Bibliophilia 1 - Beginnings

Bibliophilia

ISSUE ONE Trenz Pruca NOVEMBER 2014 24 September 2014

Issue one Beginnings

All you need to know about NaNoWriMo

USING FREEWRITING TO GET TO KNOW YOUR PLOT Plus short fiction, poetry, book reviews and more

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

Regular Features

WE CONTEMPLATE THE THEME OF BEGINNINGS PAGE 22

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN NANOWRIMO IS BACK PAGE 14

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR Hello ladies and gentleman and welcome to the very first issue of Bibliophilia, a literary magazine for the old, the young, the aspiring and the successful. Within these pages you will find articles, creativity points, funny time wasters and new writing to amuse and inspire. If you want to get involved, please feel free!

There are contact details throughout the zine telling you how to reach us, and our submission guidelines can be found both on our website and right here in the magazine (page 1). We welcome submissions from poetry to features and would love to hear from anyone who feels passionately enough to write for us.

This first issue is all about new beginnings. We have an article from Jacki about using freewriting to get to know your characters, short fiction from Rupert Bathurst, poetry and even a few funnies about starting out.

So I hope you enjoy your stay here, and please feel free to get in contact with submissions, feedback or even just to say hello.

Until next time, Mac PAGE ONE

OUR COMPARISON OF THE BEST WRITING PROGRAMS PAGE 4

Contents Our Contributors Page 2 Our guide to the best writing programs Page 4 Poetry Corner Page 8 How to use freewriting to start writing Page 10 Prompts page Page 12 NaNoWriMo - the only event worth attending Page 14 Book of the Month Page 16 What We’re Reading Page 18 New short fiction Page 20 University and its beginnings Page 22 Puns Page 26 Submission guidelines and next month’s theme Page 27

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

CONTRIBUTORS A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE WORDS

Editor

Our Regulars Natasha McGregor - Editor Having written various genres since she was a teenager Natasha is looking forward to a new challenge in editing Bibliophilia. She is also working on her first full length novel and writing a collection of poetry.

Twitter: @Natasha2Mc

Literary Reviewer

http://natasha2mcgregor.wordpress.com

Richard Southworth - Literary Reviewer Following prolific but not terribly original writing as a child, Richard got back into proper writing in 2009 by competing in National Novel Writing Month. He currently has seven NaNoWriMo victories under his belt, in addition to writing book reviews and the occasional short story.

Twitter: @PneRichard

Features Writer

http://velociraptor256.wordpress.com/

Josie Alford - Features Writer Josie is 21 and lives in Bristol after finishing a degree in English Literature. She writes poetry and is saving money for a masters in creative writing. Her blog is full of all of her poetry and she aims to get into more performance poetry – follow her on twitter for updates!

Twitter: @AlfordJmo

Features Writer

http://thefaultymanufacturing.blogspot.co.uk

E"eMay - Features Writer Elle May lives in Lancashire but her heart is travelling around the world. She lives with her parents, sister, and any visitors who extend their stay. She spends her days quietly thinking or loudly voicing her profound thoughts hoping someone will understand what she is saying. http://masiejane.wordpress.com/ 

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ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

Guest Writers Jacquera Black - Poetry and Features Jacquera Black is a Co-Municipal Liaison for the NaNoWriMo region of Lancashire and Cumbria, and has been writing since 2008. She is currently editing her first novel, Deluge, as well as preparing to write its sequel, Centrifuge, for NaNoWriMo 2014. http://jacquera.webs.com/

Beth Middleton - Poetry Originally from Cornwall, Beth now lives in Bristol after studying for a degree in history at UWE. She enjoys any books that come highly recommended from other readers and has a special place in her heart for Tolkien. http://bethmiddleton1991.wordpress.com

Tiffany Imogen - Poetry and I"ustration Tiffany is a blogger, aspiring nature writer and wildlife illustrator, currently studying for her Masters in English at UCL. Her favourite authors are Philip Pullman, H. G. Wells and J. R. R. Tolkien, but she also loves the Romantic poets. She is passionate about the environment, cider and cake.

Twitter: @tiffins11 http://www.tiffanyimogen.com/

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ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

WRITE NOW WITH… If you have ever tried to write a novel you will know how hard it is to organise and edit your story. Over the next six issues our features writer Ellie May Bradley will be trying out various writing software programmes with the aid of Harvey, her temperamental and mistreated computer, rating them for ease of use and suitability for technophobic writers.

In this first instalment she reviews Scrivener and YWriter5.

Scrivener has been recommended to me by

My first impression is there’s a lot

several writers; it has been around since

going on and how will I use all the features

2006 and is a sponsor of National Novel

on offer. Harvey is only a Netbook so the

Writing Month. Developed by British based

screen is quite small, possibly it would look

Literature & Latte and designed by a

better on a bigger screen. There are lots of

software developer-cum- writer, it promises

templates to use for writing novels and

to do everything and more.

screenplays. There’s even a recipe collection

The website is easy to navigate, and

template. You can add separate folders for

there is lots of information about Scrivener,

each chapter, separate files for each scene

video tutorials and help and support. I

and move them around in different orders

found the free download without any

on the corkboard. I wrote a quick short

problem and while the little wizard inside

story without using any of the features and

Harvey sorted things out I browsed the

managed to ‘export’ it to a word document

‘product features’ page. The sheer amount

after the second attempt. There is also a

of features included is both exciting and

section of quick links to useful websites. It

daunting; corkboards, outliner, scrivinings

is surprisingly easy to understand the basics

editor, statistics, targets, snapshot feature,

without reading the manual however I got

distraction free mode, name generator,

the impression I’m not using it to its full

automatic backups, the list seems endless. I

advantage. I think I would need to watch

was nervous Harvey might crash but half a

the tutorials to really appreciate Scriveners

cup of coffee later the download is complete

full potential.

and Harvey’s internal processors are still working.

The corkboard is visually effective and I can see why writers like Scrivener so

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ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

much, but I’ve never had much use for

teachers. As well as downloading it from the

corkboards, virtual or real. It’s a place to

Scrivener website you can also purchase it

stick something and forget about it. I found

directly from the App Store if you’re

the scrivenings editor hard to comprehend

working on a Mac - good if you like to back

and use. I didn’t get along with the

up your purchases.

spellchecker as it speaks American, probably

If Scrivener is a sophisticated writing

due to Scrivener being so popular across the pond. I also had a slight mishap and erased a chunk of my story by continuously

software that likes to hang out in

If Scrivener is a sophisticated writing software that likes to hang out in expensive cafes then YWriter5 is its country cousin

pressing the delete

expensive cafes planning a seven book, multi-award winning, epic bestseller then YWriter5 is its country cousin, banging out two paperbacks every year in the garden shed with a mug of homebrew. Designed by a writer-cumcomputer programmer, it promises

button. I tried to speed-read the manual to

to do everything except write your novel

grasp more of the basics. Scriveners manual

and it will do it for free. The designer of this

is 336 pages long and uses techno words like

software program has used it to write

‘interface’ and ‘applications’. After page 33 I

several of his own novels.

gave up.

Scrivener is a big program for big

The download instructions put safety first and instruct you to save and

projects. It is well organised and very fancy,

check the program for viruses before

best suited for writers who plan out their

running it. I just hit the ‘run’ button and

novels in advance - possibly a bit too

crossed my fingers. The download was very

organised and fancy for me. The whole

quick, I only took one sip of sherry and it

layout is unfamiliar but given time I would

was complete. I double checked in case

probably wonder how I ever managed

Harvey had become unresponsive but

without it. Luckily there is a free trial you

everything was working. I assume it didn’t

can download before taking the plunge and

take long because the whole thing looks

paying for this stylish writing program.

very plain like a spreadsheet, which is fine

Scrivener is available for Mac and Windows and there is a 30 non-consecutive

because it is a layout I am used to.

Encouraged by its unassuming

day free trial. The purchase price is around

appearance I launched straight in. Half a

£28 but there are discounts for students and

glass of sherry later Harvey has taken a

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ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

serious battering as I have punched all the

accounts. There are no templates or handy

keys to make something happen. Frustrated

links except those relating to YWriter.

I turn to the help tab, dreading the 339 page

There are no options for writing

manual that will appear. There is a

screenplays; it is designed solely for

QuickStart guide which links you through

novelists. And there is a command ‘delete

to the YWriter5 website. The QuickStart

orphan scenes’ under the scene tab. I don’t

guide is separated into 13 clearly marked

know what it does but it sounds ominous.

sections, and each section has several parts.

YWriter5 has been designed by a

You can move around easily from section to

writer whose only goal is to put some

section. And there are pictures. I speed-read

organisation into the novel writing process.

the sections on chapters, scenes and editing

By his own admission, it is still a work in

and things made more sense, even after a

progress and with every novel he writes he

full glass of sherry. Soon I’m merrily typing

improves the software a little bit more. I

away the outline for a novel; if I’m

prefer YWriter5 to Scrivener, simply

struggling to use the program I can refer to the QuickStart guide and find the answer.

Ywriter5 can do everything Scrivener can do. It has a simple, uncluttered feel about it and the user guide is easy to read. The main page

Scrivener and YWriter5 are completely different programs, yet are somehow the same

has a ‘scene information’ box so you

because I am more familiar with the spreadsheet style layout.

Scrivener and YWriter5 are completely different programs yet are

can keep tabs on what’s happening in a

somehow the same. Both are ideal for

chapter, where it’s happening and who it’s

plotting and writing a novel but the

happening to. You can create character

fundamental difference is the layout of the

sketches and add your characters to scenes,

main page and how it is used. Scrivener

which are then added to the information

offers a free trial, and while 30 days may not

box, so you know when they are dominating

be long enough to write, edit and finish a

every single chapter. Chapters can be

novel it is long enough to get to grips with

rearranged by dragging and dropping.

the all the programs features. YWriter5 is

Because it is so distraction free there isn’t

completely free, has fewer features but is a

much to do but write your novel.

good alternative. My advice would be to try

On the downside it isn’t very visually

both and see which one works best for you.

attractive; it almost feels like doing your

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Next month Ellie May will be looking at Novlr and Litlift.

Scrivener

YWriter5

Ease of use

3 - Grasped the basics but would need to watch tutorials to make the most of it

4 - I had to read the Quickstart first but was pretty easy after that.

Visual

5 - Very stylish

2 - It’s simple and plain but not in a stylish minimalistic way

Download speed

4 - It didn’t take half a day to download

5 - Super quick. I didn’t even realise it had downloaded

Features

5 - Tons of features, so many I couldn’t use them all

3 - Basic features but enough to organise and write a novel

Technobabble

3 - Kept to a minimum but it’s still there

4 - Even the download instructions are in plain English with pictures.

Instruction manual

2 - I hate manuals, especially ones as 4 - Nice easy instructions, long as this. separated into sections so you can skip around them

Overall

4 - It is cool and stylish. If I was a full time writer or had plenty of time I would have fun using Scrivener.

PAGE SEVEN

4 - It is quick and easy to use but there are no options for script writing

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

Poetry Corner Starlings

by Tiffany Imogen

The starlings are gathered in Brighton.

The pier crumbles forlornly into the sea, spangled with dead neon from the boardwalk.

Tourists meander with hot chips, wondering: ‘Is that France?’

The sky is rabid tangerine.

They nestle on cold harbour steel, waiting for the wind to rise and lift them into the empyrean.

‘Starlings’ I"ustration by Tiffany Imogen

The first leap.

A brave pioneer vaults from his post into the apricot dusk.

One by one, they ascend in a cloud of smoke; thousands of tiny bodies build in fever, until there drifts a blossoming cacophony of birdsong.

The shore disappears.

Starlings entwine together in the crimson blush.

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Beginnings and Starts

by Beth Middleton A beginning and start Are miles apart Although they imply similar things Because a beginning and start Are different at heart And different things they will bring A start must end That’s the difference my friend And when it’s finished it’s all good and done But a beginning continues 'Til all of the sinews Are entwined with the things that have come

A clock- that starts So do years and hearts Because one day they’ll come to an end But a book - that begins As do journeys and friends These things soldier on When they ought to be gone They linger in thought, In soul And in short Stay with you right through to the end When the clock's final tock Brings the world to a stop And old age takes hold of the heart Those things that we keep That make our heart leap Won’t have ever begun with a start

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My Haven

by Jaquera Black I'm in my haven, curled up, peacefulness is mine. I contemplate nothing, as I move to the hammering of your heart, my limbs twirl, I float in my palace of us.

Your love is never ending, you donate every breath. The yeast of life leavened.

I am sheltered, all my being cushioned in water. Head down, you start to dilate.

Pain, pressure, like a tube of toothpaste, I’m squeezed. My home has turned into a war zone, and I’m propelled out into the unknown, into a place of sound, bright lights and grime.

Placed into arms, laid on a soft tummy, I hear echoes of my sanctuary.

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

Freewriting Kills Writer’s Block Dead

by Jacquera Black Instead of staring at a blank screen, you can revel in words. Instead of not knowing what to write, you can get your story written. If you use freewriting - the technique which kills writer’s block dead.

But what is it? And how do you do it?

It’s a way to generate ideas, to get to know your characters, their worlds, and ultimately your story. As to how you do it, well, you allow your brain to jump from thought to thought, writing it all down and seeing where it takes you.

For instance, you might start with an apple as a prompt. Which makes you think of cider.

And then the Christmas your dad gave you a

glass of cider even though you were only ten.

And the presents under the tree. And the fact that you never got that toy you wanted.

Which you’d seen in adverts on the TV. And what about the TV programmes you watched back then?

And so on, gathering memories, thoughts, ideas, until you have something you want to write.

So that’s how you freewrite, why don’t you have a go using one of the charts - a straight prompt one, or ones designed to get you think about your character and their world?

Happy freewriting, may your thoughts and words flow and become the stories of tomorrow.

PAGE TEN

Example: A Mirror It was only 99p, a round mirror, not too big, not too small, surrounded by pink plastic, and I’d brought it for my daughter to go on her wall as she was always complaining about needing a mirror to do her make-up and hair. She was happy when she saw it, but I didn’t have time to put it up for her as we were rushing out because she was going to the Lake District that evening with her youth club for the weekend. So I put it on her desk and forgot about it. And continued to forget about it until the Sunday when she came home and I found it, in her suitcase, smashed.

She’d taken it with her for some strange reason. I didn’t know she kept saying when I complained about the broken mirror and shook my head. As I picked out broken mirror from the midst of her dirty clothes. And it is times like that, when something has happened, like a mirror breaking, that is linked to old wives’ tales and bad luck stories that make you wonder. I don’t believe in bad luck, but what if it was true?

What if the next seven years are going to be filled with bad luck? Where did that idea come from? History obviously, but who looked at a broken mirror and said, oh now I’m going to have seven years bad luck? Or did they have

PAGE ELEVEN

their bad luck and equate it to the mirror? Was it a way of blaming an inanimate object for the troubles of the world and of life? Because we all have troubles. We all have problems. A hip replacement in your forties? A child with special needs? Your washer breaks and buying new means that you only have a little money left for the rest of the month and will have to be frugal.

And being frugal is hard. You write a list, you go shopping and then some selfish person in your family eats something that’s meant for a meal, or even worse, takes something out, half eats it and then throws the rest away. My ex once did that. He opened a carton. Of what he thought was posh soup. I don’t think he liked passata.

Saying that, I also don’t think he liked the cake and chicken soup he prepared a few years later. He thought the chicken soup was a can of custard and didn’t realise until he started to eat it. Can you imagine what his face was like? I mean, what sort of idiot puts soup over a cake? Well unless they’re pregnant of course. Then they’re not idiots but pregnant women do have all sorts of strange desires. Some even want to eat coal. A deficiency in carbon no doubt. An element essential to life. And diamonds. And where would we be if there were no diamonds? What if there were no precious jewels or metals? What if when a man proposed, he gave the lady of his choice a fish? Which she ate and then wore its bones as a necklace. I suppose it is all tradition. On a different planet, if there is life, they’d do different things.

Because they wouldn’t be us. Different planet, different atmosphere. Different bodies. But what if one came to our planet? What would they think about the way we live?

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

First line: It was a dark and stormy night‌ Write about your first kiss.

Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be?

Prompts Page Have you hit a dead end? Or just need some new ideas?

Look no further - just choose an image, quote or exercise from the page and start writing. Try experimenting with a form you don’t usually write in.

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In order to keep his people united and faithful, a prince must not be concerned with being reputed as a cruel man.

Machiavelli, from ‘The Prince’ (1532)

To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.

William Blake From ‘Auguries of Innocence’ (1803) PAGE THIRTEEN

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

It's that time of year again

NANOWRIMO It's November, which can mean only one thing.

It's National Novel Writing Month.

by Natasha McGregor

November 1st is a encourages all writers, special day in many professional, amateur writers' diaries. Not and everything in only is it the day between, to pick up a Bibliophilia is first pen and write the novel published, but it marks they've always thought the they had in beginning them. In of 30 days 30 days.

The goal is of stress, 50,000 words Therein madness, in 30 days. If it lies the and many, challenge. sounds hard, many that's because Everyone words. I'm talking, of is reaching it is. course, towards a about goal of NaNoWriMo. 50,000 words in 30 days. If it sounds hard, NaNoWriMo - or to give that's because it is. I it it's full name, National myself have attempted Novel Writing Month it for the past two years is a yearly event that and failed both times.

I've also attempted the summer sessions called Camp NaNoWriMo - and failed just as badly at those. But I'm trying again. Why, I hear you ask.

Because it's fun. Even if you fall wildly short of your goal you achieve something. Last year I got the closest with 35,000, which at first I was disappointed with.

Until one of my university lecturers advised me that was more than her thesis.

Which she took seven months to write. Talk about your ego boost!

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NaNoWriMo isn't about producing a polished, finished novel. The main idea behind it is to get the words on the page. Editing is actively discouraged during the thirty days, instead, focus is on hitting your word count. PepTalks throughout the month allow winners from across the globe to drop words of encouragement direct to your inbox. There are virtual write-ins on YouTube where organisers give you prompts and exercises, word spirits via the NaNoWriMo Twitter feed, and constant help and encouragement from the volunteer municipal liaisons (MLs) across the world.

As well as an almost good first draft, I also made some good friends with whom I shared the struggles and successes. One of the resources on the website are the forums, and there are forums for everything. Regional forums to connect you with people nearby, genre forums so you can compare notes with people writing in a similar style. Everyone is on the same journey and is full of encouragement, even if you're 10,000 words down with 12 hours to go. There is always hope.

This year in particular I have a lot of faith in hitting my target. The regional forum is already buzzing with people sharing their ideas and plots. The chat room has been filled for several evenings with our MLs running word wars and planning sessions before everything has even kicked off.

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There is no wrong way to take part in NaNoWriMo. You can plan every inch of your story out in the weeks leading up to it, writing character sketches, scene synopses and chapter breakdowns. Or you can fly by the seat of your pants, have no real idea and just let the words flow. There is support for every approach so there is no pressure to conform to a particular way of planning or writing.

The best part - for me at least - is the complete freedom. As long as you hit your word count each day you can write what you like. Start with the end and work backwards, or jump back and forth, writing scenes as they come to you. My idea this year is non-linear anyway so I think I’ll be doing a lot of this.

After November ends, the support doesn’t stop.

There are events for editing and polishing, with regular emails and messages from the organisers and special guest writers who have won NaNo in the past - some of whom have been published.

If you think you have a novel in you somewhere, I recommend NaNoWriMo with every fibre of my being. If you only get a first draft out, imagine the ego boost when you say to people ‘yeah, I’ve written a novel’. They don’t need to know it’s less than polished!

More information can be found on the official NaNoWrimo website.

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

Book Of The Month

Evolution

by Stephen Baxter Published by Gollancz, RRP £9.99 ISBN 9780575074095

Reviewer Richard Southworth chooses an episodic sci-fi that examines our own beginnings, as well as our possible end Evolution is less a novel, more a collection of short stories, admittedly with a clear central theme and a bare framing device providing occasional interludes. Overall, it is the story of our own evolution – the beginnings of what would become the human race.

Following the opening, set in 2031, where a number of scientists are attending an environmental conference to try and help an increasingly troubled planet, we go back 65 million years to meet the small, burrowing mammal that is our direct ancestor, just before she has to cope with the cataclysmic arrival of the comet that kills off the dinosaurs. The first section of the novel then examines more individuals at different points in the primate evolutionary line, occasionally branching off the road that leads to

humanity when there’s a good story on offer. The second section covers modern humans and our closest ancestors, with the stories indicating how we came to be as we are, and even examining the beginnings of modern human history. For the third section, the book examines the potential future of life on Earth, all the way to its inevitable bleak demise.

The first section is arguably the most interesting, partly because Baxter is telling it from the POV of animals. Any anthropomorphism is kept to a bare minimum, limited only to the animals giving each other simple names for identification purposes within the prose (e.g. one “character” refers to her successive mates as First, Second and Third). It is emphasised that these creatures do not think like we do – such as not having a sense of self, or not understanding that other

The first section is arguably the most interesting, partly because Baxter is telling it from the POV of animals.

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wingspan, with the explanation that these creatures left no trace in the fossil record – so how can we know for certain that they didn’t exist?

individuals can think differently from you - and Baxter demonstrates comprehensively just how the thought process develops over millions of years, getting closer and closer to resembling human consciousness.

Baxter definitely wants to show his research, with plenty of detail on the animals present in each story’s environment and their various attributes.

Perhaps most impressively portrayed is the aforementioned comet impact, with the devastation described in all its terrible glory. Baxter also gets inventive, coming up with such prehistoric beasts as intelligent humanoid dinosaurs and a flying animal with a hundred-metre

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If this is sounding like more of a factual book than a real novel, don’t worry: there are proper stories being told here. Each story on its own is, for the most part, compelling and sometimes quite exciting.

For all their limited perspectives and thought processes, the non-human characters still have distinct personalities, and come across as individual entities who go on personal journeys; it makes for some unique and fascinating writing. As is the case in his other books, however, Baxter doesn’t do human characters quite so well: the interludes in 2031, and the short stories that involve recognisable humans, aren’t as interesting, and the characters themselves are rather one-note.

(The animal characters aren’t exactly three-dimensional either – but, well, they’re animals.)

Evolution is a unique book that will probably even teach you a few things, and is definitely recommended, particularly if you’re interested in animals or science in general.

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

WHAT WE'RE READING Mac Right now I'm working my way through Philip Pullman's Sally Lockhart series, which begins with The Ruby In The Smoke. He really knows how to write a strong female character and skilfully mixes comedy and drama to make a book you really can't put down. I’m also dipping in and out of The Hobbit, an old favourite of mine which I must have read a hundred times before.

Our contributors read nearly as much as they write. Here they share a small selection of the books they're reading right now.

Beth

Tiffany I'm currently reading The Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert. It's a non-fiction book about how humanity has altered the planet's climate so much that we are now forming a new geological epoch. Rather shocking but an excellent read!

At the moment I'm reading a collection of short stories

by Brazilian writer Machado De Assis entitled A Chapter of Hats and Other Stories. I don't tend to read short stories but decided to give this collection a chance after being bought it for my birthday. So far it's been a pleasant surprise. Being a mixture of satire, social commentary and outright absurdity each story is individually grin inducing and thought provoking. I've also discovered that there's nothing more pleasing than fitting a short story in on the bus ride to work. 

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Elle May

Josie Being newly free to read for pleasure, my reading habits have varied widely; from The Hunger Games trilogy, World War Z and I Am Legend; to 1984 and Eimear McBride’s A Girl is a Half-formed Thing. The stream of consciousness demands the reader’s full attention and the subject matter is not for the fainthearted.

Richard I’m currently working my way through three library books.

First one is The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey. It's very atmospheric but a little too simplistic for my tastes. Next is either In Cold Blood by Truman Capote or The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins.

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The last thing I read was some translations of letters from The Vindolanda Tablets found at Hadrian’s Wall.

They give a fascinating glimpse into forgotten stories about people who lived during that time. Personal accounts from times past are a great source of inspiration and historical research for writers. I’ve also starting reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice for the third time. Her writing is witty and her characters are well drawn however I have no affection for any of them.

I find them either irritating or boring and I have abandoned the book yet again. Give me Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre any day.

Jacquera Right now I'm reading The Hunted by Charlie Higson, a young adult series starting with The Enemy where all those over 15 turn into zombies and try the eat the children survivors.

ISSUE ONE - NOVEMBER 2014

The Fresher !

by Richard Southworth!

I hadn’t expected to end my first night at uni huddled up on my new bed, eating a cheese sandwich I hadn’t even bothered to butter, trying to make out an image through the grainy reception on my TV. Sounds like typical behaviour for a break-up, doesn’t it? Except I didn’t have a boyfriend to break up with. I’d broken it off with just about everything else instead.

I’d been excited about uni, I really had, ever since getting my results. In the last few days, when I said goodbye to my friends and my church group, I’d had that little inkling of what was truly happening; but once I stepped back through my front door, it was gone. Then on the last evening, when the boxes of books and clothes and cleaning stuff were all stacked together in our living room, for the dog to sniff around confused - that was when it hit me like a train.

I had never lived away from home before.

The rest of the evening, I was scared to look anybody in the eye for too long. I didn’t get much sleep that night.

Two hours in the car the next day, constantly haunted by a sense of impending doom, thinking of some way to make the time left worthwhile…and suddenly I was there, outside the dorm. I mechanically helped Mum and Dad heave all my stuff in. Every now and then, there was a brief hello and handshake with somebody else on the corridor, but I

wasn’t paying much attention to them; I was counting down inside my head.

“How do you feel?” Mum asked, once everything was in place.

I put on my best smile and said, “Good.” What I actually felt was directionless. There was emptiness in front of me, nothing to cling to. A degree?

What’s that?

We went back outside just in time for the Peer Guide to show up; a strapping third year with spiky hair. He was smiling, and the students already with him looked happy enough, which just made me feel abnormal.

After a few introductory words, he said, “So, are you ready to go?”

Oh God, I thought. This is it. The clock had reached zero.

“Well, I guess we’d better let you get on,” said Dad. So I hugged him, then Mum – the tears I’d dreaded were already starting to materialise in her eyes – and then I turned away as quickly as I could.

Obediently following the Guide, I refused to let myself look back; I’d feel even worse if I did.

By the evening, I wasn’t feeling any better. The student areas that the Peer Guide had shown us were little more than vague images in my head.

I had met the other corridor residents when I came back; we all sat down and talked, and for a little while, I’d allowed myself to forget. They were nice people. I could be friends with them, couldn’t I? But it wasn’t just about friendship.

When I moved from high school to college, I was still in contact with my old

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pals, and I could still go home to my family. Now my family were two hours away, and my friends were mostly scattered all over the country. All I had for company right here, right now, were these guys.

Eventually, as the sickness crept in again, I retreated into my room, and from there, into a book. My phone was on the bedside table; I glanced at it occasionally, afraid it might ring. I didn’t know what I would do if someone called and reminded me of everything that was so far away.

When it was getting dark and I peeked out into the corridor again, everyone else had either gone somewhere or shut themselves away in their own rooms.

Managing to summon some willpower, I thought to myself, I felt a bit better before when I was talking to people, right? Maybe if I just go out somewhere…

I remembered that there was a student bar close to the dorm that was welcoming freshers, and headed there.

But the second I slipped inside, I was in a nightmare. The chattering and shouting, the music, the movement, the warmth of so many bodies, all bombarding me…even back home, this

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was not my scene. And amongst the mass of unwelcoming faces, there was no sign of anybody I recognised.

Crushed between two girls at the bar, I could only bear one awkward, solitary drink before I fled back to the dorm. And with no desire to go out again and find proper food, I threw together the world’s laziest cheese sandwich, then curled up on the alien bed and stayed there.

Next day was Sunday, normally a smiley day for me. But I couldn’t summon the will to try out the local church; it would be just another crowd of strangers.

The last thing I wanted was more strangers.

When evening came round again, one thought was going through my head: I just want to pack this a! in.

I had a whole week to go before my course even started. Was I going to spend that whole time, and beyond, feeling like this? Any voice of logic in my brain was drowned out by my misery. I wanted to go home, hug my parents, walk my dog, get a job stacking shelves if need be; who really cared about a degree in History anyway…

And then Danni, the girl in the room opposite, was at my door. “Hey Jill, we were planning on going to that club by the SU after tea. You fancy it?”

I almost said no. But then I thought that Mum might call later. That had been painful enough the previous evening. “Okay,” I mumbled.

The club wasn’t much different from the bar; just as packed and sweaty, and the music was even louder. I stuck

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close to everyone else as we somehow managed to slip through the crowd and find an abandoned table to huddle around, while a couple of the lads – Mick and Geoff – went off to get the drinks in.

I wasn’t exactly comfortable under the sensory overload, but at least I had company this time.

Danni looked perfectly happy next to me; I tried not to dwell on it.

When the boys came back with the drinks, we all clinked our bottles together.

“Here’s to a great Freshers’ Week,” Geoff said.

“To be honest, I’ll be glad to get round to my course,” said Danni. “It’ll take my mind off the homesickness.”

I started. “Have you not been feeling too good?” I asked. I’d been convinced I was the only one who didn’t look thrilled to be here.

“Been better,” Danni replied with a shrug. “I’ve been trying to keep busy today, but I was a wreck when I went to bed last night. Mind you, think I had a bit too much to drink. God knows what I started blathering about to the girls I was with. Anyway, at least tomorrow we get down to meeting the tutors and all…”

She stopped as some cheesy 90s track began blasting through the room.

Geoff clapped his hands. “Anyone fancy a dance?”

“Yeah!” Danni replied, and before I could do anything, she was pulling me

away from the table and my drink, linking her arm with mine, and dancing with me.

I hadn’t danced like this since I was little; I barely even knew how.

I thought: God, what’s everyone going to think? And then: Hey, nobody I know is here, are they?

It felt like a weight dropped away. Kicking and waving my arms on the dance floor, like someone already drunk, I actually started laughing.

By the time we got out just before midnight, the blast of cold night air felt downright refreshing, and my thoughts had been pleasantly softened by the drink. As we all began strolling back to the dorm, I found myself thinking a little bit about tomorrow, and the week after that. If the rest of my time away from home was anything like tonight, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

I suddenly remembered to check my phone. There was a text from Mum. Hi love, tried ringing. U OK? xx There was an all-too-familiar pang when I thought of her face, but it faded a little quicker than it had twenty-seven hours earlier. I texted a reply.

Been out dancing with new "iends.

Feeling pretty good. xxx And at that moment, I meant it.

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To university and beyond

With the theme of beginning in mind, columnist Josie went about finding one to talk about, for in life there are many beginnings. In the end she settled on university - starting and ending it - because it is an experience some of you will be familiar with.

Three years ago, I started university and despite copious amounts of alcohol passing my lips since then, I still remember vaguely what happened.

The months following the day I moved Bristol were filled with generally universal worries for freshers newly independent from the family home.

Initial apprehensions included: making friends, getting on with my housemates, cooking for myself, paying rent, bills, looking after my money, if I would be able to drink enough/too much, missing home and whether I would be any good at the course I had moved hundreds of miles for.

These issues and any I have missed arguably fit into three categories: finances; making and maintain relationships; and prioritising work and play. Leaving university also comes with its own anxious questions. Both beginning and leaving university can be considered – to quote RuPaul “the beginning of the rest of your life.”

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Any financial worries in my first year turned out to be relatively small. I, being from single-parent household on income support, received the highest amount of loan available. I changed my mind last minute and ended up going through clearing and there was no room in halls for me. I ended up finding a privately rented house share in which I was the only girl. It was a blessing in disguise; I was paying half the rent my friends living in halls were and the boys were remarkably clean. I was a natural budgeter and never went into that student’s haven of the overdraft during my first year. However, my story is not typical of the everyman student experience. It’s not uncommon for newly independent students to spend most of their money in the first month on drinking, new clothes and kitting out their rooms in an attempt to assert their individuality – just like everyone else. I don’t seek to criticise, dear reader, I’m merely suggesting that you’d be better off not spending so much money in the beginning that you

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end up living off baked beans and super-noodles awaiting the next loan instalment (If you are yet to go to university take heed).

When you leave university, the question; “What are you going to do now?” is dreaded and inescapable. The possibilities are literally endless; get a job, go travelling and do a post-grad to name a few. Unfortunately, the vast majority of my fellow graduates and I are paralysed with debt. Many graduates are forced to move back in with their parents, getting any old job in order to save some money towards whatever goals they may or may not have. Me? I decided to stay in Bristol, get a job and save up for an MA in Creative Writing (donations welcome).

Even if you are lucky enough to find a job after leaving university - saving money is not as easy as it seems.

Professional housing is so much more than student accommodation (at least it is more expensive than some of the hovels I’ve lived in over the last three years) not to mention council tax and the many other bills that come with being an actual grown up. You can no longer look forward to loan day at the beginning of each term means that meat is back on the menu at least for a short while. That sense of faith (however vain) that your guarantor would be able to step in and pay rent should anything gets too desperate has disappeared. The relative safe blanket of full time education is now no longer there to cushion the pitfalls of financial independence.

Now, when I say relationships are hard to make and maintain at university I do not mean solely romantic or sexual. Although university love life is troublesome in itself, fear not I won’t try to give advice about sex at university – it’s your sex life who am I to pry? I can only hope, esteemed readers, that you

are safe and respectful to each other.

Anyway, meeting so many new people and making friends is nerve-racking.

You don’t need me to remind you of that horrendous cliché that everyone is in the same boat and by the end of the debacle of fresher’s week you’ll sick of asking and being asked “What’s your name?” “Where are you from?” “What are you studying?” “Which flat are you in?” and of course “Fancy a shot?”

Everyone is just as desperate as you to make friends and after a few weeks you’ll settle into a group you’re convinced will be together forever. Far be it from me to curb your enthusiasm but in my experience the group you start university with soon changes – people drop out, sleep with the wrong people, fall out and make new friends. Friends come and go – my advice? Try not to panic too much and hold on to the people that are worth it.

Friendships are also a weird one when it comes to life post-graduation.

Lots of your friends and course mates will move home and/or far away from you. It completely changes any group dynamic and that can be hard to deal with. The way I dealt with it? I insisted on buying a sofa bed, so there would be a place for those far away friends to stay. I am also attempting to get into my ancient skype account to keep up with my much-missed companions.

However, even keeping in touch with the friends who live nearby can pose its

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own problems – each person will have a job (if they are lucky) and each will have a different schedule. I’m the only one who works nine to five, the rest work shifts and there is barely any time to see each other. We make an effort to go to the weekly pub quiz for which we’ve become highly competitive. It’s not ideal and it’s easy to get lonely when you go for weeks at a time without seeing your friends – one learns to treasure the short times you get to see each other.

Balancing university work with play is something that everyone gets wrong at some point. When I began university I was dating a guy from home who worked on a dairy farm, during our cooing phone calls I’d update him on my latest antics and he’d remonstrate me for not concentrating more on my studies; “you’re there to work Jose” he would say. (Needless to say we didn’t last.) It’s common among people who never went to uni to think like this, and it’s all too reductive of the student experience. For most courses, first year doesn’t count towards your final grade and one only has to achieve that golden 40% to pass and continue the course.

The time for panicking about work is not first year, so by all means young readers – go out, get drunk and don’t get back till 6am. However, it is worth bearing in mind that the course is the reason you are here; go to the lectures, all of them if you can, because second and third year step up big time and you would be wise to prepare yourself.

After graduation if you actually get a job– a marvellous feat to say the least. It will seem to dominate your entire life. Work is constant; the weekdays drag by with the evenings vanishing like a shot and the weekends are soon swallowed up with catching up on laundry and cleaning the flat. In such a monotonous and constant routine it is

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hard to keep focussed on your goals and it can often feel like you’re stuck.

Admittedly I struggle with this, so I shall tell you how I am trying to overcome it: I make lists.

1) Save money 2) Learn to drive 3) Save more money 4) Do MA 5) Get Published 6) Be Awesome This list sits in the back of my notebook so that when disillusionment strikes I can look and see that I am on my way. I am learning to drive, I have booked the theory test and I have decided which university I want to go to and know the course (Bath Spa I am coming to get you). My social life? I personally can’t remember the last time I was in a club, and anything more than one drink and I’m instantly guilty for spending money when I should be saving. I guess I should be shedding light on how to cope with this, but I cannot. If anyone has an answer or little tips and tricks please, esteemed readers, tweet me.

Going to university is a significant part of anyone’s life and it is a significant learning experience (and not just about your degree subject). Both starting university and ending it are daunting but exciting experiences. I cannot promise that you will return home from university but, to quote a hero of mine “if you do, you will not be the same.” (Gandalf) At university, I began to understand who I’m meant to be in the world – leaving is just about putting it into practice.

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TEARABLE PUNS If you have a bad pun you think should be shared with the world, send it to us! Email us at bibliophilia@outlook.com with ‘Tearable Puns’ as the title.

Never trust atoms They make up everything

To the guy who invented zero Thanks for nothing

I knew a woman who owned a taser She was stunning

Having sex in a lift is wrong On so many levels

I used to be a banker But I lost interest

To write with a broken pencil Is pointless

I used to have a fear of hurdles I got over it

I tried to google impotence But nothing came up

It was an emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers

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Copyright ©2014 by Bibliophilia Magazine All prose and poetry rights are reserved by the contributing authors. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the individual author.

NEXT ISSUE!!

It’s hard to ignore the big C word so we shall merely skirt around it’s edge. Our theme next month will be HOLIDAYS Feel free to use this theme however you like. Please do follow our submission guidelines and make sure your contribution is with us in plenty of time to be included.

Submission Guidelines Our guidelines are few and simple. We want to make it as easy for you to submit to us as possible and want to make our rules (such as they are) easy to follow. So here’s all you need to know: ‣ All submissions must be sent to bibliophilia@outlook.com by the 20th of the month to appear in the next month’s issue. ‣ All submissions must be sent as a pdf or word attachment, with your name, your pen name (if different), a short author bio (no more than 50 words) and your twitter name/ blog address in the email body. ‣ Short fiction can be no longer than 2,000 words, with the words ‘fiction submission’ as the subject of the email. ‣ Poetry can be no longer than 40 lines, with the words ‘poetry submission’ as the subject of the email. Up to three poems can be sent together. ‣ Features can be no longer than 1,500 words; proposals must be sent in the first instance with the words ‘features proposal’ as the subject of the email. ‣ All submissions must be sent via email - we do not accept snail mail submissions at this time. ‣ Currently all contributors are unpaid. We hope to be able to pay our contributors in the future.

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