Pictures of Equality in Midlife

Winter 2020

Men and women serving and leading as equals

CONT E N TS 4 10 13 15 19 23 25

Biological Clocks and the Hope of Eternal Life Having children was once culturally rooted in our hope for eternal life, but Jesus liberates women from the stigma of childlessness.

by Hannah Rasmussen

In Sickness, Never Health: A Mutual Marriage How one couple models equal partnership in disability and illness, and how the church can too.

by Keren Dibbens-Wyatt

A Rose A poem about one husband’s view of his wife.

by R. R. Wyatt

DEPA RTMENTS 3 From the Editor What Does Equality Have to Do with Aging?

26 Giving Opportunities 27 Praise and Prayer 28 Ministry News 30 President’s Message Crossing Age and Gender Barriers

She Leads with Confidence: Profile of a Pastor at Midlife The story of how one woman blossomed in her calling at midlife.

by Sarah Lindsay

ED ITO R IAL STA FF

Friends (and Equals) Forever

Editor: Ellen Richard Vosburg Graphic Designer: Margaret Lawrence Publisher/President: Mimi Haddad

A husband’s story of working out an equal partnership with his wife in friendship through varying life circumstances.

by Nils Swanson

Book Review: Seven Transforming Gifts of Menopause by Cheryl Bridges Johns Reviewed by Patty Craft

Book Review: Marriage in the Middle by Dorothy Littell Greco

Mutuality vol. 27 no. 4, Winter 2020 Cover design by Margaret Lawrence Mutuality (ISSN: 1533-2470) offers articles from diverse writers who share egalitarian theology and explore its intersection with everyday life.

Reviewed by Margaret English de Alminana

Winter 2020

Men and women serving and leading as equals

Mutuality is published quarterly by CBE International, 122 W Franklin Ave, Suite 218; Minneapolis, MN 55404-2451.

We welcome your comments, article submissions, and advertisements. Visit cbe.today/mutuality.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the 2011 revision of the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

2 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

Advertising in Mutuality does not imply organizational endorsement. Please note that neither CBE International, nor the editor, nor the editorial team is responsible or legally liable for any content or any statements made by any author, but the legal responsibility is solely that author’s once an article appears in Mutuality.

CBE grants permission for any original article (not a reprint) to be photocopied for local use provided no more than 1,000 copies are made, they are distributed free, the author is acknowledged, and CBE is recognized as the source.

website :

cbeinternational.org

From the Editor

by Ellen Richard Vosburg

What Does Equality Have to Do with Aging?

My mother and I were recently talking about what our family plans to eat for Christmas dinner. We choose a different theme every year, and my mom isn’t thrilled about this year’s dinner theme, but she’s willing to go along. My mother also has a rather dry sense of humor, and when I said we could suggest a change, she quipped, “But they don’t care what I want. . . . You know women of a certain age are invisible.”

Now, my mother was joking in this instance, but her sentiment reflects a real dynamic that women somehow “disappear” as they grow older. I cannot speak to age discrimination in all world cultures, but as a young woman living in the US, I cannot escape the messages our culture sends about women and aging. The resounding cry is: “Don’t!” From covering gray hair to maintaining the weight of our younger selves to filling our cheeks with gels that smooth out our wrinkles, we associate a youthful appearance with relevance, power, and influence.

gender equality is a lifelong project. Unfortunately, there is no magical age at which a woman’s maturity and experience cancels out the discrimination she experiences based on her gender, so we need to talk about gender equality past the experiences of our youths. While working out an equal partnership in our marriages and ministries, we will encounter new challenges at each stage of life. To that end, this issue of Mutuality tries to tackle how our egalitarianism speaks to the challenges and context of midlife and beyond.

Hannah Rasmussen kicks the issue off by exploring how Jesus’s resurrection, and ultimately our own, liberates women from the stigma of childlessness. She wonders whether our desire to have children by a certain point in life is one way we try to avoid death. Keren DibbensWyatt and Nils Swanson give us a peek inside their respective marriages and how they’ve learned (and are learning!) to share an equal partnership in the context of chronic illness and disability, challenges that many of us will encounter as we age. Illness and disability Even as egalitarians, we can prioritize youth and the introduce additional power imbalances into a marriage, experiences of youth as we advocate for equality in but these writers show us how friendship and a shared marriage and the church. Rightfully so, we write commitment to submitting to each other can lead us regularly about how to work out good egalitarian toward mutuality. Sarah Lindsay brings us a profile of a practices for dating, weddings, and the early conflicts female pastor who has faithfully followed God’s calling of marriage. We talk about how the church and to lead the church and be ordained in midlife. Finally, society devalues singleness, especially for women, an we conclude with reviews of a couple of books that are experience predominantly shared by younger people. encouraging and pertinent to egalitarians at midlife.

We do our part to encourage and support young women in seminary, hoping that they will encounter fewer Contemplating women’s equality and aging has helped barriers to the ministry God has called them to than me think outside of my current life situation, find previous generations of women. We want to raise our empathy for others, and advocate for women of all ages. I young sons and daughters with a theology that teaches hope this issue does the same for you, that it opens you to them their equal worth from the beginning. new ideas and aspects of women’s equality to explore and that it prepares you for the challenges and opportunities These focuses are not wrong, but when we prioritize of egalitarianism at midlife and beyond. youth, we overlook the reality that advocating for

bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 3

Biological Clocks and the Hope of Eternal Life

By Hannah Rasmussen

A

friend in college cooed over every stopped stroller. A group of women bemoaned the gender ratio overseas and researched freezing their eggs.

I rolled my eyes at their talk of biological clocks. It sounded like they wanted to use a man to get what they really wanted: a baby.

I figured I’d follow God and the rest would follow. I pursued my call to ministry: enrolling in seminary, speaking at conferences about my book, and coaching authors in my dream job. But being an egalitarian woman i n ministry overseas involves bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

earning respect, downplaying difference, giving of yourself, navigating security concerns, and staying a step ahead of relational turnover; in other words, it has a way of making you long for stable intimate companionship . . . while also limiting your dating options.

What’s more, I was sheepishly surprised to hear my own biological clock start to tick. Suppose I’d like to have my last kid by a certain age to minimize the risks of infertility and genetic complications. Counting backwards, it hit me: I should have met someone . . . yesterday.

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 5

For women at any stage of life wanting children, mourning infertility, or wishing they could have had children, it’s easy to dismiss our desires by defaulting to Christian clichés: surrender your plans to God. You’re idolizing motherhood or marriage. Practice contentment.

But what if instead we listened to the quietly persistent ticking? What if it sounds like a time bomb because it’s an ominous reminder of our mortality? Maybe this isn’t about babies as much as a fear that our one real shot at significance is slipping away. Maybe pat answers don’t satisfy because what we’re really yearning for is eternal life.

Thirsty for Eternal Life Children enable some part of you to live on into the next generation. African traditions took this quite literally.

Kenyan theologian John Mbiti said, “marriage and childbearing are the medicines against death.”1 Since a single or childless woman could not pass on the family name through a son, she was considered cursed and useless in this life. After death, one’s spirit “lived on” only as long as one’s descendants continued to offer food or libations and consult the ancestor. If she went into the realm of the dead without male heirs, no one would venerate her as an ancestor; her death was eternal.

Women who couldn’t have children were as good as dead.

In many cultures today, women’s rising access to education and growing options for careers mean we are encouraged to have it all and pursue personal purpose in both our professional and domestic vocations. Some women try to juggle both. Others end up postponing one, then struggle to make up for lost time later.

Where I live in Kenya, women seem more willing to delay, forgo, or leave marriages, perhaps due to a combination of an increase in women’s earning potential, high rates of domestic violence, and rising expectations of a partner. But having children is still crucially important. Some even intentionally opt to get pregnant with a willing accomplice, because women often experience less shame in their families and societal stigma as single mothers than as childless singles.

Western women too are often socialized to expect ultimate fulfillment from marriage and motherhood. In her TEDx talk about her painful and expensive journey to becoming a mother in her forties, Reisa Pollard said that “any joy or accomplishment I had felt in business was nothing compared to [finally having a child].”2 Women hear this and worry, “What if she’s right? I need to have kids . . . before it’s too late.” Not to mention that in cultures all over the world, parents can’t wait to be grandparents, partially to cement their legacy. Worldwide, childbearing is often a subtle attempt to achieve immortality.

“Give Me Children, or I’ll Die!” Whether due to infant mortality rates or late marriage, fighting death by birthing life has always been women’s struggle. Consider Sarah, Rebekah, Leah and Rachel, Samson’s mother, Ruth and Naomi, Elizabeth . . . it’s hard to think of any women the Bible depicts in a happy marriage with no shame or struggle around fertility.

Infertility is the direct result of the fall. Man, who came from the ground, labors in pain to multiply its fruit. Woman, who came from man, labors in pain to multiply fruit from her womb (Gen. 3:16–19). Perhaps these struggles were God’s redemptive invitation to depend on him after we had rejected him in search of independence. The fall explains why so many people sacrifice to the gods in the quest for fertility of the field and the womb. In desperation and disobedience, Israel looked to Baal and Ashtoreth for power strong enough to reverse the curse of death.

When Rachel says, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” (Gen. 30:1), she is not so much exaggerating as articulating the stakes women who do not have children are up against.

Like Job or the author of Ecclesiastes, she is facing down death and meaninglessness. Women are afraid not just of being alone but of being useless, a waste. This puts a desire for children in perspective. It is not frivolous or shameful. Throughout history, women have fought against death on this female front.

The Bible writes about, rather than writes off, these women’s concerns. Pastorally, this means the church

Western women too are often socialized to expect ultimate fulfillment from marriage and motherhood.

6 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

website :

cbeinternational.org

should take women’s worries about having children seriously, too. Instead, we too easily brush them off with platitudes like, “There’s someone great out there for you,” “You’ve still got time,” or “There are other ways of having kids these days.” Sometimes we have no word at all for women who desired children but are past childbearing ability.

Like Elkanah telling Hannah, “Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” (1 Sam. 1:8), these responses often miss the heart of a woman’s cry. The ticking of the clock is part of the groans of creation in birth pangs, eager for renewed life.

But God hears. Right at the end of their own strength, women who are unable to have children in the Bible cry out in utter dependence: “Hosana!” God delivers them. They deliver a child who achieves significance, like Hannah, or their cherished son is resurrected, like the Shunammite woman (see examples in 1 Kings 17:7–24; 2 Kings 4:1–37; Luke 7:12–16). It might seem like they get their culturally-defined happy ending, but it’s more than that. Over and over, women as good as dead are resurrected.

Delivered by the Single Woman’s Child It’s encouraging that our situations are not as desperate as Sarah’s or Elizabeth’s, and our powerful God is the same. Even so, placing our hope in variations of “someday my prince will come” or waiting for a “knight in shining armor” is a faulty crutch, and we know it. And it is simply a reality that some women won’t have children, even if they hoped to.

A better promise of salvation was planted right in the middle of the curse: the woman’s offspring would crush the head of the snake (Gen. 3:15). First Timothy 2:15 recalls Eve’s deception, concluding with a verse that has ironically been mistranslated, “women will be saved through childbearing.” A friend tells me in Sudan Christians use this verse to reinforce cultural messaging encouraging women to raise up godly children.

Sometimes we have no word at all for women who desired children but are past childbearing ability.

However, New Testament scholar Philip B. Payne argues that in the Greek, 1 Timothy 2:15 is a more specific and subtle wordplay: “women will be saved through the birth of the child.” A singular child, a single woman’s offspring, would redeem single and infertile women from the curse.3 Death would no longer destroy us. Mary sings the significance of the moment: “from now on all generations will call me blessed” (Luke 1:48)! Through an unprecedented virgin birth, a single woman gained a place in the genealogy of the Christ. She got to be part of the bigger story God had been working through her ancestors.

bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 7

In his ministry, Jesus offers women a promise the snake couldn’t fulfill, a promise to the Rachels dying for children only to die in childbirth: “you will not surely die.” When Jesus encounters the “thirsty” Samaritan woman at the archetypical boy-meets-girl location, he offers her something that satisfies more than sex or marriage: eternal life.4 When Mary sits at her Teacher’s feet as a disciple, he affirms that she has chosen something better than playing her part in the gendered script (Luke 10:38–42). Martha, possibly single herself, believes Jesus is the resurrection and the life (John 11:25–27).

community in return. Her life reminds me that the church is a loving intergenerational family of people who are committed to one another’s needs.

Birth Pangs of a New Creation

We don’t need to rely on bearing sons because we have eternal life and victory over death in the Son of God. Significance that will outlive us comes not from being homemakers nor how we earn a living but from the One who made his home among us and gave us life we could not earn.

Unfortunately, the church often reinforces society’s message that women should find ultimate fulfillment in marriage and motherhood. Corporately and as individuals, we may need to check whether we elevate these good desires beyond their proper and helpful place. In reality, we can’t trust children to carry our name beyond the grave. If we expect them to give us significance, to succeed for our sake, we will hold them with such a tight grip that we choke the life out of them instead of loving and serving them freely.

What if the church witnessed to the fact that childlessness does not doom you to an unfulfilling life? I have been blessed by the example of single people showing what Jesus’s offer of abundant life looks like now. An unmarried theology professor whose passion has inspired students, equipped ministers, and elevated the voice of the church in Africa proclaims with her life: “We are not called to be fruitful and multiply biological offspring so much as to make disciples of all nations.”

As our fertility starts to decline, we may wrestle with questions like, “What if I can’t have kids—and grandkids? Who will take care of me in my old age? What will I do that will outlive me?” I think of a servant-hearted single woman who has taught immigrants and generations of school kids, sailed around the world on OM Ships International, and cares for her elderly parents—and she is loved by a huge

We need not dismiss good desires for God’s gifts. It is good to find some joy and fulfillment in raising children and in work. This is our calling as men and women, how we imitate our Creator at work. But when none of this fully satisfies, we can take comfort that the fruits of our labor are not ultimately what carries our name beyond the grave.

If we miss out on having children or on a fulfilling professional career, if we can’t have it all, it’s the end of the world . . . that brings us hope. Single or married, baby-less or breastfeeding, men or women, we have a chance to be part of something that will last forever—the church. We all live in the hope that someday our King will come, riding on a white horse (Rev. 19:11–16). He will defeat the old dragon and our enemy, Death (Rev. 20:2, 3, 10, 14). He will save us who were damned in distress, throw a glorious wedding reception, and we will live happily ever after. When the cosmic clock runs out, it is not infertility we will face but the redemption of new bodies brought to life.

This, and nothing less, is strong enough to build our hope upon.

Hannah Rasmussen authored Good News about Gender: A Bible Study for Young Adults (CBE International, 2016).

She coaches African authors of Christian books at Oasis International Ltd, has an MDiv from Africa International University (Kenya), and was an editorial manager for the Africa Study Bible. She blogs at hannahras.wordpress.com.

1.

John Mbiti, Introduction to African Religion, 2nd ed. (Nairobi: East African Educational Publishers, 1991), 105.

2.

Reisa Pollard, “The Surprising Truth About Making Babies Late,” filmed June 2018 at TEDxVancouver, Vancouver, video, 18:12, https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=HXiq2nBRTPw.

3.

Philip B. Payne, Man and Woman, One in Christ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2009), 417–442.

4.

Carissa Quinn, “Jesus Offers Living Water and . . . Marriage?,” Bible Project, April 7, 2020, https://bibleproject.com/blog/jesus-offers-livingwater-and-marriage/.

8 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

website :

cbeinternational.org

10 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

A M U T UAL MARRIAGE

By Keren Dibbens-Wyatt

Choosing a..marriage partner is hard.

Certainty that your loved one will treat you as an equal ought to be a given, but we all know that not every church teaches the importance or even legitimacy of egalitarian marriage, of a true partnership of equals. How could I be assured, a sick wheelchair user at thirty-eight and starting over, that this was as important to the man proposing on his knees in my kitchen as it was to me?

The answer lies in the fact that even when we were dating, Rowan would frown whenever I said, “my illness.”

It worried me. When I eventually asked him why it bothered him, his answer surprised me. He said that the illness was not a part of me, that he could see past it to who I was, that I shouldn’t own it so much, nor let it own me. I was a little stunned. I’d been disabled by this chronic sickness for so long that it had begun to feel symbiotic.

It was part of me, I was part of it. Everyone seemed to see my weaknesses before my strengths, even (maybe especially) at church.

To hear him say otherwise, to hear that someone else could see otherwise, was very freeing.

I said yes, of course, and we’ve now been married over ten years.

Still there are times when it feels impossible to separate who I am from the very real impact that the pain and exhaustion, the system failures and various symptoms have on my everyday life. But there are moments when I do get a powerful

website :

cbeinternational.org

reminder of who I am, or who I could be, underneath the pain and suffering. They are often times when Rowan makes me laugh, or when I can create something, as I try to do as often as possible, sitting up to write or draw.

There are times when I can see the roses that have arisen from the messy tangles and dung heaps in the garden of our lives.

My marriage to Rowan has shown me important truths about myself and equality. It’s as though the bigger picture of who I am in Christ and his body, who I am as Rowan’s wife, who I am as a whole human being, has been hidden from me.

I only get tiny glimpses now and again of my potential, of what lies beneath this incapacity that’s been part of my life for so long. Without any affirmation or understanding from the church or the people around us, sick or disabled people can become despondent. We need others to treat us with equity and see us as whole people. We need encouragement and support to bring our very real gifts and callings to the table, for the benefit of all.

Rowan and I call ourselves a team.

He has strengths and talents. I have things to offer too. My love is worth

bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

having, my laugh is worth hearing, and my few spoken words here and there have value. If we can learn to honor and love one another even when our needs might seem greater on one side, or when we seem (as in our case!) to take that in turns, we will find that both of us blossom and thrive in a whole new way.

Surely this is how the microcosm of practicing mutuality between women and men in a marriage where one partner is disabled can provide a model for how the church can extend that same equality to those of its members who suffer in body.

Till Death Us Do Part I’ve had myalgic encephalomyelitis or ME (sometimes known as chronic fatigue syndrome) for twenty-four years now. I count the beginning of it from when I had to stop working, but in reality I’ve not been completely well since I had the Epstein Barr virus (ME is often triggered by long-lasting viruses) thirty years ago, at age nineteen.

Most of my adult life has been affected by this neurological and immunological disease which has stopped the cells in my body from being able to produce energy correctly. Every bodily system is affected so that I have poor digestion, poor cognition, and difficulties with lymphatics, circulation, and so on.

The worst part is that I cannot fight it. If I do, as I have learned on countless occasions, the symptoms get worse. I simply have to live within the limitations that my body sets. Pushing myself to try to walk ended up with my having to get a wheelchair. Attempting normal conversations ends in migraines and days of bed rest.

Rowan was well aware of how my illness would affect our lives together. Though he could not have foreseen how much I would

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 11

Despite all my incapability, Rowan has never once deemed me less than his equal. I find this extraordinary. relapse, he knew that this was a possibility we might have to face.

We discussed it many times before we wed. He consistently said that it was me he was marrying and, whatever the illness did, that commitment would not change.

On our wedding day, I somehow stumbled up the aisle and back again, having to sit in a chair throughout the service, and slumped straight back into the wheelchair afterwards.

I remember as Rowan gently helped me into the chariot (as we call it) at our hotel and wheeled me off to our room that there were several people looking on in consternation and amazement. They were surprised to see a bride in a wheelchair, with my white satin dress puffing up over the edges like an unruly meringue.

I felt their sympathy for my brandnew husband, who couldn’t have cared less for their unwanted pity.

He loved me then for who I am, not what I can or cannot do, and he loves me ten years later in the same way. It is an unexpected and much appreciated gift.

“We Somehow Hold Together” The last few years have seen further health-related setbacks, including with Rowan’s own health. A breakdown revealed he had severe PTSD on top of the anxiety and depression we already knew about.

The fallout from this in both our lives has often been difficult to bear.

Night terrors, depression, and all the woes and problems that come with mental illness have made our lives problematic to say the least.

In a way, we seem to have gone downhill together, and it’s hard.

Always a partnership, we continue to struggle along, each caring for the other but in very different ways.

I have become so weak that I’ve been unable to leave the house (actually, rarely my bed) for the last couple of years. I cannot stand for more than a few seconds or walk more than a few paces. Rowan also struggles with many things other people take for granted. Certain routes and routines have to be kept to, coping mechanisms enforced, and reminders given. But still, he is here for me, and I for him. Down in the pit of his own despair and my weakness, we somehow hold together. We joke that we are barely one whole person between us, or that we need our own hospital wing. Yet our love for one another deepens all the time, and, in some ways, we are a stronger team than ever before.

Having to constantly affirm one another’s strengths and work around our weaknesses has given us a humility and self-awareness that is a loving, powerful, and equal partnership. It’s not been easy, and we have our moments, but communication has become, by necessity, a deeply mutual expression. After so long exploring the mechanisms of our illnesses together, we don’t have to excuse or explain our difficulties—things we can’t eat, can’t do, places we can’t go to, things we can’t deal with. These are the thorns we grapple with, as St. Paul might also have called them.

We have learned to offer one another grace instead of logic, acceptance instead of solutions. All of this has fed into our creativity as well, as an

12 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

unexpected blessing, which are the blooming roses we tend. Rowan has written a great deal of beautiful, lyrical poetry, and discovered a talent for photo-composite art. I have been honing God-given skills of writing and painting. So much pain, endured in love, heartache, and the paucity (of money, friends, and opportunity) that ill-health brings have become a well of expression.

Mutuality in Disability and..d Marriage as a Model for..........l the Church Despite all my incapability, Rowan has never once deemed me less than his equal. I find this extraordinary.

And yet, this is the living out of biblical equality. This kind of love that sees past sickness and disability is also the agape, or unconditional, love that Jesus modeled. It is the kind that we need to foster not only within marriage, but in wider society and the church for all people.

If the church cared about and adjusted to the problems that chronically sick, mentally ill, and disabled people have, and ministered to them with eyes and hearts that saw us for who we truly are, as equals, brothers and sisters in the Lord, then things would be very different. All the accessibility issues, cognitive issues, problems with where to put us, how to help us, and just as importantly, how to include us and use our gifts, would be seen not as work that needs to be done to comply with regulations but as an outpouring of love. This outpouring of love is what Rowan and I have found to be in our marriage based on equal partnership.

The church seems rarely to have any clue about what the sick and disabled want and need, let alone how we might be an equal blessing to the fellowship. I wonder that (Article continues on page 14.) website :

cbeinternational.org

A Rose

By R. R. Wyatt God gave me a rose, A delicate thing and beautiful, Trembling in the breath of God, Tearful in the showered rain.

God gave me a rose, A bloom to nurture, love, and hold, So fragile in form and air, With roots clinging to the Lord.

I prayed for a flower, And God in grace gave me you To cultivate in loving soil And steady as a cane in growing.

God gave me a rose, And lo you came in a garland, Rosy in the summer sun, “Wild Purple” Painting by Keren Dibbens-Wyatt

Eternal as the written word.

bookstore :

R.R. Wyatt is a musician of Welsh ancestry, an Ovate in OBOD, Celtic Christian, poet, and artist.

“A Rose” is from his collection The Canticle of the Son.

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 13

since “there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28), so too perhaps Paul might tell us that there is no difference in the way we should treat and include the healthy and the sick, the able-bodied and disabled. Everyone has something to offer and gifts from God which are there to be shared.

Within a marriage too, this equality matters. If one partner holds power, that creates a temptation to abuse that power.

When Rowan has to bathe me or feed me, it is imperative to both his human dignity and mine that he is gentle and kind. As Paul says in Ephesians 5, “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” As husband and wife, we are one f lesh, giving way to one another willingly in love (as Ephesians also teaches us). Unhelpful translations call it “submission,” but to me, the Greek word hypotassomenoi seems more to speak...of .....t h i s

mutual upholding. However hard it gets to help ..the other, however frustrating or tough, biblical marriage needs to be about equality, and so does ministry in the church, whether we are talking about disability or gender equality.

It’s never easy because there are always problems, compromises, difficulties. But there is also always compassion, humility, and grace.

Roses always come with thorns, it seems. But like the cross and the resurrection, you cannot have one without the other. Love entwines around both and through it all.

Of all the things I value about our marriage, it is probably that Rowan sees and respects me for who I am that means the most. Like God, he looks at the heart and sees, not just the failing body, but the soul beyond and within. God, I hope, sees a willing and beloved servant.

My husband sees—despite what the world tells him to—an equal, a partner, a beloved wife.

As we both age, we are already prepared for ailing health because “We Serve, Somehow, we already live with it. Having Together” both been pushed to the limits of ourselves and our faith by the It is not easy having a sick spouse. difficulties we continue to face It is not easy being a sick spouse. together, we have no illusions There are a lot of disappointments. about the other. We know our We’ve never been on holiday strengths and weaknesses with a together, for instance. Careers rare honesty. We have learned to often seem an impossibility. The love one another, not despite our children we were hoping to have weaknesses but through them. never arrived. Poverty inevitably This, all by the grace of the Living rolls up to the door now and then, God, whom we hope to continue like an unwelcome tide. But the to serve, somehow, together. kind of riches that we have are not earthly ones. Nor are they to be sniffed at by those with seemingly more. We have a love that has been refined, and as people, the suffering we have been Keren Dibbens-Wyatt is a chronically ill writer and through together has artist with a passion for changed us. Given poetry, mysticism, story, up to God, our and color. Her creativity marriage

Roses always come with thorns, it seems. But like the cross and the resurrection, you cannot have one without the other. Love entwines around both and through it all.

14 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

has become a tool to make us kinder,.. gentler, ..more compassionate, and more patient. It has also made us a better wife and a better husband.

features regularly on spiritual blogs and in literary journals. Keren is the author of Recital of Love (Paraclete Press, 2020). She lives in South East England and is mainly housebound by her illness, though she tries not to let that keep her out of trouble.

website :

cbeinternational.org

By Sarah Lindsay

Profile of a Pastor at Midlife met the Reverend Karen Miller in June of 2017 at the end of the first service I attended at Church of the Savior, the Anglican church where Karen is associate rector.

During that service, for the first time in my life, I sang a hymn with pronouns revised to include women and men and heard a sermon preached by a woman.

Then I met Karen, her priests’ stole draped over her shoulders, radiating confidence. I knew I had found a home. Over the next year, Karen became my mentor and then my boss as I joined the Savior church staff. Karen’s experience and wisdom has encouraged me and many others.

As a woman who has come more fully into her leadership gifts as she’s aged, her story offers both inspiration to other leaders and a challenge to the church to fully incorporate the gifts of women at all ages.

By Sarah Lindsay

bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 15

Discovering Her Leadership Gifts

Karen leads with such confidence and competence that it’s hard to believe she ever struggled to see herself as a leader. But it took time and work for her to recognize, and then develop, her skills in this area—although others around her could see her leadership potential.

In high school, an activity leader noticed Karen’s potential and began placing her in charge of various events, including a banquet for a few hundred attendees.

However, when Karen married her husband, Kevin, they worshiped in a church that discouraged women from leading. This church culture steered Karen towards seeing herself primarily as a wife and mother, submissive to her husband and certainly not involved in church leadership. Still, her bent towards leadership was clear to Kevin, who began his own theological journey that would lead him to accept women’s full equality in the church. As Kevin and Karen together shifted in their views, they decided in the mid-1980s to move to a Vineyard church where Karen could use her skills in church leadership.

Over the next thirty years, Karen served in several churches, earned a master’s degree in social work, and became a supervisor in a counseling center. She eventually helped plant a church and worked at the denominational level in the Anglican Mission in North America.

Karen leads with such confidence and competence that it’s hard to believe she ever struggled to see herself as a leader.

16 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

In every position, Karen’s leadership skills were quickly evident to her supervisors. At the Vineyard church where she first began leading, she developed ministries and mentored other leaders as the church grew from under 100 to over 250 people. When Karen and her husband moved to a church in the Anglican Church of North America (ACNA), she oversaw an expanding staff as the church grew rapidly to over a thousand attenders.

In 2017, Karen was finally ordained as a priest in the ACNA at age fifty-seven, soon after she and Kevin became rector and associate rector at Church of the Savior. For the last three years, Karen has led and pastored this congregation while also coaching and developing leaders, especially women leaders in the church.

Facing the Challenges of Being a Woman in Ministry Karen has had strong support from her husband since early in her marriage. Her supervisors quickly recognized her leadership abilities, and they gave her significant responsibilities, opportunities to develop new ministries, and the freedom to coach other leaders. Still, in nearly every position she held both inside and outside the church, Karen hit the (stained) glass ceiling.

She was passed over for a promotion by one supervisor who assumed that, as a wife and mother, she wouldn’t want the workload. She was denied ordination in two different churches because she is a woman. Even as her own confidence and skills grew over the years, she remained limited by the views towards women in the churches where she served and led.

Early in her journey, Karen felt a clear call to lead in the church along with a word from God: pioneer. As she faced challenges and discouragement, she clung to this call and drew encouragement from it even as she remained in churches that were not fully egalitarian in their views. And she thrived in her various leadership roles, even amid the unique challenges she faced as a woman in church leadership.

But after her many years of pioneering in an Anglican church where women were barred from certain leadership positions, Karen still deeply desired to be ordained as a priest within this denomination.

Ordination meant moving to a church where women could lead equally and, finally, gaining the freedom to use her website :

cbeinternational.org

gifts fully as a priest and rector. Now, at age sixty, Karen is thriving at Church of the Savior; she explains that she now feels “like a bird set free to fly.”

Changes, Lessons Changes Lessons, and New Challenges The challenges Karen faced in her first Vineyard church position in the 1980s did not change much in ensuing years or in ACNA churches. But despite the constant external limitations, Karen continued to learn and grow as a leader. She honed her skills, developed her spiritual life, and worked on increasing her resilience. She relied on the support of mentors, groups of women in similar jobs, and many biographies of other women in leadership.

When she turned fifty, Karen loved it. She explains that now, “I know who I am. I know who I’m not.

And I no longer need to apologize for myself.” And even as she continued to, in her words, “befuddle men” by being a competent and successful woman in church leadership, her own confidence in herself and in her call grew and solidified.

She even began to feel that, as she aged, her gender was no longer quite as much of an obstacle. Karen’s churches still did not allow her to be ordained, but she also felt that she was taken more seriously and had more room to speak freely than she had as a younger woman.

Even so, Karen began to feel the impact of prejudice against her age. She was encouraged to move aside “to make room for the younger generation to be able to lead.” Karen loves raising up new leaders, but her years of experience and her hard-won wisdom are equally valuable where she serves.

Now, at sixty, Karen is thinking about her legacy: what does she want to leave behind? She continues to lead in her congregation, affirming and listening to the people under her care. But she’s especially passionate about coaching and mentoring other leaders.

Having been helped along her journey by other women a little ahead of her, she’s using the wisdom she gained as a pioneer in ministry to give others, particularly women, a boost in their own journeys.

“Really “reallyknow know whowho you areyou and what “Really know who you are and are your gifts are.inner yourand giftswhat are. Work on your what your gifts are. Work on your Work onand yourgrow innerinjunk junk yourand skills.” inner junk and grow in your skills.” grow in your skills.”

Advice to Younger Women Karen encourages women beginning their own leadership journeys, inside or outside the church, to “really know who you are and what your gifts are.

Work on your inner junk and grow in your skills.”

Developing confidence and resilience comes not only from the outer work on skills and competencies but also from the inner work of healing and spiritual formation. In this work, Karen also urges women to develop a deep dependence on God so that they can lead and rely on God to open doors.

As part of this inner and outer work, Karen sees coaching, mentorship, or spiritual direction as crucially important. Learning from the wisdom of others is an invaluable aid, as is finding a support group of women in similar circumstances. In addition, she cautions women against nurturing anger and resentment.

Anger may give us a surge of energy towards change, but it cannot sustain us in our work over time.

Encouragement for Women Leaders at Midlife Karen urges other women at midlife to enjoy what they are doing and if they aren’t, to find a place where they

As part of this inner and outer work, Karen sees coaching, mentorship, or spiritual direction as crucially important. bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 17

can excel. Finding these positions allows women to continue offering their wisdom and insight to others— something that can become more difficult as women age.

This is why Karen left her leadership position at one ACNA church and moved to another: she knew that she needed to serve in a church where she could be ordained and fully freed to lead and pastor a congregation. This move also freed Karen to consider the legacy she wanted to leave.

Coaching and mentoring leaders have always been Karen’s passions—she has her own coaching business, Strengthen Your Leadership (www.strengthenyourleadership.com),. in.addition.to mentoring church staff. But as she has begun considering her legacy, this work has taken on new importance for her. And she encourages other women at midlife to begin considering their own legacies: what do they want to leave behind in their families, communities, and workplaces? While not everyone is as passionate as Karen about coaching, she also encourages older women to mentor younger women, raising up a new generation of leaders.

A Challenge to the Church As is clear in Karen’s story, she has remained a committed servant and leader in the church, despite the sexism and discouragement she faced.

For any member of her congregation, her care for

the body of Christ is hard to miss. But part of that care is also the willingness to challenge trends that minimize the role of women, especially of older women. Karen says, “we need the next generation of young men and women to be raised up to lead the church. However, do not put the older women out to pasture. You still need to have them in the mix because they bring more wisdom and discernment.”

Karen has weathered years of sexism, and now ageism, in the church. But as she herself demonstrates, limiting people because of their gender or their age deprives the church—local congregations as well as the larger body of Christ—of unique perspectives, important insights, and valuable wisdom gained through experience. And so let us, as the church, show by our actions that we value the wisdom of women at midlife and beyond by ensuring that they have space to grow, thrive, and leave a legacy.

Sarah Lindsay is a recovering academic with a passion for the Middle Ages, baking, and science fiction. She currently lives in the Chicagoland area with one husband, two dogs, and three daughters who inspire her to advocate for gender equality.

Sarah blogs at intoresurrection.com and tweets @drlindsay.

She encourages other women at midlife to begin considering their own legacies: what do they want to leave behind in their families, communities, and workplaces?

18 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

website :

cbeinternational.org

FRIENDS (and Equals)

FOREVER “Honey, would you come here please? And bring pen and paper with you.” It was 4:30 in the morning and my wife was about to dictate her last words to me.

At this point Sue and I had been married for thirtysix years and had a son and daughter. We had both made decisions to follow Jesus in high school and then met at university, where Sue studied education and I biological sciences. We dated briefly in college but went our own ways for four years before reconnecting.

She was a teacher while I was involved in parachurch ministry. Before we were married, we didn’t think a lot about gender roles. Sue and I were friends, and that friendship has been the foundation of our marriage, even as we have grown and changed.

Waking Up to Gender Roles Shortly after our wedding we relocated to the university town where we had met, returning to the church we had been involved with as students. It was patriarchal in its theology, barring women from leadership and teaching a “chain of submission” (children submitted to parents; wives submitted to husbands; husbands submitted to Christ). As young believers we accepted the teaching without question. But as we tried to apply this approach to marriage, it became clear that it didn’t work. Especially to Sue.

By Nils Swanson

bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

For the first time in our marriage, we began having conversations about how we would hear one thing, and then live the other. For example, the teaching said that women are emotional while men are logical (Greek philosophy, not biblical truth), and therefore men are best suited to make decisions. In practice, we found this eroded trust in our relationship, whereas shared decision-making built trust. Sue also

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 19

observed that it wasn’t just us feeling this tension; there were other couples whose marriages appeared to be good and said the “right things” but lived otherwise. The inconsistency became glaring.

We had become friends with another couple who also saw this discrepancy and questioned the theological position and teaching of our church community. The wife recommended Sue read Kari Torjesen Malcolm’s Women at the Crossroads. It wasn’t long before she discovered Gretchen Gaebelin Hull (Equal to Serve) and CBE. She continued to share with me what she was learning, encouraging me that this was a theology that made a strong and sensible argument for equality in marriage. In the meantime, I had become a pastor in a denomination that did not permit women to lead in the home or church. I was feeling the tension.

After a couple of years of study and conversations, I too affirmed women’s leadership and became an egalitarian. This changed all aspects of our marriage, but these were the three biggest: decision-making, chores, and boundaries. These changes would also provide the foundation we needed to remain equal partners as we faced health challenges we never envisioned when we began.

Three Big Changes Making Decisions Together In our earlier patriarchal community, decision‑making was the primary responsibility of the husband. It was good to get input from the wife, but the decision was his to make. If the wife felt it was not the Lord’s will, her responsibility was to submit. If she did not do so she was in sin, even if it became clear that she was right. If they disagreed, then the husband had the final say as the “head of the family.”

For Sue and me, the fundamental disagreement we had with that position was our understanding that Jesus was the head of our relationship, not me. As such, our primary posture of submission was to Jesus.

Both of us. This meant that we needed to trust each other’s walk with Jesus, and that we had equal say in decision- making. When one felt more strongly than the other, we usually deferred to that person.

If one was more knowledgeable or experienced, then that position held additional weight.

When we disagreed, we saw it as a check from God that either the timing wasn’t good or that one of

After a couple of years of study and conversations, I too affirmed women’s leadership and became an egalitarian. This changed all aspects of our marriage, but these were the three biggest: decision-making, chores, and boundaries.

Give the Gift of Inspiration this Christmas Gift subscriptions to CBE’s award-winning journals are 25% off through December 31!

Visit cbe.today/xmas

ussimply was not hearing God. We would then step back from the decision and spend time evaluating our hearts and desires before the Lord. If we still disagreed, then we put the decision on hold. People ask us, “But what if it’s time sensitive and you have to make a decision?” We would respond that if it is time sensitive and of the Lord, he will give you agreement.

If you don’t have agreement, then it’s not of the Lord (at least at that moment). We believe the pressures of deadlines often drive people, whereas the Lord leads people—and there is a big difference. The concern here is that if a couple disagrees and one of them forces the decision, even if it works out okay, it causes damage to the relationship.

When we disagreed, we saw it as a check from God that either the timing wasn’t good or that one of us simply was not hearing God.

Caring for the House Together The second area influenced was how we worked on household chores. Although there was not a major shift for us in what we were doing, the attitude shift was significant for me. I remember attending men’s retreats and hearing about loving your wife sacrificially, to the point of being willing to die for her (Eph. 5:25). Yet there was “women’s work and men’s work,” which translated to saying, “I will die for you, but don’t ask me to clean the toilet.” For us, we each gravitated to some chores more than others. But we did not distinguish between “women’s chores and men’s.”

Chores were chores and needed to be done. I must confess to taking pride in cleaning the bathrooms for several years until the kids got to take over for me. Not quite the humble attitude of Jesus there!

Creating Boundaries Together The third area that began to change for us was more subtle and is still a work in progress: setting and respecting boundaries in our marriage. Because we are truly equals, we need to hear and respect the other’s desires and wishes. We need to grant them the dignity to say yes or no of their own accord, just as the Lord has granted that to us. I grew up in a family without boundaries, while Sue’s family did better in this regard.

The most obvious arena where we struggled was budgeting finances, a tremendous source of tension that became a wonderful place of growth. We came to the place of having weekly “budget summits” that over time facilitated all kinds of significant conversations.

A couple of other important areas for boundaries is sex and child-rearing. Money, sex, and child-rearing all require learning to hear and respect each other’s boundaries in an egalitarian marriage.

bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

We had been living this way up to the morning when she dictated her last words to me, although they weren’t.

More Changes Ahead In 2006 I began to notice some changes in Sue, particularly in her physical movements. Although she had just begun her fifties, she moved as if she were in her eighties: slow, stiff, and with some tremors.

Friends asked me whether she had experienced a stroke because her normally animated face was no longer expressive. Sue dismissed these concerns until finally in December 2007 we went to a neurologist who diagnosed her with Parkinson’s disease. It wasn’t a terminal diagnosis, but it did bring a new level of turmoil into our lives as we tried to understand what this would mean for us.

Twice in the first year I performed the Heimlich maneuver on her because she was choking, unable to swallow her food (she argues I only needed to do so once; I think she has forgiven me for the second time!).

She began taking medications that helped to manage her symptoms, adjusting her diet and exercise as well.

She did well for about ten years. When she underwent Deep Brain Stimulation surgery it gave us hope that she would continue doing well for years to come, and she did do well for three years. But in January of 2019 she found herself on a slippery slope of mental health problems. Being partners meant I was on that slope with her.

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 21

She remains my equal regardless of her issues, and I remain her equal regardless of mine. Friends are equals, and to lay down my life for my wife I also need to see her as my friend, as my equal, including in our circumstances today.

Sleep problems, anxiety, hallucinations, and delusions became our battleground. Over the next several months the doctors tried to figure out what was going on. But each time it seemed we had a breakthrough, she actually grew worse. Finally she began thinking that her life was nearing its end and expressing her concern that I be able to move on with my life after her passing.

When she called me in to record her last words, she thought she would die that day. She wanted it to be as easy as possible for me, so she had decided she would call 9-1-1 and get a ride to the hospital where she would die instead of at home. Except it ended up that she underwent a psychological evaluation instead and spent two nights in the psychiatric ward. A terrible experience for both of us, albeit for different reasons.

It had become apparent that I could no longer care for Sue in our home and she moved into an adult family home. It was a painful decision. I told our children that I had made a promise to be there for their mother for life, and now “being there” meant stepping aside. Someone else needed to be there for her. It tore me up.

endeavoring to listen well and to support her as much as possible, reassuring her that I am still her partner.

In reflection, over the years of coming home to living as equal partners in our marriage, I have learned that though this position necessarily challenges structures and forms, it ultimately changes the heart. It has challenged my sense of identity and security. It has challenged my motivations. It has challenged my selfishness. It has challenged me to see people like Jesus sees them.

The verse we chose for our wedding day was from John 15, “Greater love has no one than this, to lay down their life for their friends.” At the time it was an aspirational choice to have that verse spoken over our wedding, and yet it has been woven throughout our marriage in ways I never imagined. She remains my equal regardless of her issues, and I remain her equal regardless of mine. Friends are equals, and to lay down my life for my wife I also need to see her as my friend, as my equal, including in our circumstances today.

Equal Partners in New Circumstances It has been over a year since Sue moved into the adult family home, and she is much improved. We visit frequently and are continuing to figure out what it means to be partners in these circumstances, ones which we never envisioned for ourselves. For me, it has meant 22 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

Nils Swanson has been active in collegiate ministry, pastoring, and missions. Currently, he serves as an associate with the Fellowship Foundation. Nils and his wife, Sue, have been married for thirty-eight years and currently reside in Spokane, WA.

website :

cbeinternational.org

Review of Seven Transforming Gifts of Menopause by Cheryl Bridges Johns

By Patty Craft In Seven Transforming Gifts of Menopause: An Unexpected Spiritual Journey, Cheryl Bridges Johns shines a new light on the dramatic transformation that takes place during perimenopause and menopause. She invites us to see menopause as more than a time of biological change by examining the psychological and spiritual aspects. One of the most compelling aspects of Johns’s book is how she brings to light the way misogyny and a diminished view of women’s bodies has prevented women from embracing the normal biological experience of menopause as a holistic, transformative experience.

and keep them in their place. It’s an odd combination of revering women for motherhood, using myths about menstruation to ostracize them, and then discarding women when menopause eliminates their childbearing abilities. Superstition combined with a woman’s supposed God-prescribed destiny of motherhood is a prescription for oppression based on anatomy.

But Johns announces there is hope in modern changes within medicine and culture. She examines both medical advancements and the increased accessibility of information about menopause, specifically the development of hormone replacement theory and a more holistic view of menopause as a time of transformation. These two factors give us a menopausal journey far different from our foremothers.

According to Johns, women can experience seven opportunities, or gifts, through menopause. During menopause, a woman’s changing hormonal balance begins to reveal a new way of experiencing life. While society has ignored, misunderstood, and even vilified these experiences, Johns labels them as gifts that at times can be overwhelming and possibly unwanted.

But, as Johns explains, by working through each gift, or development task, women can be transformed and ready to enthusiastically embrace the second half of life.

The author cautions that there is no expectation that all women will experience every single gift. Johns specifically explores the similarities and differences between white and black women’s menopausal experiences. The way Johns includes the perspectives of women of color brings further strength and insight to this book. Women of color not only have their personal injustices to work through but also corporate and societal injustices. In addition to this, black women have a longer menopausal journey than white women. The median length for black women is ten years in comparison to seven and a half for white women. This enlightening information is not widely discussed, which makes Johns’s work an important resource for women with diverse life experiences.

According to Johns, “uncovering” is the first of these gifts and functions as a gateway into the transformation of menopause. Johns says, “As a new hormonal balance emerges, women begin to take note of the disparity in power, injustice in society, betrayal in relationships, and disappointments that they once were willing to overlook. In other words, the rose-colored glasses come off” (39). Biological, menopausal changes are expressed through the intensity of emotions women sometimes feel they have no control over. For Johns, working with and through these emotions is key to confronting both personal and societal experiences of injustice, instead of ignoring them the way women are encouraged to do.

The second and third gifts, anger and the authentic self, are closely tied to uncovering. Grieving loss, forgiveness, and dealing with anger in an honest and healthy way are important tasks for women to work through. Expanded time and spiritual freedom are the freeing gifts that follow. The final gifts of vision and courage challenge women to embrace a new calling that they can pursue with their “courageous dragon self.”

Women have long been defined and victimized by negative opinions of their bodies. In this book, Johns examines how patriarchal forces, both inside and outside the church, use women’s biology to further oppress them bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

Women armed with information can take control of their menopausal experience, seeing it as a time of transformation instead of the death sentence it used to be. Johns reframes the biological dynamics of menopause and weaves a more holistic vision of women’s identity and experiences. Everyone’s journey will be different because we each approach menopause from our unique perspectives and experiences. Your feelings may be dismissed, ignored, and possibly ridiculed, but this resource can give you the guidance and encouragement you need to experience menopause as a time of remarkable transformation.

Patty Craft is a minister with experience as an associate pastor and grant writer and working in nonprofit leadership and curriculum development. She’s an ordained elder in the Church of the Nazarene with an undergraduate degree in Christian Education and a masters in Curriculum and Instruction. She’s been married for thirty-plus years to an amazing guy.

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 23

“Th

Fact or Theory?

is t so each –M ing cle imi a is r !”

Ha d da

d, P

h.D .

The Truth About Women in Church History and the Bible

Breakthrough teaching separates facts versus theories for the main scriptures used to limit women. With fascinating timeline, 50+ scriptures explained, reconciliation teaching and time of prayer. New information for most viewers.

Five dynamic, concise videos. Great to share with others!

Viewable free at

FACTorTHEORY.org Jane L. Crane is a gifted leader and speaker who has taught this material on five continents. She was the Lausanne Movement’s first Senior Associate for the Partnership of Men and Women and holds a Masters in Peace and Justice.

Review of Marriage in the Middle by Dorothy Littell Greco

By Margaret English de Alminana

Marriage in the Middle: Embracing Midlife Surprises, Challenges, and Joys, by Dorothy Littell Greco, offers couples personal wisdom and perspective on marriage in middle age. Greco weaves together compelling firstperson narratives with the stories of many aging couples from diverse ethnic backgrounds to provide insight, vulnerability, and hope. Although not explicitly focused on egalitarians, this book addresses role expectations and fairness issues that can sabotage equal unions and hinder them from flourishing.

Books preparing couples for success in marriage in general are plentiful, but far fewer help couples face the uncertainties of midlife. While other books on marriage at midlife take a more clinical approach or, conversely, are completely subjective, this book blends the two approaches.

Greco examines marriage at middle age from a counselor’s perspective with personal and intimate relational narratives.

This interesting blend of approaches makes the book seem more personal, readable, and genuinely helpful.

Based upon years of coaching married couples, as well as her personal struggles, Greco believes that navigating the many challenges at midlife (from ages forty to sixty-five) can be daunting but rewarding. She writes, “Midlife can often leave us feeling like we’re out in the middle of the sea in a tiny boat with a single sail. Though we have little power over the frequency or intensity of the storms that rage around us, we do have tremendous agency in how we respond” (3). Greco’s wisdom and advice shows the reader how to restore that sense of agency that could help marriages flourish through these turbulent waters.

From bedbugs to infidelity, Marriage in the Middle offers balance to women who are feeling a bit lost and alone as their bodies change and as regrets and missed opportunities surface. Midlife can be a time when unmet expectations loom large, and strength and patience seem reduced.

Greco encourages women to focus on the following traits: malleability, resilience, and engagement.

The focuses of several chapters are of special note. In chapter 3, “Ch, Ch, Ch, Changes,” the author takes an honest look at the changes taking place in the aging bodies of both women and men. She talks intimately about sex, erectile dysfunction, sleep deprivation, chronic pain, and the hormonal changes that manifest surprising emotions, such as anger. The remaining chapters deal with issues of caregiving, often culturally expected of women, and the bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

difficulties of juggling work, leaving jobs, aging parents, and a host of other issues that can rob a midlife couple of the autumn joys of life together.

Chapter 5, “Deciphering Disappointment,” is one of the most compelling in the book. It gently walks readers through the many mazes of missed opportunities and unrealized expectations at the root of midlife’s resentments, anger, and sadness. Expected changes never realized— over even very small matters—can loom larger in this transitional season. One wife, Isabella, shares, “I know the division of labor is a common area of conflict for many couples, and we’re no different” (65).

Chapters on sexuality and community round out the global look at midlife. Although chapters 8 and 9, “Sex, Part 1” and “Sex, Part 2,” are offered clearly as an important aspect of an aging couples’ life together, the section did not seem well-integrated into the overall message and might have been better placed as an appendix or a book sequel.

Although it was written in the same style as the previous chapters, this reader considered the topic so complex that it deserved its own treatment. Adding it in two parts made the book seem that it was attempting to survey too wide a range of topics.

The book concludes with a chapter, “Telos Revised,” challenging couples to write their own script and take control of their story. In attempting to discern their own telos, couples should ask themselves: What are you aiming for, and how does each part of life together contribute to the goal? These questions are meaningful ones for those pioneering egalitarian models of marriage. The sense that we can and do cowrite our destinies together with God is an important reminder to us all that egalitarianism in marriage must be pursued mutually and with intention.

Marriage in the Middle is a collection of life vignettes and personal experiences that will resonate with every married couple. Greco encourages couples to face midlife with imagination and hope and offers transparency, intimacy, and insight for the journey.

Margaret English de Alminana teaches theology at Southeastern University. She also serves as co-pastor at Central Assemblies of God, Auburndale, FL. She resides in Winter Haven, Florida, with her husband, Marty, and they have three grown children and four grandchildren.

She is passionate about prayer and seeing women rise to their full measure of calling.

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 25

Giving Opportunities

26  M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

website :

cbeinternational.org

Praise and Prayer

Praise

Prayer

•

•

•

•

•

Priscilla Papers and Mutuality were accepted by JSTOR, one of the largest online libraries for scholars, researchers, and students. JSTOR partners with publishers, libraries, and museums in the US, and offers free or low-cost access to more than 1,500 institutions in low-income countries around the world.

CBE hosted a virtual booth at the Evangelical Theological Society annual meeting, where we chatted with attendees and answered questions about CBE’s work. The virtual event offered a unique opportunity for visitors to explore all the resources on our website.

CBE is partnering with Fuller Seminary to create an online course called “Eyes Open to Abuse,” which will be available on the Fuller Leadership Platform.

This course equips Christian leaders to recognize and prevent abuse.

CBE supporters came together on Giving Tuesday, matched our $55,000 Giving Tuesday challenge fund, and contributed over $110,000 toward our overall $125,000 goal! We are blessed to have such generous allies in this mission!

•

•

•

Pray for CBE’s online outreach, especially important during the pandemic, that we are able to offer even more women and men resources on the biblical truth about women’s worth and call to leadership.

CBE would love to hire more work-from-home interns to help with several special projects that will push our ministry forward. Please pray that we are able to connect with qualified candidates who are passionate about our mission.

CBE’s 2021 conference in London is rescheduled for August 11–14, and we are finalizing details for virtual participation. May God continue to reveal his will for this gathering and protect the health of speakers, sponsors, registrants, and the CBE planning team.

Pray for a generous response to CBE’s year-end fundraising, especially among new donors. Finishing the year strong will enable CBE to make more online multimedia resources (like webinars, videos, and podcasts) available to reach and serve more people.

Learn

LONDON SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY | AUGUST 11–14, 2021 Hosted with the Women’s Commission of the World Evangelical Alliance and the Anglican Diocese of Norwich

Check out our 2021 conference virtual preview panel, part 2—an exciting discussion on leadership strengths of women and men and how churches can better value and foster a diversity of leadership styles. Moderated by Charles Read, featuring Natalie Collins, Sean Callaghan, and Pontsho Segwai.

You’ll hear from pastors, authors, professors, and social justice advocates on a variety of engaging, timely, and scholarly topics and issues.

Connect You’ll meet and network with renowned scholars, activists, nonprofit leaders, pastors, and egalitarians like yourself from around the world.

Advocate You’ll leave the conference encouraged and equipped to better embody and share God’s vision for equal partnership between women and men in your own context.

Visit cbe.today/conspeakers to watch virtual panels featuring 2021 CBE conference speakers! bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 27

Ministry News FY2020 Annual Report Preparing Women to Lead In the US, CBE awarded $6,000 AMMS scholarships to three women pursuing master’s degrees in ministry-related fields.

Meet the winners at cbe.today/ammsapply.

Pastor Resource CBE’s newest book, Created to Thrive, and its companion evaluation tool have been edited and will be released soon.

Created to Thrive will help pastors address and prevent abuse, and the evaluation tool will help churches uncover subtle sexism they may be unaware of.

Translation Project CBE has compiled an international team of scholars to translate 300+ Bible verses (70 different passages) into exegeticallysound, gender-accurate, and accessible English. The team is on step two of a rigorous six-step process that will result a genderaccurate supplement to your Bible translation of choice.

International Partners CBE’s partnerships in sub-Saharan Africa help equip Christians with biblical books in their languages, youth curriculum, family events, and programs that support women’s daily needs, while also challenging male-only authority, gender-based violence, and other injustices suffered by women. Last year: • She Learns in Uganda hosted an event at a girl’s school where 600 girls learned their value as women.

• The Courtship and Marriage Foundation in Zimbabwe hosted a “Marriage Dynamics” workshop in a new region.

• The Institute for Faith and Gender Empowerment (formerly EFOGE) worked toward achieving gender justice with an international conference in Rwanda.

28 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

website :

cbeinternational.org

Ministry News CBE has ten chapters across the US and three in Australia that promote our mission by engaging their local communities. CBE’s Houston chapter assisted with CBE’s 2019 conference and the Washington, DC, chapter provided reusable pads to girls and women through a CBE partner in Uganda.

Award Winning Publications CBE’s magazine, Mutuality, was recognized by the Evangelical Press Association.

• Jax Cortez received first place in poetry for “Hunger.”

• Kate Dewhurst received third place for her blog, “Why Are We Teaching Girls to Hate Their Bodies?”

• Mimi received fifth place for her editorial, “The Tears of Men: The Emotional Masculinity of Jesus and Saint Francis.”

FY2020 Statement of Activities

Revenue $1,096,332

Expenses $1,258,601

Contributions and Grants

Program Services

Membership and Subscriptions

Management and General

Other Revenue

Fundraising

Change in Net Assets ($162,272): Deficit was covered by savings set aside over the last several years when revenue exceeded expenses.

Find the full report online at cbe.today/fy2020report bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 29

President’s Message

by Mimi Haddad

Crossing Age and Gender Barriers Years back, a close friend candidly shared her intent to befriend only married women with children the same age as hers. At the time I was single and childless. With unshaking confidence and moral certainty, an egalitarian told me, “We’re a church of forty, and we’re all under forty.”

Had I been looking for a church family, my age would have been a painful barrier. I wish comments like this were rare, but they’re not. And, they’re not only short on empathy, self-awareness, and a Christian spirit of inclusivity, they also smack of superiority—that we have no need of friends or church family who are not like us in age or life experiences. While we cannot help but enjoy the company of like-minded people, our faith history, and that of CBE, is a story of like-mindedness in Christian ideals, not embodiment. I believe that explains the vitality we have experienced, especially in the early days of CBE. When CBE incorporated, our founders were well into their seventies. Yet their wisdom, experience, and knowledge of Scripture and the Christian world was established and evident to all. Age barriers were not only irrelevant to our work and organization, they also seemed at odds with our Galatians 3:28 mission of gifts-based instead of male-based ministry. In fact, CBE’s community was strikingly diverse with regard to age, denominational affiliation, ethnicity, and geographical representation, especially compared to our “dialogue partners.” If you worked closely with CBE’s early community, this diversity was itself a significant source of inspiration, capacity, and wisdom, demonstrating the power of CBE’s mission. We are not unique in this regard.

Nobel Prize recipients in the humanities are generally well beyond middle age, because wisdom comes through experience, and experience is often hard learned. In making that difficult transition from warrior to diplomat, leaders have absorbed years of pain, as Dr. Shirley Mullen—President of Houghton College—noted in her 2019 CBE conference workshop. Seasoned leaders are often older, but cultures like ours too often dismiss their contributions because of age.

1.

2.

3.

Quoting Bonnie Marcus, founder of Bonnie Marcus Leadership, “As soon as women show any visible signs of aging, they are viewed as not only less attractive, but less competent.”1 Moreover, age discrimination at work (like all injustices) falls more often on the backs women than men. It also begins earlier for women than men.

Women past a certain age are promoted far less often than men of the same age. This helps explain why we have so few women in C-suite offices. However, research shows that including older women in the workforce not only makes economic sense but older women are also a source of the stability, joy, and wisdom that come with age.

As Christians, we have the examples of older leaders through church history whose confidence, strength of character, and clarity of vision came from years of intimacy with Christ and “a long obedience in the same direction.” We have many reasons to work beside women sharpened by the Holy Spirit through years of faithful service.

Yet sexism and ageism—demons that travel together— continue to rob the church of God’s richest resources.

In-groups, especially those based on embodied resemblances, are not only less productive, less ethical, and less willing to “reach across the aisle,” they also fail to challenge and develop us. Ultimately, they truncate our fullest development as God’s people. Just as Jesus crossed barriers of gender, age, and ethnicity to minister, so we are called to do the same.

Let us not betray the deep reality of our faith by seeking friendships, churches, and organizations with people who resemble us. To do so reduces our work as Christians and our own souls because religions we “make up for ourselves always reduce reality to what we feel comfortable with.”2 As an organization exposing theologies that demean women because they are embodied female, we must resist our culture’s tendency to prize youth over God’s gifts in older women. As Kenneth Cragg wrote, “It takes a whole world to understand a whole Christ.”3

Margye Solomon, “Working Women’s Double Dose of Discrimination: Gender and Ageism,” Forbes online, November 2, 2020, https://www. forbes.com/sites/ellevate/2020/11/02/working-womens-double-dose-of-discrimination-gender--ageism/?sh=14e5f1d31d19.

Eugene H. Peterson, Runs with the Horses: The Quest for Life at Its Best (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2009), 180.

Kenneth Cragg, The Call of the Minaret (London: Oxford University Press, 1952), 183.

30 M U T U A L I T Y | Winter 2020

website :

cbeinternational.org

CBE INTERNATIONAL (Christians for Biblical Equality) MISSION STATEMENT CBE exists to promote the biblical message that God calls women and men of all cultures, races, and classes to share authority equally in service and leadership in the home, church, and world. CBE’s mission is to eliminate the power imbalance between men and women resulting from theological patriarchy.

STATEMENT OF FAITH

CORE VALUES

• We believe in one God, creator and sustainer of the universe, eternally existing as three persons equal in power and glory.

• We believe in the full deity and the full humanity of Jesus Christ.

• We believe that eternal salvation and restored relationships are only possible through faith in Jesus Christ who died for us, rose from the dead, and is coming again. This salvation is offered to all people.

• We believe the Holy Spirit equips us for service and sanctifies us from sin.

• We believe the Bible is the inspired word of God, is reliable, and is the final authority for faith and practice.

• We believe that women and men are equally created in God’s image and given equal authority and stewardship of God’s creation.

• We believe that men and women are equally responsible for and distorted by sin, resulting in shattered relationships with God, self, and others.

• Scripture is our authoritative guide for faith, life, and practice.

• Patriarchy (male dominance) is not a biblical ideal but a result of sin.

• Patriarchy is an abuse of power, taking from females what God has given them: their dignity, and freedom, their leadership, and often their very lives.

• While the Bible reflects patriarchal culture, the Bible does not teach patriarchy in human relationships.

• Christ’s redemptive work frees all people from patriarchy, calling women and men to share authority equally in service and leadership.

• God’s design for relationships includes faithful marriage between a man and a woman, celibate singleness, and mutual submission in Christian community.

• The unrestricted use of women’s gifts is integral to the work of the Holy Spirit and essential for the advancement of the gospel in the world.

• Followers of Christ are to oppose injustice and patriarchal teachings and practices that marginalize and abuse females and males.

CONNECT WITH CBE Connect with CBE online to learn more about us, enjoy the resources we offer, and take part in our ministry.

Visit our website, cbeinternational.org, to find thousands of free resources—articles, book reviews, and video and audio recordings.

SUBSCRIBE Receive a year of print copies of Priscilla Papers, CBE’s academic journal, and Mutuality, CBE’s popular magazine. Subscriptions are available for individuals, churches, and libraries.

Spring 2020

Men and women serving

and leading as equals

hope

that spans generations

Men and women

serving and leading

Summer 2020

as equals

Priscilla Papers Vol 34, No 3 | Summer 2020

The academic journal of

CBE International Conference Papers

3 Christian and Islamic

Feminists in Dialogue

Mimi Haddad

Learn more at cbe.today/subscriptions.

Faith and Women’s Aligning Christian n Work Equality with Humanitaria

10 Raising Up Allies: A

Standardized Pathway for Developing Men into Allies to Women

Rob Dixon

15 Engaging Women with a Suffering Sophia: Prospects and Pitfalls for Evangelicals

Cristina Richie

21 Yin-Yang and the Spirit

Poured Out on All Flesh: An Evangelical Egalitarian East-West Dialogue on Gender and Race

Amos Yong

28 Book Review

Follow our blog (cbe.today/blog).

Follow us on Twitter @CBEInt (twitter.com/cbeint).

Find us on Facebook (facebook.com/cbeint).

JOIN

The Gospel According to Eve: A History of Women’s Interpretation, by Amanda W. Benckhuysen

Allison Quient

29 Book Review

Men and Women in Christ: Fresh Light from the Biblical Texts, by Andrew Bartlett

Laura Spicer Martin

Priscilla and Aquila instructed Apollos more perfectly in the way of the Lord. (Acts 18:26)

If your church, seminary, school, or nonprofit agrees with CBE’s Statement of Faith and Core Values, join CBE as an organizational member to receive publications, discounted conference registrations, and more.

Visit cbe.today/orgmembers for more info.

CBE International 122 W Franklin Ave, Suite 218, Minneapolis, MN 55404-2451 | (612) 872-6898 bookstore :

cbebookstore.org

M U T U A L I T Y | ” Pictures of Equality in Midlife” 31

CBE International 122 West Franklin Ave, Suite 218 Minneapolis, MN 55404-2451

Non-Profit Org. U.S. POSTAGE PAID Jefferson City, MO Permit No. 210

Forwarding Service Requested

R ECO M M E N D E D B O O KS F RO M C B E !

Marriage in the Middle: Embracing Midlife Surprises, Challenges, and Joys Dorothy Littell Greco Though many assume that "midlife" is synonymous with "crisis," Dorothy Littell Greco reminds us that it doesn't have to be that way. With vulnerability and insight, Marriage in the Middle will inspire and encourage you to invest in your relationship with your spouse, enabling you both to thrive as you face the challenges and changes of this era together.

Seven Transforming Gifts of Menopause Cheryl Bridges Johns Although today's women are more aware of and actively involved in mapping their menopausal journey than generations before, many still do not see menopause as a time of important psychological and spiritual transformation. Written in a warm and conversational tone, this book helps women chart a course for the future, leading them to a renewed sense of identity, a more focused vision for life, and a deeper spirituality.

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry Ruth Haley Barton Ruth Haley Barton invites us to an honest exploration of what happens when spiritual leaders lose track of their souls. Weaving together contemporary illustrations with penetrating insight from the life of Moses, Haley Barton shows readers how forging and maintaining a life-giving connection with God is the best choice you can make for yourself and for those you lead.

cbeBookstore

providing quality resources on biblical gender equality

A Woman's Place: A Christian Vision for Your Calling in the Office, the Home, and the World Katelyn Beaty In A Woman’s Place, Beaty challenges women to explore new ways to live out the scriptural call to rule over creation—in the office, the home, in ministry, and beyond.

Beaty urges all believers into a better framework for imagining career, ambition, and calling.

For mor visit cbeboe resources, okstore.or

g