My Child Magazine August 2016 Issue

MAGAZINE.COM.AU

Oscar’s Story: One Mother’s Emotional Journey with Still Birth

WORKING FATHER GUILT Body After Baby BREAKING FREE FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (PART 2)

Spring

Fashion

8 PAGES FROM HUXBABY ISSUE 59 -AUGUST 2016

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98 CONTENTS COVER STORIES

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OSCAR’S STORY: ONE MOTHER’S EMOTIONAL JOURNEY WITH STILL BIRTH WORKING FATHER GUILT BODY AFTER BABY

BREAKING FREE FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PART 2

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CELEBRITY READS

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PETER MORRISSEY - TO FASHION CHILDREN’S LIVES

EVERY MONTH

6 7 20

EDITORS LETTER EDITOR PICKS BOOK REVIEWS

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THE MUMMY BLOG SMALL MINDS IN A BIG WORLD

YOUR CHILD

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TEMPERATURE AWARENESS

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GOOD BEHAVIOUR TIPS

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IMAGINARY FRIENDS

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FROM BUTTERFLIES IN THE TUMMY TO PANIC ATTACKS - ANXIETY IN CHILDREN WHY REAL PLAY IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN

LIFESTYLE

74 8 40 104

DATING SOMEONE WITH A CHILD

UNDERSTANDING CHILDCARE COSTS

RELIGION & CHILDREN

RECIPES

SHOPPING

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20

BOOK REVIEWS

68

SHOP KIDS FASHION

58

HUXBABY - SPRING FASHION SPREAD

78

GET THE LOOK INTERIORS

84

TOY REVIEWS

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EDITOR IN CHIEF BEAU MEDINA

EDITOR BIANCA MEDINA

ASSISTANT EDITORS ANVI SHARMA JANA ANGELES

ART DIRECTOR CRAIG BURKILL

SALES DIRECTOR BIANCA MEDINA

CONTRIBUTING EXPERTS APRIL DAVIES THE LITTLE READING ROOM CHERIE TILLEY TENNILLE WELSH

EDITORIAL ENQUIRIES EDITORIAL@MYCHILDMAGAZINE.COM.AU

ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES ADVERTISING@MYCHILDMAGAZINE.COM.AU

CONTACT: CRE8 PUBLICATIONS PHONE: 0411 572 877 8 GROSE ST, PARRAMATTA, NSW 2150

My Child magazine and mychildmagazine.com.au are wholly owned by Cre8 Publications (ABN 70 141 165 675). No other parties or individuals have any financial interest in the company or in My Child or mychildmagazine.com.au. My Child contains general information only and does not purport to be a substitute for health and parenting advice. Readers are advised to seek a doctor for all medical and health matters. The publisher and authors do not accept any liability whatsoever in respect of an action taken by readers in reliance on the recommendations set out in this magazine. Reproduction of any material without written permission by the publisher is strictly forbidden. We cannot accept responsibility for material lost or damaged in the post or for any unsolicited manuscripts and photographs. All reasonable efforts have been made to trace copyright holders.

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EDITOR’S LETTER We hope that you’re all well!

I’ve had a strange month, I’ve caught myself daydreaming several times, remembering when my babies were born and how I thought we had all the time in the world getting to know each other. I remember those first few hours after the birth of my kids, but the days and weeks that followed, the late night feeds and nappy changes are becoming a distant memory. Having kids has made me so aware of how quickly time goes by. I wish I had a remote and could pause life and make sure that my memories are clearly engraved. There have been so many amazing moments I’ve experienced since becoming a mummy, I worry that the new memories I’m building with my family will make the older one’s fade too soon. Not sure why I wanted to share this, but I suspect that it’s because I know deep down that someone else can relate to this exact feeling and emotion and I want them to know that they are not alone!

We have had a busy month as always; things never seem to slow down here at mychild Magazine.

Firstly let’s say welcome to our new Art Director Craig J Craig joins the team with a wealth of experience and we are thrilled that he is working with us. Craig’s creative style can clearly be seen in this issue and we are super excited to the subtle changes he will bring to the magazine.

This issue has some incredible stories and articles for you. Breaking Free Pt2 will keep you turning the pages, it’s just as captivating as Pt1. Tennille Welsh shares her deeply personal story of the stillbirth of her son Oscar, it’s a must read. We interviewed the fabulous Peter Morrissey and discussed all things fashion. We have a great dad read on Working Fathers Guilt and check out the Cost of Childcare to get an idea of what you can expect to pay when sending your kids to day care. There are many more fantastic articles so don’t forget to check them all out J. That’s it for another month. Over and out!!

Beau and the mychild Team xx

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editor

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BABY

UNDERSTANDING

childcare COSTS Written by Jana Angeles

Understanding childcare costs can be very confusing.

Although there’s a lot of options to consider, there are several benefits you can gain from childcare. This includes being able to work, study and even having more ‘me’ time. As much as we love our children, sometimes we just need to take a break; child care allows us to have that freedom of being able to do more with our time.

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THE BASIC RUNDOWN OF CHILDCARE COSTS AS OF NOW Childcare is very expensive and as reported from ABC, 1 in 3 families will not be able to afford it. SMH writes that Australian families would be able to afford childcare costs if they followed the policies implemented by the Labor party rather than the ones made by the Coalition.

ANU researchers Ben Phillips and Cukkoo Joseph have said “Where we consider both childcare and family payment changes, we generally find that low-income families with childcare prices of $80 and $100 a day will be significantly better off under the combined Labor policies.

“Very high income families earning over $250,000 will also be better off under the combined Labor policy. The Coalition policy is more beneficial to middle and relatively high income families where child care prices are above $100 per day.”

Most families in Australia are not educated enough when it comes to understanding childcare. Many opt out from paying childcare to keep costs down.

In July 2017, there will be a change to the childcare system with a “jobs for families package”. As indicated by SMH, this will replace two childcare payments into one, resulting in childcare subsidies to vary dependent on parents’ incomes and how many hours they work.

From this, parents need to work at least eight hours per fortnight to be eligible for 36 hours of subsidised childcare; 16 hours of work are needed for 72 hours of subsidy and more than 48 hours for 100 hours.

With this new system, this means: • Families earning $65,000 will be able to get back 85% of their childcare fees and this will be determined by the government and their hourly cap.

• 50% of childcare fees will be returned for families earning an income of $170,000.

Currently parents are able to access 24 hours of childcare a week via a means-tested payment without having to study or work. There is also a non-means-tested payment where parents need to work or train within the week, however, there are no minimum hours that need to be done.

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So what does this mean for families next year once these payments become completely scrapped?

Parents will become even more confused with the costs of childcare. Mission Australia have mentioned that parents working fluctuating hours will be the ones struggling the most with the new system.

Mission Australia’s Chief executive Catherine Yeomans says, “Without more information, the system may be unpredictable for families, who may withdraw their children from childcare, rather than risk escalating costs.”

Families earning $65,000 will be able to get back 85% of their childcare fees and this will be determined by the government and their hourly cap.

HOW TO PREPARE FOR CHILDCARE COSTS The best way to tackle the problems that come with childcare costs is to prepare early. There are many factors to take into consideration when choosing a childcare facility. These factors include: • Whether you’re eligible for Child Care Benefit or any other child care payments.

• What type of childcare you want to use.

• The number of children you care for.

• How many days you can afford.

• Why you need childcare (study, work, etc).

It’s also helpful to learn about the other aspects that come with childcare: • Supplies including meals and nappies.

• The fees charged for when your children need to be away due to sickness, etc.

• Fees for the services and its closure on public holidays.

The costs of childcare depends on your budget and the type of care you need to use. It’s best to contact any potential childcare facilities you would like to place your child in and find out their fees.

Childcare takes a huge chunk out of your budget so be sure you have an emergency fund. If your income is lower than the average Australian worker, you might be eligible for Child Care Benefit (CCB) or Child Care Rebate (CCR).

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WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CHILD CARE BENEFIT (CCB), CHILD CARE REBATE (CCR) AND JOBS, EDUCATION AND TRAINING (JET) CHILD CARE FEE ASSISTANCE? When looking at CCB, CCR and JET, there are some differences between all three.

Child Care Benefit • Covers the cost for CCB-approved childcare centres and registered childcare.

• You or your partner need to be an Australian resident (some exemptions may apply). The amount of CCB you receive will be dependent on your income. This will be checked by the government.

• You can claim CCB of up to 24 hours per week from an approved CCB child care. Up to 50 hours a week can be claimed if you and your partner meet the ‘work, training, study’ test for CCB. • Grandparents who are the primary carers of their grandchildren can claim up to 50 hours per week of CCB per child. If you’re a grandparent on an eligible income support payment (known as the grandparent CCB), you can get a higher rate of CCB covering the full cost of childcare of up to 50 hours per child per week.

• Immunisations need to be up to date for children under seven years old to be eligible (or an approved exemption) for CCB. • Person responsible in paying childcare costs for children (parent, foster parent, kinship carer or grandparent) can make a claim for CCB.

Child Care Rebate • Can cover up to 50% of your out-of-pocket expenses (annual limit of up to $7500 per child per year according to 2012-2013 income year) when you claim CCB for CCB-approved childcare.

• This includes the cost of childcare excluding any CCB or Jobs, Education and Training (JET) Child Care fee.

• You may be able to get CCR regardless of your income.

• You and your partner may be eligible for CCR even if you get a zero rate when your income is assessed (you’re not paid any CCB). You also need to meet (or be exempt from) ‘work, training, study test’ for CCR.

Jobs, Education and Training (JET) Child Care fee assistance • Helps with the cost of CCB-approved childcare.

• You must be getting the maximum amount of CCB. • You must be eligible for one of the following income support payments: * Parenting payment * Special benefit (certain circumstances) * Partner allowance * Newstart allowance * Widow allowance * A means-tested ABSTUDY payment * Carer payment * Community Development Employment Project Participant Supplement Widow B pension * Youth allowance (for job seekers)● • You’ll need an Employment Pathway Plan (job seeker’s goals when it comes to their work life and the activities they undertake to achieve them).

• Payments are made directly to the childcare service on your behalf.

Overall, it’s completely normal to feel anxious over the costs that come with childcare. At the end of the day, this will be another challenge that comes with parenting. All we can really do is give it our best shot and hope for the best.

TODDLER

BY JANA ANGELES

Children have the ability to create something with their imaginations when it comes to play time. They can easily pick up a toy and set them up for a tea party. They can pretend to be a shopkeeper or a teacher. And yet, some parents tend to worry when their child mentions that their imaginary friend is joining the family for dinner. Your mind wonders how your child is able to grasp such an interest on someone that doesn’t exist. It’s important to remember that every child’s growth progression is unique and maybe for you, having an imaginary friend is a stage you go through as a parent.

WHAT ARE IMAGINARY FRIENDS? Imaginary friends are the friends your child makes up in their imagination. Normally imaginary friends are formed based on a storybook character or a human-like toy. These friends can either be there all the time or they come and go.

Imaginary friends are normally found in a regular spot where your child hangs out; it could be in the kitchen, their room or cubby house. Because of their ability to appear and disappear, your child’s imaginary friend can pop by anytime.

In an article from Huffington Post, Eleanor Tucker had a deep fascination on imaginary friends and began to do her research on how common it was for children to have them. She shares the story of author Nikki Sheehan and how her book,

Who Framed Klaris Cliff? explores a world on how imaginary friends become the enemy.

While writing her story on Joseph and his imaginary friend, Klaris, Sheehan had a strong fascination on children having imaginary friends as something common rather than an “outdated phenomenon.”

She says, “For most of the 20th century the prevailing attitude was that imaginary playmates were a sign of insecurity and latent neurosis, so people may have been less inclined to admit to such flights of fancy.”

Interestingly enough, other countries had their own unique views on imaginary friends.

Sheehan adds, “I found in my research, was the fact that in some places, including Japan, there are people who believe that imaginary friends are protective spirits who watch over children. Sometimes they are dead ancestors and sometimes just body-less beings who find themselves needed.”

Although Nikki Sheehan’s story is fictional, she too had an imaginary friend of her own. Due to this, Sheehan was able to be creative with her book by providing a voice for kids who have imaginary friends. As parents, we tend to forget how vivid our child’s imagination can be, and if something doesn’t strike as normal, our first instinct is to worry. Two out of three children experience having an imaginary friend and considering this statistic, it’s perfectly normal for your child to have one.

Good things to know about imaginary friends: • Overcomes boredom and provides entertainment.

• Helps your child express their true feelings and have support through difficult times.

• They can take over your child’s conscience in making good decisions.

• Sparks creativity and curiosity in their minds.

• It allows your child to practise their social skills.

• Allows you to have an insight on your child’s inner world; their likes, dislikes and tastes.

• Your child will most likely enjoy stories on fantasy play and magical stories.

WILL THEY STICK AROUND FOR LONG? Your child will eventually stop playing with their imaginary friend(s) when they are ready to move on.

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Imaginary friends are likely to stick around for several months or until they are up to three years of age.

If you find yourself getting annoyed by your child’s imaginary friend, follow these tips to better handle these situations:

• SCENARIO 1: Mum, can you do this for… [imaginary friend’s name]’: if you find that your child is requesting you to do things for their imaginary friend, such as making the bed, fixing up a snack or opening the door, let them do those things themselves.

From this, you’re showing acceptance of their imaginary friend and also taking the opportunity to develop your child’s skills.

• SCENARIO 2: The Blame Game: you’ll probably find your child saying and doing the wrong things and blaming their imaginary friend for their actions. When you come across this, it’s best to tell your child

that their imaginary friend couldn’t have done it.

In order to teach them a lesson, you can tell your child to clean up as ‘punishment’. This in turn will teach them how to behave appropriately.

• SCENARIO 3: The Consultant: your child may confide with their imaginary friend before doing something. They might also tell you to speak to them in order to receive ‘their blessing’. This can be really frustrating for you if they continuously do this.

The best way to handle this is to say ‘I want to hear what you think, not what [imaginary friend’s name] thinks.

WORRIED STILL? For some children, having imaginary friends can be a symptom of other issues. This could be because they went through a traumatic event or if their imaginary friend starts being mean to them. If your child goes through any of these, it’s best to seek the advice from your local GP or health professional.

BOOK

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Copy Cat Ali Pye Bella wants to be just like Anna and copies everything she does. One day while playing, Anna has had enough of Bella’s copying and calls her a copycat, forcing Bella to think of something fun to do all on her own.

Pandamonia Chris Owen and Chris Nixon P a n - Da - M o - N i - A (pan.duh.moh.nee. uh) noun informal Complete and utter chaos, often following the disturbance of a blissfully sleeping panda.

Copy Cat deals with relatable themes of friendship, sharing and individuality. The colourful illustrations follow friendly cat protagonists as they learn to use their imagination to play and develop their own individual interests.

The simple text and bright illustrations, depicting familiar scenes of play, will draw young readers in and generate discussion about inclusion and identity.

Readers take a trip through the zoo and are warned of the chaos that will ensue if they wake the sleeping panda. The various language techniques, including rhyme, alliteration and pace, make this a playful and humorous reading experience. The brightly coloured illustrations, depicting hippos jumping, sloths shuffling and cockatoos screeching, add to the excitement, as readers turn the page to see what commotion will come next.

Copy Cat is recommended for readers aged 3 to 6 years who will thoroughly enjoy this lighthearted, childfriendly story, filled with age-appropriate themes.

Pandamonia is recommended for readers aged 0 to 8 years and is hilariously full to the brim with ‘chaotic cavorting’ and a whole lot of ‘hullabaloo’

All My Treasures Jo Witek and Christine Roussey

Goodnight Everyone Chris Haughton

Grandma gave me a special porcelain box to keep all of my treasures inside. But what will I put in there?

All My Treasures follows a young girl as she considers what her most precious treasures are and realises that her treasures are in fact memories, of jumping in puddles on rainy days, lazy mornings cuddling and blowing bubbles. The liftthe-flap segments and signature hand-drawn, childlike illustrations make this heartwarming message an entertaining, interactive and relatable one.

The sun is going down and everyone is going to sleep, everyone except Little Bear.

Young readers will thoroughly enjoy flipping through the cut pages as the woodland creatures go to sleep, from the tiniest mouse to the biggest bear. The pace of the narrative slows as the book progresses and the animals begin to sleep. The bright, bold colours gradually fade into darker shades of purple, magenta and navy as the sun goes down and the text allows readers to say goodnight to each of the creatures individually, as they ‘yawn’ and ‘sigh’.

All My Treasures is recommended for readers 4 to 6 years who will enjoy exploring and considering what they might keep in their treasure chest and adults will be reminded about the wonder of little moments or ‘treasures’ that they often let pass by.

Goodnight Everyone is recommended for readers aged 1 and over and is the perfect story to share at bedtime (and hopefully put everyone to sleep!).

by

REVIEWED The Little Reading Room

thelittlereadingroom.com.au

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THE

MUMMY

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SMALL MINDS IN A BIG WORLD WRITTEN BY: SHEREE ECHLIN

A look of wonder and amazement crosses her face as the bubbles float towards her. The magic lasts a split second before my energetic toddler starts yelling “pop, pop, pop.... more bubbles mummy” all while giggling hysterically.

It’s a moment I’ve now etched into my memory bank, watching my beautiful little girl enjoying a carefree moment, a sight that is almost too rare these days. Never underestimate the power of bubbles. Especially when it comes to children.

Mind you I do have a bit of fun myself. It’s easy to see how the little humans in our lives view everything in the simplest of ways. The bigger picture means nothing to them just yet. As I watch her run rampant after bubbles her focus changes quickly when she spots the moon (attention span of a goldfish!). Without hesitation she says “look it’s the moon mummy.... but we need a space rocket to get there”. Dumbfounded by my toddler’s moment of brilliance (and somehow remembering our previous chat about the moon) I could only manage a nod in reply. As always she laughs at me before running off, apparently I’m always “funny mummy”.

We have days where everything is “too hard mummy” but this kid remembers me telling her about the best way to travel to the moon. It’s in this moment that I almost want to be a kid again. I don’t want to relive the fun of growing up again or the hell of being a teenager but just the carefree life of not having to worry about anything. To know that your clothes will be washed, your food presented (I feel like a waiter most days) or to know that each day involves playing and reading, who wouldn’t want that??!

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Honestly who has never had a day where they have thought “I don’t want to mum today. I’m thinking it might be a bit hard”. Geez I think I am starting to sound like my toddler! But I do have days where I think it would be easier to pull the doona over my head and stay in bed. Although it would probably only take a split second for the kids to find me or even my husband for that matter. There’s no such thing as even a trip to the toilet in peace these days (thank you door locks!).

Our kids really are like sponges, taking in every detail.... usually not always what you want them to mind you.... but they see the world in a different light. I can say the same thing ten times over, think “no, don’t touch that” or “please pick up the toys you just threw” but that doesn’t sink in. No, but the minute I go to treat myself and open a chocolate wrapper (okay so maybe more than one), and I have a best friend instantly asking “can I have some too mummy?” with an added head tilt or even eyelash flutter. Honestly where did my innocent baby go?! Or more like how many of my bad habits has she witnessed without me realising?!

It’s knowing that I’m responsible for two little people that sometimes I have to take a step back and realise what motherhood is about. It’s more than just sneaky wine and chocolate and driving mummy crazy. It’s just one chapter in a very huge book. It’s more than you’ll ever be fully prepared for and one job there is no manual for……ever! You can’t skip the bad, too hard crazy moments and just soak up the good.... although wouldn’t that be amazing?!

Kids really are creatures of habit too. We have the same little ritual every night at bedtime and don’t I get told if I miss a step! I’m always amazed at their capacity to learn but it’s funny how their willingness doesn’t always engulf them when it’s all too hard.

But choose your battles, especially when it comes to the stubbornness of a toddler or so I’ve found!

There have been quite a few moments lately where my trying toddler has pushed me to the brink of insanity and sent me almost bald from tearing my hair out thanks to her lovely attitude, but things could always be worse right?!

I know one day too soon it’ll all change again and it already makes me a little sad at the thought of my babies growing up (not really sure I ever want hormonal teenagers, but no doubt they will give me plenty to write about). Knowing that everything they learn is mostly because of me is a bit scary but I can only hope they take some good with the bad. And as hard as some days are (haha!), I think as parents it’s best to remember that you will always love your children but you don’t always have to like them.

Drop by my website shereeechlin.com for a few more tales of life as a “funny mummy”.

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DAD READ

WORKING FATHER

BY ANVI SHARMA

We’ve heard of working mum’s feeling guilty that they don’t get to spend as much time with their little ones that they’d like, and that’s a hardship that many mothers go through. But sometimes it’s easy to forget that many dad’s feel this way too. A child’s bond with their mother is a special one, and with a lot of fathers also having to divide their time between work and family, they may feel a little left out, guilty or stressed that they don’t have the same connection with their children.

In April 2015, the Journal of Marriage and Family conducted a study that showed more than half of working dads say they find it hard to balance responsibilities, and feel as if they’re not spending enough time with their children. In fact, fathers are often harder on themselves as parents, than mothers are. The delicate balancing scale between their career and family may have to tip in favour of work once in a while, but it’s important to remember that your career is also benefitting your family.

It’s essential firstly, to stop feeling guilty! Don’t spend your limited time at home feeling bad for yourself and your kids. Instead, think of how your time at work is beneficial for them as you are able to provide them with essentials and education, toys, activities and future endeavours.

Just because you’re not spending every minute

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with your children, does not mean you are not providing or caring for them.

On the other hand, it’s also important to recognise that you are a full-time parent, and that family needs are a priority. If possible, try and take some time off work – you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for paternity leave. Communicate with your boss and ask them the important questions regarding your time off, such as, how much time you can take off and whether it will be paid. After all, fathers should be just as much of a parent as mothers, albeit in different ways. Take turns dropping and picking up kids from school, day care and other activities.

Split the housework so that you can spend more time with the kids and less time cleaning the inevitable mess that comes with them.

Talking to other dads about how they juggle work and family life may also be beneficial to you. But keep in mind that as much as it’s natural to want to be a good parent, just because Steve across the street spends more time with his kids than you doesn’t mean he’s a better parent. Everyone has their own responsibilities and their own way of parenting. It’s the time-old saying, don’t compare yourselves to others. Go at your own pace, and focus on your family. Sharing stories, advice and general discussion is important, but not to the extent that this makes you feel even worse!

It’s also okay if you feel like you’re too overwhelmed.

Take some time off to refresh and recharge. Don’t feel like you have to overcompensate when you get home from work and spend every second with your child. It’s alright if you’re tired, but make sure to make time later, perhaps on the weekends.

Make a calendar of all family commitments so you’re on top of that and aren’t stressed at the last minute. Also, prepare in advance for manic mornings by making lunches and packing bags the night before, make meals ahead of time and make the most of your time by multi-tasking. This way, you’re always prepared and ready, and can spend some actual quality time with your family.

Last but certainly not the least, between all of this, don’t forget about your marriage. As exhausted as

you are, your partner is probably going through the same thing. It’s important to push through together and help each other out when one of you is feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Take some time out. Ask friends or family to babysit, spend some quality alone time without the kids and most importantly, talk about things! If your partner is a stay-at-home parent, conversations need to be had about who does what. After all, they’re probably tired too looking after your little ones all day. If your partner is also working like you, share the responsibilities and try and spend as much time with your kids together. It’s important to realise that you are not a bad parent for focusing on your career, as long as you are there for your children when they need you and you are spending time with them when you can.

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Written by Jana Angeles Good behaviour skills are amplified when your child attends school. Before they even set foot on school grounds, it’s our responsibility to start modeling good behaviour for our children. Schools expect us as parents to give the right amount of care and discipline when it comes to raising our kids and it’s really important to establish good behaviour to them at an early age.

A popular saying in school, said by teachers over and over again is “treat people the way you would want to be treated.” Most of us do this on a daily basis - only a minority don’t. Our dreams as parents is to see our children grow into respectful and kind human beings; always striving to be the best they can be and having the ability to empathise with other people. But how do we achieve this? The answer is simple: show them what good behaviour actually is.

If you find yourself getting cranky quite easily and continuously taking out your anger towards your children, you may need professional help. As parents, we need to take care of ourselves first; we need to understand that our actions continuously affect our children’s lives, especially when they’re at a young age. As said in an article taken from the Herald Sun, “A loving environment, where the young child observes good practices, is more important than any instruction that attempts to set values such as respect, honesty, punctuality, hard work, reward and, importantly, love.”

With good behaviour, comes love - always.

Nobody signs up to parenting without love and how we treat our children becomes a mirror for them as growing individuals.

There are some crucial tips to encourage good behaviour in your kids but sometimes, we aren’t prepared to take all of them on board.

Remember, there is no such thing as a “one-sizefits-all” model when it comes to parenting but the points addressed below can help you instil good behaviour for your children.

BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL Monkey see, monkey do. Remember your child is watching every move and will try to mimic you as much as they can. Although children are different

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from us, we must understand that we are the ones setting an example for them. Without showing them what makes up a good citizen, they may struggle in adapting good behaviour growing up.

Avoid dictating them on what they can or cannot do. Explain the consequences of their actions and help them understand its effects on other people; show them what good behaviour is.

TEACH YOUR CHILD THE ROLE OF EMPATHY Helping your child develop a sense of empathy is something you can start as soon as they have an awareness of other people’s feelings. Let them know how their behaviour makes you feel and be honest about it. Once they realise how genuine you are when you address your feelings, your child will be able to adapt good behaviour.

They’ll know that if they misbehave, it’ll make you upset. From here, they’ll be able to understand the

role of empathy and how this can help us better understand people and their feelings.

ACKNOWLEDGE AND PRAISE YOUR CHILD’S GOOD BEHAVIOUR Many parents fall into the trap by telling their child that they’re doing the wrong thing. It’s no wonder some children feel like nothing they do is right. It’s important as a parent to acknowledge the good behaviour your child has; it will leave them feeling encouraged and motivated to do the right thing all the time. Use the 6:1 ratio when it comes to this. For every bad comment you make on your child’s behaviour, say another six that are positive.

Praising your child is very rewarding for them and can help them avoid any trouble.

BE ON THE SAME LEVEL AS YOUR CHILD When communicating with your child about their behaviour, be on the same eye-level as them; sit down with them and talk about what they’ve done.

Avoid talking over your child as this will make them feel weak and small due to your overpowering figure (even if you are a short mum, they still think you’re tall!). Help your child recognise that they can talk to you openly. When addressing the bad choices they’ve made to make you upset, you can make the most of this opportunity by teaching them what your expectations are when it comes to good behaviour.

RESTATE HOW THEY FEEL When you know that your child is upset, restate how they feel. For example, maybe your child wants to have dessert before dinner but then you tell them they can’t until after. If you see them fold their arms with an angry face, you can ask them, “Are you feeling mad because I said you can’t have dessert before dinner?” This way, your child will feel respected because you know exactly how they feel. They will appreciate your understanding of their feelings, which will develop their ability to empathise.

Parenting is like an ongoing marathon; you’ll never know when to stop! Instilling good behaviour in your child will take a lot of work and at times, will leave you feeling discouraged. Remember to never give up and to always remain positive, even through challenging times. Parenting is all work with little play but the efforts you put into it will pay off later.

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AWARENESS

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FROM ‘BUTTERFLIES IN MY TUMMY’ TO PANIC ATTACKS

Anxiety IN CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE don’t want to go to school!”, “I have butterflies in my tummy”, “I’m not going to the party, they think I’m stupid”, “I’m definitely going to fail my HSC” … as a parent or adult who has been around children and teens, you may have heard some or all of these phrases. For some parents and caregivers, dealing with fears and worries is a daily occurrence that makes life extremely difficult and at times exhausting.

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Anxiety is a very normal emotion. We have all experienced it in our lives and it is important for our survival. Anxiety is also a normal part of childhood development however it is estimated that 8-22% of children experience anxiety more intensely and more often than other children.

For these children, fears and worries interfere with their everyday activities and prevent them from enjoying their life. Research indicates that before reaching adulthood, 1 in 4 children will have experienced a mental disorder; anxiety disorders being the most prevalent. We know that anxiety disorders are quite common and often start early in life. A child with anxiety is much more likely to develop anxiety or depression as an adolescent and later as an adult.

Children and young people experiencing anxiety may display a number of physical symptoms such as frequent stomach or back aches, difficulty breathing, feelings of nausea and sweating. Some children may also display behavioural symptoms including tantrums in young children, difficulty separating from parents or loved ones, shyness, refusal to go to school, avoidance of feared objects or situations and reassurance seeking. They may also have difficulty concentrating and become withdrawn and irritable.

Different types of anxiety exist. Separation anxiety is the fear and worry children experience when they have to separate from significant people in their lives, often one or both parents or caregivers.

The child worries that something terrible will happen to either themselves or to their caregiver on separation. Social anxiety refers to worry about what other people think about them.

Children and teens with social anxiety experience fear and worry in situations where they have to interact with other people, or be the focus of attention; they fear being judged or embarrassed in public. Generalised anxiety refers to worry about a wide range of everyday situations such as their parents’ jobs and finances, general concerns about problems going on in the world, familiar people becoming ill. Specific fears or phobias are intense fears of situations or objects such as a fear of dogs, height, small enclosed spaces. Some children and teens may experience panic attacks in the form of an overwhelming sensation of fear or panic in a situation and some teens can become fearful of future repeated, and unexpected panic attacks. Finally, selective mutism is another type of anxiety where children refuse to speak in certain social situations, such as at school or when they are with peers.

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WHERE DOES ANXIETY COME FROM? People can learn to think and behave in an anxious way by watching others, or by going through scary experiences. Environmental experiences such as a child being bitten by a dog can play a part in the development of anxiety in young people. Research also suggests that some people are more likely to be anxious due to a genetic component; it runs in the family. There is also evidence to suggest that the way parents interact with their children can affect the development of anxiety disorders. Sometimes parents of anxious children can rush in to help their children, offer to do things on their behalf and allow them to avoid things they might be afraid of. We know that a parent’s urge to ‘jump in’ and ‘protect’ their child often exacerbates the child’s anxiety.

Whilst it is a very natural parental response, the child never really gets a chance to face new or feared situation and in turn learns that he or she cannot cope with the feared situation.

WHAT ABOUT ANXIETY IN CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE WITH AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER (ASD)?

The world can often be an unpredictable and confusing place for an individual with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Children and teens with ASD might find social or unfamiliar situations overwhelming and hard to understand. They often have difficulty understanding what other people might be thinking or feeling and have a hard time predicting how another person might react. When life becomes so unpredictable, it is not surprising that a child or teen becomes anxious and stressed.

Research indicates that young people with ASD can experience anxiety more intensely and more often than other children. When a child or adolescent with ASD feels worried or anxious, anxiety can look different to how it would present in a child or young person without ASD. Communicating feelings can be an added difficulty to a child with ASD which may in turn present as an increase in challenging behaviour. An anxious child or adolescent with ASD may have meltdowns or temper tantrums, avoid or withdraw from social situations, have more trouble sleeping, insist on routine and sameness, engage in more self-stimulatory behaviour such as rocking, spinning or flapping and engage in self-injurious behaviour such as head-banging, scratching skin or hand-biting.

Parenting and caring for a child who experiences

distress on a daily basis can be heart-breaking.

Whilst some children will grow out of their fears, others will need parental and professional help and support to learn practical strategies to overcome their fears. Teaching a child more realistic ways to look at the world, gradually and gently encouraging brave behaviour and praising children when they face some of their fears can go a very long way in helping young people feel less anxious.

ASSESSING ANXIETY IN CHILDREN AND TEENS To assess anxiety in children and young people, clinicians use a number of assessment tools.

Best practice for the assessment of child anxiety clearly favours use of multiple informants including information obtained from the child who is experiencing anxiety as well as the parent.

Whilst current assessment tools are valid and reliable, they often rely on children’s ability to be aware of and be able to express how they are feeling as well as parents’ interpretation of their child’s fears and worries. Children and teens with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) often have an even harder time than their peers communicating how they are feeling. This in turn limits the ability of current assessment tools to accurately identify anxiety in children with ASD. Studies indicate that when assessing anxiety, parents and children do not always agree on the presence and severity of anxiety the child is experiencing. It is also not surprising that parent-child agreement for children and teens with ASD is even poorer than agreement between parents and their children without ASD.

tools to manage anxiety, the greater the chances of leading a happy and healthy life.

To continue to improve and refine anxiety assessment measures and treatment, researchers at the Centre for Emotional Health, Macqurie University regularly conduct research in the area of anxiety across the lifespan. They are very dedicated to conducting research that will help us raise emotionally healthy children. One of the current research studies we are conducting is looking at developing an improved parent assessment tool to assess anxiety in children & teens with and without ASD. The new assessment tool we are proposing will look at behavioural rather than the cognitive symptoms of anxiety. We are hoping to develop an assessment tool that will be more sensitive and specific to children aged 6-18 years, including children with ASD.

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY CHILD NEEDS HELP? Is your child’s anxiety getting in the way of your child doing things he or she wants to do or enjoy fun activities? Is anxiety interfering with your child’s ability to spend time with friends? Does anxiety interfere with your child’s school-related activities or homework? Are there activities, situations or places your child insists on avoiding due to fears and worries? Does your child become extremely distressed and hard to settle when presented with feared situation or object? Is your child’s anxiety beyond what you would consider typical of a child his or her age? If you said ‘yes’ to any of these questions, it might be a good time to consider seeking professional help. We know that severe anxiety can impact on children’s health and happiness; the earlier a child learns effective

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If you are interested in participating in this research project, we encourage you to take our 20 minute online survey which can be accessed via: http://bit.ly/MQanxietysurvey.

To participate in this study you must be the parent or caregiver of a child aged 6-18 years and must be an Australian resident.

We are encouraging all parents to take part; this includes parents of children who do not have emotional or developmental problems, parents of anxious children and parents of children with ASD. Your involvement is warmly appreciated!

The study is being conducted by Ramona Toscano to meet the requirements for the degree of a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology under the supervision of Professor Jennifer Hudson and Associate Professor Andrew Baillie in the Centre for Emotional Health, Department of Psychology, Macquarie University.

If you have any questions or difficulties in regards to the survey, please contact the researchers - Ms Ramona Toscano on 0478 351 169 or Prof Jennifer Hudson on (02) 9850 8668.

The ethical aspects of this study have been approved by the Macquarie University Human Research Ethics Committee.

Ramona Toscano, Psychologist Faculty of Human Sciences Macquarie University, NSW 2109, Australia The author can be contacted at ramona.toscano@students.mq.edu.au

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AWARENESS

RELIGION & CHILDREN

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Written by Anvi Sharma

There are many considerations that need to be made when raising a child, and religion is one of them. Now, religion is a touchy subject amongst many, but there are many things that need to be addressed in regards to what religious beliefs you will be bringing into your child’s life. It’s not just about personal beliefs, there are also years and years of tradition, culture and family preferences that can sometimes make it an issue for couples. Perhaps you and partner are both of the same religion, of different faiths, or maybe one of you believes in spirituality whilst the other doesn’t. Each scenario beings up different questions that must be discussed beforehand, and leaving it till later is perhaps not the best idea.

There are lots of discussions you must have with your partner, your family and even yourself when you’re having a child.

The last thing you want is for problems to arise later on, so it’s best to be upfront and consider all possible issues that could occur. In regards to religion, you firstly have to consider how much of a role it plays in your life. If you’re someone who is a strong believer of your particular faith, whether that be Christianity, Hinduism or any other religion, it’s understandable for you to want to pass down these beliefs to your child. It’s a good idea in this case to learn as much as you can, and be ready to answer any questions your child may have when the time comes. It’s alright if you don’t know any answers, but if you’re choosing for them to grow up in a religious household, it’s important that they understand why, and are not confused by any concepts of beliefs. It’s also a good idea to make learning about religious

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ideas fun and interesting, especially when the child is still young. At the same time, it’s also important to consider your partner’s feelings in this. If they’re indifferent about religion they may leave it up to you entirely.

However, if your partner practices a different religion to you, there are some

obvious questions you both may need to consider, such as whether you’re going to enforce both sides upon your child, or just one. Interfaith marriages are extremely common around the world, especially in multicultural countries such as Australia, and therefore raising a child comes with the question of being single-faith to avoid

confusion, or celebrating both religions.

In fact, a 2009 study by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life suggests that interfaith families promote diversity, transparency about difference and promotes unity. You and your partner need to discuss and arrange a balance between the two, and who will be involved in what aspects of any religious teachings.

When your child is old enough to make their own choices, they may choose to follow in your footsteps and practice your religion as they have been taught and shown. On the other hand, many may feel as if they cannot relate, or simply do not believe in the same ideologies as you and that is also perfectly okay. There’s always the danger of forcing beliefs upon your child that they do not believe in, or don’t fully understand. You can only do so much to try and interest your child and make them understand your beliefs and values, however, it’s also important to respect their choices.

At the other end of the spectrum, there are also many atheists or agnostics who may not want to raise their child without any particular religious beliefs. Some parents like to talk to their children about ways of dealing with issues or distress that don’t rely on faith and religion. If you’re neither here nor there, you should try and explain your personal beliefs to your child and let them make their own decision when they are old enough to.

At the end of the day, it’s important to have an open mind as well and if your child needs a religion or some form of spirituality to lean on or need it to explain certain things, then you should learn to be okay with that as well.

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PREGNANCY

YOUR

Body AFTER BABY Written by Anvi Sharma Giving birth is an emotional experience, and your hormones are doing all sorts of crazy things during pregnancy, labour and even after giving birth. You’re not only going to notice changes mentally, but physically too as your body goes through changes yet again. Here are 6 ways your body changes after pregnancy.

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1.

BLADDER ISSUES

A common post-childbirth issue many women face is bladder leakage and also some swelling loss of sensitivity in urinary organs. As mentioned previously, your body will be looking for ways to get the extra pregnancy fluid produced to get out, usually in the form of urine. Expect your bladder to fill up rapidly and to feel the need to urinate frequently. If you’re having difficulty doing so, talk to a doctor. Eating lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, wholemeal foods and drinking plenty of water should prevent any constipation, and make it easier.

4.

STRETCH MARKS

It’s also pretty common for leakage to occur when laughing, coughing or moving suddenly.

Incontinence or urinary tract infections may also occur, so speaking to a doctor or your midwife about any concerns is a must.

Unfortunately, those dreaded stretch marks you developed during pregnancy are here to stay.

After a while, these pinkish-red lines across your stomach and perhaps other parts of the body, will begin to slightly fade and resemble the shade of your skin. They usually occur when you gain or lose weight quickly, and are a common symptom of pregnancy. To find out more about stretch marks and what they are, as well as how to possibly prevent them, read our article in the May Issue.

2.

5.

BREAST CHANGES

Your breasts will most likely be larger at first considering that you’ll be breastfeeding, and even if you don’t intend to, your breasts will still feel heavy and tender at the same time. Within a week or so, your breasts should get smaller again.

You may also notice your breasts beginning to sag as a result of the milk produced. Milk leakage may also occur for a few weeks, even if you don’t breastfeed.

3.

WEIGHT LOSS

An obvious change you’ll notice in the weeks after giving birth will be a loss in weight, particularly around the stomach area. You won’t lose all of the weight immediately, and nor will you return to your pre-baby weight automatically, but a few kilos will start to shed on their own during the first few weeks. All the extra fluid in your body that was catering to your baby will start to look for a way out as well (usually through sweat and urine). Also take into consideration that breastfeeding burns calories too. The amount of weight lost is dependent on how much weight you actually gained during pregnancy. It’s important to remember not to work your body too hard in an attempt to slim down quickly. Give yourself time and don’t overwork yourself. Simple exercises when you’re ready, eating healthily and drinking

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lots of water is a good start. Some new mothers feel more energetic after giving birth, perhaps due to all the hormones and adrenaline. Others feel exhausted and sluggish, particularly in the first few weeks. It’s up to you to decide what works best for you and cater any exercise around your energy levels.

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BACK ACHES

It takes time for your body to adjust after giving birth, particularly the muscles around your abdomen. While your stomach and abdomen are becoming strong again, the body puts extra strain on your back, which is why you might feel increasing back pains.

Other causes can also be bad posture, especially during pregnancy. It’s important not to sleep or sit in uncomfortable positions for too long, or positions that are deemed as bad for your posture as this can affect you in later life as well. If you still continue to experience back pain a few months after giving birth, you should see a doctor or specialised chiropractor.

6.

LOSS OF HAIR

On average, a person loses around 100 strands of hairs a day. This number is reduced a lot during pregnancy due to changes in hormones and many women notice their hair is a lot thicker during the time they are pregnant. Hence, after giving birth you may lose a lot of hair in the first few weeks, even in handfuls. This is no cause for concern and you’re not going bald! It is only normal for your body to return to its’ normal functioning self and the growth cycle it was previously in, usually in the first six months or so after childbirth.

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KIDS

WHY REAL PLAY

for children IS IMPORTANT Written by Jana Angeles With the latest cool, techy gadgets and the non-stop, colourful marathons of cartoons, there has been a decline of kids engaging in real play since the world’s digital presence. The home is a very distracting place and when you’re surrounded by things like the TV, iPad and PS4, children are more inclined to stay indoors.

In a world like today, parents are still encouraged to motivate their kids to go outside and explore; to navigate, imagine and interact with whatever’s in the local park or backyard and have the confidence in knowing that when you step outside the house, there are many more possibilities when it comes to real play.

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Creativity is one of the many benefits children gain when playing outside and that’s because they’re able to utilise their motor skills to sense their surroundings while using their imagination. Because parks are developed where there’s open spaces, grass, dirt, mud and play equipment, real play nurtures your child’s development in interacting with nature and the environment outside of home; for them to engage in the spontaneous moments of real play, your children will appreciate getting some fresh air rather than have their eyes glued to the television.

There are many benefits to real play if you think about. Not only will it keep your children in-tune to the natural surroundings but they will also be active - using all arms and legs and not staying stagnant in one place.

When further exploring real play, parents will begin to notice the advantages of it.

IT ALLOWS CHILDREN TO INTERACT WITH THE REAL WORLD RATHER THAN A VIRTUAL REALITY ONE. Your children will be able to participate in outdoor activities. They will also have the opportunity to play with their friends, siblings and parents. Not only will they be able to be technology-free for a couple of hours but they will learn crucial skills such as team building, co-operating with different individuals and realising the value of physical activity.

GIVES YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO GROW YOUR CHILD-PARENT BOND WITH EACH OTHER. Besides kicking around the ball and acting like you’re the opposing player (kids love a little competition), spending time outside counts as family time. Being active and playing with each other can make your

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children realise you value spending time with them. This could mean also having the opportunity to walk around the block and talking to them about things like school, friends and family!

IT AVOIDS ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR AND ALLOWS THEM TO FORM INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS. Unlike the virtual reality of play, real play allows your kids to interact with their peers and form strong interpersonal relationships with each other. They’ll be able to communicate effectively, solve problems together and be able to value teamwork more than they would if they were chatting online. They’ll also be able to look back on fun-filled memories and have something to reminisce on when they’re older.

When your children are playing on their computer or tablet, this can encourage passive behaviour and can lead to them being anti-social to both their family and friends. Always be aware when this occurs and make sure you talk to them and find ways to create a balance between time spent on technology and real play.

ENCOURAGES CHILDREN TO LEARN EFFECTIVELY. Believe it or not, real play encourages kids to learn effectively. Because they’re using all their key senses (hear, touch, see, smell, taste), they’ll be more in-tune with the environment. They’ll also be a lot more observant with their surroundings; constantly seeing things happen and the interactions others will encounter.

Real play enhances their memory too because they’re able to distinguish different colours, sizes and shapes within the outdoors. Clinical psychologist and physical therapist Fiona Sandoval says,

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“The brain grows up to 90 percent of its adult size from birth up to five years old.

It is important that all the different senses get stimulated in activities like play during this period so that the neurons and brain connections are formed better. If this is achieved, there will be more synapses and connections, which can optimize the brain development.”

games of their own, while also having fun in a diverse, outdoor environment. For parents worrying that kids will get dirty outside, allowing them to get messy will offer them the chance to be creative in whatever they build with their hands.

Although we don’t like mess or washing up mud-stained clothes, you’re giving them permission to have fun!

ALLOWS THEM TO EXPLORE THE DIMENSIONS OF CREATIVITY!

Although our children crave to be with technology at all times, it’s important as parents that we teach them the value of real play to their growth and development.

Sometimes being away from technology is all we need to appreciate the outdoors and admire the natural beauty we’re surrounded by!

Because children are able to use their imaginations more when they’re outside, this allows them to explore the different dimensions of creativity. Being creative can help them enhance their skills during active play because they’ll be able to create

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CELEBRITY INTERVIEW

Peter Morrissey

To Fashion Children’s Lives

By Jana Angeles

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Peter Morissey has had an eye for design for a long time. With fashion being his calling, his popular clothing line has been worn by well-known Australian celebrities such as Nicole Kidman, Elle MacPherson, Helena Christensen and more. Be it his allrounded approach to the fashion industry while also maintaining an entrepreneurial spirit, it’s no wonder he’s still continuously finding ways to better his skill set in creating eye-catching clothing suited for women, men and children. Being admired by so many designers for his work, Morissey proves to be one of the most loyal and dedicated people to ever work in fashion.

“I had always been interested in art, architecture and style. I was very good at technical drawing,” He says. “My family thought because of my style-sense, it was a great career to look into, so my mother and father actually pointed me in the direction. I was a natural at pattern-making and sewing and had a great knowledge on history in style.”

With his career being cemented 30 years ago, people ‘til this day love M orissey’s fashion line. As the competition of the fashion industry rises in Australia, he has managed to create designs that are trending in the market. For him, it’s not about the money or the high-rise stars wearing/endorsing his fashion line; all it came down to was his ability to make people feel good by looking good.

“I’m proud to say that since launching the collection that I get so many messages from parents saying that their child has found a new confidence or isn’t getting bullied anymore because of how they dress.”

“I love to fashion people’s lives because I believe it’s not how much it costs, it’s not about what it looks like - it’s how it makes you feel that is priceless,” He explains when talking about his career. “I love the fact that I have been able to touch so many people through my designs and still have people come up to me saying ‘I still own the MORRISSEY dress I wore to my formal 15 years ago”.

Going into a special niche in fashion, Morissey made the decision of designing a line for kids. Understanding the frustrations of parents with children’s clothing -

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especially regarding formal wear, he was proud to have launched something for kids to wear with the MORRISSEY brand attached.

To have made a positive impact for little ones wearing his designs, made all the difference in the world; on how they felt as people and the amount of confidence they gained from just wearing a piece of clothing he designed with his hands and creative mind.

“I have loved dressing men and women for 30 years and in 2014, it was the right time to launch into kidswear given that the brand was already selling in Big W,” He explains in regards to the launch of his kids line. “It was a natural progression of the brand and I like to think of them as little men and little women and that’s what inspires me. I create kidswear for special occasions, while also being durable and comfortable enough for them to play in.

“I’m proud to say that since launching the collection that I get so many messages from parents saying that their child has found a new confidence or isn’t getting bullied anymore because of how they dress. I love changing those people’s lives. Men and women that wore my collection in the past now have children wearing the Peter Morrissey designs. I love it when a parent comes up to me and says that they’re finally ‘cool’ in their kids’ eyes because they know who Peter Morrissey is.”

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FASHION

MINI-MALIST

Fashion

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COVER Bear Essentials Summer Hat $39.95 rrp Bear Essentials Drop Back T-shirt $43.95 rrp Bear Hug Drop Crotch Pant $44.95 rrp LEFT TOP Bear Hug Summer Hat $39.95 rrp Bear Hug Onesie $41.95 rrp Bear Hug Blanket $49.95 rrp LEFT BOTTOM Fruit Mix Onesie $49.95 rrp RIGHT Mini-Malist Drop Back T-shirt $43.95 rrp Bear Hug Skinny Legging $43.95 rrp

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LEFT Big Cat Light Sweatshirt $49.95 rrp Big Cat Drop Back Skirt $49.95 rrp Bear Hug Swirl Dress $49.95 rrp RIGHT Heart Bear Drop Back Dress $49.95 rrp

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LEFT TOP Hux Bear Slub Sweatshirt $49.95 rrp Slub Shorts $43.95 rrp LEFT BOTTOM Fruit Mix Drop Back T-shirt $43.95 rrp Fruit Mix Skinny Legging $43.95 rrp Big Cat Drop Back T-shirt $43.95 rrp Big Cat Drop Crotch Pant $44.95 rrp RIGHT Bear Hug Swirl Dress $49.95 rrp

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LEFT Nerd Bear Drop Back T-shirt $43.95 rrp Bear Hug Drop Crotch Pant $44.95 rrp Heart Bear Light Sweatshirt $49.95 rrp Bear Hug Drop Back Skirt $44.95 rrp RIGHT TOP Heart Bear Drop Back T-shirt $43.95 rrp Bear Essentials Drop Crotch Pant $44.95 rrp LEFT BOTTOM Nerd Bear Light Sweatshirt $49.95 rrp Bear Legs Drop Crotch Pant $44.95 rrp

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shop

KIDS

fashion

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SHOPPING

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KIDS

WHAT’S IN OUR STORES THIS MONTH BABY

GIRLS Biker Jacket $17.00 rrp KMART.COM.AU

Ponti Shift Dress $27.00 rrp CHARLIEANDMEKIDS.COM.AU

30

UNDER

Chelsea Boots $12.00 rrp

Chambray Dress $27.00 rrp Anglais Shoes $17.00 rrp

$

KMART.COM.AU

CHARLIEANDMEKIDS.COM.AU

Sprout Applique Top $17.95 rrp Sprout Rib Cuff Pant $18.00 rrp MYER.COM.AU

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UNDER

$

Maeve Poncho $44.95 rrp MYER.COM.AU

Glitter Dress $39.95 rrp

Knit Cardigan $49.95 rrp Print Sweatshirt $49.95 rrp Taffeta Skirt $59.95 rrp ESPIRIT.COM.AU

Suede Skirt $59.95 rrp

WITCHERY.COM.AU

ESPRIT.COM.AU

Glitter Dress $39.95 rrp

ESPRIT.COM.AU

Cable Scarf $15.00

CHARLIEANDMEKIDS.COM.AU

SPLURGE

Cardigan $39.95.00 rrp

MYER.COM.AU

Cross Over Sandals $49.00 rrp TRENDYKIDZ.COM.AU

White Printed Dress $65.00 rrp Bateau Printed Dress $49.00 rrp MELIJOE.COM/AU

Bardot Dress $109.00 rrp MYER.COM.AU

Salt and Pepper Knit $109.00 rrp WITCHERY.COM.AU

Skinny Fit Treggings $196.00 rrp MELIJOE.COM/AU

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KIDS

WHAT’S IN OUR STORES THIS MONTH BABY

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BOYS Print Shirt $15.00 rrp Print T-Shirt $8.00 rrp Cord Pants $15.00 rrp

UNDER

$

TARGET.COM.AU

LS Top $19.95 rrp ESPRIT.COM.AU

Connor Shorts $30.00 rrp

PUMPKINPATCH. COM.AU

Chino Pants $15.00 rrp 3 Pack Coveralls $22.00 rrp TARGET.COM.AU

Arrow Sweat $54.95 rrp

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UNDER

$

Zip Hoodie $59.95 rrp LS Tee $51.00 rrp TARGET.COM.AU

Light Jeans $49.95 rrp

WITCHERY.COM.AU

Skinny Jeans $42.95 rrp

MYER.COM.AU

ESPRIT.COM.AU

Bump Toe Sneakers $17.00 rrp

CHARLIEANDMEKIDS. COM.AU

SPLURGE

Nouky Velvet Pyjamas $68.00 rrp Cuddly Toy T-Shirt $48.00 rrp Covverse Chuck Taylors $63.00 rrp MELIJOE.COM/AU

Hugo Boss Trousers $119.95 rrp MYER.COM.AU

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False Fur Lined Parka $120.00 rrp Skinny Jeans $129.00 rrp MELIJOE.COM/AU

SHOPPING

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DATING SOMEONE WITH A CHILD Written by Anvi Sharma Dating is hard – add kids to the equation and it becomes even more difficult. Dating a divorced or single parent can be challenging, regardless of whether they’re the child’s primary or only custodian, or if they only get to see their child on weekends and holidays, and it’s important to be as understanding and flexible as you can be. Here are some things to consider when you’re seeing someone who has a child so that you know what you’re getting into.

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RELATIONSHIPS

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As with any parent, the kids are their first priority and realising this when dating someone with a child is important. As much as they might want to spend as much time with you as they can, they have other things to be doing and a child to look after. Plans getting cancelled last minute when the child is sick/there’s no babysitter is something that is unfortunately inevitable. If your partner is a single parent without any help from the child’s other parent then it might be even harder for them to find time for you. On the other hand, for example, if someone only gets to see their child on the weekends then it’s understandable that they would want to spend that time with them.

It’s important to be accommodating to their and the kids’ needs, but also ensure you are spending adequate time together. As time progresses, you will start to be treated as an equal, rather than being second priority, but it’s important in the early stages to not be hindered by their strong relationship with the child.

Each relationship also progresses at its’ own rate, and is dependent on

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the couple and their circumstance. Your partner might want to take things slow, or they might be looking for something more serious, which is usually the case for someone who already has a child in their life. Chances are, they’re ready to settle down. It’s extremely important to have this conversation to see whether you both are on the same page.

Your partner might want to introduce you to their kid/s very early on, or they might want to wait a while (from weeks to months) before you meet their little one. This decision is completely up to them and you should understand if they want to wait so they can make sure the relationship is serious before bringing the kids into the equation. You should also be prepared for when you actually do meet their child. Remember – there’s no guarantee the kid will take a liking to you straight away, especially if they’re a little older. You can only do your best to bond with them but don’t force a relationship with them. Take it one step at a time, maybe spend some one-on-one time together with the child if you

and partner have reached that level of your relationship. Even if you haven’t been introduced to their youngster, it’s important to show interest in their life with their child and show that you’re genuinely interested. After all, you’re no longer in a relationship with just one person – but two. Have a talk about how involved you want to be in the child’s life, and what your partner wants.

In many cases, single parents share custody of the child with the other parent – hence, their ex will be in their life. Depending on how much time has passed between the separation, the relationship between the ex and your partner will be different, but raising a child requires communication so it’s likely that they have built an amicable relationship, even if it’s mostly for the child’s benefit. Some people can

feel uncomfortable with this but it’s good to become acquainted with the child’s other parent if the relationship is getting serious – with your partner’s agreement of course! It can also be slightly intimidating and cause you to have doubts sometimes, after all, they have a kid together! However, there’s no easy way around it, you just have to learn to accept their status as coparents and be confident in your own relationship.

Dating someone with a child comes with its’ own unique set of considerations and challenges, but at the end of the day if all goes well, you should also be prepared for the wonderful chance of falling in love with, not one, but two people.

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GET THE LOOK:

interiors

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INTERIORS

INTERIOR: NORSU INTERIORS august 2016 | mychild 79

interiors GET THE LOOK:

PASTEL WOOD 80

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Ella Adams Montessori Cube Chair $117.00 rrp etsy.com

Teepee Cabin Bed $796.00 rrp notonthehighstreet com

Cow Hide Stol Brown and White $240.00 rrp interiorsonlines.com.au

Ombre Jute Floor Rug $25.00 rrp kmart.com.au

Viga Wooden White Noble Kitchen With Accessories $150.00 rrp ebay.com.au

Zip a Dee Doo Dah Pillowcase $14.95 rrp adairs.com.au

Kitty Kitty Novelty Cushion $24.95 rrp linenhouse.com.au

Cleo Gold Cushion $39.95 rrp linenhouse.com.au

Whimsy Quilt Cover Set $14.00 rrp kmart.com

Malmo Coat Rack $145.00 rrp mattblatt.com.au

Horse Sticker $40.00 rrp happywallz.com.au

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Ice Crean Night Light $82.00 rrp etsy.com.

Confetti the Unicorn $56.00 rrp blablakids.com

Wire Sign Hello $22.00 rrp etsy.com.

House Shelf Box $62.00 rrp etsy.com.

Domino Petrol Throw $158.00 rrp templeandwebster.com.au

Mini Sorbet Polka Dot Wall Decals $50.00 rrp etsy.com Wire Basket Medium Rose $50.00 rrp au.amara.com Unicorn LED Night Light $14.95 rrp finderskeepersgifts.com.au

Hawaiian Pineapple Cushion $58.00 rrp zazzle.com.au

Gold Star Cushion $39.95 rrp petitejolie.com.au

Kaylula Sova Cot Clear - White $1,299.00 rrp babybunting.com.au

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Swan Princess $129.99 rrp fizzypopdesigns.com.au

Girls Rock - Personalised Paper Storage bag $25.00 rrp etsy.com

interiors GET THE LOOK:

Cross Blanket $299.00 rrp norsu.com.au

BOLD GRAPHIC august 2016 | mychild

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TOY

Reviews

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TOYS

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TOY

Reviews

REVIEWED BY APRIL DAVIS

5/5

LIL’ WINNER – TROPHY SIPPY CUP

This trophy-style sippy cup is proof that your little on is the best! Simply fill the cup with junior’s favorite beverage and let the fun begin. Each cup is made from BPA and phthalate-free plastic with a removable, spill-proof lid and silicone topper.

Our verdict Perfect for children aged six months plus, this cute sippy cup is a real people pleaser. Your little one will love the simple, compact design, and the handles are easy for little hands to grip.

RRP $22.95 – AVAILABLE FROM THE SUPER COOL/ WWW.THESUPERCOOL.COM

KIKKERLAND ROCK CHALK This fun-coloured set of five pebble-shaped chalk pieces is washable, non-toxic and dust-free. Suitable for children aged between three and five, the chalk easily fits into hands – big or small!

Our Verdict This chalk set is perfect for drawing on the pavement, chalk boards or even chalk walls. Perfect for entertaining children on the weekend or evenings, it’s a mess-free craft activity the whole family can enjoy. Keeping your little ones entertained for longer periods of time,

RRP $9.95 - AVAILABLE FROM LIME TREE KIDS / WWW.LIMETREEKIDS.COM.AU

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3/5

childs FROM A VIEW

5/5

JELLYCAT TOOTHY HAND PUPPETS You create the story and make up the lines, and these cute furry puppets will be the star of the show! The Toothy Shark hand Puppet, Toothy Lion Hand Puppet and Toothy T Rex hand Puppet will take playing make believe up a level.

Lucas

The lion is my favourite, but my brother really likes the dinosaur, he runs around with it and roars – he’s really funny!

Mum helped us make a stage out of cardboard and dad put curtains on it and all, they said our play was really good but that the shark was a little left out. So, the next day we made him the main event, he swam through the water and scared the dinosaur away.

Our Verdict These cuddly characters have lots of charisma and are the perfect addition to any toy box. Your child’s creativity will take over and make them enjoy performing, assisting with their confidence and public speaking ability. They’re also the perfect prop for parents telling bedtime stories.

RRP $25 AVAILABLE FROM LARK STORE/ WWW.LARKSTORE.COM.AU

LAGOON ROALD DAHL FUN GAMES Make learning fun with these Roald Dahl activity cards. The Matilda Times Tables Games is a collection of fun number games, and the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Mental Maths Games comes complete with ten different activities for multiplying and subtracting, which will make your kids want to do their math homework. The BFG Spelling Games will also turn your little ones into geniuses with its seven wondercrump card games that will make your kids a spelling B champ!

Our Verdict Made from thick cardstock, these activities are ideal for little learners.

Recommended for primary school children aged between five and eight, the games are interactive and fun. Colourful and based on popular children’s tales, the game sets encourage active learning in a safe, no-pressure environment.

RRP $17.95 AVAILABLE FROM DYMOCKS / WWW.DYMOCKS.COM.AU

4/5

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AWARENESS

Oscar’s STORY

Written by: Tennille Welsh

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I was eagerly counting down the final days left of work before I could ‘relax’ and prepare for the birth of our first child. I was 33 weeks and 2 days when our whole life changed forever. My obstetrician said “I’m sorry there is no fetal heartbeat”.

From that point on my life became utter chaos yet my memory for the next few days remains crystal clear.

At times I find myself using ”I”, then “we” when I write about Oscar, it is difficult to disentangl e myself from my feelings, our feelings, that of my husband and I and also in a way the grief our whole family felt. Together we will always remember Oscar.

Wednesday night, that fateful night, after seeing the obstetrician we were advised to go home and go into hospital the next day. Each midwife we met over the coming days was lovely. Aside from the necessary medical needs each offered support in their own way, often sharing a tear with us.

After some encouraging, the delivery itself went relatively smoothly

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and Oscar Mark was born at 6:55am on Saturday 11 November 2011. He was perfect in every way. Having several days to prepare for Oscars birth in hindsight was helpful as it allowed us to gather our thoughts and make some decisions about how we wanted to celebrate his short life once he was born. I am eternally grateful to our photographer, who arrived shortly after Oscar’s birth to photograph our family. At first I was unsure about this but once I saw my baby I wanted to remember every second, to be able to look back and see so many emotions in these pictures.

Each time I look at them I see new emotions, notice new details.

In the early days after coming home from hospital I would often become panicked, especially in the early hours of the morning that I would somehow forget Oscar, that I couldn’t see his face and these photos were a great way to reassure myself.

We had two days with Oscar. To describe them as happy is not accurate but to describe them as sad is also not a true reflection of the time. Perhaps at peace, calm, still would be more fitting. We were able to finally meet our son, introduce him to our families, hold him like all proud parents.

We had Oscar blessed. We bathed and dressed him. We had time alone with him.

We looked at him. We stroked and kissed his tiny hands, his lips and the fine hair on his head.

At times I thought that I could keep the door of our room closed forever, the three of us could live our life from there, and Oscar would be with us, forever. What I had not yet understood was that my son would be with me, in my memories, in my soul, forever.

I received excellent advise from the pastoral healthcare team at the hospital and that was “you will never get this time back again so take your time, don’t rush and remember, you can have whatever you want”. While I definitely wasn’t thinking clearly, taking my time over two days to touch, wash, hold and kiss my baby have allowed these memories to etch into my heart, memories which need to carry me through a lifetime.

When the time came to say goodbye to my baby’s body, I wrapped him in a soft bassinet and carried him proudly from the hospital to the undertaker’s car, gave him one final kiss and went home with empty arms.

babies are either stillborn or die in the first 28 days after birth.

Sands is a not-for-profit organisation that provides support, information and hope to parents and families who experience the death of a baby. All Sands Parent Supporters understand the heartbreak and devastation that follows the death of a baby, as they too have experienced it.

Sand also offers resources and education for healthcare professionals.

Anyone affected by the death of a baby can ring the 24/7 Sands support line 1300 0 72637 and talk to a Volunteer Parent Supporter or visit: www.sands.org.au.

T: @SandsAustralia F: www.facebook.com/sands.australia Tennille Welsh is a mother to three beautiful boys. Mark (her husband) and Tennille experienced the stillbirth of their first son Oscar, at 33 weeks gestation in 2011, cause unknown. Tennille lives on a hobby farm with her family and enjoys horse riding, swimming and playing with her children.

When I entered hospital three days earlier I thought this would be the end of my baby’s story, little did I know it was only the beginning of creating a new life, and a new story for myself. That of a mum, a mum who lost a baby and who desperately wanted to have another baby.

An estimated one in four pregnancies (103,000) ends in miscarriage in Australia each year, while approximately 3,000

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BABY

Temperature

awareness Written by Jana Angeles Knowing your baby’s temperature is a key element when it comes to determining how healthy they are. As parents, it is our responsibility to check and help regulate their temperature, especially during the night time when they’re about to sleep. It is essential that we make ourselves aware on what it means to have a normal temperature for our baby, especially when it comes to knowing what to do if it is above or below the average.

Temperature awareness is imperative for the prevention of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and checking it regularly really pays off in the end.

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Education is key when it comes to temperature awareness. Our role is to make sure we know when our baby becomes overly chilled or warm when taking their temperature. According to the International Journal of Epidemiology and The Journal of Pediatrics, insufficient insulation and overheating can really put your child at risk of SIDS so keeping an eye out on both factors can really go a long way. Sometimes as parents, we really underestimate the sensitivities of our children and keeping an eye on their temperature is the least we can do. Babies are really interesting creatures and when the circumstances arises, they may not even need a product or a blanket to help with temperature regulation.

There are many ways to help your baby reach optimum temperature. These include: • Frequently monitoring, touching and feeling your baby to make sure that they’re not too hot or too cold.

• Checking in while your baby is in a deep sleep.

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•

•

•

•

It doesn’t hurt to monitor their temperature while they’re asleep!

Making sure your baby is dressed appropriately. Avoid overdressing and underdressing them. As a guide, only put one layer of clothing which will suit the baby’s environment.

Touching your baby’s chest, tummy or back to make sure that they’re not too hot or too cold. The abdominal temperature makes up the core temperature and is a reliable diagnosis of hypothermia.

The World Health Organisation has said that a baby’s hands should be pink and warm. This indicates that the baby is in ‘thermal comfort’. If your baby’s feet are cold, it could indicate that they are in cold stress. In the case of Hypothermia, both feet and trunk are cold to touch.

Keeping your baby comfortably warm.

Babies become fussy when they are too hot or too cold so parents and caregivers should keep a close watch.

CHILLING VS. OVERHEATING

SIGNS OF OVERHEATING

It’s a good idea to know the difference when your child becomes chilled or when they’re overheating. There are symptoms to look out for when determining the difference between both.

Normally when we feel like the heat get to us, we flick the switch of the aircon and eat our favourite flavour of ice cream to our heart’s content. Unfortunately, we can’t say the same for babies when dealing with the temperature’s warmth. Here are some points to consider when looking out for any signs of overheating: • If your baby has damp hair, a sweaty back and chest, red ears, a rapid pulse and a fever, this means that they’re overly warm.

• If this is the case, you should remove a layer of clothing and move to a much cooler environment for your baby. Fanning them lightly can also work too.

• Make sure your baby is not overdressed as this increases their risk of getting heatstroke. Symptoms include: hot dry skin, flushed or pale skin tone, rapid pulse, vomiting, rapid breathing, sluggishness, non-responsiveness, signs of dehydration. If this is the case, your baby needs immediate medical attention and layers of baby’s clothing should be removed. Give your baby some fluids and sponge them with lukewarm water.

• Make sure you dress your baby appropriately to the temperature.

• As a guideline, medical experts have recommended that your baby be situated in an environment where the temperature is between 16-22 °C.

If symptoms persist, we recommend you see your local doctor and in case of an emergency, call 000.

SIGNS OF CHILLING It’s the worst when it’s freezing and we’d do anything to rug up and get ourselves a nice warm mug of hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows to keep us nice and toasty. For babies, it’s a little different and we have to be attentive and look for signs when they’re chilling. Some handy things to know: • When your baby’s body is unable to keep warm, they are quiet and very still.

• They are unable to generate heat meaning that they are unable to show any sign of shivering when cold.

• When cold, babies are unable to cry and they may lose interest when it comes to feeding time.

• How to know when your baby is the danger zone? If their chest, hands and feet are ALL cold under his or her clothes. If this occurs, try to appropriately dress your baby and hold them close to your body so they can keep warm.

• If your baby is unable to keep warm, they go into the next stage of chilling called Neonatal Cold Syndrome. All of their vital body functions begin to run very slowly, making your baby lethargic. Your baby’s hands and feet will become very swollen and feel very cold. If this happens, your baby needs urgent medical attention.

Overall, temperature awareness is something we shouldn’t take for granted.

It is our responsibility to give the love and care our babies deserve to survive the rapid temperature changes, especially considering how much global warming really impacts how warm and cold the weather can be.

Whatever the day is, always have your thermometer at hand; you’ll need it for this, trust me.

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REAL READ

BREAKING Part 2

A heart breaking story of a mothers struggle living with domestic violence

WRITTEN BY CHERIE TILLEY

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The knife penetrated into my breast and into my lung, puncturing it, sending blood running into my chest cavity and spurting all over the wall.

As the blood was escaping from my chest, he left down the street. It was obvious his only thought was to run to the needle exchange to use drugs.

I called the ambulance, because I knew I could die.

I could barely breathe, as I tried gasping for air, blood bubbled out of the wound in my chest.

I will never forget the sound that I heard from the wound, the sucking sound like a punctured bag. I managed to blurt out my address to the operator before slumping against the wall, blood all over me.

The ambulance officers had to break down the front door. They carried me out to the ambulance in their arms as the hallway was too narrow for a stretcher.

At the hospital I was stitched up from the inside out; they had to put a drainage drip under my left arm to relieve the blood from my lung. I insisted on leaving, even though I struggled to catch my breath. I signed myself out of hospital knowing I should have stayed.

I caught a cab home to find myself alone. I lay in bed wheezing, every breath trapped in the cold night air - pain shooting down, under my arm. I don’t know how many hours I lay there awake, waiting for him to return.

The next day, I had to re-admit myself to hospital and have the drain taken out. A few stitches had also burst. I really felt like an idiot leaving the hospital the evening before and I was so embarrassed and humiliated sitting in that hospital alone.

He didn’t care. He did not come to the hospital looking for me, he didn’t even call. The irony was that I worried that he may have overdosed in an alley somewhere and I’d never find him!

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What I should have been worried about, was Myself.

He finally came home. He didn’t ask if I was alright. He didn’t apologise. I don’t remember him saying anything that made sense. He mumbled something about stealing paint to go and do graffiti. I should have realised I had picked a winner, right there and then.

I was only 20. I didn’t deserve this harsh treatment - I was above this. I just didn’t know it back then, I was blinded by what I thought was love. But it wasn’t love. It was dependency.

There’s a difference between dabbling in drugs and having a serious addiction that controls your every thought. If I knew, I never would have started a relationship with him.

But by this point, I loved him; I wanted to help him, save him. I should have just walked away and saved myself.

Not long after, we moved back to Sydney. I wasn’t going to stay in Melbourne. I told him to clean up his act and get off the drugs so we could start over, yet again.

MOVING HOME TO SYDNEY Sydney was a culture shock; gone were the hip restaurants and coffee shops, replaced with suburban streets and parks. We could have lived anywhere but we had to be far enough from the city so temptation wouldn’t take hold of him again.

I landed a job straight away at a medical centre as a Practice manager and he was able to secure a job at the local club serving dinners.

We would argue but we were both adjusting after the move and settling into our new routines. We didn’t have another incident for months, that is until my 21st birthday.

We spent the night out at a Chinese Restaurant with all of my family (I didn’t have any friends around that time. I had lost touch with all of them long ago because of his behaviour).

Everyone was chatting and enjoying

themselves, He didn’t like the conversation.

He carried on that it wasn’t a celebration for me. He always had a way of making a joyous occasion miserable.

When we got home, he accused me of not appreciating the present he had bought me.

I had been grateful and even managed to act surprised, however he had ruined the surprise weeks before when he carried on about needing to buy me something, as if it were an obligation of some kind. He kept carrying on about my gift until he got the box of the bracelet and attacked me with it.

He tried to force the bracelets down my throat, telling me to choke on it. He threw me around for a while and laid one really hard punch to the side of my head. The memory of that night has stayed with me and I have never worn the bracelet. It sits in my jewellery box as a reminder that the only gift he ever bought me was one he wanted me to choke on. From that point, I started to hate celebrating my birthday.

Any occasion that he wasn’t the central figure, he ruined with his behaviour one way or another.

In March 2008, I found out I was expecting again. This time he reacted happily. I was very wary of his reaction due to what he had done to me in the past.

He insisted marriage was the right way to go before our child was born. There was no surprise proposal, No ring he had lovingly chosen. Just his insistence. It seemed that the only way to have this child was if I became his wife. I didn’t think about whether he was the one for me or if he was my soulmate for life. I just wanted to have my baby so I smiled and planned to have a wedding in the following few months before I really showed.

We were to be married in June, overseas in Bali. It wasn’t beautiful or special, it was a ceremony to make things official. I pushed my doubts aside and concentrated on growing

my baby whilst working fulltime at a local newspaper.

Finally, on a sunny Sunday morning in November my son was born perfectly healthy. I was in awe of him. I had a gorgeous little baby to look after, who I loved with all my heart. Life became about being the most amazing mum I could possibly be.

Our problems settled down as we enjoyed becoming parents together and making new memories. Life started to turn around; it was probably the best our relationship had ever been.

Eventually though, the excitement of having a beautiful new baby wore off and I was doing most things for our son. He would even complain if I asked him to watch our baby while I had a quick shower.

I ended up doing everything myself, it was my job as far as he was concerned.

One day I was standing in the kitchen, I could sense he was getting edgy, something was making him tick. I moved closer to my 6-month old baby boy who was sitting in his high chair. Not daring to look away, I unbuckled him from his chair and lifted him out of his seat and held him to my chest.

He started saying something but I didn’t hear what it was, I knew what was coming I needed to protect my child. He grabbed my long hair and forced me backwards onto the cold tiles, I nearly drop my baby as I fell, hard to the ground. His hands were around my throat. My son was now between my knees and I was trying to protect his head from the tiles and protect him from his father.

I couldn’t breathe but I knew I couldn’t black out because then I could not protect my son. He hit me hard across the face and I felt my jaw crack. I looked for anything to protect my son and myself, I saw the phone.

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I made a grab for the phone while he still had me pinned to the ground with his hands around my throat. Somehow he lost his grip for a minute and it was my chance, I blindly swung the phone as my only defence left and the room went black.

I can’t remember how and I don’t know where I got the strength, but I swung again and my second swing connected. I split his cheek and blood poured from it. He tried to continue to hold me down and was covering me and our son in his blood. I finally managed to break free and grab our son. I ran as fast as I could up the stairs of our townhouse. Into the spare bedroom, as I ran, my knees so weak I crumpled and slammed the door behind us.

Sitting with my back against the door I dug my heels into the carpet as leverage. My baby boy was sheltered in my arms and I held him tight, I peer down to make sure he was ok, unsure

of whether he really was. Relief washed over me, he smiled back at me unaffected.

There is blood everywhere I didn’t even know where it was coming from. I placed my son between my knees knowing it was not safe to move from the door yet, wiping the blood from my eyes with the back of my hands my head was pounding - where was the blood coming from? I pulled off my shirt still pressed against the door, I used it as a towel; I then burst into tears mumbling to myself…

“I just want to be happy” I heard the slamming and echo of the front door as he left, off to catch the train to the city. I knew where he’s going. Drugs had always been his number one love; I should have never tried to compete.

There was a loud knock on the front door and it snapped me back to reality.

Leaving my son safe on the mattress, on the floor in the spare room. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up as much as possible before heading to the door expecting to see the police. Instead my neighbours stand banded together. There are only three who dared to knock on the door of my place. Not because my husband was a big man but because his temper was short and erratic and his rage could be heard down the street.

Feeling ashamed I looked away as I quickly apologised to the neighbours and assured them that we were ok.

I rushed back upstairs to my son and scooped him in my arms, crying, I promised him there and then that this will never happen again. I placed him in his cot in his room and showered to try and erase what happened, although it will forever be imprinted in my memory.

I’m not sure why but I didn’t leave after this incident.

When our son was eighteen months old, we chose to relocate for a fresh start again.

We had moved into our new place before I realised we were expecting another baby.

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I had moved in all the furniture myself. By the time I did all the moving I had lost the baby and had to endure a miscarriage at home. I was 14 weeks. No one could prepare you for that.

I wanted to try again once I was healthy, he seemed keen on the idea. Once I was pregnant, the cracks began to appear again. I felt alone in a new town without friends or family. I tried to make friends but was accused of having an affair. He would make comments that our baby wasn’t his and that I had boyfriend. I couldn’t make friends; it wasn’t worth the fight so I stopped trying. He had isolated me once again.

I spent the first few months of my pregnancy enjoying and growing my beautiful baby girl despite my relationship falling apart. I had to be strong. I wasn’t going to cry everyday and have my baby affected.

We visited Sydney and on the return trip, he went crazy once again and completely lost it.

His addiction had taken hold once more. Every time this happened my strength left me.

He went downhill once again very quickly.

That night I was asleep in my son’s room, I awoke, to him pulling me from the bed. He wanted me to explain someone’s number on my phone and he was yelling at me that he had already called them. I had nothing to hide.

I tried to calm him down and back him out of our son’s room. Before I could do anything, he kicked my stomach. I tried to cover my belly and turned to the side to shield it.

Another hit knocked me off balance onto the ground with him on top of me. I tried to yell to get him off me but he grabbed at my throat.

He put his knee into my belly trying to hurt our baby. He pushed as hard as he could.

Pinning me between his knees and the floor, I struggled to breathe and break free. I yelled for help, I hoped the neighbours would save me.

No one called the police, although I screamed

for help. No one knocked at the door to distract him from attacking me?

He held me by the throat until I blacked out; those few seconds could have cost me my baby.

I had to call the police. I picked the phone up that he had thrown on the floor and called triple 000 with my back pushed against the bedroom door. I remember panting as I tried to get the words out to the operator. I needed help.

Please hurry. I’m scared. He’s crazy. He tried to kill me. Those words came out of my mouth so quickly and easily I couldn’t ignore what I had said. I stayed on the phone until I could hear the sirens and then the knocking on the front door of my house. I couldn’t even move to let the police in. I was shaking uncontrollably. I sat there until they came upstairs.

The police wouldn’t take him away unless I was prepared to press charges.

I had finally had enough and knew I had to protect my son and baby no matter what. The time had come for him to be accountable, I had had enough of the abuse I wasn’t going to be treated that way anymore. That was the end of US, that final incident where he tried to kill me and harm my baby was the final straw, I knew that I had to make changes, not just for me but for my babies.

He was locked up and he wouldn’t let go of the idea of us as a family. He wanted to be forgiven again, promising he would be the best dad and husband, I couldn’t trust him anymore. I didn’t feel the love for him that I once did and I began to hate him for what he had done to me.

He was let out of jail for time served and given a suspended sentence. On release he moved back in. By then I had moved into a place that I could afford by myself. I was preparing myself for a life without him.

In 2011 our baby girl was born and we drifted further apart. He went to Bali for a month and only called once to check on the children.

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While he was in Bali, I was happy for the first time in my life. I knew I was better off alone. I had been living as a single mum when he was in jail just as I was now. I had my loving toddler and baby girl to nurture and keep me busy.

I was stronger and becoming more aware of what I was capable of.

When he came home from Bali, he finally realised we were finished. One day I awoke and he wasn’t in the house. I didn’t realise he had taken our son’s passport and my bank card and headed straight to the bank with a plan to take it all. He cleaned out our son’s bank account. I had struggled so hard to save; this was meant to be the money for my family’s future. I thought it was safe from him because it was in our son’s name. The bank shouldn’t have believed his story, but they did and gave it all to him.

He went to Bali again and didn’t call once. He didn’t send money for his kids. He didn’t care and that was ok. He didn’t contact me until he ran out of our son’s money and by then, he had also convinced another naïve young girl of his charms. It was no surprise that he hidden his shameful convictions and vulgar past.

The following year we were officially divorced and it was liberating to put the past out of my mind and be able to truly move forward; just the three of us.

I concentrated on my kids and began a small business from home to occupy my free time when they were sleeping. We spent the days at the beach and the kids started preschool.

I grew as a person, realising so many things about myself. Life was moving along magically for once. I didn’t feel lonely. I felt at peace with my life.

I went out on the odd occasion and slowly made friends and enjoyed the life our town had to offer. It’s not easy trying to be a mum and a woman; finding the right balance to be able to take time out for yourself can be really

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difficult. I dated a few people but no one stuck around with the excuse always being that I had kids.

In 2013, I was seeing someone new and after only a few months, I found out I was pregnant.

He didn’t want a relationship with me and I had to accept the situation as it was. I wasn’t scared of being alone, I had been for a few years now.

Being completely alone and pregnant was a whole new experience. It was hard at times; it would have been nice to share the excitement with someone else rather than only with my children. However, I wouldn’t change a thing as the future had a different plan for us.

Having three kids meant I was always busy. My little man was 6 months old when I started to think about the possibility of finding someone to share my life with. I wasn’t looking for love when I finally found it.

We took things slowly because of our pasts and because of the kids. The more I got to know this new man, the more I realised what a real relationship was supposed to be like.

A year and a half later, our weekends are spent camping or taking our boat out on the river. Our Boat.

Things are ours now! We have soccer on Saturdays and our dog is no longer a tiny puppy but a giant who almost outweighs the kids. We have grown and changed as people and we are raising a family together.

My eldest has learnt to swim, ride a bike and to confidently deal with bullies at school. He knows how to make new friends and isn’t the shy boy he once was. He has had a strong male role model and the difference is quite astonishing. He is a bit of a star soccer player because he has had encouragement and guidance in the right hands. He has grown so much in this short time and I am so proud of him.

My little girl has flourished and now talks back.

She is strong-minded yet mellow at the same time. She used to say she didn’t have a dad.

But I have watched from afar as she refers to him as dad now and I know how much things have changed.

I hear “Dadda Dadda“ all day. The littlest man clearly has his favourite too. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Every day I am grateful for the moments I share with my amazing family. Looking back now, it is hard to accept the person I was back then; that I would accept such behaviour from someone who professed to love me, but I know now that wasn’t love at all.

Finding love has opened my eyes to a lot more the possibility of having an amazing future with someone, it has helped me realise that the behaviour I experienced with my ex-husband, should never have been accepted at all.

After years of feeling as if my personality did not exist, always walking on egg shells and hiding the ways things were in my life, I am finally free to explore who I am as a person without having someone berate me. It feels Amazing!

People keep telling me I look very different. I feel excited to wake up in the morning and no longer dread where my life is heading. I make plans for fun adventures and I have started to wear makeup - something I never really did before. It’s really nice to be appreciated. I now know how different people can be now. I never felt as content and happy as I am now. Being Happy is such a fantastic feeling!

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Fast FOOD GET THE LITTLE ONES INVOLVED TO HELP CREATE MASTER MEALS USING OUR RECIPES THAT ARE KID FRIENDLY & CAN BE MADE WITH LITTLE EFFORT.

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berry yoghurt JAR 0.05 Prep

Serves 2

INGREDIENTS 150g (1 1/2 cups) natural untoasted muesli 200g (3/4 cup) Jalna Sweet & Creamy Greek Yoghourt 200g mixed fresh berries 2 kiwi fruit, peeled, cut into wedges Pepitas, to serve Toasted flaked almonds, to serve

m u y

METHOD Place a layer of muesli in the base of two 600ml mason jars.

Top with yoghurt.

Add another layer of muesli.

Top with mixed berries and kiwi fruit.

Sprinkle with pepitas and almonds.

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asian mushroom OMELETTE 0.15 Prep 0.5 Cook

Serves 4

INGREDIENTS 8 free-range eggs 1 small red chilli, deseeded, finely chopped 6 green onions, thinly sliced 2 tablespoons peanut oil 100g button mushrooms, sliced 80g snow pea sprouts, trimmed 1 tablespoon soy sauce 1 1/3 cups steamed SunRice Jasmine Fragrant Rice, to serve

METHOD Break 4 eggs into a bowl. Add half the chilli and half the green onions. Whisk with a fork.

Heat a wok over medium heat. Add half the oil. Swirl to coat. Pour in egg mixture. Swirl to cover base and run 1cm up the side.

Sprinkle half the mushrooms over egg mixture. Cook for 30 seconds or until base is set. Fold omelette in half.

Tilt wok to allow any uncooked egg to run to edge.

Cook for 30 seconds. Turn omelette over and cook for 30 seconds or until light golden (omelette should still be moist inside). Transfer to a plate. Cover to keep warm.

Repeat with remaining eggs, chilli, green onions, oil and mushrooms.

Cut omelettes in half and place on plates. Top with snow pea sprouts. Drizzle with soy sauce. Season with salt and pepper. Serve with rice.

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mex-it-up WRAPS 0.05 Prep

Serves 1

INGREDIENTS 1 Mission Garden Spinach & Herb Wrap 1 1/2 tablespoons cheese spread 1/4 red capsicum, chopped 1/4 yellow capsicum, chopped 50g rare roast beef 1/2 tomato, sliced, along the centre

METHOD Spread 1 Mission Garden Spinach & Herb Wrap with 1 1/2 tablespoons cheese spread.

Place 1/4 red capsicum, chopped; 1/4 yellow capsicum, chopped; 50g rare roast beef; and 1/2 tomato, sliced, along the centre.

Drizzle over 1 tablespoon mild salsa. Roll up to enclose.

Cut in half.

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sun-dried tomato TURKISH 0.20 Prep 0.05 Cook

Makes 4

INGREDIENTS 200g fresh ricotta cheese 2 x 185g packets John West Tuna Slices Sundried Tomato and Basil, drained, reserving 2 tablespoons oil 4 round Turkish bread rolls, split 40g baby rocket olive oil cooking spray

METHOD Preheat a sandwich press. Combine ricotta and reserved oil in a bowl. Mix well. Spread cut surfaces of roll bases with ricotta mixture.

Top each bread roll base with rocket and tuna slices.

Season with pepper. Sandwich together with roll tops.

Spray tops and bases with oil.

Place bread rolls, 2 at a time, in sandwich press. Cook for 4 to 5 minutes or until crisp and filling heated through. Serve.

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broccoli and feta PASTA 0.15 Prep 0.15 Cook

Serves 4

INGREDIENTS 500g broccoli, trimmed, washed 400g dried orecchiette pasta 1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil 3 garlic cloves, crushed 3 small red chillies, deseeded, finely chopped 125g reduced-fat Greek feta cheese, crumbled

METHOD Cut broccoli into small florets.

Cook pasta in a saucepan of boiling, salted water, following packet directions until tender, adding broccoli for the last 4 minutes. Drain, reserving 1/2 cup cooking liquid. Return pasta and broccoli to pan.

Heat oil in a frying pan over medium heat. Add garlic and chilli. Cook, stirring, for 30 seconds or until fragrant. Remove from heat.

Add feta and reserved liquid to pasta mixture. Stir to combine.

Serve drizzled with oil mixture.

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creamy chicken BAKE 0.15 Prep 0.15 Cook

Serves 4

INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon olive oil 20g butter 1.2kg chicken thigh fillets, trimmed, cut into 4cm pieces 2 leeks, trimmed, halved, washed, sliced 200g middle bacon rashers, trimmed, chopped 250g cup mushrooms, thickly sliced 1/2 cup dry white wine 1/3 cup plain flour 3/4 cup Campbell’s Real Stock Chicken 3/4 cup pure cream 80g baby spinach 1.6kg desiree potatoes, peeled, chopped 100g butter, chopped 1/2 cup milk

METHOD Make Mashed-potato topping Place potato in a large saucepan. Cover with cold water. Bring to the boil.

Simmer over medium heat for 10 to 15 minutes or until tender. Drain. Return to pan. Add butter and milk. Mash until smooth.

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y t s at

Meanwhile, preheat oven to 200°C/180°C fan-forced.

Heat oil and butter in a large, deep frying pan over medium-high heat. Cook chicken, in batches, for 2 to 3 minutes or until browned. Transfer to a 6cm-deep, 3.8 litre-capacity baking dish.

Add leek and bacon to pan. Cook, stirring, for 8 minutes, or until leek has softened. Add mushrooms. Cook for 4 to 5 minutes or until tender. Add wine. Bring to the boil. Boil for 2 minutes. Add flour. Cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually stir in stock and cream. Bring to the boil. Remove from heat. Season with salt and pepper. Place spinach over chicken in dish. Carefully pour cream mixture over spinach.

Stir to combine. Top evenly with mashed potato. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until golden and chicken is cooked through. Stand for 10 minutes. Serve.

caramel dessert MUFFINS 1.20 Prep 0.20 Cooking

Makes 12

INGREDIENTS 100g caramel-filled chocolate block 2 cups plain flour 1 tablespoon baking powder 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 cup milk 1 egg, lightly beaten 80g butter, melted Caramel sauce 100g butter, chopped 2/3 cup brown sugar 300ml sour cream

METHOD Place chocolate in freezer for 1 hour or until frozen.

Preheat oven to 180°C. Grease a non-stick, 12-hole, 1/3 cup-capacity muffin pan. Sift flour and baking powder into a large bowl. Add sugar and stir to combine. Make a well in the centre.

Combine milk, egg and butter in a jug and pour into well.

Using a large metal spoon, stir until just combined. Chop frozen chocolate and fold into batter. Three-quarters fill muffins holes with batter.

Bake muffins for 20 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. Allow muffins to cool in pan for 1 minute. Carefully transfer to plates.

Make caramel sauce: Meanwhile, place butter and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring, for 3 minutes or until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and whisk in sour cream. Return pan to heat. Cook, stirring, for 3 minutes or until sauce is heated through (do not boil).

Serve warm muffins with warm sauce.

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