assigns blocking during rehearsals.
book writer: One of the authors of a musical. The book writer writes the lines (dialogue) and the stage directions. Also called the librettist.
cast: The performers in a show.
cheating out: Turning oneself slightly toward the house when performing so the audience may better see one’s face and hear one’s lines.
choreographer: A person who creates and teaches the dance numbers in a musical.
composer: A person who writes music for a musical. creative team: The author(s), director, choreographer, music director and designers for a play or musical.
cross: When an actor onstage moves toward or away from another actor or object.
dialogue: A conversation between two or more characters. director: A person who provides the artistic vision, coordinates the creative elements and stages the play.
downstage: The portion of the stage closest to the audience. The opposite of upstage.
house: The area of the theatre where the audience sits to watch the show.
house left: The left side of the theatre from the audience’s perspective. If something is located “house left,” it is to the left side of the audience as they are seated in the theatre.
house right: The right side of the theatre from the audience’s perspective. If something is located “house right,” it is to the right side of the audience as they are seated in the theatre.
lines: The dialogue spoken by the actors.
lyricist: A person who writes the lyrics of a musical. The lyricist works with a composer to create songs.
lyrics: The words of a song.
monologue: A dramatic speech by one actor.
music director: A person who is in charge of teaching the songs to the cast and orchestra and maintaining the quality of the performed score.
musical: A play with songs that are used to tell a story.
objective: a goal or purpose to be achieved
off-book: The actor’s ability to perform his or her memorized lines without holding the script.
offstage: Any area out of view of the audience. Also called backstage. onstage: Anything on the stage and within view of the audience is said to be onstage.
opening night: The first official performance of a production, after which the show is frozen, meaning no further changes are made, and reviews may be published.
play: A type of dramatic writing meant to be performed live on a stage. A musical is one kind of play.
protagonist: The main character in a musical. The action centers around this character.
raked stage: A stage which is raised slightly upstage so that it slants towards the audience.
rehearsal: A meeting during which the cast learns and practices the show.
script: 1) The written words that make up a show, including spoken words, stage directions and lyrics. 2) The book that contains those words. speed-through: To speak through the dialogue of a scene as quickly as possible. A speed-through rehearsal helps actors memorize their lines, and it infuses energy into the pacing of a scene.
stage directions: Words in the script that describe the actions of the characters.
stage left: The left side of the stage, from the actor’s perspective. The same side of the theatre as house right.
stage manager: A person who is responsible for keeping all rehearsals and performances on schedule.
stage right: The right side of the stage, from the actor’s perspective. The same side of the theatre as house left.
upstage: The part of the stage farthest from the audience. The opposite of downstage.
warm-ups: Exercises at the beginning of a rehearsal or before a performance that prepare actors’ voices and bodies.
Actor’s Script Credits
Contributing Editors
Anna Brink
Rebecca Marlowe
Marianne Phelps
Cara Schuster
Designers
Kevin Johnson
Steven G. Kennedy
Music Layout
Rob Rokicki
Daniel J. Mertzlufft
Music Supervisor
Lindsay Lupi
Associate Editor
Laura Jo Schuster
Senior Managing Editor
Susan Fuller
The Broadway Junior®Concept and Format
Created by Music Theatre International (MTI)
Adaptation and support materials developed for MTI by iTheatrics under the supervision of Timothy Allen McDonald.
See MTI’s complete line of Broadway Junior®musicals at: broadwayjr.co.uk
MTI’s School Edition and full-length musicals may be found at: MTIShows.co.uk