Anna Bock

so. Getting frustrated or concerned isn't going to help in the moment.

In those situations, even though you naturally [feel] wildly uncomfortable, I take a deep breath, I push down that rising panic and I’ve found that I'm able to function anyway. That's almost something that drove me into the career in the first place — I noticed that when things are going totally awry, instead of panicking and freezing, I am able to control and modulate that panic and then act and help control whatever I'm facing. It's still very difficult. I don't want to make light of it, but in a way, it's fulfilling, being able to act in those moments when you're needed most.

I once had a patient that was schizophrenic and had a history of being aggressive with emergency responders. I was also pretty new at the time. My partner was a paramedic and I really wanted her to take the patient because she can sedate him if needed, but my partner [wanted to drive]. I was nervous. I don't think I took a deep breath the entire call. I checked his vitals when I could. He wasn't really cooperative, and I was just like, “I'm going to sit behind him.” There's a chair where you can sit behind the patient if you need to, and they can't really see you or reach you very easily. I remember sitting there and waiting to be done with the call.

I went home that night and I was so exhausted. I never wanted to feel that way again, where I felt like my life was in danger while I tried to help the person.

I had a best friend pass away by suicide a year ago. At the moment it happened, I was with a [suicidal] patient. I can still [treat those patients], but it's really hard for me. I don't particularly like to hear the definitely bring me down. I try my best, especially after what happened to my friend, just to show them that I care. I just try to show there are people out there in this world that want them to be there.

I've found that I don't cry in the moment. I'm really good at bottling it up for the day. But there's something about the second I walk into my home and I realize that it's all real life happening around me.

I do occasionally have the day where I just have to cry. I'll go curl up in my parents’ bed and I will talk about why I'm frustrated that something happened and how unfair the world is. And then the next day I'll wake up and I'll go back.

I feel better knowing no matter what’s happening in this world, I’m coming home knowing that I was a good part of [someone’s] story, and I spent time taking care of someone. It is so impactful. Talking to patients and hearing their stories and knowing that you at least tried your best to make them feel like someone cares and someone is there for them, I think, is really cool.

I can't think of a job I would rather do. It's an incredible career. It really changes your perspective on the world. I really enjoy interacting with people and hearing their stories. I am never bored with this job. Every day I go to work and it's different. And I love it.