Narcisse Magazine June/July 2009 Part 1 of 2 by Narcisse Magazine

N A R C I S S E

VOLUME 4 ISSUE JUNE/JULY/AUG 2009

C O N T E N T

R��A�S 2 Contents 4 Attention 8 I Think, Therefore I Blog 189 Lynns Lookout (Beach Do’s & Dont’s) 220 Birthday Pages 230 Hororscope 243 As Voted - Victorian 254 Helplines 261 Conversion Tables 263 Adverts 274 And Now ....

�IF�S� �LE 7 Play Safe 48 NEW Through The Lens 53 Fashion 1 - Swimwear 82 Personal profile - Tanning 90 Fashion 2 - Flip-Flops SPECIAL 140 Top 10 Cocktails 164 Personal Profile - Epilators 173 Fashion 3 - Sunglasses 212 Fashion 4 - Hats

The Team Mandy Taylor

Editor - in - chief (Whatever THAT means??!!)

email mandytaylor6662000@yahoo.co.uk

Lynn Westlake UK Author and Right-hand Girl, without whom Narcisse would be nowhere near as good, full of ideas, enthusiasm and the cheek of the devil xxx

C O N

Kaz - Bestest mate a girl could have - UK Based GG - Author of “ Personal Profile”

Joanne - Long-suffering wife of Mandy, roving reporter and general snoop, the source of

F�A�UR�S 11 Something Completely Different 96 Bathing Through The Ages 105 4 Things You Probably Never Knew... 106 Transgender History - Part III 160 Happy 4th July

“ In the paper’s”.

C O N T E N T

T�UE �IFE 5 Letters To Editor 37 One Girls Story - Alice Heathers 78 In The Papers 145 Centrefold - Alexandra Young 184 Ask The Girls

Janet Smith

- our newest intern, and producer of our front covers Studio “A” Photography janetcd1@yahoo.com

www.studioaphotography.biz www.myspace.com/studioaphotography2006

��ST �OR ��N 42 Sunny Funny 52 Cartoon 104 Cartoon 134 Congratulations! 171 Questions That Haunt Some People

Nicola James

- UK based writer, one of the ‘girls’ in “Ask The Girls”, and a VERY good friend ( even though she is Scottish hehe )

Centrefold C��PE�I��S 66 Jean Jeanie Competition Entrants 102 Sports Competition Winner 116 Bridal Competition - Bridesmaids 119 Bridal Competition - Brides 129 Bridal Competition - Mother OT Bride 154 Style Council 194 Rock Chick Competition Winner 196 PRIZE Competition - Pin-up Girls 210 Tammi’s Torments 260 Quiz Answers

-Alexandra Young

One Girls Story - Alice Heathers

Well then. some of the more observant of you â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;mayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; have noticed a slight difference in the set-up where Competitions are concerned, not much, but let me explain. The pictures of competitors will still appear here, in the magazine, and also on my Yahoo group ( http:// groups.yahoo.com/group/lilboutique/ ). The only real difference is that now you vote HERE! You will find the voting section on this site , so no more need to troupe off to lilboutique to vote - easy huh?! All pictures for the subsequent competitions can still be sent to me at mandytaylor6662000@yahoo.co.uk as well as any enquiries, so get entering/voting/etc etc hehe

ATTENTION!!! 4

to the Editor First off, a long-overdue compliment for the wonderful work you do in providing both _Narcisse_ and a forum for us all. It is a truly professional work, and one that obviously comes from heart; thank you! That said, I do miss the old, downloadable PDF format. The new version is just not as convenient, and cannot be read without an active Internet connection. I always enjoyed downloading the old version, then logging-off and reading it in airport lounges, on the road when parked in my car awaiting the next appointment with clients, etc. Also, I archived all the old issues to review again and again, regardless of my location or circumstances. Back to the compliments -- I think you have a winning format now, with the basic mix of fashion, profiles, interviews, and reader participation. And, of course photographs. Being a T-girl is a visual pursuit, and it is always nice to pick up tips and encouragement from seeing how well some of our sisters “do it”. I know I always finish an issue both inspired and hopeful, and I can’t think of another Tpublication that does this in quite the same way or has an editor/creator who is so responsive to the community’s needs. Best, Bree. Oregon, USA Bless you hon, such lovely words, the PDF download problem is in hand, so please bear with me , you can print 2 pages at a time, time consuming i know, but something while the programmers weave their magic (Ed)

The sites really fab. So glad you finally got it all sorted hun you deserve this. xxx Kaz

Mandy, The new format of the magazine looks amazing! I love how much more fun it is to navigate through. Congratulations! xoxo, Ale-

I think the mag is great. Thanks for all your work. Hugs Abby

TANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IM

P L A Y

ROTECT YOUR IDENTITY

Do not reveal information which could expose your identity until you are confident that it is safe. Be cautious revealing your name, address, phone number, email address, place of work, website address, etc. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into revealing details before you are ready. If they are overly aggressive in asking for identifying information, cut off communication. Do not feel obligated to be more open than you are comfortable being. Contact the administrator of the website if you have concerns.

ET SOMEONE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING Be sure that someone knows where you’re going and when to expect you back.

LWAYS TAKE A PHONE AND YOUR FARE HOME

If you have a cellular phone, take it along, and have a friend call periodically. You may wish to take along some form of personal protection just in case. If someone tries to get you into a situation you are not comfortable with, don’t hesitate refuse, leave, or do whatever is necessary to protect yourself. Nothing that anyone else does can obligate you to compromise your own safety.

OUR SAFER IN A CROWD member, there is safety in numbers!

S A F E

intimate one on one meetings put you at a huge risk, re-

TAY IN PUBLIC PLACES erm...................DUH!!!!

VOID TOO MUCH ALCOHOL

All drinks can be spiked, but it only takes a few too many drinks for you to lose your inhibitions and agree to things you will later regret, a clear head nearly always lead to a clear conscience.

EELINGS MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE, TRUST INTUITION If you feel

uneasy about someone you’ve met online, err on the side of caution. It’s probably better to miss a few good experiences than to have one bad one.

NJOY!!! 99% of the time you will be safe and have a great time, but for the sake of that 1% always err on the side of caution, remember, if they are serious they will arrange to meet again, if they dont , it wasnt worth the risk! xxxx7

T IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPOR

PO IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTAN

TANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPOR 7

BLOG

I T�� , ��ef�� I

My Life It’s always difficult to think of what to write in a blog, I try and make it amusing, sometimes thought provoking, and sometimes just plain silly, but then a conversation at work got me thinking and so I came up with this. I class myself as a TG, why? many reasons. I do not dress for any sexual reasons, I dont dress to attract a member of the opposite sex, I dress because its me, plain and simple, or is it? If that was the case, then why cant i talk about it without crying? Why when I come home from 3 days as Mandy do I sob my heart out as I’m unpacking? Why, in the early days before i was outed, did I feel suicidal if i couldnt dress for a few days? I cant be alone, but what does it make me? My TS friend calls me a TG with TS leanings , or in her more subtle moments “ you know what you are, I know what you are, so stop being so bloody silly and face it”, but that is where the problem lies.... like many of you I am happily married and with a child, like many of you , I would lose my life for them without a moments hesitation, and, like many of you, if I took that next step it would be a step to far and they would leave. Can I be that selfish?

The answer, plain and simple , is no. Just because I have a ‘condition’ namely Gender Dysphoria - that doesnt give me the right to ruin the lives of two innocent people, and ruin their lives it would, it wouldnt matter how brave a face they put on it, it would be a stigma they would live with for the rest of their lives. I have no right ......... so I dont. The term ‘ rock and a hard place’ springs to mind, but I have it far easier than a lot of girls. I get to dress very regularly, I have the support of friends and family, I have a lovely wife and son, I am very lucky. But it doesnt stop me feeling sad, it doesnt stop me crying while I write this and it probably never will. Thats why I always stress that you are NOT alone, I know many of you like , respect and in some cases , envy me, but trust me..... I’m just the same as you.

Mandy xxx

Something

yletelpmoC

Different

I wrote this months blog from the heart, and got such a huge response that i have asked the girls if they would mind if I included their replies in this issue. It may seem self-indulgent but I got such an over-whelming sense of support that i felt that , being able to read that there are far more of us out there in the same position than we truly realise, it would be beneficial, even to those who are still unknown to the vast majority. I thankyou all for your support and hope you feel the same emotions that these letters gave me Mandy

Very well written Mandy! I like the TG term more then cross dresser aka cd as I dress up now and then for the love of it and not for a sexual turn on. When I dress up I feel so relaxed and in touch with my fem side. Alice Heathers awwww hunni...... i won’t pretend to know how you and many many others are feeling and going through! But just know my heart goes out to you and there are people in the world that care xxxxx Anne-Marie Campbell

“Just because I have a `condition’ namely Gender Dysphoria - that doesnt give me the right to ruin the lives of two innocent people, and ruin their lives it would, it wouldnt matter how brave a face they put on it, it would be a stigma they would live with for the rest of their lives. I have no right ......... so I dont.” You realize your statement above is a bit odd. you imply that there is a stigma attached to a married transsexual, but not a married transgendered crossdresser? and thus your family, wife’s and child’s life will be ‘ruined’ by finally admitting you are TS, and not ruined by admitting already being a TG-CD’er??? If your wife understood your tears, your heart... your female gendered mind (brain), girl, then she will realize what you are. So as long as being a TS is ‘taboo’ and TG-CD is ‘ok’ (where such differences today especially, although still very much misunderstood, should not be the case) You are a very much respected girl amongst our TS/TG/CD community, and your visibility is what helps many more non-TG/TS/CD better understand the complexity of ours and your situation. I too, am married (25+yrs), have 2 kids (18+22 this year), and found out last year i was HBS (m2f “TS”). i’ve never had the privilege to CD most of my life, but my wife/kids are at the moment at a crossroads with me... i can only hope to ‘manage’ their understanding of my ‘transition’ (however it might be called or viewed)... so that i hope to maintain my marriage ‘intact’... but if not... at least my love for my wife, and her love for me (i know she does) will remain even if the ‘marriage’ itself dissolves. it is definitely a hard thing to go through, and a hard thing to give up oneself to being ‘yourself’. 12

The lives of your loved ones can only be ‘ruined’ insofar as conceding what you are (vs the ‘world’) as being ‘wrong’. when in fact it is NOT ‘wrong’, it is about you being who you are. you have not been ‘deceptive’ about it (your past), you are simply coming to terms about yourself NOW. no deception applies if you didn’t know fully the ‘meaning’ of why you are the way you are until now. your TS friend is correct, that you are more TS than you are willing to admit. because of how the ‘western/modern’ world (not necessarily others) view TS as being ‘bad’, many TG/CD unbeknownst, or unwittingly cave into such pressure and not ‘admit’ their TS-ness. If you ‘didn’t know’ about yourself, your wife can never be faulted (no GG could ever be) for not ‘seeing it’ or ‘choosing a husband’ poorly. no woman should feel ‘stupid’ for having fallen in love with you as their ‘loving husband’. this is how many wives see themselves, as ‘failures’ as both women or wives. The situation you are in, what you are, is extremely complex, poorly understood even by the one having it, such that it is deep in one’s own heart/mind never to be revealed or admitted, even to ONESELF. so such hidden thing cannot be viewed as being ‘deceitful on purpose to harm others’, and being hidden, no one outside, especially wives (nevermind YOURSELVES!) should have had ‘caught on’ to it. no one looked for it, not even yourself. The world now, is only beginning to understand this so called ‘gender dysphoria’... and it is inappropriately labelled, because it was attributed to a strictly ‘mental’ pathology, which it is NOT. It is now more recently understood as simply as a mind-body incongruity that some people have, and how diverse people deal with it. everyone deals with it differently. some others who don’t have this mind-body incongruity on purpose explore it. thus we have a mix of both types. The incongruity is simply a ‘brain-gender’ that is incongruous with their ‘anatomical body’. If you are crying... i tell you Mandy, girl,... you’ve always been a girl... at least, i suspect, from infancy, if not birth. i’ll admit, i don’t know your personal history that much, but for you to suffer anguish when returning to a ‘drab’ mode, it is only your clothing matching your ‘anatomical body’ but you deny your female gendered brain for who you can be. yes, you certainly love your wife/kid, will they ever allow their love for you to go farther, for your sake, and allow you to be ‘fully’ you? even i can see what you are... and many others as well (even if they don’t admit it).

regards, SaintSuelle 13

Dear Mandy, Like you, I don’t dress for sexual arousal or to a�ract anyone. I do it because it feels right. Like you I am married with (now grown) children and could not contemplate disclosing my cross dressing. I don’t know how the kids would react but I know it would end my marriage to my best friend in life. I know she would be devastated by the revela�on. Can I be so selfish ? - No. Unlike you, I wouldn’t say that it feels right because it’s “me”. In my case it’s “the other me”. For most of the �me I am comfortable with my male self, but I must say I o�en ask myself whether or not I’m TS and always answer “No”. (but it’s perhaps significant that I will never stop asking the ques�on) Also unlike you I am not able to dress regularly. I can occassionally visit a CD friend’s house to dress but only very rarely can go out and about dressed. Nevertheles s I try (largely successfully) to take a view the view that my cup is half full. What do you think ? You are able to dress more o�en than I am, but is your cup s�ll half empty ? I have never been reduced to tears when the �me comes to revert to male mode. Why am I responding to you ? I don’t know. It’s certainly not to encourgae you to do anything that would break up your family. I’d be the last to do that. I’d like to think that it’s because we Angels are sca�ered over a wide TG spectrum and the more of us who try to explain whereabouts we are, and what it’s like where we are, the be�er we can each have a li�le more understanding of ourselves. Best wishes, Pam

Mandy Thanks for that post from the heart. It really touched home with me, as I feal totally described by it as well. Sometimes its just good to see it put down in words. Thanks hugs Lish 14

MandyI share your dilemma. You, as I, have many questions to answer. The first one is to know what is in your heart. In your heart of hearts, who are you? Are you your boyself or are you Mandy? Is there a way for them to be whole in an otherwise unchanged body? Do you have a need to be recognized as Mandy every day of your life? Was being Mandy for several days such a ‘rush’ that you sob when you are putting her away? Or, is it that you have had the chance to be ‘yourself?’ Which self are you putting away? What decision would you make if you had nothing to lose, or better yet, if you would lose nothing with that decision? Of course you cannot make a decision in a vacuum. Yet so some degree, you must make the decision in a vacuum, as to better know yourself. Self-actualization (I hate that term, but it does apply well), is the key to being both a better parent and a better person. If you can find who you are at the core and accept yourself, perhaps you can deal with those demons that torment you. I am going through many of the same machinations every day now. I know who I am. I know (at least 96% know *sigh*), that at my core, I am Rebecca. Yet, I, too, have two beautiful children and a wife who would leave if I would transition. I may also destroy my job and everything I have worked so hard for. Some days I can resist the pull to transition and risk it all, and some days I cannot. I am on that fence and cannot seem to leap to either side. Does that mean I am not a ‘true’ TS? Or does that mean I am simply not ready for trasition? I have grown my hair out, I have had facial hair removal, I have plucked my eyebrows rather thin (by accident. lol), I have started hormones (and I’m stopping them to try to save the marriage), and I am in therapy, all over the past several years. I have noted in my behavior that as I have had more resourses available, I have poured them into Rebecca, and less into my male self. Nearly all my new clothes bought are female. Most of my new male clothes are work related only. What does that say about me? Has my subconscious accepted myself but my conscious mind cannot? Or is a battle between my heart and my mind, my soul and my responsibilies and those I love. Would I be a better parent fully self actualized or in the ‘closet’ as it may be? How long can I wear this male mask? I already don’t look much like a man anymore. I would also die for my family, but why cannot I give this up for my family? -Rebecca Chang VC 398

I also agree with you completely there; thanks. Rachael Wood

Hiya Mandy, I can relate to most of what you’ve said and can totally understand your situation. I do get more sexual energy when dressed (although it’s not all about that), I don’t cry when I’m forced to remain in boi-mode for an extended time and I’\ve never been suicidal .. but ... I share your feelings about selfishness and protecting the one’s you love. Sometimes in life we can have it all, other times we can’t. But I, like you, will not give in to the selfishness and force my loved ones to deal with MY issue, MY feelings. Darlin’, cry when you need to; it’s okay ... but keep doing what you’re doing. There’s no need to “go for broke”. The love you feel is too precious. Just my thoughts. *big hugs* Seleena

Mandy, Thank You for posting that...it will help many to not feel so alone...Our stories are very similiar and yet different, i have the same family support and mine goes as Far as my grown children and their significant others show their love for me by making sure “Aunty Misty” allways has a present under the Christmas Tree......But i understand and accept that my family is the most important and i must protect them at any cost from the harm of narrow minded people...i am what i am, i am Husband, Father, and misty when i wish....and i also would love to be free, But, i made a promise long ago to my wife, in the talks of understanding and in trust i swore i would never leave her for misty.....But in all this i am free to be me and all that comes with that.....except truely being misty 24/7...but for the love i have i can make that sacrifice... .Girls sometimes what we desire is one thing, and sometimes what we have is far greater. Misty

Mandy et al, Right smack in the middle of our voyages of self-discovery we often lose sight of other important things. I can speak with some authority for the reason that it happens to me many times over. In every instance when I attempted to find equilibrium and have that “special” time for just me, the exigencies of life seemed to work overtime to thwart all my efforts. As I read this, that or the other it seems as though this challenge is universal and it leads to the question of “Is balance achievable, or is it only a carrot on a stick”? Our inscrutable neighbors to the Far East are the great purveyors of the notion that you can find stability in the midst of chaos. To support their beliefs they use all that yin yang gobbledygook as a means to rationalize their philosophy. With its roots in Taoism and Confucianism yin/yang tell us that for everything that exists there is a polar opposite. For example, here is a grouping that Wikipedia supplied. Yin-Yang; Moon-Sun; Night-Day; Dark-Light; Feminine- Masculine; North-South; Winter-Summer; Earth-Heaven; Love-Hate I cannot speak for you, but I see something wrong with this picture. I do not see where any of the items is truly an opposite of the other. The Moon is a satellite of the Earth, which is a satellite of the Sun. Night and day, or dark and light cannot work either, because to be truly opposite a day would have to be equal to the night to an accuracy of a single nanosecond or less. That isn’t going to happen because by the time it was measured the time would have sped past. Of course, it’s obvious that many of us on the Internet can debate for days with regard to there being no such thing as simply feminine or masculine and I won’t assault the dignity of our collective intelligence to make that case here. I would rather draw a distinction between the last set for the reason that these are likely the source for perhaps the greatest of life’s misunderstandings and will lead me to my point. So lets examine love and hate! Love and hate, don’t these just have to be opposites? After all, from the time we were little peeps all we have heard from our parents or others is “I love you” or “I hate you!” and how about that statement about the “fine line between love and hate”? What are these words anyway? Aren’t they actually emotions? If they are emotions their polar opposite has to be the pure absence of emotion or the best single word is indifference. To personify this antithesis to love and hate I must neither love or hate you, but rather have no feelings toward you at all. Balance must be opposed by imbalance, or is it unbalance? It is imbalance or in other words dissimilarity. Using unbalanced would simply be a negative action such as throw into turmoil, disturb, distort, or derange things. Perhaps I might suggest that balance isn’t about our definitions, but rather a means of describing the method by which we sort out things in our lives. Balancing is not about arriving at nirvana, it’s a process! It is about continually assigning the appropriate amount of our time or energy to the various activities in our life. Will there ever be enough time for this? Will there ever be enough time for that? No, not really, but there may be place where the imbalance becomes comfortable rather than distressing. The question of the ages for all of us is; “Will there ever be enough time for me to be me?” Perhaps not ever is my rejoinder! The trick is can you find the means to spend the right amount of time doing the right thing at the right time, with the right amount of feeling? That means that our lives need to be about blending not balance! Joanne Maureen Bennett VC#0238 VC President, 2003 - 2004

--WOW, i really appreciate your openess in this letter . I know most of the writing is sex fantacy or bull shit but you sound real and that is rare. SAying your problem with this life style is very good and truthfull. I cant imagine having a wife and kid and keeping both life styles on the edge. I know about the crying and trying to figure out why we let this go on hurting us . Would we give it up if the sex drive was gone ? Or would this damage us further. I have wondered that for a while ,If i removed the drive would i just love life like that and be normal or what? Anyway iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m glad you were for real and not just another hot on the net tv Marcy

Hi Girls, I had to respond to this thread as it has stirred my feelings. At the outset, I have to state that I fully believe that we are born with our gender dysphoria. This being the case, there is nothing that we can do to avoid being who we are. We are therefore left with the choice of accepting who we are or remaining in a state of denial. I was in a state of denial for a very long time: up until I discovered the internet and learned that there are many people like me. Fortunately, I am no longer in denial as to who I am. Believe me, had I been able to accept myself when I was younger and before I had taken on family responsibilities, I am fairly certain that I would have transitioned. That being said, I did not accept myself until my late thirties. Consequently, I went on to marry, have a child, divorce, and remarry. My wife indeed knows of my gender issues and is very supportive although her biggest fear is that I will transition. At this stage in my life, although I know that I am more transsexual rather than any of the other labels that we have, I do not intend to transition as I do not want to upset my family and professional life. What happens after my child becomes an adult may be another story but that remains for the future. Fortunately, I am not in a position in my life where I have to transition to survive. Presently, I am at peace with myself and can cope with being part time. Yes, I do go out in mainstream life as the woman that I am and I truly enjoy every minute that I get to spend as myself. Like the other girls have mentioned, I do become saddened when have to go back to my male self, but I can live with that. I also have things that I like to do as a male. Overall, I have fully accepted who I am and I am very happy about that. After all, how many people can say that they have experienced living in two genders! Huggz, Kristina VC 421

Dear Mandy, Thank you, you have expressed 100% how I feel. You hang in there girl things will work out for Mandy. Warmest Hugs, Barbara Ann Miami

Mandy, why are you so hard on yourself? The work you do for our community is huge and we all benefit from it in different degrees.. Yes you are probably fortunate to have so many supportive family and friends ( I too have a fully supportive wife and two little girls so I know I am) however in my personal opinion your TS friend is probably your least supportive friend and have no right to add to the pressure/stress you are going through. My wife has a very religious family so we keep Elaine very secret espically as they are very sarcastic when it comes to any person within the GLBT spectrum. They believe that any one can be cured by turning back to God because they belief that this choice was made in the ‘pre-extisence’ at which point i can argue this because i state that if anyone knew what trouble and discrimination they would face here on the earth then they would never make the decision to be different (my wife has 2 aunties that are Lesbians so the word hypocrite springs to mind) At the end of the day we are who we are and life is about finding balance. To make any relationship work, its about love, compromise and ‘bloody’ hard work. At the end of the day you can not help who you fall in love with you, you just have to make the most of it. So as i said before don’t be so hard on yourself and try to embrace who you are and consider it to be a blessing to you and your family not a burden, because without you doing all the work for us, the world would be a poorer place! Elaine xxx

Yes, Only the indivdual can decide what they can or cant live with, which ever way they go life is not easy. Stacy

I have written two long and heartfelt responses to Mandy and Rachel - but I had to delete them both because, whilst I can offer so much empathy and understanding, everyones situation is so totally unique. I can empathise with Mandy - in that I could not put my wife and kids through the trauma - I would have to leave home for their sakes. I can empathise with Rachel because I know that for her to live a lie would probably be destructive to her mental and physical health. I just wish that Society could be more understanding - because most of our biggest hurdles are based on blind prejudice. My Heart goes out to you both. Love from Mia xxx

Hi Mandy, Nicely put, I enjoyed your post. I to am happily married with to kids, though they are not aware of my dressing up. I dont dress and go out to pick up date etc. I dress for me because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good. It also saddens me when I come home from a trip and know I wont get to dress as much as I would like. I do get to dress regularly at home and when I am traveling, though my wife is the only one in the familly that knows of my desires to dress and go out, even though she doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really understand. I have tried to explain it to her as best I can, and do my bset to reasure her that I am not doing it for any other reason than my own enjoyment. I does sound like you have it better than alot of girls I have talked to, and possibly some what better than I do, Though it may not be so. It is not always easy living in two worlds. But I know it would drive me nuts if I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be Phyliss on a regular basis. Hugs, Phyliss

Agreed there hun, Mandy does sound like a wonderful person. Didn’t want my post to sound like one egging her on but there comes a time in your life when every TS person has to weigh up, “Can I live a man’s/woman’ s life for the sake of everyone else and what will that do to my own health?” I’m not saying that a transition is not without cost, my own certainly has cost me dearly but I felt I could not go on living as a man, hiding the real me from everyone as if it were some dirty secret that I should have been born female. In a few years time there may have been no me to tell the story, that is unfortunately a reality that some girls take their own lives as they can’t deal with it. Some do it in transition as the cost of what they lose makes them feel there is no other way out. It’s just extremely hard being TS at any stage. Life is not a trail run and each of us has varying degrees of gender dysphoria. Some wish they were the opposite gender but find peace enough in dressing as life permits, others will feel ill to the point of taking their own lives if they are forced to endure a lie any longer. I love my ex and my 2 kids with all my heart. Do I miss waking up next to her and having my eldest rush into the room and jump on top of me telling me to get up? Yes I do. I could have kept that together but at what cost? Feeling desperate, lonely because nobody coud see me for who I really was, hating the body I was in. I’d had thoughts of ending it all and I’d say a lot of pre and post op TS girls have probably felt the same. At the end of the day my kids deserve a parent and to end it all would be unfair on them but the root of the issue is I was deeply unhappy and no amount of compromise would take away from the fact that it was my very identity as a male that was the issue. I feel deeply upset that I have hurt my ex by transitioning but I ask myself if she knew what I went through to be male, would she expect me to do it for everyone else or would she rather I was happy. I can still be a parent, friend (some couples are able to make it work), and still do everything I could do as a man. If we say I should not have done it because of public reaction then we say we give up on trying to change society for the better and the narrow minded fools who make us all suffer at some time in our lives have won. being TS is the curse I described, I’d give anything to cut it out of me and have been able to be the man everyone expected me to be. Her feelings change like the wind at the mo, I don’t know what pain she is going through despite already having moved on. She is on this group now, maybe she might respond one day.. She did tell me at one stage that she’d not let me give up if this is what I want. Who knows how it’s all gonna pan out? Nobody. Good luck Mandy in whatever you decide, only you can make the call based on your own unique circumstances. Unfortunately to transition, or not to transtion, someone will be hurt, that is what makes being TS such an terrible thing to live with. My thoughts are with you. Rach xx

Yep great blog mandy, like you i am in a great position, married to a great girl with one and half well behaved kids lol. Can be too greedy at times though as all my wife asks is just to once in a while look like the man she married, this i try to do but hate doing it. Did have a stumbling block over the fact that one day i want to try to get boobs of sorts, but we have come to agree on a sort of half way house on this subject. As for my children, always gonna be hard as i feel as if my oldest sees me as some kinda great guy and i do try to hide my secret self away from him most of the time. The way i see it though is one day they will grow up and have their own life and be free to live it as they choose....Just like i can, might be a bit of a ruthless thing to say, but i tried living a life society expected me to live and well it just wasnt me, the more i am able to live my own live the less depressed and stressed i become and that can only be good for all my family. Shelley Barnes

Heartfelt, Mandy, thank you. It sounds as though you live with more balance than many of us. I’m not sure why we choose to suffer for the pleasure of others (or in keeping the peace with others by not being our true self. What if we pleased ourselves? Took care of our very needs like no one else can? What if ‘selfish’ isn’t a detriment to those in our lives, but a source of joy for us, and by extension expanding their lives too? Can that possibly make any sense?!? Mysha Valerie

Mandy, you sound a wonderful person, one of the few who do actually put others before your self. It makes me very sad when I hear all the reasons a partner should stand by and put up with a TS partner. No one wishes the TS person to be unhappy, but often it is noticed that a person can convince their self the partner is happy with the situation, and it is often not the case, I have had so many tell me all is well and then I get a call on the help line from the partner in shreds. I often this it is far braver not to transition then it is to actually take the path. There for you, seems no light at the end of the tunnel, it is very sad, you can only be brave and make the most of what you have got. I wish you lucky and hope you can find some happiness in the fact you are part of a loving family. Hugs Stacy

So how do you think I feel when not only am I in your same exact situation, with the same exact feelings, but I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even get to dress but once in a blue moon! First because of the family being around all the time, and next because of the economy taking my chances away at having a Tawni room somewhere. Big sigh, loads of tears, and then out to put the kids to bed. XXOOXX Tawni

I too have felt like this, although I am single with no kids, and I knew I was female at about 3, but I had to start living my life as my true self and not hide it or i was going to die, lucky for me I had my sister there to support me, although mum and dad, although mainly mum, will not speak to me at this time, after I told them I am having surgery. A friend of mine, also faced a similar delema, and it nearly killed her, but it was her wife that said she had to transistion, others unfortunalty have had to give up everything so as to live their life. I would suggest that you talk to your wife about it, She is supportive isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t she, just talking can help, and maybe in the future you can do something about it. All the best Hugs Sharon

Well summed up and so true. Rock and hard place it is, we did not choose this condition but have to live with it. I have made my decision and yes it hurt others but the support I now have from my daughters and family sweeten that bitter pill and make it worth while. Mandy you are a very lucky lady because you can cope with the duality of your condition so dont be sad enjoy it. Kirstie

When Mandy did an early post of her Narcisse blog, it rather took me aback. The timing was scarily weird, in that I had just that very week summoned up the courage to tell my wife all about me. Mandy referred to the proverbial ‘rock and a hard place’ and have I felt that for years! In some respects, though, my hand was forced. I was beginning to look a bit feminine anyway, even when at home dressed in ‘civvies’; very long hair being a bit of an obvious one - I’d had flack, but refused to get it cut shorter. Then, a few weeks ago, my son visited from South Africa. Apparently he’d had a dictat from my daughter (also out there) to talk to me about the hair, but he obviously realised there was more to it than that, so didn’t broach the subject at the time, but then e-mailed me after he got back; he listed all his observations and came to a conclusion so close to the truth that, after talking it through with my closest friend, I e-mailed him back the whole story - the one that starts about 7yrs old, when I adopted the name that I still use today (Joan then, Jonie now), through the many years of (mostly) suppression, then the realisation that I could actually do something about it, helped by the fact that in recent years I have worked away from home, up to starting on hormones a couple of years ago. His response was surprisingly supportive, just a few more questions and mainly worried about his mum. That had been my worry for years, knowing it would have to come out sometime; how could she face her family and friends - very conservative background. Now there was no choice and after a week of hmming and haaing I finally summoned up the courage to tell my her. She wasn’t exactly happy, far from it, but was definitely understanding and, so far, the decision is we stay together. I haven’t suddenly started wearing skirts around the house and village, but I have started wearing girls’ trousers and tops - pretty androgynous stuff - and I no longer have to keep hiding things away. I have now told our GP, who joked, “Well you could always fly off to Bangkok and get your tackle whipped off!” He’s referring me to a specialist and was quite interested where I get my hormones from. Next week I have made an appointment with my boss and shall tell her. After that there will be lots to do; name change, tell other family, banks, etc, etc, but still it’s a great weight suddenly gone. I’ll be very interested to see if Mandy’s blog article creates a lot of feedback. The only issue I have is the use of the term TG to describe someone, as in ‘She is a TG’ - what is that? ‘She is a Transgender?’ !!! To me, Transgender is a general term, a collective of all the different expressions of transgenderism; CD, TV, TS pre/post op, whatever. To be honest I do not have strong feelings on these things - quite honestly, people can call themselves whatever they like; why not? Still, from what Mandy says, I wouldn’t say she was a CD or TV - yes she dresses as a woman part-time, but it seems to me that it’s because that’s what she feel she is, or at least should be. As far as I’m concerned that’s a Transexual, ie a TS. Presumably, if she had never got married and had children, she’d probably already be on hormones and maybe further? Who knows? All in all, though, it was a thought provoking article! ------------------------------------------------------ove, Jonie X

Hi Mandy For a lot of what you wrote, you could have been talking about me at some stage. Recently having come out after fighting this gender dysphoria all my life I realise I can’t change who I am. I have 2 boys and when I came out to my gf about being TS I too thought a lot about the effects on my children. The simple facts are that there have been studies into children having trans parents and no evidence supports the assumption that somehow it is placing a stigma around their necks and ruining their lives. I’m afraid that is what our own worst fears tell us because we fear the worst from society. I can point you in the direction of the research if you would like but on key aspects, children were happy that the parent didn’t have to live a lie for them, received no more bullying than would normally occur for a multitude of other reasons, nor did any of the children grow up with gender dysphoria themselves. That was a universal, 100% of sample result so definitely food for thought and discussion. My children’s needs weighed heavily on me too but only by being ourselves can we change public perception and bring open minded kids into the world. I am still my kids’ dad but now they call me Rachel to avoid embarrassing situations in public. I completely understand a person not doing this for fear of the effects on their family but it is a choice we must all make. I never chose to be transgendered but yes, I accepted that did not make me a bad parent or person and found no evidence that my partners and my fears of the repercussions on my children were based on anything other that assumptions. Every bit of evidence I found on the net said that trans people can make good parents and have healthy relationships with their kids. It is not being selfish to be true to yourself. It is giving the people you love to have the chance to know you as who you really are. I’ve saidin a previous post that being TS is a curse and it is but it is who I am, I could live my life as a lie or I can show people who I am. Only one of those “choices” gives everyone the chance to accept and be happy. How old are the kids? Again research suggests that children are best told before entering puberty when they have enough to deal with, or once they reach their 20s. Young kids are especially resillient and are born with no prejudice but what we teach them. I completely respect your choices hun, yes coming out TS could well signal the end of your marriage and your family would be split. Does your wife know how deep your feelings go? That is what happened to my family but I will always be an active parent and I’m determined to raise 2 healthy, balanced, broad minded boys. You only live once and we can regret doing or not doing as long as we like. I’d just prefer to be remembered and known as who I really am. I hope you understand I really feel for what you are going through. Torn is a word that just doesn’t seem big enough to describe the conflict inside. Both kids accept me and still love me although an interfering ex’s mother saying things to try to confuse them and make my lifestyle seem bad to my ex since I moved out is a concern. Hope whatever you do you find peace with yourself hun and if ever you want a chat feel free to send me a message Rach x

Great story/blog Mandy.Myself I dress fro ‘myself’ and not for someone else.In my beginning I purged MANY,MANY times and cried,Then a few years back,I said OK,This is me and only me !! Now my family does not know and would not support me(due to my reglion upbringing!) So darling stay strong and for yourself !! Thanks and Kisses,Danielle’Michelle’Wright

I’m moved and can totally relate thank you for putting into words feelings that many of us feel but not always know how to deal with? Osnat Cross

Beautifully summed up how a lot of us feel Mandy, thanks xxx Fiona Fisher

Dear Mandy, Thank you so very much for your profound blog. I really could relate to the depth of emotion that poured out from you. Please do not get discouraged as pain is a fully human experience as I have witnessed as a physician over the past quarter century. Also be aware that we in this sorority have a profound gift, not a condition. The fact that society does not understand is due to their myopic understanding of the universe. I hope to meet you in the near future and tell you of my adventures in England as part of the British Health system in the early 1980’s. Sincerely, Melody Phoenix VC512 Very Proud to be a member of the Vanity Club

WOW! Mandy you have been reading my heart! Maybe I don’t have as much to lose as you but perhaps maybe more as I am totally unknown to anyone in my family and friends outside the trans community. I know that given the chance I would go full time and at least begin the road to transition as I too think that I’m probably somewhat TS as well but to do so would be to cause irreparable harm to those I truly love. I too don’t feel that I have the right to do so. I too find myself shedding tears over the restrictions I’m under and the very limited opportunities to dress and go out but the alternative would result in far too much heartache and sorrow. At least I can look in the mirror and, made-up or not, dressed or not, I can still see the girl I really am looking back at me and that makes me happy. To be able to share in and with others who truly understand is priceless. Lorraine Brown

Dear Mandy, you always ask wonderfully provocative questions. A few points in response to your blog. My TG counselor and a TG medical doctor friend have both commented to me on the state of medical research regarding transsexualism. The research suggests (I’m not sure it’s provable) that being TG/TS is something we’re born with. We all start out in the womb as female. At about the 5th week hormone signals begin the process of making us male. There is something about the signal (maybe a weak hormone signal) that triggers the body changes to produce a male but leaves the brain female. We know that male and female brains are quite different. If this is the case, it’s just who we are. It’s the way God made us. It’s not a fetish or a disease or something to be embarrassed by. I’ve blogged on this myself. Ask a genetic woman if she’d like to present herself as a man for the rest of her life. Being TG doesn’t define our sexuality. My TG counselor, Dr. Sandra Samons, has written a published paper titled “Building Your Own Prison.” She has also written a book on her decade long experience counseling TG/TS men and women, “When the Opposite Sex Isn’t.” It was written for the psychologist who hasn’t a clue (never having encountered a TG before and likely to get it all wrong) and for ourselves as we try to understand who we are and find useful counsel. So here we are, you and me. We both love our wives, we have fathered children, whom we love as well, yet we are driven near the point of desperation to be women ourselves. There seem to be two models for us to follow in the TS community. Those who destroy their past lives and build anew. Donna Rose and Jan Hamilton are examples where wives won’t follow. The second model is with wives (or significant others) who are sympathetic and willing to put up with a husband who transitions and lives as a woman. I know some of these women as well though they are not as public as Donna or Jan. There is also the possibility that after transition the TS woman will find men attractive. We truly turn the concepts of heterosexuality and homosexuality on their heads. I’m not sure how to make all this amusing either. We are talking about real life, which for the TG/TS woman can be euphoric or heart breaking. I think all we can do is present our stories, well written, and let the reader sort out their own lives. BTW. Jan Hamilton posted a chapter of the book she is writing. She writes about entering the dating scene and trying to figure out men. I find it so amusing that she comes from being an ultimate macho man and now men don’t make much sense to her. I suspect the answer is she never was in her heart of hearts the macho man she portrayed. Jan was always too close to the surface. She spent her life as Ian trying to suppress Jan to the point of putting herself at great physical risk. “If this kills me I won’t have to deal with Jan anymore.” Ultimately, Jan was the winner in the battle that raged inside Ian/Jan’s head. It is going to be a great read. It is through these first person accounts that we start to understand ourselves as well. I have had the experience of meeting another TG woman and though we were a continent apart hitting it off immediately. We are amazingly alike. This is surely the reason that some TS women gravitate to other TS women as partners. Hugs girlfriend. Jennifer

Mandy, You are an amazing person, who is trapped by circumstance. I know many others who are “stuck” at the stage “crossdresser”. If circumstances were different they would choose to live their lives as the women they are. You know what you are, but you have the courage to be sensitive to your loved ones. That is an amazing act of self sacrifice. I did the same, until my children grew up and left the nest, then my wife of 23 years told me she had to move on. I might never have had the chance to be myself, or I might have eventually given in, I will never know. I think to sacrifice oneself for love is noble, but incredibly hard. There is nothing wrong with this, it just is. But, at 62, I am finally myself, out in the world, and happier than I have ever been. It is never too late, hon. And we all cry millions of tears, hon, it is our lot. You honor us with your sharing of yourself. I am sad that I will never have the memories that you have, I will never know how good I would have looked at younger ages, but I am thankful that I was able to “hold” it all together long enough for me to discharge my obligations to my family. And you are ahead of me, in the sense, that you are known by both your selves to that very important family. That is a gift to them, and a gift you will treasure when you are older. You could think of yourself as Ulyses lashed to the mast, listening to the sirens, or you could thinks of yourself as a hero, for taking care of business as you have been forced to do to make life happen for you and your family. No mater how you think of yourself, you must know that life is unpredictable, and it is what we make it. Honor and integrity matter. When that you can finally share all this with those you love, I am sure they will be proud that you had the courage to honor them with your self sacrificing love for them. Leigh Smythe One who couldn’t, but got there eventually

As a f/t cd at home, and single, i can only imagine the dilemna of being in your position mandy. dressing is a part of me, and it is a sexual turn on, but not always. make any sense? Danielle Cross

Dear Mandy, When I read your piece I couldn’t help but see myself described in those words. I, too, have been “lost in pink fog” upon returning home after days being myself and having to go back to “en homme.” I am often reminded of something I heard comparing Superman with other superheros. Most superheros, such as Batman or Spiderman, put on a costume to distigue their true identity. Superman doesn’t. He wears a costume everyday (OK, just glasses) to hide who he really is and takes off that disguise to reveal his identity as Superman. I kind of feel the way that you do about why I dress. It is not for sexual reasons, but rather is expresses who I feel that I really am. Like Superman, I feel that I wear my daily disguise to hide who I really am. In the years that I have been involved with the trans community, I have had the good fortune to meet lots of people. We trans people quickly and easily talk with one another about our “common secrets” and I have found some many similarities in each of our stories. You are so right is saying that none of us is alone. Just as each snowflake is unique, so is each of us - although the feelings that we share shows just how much alike we all are. Hugs and kisses, Jamie VC 496

I’ll start off by saying I really don’t hardly ever post to groups, I suppose because I’m lazy (although I like to think I’m just busy). But you comment about being thought provoking is right. While no two gurls have the exact same experience, it is intersting how you thoughts seem so close to home. I hope things go well for you, and you’re right about one thing ... you’re not alone.

Hi Mandy,

Best wishes always Julie

Closetta_tv

Firstly thank you for sharing. And don’t cry, (unless it’s with joy) Because you are gifted with the best that a man can have (a wife and child) and of woman (sensitivity and beauty). Rejoice in your duality! And thank you also for sharing, and cherishing, the pain and pleasure that lies between selfishness and selflessness. IMHO, all too many are lured or ill-advised into GRS - a mini-suicide which destroys lives of innocent bystanders, and from which there is no return. Believe me hon, I have been a happy trannie for 50 years, and we have the very best of both worlds!

Hi Mandy<big hug> Thank you for posting about how it feels to be tg/ts and be in a position where you have obligations to your spouse and family. My situation is nearly identical to yours, so I understand how you feel, girl. I agree with you that sometimes our own needs and feelings have to take a backseat to the responsibilities we have taken on, but oh how hard it can be. Best of luck to you, dear, and to everyone in a similar situation. Hugs...Joni Marie

Hiya Mandy! That is beautiful and your sentiments ring very clearly with me too! I am very similar with the exception of not have the support of friends and family as I remain in the closet with my dressing and possible gender disorder too. I have a lovely wife and 2 kids (8 & 10) that I adore and would give my life for...I love my family life as a father and husband but love when I can be enfemme and Samantha as much too! I work during the week away from home and can dress somewhat regularly but each time I change and transform into Samantha, I want to look and feel more and more feminine...I think about it often but know that I would not...like you...put my wife and kids in that situation. I have not even told my wife in all of these years for fear of placing a stigma on her about this too...! She is so understanding so many levels and probably would deal with it but I have not crossed that line... Just to let you know...I was really touched by your blog and you certainly are not alone in your feelings as well. Thanks for sharing and allowing girls like me to share with you this issue that each of us hold inside... Love ya... xoxo Samantha VC 504

Just read your heart felt outpouring and although I don’t know you nor you me I feel so connected with most of what you wrote. Why can’t I have just been born a girl and then life would be simple. Although would I want to be a lesbian girl or bi-sexual? Most man are simply so ugly! I have a few gay friends, and envy them so much as compared to want just girls go through, I think society is pretty accepting. I may be wrong who knows. Anyhow, just wanted to say ‘Hi’ and your words rang so true. Joanne (London) xx

How thin is that line between being Gay,Lesbian, Bi,Transgendered or Transsexual. It may be one gene or even something else. I knew I was different at a very young age and tried to Transition for the first time in 1975 only to have it almost cost me my life. I had two younger brothers both Gay and we grew up in a normal small redneck town. I have found it much better being myself now and I’m happier. Hugs,Leslie

Hi Mandy

Hi Mandy, I can say ditto to most of that!

It was very nice to read your blog, than we are a lot of CD-s, who are in the same situation. I have the same feeling than you, with the exception, that I can dess and have outing only a fwe times in a year, although I can do it at home. I love my family, and would never do it against them, and I feel me very lucky , that they accept me as I am. So I trust you Mandy, and I thank you also for your fantastic work with Narciss, which help me also a lot to get information about us.

I have 3 children and have been married for 12 years. I am 37 now and face this same situation. My wife and children all know and are used to seeing me dressed. I am not out to anyone else accept just a couple of people like my hairdresser and electrolygist. Also the girls at the laser clinic. My wife and children know one to transition but I am trying for now. I am finding ways to some of the stress. I am now jogging 25 miles + a it really helps keep me on an ( plus I have dropped another Yipee!) Thanks for sharing. Lisa

day I want to hold off get rid of

all the best from Budapest

week and even keel! dress size

Wilhelmine

Hi Mandy, I’ve never really posted here before, but your last message definitely struck a chord with me. I think you are right to say that there are many in the same position as you, as the response so far will testify. I myself am newly married with no kids on the horizon. My wife knew long before we were married and it has never been a problem for her. She’s actively involved with my all aspects of my life and we have enjoyed nights out and dinners in with our TG friends as we do with any other friends. I couldn’t love her more for all the support she gives, making this seem all the more the normal part of life it is. However, even with all this support she has made it very clear that if I were to pursue and be diagnosed TS then it would be the end of our marriage. I can understand entirely her point of view and appreciate her honesty. I’m fortunate I guess that I’m not as far along the sliding scale that I can’t enjoy both my male and female life equally, so (I hope) this will not be a problem. I’m most interested to hear views from other wives and girlfriends of TG girls, as it’s a point of view we rarely hear. How does it affect your day to day life and how does it make you feel when the subject comes up in conversation with friends? Does the willing shopping partner and extended wardrobe make up for the extra hours waiting for us to get ready and the occasional (ahem!) emotional outburst? You’re absolutely right Mandy, all the more none of us are alone. There’s always a friend to help when you need it... Love to you all, Ayla xxx Hi Mandy - You are not alone - I often feel similar frustrations but have only recently decided that I need to socialise with other Tg/Ts friends which I hope to do very soon. Even though my wife is very understanding, supportive and often helps me to shoose clothes - I am still locked up to a very large degree. Like you I have made the choice to stick with my family rather than throw the most important people in my life into despair in order to fulfill my own needs and desires. I do not believe that it is fair to burden them unduly with my problems because it is a part of me alone that is the sole cause of the problem. OK, so I could take the line that people should be more accepting of us and that if we dont make our mark then things will never improve - Whilst I could cope with the challenges that would incurr -I know that my family could not cope with the social stigma that still exists - so I choose to be very careful to keep Mia under wraps. We all have to make choices based on our own individual and unique situations - but I do think that I have made the right choice for us as a family. God bless you for the work that you do to keep us well informed and provide an important link with others. Hugs from Mia in Cornwall xxx

“Have just read your blog and I must say just a year on from seeing my husband without a beard that my life and that of my 13 week old daughter has Not been ruined. But enriched beyond measure and the sooner you are true to yourself the weight of having to feel that you have a “condition” will be lifted and your whole family can then be happy and lead in the way that unconventional isn’t something to be afraid of. Much love E x”

I don`t think your situation is “Unusual” at all..I`ve heard basically the same story countless times over the years down to the wife and child/children. .Eventually you have to decide if you wish to be sad and depressed for your entire life..Yes it would be hard at first if you left your family and many might think it is selfish..But to me selfish would be if you wanted something purely for enjoyment or self gratification. .This doesn`t fall into that catagory..It takes a LOT of strength to stay in a situation like that and keep your feelings hidden..Some people can do it and just be content to dress when they can as you do..But that gets harder and harder to do as time goes by and then you find you have wasted so many valuable years that both you and your loved ones can be rebuilding your lives and moving on. As far as the “TG” “TS” thing..From what I gather the term Transgendered (TG) is simply a blanket term that applies to everyone who dresses as the opposite sex for whatever reason (CD, TV, TS, DQ, Etc)..I think it is basically the WHY we dress that seperates us into those sub-TG groups..Sara

Hi Mandy, This is a very good blog. With the lack of responsibility running rampet, it is still a basic component of life. You are thoughtful and considerate. But I would like to say this, if GD gets to be too much and you desire to take your life, then I think it’s time to do the needful. Selfishness is applied when you lack any consideration for the feelings of others. But at some point, you can only do what you can do. My motto is “don’t do anything I can refrain from doing.” that means if I can control it, I don’t need to do it. Take Care, Breanna

Hey Mandy, While I can say I don’t have gender dysphoria I’v ehad other friends who do an dI can see how trumatic an effect it has. Like you I’m marreid an dwas discovered but in no way i sshe supportive. In fact it’s fair to say she in denial. she has no desire to see me sressed or even a picture of me. some time ago Chryss had written a beautiufl opne letter to th esister hood describing who we were etc. I let her read it and she basically shrugged and walked away. I have on echild as well and she’s special needs suffering form mild cerebral palsy and Asperger’s Syndrome. My wife is also frial having suffered from pespitory failure and hainv g had to hav e atrach installed then gastro-bypass her gall bladder removed. Arthritish and no a hip problem all after havng both kness replace. I told her she’s going to be a bionic woman. She just doens’t look like Lindsay Wagner. The effects of all the illness has taken a toll. Just an an example we were at a wake for a friend of mine and a woman I didn’t know cam eup to her and siad oh are there your children. My daughter and I looked at each other and thought what the heck, are you nuts??? I mean I was at least 57 at the time. Hon I still hav eth eneed daily but it seem sto be so rare for me between work and family. Each moment dressed as Rene’ is treasured. You have my empathy. I know how you feel. I love what you do and you do it well. Hugs, Rene’ V.C. 452

hi there, everyone concerned with this kind of situation... there is so much to say..and the resolution depends so much on our individual aspirations and circumstances. ..i say “resolution” and not “solution”.. .it’s a dilemma for sure, but not a “problem”... we are perfect just as we are...just part of God’s creation... i see and feel for those of us who are some kind of TG as simply “different” from the hohum majority...interest ingly different... in a society that shakes and sometimes strikes out in face of difference.. . the level of awareness on this planet is SO pitiful... anyways, i’ve been single, married and divorced...and remain a loving parent...devoted to my kids well-being and, yes, the them-or-me question takes a nonosecond to answer in their favor... medically-speaking, i’m categorized as TS...”severe gender disphoria”.. .although i prefer TG and even that doesn’t get it...i’m not trans-gendered, i’m a woman who lacks certain female features and posseses certain male features... no wonder i hestitate every time i have to indicate my gender or sex on some silly form...and the question is almost always irrelevant to the service the form addresses... i’ve known about my gender identity since i was a little kid...however growing up in the 50s in a remote part of the UK that was not an allowed way to be...and as for weeping because i couldn’t play house or go to school wi my girl friend?...well. ..tut tut...and years of beatings got me to refocus my gender identity...or at least keep quiet about it... today, older though not that much wiser, i can no longer be anyone other than myself...regardless of the cost...the stress is way too high...and i’m SO much happier as a beautiful, fun-loving woman... and, yes, i date men...although it took me a long time to break through the taboo and find that my sexuality is receptive rather than active...and these days i adore really masculine men... well, that’s me... my question for you is: “how do you define HAPPY?”...happily married?...happily parenting?.. .happily pretending to be someone you’re not?...the answer is yours alone... i wish you well with it... love always, Shelley by the by, i just turned 60...yeps, 60...an proud of it...

One Girl’s Story.... Alice Heathers Sub title: One can run but they can’t hide forever! My male name is Doug,I am a Part-time crossdresser whos fem name is Alice.This story is true and it’s about how I decided to take a trip back in to the past as a young boy growing up in the mid 70’s when it all started at a young age of �ive years old... My parents and my three older sisters would allways take a break from me by going up north to the family resort for the weekends and long weekends too so they can enjoy the weekend with out me being there and they had my oldest sister’s best friend Janet who knew and understood what ADHD was about as she was studing to become a child psychologist or just as a nurse later in life. Since I was able to recall if Janet was learning to be a nurse or as a child psychologist I called up my sister,and I was told she took both courses but became neither!?

Ok now I am lost? As I was thinking as we was talking on the phone I later found out why she did’nt become a child psychologist or as a nurse. My sister informed me that someone in her family raped her just before she was heading off to collage.I asked her who? She refused to say who it was that raped her.She was speechless for a short while as I recall saying hello hello??? After a short while she started to blow her nose as she later told me she she hunged her self in the basement cellar in her home. I was kinda of speechless myself now as my sister asked me if I was still there? I do recall saying yeah I’m still here. As my sister asked me whats big deal about recalling of the past?I told her I was talking a trip back in time as I wanted to recall a few things such as what happened to Janet her best friend and other things such as why was I left behind when she and the rest of my famiy would go up north with out me?

Thats when I found out my main reason for wanting to crossdress ever since that day Janet was babysitting me as a boy,and not as a girl.

Janet decide to tame me by having me wear her younger sisters clothing as we was both the same age and size,as I recall I was an inch or two taller then her younger sister. She had it with me even though I was taking my pills I was still hyper and wild so she deciced to take a new approach,and told her younger sister Dougie needs to be tamed once and for all. She told her younger sister to get me one of her dresses and a pair of tights and a pair of shoes too. As I recall that day the dress was black,the tights where white and the shoes was a shiny glossy black. Now mind you the reader I did’nt offer to dress up as I was forced in to wearing her younger sisters clothes each weekend after my parents dropped me off at Janets place. At �irst I did’nt like it but after a while when I realised Janet’s younger sister had a crush on me,and was always following me around school,and always saying hi to me,and wanting to be my parter in any class projects we had to do in class,after this happened I started to look followed to the weekends as the family would go on vacation as I’d get the weekend at Janets place to be a girl!Bonus if it was a long weekend as I’d have an extra day to enjoy trying on one of her out�its that I seen her wearing to class each day. I’d get dropped off at Janets place each weekend as my parents would head up north. As I enter their home I’d be thinking about what out�it is Janet’s younger sister going to have me wearing tonight,and the other out�its she’d hide in a closed box, so I can’t see what out�its she and Janet had laid out for me to wear while I was a guest in their home. I miss those days! Janets parents where hardly ever home which was ok with me as I did’nt want to be seen in girlie out�its by her folks or by my folks for that matter as I’m not sure how they would respond after seeing me all dolled up like a girl aka sissy!.

The Summer break has come to a close as, I was’nt to keen about being back in school,nor was my mother as my hair was just touching my shoulder blades in the �irst week back to school.

As I can recall later that day we had to do gym class rather we wanted to or not,and this one older teacher with bad eyes due to her old age did’nt call us by our names and treated us if we was in the army as she had all of us standing straight up and in a line as she would look at how well or how sloppy we was dressed for gym class each and every day for the whole year and she for some reason she told me that,I looked (Ok whatever?!) sloppy as she handed me a girls (???) unitard to me as I can recall her telling me to go and change into my unitard!

OMG I wished I stayed home that day,as I ended up wearing a unitard rather I wanted to wear it or not to class that day! I was not in to rush to join the rest of my class for gym as the teacher came into the changing room ask whats with the hold up? So I slowly joined my class a few mins later and I was amazed no one mocked me for it so I just acted like it was all a crazy dream. The girls where ok with me wearing a unitard as they did’nt make a big deal about a boy wearing a girls unitard as they knew the teacher was off the wall and it was best just to go with the �low....

....as we where running around the gym I stuck with the girls as I was avoidng the boys in class as I can hear them mocking me and calling me a sissy and a faggot and threatening to beat me up after schools over even though I had no choice but to wear that unitard that day in class. A few of the boys did what they promised to me after school! They where all nice and saying how I was very brave to wear that out�it in class to me as they all gave me a high �ive to me.

I was oh ok cool and I told them shes a bag who should’ve retired a long time ago as we where are laughing and cruising her. Oh boy was I in for a total shocker once we was off the school grounds and a bit down the street as they all pushed me to the ground pounching and kicking me a few times and as I laid there in total pain a few of the girls from class came running to see if I was ok or not?

I had a broken nose,both ribs I was a bit sore for a good week as,I avoided those boys as much as I was able to by changing my paths when ever I see them.Sooner or later they met up with me and beat the crap out of me day afer day until one of the girls pushed me to the ground,and she did this day after day even in front of the boys who where cheering the girls on and calling me this and that (They did’nt know the girls where helping me to set them up by making me tougher! ) but after awhile I got pissed off at her and her friends but after a few days I got their message. So I had it up to here with being bullyed. The next day I did’nt change paths I walked right passed them and went in to the washroom (Not to pee!) they followed me in with out being aware that I was setting them up for once as they found out im not a push over like I used to be. It was just after that I stop hanging out with boys for a very long time even though I still had guy friends who did’nt go to my school! I was ok with them but I kept my distance from them due to the fear of them �inding out that I worn a unitard on gym class. As the years passed I started to come around and started hanging out with guys again (Girls too!) after moving to a new city with no fears of being found what happened in the past. I’ve been on the internet since 1998 and over the years social web pages like Friendsters,Yahoo groups,Yahoo 360 and social web pages like Myspace,Facebook,Hi5,and may more social pages have popped up over the years along wth the most recentace social web page thats called Chictopia that started in the spring of 2008. I’ve been on Yahoo’s 360, Myspace,Fricker, just after �inding out there where others like me I too posted my pics on these social pages and over came my fear of being found out by a coworker or someone in my family.

I’ve been looking at Chictopia just after it started in the spring of 2008 and by the end of summer of 2008 I decied to take a stand and join Chictopia but after awhile Chictopia close my account down for reasons unknown? I gather as it was due to my ID “ DougakaAlison” and for writing that I was a crossdresser who enjoyed dressing and posing as a girl on Chictopia. I’ve since then rejoined after a few good weeks under the same ID but after 5 weeks I was kicked off once again. But I’ve rejoined for the “ 3rd “ time back in mid Feb of 2009 and to this day I’m still have pro�ile on Chictopia even though I wrote about my male side wearing jeans and t-shirts and wrote about my fem side wearing heels,dresses etc etc.

To this day I still do get all dolled up on the odd day! And since I joined Facebook back in Late Fall of 2008 as Alice Heathers I’ve set a few goals of getting out and enjoying life as a girl now on then on a non Halloween night by adding lots of girls and t-girls (Full or part time) from certain areas such as Toronto,Hamiltion,Ottawa,The UK,Austiria and other areas around the world as my goals are to meet people who are like me so I can get out of the closet and hang out with them in a club or two or their place that they call home, and attend a party that I would get invited to rather they live in Ottawa or some place in the UK. The End!

Sunny Funny 42

From Tony Brown: My wife and I were making our honeymoon on the Greek island of Crete and had spent a day out walking. As the sun set we found ourselves staggering into a mountain village, miles off the beaten track, and made our way towards a scattering of tables and chairs overlooking the sparkling sea. We were exhausted and dying from exposure. No cream, no hats, we should have known better. Every bit of exposed skin was stinging from the sun. People nodded and stared and my wife remarked how rare strangers must be, away from the resorts. We flopped into a couple of chairs and the waiter materialised at once. “What do you want, please?” “Food and drink, anything.” My wife gave her winning smile and he nodded. “Nothing left now, but perhaps my mother make omelet for you, OK?” “That would be lovely.” Off he went inside and soon reappeared with two beers. Our meal was delicious and I don’t think either of us looked up until we were finished. The biggest surprise came when I asked for the bill. “Bill? Bill? But this is my home.” “What?” We stared at each other, unable to take it in.”But all these people, we thought you were a taverna.” He laughed. “No, no. Every month my son phones from Australia and the family gathers to speak to him.” As we skulked off down the track again, he called after us. “Come back tomorrow, we have sardines.” We still feel the burn whenever we look back to our honeymoon. 43

A few years ago I was working as a bricklayer of a building site in sweltering heat when I decided it will be a great idea to cut my jeans down into shorts. So out came the Stanley knife, and I began hacking away at my jeans. The first cut didn’t seem short enough, so I hacked again this time taking little bit more off and tried them on again. This time I ended up cutting through the crotch and ending up with a denim miniskirt. Can you imagine the sight of a 13 stone bricklayer wearing a hard hat, boots and denim mini skirt in the rush hour waiting for a bus home. I never lived it down. Andy

Many years ago, while holidaying in Key West, we were waiting to check in at a motel and got chatting to a middle-aged biker, who was also waiting. “I was just talking to your wife, outside”, Richard told the man, who seemed surprised, and asked “How did you know she was my wife?” Richard didn’t have the courage to confess that it was the large white panda patches around his eyes - caused by wearing motor-cycle goggles in fierce heat - that gave him away. His wife had a matching set! John At fourteen, my figure was well-developed and already had the ‘top-heavy’ look I have learned to live with. I was sunbathing at the rear of the hotel garden, which sloped steeply downwards to a hedge at the bottom. It was a popular place - there were always plenty of guests sprawled about soaking up the sun’s rays. I decided to go and get a drink and stood up, stretching my arms outwards after a pleasant little nap. Unfortunately, the catch at the back of my bikini gave up under the strain and my bikini top catapulted through the air, down the garden and right over the hedge at the bottom, in true Barbara Windsor style! Sarah

I was a young soldier in Germany, out on adventurous training by skiing in the Alps, I was standing off piste when I spotted a tube of stuff lying in the snow,on picking it up the only German I could make out was sun protection 15, great I thought and rubbed some into my exposed face and neck. Unfortunately not only did it have a SPF of 15 it also contained wintergreen, have you ever tried to ski with your eyes watering, I have. I did get an amazing tan though, possibly aided by the increased blood flow to my face that day. Mike

My ‘place in the sun’ story, (actually ‘SHED in the Sun!’) was coming to a conclusion, after buying this ancient uninhabited Greek house near the Bulgarian black sea coast. Vasil, the agent, called at the house just to check all was well, after concluding the contracts : How’s the garden, Vasil?..must be pretty wild after being uninhabited for years? I asked. Actually, said he, a kind neighbour must have kept things mowed nicely….Who’s that, I must send him a thankyou card, said I……Old Gosko said Vasil ( that’s Bulgarian for George.), but do you mind him living there until you come next year?……….er, ok says I , has he nowhere else?…….Well he sleeps in the open all summer, but when the snow comes, he stays in your house……….& you have to clear up his excretia after he goes, it will be all over the garden too..! Baffled by George’s incontinence problem, I said: Is that why he lives outside & on his own?(poor old soul). No he’s not alone, says Vasil, he’s looked after by Stanka, the lady who lives across the road. After my silent giggling & thinking the name probably stuck after long association with George.. I continued: Oh, that’s kind of her, shall I address the card to her? You could do, says Vasil, as Gosko’s never going to read it. Poor old soul, incontinent & now blind also, no wonder he needs looking after, I thought out loud. Sounding a little confused, Vasil said, oh he’s not blind & was in a hurry so hung up. Imagine the embarrassment when I later discover that old Greek houses reserve the ground floor for animals to over winter, & George was a Donkey!

Wearing a necklace my best friend had given me for my birthday - a lovely necklace with the dangling initial ‘H’ representing my name - we returned from an enjoyable day out to find I had caught the sun and been branded with a big letter ‘H’ on my chest!! Jane On a very sunny day on my yearly summer holiday with my parents and siblings in Hayle, Cornwall, I decided to take my dingy out to sea. After what seemed like several hours of playing on my dingy in the blistering sunshine I felt a rather strange and disturbing poking under the dingy…Having grown up watching Jaws I truly felt that my life was in danger. I screamed and started paddling with my hands with all my might, trying to reach the shore which seemed as though it were miles away. I really thought that was it for me. Believe it or not I actually survived the ordeal and having dragged myself ashore, strangely with my dingy intact, shaking and trembling I re-told my ordeal to my father (I expected cuddles,sympathy and an ice-cream - no such luck!) who although present was not aware of what I had just been through. He retold my story to a nearby Cornish Fisherman who explained that it was probably not a great white but in fact a Conger eel that was to blame for my near death experience. My father thought this was highly amusing and proceeded to lead my family in a rendition of ‘lets all do the conga….Let’s all do the conga……” And to my utter humiliation my family all did the conga along the sandy shores of sunny Hayle beach….a real holiday to remember! My husband and I were on holiday on the Greek island of Karpathos and his bald head was stinging with sun burn. As I inspected the damage and we began discussing buying sun lotion, someone began tapping my leg with a stick. It was an old lady offering me some pulpy mush from her hand. “Aloe Vera. Aloe Vera,” she cried, pointing to a large cactus growing out of a wall. She seemed to indicate we must not eat it because it would make us very sick but if I rubbed some on my husband’s head it would not only take away the sting but make his hair grow strong. Three or four of her friends were watching from the shadows of their shielding hands waiting to see what we would do. I thanked her and did as she suggested, willing to make a fool of ourselves just to be polite. As soon as I began to rub it in, the ‘girls’ twittered with gentle laughter and began chattering like sparrows and patted their old companion on her arms; well done, well done, another one bites the dust. Tales for those long winter nights I supposed. Our bus was waiting, and so were our fellow passengers twittering with gentle laughter but too polite to say what had made them laugh. 46

Through The

Lens By Janet Smith

My BFF, the camera. Oops! I forgot to set the timer.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer but diamonds are a girlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best friend.â&#x20AC;? Well that statement might be true for the genetic woman, Ms Marilyn Monroe, but I do not think it is at the top in the transgender world. Diamonds are a close second to our best friend, the camera. Not all of use own a pair diamond studded earrings or chocker necklace full of diamonds, however, given the chance we would. Rest assured. There is not a TG who does not own a camera or video camera. The camera is part of our wardrobe, just like a good pair of stockings is. We always have a camera handy to take a picture of our masterpiece. A problem faced by many, is when we do not have someone to take our pictures. So, we have to rely on the timer on a camera. Let us look at some issues we may have, and some ways we can fix them.

Probably the biggest issue people have with a timer is how to work them. Since there are so many different cameras available, there is no way I could tell you how to operate each one. What I suggest is to read your manual. I would guess that about 99.9% of all the cameras will have a timer. The timer should have a

like the picture below. Many cameras have the timers pre-set to ten seconds, but some may be even as low as six. If the time can be adjusted, I recommend setting it to about ten seconds. Six seconds is pushing it, but is doable. You will need enough time to position yourself and make sure your hair is straight. You do not want to have to run, get set then FLASH. Also, you do not want to be standing still for thirty seconds waiting on the surprise of the flash. It should be a smooth operation. If available, I recommend purchasing a remote for your camera. I have found this to be well worth the twenty bucks I spent for one. A remote eliminates all issues with the timer. This will allow you to move around, pose, and capture the shot.

Symbol used to signify the timer.

2. The next issue to discuss is the tripod. Tripods come in many different sizes and types. Of course, each has its pros and cons. I believe the larger tripods are better simply because they are sturdier. However, the larger tripods are cumbersome, heavy and just plan unsuitable in a smaller room. Smaller tripods are easy to use, easily transported, and ideal for smaller areas. However, I have found the smaller ones to be cheaply made. Some usually break or not support the larger cameras. For example, I have used a smaller tripod that would fall forward when I zoomed out my lens, because it became too heavy. If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a tripod handy, you can use books, cups, rocks, pocket books/ purses, a make-up kit, and even a compact. This is a solution, but using these items is tricky because you are attempting to get the correct height. You may have to double-stack the items. Tripods I would recommend are the smaller, collapsible tripods, the type which the camera mounts to that has a bag attached to the bottom of the camera which conforms to the object placed on, similar to a bean bag, and/or those with bendable legs (resembles spider legs). Whichever tripod you choose to use, make sure it has a steady base. If not, you risk damaging your camera.

3. The next issue is one that is an easy fix, cutting heads or feet off in shots. To fix this problem is to just zoom out enough to get the full body shot. If you happen to take pictures of the wall or floor, this is okay. You can edit and delete unwanted items in your shot with your editing program on the computer. When you do this, you can assure your 6 inch matching stilettos are included in the picture. Use your photo editing program to zoom in on your shots. If you want a vertical picture, shoot horizontal, and then use photo shop to make your vertical picture. If you want a torso shot, zoom in enough to get torso and a little extra, and then fix it with your photo editing program. The same goes with a head shot. Remember, it is easier to take away than put in.

4. Focusing seems to be a big issue. If you do not have a remote for your camera, I can show you a few tricks. You can use a broom, pillow, or chair to pre-focus. Once you focus and set the camera timer, remove the item. Make sure whatever item you choose to focus will be close to where you will be sitting or standing. If not, you will be out focus. Another thing to remember is to make sure whatever item you use to focus on is light enough to be removed quickly and easily.

5. The final issue I have encountered is a cluttered passage-way. I have tripped over my tripod legs or chair before. You want make sure that there is not anything in the way that might cause you to trip and fall. Remember, you only have a few seconds to get in the shot you have set up. You want to make sure you have time to compose yourself before the camera takes the shot. You have spent hours getting ready and do not want to mess up your look. Taking the perfect picture should not be a chore. This should be the easiest part of dressing. When you are dressed and ready to go, the only thing you need to worry about is setting the timer or pushing the remote. So, before you get dressed make sure to go over these tips. Happy shooting everybody and have a great day!

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Would You?

COULD YOU? 65

Jean Jeanie

Competition 66

VOTE #1 - Carollyn 67

VOTE #2 - Lena 68

VOTE #3 - Gina 69

VOTE #4 - Jezzi 70

VOTE #5 - Jennifer 71

VOTE #6 - Jonie

VOTE #7 - Kimberly

VOTE #8 - Lorrie 74

VOTE #9 - Rachel 75

S VOTE #10 - Samantha 76

PHOTO COMPETITION

Scarlet Woman OK Gang! Who amongst you things they have the where-withal to be a Scarlet Woman? One picture person only please. You can either send it to me direct at mandytaylor6662000@yahoo.co.uk or post it in the folder marke ‘Scarlet Woman’ at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lilboutique/ Best Of Luck!

In The

PAPERS Colorado man guilty of murdering trans teenager By Staff Writer, PinkNews.co.uk • April 23, 2009 - 11:58 A 32-year-old man has been found guilty of first degree murder of a trans woman in the US state of Colorado. For the first time a 2005 law that added protections for people based on sexual orientation, including “transgender status,” to the state’s “bias-motivated crimes” statute, was used. Allen Andrade was sentenced to life in prison without parole, the mandatory penalty for firstdegree murder in the state. The jury took just two hours to reach their verdict that he murdered Angie Zapata. He bear the 18-year-old to death in her apartment. The pair had met on a dating website and spent the night together. He claimed he flew into a rage when he “discovered” she had been born male.Her body was found hidden under a blanket at her apartment in Greeley by her sister. Ms Zapata began living as a woman when she was 16 and had wanted to dress in a feminine style since the age of seven. After Andrade was sentenced his victim’s mother said: “The one thing he can never take away is the love and memories that me and my children will have of my baby, my beautiful, beautiful baby.” Andrande told police he had hit Ms Zapata twice in the head with a fire extinguisher and thought he had “killed it” before hitting her again as she tried to stand up. He then struck her a third time with the fire extinguisher and also took her purse, keys and phone before fleeing in her 2003 Chrysler PT Cruiser.

Trans woman wins almost $500,000 in discrimination lawsuit By Jessica Geen • April 30, 2009 - 10:40

A former Army Special Forces commander who was rejected from a job because she was undergoing gender reassigment has won her case for sexual discrimination. Diane Schroer of Alexandria, was awarded $491,190 (�330,653) by US District Judge James Robinson this week. She had been offered a terrorism analyst job at the Library of Congress when she was known as David Schroer but the offer was withdrawn when she told her would-be boss about her upcoming gender reassignment surgery The American Civil Liberties Union, which had argued Schroer’s case for her, had said the ruling was significant because the federal judge had recognised that discrimination for changing gender was sex discrimination. The Library of Congress and the Justice Department had argued that discrimination due to trans status was not illegal sex discrimination under the Civil Rights Act. The Justice Department has not yet confirmed it will appeal. In a statement, Schroer said: “I served our country because I believe in an America that is committed to ensuring everyone has an equal opportunity to have a meaningful life. “That belief was shaken when I was told I wasn’t worthy to do what I trained my entire life to do because I happen to be transgender. Today’s decision restores my faith in our democracy. The court understood the senseless harm that is caused by discrimination, and that gives me hope that others will also.”

New Hampshire committee rejects trans protection bill By Staff Writer, PinkNews.co.uk • April 24, 2009 - 14:43

The Senate Judiciary Committee of the New Hampshire state Senate has voted 5-0 to reject new protections for trans people. The bill would have added “gender identity” or “gender expression” to current laws protecting from discrimination on the basis of sex, age, race, creed, colour, sexual orientation or religion. State representative Ed Butler, who sponsored the bill, said it was “a simple little nondiscrimination bill” which would prevent trans individuals from losing their homes and jobs on the basis of their trans status.

It passed the state House by just one vote. It will be voted on by the full Senate next week. The Judiciary committee said the Human Rights Commission was equipped to deal with discrimination complaints from trans citizens. It also rejected calls for full same-sex marriage, previously approved by the House. Since 2008 same-sex couples may enter into a New Hampshire civil union, as long as both parties are at least 18, not a party to another civil union or a marriage and not closely related by blood to their civil partner. Civil unions only provide 400 of the 1100 rights and protections that heterosexual marriage offers. Gay marriage is legal in Connecticut and Massachusetts. It was legal in California from June 2008 until November, when voters approved Proposition 8, denying gay and lesbian couples the right to marry. Prop 8 is being challenged in the courts.

Gender recognition bill to provide protection to Isle of Man trans residents

By Staff Writer, PinkNews.co.uk • April 30, 2009 - 15:18

A Gender Recognition bill designed to protect trans people on the Isle of Man has received unanimous backing on its third and final reading at the Legislative Council. It is now being sent for Royal Assent. The bill, steered by member Eddie Lowey, is being enacted to conform to the latest European Court of Human Rights rulings and updates the law to the new identities of post-op trans people. It means a trans person who has been issued with a full gender recognition certificate will be legally regarded as being of their acquired gender, and that they will be able to marry a person of the opposite gender to their acquired gender. The bill also states that the General Registry will establish a strictly confidential Gender Recognition Register to record the details of all gender recognition certificates that have been offered to the Chief Registrar. It is based on similar legislation introduced in the UK, the Gender Recognition Act. According to Iomtoday.co.uk, Mr Lowey said: “The Island must be able to show that it complies with its international obligations. He added: ‘Giving legal protection to a small but potentially vulnerable section of the community is the right thing to do. ‘It’s almost impossible for most people to understand how anyone can see themselves outside the gender they were born as. ‘But this is a genuine medical condition which can cause a great deal of distress from an early age. ‘Going through the change can improve the quality of life for people with this condition.’

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T A N N I N G

How To Fake A Summer Tan No doubt having a tan makes you feel thinner, sexier and healthier. But these days baking in the sun is becoming increasingly more unpopular as more women realize the sun’s UV rays age skin faster than anything (not to mention increase your chance of developing the deadliest form of skin cancer, melanoma). If you’re ready to skip laying out but don’t want to give up glowing skin, self-tanners are a great bet. Self-tanners can darken skin for up to a week thanks to dihydroxyacetone, or DHA. Here we run down five tips for self-tanning your face and body:

Tip #1: Salon tans are your best bet

If you want a flawless, professional application and can afford the price, head to a spa or salon. For upwards of $60, you can get one of many options: Full body exfoliation and professional application of self-tanner, airbrush bronzing (where an aesthetician sprays a fine mist of tanner over your entire body), or your least expensive option: Spray tanning. You can step into a booth and get sprayed on all sides for about $20 a session or more. Check out Hollywood Tans and Mystic Tans, two popular spray tan chains.

Tip #2: How to use self-tanner on your face

This is a four-step process. Pull hair up in a ponytail before you start so you don’t miss any parts. According to InStyle’s May 2007 issue, makeup artist Scott Barnes once missed a spot on Jennifer Lopez’s ear because he forgot to pull her hair up. First, prep skin by gently cleansing and exfoliating. Skip moisturizer, which may interfere with the tanner. Step two: Apply undereye cream. According to Barnes in InStyle, you want the color of your skin to be lighter under the eyes, it makes you look younger. Step three: blend a few drops of self-tanner and equal parts moisturizer in the palm of your hand then apply over face and neck. You only want to go one shade darker than your natural color. Step four: Let color develop for three hours then follow up with a sweep of bronzer on forehead, cheeks and nose -- areas where the sun naturally shines. Don’t forget: Smooth remaining tanner over earlobes and upper ears. Wash hands thoroughly. Don’t skip the sunscreen.

Tip #3: How to self-tan your body

For this three-step process, start by exfoliating skin with a body scrub in the shower paying special attention to rough areas including knees and elbows (dry skin absorbs higher concentrations of tanner). Shave before you tan. InStyle suggests using a body oil, instead of shaving cream, when shaving. Barnes suggests rubbing Vaseline on cuticles and nails. This protects your manicure and keeps fingertips and nails from staining. Apply tanner limb by limb, starting with your legs. Apply over the shin and calf of a leg, sweeping tanner down over your ankle, foot and toes. Then apply tanner to your thigh from front to back, using the excess to cover your knee. Repeat on your other leg. For the final step, apply tanner to your hips, stomach and torso, following with your shoulders and arms. Wait 10 minutes to dry before dressing and avoid any excessive activity that will make you sweat for at least a few hours. If your tan hasn’t set, sweat could cause streaking. Bonus tips: To remove tanner from palms, without washing off product from the tops of your hands, rub palms along a wet washcloth, making sure to get in between fingers. Give arms, legs and decolletage a subtle glow with a body shimmer. To create fake fab abs, create a contour with the tanner. InStyle magazine suggests flexing your stomach muscles in front of mirror, leaning to the side to see where your “ab line” is, then tracing the outside of your muscle with a bit of tanner on your finger. Do the same to the other side. Once it dries, do an all-over coat.

Tip #4: Pick the right tanner

There are several types of tanners: Tanners created just for the face, airbrush tanners, cream tans, bronzing gel, tinted tans and tan enhancers. There’s body shimmer and bronzing powder. You can layer tanners as colors fade. How? Apply a lotion then follow with bronzing powder or shimmer. Just be careful not to go too dark.

Tip #5: So you messed up, uh-oh

If you end up with a streaky tan, you can fix with an astringent toner or even toothpaste. Exfoliate to even out a patchy application. Not dark enough? Repeat the procedure. Just make sure you gave the tan enough time to develop.

Question: Do I Really Need to Use a Body Scrub Before I Self Tan?

Do I really need to use a body scrub or a face scrub before I apply my self tanner?

Answer:

Yes. By using a face scrub or a body scrub prior to applying your self tanner, you are ensuring that you are ridding your skin of the dry and/or dead skin cells. These areas of skin can, unless adequately removed, make your tan appear blotchy and unattractive. So your best bet is to have the smoothest skin possible before you apply your tanner. (Got more money than sense? ED)

The Tootsie Tanner: A Seamless Tan All the Way Down to Your Tootsies

Tanned legs - white feet and ankles? Ok, this is one female problem even I know something about. I golf bear-legged in the summertime – I wear shorts. This means I also wear shortie socks inside my golf shoes. Thus my legs are always deeply tanned while my feet and ankles are snow cone white. This, I realize, is not so much a problem for guys as it is for the ladies: it’s those strapless, backless, toeless spindly-heeled shoes and sandals they tend to wear when not on the golf course (my wife, Jo… oh, forget it). Most women, so they tell me, use those fancy, sunless tanning products to even things out, but it never quite comes off: there’s always a line, be it ever so subtle, between the real and artificial tan. Not only that, they (the tanning products) can be a real pain to use, and it seems one never quite knows when to apply another coat. This… may be the final solution, and it makes a really unique gift: The Tootsie Tanner was developed as a convenient mini foot tanning bed that can be used in the comfort of your own home. If you play golf, tennis, jog or participate in any outdoor activity, there is an unattractive result: The Dreaded Sock Line! With the Tootsie Tanner, you can attain a seamless tan from your legs all the way down to your tootsies. You can not control the amount of UVB (burning rays) from natural sunlight. This unit controls both the UVA/UVB ratio and your exposure time. Your investment: $199.95

Summer is officially on the horizon, are you ready? Mentally, of course! Aren’t we all? But what about your skin? Most of us have lived in pants and sweater for months now; is your skin looking fresh and summer-ready? The chances are good that your skin needs a little TLC before you are ready to pull out the summer clothing. Knock of each step on my skin care tips for glowing skin and you’ll be ready to pull out your favorite summer dress in no time flat.

1. Exfoliate Your Body

It’s so very important to exfoliate your skin. Your body sheds skin cells at an amazing rate every minute of every day. If you don’t get rid of them, they’ll just sitting on your skin making you look dull and dry. No matter how much lotion you use, you’re never going to have glowing skin if you don’t exfoliate. Grab a body scrub and hit the shower. Gently rub your exfoliator in circular movements on your entire body from the shoulders down (you’ll want a facial exfoliator for your face and neck) and rinse clean. Continue to do this 2-3 times a week for year-round beautiful skin.

2. Shave the Right Way

I won’t ask for a show of hands; you know who you are. In the winter, what is the point of keeping your legs religiously shaved daily when you know your legs will never see the light of day? Those lazy days of winter are over. Find a good razor that won’t cause razor burn. I’m a fan of Gilette’s Mach III. When picking out a shaving cream, don’t choose the $1.00 mens cream; a shaving lotion is much better for your skin as it will hydrate and help ward off nicks and cuts. In a pinch? Use your conditioner for a moisturizing shaving cream.

3. Hydrate your Body with a Summer-Scented Lotion

Find a summery lotion that you won’t forget to put on. It’s time to pack away your thick winter body butters for more light summery lotions. You don’t have time to wait for your lotion to sink in, so look for something light fast absorbing. Gels and Purees are perfect fast absorbers. I personally love to break out the coconut or mango scented lotion for summer. Nothing spells summer more than a light refreshing fruity lotion. Make sure you apply right after you dry off from your shower. You need to seal in the moisture your body just soaked in.

4. Get a Safe Summer Glow

Add a summery glow with a self tanner. You have so many choices when it comes to adding a little summer tint to your skin, and the tanning bed shouldn’t be one of them. Using a sunless tanner will give your skin a beautiful start to summer. Even if you’re not a fan of sunless tanners all over your body, you can happily use them on your face. If you alternate your facial moisturizer with one that builds a bit of color, you’ll have a healthy glow that will make it look as though you just spent the weekend on the beach. Most facial tanners build color gradually, by alternating with your regular moisturizer, you’ll never get too dark. 86

5. Don’t Forget your Feet

Winter boots have long since been packed away; it’s sandal season ladies. Either go and get a pedicure (try a beauty school if cost is a factor), or give yourself an at-home pedicure. You scrub off the dead dry skin to reveal your sandal ready feet. Nothing is worse than seeing dull dry feet inside cute sandals. It doesn’t have to be a big ordeal. Keep a foot scrub and file in your shower and scrub your feet a few times a week. You’ll notice a big difference in the softness of your feet.

6. Find a New Bold Summer Polish

Buy a bold new polish for your toes. Toe nails can be painted a much bolder color than you would usually put on your fingernails. Pick out something that screams summer. Polish tends to stay on your toes much longer than your hands because you don’t abuse your toe nails like you do your finger nails. Apply a clear base coat, two applications of color and a clear top coat to protect. Go barefoot or put on your flip-flops for at least a couple hours to make sure your polish won’t dent.

7. Out With the Old - Buy a New Sunscreen

Throw away last year’s unused sunscreen for a new bottle. Sunscreens aren’t meant to last forever, and seeing most people don’t use as much as they should, I bet you have a bottle or two stored away. Be safe and pick up a new one. And don’t forget the most important sunscreen advice: USE IT. You should be using a shot glass full for your body, and a full teaspoon just on your face. Reapply every 1-2 hours that you are in the sun to ensure a summer full of safe sun fun.

Top Self Tanner Splurges and Steals 1. Lancome Flash Bronzer Mousse(Splurge)

Lancome is one of the best lines for a great self tanner. Their Flash Bronzer comes in a variety of textures, but I found the mousse to work very well. The color of the bronzing tanner is very good, so you can see where you are applying it, and it dries to a very nice sun-kissed look. They also add pure vitamin E, to help protect your skin from prematurely aging.

2. Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer(Steal)

This is a great product for those that need to either slowly make their way into a self tanner, or those that need a little pick-me-up in between regular self tanning applications. Jergens did well with this one, since it is also a moisturizer as well and the self tanning aspect is very minimal, so you don’t end up super tan or orange. This is available in a variety of shades, as well as multiple formulations to fit your needs.

3. Mystic Tan Perfect Tan Kit (Splurge)

A definite must-have self tanner splurge. If you have tried other self tanner sprays and didn’t like how they looked streaky or blotchy, then you should give Mystic Tan a shot. Their micromist spray actually goes on without streaking, doesn’t require rubbing, and dries very quickly. The end result is a great natural-looking deep tan, that looks like you just got back from the beach.

4. Fake Bake Self Tanning Lotion(Splurge)

This is a great product to use if you are looking for a more medium to dark tan. If you are really pale, then I would recommend using this as upkeep on your self tanning, or try diluting it with a little regular body lotion. The outcome of this tan gives you the appearance of being at the beach for a week. The downside: it takes about an hour to dry. The upside: the color looks very natural and toasty brown, so your co-workers will think you jetted off to the Virgin Islands for the weekend.

5. L’Oreal Sublime Glow Daily Moisturizer(Steal)

Another product that is similar to Jergens Natural Glow, but a little better in some areas. The fragrance is a little better than Jergens and over all it gives a little better color. The product dries quickly, leaves your skin feeling nice, and the color lasts for about a week. The price point is a little more than Jergens and you only get to choose fair or medium shades.

6. Clarins Self Tanning Milk(Splurge)

Clarins is one of the other top lines for a great self tanner. They offer a very wide variety of sun care and self tanners. The Self Tanning Milk is great if you are used to self tanning and don’t need the built in bronzer to guide you. The product has a nice scent, moisturizes your body, dries quickly, and the tan that develops is very natural. As a bonus it also has a low SPF built in, which not all self tanners have.

Some Do’s and Don’ts about using Sunbeds Important Notes on Tanning: • Always wear goggles • Leave 48 hours between tanning sessions • If your skin tingles or goes pink you should reduce your times; this is over exposure (erythyma), and should always be avoided • If the sunbed has new tubes (up to 50hours), reduce your time by 20% Do Not tan if you: • You are 15 years of age or under • You are between 16 and 18 years of age without parental consent • You have a history of skin cancer • You have ever suffered from an abnormal reaction, or allergy to sunlight • You have fair skin that always burns (erythyma), and never tans (Skin Type 1) • You are on medication that reacts to sunlight (if unsure, consult your Doctor first) • You don’t know your Skin Type and haven’t completed a Client Consent Form at sunbed facility If you have doubts on whether you are at risk from using a sunbed - consult your Doctor first)

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Bathing

Through The Ages 96

Despite the constant march of civilisation, some things will never change. One of these is the stress and anguish that surrounds an individual’s choice of bathing attire. Also known as ‘cossies’ in Australia, ‘togs’ in the UK and Ireland, and ‘swimming trunks’ in the USA1, swimsuits have taken many forms; the appropriate amount and location of skin to show has occupied the minds of many throughout the ages. This Entry details some of the significant events in the history of the swimsuit. Early Swimsuits Swimming has been practised by many cultures all over the world for thousands of years. But the swimsuit itself, as a piece of attire designed specifically for bathing, has a far more recent pedigree. It was almost certainly first popularised in ancient Greece and Rome, due to the rising popularity of public bathing amongst more well-to-do citizens. While nude bathing was perfectly acceptable in societies such as Athens, swimsuits were common amongst men and women. Some surviving artwork indicates that women sometimes wore a two-piece outfit that is reminiscent of today’s bikini. Puritanism, Bathing Machines and Health Spas After the Roman Empire fell2, the refined and decadent civilisation that had allowed for the popularisation of public bathhouses was gone. In its place came the Dark and Middle Ages and the rise of more prudish (predominantly Christian) ideas of propriety. In fact, from this point the history of the swimsuit enters a long era of stasis - it wasn’t until the 18th Century that public bathing and the swimsuit became popular again. As it had been in Rome, public bathhouses were the exclusive domain of the wealthy elite in Europe. Those who could afford the new craze of ‘taking the waters’ at health spas in places such as Bath in England required new swimwear to do so, and the styles had changed. During the 18th and 19th Centuries the demands of propriety were still very strict, despite the spas being segregated by gender. Most wore woollen swimming costumes when swimming. Wool was useful because it doesn’t become see-through when wet (although it does cling, hugs the body and feels horrible to wear). Women wore stockings and swimsuits rather like skirts or dresses, with the dress ends sometimes weighed down to stop them rising up upon entering the water. Men wore a woollen leotard-type arrangement that showed arms and the lower leg, but showing the chest was still considered unseemly. By the late 19th Century, seaside holidays were becoming more popular as train travel to coastal villages improved in the USA and UK. Bathing machines, first trialled at health spas, were popularised here. They were somewhat like mobile changing rooms mounted in a carriage-type arrangement - women were ferried to the edge of the water so that nobody would see them in their swimming costumes.

Victorian Swimwear Once the railway arrived in Britain the masses visited the seaside regularly and it spawned a need for new fashions. In the early Victorian era women had worn serge or dark flannel bathing dresses, but by the 1860s two piece belted costumes replaced the earlier styles. The swimwear bodice top was jacket like and the swimsuit bottom part three quarter trousers which had been rejected only a decade earlier when Amelia Bloomer urged women to adopt them. The later Victorian swimsuit outfit was still cumbersome, but was more practical and more attractive than earlier bathing clothes. Although the trouser was acceptable as Victorian beachwear it did not enter mainstream fashion until the 1920s when trousers were accepted after practical wear in the Great War of 1914-18. Late Victorian Swimwear Even when bloomers were accepted by many late Victorians as cycling wear in the 1890s they still remained only on the fringes of fashions of the day. Swimwear fashion changes moved very slowly. Differences in swimsuit styles were simple such as the introduction of short cap sleeves. Eventually sleeveless styles with more ankle showing beneath the bloomers became usual. Edwardian Swimsuits Edwardian Swimsuits were very similar to Victorian styles. They were still made of wool and now consisted of bloomers and a wool over dress. The dress was now a sleeveless version and the outfit was worn with black stockings and laced footwear. Gradually by 1920 necklines were lowered and the overdress shortened even more.

In 1905 a ladys bathing suit was made of ten yards of material. In 1945 it is made from one. Between these two statistics and these two dates lie a social revolution and an annually expanding area of bare flesh. The revolution has made it quite permissible for even the most proper women to appear on public beaches in costumes which used to be seen only in the rowdiest cabarets. Prime mover of the revolution was Annette Kellerman, the first famous woman swimmer. In 1910 Miss Kellerman became more famous by discarding the ruffles and heavy corset that went with bathing dresses and appearing unabashed in a tight, onepiece suit. This set a pattern for the Mack Sennett girls and the Atlantic City bathing beauties, who found that scanty suits could bring fame and fortune. Then in 1926 Gertrude Ederle wore only brassiere and shorts to swim the English Channel. her brief costume was chosen for athletic reasons but it gave a great many non athletic women an idea. The U.S. took up the cult of sun bathing. Nudity was acclaimed as the secret of good health. It was easy to rationalize, though not to prove, that the more bodily area exposed and tanned each summer, the fewer colds next winter. Since 1930 U.S. bathing suit manufacturers have made more money by cutting something more off their suits each year. Neither sermons nor ordinances nor arrests have slowed the steady progress from bloomers to one piece suit to bra and diaper pants, a progress recorded int he following images in a series of suits modeled by Pamela Randell. But in 1945 both maker and wearer are at the end of their rope; there is - or seems to be- nothing more to cut off.

The 20th Century One, Two, Three, Four, Tell the People What She Wore In 1907, something scandalous occurred. Australian swimmer Annette Kellerman wore a revolutionary new one-piece bathing suit (revealing her legs and arms) to a swimming demonstration in Boston and was promptly arrested. However, there was no stopping the one-piece, and over the next twenty years it became the norm for women. This was aided significantly by the advances in synthetic fabrics (most notably the development of Lycra), which allowed swimsuit designers to dispense with their reliance on wool as a raw material. In 1946 another seismic shift occurred as fashion designer Louis Reard presented the bikini - based on South American tribal costumes and named after the South Pacific atoll3. When it was initially conceived none of Reard’s usual models would agree to wear it. Society reacted in horror, and the bikini was initially banned by conservative Catholic countries. It didn’t become acceptable to wear one until well into the 1950s, even though by today’s standards the first bikini had more skin coverage than contemporary designs. Apart from the gradual increase in permissiveness throughout the 20th Century, arguably it was two other factors that helped to bring the bikini into the mainstream. One was Brian Hyland’s charttopping song ‘Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’, which was released in 1960. The other was the increasing prominence of swimsuit glamour modelling - Sports Illustrated magazine being one of the pioneers in this area with its legendary swimsuit issues. Other post-bikini innovations regarding the female swimsuit include flirtations with the topless ‘Monokini’ (which society doesn’t appear to be ready for quite yet) and the Brazil-led popularisation

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Friends Don’t Let Friends Wear Speedos During the early 20th Century, men’s bathing suits shorts got progressively shorter. A specialised swimsuit company called Speedo formed in 1928 in Australia and Speedos rapidly became the generic term for Yfront brief swimsuits for men. However, this wasn’t the end of the shorts/Y-fronts debate. The popularisation of surfing and surfing culture saw the popularity of shorts (re-christened ‘board shorts’) rise again. This was coupled with an increasing recognition that just because you can show as much skin as society will let you get away with, it’s not always attractive - the popularity of Speedos on the beach decreased accordingly4. Taste crimes were not limited to Speedos, however, as the 1980s fashion of wearing Bermuda shorts5 makes clear. Faster, Faster! Swimwear is also an important factor in competitive swimming, and in hindsight it appears surprising that innovations lagged so far behind society in men’s swimming costumes; it wasn’t until 1936 that the first bare-chested male swimmers turned up at the Olympics. Quickly, however, ‘Speedos’ became the norm in the pool for men, and variations on the onepiece the norm for women6 - and shaven legs for both genders. This remained the status quo until new futuristic bodysuits made their debut at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Made of new and different synthetic fibres, the suits became available to elite swimmers, accompanied by claims that they produce less drag than shaved human skin. They remain a very expensive option, so the most sophisticated models are unlikely to be seen down at the local baths any time soon. The Future No doubt fashions will come and go, and who knows what the future will hold? Will we all end up bathing in the nude7, or will the depletion of the ozone layer force a return to full coverage to prevent sunburn? Only time will tell. 101

PICTURE Go on,

be a ....

R E

N N

SPORT

COMPETITION 102

Congratulations

Jessi 103

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4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST Emergency The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112.

If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled even if the keypad is locked. SECOND Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other ‘remote’ for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). THIRD Hidden Battery Power Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys*3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time. FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? To check your Mobile phone’s serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won’t get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can’t use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. ATM - PIN Number Reversal -Good to Know If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can notify the police by entering your PIN # in reverse. For example, if your pin number is 1234,then you would put in 4321. The ATM system recognizes that your PIN number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine. The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to the location. This information was recently broadcast on CTV by Crime Stoppers however it is seldom used because people just don’t know about it. Please pass this along to everyone. This is the kind of information people don’t mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends

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Transgender

0 6 8

A History

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9 1

Thought Transgenderism was a recent phenomenon? Well think again, far back in the mists of time our fore-fathers were already carrying the torch!

OW 7 6

CB7

Part Three 107

1992 -- Nancy Jean Burkholter is ejected from the Michigan Womyn’s Festival by transphobic festival organizers. The festival’s policy is that the particularity of “womyn-born-womyn (WBW) experience comes from being born and raised in a female body. The following year, Camp Trans would be set up outside the entrance to the gate in protest of this policy -- and continued three years following. 1993 -- Cheryl Chase founds the Intersex Society of North America (ISNA). “March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation” organizers include bisexuals, but refuse to include transgender in the name of the march, despite months of work to try to get inclusion. Trans activists working for many years with gay and lesbian activists successfully pass an anti-discrimination law in the State of Minnesota, protecting transsexual and transgendered people along with gays and lesbians. This is the first instance of inclusion in the U.S. despite the number of human rights motions since the 1970s to protect rights based on sexual orientation. Brandon Teena is raped and later murdered by members of his circle of friends, when they discover his female genitalia. The story is later retold with an Oscar-winning performance in the movie, Boys Don’t Cry. Anthony Summers publishes Official and Confidential: The Secret Life of J. Edgar Hoover, in which the rumor that Hoover was a transvestite is finally put into print. In the book, a Mrs. Susan Rosenstiel alleged that in 1958 she and her husband met Hoover and McCarthy lawyer Roy Cohn, both in drag. Several writers since have strongly discredited Mrs. Rosenstiel, and it is most likely that Hoover’s crossdressing is merely an urban legend. He may have been gay, however, as some (possibly circumstantial) information about he and right-hand man Clyde Tolson is more creditable. 1994 -- Transgender activists protest exclusion from Stonewall25 celebrations and The Gay Games in New York City. The Gay Games later rescinds rules that require “documented completion of sex change” before allowing transgendered individuals to compete. Several cities on the west coast of the U.S. pass anti-discrimination statues protecting transsexual and transgendered people. Hijras in India are given the right to vote. Within 5 years, a hijra will be elected as a Member of Parliament. Hijras are third-gender persons, usually male or intersex in origin, and living as female. Estimates range between 50,000 and 5,000,000 hijras currently living in the Indian subcontinent alone. Although early English writings referred to them as eunuchs, not all undergo castration. Hijras are limited by caste, must train under a teacher, and are considered low class. Violence against hijras is common, and the authorities continnue to be slow to do anything about the problem.

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Mid-1990s -- Prominent and respected lesbian writer, activist and therapist Pat (now Patrick) Califia comes out as a transman, and begins his transition to male. The lesbian community largely rejects Califia as a consequence, although there are pockets that still show support. Regardless, Califia’s writings still strike a chord with many of the alternative lifestyle communities. 1995 -- Transsexual activists protest Oregon’s Right to Privacy (now known as “Right to Pride”) political action committee to cease using Alan Hart’s old name as an award given out to lesbian activists. Over the following years, some of his legacy would be regained by the transgender community, and his preferred male name would regain recognition. Tyra Hunter dies following a traffic accident in Washington, D.C. Her injuries should have been minor, but when the responding EMT team (a crew of D.C. firefighters) arrives on the scene, cut away her clothing and discover her genitalia, and then withdraw medical care, uttering epithets and taunting her as she bleeds. When she is finally taken to D.C. General Hospital, she is also given inadequate care and dies from blood loss. In 1998, a jury awards Tyra’s mother $2,873,000 after finding the District of Columbia (via both the EMTs and Hospital) guilty of negligence and malpractice. Several activist groups form in her memory. Georgina Beyer becomes New Zealand’s (and the World’s) first transsexual Mayor of Carterton, where she remained until 2000 (see 1999 entry below). The Triangle Program opens in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, designed for GLBT students at risk of dropping out or committing suicide because of homophobia in regular schools.

1996 -- JoAnna McNamera of It’s Time Oregon successfully convinces Oregon’s Bureau of Labor and Industry (BOLI) that transsexuals are protected under existing Oregon labor law dealing with discrimination of people with disabilities and medical conditions. This made Oregon the third state to extend employment protection to transgendered people, following Minnesota and Nebraska. Michael Alig is arrested for the murder of “Angel” Melendez over a drug debt. The arrest draws national attention to the Club Kids, an often-crossdressing troupe of wildly costumed teens in New York in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The Club Kids fall from grace and eventually vanish. The story is later chronicled in James St. James’ memoir, Disco Bloodbath, and in a movie and documentary, both entitled, Party Monster. Of particular significance, the famous female impersonator RuPaul was discovered during the Club Kids’ tour of the talk show circuit, roughly around 1988, and then catapults to fame in a music video for the B-52’s single, Love Shack.

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1997 -- Milton Diamond and Dr. H. Keith Sigmundson publish a paper that expose John Money’s claims of success in the “John/Joan” case. Sigmundson is David Reimer’s supervising psychiatrist at that time, and the two describe Reimer’s literal quest to regain his manhood. Diamond goes on to found the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.

1998 -- John Colapinto publishes As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl, telling David Reimer’s story in depth, on the heels of a pivotal Rolling Stone article on the subject. Ongoing troubles would plague Reimer, however, including divorce, the death of his twin brother, family strain and more -- Reimer commits suicide in 2004. Transgender activists once again protest exclusion from The Gay Games in Amsterdam, this time with modified rules from those previously rescinded in the last Games: that competitors require documented completion of sex change or two years on hormones before being able to compete. FTM transman, photographer Loren Cameron drops out of competition in protest, but Israeli MTF singer Dana International still performs at the Games’ festivities. Japan allows the first legal gender reassignment surgery (SRS) to be performed on an FTM transsexual. Hayley Cropper, a transsexual character, first appears on the popular British soap opera Coronation Street. It is the second time that a transgendered character appears in serialized television (the first was in Australia in 1973 -- see above), and the first time that the character is kept on as a regular in the series (she had been originally planned to be written out of the show, and viewer response pushed them to bring her back). Nong Toom, a Thai kathoey (female-to-male transgendered person) enters professional boxing, despite being on hormones, and becomes a cross-dressing legend. She would later go on to have SRS surgery, and her story is told in the subtitled movie, Beautiful Boxer.

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1999 -- Since the Michigan Womyn’s Festival (a noteworthy and popular lesbian community event) continues to exclude transwomen and refuse to acknowledge them as being women, Camp Trans is revived to protest. Initially, post-op MTF transsexuals are allowed to attend, but confrontations occur. The exclusion and the protests would continue annually. In a Texas court, in Littleton vs. Prang, Christine Littleton (a post-op MTF transsexual) loses her case against the doctor who she contended negligently allowed her husband to die... because, as the defense argues, even though her birth certificate has been amended to denote “female,” it had originally read “male,” and since same-sex marriage is not permitted in Texas, she was not legally his widow or entitled to anything on behalf of his estate. Dr. Scott Kerlin founds the DES Sons International Network, an online support and advocacy group for children exposed to DiEthyl Stilbestrol (DES) in utero, fighting the perception that DES is strictly a womens’ health issue. When DES Sons is only a few months old, a new member raises the issue that he had always felt that he was a girl, and was, in fact, transsexual. This initiates a flood of confessions about other members’ own gender identity issues, and quickly becomes one of the dominant themes raised by male children of DES births (although not all DES Sons experience transgender leanings). DES Trans is later set up by Kerlin and Dr. Dana Beyer as a seperate support group for this discussion. Pvt. Barry Winchell is murdered by fellow soldiers, resparking a questioning of the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy of the U.S. Military. He is murdered because of allegations that arise from his relationship with transwoman Calpernia Addams. Their story is retold in the 2003 movie, Soldier’s Girl. Addams later starts the TSroadmap website with Andrea James, and the two collaborate on several projects to assist transwomen. Mayor Georgina Beyer becomes New Zealand’s (and the World’s) first transsexual Member of Parliament. Robert Eads dies of ovarian cancer. A transman, Eads is denied treatment by more than two dozen doctors out of fears that taking him on as a patient might be an embarassment to their practice. His story is told (in his own words) in the award-winning documentary, Southern Comfort.

2000 -- The Transgender Pride flag is designed by Monica Helms, and is first shown at a pride parade in Phoenix, Arizona, USA.

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2001 -- Erin Lindsey begins producing Venus Envy, a popular ongoing webcomic strip focusing on the life of Zo� Carter, a young transsexual girl living in Salem, Pennsylvania. Canadian cyclist Michelle Dumaresq enters the sport of downhill bike racing, six years after her SRS surgery. She would go on to win battles with Cycling BC and the Canadian Cycling Association to compete, win the 2002 Canada Cup series, win the 2003 Canadian National Championships and score additional victories. At the 2006 Canadian Nationals, a protest from one of her competitors during the podium ceremonies would bring renewed attention to Dumaresq’s participation in female sports: the boyfriend of second-place finisher Danika Schroeter would jump up onto the podium and helped Schroeter put on a t-shirt reading “100% Pure Woman Champ.”

2002 -- Gwen “Lida” Araujo is murdered by several partygoers, who had discovered her male genitalia. The three men who were charged alternately resorted to panic strategies during their defense, trying to minimize (i.e. to a charge of “Manslaughter”) or legitimize their actions because of their apparent shock at the discovery. The International Olympic Committee amends policy to allow transexuals to compete as their reassigned gender if the surgery has taken place at least two years prior to the competition and if the athlete has been on a regimen of hormones equal to that of a person born to the gender. The Transgender Law Center is founded, and works toward protecting and entrenching the rights of transgendered persons in California, as well as assisting legal activists elsewhere. Author and activist Leslie Feinberg publishes Transgender Liberation: A Movement Whose Time Has Come. She would later publish the well-known works Stone Butch Blues (1993), and Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman (1996). The Centurion, a modified form of metoidioplasty is introduced for female-to-male transsexuals. 2003 -- Calpernia Addams and Andrea James found Deep Stealth Productions and TS Roadmap, invaluable resources for transwomen. Deep Stealth produces video work providing advice on voice therapy and makeup / presentation, and TS Roadmap covers the entire spectrum of MTF transition, in free online written advice. Jennifer Finney Boylan’s memoir, She’s Not There, becomes the first-known best-selling work by a transgendered American. In Lawrence v. Texas, the U.S. Supreme Court arrives at a 6-3 ruling that strikes down the prohibition of homosexual sodomy in Texas, and declares that such laws are unconstitutional. Several other states still have anti-sodomy laws on the books, but they are now not as frequently enforced.

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2004 -- The Gender Recognition Act 2004 is passed in the U.K., allowing transgendered persons to legally change their sex and have it recognized for the purposes of marriage and other issues. Dee Palmer (born David Palmer), former member of the rock band Jethro Tull, comes out as an MTF transsexual. A former member of the group Toto also comes out at around this time, but I’ve lost the reference. 2005 -- Although homosexuality had been delisted as a mental disorder in 1973, transgenderism is still listed in the DSM-IV. However, a new wave of thinking has transsexuality and transgenderism linked to more biological factors, such as DNA predisposition, or DES. Books of the time begin to reflect this, including Deborah Rudacille’s The Riddle of Gender. 2006 -- The Gwen Araujo Justice for Victims Act becomes law. The bill, fueled by the murder of Gwen Araujo and 2004 murder of Joel Robles (in which the defendant pleabargained his way down to a 4-month sentence), prevents defendants from using panic strategies and potential biases against the victim to minimize their actions. Dr. Ben Barres writes a highly-noted article in Nature refuting an earlier theory by Lawrence Summers and others that there are fewer female scientists than male because of a difference in “intrinsic aptitude.” In his paper, Barres notes the differences in treatment of female scientists from male ones, drawing from his own experiences in both genders. One of the directors of the Matrix movies, formerly / currently known as Larry Wachowski, is reported by Rolling Stone Magazine to be transitioning to female, in an unflattering article. This website supports lifestyles that are practiced safely, responsibly, consensually and respectfully, and as Lana’s choice of partner is a known proponent of those things, we support Lana’s choice -- and do not cast judgement on those things that we don’t know the full story about. Cult favorite TV-show, The L Word, introduces a female-to-male transsexual. Max (Moira) is the first regularly-occurring FTM character in the history of television *and* the first transgender character to transition during the course of a show. Actress Daniela Sea is no stranger to performing as male, but some trans activists take issue with the series portrayal, saying that it is “based on the stereotype that transmen are driven by and use testosterone as an excuse to become abusive, violent, and over-sexualized” (Eli Green, PetitionSpot.com petition). Chinese surgeons perform the world’s first penis transplant successfully (however, the patient later has it removed at the request of his wife, who has psychological objections), raising a question about the possibility of developing a similar option for transmen. Such a development is still likely years away, however, because of the need to find ways to deal with the differences in the underlying infrastructure. The 2005 documentary, Screaming Queens: The Riot at Compton’s Cafeteria, written, directed and produced by Victor Silverman and Dr. Susan Stryker, is awarded an EMMY� for “Outstanding Achievement, Historical / Cultural Program.” The film gives life to the early transgender (and wider GLBT) movement, and is one of the first true transgender-exploring works to be recognized with a major award (previous trans-ish recognition is profiled with Jessica Lange’s 1983 victory in Tootsie).

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2007 -- The rock-star character of “Zarf,” who debuted on the soap opera All My Children near the end of 2006, comes out as a male-to-female transsexual, Zoey. Although this isn’t the first time a soap opera featured a transgendered character in a recurring role (Coronation Street was the second; the first was Number 96), it is the first to feature an MTF character in the beginning of her transition, and follow the process along (and second only to The L Word to feature a transsexual throughout the process). (Rather than alienate AMC’s viewers, Zoey appears to be re-energizing them). 40-year-old Chanda Musalman, who lives as both man and woman and has not had any GRS surgery, is granted both male and female citizenship by Nepali authorities, in the first known case of dual-gender recognition. It is unclear how this unique legal status will play out in practice - for instance, how it will affect Chanda’s marriage rights. The Supreme Court of Canada refuses to hear Kimberly Nixon v. Rape Relief, a case in which the transwoman was dismissed from rape counselling because she was not born female (she had been living as female several years and is legally female). Because it was refused at that level, the B.C. Court of Appeal ruling against her still stands -- a ruling which pointed out that transgender people are not currently protected by the Human Rights Charter under either category of gender or sexual orientation. A 12-year old in Vienna, Austria is thought to be the youngest person in the world to begin a sex change procedure. The city of Largo, Florida fires long-time City Manager Steve Stanton (the mayor and one councilman vote in his defense), after he is outed during preparation to announce his intention to undergo hormone treatment and start the process toward GRS surgery. This launches a nationally-publicized court case, in which the City of Largo is revealed to have operated counter to their own laws, which prohibit discrimination based on gender identity. In order to save face, the City attempts to first claim that city employees had lost faith in Stanton, and then (in the failure of that) dredge up performance issues, despite their overwhelming support, praise and raises given to Stanton prior to the firing. Spain passes the most progressive law regarding Gender Identity in the world, allowing for the change of documented identity just by proving a medical treatment for two years, and a medical or psychological certificate, proving a diagnosis of gender dysphoria -- not requiring a GRS. UCLA scientists find 54 genes that may explain the different organization of male and female brains. They go on to state that “... gender identity likely will be explained by some of the genes we discovered.” In Fresno, California, Tony (Cinthia) Covarrubias runs for Prom King, supported by a state law passed in 2000 protecting students’ ability to express their gender identity on campus. Covarrubias loses, but approximately one month later, her story lends a groundswell of support when Johnny Vera runs for and wins the title of Prom Queen at Roosevelt High School -- the first transgender person known to have won such an honor. Dr. Russell Reid, a U.K. psychiatrist specializing in gender reassignment, is found guilty in a medical community investigation of accusations that he inappropriately treated five patients, allegedly fast-tracking them, in contradiction of established standards of care. Although not the first time a doctor has been brought under fire or threat of legal action for his work (some had even been sued by their transgender patients), the high-profile case reopens major debates in the medical community about transsexuality and its treatment. How the finding will affect the existing pace of the current diagnostic process is as yet unknown.

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The Future?

Well, Thats for you to write..

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B R I D A L Bridesmaid

COMPETITION 116

VOTE #1 - Amanda

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VOTE #1 - Vicki

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B R I D A L Bride

COMPETITION 119

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VOTE #1 -

VOTE #2 - Tiffany

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VOTE #3 - Gina

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VOTE #4 - Kristen

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VOTE #5 - Carollyn

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VOTE #6 - Rachel

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VOTE #7 - Traci

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VOTE #8 - Vicki

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VOTE #9 - BobbieJane

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B R I D A L

Mother of the Bride

COMPETITION 129

VOTE #1 - Carollyn

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VOTE #2 - Lena

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VOTE #3 - Lorraine

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VOTE #4 -Jezzi

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CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930’s 1940’s, 50’s, 60’s and early 70’s ! 134

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn‛t get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer. Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos. Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn’t open on the weekends, somehow we didn’t starve to death!

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We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we werenâ&#x20AC;&#x203A;t overweight because...... WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , Xboxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY , 136

no video/dvd films, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays, We rode bikes or walked to a friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

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Mum didn’t have to go to work to help dad make ends meet! RUGBY and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully’salways ruled the playground at school. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! Our parents didn’t invent stupid names for their kids like ‘Kiora’ and ‘Blade’ and ‘Ridge’ and ‘Vanilla’ “And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993”!!! We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !

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And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore

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