Lift Magazine Issue 3

Issue#3 I May 2015 Celebrating Single Motherhood

TO MOVE OR NOT TO MOVE? The ‘Happy Family Lawyer’ gives us some tips

Freedom!

& how to find it again

A SOLO MUM SOJOURN TO FINLAND We catch up with Naomi Crawford and her son Jett to see how their artist’s residency panned out!

LOU POLLARD

An interview with the single mum, comedian and Clown Doctor extraordinaire!

A WEEKLY MEAL PLAN WITHOUT THE (METAPHORICAL) MESS!

the e-magazine for any mum flying solo www.liftmagazine.com.au | 1

Get better, Not bitter.

Come and join us! The 365 Day Sanctuary is Lift Magazine’s private Facebook group where you can come to recover, seek advice and meet women who have been where you are now.

Email naomi@liftmagazine.com.au for an invitation. the 365 day for solo mums 2 | For any mum flying solo

ABOUT LIFT

Lift Magazine is for the mother who can never be broken. The mother who could get knocked down a thousand times but will keep getting up. Every. Single. Time.

She is strong, she is resilient. She wears a thousand hats and deftly juggles her role of mother, friend, career woman, chef, entertainer, comforter, chief snot wiper, educator and funny little teapot... Although, she often forgets to give herself enough credit for all she does.

Yet she does it and she does it solo, a quiet determination upon her face, her battle cry ‘I will not be defeated’ hidden not far below the surface of her cool, calm exterior.

But at night, as she turns out the lights and kisses her dear ones upon their tiny brows, she may feel a weight upon her shoulders, the pressure of being a good mum, of being the one who fixes everything and the one who says it’s going to be alright even though she has no idea if it really will be.

Lift is the online magazine and support group for single mums.

We’re here when you need a lift, we’re here when you feel like you want to give up, we’re here when you need new ideas because your brain is drowning in a fog of sleep deprivation, and we’re here when you need a coffee and a conversation.

You may be flying solo, but you are definitely not alone.

And you are fabulous. www.liftmagazine.com.au | 3

contents 21

EXHAUSTED? HERE’S HOW TO FIX IT

24 40 SPOIL YOURSELF THIS MOTHER’S DAY

35 TIPS ON MOVING FROM THE HAPPY FAMILY LAWYER

30 SINGLE MUM TRAVELS ...TO FINLAND!

OUR NEW SOLO MUM SERIES ON MONEY MATTERS

COFFEE & A CONVO

60 A WEEKLY MEAL PLAN WITHOUT THE (METAPHORICAL) MESS!

FEELING TRAPPED? FIND YOUR FREEDOM AGAIN

48

10

28

LAUGH ALONG WITH COMEDIAN, CLOWN DOCTOR & SINGLE MUM LOU

REMEMBER TO FIT YOUR OWN MASK FIRST!

Q&A: I’VE MET SOMEONE! BUT HOW DO I TRUST AGAIN?

36

14

10

A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR FOR MOTHER’S DAY

I never expected to be a single mum. Not in my wildest dreams.

In my early days of solo parenthood, I was riddled with shame and embarrassment. I felt like a failure. I didn’t want to be a statistic. I didn’t want to be associated with the single mum stigma that I now know is an unwarranted myth akin to unicorns and fairy dust.

When I started the 365 Day Sanctuary support group for single mums, I quickly saw the real identity of single motherhood reflected back at me.

And it was something to be proud of.

So, today I’d like to recognise what I’ve consistently seen in the single mums I’ve met over the past two years. They are resilient (often more so than they thought they could be!), they always try to look on the bright side and the productive forward-moving side even on one of THOSE days, they wish to create a happy home for their children and they strive to become bigger, better and wiser versions of themselves while learning to overcome challenges and navigate situations they’ve never encountered before.

Single mums, today is the day to be proud of what you do and what you strive for, every single day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Naomi

CONTRIBUTORS NAOMI GORA Lift Editor / Graphic Designer / Trekker / Single mum After documenting her bumpy landing into single motherhood in her award-winning daily blog ‘365 Days, a Diary of a Newly Single Mum’, Naomi started Lift e-magazine and support group as a place where newly single mums can find hope and empowerment as they journey into this transformational new phase of their lives.

LEANNE HALL Psychologist / Personal Trainer / Self confessed health nut Leanne was at the end of her Masters degree in Clinical Psychology when she gave birth to her first child. 3 years later, she became a single working mum. Today, she is married with 2 children, consults as a Clinical Psychologist and Personal Trainer and is the Mind & Body Expert on Network 10’s the Living Room and Studio 10.

TRISH EVERETT Founder of Connectful Me / Single Parent Coach / Single Mum Trish is an educator and coach who specialises in helping single parents regain their personal power and find the freedom they didn’t know they could have. For 17 years she has been supporting people develop their personal power. She has worked as a school principal and is now a university lecturer and a single mother of two girls.

ANASUA CHAKRABARTI ROY Psychologist / Founder of Mum Ok Baby Ok Anasua is a psychologist, psychotherapist and founder of mumokbabyok.com.au; an online boutique that empowers mums to make mindful choices about organic natural products. Anasua consults in Sydney and for the past 10 years has helped mums through separation and divorce.

CONTRIBUTORS CLARISSA RAYWARD ‘The Happy Family Lawyer’ / Director of Brisbane Family Law Centre Clarissa is a family lawyer, wife and mum who is passionate about relationships, people and family. Clarissa uses her skills to change the way Australian families experience divorce and separation and believes that your divorce can be a part of your marriage you can look back on with pride. She’s also the author of the weekly ‘Happy Family Lawyer’ blog, providing tips on issues relating to divorce.

VICKI STURGISS Founder of Domestic Mumma / Single Mum Vicki was a city dweller for most of her life, but about four years ago she moved herself and her daughter to a small country town on the south-coast of Australia. Now she writes about all things domestic; her life with her gal, recipes, DIY stuff, and a whole lotta “mum stuff”, but don’t let that scare you away.

HELEN BAKER Teacher / Chocoholic / Single mum Helen loves to empower women to financial freedom and has a heart particularly for those who are newly single or planning to be so soon, helping them to re-establish their foundations, provide financial advice and walk along side them through their journey so they can get back on their own two feet.

REBEL TUCKER Yoga Teacher / Single mum Rebel is a mum to three kids and step-mum to two more. She’s a yoga instructor and is a keen student of all things natural and spiritual; holding qualifications in naturopathy, homeopathy, shiatsu, reflexology, remedial therapies, aromatherapy, counselling and NLP. For Rebel, yoga is not just a practice, but a way of living.

Are

You Finding It Hard to

Move On? BOOK IN TODAY FOR MY INTRODUCTORY FORGIVENESS SESSION FOR JUST $30 This special offer, available only to Lift readers , will allow you to release any pain, anger and frustration that has been holding you back from creating the bright future you deserve.

Go to www.wellbeingweb.com.au or call 0417 588 414 to secure your place now.

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 9

GET YOUR Freedom BACK IN TWO SIMPLE STEPS The thing I hear most from single parents is that they feel trapped, restricted, unable to live the life they choose. Feeling trapped messes with your ability to be happy, and I truly believe that there is a two-step process that will allow you to overcome this feeling and find a liberating freedom even within the restrictions of your single parent life.

By Trish Everett

YEARS AGO, IN A BAR ON A BACK STREET OF BANGKOK I MET A GUY CALLED VINNIE. TO MY YOUNGER MIND, VINNIE WAS FREE, HE TRAVELLED WHERE EVER HE WANTED, WHEN HE WANTED WITH JUST A SMALL BAG, DITCHING THE CLOTHES FROM ONE COUNTRY TO LIGHTLY RESTOCK IN THE NEXT. I’m a single parent now and this idea of freedom is not the freedom I seek or what I have come to understand real freedom to be.

For me, freedom is no longer about being able to go where I want, when I want.

It’s much deeper than that.

Many single parents tell me that they feel trapped in a veriety of ways. For me, I felt trapped that I couldn’t move to where I wanted to live. Some feel trapped in a conflict that seems endless, others feel trapped in

a situation where they can’t see their kids as much as they would like and for some the absence of a co-parent leaves them feeling trapped in the responsibilities of sole parenthood. Then there are single parents who feel trapped by heavy emotions that seem like they will last forever.

Feeling trapped messes with your ability to be happy, but I truly believe you can overcome this feeling using a two-step process that’s all about: 1. Making the most of the situation you’re facing and 2. Changing the way you see that situation.

When it comes to the situation, it’s true, you may not have complete control but you will have some control you can work with, it’s just a matter of identifying it. Then, there’s the way you see that situation, now that you have complete control over, even though it may not feel like it. .

Let’s look at each of these and see how you can use them to create your newly found freedom...

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 11

1: THE SITUATION

2: HOW YOU SEE THE SITUATION

You are part of this but you are not the entire picture. There is so much that also influences your situation, your ex-partner, your relationship with them, your financial and living situations, your location, your family’s involvement and of course your children… the list goes on. A lot of things are out of your control.

This is the part that you do have complete power over. When I say you have complete power, I know it might seem like it’s more complicated than that but all it takes is a healthy dose of self awareness and some self work —and that is the part that is up entirely to you.

What to remember You ARE a part of this and you have the power over yourself. Practicing honesty and selfresponsibility (not blaming others or yourself) is part of moving out of feeling trapped, along with setting boundaries while still striving to see others with understanding. And of course learning ways to communicate all of this effectively within your situation will help you to achieve more freedom too.

What you can do Identify the things that you can influence in the situation; the hug that you give when you say goodbye to your kids, the helpful things that you do or don’t do for your ex-partner, your choice as to whether or not to speak your truth, the way that you express what you want, the choice to seek out support.

Once you have identified what you can control in the situation, it’s time to move onto step 2: How you see the situation..

What to remember You can choose your mindset. Moving out of a mindset of fault and blame into one of growth and learning can bring amazing gifts. Now I look at what I learnt from the sadness and resentment I had brewing at the end of my relationship I see such insight and growth, but I could have chosen to blame my ex-partner for how I felt.

If I had taken that route, I would have missed out of lots of learning, new opportunities and happiness. There are always things to learn and things to let go of to make more space in your life. And when we let go of something, it allows room for the next thing.

What you can do This is where you have endless opportunities to keep on building your self-awareness and the awareness of others. What can you accept and surrender and what you can forgive and let go of? Look at what is holding you back from doing this. Also look at ways you can continue to work with compassion, appreciation and gratitude.

What can you appreciate today? How can you hold compassion for your ex-partner? And what can you be grateful for right now?

I RAN INTO VINNIE YEARS LATER IN LONDON, AND I LEARNT SOMETHING. HE WASN’T FREE AT ALL. HE, LIKE MANY OF US, WAS RUNNING FROM HIMSELF. HE THOUGHT IF HE KEPT MOVING HE WOULD NEVER NEED TO SIT WITH THE REALITY OF WHO HE WAS AND WHAT HIS LIFE WAS REALLY ABOUT. THIS ISN’T THE FREEDOM THAT I WANT. I WANT TO DIVE INTO KNOWING WHO I AM AND THEN HAVE THE FREEDOM TO TRULY BE MYSELF EVEN WITHIN THE BONDS OF MY SINGLE PARENT LIFE.

THE 365 DAY SANCTUARY

k e r T g n i l a e H e s e l a 2015 Nep

Walk away from your past and into your future in one of the most stunning and spiritual destinations on earth...

Starting in Kathmandu, our ten-day, child-friendly healing trek takes us from the imposing landmark of the sacred Boudhantha Stupa on to Pokhara where we walk through local villages and rolling hills surrounded by breathtaking panoramic mountain vistas to our final destination of Poon Hill. During the days we’ll trek, with children carried by porters or riding donkeys if they’re not old enough to walk, we’ll also nap (mostly for the children’s sake, but hey, why not treat yourself to one too?) and visit local tea houses, then in the evenings, when all is quiet and calm from the day’s activities, we’ll take time for ourselves in workshops created in collaboration with some of Lift’s expert contributors - to heal, to forgive and to empower ourselves to create the brightest futures we can possibly imagine.

Dates: 29 October 2015 I Child-friendly I Prices start at USD$2,749 For more information contact: Naomi Gora Lift Magazine/The 365 Day Sanctuary 0409 322 977 I naomi@liftmagazine.com.au

the e-mag

for any mum flying solo

Tanya Kellen - Mobile Travel Agents www.mtatravel.com.au/tkellen ​ 0421 986 733 I tkellen@mtatravel.com.au

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 13

CLOWNING AROUND WITH LOU POLLARD

Lou Pollard is a single mum, comedian and Clown Doctor extraordinaire who makes people laugh for a living. She gives talks about laughter therapy on behalf of The Humour Foundation, she’s supported Arj Barker, appeared on Playschool and is on one very serious mission to share the joys of single motherhood with the world...

HI LOU, THANKS FOR TALKING TO LIFT. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A SINGLE MUM? AND HOW OLD WERE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU SEPARATED? I’ve had six years of single mother bliss! My daughters were 4, 7 and 12.

WHAT WAS THE TRANSITION TO SINGLE PARENTHOOD LIKE FOR YOU? Days 1-22: I was a mess of snotty tears, we’d lived at 16 different addresses for a year and I couldn’t find a home for my kids. I didn’t want to be a single mother, I wanted to be normal.

Day 23: I took a long hard look at my bank account and myself and realised: 1. It had been three days since I changed out of my pyjamas; 2. There was still 15 days until I had enough money to pay rent; and 3. My ex wanting 50/50 custody of the kids actually meant I have them 90% of the time, he has them 10%, but claims 50% of the credit for having them, and I pay 100% of the bills.

Day 28: I found out my ex had been seeing his girlfriend for most of the past year. When your husband dumps you for someone younger with perky boobs, you’re supposed to emerge from the rubble of your marriage like a graceful swan, become a pilate’s instructor and happily coparent with a marriage wrecker. I ate crap food, plotted revenge and drank too much beer.

Day 37: I discovered breaking up wasn’t so bad after all; I finally lost my baby weight and my excess baggage.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE FOR YOU TO RECOVER? HOW WERE YOUR FIRST 365 DAYS? I’ve never recovered who I was, I became a better version of the old me from years before.

The first year was so painful. My counsellor said, “Get the anger out or you’ll end up back with me when you’re old and bitter.” I felt blind rage every morning and guilt when my kids went to bed.

Solo parenting is so lonely when you thought you’d picked a good dad for your children. I’d wake up at 3am feeling panic, unable to stop the madness in my head. I had no need for laughing. My children had a zombie mother feeding them toast for dinner. I felt like a failure but I had to go back to dressing like a fool; I had three kids to support. Some days the only thing that kept me going was my work. I’d sit in the car park scream-singing to ACDC, bawling, mascara all over my face. Then I’d stack make up on, walk inside the children’s hospital and meet a lioness mother who’d been in ICU all night begging to have her child back.

After two years I realised I was rid of the STDs from my marriage. Once the Sexually Transmitted Debts were gone I was calmer. www.liftmagazine.com.au | 15

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? HAS THAT CHANGED SINCE YOUR SEPARATION? Writing, singing karaoke, playing ping pong, roller skating, patting dogs, laughing with friends, singing with my kids and eating chocolate make me happy.

I was a people pleaser before my separation and worried too much about what everyone thought of me. Now I appreciate beautiful, tiny moments; seeing a child hooked up to machinery keeping them alive while they wait for a transplant, then watching them skip out of the hospital a few months later is magic. I walk out of work knowing that I tried to make a difference to someone’s life.

TELL US A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF AND THE WORK YOU DO...

I’m the youngest of four kids; I’d do anything to get attention. My dad used to say, “Are you wearing that for a bet?” Now I get paid to dress like a goose, sing, laugh and dance in three Sydney hospitals and a palliative care hospice. My job is to make sick children happy.

“

THE KIDS WITH CANCER AND BRAIN INJURIES TAUGHT ME THAT I WAS LIVING A LUCKY LIFE; I HAVE THE LIFE THEIR MOTHERS WANT.

I’m the Sydney Clown Doctor Team Coordinator which means I race my kids to the school gate, slap make up on in the bus, put pegs in my hair and rush to the hospital to become Dr Quack, bringing joy to really ill and disabled kids.

At work I meet amazing single mums going through hell who are so witty and smart they inspire me every day. The kids with cancer and brain injuries taught me that I was living a lucky life; I have the life their mothers want. I wanted the fairy tale; I have three healthy beauties but not the matching husband. I can’t feel sorry for myself when I’m in a room with a mum who is working out how to say goodbye to her child.

At night I perform stand up comedy, I’ve performed across Australia and the Middle East. These gigs are my social life too; lots of my friends earn a living doing crazy stuff.

I also write a weekly blog that looks at the funny side of single mothering and I do corporate, stilt walking or acting gigs when my agent books me for jobs that fit in with my kids’ school hours.

“

WHAT HAVE YOU ACCOMPLISHED SINCE BEING A SINGLE MUM?

for a book. Financial stress opened the door to opportunities.

I’ve acted as a rotten potato-eating peasant, performed comedy on stage in Queensland with my youngest daughter and dressed as a camel on stilts in the desert in the Middle East.

I went on the Hot Seat TV show, won $20,000 and took my kids to Thailand to visit my brother.

Financially I have to say yes to every job that comes along, so in the past five years I’ve been to Bahrain, Adelaide, Melbourne, Brisbane and Hobart for work. My brilliant friends had my kids to stay so I could go away, but I’ve also been lucky enough to have been able to take my girls along to dressing rooms in three states.

I’ve written and produced two comedy shows and I’m performing my solo stand up show ‘Looking For Mike Brady’ at the 2015 Sydney Comedy Festival. I also spent a week writing comedy with Tim Ferguson (ex DAAS) and three other comedy writers, developing ideas

WHAT HAS BEING A SINGLE MUM TAUGHT YOU ABOUT PARENTING? • I’m better at it than I thought I was.

• I must move my body to stay sane as a parent. Getting off the couch to do yoga stopped me becoming a fat slug and silenced the demon thoughts, which ruled my head for so long.

• I’ve learned to be a more intelligent parent, sometimes I even think before I speak.

• The mechanic drives a dodgy car, the plumber has leaky taps and the clown single mum is a grumpy embarrassing mother. www.liftmagazine.com.au | 17

“ FINANCIAL STRESS OPENED THE DOOR TO OPPORTUNITIES

“ Follow more of Lou’s adventures in her blog: ‘Single motherhood - to insanity and beyond’ at:

WWW.LOUPOLLARD.ME And to find out more about the work of the Clown Doctors head to:

WWW.CLOWNDOCTORS.ORG.AU

WHAT IS THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BEING A SINGLE MUM?

• Screaming doesn’t work, I’ve done the research, I’ve got a PHD.

I am it: Counsellor, head lice hunter, panic attack wrangler, cleaner, slave, project manager, tooth brushing monitor and cigarette and nose picking detector.

• Your children need your honesty and unconditional love.

Money stress insomnia: At 3am I worry how I’m going to pay for everything. Last year I had three kids at three different schools; managing sports uniforms, medical appointments and social lives with my freelance work made me want to run away sometimes!

• Sing to your children before bed, it soothes them when you’ve run out of Phenergan.

But, I discovered that when I get home from work and fall in a heap, shattered from single mothering and trying to be funny, chocolate works almost as well as Rescue Remedy.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT BEING A SINGLE MUM? • I live with three funny, lively, creative, magnificent kids, just like their modest mother.

• My children are resilient, compassionate and realise that life isn’t fair.

• Meeting other single mums, hearing their stories and knowing I’m a member of a special club.

• I look at my bank statement and I know no one can touch my money.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO NEWLY SINGLE MUMS OUT THERE?

• Deal with what is in your face right now, don’t look too far ahead.

• Get the head lice out now unless your kids are going to Daddy’s tomorrow.

• Tell yourself you’re awesome even if you haven’t had a shower for a week.

• Bitching about your life doesn’t pay the bills (I’d be debt free if that worked).

• For big laughs compare dating disasters with other single mums.

• Kindness still exists; my new neighbour gave me a couch when we had nothing to sit on.

• Look for new opportunities, you can make them happen.

• If you’re lonely, it’s normal, check on a friend.

• Take your kids to a charity event, it helps them to be grateful for the hard work you do.

• Parent teacher night is not the place to pick up a new husband.

• Your child’s letter to the Tooth Fairy will make more sense than a letter from the Child Support Agency.

• You can do it! Keep going, you don’t know what life is going to bring.

• You will find out who your good friends are.

• Forgive yourself; there is no such thing as a perfect childhood. If you’ve fed your kids, got them to school, bathed and put them to bed you are a champion.

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 19

TO MOVE OR NOT TO MOVE, THAT IS THE QUESTION...

The desire for one parent to move after separation can raise so many questions and potentially even more hurdles that it may seem out of reach, but as Clarissa, The Happy Family Lawyer shares with us, we should always remember that there’s more than one way to skin a cat...

By Clarissa Rayward

It is often said that changing jobs, moving house and the loss of a loved one are the three most stressful life events we can experience.

And so when you think of your divorce there is a strong chance you are experiencing at least two of these events at once! Divorce will mean loss; both of a loved one and often of life as we have come to know it. Divorce also brings with it change, it may mean a new home, sometimes a new job and sometimes even a move far away. And that potential ‘move far away’ can cause legal challenges for any separating couple.

SO CAN I MOVE? A move to a new place is often a great idea after a divorce, a fresh start might be just what is needed to enable you to move forward and put the past behind you. As an Australian adult you are free to live where you choose (our Constitution tells us so!) but the challenge arises when you plan on taking your kids (which of course most parents would want to do).

WHAT IF I WANT TO TAKE THE KIDS? You are free to take the children as long as the other parent agrees. I have met many parents in my role as a family lawyer who have

together worked through moves interstate and sometimes even overseas. They have been able to sit and talk about how they will juggle their time with their children to ensure that they are both still involved. This requires maturity, flexibility and a large amount of good faith and I appreciate that not everyone is able to do this at the end of a relationship.

Where the problem often arises is when parents cannot agree; when one wants to move such a distance that it would make arrangements for the other parent’s time really difficult and it is this disagreement that I have seen end up in long and expensive legal battles.

BUT HOW FAR IS TOO FAR? Sometimes, even when the other parent does not agree, a move may still be entirely manageable. The trick here is that there is no rule I can point you to that will be the legal standard as such. There is no book that says it must be less than 20km or no more than a 1 hour’s drive (if only there was it would make all our lives a lot easier!) It comes back to considering what effect your move will have on your children. Often if it means a change of school that will be enough to mean it is ‘too far’ without having an agreement between parents. www.liftmagazine.com.au | 21

“

CHILDREN BENEFIT GREATLY FROM HAVING BOTH PARENTS SIGNIFICANTLY INVOLVED IN THEIR LIVES. THIS IS POSSIBLE EVEN WITH DISTANCE, IT JUST TAKES COURAGE, CREATIVITY AND SOMETIMES A WELL SKINNED CAT!

“

WHAT IF HE DOESN’T AGREE? If you as parents cannot agree about where the children live, you may find that you need to bring an Application in the Family Law Courts to have a Judge make this decision for you. These sorts of cases are commonly called ‘Relocation’ cases.

When it comes to the determination the Court has to make, a Judge will be looking at what is ultimately in the ‘best interests’ of your children.

The phrase ‘best interests’ gets tossed around a lot after separation. In a legal sense though you need to pull out s60CC of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) (Google it and you will find it!) which lists all of the things a Judge must consider when making a decision about whether your children can or can’t move with you.

The difficulty with any Court process is that it can be financially and emotionally costly for your whole family and there is a high level of uncertainty about the outcome. I would strongly suggest you consider all alternatives before bringing an application in the Courts.

WHAT OTHER OPTIONS ARE THERE? Don’t ever forget that there are many ways to skin a cat! I love this saying (even though it is a tad macabre) and I use it almost every day in 22 | For any mum flying solo

my work. If you and your partner have reached a stale mate, one of you wants to move and the other doesn’t agree, it is a great time to consider different ways that you can ‘skin that cat’.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS? Well you have to open your mind to the other solutions that may exist to this problem and you will need to be ready to compromise. So I do it by writing a good old list! Grab a piece of paper write down the numbers 1-10 and start creating 10 different ways you could solve this problem.

LET ME GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE! Let’s say you are living in Brisbane, you want to move back to your home town of Sydney, your family is there and you’re only living in Brisbane because of your former husband’s career. Your kids are both in high school and have said that they are happy to move back to Sydney with you. The catch is your husband does not agree.

He loves Brisbane. He works long hours and has the kids for dinner during the week and most weekends and is heavily involved with your son’s sport. He sees that the move to Sydney will mean that he cannot enjoy his time with the kids - they, and he, will miss out.

SO, NOW TO OUR LIST. WHAT ARE 10 WAYS WE COULD SOLVE THIS PROBLEM? 1. You move to Sydney (the obvious one!)

2. You stay in Brisbane (your least preferred option!)

3. You all move to Sydney (he comes too!)

4. You move to Sydney and the kids stay in Brisbane (clearly not your favourite either!)

5. You stay in Brisbane but travel to Sydney for a week a month to see your family (ok?)

6. You stay in Brisbane until the kids finish high school, then move to Sydney (maybe!)

7. You move somewhere else! (Perhaps the Gold Coast or Sunshine Coast. It’s not Sydney or Brisbane but is still a fresh start.)

8. Your husband moves to Sydney in a year’s time when he has had a chance to find a new job in the area (Maybe!)

9. You live in Sydney and Brisbane (I know this may not be affordable!)

10. You stay in Brisbane but go on an overseas holiday each year with your best friend (noting that you are saving the $50,000 you were going to spend on legal fees to have the argument)

Now, I appreciate my list may seem a little farcical at times, but I really encourage you to do this. Only the other week I was acting for a young child in the Family Court. His parents were living five hours apart and he had been travelling that distance each week to live a week about with each. He was about to start school so something had to change but the parents could not agree. So what did we do?

I asked them if they would both be willing to move closer to each other so their son could continue living for a week at a time with each of them. And you know what? They agreed.

They are both moving so that their son can have the benefit of both of them in their lives.

Remember that your divorce will not go on forever. Your kids will grow up and lead their own lives and you will be free again to move with the wind. Perhaps the greatest challenge for any parent is the constant requirement to put our own needs second to our children’s needs. Where you have two loving and caring parents research consistently shows that children benefit greatly from having them both significantly involved in their lives. This is possible even with distance, it just takes courage, creativity and sometimes a well skinned cat!

8 WAYS TO COMBAT EXHAUSTION With work, kids and life in general, it’s easy to get to the point where we’ve lost our pow, our whammy and any traces of a healthy old kaboom before we realise we’ve fallen asleep in the morning coffee we still haven’t finished at lunch time. If you get to the point where you’re about to drop, don’t despair, with a nip and a tuck to your routine, you’ll be feeling better in a snap.

By Rebel Tucker

POW

As a naturopath and yoga teacher one of the most common complaints I hear is “I’m just so tired”. By the time most people walk into a health professional feeling exhausted they’ve usually been dragging themselves around for quite some time, but really, it’s often the little things that we do…or don’t do, that are the difference between functioning well and wanting to curl up on the couch for a week, or three!

Here are a few of those little ways to help you kick that exhausted feeling and perk yourself up if you’ve reached the point where you’re about to drop: 1. ARE YOU DEHYDRATED? Besides thirst, fatigue is a big sign of dehydration. If you get to the end of the day and suddenly realise you are thirsty and haven’t had a glass of water all day, then your poor little cells are probably screaming out for water. It’s all too common that I see people who go days, let alone hours, without water.

So drink water! Get a bottle, preferably BPA free, and fill it up and take it with you wherever you go and, here’s the kicker, actually drink it!

2. ARE YOU OPTIMISING YOUR SLEEP? If you’re lacking sleep, find ways to optimise the sleep you do get. Make sure your room is dark and comfortable. Not too hot and not too cold. It may not be possible to always go to bed and rise at the same time every day, but a regular sleep routine has been shown to improve the quality of sleep. Try turning off all your electronics an hour before bed and begin winding down with a cup of herbal tea or cup of Ayurvedic Spiced Warm Milk. My old favourite recipe is over the page.

3. WHAT IS YOUR GUT TELLING YOU? LITERALLY? If your digestion is compromised your energy will be too. Good gut health begins with good food choices so get some fresh foods into you!

Reduce processed foods and opt for fresh vegetables, nuts, seeds, good oils and the best fish and meat you can get (if you eat them).

For most people adding fermented foods such as sauerkraut and kimchi can be beneficial too.

Simply skipping meals may be enough to send you in search of your favourite place to crash out, so eat well and eat regularly.

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 25

4. CAFFEINE ADDICTED MUCH? A coffee a day is fine for most people…but when you are drinking three, four or eight a day, your poor adrenals are more than likely getting smashed, resulting in that post caffeine slump. Don’t do it! Choose green tea, herbal teas, bone broths or miso broth instead.

5. HAVE YOU QUIT SUGAR TOO? What Sarah Wilson has to say in her book, ‘I Quit Sugar’ is worth a read. We are going to get ‘sugars’ from the breakdown of carbohydrates in our diet, this includes fruit and vegetables, so she encourages us to flick foods with added sugar. These sugar laden foods will give us a high but then we get hit with the low.

You may want to also consider a low carbohydrate and high ‘good’ fat approach to eating. There are some great recipes on Paleo websites. You may just begin to experiment with one meal a week then begin to integrate it into your everyday choices as it works for you.

Pay attention to how your choices make you feel and choose more of the ones that really make you feel good. Not the ‘quick fix’ good but the ‘I feel healthy’ kind of good.

6. ARE YOU OK? A fake “fine” is really not the answer we want for this one. It’s Ok to not be Ok! We just don’t want to stay ‘not Ok’ for too long! Managing our stress is something that benefits not only ourselves but those closest to us. Stress impacts not only our mental and emotional state, but eventually our physical bodies too. Our adrenal glands are responsible for producing hormones that help us cope. Ask them to do this for too long and our adrenals get tired…and so do we.

Nourishing herbs such as Withania (Ashwagandha), Rhodiola, Siberian Ginseng and Licorice may be suitable (best to ask your naturopath or pop in to your local health food store). Nutrients such as Vitamin C, Magnesium and B Vitamins may be just the ticket you need to support your adrenals.

And if you want to try it, a great yoga pose to help soothe the soul is ‘supported bridge pose’ shown below (Setu Bandha Sarvangasana).

Image curtesy of strongyoga4women.com

7. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR THYROID? The thyroid gland, which sits neatly at the front of your throat, does way more than manage your metabolism. If you’re feeling run down, stiff, achy, sore, have dry hair and skin, are having trouble with maintaining your weight, and are feeling exhausted your thyroid may be needing some love. Optimising your diet to include sources of iodine, selenium, zinc and iron will support this delicate butterfly shaped gland.

It may also pay to get some tests done with your doctor or naturopath to nut out whether or not your thyroid is doing its job. Just be aware that not all doctors will do a full thyroid test. As a naturopath, what I want to see tested is TSH, FT3, FT4, RT3 and thyroid antibodies.

As well as obtaining these results I get my patients to test their Basal Body Temperature.

Simple to do! Buy an old school mercury

thermometer (or a liquid metal one), shake it down below the temperature markings before you go to sleep and leave it on your bedside table. When you wake up in the morning, check that the thermometer is still below the markings – don’t get up to pee – then lie completely still for ten minutes with the thermometer stuck on bare skin in your left armpit and record your temperature reading. Do this every morning for 3-5 mornings, on days 2-10 of your menstrual cycle (if menopausal you can do this at any time). Ideally we would like to see this at 36.7 degrees Celcius. If it is any lower than 36.5 or over 37 then it may be worth checking your thyroid with the tests mentioned previously. If the tests are normal but your temperature readings are low there may be issues with how your body is using the thyroid hormones, and this is something that you can work on with a health practitioner skilled in this area.

Ayurvedic Warm Spiced Milk

8. ARE YOU PROACTIVE? When things really don’t feel right it may be time to have a check-up. If you just can’t get on top of feeling on top of things it’s worth investigating. Whether you choose to visit your doctor or natural health practitioner, make sure you feel comfortable with them and that they are supporting you in ways that align with how you want to be treated.

One thing is for sure, fatigue tends to turn into exhaustion if you just keep doing what you are doing. Trying some of the suggestions above may just be the key to feeling like your energy is on its way back.

Method Step 1: Heat two thirds of a cup of milk (organic cow’s milk, or rice/oat/almond/soy) with 1/3 cup water, a pinch each of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and turmeric, a dash of black pepper, and honey to taste.

Step 2: Bring to the boil then turn down and simmer for 10 minutes. Enjoy!

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 27

Own FIT YOUR

MASK FIRST

WHEN YOU’RE TIRED AND STRESSED AND THE THING YOU KEEP LEAVING OFF YOUR T0-DO LIST IS LOOKING AFTER YOU, OUR NEW COLUMN IS HERE TO HELP YOU REMEMBER...

IN THIS ISSUE PSYCHOLOGIST, ANASUA CHAKRABARTI ROY, SHARES THREE WAYS TO GET INTO A HABIT OF ‘FITTING YOUR OWN MASK FIRST’ IN THE EARLY DAYS AFTER SEPARATION...

When you’re dealing with the grief associated with a relationship loss along with the many other challenges separation brings, parenting can start to feel very demanding. This can then lead to even more stress and guilt, and so the cycle continues.

Here are three ways to help you break that cycle of stress and adjust more smoothly through the separation process while building the courage and consciousness to keep being the mum you want to be.

1. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS When separating, and for some time after, it’s common for a number of feelings to rise to the surface; for you to feel anger, anxiety, guilt, sadness, shame and disappointment. You may also feel a lack of control, and concern about the future. Acknowledging these feelings and sharing them with someone you trust like a friend, a family member or a psychologist will help validate and normalise them. Once you accept these feelings you’ll feel more reassured and calm rather than overwhelmed, frustrated and exasperated.

Being attuned to your own emotions and how you respond to them will make a huge impact in being able to respond to your

child. For instance, if you are aware you are in an increased state of anxiety and grief you will be in a position to calm yourself more easily when your child is having one of those all-encompassing supermarket tantrums.

2. ENGAGE YOUR SENSES Using your senses to bring your attention to the present moment instead of being caught up in thoughts of the past or future will allow you to see what’s important for you and your child right now. This capacity to be fully in the present moment is also known as mindfulness.

An easy way to get into the habit of being mindful is to engage your five senses of sight, sound, smell, touch and taste more fully in the here and now. You can do this by paying attention to a meal you’re eating, noticing the sensations in your body, listening to the words of a favourite song or going for a walk and being aware of the smell of the fresh air.

3. ALLOW YOURSELF THE SPACE AND TIME YOU NEED TO ADJUST Allowing regular time and space for yourself is an important aspect of coping with the increasing demands of separation. As you may be investing more energy as a single mum, creating a regular ‘space and time’ ritual for yourself will help you recharge and give you the resilience you need to make sure both you and your children adjust well to your new circumstances.

It’s also a great way to help you practice self compassion. Even though you’re going through a difficult period in your life, you still deserve to have experiences that meet your personal dreams and goals.

Activities you can practise as a regular ritual include exercise, reading, catching up with friends or anything that makes you relax and puts a smile on your face.

Remember that if you are feeling OK as a mum, your child will be OK too. www.liftmagazine.com.au | 29

Naomi’s sister Ally, Jett and Naomi at Jade Gallery

Artwork inspired by Richmond, Tasmania

SINGLE MUM TRAVELS

AN ARTIST’S RESIDENCY TO FINLAND Brisbane-based single mum, Naomi Crawford, met with us late last year to share her plans to spend Christmas on artist’s residency to Finland with her six-year-old son, Jett. You can read our chat with her here. Now they’re back and we sat down with them again to find out how their scandinavian adventure panned out!

30 | For any mum flying solo

Takahuhti Artist Residency

HI NAOMI, DID THE REALITY OF THE TRIP MATCH YOUR EXPECTATIONS? Mostly, it did. The residency programs and exhibition space perfectly suited my project goals. I was able to network and collaborate with international arts practitioners and curators as I had hoped.

I had organised an exchange of small artworks between Brisbane and Helsinki artists which was well received and my exhibition had a lot of interest from curious foreigners which was pretty exciting!

The only thing we did miss, which we really wanted to see, was the northern lights, but that’s just a great excuse to go back again.

HOW WAS YOUR ART RECEIVED? WHAT DID YOU LEARN? My art exhibition opened at a boutique gallery called Jade, in the heart of Helsinki arts district.

We had a big flow of guests arrive and my sister even travelled over from London to join us in the celebrations!

The artwork itself was well received, with a lot of interest in my style and technique which is quite unique. I also got to open my studio for two days to show how my time in Finland was influencing my work in new directions.

I learned so much, including different ways to display and exhibit artwork, working with local mediums, and we saw many exhibits showing Finnish minimalism. I definitely grew artistically in Finland and have come home so inspired and full of new ideas.

HOW DID YOU BALANCE WORK AND PLAY TIME WITH JETT? Luckily, Jett’s always taken a shine to being my marketing and PR guru! and this was no exception. He made himself known to everyone and loved telling them all how much he enjoyed promoting my work. My studio was attached to our residency apartment so he often joined me during my painting sessions and created a lot of artwork himself, insisting that he have his own wall to exhibit on during my open studio days! www.liftmagazine.com.au | 31

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE PART OF THE TRIP? Jett’s very social, so he enjoyed all the new friends he got to make. Of course, any opportunity to play in the snow was also grabbed with enthusiasm!

For me, funnily enough, even though we were overseas with so many new things to discover and experience, I really loved the time we had together more than anything.

BEING FROM BRISBANE, YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT THE COLD. HOW DID YOU BOTH HANDLE IT? We did ok, but we did buy a couple of extra accessories while we were there, like gloves and hats but otherwise, the snow gear we bought before we left did the job. We spent many afternoons playing in the snow and didn't feel at all cold.

WERE THERE ANY UNEXPECTED CHALLENGES? Yes! I'd developed this idea (more like a fantasy) that the residency would be full of lonely foreign artists for Christmas and we would be in good company. This wasn't the case. The residency actually only housed one international visitor (or family) per term and the other studios were all rented to local artists who had disappeared to be with their families before our arrival.

So, almost as soon as we’d settled in and ‘taken a load off’ after our long trip, we suddenly realised it was just us and we needed to stock up on food and activities/entertainment before the town shut down for three days over Christmas.

Needless to say we weren't very prepared but we made the most of it and enjoyed a lovely white Christmas just the two of us.

WHAT ARE YOUR TOP THREE TIPS FOR TRAVELLING SOLO WITH A CHILD? 1. Always have snacks!

2. Make sure you have enough entertainment planned when travelling from place to place. We took some light weight games and E ye Spy kept Jett occupied most of the time. He also really enjoyed taking photos on our train trips.

3. Discuss the plans for the day and create back up plans to avoid disappointment.

E.g. If it rains we will do plan b instead, and allow them to have input into the choices.

WAS THERE ANYTHING YOU’D DO DIFFERENTLY? One of the easiest traps to fall into while overseas is the idea that you have to see and do everything that the country has to offer in the time that you have. We spent the first four weeks rushing around, sometimes stressing over travel timetables to cross everything off the list but eventually realising we were missing a big chunk of the experience; living as a local. We pulled back for the last two weeks to properly take it all in and enjoy our surroundings.

“ DON’T OBSESS OVER TICKING EVERYTHING OFF YOUR TO-DO LIST WHEN TRAVELLING. STOP AND BE OPEN TO LIVING LIKE A LOCAL.

“

We found a wonderful balance between work and play, it was a really nice to have that time together to paint AND play in a new environment.

A traditional Sami Lavvu at Gegwin Huski Farm.

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 33

SOLO STYLE WAYS TO CELEBRATE

mother’s day AS A SOLO MUM, MOTHER’S DAY CAN BE A HURDLE, ESPECIALLY IF IT’S YOUR FIRST, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE AN OPPORTUNITY TO SOLIDIFY YOUR NEW FAMILY UNIT. AND, IF YOU DON’T GET TO SEE YOUR LITTLE ONES ON MOTHER’S DAY, IT’S OK, THERE ARE ANOTHER 364 DAYS YOU CAN MAKE IT YOUR OWN. HERE ARE A FEW FAVOURITE WAYS OUR MUMS IN THE 365 DAY SANCTUARY SUPPORT GROUP CELEBRATE...

• Head out for a bike ride. If you don’t have bikes, a lot of cities have bikes you can hire at select locations and take out in local parks and bike tracks. Take a picnic with you!

• Grab your mum and your kids and go to a family yoga class. Just Google one in your area if you’re not familiar with one.

• Collate your favourite family recipes from each generation and create a family cook book. There’s lots of websites out there that do it, au.blurb. com/cookbooks is just one of the many to check out.

• Join in your local Mother’s Day Classic run (or walk!) mothersdayclassic.com.au 34 | For any mum flying solo

• Have a painting session with your kids (you included!) and get your artwork turned into cushions! Once you’ve chosen your masterpieces, Etsy is a great place to find someone crafty to turn them into family momentos.

• Take your mum and your kids away to a farm stay for a weekend. Relax and play with the animals!

• Head to your local nursery and buy a new family plant to look after together.

While you’re there, let the kids pick one for Nanna or Grandma too.

• Open the kitchen and let your kids be in charge of creating you a sumptuous Mother’s Day breakfast.

You never know what you might get!

MONEYMATTERS finance for the savvy solo mum

With Helen Baker, financial advisor and specialist in finance for single mums

Women in general and mums in particular so often find it hard to acknowledge their contribution to life. They’re the ultimate ball jugglers­—of work, children, fitness, health, getting here and there, organising this and that, and becoming a sole parent adds even more balls to the mix!

Finance can be a big, and sometimes heavy ball to juggle; and one I see so many single mums staying up at night worrying about.

They worry about how they will manage the transition from two incomes to one, what will happen to their children if something happens to them and whether their wishes will be honoured and their assets passed onto their children... to name just a few.

So, where do you start? What do you really need? The good news is that with some sound planning, goal setting and knowing when you need professional advice, that lead ball you’ve been carrying can suddenly seem much more manageable. In the coming issues of Lift, I’ll be outlining a step-by-step guide to setting up your five foundations of finance.

But for now, in the spirit of the one day a year that we should all spend with our feet up, let’s keep things light-hearted with some of my top financial tips for mums:

• Don’t be hard on yourself. Money can never buy the time you have with your children or the love they receive from you; • Use financial challenges to teach your kids about money and how to manage it wisely; • Take advantage of all the free activities out there. Check out your local newspaper, council websites and ‘what’s on’ websites for ideas; • Set a goal today to treat yourself! It can be small if that’s what you feel is achievable, but make sure it excites you. It could be a weekend away, learning to ride a horse, climb a famous bridge or go back to study; • And last but not least­— It’s ok to have a day off from being a grown-up! Put any worries aside and have a wonderful Mother’s Day, you deserve it!

Helen Baker of Brisbane Private Wealth is an Authorised Representative of Godfrey Pembroke Limited, Australian Financial Services Licensee and member of the NAB Group of Companies, with its Registered Office at 105-153 Miller St North Sydney NSW 2060. License number 336378 of GPL 230690

YOURHEALTH YOURLIFE Your questions answered with Leanne Hall, Former single mum, psychologist, personal trainer & health and nutrition coach.

I’m a single mum with two young children. I’ve been separated a year and a half and I have met this guy, he’s a single dad too, BUT... All I keep thinking is, can I believe what he’s telling me? He seems genuine, but I don’t seem to trust my own instincts anymore and I’m worried I may have missed something. How can I trust this guy? I’m planning on taking things slowly and I know that at our age, with children, we’re all likely to have some baggage, but how much is too much and what types should we look out for?

Firstly, let me just say that it’s ok to be nervous when meeting someone new, the important thing to remember when it comes to a new relationship is that you need to see it as it really is, here are some ways to help you do that...

REFLECT ON THE PAST When it comes to trusting your own instincts, a great way to move forward with confidence is to take some time to reflect on your last relationship. Ask yourself if there were alarm bells that you ignored, how this affected the relationship, what you got out of that experience and what you could do differently next time.

CHECK THE FACTS It’s important to remember that while your instincts are a safe guard to alert you to red flags, you need to make sure they aren’t running on overdrive. You do this by making

sure you look at the facts. If you are with someone new and find he has a hidden second phone, that’s a fact. If he’s just late for dinner, it’s not proof he’s cheating on you.

LOOK AT YOUR PATTERNS If you’re finding it hard to trust because you have been treated badly in the past, it’s useful to look at your own patterns to renew your confidence. What you are putting out there to attract the wrong men? If you’re a passive person that does everything for your partner, you’re more likely to attract a taker. Creating assertive boundaries can help you with this.

Sometimes, especially in times of stress or difficulty, we end up choosing what’s comfortable and certain. You may find yourself attracted to the wrong man simply because his behaviour and personality is familiar, even if it may not be what you truly want in a partner.

Finally, you attract what you think you deserve, so if you have a pattern of low self eteem, you may be attracting less than you are worth.

One way to work on this from a relationship perspective is to get a close friend or family member to write down what they think you deserve and then (the hard part!) work on believing them!

DO YOU NEED TO REDEFINE YOUR IDEA OF RELATIONSHIPS? Looking at your assumptions about what you believe constitutes a normal relationship will help you identify if there’s a discrepancy between what you want and what you actually accept in a partner. Where did you get your idea of what a relationship should be? Are you happy passing this idea of relationships onto your children? How has the relationship of your parents influenced that idea? For example, if your parents weren’t affectionate, you may unconsciously accept this as normal in a relationship despite it being something you actually really want!

BAGGAGE! When it comes to baggage, it’s not a question of how much or what type, it’s how much you can develop a boundary and separate yourself from it. We’ve all got baggage, but it’s our ability to put it down at the door that matters. If either you or your new partner continually talk about your ex partners, compare each other to ex partners or second-guess each other’s

behaviour, it may be a sign that you’re still enmeshed in your baggage and not ready for a new relationship yet.

Another thing to look for when it comes to baggage, is reoccuring patterns. If you’re with someone new who describes all their relationships ending in the same way, it’s possible that no matter what you do, you could be seen in the same light too.

And remember that it’s ok to talk to your new partner about baggage if you see it affecting them. If they’re able to accept it you can work with it, if they can’t, then you can’t improve it. Being open to self growth is essential to developing a new relationship.

WAYS TO MOVE FORWARD When you’re in a new relationship, it’s important that you can both be present, create boundaries around your past experiences and communicate your honest feelings without creating expectations or demands.

Also, accept that there really are no guarantees. When a relationship ends, it can reinforce that we don’t have control and we don’t always know what our partners are thinking. In any new relationship you really are just jumping off into the abyss, but you can reassure yourself that whatever the outcome, you now know for a fact that you absolutely can handle whatever comes.

APP REVIEWS

THE DAILY PRACTICE OF BEING PRESENT We all know how important it is to be present; with our work, our kids and to be able to rebuild our lives amidst the rollercoaster of separation and divorce. So, in this issue’s APP REVIEW section, we’ve asked our mums to share their favourite mindfulness and meditation apps to help us keep on track and creating that all important habit of presence every day...

CALM

THE MINDFULNESS APP

This app has some great body scan meditations with 2, 5, 10, 15 and 20 minute versions. Guided body scan meditations are a great introduction to mindfulness—bringing awareness to the present moment is so much easier when you have something physical to focus on.

This app is another one with guided meditations of 3, 5, 15 and 30 minutes as well as body scans.

38 | For any mum flying solo

It also includes mindfulness notices that I really like. They are little reminders that pop up on your phone and prompt you to be mindful in the moment, bringing your attention to what’s going on in your body or environment. It really seems to be effective for me­—I find I stop and take a breath when I see them pop up on my phone.

YOGA NIDRA LITE

MIND THE BUMP

This guided meditation app can be used before sleep to assist with insomnia or during the day as a calming stress management tool.

Smiling Mind and beyondblue have teamed up to create a Mindfulness Meditation tool to help mentally and emotionally prepare for having a baby and becoming a new parent.

It can be used for parents up to two years post partum, so a useful tool if you’ve separated during pregnancy or recently after.

There’s a free version, but the 30 minute session is like 2-3 hours of good quality sleep and I highly recommend purchasing the full version for $2.99—awesome for tired single mummas!

7 SECOND MEDITATION

IMINDFULNESS

This app is kind of like getting a text from a good friend telling you how much they appreciate you: it takes a few seconds to read, puts a smile on your face, and reminds you of what’s really important in life. You can even set the time for your meditations to pop up each day

iMindfulness is a mix of guided meditations and a nice introduction to what mindfulness “is”.

They have meditations called Power Pause, Breath Meditation as well as a body scan, and then also bell meditation for when you have advanced in your skills and need less verbal cues to bring you back to the present.

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 39

SHOPPING SHOPPING / CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE

WHY SIT AROUND WAITING TO BE SPOILED? $65.50

$28.00

AYANA ORGANIC SKINCARE

TASMANIAN MYRTLE

A feel good gift for yourself or a friend. Includes lemongrass and geranium cleanser, fresh floral water toner & lavender and geranium face creme. mumokbabyok.com.au

Individually hand cut and hand made to order, this beautiful oval pendant & earring set is sourced and made in Tasmania.

Sasha and Moe

50% OFF!

$70.00

5 MINUTES 4 MUM

CONCRETE + MARBLE

If you’re tired & overwhelemed, treat yourself to the 5 Minutes 4 Mum program with a discount just for us! Simply enter the coupon ‘LIFT’ when registering.

5minutes4mum.com

Made in Melbourne from solid concrete, Zin + Bert’s street inspired bowls, vases, planters and artwork will add a unique urban edge to your home. zinandbert.com

TREAT YOURSELF THIS MOTHERS DAY! $45.00+

$29.95

A UNIQUE PIECE

A PRINT FOR THE HEART

Express your style with these hand made cushions inspired by street art, nature, and the world’s most loved cities to name just a few. etsy.com/shop/ProgenyDesign

Perfect to hang with your new family photo wall.

Watercolour heart A4 digital print. rhicreative.com.au

$60.00

CONTACT US TO SEE YOUR PRODUCT HERE

PERSONALISED PERFUME A personalised perfume sample unique to you and only you. Just answer a few questions online to have your ideal fragrance created for you! aromatiqueessentials.com.au www.liftmagazine.com.au | 41

LIFT’S ONLINE STORE! GIFT GUIDE SHOPPING / CHRISTMAS

THE NEW LIFT MAG ONLINE STORE! We now have our very own online store... and it’s all starting with a humble coffee cup to tell you those things you need to hear each morning when you think you cannot possibly handle stepping on one more wayward piece of Lego. At $22.95 + postage, our solo mum mugs will help you start your day the right way. www.liftmagazine.com.au/store

$22.95

$22.95

$22.95

$22.95

WORK WITH US!

If you are a business with a product or service that will uplift and empower our community of single mums, we have a range of in-magazine, website and social media advertising options available.

Our team is also experienced in creating corporate and customer publications including catalogues, books, annual reports, company magazines and newsletters; from writing, editing and proof reading to graphic design and printing. We’d love to help you with the creation of your next business publication!

Contact us for more information or a copy of our media kit.

the e-mag

for any mum flying solo www.liftmagazine.com.au | 43

REVIEWS / BOOKS

THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES—SINGLES EDITION

BY GARY CHAPMAN Reviewed by Tracey Merritt WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS BOOK?

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO READ?

It just happened to be on the shelf of a little shop I was browsing in while waiting for my car to be serviced. I had heard of it and thought this edition might be helpful for me being a single mum to my kids and also with other family members.

It is quite an easy read and I probably only took about a week all up. However I have to admit I read the first half in a day or two, then ‘put it down’ for a month or so over Christmas. It then took another couple of days to finish it.

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? WHY OR WHY NOT?

It is about the ways in which we give and receive love. It was quite interesting to realise we don’t all show love in the same way and this has an impact as to whether we feel loved.

It also shows why some actions can be much more hurtful to some than others.

I would definitely recommend it to others and I’m keeping my copy to reread every so often just to remind myself of the little things that mean so much to others. It opens your eyes to the fact that your loved ones might receive love differently to the way you would normally give it.

BOOKS TO SUPPORT YOUR SOLO MUM LIFE!

SPLITSVILLE

BY CLARISSA RAYWARD Reviewed by Ivy Magnolia WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS BOOK?

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO READ?

I wanted to avoid an expensive and emotionally devastating court battle. I also admire couples that are able to stay ‘friends’ after separation and are able to do family activities together but needed some tips on how to achieve this in my own post-breakup life.

Like most solo mums, my reading time is limited to the 30 minute window between getting the toddler to sleep and passing out from exhaustion! So it took me a few weeks, but it’s an easy read in any case.

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?

Definitely. Read this sooner rather than later!

I wish I’d started this book the day after the breakup—it would have saved me from engaging in a few not-so-helpful text messages (you know the ones). Knowledge is power, and for those solo mums who are feeling threatened by their former spouse over legal issues, I think this book would significantly empower them.

It’s about how the law looks at separation and breaks down the scary notion of an emotionallyfueled, solicitor-led legal battle into simple legal processes and principles. What I found most helpful though was the advice on how to manage your grief and communicate with your former spouse.

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT?

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 45

REVIEWS / BOOKS

MY SUPER SINGLE MUM

BY BRONWEN FALLENS ILLUSTRATIONS BY MUNTSA VICENTE Reviewed by Dawn Rodgers WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS BOOK? It was a gift for my daughter on her birthday, chosen by a super single mum friend.

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? It’s about an amazing single mum and the fun things she and her child do together.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO READ? Usually about two-three minutes each time, but sometimes longer when my daughter and I like to talk about different parts of that story and illustrations.

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? WHY OR WHY NOT? I would definitely recommend it to every single mum out there. When I first found it in the chaos of birthday presents, I was so touched.

As I read along it brought a wee tear to my eye.

It was very empowering and uplifting. It was an amazing gift for us both to enjoy as my daughter loves to read it over and over each night. It’s also very cute when my daughter brings it to me and screams with delight, “My Super Single Mum!”

CONTRIBUTE TO LIFT

We need you!

Lift is the online magazine for single mums made by single mums. It doesn’t exist without you.

If you’re a professional who has something to offer single mums or a single mum with a story to tell, whether you’ve overcome obstacles, thrived after heart break, learnt some life changing lessons, developed time-saving recipes or new life management strategies, if you’ve travelled solo, discovered new hobbies or made a career change after separation and divorce, contact us by emailing naomi@liftmagazine.com.au

the e-mag

for any mum flying solo www.liftmagazine.com.au | 47

MEAL RECIPES PLANS

MEALS WITHOUT THE (METAPHORICAL) MESS! Creating a weekly meal plan that keeps the kids happy, meets budget & won’t leave you sneaking on extra kilos can be a tall order, but Domestic Mumma thinks she may just have it licked...

48 | For any mum flying solo

RECIPES

DAY 1

METHOD: Cut the crusts off your bread. Mash the avocado and spread on your bread slices instead of margarine or butter.

BREAKFAST: FAST FRUITY PORRIDGE • ½ cup quick oats • ¾ cup coconut milk (unsweetened) • 1 tablespoon chia seeds (black/white) • 1 small banana • 1 tablespoon sultanas

Place lettuce, one slice of ham and cheese onto bread, roll it up and hold together with a piece of kitchen twine. Repeat with other slice.

DINNER: 10 MINUTE TUNA PASTA • 1 large tin of tuna in oil • 1 jar of Napolitano pasta sauce • 500ml thickened cream • 1 cup spiral pasta

METHOD:

METHOD

Combine oats and coconut milk in a microwave safe bowl and cook for 1 ½ - 2 minutes (depends on your microwave). Add chia seeds, sliced banana and sultanas on top and serve.

Bring pasta to the boil. Drain MOST of the oil from the tuna (you need some of the oil to cook it, I usually leave about 2 tablespoons).

Fry the tuna in a pan on a medium heat for 2-3 minutes, do not let it get dry. Mix in pasta sauce and leave to simmer for 1 minute. Stir in the cream and let simmer while you wait for your pasta to finish boiling. When pasta is cooked, drain and serve.

LUNCH: HAM & CHEESE ROLLIES • 2 slices rye bread, crusts cut off • 2 cheese slices • 2 slices ham • ½ avocado • 2 slices of lettuce, rinsed and dried

Time-saving tip: The pasta sauce is fantastic for freezing.

I make a huge batch so we have enough for a month!

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 49

RECIPES

DAY 2

• Pinch of salt • ¼ cup olive oil (I use the extra virgin type) • Pizza sauce • Shredded mozzarella

BREAKFAST: WARM UP PANCAKES • 1½ cups coconut milk (or normal milk) • 1 egg • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract • 2 cups self-raising flour (I use unbleached) • ¼ cup bi-carb soda • ¾ cup honey (or rice malt syrup) • Butter for cooking METHOD Melt a tablespoon of butter in a pan on a medium heat. Combine wet ingredients in a bowl. Place all dry ingredients in a large bowl and make a well in the centre. Pour the wet mix into the dry and stir until combined. Pour a ¼ cup of batter into the warmed pan, cook until you see bubbles starting to form, flip and cook the other side for 2-3 minutes. Repeat until all the pancake mixture has been used and serve!

LUNCH: MINI PIZZAS • 1½ cups warm water • 1 sachet or 1 tbs dry activated yeast • 4 cups plain flour (I use a finely ground wholemeal flour) 50 | For any mum flying solo

• Diced ham • Diced pineapple, dried with a paper towel METHOD Pour the water into a large mixing bowl and sprinkle the yeast on top. Give it a quick mix after the yeast has gone sludgy looking (This is very important for your dough to rise). Add flour, salt and oil and mix until a dough forms.

Knead for 1 minute. Remove dough, clean the bowl and spray with olive oil. This is to stop the dough from sticking to the sides when it is rising. Pop the dough back into the bowl, cover with plastic wrap or a tea towel and leave to rise for about 30 minutes. When risen, uncover, punch down with your fist and knead again for 30 seconds. It should feel really silky right now.

If it doesn’t, you haven’t followed the steps properly! Once this is done, tear some dough off and roll out. Using a round scone cutter, cut out your mini pizza bases. Now add your toppings and place in a pre-heated 180c oven and bake for 15-20 minutes.

Note: This dough makes 3 thin pizza bases, 2 thick ones or a bunch of mini pizzas. I make up 2 batches and freeze some for later in the week.

To freeze simply grease the container with olive oil spray so that the dough does not stick to the container/bag.

DINNER: CHICKEN FRIED RICE • 1 cup brown rice • 2 teaspoons peanut oil • 2 eggs, lightly beaten • 125 grams bacon, diced • 1 garlic clove, crushed • 3 green onions, chopped • 1 cup frozen peas • 1 cup carrots, diced • 1 tablespoon soy sauce

METHOD Cook rice following packet directions. Drain.

Rinse. Drain. Spread on a tray and refrigerate until cold. Heat a wok over medium-high heat.

Add half the oil and swirl to coat the surface of the wok. Add half of the beaten egg and cook until just set. Remove the egg from the wok and place on a plate. Repeat with the remaining egg. Chop the egg up (it doesn’t have to be neat). Heat the remaining oil in your wok, brown the chicken and remove. Brown the bacon then add garlic, onion, carrots and peas. Stir for 2-3 minutes and add the rice and chicken back in.

Stir until rice has warmed through and peas are tender. Add the soy sauce and stir for 1 minute.

• 1 chicken breast, diced

Quick tip: the pankcakes are awesome to freeze for later in the week!

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 51

RECIPES

LUNCH: WARM ME UP PANCAKES + CHOC COVERED ORANGES

DAY 3

See Day 2 for pancake recipe

BREAKFAST: CHOC CHIP BANANA BREAD + YOGHURT

If it’s a work/school day, spread pancakes with jam, roll them, then place into lunchboxes.

CHOCOLATE COVERED ORANGES

• 3-4 bananas

These make a yummy treat for mums and kids alike. Keep them in an airtight container in the fridge and grab them through the week as you need them.

• ½ cup butter • 2 eggs • ¾ cup caster sugar

• 2 blocks dark (or milk) chocolate

• 1 teaspoon vanilla essence

• 4 oranges, peeled

• 1 teaspoon baking soda

METHOD

• ¼ teaspoon salt • 1½ cups self raising flour METHOD Mash bananas in a bowl. Melt butter in a large bowl and add all dry ingredients, make a well in the centre and add all wet ingredients. Mix until combined. Pour batter into a greased loaf pan. Bake for 45-50 mins or until the top of the loaf bounces back when pressed upon.

To melt the chocolate fill a frypan half-full with water and place on a low heat. Break up chocolate into a ceramic or metal bowl and place the bowl into the centre of the pan. Make sure the water does not come into contact with the chocolate or it will ruin it. When melted, dip pieces of orange into the chocolate and leave on a tray lined with baking paper. Place in the fridge to set.

Tip: Don’t throw out old bananas.

Stash them in the freezer to use for muffins & breads. They’ll make them extra moist!

52 | For any mum flying solo

DINNER: APRICOT CHICKEN + RICE • 1kg chicken (wings, legs or breast • 1 packet french onion soup mix • 1 tin apricot nectar • 1 onion sliced • ½ tin halved apricots • ½ cup rice

METHOD Preheat your oven to 180c. Place your chicken in a baking dish. In a bowl, mix together your dry soup mix and apricot nectar until combined, then pour over the chicken. Bake in the oven for about 30-40 minutes (longer depending on the type of chicken you have chosen to use).

Start to cook your rice according to packet instructions then drain the apricot halves and add them to the baking dish. Place back in oven and cook for a further 5-10 minutes. Serve on your cooked rice.

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 53

RECIPES

DAY 4

BREAKFAST: MUESLI ½ cup muesli 200 grams organic yoghurt 1 cup berries

• 4 eggs, lightly beaten • 1 cup milk • 3 cups frozen corn kernels and peas • 2 carrots, grated • 1 zucchini, grated

LUNCH: TOASTIE

• 1 tablespoon parsley, chopped

• 2 slices rye bread

• 1 tomato, de-seeded, diced

• 1 cheese slices

• 2 tablespoons basil

• 2 slices ham

• 175gm bacon, diced

• 1 slice pineapple, dried with a paper towel

METHOD

METHOD

Combine pastry mix, cheese, butter, eggs and milk in a bowl. Stir in all the veggies and herbs. Add the diced bacon and mix well again. Lightly grease a 3cm deep quiche dish and pour the mixture into the dish. Pop into a pre-heated oven at 180c, and cook for 40-45 minutes,or until golden brown.

Make your sandwich, ensuring that you place your pineapple piece between the cheese and the ham to keep your bread from going soggy.

Toast until brown.

DINNER: VEGETABLE QUICHE • 1 onion finely chopped • 3/4 cup pastry mix • 3/4 cup grated cheese • 1 teaspoon butter, softened

54 | For any mum flying solo

+ EXTRA SNACK: ZUCCHINI CHOC CHIP MUFFINS These are not only delish, but have vegetables in them! Everyone loves them and has no idea how much good stuff is hidden inside.

1½ cups wholemeal flour 3/4 cup coconut sugar 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

A few quick meal planning notes!

½ teaspoon salt 1 cup coconut milk 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 zucchini, grated 1 cup of chocolate chips ½ cup chopped walnuts 1 egg, lightly beaten ½ cup coconut oil, melted METHOD Place dry ingredients into a large bowl. Grate in zucchini. In another bowl, add the rest of the wet ingredients and mix until combined.

Pour wet ingredients into dry ingredients and combine. Mix in choc chips and nuts. Grease a non-stick muffin tin (I use a silicon one), and spoon in the batter. Bake at 180c for 25 minutes or until golden brown.

While the weekly plan only lists 5 days, there’s plenty of leftovers for a week’s worth of yummy meals (Yes, this also means less cooking!)

I usually spend Sunday afternoon preparing and freezing for the week ahead.

It makes it so much easier after a long day!

Oh, and the veggie quiche for Day 4 dinner? That will keep in the fridge for 2-3 days and tastes delish warmed up in the microwave.

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 55

RECIPES

56 | For any mum flying solo

DAY 5

BREAKFAST: FAST FRUITY PORRIDGE

DINNER: PIZZA NIGHT

Find the recipe on Day 1

• Toppings you would like to add. Keep it healthy by adding loads of vegatables.

Capsicum, mushrooms and even roasted pumpkin and fetta work really well.

Tip: Use the pizza dough recipe from Day 2

LUNCH: TURKEY SALAD WRAP

• Mozarella cheese

• 2 rye wraps

• Pizza sauce

• ½ avocado

METHOD

• 80 grams turkey • 2 cups green salad METHOD Wash and dry salad so your wrap doesn’t get soggy. If you are taking this in a lunch box, I would recommend that you keep the salad in a separate container and make the wrap at work.

Pre-heat your oven to 180c. When your pizza dough is ready, tear off some dough and roll it flat. Spread pizza sauce over the dough base and add your toppings. Place your pizza in the oven for 20 minutes Slice and serve!

Note: Any left over pizza dough can be frozen in a lightly oiled container for later use.

Strange but true! When freezing the pizza dough it can develop a “beer smell” because of the yeast but, don’t worry, it won’t affect the taste!

www.liftmagazine.com.au | 57

RECIPES

TREATS

ANZAC BISCUITS • 1 cup plain flour

CHOCOLATE MUESLI BARS

• ¾ cup brown sugar

• ¾ cup peanut butter

• 1 cup rolled oats

• ¾ cup brown sugar

• 1 cup desiccated coconut

• ¾ cup honey

• 125g butter, chopped

• 1 teaspoon vanilla essence

• 4 tablespoons rice malt syrup (or golden syrup)

• ½ cup cacao (or cocoa) powder

• 1 teaspoon bi carb soda • 2 teaspoons chia seeds METHOD Preheat oven to 180°C. Line baking tray with non-stick baking paper. Sift flour into a large bowl. Stir in oats, coconut and sugar. Place butter and syrup into a small saucepan over medium-low heat. Stir until melted. Remove from heat. Combine bi carb soda and 2 tablespoons water in a small bowl and then stir into syrup mixture.

Add immediately to flour mixture and mix until well combined. Roll mixture into balls and place on tray, making sure to allow room for biscuits to spread. Bake for 12-15 minutes. Allow biscuits to cool completely on wire cooling racks.

58 | For any mum flying solo

• 2 cups rice bubbles • 1 cup oats • ¼ cup pepitas, sunflower seeds and sultanas • 1 tablespoon chia seeds • 1 cup shredded coconut METHOD Place the peanut butter, brown sugar, honey and vanilla essence into a small saucepan and melt over a low heat. Place all dry ingredients into a large bowl. Pour in the melted ingredients and mix well until combined. Line a slice tray with wax baking paper and pour the mixture into the tray. Press the mixture down evenly around the tray until it’s firm and then place it in the fridge to set for a couple of hours.

Other snacks for the week: Lots of fresh fruits, nuts and the occasional yoghurt will keep your mind and your body in shape! www.liftmagazine.com.au | 59

COFFEE &ACONVO’ With Kimberley, single mum to Lara (4) and Hudson (2)

HOW HAVE YOU CHANGED SINCE BECOMING A SINGLE MUM?

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO RIGHT NOW?

I’ve only been separated 4 months, so it’s still early days, but my husband was quite an introvert, so I’ve really been enjoying getting back out into the world more.

My daughter’s 4th birthday party! and being able to spend more time with friends and family.

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELF SO FAR? That I’m stronger than I thought I was! And I can absolutely run a household on my own. It’s actually really rewarding. A lot of my friends tell me that they don’t know how I do it, but you just do what needs to be done!

YOU RECENTLY HAD A FAMILY PHOTOSHOOT, HOW WAS IT? I actually already had a family photoshoot booked before my husband and I separated, but instead of cancelling it after the separation, I thought I’d use it to replace the thousands of dollars worth of wedding photos I had to take down. The shoot ended up being something for me to look forward to and we created a whole new family experience.

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE SO FAR? Making the big decisions on my own; things like whether to keep the house or move. The decisions you used to make with someone else, you now have to make on your own, you can get advice, but ultimately it’s your responsibility.

WHAT’S THE BRAVEST THING YOU’VE HAD TO DO SINCE SEPARATING? Ha ha, I mowed the lawn!!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST ABOUT BEING A SINGLE MUM? Not bed time that’s for sure! I think it’s the satisfaction and pride I get knowing that I’m doing it, I’m completely capable, it’s all me!

Images courtesy of lifeslightphotography.com

SUBSCRIBE AT WWW.LIFTMAGAZINE.COM.AU CONTACT US

the e-mag

for any mum flying solo