Pressing On by Feed the Hunger

Pressing

A Devotional by

PATT WILLIAMS

Copyright © 2021 by Feed the Hunger. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in mechanical or electronic form without express permission of the copyright holder. Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ Printed in the USA

Table of Contents Preface The Dream The Spoiled American The Guarantees The Survival Kit—Part One The Survival Kit—Part Two The Test The Opposites The Commander The Baby The Bridge The Timing The Small Step The Heart The Journey—Part One The Journey—Part Two

i 7 9 11 13 15 17 19 21 23 25 27 29 31 33 35

The Sound The Trivial The In-Between The Fall The Shadow The Help The Dust The Joy The Stuff—Part One The Stuff—Part Two The Decision The Walls The Moments The Picture Pressing On

37 39 41 43 45 47 49 51 53 55 57 59 61 63 65

Preface This book began as the result of a dream, which I describe in the first chapter. To see whether God was really leading me to write a third book, I sat down at my computer later that morning. The thoughts flowed so quickly that I felt as if I were sitting back and watching the words appear. Of course, many chapters were tough and took weeks to write, but this surprising start encouraged me through the dry times. To God be the glory! I’m grateful to those who helped finish Pressing On. To Dr. Matthew Byrd for his guidance with proofreading and advice and the hours we spent in virtual meetings, thank you. To Vincent Graves, your creativity in layout and design and your ability to manage printing and distribution continues to bless me. Thank you. And to the great staff at Feed the Hunger, it’s a privilege to be working with such dedicated people. I close with part of a prayer from Anne Graham Lotz’s book The Light of His Presence. The chapter is entitled “A Prayer to Be Salt and Light.”

Raise us up as a body of believers who will be beacons of Your light, trumpeters of Your truth, ministers of Your comfort, and ambassadors of Your peace. May we be the salt and light You declared us to be. . . . We choose to redeem the time we have left so we do not waste a moment in inviting all to live with You forever, clearly explaining how they can be assured their names are recorded in the Lamb’s book of life. We boldly ask this in the name of the One who is coming—Jesus, Amen.1 In Christ alone, by grace alone, Patt May 2021

Anne Graham Lotz, The Light of His Presence (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 2020), 145–7. Used by permission from Anne Graham Lotz. Her books and other materials can be found at www.annegrahamlotz.org

The Dream Just about the time I think full maturity in Christ is attainable, the Holy Spirit kindly shows me an area that I’ve left unattended. Here’s how it unfolded. Several months ago, I found out that a certain boss had put a friend of mine in a difficult situation. He had been asked to side publicly with her views even though he thought they compromised his beliefs. This was very upsetting. My friend didn’t give in, but did ask me to pray for him as he navigated the ongoing work relationship. I think all would have gone well except I added a part to my prayers that didn’t belong. Yes, I did ask the Lord to be glorified through my friend’s ongoing response in the work situation. But because I had personally taken up my friend’s offense as if it had happened to me, I wanted revenge. As I said, that was several months ago, and the whole incident resolved itself in the best way possible. But early this morning, with my face still buried in my pillow, I was aware that I was coming out of a short dream. In my dream, a group of people were meeting in a large room, and I was there to pick up some keys because I would be returning later to let others in. Standing there with the keys

in her hand was . . . the boss. She was pleasant. I was not. She wanted to talk some more. I looked for a way to leave. When someone across the room waved to me, I abruptly took the keys from her and walked away. When I looked back at the boss, she was sadly looking at me. That’s when my eyes popped opened and my face came up from my pillow. “Oh no, not again!” I moaned. After so many years of living the full life God has given me through His Son, Jesus Christ, why do I keep letting resentment creep into my heart and mind? My friend’s situation had been resolved and everyone had moved on, but my heart was still carrying the offense. And, to top it off, I had a self-righteous attitude. Quickly, I asked the Lord to forgive me and, as so many times before, I experienced the sweet peace that God always bestows when I turn to Him in repentance. What a gracious, loving, forgiving, and patient God. Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord. Acts 3:19

The Spoiled American We had flown 36 hours to get there and had traveled throughout the next day over difficult roads to reach the remote village. Now, I was seated on the ground at the women’s conference, waiting for my turn to speak. Even though we were in the Himalayan mountains, it was hot . . . and humid . . . and did I say hot ? The church walls were made from split bamboo, with a straw roof. Through the slits in the walls, I could see the ladies in charge of lunch, getting the fire started under their big pots, cutting up onions and garlic, mixing the spices and vegetables. One lady was struggling with a couple of protesting chickens that would soon be added to the stew. The church was full. Women who had no children sat toward the front and mommas with babies toward the back. Hot as blue blazes, we sat on the straw-covered ground with toddlers who wandered here and there. No air-conditioning or soundproof sanctuary or childcare provided or soft seats—or diapers. And yet, the women were never distracted. They stayed attentive, eager to hear the Word of God proclaimed to them. Many women were illiterate, but there were enough who could read and write that they could teach the material later to the women in their churches.

Just as I stood up to teach, a rooster crowed and the water buffalo that was staked outside the “front door” started to “mmMOOuh . . . mmMOO-uh.” And still the women sat there, undeterred. Whenever I’m among such women so hungry for biblical teaching, I am humbled. They have so little, but trust God so much. I have so much, but, honestly, don’t turn to the Lord as quickly. My memory of them stirs me again to stop whining, stop trying to arrange a perfect life for myself, stop spending money on stuff. (Hadn’t I just complained to my husband before leaving the USA that the color of my washer didn’t match my dryer?) They challenge me to desire God more, pray more, give more, and want things less. Don’t get me wrong, these Third World women are not perfect. However, because of suffering, privation, and persecution, they run to God quickly. They have neither power, position, nor money. But, oh, how they love the Lord. When they read the Scriptures or hear a promise from Him, they simply believe it by faith. If God says it, He will do it! I want to be like that. Most of all, I want to be like Jesus, because being a spoiled American Christian does not achieve the purposes of God. Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1–2 10

The Guarantees My life was never supposed to be like this, having myself and the people I love in their personal world of crisis. Somehow, I reasoned, if I did my best, prayed, tithed, and loved the Lord, I (or we) would escape these kinds of difficulties. We would be the counselors and not those in need of counseling, as we are today. I thought there would only be a few bumps in the road for those who truly seek God’s purposes and love Him dearly. My desires were a hope, a prayer, and even something I daydreamed about, but the conflict-free life was never guaranteed. My tiny, finite mind just thought it would be. Today, I’m grieving what has been lost, not knowing if it will be lost forever in this lifetime or just during this season. Resurrection is at the center of my faith, but tonight there’s no feeling of that. I can’t see the mountaintop in this valley, yet I know it’s there. It has to be there! How long till I see it? Surely God knows. Therefore, I make it my resolve to focus on Him and not try to control or manipulate these areas that have unraveled. Even as I write this, I know that I have no power in myself to fix it, but even this reality keeps overshadowing all that is right in my life.

Holy Spirit, take control of my controlling nature. Help me surrender my right to be right. Help me see each person’s desire to serve You. Give all of us tender hearts, humility, compassion—Your will before ours. We look to You and for the day when we will confess, forgive, and live in Your peace. Show us how to move forward as we work on reconciliation with each other. Yes, my hopes, my prayers will continue, even though there is no sign of a victory—yet. The prophet Habakkuk must have gone through something similar because he complained about God not stepping in to solve Israel’s problems. Yet, in the end, he knew what his response should be. And so, Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet will I rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:17–18 God never leaves us hopeless or without a promise. Through His Word, He lovingly explains His guarantees to encourage us. Jesus spoke three of them to His disciples in John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that (1) in me you may have peace. (2) In this world you will have trouble. (3) But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

The Survival Kit Part One

There is a special place in my heart for mothers of young children. They need a lot of encouragement because of the diapers/dishes/dusting that is repeated every day . . . and for many days after that. If you add a full-time job on top of trying to be a full-time mother, it can be daunting. The following comes from a talk I gave years ago when I was just emerging from my own challenge with young children. I’ve made a few changes to it, but it’s basically the same message. My survival kit was my way to give women hope that they, too, would survive those busy years. The first thing you need is a shovel. Set it right next to the front door so guests can clear a path to the sofa. Anyone with small children knows the havoc those precious darlings can execute in a matter of minutes. I consoled myself by remembering that those who had small children would understand the mess. Those who didn’t would never understand—so I didn’t try. Next you need an extra hand, symbolized by a glove. One is always needed to pick up a crying child while pouring the milk or separating combatants! It’s hard for a mother to survive in good condition without one. So, if any of you old-

er moms have a few hours free once a month or so, give a mother of preschoolers “an extra hand.” She may write you into her will! I always keep a washcloth and Kleenex handy. The times are countless when you will need a washcloth for a dirty face or sticky fingers, like when your adorable daughter finds your makeup or your son wears his lunch. And runny noses . . . well, this too shall pass. By the time they’re 15, you won’t remember any of this. Next, and this is very important, you should have a Bible-story book nearby. Telling little ones about Jesus usually comes at unexpected times. So always be ready. If you forget the book, at least talk about Jesus and sing songs about Him. Don’t worry about doing this part perfectly. Your attempts will be like little seeds sown in fertile soil. God will help with the rain and the sun and the weeding. Especially don’t forget this: God’s commands are to be on your heart first; only then can you Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:7

The Survival Kit Part Two

The children and I traveled a lot with J.L. and the New Directions singing group. I often had to excuse myself from the adult company so I could supervise my little ones’ play. This was very important because April’s immediate response to conflict was to bite and Jonathan’s was to punch. I had to be watchful. (I’m happy to report that since they’ve grown up and have children of their own, they no longer bite or hit.) In my survival kit, there is a whistle and a wooden spoon. These were used in sequence when disputes broke out among our four children. The whistle was used to get their attention. After I listened to each side and pronounced judgment, the spoon was used to punish as needed. If the discord was a result of immaturity, they were taught the right way or reminded of it—again. If the discord was because of disobedience, they were spanked hard enough with the spoon to feel pain but not hard enough to be injured. J.L. and I agreed on painful punishment knowing that if they felt the consequence of disobedience, it would make obedience to us—and eventually to God—an easier choice. Lastly, I have a miniature STOP sign. This is to remind me of one of my weakest areas—doing for children what they

should be able to do for themselves. J.L. and I determined what were age-appropriate tasks and assigned them, some for pay and some as a part of family life. We didn’t want our children to be irresponsible or lazy in caring for themselves or looking out for others. With all these items stuffed back into my survival kit, we end where (hopefully) we started, on our knees. We press on in our arduous and joyous journey—a God-centered journey—presenting the way to know Christ to each child. Even though they will make mistakes, we can trust the Holy Spirit to provide all the necessary wisdom for us to guide them into becoming young men and young women who love the Lord. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 (kjv)

The Test Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2–4 Have you ever stumbled over a minor thing in your Christian walk that for some reason loomed large at the time? It happened to me this week when someone got on my very last nerve. My feelings escalated from irritation to outright anger, and I couldn’t move past their self-centeredness. I wanted to yell at them, “It’s not about YOU! What about ME?” Spiritual tests are like school tests—they reveal what you’ve learned well and what you still need to work on. My recent spiritual test caused me to read James 1:2–4 again. However, to be honest, I didn’t want to consider this trial “pure joy.” I had lost my patience and wanted to be done with that person. Now, a day removed from that incident, I see how trivial my outrage was. Their self-centeredness? So, I went back to my starting place—repentance—with my head down in discour-

agement. If I get worn out from lesser trials and struggles, what will I do when the big tests of faith come? I will remember that God has greater purposes for me with the tests, and one of those purposes is to learn to triumph over messups. He wants to make me tougher, stronger, more trusting. Sometimes I think He says, “Lift up your head, Patt. You still have so much to learn and I’m here to help you!” God will lovingly, but firmly, use the painful times for greater purposes in my life. For now, perseverance must finish its work so I’ll be mature, not lacking anything, realizing that becoming mature is a long process in the same direction, not a one-time event. There are many people who have yet to be loved and taught and nurtured into the kingdom. Don’t we want to abound in every good work (2 Corinthians 9:8) so that nonbelievers will clearly see the way to Jesus and not get detoured by our immaturities? Whether great or trivial, trials will continue to come to us and our faith will be severely tested. But we can trust the Holy Spirit to ensure that we learn our lessons well while ministering to others. When the Lord has enabled us to fight the good fight of faith, we’ll enter heaven—not just somehow, but triumphantly! Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

The Opposites One of the most perplexing things I had to deal with in my marriage was to try and come to a livable understanding of how different and opposite men and women are—and that it’s okay. God never intended our differences to be a battlefield, but a field of completeness. The challenge is to make your differences work for you. To be different is not wrong unless it goes against God’s Word. If sin is the reason for the problem, repentance is in order. If sin is not the reason, then the solution may be forgiveness, kindness, or seeking godly counsel. Every man has the right to expect his wife to be lovingly honest if she is troubled (or pleased) with something in her relationship with him. Every woman has the right to expect her husband to be lovingly honest if he is troubled (or pleased) with something in his relationship with her. Look at a dollar bill. Two different sides with almost nothing in common as far as the printing, the pictures, or the words are concerned. Each side faces the opposite direction and yet, together, they make up something of value. If you were ever able to separate them, their value apart would be zero. Only together do they have worth.

A Christian marriage should be the same way. It’s God’s amazing mathematics that created this equation: 1 + 1 = 1. Our differences are meant to bring strength and unity into our union, not conflict and division. But we often let those differences divide us, and we lament that we are incompatible. Whenever J.L. and I heard couples use that word as one of their excuses for wanting a divorce, we replied, “You’re incompatible? Of course you are! Welcome to the human race—we’re ALL incompatible. Surely you’ve figured out by now that men and women are opposites!” God is on the move in hearts everywhere. If He can move an entire nation, He can change the heart of your insensitive husband. He can change the heart of your nagging wife. No barrier is too high and no chasm is too wide to keep God from accomplishing a loving marriage that glorifies Him. Since we were made in God’s likeness, a loving marriage is guaranteed, but it requires a lot of work, selflessness, and commitment. Neither J.L. nor I had all the answers, but we relied heavily on the One who did. One thing you can count on: it is God’s will that couples have a fulfilling and wonderful life together. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

The Commander This chapter was written during the week of November 3, 2020, while we waited to see who would be the next US president. It’s easy to take sides—my side versus their side. I am firmly convinced that my candidates will benefit our citizens the most, but the Christian lady down the street is just as firmly convinced that hers will do the same. Will it be possible for the political divide to be healed and for us to unite once this is all over? Reconciliation is possible. As Christians we should be praying, working, and seeking unity in the name of Christ. Of course, we can’t compromise what the Lord has told us in His Word, but, as far as it depends on us, we “make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy” (Hebrews 12:14). Joshua was preparing the children of Israel to enter the Promised Land at Jericho. That’s when he looked up and saw a man in front of him with a drawn sword. Joshua asked him, “Are you for us or for our enemies?” (Joshua 5:13). I have wondered the same thing about this election. Is God on my side or their side? The man’s answer to Joshua should surprise us (verse 14): “Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.” 21

As a nation, we have continued in a downward spiral for decades and decades in our sinful departure from the sanctity of life and marriage, racial unity, and concern for the poor and the oppressed. Surely, God desires that both sides repent. In view of that, we should echo Joshua’s response to the commander of the Lord’s army: Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, “What message does my Lord have for his servant?” Yes, God, You who are the Supreme Commander of Your army, what message do You have for us, Your servants? If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 My question to those of you who read this chapter months and years from November 2020 is this: Did we, us and them, humble ourselves, pray, seek God’s face, and turn from our wickedness? If we did, God heard and forgave and healed our land. If we did not, we are experiencing God’s discipline and punishment. One thing we know from Scripture is that it’s never too late to turn back to God. His heart is always open to the penitent because He does not want anyone to perish, but for everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). 22

The Baby The Christmas story was increasing in interest for our two girls. Trish (three and a half) and April (two) had been attired like the Virgin Mary for at least a month, donning the toolarge dresses from the dress-up box, putting scarves on their heads, and stuffing baby dolls under their belts. They also imitated my walk as I waddled around the house, our third child being due the first week of January. It was amusing to watch the girls make a sudden stop, loosen their belts, and let their dolls drop to the floor. At that point, they gleefully exclaimed, “Look! Baby Jesus was just born!” Grabbing their dolls by an arm or leg, they wrapped them up in blankets and laid them on a bed. Then everything was repeated, again and again. The week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve was always full of important events for our family. Besides Christmas, our wedding anniversary was on the 27th (what were we thinking?!), my dad’s birthday was on the 29th, and J.L.’s was on the 31st. So, we were quite surprised when I went into labor on Christmas Eve, delivered Joseph in the early hours of Christmas morning, and was discharged from the hospital on New

Year’s Eve (also J.L.’s birthday). Fortunately, my parents were there to help! I had a little time to get settled in a back bedroom before the start of the New Year’s Eve service that J.L. was having for our New Directions singers and friends. When it was time for our guests to arrive, J.L. went to the living room and I was left with baby Joseph and the girls. That’s when Trish decided to have a serious talk with me. April stood beside her, nodding throughout her sister’s oration. “Okay Momma,” she deliberately began, “we know the story about Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus (a pause, then a deep breath), but really, you are Mary, Daddy is Joseph, and this baby is Jesus, right?” Both girls nodded in unison. Slowly, I responded with, “I know how much you girls love the Christmas story, but I am not Mary and Daddy is not Joseph and little Joseph is not Jesus.” It was profoundly apparent that my short speech did NOT register at all—they just stared at me. Suddenly, Trish turned and dashed down the hall toward the room full of people and, with April in pursuit, called out, “Hey, you guys! You wanna see Jesus? He’s here! C’mon, we’ll show you!” It’s a call that still goes out to all who want to know Jesus. More than just a baby, He came “to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45) through His birth, death, and resurrection. When we confess our sins to Him, He promises to live in us forever so that we, in turn, will live with Him forever. 24

The Bridge bridge (n) \ ‘brij \ a structure carrying a road, path, railroad, or canal across a river, ravine, road, railroad, or other obstacle. This word has come to mind often in recent months. I’ve been thinking about how it describes our assignment in the Christian life—to be a structure that provides a way across an obstacle. The continual spread of COVID-19, along with ongoing racial and political division, has made us feel like we either need to keep our distance from one another or engage in confrontation. These obstacles have strained our ability to live in community and have left some of us overly annoyed with others’ insensitivities to our needs. We are restless for someone or something to fix this so we can return to “normal.” But while we wait, some of us have allowed hatred and violence to be our response, while reason, common sense, and kindness are put aside. The Body of Christ is supposed to be engaged in showing the world how to be a bridge. But are we? If not, perhaps it’s because we know a basic fact: bridges are traveled from both sides. We’re criticized when we try to initiate dialogue or

reconciliation with those of different views on religion, politics, the environment, etc. And others who venture forth to dialogue or reconcile with us are criticized by their people. Influenced by Black gospel music, Paul Simon wrote the famous song “Bridge over Troubled Water” in 1969. It was later sung as a duet with Art Garfunkel. You’d almost think they were describing what Jesus did for us when He died on the cross. When you’re down and out When you’re on the street When evening falls so hard I will comfort you I’ll take your part Oh, when darkness comes And pain is all around Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down Christ’s love living within us compels us to lead the way in reconciliation, in being the bridge that brings opposite sides together. Will we lead by example in how to be the sacrificial link, the bridge over trouble and conflict and prejudice and injustice? This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16 26

The Timing A friend called me for advice about her niece who was having marital troubles. “He doesn’t love me anymore!” she sobbed to her aunt. It turns out her feelings had been hurt at work and she desperately needed to tell her husband. He had barely opened the door of their house when she dumped her boatload of emotional hurt onto him. He was so startled by her attack that he froze. She mistook his lack of an immediate response for indifference and not caring. It was a mess. If I changed just a few details in this story, you would be reading about me and my poor husband. Some days he never knew what hit him. My expectations were that he was supposed to listen and not interrupt and fix my problem! Or maybe I wanted him to interrupt. Or maybe I didn’t want him to fix it. I don’t know. I was so confused about what I wanted him to do that I sent mixed signals. During our years of marriage, I learned to ask myself the following questions before I opened my mouth. The first question was, Do I want my husband to fix this for me? His God-given design was to rescue the damsel in distress—me. So, if I just wanted him to hear me out—but be silent—I might be better served by emoting with godly girlfriends. 27

However, if I needed his input or even a solution, I asked myself the second question, When is the best time to talk to him about it? Mostly for him, but sometimes for me too, it was after a meal, when our stomachs were full and the endorphins were giving off a sense of well-being. I’m not talking about manipulation so I could get my way, because a godly marriage is desiring what is best for each other. Granted, emergencies happen and must be dealt with spontaneously, but from my life experiences, a planned approach was best. Forgive me for repurposing this verse, but I think we women should seriously consider Naomi’s advice to her daughter-in-law Ruth. She told her, “Don’t let him know . . . until he has finished eating and drinking” (Ruth 3:3). It’s great to think that Naomi knew thousands of years before I did that timing is everything! Timing means giving each other a chance to walk into a peaceful home, have supper together, and then, guided by prayer and love, discuss the issues. There is . . . a time to be silent and a time to speak. Ecclesiastes 3:7

The Small Step Tolerance used to mean recognizing and respecting others’ beliefs and opinions. Now the more operative word is intolerance. If you don’t see it my way, we’re done. But we worship the Prince of Peace, who urges us in His Word that “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). We look to the Holy Spirit to guide us in how to live peacefully with those of opposing views, without sarcasm or hostility. Unless we find the needed wisdom and love of Jesus Christ, we won’t be able to reach across the great divide that separates so many of us. Here’s a very recent story of how God did just that for “Christy,” a (white) friend of mine. “Let me tell you about the angel who visited me today,” she excitedly exclaimed. She sure had my attention! Christy was putting a few final items in her “generously full” grocery cart when, at that moment, she recalled, “A tall, black gentleman stood in front of my cart. He took a few moments to look down at all the items and finally looked up at me. I watched as he opened a notebook and took out a small piece of paper. It was a $20-off coupon if you spent a certain amount on groceries. As he gave it to me, he said, ‘I feel like you could use additional funds.’” 29

Christy was overwhelmed and replied, “Thank you, sir, for your generosity!” And with that, he was gone . . . I mean gone. She looked everywhere for him to thank him again but never found him. With a tearful voice, she told me, “Patt, he was the angel who visited me.” But, there’s one more part to her story. Christy was shopping for items she was going to cook because God had asked her to take food to those in need during COVID-19. “My angel allowed me to bless even more people.” In today’s culture, the gentleman and Christy are viewed as belonging on different “sides.” But he, in his compassion to help her, enabled her to help others, thus demonstrating how God’s love always multiplies. On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first man to set foot on the moon. He said, “That’s one small step for man . . . one giant leap for mankind.” So, what about your one small step? The Lord can show you and me how to share His love, even in a grocery store! Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. 1 Peter 3:8–9

The Heart J.L. loved to take things from nature and apply them spiritually. While we were hiking one day, he found a tree that had fallen over, revealing that while the outside looked healthy, the inside was hollow. He cut a section of the trunk about three or four inches thick and used it in sermons to reinforce the fact that God is always interested in the heart of the matter—our hearts. The prophet Samuel learned this lesson when evaluating the sons of Jesse based on their “kingly” appearance. God reminded Samuel, The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 J.L.’s love of agriculture is one of the reasons I’m missing him today, because I’ve come across a most interesting plant. It is growing from a seed I planted a while ago and now sits on a window sill in my kitchen. It is six feet tall at this writing. Let me introduce you to Cardiospermum halicacabum. It rises from my flower pot as a delicate vine a little thick31

er than a thread. Every three inches or so it sends out three leaves, each about an inch long. And each leaf has three points, with the center one larger than the ones on either side. After more time passes, tiny white flowers appear and a small green ball forms near the leaves, growing until it’s about the size of a grape. If you could open the top while the ball is still green without destroying it, you’d see even more evidence of threes. Down inside are three chambers, and in each one is the tiniest ball attached to an even tinier cord. By the time the grape-sized globe turns brown, something quite remarkable has happened inside. If you gently squeeze the brown capsule it makes a soft popping sound, earning its familiar name, love in a puff. Breaking through the shell, you will find three identical, dark seeds lying next to each other. As if an unseen hand has been at work—and this is the coolest part—each of the dark seeds has a white heart indelibly imprinted on it. Surely you can see that the first part of Cardiospermum halicacabum’s name is cardio (heart). In its small way, this amazing plant has given me a little better understanding of the Trinity, the Three in One, the One in Three. It’s the perfect unity of the heart of the Father, the heart of the Son, and the heart of the Holy Spirit. It’s glorious to think that this unity and love is transferred into our hearts when we accept Christ as our Savior and Lord. Envision with me our creator God, with His creative hand, indelibly imprinting His heart onto yours and mine when we became His children. Truly, we of all people are blessed, grateful, and humbled because He sent “the Spirit of his Son into our hearts” (Galatians 4:6). 32

The Journey Part One

It’s never just one situation that I go through to learn how good God can be during hard times. It seems I need this lesson over and over again. And so it was that my husband asked me to do a women’s conference with him and his sisters in Nepal. He gave me months of advance notice so I would have time to prepare. But, as is so typical of me, my old avoidance patterns reemerged as I gave a list of reasons why this wouldn’t be possible. My normal insecurities also reemerged. What if I don’t do well with my interpreter? What if my illustrations about being a woman in the First World don’t apply to women in the Third World? Why can’t I be as powerful in content and delivery as J.L. and his sisters? They are so deep and “meaty,” and I’m so . . . Lean Cuisine. Then there was my dad’s health. He lived in another state and was having heart problems. At age 76 he was quite aware that something was seriously wrong. Likening his condition to a car, he told me, “The paint job’s still pretty good. But the motor’s shot.” So, I had two battles on two fronts, and both loomed large. The preparation time for the conference was a terrible struggle. Every point completed for each of the five messag33

es was a battle won. As the time got closer for our departure, I continued to labor over what to say. But God’s timing is always perfect. At just the right moment, He graciously gave me a verse to cling to: But there they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread. Psalm 53:5 Wow! I was dreading leaving the US, dreading the travel, dreading the teaching—and stumbling badly when it came to trusting the Lord. Because of His infinite patience, He was reminding me AGAIN that there was nothing to fear. Nothing . . . really? Correct. My job was to walk the walk of faith regardless of my feelings, dreads, or insecurities. In retrospect, I see how God had been ahead of me on this and was going to make sure there was nothing to fear. But just as I was appropriating those encouraging words, I received a long-distance call that threatened to unravel my new confidence. A family friend was visiting my parents in their home when my dad’s heart stopped and he fell from the sofa to the floor. What was God going to do about this?! I knew the verse below, but would it be true this time? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The Journey Part Two

Flying to Ohio to see my dad, I pondered the interesting “coincidence” that the family friend visiting my folks that day was an emergency physician. Surely God had a definite plan. Dr. John had begun CPR right away, while my mother called 911. The EMS technicians established a semi-regular heartbeat. While awaiting a connecting flight from Cleveland, I opened my Bible and, once again, there was a verse to sustain me for what lay ahead. God was present. May the Lord answer you when you are in distress. Psalm 20:1 Dad was not quite conscious when I first saw him, but he gradually came around, exactly one week before my trip to Nepal. Did his heart attack mean I was to cancel the trip? How could I leave my mother to do this by herself? I asked J.L. and my mom what to do. They said it was my decision. I complained to God and said, “Nobody will tell me. I’m asking You to show me as clearly as You showed Gideon with the fleece.” When Dad could talk, I asked him. “You should go,” he said. “Don’t worry about me. We’ll meet again, either here, there, or in the air!” 35

But I still wanted and needed a direct word from the Lord. Here’s what He gave me: If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139:9–10 The answer was obvious to me. The “wings of the dawn” happened to be an airplane, and “the far side of the sea” happened to be Nepal. So I left the CCU and, in a definite act of obedience, I set my conflicting thoughts aside and flew to Nepal with J.L. God was true to His promise to guide me and hold me fast through each message, even though the emotional concern for my dad was as hard as I had imagined it would be. In the meantime, our oldest daughter, Trish, had gone to help her grandparents in my absence. On the fourth night of the five-day women’s conference, she called to say that Dad had died a few hours earlier. Many situations are just hard, hard, hard all the way through. Sometimes the weight doesn’t lift until it’s all over. Turning the difficult stuff over to the Lord doesn’t guarantee it will get easier, but it does mean it will be possible. But, how can it be possible? Because God is always faithful. His grace is always sufficient. His Word is always a guide and His Holy Spirit is always the Comforter. No matter what God assigns or allows, His promise remains the same: “The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9). 36

The Sound Years ago, if I was in another part of the house and heard the outside door open into my kitchen, I stopped and listened for the next sound. If the door slammed shut, it was J.L. If it crashed against the wall and shutting it was forgotten— again—it was one or more of our four children. How did I know who was making the noise? Because I had spent so much time with them I knew what their arrivals sounded like. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day. Genesis 3:8 God makes a sound as He walks? Was He singing, laughing, maybe even greeting the animals in their own languages? (I imagine they bowed to Him as He passed by.) Perhaps He was joyfully calling out to His favorite people—granted, they were His only people! But how did Adam and Eve know it was God? Because they had spent so much time with Him they knew what He sounded like. On one of our trips through the countryside outside Jerusalem, our bus had to wait while two very large herds of sheep 37

crossed the road. They were coming from opposites sides and converged in front of us on their way across. Surely there would be chaos when numerous sheep got disoriented, joined the wrong crowd, and followed the wrong shepherd. The fascinating part was that the sheep were never confused about where to go, even though they became so intermingled that we quickly lost track of who went with whom. That’s when we shifted our eyes from the sheep to the shepherds. The shepherd on our right was singing as he led his sheep across the road. The shepherd on our left was playing his flute. We continued watching in awe as each sheep perfectly wove its way through the others to reach the opposite pasture. So, how did the sheep know which sound to follow? They had spent so much time with their shepherd (and he with them) that they knew what he sounded like. We have a Great Shepherd who deeply desires to guide us, feed us, protect us, and care for us. In a world of confusing voices pressing in on all sides, we can get disoriented. We can follow the wrong counsel and head off in the wrong direction with the wrong people. Our challenge is to spend time with our Shepherd. Do we worship Him, study His Word, pray to Him, and rest in His presence? That’s the only way we will know what God’s voice sounds like. Every day, O Lord, every day, help us spend so much time in Your presence that we will know Your voice anytime . . . anywhere. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27 38

The Trivial J.L. had taken our four children on a mission trip to Haiti, and I was spending time with my folks touring my dad’s hometown. Dad’s best friend, Bill Porter, still lived in the same town, and I sat there, happily listening to story after story of the childhood they had shared. Then Bill looked at me and said, “You look like Grandmother Morrow.” No one had ever told me that before and I was quite surprised. My brother, R.J., the chief genealogist in our family, found a picture of her with the Morrows, probably taken in the early 1920s. What an austere looking bunch, those Scottish Morrows, except for Mary, who looked less stern. The story goes that Grandmother Mary Elizabeth Emond Morrow sat in her rocking chair in the mornings memorizing the Bible. She wrote poetry and won every spelling bee while a student. She was also a stern, no-nonsense woman who lived by a strict set of rules, such as you had to stay dressed up all day on Sunday. Children couldn’t play on Sunday either (except quietly with buttons from a circular tin) and were forbidden to chew gum—or whistle! Ah, whistling. One of the chants I remember being taught as a child was 39

Whistling girls and crowing hens always come to a no-good end. Since my dad loved to whistle (and taught me how to as well), I hope he saved his disobedience until he was well out of earshot of his grandmother when he was a child. All these musings have brought my thoughts to rules and regulations in the church. Christian guidelines devoid of love and reason always lead to legalism and bondage. And they continue today, as if following a strict code of conduct and a dress code alone justifies oneself before God. Naturally, everyone must answer to God for their behavior because we are examples to the watching world of how a Christ-follower’s life should be lived. But rules alone are counterproductive. Let’s agree to hold back on condemnation and criticism of others when they don’t follow our expectations for how a Christian should live. Specifically, let’s set aside the lesser, trivial things and commit ourselves to the weightier parts of our Christian faith: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and so on. There’s no law against any of these (Galatians 5:22–23). After all, the letter of the law kills, but the Spirit gives life (2 Corinthians 3:6). We . . . know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. . . . If righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! Galatians 2:16, 21

The In-Between Sometimes while reading my Bible, I stop and wonder what was going on behind the scenes. For example, what was happening in Jerusalem on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, in the liminal space between what had been and what was yet to come? We know Pilate ordered the tomb sealed and a guard posted in case the disciples tried to steal Jesus’ body and claim He had risen from the dead (Matthew 27:62–66). We also know that the Jewish people were observing a Sabbath rest in obedience to the Law (Luke 23:56). We don’t know much else. Absent any further information, here are my wonderings: 1. Was there a private meeting among the Pharisees about repairing the temple curtain? Perhaps the priests had a theological discussion on how that huge veil could be torn from top to bottom (Matt 27:51; Mark 15:38), instead of vice versa. Maybe the meeting’s only focus was who would pay for this extensive repair! 2. Did Pilate’s wife continue to suffer? She had warned her husband about her dream and had “suffered a great deal” because of “that innocent man” (Matt 27:19). Now that innocent man was dead. 3. Was Malchus still rubbing his right ear, amazed that it felt completely whole? Surely he relived Peter’s im41

pulsive action the night before and Jesus’ unbelievable response (Luke 22:49–51; John 18:10–11). 4. Did Lazarus have a different perspective altogether since Jesus had raised him from the dead (John 11:17, 43–44)? I wonder if he thought, “You just wait—Jesus is up to something.” 5. Did Peter’s bitter weeping (Matt 26:75) continue into Saturday as well? 6. Was Mary, now experiencing Simeon’s prophecy that “a sword will pierce your own soul too” (Luke 2:35), struggling with how to bear the pain of her son’s death? And now the disciples, along with Mary and other women, were fearfully locked in a room (John 20:19), in the in-between, still in the tragedy and not yet in the ecstasy, unable to imagine the glorious joy that was coming the next day. Such a scary, frightening, intense, hopeless place—filled with shock, grief, doubt, tears, fears. I have been there. Have you? Maybe it was just for a few days or maybe it was for a season, but hope seemed elusive because God seemed silent. However, God is never silent, nor has He ever been inactive or forgetful of our situations (Psalm 121:8). Your goals may appear to have been interrupted or even dashed, but God’s plans never are. Will you accept the hope and the Way He offers while you’re in your in-betweens? Let us look to Jesus, the “author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2) as we stand on the threshold of our future. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 42

The Fall My grocery shopping could be delayed no longer and I had to take all four children with me. Of course, I’d done this many times before and had developed a system that worked well, as long as the children behaved perfectly. First, I had to locate all their comfort things that accompanied them on car trips, then buckle them in, find my wallet and keys, etc. Drive to the store. Reverse the order and find a grocery cart. Put Jonathan (six months old) in a special thingy in the cart seat closest to me, instruct Joseph (three) and April (five) to hold on to each side, and have Trish (six and a half) hold on to the front. Everything was going along nicely until . . . The “side children” decided I needed help selecting some cereal and off they went. Trying to look like a mother in control, I got them back to their assigned places while I put most of the boxes back on the shelves. We were rounding the end of the aisle closest to the cashiers when the same two took off running. I couldn’t help but notice a few judgmental stares from those checking out. Meanwhile, April and Joseph screamed with delight in their newfound freedom and raced onward, sideswiping a pickle jar. Luckily, I was close enough to grab the jar just before it hit the floor. When they stopped at the end of another 43

aisle to catch their breath, I grabbed them and realized we were once again facing the people in line. I was mortified! I desperately wanted them to think well of me, so I loudly said, “I sure will be glad when your mother gets here!” The desired results were perfect. The watchers’ faces immediately changed from a look of judgment to one of heartfelt sympathy! I had done it! Yes, yes, I had! Until . . . wait for it . . . until April turned around, looked up at me, and loudly said, “But, you’re our mother!” As fast as I could, I herded my group to the far end of the store and hid. Even now, I catch my breath when I relive that moment. Pride’s a funny thing, isn’t it? It poked up its ugly head when I least expected it, when the approval of others—others I didn’t even know—was more important than being an example in front of my children. Being humbled was a good thing. It brought me to confession and repentance and reminded me again of the seriousness of my job: to train up my children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), and “in everything set them an example by doing what is good” (Titus 2:7). Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

The Shadow The bright sunlight shone on the brick wall outside my kitchen window as I sat down for breakfast. Looking out across J.L.’s fish pond I saw an oddly shaped shadow. It was a squashed oval shape with something like two short, fat legs and a short, fat neck. An eye or a nose topped the fat neck. It so interested me that I went outside to get a closer look and was surprised to realize I had completely neglected the object on which the sun was shining. Tracing the shadow back to its source, I saw the statue of a crane, tall and stately, with long, slender legs and neck, and its head stretched upward toward the sun. Is it possible that I’m not the only one who misses how the sun shines on a situation because they’re drawn to the shadows, the sadness, the distortion, the darkness? Too often, we focus on the problem instead of turning our attention to God, who shines on our situation and guides our steps (Luke 1:78–79). There’s a story in Acts 5:12–16 about people putting their sick on beds in the street so Peter’s shadow might fall on them. While it’s true that even his shadow had the Holy Spirit’s power to heal, were there some eyes that remained only on the shadow, never looking with thanks to the apostles themselves? Even more importantly, were there any who lifted their eyes and hearts above the apostles in praise to the One 45

who had given the apostles the power to heal in the first place? I have shadows in my life that, if allowed to overtake my mind, emotions, and will, tend to keep me from knowing God’s revealed truth. Here are three of my shadows and three of many promises from His Word. I don’t know which way to go.

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path (Psalm 119:105).

I feel like I’m living in a dark place.

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life (John 8:12).

Why would anyone want to read what I write?

You are a chosen people . . . that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light (1 Peter 2:9).

The words of Henry van Dyke were put to the music of Ludwig van Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, giving us a powerful hymn of praise: Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love; Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, Opening to the sun above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; Drive the dark of doubt away; Giver of immortal gladness, Fill us with the light of day! 46

The Help It was 5:00 p.m., J.L. was out of town, and I had just put some French fries in hot grease when the phone rang. It was J.L., long distance, requesting some information he had left in his home office. He suggested I put one of the children on the phone while I went to locate the material. Lord, You know where everything is. Please help me find what J.L. needs. April (ten) was closest, so I handed the phone to her and dashed off. As I was rummaging through J.L.’s filing cabinet, I heard Jonathan (five and a half) scream from the other end of the house. At that very moment, Trish (eleven and a half) and Joseph (eight) came into the office demanding that I settle whose turn it was to draw with the magic markers. They were calling each other creative names like “scum bag” and such. Oh God, please give me the wisdom to deal with these children! Telling them to calm down and dashing back to the phone, I told J.L. I couldn’t find the files and to repeat where to find them. Passing the phone off to Trish, checking on the fries, and yelling “Mommy will be right there!” to a sobbing Jonathan, I raced back to the filing cabinet. Just then, April an47

nounced that a “strange-looking man” was at the front door. Protect us, Lord. Actually, he was a nice man who wanted to encourage me to read more Christian books. He had a few books I could buy if I were interested. As politely as I could, I thanked him, closed the door, and scooped up Jonathan on my dash back to the phone, while he showed me his smashed finger. Lord, please fill me with compassion right now. With the fries still doing okay, it was my turn to talk to J.L. His happy greeting was, “Hi there, how has your day been?” HA! I never did find the material he wanted and decided to finish our conversation without bothering him with any of the current “activities.” After a short lecture on name calling, I determined it was Trish’s turn to use the magic markers. With the assurance that I really, really did care about his smashed finger, Jonathan’s pain was eased. And, finally, the French fries were ready—perfect timing. Right then, I looked at the kitchen clock. Wait! Just seven minutes had passed? Only seven?! You have got to be kidding. Surely it had taken an hour. The clock must have stopped! (It hadn’t.) As I began to exhale and let my heart rate return to normal, I thanked God over and over again. He had been true to His promise of being “an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). There was no other reasonable explanation for that day ending safely in peace. 48

The Dust One of the Charlie Brown cartoon characters that amused me the most was Pigpen. Even when Pigpen tried to stay clean, he couldn’t. One cartoon described him as a dust magnet because a dirty cloud followed him everywhere he went and ruined any chances for him to be successful or even make friends—except for one: Charlie Brown. Cartoons usually imitate life, so this memory reminds me of us, God’s little dust people. But long before that, in a perfect world, God created a man “from the dust of the ground” (Genesis 2:7). When His creation rebelled against Him, God’s punishment was swift. He said to Adam: By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return. Genesis 3:19 All of us come into this world spiritually dead, destined to die both here and for eternity. No matter how hard we try, we can’t make ourselves clean. That fact follows us everywhere and ruins any chances for us to enjoy faith, hope, love, and 49

true friendships. However, God knew all of that in advance and provided a way for us to be intimate friends with Him through the sacrifice of our one true Friend, Jesus Christ. Because of this, God’s love for us goes far beyond the word amazing. Seriously, we are not capable of loving that way, so it’s hard to comprehend why God does—or even wants to. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13–14 It’s the last line that brings me great hope and encouragement—God remembers we are dust. When we confess our sins, He forgives us and cleans us up (1 John 1:9). We won’t be perfect until heaven, but He lovingly takes all of that into consideration whenever we cry out to Him. Thank you, Lord, for Your tender and compassionate and redemptive and Fatherly heart. With deepest love and humble gratitude, Your daughter Patt, one of Your little dust people

The Joy Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 51:11 Is it possible to march right through the worst times of our lives because of the joy within us ? I’m talking about joy as a deep knowing, a peace that lives within us. This has been on my mind a lot recently since many are just wringing their hands in despair because of COVID-19. Several people I know are living in so much fear that, even after taking all the precautionary measures, they won’t leave their homes. What is happening to us? How did we get so detached from believing the promises of God? Yes, we’re supposed to be careful about protecting ourselves and others from our germs and theirs. But, aren’t we supposed to be doing that anyway, like during cold and flu seasons? We should embrace the fact that Jesus has conquered death (1 Corinthians 15:55). Are we afraid of the coronavirus because we’re afraid of dying? My husband used to laugh about such a fear and often responded by saying, “Don’t threaten me with heaven!” Joy is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). For those of us who love the Lord, we have that joy within 51

us and because of that truth, fear shouldn’t overtake our joy. Think about the shepherd boy David who did not let the fear controlling others keep him from running to the battle line to meet Goliath (1 Samuel 17:48). There is something encouraging about this visual, because there is nothing humanly logical about this fight between an average-sized David and an over nine-foot-tall Goliath. Surely David felt emboldened by God’s presence and was perhaps even filled with excitement and joy to face what could have been the last day of his life. Struggling to survive during this pandemic can truly feel like our cross to bear. Would you join me and do as Jesus did, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2)? We look to Jesus as our example of facing the worst thing possible because the best thing possible awaits—though what we’re facing hardly compares to the price Christ paid dying on a cross for our sin. Fear must not defeat us! Just as He promised, the Lord God Almighty will help us. Let us boldly continue with the work God has called us to do, for the joy of it all. God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. Psalm 46:1–2 Written in late summer 2020. 52

The Stuff Part One

Every few years an occasion demands I reduce my possessions. I’m in one of those seasons now. The last time was about three years ago when I cleaned out my attic. It took three months! Things went into labeled piles: 1. Throw away 2. Offer to family or friends 3. Give to a Christian thrift store It was very liberating to get rid of extraneous stuff, like clothes that had been stored in boxes and didn’t fit, or items that hadn’t been used in a couple of years. But this time, I am looking at what’s in my everyday living space. Oh my, it is obvious that sorting and eliminating these items will be much harder because, well, because I have an emotional attachment to them. I used to nag my husband, J.L., because of his stuff. When I pointed out an item and asked why he was keeping it, he would lament that it was given to him by an overseas ministry partner or a friend here in the states. “I can’t get rid of that because there’s a name, a face, and a memory attached 53

to it. It was a gift. You can’t just throw away something like that.” For the first time, I understand how he felt. My emotions are playing a huge role in keeping me from parting with my “treasures.” But I’ve been convicted to get the victory over this problem because I’ve never seen storage space next to a grave. First Timothy 6:7 reminds me that “we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.” So, I’ve been asking myself some questions. Is it because my identity is so tied up in these things that I’m reluctant to part with them? If they were all gone, would I still experience the comfort, peace, and joy of the Lord, or do I keep these treasures because they are part of my comfort zone? Worst of all, have a few become idols I would never part with—absolutely never ? Possibly, maybe, I’m not sure. I do know that as long as my heart finds my treasure and my fulfillment in Jesus, He will keep my life balanced concerning earthly possessions. So bring on the boxes and cartons! I have much work ahead of me. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

The Stuff Part Two

In the last sentence of part one, I proudly wrote, “So bring on the boxes and cartons, I have much work ahead of me.” You may have been impressed at my spiritual approach to letting go of earthly possessions. But it’s time for a full confession—I’ve done little to pare things down after last year’s strong resolve. In every room of the house where J.L. and I raised our family for over 48 years, there are items I emotionally pick up and hold close to my heart. “How do I part with this, or this, or that?” I ask myself. But this year, the answers are serious. This year, I’m moving to a smaller place even closer to family. Soon after J.L. died, I became anxious about many things, one of which was deciding how and when to downsize. As I was praying about it late one evening, the Lord settled my spirit with this: “When the time is right, the place will be provided.” He has not altered those comforting words in the four years since. Surely, if the Lord has given me His Holy Spirit to guide and sustain me, He will also enable me to move on, to trust Him through this next transition, and to joyfully relinquish my possessions. I’ve thought a lot about Jesus’ move from heaven to earth, 55

because He possessed nothing in the human sense. First, He “made himself nothing” (Philippians 2:7), and then He had “no place to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). Yet, He was given everything necessary to do His Father’s will. At just the right time, He was provided with: A virgin’s womb to develop in (Luke 1:34–35) A manger to be laid in (Luke 2:7) A father and mother to raise Him (Luke 2:41–42) A home to teach in (Luke 4:38–39) A table to fellowship around (Matt 9:10; Luke 10:38) A home to spend the night in (Luke 19:5–6) A boat to preach from (Luke 5:3) A donkey to ride on (Luke 19:35) A room to meet in (Mark 14:12–15) A garden to pray in (Mark 14:32) A cross to die on (John 19:17–18) A tomb to lie in (Luke 23:52–53) As I open my hands to release what is not eternal, I am confident that I, too, will be given everything necessary to do my Father’s will. I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands. Psalm 31:14–15

The Decision But Jonah ran away from the Lord . . . Jonah 1:3 “The word of the Lord came to Jonah . . .” (Jonah 1:1). If I had heard God’s audible voice, I think I would have fallen to the ground and echoed little Samuel’s response, “Speak, for your servant is listening” (1 Samuel 3:10). But instead of quickly obeying the Lord, Jonah thought he could run away from Him, and thus he began his disobedient descent. Rebellion always leads us downward. Look at how the story unfolded for Jonah: He went down to Joppa and found a ship (verse 3) He went down below deck to sleep (verse 5) He went down into the raging sea (verse 15) He went down into the belly of a great fish (verse 17) I said I would echo little Samuel’s response, but would I? Am I a secret Jonah? Truth be told, there are moments when I don’t immediately run to the Lord for help. If I perceive that my strengths are sufficient for solving a problem, I have been known to jump right in without much forethought of asking God for His wisdom. I rationalize that I’m not exactly running from Him, only bypassing Him, just this one time. 57

However, you can count on me going to the Lord if the problem involves my weaknesses. I’m no dummy—I know I need lots of help in those areas. I make haste, forfeit all else, and run to Him, finding Proverbs 18:10 to be true: “The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” Every time I have run to the Lord, I have found a safe place. Perhaps Jonah 1:3 and Proverbs 18:10 summarize our daily lives—either running to the Lord or running from Him; seeking Him first or seeking Him after everything else has failed. Let’s eagerly and intentionally obey what God has called us to do and quickly run back to the Lord when we stray. God must watch us with sadness when we deliberately move away from Him with our bad decisions. Yet, His infinite and undeserved patience is far above and beyond anything we could ask or think. I have selected three verses to apply to our common dilemma: You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? Galatians 5:7 Therefore . . . let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 58

The Walls The Bible recounts several stories about walls. There’s the familiar one about the wall that fell after Joshua and the children of Israel marched around Jericho (Joshua 6). Centuries later, Nehemiah encouraged the Jews returning from exile, “Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace” (Nehemiah 2:17). And John describes the future Holy City as having “a great, high wall with twelve gates, and with twelve angels at the gates” (Revelation 21:12). God promised the children of Israel that if they ceased in their rebellious ways, loosed the chains of injustice, and set the oppressed free, He would answer their cry for help. They would be able to rebuild ruined Jerusalem and would be called “Repairer of Broken Walls” (Isaiah 58:12). I love that phrase because we know not only who is our Repairer of the Broken, but also who is our Wall that surrounds and protects us. But there is one place in the Bible that has a negative description of a wall. This wall surrounds but does not protect. It divides and does not unite. It is called “the dividing wall of hostility” (Ephesians 2:14). This wall separated Jews and Gentiles—the circumcised from the uncircumcised, those in the covenant and those excluded from it. For those of you reading this in the distant future, I’m 59

writing in the summer of 2020, a summer that has featured rising COVID-19 infections and deaths, Black Lives Matter protests, quarantines, white supremacy, riots, property destruction, and heated political discourse as we near the presidential election in November. Even though conflicts have been going on for millennia, a pandemic was the perfect storm that added fuel to our current hostile wall being built. It’s been growing longer and higher ever since. The virus couldn’t be controlled; therefore, many have lashed out on other issues. People engaging in the current violence are acting as if they are “without hope and without God in the world” (Ephesians 2:12). But only a changed heart can bring about a changed culture. Jesus came to us from the Father and He has become our peace, who has made the two groups [Jews and Gentiles] one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility . . . His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility (Ephesians 2:14–16). Jesus is the only one who changes hearts, who unites opposing groups and tears down all hostile walls. Only when those walls are destroyed can we work peacefully against injustice, reconcile racial and political groups, and promote change. Our Lord and Savior truly is the Repairer of the Broken Walls.

The Moments It’s strange and inexplicable that we never seem to appreciate things until there’s a possibility of having them taken away. Things that don’t otherwise rate take on renewed meaning if we can be in the moment, if we can set aside our personal obsessions and focus on what is going on around us. Friendships and sunsets demand our full attention, not our benign neglect. I remember sitting at my only sister’s bedside, watching the white sheet rise and fall over her skeletal body. Sue would be seeing Jesus soon. Before I flew to Pennsylvania to be with her, I had been consumed with thoughts about what color to paint my kitchen. Now in her presence, I realized she would be gone before that was accomplished. I wanted to say “I love you!” and pray and sing hymns we had loved as children. So I did. There is something very important about staying in the moment instead of planning the next contribution to a conversation or the next activity to check off the list. It’s not that we shouldn’t carefully plan or that we carelessly do things halfway, but the Holy Spirit constantly challenges me to be present, whether in my quiet time with Him or in conversations with others. I pray for discernment both in what words to speak and in what acts of kindness to render. 61

In our daily duties and interactions with the world around us, in all the moments of everyday life, let us continue to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. First, be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10). Then He will help us be fully in the moment as we feed the hungry, supply clothing to those who need it, invite in the stranger, look after the sick and those in prison, and offer the thirsty both physical water and the Water of Life (Matthew 25:34–40; John 4:10). Frances Ridley Havergal wrote the words to the hymn “Take My Life and Let It Be.” Here are parts of it to remind us that God wants to use us in the here and now for His glory. Take my moments and my days, Let them flow in ceaseless praise. Take my hands and let them move At the impulse of Thy love. Take my lips and let them be Filled with messages from Thee. Take my will and make it Thine, It shall be no longer mine. Take myself and I will be Ever, only, all for Thee.

The Picture There’s a picture hanging in my kitchen of J.L. and me smiling as we kneel behind two lions. One of the reasons I keep it there is to remind me of the emotions I felt as that picture was taken. We were “Walking with Lions,” part of a reintroduction program in Zimbabwe after distemper had killed so many of the big cats. Andrew Connelly was the owner and visionary of the lion project. Each of us walkers was given a skinny stick about three feet long to “protect ourselves” as we followed along behind them. We had signed a waiver and were given instructions about what to do if the felines suddenly turned around and came after us. First, don’t run away! Stand tall and stand still. Just take your stick, lift it high above your head and bring it down sharply on his nose, yelling “BAD LION!” I mean, really ?! How would that work? Now would be a good time to mention that Mr. Connelly only had one arm, the other having been ripped off and eaten by one of his lions. True story. Ah, what are we to do with the fear that threatens to unravel our brave resolve? If we let what we feel guide our thoughts and emotions, we are in big trouble, perhaps to the 63

point of paralysis. Today’s political and social climate can produce a sense of panic. Surely that’s not how the Lord wants us to live our Christian lives. There’s something very important about that picture that I haven’t told you yet. It’s what you can’t see, because it is out of frame. Standing to the photographer’s right is a soldier . . . with a powerful rifle. So, my brave smile really is brave, not because I am, but because I know I have a strong defender and protector close to me. We must embrace the truth that our Defender, who lives within us and around us, who goes before us and never leaves us, is greater than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). We should neither fear nor run away, but stand tall, staying close to our Protector who has given us “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17). PS—Andrew said he got the last laugh because the arm that was eaten had his watch on it. The alarm was set to wake him up every morning. So, in the days after the attack, the lion roared on schedule, protesting his unwanted wake-up call!

Pressing On Engraved atop the US Post Office in New York City: Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.

One year when we were visiting New York, I saw this famous saying outside the front entrance to the main post office. As we drove past, I thought of all the obstacles I had seen our couriers endure. Snow and rain, ice, and gloom of night when a late delivery was necessary in unsafe sections of the city. There were definitely seasonal challenges with bitterly cold mornings and blisteringly hot afternoons. And there are multiple stories of mail delivery problems involving dogs, including ours. Back when we had Caesar the Great IV, J.L.’s hundred-plus-pound St. Bernard, we went without mail for days because Caesar had gotten loose. When the stack of mail finally dropped through the slot in our front door, a note was attached: “Couldn’t deliver mail. Dog was out.” Then there was the season when we had chickens in the backyard. It was hard to keep them corralled, but the hens weren’t the problem. The rooster was. Very territorial, those roosters. When we finally got mail after days and days of nothing, the note read, “Couldn’t deliver mail. Rooster was 65

out.” A dinner of rooster ’n’ dumplings solved that problem. Our mail carriers were committed to swiftly completing their appointed rounds. At least they tried again and again, because they had a specific job to do and their motto inspired the brave in them. Thoughts about their determination led me to think about ours, realizing, of course, that we Christians have more than a motto, and it comes from an even higher authority than the Postmaster General. We have our orders from Jesus Christ Himself. Among them is the command to go into all the world and make disciples of all nations for Him (Matthew 28:19). We may be “hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” To what purpose? Because we want to show that the all-surpassing power of serving the Lord amid hardship is from God and not from us (2 Corinthians 4:7–9). The Holy Spirit lives inside us and it is He who inspires the brave in us. Even when we’re pummeled about by opposition, discouragement, and doubts, or chased by fears, or feel the enemy pecking away at our faith and hope, there is victory in Jesus! So, pressing on, let us complete the appointed rounds of love and good works that our gracious God has given us to do. Engraved on our hearts, wherever we are: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13–14 66

All the Way My Savior Leads me All the way my Savior leads me; What have I to ask beside? Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my guide? Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in Him to dwell! For I know whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well; For I know whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well. Text: Fanny J. Crosby Music: Dr. Robert Lowry