Family Matters Volume 6, Issue 6 July 2015
In this issue: Meet Your Family Programs Staff Spotlight on Military Families 13 Tips on Saving Money on Gasoline How to Build a Positive Relationship with Your Spouse Wolfpack Leadership and College Experience
Family Matters April 2015 Diane Coffill State Family Programs Director diane.l.coffill.civ@mail.mil (984) 664-6324 MSG Ramona Robertson State Family Programs Specialist ramona.k.robertson.mil@mail.mil (984) 664-7005 SSG Tammy Fowler State Family Programs Assistant tammy.l.fowler.mil@mail.mil (984) 664-6876 Lana Greer State FAC Coordinator lana.m.greer.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-1667 Jason Pleasant Senior FRSA matthew.j.pleasant.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-7017 Alice Dean Lead Child and Youth Coordinator alice.c.dean.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-6676 Terry Henderson Airman & Family Readiness Program Manager terry.r.henderson3.civ@mail.mil (704) 398-4949 About Family Matters Family Matters was created to provide service members and Families the most up to date information and services available. If you would like to contribute to future issues, please contact SSG Tammy Fowler @ tammy.l.fowler.mil@mail.mil
A Message from the Director Happy 4th of July!! I know it’s a busy time but I hope that you take a little break and read this month’s Family Matters. We have profiled a couple of the Family Programs staff and there’s a GREAT story about one of our NCNG children who is doing amazing things at a very young age! There will be a lot of you who will be traveling over the summer so we have some tips on how to save money on gasoline. If you haven’t taken a look at the Military OneSource website lately, there are some new items that you should really take a look at and don’t forget, there’s FREE financial counseling available through MOS as well. You will also see that there are a few events for the adults to keep your relationships strong and thriving– OXYGEN for your Relationship and the Spouse Reset, both sponsored by the USO of North Carolina are both wonderful programs that you are eligible to attend. “Building a Positive Relationship with Your Spouse” is also discussed in this issue...it’s a very good read. We partnered with NC Cooperative Extension– Military Outreach Program to provide the first “Wolfpack Leadership and College Experience” at North Carolina State University for our NCNG Teens, ages 14-17. As you can see from the photos and the article, they had a great time and learned a lot about college life and what it takes to get there! Have you thought about a camp experience for your kids this summer but are not sure where to send them? Let us help you figure this out. NCNG Family Programs Child and Youth Program has two camps that you might be interested in. Take a look at the flyers inside for more information. Remember, we are here for you so please give us a call if you need more information about anything you read in this month’s issue of Family Matters or anything else. I hope that ALL of you have a safe and happy July. Enjoy your family, friends and fireworks but please, be safe doing so. See you next month!
Diane Coffill References in this newsletter to specific commercial products, processes, services or the use of any trade, firm corporation name does not constitute endorsement, recommendation or favoring by NCNG Family Programs
State Family Programs Director
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Table of Contents 4
Meet Your Family Programs Staff
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Spotlight On Military Families
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13 Tips on Saving Money on Gasoline
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How to Build a Positive Relationship
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Wolfpack Leadership & College Experience
On the cover: Christopher McCorvey Son of SFC Marvin McCorvey A Co 1/252nd ARM
If you would like to submit photos or stories for future issues of Family Matters, please contact SSG Tammy Fowler at tammy.l.fowler.mil@mail.mil
Meet Your Family Programs Staff
Earlene Buchan Family Assistance Center Specialist Southern Pines, NC Earlene began working with Family Programs in January 2010 She worked in Raleigh for the first two years but now works in the Southern Pines Family Assistance Center. Earlene has two daughters. Her eldest daughter, Holly, is married to a North Carolina National Guard Soldier and together they have two sons. Her youngest daughter, Kelsey, just recently moved to Southern Pines and will be starting college very soon. Earlene is no stranger to the military. Besides having a son-in-law in the Guard, her brother is also a North Carolina National Guard Soldier and both of her sisters are married to United States Air Force Veterans. Earlene’s family is very close-knit and Earlene enjoys spending time with them whenever she travels back to Goldsboro. She also has two Chihuahuas named Layla and LiLu. Earlene has many hobbies and interests. In her spare time, she enjoys being outdoors and loves to swim. Earlene has a love for vintage cars. She just recently sold her Ford Model A. She enjoys creating stained art glass, reading, traveling, cooking, music and she considers herself a Sci-Fi fanatic.
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Meet Your Family Programs Staff
Gloria Fields Family Readiness Support Assistant 113th Sustainment BDE, Greensboro, NC Gloria began working for Family Programs in November of 2011 as the Family Readiness Support Assistant for the 113th Sustainment Brigade in Greensboro, NC. Gloria’s duties include providing guidance, assistance, day-to-day support and continuity for the Commander's Family Readiness Program. as well as, providing training, information and support to units within the 113th Sustainment Brigade and their FRG Leaders. When Family Programs was first established in 1986, she volunteered as a Family Support Leader for15 years. Prior to working for Family Programs, Gloria worked as an Administrative Assistant for an advertising agency. Gloria has been married to her husband, SFC (Ret) Ronnie Fields for 30 years and they reside in Trinity, NC. They have two daughters, Chassidy and Kristina, and five grandchildren. Gloria also has a “four-legged son”, named Rupert. She enjoys spending time with her grandchildren whether it be watching them dance, play sports or taking them on vacations. Her grandchildren are her pride and joy. One of her favorite things to do is to cruise the islands with her husband, Ronnie. Together, they have already taken six cruises and the seventh is in the works. Gloria also loves to read.
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Spotlight on Military Families
Cenayia Edwards (age 9) Daughter of SGT Cecelia Edwards Med Det. 60th TC Article submitted by SGT Cecelia Edwards Cenayia is a 9 year old native of Raleigh, NC and is the daughter of SGT Cecelia Edwards and Corderro Edwards. She is an academic student who is very productive in school events to include Student Council, Encore Book Club, Spanish Club, Scratch Club and Running Club. She was recognized as a 2014 Academic Scholar by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and also as a 2015 Student Ambassador. Not only is Cenayia a student who strives to excel in academics, she has also received numerous awards for character such as Terrific Kid and Wall of Fame. These awards come from her work to raise money for kids fighting cancer in which she, along with her parents, started a foundation called “The Kids Fighting Cancer Foundation’’. In order to raise money for this foundation, Cenayia began participating in pageants to help raise money that would be donated to Saint Judes Children’s Hospital. She then became a partner of Saint Judes winning “Best Smile”, “Outfit of Choice”, “Best Interview” and “9-10 Supreme Winner”. Cenayia also has many other interests such as basketball, track, dancing, singing in the youth choir, modeling and acting. She also enjoys reading books and playing “school” with her younger sister. Her all-time favorite thing and passion, however is giving back to the community during the Christmas season by helping to support families in need at the Kids in Need Event. This past year, Cenayia went through some very troubling times at school. As a child who has always spoken out against bullying in schools, she found herself as the target of a bully. She began to not want to go to school to face her bullies so as parents, we had to get the school involved and reassure Cenayia of her safety. It started with cyber bullying and lead to physical bullying at school. There were several threats of physical violence and one of the girls even made the statement that she hoped Cenayia’s mother died in the military. After this, we called for one last minute with the school and other girls’ parents and the issues were resolved. The girls who once were bullying her now wanted to be her friend. We even found ourselves embracing the other girls who once bullied our child.
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After these events, Cenayia decided that she wanted to raise awareness to bullying in schools. She wanted to start an organization, develop a product, raise money to help raise awareness and speak out to people about bullying. She then created her own commercial and came up with some promotional products to sell. Cenayia later partnered with Angels and Doves, a 501-C non-profit group and became the official spokesperson to represent them. Her goal is to travel as a spokesperson, build a support team for other kids who have been bullied and who now have trust issues. She has helped to implement an Anti-Bully Club for a local summer camp in Raleigh, NC and for her own elementary school in Cary, NC. A “Back 2 School Anti-Bully Fun Day” is her next project to raise awareness but to also assist families in need with school supplies for the upcoming school year. Her ultimate goal is to implement “No Bully” clubs in schools nationwide to allow teaching methods and speak out sessions to help rebuild the confidence of every child who has been bullied. Her wish is to have every single person to be a part of her “Bully Buster” campaign and show the world that we are against bullying.
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13 Tips on Saving Money on Gasoline When the price of gas keeps going up, fuel purchases can really eat into your monthly budget. You may
not be able to do anything about the price of fuel but you can learn ways to conserve so you get more out of each gallon. The following tips will help you save money at the pump:
Use the recommended type of fuel for your car. For most cars, the recommended gasoline is regular octane.
Use the right kind of oil for your car. You may be able to increase fuel economy by one or two percent by using the proper motor oil. Check in the owner’s manual.
Make sure your tires are properly inflated. Properly inflated tires can increase fuel economy by three percent.
Comparison shop for gas prices. Several websites can help you locate the best prices in your area. Many military installations sell gasoline so be sure to check the prices there.
Avoid frequent speeding and breaking. These lower your gas mileage by thirty-three percent at highway speeds and five percent at lower speeds. You can improve your fuel economy by maintaining a steady speed.
Avoid idling. Idling wastes fuel. Experts recommend that if you’re going to be stopped for longer than ten seconds, unless you’re in traffic, turn off your engine.
Stay within the speed limit. Gas mileage decreases sharply at higher speeds. Every five miles per hour you drive over 60 is equivalent to paying an extra 24 cents per gallon for gas.
Get regular tune-ups. A poorly tuned engine uses more gas.
Look for discounts. Some gas stations offer coupons that you can use for discounts on gas. You might find these coupons online, in the mail or with grocery store receipts.
Travel light. Remove unnecessary items from your trunk or roof rack, especially heavy ones. A loaded roof rack can reduce your fuel economy by five percent.
Choose the most fuel-efficient vehicle you can afford if you are purchasing a new or used vehicle.
Combine short trips and errands. Several short trips taken from a cold start can use twice as much fuel as one trip covering the same distance when the engine is warm.
Carpool or use public transportation. Carpooling and sharing rides to work saves money on gas and general wear and tear on your vehicle. Article courtesy of Military OneSource www.militaryonesource.mil
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Did you know that you may be eligible for free and financial counseling through Military OneSource?
Who is eligible? - Financial counseling is available at no cost to Active Duty, Guard and Reserve members (regardless of activation status) and families located in the continental United States. What types of services are provided through financial counseling? - Counseling on financial issues such as basic budgeting, money management, debt consolidation and debt management and assistance with housing issues. How do arrange financial counseling? - It’s simple! Just pick up the phone and call Military OneSource at (800) 342-9647 and ask for it. You must go through Military OneSource to access the sessions at no cost.
www.militaryonesource.mil
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How to Build a Positive Relationship With Your Spouse When You’re in the Military Article courtesy of Military OneSource www.militaryonesource.mil
For Service Members, a loving, resilient marriage is both a matter of personal happiness and family readiness. When family relationships are strong and healthy, Service Members are better able to focus on their mission and their day to day duty requirements. Even if you have a good relationship with your spouse now, good relationships can often be even better and great ones generally need care and attention to stay that way. There are many things you can do, from making time to talk to planning regular “date nights”, to make your marriage loving and lasting. Strengthening Your Connection What makes a great couple? It may begin with knowing yourselves and not trying to change each other. Loving, long-term partnerships aren’t born; they grow from acceptance, commitment, ritual and empathy. Try these strategies to help strengthen your connection: Adjust your expectations– Accept yourself and your spouse as you are now. It’s natural to want the “honeymoon phase” to last forever but over time, you and your spouse will probably change individually and your relationship will as well after you start a family, move to a new location or experience your first long deployment separation. If you accept that relationships evolve, you won’t be disappointed when the “honeymoon phase” ends and another stage in your life as a couple begins. Date each other– Spend time alone together to keep or re-ignite the intimacy and romance in your relationship. It will help you remember what brought you together in the first place. With the unique demands of military life and family demands, you might have to actually schedule time to be together. If you do, follow through as you would for any other appointment. Your marriage is important enough to be prioritized. Take turns planning your activities together– Romance should be an ongoing part of your relationship– and not just on Valentine’s Day or anniversaries. Be thoughtful in your plans– consider what your spouse likes to do and where he or she likes to go and throw in some surprises from time to time. Create rituals– They can help hold a relationship together. Rituals take many forms: a goodbye kiss before work, breakfast in bed with the crossword puzzle on weekends, weekly date nights or shopping trips. Maintaining Your Relationship “Maintenance” might sound like something for your car but marriages need care to run smoothly and last a long time too. And since your marriage is more valuable than your car, it deserves at least as much time, thought and effort. Here are a few practical tips for a happy, “high-mileage” marriage: Take the pulse of your relationship– Look carefully at your relationship from time to time, figure out what’s working and what isn’t and decide together on the changes and compromises each of you is willing to make. Discuss how you feel about your time together– Is it enough? Do you wish spending time together was a higher priority for your spouse? Are you communicating clearly, honestly and frequently about things that bother you? Put all the issues on the table and begin making the changes that will bring you into more harmony. Make a habit of talking frequently– Just a quick phone call to touch base can help give you both a sense of continuity. Some people use a phone call during the day as a way 12
to settle family business so that when they do get home they are freer to simply enjoy each other’s company. Plan ahead for roadblocks– Think about and discuss situations that you already know cause friction. For example, you may have disagreements about who stays home from work when a child is sick or how to celebrate the holidays. Preparing a game plan in advance can ensure that you’re both on the same page and avoid conflict when such occasions arise. Share the household chores– Research shows that women spend more time on household chores than men do. The result can be a mountain of resentment. Running the household together takes work on the part of both partners. Be willing to pull your weight or to work out who does what so that you’re both satisfied. Be flexible– No matter how well you and your spouse talk about your differences, you won’t agree on everything. In fact, your differences are probably part of what attracted you to each other in the first place. Recognize that not all differences of opinion have to be resolved. Sometimes you just need to agree to disagree. Give each other space– Your relationship will be stronger and more interesting if you give your spouse time and space without you. Remember that one person can’t possibly meet all your needs. Both you and your spouse must keep and nurture outside friendships and interests. Fighting Fairly Conflicts and disagreements are a normal part of a healthy marriage. Expect to have differences of opinion and sometimes major eruptions. The disagreement is less important than both of you knowing and being willing to fight fairly. Don’t say hurtful things when you fight– It’s hard to show restraint in the heat of an argument but your discussion will be more productive if you’re able to say what you mean without being mean-spirited. Schedule a time to talk about what happened when you’ve had an argument– Choose a time that’s convenient for both of you and a place where you can really concentrate and hear each other. Be respectful– Listen courteously while your spouse expresses feelings and needs and acknowledge them. Make “I” statements that express your feelings– For example, try “I feel hurt when you leave the dinner table without thanking me for cooking” instead of “you” statements such as “You’re selfish because you leave the table without saying thanks”. Keep your focus on the issue at hand– Avoid the temptation to resurrect events and evidence from your history as a couple. Finding Good Solutions to Conflict Learning to fight fairly is an important skill in a relationship. Learning to resolve conflict is another. Here are some other ideas that may help: Trade off a bad habit– Are you always running fifteen minutes late? Is your spouse a world-class procrastinator? Do you leave magazines strewn around the living room floor? Over time, these kinds of “small” annoyances can cause big problems. Strike a deal with your spouse– each of you will drop a bad habit that bothers the other. Remember your spouse’s good qualities– In the hubbub of everyday living, it’s easy to dwell on the negative. But for every dirty dish left in the sink, your spouse has likely done a dozen wonderful things you simply couldn’t live without. Get into the habit of looking for your spouse’s positive traits. Notice and acknowledge what your spouse is doing for you and your family– Saying thanks will remind you of your spouse’s efforts. Hearing it will make your spouse feel valued and encourage more of the same actions. Make showing and giving verbal appreciation to your spouse a daily habit. Seek Professional Help If you feel stuck, your relationship may benefit from professional help. Therapists and counselors are trained to help you develop new perceptions of yourself and the way you relate to others which can lead to a renewed understanding of and closeness with your spouse. Good, rocky or somewhere in the middle, the current state of your relationship is less important than you and your spouse’s willingness to work to get closer and grow. If the desire and commitment are there, then together, you and your spouse can keep your relationship fresh, strong and close. 13
Wolfpack Leadership & College Experience
The 2015 Wolfpack Leadership & College Experience hosted by the NC Cooperative Extension-Military Outreach was a great way for Military Teen’s ages 14-17 to immerse themselves in College life. The event took place on North Carolina State University’s campus the week of 23-26 June 2015 where 36 students representing North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia participated in activities to prepare them as future college students anywhere.
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Things that were covered during the week were admissions/financial aid, interviewing, leadership, time management, effects of stress, campus tours (specialty departments of Engineering and Humanities) and lots of walking. Steps were counted with a pedometer and all together, the group took over 1 million steps in 3 days. The teens also had lots of fun picking team names (Kool-Aid, Howling Wolves, Power Pack & Goldfish), visiting the Talley Student Center and the new Hunt Library with its own BookBot, adding our mark to the Free Expression Tunnel, eating a lot especially the homemade Howling Cow ice cream made on campus, all while making new friends and more importantly, connections for their future. All of the participants left with a better understanding of how they will fit into college life
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Family Assistance Centers
Statewide Support
Family Assistance Centers are located across the State to provide assistance to ALL Military Service Members and their Families.
NCNG Service Members and Families’ First Line of Defense Call 1-855-322-3848
East Flat Rock Unit Family Contact Center 2025 Spartanburg Hwy. 28726 Rebekah Torres: rebekah.s.torres.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-0565 Charlotte Unit Family Contact Center 4240 West Blvd. 28208 Carry Bandy: carry.s.bandy.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-4573 Anthony Moore: anthony.r.moore8.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-4547
Military OneSource Here to help you with just about any need, by phone or online. The service is completely private and confidential with few exceptions. www.militaryonesource.mil 1-800-342-9647
Greensboro State Family Assistance Center 110 Franklin Blvd. 27401 Lynn Stenson: deborah.t.stenson2.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-5649 Greenville State Family Assistance Center 1401 N. Memorial Dr. 27834 Kelly Wells (984) 661-1150 Lenoir State Family Assistance Center 1535 Beecher Anderson Rd. 28645 Frances Johnson: frances.r.johnson28.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-1242 Raleigh Unit Family Contact Center 4105 Reedy Creek Rd. 27607 Lisa Faison: lisa.m.faison.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-7100 Mark Woolbright: mark.l.woolbright.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-7102 JFHQ Unit Family Contact Center 1636 Gold Star Dr. 27607 Wendi Bell: wendi.h.bell.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-6078 Smithfield Unit Family Contact Center 406 Hospital Rd. 27577 Abby Millsap: abigail.e.millsap.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-2784 Southern Pines Unit Family Contact Center 500 Morganton Rd. 28387 Earlene Capps: earlene.b.capps.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-2683
Family Readiness Support Assistants Raleigh Jason Pleasant matthew.j.pleasant.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-7017 Senior FRSA
Greensboro Gloria Fields gloria.d.fields.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-5620
Charlotte Nikkie Newsome genesia.k.newsome.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-4548
Morrisville George Lane george.w.lane2.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-6313
Clinton Chekea Hinton-Mack (984) 661-4735
Raleigh Norman Dean norman.g.dean2.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-6537
Goldsboro Vacant (984) 661-5423
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Wilmington Unit Family Contact Center 2412 Infantry Rd. 28405 Jim Marley: james.e.marley.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-6918 Winston-Salem Unit Family Contact Center 2000 Silas Creek Pkwy. 27103 Sandy Harrison: sandra.b.harrison2.ctr@mail.mil (984)-661-7131
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