wise words
Linda Carroll on Skills That Make Love Last
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~Lao Tzu
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sychotherapist Linda Carroll was drawn into the dynamics of couples’ counseling three decades ago when she saw how in her own marriage, petty disagreements could turn into full-blown arguments with the potential for deep wounds. She and her husband Tim worked on their issues by attending workshops across the country, including Imago therapy and PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills), which were so effective that she developed a curriculum called Love Skills by combining those tools, her experience as a married person and counselor, personal training from consciousness pioneers and resources from ancient mythology and spiritual/religious traditions. She has co-taught the course with her husband for more than 25 years. Her first book, Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Everlasting Love, has been translated into several languages and details stages in romantic relationships. Her new book, Love Skills: The Key to Unlocking Lasting, Wholehearted Love, is a guide to developing a relationship toolkit.
What is the Love Cycles model? It is based on the fact that feelings of love are seasonal. Like the seasons of the year,
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they are a natural progression of a relationship. If you understand the seasons, you can pass through them. All relationships are teachers. If we allow them to teach us, we become free to love deeper and better.
What is the most difficult Love Cycles stage, and why? Each stage has its own unique challenges. For example, the first stage, the Merge, has a magic to it due to the chemical cocktail that floods your body when in the presence of your significant other. But this stage can be treacherous in that you can mistake your feelings for evidence that this is the “right” person for you. In the Power Struggle stage, feelings will have worn off and power struggles will start to show up. The third stage is Disillusionment. Differences between both of you really start to show up at this time. The fourth stage is the Decision stage. At this point, many couples find themselves wanting out. The key to making it through this stage is to remember that this, too, shall pass and to commit to working it out. It’s important to realize that life is not about getting an A+ at all times. Sometimes, we need to accept that a C- is okay; and if you do need to leave a relationship, it is possible to do it in a wholehearted way at best—at the least, to
photo by Le Studio NYC
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by Kajsa Nickels
