The Paw Print - April 2020

April Fools 2020 Volume II Issue VI

Dripping Springs High School, School, Dripping Springs, Springs, TX 78620

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The Paw Print DRUM LINE

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Photo by Paige Miller

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Chip It or Ticket 2 Freshmen: Walk Faster 5 Cheer & Wrestling Unite 7 News 2 Entertainment 3 Features 4 Opinion 5 Sports 6,7 Student Life 8 The Paw Print’s core purpose is to serve the students and staff of Dripping Springs High School, as well as the surrounding community, with the most meaningful news and content regarding our school’s culture and the student body that influences it. From students, to students. But this one is just for fun.

TABITHA TIGER FOUND DEAD More on Page 4

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Background Photo: Paige Miller

Cover Design: Tessa Stigler

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The Paw Print April Fools 2020

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News No More Parking On Campus Ban Starting April 1 Cady Russell Online Editor Parking has been a problem all year. The administration has been desperately looking for answers, as over half of D lot has been lost due to construction. After the opening of the band lot, and then, to the frustration of many students, the parallel parking was removed, parking has become a nightmare.

Cornerstone students find themselves sprinting to class after spending 10 minutes looking for parking. Students are asking, “Where do we park?”

In an effort to curb the problem, the DSISD board has stepped in and eliminated all parking on campus.

Taking effect April 1, students will not be allowed to park anywhere in the school grounds, even if they have a parking pass. Students will not be refunded for their passes.

However, about half of the student body drives themselves to school, with many juniors and seniors having off periods.

“We have heard way too much about parking problems at the high school, so we just ended it,” said parking coordinator Scott Asphalt.

The new parking plan follows: Students who won B lot spots will now park at O’Reilly Auto Parts and get a shuttle to class from 8:15-9:30.

What was once the famous C lot has now been relocated to Whataburger, and the band lot is now Cowgirl’s and Lace. D lot has been moved to HEB, but

only 59 spots are available. What was once the field “I’m pissed,” senior Mayfield Done said. “The board house parking spaces is now DSYSA soccer fields, but won’t listen to the students. And now this? I’m glad I’ll be students who park on the grass will be towed by the park gone by May.” committee. The Many may be softball/baseball wondering, what will parking lot has the now empty parking been relocated spots be used for? Well, to the YMCA. The the field house lot will parking lot behind become a lounge for the stadium, the the football team to once feared lot for prep them for their its distance from upcoming 2020 season. the school, has D lot has been opened been moved to to parents and family to the Dollar General tailgate till the start of parking area. fall sports.

Shuttles will run B lot and C lot will from 8:00-10:00, be used for temporary and from 2:38-4:30 classrooms as the from all locations school’s population and they do not is expanding rapidly.

Graphic by Cady Russell do extra runs.

DSISD predicts that “I’m just sick of fighting for parking up to 20 classrooms can be made in these lots. every day, so if this solves it, then I am all Band lot will be used for various clubs, like the for it,” junior Peace Crash said. “It’s just crazy out there! skateboard club, until the band starts back up in the People are getting swiped left and right.” summer.

But what happens if all of these spots have been There is no further word on if parking will be reinstated filled? Overflow is at the Belterra Rec Center. No shuttles for the 2020-2021 school year. However with the way the are available. parking situation has been going it isn’t likely.

The lots will not be solely for students, as these areas

still need to be open for the general public.

Chip It or Ticket Hallway Passes Traded for Microchips Tessa Stigler Editor-In-Chief Taking the place of hall-passes, students will be chipped starting April 1 in order to keep better track of students whereabouts on campus.

“I’ve noticed for a while now that students are still roaming the halls despite the institution of hall-passes,” teacher Missy Superstrict said. “I am glad that students will be chipped, and I’m confident that this change will be for the better.”

The chips will track students’ location during school hours and are set to power off at 4:15 every day.

“I think it’s really creepy and a huge violation of privacy that the school is going to be tracking us,” sophomore Lucy Skipsalot said. “How am I going circle the halls during geometry now?”

In order to subsidize the cost of these devices, parents are offered the option to purchase access to the student’s location and extend the tracking hours.

“I am opting for the after hours add on,” parent Karen

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

Overprotective said. “I’m more than happy to cancel our Life360 plan to support this cause.”

In response to this new policy, students have organized various protests and taken action into their own hands.

“We’ll be handing out miniature magnets to throw the chips off,” protest

organizer junior Jenny Junior said. “The students have to stick together during these times and show the school that we won’t forfeit our rights.”

If a student exits the hallway of whichever class they are supposed to be in, the chips will send an alert to their current teacher and assistant principal.

“I think it is so unfair that we’re being chipped,” freshman Keith Grounded said. “Just because I have 32 unexcused absences this semester doesn’t mean I am irresponsible.”

Students are expected to report to the assistant principals’ office starting April 1 to be chipped and placed in the system.

Student who fail to do so will be ticketed.

“Some students and I plan to stage a sit-in at the assistant principals’ office in order to prevent any students from being chipped,” Junior said.

“We, as students, need to stand together and against chips.”

Privacy Removed

Boys Bathroom Stalls Replaced with Air Grey Patterson Staff Writer Due to the recent vandalization of the boys bathrooms, the school has decided to remove the stalls and place motion sensors in the bathrooms to analyze reckless behavior. The removal of stalls and enforcement of motion sensors is supposed to decrease bad behavior in the boys restrooms.

“I’m not too sure how I feel about it personally,” sophomore The Jackson Four said. “I always liked my privacy while I did my business. However, I did dislike the vandalism; it gave me the frowny brownies when I saw them.”

The start of the vandalism crimes originated in the B hall boys bathroom, where the damage was so significant that a hazmat team of precisely 14 individuals had to work on restoring and

sanitizing the bathroom for an entire week.

“Vandalism has spread throughout the school’s boys bathrooms as the most recent instance was in the C hall bathroom,” Third String Principal Boog McSquizzy said. “I fully believe that the removal of stalls and emplacement of motion sensors will stop vandalism in bathrooms entirely. I especially like the idea of no stalls, because it promotes communication among the students. I have noticed that the bathrooms are awfully quiet, and I do enjoy a good conversation.”

The removal of stalls is set to happen after spring break, along with the enforcement of motion sensors. The motion sensors are designed to track movement that resembles movements of vandalism.

“I’m not entirely sure how well this new bathroom layout would

work as I, personally, like the stalls,” junior Timmy Thick said. “The motion sensors also bother me as I feel that they would go off on any movement.”

According to McSquizzy, this new bathroom layout is an experiment, and if it goes poorly, then the stalls will

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

be added back into the school’s bathrooms.

“All in all, the school has to do something to stop the vandalism in the boys bathrooms,” McSquizzy said. “This minor change in the bathroom layout just might be the stopping force we need for this unruly behavior.”

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Entertainment

Battle of the Band

Creative Differences Causes Marching Band to Break Up Andrew Spiegel Entertainment Editor

The 4-time state champion Tiger Band, has broken up. That’s right, you heard it here first. The Tiger Band is no longer a collective high school marching band.

The cause of the break up changes depending on who you ask.

“It was just about creative differences, man,” Drum Major Micheal Warbenstien said. “I mean, we just had different ideas for the band’s future. That’s just the bottom line. And it sucks because, you know, we had a lot of good times, a lot of talent, obviously. But at the end of the day I blame it on the color guard. Yeah, I mean they just get in the way, they deduct points from our scores and you know, sometimes I feel like they’re just here so we can carry them to a state title.”

Other members of the band had a different story. In the eyes of 4-time state champion trumpet player, Sarah Jessica, the break up is all because of the drum line.

“They just think they’re better than everybody,” Jessica said. “I mean, just because they do the stupid student section thing doesn’t means they’re the best.”

After speaking with Band Director, Stephan Haroldsberg, the blame shifts to the drum majors.

Parents Take a Stand

Is Tik-Tok a Satanic Hoax?

A Tik Tok outbreak is upon us, and parents around the globe are questioning the app’s ulterior motives. Is this newfound preteen-dominated app really just for laughs? Or is it tapping into our adolescence brains using subliminal messages? Parents are speculating. Here’s the scoop on why parents believe Satan has a hand in this trendy “innocent” app.

To get a deeper insight into what parents believe Tik Tok really is, we asked the moms themselves. But not just any moms, but the moms of the sacred and private Facebook groups, “Dripping Springs Neighbors” and “Moms of Drip.” To keep their group private, they asked us to keep their names anonymous, so we’ll be changing the names of the parents we interviewed.

“I heard Tik Tok is corrupting the youths of today,” Karen Smith said.

“The dances that are spreading on this app are inappropriate and provocative.”

It seems in the eyes of Generation X, Tik Tok is the new rock and roll. They seem to believe that this video app is sending corruptive messages to the younger generations. A lot of users are posting to play songs backward on Snapchat, and some parents believe this is a satanic hoax to get kids listening to a subliminal message.

“The songs that are being played are influencing my daughter to dress in a less modest and more provocative way,” says Susan Johnson. “I won’t allow her to download it again; there are tons of weirdos on there.”

While Johnson blames her daughter’s behavior on this new app,

Maddie Lewis Staff Writer

“Honestly, they’re a little over confident,” Haroldsberg said. “I don’t understand why these kids think they’re hot shots or something. I mean, who do you think puts all of this together? Me. I do. Who tears it all apart? That’s on them.”

The Tiger Band has never fallen under this much scrutiny. Mostly because most of the student body doesn’t give them any attention to begin with. But, in light of the break up, a lot of students are taking sides and giving their hot takes.

“I don’t care much for the band,” senior Harrison McGrady said. “But after hearing all the different stories, I feel like it’s the brass section’s fault. I mean, everyone played a hand in it, obviously, but they just stirred the pot. And I also feel like they kinda kicked it off, like they started the whole thing right?”

No one really knows the future of the Tiger Band for sure, but as for now, they are no more. Several members have taken spots at other, bigger schools and some have even gone solo. A few members, mostly comprised of freshman, started a band themselves.

As for UIL and other competitions the Band Director had this to say: “It might be for the best if we just let some other schools win for a little bit.”

Maddie Lewis Staff Writer

Rising TikTok star and senior @youngbondo

April Horoscopes Aries:

You feel trapped in this high school. Maybe it’s that they ran out of paninis freshman year, or that you missed the last pep-rally; either way, it’s time for a change. Since Mercury is around, and Jupiter is somewhere as well, you could possibly be okay this month. So, keep on keeping on, because this week brings water to the fire sign you have already in your stars, and that means something.

Taurus:

Don’t go around Whataburger this week. Trust me.

Gemini: The sun is making its way around, and you can feel the heat approaching your zodiac. This is making you feel surprised by the things that occur this month. Don’t feel shocked when Coach Harlicker gives you a pop quiz; you knew that was his ulterior motive all along. Take April one day at a time, and make sure you say what you mean but not to feel too understandable.

Cancer: You’re feeling overwhelmed this month. Make sure you stay open-minded and don’t crawl into any small confined spaces - no matter how much you want to, I know you want to see what the janitor’s closet looks like. Just don’t. Mars in April retrograde sign can be deceitful. So pay attention to that.

Leo: Go to HEB on Wednesday. We need eggs.

Virgo: You can’t decide what you want for lunch. This month, try to be decisive instead and keep an open mind about the local Taco Bell. The meat is probably fake, but, then again, so are all of these horoscopes.

Libra: Your moon rising star is doing good. You need to stay open-minded, and you’ll probably have the flu by Friday.

Scorpio: Make a grilled cheese; it will open your rising moon to new qualities of life. And if you’re vegan, go and remind more people of this fact.

Sagittarius: Don’t be oblivious this month. Your subconscious and conscious mind have been trying to tell you something very important for 22 days now. But don’t listen too closely: your mind can deceive you. The Mars planet encrustations planted in your stars will tell you to say something, but maybe just think it instead. Also, we’re out of milk.

Capricorn: You’re feeling a sense of distraction this week - don’t do that anymore. Take a hold of your moon planet and make sure to appreciate and show affection to your stars this week. The people around you are trying to tell you not to cut your bangs, but your 4 a.m. Frank Ocean self says you should anyway. Think about that.

Aquarius: This month, your rising sign is giving you a sense of direction this week. Since your moon sign is around and your rising sign is prevalent this week, the milk in your fridge could have gone bad - unless you drink almond milk. If that is the case, carry on.

Pisces

You’ve been waiting for a big event in your life to come for a while now. This month it’s time for you to take action and stop being oblivious to the way your car is falling apart. Go to Whataburger at 3 a.m. and get a patty melt, trust me.

other parents can’t help but agree that their children are acting out in strange and sort of demonic way.

“My child won’t stop saying, ‘renegade’ and doing this disturbing romp,” Linda Cox said. “It’s like she’s been brainwashed into this ritual…”

Some parents have even done further research: “The word ‘renegade’ actually means, ‘a person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles,’” Kathy Coleman said. “How mortifying? This app is instigating a revolution. Mark my words!”

There seem to be many trends on TikTok, and the thirst for fame can be accounted for as one of the top. The use of the hashtags “#fyp” and “#foryoupage” are being used to get user uploads more views and exposure, although parents seem to believe this is a code for something more malicious.

“I heard #fyp stands for ‘for your pentagram/pentacle,’” Tracy Willams said. “It’s obviously just another way the app is hiding menacing content from parents. The whole app is a hoax that kids are being tricked into.”

So as we can see, parents are very concerned about this new and trendy app. They seem to believe that this app gives off a facade of innocence and fun, but its true colors are malicious and deceiving, just like Satan himself. Many moms are saying the app is leading more and more youths down a dark path. The question is, do we listen to mom this time?

Let Them Drink Iced Coffee

Self-Care Terrorism, French Revolution of 2020 Ethan Everman America Exposed Staff Writer

. “BRATATATATATATATAT” every person in a hundredThe sound of rapid-fire words mile radius love themselves,” junior pound against the heads of the Anne Arkie said. “I am not playing students as they find themselves around when I say that we will not the targets of a self-love terrorist stop until every individual spends one campaign. night a week logging off of Twitter and Over the past few months, drawing a rosewater bubble bath, the Serenity club has become while tweeting #Self-CareSundays.” synonymous with terror in the high On Sunday, the president of school, committing many acts that the extremist group gave a public have been condemned by the dissertation of the state of affairs within Bureau of Counterterrorism in the the group and just what they want to State Department. It was initially expand moving forward. With massive identified through the violent viewers such as the Department of propaganda slurs used during the Homeland Security and the Lieutenant self-care march, namely malevolent Governor of Texas watching, the statements like “Sleeping at least 8 majority of the region held their breath. hours will do you good!” or “Take a “As I awake and find my way break from social media!” stumbling to the nearest iced coffee “In truth, I have no idea who is dealer,” President Madison Lewis said, behind the attacks,” senior Kimmy “I become aware of the total state of Jong Oof said. “However, these disaster our mental narcissism proves faceless attacks have severely to be. I find it personally offensive how disrupted the entirety of school teachers do not feel as though it is society and I am personally necessary to skip class to make up victimized. How plausible can it be for lost sleep, for they must know and for me to be able to partake in my realize the impact of less than enough Juuling and bullying in this social sleep at night.” climate?”

The labeling of Serenity as a The terrorist attacks came to terrorist group became national head during the lunch periods of news, with high profile sources like February 15, where members of the New York Times and The Washington club threw heart-shaped bath bombs Post picking up the story and United for “me time” at students passing in Nations responding to the situation by the hallways. The administration was condemning the group. forced to call in SWAT, which used “We will be the iceberg to society’s anti-self-love slander to scare the Titanic and I, Rose, will be the person to members away, ensuring the safety of push all of the haters off of my door,” the school.

Lewis said. “After spending time in the “I was absolutely horrified you sun and letting my crippling depression know? Darling, I had never been ruin my life, I sit down and contemplate more scared for my low self-esteem how I can help everyone else achieve than at that moment,” district the best of their mental self’s greatest administrator Kathy-Sue Barbara dreams. ‘Self-care is harder than DJ Louise LaChyenneBlanche said. “You Khaled playing the quiet game’ or never know what you are going to do whatever Tyler the Creator said.” in those kinds of situations and for a moment I thought of running from the attack and leaving the students behind.”

In the end, over 200 students were affected by the attack, citing different difficulties like decreased anxiety and heightened mood. Shocking many, the attack became a rallying cry for the extremists who Serenity Club President Maddie Lewis back the group and what spray paints her message. Photo by they stand for.

Teagan Krewson. Edit by Ethan Everman.

“We are here to make

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Features Student Discovers Underground Artist Barack Obama Not One Single Soul Has Ever Heard of this Man Katie Haberman Features Editor Barack Obama. A name that, despite being vaguely familiar in the political scene, is virtually unknown in the realm of music. A name that, overall, means absolutely nothing to the world’s population - save for the singular local student who discovered him and his meaningful works.

“I truly do believe that I am the only person who has ever heard of Barack Obama,” sophomore Indie Anna Jones said, waving her blonde locks in the wind and flashing a knowing smirk. “He’s literally so underground that I had to dig a hole 70 feet deep to discover him.”

Jones, who is known throughout the community in no way, came across this new artist while surfing SoundCloud. If it wasn’t for her own newly released lo-fi disco indie underground single, she wouldn’t have even been on the app in the first place.

“I just really vibe with artists that no one knows about,” Jones said. “There’s something about being so above my peers in my knowledge of music that makes it absolutely thrilling to search the deep recesses of music apps in order to find mediocre songs that I can brag about knowing.”

When cross-surfing multiple platforms, Jones became the first human being to ever see Obama’s name.

Though she really wasn’t a huge fan of his music, the fact that literally no one had ever heard him made his debut album that much more appealing in her eyes.

“Obama is my favorite artist of all time,” Jones said.

“He’s just so mysterious - it’s like there’s no personal

Tabitha Tiger

Found Dead in Miami Madeline Tredway Staff Writer In early March of this year, Tabitha the Tiger was found dead in Miami. The circumstances are unclear and The Paw Print is doing our best to keep readers updated on this developing story.

Tabitha Tiger was a beloved figure at the high school and students are devastated by her loss. Students are organizing a gathering in honor of Tabitha in the courtyard, where sophomore Fred Jason will deliver a tearful eulogy for the tiger.

“Her energy at the pep rallies really invigorated us,” said Jason. “I’ve never been much of a school spirit kind of guy, but Tabitha was always the one who could spark that in me.”

A petition to have a statue of her likeness erected near B-lot is going around school, and there are already an overwhelming amount of signatures.

“Tabitha was the glue that held us all together,” said senior Riley Jones. “I think we all took that for

granted.”

Some members of the community, however, have cast some doubt on the details surrounding Tabitha’s death.

“It’s a literal costume,” a staff member who wishes to remain anonymous said.

“I don’t even know how she was found dead, because the person who played her is still alive.”

Although there are varying opinions on this story, it is safe to say that every person - staff and student alike - feels this loss weigh heavily on their hearts.

“I mean, I guess I would be sad if she died,” the anonymous staff member said. “But I think the key thing here is that Tabitha Tiger is a costume.”

“Tabitha was the glue that held us all together.”

-senior Riley Jones

information about him anywhere. I mean I haven’t actually Googled him yet, but I’m positive he’s completely under the radar.

Jones has yet to decide on her favorite song off of the album. When asked this seemingly simple question, her eyes took on a frightened glaze as if she was bracing for interrogation.

Obama relaxes near a red ladder on the cover of his debut album, “Don’t Smile at Me (Unless You’re Michelle <33).”

“I’m so sorry, this is just really putting me on the spot right now,” Jones said. “I’ve really only listened to the album a few times, so I don’t actually know the names super well. But I swear I’m still his biggest and only fan!”

Obama’s debut album (the name of which must remain undisclosed so as to not introduce him to the masses) gives new meaning to the term underground.

No singular artist has ever been deemed this unknown before - or so we thought.

“I don’t know a single person who doesn’t know Barack Obama,” Jones’s ‘friend,’ sophomore Deb Specter said. “Indie Anna just wants everyone to think she has the most obscure taste. Which she doesn’t. And no offense, but please do not listen to her SoundCloud. It will only make her more powerful.”

When asked about Specter’s response to her own claims, Jones immediately quieted. As her face grew continuously more red, it was nearly impossible to keep Jones’s self-righteous anger from bubbling over.

“Deb doesn’t understand,” Jones said. “From my experience, God gives his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. And his hardest battle by far was choosing me to deliver the news of Obama’s debut album to the world while also making sure that I get the credit I deserve.”

Though we are currently confused as to whether or not Jones was legitimately serious about claiming Obama’s fame, one thing is for sure: Barack Obama’s debut album is a smash hit, and was not meant solely for Jones’s ears.

“Please just let me have this,” Jones said. “Obama was my discovery, and I will take that to my grave. Also, stream my debut single on SoundCloud!”

2-Dimensional Face, 3-Dimensional Heart Flat Stanley Enrolls as Star Student atmosphere for me to prosper,” Stanley said.

“The classes that I’m taking are incredibly challenging, but the teachers at the high school are so helpful.”

Stanley is taking seven AP classes this year and a Cornerstone, where he interns at both NASA and the CDC. At NASA, he takes it upon himself to provide fixes to problems with some of the spacecrafts, even discovering the underlying cause of the 1986 Challenger explosion; in his free time, he helps the CDC develop a vaccine for the deadly coronavirus.

“If I just put my heart into it, all of these things are easy for me,” Stanley said of his classwork and his internships. “I guess the hardest thing for me is finding transportation to all of my activities, because, well, you know.” He points to his feet, which are about as thick and substantial as construction paper, that could hardly press the gas pedal hard enough to go two miles per hour.

Despite his clear prowess in just about everything, there are some students who doubt Stanley’s achievements.

“I just don’t understand how he is alive and breathing,” senior and Paw Print features editor Katherine Haberman said. “This cannot be real.”

Haberman has publicly stated that she believes Stanley’s presence at the high school has to be some kind of prank.

“I mean, how do his organs

Madeline Tredway Staff Writer Everyone fell silent as he walked in. Eyes grew wide, hearts skipped a beat, eyebrows raised all around the high school when he entered from the main office. Everyone was shocked and delighted to see our newest student grace the hallways: Flat Stanley, with the sun resting beautifully upon his twodimensional locks of hair.

In March, the high school welcomed senior Flat Stanley to the community with open arms, promising to foster an environment that would be conducive to his growth as a student. Already, we are seeing his talents shine.

“First, I would just like to thank everyone for being so friendly,” Stanley said. He checks his watch; he has an interview with Yale shortly, but graciously agreed to an interview with the Paw Print. Whenever he checks it, the movement throws the watch off his flat, paper-like wrist and he awkwardly reaches down to grab it, which is difficult due to his flimsy fingers.

Even though Stanley has been enrolled for just a few months, he has risen to popularity within the school both because of his confident and charming nature and his sharp intellect that shows through his classwork.

“I think that this has been the right academic Graphic by Ramsey Hutton

even fit in his body,” Haberman said. “Do they just slide in like an SD card?”

Haberman has taken it upon herself to thoroughly investigate Stanley, even going so far as to say she will publish an editorial on her findings. Even as I interview Stanley, she watches silently in a nearby bush, thinking we cannot see her.

“Have you ever seen him drink water?” Haberman said. “Wouldn’t he just fall over and crumple? His body is literally the texture of printer paper.”

In spite of the delusions of Haberman, who clearly needs to seek psychiatric help, Stanley continues to succeed at the high school, even pursuing a Fulbright scholarship that would allow him to travel around the world and help refugees.

“Help refugees?” Haberman said. “He can’t even survive a gust of wind!”

FOUND

please come get her

BOTTOM TEXT

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The Paw Print April Fools 2020

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Opinion

Slow Fish Get Fried

Danny Devito

Freshmen’s Magnified Disastrous, Traitorous, Dangerous Hallway Courtesy

Should He Give the Commencement Speech?

Senior class responds to controvesial idea

No

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Yes 88%

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Ethan Everman Staff Writer

be quiet and mince like good little underclassmen.

A poll taken by the Political Science class of the seniors shows that over 96% believe that freshmen stopping in the hallway illustrates a problem and 88% think that the freshmen should be steeply punished for their hallway infractions. With hallway traffic so congested, it makes Austin rush hour look like a stroll through a park. These

Medusa garden gnome and leave all of the upperclassmen stranded. Forget weaponry or bad standardized test The resurgence of an scores, freshmen could prove to be the epidemic, something no most dangerous thing that faces us on one wants nor dreams of, yet in this the daily, a stopgap to securing our school, we are seeing one of the academic bag. Do we possibly want to worst epidemics coming back into live in a constant state of hysteria that the student body’s consciousness. we might become trapped by 14-yearEvery weekday morning, I find myself olds obsessed with Riverdale? in the same situation, walking slowly Some may argue, “Is discriminating behind a dozen freshman obsessed and showing with some new relationship or malevolent tendencies some coach’s new decree, toward the freshman making me nearly late to class considered vigilantism almost every time. Seemingly, and hate crime?” they forget that the other 1500 And to that I must people that attend the school propose, is cleaning daily actually do not want up litter and throwing to be truant and, surprisingly, it in the recycling bin actually have a place to walk to, considered a hate something they find unrelatable. attack against the This epidemic illustrates a litter? constant pressure upon the Why couldn’t the temples of seniors across the chicken cross the board, a painful reminder hallway?

Because that we must share a school the freshmen were Freshman class causes hallway commotion.

Graphic by Ethan Everman. with “peers” years younger walking too slow and than ourselves. We need massive numbers just further provide Colonel Sanders caught up.

Freshmen an immediate solution, one that us with reason to take this corridor illustrate a bane of school society illustrates the entire momentum of pollution to the trash. We cannot sit that communes with danger like the upperclassmen to take down idly by and not help future generations Joseph Stalin, yet, because we view this danger. There is nothing more (and our present selves) hail down the them as allies, we do not process a frustrating than a slow walker and freshmen with all our strength to make reciprocation to their actions. So, the talker, and freshmen provide us with certain we are not annoyed by them next time a freshman walks in front of an example of both, as Ludacris said: any longer. me at a speed a tortoise would be “Move, freshman! Get out the way!”

This epidemic also shows us that jealous of, don’t be surprised to see me The best solution to this problem in emergencies, the freaked out clothesline them. is physical persuasion if they don’t freshmen will simply cosplay as a

a Dann y Devit o pillow I’m his case, bigges t fan.”

ation.”

ic inspir

cadem is my a

Senior class debates the commencement speaker.

Graphic by Sam Moore

Do We Tell the Freshman?

Administration Conducts Social Experiment Evelyn Peterson News Editor The Truman Show was a movie released on June 5, 1998. This movie is about Truman Burbanks, and his life is a life-size TV set. Truman is constantly being recorded by hidden cameras all over the “town”, recording every hardship, love interest, and any emotions that Truman endured. However, Truman Burbanks is the only one who does not know that he is being filmed. Everything that has happened to him so far has been staged, and everyone around him is a hired actor.

In the end, Truman Burbanks found out the truth about how his life was a complete lie from the start.

This year, the school administration has decided to implement this idea of the Truman show into the freshman class as a social experiment. Administration has been planning this experiment ever since the spring of 2019. It took several years of convincing the parents of 2023 class to agree on allowing their students to be part of this project without their child’s knowledge. Eventually, administration was

Graphic by Ana Smith

able to finalize the “Truman Experiment”.

All the teachers and staff were informed and on board with the experiment, especially science teachers. There was a meeting held with all the sophomores, juniors, and seniors to let them know about what will be taking place in the 2019-2020 school year and made all of the upperclassmen sign a confidentiality agreement.

Now that the school year is almost over, there have been some questions on whether or not we should reveal the experiment to the freshmen before the end of their high school career. Some of the older students are struggling with keeping such a huge secret. There was even an instance where a sophomore almost spilled the beans when he started to catch real feelings for his freshman girlfriend.

Originally, he was dating her because staff told him it would be an interesting “love” interest in the experiment, but he found out how much he wants the relationship to be real. Staff told him that violating the

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April Fools 2020 Volume II Issue VI

confidentiality agreement would lead to a lifetime of detentions, even after high school graduation. Another instance, a senior wanted to tell her younger freshman brother of the experiment, because she hated lying to him but her parents told her she would lose her phone if she did.

This experiment is more than just for amusement; it is to find out the freshman ways. There is a desire to know what it is that makes them different from the rest.

The staff wants to know what goes on in their thought process. The staff and administration are asking questions such as, “What made them make that choice?”

“How did they figure that out?”, and “Why are they struggling?”. The point of the experiment is to grow up with freshman during high school, to see what changes in their behaviors, learning techniques, and social skills. All the seniors want to know is where the freshmen get such annoying habits and how it can be changed before they leave high school after senior year in 2023.

The Paw Print

Teacher Pop: 135 Student Pop: 2183

Letters

The Paw Print encourages the student body to submit letters to the editor. Letters, guest columns, and all material submitted for publication must include the writer’s name and stay under 400 words. The Paw Print does not guarantee to print or online publish work submitted. The meaning of any submission will not be altered, however The Paw Print reserves the right to correct spelling, grammar and punctuation when necessary, as well as condense. Additionally, The Paw Print refuses to print criticism which is not constructive or unsupported by credible evidence. Email submissions to dshsstudentmedia@dsisdconnect.com.

Editorials, Columns, and Letters mydshssnaps

Opinions expressed in editorials, columns, and letters are those of an individual and not The Paw Print, Dripping Springs High School, or its faculty.

mydshsnews mydshssports

my_dshs_news Dripping Springs High School, Dripping Springs, TX 78620

For more information on The Paw Print and its policies visit mydshs.com The Paw Print is a member of the following organizations: CSPA, NSPA, ILPC, and ASPA.

The Paw Print’s core purpose is to serve the students and staff of Dripping Springs High School, as well as the surrounding community, with the most meaningful news and content regarding our school’s culture and the student body that influences it. From students, to students But this one is just for fun.

Awards ILPC 2018-2019 Honor CSPA 2018-2019 Second Place ASPA 2018-2019 First Place

It has been a risky experiment so far. A group of freshman kids were looking for their class the first week of school and ran into Bobby Boberton, one of the camera operators, filming from a window inside an empty classroom. Luckily, Boberton was able to pull it off after telling them he was part of the Tiger Daily News crew. After this incident, administration found sneakier places to hide the film crew.

There is no point in telling the freshman class of this experiment, because it is near the end of their freshman year already.

So, why not just stick it out till the end? It is only three more years. What’s the harm?

This experiment will bring so many new revelations about the developing human brain that are too complex to read in a book. By studying the class of 2023, the school will become more advanced than any other school.

ass of 2023..”

“...studying the cl

Meet the Staff Editor-in-Chief Tessa Stigler Sports Editor Rigley Willis

Features Editor Katie Haberman

Online Editor Cady Russell

Entertainment Editor Andrew Spiegel

News Editor Opinion Editor Evelyn Peterson Sam Moore Staff Writers Madeline Tredway, Ethan Everman, Maddie Lewis, Grey Patterson, Grant Williams Byline Illustrator Cat Covatta

Advisor Jessica Stamp

The Paw Print is inserted inside the Century News, and distributed to racks next to the front office, CL&I, and the student media room. 2,000 copies are printed.

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The Paw Print April Fools 2020

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Sports Pop Lock & Pin High Stepping, Cheer, and Wrestling Combine to Make the Ultimate Sport Grey Patterson Staff Writer

For the fall of 2020, the high school is introducing an entirely new sport called “Spin & Pin.” It involves aspects from cheerleading, Hi-stepping, and wrestling to create a whole new meaning of

dance battle.

“I honestly am excited about this,” future player Smashington Brosif said. “I like the more physical aspect about this sport and being allowed to wrestle as a team is intriguing.”

The rules of this sport consist of having two teams that have a dance-off across each other and then, at the sound of a buzzer, the two teams run at each other and attempt to pin the other team’s players.

“So, the main objective is to wrestle and pin the other team,s players until there are no more players left to wrestle,” Head Spin & Pin Coach Reeses Witherfork said.

The winner of each Spin & Pin match is determined by the number of players pinned and how the dance routine was scored.

“I think the judges have too much power in this sport on who wins and loses,” current

varsity wrestler Edburt John said. “The winner of each competition should be mainly based on the amount of players pinned and very little on the dance routine.”

Many schools in Texas have already stated that they will have a Spin & Pin team fall of 2020. The first school to have this sport was The Big Kid School for Big Boys and Girls.

“The sport is very team oriented,” Witherfork said. “If the players don’t work together to dance and pin the other team, then the match is as good as lost.”

In this sport, each week, the theme of the dance changes. For instance, the first planned Spin & Pin match theme is jazz.

“Themes really should add a special effect and mood for each match,” wannabe Hi-stepper Stacy McGrady said. “I wouldn’t know though as I have never danced or wrestled in my life. I am extremely excited to try it out though.”

This sport also includes stunts and throws similar to cheerleading, except when it comes wrestling time, players can launch their own players at the opposing team.

“Dangerous, but completely different from other sports,” Witherfork said. “We are going to have to figure out a way to launch players safely granted that there are no forms of pads for this sport.”

Currently, there are around 90 participants signed up for this sport, opening up room for a potential JV to be formed for this sport.

“The amount of students that signed up for this sport is wild,” back-up principal Miss Frizzle said. “I did not expect this at all.”

Spin & Pin is predicted to be the most violent and injury prone sport of the decade according to *Insert Sport* Magazine.

“Injuries are just pain kisses,” Witherfork said. “This sport will create a new competitive atmosphere at our school and will be extremely exciting to see how we do in the fall.”

The high-stepping department (top left), the wresting team (top right), and the cheer team (bottom) all practice for their upcoming season of Spin & Pin. Photos by Paige Miller, because of course they are.

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Sports

Make Way for the King!

trainers; he literally puts zero stress on his body, and he’s scared to death that he’s gonna pull something,” Jockerson said. “No wonder we lost in the first round last year.”

I then decided to lurk into Cam Twinagamedo’s lair. Twinagamedo is currently the head football coach and the athletic director for the Tigers.

“I have a lot of money invested into my assistant coaches, and when they asked me for the bond, I didn’t hesitate,” Twinagamedo said. “And, would you be interested in buying these shoes? I’m a little short on cash.

Could you maybe put them on your Snapchat story for like $25?”

In regards to the other sports, many programs will be receiving massive cuts.

“It looks like I’ll be practicing in a size small YMCA jersey and coaches’ old Converses,” varsity 6’11” basketball player Dunk N’Yo Fasche said, “but as long as the football team gets new jerseys every week right?”

Other varsity coaches shared their thoughts as well.

“I’m honestly not surprised,” varsity soccer coach Tom Binns said. “Last year, they made us, the basketball team and the cheer team all share a gym at the same time, and we went to the third round, not too bad for a team practicing through balls along the baseline.”

Amid Twinagamedo’s announcement, students around the school have started walk-outs as well as riots.

“We will not stand up for this,” varsity swimmer Brees St.

Athletic Director Announces New Practice Stadium, Program Cuts Ensue Rigley Willis Sports Editor

On March 6, the football staff for the Tigers requested a new two million dollar bond for a new practice field. Offensive Coordinator Hugo Smolhaarms and Defensive-Line Coach Skip D’Leggdeigh were the two envelope-pushers for the new practice field, as they feared for their health.

“I absolutely need a new field,” Smolhaarms said. “I built these calves up from nothing, and there’s no way I’m going to let an Astroturf field take away my babies.”

It was apparent that the two coaches were more concerned for their own safety rather than the safety of their players.

“Listen, all spots on the line go four players deep, so if an injury happens, it’s no biggie,” D’Leggdeigh said, “However, I’m all we got in terms of coaching, so I gotta stay protected.”

Defensive lineman Brady Jockerson wasn’t very happy with his coach following the news.

“Coach is always oiling his body and sweet talking the

Roke said. “I have worked my whole life to become an amazing swimmer, and I won state last year, and now they want to make me swim in 2-foot water? This is so unfair!”

The tennis program was also extremely upset.

“The baseball team had a surplus of bats, so AD Twinagamedo decided to sell all of our rackets to Academy for some extra cash,” Won Te Mach said, “So, now we have to use bats for our upcoming season.

Maybe we can get Jose Altuve to come out and help us a little bit.”

So, due to all this banter amongst students and faculty, Cam Twinagamedo decided it was time for a statement.

“I just want to start by saying sorry to all the programs that received such harsh cuts, but I assure you that the new practice field will be multi-purposed and will allow for all programs to thrive in this environment. Okay sorry over.

Upon looking into our financial situation, we were able to find just the right amount of cash to get our whole team some new Revnon Super-Monster-Killer helmets,at the expense of all other programs, and the high school will be renamed Dripping Springs School of Football Excellence.

Thank you and best of luck in your future ventures,” Twinagamedo said.

Following the press statement, all DSSFE students that are not a part of the football department announced that they would be transferring, despite all of their respective departments going further in the playoffs than the football team did.

Brees St. Roke (left) and Dunk N’Yo Fasche (above) both express their dispreasure with the new practice field. Drawings by Maddie Lewis

Grant Williams Staff Writer

Where’s The Goat?

Students React to the Shocking Loss of a Heralded Heart

With the crazy start this school year, we are all wondering the same thing: What happened to Coach Travis Crain? It was almost as if he disappeared. One day he was here and contributing to our everyday lives, then the next moment *poof* he’s lost and gone. How did it happen? Where did he go? Why has this happened? These are all questions we need to know.

There has to be an explanation.

“I am as confused as ever and was unaware of the tragic loss of T-Crain and his outstanding shows of emotion,” Thomas Flustered said.

As we can only guess that the goat Coach Crain is now silently whispering to us as a specter. It’s almost as if he decided that he fit better at this school as a figure only to be

heard and not seen. It’s stunning to see a man just fade from our lives and not at all exist.

“I was unaware of his disappearance until I walked into a dark gym, and he and sharp elbows were no longer shooting free throws,” said Gregory Blind.

“I had no idea we had lost him until I was working on my creative writing work and no longer had that 6’3” presence among us in the room,” Berry Ubservent said.

I am sure we all have had these sort of moments of realization where we become aware of our unawareness about Crain. He was present within all of our lives even if we didn’t know it. His attitude was always the same, unrecognizable. To end this recognition, I am able to say that though T-Crain is no longer with us here at Drip because of this tragic disappearance, we leave his company with the greatest of memories.

IF YOU HAVE SEEN OR HEARD FROM TRAVIS CRAIN PLEASE CONTACT HIS FAN-CLUB AT SHARPBOWSNFREETHROWS@GMAIL.COM. CRAIN, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE COME BACK HOME. WE LOVE AND MISS YOU.

Golf Terror Greedy Gophers Continue to Steal Balls and Cause Mayhem

Grant Williams Staff Writer

Graphic by Teagan Krewson

With the golf season starting up, our home course Grey Rock Golf Club has been terrorized by hundreds of gophers who are stealing golf balls and tearing up greens. This has caused the team to have to try their best to avoid being a victim of the mischievous vermin.

“The team has been falling behind because of the gophers being a severe disturbance on the course during our practices,” Coach Ollie Trailing said.

With this being a factor, pest control is doing the best they can to make golf playable again at Grey Rock. They are still trying to find the source but beliefs are they were planted by someone. This has caused great commotion all around the golf community in Dripping Springs.

There is no true explanation for the extreme curiosity of these little pests and their unsuspected population.

“All I want is to play my golf in peace without any of this worry about my ball potentially getting taken by some stupid gopher,” Tye Complain said.

The team is going to have to wait for the gophers to be removed to get quality practice and at this point no one knows when the devastation will end. The gophers have just come and they don’t look like they want to go anywhere else. At this point we might as well tell the golf team that they won’t be having a team this year.

“I don’t want to hear any more about these gophers; all I want is all of them permanently removed from my golf course,” Jake Firm said.

No one knows what the true fate of the team will be. They may even cease to exist and no longer be able to show their skill with a club and a ball. If this terror continues, there will be no more drives down the fairway and chips out of the sand.

These gophers could be the end of golf as we know it, put the players whose favorite drink is an Arnold Palmer on our minds as they can no longer find that ball they hit.

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Student Life STUDENT SUBMISSIONS The Perfect Man™ Gabrielle Avena Contributing Writer

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A Few Husbands Jackson Kaiser Contributing Writer

I always wanted a fairytale marriage. My parents got divorced when I was young, so I never want to put my kids through something like that. However, I also do not want to be the traditional housewife who is reliant on her husband for everything. I want to have already made enough money to support myself by the time I get married for real. That is why my first marriage will just be for the divorce. After all, divorce leads to money, and money leads to happiness.

I want a husband who is very wealthy. I want a husband who is so lonely that he will not ask for a prenuptial agreement. I want a husband who is at least 75 years old. I want a husband who is in bed by 8:30, so I can go out and party while I am still young. I also want a man whose children are estranged, so I do not have to spend MY divorce money on them. That money is for my future children and my collection of Range Rovers. I want someone who is an alcoholic, a smoker, a cheater, and an abuser. In this way, I have grounds for divorce. If I fail to plan, then my plans will fail.

In an ideal world, he would also be on life support. It would make things easier and I could get the entirety of his estate. However, I know this is hard to find, so that is not a requirement.

When that short marriage is over, I will marry the husband of my dreams. My second husband will be short, not super athletic, and very conservative. He will ideally just be finishing law school as I finish my first marriage. He will be religious and want at least five kids. He is someone who will not mind my Range Rovers or my morning yoga classes. He will offer to drop the kids off at school in the morning. He will be willing to sign a prenuptial agreement, although he will not want to leave me. He will help to maintain our 10,000-square foot mansion with an Olympic-sized indoor pool. My fairytale husband caters to me and is reliant on me.

Graphic by Maddie Lewis

Graphic by Anastasiya Smith

Spread Design: Tessa Stigler Graphic by Cayden Ivey