+ Reclaiming Your True Voice

Reclaiming Your True Voice— and Your True Self

“When we reclaim our true voice and are honest about our needs, we become better friends, lovers, daughters and sons, wives and husbands, mothers and fathers.”

—Kristina B. Gretouce

By Kristina B. Gretouce

For much of my younger years, I felt I never really connected with others or even with myself. It was as though I was always in fightor-flight mode, constantly walking on eggshells, pivoting in and out of anxiety and depression or suffering from chronic busyness. I desperately longed for connection but somehow lacked the ability to cultivate relationships through which I felt some sense of peace. These patterns persisted until one day I acknowledged that I was displaying many of the classical codependent traits. Through honestly looking at myself I finally realized I could heal my life and create and nurture the loving relationships I so desired.

The Dangers of Conditional Affection

The truth is that I never really got to know myself and had spent much of my earlier years trying to find safety through external relationships. This pattern began in childhood when people were often mad or disappointed with me and love was given or withheld based on my complying with codes of behavior. As an adult, I continued to believe that if I did the right thing or said the right words, I could avoid the anger and disappointment of others and ultimately avoid emotional abandonment. I derived most of my self-worth and identity from the accolades of others. As a result, I spent my energy anticipating the needs of friends and family before my own in order to get what I wanted from them most—their love and affection. Not only that, I was convinced that I was a victim and that others continued to fall short of giving me what I needed in some way. In my quest to be liked and accepted, I ended up abandoning myself until I didn’t even know who I truly was and what I really wanted.

Knowing Your True Yourself

Thus began my journey back home to me and reclaiming my unique voice. The first step in this process was noticing the recurring behaviors that were actually harming me. Below is a list of common traits of codependency: • People pleasing • Saying yes when you want to say no • Chronic dependability • Lying to keep the peace • Difficulty making decisions • Chronic busyness • Giving unsolicited advice often • Perfectionism and controlling behavior • Harboring resentment • Passive-aggressive behavior • Minimizing one’s own needs • Minimizing the negative behavior of others • Feeling like a martyr • Glorifying giving without receiving • Inability to set boundaries • Constantly apologizing • Feeling overly responsible for others • Fixing other people’s problems • Wanting to always look perfect • Unable to handle constructive criticism

Once I started to look at my behavior honestly and objectively, I began to slowly change my habitual patterns. At first, this felt wildly uncomfortable. I felt like a horrible person saying no when someone asked for my help. I felt selfish and weak when I shared my wants and needs. To be fair, society sends us messages that glorify codependency, especially as women—for example, that being a good wife or mother requires sacrificing our own needs and putting others first.

Give from a Place of Love

I have found that the only way we can create harmony in our lives and in our homes is quite the opposite. When we reclaim our true voice and are honest about our needs, we become better friends, lovers, daughters and sons, wives and husbands, mothers and fathers. When we move with our cup running over, we give from a place of love rather than manipulation. So when I was courageously honest, with myself and with others, about my behavior and motivation in relationships, my life began to change for the better. I know who I am and what I want now. I am unwilling to abandon myself in order to be loved. I take responsibility for setting boundaries. I am able to let go of control in more and more areas of my life. I allow myself to be vulnerable enough to express my needs, and this has allowed others to show up for me in ways I never imagined. Over time, I wanted to share these gifts with others so that they too may reclaim the voice they left behind so many years ago. My goal is to help women work through codependency issues including people pleasing, chronic busyness, and difficulty setting boundaries, as well as to explore the root of these behaviors and help create strategies to transform relationships and lives. It has been such a gift to hold space and witness a true transformation. I am blessed beyond measure.

Kristina B. Gretouce is a Certified Life and Health and Wellness Coach with over 15 years experience. She works with individuals who want to work around codependency issues including people pleasing, chronic business, and difficulty setting boundaries, as well as those who are ready to explore the root of these behaviors and together create strategies to transform their relationships and their life. Kristina offers a complimentary 10-minute discover call. Please call 239.350.4544 and visit www.codependencyfreedom. com. 704 Goodlette-Frank Rd N, Naples. See ad on page 13 >

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Could Infl ammation

Be Causing Your Migraines?

“Exercise releases endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, and helps reduce stress, improve sleep quality, and maintain a healthy weight—all things that can contribute to infl ammation and subsequently, to migraine headaches.”

—Dr. Diana Macian, MD

By Dr. Diana Macian, MD

Let’s talk about some new research on helping with a debilitating chronic condition that thirty-nine million Americans suffer from: migraines. Migraines are severe headaches characterized by intense, throbbing pain throughout the head. It can last up to two days and attacks can occur several times a month— talk about a condition that can really diminish your quality of life! Women are three times more likely than men to suffer from the condition and women often experience more symptoms, such as nausea and vomiting. Men, however, are more likely to have migraines with auras—flashes of light, a blind spot, a change in vision, or a tingling sensation in the face or hands. These symptoms can be very concerning and upsetting.

Track Your Triggers

I often recommend keeping a headache journal to record what you ate, what you were doing, and where you were when you felt a migraine come on. This can be useful in determining what’s triggering these intense headaches. But if your trigger is a change in weather or a drop in hormone levels during your menstrual cycle, it’s going to be extremely hard—if not impossible— to eliminate these triggers from your life. New research by the Journal of Headache and Pain identifies inflammation as a key component in migraine attacks. The study found that inflammation, which is our body’s immune response, signals protein clusters to stimulate neurons and cause pain. Therefore, getting to the root of the issue and making changes to eliminate chronic inflammation can produce better results for migraine relief than limiting the medical response to triggers.

Common Migraine Triggers Caused by Infl ammation

Key contributors to migraine-related inflammation, according to recent research: • Stress: Prolonged stress leads to elevated cortisol in the body, which causes not only inflammation, but can disrupt the digestive system, reproductive system, and growth processes in the body. • Infl ammatory foods: These include red and processed meat, soda and sugary beverages, refined carbohydrates (white bread, white rice, pasta, pastries, etc.), refined sugars, fried foods, and trans fats. • Excess weight: Research from Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis confirmed that fat cells inside the abdomen secrete molecules that can increase inflammation.

• Low vitamin levels: If you’re low in vitamin D, folate, magnesium, riboflavin (B12), and CoQ10, you may be more prone to migraine headaches.

• Not eating enough antioxidants: Foods such as berries, leafy greens, nuts, olive oil, and fatty fish are all excellent sources of anti-inflammatory antioxidants. • Ca eine and alcohol: Women metabolize caffeine and alcohol more slowly than men, and while every individual is different in tolerance levels, limiting caffeine and alcohol to no more than 1–2 servings a day may help limit the negative effects both these toxins have on the body.

• Not getting enough exercise: According to the American Migraine Foundation, regular exercise can help reduce the frequency of migraines. Exercise releases endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, and helps reduce stress, improve sleep quality, and maintain a healthy weight— all things that can contribute to inflammation and subsequently, to migraine headaches.

WellcomeMD Naples

WellcomeMD is a concierge primary care practice focused on patient wellness. In fact, we like to call our model Concierge 2.0—as in, the next generation in concierge medicine. Like traditional concierge practices, we offer same-day or next-day appointments, 90-minute annual physical exams, and comprehensive appointments. But we raise it to the next level by offering the most advanced laboratory testing, allowing us to treat the “whole patient” by measuring often overlooked factors including enteric health, physical activity, hormonal balance, nutrition, sleep, and stress levels.

For more information, visit WellcomeMD.com/ naples-florida or contact our Membership Director Pamela Ross at 239.880.2562 or pamela.ross@ wellcomemd.com. 11181 Health Park Blvd., Naples.

Diana Macian, MD, of WellcomeMD

Naples, is a board-certified emergency medical physician with 9 years of experience treating patients with a wide range of medical conditions. She and her team offer complimentary consultations to answer any questions you may have on how Dr. Macian can help you achieve optimal health. To schedule a tour of our practice and a free consultation, please call Pam Ross at 239.451.5105 or visit WellcomeMD at: wellcomemd.com/naples-florida, 11181 Health Park Blvd., Naples. See ad on page 21 >

< PAGE 10 “Reclaiming Your Voice—and Your True Self” BY KRISTINA B. GRETOUCE

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