Ache-y Break-y

I am captivated by the endless stories masked behind the midnight flickers of brightly scattered apartment windows. Behind those curtains and blinds is a person with their own memories and history, a narrative waiting to be told. Where do their daydreams take them? What weighs on their mind? Why are they up at 12:00 a.m.? This fascination of mine has sparked a personal project. My goal is to converse a little more intimately with people—to ask them questions and lend an ear. I’m attempting to ask 99 people a compilation of self-selected 99 questions. Diving into the depths of our hearts to those feelings we left in a bucket of shambles in the back of our minds, I gained some wisdom by asking the simple question:

“What was the lesson you learned from the last time you encountered heartbreak?”

“End it once.”

“No one’s pedestal should ever be higher than your own.”

“If you know something is wrong, do not procrastinate on taking steps to make it better.”

“Things that are meant to be, will be.”

“Direct your feelings about a situation towards the one that made you feel that way, not the ones that haven’t.”

“You can do everything and anything you possibly can to make something happen and still not get it. Accept the things that you don’t.”

“Everyone’s remedy is different. Take your time to feel, deal, and heal.”

“Relationships are dynamic, ever-changing, and sometimes they don’t grow in the same direction.”

“Protect your heart.”

“Change is scary. Change is good. Soon different won’t be so different, it will be better.”

“Every pain can be positive with time or perspective.”

We have all been there. It’s a pain that rips through your chest, seeps down your throat, and tugs on your most sensitive tendons—your heartstrings. It’s an inside out kind of pain. It pulls on your vocal chords and pries at your lungs. Every time you try to look left, you’re looking right at the thoughts you were trying to drown out … those stupid inescapable thoughts. Every thing you see, smell, taste, and hear turns into a case of bitter nostalgia that was never there before. Before it happened.

I’m not just talking young love and romance, though. Heartbreak comes in all different forms, timelines, and potencies. Sometimes the worst kinds are the ones that run deeper than sweet kisses and long walks on the beach; you didn’t get that job you wanted, you got rejected from exchange, someone you depended on let you down, or someone you never thought you’d live without, you do. Don’t get me wrong, a break-up hurts like hell, but there other means through which we’re filled to the brim with anguish.

The intrigue of asking people this kind of question is being able to see them mull it over in their head. Each person turns back the pages of their minds, deliberates some memories, and tries to find a reply to a question with no wrong answer. Revisiting the scenes of memory you’d prefer to tape over is never easy—it’s tainted and disappointing. So, as I watch their brains tick back, I can empathize by knowing that we haven’t all been faced with the same hardships, but we’ve all been handed some pretty gut-wrenching feelings. Every answer is unique and unprecedented to the rest, deserving validation and acceptance. And with that knowledge, I can really understand the power and transcendence of human emotion. Maybe you’re going through it, maybe your friend is going through it, or maybe you already went through it and you’re reading this with triumph. Shane Koyczan said, “pain is part of the human condition and that alone makes you a legion.” It hurts and it sucks, but every day will bring you closer to reason. You will gain experience, wisdom, and thicker skin that will only make you stronger for the years to come. As cheesy as it sounds, time heals even the toughest of things, so pull up your panties, buy yourself a bagel, and give yourself a big hug. Don’t be afraid to feel, and don’t throw in the towel. Live well, and be caught doing that daily.

By Amy Tanaka | Illustration by Karina Bland