G B IVING MYSELF THE EST ADVICE

Sophia Ceccucci

How transforming the way you talk to yourself can create better relationships

I’m the advice friend. My listening ear does not discriminate between hearing about your education, health, wellness, partner, parents, or best friend; my entire life has been filled with connections forged and strengthened through working out problems with others. Most recently, I have had a series of conversations with a friend about how to navigate their strenuous relationship with their mother. At this point, I truly feel as though I’m a part of the family because of how much emotional energy I’ve invested in the situation.

I’m grateful for my empathetic abilities, as I’m able to build meaningful relationships with my friends, getting to know and understand those around me in a way that I think is more purposeful than surface-level friendships. I truly love this aspect of myself because I am able to experience every emotion and situation fully and entirely while gaining a deeper knowledge and understanding of the world around me. However, embodying the emotional highs and lows of others can also be exhausting. While I’m proud of my ability to feel life intensely and passionately, the emotional fatigue I feel when confronted with my own big feelings while simultaneously working with a friend to help them navigate their emotions can be a struggle.

to recover and try again later.” If I realize that I haven’t eaten and it’s late in the day, I will remind myself how important it is to fuel my body instead of falling back onto old habits. These are the same ways that I also check on my friends.

Giving myself the best advice

There was a period of my life when I had to address the emotional fatigue that I was experiencing because of empathy, and I didn’t see my empathetic abilities as beneficial. In certain circumstances, my empathy robbed me of my own identity and prevented me from feeling my own emotions fully, or even determining what I was feeling because I was so consumed with the lives of those around me. At a certain point, I realized that something needed to change if I was going to be fully present in my own life again. It took a relocation of my home and an entirely new friend group but, upon reflection, I don’t think such drastic measures needed to be taken.

The answer that found me was a notion that I’d been dancing around for some time: take your own advice. I’ve been trying to treat myself like I treat my friends by looking at my embodied experiences and emotions as if I was listening to a friend. This process culminates in giving myself the same empathy that I give other people.

If I am not as productive as I had hoped to be, I will show myself empathy by telling myself what I would tell my friends: “your brain needed a break today, so give yourself time and space

This technique also works if you struggle with doing chores sometimes (like I do). If my room is getting messy and it begins affecting my mood I will remind myself that being an untidy person is not a personal failure, and I am not any less worthy because I am messy. I reassure myself that I am capable of cleaning up my mess at any point, and if it seems like too big of a task for me right now, I am capable of leaving and coming back to it later. Even when I am navigating advice conversations with friends that can leave me feeling drained because of heavy subject matter, I remind myself of the way I’d want my own feelings to be validated by a friend if the roles were reversed. Treating myself the way I would want to be treated by a friend causes me to be more grateful. As my own friend and support, I spend time celebrating the little wins I find throughout the day.

My point is to have the same empathy for yourself that you do for other people. This can drastically change your wellbeing; I know it has drastically changed mine. I think the absolute world of my friends, but I struggle with putting myself on the same level as them sometimes. Using this strategy has not only made me a more confident person by allowing me to have empathy for myself, but it has helped me navigate the emotional fatigue that comes with being an empathetic person. It has allowed me to take better care of myself as a motivation for being more present in the lives of my loved ones without sacrificing the quality that I love most about myself.