Exploring Teens - Issue 4 - June/July 2015

A U S T R A L I A’ S M A G A Z I N E F O R PA R E N T S O F A D O L E S C E N T S

EXPLORINGTEENS JUNE/JULY 2015•ISSUE 4

FIXING

MENTAL HEALTH UNDERSTANDING

ANXIETY

FREE

WHY SELF-HARM?

MONITORING YOUR TEEN’S ONLINE ACTIVITY CHOOSING A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR REBELLIOUS TEENS

ACTIVITIES REVIEWS

FOCUS ON MENTAL HEALTH

WIN SEE P2

2 EXPLORINGTEENS JUNE/JULY 2015 • ISSUE 4

I’m often asked how the magazine is going, and it’s a perplexing question for me to answer.

Here’s why. From the public’s perspective, I believe that Exploring Teens is being incredibly well received. I found an under serviced area via my own frustration with the lack of a timely and relevant resource, and it seems that other equally frustrated parents have been pleased to have Exploring Teens fill it. So if that’s what you mean when you ask me that question, that’s my answer.

From a personal perspective, there are very few areas of my life that have been as rewarding as I am finding this endeavour. It’s challenging, humbling, soul lifting, frustrating, exciting, exhausting and just plain scary at times. (Hey, this sounds very similar to parenting teens!) But, I am thankful a million times a day for the opportunity to be doing this, and truly love it. Being a very social and passionate person, having the chance to constantly interact with some incredibly brilliant people is an absolute highlight. I always sensed there was a passion in me that I hadn't fully unearthed and looked forward to discovering it, but I completely underestimated the pure thrill it is to do something you love.

Then finally, there’s the business element to this question. Is the production of Exploring Teens an economically viable business? Well, here again, there are two views. If I consider the short-term view, then the answer is emphatically no.

My almost exploding mortgage is testament to that. I am a very long way off breaking even and so each issue I need to look lovingly into my husband’s eyes and…explain the issue of yet another funds transfer. But, is it a viable long-term proposition? I hope so (but please subscribe for free as that definitely strengthens my case J). I am optimistic to a fault and I view the world through very rose-coloured glasses.

As a result, I can’t help but think that Exploring Teens will become the advertising channel of choice for those businesses who realise that we can quickly put them in contact with their target market. As a parent of teens myself, I am keen to know what is out there that specifically caters for both my boys and for me. Advertising is not a dirty word in Exploring Teens. While the line between advertising and editorial is always clearly defined, relevant, quality advertising complements the editorial and becomes a natural extension of the reader’s whole experience, adding value by serving as a resource for parents.

So the next time you ask me how the magazine is going, you may need to pull up a chair as I explain all the elements involved in …Exploring Teens.

Mathea

The issue of mental health affects all of us.

One in four Australians aged 16–24 is living with a mental disorder, and one in three experiences moderate to high levels of psychological distress. This means your teenager will be almost certainly be personally affected by mental illness, either directly or via friends or family. If you have any experience of the labyrinthine pathways of our mental health system, you will know how confusing and fragmented it is. Right now, with the release of the National Mental Health Commission’s 2014 National Review of Mental Health Programmes and Services, the Commonwealth Government has an opportunity to reform our deeply flawed mental health system. As a constituency of parents of teenagers, we need to ensure the Government takes this opportunity.

In this issue, Clinical Psychologist Dr Erin Bowe sheds light on self-harm, and Anne Honey, Senior Lecturer at Sydney University (Discipline of Occupational Therapy) explains how parents influence their children’s mental health-related behaviour. Professor Jennie Hudson from the Centre for Emotional Health at Macquarie University examines anxiety in teens, and a mum shares her experience of dealing with an anxious son. Clinical Psychologist Lyn Worsley advises us on how to discipline a rebellious teen.

How do you balance privacy with security when it comes to your teens and online activities?

David Holloway explores the technology available to monitor your teen’s communications; but before you install anything, consider what Lyndal Power from Relationships Australia has to say about trust.

We have a wonderful roundup of books from Dymocks, and Nathan Jacobs is back with his game reviews. We prevailed upon Nathan to look at ‘beautiful games’ that charm as well as challenge.

Is your teen about to become an L-plater?

Check out our tips on how to choose a driving instructor. All this and more, including our regulars Your Teen’s World, Activities, Products and Services, Life with Teens and Have You Heard?

Happy reading!

Gillian

EXPLORINGTEENS

EDITOR

PUBLISHER

A U S T R A L I A’ S M A G A Z I N E F O R PA R E N T S O F A D O L E S C E N T S

FROM THE

FROM THE

JUN/ JUL 2015 ISSUE FOUR

Produced and published by Norwest Publishing Pty Ltd Director/Publisher Mathea Viles ABN 64 167 026 913 PO Box 8149 Baulkham Hills NSW 2153 Editor Gillian Handley Graphic Design Melissa Kallas Print and distribution by Spotpress Pty Ltd Contributors Dr Erin Bowe Felicity Handley David Holloway Dr Anne Honey Professor Jennie Hudson Nathan Jacobs Briar Jensen Lyndal Power Lyn Worsley Subscriptions Subscribe online at the Exploring Teens website Website www.exploringteens.com.au Facebook www.facebook.com/exploringteens

Contact us

Editorial (including Letters to the Editor) editorial@exploringteens.com.au Advertising advertising@exploringteens.com.au Disclaimer The views and opinions expressed in Exploring Teens are not necessarily those of the publisher or editorial staff. Exploring Teens provides general information that cannot be regarded as a substitute for any form of professional advice. The accuracy of website addresses cannot be guaranteed at the time of publishing.

No part of Exploring Teens can be reproduced in whole or part without the express permission of the publisher.

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CONTENTS

YOUR SAY This is what some of our readers had to say:

This month we explore MENTAL HEALTH.

FEATURES

REGULARS

Our ‘Exploring’ features provide depth and insight into issues affecting parents and teens.

5 Have You Heard?

I think that the magazine is fantastic!

What a great resource for parents.

Elise I’m in Canada. I like that you have views from the teenagers. Even though the magazine is Australian based I still found it helpful. You are providing an excellent resource for parents with teens, and for those who are afraid of what’s in store like me, it gives great comfort having the knowledge...and at no cost.

Thanks for all your efforts to reach out to those who have the toughest job in the world...we really appreciate it!

Exploring Mental Health

7 At the Mercy of the System A teen shares her experience of the NSW mental health system

8 The Function of Self-harm Dr Erin Bowe explains how understanding self-harm will enable us to help vulnerable teens

9 Supporting a Teen with Mental Illness Dr Anne Honey shares feedback from teens suffering from mental illness, on the type of parental support that worked for them

Julia I found 'Your teen’s world' spot on.

We often forget to view things from their side. I felt the articles were really good and knew it would help me in the role I have at work.

12 My Anxious Son A mum shares her experience of parenting a teen who suffers from anxiety

Sue I am really impressed with the information in your recent publication.

My eldest is 13, so your magazine is a wealth of information, definitely filling a gap in the market.

Fiona Your magazine is awesome. I love the segments and features it has. The issues it discusses are very interesting.

Tee A parent contacted me about the Link3d Up program for her son, having heard about it through Exploring Teens, but went on to say how pleased she was about having discovered the magazine because as someone who used to read Sydney’s child and now with teenagers she felt (Exploring Teens filled) a gap.

Glad we can work together.

Robyn Scarf The Resilience Centre

6 Fixing Mental Health Our mental health system is failing our teenagers. Gillian Handley explains why now is the time to fix it

13 Understanding Anxiety Professor Jennie Hudson explains why anxiety can be a problem for your teen, and what to do about it

17 Rebellious Teens Lyn Worsley shares tips on how to discipline rebellious teens

Snippets of news about teen issues

18 Life with Teens

First Base and Beyond

Exploring Books

20 What are they Reading?

Another great selection from the well-read team at Dymocks

Exploring Gaming

21 What are they Playing?

Nathan Jacobs shares some ‘beautiful’ games with us

Activities

22 What Can They Do? Our pick of activities to suit the most demanding teen

Products and Services

23 What Can They Use? Some great new products and services for teens 23 Activities Directory More discoveries to entertain your teen

Exploring Technology

15 Monitoring your Teen's Online Activities David Holloway explains why parental control software is not a magic bullet 16 Balancing Privacy with Safety Lyndal Power explains how a relationship built on trust is a more effective safety measure than spying on your teen

Exploring Travel

18 Travel for the Middle Teens Briar Jensen looks at travel options for teens aged 14 to 18 years

Exploring Driving

19 Choosing a Driving Instructor Questions to ask your driving instructor

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10 Your Teen’s World

Cover Image: ©iStock.com/arekmalang

VISIT WWW. EXPLORINGTEENS. COM.AU AND SUBSCRIBE FOR FREE SO YOU DON'T MISS A COPY

HAVE YOU HEARD?

Driving, mobiles and the law Does your teen know the law regarding mobile phones and driving? Do you?

The following is from GEARED, on the Roads and Maritime Services website:

‘LEARNER AND P1 DRIVERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE ANY FUNCTION OF A PHONE (INCLUDING HANDS-FREE) WHILE DRIVING. Catherine Yeulet /istock/Thinkstock

P2 drivers may only use a mobile phone to make or receive a call, or use the audio player if the phone is secured in a fixed mounting. If you are a P2 driver, and your phone is not in a mounting, to answer your phone it must not require you to touch or manipulate the phone in any way.

All other functions such as texting, video messaging, online chatting, reading preview messages and emailing are not allowed. The new laws make it clear that a driver in a moving or stationary vehicle (unless parked) MUST NOT HOLD a phone in his or her hand other than to pass the phone to a passenger.’

Roads and Maritime Services’ GEARED website at http://bit.ly/1JbnVlb

?

Help for school leavers with autism LAUNCHPAD IS A WEBSITE THAT HAS BEEN CREATED AS A RESOURCE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE WITH AUTISM OR ASPERGER’S, AND THEIR FAMILIES.

HAVE YOU

Sport, drinking & social media A new study has found that alcohol companies are finding new and sophisticated ways to use the power of social media to pitch drinking as being pivotal to the sporting experience.

Young people are vulnerable to these strategies given their high reliance on social media as a tool for selfexpression, esteem and belonging as well as a general willingness to divulge information in their profiles and comments. Both social media and sport are important contributors to the social identity crafted by many young people.

From The Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education (FARE): www.fare.org.au/media-news Ljupco/istock/Thinkstock

Travis Womack/istock/Thinkstock

Up until now, there has not been a single resource that pulls together all the information that these young people need.

This website aims to do this by including practical strategies, personal stories and links to great resources.

The idea for the website came about when the authors found themselves in this very situation. Seana Smith is a writer and a co-author of the original version of the Australian Autism Handbook. Vicki Gibbs is a Clinical Psychologist with Autism Spectrum Australia.

Find out more at www.autismlaunchpad. org.au

ronen/istock/Thinkstock

HEARD

Gamers and brain power GAMERS HAVE BETTER CONNECTED BRAINS.

New research, which looked at the cognitive function of Action Video Gamers (AVGs) of different levels of proficiency shows that AVGs have more grey matter and better connectivity in certain subregions of the brain. Action video games subject the gamer to physical challenges, including hand-eye coordination and reaction-time games.

The authors believe that action video gaming can increase grey matter volume and integration of networks associated with attention and sensorimotor function.

From Real Clear Science at http://bit. ly/1b9EGBu

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EXPLORING MENTAL HEALTH

FIXING MENTAL HEALTH – NOW IS THE TIME

Our fragmented mental health system is failing and our teenagers are suffering. Right now, we have a chance to fix it.

By Gillian Handley ne in four Australians aged 16–24 is living with a mental disorder, and one in three experiences moderate to high levels of psychological distress. Mental health issues will almost certainly affect your teenager directly or indirectly via friends or family.

In fact, almost half the Australian population will experience the symptoms of mental illness in their lifetime, yet our mental health system is inadequate and failing young people in particular.

According to the Mental Health Commission of NSW, as many as a quarter of young Australians feel disengaged and are at risk of missing out on productive lives. The teens and early 20s are the most common time for the onset of mental illness with 75% manifesting before the age of 24. Suicide and self-harm are significant issues for this age group. Half of all mental illnesses manifest before age 14 and three quarters by age 25. Only a small number of young people with mental illness get any care and the type of care varies from place to place. There seem to be inequities for young people with particular problems, such as borderline personality disorder. It can be extremely difficult for them to find the right care, and the system has ‘unhelpful and arbitrary age cut-offs’, which limit access to care. The lack of appropriate environments and interventions mean young people end up in adult psychiatric wards.

Behind the statistics are stories of anguish and despair. Recently, the ABC reported the case of a desperate mother from the Hills District in NSW who was forced to relinquish custody of her teenage daughter to the Department of Family and Community Services to get her the help she needs to keep her from self-harm. How does this happen in Australia?

The problem

It has been said that we do not have a mental health ‘system’, but rather a collection of poorly integrated systems and services that are not ‘owned’ by any level of government. In December last year, The National Mental Health Commission delivered the 2014 National Review of Mental

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Mental Health Commission of NSW

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I f you or someone you know requires assistance, contact the National 24/7 Crisis Services: ¡¡ Lifeline 13 11 14 ¡¡ Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

Health Programmes and Services to the Commonwealth Government. The Review states that although Australia’s ‘articulation of a national mental health policy has been world leading’, it has not been implemented. This is partly because funding and service provision are divided among the Commonwealth and state governments, and public, private and not-for-profit entities.

In practice, this translates as complex, fragmented and duplicated services that are difficult to navigate and use, offer limited choice, respond too late and fail to put people’s needs first. The report says there is evidence that too many people suffer worse mental and physical health because of the treatment they receive, or they are ‘condemned to ongoing cycles of avoidable treatment and medication, including avoidable involuntary seclusion and restraint.’

General support: ¡¡ Headspace: www.headspace.org.au ¡¡ ReachOut: www.reachout.com ¡¡ Youth Beyond Blue: www.youthbeyondblue.com ¡¡ Mental health advocacy service: www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/what-wedo/civil-law/mental-health-advice

What is being done?

The National Mental Health Commission’s report has drawn on over 2000 submissions as well as existing data, consultations, research and accumulated evidence from people with lived experience of mental health problems, to form a ‘strong, achievable and practical plan to reform Australia’s mental health system’. The report’s authors commented on the consensus and willingness for reform of all involved, and mental health organisations have been eagerly awaiting the government’s response to the report.

A major recommendation of the report is that $1 billion of funding be moved gradually from hospitals to community health. It’s important to note here that, as co-author of the report Professor Ian Hickie stated to ABC’s Lateline, ‘ Not a hospital bed will close, not a hospital ward will close, not an emergency service

EXPLORING MENTAL HEALTH will close’ as a result of this. Instead, they will be supported by a full range of services that will kick in after the person leaves hospital.

One of the major justifications for the shifting of funding is that a nine-day stay in hospital costs on average $10,000. This amount would enable a community health service to support a person for one year.

Health Minister Sussan Ley has rejected this recommendation, and has been criticised for a ‘bureaucratic’ response that involves forming an expert reference group supported by workshops and working groups, instead of the rapid and decisive action that the experts were hoping for.

There have been more than 30 different statutory inquiries into mental health over the past decade, with little result. As Professor Hickie told the ABC, ‘We don’t need more reviews, we don’t need more experts.

Every expert in Australia has already made a very significant contribution to very specific recommendations.’ Mental Health Australia CEO Frank Quinlan is calling for clear commitment from all levels of government.

Without it, he says, ‘this report will go the way of so many previous reports: a brief moment of hope followed by inaction and despair.’

As a constituency of parents of teenagers, we must insist that federal and state governments act now to safeguard the mental health of our children. The stakes cannot be higher.

As Professor Hickie says, ‘People will die in rural and regional Australia if the Government does not get on and implement the report.’

Sources Mental Health Commission of NSW, Youth and Young Adults, and Strategic Plan – a Summary: nsw.mentalhealthcommision.com.au Mental Health Commission. National Review of Mental Health Programmes and Services: http://bit.ly/1IgeMqQ Reform of the Federation — White Paper, Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet, Dec 2014, Licensed from the Commonwealth of Australia under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Australia Licence. http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2015/02/26/4187499.htm http://www.smh.com.au/comment/leaked-report-shows-wayforward-in-mental-health-20150420-1mowqx.html http://www.abc.net.au/lateline/content/2015/s4218045.htm

Links ¡¡ Living Well: a Report: http:// nswmentalhealthcommission.com. au/node/1586 ¡¡ Living Well: A Strategic Plan for Mental Health in NSW, especially pp 25 to 38 http://bit.ly/1xmJnRW ¡¡ The results of a consultation prepared for the Commission by ReachOut: http://bit.ly/1DxzI9v (An insight into what young people think about mental health services.) ¡¡ How the school environment can influence mental health: http://bit.ly/1omLSQP

AT THE MERCY OF THE SYSTEM A teenager shares her experience of the NSW Mental Health System

‘I

started to notice it in April – short responses, increasing emotional detachment and odd comments.

My boyfriend Matt was acting strangely and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

I attributed it at first to the stress of life at university; the massive life changes that our career advisors had constantly warned us about. I ignored it, assuming that it was just a rough patch and that he would be his usual self once he’d started to settle into a new routine.

He wasn’t. This strange mood twisted and deepened, and in the following months, he withdrew further and further until he was barely recognisable. It took me a very long time to realise that what he was experiencing was not a bad mood, but a psychological crisis. I will never forget the ‘Aha!’ moment when, crying on the phone to my friend, I realised, ‘That’s it – he has depression’.

A gruelling few months followed as I gradually convinced him to seek professional help. From there, things moved unnervingly quickly. After two sessions with his psychologist, he was referred to a psychiatrist who prescribed mood-altering medication. A week after that, he was admitted to an emergency psychiatric care centre in a local public hospital, and from there into a private psychiatric clinic. Two weeks after his release from the clinic, he attempted to take his own life and was rushed to ICU. His final diagnosis was a daunting amalgam of major depressive disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and elements of borderline personality disorder.

What followed was a devastating year fragmented by periods of hospitalisation, appointments, therapy and medication.

The person that I loved was obscured by a catatonic, drug-induced fog, and I was left terrified, overwhelmed and exhausted.

My experience of the NSW Mental Health System has been mixed. While I’ve recognised and been grateful for the services that it has provided, I’ve also been incredibly frustrated by a one-size-fits-all approach that, in my view, limits patient autonomy and is detrimental to the wellbeing of those involved. Matt was lucky enough to eventually find a team of wonderful doctors, but other people's experience of the mental health system is often determined by the whims of inflexible

professionals. The lack of transparency within the mental health care system, and the ambiguity surrounding patient rights means that at times, Matt, his family and I have felt an alarming lack of control over his future, and a lack of influence in critical decisionmaking processes. While the system itself eventually worked for us, it was only after months of meetings, emails, negotiations and confrontations that we were able to find the most suitable doctors and ensure that Matt’s needs were met.’

Safeguarding our teens’ mental health

John Feneley, NSW Mental Health Commissioner, shares some advice: ¡¡ Making sure your teenager feels loved, respected and trusted goes a long way to protecting their mental health and wellbeing. Check in regularly with your children and initiate conversations that are honest and non-judgemental. ¡¡ Let your teenager know you are available to discuss their issues openly and always take them seriously, no matter how minor the problem may seem to you. Young people may have trouble articulating a concern, so allow them time to talk about the issue without dismissing them or trying to solve the problem prematurely. ¡¡ Parents, and other adults, are still a major influence in their teenager’s life; so it’s important to model positive health habits around diet, exercise, sleep and alcohol and drug use to support good mental health and wellbeing. ¡¡ Explore the kinds of help that is available for your children – from school, socially, online, mental health services and other community organisations – and support your children to seek the help they need in a way that is best for them, because adult solutions won’t always work. ¡¡ As a constituency (of parents of teens), engage with local government and schools to let them know you value supportive services that are easy to access and appropriate for young people.

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EXPLORING MENTAL HEALTH

THE FUNCTION OF SELF-HARM By understanding self-harm, we can help vulnerable teens.

By Dr Erin Bowe

elf-harm is usually defined as the deliberate act of damaging one’s body tissue without suicidal intent. Many bewildered parents, teachers and health professionals are unaware that self-harm tends to have very powerful psychophysiological rewards.

Self-harm is known to reduce heart and breathing rates, flooding the body with feel-good endorphins.

The typical pattern of self-harm begins with the experience of negative emotions.

The adolescent then quickly reaches a level of distress that they feel unable to tolerate, their breathing becomes shallow and their heart rate goes up. When someone regularly engages in self-harm, they typically won’t feel any pain, or if they do, the pain will be minimal. This is because the body floods with natural pain-reducing opiates.

The response is somewhat similar to ‘runner’s high’. For many people, mild damage to the body triggers this chain of ‘feel good’ hormones, so then feelings of relaxation and wellbeing take over. Self-harm then becomes associated with a quick fix for feeling better, and for many young people, it’s very addictive.

Firstly, it’s important to address the commonly held view that adolescents simply engage in self-harm for attention.

My answer to this is that no matter what type of presentation, self-harm is a maladaptive way of communicating distress. There’s no real evidence to suggest that an adolescent who is secretive about the behaviour is more serious or more distressed than one who makes a bold announcement or shows their scars. The other common assumption is that adolescents must know that the behaviour is unhelpful and that they need to stop.

Many adolescents are actually quite ambivalent about their self-harm and have a view that it is playing a helpful role in their lives. They may tell adults what they want to hear, but secretly fear that without self-harm, they will have no way to cope or to regulate their emotions.

Parents and caregivers often experience feelings of anxiety, shame and failure in response to child’s self-harm. These feelings sometimes come across to the teen as anger, or personalising the non-acceptance of the behaviour to mean that the parent doesn’t love and accept them as a person.

Punishing, bargaining, making no-harm contracts or isolating teens from friends

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Ljupco/istock/Thinkstock

S

and social activities tends not to work.

Instead, the focus needs to be on managing their distress and improving coping skills.

Adolescents are often intrigued when I ask them what their parents do to cope with stress. It’s worth thinking about your own adaptive skills (exercise, meditation, social support, crafts etc.) and how you learned to cope with stress. It’s possible that there’s a teaching moment there, and an opportunity to redirect them from unhelpful coping suggestions they may receive from peers.

The short-term goal is to equip the adolescent with other adaptive coping skills, building their confidence in using these until they are ready to cease self-harming. To end the behaviour, the adolescent needs to make a challenging commitment. They need to be the ones to decide to replace their maladaptive, but highly effective strategy with something more adaptive that will not provide instant gratification. The most powerful decisions are the ones we choose for ourselves, and adolescents generally need to feel confident that a change in behaviour was their idea.

It is difficult to stop someone from using a maladaptive coping strategy until he or she has fully mastered an alternative. This is

i

I f you or someone you know requires assistance, contact the National 24/7 Crisis Services: ¡¡ Lifeline 13 11 14 ¡¡ Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

often why adolescents and parents clash.

They simply have different goals and expectations. When a parent brings their adolescent for treatment, they will say ‘I want you to get them to stop cutting’, whereas the adolescent usually says they just want to ‘feel better’. The teen is are often scared or angry at the prospect of someone trying to take his or her coping strategy away, and feels guilty because he or she can’t meet others’ expectations.

Links ¡¡ Relaxation skills: www.smilingmind.com.au ¡¡ Distraction techniques: http://bit.ly/1GuGgXh ¡¡ Coping and mood regulation skills: a range of free resources can be found at www.drerinbowe.com/resources

Dr Erin Bowe is a Clinical Psychologist from Melbourne who completed her PhD in self-harm. She works with adolescents and families, and consults with schools about best practice for self-harm management.

Online support: ¡¡ Headspace: www.headspace.org.au ¡¡ ReachOut: www.reachout.com ¡¡ Youth Beyond Blue: www.youthbeyondblue.com

EXPLORING MENTAL HEALTH

SUPPORTING A TEEN WITH MENTAL ILLNESS As a parent of a teen experiencing mental illness, you provide critical support.

By Dr Anne Honey

A

s part of my research, I interviewed 26 young people who had experienced mental illness, about their perspectives on parent support. Here are some of their thoughts.

Teens found it most helpful when parents made a concerted effort to adjust their ways of interacting by becoming more sympathetic and tolerant, less strict, and less likely to argue with or yell at young people. These changes are not about reversing ‘bad’ parenting, but about responding to a new situation with a new approach. Teens appreciated parents who appeared calm about the illness and displayed confidence and optimism, for example pointing out their teens’ progress and achievements, and modelling a belief in their ability to cope and to get well again.

Don’t expect a ‘quick fix’. Some teens felt an unhelpful pressure to get ‘better’ immediately so as not to ‘disappoint people’.

Others described how parents tried to change them by scolding or teasing them about their behaviour. The most common unhelpful response was when parents displayed distress, anger, desperation, frustration, selfblame and hopelessness. Teens found these reactions distressing, discouraging and guiltinducing, and felt that they made things worse.

As one young person put it, ‘In terms of looking after someone who’s got mental health issues, it’s important not to deal with your personal reactions about that too much with them.’

Show your concern and commitment Teens liked to know that their parents were concerned and saw their mental health as a high priority. Parents showed this in many ways, such as seeking information about the illness and treatments, asking teens about their experiences, and spending extra time with them, even taking time off work to look after them or take them to appointments.

It was critical for teens to see parents as a reliable and unwavering support, which they often described simply as ‘being there’.

Listen

‘Just being understood’ was critical. Teens who felt able to talk to their parents about ‘deep

Visual Ideas/Nora Pelaez/Blend Images/Thinkstock

Interact positively

things like how I feel and why I feel like that’, found that it really helped. Others wished their parents were more open to this. One teen explained that, ‘She thinks I don’t want to do that... but I wouldn’t not do it if she opened up the conversation. I wish she’d try and delve into it deeper’.

Some teens felt unable to explain what they didn’t understand themselves, or had difficulty putting their thoughts and feelings into words.

These teens needed patience and support – sometimes from health professionals – to express themselves. Other teens did not want to talk to parents. Some wished to avoid thinking about their problems. Others believed, from experience, that their parents would respond in punitive or ‘emotionally messy’ ways or would simply not understand.

Get other support

For most teens, their parents were the driving force in getting professional treatment, and teens tended to appreciate this, at least in retrospect. They also appreciated parents who ‘took my side’ with health professionals, schools and even other family members by explaining the situation and encouraging others to be supportive.

Help me do ‘the right thing’

Teens talked about how their parents encouraged them to do things that were

good for them and their mental health, such as following their treatment plan, participating in everyday activities, and preventing selfharm. Teens most appreciated it when parents facilitated these things by providing funding and transport. Strategies like reminding, giving advice, keeping a watchful eye and even bargaining with money and privileges could also motivate teens to act in their own best interests. However, there was a fine line between helpful persuasion and unhelpful ‘nagging’, criticising, or being ‘bossy’. Even where parents used their authority and removed their teens’ choice, teens sometimes appreciated this in retrospect, or at the time, thinking that ‘later on I’m going to look back and I’m going to see that she was right all along’.

Teens’ reactions were shaped largely by whether they saw parents’ actions as indicators of genuine concern, as rational and well considered, and as reflecting both an understanding of their situation and a confidence in their recovery – beliefs clearly linked to the tips above.

Unfortunately, there is no formula for how to care for a teen experiencing mental illness.

In the words of one teen, ‘You really can’t be a perfect parent. There’s no way you can get it right all the time. Like if you get it right a quarter of the time you’re doing great.’

Links ¡¡ http://www.headspace.org.au/ parents-and-carers ¡¡ http://bit.ly/1bcOH0C ¡¡ http://bit.ly/1PVHvpt ¡¡ http://bit.ly/1P50lYY ¡¡ Author publications: file:///C:/Users/Anne/Downloads/ anne.honey_publications%20(1).pdf

Dr Anne Honey is a Senior Lecturer in Occupational Therapy at the University of Sydney. Her research focuses on illuminating the perspectives of people experiencing mental illness and their families, with a particular emphasis on the interactions between mental illness, social context, family support and wellbeing.

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YOUR TEEN'S WORLD

YOUR TEEN’S WORLD FACTS AFFECTING TEENS

– Developing resilience in teenagers BITE BACK website

BITE BACK is the very first online positive psychology program aimed at improving the overall wellbeing and happiness of young Australians aged 12 –18 years old.

The program is designed to help them amplify the good things in life. It encourages young people to become more engaged in all aspects of their lives and, ultimately, to build resilience. BITE BACK contains interactive activities, quizzes, stories and videos relating to a range positive psychology domains, as well as information about various mental health topics.

Visit www.biteback.org.au

Dear Holly is a community art project with a difference. For almost a year, Jessica Barlow has been asking people to send her postcards containing life advice for young people. Each week she posts the latest postcards online. Parents send in advice that they wish their child would listen to, then subtly let their child know about the site. Jessica believes teens often respond better to advice when they feel they have discovered it on their own. The quirky Dear Holly website offers advice in small postcard-size chunks that can be hard hitting, light or even artistic. Take a look at www.dearhollyproject.com

Dear Holly

Free Online Resources

Online courses

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On Youth Homelessness Matters Day (15 April), Yfoundations released a report looking at youth health, bringing together the research on why this should be a policy focus, and where the issues of need are. The paper calls on the government to prioritise adolescent health care as a key tool in preventing homelessness and other forms of disenfranchisement. While family and relationship breakdown is the most common trigger for homelessness, mental health issues can be both a cause and a consequence.

In a study of homeless 13 to 25-year-olds by the Centre for Social Impact, 53 per cent reported at least one diagnosed mental health condition. Almost half of all homeless people had their first experience of homelessness before 18. According to Mission Australia, on Census night 2011, almost 56 out of every 10,000 people aged 12-18 and 88 out of every 10,000 Australians aged 19-24 were recorded as being homeless.

There are currently 105,237 people in Australia who are homeless.

YOUTH HOMELESSNESS

The Black Dog Institute has developed a range of online learning tools aimed at building resilience in young people who may be at risk of depression. There are four short, interactive courses that are targeted at teachers, parents and others who work with young people, as well as at young people themselves (14 –16 years old).

Find out more at www.headstrong.org.au

YOUR TEEN'S WORLD

Bite-sized facts and snippets of information to keep you up to speed with what's happening in your teen's world.

Career Practitioners in Schools Young Australians today are faced with an increasing challenge to transition successfully from school to further education, training or employment.

Research released in April by the Career Industry Council of Australia (CICA) and McCrindle shows that while the most effective forms of career support for a young person is face-to-face contact with qualified career advisors and work experience, time and financial resources available to career practitioners in schools are currently inadequate to equip Australian school students in these capacities Source: McCrindle Blog at http://bit.ly/1JdGq8r

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Resilience, not abstinence, may help teens battle online risk. A study has found that boosting teenagers’ ability to cope with online risks, rather than trying to stop them from using the Internet, may be a more practical and effective strategy for keeping them safe.

According to Haiyan Jia, post-doctoral scholar in information sciences and technology, ‘Internet exposure does not necessarily lead to negative effects, which means it’s okay to go online, but the key seems to be learning how to cope with the stress of the experience and knowing how to reduce the chances of being exposed to online risk’.

Teens who are exposed to minimal risks can, over time, develop coping strategies and be more resilient as new, more risky situations arise.

Resilience, not abstinence, may help teens battle online risk. ScienceDaily, 23 April 2015. www.sciencedaily.com/ releases/2015/04/150423130428.htm

Teenagers, particularly those aged between 12 and 15, are increasingly using steroids to enhance their physical appearance. Steroids can increase lean muscle mass, strength and endurance, but only if used in conjunction with certain exercise and diet regimes. They can also help people reduce fat and speed up recovery from injury.

The risks of the following side effects are higher if steroids are injected by young men in their late teens/ early 20s, before they have stopped growing: ¡¡ Stunted growth ¡¡ Premature balding ¡¡ Acne scarring ¡¡ Stretch marks on chest and arms ¡¡ Prematurely-aged, ‘leathery’ skin ¡¡ Injuries from excessively intense gym workouts1 Injecting steroids can cause permanent nerve damage, which can lead to sciatica. Although steroids are not addictive, people can find themselves relying on them to build confidence and self-esteem.

From: www.druginfo.adf.org.au/fact-sheets/steroids

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Steroids Riskier for Teens

Resilience not Abstinence

EXPLORING MENTAL HEALTH

MY ANXIOUS SON

A mum shares her experience of parenting a teen who suffers from anxiety

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I f you or someone you know requires assistance, contact the National 24/7 Crisis Services: ¡¡ Lifeline 13 11 14 ¡¡ Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 Online support: ¡¡ Headspace: www.headspace.org.au ¡¡ ReachOut: www.reachout.com ¡¡ Youth Beyond Blue: www.youthbeyondblue.com

o I have everything I need for school?

What happens if I’ve forgotten something? I think I have everything I need.

But what if I don’t?’ This is what life is like inside the head of my teenage son.

Driving Paul to his leaflet delivery job recently, we hit a 3pm traffic snarl with kids pouring out of the local high school.

‘Well, this is interesting’ I said. My son immediately replied, ‘You’re telling me – I’m freaking out over here!’ I asked him what was bothering him, and he answered that, ‘Someone will talk to me or think I’m an idiot’.

You may think he was overreacting, and that a short, sharp pep talk would stop the behaviour, but it’s not that easy. Paul lives daily with a fear of ‘what if?’ He plays things over and over in his head, and his two greatest fears are having an allergic reaction (he has a nut allergy and carries an Epi-pen) and that people think he’s an idiot.

If you saw him in his peer group, you’d never suspect this. He’s gregarious and loves being the centre of attention. He belongs to a teen drama group and has no problem getting up on stage in front of people. Yet, if I ask him to take a note to the senior school office at the school he has attended since kindergarten, he will do anything to get out of doing it. Similarly, when I recently asked him to pick up our dry cleaning at the local shops, I spent two hours with him as he rocked backwards and forwards with his head in his hands, trying to avoid the task.

We are learning that avoidance is a critical issue when it comes to anxiety.

Paul and I have made a pact that this will be a BIG year for a lot of little things.

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Recently I asked him to buy a loaf of bread.

I explained that he would find the loaves in a stand near the door and he just had to grab one and pay. Five minutes later he emerged breadless. ‘What happened?’

I asked. ‘There was nothing in the stands’ he replied, ‘Did you ask?’ I questioned.

Shoulders slumped, he headed back, returning shortly with the bread. ‘Is that another of our ‘little things’ for the year?’

I asked. He nodded and smiled.

Paul and I have been talking about his anxieties for a number of years and when he is feeling anxious, he tells me and we sit and talk it through. Sometimes it’s frustrating because I often can’t help him move past his irrationality, but he recognises it now, and being able to label it has helped him immensely.

Anxiety produces physical symptoms.

Paul gets car sick, or so I thought, but one day I realised that it happened most often on Monday mornings or immediately following school holidays. It’s been the little ‘light bulb’ moments like these that have helped us all gain a better understanding of what is happening.

Unfortunately, Paul bears the legacy of a family riddled with anxiety issues, something I had never really noticed or understood. The pressing need to understand my son and what he’s going through has given me a much better understanding of myself. I feel confident that Paul’s going to be fine. He has a level of self-awareness that many adults have yet to attain, but his anxiety will be something that will have to be managed his whole life.

It simply won’t go away on its own.

EXPLORING MENTAL HEALTH

UNDERSTANDING ANXIETY Anxiety, fear and worry are a normal part of life, particularly for teens.

For some young people, anxiety can be a big problem.

By Professor Jennie Hudson

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uring the teen years, the pressure to succeed at school can increase, as does the pressure to ‘fit in’. Although feelings of fear and worry are common, anxiety can become a problem when the teen misses out on events and opportunities because of it. For many Australian teens – over 140,000 – anxiety, fear and worry have a major impact on day-to-day living. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorder in young people, and often lead to other mental health problems like depression.

If left untreated, anxiety continues throughout adult life and has a major impact on achievements and life happiness. One recent study in the UK showed that the strongest predictor of adult happiness was childhood emotional health. The key message here is that anxiety problems are serious and shouldn’t be overlooked.

How to recognise if anxiety is a problem

There are different types of anxieties that a teen may experience, such as excessive worry about: ¡¡ what other people think of him/her ¡¡ school performance, safety, family relationships, the future, world events, or their health ¡¡ a specific object, place or situation like the dark, heights, injections or transport ¡¡ something bad happening to you or themselves ¡¡ experiencing sudden attacks of anxiety that seem to come from nowhere.

Anxiety is a problem if your teen is avoiding important activities like school, performances, or social events because of their anxiety; or they endure these situations with extreme distress.

You may also notice that your teen is having problems sleeping, or complains of headaches or tummy aches when they worry. In some cases, anxiety can occur with depression (feeling very down and having low self-worth). When this happens, you may also notice your child pulling out of activities, and a change in his or her eating or sleeping habits.

To know whether to seek help, ask yourself the following question: is my teen’s anxiety stopping him from doing things he wants to be able to do, or messing up his friendships,

schoolwork or family life? If the answer is, ‘Yes, a great deal’, then think about seeking help.

Parenting style as a hindrance or help

Anxiety lasts longer if the teen avoids the feared situation as they miss out on an important opportunity to learn that what they think is going to happen is not as likely as they thought. They also miss the opportunity to learn that they can cope with the situation.

The most successful treatment approach for anxiety involves teaching the teen the skills to think more realistically about the situation, and to gradually face situations they have been avoiding.

It is easy to fall into the trap of rushing in to fix the problem to reduce your teen’s distress, but rushing in to help just keeps the anxiety going. We encourage parents to listen to their teenagers in an understanding way, without judging (as hard as that can be sometimes).

Listen to your teen’s fears and let them know you understand what they are feeling and thinking, but don’t fix it for them. Encourage your teen to solve the situation and to face the situation in a step-by-step way.

Teens with anxiety often ask a lot of questions over and over again in an effort to know the situation is safe, like ‘Mum, what’s going to happen?’ ‘Is it going to be okay?’

Another easy parenting trap to fall into is to provide too much reassurance and say, ‘Nothing bad is going to happen. Everything will be ok.’ Instead, we encourage parents to change the conversation with their teen; rather than answering the questions all the time, ask the questions instead: ‘What happened last time when you worried about this?’ ‘What do you think is most likely to happen?’ This helps the teen to discover the reality of the situation.

Links ¡¡ http://www.youthbeyondblue.com ¡¡ https://brave4you.psy.uq.edu.au

Professor Jennie Hudson is a clinician and researcher at the Centre for Emotional Health, Department of Psychology, Macquarie University. Jennie’s research focuses on understanding the factors that contribute to children’s emotional health and working to improve the services available to children experiencing anxiety and other emotional disorders, as well as their families. Hudson authored the book “Treating anxious children: An evidence-based approach” (2000) and “Psychopathology and the Family” (2006). Her research has been published in national and international journals and her work has been cited over 1500 times in peer-reviewed journals.

Tools and support

If you think your teen has a problem with anxiety, the good news is help is available.

There are excellent treatments available that we know work for the majority of teenagers.

See your GP, school counsellor or a psychologist trained in cognitive behavioural therapy. If you live in Sydney, the Centre for Emotional Health, Macquarie University has a specialised clinic for the treatment of anxiety disorders in young people www.centreforemotionalhealth.com.au

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MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES

MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES

DIRECTORY

TONI LINDSAY PSYCHOLOGY Bulk Billing Psychology Service in Newtown.

Specialists in Adolescent and Young Adult Issues including depression, anxiety, school stressors, relationships and chronic illnesses.

Seven psychologists specializing in child and adolescent therapy, including depression, anxiety and anorexia. Medicare rebates available. Check out our latest Chillax teen group program.

Locations: Rouse Hill and St Marys Email: info@advantagepsychology.com.au Phone: Rouse Hill - 8882-9771. St Marys - 9623-0270 Website: www.advantagepsychology.com.au

Phone: 0411 794 603 Or book an appointment online at: www.tonilindsay.com.au

THE BLACK DOG INSTITUTE

HEADSPACE

The Black Dog Institute is a not-for-profit organisation and world leader in the identification, prevention and treatment of depression, bipolar disorder and suicide prevention.

It can be difficult to recognise mental health problems in young people.

The first signs might be that they don’t seem quite themselves. headspace is dedicated to supporting young people aged 12-25 and their families.

www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

Visit headspace.org.au to find a centre near you or call 1800 650 890 for information and support.

CHILLED PLUS ONLINE PROGRAM The Centre for Emotional Health at Macquarie University is offering a FREE online treatment program for adolescents with anxiety and depression. In this 8-week program, adolescents will learn creative ways to manage their emotions and accomplish their goals. The Chilled Plus program involves 8 online modules, accompanied by weekly phone calls with an experienced therapist. If you have questions about this treatment, please contact our friendly research officers on chilledplus@mq.edu.au or 9850 6741.

RAPS (Parramatta) and Touchstone (Illawarra) are run by Relationships Australia NSW. Adolescent Family Therapy and Mediation helps parents and adolescents resolve difficulties and improve family relationships.

Phone - RAPS: 02 9633 4100 Toll Free: 1800 654 648 Phone - Touchstone: 02 4221 2000 www.nsw.relationships.com.au/ourservices/ services-library/adolescent

Finding mental health and wellbeing information online can be overwhelming, but at mindhealthconnect you can access trusted information and online resources from Australia’s leading mental health organisations all in one place.

mindhealthconnect is an Australian Government initiative, operated by Healthdirect Australia. www.mindhealthconnect.org.au

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ReachOut is Australia’s leading online mental health organisation for young people, providing practical support to help them get through everything from everyday issues to tough times. www.reachout.com

beyondblue is an independent, not-for-profit organisation working to increase awareness and understanding of anxiety and depression in Australia and to reduce the associated stigma. www.beyondblue.org.au 1330 22 4636

IF YOUR BUSINESS WANTS TO CONNECT WITH THE TEENAGERS OR THE PARENTS OF AUSTRALIAN TEENAGERS, CONTACT US NOW AT ADVERTISING@EXPLORINGTEENS.COM.AU

EXPLORING TECHNOLOGY

MONITORING YOUR TEEN’S ONLINE ACTIVITIES

Parental control software is no magic bullet when it comes to teens’ online safety.

By David Holloway

How it works

Any parental monitoring software works pretty much the same way, whether on a desktop computer, laptop or mobile device.

The software itself needs to be installed on the specific device, and then configured for how much information you want it to tell you. Depending on the complexity of the software, you may just receive a ‘log’ which is a text file listing what websites your teen has accessed. On the other end of the scale, you may be able to monitor your teen’s browsing habits in real time from another device. Either way, the software you install is usually obvious to the user, so your teenager will potentially know it’s on there.

This is actually a good thing as it means you have to have a proper discussion about it.

There are more covert software options out there, but as you’ll read elsewhere in this issue, that’s a surefire way to break down trust between you and your teen. Ideally, get your teenager to install the software with you, and configure it with you so you can explain what it does and doesn’t do.

What are some of the options I can buy?

There’s no shortage of software applications out there than can monitoring internet usage.

Here’s a handful of examples but check our links for places to go for more options.

Norton Family (Windows / Android / iOS): The software is installed on each device your teen uses and then you link it to the profile that you need to set up on Norton’s website.

Set-up takes some time and Norton’s own website can be confusing – some older information claims Mac compatibility, which isn’t the case. The configuration options are extensive and the inability to install the software without the user being aware encourages communication with your child on their level of internet access.

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s you’ve probably already worked out, the issue of teens, privacy and social media isn’t that straightforward. As the resident geek (and parent of a teen), it’s my job to walk you through some of the applications out there and to flag some of the issues to be aware of if you do choose to go down that path.

There’s parental control apps for both Android and iOS devices to allow you to monitor usage remotely. A yearly subscription to the service will cost you $49.99, and you can try it out for 30 days for free.

ContentWatch Net Nanny 7 (Windows / Mac / Android): Net Nanny’s a well-known player in this area, and this software covers the gamut – from profanity filtering to enabling your teen to request access to restricted sites by exception. The only downside is there’s no integration for iOS devices, so you’ll have to buy a different version for that, and it won’t be configurable from the same location as your other devices. US$39.99 will get you an annual subscription for one Windows or Mac computer, with an extra US$12.99 for Android coverage. A 14-day free trial is available.

K9 Web Protection (Windows / Mac / iOS): If you’re after a more basic, free but effective content filtering software, you may want to have a look at K9. IT has nowhere near the level of configuration that the commercial software has, but it does block known problem sites, allow added sites to be blocked, and provide logs of sites visited.

What are the downsides?

I’ve already mentioned trust issues, but there are some technological downsides or challenges with parental control software.

The most obvious one is that nothing’s perfect. A teen determined to find something inappropriate may be able to work their way around software. This is why open communication is critical, as establishing non-technological boundaries can be more effective than relying on software.

The more complex applications may slow down your computer as well, both by using

your computer’s resources and by taking time to analyse content before approving it for viewing. The move by most companies to a subscription model also means a yearly fee, albeit an affordable one of under $50 a year in most cases.

The wrap-up

Parental control software obviously sells well, judging by the number of applications on offer. If you’re looking for a magic bullet for your fears over your teen’s safety online, then you’ll be disappointed with any software you buy. If you have a constructive, ongoing discussion with your teen about online behaviour and back it up with firm, well-enforced boundaries, then this software may be a nice-to-have that helps you keep track of things.

For what it’s worth, I use some very basic content filtering software and have some very well laid out boundaries around device use. At this stage, I’m happy to report it works well, and only ongoing open communication will ensure it stays that way – that and the threat of the total loss of access to said devices if trust is breached significantly. That always helps focus a teen’s mind.

Links ¡¡ http://www.cybersmart.gov.au – get more info on cyber safety ¡¡ http://sipbench.eu/phase7.cfm/ action.ranking – useful European site that benchmarks the effectiveness of parental control software. ¡¡ http://au.norton.com/norton-familypremier/ – Norton Family Premier ¡¡ http://www.netnanny.com – ContentWatch Net Nanny 7 ¡¡ http://www1.k9webprotection.com – K9 Web Protection

David Holloway is a Registered Nurse and gamer of thirty years standing. He’s been writing on gaming for more than a decade and is currently undertaking PhD studies looking at the benefits of virtual environments for nursing students learning clinical skills. David is on twitter at @nursers1

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EXPLORING RELATIONSHIPS

BALANCING PRIVACY WITH SAFETY

Parents need to know where their teens are, who they are with and what they are doing, but spying on them is not the answer.

Building a relationship of trust is far more effective.

hanks to sophisticated monitoring software, today you can track the physical whereabouts of your teens, what they are watching on the net, who they are talking to, what they are saying to their friends, and all without them knowing. This might be tempting from a security aspect, but it could cost you more than you realise.

Lyndal Power is a social worker and family therapist with over 24 years of experience working with parents and teenagers.

Exploring Teens asked her about balancing a teen’s desire for privacy with the parents’ imperative to protect their child.

ET: ‘What is the importance of privacy to a teen?’

Lyndal: ‘If teens find out their parent has read their diary or their emails, they become quite outraged. It can be a very big issue, as they feel betrayed. The teen has a relationship with his or her friend, and parents are stepping across a boundary if they are reading private messages.’

ET: ‘You are also invading the privacy of the teen that your child is talking to.’

Lyndal: ‘Listening in on your teens will cause more arguments, and if you are in conflict all the time, that’s when your relationship breaks down. Also, if you don’t tell your child you are monitoring their conversations, you can’t bring up any concerns without exposing your actions.’

ET: ‘For under 18s is privacy a right or a privilege?’

Lyndal: ‘It’s tricky because you are also balancing safety issues. We tell parents to think of parenting issues as traffic lights — you have red, yellow, green issues. Safety is a red issue. Parents have to put their foot down about it and make sure their kids are safe — that’s the parent’s job. Yellow issues are important, and need to be addressed.

These would typically be something like not going to school. Green issues are ones you can let go of. These might cover haircuts or fashion choices. You have to pick the issues to make a stand about.

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If you go after all of them, the relationship with your teen can deteriorate.’

ET: How important is parental trust to a teen?

Lyndal: ‘As a child, your parent’s view of you is critical to your sense of self. Parental trust is part of that, but parents need to keep their teens safe. A 14-year-old may not be able to think through a safety issue, so the parents need to be mindful of where that child is, who he or she is with and what they are doing. For teens in Year 11 and Year 12, there is a shift towards trust.

The conversation is more about “How will you look out for yourself and your friends?”

“How can you reassure me that you are safe?” Teens who have earned their parents’ trust are given more freedom. As teens mature, parenting shifts from control to influence, which is something that develops from a good relationship.’

ET: ‘How do we develop a strong relationship with our teens?’

Lyndal: ‘If I could, I would get all parents in Australia to spend 10 minutes of “oneon-one” time each day bonding with, and listening to their children. My hope is that we would then see fewer children in counselling

because they would be more connected to their parents. If something bad happened, a parent would be a sounding board for their teen, saying, “What do you want to do about that?”, rather than reacting and trying to problem solve. If we listen in this way, we can see our teens can often solve their problems themselves. It’s also important to get the message across to your children that nothing is so bad or so big that we can’t talk about it and figure out a way through it together.’

ET: ‘So what would be your message to parents?’

Lyndal: ‘There are two essential elements required for children to reach adulthood successfully. One is to keep the parentchild relationship going over the teenage years — no matter what; the second is setting boundaries. One element alone is not enough. If you have the relationship and no boundaries, you run the risk of your teen running wild; if you have discipline only, you risk losing your influence with your teen. Your influence over your children comes from the quality of your relationship with them.’

Lyndal Power is Clinical Coordinator at RAPS Adolescent Family Therapy and Mediation service, a program of Relationships Australia, NSW. (RAPS stands for Resources for Adolescents and Parents Service)

EXPLORING RELATIONSHIPS

REBELLIOUS TEENS

Disciplining the adolescent is a process of teaching and learning skills, and allowing these skills to be practised.

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hen I faced difficulties raising my own teen, therapist Richard Ebling showed me how to move from trying to control and manage my teens to seeing a process of learning for both my teen and I. As parents, we still need to put the boundaries around our young people, but these boundaries need to have real life consequences associated with them. ‘(Adolescence) is sometimes quite difficult for parents, because we would all like to protect children from bad experiences. At the same time, we know we can’t take care of everything or the child will turn out to be a 50-year-old adolescent.

So the job becomes one of trying to ensure that the teenager has the opportunity to make social mistakes and use bad judgement, without endangering anyone’s life and hopefully without doing things that really limit their options, like getting addicted to drugs or alcohol, or becoming a parent before they are ready to.

You have to remember when your son or daughter does something that you don’t like, is that he or she is learning how to become an adult and needs to have the opportunity to make the mistake AND the opportunity to face the consequences in order to learn.’

(Richard Ebling, LCSW 1997) Rebelliousness is a form of objection where teens need to have some control over their lives. That is, they demand to become their own agent. Their need to be rebellious can be associated with their thinking they are ready to face the world, often before they have the skills to do so. We need to provide ample opportunities for them to own their decisions, reflect on their mistakes and learn from them so they can make wise choices in the future.

Some tips that help to this learning process to occur: ¡¡ Listen to their requests and give them time to come up with ways to negotiate with you about the things they want. (You don’t have to give in.) ¡¡ Be ready to negotiate with them, but make them stick to their side of the

negotiation. If they don’t, let natural consequences form the feedback.

(Some of this may be letting them know when they have hurt you or someone else, or cost money that they need to pay back, or earn in the future). ¡¡ Think of the skills they would need as an adult in order to share accommodation with others, and expect these skills to be practised regularly (e.g. garbage, cooking meals, budgeting, sharing chores, doing their washing etc.). ¡¡ Be ready to give feedback that is constructive not critical (e.g. ‘If you hang your washing out early in the day it is likely to dry quicker’). ¡¡ Provide opportunities to have ‘no conflict’ zones on a regular basis. Go out for coffee, have breakfast together on the weekends, have a cup of tea at the end of the day and chat. ¡¡ Finally when you go to sleep at night, think of them, as you would hope them to be, in 10 years time, and smile about how lovely they will be (even if you have to force the smile). This helps you to see the vision of the beautiful young adult and help you to respond to their positive future rather than the fears that you have in the moment.

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By Lyn Worsley

Lyn Worsley is Senior Clinical Psychologist at The Resilience Centre in Sydney.

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EXPLORING TRAVEL

TRAVEL FOR THE MIDDLE TEENS

By Briar Jensen

There is a variety of school-based travel options for teens aged 14 to 18 years, from language immersion and cultural exchanges to adventure-based activities, and they range in length from a week to a year. While some schools offer them on a regular basis, others may only offer them if there is sufficient interest from students. If your child’s school currently doesn’t offer any, your teen could help instigate a program.

Jonathan Hobbs from World Challenge, a company that organises school expeditions, says when choosing a trip look for one that offers meaningful life skills. ‘Travel as a teenager should be about developing the young person outside traditional schooling, to help them with skills such as resilience, leadership, teamwork and overcoming obstacles.’ http://www. worldchallenge.com.au/ There are options for individual student travel too. Global Volunteers International has a program for 15–17 year olds, where students from around the world work together on projects in Thailand, Nepal and Costa Rica. http://www.gviaustralia.com.au/ volunteer-options/under-18/

Individual cultural exchanges can be organised through companies such as Student Exchange Australia New Zealand, which sends students to over 20 destinations worldwide, with the USA, Canada, France, Italy, Spain and Japan the most popular. Sales and Marketing director, Cara Spencer, says choose an organisation that can guarantee your child’s country of choice, can ensure their safety and is registered with the Department of Education. See the Council of Australian

Student Exchange Organisations for a list of members. http://studentexchange.org.au/ http://www.caseo.org.au/ Community groups also offer cultural programs, such as the Rotary Youth Exchange.

They offer exchanges in over 30 countries, but due to limited placements students may not always be able to travel to their preferred destination. http://www.ryea.org.au/ Briar Jensen is a Sydney-based freelance travel writer.

See www.briarstravelbeat.com.au

FIRST BASE AND BEYOND

This modest cry for help on Facebook unleashed a lesson in modern sexual etiquette that none of us who were online at the time were prepared for. While we are all very aware that the language of teens constantly changes and evolves over time (selfies, hooking up, etc., etc.), the shifting of the ‘bases’ caught most of us off guard.

It’s not so much that they have changed, but rather they have multiplied. The simple three-step process has evolved into a veritable sports field of ‘bases’. When initially asked this question, the mother (who felt empowered by the fact her daughter had come to her in the first place) rose to the challenge with dignity and confidently replied that third base was heavy petting. Her daughter promptly threatened to ‘throw up’.

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‘Help me! I need to look hip and all-knowing to my 15 year old and she’s just asked me what third base is.’

At this stage, the bravely determined mother provided a demonstration of ‘pashing’ (a term immediately banned by her daughter) with accompanying hand gestures to explain oral sex. Her disgusted daughter dismissed this effort as being ‘completely unnecessary and not particularly pleasant to have to watch’.

What else could the poor woman do but turn to Facebook for answers.

Unfortunately, it was a case of the blind leading the blind, and when someone questioned whether the conversation would be accepted by ‘Admin’, the hasty reply was that ‘Admin is as confused as the rest of you!’

By frenetic googling of the Urban Dictionary and tapping into the startlingly comprehensive knowledge of younger work colleagues of members in the group, we discovered a number of alarming bases that we never knew existed, thereby instantly trading our ignorance for fear.

What to do with this fearful knowledge was undetermined by the group, but we all knew we had just created a new and graphic set of nightmares to deal with, the next time our teens are invited to a party.

EXPLORING DRIVING

CHOOSING A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR Driving lessons with an instructor are not compulsory, but for every lesson your teen completes with a licensed driving instructor, he or she can record three hours driving experience in his or her logbook. You can take up to a maximum of 10 hours of lessons and record 30 hours of driving experience.

Questions to ask when choosing an instructor

¡¡ Are they a fully licensed driving instructor? ¡¡ What course guidelines do they have? ¡¡ Do they have supporting education materials to give students? ¡¡ Do they design each lesson in conjunction with the novice driver and their supervising driver? ¡¡ Do they offer a system of reporting progress? ¡¡ Do they teach safe (low-risk) driving? ¡¡ Can they provide guidance to the supervising driver in order to satisfy the requirements of the novice and the logbook? ¡¡ Is the training one-on-one (not three in a car)?

¡¡ Is there a choice of vehicle? ¡¡ How flexible are they in terms of pick up and drop off points? ¡¡ Are they a member of an Association with a Code of Practice? ¡¡ Can they provide an instructor sensitive to the needs of the learner? (Some people may be nervous, lack confidence or prefer a choice of male or female instructor.) ¡¡ What type of vehicle is offered – auto or manual? Large or small? ¡¡ Is the car fitted with dual-controls? (By law, all driving instructor cars must have dual controls.) ¡¡ How flexible will they be – will they change their pick-up and drop-off points to suit school, work or home? ¡¡ What happens if you need to cancel a lesson? How much notice is required to receive a full refund? ¡¡ What happens in the event of an accident? Is the car fully insured? ¡¡ Do they have public liability AND professional indemnity insurance? ¡¡ What is the duration and cost of each lesson?

Links ¡¡ The Australian Driver Trainers Association (ADTA) is the representative body of professional driving instructors.

The ADTA contains details of getting your car or truck licence, driving tips, driving in Australia and selecting a driving school. Find out more at www. adta.com.au/about_adta.shtml ¡¡ The NSW Driver Trainers Association is a member of ADTA. Find out more at http://nswdrivertrainers.com.au/ ndta/ ¡¡ Geared offers useful tips from testing officers at http://bit.ly/1kvfd7f

WWW.EXPLORINGTEENS.COM.AU 19

EXPLORING BOOKS

WHAT ARE THEY READING?

BY THE WELL-READ PEOPLE AT DYMOCKS

Non-Fiction

For Teens

For Teens

This issue we have two non-fiction books in the mix, as well as a range of fiction from romance to fantasy and an unusual dystopia/sci-fi combination. Some serious teen issues, such anxiety, are addressed along the way.

Finding Audrey

A Court of Thorns & Roses

Breakthrough

Sophie Kinsella is well known for her witty, fun adult fiction novels, and we were so pleased that Finding Audrey is not only entertaining and romantic but also an insightful look at some serious teen issues. Audrey suffers from an anxiety disorder triggered by bullying at her school. She’s working with a counsellor to overcome it, but still struggles with meeting new people such as her brother’s cute friend. Audrey is a wonderful character – inspirational, up-beat and thoroughly real. This book has earned its place on the shelves next to established teen authors like John Green and Rainbow Rowell.

Sarah J. Maas established herself as one of the queens of teen fantasy with her Throne of Glass series. A Court of Thorns & Roses is the first book in a new series from this beloved author. Broadly, it could be characterised as Beauty and the Beast, with a bit of extra bite and a lot of extra adventure. Main character Feyre is a cross between Disney’s Belle and Hunger Games’ Katniss, and most teens will find something to love in her brash charm. A little racier than Sarah’s previous series this is definitely for your older teen.

Wikipedia describes Jack Andraka as ‘an American inventor, scientist and cancer researcher’. It also notes that he was born in 1997. Jack was just 15 years old when he invented an early detection test of three types of cancer. His invention is more cost effective and more accurate than previous attempts, and could potentially save millions of lives. In his book he talks about the challenges he’s faced so far (many of which will be familiar to most teens) and how he’s used determination and optimism to achieve so much so young.

By Sarah J. Maas

By Jack Andraka

Non-Fiction

For Teens

For Teens

By Sophie Kinsella

Fangirl

The Knife of Never Letting Go

Bad Behaviour

Fangirl is one of my go-to books on a bad day; it’s such a sweet story about romance, sisterhood and handling new experiences.

The book focuses on sisters Cath and Wren and their first year at college. However there are lots of things in this book that high school students will be able to relate to, and unlike most college books there’s nothing inappropriate to concern parents or teachers.

This is the kind of book that instils a love of books, the kind that’s as good as watching a chic flick or eating a bar of chocolate.

The Knife of Never Letting Go is somewhat hard to describe. It’s part dystopian, part sci-fi and has a mixed font approach to the text that makes it a good bridging book from graphic novels or middle fiction to novels.

It’s also a great story, set in a society where everyone can hear each other’s thoughts (or so they think). The concepts are great, the story is fast paced and engaging, and it’s a book that really makes you think and want to discuss it with friends. A must read, in other words!

Bad Behaviour is Rebecca Starford’s memoir of the year she was 15, when she spent a year in a boarding school-style bush retreat with no televisions or computers. The focus of her memoir is on the bullying that went on during that year. She also talks about her emerging homosexuality and the reactions to her coming out. Rebecca is amazingly brave, brutal and honest in her account.

This fascinating and, at times horrifying story should be shared and discussed among parents and their teenagers.

By Rainbow Rowell

By Patrick Ness

By Rebecca Starford

All book reviews are stored in the resources section of our website: http://www.exploringteens.com.au/#!resources/c1ir1

20 EXPLORINGTEENS JUNE/JULY 2015 • ISSUE 4

EXPLORING GAMING

WHAT ARE THEY PLAYING?

BY NATHAN JACOBS

This issue, we are featuring some ‘beautiful’ games that incorporate gorgeous drawings into their design to capture the hearts of girls as well as boys.

Rating system:

¡¡ None – Violence, mature language, drug use or sexual content is nonexistent. ¡¡ Disney – Violence is non-graphic, language is safe for all ages, drug use wouldn’t go beyond drinking ale, and sexual content would hover around the level of true love’s kiss. ¡¡ DreamWorks – Violence is more prevalent, but still non-graphic, slightly more mature language, the extent of drug use would be magical potions and sexual content would be suggestive in nature only. ¡¡ Simpsons – Violence occurs with realistic levels of blood and gore, some coarse language, drug use may occur, but is not promoted and sexual content could range from suggestive to non-graphic. ¡¡ South Park – Realistic violence with excessive amounts of blood and gore, no barriers on language, realistic depictions of drug use present, and sexual content could be considered soft pornography. ¡¡ Adult Anime – Gratuitous amount of violence with extreme levels of blood and gore, language could be highly graphic and inappropriate, drug use is not only present but promoted, and sexual content could be considered hard-core pornography.

For more information on our Games Review rating system, visit our resource page at www.exploringteens.com.au

Child of Light

Limbo

Platform(s): PC, Wii U, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PlayStation 3, PlayStation Vita, PlayStation 4 Genre: RPG, Platformer Developer: Ubisoft Release Date: April 2014 ESRB Rating: Everyone 10+ PAR R AT ENT ING

Platform(s): Xbox 360, Xbox One, PlayStation 3, PlayStation Vita, PlayStation 4, PC, Mac, Linux, SteamOS, Android, iOS, OnLive Genre: Puzzle, Platformer Developer: Playdead Release Date: July 2010 PAR ESRB Rating: Teen R AT ENT ING

9 / 10

Summary

With all the classic elements of a good role-playing game, this beautiful game is told in true fairy-tale fashion. While running, or flying around the game’s fantastical watercolour environments, your teen will enjoy levelling up, finding hidden treasures and solving clever puzzles.

Violence: DreamWorks Language: Disney Sexual Content: Disney Drug Use: DreamWorks Suitable for ages 7+ If your child can read, I don’t see any reason why they shouldn’t play this gorgeous, light-hearted role-playing game.

Child of Light’s combat system is free of even a hint of blood, and is simple enough for anyone to master while still being intuitive and interactive. All of the dialogue in the game is written in rhyme. Pair this up with the fact that the underlying story is tied in with historical events, and your teen might even learn something.

7 / 10

Summary

With no dialogue or story to speak of, Limbo takes players on a deadly jaunt through an eerie, silhouetted world where seemingly everything wants to kill you.

The true beauty of this little game is the quality visuals, sound and gameplay.

Violence: South Park Language: None Sexual Content: None Drug Use: None Suitable for ages 10+ Though Limbo could be considered spooky for the faint of heart, this puzzle platformer will challenge your teen’s mind without frustrating them, with ingenious puzzles and surprises around every corner. Quick wits and a keen mind will go a long way in this game. Dying in Limbo is on an extremely slick learning curve. These deaths can be quite violent, but luckily, the lack of colour and fine detail detracts from the gore, which would otherwise be rather gratuitous.

WWW.EXPLORINGTEENS.COM.AU 21

ACTIVITIES

WHAT CAN THEY DO?

Want your teen up and active? These providers have the answer.

FUSION 9 STUDIOS

Music rehearsal studios

GET YOUR TEEN OUT OF THE GARAGE! A new state of the art rehearsal facility located in the heart of Sydney’s Hills District at Castle Hill. We provide purpose built, acoustically designed, soundproofed, air conditioned rehearsal studios equipped with brand new and latest sound gear. Fusion 9 Studios provides full disabled access and facilities. Drum lessons and hire equipment are available.

Location: Unit 15 / 7 Hoyle Ave, Castle Hill Cost: $25.00 per hour, Solo rate $10.00 per hour Phone: 0467 041 916 Email: info@fusion9studios.com.au www.fusion9studios.com.au

SYDNEY DRAMA SCHOOL

These boutique classes provide young performers with early access to professional skills and screen techniques within a fun and vibrant learning environment.

Develop confidence and learn skills in communicating, team work, listening and expression. Improvisation and text based exercises, filled with fun games and engaging activities for young people who are interested in acting and presenting.

July Holiday Workshops 9, 10 & 11 July 10 am - 5 pm Term Acting Classes for Teens Sundays 12 pm - 2 pm 19 July - 6 September (8 weeks) Location: Level 1, 57 Queen St, Woollahra Ages: 8-11 & 12-16 Contact details: 02 8203 3899 Email: info@sydneydramaschool.com.au www.sydneydramaschool.com.au

HULA HOOP FOR YOUR BODY, MIND AND SOUL

Hooping is a fun exercise for parents and teens to do together. Your teen will learn hoop skills and tricks they can be proud of, and parents find it a great way to stay fit, stress free and connected to their teen.

Offer: Sign up for an 6-week course as a parent-teen team & receive a $20 discount. Use the code word ‘TEAM’ at the checkout Location: Milsons Point Cost: $180 for a 6-week course (for 2 people) Email: info@thehooptribe.com www.thehooptribe.com

LEARN TO DRUM WITH TAIKOZ

HYP, our three-day Holiday Youth Program, is a fantastic holiday experience designed to promote creativity, coordination, strength and flexibility in a fun, energetic, safe and musically enriching environment.

Your teen will progress through the full range of drums, from the highpitched shimedaiko to the booming grand odaiko, finishing off with a team performance piece! No prior musical skills are necessary.

Dates: 6, 7, 8 July AND 28, 29, 30 Sept 2015 Location: Rosebery Studio 67-77 Epsom Rd, Rosebery Cost: Dependent on age group. Sibling discounts available.

Age: 3-14 years Book online: www.taikoz.com/TaikOz/youthtaikocamp.aspx Email: classes@taikoz.com Ph: 02 9663 5532

All activities are also posted in our online directory at www.exploringteens.com.au And if you are an activity provider, please upload your activity/event directly to the online directory yourself.

If you’d like to be included in the magazine, please contact advertising@exploringteens.com.au 22 EXPLORINGTEENS JUNE/JULY 2015 • ISSUE 4

OUR

FAV

PICK

PRODUCTS & SERVICES

WHAT CAN THEY USE?

These products/services caught our attention, so we thought we’d share them with you.

Jamstik is the worlds first smart guitar. It’s convenient and portable, affordable and authentic with real strings and real frets. It’s easy to use and makes learning quick.

The interactive learning platform and instant feedback keeps learners of all ages engaged.

It wirelessly connects to your smart phone, tablet, Mac or PC via Wifi and is compatible with hundreds of apps www.jamstik.com

MoodGYM is a free, interactive program for preventing and coping with depression. It consists of five modules that teach skills drawn from cognitive behaviour therapy, and includes a workbook, anxiety and depression assessments, and downloadable relaxation audio. It was developed by the ANU National Institute for Mental Health Research and has been extensively evaluated. www.moodgym.anu.edu.au

20 Experiments to do with Your SmartPhone. No apps to download! Turn your iPhone, tablet, or smartphone into a science lab! Includes experiments that explore the science behind touch-screen technology, the mysteries of light, and much more.

The clip-on, light-up microscope allows young scientists to point, click, and share extreme closeups of microscopic images.

For ages 8+. www.smartlabtoys.com

The 3Doodler 2.0 allows you to literally draw in the air by extruding heated plastic that cools almost instantly into a solid, stable structure.

Whether freestyle 3D sketching or tracing shapes from templates to make larger architectural structures, the 2.0 pen allows artists, designers, geometrists, hobbyists, teachers, and architects to test out their ideas quickly and easily. www.the3doodler.com

The descriptions of these products are based on information provided by the manufacturers.

EVENTS & ACTIVITIES

DIRECTORY APPLAUSE MUSICAL THEATRE ACADEMY Building confident, creative teens through performance. Does your teen love to sing, act and dance; entertain others and be the centre of attention? Or perhaps he/she needs more confidence performing on stage?

Well, our musical theatre classes (and holiday programs) are just what you’re looking for to develop and nurture his/her creative side!

LOCATION: Roseville, Killarney Heights and Chatswood CONTACT: Ingrid Bass 0405 495 099 WHEN: Refer to website

WEBSITE: www.applausemta.com.au

Scheduled

SAVE 10% – USE ETEENS10 WHEN BOOKING LOCATION: Lvl 4, 393 George St, Sydney AGE: 7yrs + (<16 must be accompanied by an adult)

EMAIL: sydney@escapehunt.com

AGE: 12-17yrs

ICON LEGEND:

ESCAPE HUNT Sick of your teens playing computer games? Come and try Sydney’s most exciting REAL LIFE INTERACTIVE game...no screens, no computers, no phones. Play the part of detectives (in family groups or teams of 2-5) and race against the clock with adrenaline levels at an all-time high.

Anytime

PHONE: 9299 3929

WEBSITE: www.sydney.escapehunt.com

Holiday

School term

GENEXT An award-winning program offering Sydney teenagers the chance to meet, explore and create with established artists and likeminded young people, afterhours at MCA. Includes free snacks, live music and hands-on experiences. The upcoming Genext is a special event in Partnership with Underbelly Arts taking place on historic Cockatoo Island!

WHEN: Friday 31 July, 6 – 8pm.

COST: FREE! AGE: 12-18

EMAIL: belinda.sculley@mca.com.au WEBSITE: www.mca.com.au/series/ generationext FB: www.facebook.com/ mcagenerationext

PARENTS WANT INFORMATION ON ACTIVITIES AVAILABLE FOR TEENAGERS SO TELL 10,000 PARENTS OF TEENS ABOUT YOUR ACTIVITY/ EVENT FOR

ONLY $150

IN OUR DIRECTORY Contact us at advertising@exploringteens. com.au

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