4 minute read
ASPIRING
Relationships
ASPIRING
PORNSTARS!
HOW PORN REALLY DIFFERS FROM REAL-LIFE SEX…
BY CATRIONA BOFFARD | CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST & PSYCHOTHERAPIST
Don’t believe everything you see on TV… especially not in porn! One of the biggest problems younger generations face today (we’re talking millennials and younger here), is the constant access to information online, at any given time. This means that access to porn is almost instant, and most often free. You can literally access any category of porn at any time you like. And what this also means is that for most men this age, porn is likely to have been their first bought of ‘sex ed’… When we take a closer look at porn sex and real sex, there are major differences that men and women need to identify and understand! The type of sex that porn portrays, and unfortunately often the type of sex a young person grows up seeing as their only form of sexual stimulus and reference, more than often leads to a very skewed perception of sex and expectations of one’s partner. Porn focuses on performing, not on sensuality and pleasure. We often forget that pornstars are actually actors, and therefore are acting. They are acting out the ecstasy and pleasure that you see in a porn clip, and even the lead roles are playing the lead simply because of their aesthetic.
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So let’s talk about some myths that porn maintains, and explore how much it really does differ from real-life partnered sex:
Women always have screaming orgasms… each and every time they have sex Unlike men, a woman’s sexual pleasure and reaching orgasm is generally a learned experience. This means that she has spent a lot of time getting to know her body, how it responds and how to bring herself to orgasm. Many women can struggle to climax with a partner, and in fact, only 19% of women will climax during sexual intercourse. Other factors, such as feeling unwell, stressed or tired, irritated or even worried and anxious can all play a role in her not climaxing. So, in general, don’t expect her to have earth-shattering orgasms every time you get it on, unlike the women in porn.
All women groan and moan in bed, are always vocal about what feels good, and indicate their enjoyment in the experience It is true that women are known to be more vocal in bed than men, making more moans and groans, but most women aren’t going to wake the neighbors. Expecting her to scream like a pornstar is quite unrealistic, even if some women are far noisier about their sexual pleasure than others. Many women feel anxious or embarrassed about being too loud and verbalizing what they like and how they want to be touched. It’s a good idea to ask her what turns her on and how she’d like you to touch her. Women like being “pounded” hard, and this alone will bring them to orgasm Thrusting hard may be a major turn-on for many men, but it’s not exactly going to give her the right kind of stimulation she needs in the right kind of places (her clitoris!). Women need far more stimulation than men, and nearly all women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax. Pornstars are faking it (remember, they are acting), so don’t be fooled into thinking this alone is going to get your girl the orgasm you want her to have. Although porn often includes some foreplay, your girl will probably need much more, including clitoral stimulation during actual sex. Ask her what she likes and follow her instructions (or help her find out by going slow and exploring different touchpoints on different parts of her body).
Men have really large penises and can keep their erection for ages While this is in part true, and there are some men who are well above average size and those who can keep an erection for hours, they are the minority rather than the majority. After orgasm, all men experience a recovery period - time to recover before he can get another erection and ejaculate again, if at all. Pornstars generally have bigger than average penises and are hired because of this. These actors also refrain from ejaculation for a few days prior to shooting too. Not being able to get it up once or twice as a young man is completely normal (especially when alcohol is involved) and becomes even more common as a man starts aging.
People all have perfect, hairless bodies and big genitals When it comes to bodies, hair and genitals, porn is very different from real life. Male pornstars have far larger than the average penises and their pubic hair is generally clean-shaven. Female pornstars generally have large, perky breasts and near-hairless vulvas. Furthermore, every woman’s vulva looks completely different, and female pornstars, like men, are hired on ‘aesthetics’.
Ultimately, porn teaches us really unhealthy expectations about sex, and unfortunately, it’s often the first type of sex education most people get growing up. It’s important to realize that porn isn’t real sex –it’s staged and acted. Real-life sex means that things can go wrong, one person might not enjoy it every time, or it might not work out the way we want it to… but the realness of that is much more natural and healthy than what we are seeing in porn.
