The Great British Bake Off Musical Perusal by mtieurope

Book, Music and Lyrics by

JAKE BRUNGER and PIPPA CLEARY Orchestrations by Tom Curran Original Musical Supervision by Mark Collins The Great British Bake Off television programme produced by Love Productions Original Theme Music by Tom Howe The Great British Bake Off is a registered trade mark of Love Productions Ltd. Originally produced in London at the Noel Coward Theatre by Mark Goucher Productions

LIBRETTO / VOCAL BOOK

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Version: March 2023 / July 2024 This edition – December 2024

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THANK YOU!

CAST OF CHARACTERS THE BAKERS BARBARA (BABS) a retired dinner lady from the East End (60s) BEN a policeman from Bristol (30s / 40s) DEZZA a hipster who lives on a canal boat (30s) FRANCESCA a primary school teacher from Italy now living in Bognor (30s) GEMMA a carer from Blackpool (30s) HASSAN a sixth form student from Wembley (17) IZZY a Cambridge University student from the Home Counties (21) RUSSELL an aeronautical engineer from Yorkshire (50s) THE PRESENTERS JIM and KIM a much-loved telly duo THE JUDGES PAM LEE a national treasure (70s / 80s) PHIL HOLLINGHURST a blue-eyed, bread-obsessed baking hunk; Liverpudlian (50s) PLUS LILY Ben’s daughter, aged 9

SCENES and MUSICAL NUMBERS ACT ONE Prologue.................................................................................................................. 1 . 1

Prologue (Choristers, Jim and Kim)

The Bakers arrive...................................................................................................... 4 . 2

The Bake Off Tent (Jim, Kim and The Bakers)

Meeting the Judges..................................................................................................14 . 3

The Arrival of the Judges (Pam, Phil, Jim and Kim)

Episode 1: Signature.................................................................................................16 . 4

Obviously (Izzy and The Bakers)

Episode 1: Morning tea break...................................................................................20 . 5

Somewhere in the Dough (Gemma)

Episode 1: Technical – Sernik królewski z brzoskwiniami...........................................24 . The thing about being on Bake Off #1......................................................................27 . 6

The Thing About Being On Bake Off (Underscore)

Episode 1: Showstopper – Strudels............................................................................28 . 7

Slap It Like That (Phil, Pam, Company)

Episode 1: Judging and Elimination............................................................................28 . 8

Episode 1 Judging and Elimination / Big Hug (The Bakers)

Episode 2: Pre-credits skit....................................................................................... 40 . 9

Bring on the Scone (Jim, Kim, Pam and Phil)

Episode 2: Dessert week..........................................................................................42 9A

Episode Two (Underscore)

Episode 2: Signature – Francesca tells us her reason for baking.................................. 44 .

Morning Bake (Underscore)

Grow (Francesca)

Episode 2: Technical................................................................................................47 . 10A

Technical: Early Bake Scene Change (Underscore)

10B

Amygdalopita (Underscore)

The Handshake Song (The Bakers)

11A

Handshake Playout (Underscore)

A surprise visitor to the tent......................................................................................51 . 12

My Dad (Lily and Ben)

The thing about being on Bake Off #2......................................................................57 . 12A

The Thing About Being On Bake Off . . . #2 (Underscore)

Gemma’s doubts......................................................................................................57 . Episode 2: Showstopper...........................................................................................57 . 13

All The Way (Company)

ACT TWO 14

Keep On Keeping On (Pam and Company)

Last time on The Great British Bake Off................................................................... 72 . 14A

Last Time On Bake Off (Underscore / Gemma, Bakers, Kim, Jim)

The Perfect Petit Fours............................................................................................ 72 . 15

The Perfect Petit Fours (Gemma and Ben)

15A

Obviously (Reprise) (Izzy)

Hassan’s Story........................................................................................................ 79 . 15B

Hassan's Story (Underscore)

The weeks roll by................................................................................................... 83 .

Don't Send Me Home (Company, except Dezza*)

Conflicted feelings grow.......................................................................................... 92 . 16a

Don't Send Me Home (Reprise) (Ben and Gemma)

Pam and Phil celebrate their union.......................................................................... 94 . 17

I'd Never Be Me Without You* (Phil and Pam)

The Semi-Final....................................................................................................... 99 . 17A

I'd Never Be Me Without You (Reprise) (Ben and Lily)

The Semi-Final (Semi-finalists, Jim, Kim, Pam and Phil)

Babs comes back................................................................................................... 110 . 19

Babs' Lament (Babs)

19A

Babs' Reprise into Blackpool (Babs)

Gemma gets a visitor or two................................................................................... 114 . 20

Rise (Gemma)

And the winner is . . . ........................................................................................... 119 . 20B

The Mel To My Sue / The Final Three (Underscore / Kim, Pam, Jim, Phil)

Finale (Company)

Bows (Company)

Exit Music (Instrumental)

Please do not include underscoring or reprises in a list of musical numbers in the programme. * Please do not include that Dezza does not feature in this number in a programme, as this would be a spoiler. * An alternative version of this number is available – see Piano Vocal Score.

AUTHORS’ NOTES Topical references There are numerous topical references in the musical, from Love Island to Liz Truss. Some of these references will naturally be outdated by the time of your production’s run, so please feel free to update them where appropriate. We do ask, however, that you update these references sensitively, not provocatively or cruelly, and do not add beyond what is stated in the text. These are only supposed to be small nuggets of enjoyable topicality rather than a full-scale pantomime. Thank you. Daily topical reference point There is, however, one specific place in the script where daily topicality can be applied. During The Perfect Petit Fours when Lily can’t sleep and is asked ‘what’s wrong sweetheart?’ by Gemma, she lists three things on her mind. In the libretto it reads “climate change, AI, corruption” - which you are welcome to use as these three things are unlikely to date anytime soon - however during the runs of the show in the West End I had fun updating these daily for the three young actresses who played Lily to reflect the daily news cycle. Among the many changes, we had ‘tomato shortages’ when there was a nationwide tomato shortage, ‘Donald Trump’ on the day he was indicted, and ‘Match of the Day’ when the BBC TV programme was famously aired without any presenters. Audiences loved the magic of seeing something so recent on stage that night and reacted with great glee. But again, as per my note above, please be sensitive: we avoided using Ukraine and Russia, as we did not feel humour felt justified for such serious events. Likewise with contentious political humour – think wisely, and have fun! A note on additional ensemble casting This script represents the West End performance draft, which had an adult company of 12 plus 1 child. We also had 6 off-stage understudies, who became the singing and dancing chorus of Keep On Keeping On and also appeared briefly in The Perfect Petit Fours as dancing Parisians. If you are planning on performing The Great British Bake Off with a company larger than 13, then essentially the device of having a backstage ‘production team’ (cameramen, technicians, production runners, make-up artists, etc) should solve many of your problems when needing an additional ensemble. They can be onstage in numerous moments, so long as it does not overwhelm the main core story of the

bakers, judges and presenters. They will also be able to help with getting the benches, tables, trolleys, etc, on and off stage quickly if you do not have automation.

Our further suggestions for how to use a fuller ensemble are listed below. Prologue Instead of Ben, Izzy and Francesca you could make this as many company members as you like as the choristers. The stipulation of it being 3 people can be as many as you need. The Bake Off Tent You could use an ensemble dressed as a behind-the-scenes production team to bolster the choruses and populate the stage. Obviously Izzy’s song becomes a fantasy dream number after Izzy sings ‘at the final when I take home the crown’, so you could have a company become her fantasy dream crowd of fans looking for selfies. We advise that they disappear by the time she sings her final riff so that the fantasy is very clearly over by that point. Slap It Like That As per “The Bake Off Tent” you may find a way to use an ensemble as being the production team, in which case they too can become transfixed by Phil’s unique methodology of making dough for full comedic effect. Bring on the Scone You could add a chorus of people dressed as scones here, or – as it is supposed to be a boxing match between Phil and Pam (dressed as scones) - you could have them dressed as boxing match spectators. All the Way If you are using the concept of a production team, there are many individual solo lines of this song that you could have said by individuals that aren’t character-specific – after all, the tent is hot for everyone working on the show. Our only advice would be to make sure they are properly amplified – this is a very wordy song and the individual lines really need to be heard with so many people singing that it would be a shame for an audience to struggle to keep up with what’s being said. Keep on Keeping On In the West End this was sung and danced by the company of understudies, who were usually backstage for the rest of the show. This song is a chance for a big old-fashioned showbiz number – so feel free to go to town with additional company members!

The Perfect Petit Fours In a similar device to Obviously, from Ben’s line ‘imagine we are in Paree’, Ben and Gemma are suddenly in a fantasy Parisian sequence all the way through the dance break, which your additional company members can have fun with. As per Obviously, we advise that this Parisian dream comes to a sharp end when Lily opens the door to make it clear it was just a fantasy. Don’t Send Me Home As in All the Way it is possible for members of a behind-the-scenes production team to take individual lines, although be mindful not to take so many away from Jim and Kim, as this is a number that the two of them very much lead (as Jim and Kim – regrettably – do not have their own song!). However if you have a Jim or Kim who aren’t necessarily strong or confident singers at all times, you may find this a nice workaround solution. Finale As in the TV series itself, at the very end of the show everyone’s family and friends are invited to the Bake Off garden to see who wins. So there is a very easy way of having a full company on stage for the end of the show.

Hassan’s ethnicity We ask that it is not stated in the programme that Hassan is from Syria, because it is part of his story that he first reveals it to Francesca in Act 2, and then asks for Jim to introduce him in the final as ‘a student from Syria now living in Wembley”. We politely request that you cast an actor who looks appropriately Middle Eastern in this role.

WEEKS and CHALLENGES Please note, the following guide shoudn’t be advertised or published in any accompanying production programme, but for clarity in rehearsals and for the designer/s we felt it would be useful to give you a rundown of each week’s theme and challenges:

Week 1 – Pastry Signature: Hand-raised pie Technical: Sernik królewski z brzoskwiniami Showstopper: Strudel Week 2 – Dessert Signature: Cream buns Technical: Amygdalopita Showstopper: Famous towers The song ‘Don’t Send Me Home’ spans 3 weeks: Week 3 - Cake Petit fours Week 4 - Biscuits Ginger snap Week 5 – [Unsaid] The category of the week is unsaid, but there is mention of ‘another pie’ The Semi-Final spans: Week 6 – Bread Signature: Focaccia Technical: Pan de Rosca Showstopper: Artistic landscapes Final – (Unsaid)

The Great British Bake Off Musical

THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF MUSICAL ACT ONE Pre-show announcement: a recorded voice-over by JIM. JIM

Welcome my little cupcakes! For your first technical challenge today, we’re asking you to switch off your mobile phones. Yes, that’s right, and there won’t be any handshakes given to people caught rustling sweet wrappers either. Now bakers, for the first time this series, on your marks, get set . . . (JIM is interrupted by a loud clap of thunder.)

Prologue Music No. 1: PROLOGUE (Three CHORISTERS are revealed, played by BEN, IZZY and FRANCESCA. They narrate the proceedings.) CHORISTERS AH-H-H-H! AH-H-H-H! (A CAVEMAN and CAVEWOMAN in comedic prehistoric costumes waddle downstage. They are played by the two presenters, KIM and JIM, who perform a sketch to match the narration using a fake campfire and accompanying props.) CHORISTERS IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS . . . FLOUR BUTTER AND MILK AND FREE-RANGE EGGS AND GOLDEN CASTER SUGAR

Act One

RUSSELL (o/s) SUGAR GEMMA (o/s) SUGAR BABS (o/s) SUGAR CHORISTERS BUT THEY WERE SEPARATE ENTITIES FOR THEY NOT HAD BEEN MIXED TOGETHER MAN 1 (BEN) ‘TIL MAN SAID TO WOMAN THUS FEMALE 1 (IZZY) NO I THINK YOU’LL FIND THAT WOMAN SAID TO MAN . . . CAVEWOMAN WHAT IF WE PUT IT IN THE OVEN? CAVEMAN HUH? MAN MAKE FIRE – NOT OVEN CAVEWOMAN BABE, YOU GOTTA BUILD ME AN OVEN CHORISTERS SO MAN BUILT A PIT OF FIRE FULL OF CINDERS AND EARTH AND CLAY AND WOMAN TOOK A MIXING BOWL AND PUT IT IN WITHOUT DELAY AND MAN SAID CAVEMAN LOOK – IT’S RISING! CHORISTERS AND WOMAN SAID

The Great British Bake Off Musical

CAVEWOMAN HEAVENS ABOVE – I THINK IT’S RISING! BOTH WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? WHY IS IT RISING? CHORISTERS AH-AH-AH-AH FEMALE 1 (IZZY) AND THEN A MIRACLE HAPPENED THAT DAY CHORISTERS AH-AH-AH-AH FEMALE 1 (IZZY) FOR OUT OF THE MAGGOTS AND CLAY CHORISTERS EMERGED THIS FLUFFY MOIST CREATION THAT WAS LIGHT (JIM has lifted a perfectly formed Victoria Sponge out of the fire.) CAVEWOMAN IT’S SO LIGHT! CAVEMAN GIVE US A BITE (The CAVEPEOPLE ‘eat’ a bit of their cake theatrically. They’re impressed!) CAVEWOMAN

Spongy . . .

CAVEMAN

Soft . . .

CAVEWOMAN

Gooey . . .

CAVEMAN

And . . . sweet?!

CAVEWOMAN

(Fearfully.) Oh Dennis, what have we done?

Act One

CHORISTERS THE TWO WERE SO AFRAID CAVEMAN

I’m scared, Susan . . .

CHORISTERS WHAT WAS THIS THING THEY’D MADE? CAVEWOMAN

This could change the world . . .

CHORISTERS A TERRIBLE MISTAKE! CAVEPEOPLE AH-AH-AH-AH-AH! CAVEMAN

But what shall we call it?

CHORISTERS CAKE! (They hold the cake up majestically, like Simba in “The Lion King”, then whip off their cavepeople costumes.) [NB: Do not wait for audience applause – cut out of the sketch quickly.] KIM

Blimey, that was a bit intense!

JIM

Yeah that polyester really chafes . . .

BOTH

Welcome to The Great British Bake Off!

The Bakers Arrive Music No. 2: THE BAKE OFF TENT We hear The Great British Bake Off theme tune and then BABS appears, arriving for the start of the series. BABS IT WAS MY GREAT AUNT EDNA’S SUET

The Great British Bake Off Musical

I WAS ALWAYS FORCED TO EAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WOULD CHEW IT IT STILL FOUND A WAY TO REPEAT SO ONE DAY I SAID TO HER “AUNTIE WHY DON’T I GIVE YOU A BREAK . . . ?” SO I MADE MY OWN PIE ONLY MINE WASN’T DRY AND THAT’S WHY I STARTED TO BAKE (DEZZA enters with an Extinction Rebellion tote bag.) DEZZA THERE WAS THIS GIRL I MET IN SHOREDITCH AT AN UNDERGROUND NUDIST RAVE SHE LIVED IN CAMDEN LOCK AND WORE A SMOCK AND HAD A PARAKEET CALLED DAVE ONE DAY WE MADE HASH BROWNIES BUT ATE THE WHOLE LOT BY MISTAKE THANKS TO CANNABIS FLOUR WE SNOGGED FOR AN HOUR AND THAT’S WHY I LEARNT TO BAKE BABS THAT’S WHY I LEARNT TO BAKE DEZZA AND I KNEW WHAT THIS MEANT BABS AN ENORMOUS EVENT BOTH AND THAT’S WHAT BROUGHT ME HERE TO THE BAKE OFF TENT (The presenters KIM and JIM introduce the proceedings.) KIM

12,000 people applied for this year’s series . . .

Act One

JIM

Doctors and nurses . . .

KIM

Shop workers and shoplifters . . .

JIM

Undertakers and MPs . . .

KIM

Well Liz Truss isn’t up to much these days . . . [NB: Underlining in the libretto indicates topical references, which should be updated as per current news events – see Author’s Note.]

JIM

But only the berry best baked their way to this year’s legendary Gingham altar.

KIM

(To JIM.) Aww Jim, are we finally getting married?

JIM

(Grimaces.) Does that mean we have to kiss? (KIM puckers her lips.)

JIM

I think I’ll stick to cakes . . . (HASSAN enters wearing his lucky t-shirt.)

HASSAN I’VE GONE AND WORN MY LUCKY T-SHIRT COS I CANNOT GO HOME FIRST WEEK DEZZA I COULDN’T KEEP DOWN MY BREAKFAST THIS MORNING DEZZA, BABS & HASSAN AND I DIDN’T GET ANY SLEEP (IZZY enters.) IZZY I’VE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF BOTOX COS WE’RE FILMING IN HD DEZZA

(In rhythm.) Me too.

BABS

(In rhythm.) Me three . . .

The Great British Bake Off Musical

JIM

(Sheepishly; in rhythm.) And me . . .

BAKERS, KIM & JIM NOW WE’RE HERE THE FAMOUS TENT STANDING PROUD TO REPRESENT IZZY / HASSAN FROM CHELTENHAM TO CHICHESTER BABS / DEZZA FROM COVENTRY TO KENT PRESENTERS GET READY TO MAN YOUR BENCH ALL IN THE BAKE OFF TENT JIM

So without further aga-do, let’s meet this year’s contestants . . .

KIM

21-year-old student Izzy is currently studying History of Art at Cambridge University. She’ll be swapping Van Gogh* for Gat-eaux. [* Pronounced gogh as in ‘toe’.]

IZZY DID YOU KNOW MY BAKING STYLE IS BEST DESCRIBED AS SHABBY CHIC GOT MY INSPIRATION ON A JUICE RETREAT IN MOZAMBIQUE MUMMY SAYS I’M A PEARL WELL SHE GAVE BIRTH TO ME BUT I’M REALLY JUST A NORMAL BEAUTIFUL GIRL JIM

Retired dinner lady Babs hails from London’s infamous East End. A dab hand with a wooden spoon, Babs enjoys baking for her 15 grandchildren.

BABS WELL I’VE BEEN THERE DONE THAT SEEN IT ALL BEFORE

Act One

I’VE HAD THREE HUSBANDS – DON’T NEED ANY MORE! I LIKE TO BAKE WITH GALLONS OF LIQUOR IT ALWAYS LEAVES THE NEIGHBOURS WANTING MORE KIM

17-year-old Hassan lives in Wembley where he’s currently doing his A-Levels at sixth form college. A self-taught baker, Hassan likes to keep things real.

HASSAN I DON’T NEED NO RECIPES I MAKE IT UP MYSELF I JUST THROW IT IN A BOWL YEAH THROW IT IN A BOWL I’M NEVER FAZED I DON’T CARE ABOUT TRADITION I’M HASSAN I FOLLOW INTUITION JIM

Environmentalist, activist and chauvinist, sorry socialist, Derek – better known as Dezza – doesn’t like to be tied down – he lives on a canal boat in . . . (Faltering.) a canal . . .

DEZZA AS A VEGAN I WILL NOT BE COOKING WITH . . . BUTTER* [* Relaxed ‘t’ sounds on the word ‘butter’.] JIM / KIM NO NO BUTTER (Backing vocals continue underneath:) DEZZA COS I STRONGLY BELIEVE IN THE MANTRA “MEAT IS MURDER” I’M A LAID-BACK ACTIVIST SO I’LL ADD A PLANT-BASED TWIST TO EVERYTHING I DO SO IT’S ALMOND MILK FOR YOU BAKERS NOW WE’RE HERE THE FAMOUS TENT

The Great British Bake Off Musical

DEZZA OR MAYBE SOY ALL STANDING PROUD TO REPRESENT DEZZA BECAUSE OUR PLANET’S OVERPOPULATED ANIMALS ARE STRANGULATED BABS

Shut up Dezza!

DEZZA

Soz . . .

JIM / KIM I BET HE’S THE FIRST TO GO ALL IN THE BAKE OFF TENT (RUSSELL enters with a toolkit and the various apparatus he needs for his bakes.) JIM

Aeronautical engineer Russell lives with his husband Mario in Macclesfield.

RUSSELL

Ciao!

JIM

A man of measurements, Russell’s planning on using his trusty tools to stay on top in the tent.

RUSSELL AS A MAN OF GREAT PRECISION I RELY ON GRAPHS AND CHARTS GEEKY MEN ON TELEVISION ALWAYS WIN THE NATION’S HEARTS (Spoken, in rhythm.) My Instagram’s “The Queen of Tarts”. (BEN enters.)

Act One

KIM

Policeman Ben lives just outside Bristol. When he’s not keeping law and order, he likes to teach his nine-year-old daughter Lily how to bake.

BEN I’M SO GLAD TO BE ON YOUR SHOW LILY SAYS I’LL KILL IT KIM

Aww!

BEN PEOPLE SAY I’M A BAKING PRO SO I’LL TRY AND WIN IT I’M USING THE RECIPES MADE BY MY WIFE (FRANCESCA enters.) FRANCESCA I’M BRINGING THE FLAVOURS OF ROME AND MILAN TRADITIONAL METHODS I TOOK FROM MY GRAN SO PEOPLE OF BRITAIN GET READY I’M HERE FOR THE CROWN JIM

Italian fashionista Francesca’s moved from native Bologna . . . to Bognor.

FRANCESCA COS I HOPE THAT I WIN HASSAN I HOPE THAT I WIN! RUSSELL DON’T CARE IF I WIN BABS LIKE I’D EVER WIN! IZZY I’LL DEFINITELY

The Great British Bake Off Musical

ALL WIN COMPANY COS NOW WE’RE HERE THE FAMOUS T– KIM

WAIT!

JIM

Weight? That’s a very personal question, Kim . . .

KIM

No, there’s someone missing . . .

BAKERS

(Various ad libs, mutterings.) Missing? (GEMMA enters, nervously, with a holdall.)

JIM

Hello, can we help you?

GEMMA

Er yeah, hi I’m Gemma?

KIM

Who?

GEMMA

Gemma. You know . . . (Looks around, unsure if she can say, then quietly says . . . ) The back-up contestant . . .

JIM

(Relieved, loudly.) Oh the back-up contestant, yes!

KIM

Hel-lo!

GEMMA

I’m sorry I’m late it’s just I only got the call this morning . . .

JIM

Not to worry, Gemma . . . We’re so glad you could join us.

KIM

But we are about to start so – please – take your place . . .

JIM

And finally Gemma, a . . . (JIM realises he doesn’t know anything about her, so GEMMA prompts him.)

GEMMA

Carer . . .

Act One

JIM

From?

GEMMA

Blackpool. (We briefly isolate Gemma’s internal thoughts . . . )

GEMMA GOD IT’S NOT LIKE I IMAGINED IT’S BIGGER THAN YOU THINK THERE’S LIGHTS AND CAMERAS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE GETS A SINK I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY CHOSE ME I’LL BE ON CHANNEL 4 MY PALMS ARE GETTING SWEATY (Meanwhile, KIM and JIM are getting ready to start filming.) KIM

Alright bakers, standby!

GEMMA MY LEGS ARE LIKE SPAGHETTI JIM

Aprons at the ready . . .

GEMMA BUT BRING ON THAT FIRST SIGNATURE AND SEE WHAT LIES IN STORE BAKERS SO NOW WE’RE HERE DEZZA I’M HERE! BAKERS THE FAMOUS TENT STANDING PROUD DEZZA SO VERY PROUD!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BAKERS TO REPRESENT ALL WE’RE READY FOR OUR CLOSE UP (Hushed.) BUT SHOOT ME FROM THE LEFT (They all turn to the left.) (The BAKERS begin to sing various different layers – please see score.) BABS IT WAS MY GREAT AUNT EDNA’S SUET I WAS ALWAYS FORCED TO EAT (etc.) HASSAN I JUST THROW IT IN A BOWL YEAH THROW IT IN A BOWL (etc.) DEZZA COS MEAT IS MURDER (etc.) RUSSELL I LIKE BAKING WITH PRECISION (etc.) IZZY BUT I’M REALLY JUST A NORMAL BEAUTIFUL GIRL (etc.) GEMMA GOD IT’S NOT LIKE I IMAGINED (etc.) FRANCESCA I’M BRINGING THE FLAVOURS OF ROME AND MILAN (etc.) BEN I’M SO GLAD TO BE ON YOUR SHOW (etc.) (Until: Suddenly we hear a loud crunch sound – a technical error as if something’s gone wrong.) JIM

Sorry guys – technical difficulties – we’re gonna have to do that all again . . .

Act One

ALL IN THE BAKE OFF TENT DEZZA BIODEGRADABLE! ALL TENT! (End of song.)

Meeting the judges JIM and KIM address the bakers at their benches. JIM

Welcome to a brand-new series of Love Island – so gentleman if you could all step outside, Kim’ll be waiting with a bucket of fake tan and a spatula.

KIM

But before we get cracking . . .

Music No. 3: THE ARRIVAL OF THE JUDGES KIM

No series of Bake Off would be complete without our two baking demi-Gods.

JIM

The deities of dough!

KIM

The almond almighties!

JIM

Yes it’s the judges you know and love –

KIM

Please welcome back, national treasure . . . Dame Pam Lee! (PAM enters, wearing colourful glasses, as the bakers politely applaud.)

PAM

Hello.

I AM SO DELIGHTED TO BE HERE ONCE MORE

The Great British Bake Off Musical

NIBBLING ON YOUR NOUGAT IS A THRILL I JUST ADORE I KNOW HOW YOU’RE FEELING I’M A COOK MYSELF I CAN’T HELP YOU BAKE BUT I’LL GIVE YOU CLUES IF YOU LEAK . . . OR SQUIRT . . . OR BEGIN TO OOZE AND I’LL ALWAYS SCORE YOU HIGHLY IF YOU ADD MORE BOOZE (She smiles sweetly.) KIM

And now . . . Mr Blue Eyes himself . . .

JIM

Yes it’s the man who puts the ding in knea-ding . . .

KIM

Phil Hollinghurst! (A motorbike revs its engine and we see a tiny motorbike cross the length of the stage. As it gets to the other side . . . anticipation building . . . )

JIM

(Announces.) Bready or not, here he crumbs . . . (PHIL HOLLINGHURST – a handsome man with silver hair and a goatee – enters. He is wearing full motorcycle leathers and carrying a helmet.)

PHIL

(Liverpudlian.) Hiya everyone – y’alright? (The BAKERS sigh, dreamily.)

PHIL PEOPLE THINK I’M SCARY THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND I’M A PROPER SOFTY AND I MIGHT JUST SHAKE YOUR HAND JIM / KIM HE’S A SILVER FOX PHIL

(Humbly.) Oh no . . .

Act One

JIM / KIM WITH HIS SPIKEY LOCKS PAM/PHIL WE’RE HERE TO IMPART OUR YEARS OF SKILL THEN OUR AGENTS SEND THEM A LOVELY BILL JIM / KIM BUT EVERYBODY LOVES THEM IT’S PAM AND PHIL JIM

The judges, everyone. (End of song.) [NB: We advise you to move on quickly to avoid an applause break, but you may feel otherwise.]

KIM

Now . . . for our first signature challenge this series we’re asking you to make a sweet or savoury hand-raised pie. (To JIM.) You know I actually hand-raised my children . . .

JIM

(With a cheery smile.) And look how they turned out . . . (Whispered aloud, to BAKERS.) awful!

KIM

You have 1 hour 30 minutes.

JIM

For the first time, my little bakers . . . on your marks, get set . . .

BOTH

Baaake.

Episode 1: Signature Music No. 4: OBVIOUSLY DEZZA

I can’t believe they’ve done this! Pastry week’s not until at least week 5!

HASSAN

Still I’m raring to go innit . . . can do this in my sleep.

BABS

I’m just here for the experience, me.

The Great British Bake Off Musical

RUSSELL

It’ll be nice to make new friends! (DEZZA spots IZZY shining a pastry cutter in preparation.)

DEZZA

Wow, Izzy, what’s that?

IZZY

It’s a pre-medieval pastry cutter wheel. I stole it from the chalet girl in Verbier.

BEN

Whoa Izzy – you’ll put us all to shame!

IZZY

(Sweetly.) Hopefully, yes. (They all laugh. Little do they realise, she means it.)

DEZZA

Mind you, I suppose that’s what you get from (Impressively.) Cambridge University. (The BAKERS are impressed.)

IZZY

(Politely murmuring agreement.) Mmm . . . (We isolate IZZY’S internal thoughts . . . )

IZZY EVERYONE IS SO POLITE ALL “NICE TO MEET YOU” “LOVE THAT DRESS” BUT THERE’S SOMETHING UNDERNEATH THE SMILING NO-ONE WILL ADDRESS: THERE’S A PRIZE TO BE WON BABS

It’s like a cosy little family.

IZZY AND I’M NOT HERE FOR FUN DEZZA

(Best idea ever.) We should start a Whatsapp group! (Everyone murmurs enthusiasm, but IZZY smiles facetiously.)

Act One

IZZY

Yeahhhh . . .

THE TENT’S SO INNOCENT SO LITTLE BRITISH COUNTRY FETE DON’T LET THE GINGHAM FOOL YOU IT’S A BATTLE ON A PLATE I’M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS I’M HERE FOR TEN OUT OF TENS! (Suddenly IZZY is caught off guard by a question.) IZZY

(Spoken in rhythm.) Winning? (Gasps incredulously, or ‘Oh!’) It hadn’t even crossed my mind!

COS OBVIOUSLY I WILL BE GOING ALL THE WAY OBVIOUSLY I’LL SHINE THEY’LL DROP OFF LIKE FLIES TILL I SNAG THE PRIZE SO LET THE COMPETITION BEGIN I’M HERE TO WIN (PAM and PHIL move over towards IZZY’S bench.) PAM

Smells really good, Izzy.

IZZY

Thanks Pam! Love the necklace, by the way . . .

PHIL

(Peering into her bowl.) ‘Ere, what’s all this green stuff in your shortcrust?

IZZY

This? Oh it’s a rare Moroccan funghi mixed with semolina and polenta infused with the blood of a small Venetian vole. (Smugly.) You know – start with something simple.

ALWAYS THE STRAIGHT A STUDENT I DON’T COME IN SECOND PLACE IF THERE’S A MARATHON BELIEVE ME, I’M GONNA WIN THAT RACE NO ONE GETS IN MY WAY

The Great British Bake Off Musical

HEY, GET OUTTA MY SPOTLIGHT YOU CAN SASHAY AWAY [NB: bakers do backing vocals throughout – please see score:] IZZY AT THE FINAL WHEN I TAKE HOME THE CROWN THE JUDGES WILL CRY TEARS OF JOY THEN I’LL GUEST ON LOOSE WOMEN AND DESIGN MY OWN LINEN AND BEYONCE WILL BE MY BEST FRIEND COS FEMINISM’S SO ON TREND COS OBVIOUSLY MY PROFILE WILL BE THROUGH THE ROOF OBVIOUSLY I’LL SOAR MY STRAWBERRY JAM IS BIG ON THE GRAM THESE OTHER PEEPS CAN GET IN THE BIN I’M HERE TO WIN YEAH, YEAH YEAH! OOOH! YEAH YEAH YEAH! COMPANY (Overlapping.) OBVIOUSLY! WOAH WOAH, OBVIOUSLY! WHO IS SHE? SHE’S IZZY! IZZY BACKING VOCALS I’LL GO TO LA OPEN A CUPCAKE TAKEAWAY (GO GIRL) MEANWHILE IN HARVEY NICKS I’M THE NEW FACE OF MAGIMIX (OOH!) I’M WOMAN OF THE YEAR (MM-HMM) A BAKING PIONEER SO WATCH THIS COMPETITION COS IZZY’S ON A MISSION OBVIOUSLY I WILL BE GOING ALL THE WAY

Act One

OBVIOUSLY IT’S ME ME ME ME ME ME – ALL IZZY! IZZY BAKE OFF WILL BE THE MAKING OF ME ALL THE BEST CONTESTANT THERE’S EVER BEEN IZZY I’M HERE TO WIN! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! I’VE GOT A KITCHENAID WITH MY NAME ON SO GAME ON (Her riff builds until she lets out a big, wild Mariah-style note.) KIM

Izzy?

IZZY

Oh sorry – was that out loud?

I’M HERE TO COMPANY WIN! KIM

Bakers, step away from your benches!

IZZY I’M HERE TO WIN (IZZY puts her hand raised pie down on the bench.) (End of song.)

Episode 1: Morning Tea Break It’s tea break and the contestants gather round a tea trolley.

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BABS

Right then, who wants a Yorkshire? I’m parched! (DEZZA offers BABS a green-looking liquid in a reusable glass bottle.)

DEZZA

Would you like some of this Babs? It’s my homebrewed nettle tea. Handpicked from the bushes of Hackney canal then strained through recycled tofu lining.

BABS

I think I’ll stick to me builders, thanks Dezza . . . (As she makes herself a tea, RUSSELL enters with his face entirely covered in flour.)

RUSSELL

(Brightly.) Well that wasn’t too bad, was it?! Phil was very kind about my cylindrical display unit. And if it hadn’t have spun around and hit Pam in the face I’m sure she’d have liked it too. (He goes off to clean himself up. Meanwhile, GEMMA is waiting in line for the tea trolley next to BEN.)

BEN

Hello – sorry we’ve not been introduced – I’m Ben.

GEMMA

Oh yes, Gemma, hi – (She shakes his hand.)

GEMMA

Oops, sorry – sticky . . . all that bloody treacle! (Still holding his hand.) We’re stuck together now!

BEN

(Amused.) Seems that way . . . ! (She takes her hand away.)

GEMMA

Nah, don’t worry the way that went, I’ll be gone by tomorrow . . .

BEN

No, it was great –

GEMMA

It’s just cos I got a bit nervous, you know – being on telly. Still – yours looked nice . . .

Act One

BEN

Oh thanks – my wife’s invention actually – most of them are. She’s the real brains behind the baking . . .

GEMMA

Well she can come and take my place then! I’ll be on the first train heading North tomorrow night, you mark my words. (IZZY parades up to the tea trolley and picks up a cup. She spots a jar of instant coffee.)

IZZY

Oh instant – lovely! (She slams the cup down and walks away – she’d rather go without.)

BEN

So, you’re a carer . . .

GEMMA

Yeah well, kind of, it’s just – I used to look after me Mum y’see . . . but I sort of got made redundant.

BEN

Oh really, why’s that?

GEMMA

Well she – er – she died, so that’s me I guess: redundant.

BEN

Gemma, I’m so sorry . . .

GEMMA

Oh no it’s alright – she loved this show! She were forever telling me to apply: “Go on Gems, get yourself out there girl”. And now she’s dead I’ve no excuse really . . . I mean there’s nowt else to do in Blackpool, is there – except ride the Big One all day – (Motions.) up and down, up and down (Rrealises.) Oh Jesus! The Big One’s what they call the rollercoaster – sorry I talk a lot when I’m nervous . . . are you nervous, Tom?

BEN

It’s Ben.

GEMMA

Who?

BEN

Me . . .

GEMMA

Oh you . . . sorry Tom. (Immediately.) Ben . . . (Calmly.) from Bristol . . .

The Great British Bake Off Musical

(She passes him a tea.) BEN

Thanks . . . Gemma . . . from Blackpool . . . (He smiles at her kindly as FRANCESCA addresses everyone.)

FRANCESCA

Sooo, how’s everyone feeling about the technical challenge?

IZZY

Really good, yeah.

HASSAN

No sweat with me, bro.

RUSSELL

According to my spreadsheet we’re due something from either Peru, Paraguay or Poland.

BEN

Poland, yeah.

FRANCESCA

Here, Gemma what do you think it might be?

GEMMA

Me?

BABS

Yeah, go on – have a guess!

GEMMA

(Flustered at being centre of attention.) Oh – well – I mean . . . it might be . . .

Music No. 5: SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUGH GEMMA NEVER HAD SO MANY EYES LOOKING AT ME ASKED A SIMPLE QUESTION AND SOMEHOW IT FLUMMOXES ME SAY SOMETHING FUNNY SAY SOMETHING ANYTHING CLEVER I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER BEEN SO INCOHERENT JUST MAKE A PLAN MAKE IT ARTISAN LIKE I COULD WORK IN A RESTAURANT THAT’S MICHEL-IN . . . GEMMA

Well it’s a technical right, so something quite . . . technical?

IZZY

Oh Jesus . . .

Act One

Episode 1: Technical – Sernik królewski z brzoskwiniami Somewhere in the Dough underscoring continues as JIM and KIM enter. JIM

Okay my little Battenbergs! For our first technical challenge we’re heading to Poland!

RUSSELL

(Smugly.) Poland, yes!

JIM

We’re looking for a perfectly formed Sernik królewski z brzoskwiniami.

KIM

Would you like to say that again, Jim?

JIM

Absolutely not.

KIM

This is a traditional Polish cheesecake made with peaches and curd cheese. (Everyone lifts their gingham tea-towel.)

IZZY

(Smugly.) Oh I’ve made this hundreds of times!

BABS

If it’s anything like the German variation . . .

RUSSELL

Oh yes, the German variation – Mario’s favourite!

DEZZA

I mean you wouldn’t come on Bake Off without reading every single one of Pam’s 37 cookbooks . . . right Gems?!

GEMMA

(Pretending to know). Oh yeah . . . absolutely . . .

EVERYBODY SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT THEY’RE ABOUT EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE IN LITTLE DOUBT EVERYBODY KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT TO DO HASSAN

Looks pretty simple to me!

GEMMA I CAN BARELY EVEN SAY THIS POLISH WORD AND I’M SUPPOSED TO RECREATE ONE – IT’S ABSURD! I’VE BITTEN OFF MORE THAN I CAN CHEW

The Great British Bake Off Musical

I SHOULD BE READY, EXCITED CHAMPING AT THE BIT TO BE CHOSEN, INVITED ONTO SUCH A HIT BUT I PANIC I FLAP IS THIS REALLY IT? SOMETHING’S HOLDING ME BACK I DON’T WANT TO CRACK BUT THERE SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUGH SOMEONE I DON’T KNOW WHERE HAS SHE BEEN HIDING AND SHE LOOKS A BIT LIKE ME BUT THERE’S AN INGREDIENT INSIDE HER I CAN’T SEE IN THE RECIPE OF ME (The presenters are at GEMMA’S bench.) JIM

Gemma, are you alright - you’ve gone ever so red . . .

GEMMA

(Flustered.) Me oh yes – must just be the oven!

KIM

You haven’t turned your oven on . . .

GEMMA

(deadpan) Oh balls . . .

PRETTY DIFFERENT WHEN YOU’RE BAKING ON A SET WHEN YOU’VE ONLY HAD A BASIC KITCHENETTE AND YOUR ONLY CRITIC IS YOUR MUM SHE WOULD RELISH EVERY SLICE OF CAKE I MADE SO I NEVER ONCE REGRETTED THAT I STAYED SHE DEVOURED EVERY CRUMB EVERY NOW AND THEN I’D GO OUT ON A DATE BUT IT’S HARD TO STAY OUT LATE WHEN YOU’RE NEEDED BACK AT HOME

Act One

AND THEN SUDDENLY YOU FIND YOU’RE SORTA STUCK HANGING OUT WITH PETE – YOUR RUBBER DUCK WHERE’S THAT GIRL WITHOUT A CARE HEAVEN KNOWS SHE MUST BE THERE SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUGH WHERE’S THE GIRL I KNOW WHY HAS SHE BEEN HIDING AND SHE LOOKS A BIT LIKE ME BUT THERE’S AN INGREDIENT STILL MISSING WITHIN ME (The BAKERS walk with their bakes to the technical table and place them down behind photographs of their faces, as per a standard technical challenge.) [NB: in the West End production this was achieved by the technical table being tracked on mid-song.] GEMMA I KNOW I CAN’T JUST RUN AWAY FROM FEAR BECAUSE I CANNOT LOSE ANOTHER YEAR I SHOULD BE STRONGER SHOULD BE BRAVE AND BOLD ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE GOING FOR GOLD I CAN’T CONTINUE LIVING ON HOLD (The technical challenge table goes off and the BAKERS exit, their technical challenge over..) GEMMA COS THERE SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUGH THAT’S THE GIRL I KNOW SHOW ME HOW TO FIND HER AND SHE IS TELLING ME TO SEE THAT EVERYTHING I NEED IS THERE INSIDE OF ME WHAT’S THAT INGREDIENT I WISH I COULD SET FREE? IN THE RECIPE OF ME (End of song.)

The Great British Bake Off Musical

The thing about being on Bake Off #1 Music No. 6: THE THING ABOUT BEING ON BAKE OFF . . . The BAKERS enter for a new day of filming. HASSAN

The thing about being on Bake Off is . . . you can’t tell anyone!

IZZY

It’s like working for MI5 . . .

RUSSELL

“The name’s Sponge. Victoria Sponge.”

BABS

I’ve only told my neighbour Terry cos he needs to water me window box . . . and no, that’s not a euphemism!

DEZZA

Of course what you don’t see on TV is how crowded it gets!

FRANCESCA

There’s cameras everywhere!

IZZY

Plus runners, producers . . . and a very dishy pot washer out the back!

BEN

Every single oven gets tested in the morning . . .

BABS

Literally some poor sod has to make a load of Victoria Sponges at 6am!

RUSSELL

And every time you take something out of the oven it has to be filmed in case it falls on the floor – (We hear something crash by DEZZA’S oven – he’s dropped something. DEZZA jumps up, annoyed.)

DEZZA

Oh [SFX: bleep censor]!

BABS

(Drily.) And you can’t swear either . . .

RUSSELL

It’s a [SFX: bleep censor] liberty.

BEN

And then once the Saturday’s over –

BABS

You’ve got to do it all again the next day for the showstopper . . .

Act One

GEMMA

And in the same clothes.

RUSSELL

For continuity . . . (IZZY pulls a bottle of Febreze out.)

IZZY

Febreze anyone? (IZZY sprays HASSAN.)

HASSAN

Oi, mind my lucky t-shirt!

RUSSELL

Quiet everyone, they’re coming! (By this point the bakers are now in position for the start of their first showstopper challenge.) Episode 1, Showstopper: Strudels

Music No. 7: SLAP IT LIKE THAT An accordion underscores as KIM, JIM, PHIL and PAM enter. JIM is playing a child’s toy accordion. KIM

(Attempting a cod German accent.) Velcome back bakers – to Vienna! For our first showstopper challenge this veek ve’re asking you to make an Austrian strudel. Sveet or savo-wee.

JIM

Vill ve not be cancelled for zis cultural appropriation?

KIM

SILENCE! (JIM throws the accordion offstage into the wings.)

KIM

(To PHIL.) Phil, you’ve spent time in Austria . . .

PHIL

I have Kim, yes – delicious desserts!

PAM

Cremeschnitte?

PHIL

Bless you.

The Great British Bake Off Musical

(PHIL) I USED TO SKI THE AUSTRIAN ALPS I LOVED TO EXPLORE OFF PISTE JIM / KIM

Ahh!

PHIL UNTIL ONE FATEFUL DAY I FELL AND WAS RESCUED BY A PRIEST HE BARELY SPOKE A SINGLE WORD BUT HERMAN WAS A BAKING NERD AND HIS STRUDEL IN PARTICULAR WAS FAMED BAKERS “JA VOL STRUDEL!” (PHIL moves towards one of the bakers’ benches, rolling up his sleeves in preparation.) PHIL IT WAS ALL DOWN TO THIS ONE TECHNIQUE, HE CLAIMED . . . BAKERS “WIR LIEBEN STRUDEL” PAM

(Playfully.) Oh get on with it! (PHIL picks up a ball of dough from the baker’s bench and begins to demonstrate. The bakers gather round to watch.)

PHIL KNEADING IS ALWAYS WELL AND GOOD BUT REALLY QUITE OLD HAT IF YOU WANT YOUR DOUGH TO SWELL YOU MEIN FREUND SHOULD GIVE IT A SLAP” YES IT FEELS A LITTLE ODD I TO MAKE YOUR ARM GYRATE BUT IF YOU WANT A REVOLUTION INNOVATORS INNOVATE! SO TRY RAISE YOUR ELBOW HIGH

Act One

AND WHIRL IT ROUND IN THE SKY AND I’LL BE KEEPIN’ A BEADY EYE POUND IT DOWN UPON THAT BENCH WORK IT ‘TIL YOUR BICEPS CLENCH TAKE BACK PASTRY FROM THE FRENCH (He slaps the strudel dough down.) PHIL YOU’VE GOTTA SLAP BAKERS SLAP? PHIL SLAP IT LIKE THAT MAKE YOUR GLUTEN STRONG SLAP BAKERS SLAP? PHIL SLAP IT LIKE THAT PAM HE’S THE GOD, HE’S NEVER WRONG! PHIL WHIP IT BEAT IT FLICK YOUR WRIST AND GIVE IT ONE ALMIGHTY TWIST I WANNA HEAR IT THWACK SLAP IT LIKE THAT BAKERS SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON

The Great British Bake Off Musical

PHIL OOH YEAH! SLAP IT LIKE THAT BAKERS SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON PHIL OOH YEAH! SLAP IT LIKE – DEZZA I’M NOT SLAPPING ANYTHING I’M A PEACEFUL SORT OF CHAP RUSSELL JUST PICTURE ANDY MURRAY’S BUM HERE’S WHAT I’D DO – I’D GIVE IT A SLAP HASSAN PEOPLE WILL THINK I’VE LOST THE PLOT BUT HEY – I’LL GIVE IT A GO IZZY THANKFULLY I RIDE A PONY SO IT’S NOT MY FIRST RODEO BAKERS BUT WON’T THIS LOOK A BIT OBSCENE? SURELY THIS WON’T GO ON SCREEN? RUSSELL I THINK I’LL JUST USE MY MACHINE (The bakers now attempt to follow PHIL’S instructions themselves, slapping their own dough.) PHIL NO YOU SHOULD SLAP BAKERS SLAP

Act One

PHIL SLAP IT LIKE THAT BAKERS RAISE YOUR ELBOW HIGH PHIL YOU WANNA SLAP BAKERS SLAP ALL SLAP IT LIKE THAT SWING IT ROUND AND SKIM THE SKY WOMEN WHIP IT MEN BEAT IT PHIL BANG IT HARD PAM HE’S ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE BIT AVANT GARDE BABS I FEEL LIKE SUCH A PRAT PHIL OH SLAP IT LIKE THAT BAKERS SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON KIM OH YEAH! YOU SLAP IT LIKE THAT

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BAKERS SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON JIM OH YEAH! ALL SLAP IT LIKE THAT! (BABS accidentally flings her strudel dough across the tent, which – being passed by other cast members in a comedic ‘slow-motion effect’ – flies towards PHIL until it hits him in the face. PHIL turns around, affronted.) PHIL

Who threw this? (BABS raises her hand.)

BABS

I did.

PHIL

I see . . . remind me of your name again . . .

BABS

Kylie Minogue.

KIM

This is Babs, Phil – remember – she was introduced yesterday . . . (PHIL looks at BABS’ dough.)

PHIL

A very disappointing dough, Barbara . . .

BABS

Charming . . . and it’s Babs.

PHIL

Have you never slapped a strudel before?

BABS

3 times . . . and all of ’em ended up in divorce . . . (Beat.) Now I’ve been making strudel for 45 years and I’m not about to change for you. Now go on, off ya pop . . . Mr Male Judge! (Dance / dough slap break . . . Until PAM inspects DEZZA’S handiwork . . . )

Act One

PAM I CAN SEE A PROBLEM HERE YOU’VE USED TOO MUCH COURGETTE (The bakers gasp.) PAM SURELY YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT I DON’T LIKE IT WET PASTRY BASES SHOULD BE DRY BUT CLEARLY YOU’VE FORGOTTEN AND YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THE GUY WHO’S GOT A . . . (The music stops.) PAM

How can I describe it . . . ?

DEZZA

(Fearfully.) Soggy bottom?

PAM

Don’t be so disgusting . . .

BAKERS AHHH (PHIL riffs (see score) over . . . ) ALL SLAP, SLAP, SLAP IT LIKE THAT RAISE YOUR ELBOW HIGH PHIL YEAH SLAP IT LIKE THAT ALL SLAP, SLAP, SLAP IT LIKE THAT. SWING IT ROUND AND SKIM THE SKY JIM WHIP IT, BEAT IT, BANG IT DOWN KIM THROW YOUR STRUDEL ALL AROUND

The Great British Bake Off Musical

PHIL GRAB IT LIKE A CRICKET BAT MORE A HIT THAN LITTLE PAT LET ME HEAR THAT SATISFYING SPLAT . . . Not bad! AND SLAP IT LIKE THAT BAKERS SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON SLAP IT LIKE THAT SLAP IT LIKE THAT COME ON PHIL SLAP BAKERS SLAP ALL SLAP IT LIKE THAT (End of song.) Episode 1: Judging and elimination Music No. 8: EPISODE 1 JUDGING AND ELIMINATION / BIG HUG JIM

Okay bakers, let’s take a look at your show stopping strudels. (The bakers bring up their finished bakes to the two judges.) [NB: in the West End this was achieved by the bakers standing between the two judges, because putting them down on a table – as per the TV show – would slow it down too much.]

Act One

PHIL

Excellent work, Ben. Your wife’s really come up trumps with this!

BEN

Ah thanks.

PAM

Not bad Hassan . . . nice crack!

HASSAN

(To PAM.) Cheers mate!

PHIL

I would have liked this better Izzy if it wasn’t for the dead dove . . .

IZZY

Yes well it wasn’t meant to be be dead, Phil, it was meant to fly across the tent whilst cooing the National Anthem. (RUSSELL comes up with a strudel shaped like an aeroplane.)

PAM

Gosh, Russell!

PHIL

That’s the first and last time I’ll see a strudel in the shape of a Boeing 747.

RUSSELL

It’s a 7-3-7 actually.

PAM

(Comfortingly.) Ohhh bad luck Gemma, it’s a little haphazard for me . . .

PHIL

You’ve really gotta keep your cool in here –

PAM

Yes, better luck next time, dear . . .

PHIL

I’m afraid to say Barbara, that’s more a lattice than a strudel.

BABS

(Facetiously.) In your opinion . . .

PAM

Well I can’t say I’m in a hurry to eat a sauerkraut and strawberry strudel again, Dezza . . .

DEZZA

(Proudly.) What can I say, I’m an innovator, Pam . . .

KIM

And finally Francesca –

PAM

The booze didn’t quite come through for me –

PHIL

It’s got half a litre of brandy in, Pam!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

PAM

Oh really – can hardly taste it . . . (One by one, the bakers have sat on their stools ready for the first elimination.)

KIM

Well bakers, I get the nice bit this week. Our first star baker of the series is . . . (IZZY stands, grandly, believing it must be her.)

KIM

Hassan! (The BAKERS applaud and adlib congratulations to HASSAN. IZZY is horrified.)

BEN

Well done Hassan.

IZZY

(Loudly, falsely.) Yes “well done Hassan . . .” (IZZY sits down, grumpily.)

JIM

Which means it’s up to me to deliver the sad news. Leaving the tent this week is . . . (Long pause.) Dezza.

DEZZA

(Dumbstruck.) What?! But I served my strudel on a second-hand spade!

BABS

Come on Dezza . . . (BABS goes towards him for a hug.)

BABS BIG HUG BIG HUG (RUSSELL joins in.) + RUSSELL BIG HUG BIG HUG + BEN / GEMMA BIG HUG

Act One

+ FRANCESCA / HASSAN BIG HUG (The others all join in hugging. IZZY is recluctantly pulled in, not letting herself be hugged.) BAKERS GIVE HIM A CUDDLE + KIM / JIM A SNUGGLY WUGGLE BIG HUG + PAM / PHIL BIG HUG IZZY

(Protesting.) Yeah, not really a fan of hugging to be honest . . . (She walks off as the bakers disperse. Meanwhile KIM interviews HASSAN.)

KIM

So Hassan . . . star baker!

HASSAN

Course – s’my lucky t-shirt innit! I’m never gonna take this bad boy off. (Deadly serious.) Literally never. (KIM passes him a mobile phone.)

KIM

So – you know the drill: every star baker gets to phone home to share the good news. (HASSAN takes the phone and KIM exits.)

HASSAN

(The call connects.) Adil, it’s me – put Mum on. [ . . . ] What? Well when she’s back? [ . . . ] What about Dad? [ . . . ] Where?! [ . . . ] Ah well listen, I got star baker. [ . . . ] On Bake Off? [ . . . ] Channel 4? [ . . . ] No man, that’s Naked Attraction! (He tuts and hangs up, shaking his head, and exits. Meanwhile, PHIL is ready to go, holding his motorbike helmet.)

PHIL

Hurry up Pam, are you coming or what?

The Great British Bake Off Musical

(PAM enters with a glittery pink motorbike helmet.) PAM

Absolutely. I just had to ask Babs about her shortcrust ratio . . . her pie was perfection!

PHIL

(Re: himself.) Or you could ask The King of Pies . . .

PAM

(Playing along.) Oh really - who’s that?

PHIL

Oi you – cheeky git! (They laugh together and exit. Everyone has left, but GEMMA remains, shell shocked. FRANCESCA approaches her.)

FRANCESCA

Gemma, what’s wrong?

GEMMA

(Dumbstruck.) I got through . . .

FRANCESCA

Of course!

GEMMA

But I were crap . . .

FRANCESCA

(Warmly.) You were just a little nervous – it’s totally normal – it’s only week 1!

GEMMA

I were seventh place in technical and me signature was more like a fart than a tart. (Sadly.) No wonder I was the back-up . . . (FRANCESCA sense she’s a bit down.)

FRANCESCA

Text me, okay . . .

GEMMA

What for?

FRANCESCA

‘Banter’!

GEMMA

Banter, oh yeah – that’d be great yeah! ‘Banter’. Or cat pictures, do you like those? I’ve got a cat he’s called Mr Tibbles ’n’ he’s a bag of arthritis but – (FRANCESCA holds her palm up.)

FRANCESCA

Gemma . . . breathe . . .

Act One

(A beat. GEMMA takes in this advice. ) GEMMA

Yeah . . . yeah . . . “breathe . . .” (PHIL HOLLINGHURST’S tiny motorbike crosses with a little PAM on board. DEZZA runs on.)

DEZZA

(Calling after him.) This isn’t the last you’ve seen of me, Phil Hollinghurst! (IZZY enters with DEZZA’S Extinction Rebellion tote bag and passes it to him.)

IZZY

Actually Dezza, I think you’ll find it is . . . (With a dainty wave.) Byeeee! (IZZY exits.) (In darkness . . . )

VOICEOVER

Coming up later on Channel 4, Kate Garraway investigates the rise of nude gardening in her new series Kate’s Bush. (Beat.) But first . . . aprons at the ready . . . Episode 2: Pre-credits skit

Music No. 9: BRING ON THE SCONE KIM and JIM enter. KIM SINCE TIME BEGAN THERE’S BEEN A BONE OF CONTENTION SHOULD YOU SAY SCON* OR IS IT SCONE? [* For clarity we have written ‘scon’ as in ‘on’ and ‘scone’ as in ‘cone’.] JIM IT’S A DEBATE THAT GETS A LOT OF ATTENTION BUT WE CAN’T SETTLE THIS ALONE

The Great British Bake Off Musical

KIM BRING ON THE SCON! (PAM enters dressed as a giant ‘scon’.) PAM I’M THE SCON I DRINK TEA WITH THE QUEEN I LOVE A POSH MAGAZINE I DON’T GO NEAR ABERDEEN JIM BRING ON THE SCONE! (PHIL enters dressed as a giant ‘scone’.) PHIL I’M THE SCONE AND I HAIL FROM CORNWALL PEOPLE SAY WE’RE ABNORMAL JIM / KIM LET’S SETTLE THIS FIGHT RIGHT NOW! (A bell dings for the start.) JIM IS IT SCONE LIKE TRAFFIC CONE? PAM / PHIL OO-WOW-OO! OO-WOW-OO! KIM IS IT SCON LIKE ELTON JOHN PAM / PHIL UH! UH! UH! UH! AH-AH-AH WU-UH-OH

Act One

JIM ARE YOU A COMMONER OR A TOFF? PAM / PHIL AH-AH-AH WU-UH-OH KIM WELCOME BACK TO THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF. (KIM does a mic drop.) (End of song.) Episode 2: Dessert week Music 9A: EPISODE TWO We hear The Great British Bake Off theme tune playing as everyone dashes to their benches. BEN

(Excitedly.) Week two! Here we gooooo! (HASSAN walks in with a Red Bull.)

HASSAN

(Yawning.) It’s half seven in the morning man, this is cruelty in action! (RUSSELL comes in with a large cardboard box.)

RUSSELL

Incoming, incoming –

FRANCESCA

Russell what’s –

RUSSELL

Don’t ask questions Francesca – the Russell 3000 needs no explanation!

IZZY

(Pointedly.) Oh Hassan – same t-shirt . . .!

HASSAN

(Thrilled.) Told you innit – luck! I’m properly gunning for a handshake today!

BEN

Morning Gemma – (Spots her Crocs.) Hey, nice Crocs!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

GEMMA

(Smiles, proudly.) Ah thanks, I’ve got bunions.

BEN

(Amused by her.) Lovely . . .

JIM

Places people!

FRANCESCA

Everything okay Babs?

BABS

(Flustered.) Oh it’s me neighbour Terry, I had to show him how to feed my guinea pig. And no that’s not a euphemism!

JIM

Ready to roll!

IZZY

(Petulantly, hissing.) Russell . . .

RUSSELL

What?

IZZY

You’re standing in the way. (The music ends and IZZY’S face instantly switches from bitchy to smiley as she realises filming has begun.) (JIM and KIM address the bakers as PAM and PHIL enter in large pairs of sunglasses, visibly hungover.)

KIM

Ahoy there, bakers – Welcome back to The Great . . . (Noticing PAM and PHIL.) Excuse me . . . Hello?!

PHIL

(Hoarse.) Oh sorry Kim, we’re both a bit delicate this morning . . .

PAM

Bit of a big night at the BAFTAs last night . . .

PHIL

Ah yeah, and then there was this fantastic after party at Claudia Winkleman’s!

PAM

Claudia?! Where was my invite?

PHIL

You were too busy flirting with Stormzy.

PAM

(Remembering.) Oh yeah . . .

KIM

Okay people, standing by . . . and . . . Welcome back to The Great British Bake Off.

Act One

JIM

This week we’re looking for a dozen cream buns. Pam?

PAM

Yes they should be round and firm and stuffed full of -

JIM

(Holds his hand up.) Yes thank you Pam! On your marks, get set –

KIM / JIM

Bake! (The bakers start to make their signature cream buns.) Episode 2, Signature: Francesca tells us her reason for baking

Music No. 9B: MORNING BAKE JIM and KIM go up to FRANCESCA. JIM

Now then lovely Francesca!

FRANCESCA

(Brightly.) Morning Jim! And Kim . . . !

JIM

Morning my darling, now – you like to bake for your children, is that right?

FRANCESCA

That’s correct, yes . . . All 32 of them!!

KIM

32 kids, wow – you must have quite the pelvic floor!

FRANCESCA

Oh no, no . . . I’m a teacher: West Park Primary School. (Looks into camera / to audience.) Hey 5J – Mrs Jones is watching you!

KIM

Ohhh I was going to say, my twins were bad enough . . .

JIM

And what about back home, any greedy young ‘uns there? (A slightly pained beat - this is a difficult topic for her, but she attempts to hide it well . . . )

FRANCESCA

Oh, no . . . no . . . just my husband . . . Mike . . . and our tortoise: Tallulah.

Music No. 10: GROW KIM

So Francesca – what’s on the menu today?

The Great British Bake Off Musical

FRANCESCA

(Readies herself.) Well . . .

WHEN I WAS LITTLE MY NONNA WOULD BAKE ITALIAN DOLCI, SHE TAUGHT ME TO MAKE PANETTONE, PANFORTE, THE FAMILY RECIPES FLOWED JIM

Adore panettone . . .

FRANCESCA I LOVED MARITOZZI, MY FAVOURITE OF ALL A SWEET CREAMY BRIOCHE ROLLED INTO A BALL BUT THIS WAS A BUN THAT DEMANDED ATTENTION AND TIME I’D SIT BY THE OVEN, ENGROSSED IN THE DOUGH AND NONNA SAID DARLING JUST WATCH IT GROW GROW GROW BUN IN THE OVEN GROW GROW GROW BUN IN THE OVEN GROW KIM

Good luck Francesca.

FRANCESCA

Thanks. (JIM and KIM move away from her bench.)

FRANCESCA ITALIAN FAMILY IS BIG LIKE OUR FOOD AND I ALWAYS KNEW THAT I LONGED FOR A BROOD SO WHEN I MET MIKE I SAID ‘STRAP YOURSELF IN FOR A RIDE!’ SO WE STARTED TO TRY, WE TRIED FOR A YEAR THEN WE WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND SHE MADE IT CLEAR IT WOULDN’T BE EASY, BUT WE WERE DETERMINED TO TRY SO OUT WENT THE BISCUITS, THE BOOZE AND THE BREAD WE SIGNED UP TO YOGA; ATE KALE ON OUR HEAD AND MADE LOVE SO OFTEN; THE NEIGHBOURS – THEY HAD TO COMPLAIN

Act One

AND THEN CAME THE TREATMENT, THE NHS WAY AND I JABBED IN MY BELLY LIKE THREE TIMES A DAY WITH MY LEGS IN THE AIR MIKE WOULD CRADLE ME CLOSELY AND SAY GROW GROW GROW BUN IN THE OVEN GROW GROW GROW BUN IN THE OVEN WE’RE WAITING FOR YOU TO GROW BUT LIFE AS WE KNOW IT HAS OTHER IDEAS AND ONE DAY A MONTH I’D BE DROWNING IN TEARS SO I PICKED UP MY PINNY AND FOUND MYSELF STARTING TO BAKE AND IT HELPED WITH THE PAIN KNOWING I HAD A FORM OF ESCAPE AS I ROLLED OUT THOSE BALLS TO THEIR CHILDHOOD SHAPE I WAS CALM (3 bakers (BEN, IZZY and HASSAN) sing backing vocals – either offstage or onstage, depending on your staging). 3 BAKERS GROW GROW GROW FRANCESCA I FINALLY HAD SOME CONTROL 3 BAKERS GROW GROW GROW FRANCESCA SOMETHING THAT I COULD MAKE GROW 3 BAKERS GROW GROW GROW

The Great British Bake Off Musical

FRANCESCA I USED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU’D GROW BUT NOW I’VE REPLACED YOU WITH . . . DOUGH IF NONNA COULD SEE ME I’D WANT HER TO KNOW HER RECIPE SAVED ME AND TAUGHT ME TO GROW (End of song.) Episode 2, Technical Music No. 10A: TECHNICAL – EARLY BAKE SCENE CHANGE PAM and PHIL enter to discuss the technical challenge, but are chatting first. PAM

You know Phil, I went to the most extraordinary place yesterday. I’m not sure if you’ve been. It was called “TK Maxx”.

PHIL

(Amused.) Oh yeah? Pick yourself up some knockdown Calvin Kleins?

PAM

No no, nothing like that – they’re stocking my new range of saucepans: “Pam’s Pans”. I think that’s quite amusing, don’t you?

PHIL

Oh yeah I mean that could be quite a line really – Pam’s Plants . . .

PAM

Pam’s Plates . . .

PHIL

Pam’s Panty Pads! (PAM cackles mischievously then goes very serious.)

PAM

That’s actually an excellent idea. (She quickly writes it down in a tiny little notebook.)

PHIL

Right then, shall we do this?

PAM

Absolutely.

Act One

Music No. 10B: AMYGDALOPITA PAM

So then Phil, what have you chosen for the Technical this week?

PHIL

Well this is what the Greeks call Amygdalopita – an Ancient Kefalonian Almond Cake. Almost as old as you, Pam . . .

PAM

Watch it.

PHIL

I think the bakers’ll really have their work cut out with this today. (Hassan steps into a spotlight with a piece of paper.)

HASSAN

(Fearfully.) Step one: make the cake . . . (He turns it over. There’s nothing on it. Uh-oh!)

PHIL

But still I think I’ve been very generous with timings. (As though it were 6 hours.) I’ve given them twenty minutes . . .

PAM

Come on Phillip – let’s go and see how they’ve done. (The bakers enter and sit on their stools.)

Music No. 11: THE HANDSHAKE SONG BEN EACH NIGHT I HAVE A DREAM THAT’LL HE COME TO ME WITH HIS PIERCING STARE HE’LL HAVE THAT TWINKLE IN HIS EYE FRANCESCA & HASSAN HE’LL HAVE THAT TWINKLE IN HIS EYE RUSSELL PINK FROM THE OVEN’S HEAT WITH HIS STRONG PHYSIQUE MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT GEMMA & BEN (Whispered.) SKIPS A BEAT

The Great British Bake Off Musical

RUSSELL THAT MASTER BAKER’S QUITE A GUY GEMMA & FRANCESCA QUITE A GUY! HASSAN & BEN QUITE A GUY! RUSSELL, BEN & HASSAN AT THE END OF HIS ARM IS AN INFAMOUS PALM AND IT SLOWLY STARTS TO TEASE ME + IZZY PUT YOUR PINKIE IN MINE LET OUR DIGITS ENTWINE HOW I LONG FOR THEM TO BEN SQUEEZE ME BABS, RUSSELL & HASSAN SQUEEZE ME FRANCESCA, GEMMA & IZZY SQUEEZE ME HASSAN SO SHAKE SHAKE MY HAND LET ME FEEL YOUR TOUCH BAKERS UH OH IT’S NEVER TOO MUCH HASSAN IT’S PART OF YOUR BRAND LET ME FEEL THE THRILL BAKERS UH OH I PRAY THAT YOU WILL

Act One

HASSAN THERE IS SO MUCH AT STAKE WILL I EVER GEMMA, RUSSELL & BABS EVER FRANCESCA, IZZY & BEN EVER HASSAN EVER GET A HANDSHAKE? BAKERS AHHH SO SHAKE SHAKE MY HAND RUSSELL PHILLIP WILL YOU WRAP YOUR HAND IN MINE COS I’VE GOT A BODY PART FOR YOU TO SIGN YEAH YOU CAN PICK ANY TOMATO ON MY VINE I’VE EVEN MADE YOU A BAGEL SHRINE GEMMA / BEN WE LOVE TO SEE YOU TOUR AROUND THE HOBS YOUR DEMONSTRATIONS REALLY TURN OUR KNOBS IZZY / HASSAN WE READ YOUR RECIPES ALL THE TIME DEZZA COS MISTER MALE JUDGE YOU’RE SO FI-NE! BAKERS SO SHAKE SHAKE MY HAND LET ME FEEL YOUR TOUCH UH OH IT’S NEVER TOO MUCH IT’S PART OF YOUR BRAND LET ME FEEL THE THRILL UH OH I PRAY THAT YOU WILL THERE IS SO MUCH AT STAKE WILL I EVER, EVER, EVER

The Great British Bake Off Musical

HASSAN GET A HANDSHAKE? BAKERS AHHH SO SHAKE SHAKE MY HAND (End of song.) Music No. 11A: HANDSHAKE PLAYOUT (Moves us into . . . ) A surprise visitor to the tent GEMMA is cleaning her workstation when LILY appears. She is 9 years old. GEMMA

(Warmly.) Oh hello . . . who are you?

LILY

I’m Lily. Who are you?

GEMMA

I’m Gemma.

LILY

Are you the pot washer?

GEMMA

No, I’m one of the contestants. Do I look like the pot washer?

LILY

I don’t think you want me to answer that.

GEMMA

And sorry, you are . . . ? (LILY offers her hand to shake.)

LILY

I’m Ben’s daughter – nice to meet you.

GEMMA

Oh! Right . . . ! (She shakes it.) “Charmed!”

LILY

I’m supposed to be in the caravan with my chaperone, but she started talking about how the Earth was flat . . . so I left.

GEMMA

Do want me to go and find your Dad?

Act One

LILY

No, don’t worry – I’m in a heated Whatsapp argument with my best friend Kara . . .

GEMMA

Well that’s not very nice, is it . . . arguing . . .

LILY

She thinks Billie Eilish sucks – and let me tell you – she is wrong.

GEMMA

Oh totally wrong . . .

LILY

Don’t you ever argue with your best friend?

GEMMA

Oh . . . I don’t really have a best friend. My Mum was my best friend . . .

LILY

Where’s your Mum?

GEMMA

She died.

LILY

(Matter-of-factly.) Oh . . . mine too.

GEMMA

Really?

LILY

Didn’t you know?

GEMMA

(She had no idea.) No . . . I didn’t . . . I mean, your Dad didn’t mention . . .

LILY

It’s alright, I’m not going to cry . . . I’ve had so much therapy. (This lingers as BEN enters.)

BEN

There you are! You little . . . (Spots GEMMA.) Oh, Gemma . . . (Awkwardly.) You’ve met . . .

GEMMA

Yeah we were just –

LILY

(Mimicking the presenters.) “Gemma, a carer from Blackpool” They keep playing it through the speakers and it’s really annoying . . . no offence . . .

GEMMA

Well anyway I’d better go and clean myself up – I’ve got flour all down me!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

LILY

And in your hair . . .

GEMMA

Nice to meet you Lily.

LILY

You too . . .

GEMMA

(To BEN, awkwardly.) See you later Ben . . .

BEN

(Trying to be casual.) Yes yes, see you Gemma, yes . . ..

(GEMMA goes. LILY raises her eyebrows at BEN.) LILY

(Knowingly,) Hmmm . . . she’s nice . . .

BEN

(Deflecting.) Er, yeah . . . is she? I guess . . .

LILY

(Pointedly.) You never mentioned her.

BEN

Didn’t I . . . ?

LILY

I’ve heard all about Babs, and Russell and the irritating hipster . . . but not the pretty Northern girl . . .

BEN

Well now enough about her – I’ve got a bone to pick with you!

LILY

Funny bone perhaps . . . ? You could do with one of those . . .

BEN

They were doing one of those interview thingys earlier – you know ‘how are you feeling’, that kinda thing – and the presenters were asking me about my Bake Off application . . .

LILY

Uh oh.

BEN

Exactly. So I told them that it wasn’t me who applied – but you . . .

LILY

Well you kept saying no . . . which was so lame . . .

BEN

Well now I want to know what you said!

LILY

That’s between me and the producers I’m afraid. A very nice woman called Jenny swore on her hamster’s life.

BEN

Lily . . .

Act One

LILY

Okay fine, hold on . . . (She takes out her phone.)

LILY

(She finds it.) Here we go. (As though she’s a spy.) “Private and confidential.”

BEN

Well go on then . . . read it out . . .

LILY

(As if it were obvious.) It’s downloading from the cloud.

BEN

Oh well . . . (Looks up.) hope there are no storms up there . . .

LILY

Urgh, that’s such a Dad joke . . .

BEN

Well I am a Dad – your Dad!

Music No. 12: MY DAD BEN

And this Dad really wants to hear your mysterious application!

LILY

Really?

BEN

Yes!

LILY

(Slightly hesitantly.) Okay . . . (She clears her throat.)

LILY I’M APPLYING FOR A PLACE IN THE TENT ON BEHALF OF MY DAD HIS NAME’S BEN AND IF MEN COULD BE SCORED OUT OF TEN THEN MY DAD WOULD BE NINE AND A HALF . . . HE LOSES HALF MARKS COS HIS ICING IS SLOPPY HIS FONDANT TOO WET BUT I BET HE’D BE SO MUCH BETTER IF HE COULD JUST GET A LESS WETTER TECHNIQUE

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BUT IF MY DAD WAS ON YOUR SHOW I KNOW HE WOULD KILL IT PEOPLE SAY HE’S A BAKING PRO SO HE’D DEFINITELY WIN IT BUT HE NEEDS A MAKEOVER BAKE OFF PLEASE TAKEOVER STOP HIM FROM WEARING HIS DENIM AND PLAID PLEASE PICK MY DAD BEN

(Looking at his plaid shirt.) Hey I like this shirt . . . it was my Granddad’s.

LILY

You can tell.

BEN

Well go on, carry on . . .

LILY

(Lying.) No, that’s it . . .

BEN

No there’s loads more . . . I can see . . .

LILY

No really, it’s just waffle. Honestly . . .

BEN

C’mon, give it here - it can’t be that bad. Unless you told them about my Elvis impersonation . . .

LILY

Oh trust me, no-one needs to know about that . . . (He takes her phone and reads.)

BEN DEAR PEOPLE WHO PICK THE CONTESTANTS I NEED YOU TO KNOW I’M SO WORRIED HE’S LET HIMSELF GO SINCE MUM PASSED AWAY HE SPENDS EVERY DAY IN HIS SHED WITH HIS TOOLKIT – I don’t! LILY YES YOU DO!

Act One

(LILY continues the letter she wrote, from memory.) LILY COS MUM WAS THE GLUE NOW HE’S FALLING APART + BEN TELL HIS FRIENDS HE’S FINE BUT I KNOW THAT’S A LIE BEN COS I STILL HEAR HIM CRY . . . (BEN thinks about this for a moment – he hadn’t realised.) BOTH BUT IF MY DAD WAS ON YOUR SHOW YOU’D SEE HE’S AMAZING AND IF MUM WERE STILL HERE I KNOW SHE’D STAND UP AND PRAISE HIM COS MY DAD DID EVERYTHING HE WASHED EVERY SOCK AND HE CARED ROUND THE CLOCK DID HIS BEST JUST TO STOP HER FROM BEING IN PAIN LILY AND I KNOW THAT HE’D DO IT AGAIN SO GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF PRODUCERS MY DAD IS THE BEST HASHTAG BLESSED AND IT’S TRUE TOGETHER WE HAVE OUR FUN BUT I WOULDN’T MIND IF HE… MET SOMEONE THEN MAYBE HE WOULDN’T BE SAD BOTH PLEASE PICK MY DAD LILY

Best wishes and regards – Lily. Aged 9. (End of song.)

The Great British Bake Off Musical

The thing about being on Bake Off #2 Music No. 12A: THE THING ABOUT BEING ON BAKE OFF . . . #2 HASSAN

The other thing about being on Bake Off is . . . it’s actually proper hard.

BABS

It completely takes over your life.

FRANCESCA

You have to juggle your job –

IZZY

(Smugly.) Very busy love life –

RUSSELL

And bake every evening!

FRANCESCA

’Til 2am!

HASSAN

And go to school – s’a liberty man!

BABS

The show gets around 10 million viewers . . .

RUSSELL

And that’s just in the UK . . .

BABS

My cousin Jean in Philadelphia says it’s enormous over there!

HASSAN

There’s the fear that everything you do’s gonna be on the internet – forever. Cos people get trolled you know – the comments – it’s not nice . . .

IZZY

I just don’t want to become some sort of hate figure. Like Mary Magdalene . . . or Prince Harry.

HASSAN

I mean who knows what people are gonna say . . . about me . . . where I’m from . . .

FRANCESCA

Still . . . I wouldn’t change it for the world. Gemma’s doubts

We segue into the next day. GEMMA is in her hotel room bathroom. She looks in the mirror above her sink, mimicking the presenter’s introduction about her.

Act One

GEMMA

(Annoyed.) “Gemma, a carer from Blackpool . . .” (Excitedly.) “Gemma . . . an astronaut! From . . . Lancashire!” (Defeatistly.) “Gemma, a sad sack from Blackpool with nowt going on who’s never even been on a bloody aeroplane before let alone the soddin’ moon!” (She practices a leaving speech.) “Listen Jim, Kim – I’ve had a brilliant time, really, but I think it’s best you find someone else to take my place – a back-up back up if you will – ” (Next door in his hotel room, RUSSELL washes his hands in his bathroom sink.)

RUSSELL

Who are you talking to, Gemma?

GEMMA

My . . . self?

RUSSELL

Ooh I talk to myself as well.

GEMMA

I know Russell, I can hear you . . . regularly . . .

RUSSELL

“You are a tower of feminine strength.”

GEMMA

(Beat.) Are you talking to me or you?

RUSSELL

You, Gemma! “You’re truly brilliant in every way!”

GEMMA

Ah thanks Russell . . .

RUSSELL

No that was to me. (Beat.) It’s funny, people do tend to come into your life for a reason. Say if I hadn’t have found myself in the queue for the lavatory at Gloria Estefan – Manchester Arena, 1996 – I might not wake up every morning to a snoring Italian with wind problems. (Warmly.) But I’m very glad I did. And so somehow Gemma I think that you were meant to meet us . . . (He puts his hand on the wall between them briefly then exits. GEMMA hesitates, then puts her hand on the wall too. It’s a comfort to her. FRANCESCA runs on.)

FRANCESCA

Gemma, come on – we’re going to be late!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

GEMMA

(About to launch into her leaving speech.) Listen Francesca – I’ve had a brilliant time – really . . .

FRANCESCA

(Concerned.) Gemma?

GEMMA

(She thinks – will she stay?) I . . . (She decides to stay another day.) Yeah . . . yeah . . . let’s do this! (GEMMA and FRANCESCA exit. They run off into . . . ) Episode 2, Showstopper

Music No. 13: ALL THE WAY JIM, KIM, PAM and PHIL enter. JIM and KIM do a quick opening skit as if they were American breakfast show hosts. JIM

(American.) It’s a blazing day out there today folks. Temperatures look set to reach a record breaking 98 degrees!

KIM

(American.) I wouldn’t want to be baking cakes today! Would you Darren?

JIM

No Karen.

KIM

Back to you Sharon! (They snap out of the routine.)

JIM

Now for this week’s showstopper we’re looking for an iconic skyscraper.

KIM

Fourteen stories high.

JIM

With three moving elements.

KIM

And an ice cream lift shaft.

JIM

(To KIM.) Sorry did you say ice cream . . . ?

KIM

I certainly did.

Act One

JIM

In this heat?!

KIM

We are British, we are Great –

JIM

But Kim –

KIM

Baaaake! (The bakers are already feeling the effects of it being a hot day in the tent.)

BABS I THINK I’M MELTING THE HEAT IS UNBEARABLE FRANCESCA IT’S SWELT’RING! WILL MY JELLY SET? GEMMA MY BENCH IS SOAKING WET AND I’M DRIPPING SWEAT IZZY AND IT ISN’T EVEN 9AM! GEMMA KEEP IT TOGETHER DON’T FALL APART COS OF THE WEATHER BABS GOTTA PUMP IT FULL OF GRENADINE FRANCESCA MY PISA’S GONNA LEAN GEMMA I’M MAKING THEM A BLACKPOOL TOW’R WITH RED ICE CREAM BAKERS BUT I CAN GO ALL THE WAY PAM AND PHIL ARE GONNA SEE

The Great British Bake Off Musical

I’M NOT GONNA FAIL TODAY I WON’T LET THE HEAT GET TO ME I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH SO EVERYONE AT HOME CAN PROUDLY SAY THAT I WENT ALL THE WAY (BEN and GEMMA bump into each other at the freezer . . . ) BEN

Oh hey Gemma.

GEMMA

Hi Ben.

BEN

After you –

GEMMA

No, after you –

BEN

Think we’ll all be needing the freezer today –

GEMMA

Absolutely –

BEN

I wish I could just rip off all my clothes and jump right in . . . !

GEMMA

God I’d love that – (Quickly, flustered.) My clothes I mean, not yours . . . oh Jesus . . . (The JUDGES watch the BAKERS baking whilst fanning themselves.)

PHIL IT’S NOT IDEAL THEIR GELATINE WILL JUST CONGEAL PAM BUT THERE’S NOTHING WE CAN DO TO STOP THE HEAT PHIL FEELS LIKE WE’RE IN CRETE PAM YOU MIGHT HAVE TO PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE FRIDGE PHIL BUT EVERY TOWER IS BOUND TO COLLAPSE WITHIN AN HOUR

Act One

PAM BUT IF SHE ADDS A BIT MORE FLOUR BOTH IT WON’T TURN INTO SLOP JIM / KIM 2 HOURS LEFT TILL YOU CAN STOP! BAKERS COS I CAN GO ALL THE WAY PAM ARE YOU SURE THAT’S THIN ENOUGH? BAKERS THEY’LL MARVEL AT MY DISPLAY PHIL DID YOU USE FILO OR PUFF? BAKERS BUT HOW CAN I MAKE IT THROUGH AND WORK WITH ICE CREAM ON THE HOTTEST DAY AND STILL GO ALL THE WAY JIM

Bakers you have 40 minutes left!

BAKERS TIME IS TICKING AND I’M FRETTING GOTTA GET IN THE OVEN IS IT STICKING IS IT SETTING AND MY ICING’S BEING STUBBORN Split 1: IZZY & BEN MY CRÈME PAT IS MELTING MY JELLY BASE IS SOLID MY CUSTARD

The Great British Bake Off Musical

HAS CURDLED MY MADELEINES ARE HORRID Split 2: BABS & RUSSELL RISE MY BEAUTY RISE MY LITTLE CAKE IT’S YOUR DUTY RISE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE Split 3: HASSAN & FRANCESCA SMALL CAKE PLEASE GROW BAKERS IN THE OVEN YOU MUST GO (They put their bakes into the oven and pray to their ovens.) YES YOU CAN GO ALL THE WAY GOD OF CAKE – TO YOU WE PRAY YOU LIE ON A BAKING TRAY WILL YOU RISE; WILL YOU OBEY? OO, OO . . . (As the bakers wait for their bakes to bake, PHIL and PAM approach BABS.) PHIL

Feeling the heat Barbara?

BABS

Mind your own beeswax . . .

PHIL

’Ere . . . knock knock . . .

BABS

You what?!

PHIL

Come on – knock knock . . .

BABS

“Who’s there?”

PHIL

Ice cream.

BABS

Ice cream who?

Act One

PHIL

Ice cream when you get my recipes wrong.

PAM

See what I have to put up with?! (Suddenly the music turns dramatic as GEMMA opens her freezer.)

GEMMA HOLD ON A MINUTE COMPANY

What?

GEMMA THE FREEZER – MY ICE CREAM ISN’T IN IT COMPANY

Huh?

KIM ARE YOU TRYNA SAY THAT IT’S BEEN STOLEN? WOMEN STOLEN. MEN WHY HAS IT BEEN STOLEN? JIM / KIM THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE COMPANY

Oh yeah

JIM IN SEASON FIVE RUSSELL NO IT WAS FOUR KIM IT’S QUITE SUSPICIOUS HER ICE CREAM WAS EVER SO DELICIOUS COMPANY BUT SOMEONE’S CLEARLY GONE AND SABOTAGED AH . . . WAS IT ESPIONAGE?

The Great British Bake Off Musical

COMPANY HOW COULD THE CAMERAS NOT HAVE SEEN? (RUSSELL looks at his bowl, alarmed.) RUSSELL

Oh wait!

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE YOUR ICE CREAM! GEMMA

No, what?! (GEMMA picks it up, horrified.)

JIM / KIM IT’S A NIGHTMARE! IT’S A RUNNY GOO WHAT’S SHE THINKING? WHAT’S SHE GONNA DO?! (Suddenly a spotlight hits a large metal bin at the end of GEMMA’S bench. GEMMA looks at it – there’s only one thing to do . . . GEMMA picks up her cake and walks towards the bin. Everyone slo-mo shouts: “No, don’t do it!” / “Don’t do it, Gemma!” As GEMMA goes to put it in the bin, her fellow bakers stop her.) FRANCESCA NO DON’T PUT IT IN THE BIN! THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO WIN + BABS & BEN YOU’RE OUR BAKING HEROINE WHEN IN DOUBT, BAKE FROM WITHIN GEMMA BUT HOW? IT’S IMPOSSIBLE . . .

Act One

HASSAN I’VE GOT SOME ICE CREAM SPARE THAT YOU CAN USE BEN ME TOO RUSSELL / BABS ME THREE GEMMA

Really?

BAKERS IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO TRIUMPH IF YOU CHOOSE GEMMA I CAN DO IT I CAN SAVE MY TOWER COMPANY YOU’VE STILL GOT A QUARTER OF AN HOUR! (Suddenly RUSSELL holds his thumb up – it’s covered in blood!) RUSSELL

Agh!

JIM RUSSELL, ARE YOU OKAY? RUSSELL NO NOT REALLY . . . SUDDENLY THE TENT’S LOOKING BLEARY BAKERS WHAT’S HE GONE AND DONE? BABS

(Spoken, in rhythm.) Russell’s sliced his thumb!

GEMMA & BEN SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE THIS IS A BAKE OFF EMERGENCY JIM & KIM HE’S LOSING BLOOD WITH QUITE SOME URGENCY!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

ALL SOMEONE’S GONNA HAVE TO REPLACE HIM BUT WHO ON EARTH COULD EVER REPLACE HIM? (Suddenly DEZZA bursts in through the fridge door – he has been hiding in the fridge the whole time.) DEZZA YES I CAN GO ALL THE WAY ALL

Dezza!

DEZZA AND THIS TIME I’M GONNA SLAY! YES I’M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY! STAND ASIDE – OUT OF MY WAY! (JIM takes DEZZA and escorts him out of the tent again.) BAKERS (Starting to panic.) THIS IS THE MOMENT I HOPE I’VE NAILED EVERY COMPONENT I REALLY THINK THAT I COULD WIN IT I’VE GOT A SHOWSTOPPING EXHIBIT JIM / KIM YOU’VE ONLY GOT A MINUTE! IZZY I’LL REACH THE TOP COME WHAT MAY SO I CAN STAND UP AND SAY (As the final chorus plays, everyone’s bakes start to collapse dramatically one by one.) BAKERS AH-AH I CAN GO ALL THE WAY IZZY

ARGH!

Act One

BAKERS I CAN SEE THE FINISH LINE HASSAN

HELP!

BAKERS YES I CAN GO ALL THE WAY BABS

NO!

BAKERS EVEN THOUGH WE’RE OUT OF TIME! I CAME WITH A STRATEGY (Crash!) BAKERS BUT NOW IT’S A TRAGEDY (Boom!) GROUP 1 I REALLY THOUGHT TODAY WOULD BE MY DAY GROUP 2 I REALLY THOUGHT TODAY WOULD BE MY DAY (Everyone’s bakes have collapsed. GEMMA, however, climbs onto the counter to the top of an absolutely perfect replica of the Blackpool Tower.) GEMMA YES I’LL GO ALL THE WAY BAKERS

ARGH! (GEMMA puts a cherry topped cupcake on top of her tower and exhales happily. She’s done it.) [End of Act One.]

The Great British Bake Off Musical

ACT TWO A speakers’ plinth sits in front of a sign saying “Businesswoman of the Year Awards” FEMALE VOICE

Welcome back delegates. It gives me great pleasure to welcome to the stage this year’s keynote speaker. Yes it’s Dame Pam Lee! (PAM enters to applause.)

Music No. 14: KEEP ON KEEPING ON PAM WHEN YOU’VE HAD A DUVET RANGE THAT’S SOLD IN M&S A COOKING SCHOOL, SIX NOVELS AND YOU’VE FED THE NHS PEOPLE ASK ME AREN’T YOU TIRED? BUT THAT’S NOT THE WAY I’M WIRED . . . I WAS NEVER BORN TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME RETIREE WHERE DO I GET MY ENERGY? I KEEP ON KEEPING ON OAPS WEAR BLACK AND BEIGE SIGNALLING THEIR ELDER AGE BUT I THINK COLOUR’S ALL THE RAGE IT KEEPS ME KEEPING ON SOMETIMES PEOPLE SAY THAT I’M A LITTLE OTT BUT I DECIDED LONG AGO THAT THAT’S MY USP SO EAT THE PUDDING DRINK THE WINE SELL YOUR NFTS ONLINE GO BE SHIRLEY VALENTINE AND KEEP ON KEEPING ON

Act Two

(The company enter, vocalising.) COMPANY BA-BA-DA-BA-BA-DA! BA-BA-DA-BA-BA! BA-BA-DA-BA-BA-DA-BA! BA-BA-DA-BA-BA-DA-BA-BA! BA-BA-DA-BA-BA-DA-BA! KEEP ON KEEPING ON! (Backing vocals under . . . ) PAM START YOUR DAY BY KEEPING FIT DO YOUR SEVEN-MINUTE HIIT DON’T IGNORE YOUR (ENS: BEEP.) FITBIT IT KEEPS ON BEEPING ON COMPANY BEEP BE-DEEP BEEP BA PAM COMPANY IF YOU’RE STUCK THEN ASK ALEXA ASK ALEXA, BA DON’T LET MODERN TECH PERPLEX YA PERPLEX YA SHE CONTROLS MY SPOTIFY DA, DA SO THAT I DA, DA CAN RAP LIKE KSI COMPANY EVERYONE ASPIRES TO BE LIKE YOU! PAM (KSI like.) LICK-A-BOWL-YEAH-LICK-A-LICK-A-SPOON COMPANY SHE CAN EVEN DO A CARTWHEEL TOO (Drum roll. PAM does a cartwheel!) [NB: If the actress cannot do a cartwheel, you could replace the word cartwheel for something special the actress can do. Feel free to have fun!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

As an alternative version, she could tease us that she is going to do a cartwheel, then stops before she does . . . PAM

Well, only on Sundays . . . ] (Backing vocals under . . . )

PAM SO BREAK THE MOULD AND BUCK THE TREND BREAK UP WITH THAT BORING FRIEND SPEND YOUR CHILDREN’S DIVIDEND COMPANY (Hushed.) A 5, 6, 7, 8 PAM COMPANY AND KEEP ON KEEPING ON KEEP ON KEEPING ON (Dance break with tea towels.) PAM WHY PUT ON A BATHING SUIT TO COVER UP YOUR BITS? SKINNY DIPPING IS DE JOUR AND WRINKLES ARE THE NEW COUTURE PLAY WITH FIRE PLAY ROULETTE DIP YOUR LITTLE FINGER IN MY RACLETTE COMPANY AND KEEP ON KEEP ON YES KEEP ON KEEP ON YOU GOTTA KEEP ON AH! KEEPING ON! COMPANY PAM BA-DA-DA-DA-BA-DA! KEEPING ON! BA-DA-DA-DA-DA! KEEPING OO WAH OOO WAH OO, WAH OOO WAH AH! ON!

Act Two

ALL KEEP ON KEEPING ON! (End of song.) Last time on The Great British Bake Off Music No. 14A: LAST TIME ON BAKE OFF JIM and KIM enter, with various company members popping in and out throughout. JIM

Last time on The Great British Bake Off – after a mercury-busting meltdown . . .

BABS

(Horrified.) My tower!

JIM

Izzy narrowly escaped elimination –

IZZY

(Annoyed.) I’m sorry – bland?!

KIM

Because thanks to a horrifying injury –

RUSSELL

My thumb!!

KIM

Nobody was sent home!

JIM

Although Dezza was given a formal warning by the police . . .

DEZZA

I’ll be back!

KIM

And with Gemma crowned star baker –

GEMMA

I’d like to thank everyone who knows me . . . AND GARY BARLOW.

KIM

We saw the very first handshake of the series – (PHIL shakes GEMMA’S hand. GEMMA gasps as his jaw drops in amazement! The company look on, amazed!)

GEMMA HE SHOOK SHOOK MY HAND AND IT FELT SO GOOD JUST LIKE I KNEW THAT IT WOULD

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BAKERS AH, AH . . . (She holds onto PHIL’S hand for longer than appropriate.) JIM

Okay Gemma, let go. Let him go! (GEMMA lets go of his hand.)

KIM

This week, it’s cake week!

JIM

And with Russell’s thumb surgically restored . . .

RUSSELL

(Thumbs up.) Ta-da!

KIM

Tensions rise in the celebrity inspired signature –

BEN

It’s my Labour party wedding cake: Tier Starmer. [NB: At time of writing, this joke ought to stay topical for a while, but if not – please cut or brainstorm a similar celebrity baking pun – we tried numerous versions in rehearsals: Choux-di Dench, Emanuel Macaron, Julian Eclairy, etc.]

KIM

And after an even tougher technical –

JIM

We’re looking for two dozen ‘cacennau cri fach’ . . . from Wales.

KIM

Now everything’s riding on the final showstopper!

JIM

Yes it’s all to play for on:

KIM

The Great

JIM

British

KIM BAAAAAKE! JIM

(Adds quickly.) Off. (End of section.)

Act Two

The Perfect Petit Fours We’re in the tent – it’s the middle of the night. A full moon is outside. BEN is baking late using a candle for light. He’s trying to improve his attempt at petit fours. Suddenly GEMMA enters the tent surreptitiously. BEN blows the candle out and ducks. GEMMA looks around nervously and quickly hurries over to her bench, fetching a recipe book. BEN jumps up, startling her. BEN

Not breaking and entering, are you . . . ?

GEMMA

(Startled.) Oh blimey – Ben!

BEN

Cos that’s an arrestable offence . . .

GEMMA

(Knowingly.) Oh well - know any police officers do ya..?

BEN

(Police voice.) “Care to explain your actions, madam?”

GEMMA

(Doing her own police voice.) “I forgot me recipe book, officer . . . !”

BEN

I’m a detective, actually –

GEMMA

Detective – well! (She looks at his macarons. They’re not very good.)

GEMMA

“These macarons ought to be sent down for life!”

BEN

Hey!

GEMMA

No no no no no they’re fine, you just need to leave them to rest a bit longer – that’s why your skin din’t form.

BEN

(Impressed.) Okay Delia. I guess that’s why you got the handshake . . .

GEMMA

(Faux-embarrassed.) Oh no, it’s nothing, really . . . !

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BEN

Gemma, it’s amazing – the first Hollinghurst handshake of the series!

GEMMA

Yeah well I mean the look on Izzy’s face – worth it just for that! And she’s been to Paris! Not like me – Skeggy every year . . . (New thought.) Hey maybe after this I’ll go there meself – show ’em how it’s done!

BEN

Oh yeah, Julie and me went to France once, it was amazing, I mean the pastries and the bread and – (He trails off; the memory difficult for him.)

GEMMA

Lily told me . . . about your wife . . . I’m so sorry.

BEN

Three years now . . . It’s actually how I got into all this . . . Lily missed Julie’s baking so I picked up her old recipes and – voilà – here I am. Took me ages to get it right, you know – she likes it exactly . . . exactly the way Julie made it . . . (Gemma murmurs a mutual understanding.)

BEN

But petit fours* must have somehow escaped her . . . ! There’s not a single recipe anywhere! [* Although written pluralised as per the French word, it is pronounced singular.]

GEMMA

Well that’s okay!

BEN

No, Gemma, it’s not! What am I supposed to do?! (Slowly increasing in panic.) I mean I’ve tried dividing everything, you know, minimising it down, but every time I make it they sink or the pan’s too big, or the tray’s too hot, and they’re hard in the middle or soft in the middle or burnt in the middle or – (She plonks mixture on his nose.)

Music No. 15: THE PERFECT PETIT FOURS BEN

What was that for?

Act Two

GEMMA

To shut you up! Panicking!

BEN

I just don’t get the point of them!

GEMMA

You what?

BEN

I mean why would you bother making something so small – who are they are even for?!

GEMMA

You know – those lah-de-dah types in London . . .

GEMMA PRETEND YOU’RE IN A POSH HOTEL THE WAITER RINGS A SILVER BELL AND BRINGS ALONG A TREAT YOU DON’T EXPECT (She offers him one of his petit fours.) BEN

The sunken ones . . . Really?!

GEMMA TINY CAKES IN TINY PORTIONS EVERYTHING IN SHRUNK PROPORTIONS WHICH DIVINE DESERT WILL YOU SELECT? AND THEN YOU TAKE A BITE AND EVEN THOUGH IT’S TEENY TINY WHAT DELIGHT A SUGAR RUSH COMES OVER YOU SO HERE TONIGHT I’M GONNA HELP YOU EVEN UP THE SCORE AND HELP YOU MAKE THE PERFECT PETITS FOURS (She starts to help him improve. They set to work together.) GEMMA BA-DA-DA-DA BA-DA-DA-DA-DA DA-DA-DA-DA

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BEN IT ALL SEEMS RATHER COMPLICATED AND I’M NOT THAT SOPHISTICATED I GUESS I’M MORE A TORTOISE THAN A HARE GEMMA THERE’S NO NEED TO BE SO DESPONDENT NOW ADD MORE WATER TO YOUR FONDANT OR MAYBE EVEN WHISKY – IF YOU DARE BOTH SO GRAB A ROLLING PIN A MINIATURE ÉCLAIR SHOULD BE PIPED REALLY THIN WHICH ONE OF US WILL WIN? LET’S USE THIS MANDOLIN IT’S GONNA LEAVE THE JUDGES WANTING MORE WHEN WE’VE MADE THE PERFECT PETIT FOURS (They make the petit fours – rolling them out in formation together.) BOTH BA-DA-DA-DA DA-DA-DA-DA-DA BA-DA-DA-DA (etc. – see score – until . . . ) BEN IMAGINE WE ARE IN PAREE THE HOME OF FINE PATISSERIE SIPPING OUR SANCERRE BESIDE THE SEINE GEMMA

Bonjour monsieur!

BEN

Bonjour!

OUR BELLIES FULL OF CHEESE AND WINE WHAT A TRES BIEN-ISH TIME OH – I’M GETTING HEARTBURN YET AGAIN . . . SO WON’T YOU DANCE WITH ME? TONIGHT BENEATH THE NOTRE DAME?

Act Two

GEMMA OUI OUI – JE SUIS BEN THAT’S FRENCH GCSE! BOTH IT’S WHERE WE WANNA BE AND WITH OUR FEET WE’LL TAP OUT ‘JE T’ADORE’ WHEN WE’VE MADE THE PERFECT PETIT FOURS (Dance break.) (BEN and GEMMA get close. We think they might kiss, but then LILY enters in her pyjamas.) LILY

Dad? Hello?! What is going on?

BEN

Oh Lily, you should have seen it – Gemma and me – we were just in Paris!

LILY

God, old people are weird.

GEMMA

What’s wrong, sweetheart?

LILY

Oh you know – climate change, AI, corruption. [See Author’s Notes for topical reference note.] (Beat.) And I can’t sleep . . .

GEMMA

Here . . . I’ll take you back. (Very quickly.) If you want . . . (LILY looks at her. Weighing up whether she can accept GEMMA.)

LILY

Sure. (They go. BEN watches them exit. Then he thinks.)

BEN TONIGHT I TOOK A BITE AND FELT A SORT OF FUNNY FEELING SHEER DELIGHT SHE MADE ME FEEL ALIVE AND NOW PERHAPS I MIGHT

The Great British Bake Off Musical

ADMITTEDLY BE WANTING SO MUCH MORE NOW WE’VE MADE THE PERFECT PETIT FOURS! BA-DA-DA-DA BA-DA-DA-DA-DA THE PERFECT PETIT FOURS! (End of song.) (Then IZZY slowly rises up from behind one of the benches. She has been there (unseen) the whole time and is starting to get worried about her abilities in the competition.) Music No. 15a: OBVIOUSLY (Reprise) IZZY OBVIOUSLY STAR BAKER HAS ELUDED ME AND OBVIOUSLY THAT’S NOT GREAT I CAME HERE TO BE THE BEST ON TV A CELEBRATED HOUSE-HOLD NAME I’M GONNA HAVE TO UP MY GAME I WON’T JUST TAKE IT ON THE CHIN I’M HERE TO WIN (Deviously, she takes HASSAN’S lucky t-shirt out of her bag and stuffs it into an industrial-sized Marmite tub. Lights fade.) Hassan’s Story There is a Portaloo outside the Bake Off tent. RUSSELL and HASSAN stand by it, waiting to use it. HASSAN is in his pyjamas. HASSAN

Honestly Russell, my lucky t-shirt - I’ve looked everywhere! Someone musta thrown it away!

RUSSELL

Well you can’t go on television in your pyjamas, Hassan – OFCOM will get complaints . . .

HASSAN

Off what?

RUSSELL

Act Two

No, OFWAT’s the water regulation service. (FRANCESCA comes out of the Portaloo.)

RUSSELL

Honestly Francesca, the sartorial standards of young people today! Not like you and I, eh – dressed to impress! In fact my patent leather trousers were the talk of Bollington High Street in 1993 . . . and YES for the right reasons . . . (RUSSELL hurries into the Portaloo quickly. HASSAN spots that FRANCESCA has been crying.)

HASSAN

Whoah, hold up mate – is everything okay?

FRANCESCA

Me? Yes – fine – of course . . .

HASSAN

S’just – y’look you like you’ve been cryin’ –

FRANCESCA

(Brushing it off.) No no - do I . . . ? (He immediately tries to chivvy her up.)

HASSAN

Ah nooo . . . come on Francesca . . . you’ve nothing to worry about . . . really – you’re dead good at baking! I’m the one who should be worrying – no-one liked my celebrity signature yesterday – CAKE. MIDDLETON. (He looks at her, dumbfounded. FRANCESCA smiles, weakly.)

FRANCESCA

Nooo it’s not that . . . it’s just . . . (Thinks about how to say this.) You know when you try and get a recipe right, and you keep trying and trying and trying . . .

HASSAN

Ah mate, every single night, ’til 2am . . . (She tests the waters of whether he understands her predicament.)

FRANCESCA

Sometimes my bakes don’t always seem to rise . . . when you’ve been trying for so long . . .

The Great British Bake Off Musical

HASSAN

(Innocently, wide-eyed – he doesn’t get it.) Oh well, trust me Francesca, ma bakes don’t always rise neither! But hey – don’t worry . . . (Genuinely lovely.) It’ll work out in the end, I’m sure. (She smiles, relieved at the advice all the same.)

FRANCESCA

Yes . . . let’s hope so . . . thanks Hassan . . .

HASSAN

You’re welcome bro.

FRANCESCA

(Amused.) Please don’t call me bro.

HASSAN

Sis . . . ?

FRANCESCA

I’m not your sister either . . . !

HASSAN

Wish you were – my sisters are bare boring like. You’re all dead fashionable and that – in your old people clothes . . .

FRANCESCA

Vintage!

HASSAN

Vintage yeah. I’d love to have a sister like you.

FRANCESCA

(Genuinely touched.) Oh thanks . . .

HASSAN

(Attempts a moment of deeper connection.) It’s funny, really, innit . . . you and me . . . “The Great British Bake Off”.

FRANCESCA

(Lightly.) Why?

HASSAN

Well you’re Italian for starters!

FRANCESCA

Yes of course, but I’ve been here sixteen years! (Still jovially.) What you are you trying to say, I don’t belong here..?!

HASSAN

No . . . no . . . it’s just that word . . . you know . . . British. Crazy really innit – to be thought of like that . . .

FRANCESCA

(Sensitively.) How else would you be thought of?

HASSAN

Syrian.

FRANCESCA

(Nonchalantly.) Sorry, I thought you were from Wembley . . .

Act Two

HASSAN

Well yeah I am, but – (Pondering aloud.) I mean that’s what I told them, when they asked me and that . . . Do you think I should get them to change it?

FRANCESCA

It depends how you feel . . .

HASSAN

Well I’ve been here half my life now. Even eat potato smileys. (He thinks.)

Music No. 15B: HASSAN’S STORY HASSAN

I remember my first day at school here. I was 9 years old and the only English words I knew were “Hello”, “thank you” and (À la Joey Tribbiani.) “how you doing . . . ?”. No-one really talked to me at first. I’m terrible at football, see, always have been. Which sorta put me outta place . . . So one day, my teacher – Mr Sharma – he suggests I make a cake. So I goes home yeah. Oh my days you shoulda seen me! Flour on the ceiling, butter down my uniform! Mum went totally mad! (Softly.) But there – just before midnight . . . on a Tuesday night in November . . . 24 sponge vanilla butterfly cakes . . . (He can still see the image, proudly.)

HASSAN

Sure enough, they loved it . . . lappin’ it up . . . ! They called me “Hassan the baking boy”. (With urgency.) So the next night I’m in the kitchen . . . biscuits, shortbreads, loaf cakes, tray bakes – till slowly but surely I became invited. Accepted. One of the class. (Still bugs him.) Still crap at football mind. Stupid game . . . ! (He shares a final secret with FRANCESCA.)

HASSAN

I always used to think we’d go back one day, you know. Damascus – see my family . . . before it’s too late. (Innocently.) I miss the smell, Francesca. (A far away thought.) My grandma’s courtyard. (A very fond memory.) Lemons . . . (A beat, then RUSSELL exits the Portaloo abruptly.)

The Great British Bake Off Musical

RUSSELL

I’d give it a moment if I were you, Hassan. Those date flapjacks have quite an effect after all . . . (RUSSELL exits. A new connection holds between HASSAN and FRANCESCA.)

HASSAN

Shukran Francesca – ‘thanks’ . . .

FRANCESCA

(Softly.) Prego . . .

HASSAN

Smash it out there, yeah?

FRANCESCA

(Warmly.) Sure thing. Bro. (End of scene.) The weeks roll by

Music No. 16: DON’T SEND ME HOME Back in the tent, the bakers are making their petit fours. KIM and JIM observe. KIM IT’S WEEK 3 IN THE BAKE OFF TENT AND TENSIONS ARE GETTING HIGH JIM THEY’RE GETTING HIGH KIM THEY’RE PINNING ALL THEIR HOPES AND DREAMS KIM / JIM ON A MINIATURE KEY LIME PIE KIM WILL THE JUDGES BE IMPRESSED? JIM CAN THEY PRODUCE THEIR VERY BEST WITHIN THE TIME?

Act Two

BAKERS THERE’S NO MORE TIME! WE’RE OUTTA TIME! KIM / JIM NOW THE JUDGES MUST DECIDE HASSAN / GEMMA / FRANCESCA DID I BLOW MY CHANCE IN THE SIGNATURE? IZZY SURELY THEY WILL SCORE ME HIGH FOR MY MINI MISOGYNISTS FROM LITERATURE RUSSELL MY TINY TARTES TATIN HAVE FALLEN ON THE FLOOR BAKERS WILL THEY TROLL ME? OR CONSOLE ME IF I STAY ON CHANNEL 4 DON’T SEND ME HOME (DON’T SEND ME HOME) I DON’T WANNA BE THE NEXT TO GO DON’T SEND ME HOME (DON’T SEND ME HOME) COS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO BE ON THIS SHOW WE’VE LOVED EVERY SINGLE SECOND BUT NOW WE FEAR OUR PLACE IS THREATENED DON’T SEND ME HOME DON’T SEND ME HOME (KIM announces the baker going home.) KIM RUSSELL I’M GOING HOME BAKERS BIG HUG BIG HUG

Russell.

The Great British Bake Off Musical

RUSSELL I’M GOING HOME BAKERS GIVE HIM A CUDDLE A SNUGGLY WUGGLE RUSSELL I’M GOING HOME (The next week rolls around immediately.) JIM / KIM ANOTHER WEEK IN THE BAKE OFF TENT AND IT’S ALL ABOUT BISCUITS BAKERS ALL ABOUT BISCUITS (Dramatic whisper.) YEAH! BABS I’VE NEVER MADE A GINGER SNAP BUT I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO RISK IT BEN MAYBE I SHOULD WHISK IT FRANCESCA STEP ONE: MAKE THE DOUGH HASSAN AS IF THAT’S SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW GEMMA WHAT’S A SUGAR RATIO? FRANCESCA DUNNO! + BABS / HASSAN DUNNO!

Act Two

+ IZZY / GEMMA / BEN DUNNO! BAKERS BEAT – BATTER – MIX – BLEND WILL THE DRAMA NEVER END?! PAM WILL YOUR GINGER SNAP GO SNAP? KIM / JIM SNAP! BAKERS (Whispered.) SNAP IT LIKE THAT! (PHIL goes up to BABS with a gingerbread man.) PHIL KNOCK KNOCK CAN YOU GUESS WHO’S THERE? IT’S A SHORTBREAD FRED ASTAIRE AND IT’S LOOKING FOR GINGER BABS LOOKING FOR GINGER?! PAM CAREFUL YOU DON’T SINGE HER BAKERS DON’T SEND ME HOME (DON’T SEND ME HOME) I DON’T WANNA BE THE NEXT TO GO DON’T SEND ME HOME (DON’T SEND ME HOME) COS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO BE ON THIS SHOW WE’VE LOVED EVERY SINGLE SECOND BUT NOW WE FEAR OUR PLACE IS THREATENED DON’T SEND ME HOME DON’T SEND ME HOME

The Great British Bake Off Musical

(Now it’s JIM’S turn to announce the next person going home.) JIM

(After a tense beat.) Francesca.

FRANCESCA I’M GOING HOME BAKERS BIG HUG BIG HUG GIVE HER A CUDDLE A SNUGGLY WUGGLE (As everyone gets ready to leave, PHIL approaches BABS.) BABS HEY PHIL I SURVIVED ANOTHER WEEK PHIL YOU CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF MY CRITIQUE BABS MAYBE NOW I’M ON A WINNING STREAK PHIL KNOCK KNOCK BABS WHO THERE? PHIL IT’S ME BABS I DON’T CARE! (JIM and KIM are watching this exchange.) JIM / KIM A CONTESTANT’S TAKING PHILLIP ON WHO WOULD EVER BE SO HEADSTRONG? WHO KNEW SHE’D LAST THIS LONG?!

Act Two

(LILY enters the tent and runs up to BEN. GEMMA is standing by him.) LILY

Sooo . . . what’s the verdict?

BEN

Oh Lily I’m so sorry . . . (LILY makes a disappointed noise.)

BEN

We’re here for another week! (LILY high fives him.)

LILY

Yes! Go Dad!

BEN

And Gemma got star baker two weeks running . . .

LILY

Star baker?! Again?!

GEMMA

I don’t know how – it’s embarrassing, really!

BEN

You might just call it your “Gemma sais quoi!” (LILY watches them talking, then addresses the audience . . . )

LILY (To herself.) MY DAD’S NOT BAD GEMMA

(To BEN, flirtatiously.) Hey, I thought you didn’t speak French!

LILY HE’S SMILING AND IT’S NICE TO SEE THAT HE’S NOT SO SAD HE’S GOT A TWINKLE IN HIS EYE (BEN snaps her out of her thoughts.) BEN

Right you – out of here! (As LILY goes to exit, she passes JIM, who’s holding a 3-tier cake stand of petit fours.)

LILY

Can I have a bite? Please?

The Great British Bake Off Musical

(JIM holds the stand away from her.) JIM

(Kindly.) Not ’til later, small child . . . (LILY exits as BEN and GEMMA sing privately about each other.)

BEN I’M SO GLAD I CAME ON THIS SHOW IT’S BEEN SO AMAZING AND I’VE STARTED TO DIP MY TOE INTO A LIFE I’D LIKE TO KNOW GEMMA (Overlapping.) BUT HERE SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUGH HERE’S THE KIND OF LIFE I’D LIKE TO KNOW (HASSAN is watching all this, curiously.) HASSAN I DON’T GET NO PEACE WHEN THERE’S FLIRTING IN THE TENT YEAH FLIRTING IN THE TENT MAN WHEN WILL IT RELENT? I’M TRYNA BAKE IT’S DETRACTING FROM THE SHOW I THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING MORE THAN SUGAR IN THE DOUGH GEMMA’S GOT A NEW DRESS WHO’S SHE TRYNA IMPRESS? TAKE A LOOK AT BEN MAN HE’S LOOKING LIKE A TEN WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS IN THE TENT AT NIGHT THIS IS MEANT TO BE BAKE OFF NOT MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT! (And then finally, it’s the next week.) BAKERS / JIM / KIM ANOTHER WEEK THE WEEKS ROLL BY

Act Two

ANOTHER CHALLENGE WILL I SCORE HIGH? ANOTHER PIE (BABS gets her pie out, it’s black and steaming.) BAKERS GOD I HATE PIE (HASSAN’S however, is amazing, and he is delighted with himself.) HASSAN MAN I LOVE PIE! BAKERS DON’T SEND ME HOME (DON’T SEND ME HOME) I DON’T WANNA BE THE NEXT TO GO DON’T SEND ME HOME (DON’T SEND ME HOME) COS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO BE ON THIS SHOW WE’VE LOVED EVERY SINGLE SECOND BUT NOW WE FEAR OUR PLACE IS THREATENED DON’T SEND ME HOME DON’T SEND ME HOME DON’T SEND ME HOME DON’T SEND ME HOME DON’T SEND ME HOME (A very very long pause. This moment should feel genuinely sad – by this stage KIM and JIM don’t want anyone to go home.) KIM

(Sadly.) Babs . . .

BABS (Surprised by how sad she is.) I’M GOING HOME KIM, GEMMA, IZZY, JIM BIG HUG BIG HUG JIM, BEN, HASSAN BIG HUG BIG HUG

The Great British Bake Off Musical

BAKERS GIVE HER A CUDDLE A SNUGGLY WUGGLE (PHIL goes up to BABS.) PHIL KNOCK KNOCK BABS WHO’S THERE? PHIL DOUGHNUT BABS DOUGHNUT WHO? PHIL (Quickly.) DOUGHNUT ASK ME WHY I’M SO FUNNY IT’S NOT MY FAULT (BABS can’t help but chuckle.) BABS

Oh go on, I’ll give you that.

BABS / FRANCESCA / RUSSELL I’M GOING HOME IZZY / BEN / GEMMA / HASSAN DON’T SEND ME ALL HOME! (End of song.) Conflicted feelings grow The lights clank and abruptly change from the studio lights of the tent to signify the end of filming.

Act Two

Music No. 16A: DON’T SEND ME HOME (REPRISE) KIM

Okay everyone, that’s all for this week.

PHIL

(To JIM.) Here Jim, don’t suppose you’ve seen me motorbike keys?

JIM

Oh hold on, let me look in my bag . . . (JIM opens his bag and pulls out a cake stand of petits fours. He continues to look through the bag.)

JIM

No idea, sorry Phil. (JIM and PHIL exit as suddenly HASSAN finds his lucky t-shirt in the Marmite tub.)

HASSAN

(Gasps.) My lucky t-shirt! In the Marmite tub! Izzy who woulda done this?!

IZZY

Yes – a real mystery . . . (Everyone disperses apart from BEN and KIM. GEMMA busies herself in the background.)

BEN

(Calls.) Lily, come on – time to go!

KIM

Kids, huh . . .

BEN

Right?

KIM

(Gently.) Why does she come . . . to the tent . . . every weekend?

BEN

Since Julie died she doesn’t like me going away. I guess she’s afraid I’ll leave and . . . Never come back.

KIM

Makes sense . . . (KIM senses he needs some reassurance.)

KIM

You’re a great dad, Ben.

BEN

Y’think? Doesn’t always feel that way . . .

The Great British Bake Off Musical

KIM

I don’t think . . . I know. We all do . . . (A wracked BEN looks over at GEMMA, who’s packing her things up.)

KIM

It’s okay, you know.

BEN

What’s that . . . ?

KIM

If there’s ‘something in the dough’ . . . (KIM touches his arm and exits. BEN is left behind, watching GEMMA.)

BEN DON’T SEND ME HOME I DON’T WANNA BE THE NEXT TO GO DON’T SEND ME HOME COS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO BE ON THIS SHOW I’VE LOVED EVERY SINGLE SECOND . . . (LILY enters.) LILY

(To BEN.) Hello?! I was waiting in the car park?

BEN

Oh I didn’t realise I was supposed to be a psychic! (Calls over.) See ya next week Gemma.

GEMMA

Yeah - see ya Ben. Bye Lily . . .

LILY

Byeeeee. (BEN and LILY exit.) (GEMMA finishes the line, thinking about BEN . . . )

GEMMA DON’T SEND HIM HOME (End of scene.)

Act Two

Pam and Phil celebrate their union PAM is on her mobile phone – a glass of Champagne in hand. [NB: in the West End this scene took place on a rattan sofa ‘outside’ the tent with Pam tracking on whilst lying down (to entrance applause!) – but you may wish to make it Pam’s dressing room as an alternative location if desired.] PAM

No I’ve told you Marjory, I’ll only go on Graham Norton if I get to go in the big red chair . . .

PHIL

(Calls off, looking for her.) Pam?

PAM

Got to go darling, and by the way, it’s a yes to The Masked Singer. (PHIL enters.)

PHIL

Cor blimey Pam, tough day today!

PAM

Yes I know - but still, we made the right decision. (Teasingly.) At least you won’t have Babs putting you in your place now!

PHIL

Er I stood my ground with her, thankyouverymuch!

PAM

Still it’ll be quite a hard semi next week, don’t you think? (PHIL looks at her, trying not to laugh at what she’s just said. A beat, then they both burst out laughing.)

PAM

Oh don’t be so childish! (Offers him Champange.) Here, do you fancy a drink?

PHIL

Oh actually Pam . . . I-I-I’ve got plans tonight . . .

PAM

Plans? With who?

PHIL

Oh . . . er . . . no-one special, just an old pal . . .

PAM

Phillip . . .

PHIL

(Reluctantly.) Claudia’s having a BBQ alright?

PAM

Winkleman?! Again!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

(She huffs, sulkily.) PAM

I suppose you’ll be presenting your own show together – “cruising with Claudia and Phil . . .”

PHIL

I’m not sure what kinda documentaries you watch Pam but you’ve nothing to worry about . . . really . . .

PAM

I don’t . . . ?

PHIL

What are you on about?! This show means everything to me . . . (Genuinely.) You mean everything to me . . .

PAM

(Beat, encouragingly.) Go on . . .

Music No. 17: I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU PHIL

No-one comes close to you Pam . . . (PAM clears her throat.)

PHIL

Sorry – Dame Pam!

THE BARK TO MY BITE THE STRING TO MY KITE I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU THE BUCK TO MY BANG THE YIN TO MY YANG I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU IF I WERE RICHARD THEN YOU’D BE JUDY YOU’RE OPTIMISTIC BUT I’M JUST MOODY TIE US BOTH UP AND WE’RE STING AND TRUDIE DON’T YOU AGREE? YOU ARE THE KIT TO MY KAT THE HI TO MY HAT I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU THE JACK IN MY BOX THE HOLES IN MY SOCKS THE PANDA WHO CHEWS MY BAMBOO IMAGINE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT THE TREE

Act Two

SANTA WOULD HAVE A TO DO OH BABY IT’S TRUE I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU PAM

Then why was I forced to open the Lutterworth Lidl by myself?

PHIL

Because – it clashed with Car Fest . . . and you know I love me cars!

PAM

Well you’re not some Big Hot Shot by yourself I’ll have you know.

PHIL

Oh no?

PAM

I’m the one who gives this partnership some class!* [*Southern vowels.]

PHIL

Class.* [*Northern vowels.]

PAM

CLASS!

THE KNOT IN YOUR TIE THE STYE IN YOUR EYE YOU’D NEVER BE YOU WITHOUT ME THE FROG IN YOUR THROAT THE LEAK IN YOUR BOAT THE SUGAR TO SWEETEN YOUR TEA WHERE WOULD A GIN BE WITHOUT ITS TONIC WHY DID THE KRANKIES BECOME ICONIC? WHO WAVES THE STICK IN YOUR PHILHARMONIC DARLING IT’S ME! PHIL

Damn right!

PAM YOU ARE THE WAX IN MY EAR THE PAIN IN MY REAR I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU PHIL NO I’D NEVER BE ME!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

PAM THE ACHE IN MY HEART PHIL DON’T YA SEE? PAM THE JAM IN MY TART PHIL YOU AND ME PAM PETRUCHIO WITHOUT A SHREW PHIL OH PAMMY! BOTH WITHOUT YOU STANDING BESIDE ME DEAR CHALLENGING MY POINT OF VIEW – PHIL I DON’T! PAM YOU REALLY DO! BOTH YOU KNOW THAT IT’S TRUE I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU AND THOUGH YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU DEARLY PAM YOU’RE DAFT AS A BRUSH PHIL WELL YOU’RE AN OLD LUSH

Act Two

PAM I LIKE A DRINK WITH LUNCH BOTH SO POP THE CORK AND POUR COS THAT’S WHAT A PARTNER’S FOR PAM THE CHALK TO MY CHEESE PHIL THE BEES TO MY KNEES PAM THE KING TO MY QUEEN BOTH LIKE TORVILL AND DEAN PAM THE DOG TO MY BONE PHIL OR THE SWORD IN MY STONE BOTH YES I’LL BE THE SCON TO YOUR SCONE (Dance break.) BOTH THE FISH TO MY CHIPS THE CREAK IN MY HIPS I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU A SONG WITHOUT WORDS A SKY WITH NO BIRDS OH DARLING IT JUST WOULDN’T DO WE’VE STUCK TOGETHER THROUGH THICK AND THIN ONE AND ONE ALWAYS MAKES . . . TWO PHIL SO DARLING IT’S CLEAR

The Great British Bake Off Musical

PAM I’LL ALWAYS BE HERE BOTH AND I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU (End of song.) The Semi-Final Music No. 17A: I’D NEVER BE . . . (Reprise) Outisde the tent, BEN enters with LILY. HASSAN and IZZY also enter as they sing their reprise, passing BEN and LILY as they go into the tent. BEN THE SOAP ON MY ROPE LILY THE SKI TO MY SLOPE – WHOOSH! BOTH I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU LILY THE BEEF IN MY STEW BEN THE GUM ON MY SHOE BOTH THE SOMEONE I ALWAYS LOOK TO (GEMMA enters, beautifully dressed – her confidence blooming. She watches LILY and BEN.) LILY

Go Dad! (LILY high fives BEN.)

Act Two

100

LILY

(Spotting GEMMA.) Good luck Gemma. (LILY high fives GEMMA then exits. BEN spots how incredible GEMMA looks. He’s lost for words.)

BEN

Gemma . . . you look . . . you look . . . (Suddenly GEMMA kisses BEN. Just for a moment. But enough to reveal everything between them . . . ) [NB: this is not seen by other contestants, who have already gone into the tent.] (BEN quickly hurries inside the tent. GEMMA is stunned and follows in after him quickly.) (The tent entrance rises away / opens to reveal the bakers at their benches, with KIM, JIM, PAM and PHIL at the front.)

Music No. 18: THE SEMI-FINAL KIM

Welcome bakers to the semi final.

JIM

With only one week to go before our grand series finale, this is your last chance to prove that you know how to prove.

BAKERS TIME IS TICKING AND I’M FRETTING ONLY ONE WEEK TO THE FINAL JIM

Yes it’s the big one – bread week! Otherwise known as . . . dread week! (A dramatic thunderclap!)

BAKERS WILL I MAKE IT? BETTER MAKE IT GOTTA MAKE IT TO THE FINAL? JUDGES WHO WILL RISE AND WHO’LL BE GOING HOME?

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101

JIM IF YOU FAIL THE CHALLENGE YOU WILL DIE! (From behind his back JIM pulls a knife out, which he holds up menacingly.) KIM

Nooo, that’s Squid Game . . .

JIM

Oh yeah . . . just . . . bake . . . (They begin.)

JIM

For your signature challenge we’re asking you to make a focaccia of your face!

GEMMA DID I REALLY DID I MEAN TO DID WE . . . KISS? BAKERS GOTTA MAKE IT TO THE FINAL GEMMA NEITHER ONE OF US ARRIVED EXPECTING THIS IZZY DON’T SEND ME HOME BEN / HASSAN DON’T SEND ME HOME GEMMA DO YOU THINK HE THINKS I CROSSED A LINE? PERHAPS HE’S ANGRY OR HE’S FINE I WAS JUST TESTING THE WATER BUT HE’S GOT A NINE-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER NOW I’M CAUGHT I’VE OVERTHOUGHT

Act Two

102

(A distracted GEMMA starts pouring a saltshaker into her bowl. Salt pours out . . . ) GEMMA BUT THERE SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUGH WHERE’S THE GIRL I KNOW MAYBE I HAVE . . . FOUND HER . . . JIM

(Spotting what she’s done) Gemma!! (GEMMA realises she has let the salt pour into her bowl for too long and stops it.)

GEMMA

Oh God . . .

IZZY

Oops – butter fingers . . . !

GEMMA

I’ll have to start again . . . h-h-how long’s left?

KIM

5 minutes to go . . .

GEMMA

Oh crap! (The JUDGES are watching.)

JUDGES A VERY STUPID MOVE FROM GEMMA WHAT A TERRIBLE MISTAKE IT POSES RATHER THE DILEMMA BUT STILL IT COMES DOWN TO THE BAKE . . . (IZZY, BEN and HASSAN hold up their three focaccias in front of their faces on each pronounced beat.) (GEMMA holds up a raw ball of dough, cringing. She laughs nervously.) (And then we’re into the next challenge.) KIM

For this week’s technical we’re asking you to make a Pan de Rosca. (The JUDGES introduce it . . . )

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103

JUDGES IT’S THE TOUGHEST TECHNICAL THAT WE’VE EVER SET KIM / JIM THAT THEY’VE EVER SET PHIL TAKING YOU TO URUGUAY PAM YOU CAN BET IT’S NO BAGUETTE! JUDGES IT’S THE PAN DE ROSCA + JIM / KIM A CHALLENGING BREAD! PAM LET’S SEE WHICH ONE OF YOU WILL GET AHEAD! (PHIL vocalises.) (At IZZY’S bench, IZZY is looking at the instructions. She clearly doesn’t know it . . . ) IZZY

Pan de Rosca . . .

BAKERS GOTTA MAKE IT TO THE FINAL (IZZY laughs nervously, looking around at the other contestants’ reactions.) IZZY

(Unconvincingly.) Of course I’ve heard of that . . . Who hasn’t?!

OBVIOUSLY I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THE TECHNICAL BUT OBVIOUSLY I DON’T . . .

Act Two

104

(Her eyes widen.) THERE’LL BE NO L.A. I’LL NEVER GET MY TAKEAWAY I’LL BE A LAUGHING STOCK A MEME OR GIF THAT PEOPLE MOCK AND I’LL NEVER GET A COOKBOOK DEAL I’LL NEVER RECORD A DUET WITH SEAL IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME EVER THAT I WOULDN’T WIN (GEMMA notices something is wrong and goes over to her bench.) GEMMA

Izzy? What’s wrong?

IZZY

Just leave me alone, Gemma.

GEMMA

Just read it through – slowly . . .

IZZY

(Snappily.) I don’t need help from you.

GEMMA

Sorry?

IZZY WELL FROM THE MOMENT YOU CAME IN HERE IT WAS CLEAR YOU HAD YOUR PLAN GEMMA

What plan?

IZZY YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH QUITE THE TRANSFORMATION EVERYONE’S SUCH A BIG FAN OH GEMMA WE’VE ALL SEEN IT THE DUCKLING THAT TURNS TO A SWAN THE INNOCENT UNDERDOG FINALLY GOES TO THE PROM . . . It’s going to make great TV. Not to mention you and Ben . . . GEMMA

I don’t know what you mean . . . (GEMMA looks across at BEN, sadly. He notices and waves at her. GEMMA looks down, ashamed, and walks back to her bench.)

The Great British Bake Off Musical

105

KIM / JIM THEY SET A RATHER TRICKY CHALLENGE IT TOOK THEM BY SURPRISE BUT WHO IS LAGGING AND WHO’S GAINING JUDGES – CUT THEM DOWN TO SIZE! (We hear the contestants’ technical placements. Each contestant raises their hand to indicate their place.) PHIL

(To IZZY.) Fourth.

PAM

(To GEMMA.) Third . . .

PHIL

(To BEN.) Second.

HASSAN

(‘Of course!’) Lucky t-shirt, duh! (We move into the final challenge.)

JIM

And now for our semi-final showstopper! A bread landscape inspired by your favourite artist . . .

BAKERS TIME IS TICKING AND I’M SWEATING AND I’M SO CLOSE TO THE FINAL (PAM is at HASSAN’S bench asking him about his bake.) PAM

So Hassan. Tell us about your “Banksy Brioche”.

BAKERS IS IT READY? IS IT BREADY? IT’S A BRUTAL SEMI-FINAL HASSAN I JUST THROW IT IN A BOWL YEAH THROW IT IN A BOWL IT’S GONNA LOOK LIKE CONCRETE WITH A MASSIVE HOLE

Act Two

106

(LILY enters and runs up to BEN.) LILY HEY DAD BEN OI YOU. We’re right in the middle of filming . . . LILY I JUST WANTED TO TRY MUM’S BREAD LIKE I ALWAYS DO BEN NO LILS, YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED I’ll get disqualified . . . LILY I JUST WANT A BITE BECAUSE I’M PROUD (She takes a bite. Her face changes as she realises the taste is different.) GEMMA starts looking over and watches this exchange . . . ) LILY

This isn’t Mum’s . . .

BEN

Well . . .

IT’S KIND OF THE SAME BUT I ALTERED THE FLAVOURS A BIT LILY

But why?

BEN COS EARLIER GEMMA SUGGESTED THAT COCONUT MIGHT BE A HIT LILY

She did?

BEN AND ONCE YOU GET USED TO THE CHANGE I PROMISE YOU’LL SAVOUR EACH CRUMB

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107

LILY BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND . . . IS GEMMA GOING TO BE MY NEW MUM? BEN

No Lily, of course not . . . (Everyone turns around.)

BEN

No-one could ever replace your Mum.

IZZY

(Whispered aloud to GEMMA.) Ouch . . . (BEN looks up and sees GEMMA. He wants to say something, but in this moment he has to placate LILY, so he looks away. GEMMA goes back to her bench, upset, and shaken. She picks up the blow torch for her final bake.) [NB: the rest of the company ‘ahh’ under . . . ]

GEMMA I SHOULD BE READY, EXCITED CHAMPING AT THE BIT TO BE CHOSEN, INVITED ONTO SUCH A HIT I SHOULD NEVER HAVE COME I’VE LET DOWN MY MUM GEMMA GET IT TOGETHER ALL IT’S NOW OR NEVER (GEMMA presses the blow torch . . . a huge flame bursts out – all over her bread. It sets fire to her bake and it goes up in flames! GEMMA screams and steps back in alarm.) [NB: in the West End we had the luxury of a small flame fire effect – please stay safe and find an appropriate method to convey this moment.]

Act Two

108

(Lots of overlapping dialogue ensues as PANDEMONIUM breaks out . . . ) [NB: Everyone speaks the following dialogue quickly all at the same time . . . ] HASSAN

Oh my days! No way, man – what the hell – this is total chaos – absolutely mad!

KIM

Someone call the fire brigade! (Into her intercom.) Hello – producer? Emergency, emergency . . . FIRE IN THE TENT!

IZZY

EVACUATE, EVERYONE! EVERYONE GET DOWN! WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!

JIM

It’s okay everyone, no need to panic – this is all under control – we don’t have a clue what to do – we have not been trained in any way at all . . .

BEN

Lily, get away from there – Lily, sweetheart, don’t move – honestly – really, it’s going to be fine!

LILY

Dad what’s going on? Why did it do that..? What’s happening . . . Dad?

PAM

Goodness me! Do something, Phil! Philip for goodness sake!

PHIL

It’s alright Pam – just thinkin’ what to do . . . any minute now . . . something’ll come . . . I’m totally on top of the situation . . . (The panicked overlapping continues until we isolate Jim’s final line . . . )

JIM

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? WE’RE DOOMED I TELL YOU – DOOMED!!! (Suddenly DEZZA bursts in with a fire extinguisher.)

DEZZA

(Shouts.) FIREPERSON COMING THROUGH!

ALL

DEZZA?!

The Great British Bake Off Musical

DEZZA

109

Don’t worry, everyone, I know exactly what to do about an open flame – I’ve got my Duke of Edinburgh Bronze! (Then the overlapping / speaking at the same time begins again . . . )

JIM

What on Earth is he doing here? Security, we have a breach of contestant. There is an eliminated contestant – here – again!

PAM

I thought he was a hipster . . . how does he know what to do? Hipsters don’t have skills!

HASSAN

Ah no man, not him again . . . no way – that bloke is sooo annoying! All the time!

IZZY

Oh God, this is just what we need . . . has anyone looked at the Bake Off rules? Why is he here again?

KIM

How does he keep getting in here like this? Who does he think he is? Spiderman?

BEN

Let him through - let him through! Dezza, mate – help! (Until . . . )

DEZZA

Everyone stand back! (DEZZA extinguishes the fire. However the spray of the extinguisher not only extinguishes the bake but goes all over PAM’S face and body! PHIL has ducked behind her to save himself. Everyone gasps.) [NB: this effect was achieved in the West End by the actor playing PAM facing upstage, away from the audience, allowing a second comic payoff which follows below.] (The chaos calms.)

JIM

Thank God we didn’t overreact!

Act Two

110

BEN

Is everyone okay? (PAM turns around – her spectacles are covered in foam.)

PAM

I’m fine . . . (Beat.) It’s not the first time I’ve had something explode in my face . . . (PAM exits – fumbling around to see as she goes.)

HASSAN

(Suddenly.) Wait . . . where’s Gemma?

JIM

(Concerned.) Gemma?

LILY

(Worried.) Where did she go? (A beat. No-one noticed that during the pandemonium, GEMMA ran out in shame.)

DEZZA

(Optimistically.) So you’re one contestant down . . . ?

ALL

NO.

KIM

What do we do now?

JIM

This has never happened before.

KIM

We’ll have to call the head of Channel 4. (KIM and JIM nod, thoughtfully.)

JIM

(Beat.) Anyone know who that is? (Everyone disperses as we move into the next scene.) Babs comes back

Outisde the tent, BABS is standing waiting in the shadows for PHIL in a big leopard print cagoule with her hood up. [NB: so the audience can’t see who it is.] PHIL comes out of the tent and she emerges. BABS

Knock knock. (BABS takes her hood down.)

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111

PHIL

(Realising who it is.) Barbara . . .

BABS

No, I said . . . ‘knock knock’ . . .

PHIL

Oh yeah – (Playing along.) “who’s there?”

BABS

Babs.

PHIL

Barbara who?

BABS

(Quickly in one breath.) Babs stole your motorbike keys and apparently they’re tracked by GPS and so she got a visit from the police who gave her a written warning Babs. (She holds the keys out.)

PHIL

You stole me motorbike keys – but why?

BABS

Because . . . I thought it would be funny . . . You on public transport . . .

PHIL

Hey, how dare you! I once took an Uber.

BABS

Anyway, you’ve got ’em now, so good luck in all your future endeavours and please don’t press charges alright –

PHIL

Wait – Barbara –

BABS

My name is Babs.

PHIL

There’s actually something I’ve been wanting to ask you . . .

BABS

Oh yeah . . .

PHIL

It might be a little inappropriate perhaps . . .

BABS

Oh well that’s not a problem . . .

PHIL

I just wondered how you’d feel about giving me your . . .

BABS

(At the same time.) Number?!

PHIL

(At the same time.) Recipe.

Act Two

112

BABS

(Quickly.) Recipe, yes of course . . . !

PHIL

I hate to say it but your shortcrust pastry really is better than mine.

BABS

(Touched.) Go on then . . .

PHIL

Aw, thanks Babs.

BABS

(She gasps.) You said it . . .

PHIL

(Beat, cheekily.) Said what . . . ? (He exits. She is elated!)

Music No. 19: BABS’ LAMENT BABS I SEE HIM THERE LOOKING SO DAPPER AND FINE DON’T MEAN TO STARE, BUT GAWD IF THOSE BLUE EYES WERE MINE I WISH HE KNEW HOW MUCH MY BODY JUST YEARNS TO ENTWINE WITH HIS THAT BLISS OF A YEASTY BREADY KISS THAT BLUE-EYED BAKER SEND SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE THAT BLUE-EYED BAKER HIS STRUDEL IS SUBLIME IMAGINE US IN STEPNEY EATING BANGERS AND MASH HE’D TAKE ME TO THE IVY AND BE SPLASHIN’ HIS CASH THAT BLUE-EYED BAKER HE’S HANDY WITH A SPOON THAT BLUE-EYED BAKER NO WOMAN IS IMMUNE I KNOW I’M BEING SILLY AND IT NEVER COULD BE SO THERE’LL BE NO BLUE-EYED BAKER AND ME

The Great British Bake Off Musical

(She’s about to leave when she has another thought.) BABS

But still, a girl can dream, eh . . . !

IMAGINE US BOTH WE’D LIVE ON THE COAST HE’D MAKE A SUNDAY ROAST ON A FRIDAY MY VERY OWN NAKED CHEF HE’S CARING AND KIND AND HE DOESN’T MIND IF I INSIST THE GRAVY’S MADE MY WAY SO BANISH THE BISTO WE’D DRIVE IN HIS AUDI ALL OVER THE TOWN AND IF IT’S NOT CLOUDY WE’LL ‘AVE THE TOP DOWN OUR LIFE WOULD BE DREAMY HE’D FEED ME GRISSINI AND IF I’M REALLY LUCKY HE MIGHT FILL MY PANINI MY BLUE-EYED BAKER THE MAN THAT I ADORE THERE’S NO-ONE GREATER MY HUSBAND NUMBER 4 COS AFTER BILL AND BARRY AND TODD I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF MEN WHO ARE ODD BUT PHIL IS LIKE AN ATHENIAN GOD AND I’LL BE APHRODITE WHERE’S MY SEE-THROUGH NIGHTY? SO FIRE UP THE OVEN TURN ON MY PILOT LIGHT I’M HERE FOR LOVIN’ WE’LL MAKE BREAD EVERY NIGHT I GO A LITTLE WOBBLY AT THE SOUND OF HIS NAME MY THERMOSTAT’S EXPLODED, HE’S IGNITED MY FLAME AND IF HIS BRIOCHE RISES WE’LL KNOW WHO TO BLAME GRAB THE CHEESE AND LET’S FONDUE IT

113

Act Two

114

PHILIP YOU COULD SHAKE MY CRUET AND HE’LL EVEN EAT MY SUET - WAIT AND SEE! IF YA SAW THE BLUE-EYED BAKER AND ME (Applause break.) Music No. 19A: BABS’ REPRISE INTO BLACKPOOL BABS BUT IT’S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN THERE WILL BE NO STRUDEL SLAPPIN’ BUT IT’S NICE TO HAVE A CRACKIN’ FANTASY NO THERE’LL BE NO BLUE EYED BAKER FOR ME (She exits as we move into . . . ) Gemma gets a visitor or two We’re on Blackpool pier. It’s the middle of the night. GEMMA is standing, alone. FRANCESCA

(Offstage, shouting.) Gemma!

RUSSELL

(Offstage, shouting in a sing-song voice.) Oh Gem-sies!

HASSAN

(offstage, shouting) YO GEMMA MAN WHERE ARE YA?! (BABS, IZZY, HASSAN, RUSSELL, FRANCESCA and DEZZA enter the pier.)

GEMMA

What the –

ALL

Surprise!

GEMMA

W-w-what are you all doing here? In Blackpool? At 2am?!

DEZZA

Well the thing is, Gemma –

RUSSELL

(Disgruntled.) We’re too early for the illuminations.

ALL

(Admonishing him.) RUSSELL!

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115

RUSSELL

Well I’m not going to lie, Gemma, it’s very disappointing.

GEMMA

(Concerned.) What’s going on?

FRANCESCA

Come back to Bake Off!

GEMMA

What?!

HASSAN

You’ve come this far.

RUSSELL

You have to finish now . . .

GEMMA

No, no . . . I’m sorry but no! I mean you all saw what happened . . . I should have gone in week 1 with that stupid strudel!

RUSSELL

Oh, nonsense . . .

GEMMA

No . . . all I ever do is make a massive mess . . . (Meaning BEN and LILY.) For everyone. Izzy, Hassan, Ben . . . they deserve to be there, not me . . . (Everyone looks towards IZZY, who suddenly looks very sheepish. BABS pushes IZZY forward.)

BABS

Well Izzy has something to say as it goes.

IZZY

The thing is Gemsies, I suppose you could say, between you and I –

HASSAN

Spit it out Izzy . . . (IZZY gets a set of cue cards out.)

IZZY

All my life I’ve been perfect. (Next card.) Nursery school, (Next.) Primary school, (Next.) Year 9 wind band –

BABS

Get on with it!

IZZY

(Next.) But when I realised you were all better than me . . . I thought I’d give myself a little “leg up” . . .

HASSAN

So Izzy hid my t-shirt cos –

IZZY

I thought it would throw him off course . . .

Act Two

116

RUSSELL

Our ice cream got switched because –

IZZY

I showed him the wrong freezer –

FRANCESCA

And as for your blow torch . . .

IZZY

I may have switched the propane for petrol . . .

DEZZA

Which is not only a pollutant but –

BABS

Dezza, not now . . .

IZZY

But I’ve . . . told the producers . . . ‘learnt from my mistakes’ . . . and I’ve realised it’s not about the winning. It’s . . . (Hard for her to say.) It’s . . .

BABS

(Growls.) Say it.

IZZY

‘The taking part that counts’ . . .

GEMMA

(Relief overcoming her.) So I wasn’t that bad after all . . .

FRANCESCA

Exactly!

RUSSELL

How many times do we need to tell you Gemma – you are a good baker.

BABS

(Sing-song voice.) And you’re going through to the Final! (Very quickly they all get party horns and party poppers out and blow them / pop them.)

GEMMA

(Beat.) But I’m scared . . .

HASSAN

(Serious for a moment.) Gemma, when I came to England I didn’t even speak English. You think I wasn’t scared . . . ? But no, I carried on. Cos it’s what you have to do. Face your fears.

RUSSELL

I mean you taught me how to use emojis. So now I know an aubergine . . . is not . . . an aubergine . . . (LILY and BEN enter.)

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117

LILY

And there’s another reason too.

GEMMA

(Gently.) Lily . . .

LILY

Come on everyone – this is what they call serious third wheeling. (They all exit, except GEMMA and BEN.)

Music No. 20: RISE BEN

Gemma . . .

GEMMA

No please, Ben, you don’t have to say anything. I should never have you told you what to do . . . With your bakes. Your wife’s bakes. Changing the recipe . . . It wasn’t my business. I interfered and that was wrong and that was never my intention and – (BEN kisses her. Then he exits . . . GEMMA is left alone.)

GEMMA WHAT HAVE I BEEN HIDING FROM? THE GIRL I WAS THE GIRL I USED TO BE WHY HAVE I BEEN SO AFRAID OF EVERYTHING WHEN I COULD JUST BE ME ALL THE THINGS IN LIFE I MISSED IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO JUST EXIST I ALWAYS WONDERED HOW BUT NEVER KNEW ’TIL NOW WHAT IF I RISE? BREATHE IN AND COUNT TO TEN YES IF I RISE I’LL NEVER SINK AGAIN IF I COULD RISE AND TAKE THE PATH I NEVER TOOK BEFORE I’D BE SURE

Act Two

118

GIVE ME THE RECIPE TO FINALLY CUT THE TIES LET ME RISE (During the rest of the song she returns to the tent for the final.) GEMMA ADD A SPLASH OF CONFIDENCE AND CHOP AWAY THE FEAR OF NO CONTROL MELT AWAY THE VOICE INSIDE AND BE EMPOWERED BY YOUR MIXING BOWL CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD CUT THIS JOURNEY SHORT THE MAIN EVENT INSIDE THE TENT WILL FINALLY BE ME THEY’LL SEE ME RISE TURN UP THE HIGHEST HEAT YES IF I RISE I’LL BE THE ONE TO BE BEAT SO WHEN I RISE AND BAKE THE PATH I SHOULD HAVE BAKED BEFORE SEE ME SOAR AS I RISE I’LL NEVER COME BACK DOWN I WILL RISE AND COME OUT GOLDEN BROWN WHEN I RISE IN MY MIXTURE-SPLATTERED CROWN I WILL PROVE THAT I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE WOMAN THAT I WAS BEFORE FOLLOW THE RECIPE AND YOU CAN CUT THE TIES WATCH ME RISE WATCH ME RISE WATCH ME RISE

The Great British Bake Off Musical

119

(End of song. Applause break.) And the winner is . . . GEMMA exits. KIM and JIM enter, as if it’s the end of the final showstopper challenge. KIM

What a nail biting final!

JIM

(Re: GEMMA’S big song.) I know – she must be exhausted after that! As the judges deliberate who will be crowned this year’s Ultimate Star Baker . . .

KIM

It’s time to step outside for our annual garden party, where our winner will be unveiled . . . (As the lighting changes with a clunk to ‘not filming’ mode, JIM and KIM relax outside the tent.)

Music No. 20B: THE MEL TO MY SUE / THE FINAL THREE JIM

Well . . . that’s it . . . another one bites the dust.

KIM

What are you off to do next?

JIM

The Great British Paint Off. Literally, paint drying.

KIM

Still – same time next year?

JIM

(Sorrowfully.) Actually Kim. This is going to be my last series . . . I didn’t know how to tell you before so I kept it a secret . . . (He holds her gaze, emotionally. KIM is distraught.)

KIM

Jim . . . oh my God . . .

THE SOCK TO MY SHOE THE MEL TO MY SUE JIM

Who?

KIM I’D NEVER BE ME WITHOUT YOU

Act Two

120

JIM

Only joking, Kim! Your face! ‘Don’t leave me Jim!’. See you next year!

COMPANY AH-H-H-H! AH-H-H-H! KIM / JIM / PAM / PHIL IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE 8 NERVOUS CONTESTANTS CAME TO BAKE AND ONE BY ONE THEY TOPPLED (The tent disappears to reveal greenery and a lush country house – the grounds that the show is filmed in. Everyone is standing gathered for the unveiling of the winner, with a table displaying the three finalists’ elaborate final bakes.) KIM / JIM / PAM / PHIL NOW WE INVITE THE FINAL THREE TO STAND AND BEHOLD OUR FAMOUS TROPHY JIM / KIM BUT WHO WILL BE CROWNED THE STAR? KIM

Our three fantastic finalists:

JIM

Gemma from Blackpool.

KIM

Ben from Bristol.

JIM

And finally Hassan – (JIM looks to HASSAN, who nods gently.)

JIM

A student from Syria, now living in Wembley.

KIM

It gives me the very greatest of pleasures to announce that the winner of The Great British Bake Off is . . . (A long tense pause and then . . . )

The Great British Bake Off Musical

Music No. 21: FINALE BABS IF YOU’RE FEELING DOWN AND IN THE GUTTER WHY NOT MIX SOME SUGAR WITH SOME BUTTER PUT THEM IN A BOWL AND YOU’VE GOT A WHOLE LOT OF JOY IZZY BUT IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT THE BAKING IT’S ABOUT THE CHOICES THAT YOU’RE MAKING FRANCESCA GRAB A WOODEN SPOON GET YOUR APRON AND ALL 3 SHOOT FOR THE MOON DEZZA COS IT’S ONLY YOU THAT CAN HOLD YOU BACK RUSSELL SO PICK UP THAT TIN AND GET BACK ON TRACK ALL 5 SHOW THEM WHAT YOU’VE GOT GEMMA CAKE IS THE CURE THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR IT’S AMAZING THE THINGS YOU CAN ACHIEVE + HASSAN WHEN YOU ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE + BEN CAKE HOLDS THE KEY ALL 3 AND IT GOES WITH A CUP OF TEA

121

Act Two

122

WHATEVER’S COME BEFORE CAKE IS THE CURE (The bakers address the audience directly.) RUSSELL

I couldn’t believe it – once the show went out I was getting stopped everywhere! Apparently I’m a viral sensation – whatever that means.

DEZZA

I got offered my own TV show: The Hungry Hipster, filmed on my canal boat of course!

BABS

Well I couldn’t wait around for Phil forever . . . so when my neighbour Terry invited me over for toad in the hole, how could I resist? And yes – that is a euphemism . . .

KIM EVERY SLICE TAKES YOU CLOSE TO GLORY EVERY BITE CAN TELL A LITTLE STORY JIM BUTTER UP THAT TIN ADD THE BATTER AND JIM / KIM GIVE THE MIX A SPIN PHIL IF YOU’RE CROSS THEN BAKE OUT THE AGGRESSION PAM IT’S THE GREATEST FORM OF SELF-EXPRESSION ALL 4 PUT YOUR OVEN ON AND TAKE ME ALONG BAKERS TAKE ME ALONG! COMPANY CAKE IS THE CURE THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR

The Great British Bake Off Musical

123

IT’S AMAZING THE THINGS YOU CAN ACHIEVE WHEN YOU ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE CAKE HOLDS THE KEY AND IT GOES WITH A CUP OF TEA WHATEVER’S COME BEFORE WHENEVER YOU’RE UNSURE CAKE IS THE CURE GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO BAKE FIND THE JOY IN EVERY CAKE YOUR LIFE MAY CHANGE, YOUR HEART MAY BREAK BUT GOOD THINGS COME GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO BAKE FRANCESCA

Mike and I continue to try and grow our little bun. He or she hasn’t quite risen yet. But we live – as always – in hope . . .

IZZY

Although I didn’t win – obviously – I was invited to take part in I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here . . . and it turns out ostrich anus is absolutely delicious!

HASSAN

I got asked to write a recipe book . . . Sweet! (Clarifies.) That’s the title - ‘Sweet’ . . . I don’t know if I’ll go back to Syria again, but one day . . . (Hopefully.) We’ll see . . .

PHIL

Claudia Winkleman invited me to the Monaco Grand Prix, but I’ve only got room in my life for one national treasure . . .

PAM

And after riding on the back of Phil’s motorbike during a particularly heavy thunderstorm, I finally learnt the meaning of an actual soggy bottom!

COMPANY CAKE IS THE CURE THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR IT’S AMAZING THE THINGS YOU CAN ACHIEVE WHEN YOU ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE CAKE HOLDS THE KEY AND IT GOES WITH A CUP OF TEA

Act Two

124

WE CAME TO REPRESENT WE MADE IT TO THE TENT WHATEVER’S COME BEFORE CAKE IS THE CURE (JIM and KIM address the audience.) JIM

The thing about being on Bake Off is . . .

KIM

It’s not really about the baking at all.

JIM

In an empty space . . . people gather. Not to succeed. But to share . . .

KIM

To go on a journey. Together.

RUSSELL

Be that a baking competition . . .

DEZZA

Football matches . . .

IZZY

Choirs . . .

HASSAN

Comedy clubs . . .

FRANCESCA

The cinema . . .

BEN

(With poignant gravity.) Theatre.

BABS

(Beat.) Oh no I can’t stand the theatre! All that singing and dancing . . . (BABS grimaces as GEMMA looks at her new friends.)

GEMMA

It’s about the people… the friends . . .

COMPANY GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO BAKE FIND THE JOY IN EVERY CAKE YOUR LIFE MAY CHANGE, YOUR HEART MAY BREAK BUT GOOD THINGS COME [Overlapping.] GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO BAKE . . . [Please see score.]

The Great British Bake Off Musical

125

YES GOOD THINGS COME GOOD THINGS TO COME YES GOOD THINGS COME GEMMA

As for me . . . I finally put my Mum’s house up for sale. Who knows what I’ll do next . . . but first things first, I bought an Interrailing ticket around Europe. I thought it was about time I tried a macaron in Paris for myself . . . ! (LILY runs on wearing a rucksack.)

LILY

Gemma!

GEMMA

Well – not by myself . . . (BEN faces the audience.)

BEN

Because Lily and I went with her.

LILY COS GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO . . . (A pause. GEMMA looks at the audience.) GEMMA

Oh, you want to know who won . . . ? (A teasing beat – will she tell them?)

GEMMA

You’ll just have to watch for yourself . . .

COMPANY (Growing note.) BAKE Music No. 22: BOWS COMPANY CAKE IS THE CURE THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR IT’S AMAZING THE THINGS YOU CAN ACHIEVE WHEN YOU ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE CAKE HOLDS THE KEY AND IT GOES WITH A CUP OF TEA

126

Act Two

COS GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO BAKE YES GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO TO THOSE WHO BAKE Music No. 23: EXIT MUSIC

VOCAL BOOK

MUSICAL NUMBERS ACT ONE 1

Prologue (Choristers, Jim and Kim)...................................................................... 1

The Bake Off Tent (Jim, Kim and The Bakers)...................................................... 6

The Arrival of the Judges (Pam. Phil, Jim and Kim).............................................23

Obviously (Izzy and The Bakers).......................................................................25

Somewhere in the Dough (Gemma)...............................................................32

The Thing About Being On Bake Off (Underscore)...........................................36

Slap It Like That (Phil, Pam, Company)..............................................................37

Episode 1 Judging and Elimination / Big Hug (The Bakers, Jim, Kim, Pam, Phil).......49

Bring on the Scone (Jim, Kim, Pam and Phil)..................................................... 54

Episode Two (Underscore)..............................................................................55

Morning Bake (Underscore)............................................................................55

Grow (Francesca)..........................................................................................56

10A

Technical: Early Bake Scene Change (Underscore)........................................... 60

10B

Amygdalopita (Underscore)........................................................................... 60

The Handshake Song (The Bakers)..................................................................61

11A

Handshake Playout (Underscore).....................................................................65

My Dad (Lily and Ben)................................................................................... 66

12A

The Thing About Being On Bake Off . . . #2 (Underscore)................................69

All The Way (Company).................................................................................70

ACT TWO 14

Keep On Keeping On (Pam and Company).......................................................87

14A

Last Time On Bake Off (Underscore / Gemma, Bakers, Kim, Jim)............................ 94

The Perfect Petit Fours (Gemma and Ben)....................................................... 96

15A

Obviously (Reprise) (Izzy)........................................................................... 102

15B

Hassan's Story (Underscore).......................................................................... 103

Don't Send Me Home (Company, except Dezza)............................................... 103

16a

Don't Send Me Home (Reprise) (Ben and Gemma).......................................... 119

I'd Never Be Me Without You (Phil and Pam)................................................ 121

17A

I'd Never Be Me Without You (Reprise) (Ben and Lily)..................................... 127

The Semi-Final (Semi-finalists, Jim, Kim, Pam and Phil).......................................... 128

Babs' Lament (Babs)................................................................................... 137

19A

Babs' Reprise into Blackpool (Babs).............................................................140

Rise (Gemma)............................................................................................. 141

20B

The Mel To My Sue / The Final Three (Underscore / Kim, Pam, Jim, Phil).............. 145

Finale (Company)........................................................................................ 148

Bows (Company).......................................................................................... 161

Exit Music (Instrumental)............................................................................... 163

APPENDIX I'd Never Be Me Without You (Phil and Pam) – Alternative Version..................164

Vocal Book

ACT ONE Prologue

(Choristers, Jim, Kim) [CUE] Thunderclap SFX

COMPANY (oﬀstage)

q = 120

° #4 Œ & 4 1

S/A

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˙>

∑

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rit.

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1. Prologue

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O/S Echoes (RUSSELL, GEMMA, then BABS)

∑

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rit.

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man said to wo - man

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28 Swung q = 90 26

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KIM

∑

‰

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you go - tta build me an ov - en.

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make ﬁre,

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∑

1. Prologue

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° # ‰ &

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man built a pit of

œ œ œ œ

‰

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Full of cin - ders and earth and

clay.

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BEN (+2 male ens / covers) p

‰

° # ‰ &

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man built a pit of

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‰

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≈ œ œ œ œ™

mi - xing

bowl

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bowl

and put it in

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KIM

∑

44 Œ

∑

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JIM

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∑

44 b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ What the hell is happ - en - ing?

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sing?!

b b b b 44

1. Prologue

q = 85

slight rit.

IZZY

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∑

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KIM

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####

1. Prologue

They eat a bit. CAVEWOMAN (KIM): Spongy.. CAVEMAN (JIM): Soft.. CAVEWOMAN: Goo-ey... CAVEMAN: And… sweet?! CAVEWOMAN: [Worried.] Oh Dennis, what have we done?

rit.

####

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∑

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IZZY FRANCESCA

q = 85

° #### Œ &

JIM: I'm scared, Susan...

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KIM: This could change the world!

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S/A

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COMPANY (except JIM & KIM) JIM

T/B

#### œ ‰ Œ # J ¢

made?

CAVEMAN: But what shall we call it?

57 ° #### &

‰ œJ œ œ œ œ œ

U ∑

ter - ri - ble

FRANCESCA / KIM GEMMA / IZZY PAM / BABS

ww> #w

mis - take!

> n >œ >œ >œ >œ -œ

Ah!

KIM: Blimey, that was a bit intense! JIM: Yeah that polyester really chafes... BOTH: Welcome to The Great British Bake Oﬀ! [GO]

U ∑

Cake! COMPANY (inc oﬀstage ens) T/B

¢#

####

U ∑

Cake!

SEGUE

e Bake Oﬀ Tent

(Jim, Kim, The Bakers) CUE: Segue from No. 1

'The Great British Underscore' q = 138

b 2 & b bbbb 2

10 1–10 BABS

‰

11–13

# œ

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q = 145

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j œ œ œ

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her

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œ œ ‰

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give you

More freely 26

# œ

œ œ

break?

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A Tempo

° # & œ 29

that's

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q = 165

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∑

‰

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2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

# 34

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BABS

° # & œ 47

œ œ œ

That's why

I learnt

bake.

œ œ

œ œ œ œ Œ

œ œ An

‰ œ J

e - nor - mous e - vent!

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(DEZZA)

¢#

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2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

° # & œ 52

KIM: 12,000 people applied for this year’s series… JIM: Doctors and nurses... KIM: Shop workers and shoplifters.

q = 173

53–59

tent!

¢#

bbbb

# œ

bbbb

tent! JIM: [grimaces] Does that mean we have to kiss? Kim puckers her lips.

bbbb

JIM: I think I’ll stick to cakes... HASSAN

‰

60–66

j nœ nœ œ I've gone and

# œ

worn my

° # &

DEZZA

‰ œj Œ

œ œ

lu - cky t

shirt

j œ œ

œ œ

œ œ J

'cos I

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∑

# œ œ œ œ œ J œ

œ J

œ œ ‰ œ œ œ J œ

could - n't keep down

break

fast

a -

œ œ œ œ œ œ

this mor - ning

∑

and I

∑

° # & Ó

did - n't get

a -

œ œ œ œ œ œ

‰

# ‰

j j œ ‰ œ Ó

did - n't get

a -

IZZY

I''ve had

li - ttle bit

œ œ ‰

‰ œ™

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tox

sleep!

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∑

sleep!

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j œ œ œ

sleep!

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did - n't get

HASSAN

œ œ œ œ œ œ

and I

‰ œj

week.

and I

¢#

BABS

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

° # & œ 78

j œ œ ‰ œJ ‰ œ

ﬁlm - ing in

H -

∑

D. DEZZA

∑

‰ ¿ ¿ ‰ Œ J J Me too

BABS

∑

‰ ¿ J

JIM

¿ ‰ Œ J

Me three.

¢#

∑

And me!

∑

82 q = 176 IZZY, KIM BABS

° # œ™ & œ™

Now

j œœ œœ

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we're

here.

˙˙

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The

œ™

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j œ œ

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mous

tent.

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mous

tent.

˙˙

DEZZA, HASSAN, JIM

¢#

# œ™ Now

° # œ™ & œ™

œ œ J

we're

here.

Stand

¢#

# œ™

Stand

° # œ &

IZZY

j œœ œœ

œœ

ing

proud

œ œ J

ing

proud

˙˙ ˙

Œ Œ

¢#

œ™

rep

œ™

rep

BABS

œ œ œ

œ œ J

Chel - ten - ham

Chi - che-ster

# œ

œ Œ J

œ œ œ

œ œ J

Chel - ten - ham

Chi - che-ster

œ Œ J

œ From

œœ -

œ œ J -

sent.

œ -

˙˙

From HASSAN

sent.

From

KIM / JIM

j œ œ

j œ ‰ œJ œ

Co - ven - try

DEZZA

From

j œ œ

œ œ J

to Kent!

œ ‰ œJ œ J

Co - ven - try

to Kent!

œ Get

∑

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

10 94

ALL

# œ œ

œ œ ‰ œ ‰ œJ J

rea - dy to man

your

‰ j ‰ œ œ œ J

bench

the Bake Oﬀ

tent.

bbb

∑

q = 127

b &b b

6 98–103

104

IZZY

bbb ‰

œ œ œ

Did you know my

ba - king style

best

de - scribed as

œ œ œ

juice

re - treat

sha - bby

chic?

Mo - zam - bique.

106

b &b b ‰

Got my ins - pi - r - ation

108

b &b b ‰

j œ

‰

Mu - mmy says

j œ

I'm

pearl.

j œ

≈ r œ œ

Well,

she gave birth

me.

110

b &b b ‰

j œ

‰

j œ

But

I'm

real

ust

œ nor

bœ

mal

beau - ti - ful

nœ

girl!

KIM: Retired dinner lady Babs hails from London’s infamous East End. A dab hand with a wooden spoon, Babs enjoys baking for her 15 grandchildren.

112 Slightly slower, Swung es q = 180

BABS

113–118

120

& 124

# œ

œ #œ œ œ œ

been there, done that,

seen it all be - fore.

œ #

œ œ œ œ like

to bake with

‰ j œ œ

j œ

Well

I've

¿ n¿ #¿ n¿ #¿

I've had three hus - bands. Don't need a - ny - more

œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œj œ œ ga - llons of li - queor.

‰ œ

œ #œ

al - ways leaves the

nœ

œ Œ œ œ

neigh - bours

want - ing

‰ j #œ I

bbbbbb

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

128 Straight q = 180

b & b bbbb n œ

KIM: 17-year-old Hassan lives in Wembley where he’s currently doing his A Levels at sixth form college. A self-taught baker, Hassan likes to keep things real.

129–135

more!

136

HASSAN

bb # b b bb ¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

I don't need no re - ci - pes I

make it up my - self.

¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

I just throw it

a bowl, yeah.

139

b # b bbbb ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Throw it

a bowl.

I'm

Ha - ssan.

‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ J

¿ ¿

I'm ne - ver fazed.

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ

I don't care a - bout tra - di - tion.

142

b # b bbbb Œ

144

‰

¿ J

fo - llow

bbbb

in - tu - i - tion.

q = 190

b & b bb

10 144–153

DEZZA

° b b b Œ 3œ œ œ 3 œ œ # b 154

ve - gan I

œ œ œ œ œ œ will not be cook - ing with

˙™

but - ter. KIM

b & b bb

¢#

bbbb

∑

j œ œ™

No,

but - ter!

JIM

œ œ™ J

No,

but - ter!

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

158

bb #b b Œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ

Cos I strong - ly be - lieve in the man - tra

œ meat

œ œ ˙

murd - er. KIM

bbbb

∑

Œ b˙

JIM

¢#

bbbb

∑

° bb b Œ # b

∑

162

œ œ œ

œ œ Ó

I'm a laid back

acti - i - vist.

nœ

∑

b & b bb ˙ ™

Œ œ™

™

nœ

œ™

∑

j œ œ

∑

œ œ J

nœ

∑

œ œ

Yeah

166

œ œ œ œ œ

ever - y thing I

b & b bb œ

a plant based twist

‰ œj

Yeah

° bb b œ # b

j œ œ œ ‰ ‰ œj œ ™ œ ‰ œJ Œ So I'll add

bbb ˙ b # ¢

do.

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ bœ nœ So it's

œ nœ#œnœ

###

al - mond milk for you.

∑

###

∑

###

ever - y thing he'll do.

bb b œ ¢# b

œ œ œ œ œ

ever - y thing he'll do.

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

170

q = 182

° ### w #

∑

may - be

IZZY & KIM BABS

## & # œœ ™™

j œœ œœ

œœ

Now

we're

here.

& JIM # # # HASSAN œ™ œ œ œ ¢# J

Now

we're

˙˙

here.

° ### œ œ ˙™ #

j œ œ

œœ

œ™

The

fa - mous mous

tent.

œ™

The

fa - mous mous

œ J

˙˙

tent.

174

DEZZA

∑

soy.

¢#

Be - cause our

## & # œœ ™™ Stand

### œ ™

Stand

j œœ œœ

œœ

ing

proud

œ œ J

ing

proud

˙˙ ˙

Œ Œ

œ™

j œ œœ œœ œ -

pre

j œ œ -

pre

sent.

œ -

˙˙

sent.

° ### nœ œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Ó # 178

plan - et's - ov - er pop - u - la - ted, an - i - mals are stran - gu - la - ted.

###

¢#

∑

Soz! BABS

∑

KIM

¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ‰ Œ J J Shut up

###

De - zza!

Œ œ I JIM

∑

Œ œ I

° ### j j & œ œ œ œ ‰ œ ‰ œ ‰ œ

rit.

BAKERS S/A

182

bet he's the ﬁrst

### œ œ œ œ ‰ œJ ‰ œJ # ¢ bet he's the ﬁrst

j œ œ œ œ

œœ

the Bake Oﬀ

BAKERS T/B

‰ œ in

œ œ J

the Bake Oﬀ

˙˙ ™™

j œœ ‰

∑

œ ‰ J

∑

Tent!

˙™ Tent!

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

JIM: Aeronautical engineer Russell lives with his husband Mario in Macclesﬁeld.

[Into his phone]

186 q = 150

RUSSELL

186–188

Ciao!

4 190–193

194

RUSSELL

bb œ œ œ œ œ

As a man of great pre

œ œ œ œ œ

ci - sion.

re - ly on graphs and

charts.

198

b œ &b œ œ œ œ Gee - ky men on

œ le

vi - sion

œ œ œ œ œ al - ways win the

na - tion's

201

b &b ˙

‰ ¿j

hearts.

Inst - a - gram's the Queen

Tarts.

BEN

q = 184 3

212

#### œ ™ on

216

#### œ ™

I'm

glad

204–210

####

KIM: ...When he’s not keeping law and order, he likes to teach his nine-year-old daughter Lily how to bake.

204

####

¿ ¿ ¿

KIM: Aww!

œ œ J your

œ œ J

ba - king

show!

œ pro

œ œ œ

œ œ

Li - ly says

I'll kill

it.

Œ Œ œ œ œ œ

3 3 Œ œ œ œ œ œ

Peop - le say I'm a

œ œ ‰ œj œ œ œ

so I'll try and win it.

I'm us - ing the

œ œ œ œ œ œ re - ci - pes made by my

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

222

° #### &

FRANCESCA

220

∑

#### w # ¢

‰

j œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

I'm

bring - ing the ﬂa - vours of

∑

œ œ œ

‰

Rome and Mi - lan.

∑

j œ Tra -

∑

wife.

224

####

di - tion - al

me - thods

‰

took from my Gran.

j œ

peop - le

Bri - tain get

JIM: Italian fashionista Francesca’s moved from native Bologna…

227

## j & # # œ œ ‰ œ œ™ œ œ œ rea - dy!

for

the

229–230

crown.

CUE TO GO ON: JIM: To Bognor. FRANCESCA

° #### & 231

I'm here

U ∑

####

œ œ œ œ œ

Cos I hope that I

win!

∑ RUSSELL

U ∑

∑

œ œ œ

Don't care if

#### # ¢

U ∑

∑

œ œ œ

œ I

HASSAN

hope that

œ I

win.

rit.

° #### &

∑

## & ## Œ ¢#

####

IZZY & FRANCESCA

IZZY

235

œ œ œ œ

I'll

de - ﬁn - i - tely

win!

Cos

BABS 3

¿ ¿ ¿

I'd

win!

e - ver

win!

win

∑

˙ win!

Cos

HASSAN & RUSSELL

˙ Cos

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

16 239 q = 182

° # œ™ & œ™

j œœ œœ

œœ

# œ™

we're

here.

Now

we're

Now

¢#

œ J

˙˙

here.

KIM: Wait! JIM: Weight? That’s a very personal question, Kim... KIM: No, there’s someone missing… Everyone mutters: “missing?”

œ™

The

œ™

The

JIM: Hello, can we help you? GEMMA: Er yeah, hi I’m Gemma? KIM: Who? GEMMA: Gemma. You know...

j œ œ

mous

œ J

mous

n n

GEMMA: The back-up contestant... JIM: Oh the back up contestant, yes! KIM: Hel-lo!

242 Slower q = 120

242–249 257

bbbbb

∑

250–252 JIM: And finally Gemma, a... GEMMA: Carer... JIM: From... GEMMA: Blackpool.

GEMMA: I’m sorry I’m late it’s just I only got the call this morning... JIM: Not to worry Gemma... We’re so glad that you could join us. KIM: But we are about to start so - please - take your place.

258 Faster, in 2

bbbb

262 Dictated

265

∑

U Œ

GEMMA

œ œ

258–261

God it's

266

b & b bbb œ

not

im - a - gined.

bb &b b b œ

œ œ œ œ

‰

j œ

œ œ

It's

bi - gger

œ œ

Œ œ

‰

than you think.

There's

268

œ œ™

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

lights and cam - eras ev - ery - where,

and

ev - ery - one gets

j œ

‰

a sink.

j œ I

270

bb &b b b œ can't

œ œ œ œ be - lieve

œ œ Œ

they chose me.

‰

j œ

œ œ

I'll

be on Chan - nel Four!

œ œ

‰

j œ My

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

q = 114

272

bbbb

KIM: Alright bakers, standby!

b œ œ œ

œ™ œ

‰ ≈ œr œ œ œ

palms are ge - tting swea - ty.

° bb b & bb ˙ 275

œ œ

My legs are like spa - ghet - tti!

rit.

JIM: Aprons at the ready...

‰ œj b œ œ œ œ œ bœ bœ œ bœ bœ bœ œ œ

œ™ œ

But bring on that ﬁrst sig - na - ture and

see what lies in store,

bbbb

Company S/A

b & b bbb

∑

bbbb

So Company T/B

¢#

bbbb

∑

bbbb

278 q = 85

° bb b œ ™ œ œ œ œ™ & b

joins Soprano line below

‰

∑

now we're here.

‰ œJ œ œ ™ DEZZA

bbbb Ó

˙™

I'm here!

b & b b b œœ ™™ œœ œœ œœ œœ ™ ™ Now we're

here.

b b œ™ œ œ œ œ™ ¢# b b

œ J

Now we're

The

here.

j œ œ œ œ™ œ œ J The

œ œ œ œ œ œ™ ‰ J

fam - ous

tent.

œ™ œ œ œ œ fam - ous

tent.

œœ ™™ œ œ œ œ œœ œœ ™™ Stand - ing

proud

œ™ œ œ œ œ™ Stand - ing

proud

ve - ry proud!

j œ J to

œ J to

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

° bb b ˙ ™ # b 281

bbbb

œ™

œœ œœ œœ œœ

rep - re

¢#

bbbb œ ™

œ™

j œ J

‰

sent.

We're

rep - re

œ œ -

‰

sent.

œ™

j œ We're

° bb b 4 Ó & b 4

BABS

284

for

œ œ œ œ™

rea - dy

≈ œ œ œ It was my

∑ sub.

œ œ œœ œœ ™™

rea - dy

+ Dezza

œ œ

∑

œœj 42 œœ œœ ‰ J

j œœ 44 J

our

But

close up.

sub. œ 2 b œ œ ‰ œJ 4 J 4 4

for

our

close up.

But

285 q = 94

great Aunt Ed - na's

œ™

‰

Su - et

œ œ I was

HASSAN

b 4 # b bb 4

∑

‰

¿ ¿ I just

b 4 & b b b 4 œœ b œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ shoot me from

b b4 œ b # ¢ b 4

∑

œ J

∑

the left!

œ œ œ œ œ

shoot me from

j œœ ‰ J

the left!

‰

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

° bb b & b œ

(BABS)

286

Ó œ œ

≈ œ œ œ œ œ œ

al - ways forced to eat.

It was my Great Aunt Ed - na's IZZY

bbbb

∑

b & b bb

œ œ œ

But

I'm

rea - lly just

∑

œ a

∑

GEMMA

bbbb

∑

‰

œ œ œ œ œ God

it's

not like

œ I

(HASSAN)

b # b bb ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ≈ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ J

∑

throw it in a bowl yeah, throw it in a bowl. DEZZA

bbbb Œ

‰

j œ

Cos

meat

œ œ œ

murd - er. RUSSELL

bb &b b

∑

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ Œ

I like ba - king with pre

ci - sion. BEN

bb #b b

‰ œ œ œ œ 3

∑

I'm so glad to be

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

° bb b & b œ œ™ BABS

288

∑

Su - et! IZZY

bbbb

œ nor

mal

beau - ti - ful

girl.

FRANCESCA

bbbb Ó

‰

≈ œr œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

I'm bring - ing the ﬂa - vours of Rome and Mi - lan. GEMMA

bbbb

œ™

‰

ma - gined.

j œ

œ œ

It's

bi - gger

than you think.

œ œ

HASSAN

bbbb Œ

‰ ¿¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

∑

I just throw it in a bowl yeah. DEZZA

bbbb Œ

‰ œj

Cos

meat

œ œ œ

œ™

œ œ œœ

murd - er.

RUSSELL

bbbb Œ

œœ œ œ

I re - ly on graphs and

œ™

∑

œ charts.

BEN

bb ¢# b b

œ œ œ your

show.

your

show.

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

° bb b Ó & b

290

≈ œ œ œ œ

It was my Great Aunt

bb &b b œ œ

Tal - en - ted.

b & b bb Ó

œ œ

‰ œj œ œ It's

bi - gger

b # b bb

Su - et.

œ™

ful

Ah!

‰ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

œ J

and Mi - lan!

œ œ than

œ œ

you think.

∑

I just throw it in a

œ™

j b # b bb œ œ œ œ ‰ Ó Mur - der

b & b bb Ó

¢#

bowl yeah.

˙™

Mur - der!

œ œ œ œ œ I

bbbb ˙ ™

œ Rome

b # b bb Œ

œ™

Ed - na's

Wond - er

re - ly on graphs and

j œ ‰

charts.

œ œ œ œ œ I

œ™

Your

show!

˙™

re - ly on graphs and

2. The Bake Oﬀ Tent

292

293

U ∑

bbbb

IZZY / FRANCESCA GEMMA / BABS / KIM

œ œ œ

In the Bake

Oﬀ

BEN / DEZZA / HASSAN JIM / RUSSELL

¢#

U ∑

bbbb

° bb b & b

r œ ™ œ ‰ R ˙˙ ™™ tent!

œ œ œ

r œœ ˙˙ ™™ ‰™ R

In the Bake

Oﬀ

tent!

296

∑

U ˙˙

œœ

Tent! DEZZA (& last note solo)

¢#

bbbb œ

œ bœ

3 œ bœ

COMPANY:

Bi - o - de - gra - da - ble!

U ˙˙ Tent!

e Arrival of the Judges

(Pam, Phil, Jim, Kim) CUE: JIM: Welcome to a brand new series of Love Island - so gentlemen, if you could all step outside, Kim'll be waiting with a bucket of fake tan and a spatula. KIM: But, before we get cracking... [GO]

No series of Bake Oﬀ would be complete without our two baking demi-Gods. [GO ON]

# ## 4 & # 4

JIM: The deities of dough! KIM : The almond almighties!

B q = 110

U ∑

2 B–C

JIM: Yes it’s the judges you know and love KIM: Please welcome back, national treasure... Dame Pam Lee! (pause for possible applause)

poco rit.

∑ 2

PAM: Hello...! [GO ON]

‰

œ œ œ . . .

œ.

œ .

A tempo

œ.

U ˙

PAM

bb ‰

Œ œœ œ œ œ œ

‰

œœ œ œ

I am so de - light - ed

‰

to be here once more.

œ œ œ œ œ œ

Nibb- ling on your nou - gat

b &b ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

‰ œ œ

is a thrill I just a - dore.

I know how you're feel - ing,

j " œ j bœ

b &b œ help

œ œ

you

bake, but I'll give

œ nœ

œ œ

you clues

if you leak

Colla voce

bb œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

al - ways score you high - ly

if you add

‰ œ œ œ œ œ I'm a cook my - self.

j œ squirt

#### œ

more booze.

" œ œ

bœ

or be - gin

‰

œ œ I can't

Uj " œ nœ œ œ to

ooze... And I'll

3. The Arrival of the Judges

KIM: And now - Mr Blue Eyes himself JIM: Yes it’s the man who puts the ding in knea-ding -

KIM : Phil Hollinghurst...

A tempo

PHIL: Hiya everyone. Y'alright? [GO ON}

rit.

####

JIM: [announces] Bready or not, here he crumbs...

U ∑

U Ó

11–13

Groovy q = 90 16

####

PHIL

‰

œ œ œ

Peo - ple think

I'm

sca - ry,

° #### ‰ & œœœ œ œ œ Œ

‰

œ œ œ

they don't un - der - stand,

PHIL

‰ œ œ œ œ œ

I'm a pro - per sof - ty

¢&

œŒ

and I might just shake your hand. KIM & JIM

####

∑

‰ œ He's

We're here to im - part our years of skill, then our ag - ents send them a love - ly PHIL

° #### & ˙ 24

j œ œ œ œ œ œ j‰ ‰ j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ U Œ

bill...

¢&

sil - ver fox

œ ‰ j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

We're here to im - part our years of skill, then our ag - ents send them a love - ly

With his spi - ky locks

####

PAM

no..!

¢&

j œ œ #œ j ‰ œ rit.

21 ° #### ¿ &

#### ‰

#˙ bill...

U Œ

KIM

‰ œ J

œ œ œ œ œ

j œ ‰ œ œ œ

But

ev - ery - bo - dy loves them,

JIM

œ œ œ œ nœ

‰ œ J But

it's Pam and

Phil!

œ ‰ œ J œ œ

ev - ery - bo - dy loves them,

it's Pam and

Phil!

Obviously CUE: JIM: For the ﬁrst time, bakers... On your marks, get set.... BOTH: BAAAAKE! [GO]

(Izzy, The Bakers)

DEZZA: I can’t believe they’ve done this! Pastry week’s not until at least week 5! HASSAN: Still I’m raring to go innit... Can do this in my sleep.

BABS: I'm just here for the experience, me. RUSSELL: It’ll be nice to make new friends!

Dezza spots Izzy shining a pastry cutter in preparation. DEZZA: Wow, Izzy, what’s that?

q = 125

4 &4

bbbbb

8 A–H

BEN: Woah Izzy - you’ll put us all to shame! IZZY: [sweetly] Hopefully, yes. They all laugh. Little do they realise, she means it.

IZZY: It’s a pre-medieval pastry cutter wheel. I stole it from the chalet girl in Verbier.

b & b bbb

DEZZA: Mind you, I suppose that's what you get from [impressively] Cambridge University. The bakers are impressed. IZZY: [politely murmuring agreement] Mmm...

SAFETY

b ° & b b b b ¢™™

™™ ü ‰ œ œ œ œ † œ œ œ œ IZZY

2 7–8

Ev - ery - one is

so po - lite, All

j ¿ ‰

¿ ¿

œ œ œ œ

'nice to meet you','Love that dress.'

b & b bbb ‰

But there's some - thing

un - der - neath the

smi - ling

‰

j œ œ

no - one

will addr - ess,

bb &b b b

œ œ œ œ œ œj œ œ There's a

prize

be won.

Œ Ó

‰ œj œ œ ‰ œj j œ œ

And I'm not

DEZZA: We should start a Whatsapp group! IZZY: Yay.... [GO ON}

BABS: It's like a cosy little family.

U Œ Ó

here for fun.

b & b b b b ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ

The tent's so inn - o - cent, so

j ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ li - ttle Bri - tish coun - try fete.

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ Don't let the ging - ham fool you,

4. Obviously

26 20

b & b bbb ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ It's a bat - tle on

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ I'm not here

plate,

œ œœœ

to make friends.

b & b b b b ‰ n œj œ #œ œ # œ œ #œ I'm here for

ten out

j 42 b œ œ ™

44 Œ

tens!

¿ ¿™

Win - ning?

Oh...

‰

j ¿ It

b & b bbb ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿

œ œ œ œ ‰ œ

j ‰ j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

ob - vi - ous - ly

will

had - n't e - ven crossed my mind! 'Cos

be go - ing all the way.

b & b b b b œ œ œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj Ob - vi - ous - ly

I'll

œ œœœ

shine!

‰ œj

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

They'll

drop oﬀ like ﬂies,

Till I

b & b bbb œ n œ #œ #œ #œ snag the prize,

b & b bbb 43

j œ #œ ™

‰ œj n œ # œ œ œ œ #œ #œ œ So

let the com - pe - ti - tion be - gin

‰ n œj b œ

œœ

I'm here to win.

PAM: Smells really good Izzy. IZZY: Thanks Pam..! Love the necklace by the way... PHIL: [peering into her bowl] ‘ere what’s all this green stuﬀ in your shortcrust? IZZY: It’s a rare Moroccan funghi mixed with semolina and polenta infused with the blood of a small Venetian vole... [smugly] You know - start with something simple.

36–42

q = 130

b & b b b b ‰ œj œ œ

œ œ œ œ

j œ ‰

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ™ œ

I don't come in se - cond place.

If there's a ma - ra - thon, Be-

œ œ

Al - ways the straight A stu - dent,

œ œ œ œ

b & b b b b œ œ ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ lieve me,

I'm gon - na win that race,

j‰ œ œ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ No one gets

in my way

Hey, get out of my spot - light.

bb j &b b b ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ You can sa - shay a - way

œ bœ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

At the

ﬁ - nal when I take home the crown

4. Obviously

° bb b & bb œ

‰ œj

j œ œ™

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

The

jud - ges will cry

tears

joy

œ œ Then I'll

BAKERS / KIM / S/A

b & b bbb Ó

b œœ

œœ

˙˙ ™™

œœ b œœ œœ ˙˙ ™™

bœ

˙™

Ah BAKERS / JIM / T/B

bb b Ó ¢# b b

œ Ah

° bb b & bb œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ 55

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

guest on Loose Wo - men and de - sign my own li

nen, and Bey - on - cé will be my

best friend

˙˙ ™™

œœ œœ

j b & b bbb œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ Guest on Loose Wo - men!

de - sign my own li

bb œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œ J ¢# b b b Guest on Loose Wo - men!

nen!

de - sign my own li

nen!

Ah!

‰ ¿ J

¿ ¿¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ fem - in - is - m's so on trend.

∑

nœ

'Cos

œ œ œ œ ‰ œ

j œ

ob - vi - ous - ly

pro -

œœ œœ œ œœ Ó Ob - vi - ous - ly

bbb w b # b ¢

œ œ

'Cos

b & b b b b ww

˙™

œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

bb &b b b ˙

Ah!

∑

## œ œ œ œ Ó Ob - vi - ous - ly

4. Obviously

° ## & œ œ œ œ 61

ﬁle will be through the roof.

Woah

¢#

> œ

## Ó

Ob - vi - ous - ly

> œ œ œ

woah,

woah

I'll

‰ œj

soar!

œœ œœ œ œœ Ó

∑

Ob - vi - ous - ly!

> œ œ œ

Woah,

œ µœ œ œ

œ œ œ œ ‰ œ ‰ œ J J

œ œ

œ œ œ œ Ó

∑

Ob - vi - ous - ly!

# & # œ œ #œ œ œ straw - ber - ry

œ œ

jam

° ## j & œ œ™

big

on the gram,

These

œ™

‰ œ nœ œ œ J

‰ œj n œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ nœ œ œ œ

œ J

I'm here to win!

¢&

o - ther peeps can get in the bin

œ œ œ œ œœœ Œ

Yeah

yeah

yeah!

BVs

‰ œj œ œ™ œ

∑

> œ

Ob - vi - ous - ly!

° ## œ œ œ œ Œ & 70

‰

Ooh!

## & ¢

œ -

j œ

‰ -

‰

ous - ly!

œ J

yeah,

¿ J

Who

she?

œ œ œ œ œ J

woah,

‰

yeah!

‰

¿ J

She's

¿ -

zy!

Intense

° ## j ‰ Œ & œ j‰ œ œ œœ 72

Woah

Yeah,

œ™ Ob

œ J

> œ œ œ

I'll

## & ¢

to L A,

∑

œ œœ œ œ œ œ œ

‰ j ‰ ≈ r œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

Op - en a cup - cake take - a - way.

Mean - while in Har - vey Nicks,

‰ ¿ J

girl!

I'm

4. Obviously

° ## Œ & œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

‰ œj œ œ™ œ œ œ œ

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

the new face of Ma - gi - mix

I'm wo - man of the year.

A ba-king pi - on - eer

## & ¢

∑

‰ ¿j ¿

oooh

° # # build... & œ œ

Mm hmm!

¢&

watch this comp - e - ti - tion

cos

I - zzy's

miss

∑

####

#œ -

ion!

∑

####

œ œ œ œ Œ

Ob - vi - ous - ly

it's

90 Tempo primo

° #### œ œ & œ œ ‰ œ Ob - vi - ous - ly

j œ

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ

will

be go - ing all the way.

## & # # œœ œœ œ œœ Ó

Ob - vi - ous - ly

#### œ œ # œ œ Ó ¢

## & ## Ó

‰ ¿ ¿ J Iz - zy!

#### Ó # ¢

‰ ¿ ¿ J Iz - zy!

Woah

Ob - vi - ous - ly

woah,

œ œ œ œ Ó

Woah,

woah

Ob - vi - ous - ly

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

Bake - Oﬀ will be

the mak

j œœ

œœ ™™

Ob - vi - ous - ly

me me me me me me, Iz - zy!

œœ œœ œ œœ Ó

> > œ œ œ œ

93 ° #### œ œ œ ≈ œ œ ¿ ¿ ¿ &

> > œ œ œ œ

œœ ™™

œœ œœ ™™ J

ing of

Ah!

‰

me,

j # œœ œœ

Ah!

œ™

œœ

j œ The

‰

j œ The

œ œ™ J

œ J

œ™

œ œ J

‰ œJ The

4. Obviously

96 ° #### & œ best

## & ## œ best

#### œ # ¢ best

con - tes - tant there's

e - ver

con - tes - tant there's

e - ver

con - tes - tant there's

° #### ˙ ™ &

e - ver

œ™

j œ

‰

been

œ™

j œ

œ œ

I'm

here

win!

been

œ™

œ J

been

‰ œJ

œ œ œ œ œ œœ‰ œ J

Yeah,

####

‰ œj œ œ™ œ

yeah,

¢#

I've

Woah

‰ œj œ œ™ œ

got a Kit- chen Aid with my name on!

> > œ œ œ œ

Ob - vi - ous - ly!

####

yeah!

œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ ∑

woah,

> > œ œ œ œ

Ob - vi - ous - ly!

Woah,

∑

woah

molto rall

° #### ‰ & 101

j #œ œ œ œ œ ™ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œj 3œ œj œ œj œ

So game on!

## & ## ‰

j œ œœ ˙˙ œ So game

∑

on!

#### ‰ œ œ œ ˙ # ¢ J So game on!

4. Obviously

KIM: Izzy? IZZY: Oh, sorry, was that out loud? [GO ON] 104

° #### &

U ∑

####

106

I'm

here

U ∑

‰ œJ ˙

win

∑

>j œ ‰ œœ œœ ™™ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ œJ

˙˙ ™™

œœ

Win

¢#

####

U ∑

∑

(n)

>j j œ ~ ~ œ ~ ~ ~ ‰ œJ œ ™ ~~~~~~~~ J

˙˙ ™™

œœ

Win

108

IZZY

KIM (not strict rhythm)

#### ‰

¿ J

(n)

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

Ba - kers, step a - way from your ben - ches.

‰

j œ

œ œ œ

I'm

here

win!

Somewhere In e Dough

(Gemma) CUE: BABS: Yeah, go on - have a guess! GEMMA: Oh - well - I mean... It might be... (turns head)

Recitative, with energy 1

GEMMA

# 4 & #4 Œ

# 5 & #4 Œ

Ne - ver had

ma - ny

eyes

look - ing at

œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ ‰

œ œ

Say some - thing fun - ny,

and some - how

me!

ﬂu - mmo - xes

œ œ nœ

2 œ œ œ œ œ 4 œ

œ œ

# 4 & #4 Œ

2 œ œ œ 4 œ

œ œ œ

Asked a sim - ple ques - tion,

j œ

me!

œ œ nœ œ œ œ œ

3 œ œ œ œ 4

Say some - thing, an - y - thing clever, I don't think you've ev - er been

Steady, thoughtful 3

# 3 & # 4 nœ

3 3 3 œ # œ n œ œ œ n œ 44 œ ‰ œ #œ œ œ œ œ œ ≈ œ œ œ

co - he - rent! Just

make a

plan...

Make it

ar - ti - san.

Like I could

GEMMA: Something quite... technical? IZZY: Oh, Jesus... [GO]

work

U ∑

œ œ œ in

∑

Mi - che - lin...

JIM: Okay, my little battenburgs! For our ﬁrst technical challenge we’re heading to Poland! RUSSELL: [smugly] Poland, yes! JIM: We’re looking for a perfectly formed Sernik królewski z brzoskwiniami.

∑

KIM: Would you like to say that again, Jim? JIM: Absolutely not. KIM: This is a traditional Polish cheesecake made with peaches and curd cheese.

# 7 & #8

œ œ œ

a restau - rant that's

Steady e = 180

# 7 & #8

œ œ Œ

∑

b b b 78

5. Somewhere In The Dough

IZZY: (smugly) Oh I’ve made this hundreds of times!

b 7 &b b8

∑

BABS: I mean if it's anything like the German variation... RUSSELL: Oh yes, the German variation - Mario's favourite! DEZZA: I mean you wouldn’t come on Bake Oﬀ without reading every one of Pam’s 37 cookbooks, right Gems? GEMMA: [pretending to know] Oh yeah... absolutely... [GO ON]

23A

23B

b 7 &b b8

∑

GEMMA

b 7 &b b8 ‰

∑

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

∑

Eve - ry - bo - dy seems to know what they're

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

∑

a - bout, Ev - ery - bo - dy seems to be

in lit - tle

HASSAN: Looks pretty simple to me!

bbb

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

doubt,

Ev - ery - bo - dy know ex - act

‰

œ œ

ly what

do.

b &b b ‰

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ ¿

¿ ¿

I can bare - ly ev - en say

this Po - lish word, and I'm s'posed to re - cre - ate

one It's

ab -

b & b b ¿j

≈ œr œ œ œ

œ œ

surd!

I've bit - ten oﬀ

than I

œ œ

44 œ

can

‰

chew

j œ

should

Motoring q = 90

b &b b œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

rea - dy, ex - ci - ted,

chomp - ing at the bit,

to be

cho - sen, in - vi - ted,

to such a hit. But I

r b r & b b bœ bœb œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ pa - nic, I ﬂap,

œ nœ bœ

œ œ œ #œ œ œ œ #œ œ nœ

this real - ly it, some - thing's hold - ing me back, I

don't want to crack, but

b 7 &b b8 œ there...

bœ nœ nœ œ œ some - where in

the dough,

œ œ œ œ œ some - one I don't know.

œ œ œ

Where has she been

5. Somewhere In The Dough

œ™ œ™

b &b b ˙ hi

œ™ œ™

ding? And

she

œ œœ œ œ looks a bit like me,

œ™

side

her

can't

see...

44 œ

‰

∑

In the re - ci - pe

œ œ œ œ

of me.

GEMMA: [deadpan] Oh balls...

∑

in -

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

The presenters are at Gemma’s bench. JIM: Gemma, are you alright - you’ve gone ever so red... GEMMA: [ﬂustered] Me oh yes - must just be the oven! KIM: You haven’t turned your oven on....

b 7 &b b8

but there's an in - gre - di - ent

œ™

b &b b œ

œ œ œ œ œ

∑

b 7 &b b8 ‰

œ œ

Pret - ty dif - ferent when you're ba - king on

set, when you've on - ly had a ba - sic kit - chen-

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

b & b b œj

‰

ette,

œ œ œ œ œ And your on - ly

œ œ

cri

tic

‰

your

Mum.

b &b b ‰

œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

She would re - lish ev - ery slice

of cake

made,

j œ

very

crumb.

œ œ

ne - ver once re - gret - ted that

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ I

b & b b œj

‰

j œ

She

œ œ

voured

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ

Ev - ery now and then I'd go out

date,

stayed.

‰

59 Legato, expressivo

bbb ‰

‰

œ œ

but

it's

hard

to stay

out

‰

b & b b œj late

‰

œ œ

when

you're

need - ed

back

home.

5. Somewhere In The Dough

b &b b ‰

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

And then sud - den - ly you ﬁnd

5 j bœ 8 œ

you're sort - a

‰

stuck,

œ œ œ

hang - ing out

with

b 3 7 & b b 8 œ œ b œ œ 8 œj ‰ Pete your rub - ber

duck.

j œ œ œ bœ œ œ ‰

j œ

Where's that girl with - out

œ œ œ bœ œ œ

care,

hea - ven knows she must be

b &b b œ

nœ œ œ œ

there!

Some - where in

the dough,

œ™

ding? And

she

œ œ œ œ

where's the girl

œ œ œ œ

I know?

Why has she been

b &b b ˙ hi

b œ &b b

œ œ

looks

a bit

œ œ

but there's an

in -

‰ œj œ œ

poco accel.

œ™ œ™

mis - sing

with - in

gre - di - ent still

œ™

44 ˙

I know I

78 Push on, with drive

b 5 &b b8 œ

œ œ

86 œ

a - way from

fear.

œ œ

can't just run

‰

Be - cause

85 œ

œ I

œ œ

can - not lose

œ œ

an - o - ther

b 6 &b b8 œ

‰

year.

85 œ

œ œ

should

strong,

I should be brave and

œ œ

‰

œ bold.

All

these

molto rit.

b 6 &b b8 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ™

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ bœ ™

o - ther peo - ple go - ing for gold,

can't con - ti - nue liv - ing on hold!

> ‰ nœ

b 78

Cos

Grand q = 85

7 &b8 œ there

œ œ œ œ

some - where in

the dough,

œ œ œ œ œ that's the girl

I know!

œ œ œ œ Show me how to

5. Somewhere In The Dough

36 91

œ œ

tel - ling

œ œ œ œ œ Œ

œ™

is there in - side of

me!

œ™

ﬁnd

her,

and

&b œ

œ œ œ™

need

œ™

œ J

&b ˙

she

‰™

r œ œ œ

see

that ev - ery - thing

44 ˙

‰

j œ œ œ 78 What's that

in -

7 &b8 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ gre - di - ent

œ™

I wish I could set

15 16 œ

‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ

free?

In the re - ci - pe

100

7 &b8 Œ

œ™

42 ˙

78 ˙

œ™

∑

me!

SEGUE

e ing About Being On Bake Oﬀ (Underscore) TACET

Slap It Like at

Poco rubato q = 172

bb3 #b b 4

˙™

œ œ œ3 œ n œ œ

∑

KIM: Velcome back bakers - to Vienna. For our ﬁrst showstopper challenge this veek ve’re asking you to make an Austrian strudel. Sveet or savo-wee.

b # b bb

(Phil, Pam, Company)

CUE: HASSAN: Oi, mind my licky t-shirt! RUSSELL: Quiet everyone, they're coming!

b˙™

œ 3œ œ n œ œ

JIM: Vill ve not be cancelled for zis cultural appropriation? KIM: SILENCE! (MUSIC OUT)

####

6–9

####

CUT OUT on 'Silence!' (Jump to bar 16A)

9A–9H KIM: [to Phil] Phil, you’ve spent time in Austria... PHIL: I have Kim, yes - delicious deserts! PAM: Cremeschnitte PHIL: Bless you. [GO ON] 16A 17 PHIL

## # # ##

U ∑

## 4 4

10–16

18 Colla voce q = 100

° ## 4 œ # 4

used

œ #œ œ ™

œ nœ

the Aus - trian alps,

ski

#œ

nœ

œ œ œ

loved

to ex - plore

oﬀ - piste.

œ KIM / JIM

## 4 4 & ¢

∑

‰™

‰

" r œ Un -

j #œ " œ œ œJ Ah

# # # œ™ til

œ #œ

œ™

œ œ

res - cued

a priest.

nœ

#œ

œ œ nœ

one fate - ful

day

fell,

and was

‰

j œ He

7. Slap It Like That

# œ™ # #

bare

° ## œ #

œ™

œ œ

but

Her - man

was

œ œ œ œ ‰

j œ

par - ti - cu - lar

was

famed.

œ œ

œ™

ly spoke

sin - gle

word,

& ¢#

≈ œ

stru - del

∑

nerd. And his

œ œ

‰

It was

"Ja

vol

stru - del!"

BAKERS T/B

∑

all

"Ja

vol

nœ

œ œ

down

this

one tech - nique,

‰

PAM: [playfully] Oh get on with it! [GO]

#˙ ™

œ J he

∑

‰

∑

U Œ

" "

claimed.

œ J

‰

U œ œ #œ

lie - ben

stru

œ œ Uœ

lie - ben

stru

"Wir

stru - del!"

rit.

¢#

ba - king

œ œ

BAKERS S/A

° ## œ # &

œ J "Wir

del"

28 Swung 16ths (q = 109) PHIL

# # #

∑

‰ ≈ r j ‰ Œ œ œœ œ œ œ œ ™ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

"Knea - ding is al - ways well and good,

But rea - lly

quite old hat.

# # # œ If

Œ œ œ

you want your dough

to swell,

œ ¿

≈ ¿r

‰

You, mein freund,

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

should give it

a slap.

# # # œ

œ œ

œ œ™

Yes

feels

li - ttle

odd,

œ To

make your

arm

gy - rate,

‰

≈ r œ But

7. Slap It Like That

# # # œ if

œ œ œ™

œ œ

you want

re - vo - lu -

tion,

œ œ

œ œ œ™

œ œ

I - nno - va

j œ

‰ œ œ

#œ

tors

i - nno - vate!

œ™

j œ

bow

high,

and

whirl

r œ

nœ œ œ

And

I'll

kee - pin'

bea - dy eye.

# # # ˙ try,

raise

your el

‰™

# # # #˙ ™ sky.

œ œ œ œ œ it

round

in the

œ œ

# # # œ

œ œ ≈ œ

Pound

it down

œ ≈ œ

u - pon

œ Œ

that bench,

#œ

œ œ ≈ œ

œ ≈ œ

Work

it 'til

bi - ceps clench.

your

# # # œ Take

œ œ ≈ œ

œ ≈ œ

œ œ œ œ

back pa

from

French!

° # # 4 PHIL # 4 œJ ‰

stry

the

42 ‰

œ Œ

j #œ

You've

got

- ta

Slap!

nœ œ œ

j œ

Slap it like

that.

‰

œ œ œ œ

œ œ

Make your glu - ten

strong,

BAKERS

## 4 Œ 4 & ¢

∑

Slap?

° ## œ ‰ Œ # J 47

PHIL

Slap!

¢&

œ œ œ œj ‰ Slap it like that.

BAKERS

œ œ‰ œ œ‰ œ œ

∑

Whip it, beat it

™ œ ‰ œr

ﬂick your wrist, and

PAM

¿ Ó

≈

j‰ œ ¿ œ™ œ #œ œ œ œ

Slap?

He's the God, he's ne - ver wrong!

# # # œ

œ nœ

give

one

al - might - y twist.

œ œ ‰

™

∑

r œ œ œ

‰ œ œ œ #œ

hear

wan - na

it thwack!

‰

œ œ œ Slap it like

7. Slap It Like That

° ## # j ‰ œ 52

j œ œ

‰

that!

## ‰

## ‰ # ¢

œ œ œj ‰

Ooh

œ œ œ

yeah,

slap it like

BAKERS (quietly)

œ œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

° ## # j ‰ œ

j œ ‰

that, come on...

BAKERS (quietly)

œ œ œ

j ‰ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

that, come on...

‰

œ J

that!

# & # ‰ ## ‰ # ¢

Ooh

œ œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

that, come on...

œ œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

œ œ œ

DEZZA

œ œ

I'm

not

slap - ping

an - y - thing!

b #b b œ

œ œ

yeah,

slap it like...

j ‰ œ

bbb

œ J

bbb

‰

that, come on...

bbb œ

œ œ

bbb

œ nœ œ

œ œ #œ

RUSSELL

≈ œ

I'm

œ œ

œ Œ

peace - ful

sort of

chap.

‰

≈ ¿r ¿ ¿

¿ ¿

I'd give it

a slap!

≈ œr

‰

Just

pic - ture

An - dy

Murr - ay's bum.

œ œ œ™

think

I've

lost

the plot,

HASSAN

b œ œ œ #b b Peo - ple will

œ Œ

¿ ¿ ¿

Here's what I'd do:

¿ J

but

hey,

≈ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Ó R I'll give it

go!

7. Slap It Like That

41 + S/A BAKERS

IZZY

bbb

œ œ œ

Thank - ful - ly

œ œ œ œ

ride

it's

not

ﬁrst

po - ny,

œ œ œ

ro - de - o!

But T/B BAKERS

bb b # ¢

∑

‰

œ J But

° bb & b œ 64

(S/A BAKERS)

œ œ ≈ œ

won't this look

œ ≈ œ bit

œ œ J

‰

ob - scene?

œ œ ≈ œ

Sure - ly this

œ œ J

œ ≈ nœ

won't go

on - screen?

(T/B BAKERS)

¢#

bbb œ

RUSSELL

œ ≈ œ

œ œ ≈ œ

won't this look

‰

bit

° bb # b

œ œ J

‰

ob - scene?

œ œ ≈ œ

Sure - ly this

œ œ J

œ ≈ œ

won't go

≈ ¿R

on - screen?

PHIL

42 ‰

∑

bb ¿ b # ¢ think

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿

I'll

use

j œ ‰

° b4 œ Œ # 4

just

¿ ¿ J

‰

nœ J

you

should

b 44 b 44

∑

mach - ine!

Slap!

œ œ œj œ

Slap it like that!

≈ # œ œ œ œJ ‰ Œ n œ œ œj œ œj ‰ You wa - nna Slap!

Slap it like that!

BAKERS S/A

4 &b4 Œ

Slap!

¿ Slap!

‰

Raise your el - bow high!

BAKERS T/B

4 ¢# b 4 Œ

j œ œ œœ œ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ œœ œœ ™ œ

Raise your el - bow high!

¿ Ó Slap?

‰

¿ Ó Slap?

7. Slap It Like That

° b œ œ # PHIL

Swing it

œ œ œ #œ œ œ

œ œ J

round and

sky!

skim the

‰

¿ ¿

¿ ¿ J

bang it

hard!

Ó S/A

& b œœ œœ

œœ œœ œœ

œœ œœ n œœ # œœ œœ J

Swing it

round and

skim the

sky!

œ œ œ #œ œ œ

œ œ J

round and

sky!

‰

‰ PAM

¿ ¿ ‰

‰

≈ ¿ R

Whip it,

He's T/B

#b œ œ Swing it

skim the

° b #

‰

¿ ¿ ‰

beat it,

PHIL

∑

≈ œj™

Oh,

¢& b ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿

al - ways been a lit - tle bit

° b j # œ

¿ ‰™

a - vant - garde!

œ œ œ Slap it like

BABS

r œ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ Ó

such

prat!

feel like

‰

∑

that! KIM

∑

‰

œ J

œ œ œ

œ™ yeah

S/A

&b ‰

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

that, come on...

œ œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

œœ œœ

œœ

T/B

¢# b ‰

œ œ œ

œ œ

that, come on...

œ œ œ œ you slap it like

7. Slap It Like That

JIM

∑

‰

œ J

œ™

œ œ

yeah! + KIM

& b œj

‰

that

œ œ œ slap it like + PHIL

&b ‰ b ‰ ¢# ° b & œ

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

that, come on...

œ œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

œœ œœ œœ œ œ œ

œœ œœ

œœ

œ œ

slap it like

œ œ œ slap it like

that, come on...

81 The Flying Strudel! q = 88

n 44

∑

bbbbbb

81–82

that!

&b œ

œ œ œ

∑

n 44

bbbbbb

∑

n 44

bbbbbb

that!

¢# b œ that!

strudel hits PHIL' s face

b # b bbbb

84A

b # b bbbb

q = 110

83–84

84AA–84BB

PHIL: Who threw this? BABS: I did. PHIL: Oh, I see... Remind me of your name again... BABS: Julia Roberts. KIM: This is Babs, Phil - remember - she was introduced yesterday...

2 85–86

PHIL: Quite a disappointing dough here, Barbara... BABS: Charming... And it’s Babs. PHIL: Have you never slapped a strudel before?

b # b bbbb

4 87–90

7. Slap It Like That

BABS: 3 times... All ended up in divorce... Now I’ve been making strudel for 45 years and I’m not about to change for you...

bb # b b bb

4 91–94

VAMP

°™ ¢™ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

™™ ü ¿ ¿ ™ ¿ †

Now go on,

oﬀ ya pop,

Mis - ter

97 BABS (last x only)

b & b bbbb

∑

bbbb

Male Judge!

[16 BAR SLAP OFF]

° b b b >¿ & b

99 BABS slaps the strudel on the counter

¿ IZZY (dough slaps) >

bb ¢# b b

> ¿Ó

BABS

∑

Ó ¿ >

IZZY

∑

> ¿Ó

Ó ¿ (IZZY) >

> ¿Ó

Ó ¿ >

> ¿

FRANCESCA

> > ‰ ¿ ¿ J

b & b bb Œ HASSAN

bbb Œ b ¢# Œ

> ¿ ¿ Œ ‰ J> Ó

∑ ‰ ¿J Ó > DEZZA (dough slaps)

> ¿Ó

Ó ¿ >

> > ‰ ¿ ¿ J

> ¿

ALL BAKERS

(BABS)

103 ° b b b >¿ & b Ó

Ó ¿ >

> ¿

> > ‰ ¿ ¿ J

> ¿

DEZZA

4 Bars dough choreo

107 LATIN PERC DROP

b # b bb ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿™ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿™ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

COMPANY (individual hits SR to SL)

111

bbbb Œ

¿ 'Hey!"

¿ 3¿ ¿ ¿ ¿3

¿¿

Throw catch side

'Pearl and Dean'

> ¿

throw "Hey!"

side

turn

> >> > > > ¿¿ ¿¿ ¿¿ ¿¿¿ ¿ "Hey!"

7. Slap It Like That

115 Funky (Straight es)

117

PAM

BAKERS

#œ

nœ œ # œ œ

can

see

prob - lem

#œ

nœ œ # œ œ

used

too

nœ

j œ

that

don't

wet.

here, you've

much cour - gette.

(Gasp!)

PAM

Sure - ly

119

‰

j œ

nœ

you should know by

now,

‰

Pas - try

œ œ œ œ

ba - ses should be

dry

œ so

clear - ly

you've for - go -

tten.

PAM: How can I describe it..? 123 DEZZA: [fearfully] Soggy bottom? PHIL PAM: Don’t be so disgusting! [GO ON}

° # # 121

U ∑

∑

‰

œ œ œ

j œ And

poco rit.

b˙

Ah S/A

U Œ Ó # œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

b b ˙œ n œ b ˙œ œ

you don't want to be the guy who's got a...

Ah T/B

¢#

U ∑

∑

b˙

124

q = 112

w bb

‰

Slap!

b œ & b œJ

Slap

œ œ œ

Yeah slap it like

‰

Slap

b b œJ # ¢

œ J

‰

j œœ ‰

œ œ # œj œ

j œ ‰

nœ

slap

Slap it like

that

Raise your el - bow high

œ œ # œj œ

j œ ‰

nœ

Slap it like

that.

Raise your el - bow high

œ J slap

‰

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œœ œœ

Œ Œ

7. Slap It Like That

126

b #b

œ œ™

that!

b & b œœJ Slap

b b œJ # ¢

j œœ

‰

slap

œ J

‰

Slap

œ œ # œj œ

j œ

Slap it like

that

œ œ # œj œ

j œ

Slap it like

that.

‰ ‰

slap

JIM 128 ° bb œ œ ‰ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ Œ #

Whip it

b &b Œ b ¢# b Œ ° bb œ # 131

œ œ œ œ #œ œ œ nœ Œ

Swing

it - round

n œœ

œœ œœ œœ œœ œ œ n œœ # œœ œœ nœ œ

Swing

it - round

‰

Swing

KIM

42 œ

it - round

bang it down.

Throw your stru - del

b œœ

n œœ J

42 Œ

ha!

œ J

ha!

‰

42 Œ

the

skim

sky

the

sky

and

skim

the

sky!

œ œ œ 44 œ ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™

beat it

‰

and

skim

œ œ œ œ #œ œ œ nœ œ

‰

and

all

44 n w w

wah!

44 w

wah

round

PHIL

Grab

œ œ ≈ œ

œ ≈ nœ

œ Œ

it like

cri - cket

bat!

b & b ¿j ‰

‰

j ¿

(Clap)

b ¿ b # J ¢

‰

(Clap)

° bb œ # 133

Let

b & b ¿j

œ œ œ œ

œ œ nœ

me hear

sat

that

(Stamp

stamp)

¿ J

(Stamp

stamp)

œ ≈ nœ

œ Œ

a hit

pat

j ‰ ¿

œ œ œ™ - fy

œ œ ≈ œ

ing

than

ttle

‰

Clap &stanp

‰

Clap &stanp

¿ J Clap &stanp

‰™

nœ ˙ R

#œ

splat!

‰

∑

‰

∑

Clap &stanp

b b ¿J # ¢

j ¿

7. Slap It Like That

PHIL

135

b #b

° bb œ #

‰

¿ J

Not

bad!

œ J

138

‰

that.

œ J

œ œ œ

And

slap it like

‰

œ œ œ

yeah!

slap it like

S/A

bb ‰

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

j œœ J

‰

œ œ nœ J

‰

œ œ

œœ œœ œœ J

œœ J

Slap it like

that, slap it like

that, come on...

œ œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

n œœ œœ

T/B

b ¢# b ‰ ° bb œ #

œ œ œ

that, come on...

œ™

140

that!

Yeah

b &b ‰

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

that, come on...

œ œ œ

œ nœ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like

b ¢# b ‰

° bb b b œ # bb

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

œ œ œ

bbb ‰ b # ¢ bb

œ œ œ

bbbbbb

slap it like

# ˙˙

bbbbbb

n˙

bbbbbb

that, come on...

‰

that!

b & b bbbb ‰

yeah

œœ œœ n ˙˙

142

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ™

Come on ev - ery - bo - dy

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

œœ œœ œœ

Slap it like

that, slap it like that, come on...

œ œ œ

Slap it like

that, slap it like that, come on...

œ œ œ

œœ œ

œœ œœ

j œœ ‰ J

œ œ nœ J

‰

œ œ œ slap it like

7. Slap It Like That

œ™ œ œnœ œbœ œ

144

bb œ # b b bb J ‰

that!

yeah!

¿ ‰ Œ J

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ J

Slap!

slap it like that!

IZZY (top)

b œ œ œ œ œ e œe & b b b b b ‰ œ œ œ œ œœ œœ œœ œ œœ œ

ww%

Slap! Slap it like that!

Slap it like that, slap it like that, come on...

b b b b ‰ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ ∫ œœ b ¢# b Slap it like that, slap it like that, come on...

j j ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰

¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ J J Slap! Slap it like that!

SEGUE

Episode 1 Judging & Elimination / Big Hug

(The Bakers, Jim, Kim, Pam, Phil) SEGUE from No. 7

Slap It PLAYOFF q = 112

bb 4 & b b bb 4

4 1–4

JIM: Okay bakers, let’s take a look at your showstopping strudels!

Faster, with purpose q = 122

bbb

4 5–8 PHIL: Excellent work Ben. Your wife’s really come up trumps with this! BEN: Ah, thanks! PAM: [impressed] Not bad Hassan...nice crack! HASSAN: Cheers mate!

b &b b

4 9–12 PHIL: I would have liked this better Izzy if it wasn’t for the dead dove IZZY: Yes well it wasn’t meant to be be dead Phil, it was meant to ﬂy across the tent whilst cooing the National Anthem.

b &b b

8 13–20 PAM: Gosh, Russell! PHIL: That’s the ﬁrst and last time I’ll see a strudel in the shape of a Boeing 747. RUSSELL: It’s a 7-3-7 actually.

Playful q = 126

b &b b

4 21–24 PAM: Ohhh bad luck Gemma, it was all a little haphazard for me... PHIL: You’ve really gotta keep your cool in here. PAM: Yes, better luck next time, dear...

b &b b

4 25–28

bbb

8. Episode 1 Judging & Elimination / Big Hug

b &b b

[BABS]

™ œ œ œ œ œ

PHIL: I’m afraid to say Barbara, that's more of a lattice than a strudel. BABS: In your opinion...

j œ bœ œ œ œ œ™

j œ

j œ bœ œ œ œ œ™

œ œ œ œ ˙

PAM: Well I can’t say I’m in a hurry to eat a sauercraut and strawberry strudel again, Dezza... DEZZA: [proudly] What can I say, I’m an innovator Pam... KIM: And ﬁnally Francesca –

b &b b

4 33–36

PAM: The booze isn’t quite coming through for me – PHIL: It’s got half a litre of brandy in, Pam! PAM: [dismissively] Oh really - can hardly taste it... [MUSIC OUT]

b &b b

SAFETY - pause last time

°™ ¢™

™™ ü †

∑

37–39 KIM: Well bakers, I get the nice bit this week. Our ﬁrst star baker of the series is.... Hassan! (The BAKERS applaud and adlib congratulations to HASSAN. IZZY is horriﬁed.) BEN: Well Done, Hassan. IZZY: (Loudly, falsely.) Yes, "well done Hassan"...

40A

U ∑

b &b b

In the clear: JIM: Dezza. DEZZA: What? But I served my strudel on a second hand spade! [GO]

JIM: Which means it’s up to me to deliver the sad news... [high D*] Leaving the tent this week is... [low D*]

U Œ

bbb ˙ ææ

BABS: Come on Dezza...

Fast ballad feel q = 115

# # œœ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ ™™ œœœ ™™

œ ˙ œ ˙ J

BABS

œ œ œj œ Big hug

big

j œ

hug.

˙™

8. Episode 1 Judging & Elimination / Big Hug

° ## & Œ

+ KIM

œ œ ‰ œ Big hug

j œ

big

hug.

Give him

œ™ œ œ œ

cu - ddle.

‰

j œ

FRANCESCA & HASSAN

∑

œ œ Big

# # Œ RUSSELL œ œ ‰ œ ¢& Big hug

° ## & œ 49

hug.

œ™

œ œ

wu - ggle.

œ™

œ œ

wu - ggle.

snu - gg - ly

## œ

Give him

cu - ddle.

œ™ œ œ œ

Give him

cu - ddle.

‰

Big

snu - gg - ly

œ™

‰

Big

œ œ

big

hug.

U ˙™

j œ ‰

j œ ‰ big

U ˙™

hug

j œ

j ‰ œ

j œ

U ˙™

j œ ‰

hug

hug.

‰

wu - ggle.

Big

hug

big

hug.

œ™

œ ‰ J

j œ

hug

big

hug.

œ œ

wu - ggle.

A + JIM

j œ

j œ ‰

+ PHIL

œ™ œ œ œ

IZZY Yeah, not really a fan of hugging to be honest... (vox oﬀ) [GO ON]

+ PAM

snu - gg - ly

¢&

big

hug.

snu - gg - ly

œ J

œ œ ˙

A 3

∑

Big

hug

BEN & GEMMA (unison)

˙™

‰

Big

KIM: So Hassan... star baker! HASSAN: Course s’my lucky t-shirt innit! I’m never gonna take this bad boy oﬀ. [deadly serious] Literally: ne-ver. KIM: [passes him a phone] So you know the drill... Every star baker gets to share the good news.

52 Light but groovy

4 52–55

4 56–59

bbb

8. Episode 1 Judging & Elimination / Big Hug

52 60

bbb

bbbbbb

####

60–63

64–67

HASSAN: [the call connects] Adil, it’s me – put Mum on. What? Well when she’s back? What about Dad? Where? ! Ah well listen, I got star baker. On Bake Oﬀ? Channel 4? No man, that’s Naked Attraction! [GO ON]

#### & œ™ n œœ ™™

j ‰ œ œœ œœ œ.

j œœ

œœ

œ ˙ n œ œœ ˙˙

œ™ œ™

œ. ‰ œ n œ œ #œ n œJ J

‰ œ w j nœ w œ u

U ˙

####

Meanwhile, PHIL is ready to go. PHIL: Hurry up Pam, are you coming or what? PAM enters with a glittery pink motorbike helmet. PAM: Absolutely. I just had to ask Babs about her shortcrust ratio... her pie was perfection!

####

'Never Be Me' Swung feel q = 132

72–75

PHIL: [re: himself] Or you could ask The King of Pies... PAM: [playing along] Oh really - who’s that? PHIL: Oi you – cheeky git!

####

Straight~straight 8ths

####

76–77

78–79

####

4 80–83

FRANCESCA: GEMMA: FRANCESCA: GEMMA: FRANCESCA: GEMMA:

## & ##

Gemma, what’s wrong? I got through... Of course! But I were crap... You were just a little nervous - it’s totally normal - it’s only week 1! I were seventh place in technical and me signature was more like a fart than a tart... No wonder I was the back-up...

84–87

88–91

8. Episode 1 Judging & Elimination / Big Hug

FRANCESCA: GEMMA: FRANCESCA: GEMMA:

## ° & # # ¢™™

Here now, text me, okay... What for? Banter..! Banter, oh yeah - that’d be great yeah! “Banter”. Or cat pictures, do you like those? I’ve got a cat he’s called Mr Tibbles He’s a bag of arthritis but - [GO ON]

SAFETY - go on any bar

FRANCESCA: Gemma... Breathe... A beat, Gemma takes in this advice. GEMMA: Yeah... Yeah... “Breathe...”

™™ ü †

92–93

rit.

#### œ

‰

œ œ œ J

2 94–95

Motorbike drives across

n œ œ œ œ œ œ Uœ

DEZZA: This isn’t the last you’ve seen of me, Phil Hollinghurst! IZZY: Actually Dezza, I think you’ll ﬁnd it is... Byeeeee!

U ∑

SEGUE - TV V/O : Coming up later on Channel 4, Kate Garraway investigates the rise of nude gardening in her new series Kate’s Bush. [Beat] But ﬁrst... aprons at the ready... [SEGUE No. 9]

Bring On e Scone

(Jim, Kim, Pam, Phil)

CUE: V/O Coming up later on Channel 4, Kate Garraway investigates the rise of nude gardening in her new series Kate’s Bush. But ﬁrst... aprons at the ready... [CLICK GO]

Epic Danceﬂoor Classic q = 125

b 4 &b b4

2 1–2

KIM

bbb ‰

j œ œ œ œ

Since time be - gan there's been a

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

bone of con - ten - tion,

Should you say scon or

JIM

b & b b ¿j ‰ Œ

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ

scone?

It's

de - bate that gets

Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

lot

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ¿ ¿ Ó But we can't set - tle

this

a - lone.

a - tten - tion.

KIM

bbb ‰

‰ œj œ œ œ

PAM

Bring on the scon!

œ œ œ I'm the scon,

œ œ I drink

JIM

bbb

œ œ bœ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ bœ œ ‰ nœ œ

tea with the queen, I love a

posh ma - ga - zine,

near A - ber - deen. Bring on the scone!

PHIL

b &b b Œ

œ œ œ I'm the scone

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ œ œ

and

hail

say we're ab - nor - mal.

& b

I don't go

from Corn - wall, peo - ple

‰

KIM / JIM

3 18–20

‰

j œ œ œ œ

Let's set - tle this ﬁght right now!

9. Bring On The Scone

JIM

SCONES (PAM / PHIL)

b &b b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Is

KIM

‰ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ J J

it scone like tra - ﬃc cone?

Oo - wow - oo!

œ œ œ œ bœ œ œ œ Is

it scon like El - ton John

JIM & KIM (8vb)

SCONES

b & b b ‰ ¿J ‰ ¿J ‰ ¿J ‰ ¿J Uh!

uh!

> > > > > œ œ > œ™ œ ‰ œ œ ‰ J J Ah

ah uh uh ah!

¿ ‰ ¿ ¿

JIM

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ J Are you a com - mon - er or

a toﬀ?

JIM & KIM (8vb)

b b >œ ™ >œ ‰ >j >œ >œ >œ >œ b & œ

ah uh uh ah!

KIM

Wel - come back

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

∑

to the Great Bri - tish Bake Oﬀ!

SEGUE No. 9A

Episode Two (Underscore)

TACET

Morning Bake

9B (Underscore) TACET

Grow

(Francesca) SEGUE from No. 9B

KIM: So Francesca - what’s on the menu today?

FRANCESCA: [readies herself] Well...

q. = 68

#6 & 8

4 1–4

FRANCESCA

œ œ œ œ œ™ œ When I was li - ttle, my

œ œ

≈ r œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

No-nna would bake

j ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

It - a - li - an dol - ci, she taught me

to make.

Pann - e-

JIM: Adore Panettone ...

& 13

& 17

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ™ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œœ œ

≈ r n œ œ œ œ œj ‰ ≈ œr ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

loved Mar - i - to - zzi, my

fav - ourite of all.

œ™ œ œ œ™ œ œ was a

bun

œ œ œ œ œ œ # œ™

œ™

grow

˙™

œ™

But

Œ™

j œ

grow.

œ œ ™ œ œj œ Bun in the o - ven

j œ œ

grow.

time.

I'd

œ™

the o - ven

œ™

grow

œ™

Œ™

∑

œ œ œ œ œ™ grow.

JIM: Good luck, Francesca. FRANCESCA: Thanks...

œ™

And No - nna said dar - ling just watch

j œ œ™ œ œ œ Bun in

j œ œ

œ™

≈ œr œ œ œ œ œ œ

the dough.

Œ™

a ball.

a - tten - tion and

œ œ œœ

o - ven, en - grossed in

ﬂowed.

A sweet crea - my bri - oche, rolled in - to

œ œ œœ œ œ œ

that de - mand - ed

j œ

re - ci - pes

the fam - i - ly

sit by the

Œ™

tonn - e, pan - fort - e,

this

Œ™

œ™

Œ™

FRANCESCA

≈ r œ It -

10. Grow

# œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ™ œ œ œ

≈ r œ œ œ œ

a - li - an fa - mily is

big, like our food.

And

# œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ

œ™

œ œ

tried

for a

year then

ea - sy

Œ™ Œ

a ride.

longed for

a brood.

œ œ œ™ œ œ œ

j œ

So we start - ed to try.

œ™

œ œ œ œ

went

to the doct

- or

and

she made

œ œ œ œ œ œ™

œ ˙™

but we were de - ter - mined

œ œ œ œ œ™ would - n't

al -ways knew that I

œ œ œ™ œ ˙™

when I met Mike I said strap your - self in for

≈ r œ

œ œ™ œ œ

œ œ œ

≈ r œ

clear

≈ r œ

Œ™

try.

# œ

œ œ

out went the bis -

cuits

the booze

and the bread.

≈ r œ œ

and made love

of - ten

kale

our head

j j œ ‰ œ

j œ œ

œ™

œ œ™

jabbed in

be - lly,

like,

com - plain

œ œ œj ‰

œ œ œ

≈ œr

œ™

œ œ™

We signed up

yo - ga,

ate

j œ œ œ œ

the neigh - bours

cra - dle

clo - sely

œ œ œ œ

œœ

And

then came the treat - ment the

N - H - S way

and I

œ œ Œ

œ™

œ œ

With my legs

in the

air Mike would

three times

œ and

œ œ

œ œ œ œ

a day.

œ œ

rit.

# œ

they had

j œ

œ say

œ œ

˙™

10. Grow

58 69 A tempo

& 75

œ™

Grow

grow

grow.

œ™

Œ™

œ œ ™ œ œj œ

˙™

œ™

Grow

grow

grow.

œ œ œ™ œ œ™ J

œ™

˙™

œ™

We're wai - ting for you

grow.

Œ™

œ™

j œ œ™ œ œ œ Bun in

Bun in the ov - en

the o - ven.

œ œ œ œ œ™

j œ But

œ œ œ œ œ™

œ œ™

as we know it

has

o - ther

i - deas.

œ J life

& 87

œ œ

œ œ™

drown - ing in

tears

so I picked up

pi - nny

# œ

‰

œ œ œ

œ™ œ œ

bake.

# œ

œ œ œ™ œ œ

œ™

œ œ

œ™

to their child

∑

# ¢#

one

day a

≈ œ R

and

∑

œ™

Grow

grow,

BEN

Grow

grow

month I'd

œ œ

found my - self start - ing

had a

œ™

was

calm.

œ™ œ œ œ

œ œ

form

as I

of esc - ape

œ œ ˙™

œ J

œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ œ

ﬁ - na - lly had some con -

trol.

œ™

grow.

œ™

Grow

œ™

Grow

œ™

˙™

œ™

Grow

grow

œ™

grow,

Grow

grow

œ™

˙™ ∑

FRANCESCA

˙™

HASSAN

∑

œ œ™ œ œ

hood shape

Œ™

∑ IZZY

œ™

And

And it helped with the pain, know - ing I

rolled out those balls

° # &

œ œ

j œ

# œ

œ™

Œ™

10. Grow

° # ™ & œ 100

# œ

Œ™

œ œ œ

œ™

œ œ

Some - thing

that I

could

∑

œ™

‰

grow.

####

make

####

œ œ™

œ™

œ œ™

œ™

####

œ™

####

Grow

# ˙™

Œ™

Grow

# œ™

œ™

Grow

grow

° #### j œ & œ

œ™

¢#

œ œ™

œ™

grow

103

˙™

œ™

grow!

## & # # œ™

œ™

Grow

grow

grow,

#### œ ™

œ™

Grow

¢#

#### œ ™

œ J

Œ™

œ™ Grow

Œ™

œ™ œ œ œ œ œ used

to be - lieve that you'd

œ™

j œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ™

œ™

grow,

grow

œ™

œ™ Grow,

œ™ grow

œ™

‰ œ œ œ™

grow

grow,

grow

10. Grow

° #### œ ™ & 107

œ J

œ œ™

‰

grow

####

œ™

‰

œ J

But

now

I've

re - placed you with

œ œ™

œ™

∑

œ œ™

œ™

∑

œ œ™

œ™

∑

œ nœ

Ah!

#### œ ™

‰

#### œ ™ # ¢

‰

110

#### Œ ™

‰

Œ™

dough...

114

j nœ

œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ™ œ œ

No - nna could see me I'd want her

to know

≈ r œ Her

poco rit.

# œ re

117

112

œ œ™

j œ

ci - pies

saved

and

Tempo

#6 & 8 ˙™

œ™

taught

rit.

˙™

∑

83 œ ™

U ∑

grow.

Technical: Early Bake (Underscore)

10A

TACET

Amygdalopita (Underscore) TACET

10B

e Handshake Song

(The Bakers)

CUE: PHIL: But still, I think I've been very generous with timings, I've given them 20 minutes... PAM: Come on Philip – let's go an see how they've done. [GO]

Boyband Ballad q = 74

b4 &b 4

∑

b &b ‰

BEN

œ J

Each night

° bb ‰ &

œ œ œ

have

dream

œ œ

that he'll come

j ‰ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

to me

with his pier - cing stare,

œ J

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

He'll have that twin - kle in

his eye. BVs: FRANCESCA / HASSAN

¢& b

∑

≈ œœ He'll

° 9

œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ n œœ œœ b œœ œœ œ n œœ œ œ œJ J J have that

twin - kle

his

eye.

RUSSELL

bb ‰

œ J

œ œ

Pink from the

ov - en's

heat,

with his strong phy - sique,

œ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ my heart skips a

‰

beat.

BEN / GEMMA (whispered)

¢&

œœ b œœ œ œ

œœ

≈ ¿ ¿ ¿ Skips a beat!

11. The Handshake Song

° bb ‰ & 11

œ J

œ œ œ œ™

That mas - ter

≈ œ

ba - ker's

œ œ

quite a

guy!

RUSSELL, HASSAN & BEN

GEMMA & FRANCESCA

∑

≈

œ œ œ

‰

œ œ

Quite a guy!

At the

HASSAN & BEN

b ¢& b

∑

≈ œ œ œœ œ

Quite a

° bb &

guy!

IZZY

∑

b œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ™

end

of his arm

is an in - fa - mous palm And it

slow - ly

starts

to tease me.

3 ° bb & œ œ œ œ

‰

œ œ Put your

œ œ

pin - kie in mine Let our di - gits ent - wine, how I

long

for them

œ œ

pin - kie in mine Let our di - gits ent - wine, how I

long

for them

œ œ bœ œ œ œ

b &b œ œ œ œ 3

¢& b

œ œ Put your

RUSSELL, HASSAN & BEN

¢& b

‰

œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

Ó BABS, RUSSELL & HASSAN

≈ œR

‰

Squeeze BEN

∑

‰

≈ œR œ œ ™ Squeeze me

b & b ‰™

GEMMA / IZZY FRANCESCA

r œœ

œœ œœ ™™ Ó

∑

Squeeze me...

b & b œ œ™

HASSAN

¢& b

b ˙

‰

œ J So

œ shake,

œ œ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

shake my

hand

Let me feel

∑

your touch

11. The Handshake Song 19

BAKERS

bb ‰

œ J

≈ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ R

œ J

(Uh

oh,

it’s ne - ver too much)

It’s

° bb ‰ & 21

HASSAN

œ. J

œ œ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

part

brand

Let me feel

your

the thrill

BAKERS

œ. J

œ J

≈ œ œ œ œ œ œ R J

(Uh

oh,

I pray that - you will)

‰

∑ HASSAN

¢&

∑

œ J

‰

There is FRANCESCA / IZZY BEN

° bb Œ & 23

S/A

≈œ œ Ó œ œ

E - ver?

bb ‰

œœ œ

T/B

E - ver...

¢&

‰ œ œ œ œœ

ver?

so much

stake, will I

œœ™ œ

shake, shake my hand.

bbbbbb

shake, shake my hand.

œ ‰ œ œœ œ œ œœ œ Œ J

E - ver get a hand - shake? Ah

E-

bbbbbb

œ ™ œœœ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ œ J Ahhh

HASSAN

bb ˙

œ œ œ œ œ

œ ™ œœœ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ J Ahhh

GEMMA / BABS RUSSELL

œ œ œ œ

bbbbbb

shake, shake my hand.

q = 75 RUSSELL

b & b bbbb Œ

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

Phil - ip will you wrap your hand

'Cos I've got a bo - dy part for you

in mine?

sign.

GEMMA / BEN

# b & b b b b b ≈ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ≈ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿J ≈ n œr Yeah, you can pick a - ny to -ma - to on

my vine!

I've e - ven made you a ba - gel shrine!

IZZY / HASSAN

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

love

to see

œ œ ‰

you tour a - round the hobs,

≈ r œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ ‰

≈ r œ

your de - mon - stra - tions real -ly turn our knobs.

11. The Handshake Song

° # Ó & 51

DEZZA

b˙ 42

œ œ œ

‰ ≈œ œ œœ œœ œ R

b b b b 44

Cos Mis - ter Ma - le Judge, you're so ﬁne!

S/A

œ œ œ œœœœœ œ œŒ

42 Œ

∑

‰ b œj b b b b 44

read your re - ci - pes all the time

¢&

So BEN / HASSAN RUSSELL

∑

42 Œ

∑

j ‰ b œ b b b b 44 So

° bb b 4 ˙ & b 4 54

HASSAN

b 4 œ & b b b 4 œ œœ œœ œœ œœ shake,

shake my

b b b 4 œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ b 4 ¢& shake,

° bb b œ ™ & b 56

part

b œ & b bb œ part

b b b œœ b ¢& part

shake my

‰

œœ œœ œ œ œ œ œ J hand,

let me feel your touch

œœ œœ œ œ œ œ œ J hand,

œ ‰

let me feel your touch

j j r œ. œ ≈ œ œ œ œ œ ‰

j œ

it’s ne-ver too much!

It's

j j r œ. œ ≈ œ œ œ œ œ ‰

j œ

it’s ne-ver too much!

It's

j j r œ. œ ≈ œ œ œ œ œ ‰

j œ

It's

oh,

it’s ne-ver too much!

œ œ œ

œ œ™

your

brand

œœ œœ œœ œœ

œœ œœ

œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰

j j r œ. œ ≈ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

your

brand

Let me feel

œœ œœ œœ œœ

œœ œœ

œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰

j j r œ. œ ≈ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

brand

Let me feel

your

œ œ œ œ œ œ J

‰

yeah

≈ œR

œ œ œ

I pray that you

the thrill

oh,

œ J will

I pray that you will!

‰

11. The Handshake Song

° bb b & b

œ™

HASSAN

∑

œ œ œ œ œ

Will

FRANCESCA / IZZY

œ J

œ œ œ œ

r œ œ œr œ œ

There

so much

stake Will I

b & b bb ‰

ver

œ œ

get

a hand-

BABS BEN (high)

œœ œ œ

- ver?

E - ver?

GEMMA (up) & RUSSELL

bbb ‰ b & ¢

œ J

œ œ œ œ

There

so much

stake,

‰

j œ

œ œ ≈ œ œ ˙

shake?

shake,

shake my hand

j œ

œœ

œœ œœ ≈ œ œ ˙ œ ˙

shake,

shake my hand

j œ

œ œ ≈ œ œ ˙

shake,

shake my hand

S/A

œœ ™™

œœ œœ œœ

‰

Ah T/B

¢&

bbbb Œ

Will I

œ œ œ

E - ver...

rit.

° bb b œ œ™ & b bbbb Œ

‰

œ œ œ œ

œ™

œœœ

‰

∑

∑ SEGUE No. 11A

Handshake Playout (Underscore) TACET

11A

My Dad

(Lily, Ben)

CUE: BEN: I am a Dad! Your Dad!

BEN: And this Dad really wants to hear your mysterious application! LILY: Really? BEN: Yes! LILY: O-kay...

q. = 72

6 &8

LILY

Œ™

Œ œ œ

1–3

I'm app -

& œ œ œ œ œ œ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ™ œ œ ly - ing for a place in

the tent on be - half of

& œ™ œ œ œ œ œ men could be scored out of

œ œ œ œ

‰ ‰ œ

my dad.

j Œ œ

Œ œ œ

His name's Ben.

™ œ œ œ Œ

‰

ten then my dad would be nine.

‰ ‰

œ œ œ And a half

And if

j œ œ œœ œ he lo - ses half

& œ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ marks cos his

i - cing is

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œj Œ

‰ ≈

slo - ppy, his fon - dant too wet.

& œ œ™ be - tter

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ™ œ œ œ™ œ

get a

he could just

less we - tter

œœ

j œ œ œ œ

But I

bet

he'd be so much

Œ™

j Œ œ

œ œœ œ œ

tech - nique.

But if my dad was

& œ™

œ™

j œ œ œ œ

j œ œ

your

show

I know he would

kill

& œ™

œ™

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ ≈ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

ing

pro

so he'd def - inite - ly

win it,

bak

Œ™

it!

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

take - o - ver! Stop him from wear - ing his den - im and

œ œ œ œ œ Peop - le say he's

but he needs

& œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ™ plaid.

Œ™

a make - o - ver, Bake Oﬀ please

Œ™

œ œ™ œ Please pick

12. My Dad

BEN: Hey I like this shirt... It was my Granddad’s.

33 Push on q. = 76

Œ™

‰

& œ

67 LILY: You can tell. BEN: Well go on, carry on…

3 34–36

dad. LILY: [lying] No - that’s it BEN: No, there’s loads more… I can see...

LILY: No - really - It’s just waﬄe. Honestly.

37–40 BEN: C’mon - Give it here... It can’t be that bad… Unless you told them about my Elvis impersonation...

41–44 LILY: Oh trust me, no-one needs to know about that.

BEN

Œ™

bbb

j bœ

45–47

Dear

Tempo primo q. = 72

bbb

œ™

who pick

the

con - test - ants

need you

b & b b œ œ™

œ œ™

j œ ‰

wo - rried

he's

let

him - self

go.

peop - le

‰

to know

I'm

œ œ

° bb & b 55

œ œ

his shed with his tool

glue, now

he's

fa - lling

° bb œ & b

Since

œ œ

j œ œ

Mum passed a - way

he spends ev - ery day

LILY

Œ™

∑

bb ¢& b œ

j œ œ

‰

¿ J

kit.

don't!

œ J

Yes

you

do.

Cos Mum was

the

‰

∑

¢& b

∑

œ™

‰

ap - art.

Tells

his

Œ™

BEN

‰

Tells

his

friends he's

ﬁne

friends he's

ﬁne

j œ but

12. My Dad

° bb & b œ

j œ œ œ œ

j œ œ

know that's a

lie.

b ¢& b b œ

j œ œ œ œ

j œ œ

know that's a

lie.

Relaxed tempo q. = 68

LILY

° bb & b 65

¢&

∑

bbb

∑

j œ œ œ œ

Cos

still

œ œ œ œ œ

œ™

But if my dad was

your

show

BEN

œ™

your

show

œ œ œ œ œ

Œ™ Œ™

b j ¢& b b œ œ ° bb j & b œ œ 73

Œ™ Œ™

you'd see

he's

œ œ œ œ œ J you'd see

he's

j œ œ œ œ

And if Mum were still

here

know

she'd stand up and

œ œ

œ™

And if Mum were still

here

know

she'd stand up and

nœ œ œ œ J

œ™

j œ œ

Cos my dad did

œ œ œ

nœ œ œ œ J

praise him.

° bb bœ & b J

j œ œ œ œ œ

œ™

praise him.

b j b & ¢ b œ œ

cry.

œ™

œ œ œ

ma - zing!

hear him

œ œ

ma - zing!

œ œ œ œ™

But if my dad was

° bb j & b œ œ

∑

j œ

∑

Œ™

Cos my dad did

ery

œ™

œ™ ev

thing.

ery

œ -

œ J

œ œ œ

œ œ

He washed eve - ry

œ J

œ nœ

thing.

He washed eve - ry

sock.

b œ ¢& b b J sock.

‰

œ œ œ

And he cared round the

‰ nœ œ œ bœ

And he cared round the

j œ ‰ clock.

œ J clock.

‰

œ nœ

œ œ™

Did his best just

stop her from be - ing

œ œ™

Did his best just

stop her from be - ing

œ œ œ œ œ œ

12. My Dad

Œ™

b & b b ˙™

LILY

pain.

And I know that he'd do it

œ™

bb œ œ b & ¢ J

Œ™

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ™

∑

Œ™

œ™

a - gain

∑

pain.

b &b b œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œj Œ

Great Bri - tish Bake Oﬀ prod - u - cers my dad is

bbb œ true,

j œ œ

to - ge - ther

have our

fun.

° bb œ & b œ œ

met some - one

bb b & ¢

∑

the best.

j œ Œ

‰ ≈œ œ

Hash tag blessed.

And it's

‰

œ œ

≈ r œ œ

œ œ œ

But

would - n't mind

Freely but not too slow

‰

j œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ™

then

may - be

sad.

he would - n't

∑

Œ™

U™ Œ

œ œ

Please pick my BEN

∑

U™ Œ

œ œ

Please pick my LILY: Best wishes and regards, Lily, aged nine.

A tempo

° bb & b œ™ 96

rit.

Œ™

U ∑

97–98

dad.

bb ¢& b œ ™

Œ™

U ∑

dad.

e ing About Being On Bake Oﬀ . . . #2 (Underscore) TACET

12A

All e Way

(Company) CUE: FRANCESCA: Gemma, come on - we’re going to be late! GEMMA: Listen Francesca – I’ve had a brilliant time - really… FRANCESCA: Gemma? GEMMA: I... Yeah… yeah… let’s do this! [GO]

q = 154

b 4 & b bb 4 Ó 3B

2 >

>œ

œ œ ˙™ b b bb

œ œ œ œ

#œ

2 #œ

n˙

> œ œ œ J

œ œ œ

œ # œ #œ œ

‰

#œ ˙™

#œ n œ #œ

‰

nœ

>œ J

‰

nœ #œ #œ

#œ

JIM: [American] It’s a blazing day out there today folks. Temperatures look set to reach a record breaking 98 degrees! KIM: [American] I wouldn’t want to be baking cakes today! Would you Darren? JIM: No, Karen. KIM: Back to you Sharon! (GO ON)

VAMP (out either bar) 7 n œœ b 4 ° nœ & b b b 4 ¢™™ n œ . 9

b & b bb

œ œ œ

‰ œ .

œ .

œ œ œ

j œ œ œ .

œ œ œ

œ œ œ .

Œ œ .

œ .

œ œ œ

œ .

œ œ œ .

‰ œ .

œ .

j œ œ œ .

œ œ œ .

Œ œ .

œ .

œ œ œ

œ. œ. œ.

œ. œ. œ. œ.

œ. œ .

JIM: Now for this week’s showstopper we’re looking for an iconic skyscraper. KIM: Fourteen stories high. JIM: With three moving elements. KIM: And an ice cream lift shaft. JIM: [to Kim] Sorry did you say ice cream..? KIM: I certainly did. JIM: In this heat?! [GO]

b° & b ¢™™ Ó

KIM (last x)

VAMP

¿ ¿ We are

™™ ü ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ †

JIM: Yes, but....

Bri - tish, we are Great,

KIM

˙ BAAAAKE!

BABS

‰

j œ œ œ I think I'm

™™ ü †

13. All The Way

° bb &

GEMMA

me - lting!

¢& b

‰ j œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ

∑

The heat is un - bea - ra - ble. FRANCESCA

∑

‰ j œ œ

My bench is

j œ Ó

j œ œ œ œ

It's swelt - ering!

° bb & œ

‰ j œ œ œ

Will my

je - lly

set?

‰ jŒ ‰ jÓ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

soa - king

wet,

∑

and I'm drip - ping sweat IZZY

¢&

∑

GEMMA

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ And it

Œ ‰ j œ œ œ

is - n't ev - en 9 a - m!

‰ j œ

Keep it to -

BABS

ge - ther.

° bb &

j œ œ œ œ œ œ

‰ j jœ œ œ

Don't fall a - part

cos of the wea - ther.

j œ œ œ œ

Got - ta pump it

full

of gren - a -

BAKERS S/A

GEMMA

∑

j j œ œj Œ œ œ œ j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ œ œJ œ œ

I'm ma - king them a Black - pool Tower with red

ice cream.

But

FRANCESCA

b &b

Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

∑

dine. My Pi - sa's go - nna lean.

b ¢#

∑

BAKERS T/B

∑

Œ œ But

° bb ˙ &

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

can go all

the way.

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

can go all

the way.

¢#

bb ˙ I

‰ j œ œ ‰ œ œ Pam and Phil

j œ

are

‰ œJ œ œ ‰ œ

œ J

Pam and Phil

are

œ œ œ

nna see.

œ œ œ -

nna see.

œ I'm

13. All The Way

° bb ˙ &

œ œ œ œ

not

go - nna fail

b ¢# b ˙

œ œ œ œ

not

go - nna fail

œ œ œ

‰ œj œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj

to - day.

œ œ œ

I won't let

to - day.

I won't let

b ˙ &b ˙

œœ œœ œ œ œœ

know

¢#

˙ bb ˙

can

œœ œœ

make

œœ œœ œ œ œœ

know

can

make

42 ° b b œj œ & œJ œ

j j œœ œœ œœ J J

œœj J

can

proud - ly

say

j b œœ œœ b ¢# J

n œœj œœj œœ J J

j b œœ J

can

proud - ly

say

BEN: Oh hey Gemma. GEMMA: Hi Ben. BEN: After you GEMMA: No, after you -

œ œ œ œ Œ

get to me.

j œ # œœ œœ œœ J

j œœ J

œœ

heat

‰ œj J

ev - ery - one

œj ‰ œ J So

‰

œ # œ œj œ œ œ œJ œ

œ œ

ev - ery - one

home

n œœj J home

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ J that

get to me.

heat

the

it through.

went

all

the

way.

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ J

‰

that

went

all

the

way.

BEN: Think we’ll all be needing the freezer today GEMMA: Absolutely BEN: I wish I could just rip out all my clothes and jump right in...! GEMMA: God yeah I’d love that My clothes I mean, not yours - Oh Jesus... (GO ON)

b j &b œ ‰ Œ Ó

œœ

it through.

œœ œœ

‰ œj œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj

the

œ œ œ œ Œ

U ∑

∑

####

46–51

bb j ‰ Œ Ó ¢# œ

U ∑

PHIL

# ‰ œJ # œ n œ # # # # It's not i -

13. All The Way

° #### & #

PAM

∑

j œ œj œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

But there's no - thing we

#### œ œ Œ Œ ‰ j œ œ ‰ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ Œ Ó # # œ J J ¢ deal.

58 ° #### & # œ

Their ge - la - tine

can do to

∑

will just con - geal.

PAM

œ œ

stop the heat.

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

You might have to put your head in the fridge! PHIL PHIL

#### Ó ¢# #

Œ œ œ œJ œ œ Ó J

∑

‰ jœ œ œ But ev - ery

Feels like we're in Crete!

62 ° #### & #

PAM

∑

Œ ‰ j ‰ j‰ j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ But

#### œ œ Œ ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ n œ Ó ¢# # to - wer

° #### & #

is bound to col - lapse with - in an

if she

adds

a bit more

∑

ho - ur! BAKERS S/A

KIM

‰ j‰ j œ œ œ œ œ ﬂo - ur

#### Œ # # ¢

œ œ œ œ

won't turn

‰ œj œj œ œ œ œ œ J J J

in - to slop!

Two

left

til

you

JIM

PHIL

‰ œ ‰ œ œ J J it

hours

‰ œj œj œ œ œ œ œJ J J

œ œ œ œ Œ

won't turn

in - to slop!

° #### ˙ & #

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

can go all

the way.

#### # ˙ # ¢

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

can go all

the way.

Two

hours

left

til

œ œ œ œ œ J J can

stop!

BAKERS T/B

œ œ œJ œ J œ

you

can

stop!

‰ j œ œ œj œ œ Are you sure that's

Cos BAKERS S/A

PAM

Cos

∑

j œ

œ œ œ

thin

e - nough?

œ They'll

13. All The Way

74 74 ° #### & # ˙ mar

S/A

œ œ œ œ vel at my

∑

dis - play!

œ œ œ œ

78 ° # # # # ˙˙ & #

dis - play!

œœ œœ œ œ œœ

how

# # # # ˙˙ # # ¢

œœ œœ œ œ œœ

how

Did you use

it through?

œ œ œ œ Œ

lo or puﬀ?

But

j j j j œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ J J J J

and work with ice - cream on

the

it through?

hot - test

day?

j œœj œœ # œœj œœj œœ n œœ J J J J

œ œ ‹ œ œj œ # œj j œœ Œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ J J J

œœ œœ

can I make

ﬁ

j j j œœ Œ ‰ œJ œ œ ‹ œœ œœ œœ œœJ J

œœ œœ

can I make

T/B

‰ œj œ œ œ ‰ œj

œ œ œ œ

vel at my

œ But

PHIL

#### # ˙ # ¢ mar

œ œ œ œ

and work with ice - cream on

the

hot - test

day?

JIM: Bakers, you have 40 minutes left!

82 ° # # # # ww & #

poco rit.

‰ œJ œ œ œ œ œ œ And still go

# # # # ww # # ¢

84–85

the way!

‰ œJ œ œ œ œ œ œ And still go

all

the way!

q = 136 BAKERS

####

# ‰

œ œ œ Time is

‰

ti - cking.

œ œ œ

‰

And I'm fret - ting.

œ œ œ nœ

œ nœ

Go - tta get

the

œ œ œ nœ

œ nœ

And my i - cing's

be - ing

ov - en.

#### ‰ & #

œ œ œ Is

90 ° #### ‰ & #

‰

it sti - cking?

œ œ œ Time is

œ œ œ Is

‰

ti - cking.

‰

it se - tting?

œ œ œ

‰

And I'm fre - tting.

stub - born?

œ œ œ nœ

œ nœ

Go - tta get

the

j nœ

œ nœ

je - lly

base

ov - en.

Group 1 splits oﬀ - IZZY, BEN

#### ‰ # & ¢

nœ J My

creme pat

‰

œ J

nœ

me - lting.

‰

so - lid.

13. All The Way

92 ° #### & # ‰

œ œ œ

‰

œ œ œ

Is it sti - cking?

#### ‰ nœ # & J ¢

cust - ard

° b b ‰ (BAKERS) & b œ œ œ

‰

œ œ œ nœ

Is it se - tting?

‰

œ J

nœ

has

curd - led.

œ nœ

And my i - cing's be - ing

‰

j nœ

ma - de - leines are

bbb œ

stu - bborn?

œ nœ

bbb

ho - rrid.

Time is

‰

œ œ œ

ti - cking.

‰

And I'm fre - tting.

œ œ œ

Go - tta get

the

ov - en.

j œ

je - lly

base

so - lid.

j œ

‰

j œ

li - ttle

(G1)

bbb ‰

œ J My

‰

creme pat

œ J

me - lting.

‰

Group 2 - BABS, RUSSELL

¢#

bbb ‰

j œ Rise

° bb ‰ & b

j œ

beau

‰

œ ty.

Rise

cake.

œ œ œ

‰

Is it sti - cking?

b &b b ‰ b ‰ b # ¢ b

œ J

cust - ard

j œ

‰

It's

œ œ œ

‰

Is it se - tting?

‰

œ J

has

curd - led.

j œ œ your du

œ -

ty.

‰

œ œ œ

### œ

And my i - cing's be - ing

stu - bborn?

j œ

ma - de - leines are

j œ

‰

Rise

j œ œ for

###

hor - rid.

hea - ven's sake.

###

13. All The Way

° ### ‰ & 98

œ œ œ Time is

## & # ‰

œ J My

###

‰

j œ

¢#

‰

œ œ œ

ti - cking.

‰ # œJ

creme pat

j œ

beau

‰

And I'm fre - tting.

Rise

###

‰

me - lting.

‰

œ ty.

œ œ #œ

Go - tta get

the

ov - en.

j œ

je - lly

base

so - lid.

j œ

‰

j œ #œ

Rise

li - ttle

Small

cake

please

grow!

the

o - ven

you

must,

you

Sopranos (IZZY / FRANCESCA)

¢#

###

cake.

Group 3 - HASSAN, FRANCESCA

100 ° ### & œ

###

#˙

must

go!

the

o - ven

you

must

go!

#˙

the

o - ven

#w you

must

go!

Œ œ

the

o - ven

you

must

go!

bbbbb

Yes

Baritone (RUSSELL)

bbbbb

Yes

Tenors (BEN / HASSAN)

bbbbb

Yes

Altos (GEMMA / BABS)

#˙

œ Yes

bbbbb

13. All The Way

Slightly slower - like a prayer

° bb b ˙ & bb 104

you

bb &b b b ˙ you

b ˙ # b bbb

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

can go all

the way!

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

can go all

the

œ œ œ œ

you

bbb ˙ b # b ¢

can go all

° bb b ˙ & bb

‰ œj œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj ‰ j œ œ

the way!

œ œ œ œ

lie

b & b bbb ˙

œ œ œ

lie

b ˙ # b bbb

œ œ œ

lie

bb ˙ ¢# b b b

œ œ œ œ

lie

œ You

‰ œj œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ œj Will

‰ œj œ œ

Will you rise?

œ œ œ

œ You

we pray.

‰ œj œ œ

king tray.

You

we pray.

Will you rise?

œ œ œ

you

we pray.

king tray.

œ œ œ œ

you

king tray.

œ œ œ œ

you

God of cake,

108

you

God of cake,

way!

œ œ œ

God of cake,

way!

the

can go all

God of cake,

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ

you

Will you rise?

‰ œj œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ œj

king tray.

Will you rise?

Will

113

° bb b ˙ & bb œ œ œ œ 111

you o - bey?

b ™ & b bbb œ

œ œ œ

œ œœ ˙˙

b˙

œ œ J

j œ

œ œ ˙

œ œ œ œ

œ œ ˙

‰ œ J

Oo p

œ œ J

œ o

b ™ # b bbb œ

˙ -

œ œ œ œ œ J Will

bb œ œ ˙ ¢# b b b œ œ you o - bey?

bey?

Oo p

you o - bey?

Oo p

œ Oo

œ œ

œ œ ˙

‰ œ J Oo

13. All The Way

78 PHIL: Feeling the heat, Barbara? BABS: Mind your own beeswax... PHIL: ’Ere... Knock knock. BABS: You what?

° bb b & bb w 115

˙™

n˙ ™

bb &b b b w Oo

n˙

b # b bbb œ

œ œ œ œ J

œ J

œ œ J

œ œ œ J J

œ J

˙™

bb ¢# b b b œ

œ œ œJ œ

œ J

œ œ J

œ œ œ J J

œ J

˙™

PHIL: Come on - knock knock... BABS: “Who’s there?” PHIL: Ice cream. BABS: Ice cream who? PHIL: Ice cream when you get my recipes wrong PAM: [to Babs] See what I have to put up with?

bbbb

GEMMA

U Ó

‰

119–121

j œ œ œ Hold on

q = 152

° bb b & bb œ œ Œ Œ ‰ j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œŒ Ó œ 123

bbbbb

min - ute!

The free - zer, my ice cream is - n't

∑

in it! KIM

bbbb

∑

j Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ J œ œ œ Are you tryn' -a

COMPANY

bb b Ó ¢& b b

¿ Œ What?

say

that it's been

COMPANY

∑

¿ Œ Huh?

∑

13. All The Way

127

bbbb

KIM

b œ

œ œ

sto

∑

len?

œ œ œ

This has ha - ppened be - fore! S/A

b & b bbb Ó

∑

œ œ œ Sto

∑

len!

T/B

bbb Ó b # b ¢

j ‰ œ œ

Why

° bb b & bb

JIM

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ has it been sto

len?

œ œ œ

This has ha - ppened be - fore!

130

KIM

∑

‰ # œj n œ

nœ

It's quite sus -

bbbb

JIM

‰ œj œ œ œj ‰ Œ

∑

In sea - son ﬁve COMPANY RUSSELL

remembering

bb ¢# b b b Œ

yeah...

‰ œj œ œ

it was

œ four!

133

# & # œ

pi - cious

‰

œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ

œ œ

Her

ice cream was e

° ## j & œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ J

some - one's

clear - ly gone and

sa - bo - taged.

ver so

‰ œj

de - li - cious.

But

136

œ œ

œ™ œ œ œ œ

Was it

es - pi - on - age?

p softly, suspiciously

S/A

∑

# œœ ™™

j œœ ˙˙ J

n # œœ ™™

j œ # œJ œœ

p softly, suspiciously

## # ¢

∑

œ™

j œ How

Ah T/B

‰

œ ˙ J

œ™

œ œ J

‰ œJ How

13. All The Way

° ## & n œ œ œ œ œj œ 139

GEMMA

j œ

∑

Œ ¿

could the cam - eras not have seen?

¢#

No, what?! RUSSELL

nœ #œ œ œ œ œ œ œ j Œ ¿ ¿ ‰ J J J œ

j œ œ œ œ œ œ

could the cam - eras not have seen?

° ## j & ‰ # œ ‰ œj œ

Oh wait!

∑

I think this might be your ice - cream!

KIM

143

It's

¢#

¿ Œ

## ‰

‰ # œj ‰ œj #œ œ œ

a night - mare!

It's

‰ # œj ‰ œj œ

ru - nny goo!

What's

j œ ‰

she think - king?

JIM

j # œ ‰ œj œ It's

‰ # œj ‰ œj #œ œ œ

a night - mare!

It's

j œ ‰

‰ œ ‰ # œj œ J

ru - nny goo!

What's

she think - king?

Everyone slo-mo shouts: “no, don’t do it!” / “don’t do it Gemma!” As GEMMA goes to put it in the bin, her fellow bakers stop her.

rit.

° ## & 146

147

bbbb

∑

q = 130

FRANCESCA

147–153

# & # ‰ bœ

j œ œ bœ nœ 3

bbbbb

∑

bbbbb

∑

What's she go - nna do?!

## ‰ nœ # ¢

œ œ bœ bœ J 3

What's she go - nna do?!

° bb ˙ & 155

œ œ œ œ

don't

put it

œ œ œ

the bin.

‰ jœ œ œ œ œ œ œ That is not

the

œ œ œ

way

to win.

œ You're BABS

∑

œ You're BEN

¢#

∑

œ You're

13. All The Way

159

GEMMA

b &b ˙

œ œ œ œ

our

b &b ˙

œ œ œ œ

our

¢# b

œ œ ˙

ba - king he

b ˙

œ œ œ œ

our

ro - ine.

‰ œj

ro - ine.

When in doubt

ro - ine.

‰ œJ

When in doubt

from wi - thin.

But

œ œ œ #œ Ó

bake

‰ œj œ œ Œ

œ œ œ œ Œ

from wi - thin.

œ œ œ œ Ó

bake

from wi - thin.

165 Pushing on, in 2 at ﬁrst q = 148

° bb ˙ & 163

‰ œ œ œ J

how?

¢#

bake

‰ œj œ œ Œ

œ œ ˙

ba - king he

‰ œ J

When in doubt

œ œ ˙

ba - king he

‰ œj œ œ Œ

It's im - pos

∑

œ œ œ -

si - ble!

bbbbb

∑

bbbbb œ

œ œ œj œ

j œ

some ice - cream

spare

HASSAN

‰

j bœ I've

got

BAKERS S/A

° bb b & bb 166

∑

Œ ‰ j œ œ œ œj œ œj œ

It's not too late

that

you

Œ œœ œœ

œ Œ

can use.

Me three!

It's not too late

¢#

‰ ¿ ¿ Œ J

Me too

° bb b & bb

GEMMA

170

∑

- umph

b b b b b œj # ¢ œ - umph

j j œ œ œ

j œœ

choose.

you

j j œ œ œ

j œ

choose.

you

tri -

∑

Rea-lly?

j œ œ œ œ ‰ œ I

b & b b b b œj œ

GEMMA

Œ œ œ Ó

∑

Œ ‰ j œ œ œ œj œ œj œ

œœ ‰ Œ J

BEN

bbbb

tri -

BAKERS T/B

RUSSELL / BABS

b # b b b b œj œ œj œ œ œ œ

can do

it!

œ œ œ œ œ

can save my to - wer!

˙˙ ™™

˙™

13. All The Way

° bb b & bb

173 COMPANY S/A

œ œ

œ œœ

œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œ œ œ œ

a quart

You've still got COMPANY T/B f

¢#

bbbb

still q = 160 # # # # Faster 2 44 ∑ #4

œ œ

You've still got

ter of

œ œ œ

a quart

ter of

hour! RUSSELL

#### 2 Y #4

œ œ œ œ an

hour!

Argh!

176 JIM

# # # # 4 Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ RUSSELL ‰ œ œ œ œ # #4 J Ru - ssell are you o - kay?!

180 ° #### Œ & #

No, not rea - lly!

BAKERS S/A

œ œ œ œ

tent's

‰

j Œ œ

¿ ¿

done?

Ru - ssell's sliced his

œ œ œ œ ‰ œ J

¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ J

- bu - lance, this

‰ j œ œ œ œ œ œ

#### œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ # # J ¢ - bu - lance, this

nnnn

Some - one call an

am -

BEN

œ œ œJ œ

œ J

Some - one call an

am -

KIM

n ‰ œj œ œ

Oﬀ e - mer - gen - cy!

‰ œJ œ œ œ œ œ

a Bake

j œ

done?

a Bake

j œ œ œ œ

thumb!

∑

183 ° #### & # œ œ œ œ ‰ œj œ œ

look - ing blea - ry!

GEMMA

BAKERS T/B

What's he gone and

Su - dden - ly the

BABS

What's he gone and

#### Œ # # ¢

Œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œJ ‰ œJ ‰ œ œ œ J

œ œ

He's lo - sing blood with quite

nnnn

JIM

œ œ n ‰ œJ

Oﬀ e - mer - gen - cy!

œ œ

He's lo - sing blood with quite

187

186

S/A

& ‰ œj ‰ œj œ œ œ some

gen - cy!

œ œ

Some - one's go - nna have

‰ œj ‰ j œ œ to

re - place

j ‰ œ him!

T/B

œ ‰ œJ œ œ œ ‰ # J ¢ some

gen - cy!

œ œ

Some - one's go - nna have

‰ œJ ‰ œJ œ to

re - place

œ ‰ J him!

13. All The Way

> œœ >

189

& ‰ œj œ œ œ

‰ œj ‰ j œ œ

œ œ

But who on earth could e

œ œ œ œ ¢# ‰ J

œ œ

re - place

ver

n ˙˙

œ œœ~~~~~~~~ ~œ

˙˙

œ ~~~ œœ

˙˙

him?

>œ

‰ œJ ‰ œJ œ

But who on earth could e

ver

re - place

DEZZA f

him?

Yes

193 COMPANY

∑

¿ ¿

∑

Dez - za?!

¢ °

# ˙

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

can go all

the way!

œ œ ‰ œJ œ J œ

œ J

And this time I'm

œ œ œ -

œ œ

nna slay!

197

Yes,

BAKERS

∑

‰ œj

œ œ

This is the

¢#

œ œœœ œ œ œ œ I'm

‰ œj œ œ Œ

œ œ œ œ Œ

go - nna make

you pay.

Stand a - side

‰ œj

œ œ œ œ œ

Out

of my way!

201

& œ

‰

j œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ

mo - ment.

hope I've

nailed

j œ ‰ Œ

‰

ev - ery com - po - nent.

j œ I

205

204

& œ

rea - lly

‰

j œ think

that

could

bbbbb œ

win

it.

‰

j œ I've

KIM & JIM

206

bbbb

j b œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ got a

œ œ Œ

show - sto - pping ex - hi - bit.

‰

j j œ œ ‰ œJ ‰ œ œ œ œ You've on - ly

got

a min - ute!

13. All The Way

As the ﬁnal chorus plays, everyone’s bakes start to collapse one by one. IZZY

3 ° bb b œ 3 b œ & b œ œ œ

209

œ™

3 3 24 44 œ 3œ Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

I'll reach the top come what

may,

I can stand up and

bœ œ ˙

say

FRANCESCA

b & b bbb

∑

nœ #œ

∑

Ah! BABS / GEMMA

bbbb

∑

#œ nœ

nœ nœ Ah BAKERS T/B

¢#

bbbb

∑

#œ #œ

#œ nœ

∑

° bb b ˙ & bb

œ œ œ œ

can go all

b & b bbb b˙

œ nœ bœ œ

can go all

b & b bbb b˙

œ œ bœ nœ

can go all

b b n˙ b # ¢ bb

œ bœ nœ œ

can go all

213

HASSAN

œ œ œ

the way.

∑

ARGH!

HELP! +IZZY

œ œ œ

the way.

œ œ œ

I can see

the way.

œ œ œ the way.

‰ œj œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj

ﬁ

‰ œj œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj I can see

the

œ œ œ

‰ œJ

œ œ

I can see

the

ﬁ

‰ œJ ‰ œJ the

ﬁ

nish line

œ œ œ -

nish line

œ Yes

nish line

œ œ œ -

œ Yes

13. All The Way

° bb b & bb 217

BABS

∑

IZZY (ﬂoats on top)

∑

NO!

b & b bbb ˙

œ œ œ œ

can go all

b & b bbb ˙

œ œ

can go all

bbb ˙ b # b ¢

œ œ œ œ

can go all

° bb b ˙ & bb 221

came

b & b bbb ˙ came

œ œ œ

‰ œj œ œ œ

the way.

œ œ œ

E - ven though

j ‰ œ œ œ œ

the way.

œ œ œ

with a

stra

œ œ œ

with a

stra

j ‰ œ

‰ œj œ œ œ

‰ œj

te - gy.

œ œ œ

But

now

it's a

œ œ œ

But

now

it's a

œ œ ‰ œ J

out of time.

œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ œ

we're

E - ven though

œ œ œ

we're

E - ven though

the way.

‰ œj

out of time.

œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ œ

we're

out of time.

œ œ œ

tra

œ œ œ

tra

ge - dy!

ge - dy! FRANCESCA, GEMMA, BABS

bb &b b b ˙ came

œ œ œ

with a

stra

te - gy.

œ But

don' t overpower girls harmonies!

bb ˙ b # ¢ bb

came

œ œ œ with a

œ œ œ

stra

te - gy.

œ But

œ œ œ

now

it's a

œ œ œ

now

it's a

œ œ œ

tra

ge - dy!

j ‰ œ œ I

RUSSELL HASSAN

œ œ œ

tra

ge - dy!

‰ œ J I

13. All The Way

° bb b & bb 225

IZZY

∑

rea - lly

b # b bbb œ

thought to

¢#

œ J

thought to

∑

œ œ œ J

rea - lly thought

j œ œ œ œ

œœ J

day!

would

œ œ J would

œ J

œ œ œ J J be

day

day!

‰ œJ

œ J

BEN

j j œ œ œ œ œ œ

day

œ œ œJ œ

rea - lly

bbbb

j œ œ

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

b & b bbb œ œ

‰ œJ

œ J

œ œ œ J

rea - lly thought

day

poco rit.

° bb b œ œ & bb J 228

œ œ œ™ J J

would be

˙™

b b b œJ œ b ¢# b

œ œ œ™ J J

would be

Yes, I'll

bœ

œ ™ bœ œ ˙

all

the...

∑

œ œ ˙™

∑

˙™

∑

œ œ

ẇ œ

day!

b & b b b b ww b ˙™ # b bbb

GEMMA

day!

° b b b AÓtempoŒ GEMMA œ w & bb 233

∑

way! IZZY FRANCESCA / BABS

bb &b b b Ó

œœ Argh!

BEN / HASSAN RUSSELL / DEZZA

b # b bbb Ó

œœ Argh!

END OF ACT ONE

Keep On Keeping On

(Pam and Company) "The Bake Oﬀ Tent " q = 167 B

b b b 4 (Drums) b 4 ? ? ? ? &

4 B–E

V/O : Welcome back delegates. It gives me great pleasure to welcome to the stage this year’s keynote speaker. Yes, it’s Dame Pam Lee! [MUSIC GO]

U ∑

bbbb

U ∑

bbb

2 Colla voce

bbb

PAM

When you've had

du - vet

range that's

‰ œ

‰

sold

M - & -

j œ

b &b b

œ œ œ™ œ œ œ

cooking school,

six no - vels

œ™ œ œ œ œ

and you've fed

the N - H - S,

œ œ

peop - le

ask

tired?'

'aren't

rit.

b &b b ˙ 10

But that's

#œ

œ nœ

not

the way

I'm

wired.

bbbb C

Swing h = 92

bbbb C

was

œ œ

ne - ver

born

to be

‰ j œ œ a

stay

home

jÓ œ

j œ œ -

tire

ee.

b & b bb œ œ œ

j œ œ

Where do I

get

en - erg - y?

j Œ œ

you

œ œ

keep

keep - ing on.

Ó ˙

14. Keep On Keeping On

88 18

Più mosso h = 97

bbbb

j œ œ

j œ ˙

œ œ œ

O - A - Ps

wear

black and

beige.

sig - na - lling

their

el - der age.

œ œ

‰ j œ But

b & b bb œ

œ œ œ

col - our's

all

the rage.

keeps

œ œ œ

j œ œ™

j œ œ

Some - times peop - le

say

that I'm

li - ttle

O - T - T.

nœ

that

that's

j œ œ

think

keep - ing on.

œ œ

q = 98

bbbb

j œ

‰ œj

But

b & b bb œ

j œ œ

dec - i - ded

b & b bb œ

j œ bœ œ™

long a - go

bœ

j nœ nœ

jŒ œ

U-S - P

œ so

œ œ œ

eat

the

pu - dding

b & b bb œ

Shir - ley

° bb b ‰ & b œ.

j œ. œ.

drink the wine.

j œ œ

Sell your

j œ œ

j ‰ œ œ

N - F - Ts

on - line.

Va - len - tine

and

keep

keep - ing on.

œ.

œ™

j œ œ

‰ œ

j œ œ

˙™

ba da

ba.

bbb ‰ b # œ. ¢

j œ. œ.

œ.

œœ ™™

da.

‰ œ

j œ œ

œœ ™™

ba da

da.

ba da

j œ œ ba

j œ œ

œ œ

42 h = 100 S/A

T/B

n œœ œœ J

bb & b b ‰ œ.

j œ œ.

œ.

j œ œ .

ba da ....

ba da

b b ‰ œœ. b ¢# b

. œœ n œœ J

œœ.

b œœ œ. n œœ œœ J œ J

ba da ....

ba da

n œœ œœ J

47B

47A

‰ œ.

j œ œ.

œ.

œ œ. J

œ œ œ™ J J

ba da ....

ba da

. ‰ b œœ

. œœ œœ J

œœ.

œœ œœ. n œœ œœ œœ ™™ J J J

ba da ....

ba da

14. Keep On Keeping On

47D

° b b b ‰ œ. & b

j œ œ.

œ.

œ œ. J

œ bœ J

ba da ....

ba da

b b b ‰ œœ. b ¢#

. œœ n œœ J

œœ.

b œœ œœ. n œœ œœ J J

ba da ....

ba da

47C

Keep on

b œœ

œ œ

###

˙˙

###

keep - ing on!

œœ n œœ n œœ œ œ

Keep on

keep - ing on!

50 h = 99

###

PAM

œ™ œ œ™ œ œ

Start your day

keep - ing

54 PAM ° ### & ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ

Don't

your

i - gnore

ﬁt.

Do your

Œ ¿

Fit

bit which keeps on

se - ven

min - ute

œ œ

∑

‰ œ

Beep!

¢#

j œ œ

Beep bee deep beep T/B

###

˙™ S/A

¿ ‰ Œ J

HITT.

beep - ing on.

ENSEMBLE

###

œ™ œ œ œ œ

∑

‰ #œ

∑

œ œ J

Beep bee deep beep

° ### & œ 58

& ¢#

œ œ

If you're stuck then p

ask

A - lex -

œ œ ‰ œj Œ

Ba.

ask

A - lex -

Ba.

# # # #pww

n œœ

œœ œœ ‰ # œœ Œ J

# ww

Ba.

ask

A - lex -

Ba.

###

‰ jŒ œ

Don't let

j œ œ

j ‰ j ‰ j ‰ œj Œ œ œ œ

mod - ern tech

per

plex

ya.

‰ œj ‰ œj ‰ œj Œ per

plex

ya.

‰ n œœJ ‰ œœJ ‰ # œœJ Œ per

plex

ya.

14. Keep On Keeping On

PAM 62 ° ### & œ œ

She

con - trols

## & #

43 œJ œ

Spo - ti - fy

### # ¢

can

j œ

#œ

j œ

rap

K - S - I!

∑

44 œ ™™ œ

j œ œ j œ Ó

œœ Œ J

66 ° ### ˙ &

44 œ™

™ 43 œœ ™

∑

so that

j œ Œ

43 œ ™

∑

44 œj œ

j œ Œ

œœ Ó J

∑

PAM

∑

¿ ¿ ¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

Lick a bowl yeah,

lick a lick - a spoon!

S/A

###

œ œ œ

as - pires

to be

you!

œœ

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

to be

you!

œ œ œ

Ev - ery - one

∑

T/B

### œ œ ¢#

œœ œœ œœ

Ev - ery - one

œœ

as - pires

h = 102 72 Cartwheel moment!

° ### & 70

∑

PAM

73–75

T/B

S/A

###

˙>

œ œ œ œ œ

j j œ œ œ œ œ

œ Œ Ó

She can e

do a

too!

ven

### f œ œ œ œ œ ¢# She can e

ven

cart - wheel

j j œ œ œ œ œ

# œœ Œ Ó

do a

too!

cart - wheel

Ó Ó

˙> So ˙> So

bb bb

14. Keep On Keeping On

° bb & œ

break the mould and

b &b œ ¢# b

° bb & œ

j œ œ

ring

friend.

œ œ J

ring

friend.

j œ œ

j œ

Break up

with that

œ œ J

œ J

Break up

with that

œ œ #œ œ œ

and

keep on keep - ing on.

‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ J

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

break the mould and

friend.

with that

b œ

ring

Break up

buck the trend.

j œ œ

j œ

buck the trend.

j œ œ

break the mould and

œ œ œ

œ œ

buck the trend.

œ œ œj œ ™ ‰ Ó J

œ œ œ œ

Spend your child - ren's

b &b Ó

di - vi - dend

b˙ ™

(whispered)

Ah!

¢#

bb Ó

˙˙ ™™

˙˙

ﬁve, six

se - ven eight. Keep on keep - ing on.

(whispered)

b œ œ œ œ n œœ

‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ J

Ah!

ﬁve, six

se - ven eight. Keep on kee - ping on.

85 [DANCE BREAK] h = 110

15 85–99

PAM

100 Slow Fosse swing q = 120

° bb 4 & 4 ¢

b4 &b 4 Œ

102

∑

###

∑

ﬁnger clicks

###

j œ œ

j œ œ™

j œ

Why put

ba - thing

suit

∑

14. Keep On Keeping On

° ### & 104

co - ver

¢&

‰ jŒ œ

j œ œ™

up your

bits

œ nœ

Ski - nny

‰ œj

Œ œ # œ œ

di - pping

de - jour.

And

B/Vs (whisper)

###

∑

‰ ¿™

∑

Mmm

108

& 112

### ###

(PAM)

œ #œ œ ˙

wrink - les

are

the

new

Play with

cou - ture.

rit.

œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ

œ #œ œ

Dip your li - ttle ﬁn - ger

œ nU˙

j nœ œ ™

œ œ ˙

ﬁre.

Play

rou - lette.

###

ra - clette!

And

115 Slower q = 120, building

° ### & #œ ™

PAM

keep

j œ ˙

Œ #œ

œ™

j œ ˙

Yes,

keep

You got - ta

S/A

###

# œ ™~~~~~ œj œ

∑

Keep

∑

###

œœ ™™~~~~ œj œ ~~~~ # œ œ

∑

Keep

#œ

j œ nœ ™

on!

∑ ∑

œ œœ

#œ

Keep - ing on!

∑

Ah!

### C # ¢

accel.

keep

## & # C

œœ ™™~~~~ œj œ ~~~~~~ œ œ Keep

119

j bœ œ

∑

Much faster h = 110

° ### C & nœ ™

œ ™~~~~~ œj œ Keep

T/B

¢#

‰ œj œ œ C

# ˙˙ Ah!

14. Keep On Keeping On

123 Presto h = 115

° ### & w

œ œœ

#œ

Keep - ing on!

## & # ‰ œ

j œ œ

œ™

j œ œ

da da

da.

j œ œ

œœ ™™ # œœ œœ J

da da

¢#

### ‰

Keep - ing

‰ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ

œ œ

œœ ™™ œ™

da da

da.

‰ œ

j œ œ

˙˙

da da

da.

‰ Ó

(Straight es) (Swung)

127 ° # # # 3 PAM & 4 ‰ ™ œR ˙

44 w

∑

on!

# # # 3 S/A . 4 & 4 ‰ ™ œ ™ œ ™ œ ™ 4 œ ™ œ ™ œ ™ œ ™ œJ ‰ Oo

wah ooo

wah

wah oo

wah

™™ œœ ™™ œœ ™™ 4 œœ ™™ œœ ™™ œœ ™™ œœ ™™ œœ. # # # 3 T/B œ ™ œ J ‰ 4 ¢# 4 ‰ Oo

131

###

wah ooo

wah

wah oo

ALL

Keep

keep - ing

œ œ on.

wah

> ww

˙˙ ™™

ah!

n ww> ah!

U ∑

∑

Last Time On Bake Oﬀ

14A

(Underscore - Gemma, Bakers, Kim, Jim)

CUE: SEGUE from No. 14

'Keep On' Playout (Swung, in 2) h = 108 ~hh=108

2 &b2

"Last Time" Tempo (in 4) q = 142

bbbbbb

∑

1–6

JIM: Last time on the Great British Bake Oﬀ. BABS My tower!

8 (q = 142) After a mercury busting meltdown...

b & b bbbb

4 8–11

JIM: Izzy narrowly escaped elimination. IZZY: [annoyed] I'm sorry - bland?

JIM: Because thanks to a horrifying injury RUSSELL: My thumb!!

b & b bbbb

4 12–15 JIM: Although Dezza was given a formal warning by the police. DEZZA: I’ll be back!

KIM: Nobody was sent home!

b & b bbbb

4 16–19

GEMMA: I'd like to thank everyone who knows me... AND GARY BARLOW

KIM: And with Gemma crowned star baker -

bb œ œ & b b b b œœ œœ J

œœ J

œœ œœ œ œ J

œœ J

œœ œœ œJ œ

œœ œJ

œœ œœ œJ œ

œœ œJ

n œœj œœ œ œ

œœj œœj œœ œ œ œ

œœj n œœj œœ œ œ œ

œœj œœj œœ œ œ œ

KIM: We saw the ﬁrst handshake of the series... [GO ON]

SAFETY ° b b & b b b b ¢™™

∑

Handshake Tempo ü ™™ Ó Œ †

GEMMA

œ He

œœj œ

14A. Last Time On Bake Oﬀ

bb œ & b b bb shook

° bb b b & bb œ

j œ

œ œ œ œ J shook

hand

œ œ œ œ œ œ

and it

felt

so good.

JIM: Okay Gemma... let go. [MUSIC OUT]

knew that

would...

œ.

‰ œj

Just

Let him go! [GO ON]

U w

U ∑

U ww w wu

U ∑

BAKERS (SATB)

bb b b œ ™ ¢& b b œ ™œœ ™™ Ah

j j œœœ

˙ œœJ ˙˙˙ ah

KIM: This week, it's Cake Week!

JIM: And with Russell's thumb surgically restored... RUSSELL: [thumbs up] Ta-da!

4 37–40 BABS: Chouxdy Dench. RUSSELL: Julian Eclairy. FRANCESCA: Sylvio Berluscone-i.

KIM: Tensions rise in the celebrity signature IZZY: [proudly] It’s a vegan Lady Gaga, made from chickpea aquafaba.

4 41–44

BEN: It’s my Labour party wedding cake: Tier Starmer.

JIM: We're looking for half a dozen 'Cacennau Cri Fach’ from Wales.

4 45–48

KIM: The Great

KIM: Now everything's riding on the ﬁnal showstopper!

JIM: Yes, it's all to play for on:

°™ ‰ SAFETY #œ œ œ ™ J ¢ 52

49–50

JIM

KIM

# #w Baaaake

JIM: British

¿ Oﬀ.

™™ ü †

e Perfect Petit Fours

(Gemma, Ben) CUE: GEMMA: ...they’re hard in the middle or soft in the middle or burnt in the middle or - (She plonks mixture on his nose.) [GO]

Romantically q = 99

# #4 & # 4

3 1–3 BEN: What was that for? GEMMA: To shut you up! Panicking! BEN: I just don’t get the point of them! GEMMA: You what? BEN: I mean why would you bother making something so small? Who they are even for?! GEMMA: You know - those lah-de-dah types in London...

Steady tempo, lightly swung 16ths (q = 99)~straight GEMMA

###

‰™

r œ

4–6

Pre-

###

tend you're

###

œ in

‰™ œ œ

r œ œ

posh

ho - tel

The

wai - ter

rings

sil - ver bell.

BEN: The sunken ones... Really?

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

###

œ œ œ œ™

Ev - ery - thing

### Ó

œ œ œ œ™

shrunk pro - por - tions.

‰ œj œ œ And then you

## & # œ™

œ œ œ

What

de - light!

œ™

œœ œ

take

a bite,

œ™

And

GEMMA

Ti - ny cakes in

≈ j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ™

brings a - long a treat you don't ex - pect.

œ œ œ™

œ œ œ

Which di - vine

ti - ny por - tions,

œ œ œ

œ œ

des - sert

will you

se - lect?

œ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ™ and e - ven though it's tee - ny

ti -

ny,

œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

su - gar

rush

you,

comes

ver

15. The Perfect Petit Fours 20

### œ

œ œ œ

‰

here

r ≈ œ œ œ

œ J

to - night

I’m

gon - na

œ œ œ

œ œ

help

ven

the score

you

###

‰ ™ œr œ œ

˙™

œ œ œ ≈ œ œ œ

And help you make the per - fect

° ### & œ 25

> ≈ œR ≈ œ œ œ R

¢#

###

da da da

Pe - tit Fours.

œ™ œ ≈ œ œ ˙

œ da!

∑

œ™ œ ≈ œ œ

∑

‰™

BEN

r b nœ

q = 100

all

seems

œ œ œ œ

ra - ther

com - pli - ca

° bb &

- ted

And I’m

not

that

so - phis - ti - ca

œ œ œ œ

- ted

GEMMA

∑

‰

≈

r œ There’s

b ¢# b œ

I'm

b &b œ

œ œ œ œ

need

des - pon - dent Now add more

guess

≈ œ œ œ

tor - toise

than a

hare.

° bb & œ 34

3 3

may - be

‰ œ œ œ

‰ œ œ

ev - en whis - ky,

if you

œ™

≈ œ

œ œ

wa - ter

your fon - dant,

œ œ œ

dare?

grab

j œ

grab

BEN

¢#

∑

‰

15. The Perfect Petit Fours

° bb œ ™ & 36

GEMMA

rol BEN

b œ™ b # ¢ rol

‰™

œ œ œ ling pin

‰™

œ œ œ -

r œ œ œ. min - ia

œ œ.

œ R

ling pin

œ œ œ ture

œ œ

é - clair

œ œ œ

min - ia

ture

should

piped

should

piped

œ œ

é - clair

j œ

b & b œ™ real

¢#

œ œ œ

bb œ ™

real

‰

thin

œ œ œ

° bb œ ™ &

‰

thin

man

¢# b

b œ™

man

do - lin

œ ≈ œ .

œ. ‰

j œ

Which

one of

win?

Let’s

use

this

œ J

œ œ

œ ≈ œ .

œ. ‰

j œ

Which

one of

win?

Let’s

use

this

do - lin

will

œ J

r œ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ™

It’s

gon - na

leave

the

jud - ges

wan - ting

œ R

œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ™

It’s

gon - na

leave

jud - ges

wan - ting

≈ œ œ œ

‰™

œ œ œ

° bb & ˙™

œ œ

‰™

œ œ œ -

œ J

the

When we’ve

b ˙™ b # ¢

° bb & œ

When we’ve

made

the

per - fect

made

the

per - fect

pet - it

fours!

≈ œ œ œ pet - it

fours!

œ™ œ ≈ œ œ Ba

b ¢# b œ

¢# b

b ˙

≈œ œ œ œ

Da da da

≈œ œ œ œ

Da da da

œ™ œ ≈ œ œ Ba

° bb ˙ &

œ œ

≈œ œ œ œ

œ™

œ œ œ™

Da da da

da da

≈œ œ œ œ

œ™

œ œ œ™

Da da da

da da

œ™ œ ≈ œ œ

≈ œ # œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™ œ œ 43 R Ba

da da

≈ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™ œ œ 43 R Ba

da da

15. The Perfect Petit Fours

° bb 3 j & 4 œ- ™ œ. ‰ œ # œ œ 50

-œ ™ œ. ‰ œ œ œ 4 # -œ ™ œ. Œ 4 J

da!

b -œ ™ œ. ‰ œ n œ œ 44 n -œ ™ œ. Œ J

b 3 -œ ™ œ. ‰ œ b œ 4 # ¢ J œ da

BEN

‰ ≈ r ## œ

da!

I-

53 Slower

œ œ œ™

ma - gine

are

Par - ee

The home

# # # œ

œ œ Œ

ﬁne

pa - tis - se - rie

GEMMA: Bonjour Monsieur! BEN: Bonjour!

œ œ

Sip - ping

our

San - cerre

bel - lies

full

≈ œR œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

be - side

the Seine.

BEN

‰

j œ Our

# # # œ

cheese and wine

# # # ¿J Oh!

I’m get - ting

What

tres

bi - en - ish time,

œ œ

‰

heart - burn

‰

yet a - gain

61 Straight 16ths

° ## &

‰

j œ œ Oui,

¢#

œ œ œ

dance

with me?

œ™ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ J To - night be - neath

° ## Ó & 64

the No - tre

A tempo - lightly swung 16ths

## œ # ¢ French

‰

won’t

you

j œ

œ™

It’s

where

wan

œ œœ œ

oui,

œ œ

œ ‰

j œ

œ™

It’s

where

wan

‰ œJ That's

œ œ œ

Je suis

Dame?

œ J

GEMMA

∑

## œ ™

œ 3œ œ Œ

œ œ Œ

œ œ œ na

‰™

r œ And

‰™

œ R And

15. The Perfect Petit Fours

100

° ## & #œ œ 66

with our

## œ œ # ¢ with our

° ## œ &

œ œ œ

œ œ œ™

feet

tap

œ #œ

out

'Je

t' - adore!'

œ œ œ

œ œ œ™

œ œ

feet

tap

'Je

t' - adore!'

we’ll

out

œ œ œ ≈ œ œ

When we've made the Per - fect

¢#

## œ

Pe - tit

˙™

Pe - tit

e=q

poco rit.

∑

fours!

œ œ œ ≈ œ œ n˙ ™

When we've made the Per - fect

fours!

72 Dance Break h. = 66

12 72–83

84 Faster h. = 74

# & #

4 84–87

bœ

n œ. œ. œ.

œ œ

88–89

## ˙ ™

˙™ Œ

œ œ

˙™

Lily enters in her pyjamas. LILY: Dad? Hello? ! What is going on? BEN: Oh Lily, you should have seen it - Gemma and me - we were just in Paris! LILY: God, old people are weird.

8 100–107

15. The Perfect Petit Fours

101

GEMMA: What’s wrong, sweetheart? LILY: Oh you know - Strikes, Ukraine, Elon Musk.... And I can’t sleep... GEMMA: Here, I’ll take you back. [very quickly] If you want...

q = 82

44 Ó

œ J

‰

108–113

115

œ™

œ J

œ™

œ J

Lily looks at her. Weighing up whether she can accept GEMMA. LILY: Sure. They go. BEN watches them exit. Then he thinks. BEN

rit. as necessary...

‰

119–120

j œ œ

To - night

122 Freely, about q = 72

b #b œ

œ™

œ œ œ

‰

took

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ™

And

felt

a sort

fun

feel -

ing.

œ J

œ œ œ

She

made

feel

a - live

and

now

per -

wan - ting

much

bite

b ™ #b œ

œ œ œ

Sheer

de - light!

b ™ #b œ

œ œ œ

124

‰

126

haps

128

‰

œ J

might

œ™

- mit - ted - ly

œ œ œ ≈ œ œ œ

Now we've made the per - fect

131

b #b œ

≈ œ œ œ œ Ba

130

Tempo Primo q = 99

b # b ˙™

œ œ

da da

˙™ da.

Pe - tit Fours!

‰™

œ™ œ ≈ œ œ Ba

da...

œ œ œ œ œ œ Ó R The per - fect

pe - tit fours!

SEGUE

102

Obviously (Reprise)

15A

(Izzy) CUE: SEGUE from No. 15

With energy, not on the back foot IZZY

q = 102

bb 4 &b b b4Ó

‰

™ 42 œ

j œ nœ œ

œ J

j œ œ

j œ

Ob - vi - ous - ly

star

ba -

œ œ œ œ œj œ

j œ

And

ob - vious - ly that's

not

great.

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œj œœ œ™

44 w

b & b bbb œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ker has

e - lu - ded

me.

b & b bbb Ó

‰ œj

œ œ œ œ œ came here to

the best

T - V.

b 2 & b bbb 4 Œ

‰

4 j j 4 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ

name.

ce - le - brat - ed house - hold

j œ œ™

‰

j œ

###

I'm

###

rit.

j œ œ œ œ œ œ

j #œ

go - nna have to up my

game.

## & # œj ‰ œ

I'm

here

####

‰

œ œ#œ ˙ ####

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

won't just take it

the

poco rit.

# #w win.

A tempo q = 146

j œ œ

4 21–24

∑

chin.

103

Hassan's Story

15B

(Underscore) TACET

Don't Send Me Home

(Company, except Dezza) CUE: HASSAN: Smash it out there, yeah? FRANCESCA: Sure thing... bro... [GO]

q = 90

b 4 & b bb 4

4 1–4

° b b b ≈ KIM & b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ 5

It's week three in the Bake Oﬀ

tent

Ó œ

and

œ œ œ œ œ œ

ten - sions are ge - tting high. JIM

¢#

bbbb

∑

j œ œ œ œ œ

‰

They're ge - tting high.

° bb b ≈ & b 7

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ ≈ œ

They're pi - nning all their hopes and dreams on a

bb b r ≈ ‰ ¢# b œ ° 9

bbbb

‰

lime

pie.

œ œ œ œ œ œ ≈ œ

œ œ

on a

pie.

min-ia - ture key

lime

‰ œ œ Will the

(KIM)

œ œ

jud - ges

be im - pressed?

∑ (JIM)

¢#

min-ia - ture key

œ œ

bbbb Ó

‰

œ J

œ bœ

œ œ œ

Can they pro - duce their ve - ry

best

‰

œ œ œ

œ nœ

wi - thin

the time.

16. Don' t Send Me Home

104

° bb b Ó & b

IZZY & GEMMA

œ œ œ

‰

We're

out

œ œ

œ œ -

time!

(JIM)

b # b bb ˙ ™

œ BEN

bbbb Ó

œ œ œ

‰

We're

out

time!

BABS / FRANCESCA

b & b bb ‰

œ œ œ™

œ œ œ There's no

œ œ

more time.

RUSSELL / HASSAN

¢#

bbbb ‰

œ œ œ

œ œ ˙

There's no

° bb b ‰ & b 13

more time.

KIM

œ œ œ

Œ œ œ

∑

Now the jud - ges must de - cide. JIM

bbbb ‰

œ œ œ

œ œ Œ

∑

Now the jud - ges must de - cide. HASSAN / GEMMA / FRANCESCA

bb ¢& b b Ó

‰

œ œ

œ ≈ œ in

œ œ

j œ ‰

Did I

blow my chance

the sig - na - ture?

œ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

Su - rely they will score me high

for my

mi - ni

mi - so - gyn - ists from lite - ra - ture!

IZZY

bbbb ‰

œ œ œ

16. Don' t Send Me Home

° bb b ‰ # b 17

105

RUSSELL

œ J

œ œ œ

ti - ny

tarte

ta - tin

have

fa - llen on

œ œ œ œ œ

the ﬂoor. S/A CONTESTANTS

bbbb

∑

‰

œ œ Will they

T/B CONTESTANTS

¢#

bbbb

∑

‰

œ œ Will they

FRANCESCA & IZZY BABS & GEMMA

° bb b & b œ

troll

‰

œ œ œ

or con - sole

‰

œ œ

stay on

Cha - nnel Four?

j œJ œ

Don't send me

RUSSELL, HASSAN, BEN sp

bbb œ b # ¢

troll

° bb b œ ™ & b œ™ 21

‰

j œœ J

‰

œ œ œ

or con - sole

j œœ J

‰

œ œ

stay on

Cha - nnel Four?

‰

œœ

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

don't

wan - na be the next

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

don't

wan - na be the next

home!

go!

j œ œ

Don't send me

Don't send

(R, H, B)

b b œ™ ¢# b b

œ J

‰

home!

° bb b œ ™ & b œ™ 23

j œœ

œœ

‰

œ œ cos it

go!

œ œ œ

œ œ™

means

much

to be on

this

show.

œ œ œ

œ œ™

means

much

to be on

this

show.

home

bbb œ ™ b # ¢ home

œ J

‰

œ œ cos it

16. Don' t Send Me Home

106

° bb b ‰ & b 25

œœ

œœ œœ œœ

We've loved

bb ¢# b b ‰

j ≈ œ œœ œœ œœ ≈ œœr œœ œ J R

œœ œœ œ œ

ev - ery sin - gle se -cond

œ œ œ

We've loved

œœ œœ œ œ

but now we fear

œ œ œ

but now we fear

FRANCESCA / GEMMA / BEN

b & b bb Ó

‰

j œ œ

œ œ

Don't send

œœ

œœ ™™

our place is threatened.

≈ œr œ

≈ œ œ œ œ J

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

œœ œ

œ™

our place is threat - ened.

KIM: Russell...

U Ó

me home! RUSSELL

b # b bb

∑

U ‰

œ J

œ œ œ œ

I'm BABS / ZZY

b & b bb ‰

¢#

j œ œ

œ œ ˙

Don't send

me home. HASSAN/RUSSELL

bbbb Ó

‰

œ J

œ œ

Don't send

29 Più mosso q = 93

° bb b & b

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ œ

Big hug

hug.

∑

U Ó

Big hug

‰ œJ

œ œ œ œœ

I'm

go - ing home

GEMMA BABS

bb ¢# b b

œ œ œ œ œ œ

‰ œ œ œ

big

U Ó

me home!

Big hug

b & b bb Œ

FRANCESCA / IZZY

∑

j b # b bb œ ‰ Œ

go - ing home.

Big hug

Œ™

big hug

œ œ œ œ œ œ

˙ ˙

œ œ œ™

‰ œj A

œ™ œ œ œ œ j œ ‰ œ Give

him

a cu - ddle

œ œ ˙

j œ™ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œ

Big Hug!

Give

T/B

him

a cu - ddle

16. Don' t Send Me Home

b & b bb œ ™ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

32A

107

32B

∑

###

∑

snug - gle - ly - wug - gle RUSSELL

bbbb

∑

‰ œJ œ œ œ

œ œ œ™

###

I'm go - ing home!

b Œ & b bb œ ™ œ œ œ œ œ

∑

###

∑

###

snug - gle - ly wu - ggle.

bbb œ ™ œ œ œ œ œ Œ b # ¢ snug - gle - ly - wug - gle

° # # # KIM ≈ & œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ 33

A - no - ther week in the Bake Oﬀ tent

# # # JIM ≈ # œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ A - no - ther week in the Bake Oﬀ tent

¢&

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Ó and it's

all a - bout bis - cuits

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Ó and it's

all a - bout bis - cuits BAKERS (minus BABS)

###

∑

œ œ œ œ œ

All a - bout bis - cuits yeah!

35 ° # # # ≈ BABS & œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Ó œ œ œ œ œ œ œ I've ne-ver made a

¢#

###

ging - er snap

but I guess I'll have to risk

it. BEN

∑

œ œ œ œ

œ œ

May - be I should whisk it!

16. Don' t Send Me Home

108

° ### ‰ &

FRANCESCA

j j œ œ ‰ Step one,

¢#

œ œ œj ‰

∑

make the dough. HASSAN

###

≈ œ œ œ

∑

œ™

As if that's some - thing

39 ° ### Ó &

‰

œ œ

I should know

+ IZZY

FRANCESCA

œ œ œ œ

‰

œ œ œ

Du - nno!

GEMMA

### ‰

BABS

œ œ œ

What's the su - gar

‰

œ œ œ

ra - ti - o?

+ GEMMA

œ œ œ

Du - nno

Du - nno!

+BEN

¢#

###

HASSAN

∑

‰

œ œ œ

œ œ œ Du - nno

Du - nno!

BAKERS

### j œ &

‰

Beat,

œ œ™ ba - tter,

° ### &

j œ

‰

mix

‰

œ œ œ

blend.

ne - ver end?

KIM & JIM

∑

j ¿

‰

Snap!

# # # PAM ‰ j ¢& œ Will

œ œ œ

Will the dra - ma

### ‰

(whispered)

j œ

your

‰

‰ œ

œ œ

gin - ger snap

PHIL

j nœ

BAKERS

œ nœ œ œ

j ¿

snap?

j œ œ ‰

Knock knock, can you guess who's there?

‰

‰ nœ œ œ

¿ ¿ ¿

j ¿

Snap it like

that

‰

œ œ œ

œ œ

It's a short - bread Fred As - taire,

and it's

16. Don' t Send Me Home

109

BABS

47 ° ### Ó &

¿ n¿ ¿ ¿ n¿

∑

Look - ing for Gin - ger? BEN & FRANCESCA top line GEMMA bottom line

## & #

∑

‰

j œ œ

Don't send me PAM

## # # nœ œ œ

look - ing for

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

Gin - ger!

Care - ful you don't singe her! BABS & IZZY

###

∑

‰

j œ œ

Don't send me

¢#

###

HASSAN

∑

‰

j œ œ

Don't send me

° ### œ œ & 49

home,

###

œœ

don't

send

j œ

œ™

j œœ J

œœ

j œœ J

home!

### œ ™ # ¢

œ J

home!

51 ° ### œ œ & home,

###

œ™

œœ

don't

send

j œ

j œœ J œ

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

don't

wan - na be the next

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

don't

wan - na be the next

œœ

j œœ J

home!

‰

home

### œ ™ # ¢ home

‰

˙˙

œ œ

‰

œ œ

go!

Don't send

œ œ

˙˙ ™™ œ

cos it means

œ J

go!

j œ

cos it means

œ œ œ

œ œ™

much

to be on

this

show.

œ œ œ

œ œ™

much

to be on

this

show.

16. Don' t Send Me Home

110

° ### ‰ & 53

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

### ‰

œ œ

≈ œ œ œ œ J

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

but now we fear

œ œ œ œ

our place

≈ œ œ œ œj ≈ œr œ

œ œ œ

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

r ≈ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

### ‰ # ¢

œ œ

but now we fear

our place

≈ œr œ

œ œ œ

≈ œ œ œ œ J

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

but now we fear

our place

JIM: Francesca...

° ### & 55

∑

U ‰

Ó j œ œ

‰

œ œ

Don't send

U Ó

j œ œ

œ œ ˙

U Ó

Don't send

me home.

### Ó # ¢

œ J

‰

œ œ

U Ó

Don't send

° ### Œ &

is threat - ened.

œ™

is threat - ened.

œ™

is threat - ened.

œ J

œ œ œ œ go - ing home.

me home!

BABS + IZZY

### ‰

œ™

FRANCESCA

I'm

## & # Ó

me home!

¢#

### Œ

###

IZZY & KIM

Big

hug

œ J

j œ

3 3 ≈ œr œ œ œ œ ‰ œ

big

hug.

A snug - gl - ly wu - ggle

j œ

3 3 ≈ œr œ œ ‰ œ œ œ

big

hug.

œ™

BABS & GEMMA

Big

hug

j œ

œ™

A snug - gl - ly wug - gle

JIM, HASSAN & BEN

∑

œ 3œ œ œ œ

Give her

cu - ddle

3 œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰

a snug - gl - ly wu - ggle

16. Don' t Send Me Home

° ### ‰ & 59

¢#

111

BABS

j œ œ

œ œ œ œ

Hey Phil,

I sur - vived a - no - ther week!

∑

œ œ œ

PHIL

###

∑

j œ œ

‰

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

You can't get e - nough of my

61 ° ### ‰ &

¢#

###

BABS

œ œ

œ Œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

May - be now

on a wi -nning streak,

j œ

‰ j œ

j ‰ œ

### ‰

¿ ¿

‰

j ¿ ‰

I don't care!

j j ¿ ¿ ‰

Knock knock

‰

Who's there?

PHIL

‰

j ‰ œ

cri - tique

It's

me,

KIM & JIM

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

A con - tes - tant's

ta - king Phil-ip on

‰

œ œ

œ #œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Who would e - ver be so

head - strong?

JIM KIM

### Œ

n b œœ

œœ

Who

knew

j œœ

n b œœ ™™

œœ ‰

j œœ

she'd

last

this

long?

‰

œœ

bbb

LILY: Sooo... what’s the verdict? BEN: Oh Lily I’m so sorry... We’re here for another week! 67 Faster q = 100 LILY: Yes!! Go Dad!

b &b b

4 67–70

BEN: And Gemma got star baker two weeks running... LILY: Star baker?! Again?! GEMMA: Honestly, I don’t know how - it’s embarrassing, really! BEN: You might just call it your “Gemma sais quoi!”

b &b b

4 70A–70D

b &b b Œ

GEMMA: [to BEN, ﬂirtatiously] Hey, I thought you didn’t speak French!

LILY

j œ œ ‰ œ ‰ œj My dad's

not

bad.

œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ He's smi

ling

and it's

16. Don' t Send Me Home

112 74

b &b b œ

œ œ œ

œ œ™

nice

see

that he's not

sad.

° bb & b œ 76

¢#

j œ

He's

got

twin - kle in

‰

œ œ œ œ œ œ his eye.

BEN: Right you - out of here. LILY: Can I have a bite? Please? JIM: [kindly] Not ‘til later, small child...

∑

∑ BEN

bbb

∑

‰

œ œ I'm so

° bb Ó & b

3 œ œ œ

glad

came

GEMMA

bb œ ™ b # ¢ on

j œ

But

here

‰

some - where

œ œ

this

show

° bb ˙ & b

‰

≈ œ œ œ œ R it's been so

the

3 œ œ œ œ œ

‰

a - ma - zing.

And I've start - ed

dough.

¢#

bbb œ ™ dip

œ œ œ

Here's the kind

life

I'd

know.

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

in - to a

life

I'd

know

ﬂirt - ing

the

tent

yeah.

j ¿

‰

toe

q = 92 HASSAN

don't

get

peace

# # # ¿

Flirt - in'

the

tent

man

when

will

rel - ent?

when there's

16. Don' t Send Me Home

113

# # # ≈

¿™

I'm

tryin - a

bake

it's

de - tract - ing

from

the

show.

# # # ¿

think there might

some - thing more

j ¿

than

su - gar

the

dough.

‰

# # # ¿

Ge - mma's

got

new

dress.

Who's

she

try - na

¿ press?

# # # ¿

Take

look

Ben,

man

he's

look - ing

ten!

## ≈

ha - ppens

the

tent

night.

Oﬀ

not

"Ma - rried

First Sight."

Who knows what

meant

Bake

° #### & # #

####

q = 106

≈

IZZY & GEMMA

∑

Œ BEN

∑

œ œ œ œ J

j nœ

The weeks roll

by.

œ œ œ œ J

œ J

The weeks roll

by.

‰

j ¿

This

‰

####

œ œ œ

œ œ

A - no

œ œ œ A - no

ther cha -

œ œ -

ther cha -

KIM, BABS

####

# Œ

j nœ œ œ œ

j œ

A - no

week.

ther

nœ œ œ A - no

œ œ -

ther cha -

HASSAN & JIM

#### Œ # # ¢

œ œ œ œ J

œ J

A - no

week.

ther

œ œ œ A - no

œ œ -

ther cha -

16. Don' t Send Me Home

114

96 ° #### & # œ

œ œ œ œ J

llenge. Will I

#### œ # #

####

score

IZZY & GEMMA

n ˙

nnnn

nœ J

score

God I

pie!

hate

œ œ œ œ J

œ J

God I

pie!

high?

hate

KIM & BABS

# ˙™

nnnn

n Œ

llenge.

j œ œ œ œ

œ œ ˙™

A - no - ther

pie!

œ œ œ œ J

œ J

A - no - ther

pie!

HASSAN & JIM

#### ˙ ™ # # ¢

nnnn

n Œ

llenge.

bœ J

BEN

œ œ œ œ J

high?

œ œ œ œ J

llenge. Will I

nnnn

j nœ

˙™

molto rit.

IZZY

∑

‰ GEMMA

∑

‰ BABS

& œ #

œ HASSAN

¢# Œ

‰

j œ

bœ

Don't send

j œ

bœ

Don't send

j œ

bœ

Don't send

BEN, RUSSELL, FRANCESCA (8va) f

bœ

Man

œ love

bœ

œ pie!

œ J

‰ œ

œ œ ˙

j œ

bœ

Don't send

bb bb bb bb bb

16. Don' t Send Me Home

115

q = 86

° bb œ & 101

(IZZY)

home.

Don't

send

(GEMMA)

b &b œ

home.

Don't

send

œ J

home!

j œ

home!

œ J j œ

‰

j œ

Don't send

j œ

Don't send

(BABS)

b & b œ™

j œ

home

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

don't

wan - na be the next

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

don't

wan - na be the next

go!

BEN RUSSELL, FRANCESCA (8va)

b b œ̇ ™

œ J

œœj J

‰

home

go!

HASSAN

b ¢# b

° bb œ &

œ œ œ

‰

j œ

Don't send

103

home.

b &b œ home.

b & b œ™

Don't

send

Don't

send

j œ

œ J j œ œ

œ J

home!

j œ

home!

‰

home

b ™ #b œ b ˙™ home.

cos it means

œ J

‰

home

¢# b

œ œ

cos it means

‰

œ œ

cos it means

œ œ œ

œ œ™

much

to be on

this

show.

œ œ œ

œ œ™

much

to be on

this

show.

œ œ œ

œ œ™

much

to be on

this

show.

16. Don' t Send Me Home

116

105

b &b ‰

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

b &b ‰

œ œ œ

but now we fear

œ œ

≈

œ œ œ

≈ œ œ œ œJ

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

but now we fear

œ œ œ

≈ œ œ œ œJ

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

but now we fear

j œ œ

œ œ ˙

œ™

bœ œ

≈ œ œ R

œ™

bœ œ

‰

j œ œ

œ œ

œ™

bœ œ

œ™

our place is threat - ened.

≈ œ R

œ bœ

our place is threat

Don't send me home.

b &b Ó

œ Don't

œ œ ˙

œ™

our place is threat - ened.

Don't send me home.

b & b ‰ n œj œ

our place is threat - ened.

but now we fear

107

j ≈ r œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

our place is threat - ened.

but now we fear

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

œ œ

≈ œ œ R

≈ # œ œ œ œj ≈ œr œ

œ œ œ

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

° bb ‰ &

ev - ery sin - gle se - cond

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

b ‰ b # ¢

≈ œ œ œ œJ

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

b #b ‰

œ œ œ

œ ≈ œ

We've loved

œ œ

‰

Don't send me home

ened.

œ œ œ œ send me

home

œ œ nœ œ

Don't

send me home

œ J

œ œ nœ œ

Don't

send me home

(FRAN. drops 8vb)

bb ‰

j œ œ

œ œ ˙

‰

Don't send me home.

b Ó b # ¢

‰

j œ œ

œ œ ˙

Don't send me home

j œ œ

Don't send me home

œ™

bœ œ

œ bœ œ œ œ don't

send me

home.

16. Don' t Send Me Home

117 A very very long pause. This moment should feel genuinely sad. By this stage Kim and Jim don’t want anyone to go home. KIM: [sadly] Babs...

° bb ˙ & 109

œ œ

œ œ œ

U Ó

˙™

nœ ™ œ œ ˙

U Ó

Don't send me home. 3 b & b œ œ bœ œ œ

Don't send

b &b œ œ œ #

home.

œ œ ˙

3 œ œ œ b œ œ b

don't send

b ¢# b œ

œ œ™ J

œ œ J

‰

home.

‰

U Ó

Home

j œ œ œ œ

Dont' send me home

° bb Ó & 112

113 q = 93

BABS

‰

j œ œ œ œ I'm

go - ing

∑

home KIM, GEMMA, IZZY

¢#

bb bb

∑

œ œ ‰ œ

œ J

Big hug

hug.

big

˙™ JIM, BEN, HASSAN

JIM

∑

œ œ ‰ œ

œ J

Big hug

hug.

big

œ œ œ Big

hug

œ œ big

hug

16. Don' t Send Me Home

118

° b b +œPAM ™ œ œ &

Give

her

cu - ddle

™

œ œ

her

cu - ddle.

œœ ™™

115

b œ b # ¢

œ œ

‰

j œ a

‰

œœ œœ

snug - gl

œ™

j œ A

œ œ

snug - gl

œœ ™™

wug

œ™

wug

œœ œœ -

gle.

œ œ -

gle.

BABS can’t help but chuckle. BABS: Alright, I’ll give you that. (GO ON)

117 Freely, colla voce

° bb Œ &

œœ

BABS

‰ œj

U Ó

j ‰ ‰ œ œ œj ‰ Œ œ

Who's there?

Do - nut who?

PHIL

b j ¢# b ‰ œ

‰ œj j ‰ œ

j ‰ œ

Knock knock

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Do - nut ask me why I'm so fun - ny, it's not my fault.

Do - nut.

IZZY GEMMA

119 Not too slow q = 76

° bb &

∑

FRANCESCA BABS

œœ

I'm

Don't send

home!

BEN & HASSAN

U ˙˙ u

Don't send

U˙

home!

œœ

ing

home!

U ˙˙ u

U˙

ing

home!

RUSSELL

¢#

I'm

U Œ

119

Don't Send Me Home (Reprise)

16A

(Ben, Gemma) SEGUE from No. 16

KIM: Okay everyone, that’s all for this week. PHIL: Here Jim, don’t suppose you’ve seen me motorbike keys? JIM: Oh hold on, let me look in my bag.... JIM opens his bag and pulls out a cake stand of petits fours. He continues to look through the bag. JIM: No idea, sorry Phil. JIM and PHIL exit as suddenly HASSAN ﬁnds his lucky t-shirt in the Marmite tub. HASSAN: My lucky t-shirt! In the Marmite tub. Izzy who woulda done this?! IZZY: Yes - a real mystery... Everyone disperses apart from BEN and KIM. Gemma busies herslef in the background.

œ™ °™ œ ™

q = 80

b4 &b 4 Ó

œ œ œ ‰ J

œ œ œ œ J

¢™

œ œ

œ ™™ œ™ œ

œ™ œ™

œ œ

œœ œœ J

œ œ œ œ J

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

™™ ü42 œ †

œ™

œ œ

BEN: [calls] Lily, come on - time to go! KIM: Kids, huh. BEN: Right? KIM: [gently] Why does she come... to the tent... every weekend? BEN: Since Julie died she doesn’t like me going away. I guess she’s afraid I'll leave and... never come back. KIM: Makes sense... You’re a great Dad, Ben. BEN: Y’think? Doesn’t always feel that way.... 1.

bb œ ™

b4 #b 4

œ œ œ J œ

œ œœ œœ

œœœ 4

KIM: I don’t think... I know. We all do. A wracked Ben looks over at Gemma, who' s packing her things up.

œ™

œ œ

3 œ œ œ

16A. Don' t Send Me Home (Reprise)

120

KIM: It’s okay, you know. BEN: What's that...? KIM: If there’s something in the dough... [GO ON] KIM touches his arm and exits. BEN is left behind, watching GEMMA

VAMP - go on any bar

b° # b ¢™™

™™ ü †

14a

∑

BEN

∑

‰

j œ nœ

Don’t send me

Slower

# œ™

j œ

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

don’t

wan - na be the next

home

# œ™

j œ

‰

home,

# ‰

Cos it

œ œ œ œ I've

loved

œ œ -

means

much

œ œ

go,

Don’t send

œ œ œ

œ œ™

this

show.

be on

œ œ œ œ™

very sin - gle

∑

cond...

LILY enters. LILY: Hello? I was waiting in the car park? BEN: Oh I’m sorry - I didn’t realise I was supposed to be a psychic! [calls over] See ya next week Gemma. GEMMA: Yeah - see ya Ben. Bye Lily... LILY: Byeeeee. Ben and Lily exit. Gemma ﬁnishes the line, thinking about Ben.

rit.

∑

GEMMA

∑

U ‰

œ J Don't

˙ home.

2 27–28

œ œ œ send him

U ∑

121

I'd Never Be Me Without You

(Phil, Pam) CUE: PHIL: What are you on about?! This show means everything to me.... You mean everytthing to me.... PAM: Go on... [GO] PHIL: No-one comes close to you Pam.... PAM clears her throat PHIL: Sorry - Dame Pam!

Light swing q = 130 ~q=130

PHIL

b 4 #b b4 ‰

‰ # œj

1–3

The

q = 133

bbb

œ #œ œ

‰ œj œ # œ œ œ Œ

bark to my bite,

the string to my kite.

b #b b œ œ œ

I'd

ne - ver be me with - out

buck to my bang,

the

yin to my yang,

I'd

ne - ver be me

‰ œj

you.

The

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ n œj œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ ‰ Œ

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ n œ

with - out

you!

q = 135

bbb œ n œ œ If

œ ‰ œ

œ bœ J œ

b œ ‰ œ œ # b b œ nœ œ J Tie us both up

bbb

I were Rich - ard then you'd be

and we're

Ju - dy.

‰ œj œ # œ œ œ Œ

Kit to my Kat,

the

œ œ œ œ Ó

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ n œ

hi to my hat

‰ œj

Jack in my box,

the

I'd

ne - ver be me

œ œ œ œ Œ holes in my socks,

‰ n œj the

œ œ J

I - ma - gine Christ - mas with - out

the tree,

‰ œj

œ nœ J

œ J

You

are

the

‰ œj

with - out

you.

The

œ œ œ œ

œ œ J

œ J

pan - da

who chews my bam - boo.

b #b b ˙

don't you ag - ree?

b #b b œ œ œ

œ bœ J

You're op - ti - mis - tic, but I'm just mood - y.

Sting and Tru - die,

q = 138

œ #œ œ

œ nœ œ œ ‰ œ

‰ Œ

œ œ3 œ

œ 3œ œ

San - ta would have a

to -

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You

122 32

b ˙ #b b

do!

bœ

nœ #œ œ

ba - by

it's

bœ œ nœ œ ‰ œJ œ

œ œ ‰ ‰ œ J J true.

I'd

ne - ver be me

with - out

PAM: Then why was I forced to open the Lutterworth Lidl by myself? PHIL: Because - it clashed with Car Fest... and you know I love me cars! PAM: Well you’re not some Big Hot Shot by yourself I’ll have you know.

b ˙ #b b

35A–35G

you!

PHIL: Oh no? PAM: I’m the one who gives this partnership some class*! [*Southern vowels] PHIL: Class. [*Northern vowels] PAM: CLASS! 36

bbb

PAM

‰

35H–35J

j #œ

The

q = 139

œ #œ œ

j‰ ‰ j j‰ ‰ j œ#œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ

knot in your tie,

# œ œ œ

the sty in your eye,

Œ œ

frog in your throat

# œ

You'd ne - ver be you with - out

The

j ‰ #œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ

Where would a gin

be with - out

its

ton - ic?

su - gar

‰ j œ

me.

j‰ ‰ j j ‰ j j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ # œ œ œ The leak in your boat

The

to sweet - en your tea.

j ‰ œ # œ œ œ ‰ œ œ n œ œ œj œ Why did the Kran - kies

be - come

Œ bœ nœ œ

° # & œ # œ œ œ ‰ œj œ

#œ œ œ œ

œ #œ œ œ Ó

Who waves the stick

Phil - har - mon - ic?

Darl - ing, it's me!

i - con - ic?

¢#

in your

You are the PHIL

∑

bbbb

Œ ¿ ‰ ¿ ‰ Œ Ó J J Damn

right!

bbbb

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You

123

PAM

bbbb

q = 140

œ nœ œ

‰

wax in my ear,

° bb b & b ˙

j œ

œ nœ œ œ

the

pain in my rear...

j œ

œ œ œ

The

ache in my heart,

‰

j œ

œ œ œ œ

I'd

ne - ver be me

j œ bœ with - out

‰

you! PHIL

bb ‰ œ b # ¢ b

œ œ œ œ œ J

I'd ne - ver be

° bb b & b œ œ œ

‰

Œ j œ œ œ œ œ

the

jam in my tart,

‰ œj œ œ

me.

Don't ya

œ œ œ œ with - out

see.

side

me,

dear

me,

dear

j œ

With - out

you

stand - ing

be -

œ œ J

œ J

With - out

you

stand - ing

be -

œ œ ‰ œj

Pam - my. 3

œ n 3œ b œ

Chal - len - ging my point of

nœ

44 œ n œ œ œ œ™

do!

You

know that it's true,

bbb 2 Œ b 4 # ¢

nœ

44 b œ n œ œ œ œ ™

You

know that it's true,

j œ nœ

Chal - len - ging my point of

j œ

œ 3

° bb b 2 ¿ & b 4

You and me.

‰

shrew.

b b nœ ¢# b b

side

‰ œ œ œ J

tru - chi - o

° bb b & b œ

‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ 42 J

view!

You real - ly

nœ

view!

¿ ‰ Œ J don't!

j œ nœ #œ #œ œ œ œ bœ

b˙

I'd

you!

ne - ver be

with - out

œ nœ œ œ œ ‰ œ bœ J J

I'd

you!

ne - ver be

with - out

˙ ˙

71 q = 144

j bbbb œ ‰

And though you

bb b n œ ‰ œ ¢# b J

j nœ Pe -

bb ¢# b b œ

‰

And though you

b˙

drive

cra - zy I'll

al - ways

love

you

b˙

œ œ œ œ œ

b˙

drive

cra - zy I'll

love

you

œ œ œ œ œ

al - ways

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You

124

bb &b b œ

dear - ly.

bbbb œ # ¢

nœ

Ó œ nœ œ œ

You're

daft as

a brush!

œ n œ œ œ œJ ‰ Œ

dear - ly.

° bb b & b

Well

you're an old

lush!

œ like

drink with

bbb b # ¢

lunch! So

pop

the

pop

the

∑

° bb b ˙ & b

bbb b˙ b # ¢ part

ner's

for!

n˙

ner's

for!

œ œ

cork

and

pour, cos that's what a

nœ

cork

and

pour, cos that's what a

‰ n œj

œ nœ œ œ œ

The

chalk to my cheese!

° bb b & b œ œ œ œ œ

œ nœ œ œ œ

King to my Queen!

Tor - vill and Dean!

nœ

œ #œ œ œ œ

Tor - vill and Dean!

bbb Ó b # ¢

91A

I'll

be the scon to your

œ The

œ #œ œ œ œ

The

bees to my knees!

j ‰ Œ j nœ œ œ œ #œ #œ The

Yes

j œ œ nœ sword

### C

scone!

in my stone.

be the scon to your

‰

Or the

#œ nœ œ œ ™

I'll

dog to my bone.

3 3 #œ nœ œ œ œ nœ #œ #w J

Dance Break (in 2) h = 105~swing

### C

‰

3 ‰ œj # œ œ œ œ # œ n œ

Yes

bb ¢# b b œ

œ œ œ œ œ

q = 146

° bb b Ó & b

œ œ œ œ œ

part

scone!

####

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You

125

91I [Cook-oﬀ] spoon [PAM] into bowl

cracks egg

# # # # Y~~~~~~~ Y ~~ # # ææ

¿ù Œ

throws rolling pin

lifts bowl

####

Più mosso

∑

91P

∑

∑ 91S

∑

91T

molto rit.

PAM

∑

91U–91V

¢#

####

PHIL

° bb 4 & b 4 œ #œ œ

∑

the creak in my hips,

I'd

ne - ver be

with - out

the creak in my hips,

I'd

ne - ver be

with - out

q = 125

‰ Œ

you!

The

nœ nœ œ œ œ œ bœ œ j j ‰ ‰ œ œ # œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ J œ œ

™

b b b 44

poco accel.

ﬁsh to my chips,

b œ b # ¢ b

j j ‰ ‰ œj œ # œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ n œ œ œ

ﬁsh to my chips,

° bb & b œ™

Kickline q = 116

b b b 44 œ # œ œ # ¢

b b b 44

The

91W

Bowl catch

91R

° #### & #

catches it

THROW

91Q

91L

91O

91N

spins it

[PHIL] throws dough up

Slam

¿Ä

catches it

91K

91J

pulls rolling pin [PHIL] out shells rolls

¿.

SWIRL turns around

[PAM] throws 91M bowl

# ## # # # ¿

whisk

‰ Œ

‰ œj

œ œ œ

j j ‰ ‰ œ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ n œ

song with - out

words

sky with no

‰ œj

œ œ œ

j j ‰ ‰ œ œ œ

#œ œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ J

song with - out

words.

sky with no

birds.

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You

126 99

101 q = 130

poco accel.

° bb œ œ ‰ œ œ & b J darl - ing,

œ œ œ

just would - n't

° bb n œ & b

‰

do!

b b œ œ ‰ œJ œ n œ œ œ b # ¢ darl - ing,

j œ

We've

stuck

We've

stuck

‰ œj

just would - n't

do!

œ nœ bœ

One

and

one

al - ways makes

One

and

one

al - ways makes

œ œ œ -

ge - ther

œ nœ œ -

ge - ther

102

thick and

b œ ¢# b b

thin,

thick and

° bb n œ ™ & b

thin,

nœ two!

˙™

two!

106

105

¢#

œ œ J

™ bbb ˙

° bb ˙ & b

∑

#œ

œ # 3œ œ

dar - ling it's

#œ

œ #œ œ ˙

I'll

al - ways be

∑

˙™

‰

b #b b Ó

j œ œ

And I'd

‰ œ œ J And I'd

° bb Œ & b 113

˙ ™ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ˙ ™ you!

b ¢# b b Œ

˙ ™ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ˙ ™ you!

j œ ‰ Œ

ne - ver

œ ‰ Œ J

ne - ver

‰

‰ œ J I'd

‰ œj œj ‰

with - out

‰ œJ œJ ‰ with - out

j b œ œ œ œ ‰ œj œj ‰ œ I'd

here!

clear

109

through

j œ œ™

through

ne - ver be me

with - out

bœ œ œ œ

œ ‰ œJ J ‰

ne - ver be me

with - out

j ‰ Œ œ you!

œ ‰ Œ J you!

127

I'd Never Be Me Without You (Reprise)

17A

(Ben, Gemma) CUE: SEGUE from No. 17

Light Swing q = 100

b 4 &b b4

∑

BEN

∑

‰

B–D

j nnn #œ The

j œ

" BOTH j j œ # œ œ œ ‰ ¿J ‰ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œ n œ

The

ski

LILY

& œ #œ œ

‰

soap on my rope

to my

slope Whoosh!

LILY

& œj ‰ Œ

BEN

‰ œj

you.

I'd

œ œ œ

The

beef in

Œ œ

my stew,

‰ œj The

ne - ver be

with - out

BOTH

j ‰ ‰ j œ œ œ œ œ #œ gum on my

shoe,

The

GEMMA enters, beautifully dressed - her conﬁdence blooming. She watches LILY and BEN. LILY: Go Dad! LILY high ﬁves BEN LILY: Good luck Gemma! BEN spots GEMMA looking incredible. BEN: Gemma. You look... You look...

rit.

10 3

& œ œ œ œ œ œ some - one

al - ways look

˙ to...

∑

10–14

DEAD SEGUE

128

e Semi-Final

(Semi-ﬁnalists, Jim, Kim, Pam, Phil) CUE: SEGUE from No. 17A

KIM: Welcome Bakers to the semi ﬁnal. JIM: With only one week to go before our grand series ﬁnale, this is your last chance to prove that you know how to prove.

q = 86

b 4° & b b b 4 ¢™™

™™ ü ‰ † 3

BAKERS

œ œ œ

‰

œ œ œ

1–2 Time is tick - ing,

and I'm fret - ting,

JIM: Yes it's the big one - bread week! Otherwise known as... dread week!

b & b bb ‰

œ œ œ

On - ly one week

the

ﬁ - nal.

5–6

Thunderclaps! PAM / PHIL

BAKERS

bbbb ‰

‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ Will I make it?

Bet - ter make it.

Got - ta make it

-œ -œ -œ -œ -œ

JIM

j œ œ œ œ

bbbb ‰ œ

who'll be go - ing home?

j œ œ

Who

will rise,

and

to the ﬁ - nal?

KIM: Nooo, that's Squid Game. JIM: Oh yeah... Just... BAKE... [GO ON]

rit. 10

‰ œ

w -œ -œ -œ U

If you fail the chal - lenge, you will

U ∑

b 22

die!

JIM: For your signature challenge we’re asking you to make a focaccia of your face!

14 With energy h = 98

2 &b2 °

&b Œ

14–17

17A–17B

GEMMA

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Did I real - ly, did I

œ œ Œ

mean to, did

we...

∑

kiss? IZZY / BEN / HASSAN

¢& b

∑

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

Got - ta make

the ﬁ -

18. The Semi-Final

GEMMA

&b Œ

129

j œ œ ‰ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

∑

Nei - ther one of us ar - rived ex - pect - ing this! IZZY

&b œ

∑

nal!

œ œ

Don't send me home! BEN / HASSAN

¢#

∑

Don't send me

° b Œ & 26

œ œ œ ‰ œj œ œ Do you think

j œ ‰ œj œ œ Œ ‰ œ œ

he thinks I've crossed a

line?

j œ œ œj œj œ œj

œ œ

Per - haps he's an

gry, or

he's ﬁne.

&b w

∑

ww b # ¢

˙˙

∑

home!

32A

& b œj ‰ œ œ œ

‰ œj

I was just

test

32B

Push on h = 105

&b œ Now

ing

I'm caught, I've

the wa - ter,

but he's got

a nine - year old daugh - ter

bbbbbb w

o - ver - thought, but

there,

˙™

œ œ œ œ œ

where's the girl

found

her...

œ œ œ œ œ

Some - where in

know,

2 41–42

the dough,

j œ œ œ œ™

May - be

b & b bbbb Ó

j œ œ

œ œ

œ bœ

j œ œ

œ œ œ

32C

b ™ & b bbbb ˙

j œ œ

have

18. The Semi-Final

130

JIM: Gemma!! GEMMA realises she has let the salt pour into her bowl for too long and stops it. GEMMA: Oh God... IZZY: Oops - butter ﬁngers..!

4 43–46 GEMMA: I'll have to start again.... h-h-how long’s left? KIM: 5 minutes to go... GEMMA: Oh crap...

PAM / PHIL

‰

j œ œ

47–49

j œ™ œ

stu - pid move from

Gem - ma!

# bœ ra

ther

the

Ben' s face

# œ

What a

Hassan' s face

n >œ

œ #œ

ter - ri - ble

lem - ma

Izzy' s face

#œ

ve - ry

‰ j œ nœ nœ

mis - take.

j œ™ #œ

œ b >œ

œ œ #œ

It po - ses

But

still

60A

U ∑

œ #œ

comes down

the

bbbbbbb

∑

bake!

KIM: For this week’s technical we’re asking you to make a Pan de Rosca..

Keep driving...

b & b bbbbb

4 62–65

° bb b b Œ & bbb 66

PAM / PHIL

œ œ Œ

œ œ œ œ

It's the tough - est

tech - ni - cal

œ nœ œ œ

œ Œ

that we've ev - er

set.

KIM / JIM

bbb ¢& b b b b

∑

œ œ

œ œœ œ œ œ

That they've ev - er

18. The Semi-Final

° b b b b Œ PHIL œ œ œ & bbb

Tak - ing you

Ur - a - guay

bbb œ ¢& b b b b œ

131 PAM

œ nœ œ

You can bet

it's

bag - uette!

∑

set!

° bb b b Œ & bbb 74

PAM / PHIL

œ œ œ

It's the Pan

Ros - ca:

∑

A chal - len - ging bread! KIM JIM

bbb b b & bb ¢

PAM

œ œ Œ Œ œ œ 3

Œ Œ œ œ œœ œœ œ œ

∑

Let's

˙˙

A chal - len - ging bread!

79A PHIL

79B œ. œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ Œ J J

b & b bbbbb œ œ œ œ œ œ see which one

œ j j œ œ œ œ

of you

will get

a - head! ah

80A Più mosso h = 100

BAKERS

IZZY: Pan de Rosca...

80C (soft, almost whispered) 80D

b & b bbbbb

œ œ œ

Got - ta make

the

ﬁn - al.

IZZY laughs nervously, looking around at the other contestants’ reaction. IZZY: Of course I’ve heard of that... Who hasn’t?!

80E

4 80E–80H

80I

IZZY

80J

œ œ œ œ ‰ œ Ob - vi - ous - ly

80L

‰

j œ

80K

should

j œ œ

œ œ œ œ ob - vi - ous - ly

‰

j œ œ I

don't

œ œ œ œ

have known the tech - ni - cal.

But

80N Push on h = 104 80O

80M

œ There'll

œ be

œ œ

L - A.

18. The Semi-Final

132 80P

& 81

& 85

80Q

œ œ œ

I'll

ne - ver get

meme

GIF

œ œ

take - a - way.

that

œ œ Œ

du - et

‰ œj œ

œ œ œ

And

I'll

ne - ver get

with Seal.

‰ j œ

œ œ

laugh - ing stock.

œ™

j œ

cook book deal.

I'll

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

ne - ver o - ccured to me

# w

ev - er that I would - n't

3 90–92

win!

j œ œ

GEMMA: Izzy? What’s wrong? IZZY: Just leave me alone, Gemma. GEMMA: Just read it through - slowly...

œ™

peop - ple mock.

œ œ œ œ œ œ

80S

I'll

ne - ver re - cord a

80R

IZZY: I don't need help from you. GEMMA: Sorry?

95A

∑

IZZY

∑

≈

94–95

b b b b 44 œ n œ œ

Well from the

97 Slower q = 92

b 4 & b bb 4 œ

GEMMA: What plan?

œ œ œ œ

œ œ

mom - ent you came

œ™

‰

œ œ

here

œ œ œ œ

it was clear you had

your

œ œ plan.

bb2 &b b 4 Œ

≈

4 œ 4 œ

œ œ

You've been through

quite

3 4 œ œ œ4 œ

œ œ œ œ the

trans - for

œ™

œ œ -

tion,

101

3 bb2 &b b 4 œ œ œ

Eve - 'ry - on'es such a big

104

fan.

swan.

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™ ‰ œj 42

Oh Gem - ma, we've

b 2 4 & b bb 4 œ œ œ œ œ œ 4 œ Œ duck - ling that turns to a

‰ œJ

all

seen

it,

the

3 3 3 3 b ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™œ bb œ œ œ

The

in - no - cent un - der - dog ﬁ - na - lly goes to the

18. The Semi-Final IZZY: It’s going to make great TV. Not to mention you and Ben...

107

Half time feel

bbb

GEMMA: I don’t know what you mean…

U ∑

111

133

∑

KIM / JIM

U Ó

≈

They set

prom.

113

bbb

œ œ œ a

q = 98

ra - ther

trick - y

‰

œ™

chal - lenge,

j œ

took them

sur - prise.

¿ ¿™

≈

œ œ œ But who is

115

b & b b bœ

lag - ging

and

œ™

who's gain - ing?

Jud - ges!

Cut

117 Faster q = 124

PAM (to Gemma)

Fourth!

size!

122 q = 126

them down

121

PHIL (to Izzy)

bbb œ

œ™

PHIL (to Ben)

Third!

Second!

HASSAN [‘of course’]

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿™ ¿

Lu - cky T - shirt, duh!

JIM: And now for our semi-ﬁnal showstopper! A bread landscape inspired by your favourite artist...

122–124

125

&b ‰

BAKERS

œ œ œ

‰

œ œ œ

Time is tick - ing

‰

and I'm sweat - ing

œ œ œ

And I'm so

the

ﬁ - nal!

PAM: So Hassan. Tell us about your “Banksy Brioche.”

bbbbbb

127–128

° bb b b ‰ & bb 129

GEMMA / BEN / IZZY

œ œ œ Is

bbb ¢& b b b

‰

it rea - dy?

œ œ œ

‰

Is it brea - dy?

∑

œ œ œ

It's a bru - tal

se - mi

ﬁ - nal! HASSAN

‰

¿ ¿ I just

18. The Semi-Final

134 131

¿™

bowl,

yeah,

throw

bowl,

it's

gon - na

look

con

crete

with

mas - sive

bb & b b bb ¿ throw

132

b & b bbbb ¿

LILY

° b b b b Relaxed œ & bb Œ 133

¿ hole!

BEN: We’re right in the middle of ﬁlming...

Hey,

∑

Dad! BEN

bbb ¢& b b b Ó 135

b & b bbbb ‰

j ¿

you!

‰

∑

j œ

just

wan

ted

try Mum's bread like I

œ œ œ

œ œ™

al - ways

do.

BEN: I’ll get disqualiﬁed...

137

b & b bbbb ‰

œ J

No,

Lils,

you

œ œ œ œ œ œ

know you're not

∑

al - lowed! LILY: This isn’t Mum’s... BEN: Well...

(LILY tastes the mixture)

° bb b b ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ & bb

molto rit. 141

139

I just want a bite

be - cause I'm

œ œ œ œj ‰ Ó

∑

proud. BEN

bb b b ¢& b b

∑

‰

j œ It's

142 Colla voce

LILY

bb & b b bb

∑

‰

¿ J

But, why? 3 3 3 3 b b b b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ b œ œ œ œ œ ¢& b

kind of the same, but

al - tered the ﬂa - vours a

j œ ‰ bit...

3 j œ œ œ œ

Cos ear - li - er

18. The Semi-Final

144

bb & b b bb

LILY

Œ™

∑

Gem - ma sug - ges - ted that co - co - nut might be

¿ J

She

did?

Œ 3

j œ ‰

b b b b œ 3œ œ œ 3œ œ œ 3œ œ œ 3œ œ b ¢& b ° bb b b & bb

135

3 j œ œ œ œ

hit.

And once you get

LILY

146

∑

‰

###

œ œ œ œ œ But I don't un - der -

b b b b œ 3œ œ b ¢& b

œ 3 œ œ œ3 J

j œ ‰

œ œ œ œ

###

used to the change, I pro - mise you'll sa - vour each crumb.

148

###

BEN: No Lily, of course not... No-one could ever replace your Mum. IZZY: Ouch... (GO ON)

Freely

3 3 ‰ ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ # œ œ

stand.

U Ó

Is Gem - ma going to be my new Mum? GEMMA goes back to her bench, upset, and shaken. She picks up the blow torch for her ﬁnal bake.

151

152 Tempo q = 120

###

∑

° ### ‰ œj & œ œ œ œ œ œ

GEMMA

155

should

156

re - ady, ex - ci

###

ted,

Cham

œ œ œ œ œ

œ #œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

ping at the bit,

to be

cho - sen, in - vi

IZZY BEN

w Ah

¢#

###

HASSAN

∑

w Ah

ted

‰ œj On -

18. The Semi-Final

136 159 ° ### & œ œ œ œ œ to such a

## & # # œœ ™™

œ œ

hit.

I should

j # œœ œœ

j nœ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ

ne - ver have come,

let

I've

j œ œ down

n ww

œœ

j œ œ

œ œ

my Mum, Gem - ma

œœ ™™

j œœ ˙˙

œ™

œ ˙ J

∑

b b b b b b 78

∑

b b b b b b 78

∑

b b b b b b 78

∑

¢#

### ˙ ™

# w

° # bœ & œ œ œ œJ œ 162

get

to - ge

# Ó

rit.

nœ J

œ œ J

It’s

now

œ J

œ œ J

It’s

now

œ J

œ œ J

It’s

now

ther,

‰

œ #œ J or

ver!

œ #œ J or

ver!

ALL

¢#

# Ó

165

‰

ver!

168 Furiously q = 143

Broadly - Roaring

b 7 & b bbbb 8

œ #œ J

∑

165–167 171

b 2 & b bbbb 4

n n n n n n 44

∑

176

4 &4

∑

FIRE EXTINGUISHER BLAST

182 AND LONG SCENE

U ∑

& 184 Broadly

b & b bbbb

∑

œ™ œ œ œ ™ œ œ‰ œ œ J

∑ 3

œ œ

[CUE] JIM: Anyone know who that is?

∑ rit.

184–186

187–188

bbbbbb

137

Babs’ Lament

CUE: BABS: You said it! PHIL: Said what....? Phil leaves. [GO]

(Babs)

Recitative BABS

b 4 & b bbb 4 Œ

‰ j œ œ œ œ

[Starts bar 11]

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

see him there,

loo - king so

‰ j œ œ œ œ

‰ j œ

Don't mean to stare,

but

da - pper and ﬁne.

b & b bbb œ œ œ 3

‰

j bœ œ

knew

how much my

œ™

j œ

œ™

œ œ

his...

That

bliss

gawd, if those blue eyes were mine.

b & b bbb

-œ ™ œ œ œ 3

œ bœ œ bo - dy

just yearns to

j œ

en - twine

with

wish

U 3 ‰ ‰

bbbb

b œ

yeas - ty

brea - dy

œ œ

####

j œ œ œ bœ That

kiss...

blue eyed

q = 100 # # # # Light swing Œ Œ ‰ j ‰ & # œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ba - ker.

Sends shi - vers down my spine.

œ œ œ œ

That

‰

j œ

blue eyed ba - ker.

His

## & # ##

‰

nœ œ œ œ œ œ stru-del is su - blime.

####

j œ œ œ Œ n œ # œ œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ #œ I - ma - gine us in Step - ney eat - ing

¿ ¿ ¿

take me to

the

nœ

and

ban - gers and mash!

splash - in'

his

cash.

œ œ œ

‰

j ¿ He'd

3 j #œ œ œ œ

That

blue eyed

####

q = 110

‰

ba - ker.

He's

## & # ##

j œ

‰™ r œ™ œ œ œ œ œ

hand - y

with a spoon.

‰

j œ

œ œ œ

That

blue eyed

œ™ œ œ ba - ker.

No wo - man

j ‰ ‰ j œ œ œ

is i - mmune.

œ œ œ

know I'm be - ing si - lly and it

19. Babs' Lament

138 33

####

œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ J ne - ver could be.

So there'll be

blue

eyed

ba - ker

nœ œ and

She’s about to leave when she has a new idea. BABS: But still, a girl can dream, eh?

## & # ##

œ™

nœ œ ˙

‰

j œ

37–38

me.

I -

## & # ##

œ œ œ œ™

œ œ™ œ œ œ

ma - gine us both,

we'd live on the coast.

He'd make

## & # ## Œ

œ™ Fri

####

‰™ day.

j œ

≈

nœ

#œ

Sun - day

roast

a...

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿™ 3

¿ R

œ œ -

¿ ¿ J

ve - ry own Na

‰

j nœ

ked Chef!

He's 3

#œ œ œ

car - ing and kind,

r œ œ œ œ œ

and he does - n't mind

in - sist

the

gra - vy's

made

#### Œ & #

way!

j œ

nœ

‰

j œ

ba - nish

the

Bis

to!

We'd

‰

## & # # # œ œ œ œ œJ œ

j œ

œ œ œ œ œ

drive in his

all

ov - er the town.

j œ

j œ œ œ œ œ œ

Our

life would be

‰ œj

œ œ œ œ œ J œ

j nœ

it's not cloud - y

we'll

j œ

j œ œ œ œ œ œ

j œ

he'd

feed me gri - ssi

and

And

## & # ## #œ œ œ

‰

œ œ

'ave the top down!

####

drea - my,

3 j ‰ # œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ nœ œ œ

if I'm real - ly luck - y

he might ﬁll my

pa - ni

ni,

nnnn

œ nœ œ nœ œ

ni!

blue eyed

& œ œ Œ ba - ker.

‰ œj The

œ œ œœ œ œ œ œœ œ

œ™ œ œ

man that

grea - ter.

I a - dore, there's

no one

‰

j œ My

19. Babs' Lament 60

hus - band num - ber four

cos

& œ™

j œ bœ ™

j œ œ nœ œ

had

e - nough

j œ

fter Bill,

œ nœ œ œ Œ

and

Bar - ry

I've

‰ œj œ

œ œ

Phil

is like

Œ nœ

men who are odd.

But

and Todd

œ bœ œ bœ Œ

I'll

A - phro

bœ

te.

bœ

Where's my

b b b b b b œj œ™

the

see - through

‰ œj

ov - en!

nigh

ty?

j œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œœ œ

Turn

on my pi - lot light,

Tempo

b & b bbbb œ œ œ Œ

b˙

bœ

72 Take it home!

3 j bœ bœ œ œ

rit.

So ﬁre

and

Swung again

bœ

& œ™

an Ath - en - i - an God

Straight 8ths

& bœ 71

j œ bœ ™

œ™

& œ œ œ œ œ

139

‰ ¿ J

lov -'in

I'm

here for

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ

‰

We'll make bread ev - 'ry night

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ I

lit - tle wob - bly at the

b & b bbbb

‰

œ œ œ œ œ sound of his name,

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ my

‰

œ œ

œ œ œ

ther - mo - stat's ex - plo - ded, he's ig - ni - ted my ﬂame!

j œ And

b & b bbbb

œ œ œ œ

œ œ

if his bri - oche ri - ses then we'll

4 œ 4 Œ

know who

blame!

‰ œj

bœ œ Œ

Phi - lip

you

can shake my

cru - et!

‰ œ

j nœ

Grab the

b & b bbbb œ bœ

œ œ Œ

cheese and let's

fon - due it,

œ œ™ J

e - ven

eat

su - et.

b & b bbbb œ 92

b & b bbbb œ

œ™

saw

the

blue

eyed

‰ œJ œ

œ œ ˙ me!

‰ œ

Ó ˙

j œ

And he'll

‰ œ

j œ

see!

ker

and

bb & b b bb œ

œ œ œ ˙™

Wait and

œ ˙ J

U w

∑ SEGUE

140

Babs' Reprise Into Blackpool

19A

(Babs) CUE: SEGUE from No. 19

Still swung q = 140 1

b 4U & b bbbb 4 Ó

BABS

œ œ

But it's

ne - ver

j œ œ™

go - nna

ha - ppen.

œ œ

There will

Stru - del

‰ œ

œ J

b & b b b b b b œj œ ™

œ œ

œ œ™ J

but it's

nice

have

cra - ckin'

nœ bœ

No there'll be

blue

eyed

ba - ker

sla - ppin'

fan - ta - sy.

b & b bbbb Ó 13

q = 100

U ‰ œj w for

me.

Straight q = 110

b & b bbbb

∑

bbb

13–15

q = 126

bbb

bbbbbb

4 17–20

Cut oﬀ on " Surprise!"

rit.

bb & b b bb

21–25

26–27

TIME

141

Rise

(Gemma) [CUE] LILY: Come on everyone. This is what they call serious third wheeling. [GO]

BEN: Gemma... GEMMA: No please, Ben, you don’t have to say anything. I should never have told you what to do... With your bakes. Your wife’s bakes.

Very free h = 70 1

b2 &b 2 Œ

ww w

wœ w

w˙ w

GEMMA: (cont) Changing the recipe... It wasn’t my business. I interfered and that was wrong. And that was never my intention - and....

ww w

wœ w

w˙ ˙

˙˙

j œ œ

BEN kisses her.

U b ww

BEN leaves.

U b ww

Colla voce 12

U bb Œ

GEMMA

j œ œ

‰ j j œ œ œ

ding

from?

The girl I

j‰ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

j œ œ

Why have I

been so

b j &b œ ‰ œ œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

What have I

been hi

‰ j j œ œ œ

was?

j j œ œ œ

j œ

The girl I

used

be?

j j œ œ œ

j œ œ™

af - raid

j j œ œ œ

j œ œ™

ev - ery - thing

when I could just

‰ œj œ œ œ

j œ bœ

All the things in life

j œ œ

I missed.

j œ nœ œ œ

It's not en - ough to just

j œ me?

j œ œ™

ex - ist.

b &b œ œ œ œ œ œ al - ways won - dered how,

Œ ‰ j œ œ œ œ œ œ but

ne - ver knew

'till

j œ œ™ ˙ now

œ œ œ What if I

j œ I

20. Rise

142 29

Tempo b b Ó

j œ

œ™

˙™

‰

œ œ

rise?

j œ œ

Breathe in

œ œ

and count

œ œ œ

to ten.

Yes if

b &b Ó

j œ

œ™

rise

j œ œ™

œ œ œ

I'll

ne - ver sink

a - gain.

œ œ bœ If

I could

b &b Ó

j œ

œ™

œ bœ œ œ

j œ œ™

and

take

ne - ver

rise

the path

œ œ bœ œ took

be - fore.

‰

œ™

‰

j œ œ I'd

œ b˙™

œ bœ

sure.

Give me

the

b &b œ

œ œ œ bœ œ

re - ci - pe

ﬁn

œ œ œ bœ œ

ally cut

the ties.

Let

accel.

q = 154

b &b w

51–53

54–55

rise.

A tempo q = 167

b &b Œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

Add a splash of con

j ‰ j j j j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ -

ﬁ - dence,

‰ j œ œ

and chop a - way

the fear

œ œ œj œ œj of no

con - trol.

j ‰ œ œ œ œ

Melt a - way

the

voice

your

j œ œ

j j œ œ œ

j œ

in - side,

and

be em - pow - ered

j œ ‰ œ œ œ

œ œ

j œ œ

‰

b & b œj œ

j œ

j œ œ

œ œ

j j œ œ œ mix

ing

j œ bowl.

Can't be - lieve

j œ bœ

j œ Ó

ver

thought

20. Rise

143

b &b Œ

œ œ œ

œ œ

j œ bœ

j œ œ

‰ œj nœ

#œ œ Œ

I would cut

this

ney

short.

The

e - vent

jour

b & b nœ #œ œ Œ side

in -

poco rit.

main

####

j œ

‰ œj n œ # œ œ œj # œ

the tent

will

ﬁn - a - lly

j œ

####

Œ nœ #œ #œ

me!

j œ

‰

They'll see me

A tempo

# Ó

œ™

rise

j œ œ œ œ

j œ

j ‰ Œ œ

Turn

up the hi - ghest

heat.

œ œ œ Yes if

## & # ## Ó

j œ

œ™

rise

j œ œ

œ œ œ

I'll

be the one

to beat.

‰ œ œ nœ So when I

# & # Ó

œ™

j #œ

Œ #œ

#œ

œ œ œ

and

bake

the path

rise

# # wp

j œ œ™

soar!

See

œ™ œ œ

œ œ

should have baked

be - fore

#œ

j œ œ™

&b œ

˙™

‰ œJ

œ œ J

I'll

ne - ver

rise

j œ

come back

j œ ‰ œ

j œ œ™

will

down.

&b w

rise

&b œ

‰ œJ

œ œ J

and come out

˙™ rise

Œ œ œ in

gol - den

j œ brown.

œ œ œ œ J

mixt - ure spla - ttered

œœœœ œ

j œ œ ‰

œ J crown

When

will

20. Rise

144

101

&b œ œ œ œ œ prove that

104

œ œ much be

j œ œ

‰ œ

tter

than

the

wo - man that

œ œ

œ œ œ œ I

was

be - fore.

&b œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

Fo - llow the

œ œ ‰ ‰ œ œ -

ci - pe

and

you

œ œ œ

can

the

cut

109 107

rit.

& b œJ œ ™

A tempo

Watch

rise!

112

rit.

&b ˙

Watch

œ Watch

rise!

117

U ˙ ™ w ~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ œ ~~ rise!

∑

œ ties.

145

e Mel To My Sue / e Final ree

20B

(Underscore / Kim, Pam, Jim, Phil)

CUE: KIM: It’s time to step outside for our annual garden party, where our winner will be unveiled... [GO]

JIM: Well... that’s it... Another one bites the dust. KIM: What are you oﬀ to do next? JIM: The Great British Paint Oﬀ. Literally, paint drying.

Swung q = 138

4 & 4 ‰ ‰ # œJ

œ #œ œ

œ œ œ

œ ‰ J

˙™

œ ˙

‰ œj œ œ œ œ ™ J

œ ˙

KIM: Still - same time next year? JIM: Actually Kim. This is going to be my last series... I didn't know how to tell you before so I kept it a secret.

3 j œ™ œ #œ œ œ œ œ œ œ #œ œ œ ˙ œ œ œ œ #œ œœ œ œ n œ # œ œ ™ nœ#œ

œ™

q = 100

nœ #œ œ

œ ˙

&w n# wœ # œ œ œ œ

∏∏∏∏

n b œœœ nœ

n œœ œœ

KIM: Jim...oh my god...

œ œ J

œ œ œ œ ˙

œœœ b œœœ œ œ

KIM

‰ n œj b b b b b

The

q = 100 JIM: Who?

bbbb

U j j Œ ‰ œ b œ nœ œ œ nœ œ Œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ bœ œ œ

Straight

sock to my shoe,

you.

KIM

q = 120

b & b bbb

the Mel to my Sue.

I'd

ne - ver be me

œ Œ Ó

with - out

JIM: Only joking, Kim! Your face! See you next year!

rit.

3 17–19

∑

bbbbbb

20B. The Mel To My Sue / The Final Three

146

q = 140

° bb b b Œ & bb 21

S/A

œœ œœ œœ ˙˙ ™ ™

˙˙

œœ œœ œœ ˙˙

˙˙

b b b 44

42 ∑

44 œœ

œœ œœ œœ

2 œœ 4

˙˙

Ah! Ah! T/B

bbb Œ b # ¢ bb

˙™

n˙

Ah!

With a pulse KIM PAM p

° bb 4 & b 4 œœ 25

œœ œœ œœ

the be - ginn - ing

JIM / PHIL p

b 4 ¢# b b 4 œ

œ œ œ

there

came

bb 2 œ ™ b 4 # ¢ came

œj 44 ˙ ˙ œJ to

bake

° bb b b 4 œ œ œ œ œ & bb 4 œ œ œ œ œ

eight.

Ner - vous con - test - ants

œ 44 œ Œ Ó J

42 ∑

there

were

œœ

œœ œ œ ™ œ œ™

j œj œ ™ œœ œJ œ ™ J

And

one

they top - pled!

œ œ œ™

j œ œJ œ ™

And

one

they top - pled!

42 œœ œœ œœ 44 ww

42 Œ

44 œ

eight.

œ œ œ

œ 42

Ner - vous con - test - ants

33A

bake

œ 44 ˙ J to

were

œ 42 œ ™

the be - ginn - ing

° bb 2 & b 4 œœ ™™

j œœ 44 œœ Œ Ó J

2 œœ 4 œœ ™™

one

œœ Œ

∑

b b b b b b 44

∑

b b b b b b 44

œœ

44 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

stand and be - hold our

44 œ œ œ œ œ

stand and be - hold our

Now we in - vite the

ﬁ

bbb b 4 œ œ œ œ œ b # b 4 ¢

42 œ

Now we in - vite the

ﬁ

nal

three

œ œ 44 w -

nal

three

42 Œ

42 42

20B. The Mel To My Sue / The Final Three

° bb b b 2 œ ™ & b b 4 œ™ 39

b b b 2 œ™ ¢# b b b 4 fa

KIM / JIM

j œœ 44 n ˙˙ J -

mous

tro

mous

tro

42 Œ

˙˙ -

œ 4 b ˙˙ J 4 -

phy!

n˙ -

44 œ

But

who

œ œ

will be crowned the

∑

JIM: Gemma from Blackpool...

œ™ œ™

phy!

KIM: Our three fantastic ﬁnalists:

b & b bbbb

147

∑

œœ J

œ œ

w w œ ‰ J

œ Œ

star?

KIM: Ben from Bristol. JIM: And ﬁnally Hassan –

JIM: A student from Syria, now living in Wembley. [GO ON]

b ™ & b b b b b ˙˙ ™

œ œ ‰ J

œ œ œ Œ

œ™ œ™

œ Œ œJ

œ œ œ

w w w œ ‰ œJ

°™ SAFETY ∑ ™ œ œ Œ ¢

KIM: It gives me the very greatest of pleasures to announce that the winner of The Great British Bake Oﬀ is.... [GO ON]

Faster q = 167 VAMP

b 2° & b b b b b 4 ¢™™

∑

™™ ü22 †

(KIM breathes in...!)

∑

DEAD SEGUE No. 21 Finale

™™ ü42 †

148

Finale

(Company) CUE: Dead segue from No. 20B (KIM: It gives me the very greatest of pleasures to announce that the winner of The Great British Bake Oﬀ is.... [GO])

Bright q = 167

b 2 & b bb 2

∑

1–3

BABS

bbbb Œ

‰ œj œ œ œ œ If you're fee - ling

‰

j œ œ œ œ

down

‰ œj ‰ œj j œ œ œ

‰

and in the gu - tter.

Why not mix

some

su -

b & b bb œ œ œ

œ œ

gar with some but - ter

j œ œ œ œ

j œ

Put them in

bowl

j œ™ œ œ

And you've got

IZZY

bbbb

‰

œ whole

j ‰ œ

j œ œ

lot

b & b b b ‰ œj œ œ œ

a - bout the ba - king.

∑

Œ j œ œ œ

joy.

But

‰ œj œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj It's

a - bout

FRANCESCA

° bb b Œ j & b œ œ œ œ ‰ œ Œ œ œ œ œ œ 21

Grab a woo - den spoon,

‰

the

it's

not

‰ œj œ

choi

j œ

‰

just

œ œ

ces that you're ma - king,

FRANCESCA / IZZY / BABS

j j œ œ ‰ œ bœ œ ‰ œœ œœœ

Get your a - pron and Shoot

for

∑

the moon. DEZZA

¢#

bbbb

∑

‰ œJ

œ œ

'Cos it's on-

21. Finale

b b ‰ œJ ‰ œ ‰ œ œ œ b J # b J ly

you

° bb b & b

RUSSELL œ ‰ œ œ œ J J

œ œ J

that can hold

149

you

back!

œ ‰ œJ ‰ œ J

œ œ ‰ J ‰ œJ ‰ œJ œ

So pick up

that

ALL 5

∑

them what

b b b ‰ œJ ‰ œJ Ó b ¢# on

and get back

GEMMA

œ Show

tin

you

got!

œ œ

Cake

the

∑

cure,

∑

track!

31 Keep energy going

bbbb w

j œ

œ œ J

That's what it's

° bb b & b œ

for,

œ œ œ œ J

j œ

It's

the

a - ma - zing

things

œ œ œ œ œ you

can

a - chieve

œ œ œ

‰ œJ œ

when you roll

your

œ œ œ

‰ œJ œ

when you roll

your

œ sleeve,

HASSAN

¢#

bbbb

° bb b œ & b

∑

¢#

œ œ

+BEN

œ œ œ

° bb b œ œ œ & b 42

‰ œj

‰ œ œ œ

And it goes with

Cake holds the key

‰ œ œ œ

j ‰ œ

‰ œJ œ

cup

tea

œœ

œ œ ‰ œJ œ n œœ

And it goes with

cup

b œ œ œ œ ‰ œJ

What - e - ver's come

b b b ˙˙ ™™ b # ¢

sleeve,

Cake holds the key

bbbb œ

fore,

b œ b œ œ œ ‰ œJ

What - e - ver's come

fore,

Cake

œ Cake

bœ œ ™ J is

tea

21. Finale

150

RUSSELL: I couldn't believe it - once the show went out I was getting

° bb b œ & b 45

œ œ ˙ the

bbb œ b # ¢

47–48

cure.

œ œ ˙ the

cure.

(R) stopped everywhere! Apparently I'm a viral sensation – whatever that means.

b & b bb

###

4 49–52

DEZZA: I got oﬀered my own TV show: The Hungry Hipster, ﬁlmed on my canal boat of course!

## & #

4 53–56

BABS: Well, I couldn't wait around for Phil forever... So when my neighbour Terry invited me over for toad in the hole, how could I resist...

# #° & # ¢™™

VAMP - GO ON ANY BAR

™™ ü †

And yes – that is a euphemism!

U Ó

∑

57–58

# # # ‰ KIM j & œ œ œ œ E - very

‰ œj

slice

œ œ œ œ œ

takes

° ### & œ œ œ œ œ

‰

you close to glo - ry,

j j œ œ œ œ œ

j œ

Ev - ery

tell

bite

can

lit - tle sto

∑

œ œ -

∑

ry JIM

¢#

###

∑

j œ œ œ œ

œ J

Bu - tter up that

tin,

œ œ œ œ œ add the ba - tter and

21. Finale

° ### j & œ œ™ œ œ œ ‰ œ KIM

Give the mix

JIM

Give the mix

œ™

œœœ Œ

∑

œ™

œœœ Œ

∑

spin

## ™ # # œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œJ ¢#

151

spin PHIL

###

∑

‰ œj œ œ œj œ

∑

j œ

œ œ œ œ œ

If you're cross then bake

# # # ‰ PAM ‰ j & œ œ œ œ

° ### œ &

out the a - ggre - ssion,

ALL 4

It's the great

j œ

- est

œ œ œ œ œ

form

œ œ

œ n œ œ n œ ‰ œJ

of self ex - pre - ssion

Put your o - ven

nœ œ œ œ nœ œ and take

¢#

a - long.

∑

‰ œj œj œ

Take

COMPANY S/A

œ J

long

œ œ

Cake

the

cure,

COMPANY T/B

###

∑

° ### Œ &

∑

œ œ

Cake

the

cure,

œ œ œ œ J

j œ

IZZY (Riﬀs)

œ Cake

CONTESTANTS

###

### w # ¢

œ œ œ œ is

the cure

œ œ œ œ œ œ That's what it's

œ œ J

œ J

That's what it's

for

œ œ J

œ J

That's what it's

for

It's a - ma - zing the

œ œ œ œ J

j œ

It's a - ma - zing the

21. Finale

152

° ### & œ 81

œ œ œ œ œ

things you can

###

¢#

a - chieve,

œ œ œ œ œ

things you can

° ### Œ &

a - chieve,

œ œ œ œ œ

things you can

### œ

a - chieve,

œ # eœ

œ œ œ

j ‰ œ œ

When you roll

your

œ œ œ

‰ œ œ J

When you roll

your

œ œ œ

‰ œJ œ

When you roll

your

‰ n œJ Œ

œ œ

cup

tea

œ Œ J

tea

Cake holds the key

###

œ œ œ œ œ And it goes with a

¢#

###

S/A 89 ° ### & n n ww

œ œ œ œ œ

œ™ cup

œ™

And it goes with a

cup

n ww

sleeve,

œ sleeve,

œ œ

Cake holds the key

sleeve,

œ œ

Cake holds the key

œ œœ ˙

Œ MEN & IZZY

œ Œ J

tea

‰ œj

œ œœ ˙

What -

n ww

¢#

###

(MEN & IZZY)

œ n œ œ œJ œ e - ver's come

° ### œ ™ &

j œ œ

Good

things

### œ ™

ALTOS

j œ œ

Good

things

œ J

be - fore,

‰ œj

œ n œ œ œJ œ

œ J

When - e - ver you're un - sure,

œ œ

Cake

the cure

SOPRANOS

### w # ¢

˙™

come

˙™

come

∑

œ™

j œ œ

those

who

bake,

œ™

j œ œ

those

who

bake,

∑

Ó ∑

21. Finale

° ### œ ™ & 97

Find

## & # œ™ Find

¢#

153 IZZY, KIM FRAN, GEMMA

j œ œ the

˙™

œ joy

œ™

j œ œ -

œœ

˙˙

ery cake.

Your (BABS All others)

j œ œ the

˙™

œ joy

œ™

j œ œ -

œœ

˙˙

ery cake.

Your T/B

###

∑

œ Your

° ### œ ™ & 101

œ œ J

life

may

change.

œ™

j œ œ

life

may

change.

œ œ J

life

may

change.

° ### œ ™ &

j œ œ

good

things

¢#

###

### œ ™

105

## & #

¢#

###

∑

œ™

j œ œ

Your

heart

may

break.

œ™

j œ œ

Your

heart

may

break.

œœ ™™

œœ œœ J

œœ

Your

heart

may

break.

˙™

˙™ ˙™

come

œ™

j œ œ

Good

things

come

œœ ™™

j œœ œœ J

œœ

Good

things

come

œ But

˙˙

those

who

∑

˙˙

∑

21. Finale

154

FRANCESCA: Mike and I continue to try and grow our little bun. He or she hasn’t quite risen yet. But we live - as always - in hope...

° ### w & 109

∑

bake COMPANY (unless speaking)

### œ ™

¢&

j œ œ

˙™

Hmm

œ™

j œ œ

œ™

j œ œ

+ SOPRANOS

113

## & # œ™

j œ œ

Hmm

IZZY: Although I didn’t win - obviously - I was invited to take part in I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here... and it turns out ostrich anus is absolutely delicious.

S, T, B A

117

## & # œœ ™™

œj œ œJ œ

œœ

˙˙

œœ ™™

œœ

j œœ œœ J

œœ

˙˙

Hmm

121

## & # œ™

j œ œ

œ Hmm

HASSAN: I got asked to write a recipe book... Sweet! That's the title - Sweet... I don't know if I'll go back to Syria again but one day... [hopefully] We’ll see...

127

###

8 127–134

PHIL: Claudia Winkleman invited me to the Monaco Grand Prix, but I’ve only got room for one national treasure...

## & #

4 135–138

21. Finale

155

PAM: And after riding on the back of Phil’s motorbike during a particularly heavy thunderstorm...

# #° & # ¢™™

SAFETY - GO ON ANY BAR after 'Thunderstorm'

™™ ü †

4 139–142

...I ﬁnally learnt the meaning of an actual soggy bottom!

° ### &

SOPRANOS

147

3 143–145

nœ

bœ

Cake

the

cure,

nœ

bœ

nœ

Cake

the

cure,

nœ

b œ b n œœ

Cake

the

ALTOS

###

Œ T/B

### # ¢

Bright gospel

° b b ˙ ™™ & 148

‰

b & b ˙ ™™

‰

Œ Œ

œ œ J

œ J

That's what it's

for

œ œ J

That's what it's

b ˙˙ ™™™™ b ¢#

‰

œ œ J

That's what it's

° bb œ &

j œ

˙ ™™

‰

for

œ J

œ œ œ™ œ œ œ

‰

for

the

œ œ œ™ œ œ œ It's a - ma - zing

˙ ™™

cure,

It's a - ma - zing

˙ ™™

the

œ œ œ™ œ œ œ It's a - ma - zing

the

œ œ

152

œ œ œ œ œ

things you can

b &b œ ¢# b

b œ

a - chieve,

œ œ œ œ œ

things you can

a - chieve,

œ œ œ œ œ

things you can

a - chieve,

œ œ œ

‰ œJ œ

When you roll

your

sleeve,

œ œ œ

‰ œ œ J

When you roll

your

sleeve,

œ œ œ

œ œ ‰ J

When you roll

your

sleeve,

Cake holds the key

œ œ

Cake holds the key

œ œœ

Cake holds the key

21. Finale

156

œ™

156

b &b w b & b ˙™

œ œ œ œ œ

And it goes with a

cup

œ™

˙™

œ œ

cup

¢#

b b ˙˙ ™™

˙˙ ™™

œœ œœ

œ™

cup

tea

œ œ J

tea

˙™

œ œ nœ J of

œ œ ˙

T/B + IZZY

‰ œ J We

tea

Half time feel

° bb & bw 160

œ œ J

b & b bw Ah

b œ bœ bœ œ œ b # J ¢ came

to re -

œ J

‰ œ J

pre - sent,

° bb bw &

œ b œ œ œJ œ

We made

164

œ ‰ nœ J Cake

b &b w

œ ‰ œ J Cake

b ¢# b œ

b œ œ œJ œ

ev - er's come

œ J

œ ‰ œ J

be - fore

Cake

JIM: The thing about being on Bake Oﬀ is...

168

w w

œ J

the

166

q = 176

œ œ

Œ™

œ J

tent

What -

b w

the cure!

œ nœ the cure!

œ œ the cure!

KIM: It’s not really about the baking at all.

w w

21. Finale JIM: In an empty space... People gather. Not to succeed. But to share.

172

˙˙ ™™ ˙™

œœœ

˙˙˙

KIM: To go on a journey. Together. RUSSELL: Be that a baking competition...

w œ™

HASSAN: Football matches...

180

œJ œ™ œ™

IZZY: Choirs...

176

157

œ™ œ™

œ J

œœ

˙˙

DEZZA: Comedy clubs...

œ J

FRANCESCA: The cinema...

œ œ

˙ ˙

BEN: Theatre.

182A

www w

˙ ˙

www w

BABS: Oh no I can’t stand the theatre. All that singing and dancing...

183

183A

w www

œ œœœ

183B

œ J

œ™

183C

w ˙™

˙™ w

The friends...

GEMMA: It’s about the people.

SAFETY [CUT THESE BARS IF NECESSARY]

° & b ¢™™

™™ ü w †

184

2 183D–183E

° b & œ™

j œ œ

Good

things

186

w w

SOPRANO (Pam / Izzy / Francesca)

˙™

come

œ™

j œ œ

those

who

bake.

œ™

j œ œ

those

who

bake.

œ™

j œ œ

those

who

bake.

œ™

j œ œ

those

who

bake.

ALTO (Babs / Gemma / Kim)

& b œ™

j œ œ

Good

things

come

˙™

TENOR (Phil / Ben / Hassan)

# b œ™

j œ œ

Good

things

come

˙™

BASS (Dezza / Russell / Jim)

¢# b œ ™

j œ œ

Good

things

come

˙™

21. Finale

158

190

& b œ™ Find

# b œ™ Find

¢# b œ ™ Find

° b & œ™

j œ œ

the

joy

j œ œ

the

joy

j œ œ

the

joy

j œ œ

the

joy

œ œ J

˙™ ˙™ ˙™ ˙™

œ™

j œ œ

ery

cake.

j œ œ

ery

cake.

j œ œ

ery

cake.

j œ œ

ery

cake.

œ Your

194

life

& b œ™ life

# b œ™ life

¢# b œ ™ life

may change.

j œ œ

may change.

œ œ J

may change.

j œ œ

may change.

° b & œ™

j œ œ

good

things

œ™

j œ œ

Your

heart

may

break.

œ™

j œ œ

Your

heart

may

break.

œ™

œ œ J

Your

heart

may

break.

œ™

j œ œ

Your

heart

may

break.

œ But

198

∑

come

œ™

j œ œ

Good

things

come.

those

who

Ó TENOR

∑

˙ Cos BASS

¢# b

∑

˙ Cos

21. Finale

202

œ™

œ œ J

Good

things

come.

œ™

j œ œ

Good

things

come.

œ œ J

things

come.

œ œ J

things

come.

&b w bake.

∑

œ™

# b œ™

j œ œ

good

things

come,

¢# b œ ™

j œ œ

good

things

œ™

œ come,

° b & w

œ™

good

Good

206

& b œ™

j œ œ

good

things

œ œ J

things

come.

j œ œ

œ come.

bake.

Good

things

come.

œ œ J

good

things

Good

œ œ J

œ™

things

œ™

˙ Cos

w j œ œ

Cos

things

¢# b œ ™

come.

œ™

159

those

who

∑

come.

GEMMA: As for me, I finally put my Mum’s house up for sale. Who knows what I’ll do next... But first things first, I bought an Interrailing ticket around Europe. I thought it was about time I tried a macaron in Paris for myself..! [GO ON]

° & b ¢™™

210

4 210–213

™™ ü †

21. Finale

160

LILY enters with a rucksack. LILY: Gemma! GEMMA: Well - not by myself...

BEN: Because Lily and I went with her.

LILY

U Ó

214–216

Cos

218

& b œ™

j œ œ

good

things

come

GEMMA: Oh, you want to know who won..? You’ll just have to watch it for yourself...

222

∑

Ó S A T/B p

ww w

Œ œ

those

who

U ww w

Bake

END OF ACT TWO - Applause Segue

161

Bows

(Company)

2 'All The Way'

q = 160

4 &b4

####

∑

2–15

"Slap It Like That" Swing 16ths (q = 124)

####

27 rit.

b b b b 78

∑

16–24

Grand - 'Somewhere In The Dough' q = 95

b 7 ˙ & b bb 8

œ œ

b ˙ & b bb ° bb b 4 Ó & b 4 39

œ œ œ œ

‰

#œ J

nœ

nœ œ

Cake

the cure!

#œ J

nœ

nœ #œ

Cake

the cure!

ALTO

b 4 & b bb 4 Ó

‰

T/B

b b4 ¢# b b 4 Ó

‰

j #œ nœ J

n œ n n œœ

Cake

the cure!

œ œ

q = 94

œ ™ œ ™ 372 œ

SOPRANO

###

œ™

˙™

q = 93

‰

q = 92

œ ™™

≈ ‰

œ J

œ œ

That's what it's

###

œ™

œ ™™

≈ ‰

œ J

œ œ

That's what it's

# # # œœ ™™™™

≈ ‰

œ J

œ œ

That's what it's

œ for!

22. Bows

162 41 ° # # # ™™ œ &

≈ ‰

## & # œ ™™

≈ ‰

# # # œ ™™ # ¢

≈ ‰

43 ° ### œ & J

≈ œR œ

your

sleeve.

## j & # œ

≈ œr œ

your

sleeve.

### œ # J ¢

≈ œR œ

your

sleeve.

° ### œ ™ &

œ œ œ œ

It's a - ma - zing

the things you can

œ œ œ œ

It's a - ma - zing

the things you can

œ œ œ œ

It's a - ma - zing

the things you can

## & # œ™ cup

¢#

### œ ™ cup

when you roll

œ œ œ

ach - ieve,

when you roll

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

ach - ieve,

when you roll

‰

œ J

Cake holds

‰

œ J œ J

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ and it goes with a

œ™

œ œ œ™

‰

œœ ™™

œœ œœ œœ ™™

‰

œ™

j œ

the key

œ œœ

Cake holds

‰

the key

Cake holds

‰

œ œ

the key

cup

ach - ieve,

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ

tea.

œ œ

tea.

œ œ #œ of

tea.

œ œ œ

œ J Cos

œ™

œ J Cos

œ™

‰

œ™

œ œ

Good

things

œ™

œ œ

œ™

œ œ

Good

things

good

things

œ come

∑

œ come

22. Bows

° ### & œ™ œ œ œ œ™ 47

those

¢#

### ###

who

œ™

Yes

to those

who

bake

j œ œ œ ‰ œœ œJ œ œ J Cake is

### 4 Œ & 4 ### 4 Œ ¢# 4

good

j œ œ

° ### 4 Œ & 4

œ™ œ œ

œ J

bake.

those

who

bake!

U w

those

who

bake!

those

who

j œ

come

œœ ™™

42 œ those

j œ ‰

j œœ œœ ™™ J

j œœ J to

42 œœ those

‰

œœj ‰ J

who

∑

U ww

SEGUE

∑

bake!

Exit Music

23 (Instrumental) TACET

who

2 œ™ œ œ 4 œ™

œ œ œ œ

U w

things

œ œ™

the cure

163

164

I'd Never Be Me Without You

(Phil, Pam) [ALTERNATIVE VERSION] CUE: PHIL: What are you on about?! This show means everything to me.... You mean everytthing to me.... PAM: Go on... [GO]

Light swing q = 130

PHIL

# 4 # #4 ‰

j nœ

‰

1–3 5

q = 133

#œ nœ #œ

# # # œ œ œ

j œ ‰ Œ Œ ‰ œj

Œ ‰ n œj # œ n œ # œ œ Œ ‰ œj œ œ œ œ ‰ œj œ

bark to my bite,

The

the string to my kite.

I'd

ne - ver be me with - out

you.

The

‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ ‰ ‰ # œj œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ J J

Œ œ

buck to my bang,

the

yin to my yang,

I'd

ne - ver be me

with - out

you!

# # œq = 135œ œ ‰ œ #œ # If

œ nœ J

I were Rich - ard then you'd be

œ #œ œ œ ‰ œ

Ju - dy.

You're op - ti - mis - tic,

œ nœ J

but

I'm

just mood - y.

You

are

the

# j # # œ #œ œ œ ‰ œ œ Tie us both up

and we're

œ œ œ œ Ó

Sting and Tru - die,

don't you ag - ree?

21 q = 138

œ nœ #œ

Œ ‰ n œj # œ n œ # œ œ Œ ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

Kit to my Kat,

the

hi to my hat

I'd

ne - ver be me

# # # œ œ œ

Œ œ

‰ œj

Jack in my box,

œ œ œ œ Œ

the

holes in my socks,

œ #œ J

The

j œ œ œ œ œ

the

pan - da

who chews my bam - boo.

I - ma - gine Christ - mas with - out

the tree,

œ J

you.

j œ œ

œ œ J

Œ ‰ œj

‰ # œj

‰ j œ

with - out

‰ Œ

œ œ3 œ

œ 3œ œ

San - ta would have a

to -

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You [Alternative Version]

# ˙ # #

do!

165

nœ

#œ nœ #œ

j j nœ œ œ œ ‰ œJ œ œ œ ‰ ‰ œ

ba - by

true.

it's

I'd

ne - ver be me

with - out

# # # ˙

35A–35G

you!

PHIL: Oh no? PAM: I’m the one who gives this partnership some class*! [*Southern vowels] PHIL: Class. [*Northern vowels] PAM: CLASS! 36

PAM

# j ## ## œ

‰

35H–35J

####

37 q = 139

# œ nœ #œ

j ‰ ‰ n œj # œ n œ # œ œ œj ‰ ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

knot in your tie,

####

The

# œ œ œ

the sty in your eye,

œ Œ Œ ‰ œj

You'd ne - ver be you with - out

me.

j‰ ‰ j j j Œ ‰ j œ œ œ #œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

frog in your throat

The leak in your boat

The su - gar

The

œ Œ Ó

to sweet - en your tea.

## & # ## œ

j nœ #œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ

Where would a gin

be with - out

49 ° #### j & # œ nœ #œ œ ‰ nœ #œ Who waves the stick

¢#

####

its

ton - ic?

œ œ œ œ

j ‰ œ n œ # œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œ œj œ Why did the Kran - kies be - come

i - con - ic?

œ nœ #œ œ Ó

Œ nœ nœ œ

in your Phil - har - mon - ic? Darl - ing, it's me!

You are the

Phil

∑

Œ ¿ ‰ ¿ ‰ Œ Ó J J Damn

right!

nnnn

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You [Alternative Version]

166 PAM

q = 140

j œ

œ #œ œ œ Œ

wax in my ear,

the

pain in

‰ œj

& œ #œ œ °

‰

‰ œj

my rear...

I'd

‰ œj

j œ œ œ œ ‰ œ nœ ne - ver be me

with - out

& ˙ you!

œ œ œ

The

ache in my heart,

PHIL

œ œ œ œ œ J

I'd ne - ver be

¢# ‰ °

the

jam in my tart,

‰ œj œ œ

me.

Don't you see.

You and me.

œ œ œ œ

& œ œ œ tru - chi - o

with - out

¢# œ 62

˙ Œ

œ œ ‰

Pam - my.

& #œ

side

me,

dear

side

me,

dear

° 2 ¿ &4

bœ

do!

You

2 ¢# 4 Œ

bœ

Chal - len - ging

j œ œ

j œ

With - out

you

stand - ing

be -

j œ #œ

j œ

With - out

you

stand - ing

be -

j œ j œ

Chal - len - ging

‰

shrew.

¢# œ

œ #œ nœ

#œ

my point

view!

my point

‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ 42 J You real - ly

¿ ‰ Œ J don't!

44 œ #œ œ œ œ ™ know that it's

true,

44 n œ # œ œ œ œ™

You

Pe -

‰ ‰ ‰ œj # œ œ

‰ # œj

œ œ œ œ Œ

know that it's

true,

j j œ bœ œ œ œ ‰ œ nœ

I'd

you!

ne - ver be

with - out

j bœ œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ

I'd

you!

ne - ver be

with - out

71 q = 144

& # œj ‰ œ

And though you

œ ¢# J ‰ œ

And though you

drive

cra - zy

drive

cra - zy

œ œ œ œ œ I'll

al - ways

œ œ œ œ œ I'll

al - ways

b˙

love

you

b˙

love

you

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You [Alternative Version]

167

& œ dear -

ly.

¢# œ

#œ

Ó œ #œ œ œ

You're

daft as

dear -

‰ ‰

a brush!

j œ #œ œ œ œ ‰ Œ

ly.

Well

you're an old

lush!

& œ like

drink with

bœ

œ œ œ œ œ

cork

and

pour,

cos that's what a

œ œ œ œ œ

cork

and

pour,

cos that's what a

lunch!

pop

the

pop

the

‰ # œj œ # œ œ œ œ

& ˙ part

˙ part

¢#

∑

¢# °

#˙

ner's

for!

ner's

for!

The chalk to my cheese!

œ The

œ #œ œ œ œ

The

bees to my knees!

q = 146

œ #œ œ œ œ

Queen!

Tor - vill and Dean!

œ #œ œ œ œ

Tor - vill and Dean!

& œ œ œ œ œ King to my

¢# Ó °

& Ó

3 3 ‰ œj b œ œ œ œ œ b œ

Yes

¢# œ œ # œ n œ œ ™ in my stone.

I'll

‰ œj 44 b œ œ œ n œ œj ‰ Œ The

44 Ó

I'll

bone.

‰ œ œ bœ Or the

b˙ ™

sword

90AA

∑

bbbbb

∑

bbbbb

be the scon to your scone!

j b œ 3œ b œ œ b 3œ œ b ˙ ™ œ

Yes

dog to my

be the scon to your scone!

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You [Alternative Version]

168

Dance Break q = 138

90A

bbbb

Light and airy q. = 70

b 6 & b bbb 8

90I–90L

rit.

° b b b 4q = 122 & b b 4 œ œ œ œ œ œœœœœ 90M

90N

œœ nœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ3 œ œ n œ3 œ

PAM

bbb

#œ The

PHIL

bb 4 ¢# b b b 4

bbb

∑

#œ The

q = 116

° bb & b œ #œ œ 93

j ‰ ‰ œj œ œ

ﬁsh to my chips,

b ¢# b b œ # œ œ

the

j ‰ ‰ œj œ œ

ﬁsh to my chips,

° bb & b œ™

the

‰ Œ

you!

™

you!

creak in my hips,

I'd

œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ ne - ver be

with - out

œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ # œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ J creak in my hips,

I'd

ne - ver be

with - out

q = 125

bb œ b # ¢

j œ # œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ œ

‰ Œ

‰ œj

œ œ œ

j j ‰ ‰ œ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ n œ

song with - out

words

sky with no

‰ œj

œ œ œ

j j ‰ ‰ œ œ œ

#œ œ œ œ œ œJ ‰ ‰ J

song with - out

words.

sky with no

birds.

17. I' d Never Be Me Without You [Alternative Version]

q = 130

poco accel.

b & b b œ œ ‰ œJ œ darl - ing,

œ œ œ

just would - n't

° bb n œ & b

‰ œj

do!

œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ bbb ‰ J # ¢ darl - ing,

169

‰

We've

stuck

j œ

We've

stuck

nœ

just would - n't

do!

œ nœ bœ

One

and

one

al - ways makes

One

and

one

al - ways makes

œ œ œ -

œ nœ œ -

102

thick and

b œ ¢# b b

thin,

thick and

° bb n œ ™ & b

thin,

° bb & b

two!

˙™

two!

106

105

bb ˙ b # ¢

œ œ J

™

∑

#œ

œ # 3œ œ

dar - ling it's clear

#œ

œ #œ œ ˙

I'll

al - ways be here!

∑

109

∑

œ œ œ œ

Ne - ver be me

bb Ó ¢# b

‰ œ œ J And I'd

° bb Œ & b 113

œ ‰ Œ J

ne - ver

˙™

‰ œj œj ‰ with - out

‰ œJ œJ ‰ with - out

(competing for the highest note? )

~ ˙ ™ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ you!

b ¢# b b Œ

ge - ther through

j œ œ™

ge - ther through

˙ ™ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ˙ ™ you!

‰

j j b œ œ œ œ ‰ œj œ ‰ œ I'd

‰ œ J I'd

ne - ver be me

with - out

bœ œ œ œ

‰ œJ œJ ‰

ne - ver be me

with - out

j ‰ Œ œ you!

œ ‰ Œ J you!