A GUIDE FOR SELF ESTEEM by Muhd Diroy

THE MAKING WAVES SERIES: BOOK 4

A GUIDE FOR SELF ESTEEM OVERPOWERING WHAT KEEPS YOU FEARFUL

ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS Published in Aisa in 2017 by Sandu Publishing Co., Ltd. 20 Kaki Bukit View, Kaki Bukit Techpark II, Singapore 415956 Tel: (65) 6742 2088 Fax: (65) 6744 2088 enquiries@pageonegroup.com www.pageonegroup.com

Sponsored by Temasek Polytechnic Edited and produced by Temasek Polytechnic School of Design â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Communication Design Chief Editor: Muhammad Diroy Bin Noordin 1206710d@student.tp.edu.sg www.tp.edu.sg Text used in this book obtained from Essential Life Skills.Net www.essentiallifeskills.net ISBN 978-981-4394-90-1 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. For information, contact Page One Publishing Pte Ltd. Printed and bound in Singapore

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/////CONTENTS Introduction

XXI

Self Esteem

Overcome Fear of Failure

Build Self–Confidence

Self–Discipline For Success

Healthy Personal Boundaries

The Art of Living Well

Patience Tips

How to Think For Yourself

The End

â&#x20AC;&#x201D; XXI

INTRODUCTION Making waves in the face of adversity. The theme and motif of the wave in the ocean is highly symbolic and meaningful. In itself, it can be interpreted as eternity as its movements that never cease; or it can also be seen to be temperamental as sometimes it surges with powerful force or at other times gently laps the shore. Because waves in the oceans symbolise the power of nature at work, humans have seen in them the potential of humans to mimic its strength or conversely they can be seen as symbols of adversity humans hope to overcome. As such, wave patterns and crest formation can be used to signify human behavior and emotions. For people who are handicapped in some way, whether physically, intellectually or emotionally, waves take on significant meanings. These series of books aims to provide advice on essential life skills to people with such disabilities so that they can lead a fulfilling life.

THE MOME YOU WAN IS THE MOM WHEN YOU TO KEEP PU

ENT WHEN NT TO QUIT, MENT OU NEED USHING.

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OVERCOME FEAR OF FAILURE

03 —

Overcoming Fear of Failure Overcoming fear of failure is crucial for success.

WHY THEN WOULD SOMEONE HAVE A FEAR

For many highly successful men and women

OF FAILURE?

who have accomplished great things in life, failure was merely a stepping stone to achieving greatness. Men like Henry Ford, Winston Churchill and Thomas Edison understood that failing to make the attempt is the ‘real’ failure and that doing nothing, begets nothing - least of

» Not knowing what it really takes to succeed. One reason is that many of us are so focused on success and the appearances of it, that we forget what it really entails. We rarely think about failure as being a part of life and how

all success. Likewise, women like Emily Dickin-

many success stories have emerged from sheer

son and Marie Curie did not succeed initially

failure. No one talks about how many times Ab-

and had a more difficult time striving towards

raham Lincoln failed at getting elected to office

their aspirations.

before he ended up becoming president (8);

“THERE IS NO FAILURE EXCEPT IN NO LONGER TRYING.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

— 04

how Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard before becoming a sensation in the computer world, or how Michael Jordan failed to make his high school basketball team before becoming one of the greatest basketball players ever. In these times of fast media and instant news we often see the glamorous side of success rather than the obstacles and hard work it takes to get there. » Having unrealistic expectations. We often expect to succeed on our first attempt at a ven-

Likewise, in the entertainment and music businesses. Most ‘overnight’ successes take years in the making before they achieve high levels of success. » Perfectionism. Some of us are afraid of failure because we believe we must be perfect. If we make an attempt and then fail at it, we risk looking foolish and therefore feel somehow flawed. Perfectionists believe everything must be done

ture and if we don’t, we think we’ve failed. How realistic is that? Just because we failed a test, got passed over for a promotion, or didn’t get a ‘yes’ asking that cute girl/guy for their phone number, does it mean we will never succeed at it? Not at all! Yet fear of rejection, or perceived failure, stops many from trying again.

at a high level with no room for mistakes. If

The same applies in competitive sports. Athletes must learn to accept loss before they discover what it takes to win. In any sport, expecting to win from the onset is totally unrealistic. Failure

“ONE FAILS FORWARD

is part of the process of learning how to win.

they can’t get something done perfectly, they’d prefer not do it at all. Unfortunately, this type of thinking deprives the perfectionist of real learning and the benefits and value gained from experience.

TOWARD SUCCESS.” — Charles F. Kettering

FAILURE IS ONLY A TEMPORARY CHANGE IN DIRECTION TO SET YOU STRAIGHT FOR YOUR NEXT SUCCESS.

07 —

How to Overcome Fear of Failure Only by overcoming fear of failure can we achieve success in life. Here are some tips on how to eliminate fear and focus on success: » Understand and expect that at times you will fail. Realize that you are human and humans make mistakes. Before any of us learned how to walk, we crawled. We got up, fell down, got up again and continued the process until we could walk expertly. » Don’t take failure personally. Instead, view it as a stepping stone. Make certain you learn from it and then apply what you’ve learned to future situations. Refuse to consider failing a character flaw or weakness. Doing so will only prevent you from achieving future success.

» No one succeeds all of the time, probably not even most of the time. In baseball, star players fail 70% of the time. Babe Ruth’s batting average was .342 which means he struck out 66% of the time. Wayne Gretzky’s career shooting percentage in hockey was 17.57% meaning he missed 82.43 % of the time. Wayne is also famous for saying “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” So it is in life. You won’t fail at anything if you don’t make the attempt. You also won’t succeed! » Remember that ‘failure’ has produced many successes. Consider how many people in history had failed before they became successful and indeed because they failed. Albert Einstein’s teacher told him to quit school because; “Einstein, you will never amount to anything!” Ludwig Von Beethoven’s music teacher said of him “as a composer, he is hopeless”. Henry Ford’s first two automobile companies failed.

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» Appreciate the benefits of failure. Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” In other words, your chances of getting things right on the first try are slim to none. The more you try, or experiment, the better you’ll get at it. » Believe in yourself. Rather than giving up when things don’t work out, take it as an opportunity to build perseverance and resolve. Believe that you’ve got what it takes to work through the obstacles and difficult times. Remind yourself how many failures became successful because they wouldn’t give up. The wonderful poem Don’t Quit by Edgar Albert Guest is an inspiring illustration of that mindset.

“FAILURE IS THE FOUNDATION OF SUCCESS, AND THE MEANS BY WHICH IT IS ACHIEVED.” — Lao Tzu

09 —

The Benefits of Overcoming Failure • You build valuable experience and knowledge • You build strength of character and focus • You find more ways of being creative and sharpen your problem solving skills • It gives you an opportunity to redefine your goals or set upon a new path, if necessary • You build flexibility and open mindedness • You increase self-confidence and self-worth

FAILURE IS THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY TO BEGING MORE INTELLIGENTLY. — Henry Ford

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BUILD SELF—CONFIDENCE

14 —

How To Build Self—Confidence When I was in my late teens a friend of mine,

were because they had nothing interesting to

an elite athlete, gave me the most profound,

say or could add nothing of value to your per-

yet simple advice that changed the way I

spective. I would think it happens more often

would view myself forever. He told me:

than not!

“If you don’t think very highly of yourself, you

Consider that in an opinion poll done by

can’t expect anyone else to think it of you.”

Men’s Health Magazine (1,000 American wo-

Translation — It means that we alone are re-

men ages 21 to 54 in two online polls) women

sponsible for building self-confidence. We

rated traits relating to character and personal-

cannot depend upon, or wait for anyone else’s

ity much higher than they scored those reflect-

approval. We must see ourselves as worthy

ing physical attractiveness.

and capable of achieving anything we choose to achieve.

In other online questionnaires filled out by both men and women the number one quality

Ultimately, how we see ourselves is more im-

found desirable in someone was ‘self-confid-

portant than how anyone else sees us.

ence’. Physical attractiveness didn’t even make

If we don’t work at loving and accepting

the top 10!

ourselves, nothing anyone else thinks matters.

The bottom line is that what you think of, and

In a similar vein, have you ever felt that you

how you project yourself, is more import-

don’t measure up to others overall? In that

ant than merely having good looks. Building

case, think about how many times you may

self-confidence is not only a great way to

have met a gorgeous man or woman and

attract others, but a great way to feel good

then afterwards forgot how good looking they

about yourself!

— 15

Tips For Building Self—Confidence • Acknowledge Your Uniqueness.

• Give it Your Best.

Believe in yourself and know that you are one of a kind. In the words of Walt Whitman know:

When you do the best you can, with the best of

“That you are here that life exists, and identity; That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.” There is no one else like you on this planet. No one looks like you, has the same talents, experiences, or perspective as you do. You are unique and are therefore here to make your unique contribution. If we each focus on what we bring into the world to share, there can be no comparisons, envy or regret. We are here to “contribute a verse”.

what you’ve got, you can’t help but feel good about yourself and that confidence comes through in everything that you do. Giving it your best makes you unafraid to take risks or step out of your comfort zone - both great confidence-builders. • Persevere. Everybody has setbacks and obstacles to contend with. Don’t let them undermine your confidence. Treat them as opportunities to strengthen your resolve and then persevere. See Article: The Power of Persistence

16 —

• Overcome adversity.

• Separate Yourself From the Event.

Overcoming adversity builds and strengthens self-confidence. The greatest songs, works of art and literary pieces have been written by those who have experienced the depths of despair, loss and emptiness and overcame them. Experiencing sadness and loss, and then rising above them, gives rise to hope and triumph. It makes you stretch and become more than you were.

You are not what happens to you, nor how you believe others see you. In other words, you are not defined by what happens to you, nor are you defined by how others see you. You are who you choose to be - a person of character, dignity and self-confidence.

• Accomplish something. Set goals for yourself and then push yourself to reach them. Self-confidence soars when you know you can do what you put your mind to. It makes you feel unstoppable. Likewise, achieve mastery. Mastery experiences are those in which you know you have worked hard and put in great effort to achieve success.

• Confront your fears. There’s nothing that destroys self-confidence more than succumbing to fear. Everyone feels fear at various times; we’re human, however facing circumstances with courage and poise strengthens character and builds self-confidence. Put yourself out there! If you’re afraid to meet new people, attend social events, etc. don’t stay home and fret. Doing builds confidence. Of course, you’ll feel, and probably be awkward the first few times in new situations, however, the more you do it, the better you’ll get, and therefore the better you’ll feel about yourself.

— 17

• Good looks do not equal self-confidence.

• Learn how to give yourself a pep talk.

Some of the most attractive people in the world

We all have our down moments, moments of

are insecure and lack self-confidence. Marilyn

doubt, confusion and uncertainty. When that

Monroe was considered to be one of the sexiest,

happens, we must learn how to restore self-con-

most beautiful people in the world, yet she lacked

fidence. One way is to understand that every-

a positive self-image. She misguidedly allowed

one goes through such moments. Another is to

external factors, such as the approval of others,

remember past successes, visualize the desired

to determine her self worth. Good looks may

outcome, and keep at it! Practice makes perfect.

help you feel good about yourself temporarily, but are by no means enough. • Take good care of yourself. When you are in fit, in good health, and make a point of looking your best, you can’t help but

Self–confidence is absolutely essential to achieving success in any endeavor. You acquire it by doing, learning, accomplishing, and persisting.

feel confident. This is different, of course, from comparing your looks to others. It’s about be-

“WHETHER YOU THINK

ing comfortable with you. Everyone looks good

YOU CAN OR THINK YOU

when they’re in good shape, well groomed, and healthy. You can’t help but have a glow about you when you take good care of yourself.

CAN’T — YOU ARE RIGHT.” — Andrew Carnegie

BUILDING SELF—CONFIDENCE 1. You are the only person who can fulfill your life purpose. 2. It’s much easier to be confident in yourself when you know who you are! 3. Fake it ‘till you make it! 4. Take a shortcut. Find a confidence mentor. 5. Trust yourself enough to know you have the ability to go for your dream and achieve them!

BE CONFIDENT. TOO MA COMPARING OURSELVES WISHING TO BE SOMETH EVERYBODY HAS THEIR O WEAKNESSES, AND IT IS ACCEPT EVERYTHING YO — THAT YOU WILL TRUL

ANY DAYS ARE WASTED S TO OTHERS AND HING WE AREN’T. OWN STRENGTHS AND S ONLY WHEN YOU OU ARE — AND AREN’T LY SUCCEED.

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SELF—DISCIPLINE FOR SUCCESS

23 —

Self—Discipline The Foundation For Success No personal success, achievement, or goal, can be realized without self-discipline. It is singularly the most important attribute needed to achieve any type of personal excellence, athletic excellence, virtuosity in the arts, or otherwise outstanding performance.

To possess it is to be able to make the decisions,

What is self-discipline?

not mean giving up everything you enjoy, or,

It is the ability to control one’s impulses, emotions, desires and behavior. It is being able to turn down immediate pleasure and instant gratification in favor of gaining the long-term satisfaction and fulfillment from achieving higher and more meaningful goals.

take the actions, and execute your game plan regardless of the obstacles, discomfort, or difficulties, that may come your way. Certainly, being disciplined does not mean living a limiting or a restrictive lifestyle. Nor, does to relinquish fun and relaxation. It does mean learning how to focus your mind and energies on your goals and persevere until they are accomplished. It also means cultivating a mindset whereby you are ruled by your deliberate choices rather than by your emotions, bad habits, or the sway of others. Self-discipline

“MOST POWERFUL IS HE WHO HAS HIMSELF IN HIS OWN POWER.” — Seneca

allows you to reach your goals in a reasonable time frame and to live a more orderly and satisfying life.

25 —

How To Develop Self-Discipline » Start with baby steps. No process takes place overnight. Just as it takes time to build muscle, so does it take time to develop self-discipline. The more you train and build it, the stronger you become. In exercise, if you try to do too much at once, you could injure yourself and have a setback. Likewise, take it one step at a time in building self-discipline. So, begin by making the decision to go forward and learning what it takes to get there.

Learn also what energizes and motivates you.

» Learn what motivates you and what your bad triggers are. You can begin by learning about yourself! Sometimes it is very difficult to fight off urges and cravings, so know the areas where your resistance is low and how to avoid those situations. If you know you can’t resist cake, fries, or other temptations - stay away from them. Do not have them around to lure you in moments of weakness.

and which goals to strive for, establish a daily

If you also know that putting pressure on yourself does not work for you, then set yourself up in an environment that encourages the building of self-discipline rather than one that sabotages it. Remove the temptations and surround yourself with soothing and encouraging items such as motivating slogans and pictures of what you want to achieve.

Your willpower can go up and down with your energy levels so play energetic music to perk you up, move around, laugh. Train yourself to enjoy what you are doing by being energized. This will make it easier to implement desirable and appropriate behaviors into your routine which is really what self-discipline is all about. » Make certain behaviors a routine. Once you have decided what’s important to you routine that will help you achieve them. For example, if you want to eat healthily or lose weight; resolve to eat several servings of fruits and vegetables each day and exercise for at least half an hour. Make it part of your daily routine and part of your self-discipline building. Likewise, get rid of some of your bad, self-defeating habits, whatever they may be. They can put you in a negative frame of mind and hinder your self-discipline. A poor attitude can also be a bad habit.

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» Practice self-denial. Learn to say no to some of your feelings, impulses and urges. Train yourself to do what you know to be right, even if you don’t feel like doing it. Skip dessert some evenings. Limit your TV watching. Resist the urge to yell at someone who has irritated you. Stop and think before you act. Think about consequences. When you practice self-restraint it helps you develop the habit of keeping other things under control. » Engage in sports or activities. Sports are an excellent way to enhance self- discipline. They train you to set goals, focus your mental and eexercisemotional energies, become physically fit, and to get along well with others. Participating in sports provides a situation where you learn to work hard and strive to do your best, which in turn, teaches you to integrate the same the thought processes and disciplines into your everyday life. Learning to play a musical instrument can be another great way to practice self-discipline. The focus, repetition, and application required in learning to play an instrument is invaluable. Achieving self-discipline in any one area of your life reprograms your mind to choose what is right, rather than what is easy.

» Get inspiration from those you admire. Michael Jordan has always maintained that his greatness as a basketball player came as much from his willingness to work hard at his craft, as it did his talent. It was his desire through discipline and focus that made him one of the best basketball players ever. If it worked for him, it could certainly work for the rest of us. » Visualize the rewards. There is nothing more gratifying than accomplishing your goals. Practice the technique that high achievers and top athletes do. Project yourself in the future. Visualize your desired outcome. Feel how rewarding it is and the countless benefits you will enjoy. Remind yourself what it takes to get there.

27 â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

The Benefits It helps build self-confidence. You accomplish more, and are therefore more productive. You are able to maintain a higher tolerance for frustration, obstacles and negative emotions. Allows you to obtain better health, better finances and a good work ethic. You are able to reach your most difficult goals more efficiently. The more disciplined you become, the easier life gets.

If we are to be masters of our own destiny, we must develop self-discipline and self-control. By focusing on long-term benefits instead of shortterm discomfort, we can encourage ourselves to develop of self-discipline. Ultimately our health and happiness depend on it.

STRONG

WEAK

— 31

HEALTHY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

32 —

Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them Learning to set healthy personal boundaries is necessary for maintaining a positive selfconcept, or self-image. It is our way of communicating to others that we have self-respect, selfworth, and will not allow others to define us. Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others. Their presence helps us express ourselves as the unique individuals we are, while we acknowledge the same in others.

It would not be possible to enjoy healthy relationships without the existence of personal boundaries, or without our willingness to communicate them directly and honestly with others. We must recognize that each of us is a unique individual with distinct emotions, needs and preferences. This is equally true for our spouses, children and friends. To set personal boundaries means to preserve your integrity, take responsibility for who you are, and to take control of your life.

“SETTING HEALTHY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES IS NECESSARY FOR YOUR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH.”

34 —

How do we establish healthy personal boundaries? » Know that you have a right to personal boundaries. You not only have the right, but you must take responsibility for how you allow others to treat you. Your boundaries act as filters permitting what is acceptable in your life and what is not. If you don’t have boundaries that protect and define you, as in a strong sense of identity, you tend to derive your sense of worth from others. To avoid this situation, set clear and decisive limits so that others will respect them, then be willing to do whatever it takes to enforce them. Interestingly, it’s been shown that those who have weak boundaries themselves tend to violate the boundaries of others.

health, she in turn deprives her family of being

» Recognize that other people’s needs and feelings are not more important than your own. Many women have traditionally thought that the needs of their husbands and children are more important than their own. This is not only untrue, but it can undermine the healthy functioning of the family dynamic. If a woman is worn out mentally and physically from putting everyone else first, she not only destroys her own

for having healthy personal boundaries. You do

fully engaged in their lives. Instead, she should encourage every family member to contribute to the whole as well as take care of himself or herself. Putting themselves last is not something only women do, but many men as well. » Learn to say no. Many of us are people-pleasers and often put ourselves at a disadvantage by trying to accommodate everyone. We don’t want to be selfish, so we put our personal needs on the back burner and agree to do things that may not be beneficial to our well-being. Actually, a certain amount of “selfishness” is necessary not do anyone any favors, least of all yourself, by trying to please others at your own expense.

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» Identify the actions and behaviors that you find unacceptable. Let others know when they’ve crossed the line, acted inappropriately, or disrespected you in any way. Do not be afraid to tell others when you need emotional and physical space. Allow yourself to be who you really are without pressure from others to be anything else. Know what actions you may need to take if your wishes aren’t respected. » Trust and believe in yourself. You are the highest authority on you. You know yourself best. You know what you need, want, and value. Don’t let anyone else make the decisions for you. Healthy boundaries make it possible for you to respect your strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others. An unhealthy imbalance occurs when you encourage neediness, or are needy; want to be rescued, or are the rescuer, or when you choose to play the victim.

36 —

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries • Going against personal values or rights in order to please others. • Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving. • Taking as much as you can for the sake of taking. • Letting others define you. • Expecting others to fill your needs automatically. • Feeling bad or guilty when you say no. • Not speaking up when you are treated poorly. • Falling apart so someone can take care of you. • Falling “in love” with someone you barely know or who reaches out to you. • Accepting advances, touching and sex that you don’t want. • Touching a person without asking.

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When we possess healthy personal boundaries: » We have improved self-confidence and a healthy self-concept. » We are more in touch with reality. » Are better able to communicate with others. » Have better more fulfilling relationships. » Have more stability and control over our lives. It is never too late to work on establishing healthy personal boundaries.

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THE ART OF LIVING WELL

39 —

The Art of Living Well Think about it – there is an art to everything and living well is no exception. Of any art, this would be the one to master since it encompasses all the others. The art of living well is to make your life an expression of who you are, what you believe, and your hopes, dreams and desires. Of course, to create your life as a work of art is an ongoing, evolving and creative endeavor. And so it should be. The difference between living well and just living would be analogous to preparing a meal. When you’re hungry you can just throw something together from whatever is handy without considering the nutritional value, taste, or visual appeal of the dish. You can shove something down that fills your tummy and satisfies your immediate appetite.

Or, you can prepare a pleasing, nutritious, tasty meal that not only satisfies your visual and practical needs, but also makes it a joy to experience. Of course the second meal requires more thought, planning, imagination and work in general, but the rewards are exceedingly greater on every level. So it is with life. You could live it indiscriminately not paying attention to anything in particular, or you can make it a delicious, nutritious treat.

“WISH NOT SO MUCH TO LIVE LONG AS TO LIVE WELL.” — Benjamin Franklin

I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dream.

BELIEVE

41 —

How to make your life a work of art: 01/ Make each moment count and live it to the fullest. When you get up in the morning decide to welcome all the challenges and delights each day brings. Be aware that everything you experience contributes to your knowledge, enjoyment and understanding of life. Every activity can have meaning and purpose and by acknowledging and recognizing it, you enrich your participation in it. 02/ Express yourself and create the life you want. You are unique. Express your individuality and share your observations and insights with others. Make your surroundings a comfortable reflection of that individuality and uniqueness. For instance, if you’re a collector, a sports fan or have a particular hobby, decorate your home with artifacts and mementos that express that part of your personality. It makes for good conversation and reveals something about you to others. 03/ Establish an open, accepting and appreciative mindset. Prepare yourself for whatever comes your way. When you do, the possibility of attracting adverse circumstances lessens because of your willingness to stand up to and face what is. When you maintain an open, accepting attitude life actually goes more smoothly and without incident. It’s as if you’re daring life to throw you a curve, but because you aren’t afraid, it becomes unnecessary and therefore loses its impact.

â&#x20AC;&#x201D; 42

04/ Be who you are and go after what you want. Be comfortable with yourself and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be afraid to go after what you want. So many opportunities are missed out of fear of failure (and success too) and an unwillingness to take risks or put yourself on the line. Life is too short to not give your best shot at something. Strive to reach your potential. The worst that can happen is you learn a valuable lesson. 05/ Have a solid personal foundation balanced with relationships with family, friends and the community. We are social beings who need each other for comfort, support and interaction. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to cultivate and value all of our relationships and engage in activities that promote good will and make the community, the country and ultimately the world a better place.

“IF YOU CAN’T

IF YOU CAN’T RU

IF YOU CAN’T WA

BUT WHATEVER YO

TO KEEP MOVIN

FLY, THEN RUN.

UN, THEN WALK.

ALK, THEN CRAWL,

OU DO YOU HAVE

NG FORWARD.”

45 —

You know you are living well when you: • Wake up in the morning and can’t wait for the adventure that lies ahead of you. • Are optimistic, cheerful and confident. • Are interested in and want to contribute to others and the world around you. • Focus on the good things in your life and improve on what’s not working. • Are aware, appreciative and engaged in life. • Turn obstacles into opportunities. • Seize each moment.

— 46

We can make an art of living well by expressing ourselves, being open and receptive to new experiences, and by living each moment to the fullest. We only need to decide to do so. “The masters in the art of living make little distinction between their work and their play, their labor and their leisure, their minds and their bodies, their information, their recreation, their love and their religion. They hardly know which is which, they simply pursue their vision of excellence at whatever they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing.” — James Albert Michener

— 47

PATIENCE TIPS

48 —

Patience & Tips On How to Develop It Patience is the ability to tolerate waiting, delay, or frustration without becoming agitated or upset. It’s the ability to be able to control your emotions or impulses and proceed calmly when faced with difficulties. It comes from thpatiencee Latin word pati which means to suffer, to endure, to bear.

Do we even need to be patient anymore?

Needless to say, patience does not come easily to most of us and it’s probably harder now to be patient than historically it has ever been.

and effort to achieve; so even in this day and

In today’s world of ‘instant everything’, technological advancements and readily available credit have allowed us to obtain, experience, and consume practically anything we want almost immediately.

“PATIENCE IS THE

Well, if we want to reach our goals, have successful relationships and achieve personal peace, the answer is a resounding yes! Anything worthwhile and of importance cannot take place right away. It takes time, dedication age, patience is a virtue.

COMPANION OF WISDOM.” — St. Augustine

— 49

The Benefits of Developing Patience 01/ Reduces stress levels and makes you a happier, healthier person. When you learn and practice patience you don’t get as angry, stressed or overwhelmed. You are more in control of your emotions and in a better position to deal with difficult situations with ease and poise. This promotes longevity and makes you a happier, healthier person. 02/ Results in better decision-making. When you’re patient you take the time to assess the situation, see the big picture, and weigh any pros and cons. The chances of making a big mistake lessen because you avoid making it in haste. Taking the time to problem solve requires patience and deliberation. 03/ Helps develop understanding, empathy and compassion. You are automatically more understanding and compassionate with others when you yourself are patient. Patient people take the time to process what they go through and are able to determine what it takes to overcome obstacles so they are more understanding of others. This results in better, more fulfilling relationships with spouses, friends, children and bosses. 04/ Helps you understand and appreciate the process of growth. As mentioned earlier anything worthwhile takes time and effort to achieve. As the old saying goes “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Planning, growth, evaluation and measurement all take time, and taking time takes patience.

PATIENCE IS NOT THE ABILITY TO WAIT, BUT THE ABILITY TO KEEP A GOOD ATTITUDE WHILE WAITING.

52 —

Tips on How to Develop Patience • Take a day where you make patience your goal for the entire day. Make a concerted effort to take your time and think about everything you do, be mindful and live in the moment. At the end of the day, observe all the ways in which you’ve made smarter decisions, got along better with others and actually understood what took place. Learn to do it on a daily basis. Developing patience is much like physical exercise because it requires persistence and effort. • Slow down. If you have the tendency to rush around and try to hurry things up, want things done immediately and can’t wait for things to take their natural course, STOP. Take several deep breaths before you act or make a move. For example, if you’re in a long lineup at the grocery store or in heavy traffic, make the decision to pause and not get worked up. Do some isometrics, listen to the radio, or just enjoy the view. Getting impatient won’t make things move along any faster, so why get worked up for nothing? • Practice delaying gratification. When you want to reach for that dessert, second drink, or buying your tenth pair of red shoes, stop and think about it first. Maybe you don’t need or want any of them that badly after all. You can save yourself some money or added calories. • Practice thinking before you speak. At times we blurt out the first thought that comes into our heads without considering the consequences. If we’re patient, pause and go over what we want to say, we can avoid hurting or offending others.

— 53

Situations for which patience is a must: » Reaching most goals

» Becoming a virtuoso in any musical field

» Losing weight

» The healing of any wounds or illnesses

» Having a baby

» Getting over loss or tragedy

» Bodybuilding » Becoming a professional career person such » as a doctor, lawyer, engineer » Becoming a top athlete Patience is definitely a valuable character trait to develop. It may appear to be passive, however it is an active, purposeful and necessary form of self-discipline. Without patience many of our actions would be counter-productive and ultimately much time and energy would be wasted spinning our wheels. Surely, patience is a time-tested virtue.

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HOW TO THINK FOR YOURSELF

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How to Think for Yourself Do you think for yourself? In these times of fast media and ever-growing Internet we are under so many external influences that it can be difficult to know when we are thinking for ourselves. Unless you are a discerning, very aware person, you most likely don’t even know when your thinking is not your own. think for yourself

Does this mean all of your ideas can be original and unlike everyone else’s? Not at all! Nor does it require being contrary and argumentative just to be defiant or stand out. To think for yourself means that whatever opinions you hold will be well thought out and come from a position of thorough investigation and thoughtful analysis. It means choosing to

Not that all outside influence is bad or detrimental to forming your own views, but being unable to think for yourself can make you miserable at best, or a puppet of someone else’s programming, at worst.

not compromise the facts for the sake of con-

Admittedly, we are all born into societies or cultures where the norms and customs are already established. For the most part, we have little choice but to conform to what is already in place. This is not necessarily a bad thing, however, it can be confining and controlling if we accept everything blindly and never question the status quo.

keep up with ‘the latest’? We wear clothes, listen

sensus or fitting in. It is not unlike critical thinking - it just encompasses a broader scope of choices and decision-making in your life. As an example, how many of us feel the need to to music and follow trends that the media tells us we should in order to be cool. Marketing companies create ads that hypnotize us into a herd mentality as we fall into debt, wear fashions that are unbecoming, and get caught up in a cycle of over-spending, over-consuming and then stressing out over it. Before we realize it, we are living lives designed for us by the powers that be and without our conscious participation.

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Another trap we fall into when we don’t think for ourselves is groupthink. Groupthink, a term coined by Irving Janis in 1972, is a psychological phenomenon that takes place within a group of people who try to avoid conflict and reach agreement without critically evaluating options or alternative ideas. The problem with groupthink is that it hinders finding the best solutions, impedes creative ideas and thwarts independent thinking. Wanting to be part of the crowd can certainly have its drawbacks! So how can you cultivate the ability to think for yourself?

“A MAN MUST CONSIDER WHAT A RICH REALM HE ABDICATES WHEN HE BECOMES A CONFORMIST.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Tips on how to think for yourself: » Develop a strong sense of self. Know who you are, what you want and what is best for you. Do not let others, especially marketing companies and the media, tell you how you should look, feel and act. Do what is best for you. Cultivate your own tastes and enjoy your preferences.

minded? Many times we make poor decisions

» Be well-informed. Gather as much information about a subject as possible before forming an opinion. Build your mental resources by reading, observing, and listening for yourself. Then take time to reflect and evaluate.

» Do not buckle under pressure, fear, or guilt.

» Be flexible. Look for solutions and outcomes to a situation from as many perspectives as you can. Determine the pros and cons. Are there other possibilities? Whom might it harm/benefit? What are the potential consequences?

you do everyone a disservice, especially your-

» Identify possible biases. Are you being unduly

A good idea has the potential to evolve into a

influenced by your culture, upbringing or other people’s opinions? Are you being fair and open-

better one with input from a variety of sources.

because we begin with the wrong premise. If we take time to evaluate and judge based upon what we observe first hand rather than what we’ve been lead to believe, we can arrive at a more appropriate and practical conclusion. Have the courage to stand up for what you really believe and have deduced yourself. If you go along with the crowd for the sake of keeping peace, avoiding confrontation, or fear of failure, self. You may have a brilliant idea, or maybe it happens to be the right thing to do. If no one hears about it, a healthy discussion cannot take place and all possibilities will not be considered.

FEW ARE THOSE WHO SEE WITH THEIR OWN EYES AND FEEL WITH THEIR OWN HEART’S — Albert einstein

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The benefits of thinking for yourself: • You develop self-confidence and trust in your abilities • You attain a greater sense of accomplishment • You expand your mind and boost your brain power • You gain respect from others by standing up for what you believe in and by being original • You are more aware and alert to what the media is trying to sell you • You are more open to self-improvement and alternative viewpoints • You are more interesting to others by expanding their thinking and options

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You are NOT thinking for yourself when: » You let others, the media, or convention sway you from doing what’s right for you » You buy into negative, one–dimensional stereotypes based on sex, race or culture » You do something because it has always been done that way–even if it no longer works » You follow old wives’ tales, superstitions or fallacies that defy common sense » You don’t take time to think things through carefully and fully

As you may have already concluded, thinking for yourself is not easy. It requires deliberate, mindful and at times courageous application, however the personal rewards are endlessly gratifying.

TO FIND YOURSELF, THINK FOR YOURSELF. — Socrates

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THE END

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