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FINDING STRENGTH AND AUTHENTICITY THROUGH GRADUATE SOCIAL WORK STUDIES by Vara Edara
T
he past 18 months provided a challenging backdrop to my MSW studies. The 2020 school year started like no ordinary year. On January 9, I learned my niece had drowned while surfing in Bali. I was in absolute disbelief. My spring semester was supposed to start the 2nd week of January, and I was a complete mess. I was shaking like a leaf when I entered the program director’s office to share what I was experiencing. I told her I was not sure I could get through the semester. Grief and loss had consumed me, and I was overwhelmed. My niece's death was the first loss that hit so close to my heart. She sat with me, listened, and told me to take one day at a time. When the semester began, I shared my situation with my professors, and they were very accommodating and understanding. Then came March and the COVID-19 pandemic. Before I could grasp what was going on around me, classes became virtual, and my internship called and asked me to return my badge. My placement was with older adults, and I understood the residents I worked with were vulnerable to the virus. Still, this was another shock to process. I remember turning in my badge and watching as it was placed in a yellow bag, like the badge itself was infected. And just like that, that was the end of my internship. I was so upset I did not get to say a proper goodbye to the staff or my clients. I am a people person. As such, I struggled with quarantine and isolation. My life was suddenly restricted to four walls. I was still processing the loss of my niece
when COVID cases started rising, and people around me became sick and started dying. The possibility of death hovered close and became real. Even buying groceries became a hazard.
The fear that I might get sick kept me on constant edge. I come from a family of frontline workers, and two to three times, they had been exposed to the virus, putting my life in jeopardy. I struggled to imagine the future—would I graduate, or would I die from this virus? I had no idea what would come next. My parents were worried sick about me. My professors checked on me periodically. My friends struggled to understand, though I guess everyone was in a similar boat to me. There is a saying that goes, "never underestimate the power of
NJFOCUS • May 2021 | 31
