NEH Magazine 2

3 CONTRIBUTORS 4 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

15 THE BEST FOOD IN BUCHEON NEH creates and rates a list of the best places to eat in Bucheon: from delicious Western style dining to traditional Korean menus.

9 THE GUIDE: THE SEVERITY OF KOREAN ALCOHOL We‘ve created a handy color shading system that you can use to gauge how drunk you‘re going to get at your next outing with your Korean co-workers. Beware of the So-mek.

10 THE GUIDE: THE INTRICACIES OF KOREAN STREET FOODS Editorial Director Kristin Annable creates a comprehensive list of Korea‘s street food industry.

11 THE GUIDE: KOREAN BAR FOOD: AN IDIOT’S ANJU EXPERIMENT Joe Evans can‘t speak Korean so, he went into a Korean bar and just pointed at a bunch of things on the menu. These are the results of an idiot‘s anju experiment.

12 THE GUIDE: THE RAMEN EXPERIENCE

6 PROFILE

28 AGONY AJUMMA ADVICE FROM ONE OF THE STRONGEST WOMEN IN KOREA: My coteacher is a … what do I do?

A FUNNY STORY FROM A FOREIGNER: Kara Johnson interviews Kelly Anne Cross.

8 REVIEWS

29 HOROSCOPES

FILM: Jamie Greer reviews the UK film Pirate Radio about a rogue discjockey forced to hit the airwaves from an off shore station.

BOOKS: Ryan Rutherford discusses I Have the Right to Destroy Myself by Korean writer Young-ha Kim, a book that was only recently translated into English in 2007.

22 KOREAN SIDE DISHES Don‘t know what you‘re eating? Use this guide to decipher some of the dishes that are served at galbi restaurants and during your next big Korean dinner.

22 FOR THE VEGETARIAN IN ALL OF US Information about what to do if you‘re part of Korea‘s small vegetarian population: from websites to helpful hints.

Joanne Kim, Bucheon English teacher, was forced to eat twelve different kinds of ramen to decide which one tastes the best so that you get the best ramen experience.

14 THE SCAFFOLD In 2025, North and South Korea have unified and three women are about to be hanged for disobeying the ruling government. Short fiction by Sally Anderson.

27 JUST ABOVE MY HEAD Very few have experienced the difficulties of a bi-cultural relationship. In his short fiction piece for May, Casey Dyson explores the troubled romance of a foreigner male and a Korean woman.

ON THE COVER: JOANNE KIM photographed exclusively for NEH by Dennis Kim. The “Korean hamburger” consists of octopus, lettuce, and mayo. Cover concept by C.J. Koster.

The month of the Taurus: your life doesn‘t really suck. It just sucks this month.

30 CLOSING ARGUMENT Bosintang, or, dog soup is a contentious issue amongst both foreigners and Koreans. But what are the facts on either side?

23 TRAVAILS OF A PSEUDO-VEGETARIAN It‘s hard trying to live in Korea and not eat meat; but Ryan Rutherford is doing it.

Read about what it‘s like to never eat red meat and still survive in Korea.

24 MALL CAFETERIA FOOD

Ever have trouble ordering food at a mall cafeteria when you‘re out shopping? An easy to understand guide to ordering food at a mall cafeteria.

25 THE CLINICAL STUDY: DOES FAN DEATH REALLY KILL? Vortexes that suck out the air from a room? Hypothermia from sweat? A fan that can suck away air and prevent oxygen? We test the theory of fan death and put the possibility of death by fan to rest once and for all.

C.J. KOSTER & HARRIET BODKIN CREATIVE DIRECTOR & DESIGN DIRECTOR

DENNIS KIM

KRISTIN ANNABLE

PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR

EDITORIAL DIRECTOR

ORIGINALLY FROM: Brantford, Ontario, Canada FAVORITE KOREAN FOOD: Dakgalbi FAVORITE QUOTE: “Acknowledge a fault frankly, this will throw others off guard and allow you the opportunity to commit more.”

C.J. Koster & Kelly Williams

READ ANNABLE’S ARTICLES: Pages 10 and 24

RYAN RUTHERFORD Kelly Williams Cynthia Adkins Harriet Bodkin Kristin Annable Linda Flawn Sue Kim & Igor Pachkevitch Dennis Kim Ryan Rutherford Jamie Greer, JD Greer, Kara Johnson, Sally Anderson, Marcia Tyler, Joe Evans, Casey Dyson

MISSON STATEMENT NEH is a foreigner magazine in Bucheon, South Korea. Its mission is to educate, entertain and be relatable to Bucheon’s foreigner community—helping them to understand the Korea they live in and the Korea they know.

From insightful reviews to in-depth features and colorful pictorials, creative ideas to controversial facts, tips for living abroad to understanding Korean culture – NEH is representative of the foreigner community in Bucheon, South Korea. It is a magazine that provokes dialogue, drives involvement and endeavors to build the bridge between the Korea we live in and the Korea we know. By publishing monthly articles and commentary that are relatable to Bucheon’s expat population, NEH strives to be at the center of the ever expanding foreigner community.

CONTACT US: nehmagazine@gmail.com.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR can be sent to us by email nehmagazine@gmail.com. You can write to us about anything and everything like … yeah, whatever you just thought of, write about that.

INTERESTED IN CONTRIBUTING TO NEH? Are you a writer, wanna-be editor, amateur photographer, graphic designer, herder of cats, librarian of Korean experience? Find us on Facebook by typing NEH into your search bar and join our group!

EDITORIAL POLICY NEH magazine accepts submissions regularly from freelance writers, journalists and photographers. NEH does not compensate artists for their submissions. Submissions must be original works and must not have been published in hardcopy or electronic form either in part or as a whole prior to its submission to NEH. The editors reserve the right to edit all submissions for content, grammar, spelling and clarity. Authors must include their real name and contact information with their submission. Photographs and art should be submitted in *.png format. NEH regularly publishes works of short fiction but does not publish poetry unless officially solicited by the editors. NEH editors reserve the right not to publish any submissions that do not match the mission statement or goals of the magazine. For more information on NEH’s editorial policy, please contact us.

NEH DISTRIBUTORS You can find copies of NEH at ...

The Pub in the Park Café Nicolia Madigan’s Irish Pub Rhythm & Booze Taco Ria NEH BOARD OF DIRECTORS C.J. Koster, Chairman & C.E.O. Ryan Rutherford Kelly Williams Kristin Annable Linda Flawn, Secretary/Treasurer NEH is a non-profit organization. Revenue from advertising, events and other forms of fundraising are dedicated to maintaining the longevity of the publication. To enquire about NEH’s board of directors, annual general meeting or about how you can contribute to the future of Bucheon’s foreigner magazine, please contact us at nehmagazine@gmail.com.

EDITOR-AT LARGE

ORIGINALLY FROM: Cape Town, South Africa FAVORITE KOREAN FOOD: “Could be Dakgalbi. But possibly not.

Don’t really have a favorite Hangookin food.” FAVORITE QUOTE: “Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean Paul Sartre READ RUTHERFORD’S ARTICLES: Pages 8, 23 and 25

SUE KIM ART DIRECTOR

ORIGINALLY FROM: Sri Lanka FAVORITE KOREAN FOOD: Vegetable Jeon (pancake) FAVORITE QUOTE: “Follow the rabbit!”

AGONY AJUMMA ADVICE COLUMNIST

ORIGINALLY FROM: Busan, South Korea FAVORITE KOREAN FOOD: Kimchi, any and all kinds kimchi. The spicier the better.

FAVORITE QUOTE: “Consider yourself lucky. If I didn’t have the elbows, I’d be using my teeth.”

READ THE AGONY AJUMMA: Page 28

JAMIE & JD GREER REVIEWS CONTRIBUTORS

ORIGINALLY FROM: (Jamie) Lawrence, Kansas; (JD) Kansas City, Kansas FAVORITE KOREAN FOOD: (Jamie) Chamchi kimchi dolsot bibimbap; (JD) Squid jerky FAVORITE QUOTE: (Jamie) “Mo money, mo problems.” - Notorious B.I.G.; (JD) "I'll swallow all the problems, I will swallow all the pains, I'll drink this life together down to the blood inside my veins. I'll swallow all the pleasures I will swallow all the smiles, I'll drink the life I have with you down through the years and through the miles. A song is in it's singing, a gift is in it's bringing, and I am in my being here with you."

READ JAMIE’S REVIEW: Page 8

KARA JOHNSON PROFILES CONTRIBUTOR

ORIGINALLY FROM: Hesston, Kansas, U.SA. FAVORITE KOREAN FOOD: Kimbap FAVORITE QUOTE: "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." -Anonymous READ JOHNSON’S PROFILE OF KELLY ANNE CROSS: Page 6

MARCIA TYLER HOROSCOPES CONTRIBUTOR

ORIGINALLY FROM: Delaware, U.S.A. FAVORITE KOREAN FOOD: Kimbap FAVORITE QUOTE: “Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “You man the guns, I’ll drive.”

READ THE HOROSCOPES: Page 29

Greetings ladies and gentlemen, this is your copilot speaking.

There‘s nothing quite as satisfying as getting off a plane in some strange and unfamiliar place. Knowing that you‘re going to spend the next few hours/ days/months exploring a new cultural landscape.

An intrinsic part of this process is delving into the local delicacies and exposing your taste buds to new realms of pleasure or torture. Recently, I took a

You may have noticed some words missing from some of our articles in our first issue.

We had a slight problem with our printer which we have remedied for this issue. But, in case you were wondering, here some of the words that were cut out: trees, dog with a red collar, orgasm, ajumma curls, sweaty purple arm pits, magic stick.

C.S. Lewis did not write ‘Alice in Wonderland’ or ‘Through the Looking Glass’ as we mistakenly said in our editorial in our first issue. As we all know, both stories were written by Lewis Carroll.

Apologies to Copy Editor Cynthia Adkins whose name was cut off in the byline of her article in the first issue.

For our cover, we created one of the greatest and most disgusting sandwiches of all time. Never has there ever been a sandwich like this.

Ingredients: 1 Hamburger bun Mayonnaise Lettuce And one massive octopus tentacle

First and foremost, JOANNE KIM for volunteering for THE RAMEN EXPERIMENT as well as for being our cover girl and having the nasty octopus sandwich so close to her face. By far, that sandwich was one of the most disgusting things any of us have ever seen.

Kudos to Joanne for having the courage to be that close to that thing.

We would also like to thank CAFÉ NICOLIA and THE PUB IN THE PARK for being so generous and for giving us a service discount when we went to review and take pictures of their food for our “BEST FOOD IN BUCHEON” feature. Also thanks to Rhythm & Booze and all the other restaurants for supporting this issue and for welcoming us into their restaurant and for letting us take pictures of their food.

Additional thanks to photographer Dennis Kim and art directors Sue Kim and Igor Pachkevitch for their work on the photos of the NEH staff that are a new addition to this issue. Please check out and support our advertisers, without them, our magazine would not be possible.

“Cheeseburger in Paradise,” Jimmy Buffett; “Be Our Guest,” Beauty and the Beast; “Mashed Potato, USA,” James Brown; “Jambalaya,” Hank Williams; “Satan Gave Me a Taco,” Beck; “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk,” Rufus Wainwright; “Peaches,” Presidents of the U.S.; “Brown Sugar,” The Rolling Stones; “Chocolate Salty Balls,” Chef (South Park)

week‘s vacation in Bali. As I stepped into the airport arrivals hall, I was smacked in the face by this distinctly spicy smell. The humid air was infused with exotic flavours and I was instantly aware that an exciting journey was awaiting me. I had a similar experience as I walked up the stairs to the school cafeteria on my first day teaching in Korea. My nose was assaulted by the pungent smells of bucket loads of kimchi combined with the odours of foods I had never seen in my life. It took me a good few months to become accustomed to this. However, after almost a year and a half of school lunches, I can now tell the menu just from the smells wafting out. A year in Korea is certainly a year of culinary exploration and enlightenment or of culinary confusion and frustration. It takes dedication, intense research or a fearless commitment to picking things at random to truly lose yourself in Korea‘s labyrinth of edible offerings. Of course it helps if you can read and speak Korean too. Korean cuisine can be an overwhelming experience but also a rewarding one which will greatly enrich your time here. In this month‘s issue we are hoping to lend a helping hand and guide you towards a more comprehensive understanding of the wide range of foods that Korea has to offer.

Ever wandered around Bucheon station, eyeing those outdoor food stalls too paralysed with fear of getting some deep fried who-knows-what to join the queue? Ever gone to the local bar embarrassed to once again order one of those ‗pancake things‘ just so you can have a drink? Tired of ordering the same old dongassuh or gogi mandu at the local kimbab den?

We sent some of our best and bravest into the streets of Bucheon to do your dirty work for you.

Joe Evans creeps into the dark underbelly of Korean bar foods, testing the theory that if it sounds good it must taste good. Kristin Annable interrogates the mysterious wonders of street food and comes out with a comprehensive list of all things deep fried and spicy. An unwitting group of volunteers challenge their gag reflex in their search for the best ramen while the intrepid Mr. CJ Koster fills us in on the ‗Best Food in Bucheon‘. We‘ve endeavoured to litter the pages with as many visual aids as possible. Mainly so we have something to point to the next time we‘re at the local Korean watering hole.

You‘ll also find some top notch literary and filmic critiques from our regulars Ryan Rutherford and JD and Jamie Greer. Our short fiction section has expanded to include pieces from Sally Anderson and Casey Dyson.

On behalf of the flight crew, we hope you sit back, relax and fasten that seatbelt. Don‘t store your sense of adventure in the overhead compartmentyou‘ll need to keep that handy- as we‘ll be serving a whole lot more than just ‗chicken or beef‘ on this non-stop flight into unchartered territory. Enjoy the issue. N



Letter from the Editor

—KELLY WILLIAMS

Question? Comment? Statements of pith and merit? Send Letters to the Editor and anything else to nehmagazine@gmail.com

elly Cross does Korea right. Each of us handles this experience in our own way.

Some spend their time teaching and drinking, some teach and travel, others teach and bitch, a select few conquer all of the above. Eventually, routine sets in and we seem to forget that we‘re submersed in a culture nearly opposite from our own. This particular waygookin however, seems to have mastered the art of Korean Carpe Diem, if you will.

Kelly and I meet for the first time at Holly‘s coffee on a rainy Monday night. We fall into conversation easily and Kelly‘s Korean experience begins to unfold. She‘s been here since October and has a catalogue of stories that put mine to shame. Ice fishing in Hwacheon, pick-up ball in the park, volunteer service, overnight school field trips, making nice with garbage security men, and she even knows how to make chocolate chip cookies, sans oven.

As a minority living in a foreign country, there are a few things I doubt I would ever attempt. Playing pick-up basketball at the local park is one. Kelly however, brings a legit game. She played in college and isn‘t about to neglect her favorite past time.

Nearly everyday she‘s on the court. There‘s etiquette amongst pick-up ball players that Kelly says seems to be internationally recognized. Those on the court are called into a game until each team has full numbers. Everyone is welcome, even when you‘re the only female on the court. I ask Kelly if Korean street players are any good, she throws me a grin and says there is a range. ―You‘ve got your middle school boys that show up wearing school uniforms and slippers. Then you have the high school basketball team that brings game, and everyone in between.‖ Korean pick-up basketball follows a formal set of rules. When a ball goes out of bounds, the proper way of re-introducing the ball into the game is with a bow. At the end of a game, rather than high-fives, more bows are passed around. Completely Korean.

One of the better stories I‘ve heard while in Korea is Kelly‘s re-telling of her ice fishing experience at the Hwacheon Ice Fishing Festival. Kelly is at the festival with a friend, the Adventures Korea travel group is their guide.

They reach their icy destination and are handed ―a fly swatter-looking thing.‖ String and hook attached. They walk onto the ice and join the hundreds of other hopeful fishermen. No instruction, no hole, and no bait have been provided. A 14-year-old boy takes notice of Kelly‘s quizzical orientation. He hustles over and fashions a hole like a pro. As Kelly looks around she observes the way in

which one goes about ice fishing with no bait. ―I felt like I was conducting the freaking Philharmonic Orchestra.‖ Fly swatter in hand, Kelly begins waving her arm back and forth with intention. ―You literally have to try and hook a fish.‖ Luck, pure luck. A few of the other waygookin‘s head off to buy hotdogs as attempted bait. Kelly puts on her game face and is bound and determined to snag herself a fish before the day is over. She glances over at an ajushi close by. He‘s sits on his stool, blank stare on his face, cigarette hanging from his lips, soju bottle between his legs, and both arms thrashing in unison. Kelly‘s sure she‘ll get one before he does. She has the heart. As luck would have it, he snags himself a fish.

Damnit. Soon thereafter, Adventure Korea comes around with a bucket. They pull out a fish and hand it to Kelly. She takes the fish and is asked to pose for a picture. ―Adventure Korea literally dropped us off on the ice with no instruction and no way of properly ice fishing. We had no hole and no way of making a hole. Then, they hand us a fish and ask us to pose for a phony advertising picture. To top it all off, they stuffed my ―conquest‖ into a bag and sealed it off. The thing squirmed around for the next two hours until finally [it finally died].‖ Kelly describes her experience as one of her favorite since being here. ―Utterly ridiculous.‖ When asked to describe her favorite part of Korea, Kelly responds, ―The simple pleasures.‖ She‘s lived and taught in Prague, she‘s spent significant time in Spain, and yet she finds Korea to be suiting. ―There is something I love about being unlike everyone else around me.‖ She knows how to make the most of each day and every experience.

Carpe Diem. N

Could you be our next foreigner profile? Send 100 words to nehmagazine@gmail.com telling us what makes you special. Every month we’ll choose one Bucheon foreigner to be featured in our profile. It could be you. Now go, talk yourself up and make us like you.

불타는 고구마 (bul-ta-neun go-gu ma)

식후땡 (shik-hu-ddaeng) THIS

‘AFTER MEAL SMOKE’. BROKEN DOWN EASILY; ‘식’ IS THE CHINESE CHARACTER FOR ‘EATING’, ‘후’ IS THE CHINESE CHARACTER FOR ‘AFTER’ AND ‘땡’ IS THE ONOMATOPOEIA FOR THE IS THE

KOREAN

A common complaint from most Asians; it means to be red faced from drinking.

Literally translated, it means ‘a blazing sweet potato’. So the next time your Korean co-workers drink so much it causes their faces to blush to the colour of a sweet potato, you can affectionately say that they look like a, ‘불타는 고구마’.

FOR

SOUND OF A ZIPPO LIGHTER BEING OPENED

삐끼

UP AND LIT.

This month we want to explain what you should be eating and when (all according to Korean folklore): CHICKEN NECK: Eating the meat from a neck of a chicken will make you a better singer.

TOFU: You should have a tofu party once you get out of prison because the whiteness of the tofu symbolises purity.

YUT: Students must eat this sticky Korean candy the day before a test, as all the answers will stick in their heads.

SUSHI: Beware, if you eat sushi on a rainy day you will get a stomachache.

WHEN YOU ARE EATING WITH A CHILD: Beware. Always make sure the child is the last person to take a bite, if they don’t take the last bite, they will die! Fact.

KIMCHI: Always. It cures everything don’t you know?

구리다

(gu-ri-da)

The smell of poo is what this originally means, however it can be used to describe something or someone that looks or acts badly. Similar to the American, “It stinks!” e.g. “This kimchi is totally 구리다!”

강추

(gang-chu)

Quite simply this means, “It rocks!”

This can be used when actually, you think that the kimchi you’re eating, “Rocks!” Go on, strongly recommend the red stuff to all of your friends! It’s clearly going to make you rock. Don’t you want to rock?

(bbi-kki)

Have you ever been dragged into a restaurant against your will as you casually walked down the street?

You’re not the only one… ‘삐끼’ is taken from Japanese, and it means to pull or drag. In Korea it describes the waiters terrorising the streets of Korea, dragging innocent bystanders off the street into their restaurant.

If you want to thwart their efforts, just shout: “Oi. 삐끼, I’m not hungry, please leave me alone!”

SO YOU’RE SITTING AROUND THE GALBI TABLE, READY TO TUCK INTO SOME GRUB WITH YOUR KOREAN CO-TEACHERS AFTER A HARD DAY AT WORK. HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BRING UP IN POLITE DINNER TIME CONVERSATION:

1. “Ermmm, did I forgot to mention I’m a vegetarian?”

2. “Has anyone seen my pet dog ‘Fluffy’, he was right here beside me a minute ago?”

3. “So I’ve heard that you can now catch H1N1 Influenza just from eating pork.”

*AT LEAST NOT IN ANY RESPECTABLE PHRASE BOOKS

DIRECTIONS TO COSTCO FROM BUCHEON STATION: From Bucheon Station travel to Sindorim onto Line 2 and go in the direction of Mullae; get off at Yeungdungpo-gu exit 2 (go out of the station and go straight); at the Woori bank turn left; go straight through the parking lot; turn right at your first intersection and turn left at the convenience store on the corner; go straight for about 400 meters— you will cross a major road; keep going straight until you see Costco on your right.

ven though Young-ha Kim wrote I Have the Right to Destroy Myself in 1996, it was only translated into English in 2007. The novel takes its title from the unusual service offered by the nameless narrator who assists dispirited souls wishing to commit suicide. This is an intriguingly original idea which offers myriad exploratory dimensions. Unfortunately, the author fails to convincingly pursue any of them during the course of this brief book. In typical post-modern fashion there is a story within a story as our unnamed chronicler is writing a book about one of his former female clients. This account concerns itself with the love triangle involving two brothers, C and K, and the casually promiscuous Se-yeon, who apparently resembles the Biblical character Judith as painted by Gustav Klimt. She initially has an affair with K, but older brother C nonchalantly wins her over. The narrative switches back and forth between the narrator‘s tale and his own life. Subsequent developments in these separate plots include the narrator travelling to Vienna where he has a liaison with a woman from Hong Kong who happens to be allergic to water and the video artist C developing an ambiguous attraction for the beautiful Yu Mimi, a performance artist who paints with her hair.

Despite the fact that his novel deals with such weighty matters as love and death, the most pervasive quality generated by the author‘s portrayal of the characters and their various interactions is one of boredom. This is probably best summed up by ―Judith‖ continuing to suck on her Chupa Chups even during sex. She does this in such a mechanical manner that one can only conclude that coupling to her is more a robotic act than one of romantic consummation. Judging the human interactions in this novel, whether coital or conversational, Kim appears to be intimating that meaningful emotional connection is merely an illusion in a world of such widely prevalent atomization.

Throughout the book there are a number of references to and reflections upon paintings and cult films. Most of the main characters also seem to have artistic sensibilities. Interestingly, in what could be seen as a sly jab at intellectual and cultural pretension among the educated classes, the only character obviously upset by losing someone he cares about is K, the working class taxi driver who has no thoughts on, nor involvement with, the arts. Most of Kim‘s characters evince a glaring glibness about life and, more disturbingly, death, whether their own or other people‘s. Perhaps that is the point of displaying so much intelligence and sensitivity when ruminating on famous paintings or films while, in contrast, none of the central figures are convincingly fleshed out or have particularly rich emotional lives. Art lasts, the author seems to be saying, yet nothing people do in this life outside of the cultural artifacts they leave behind has any meaningful longevity. How ironic, then, that Kim‘s own attempt at producing a lasting work of art should fall so far short of this lofty notion.

The novel‘s strained attempt to achieve artistic credibility highlights a potential problem facing artists in a country like South Korea, and indeed many wealthy advanced democracies. There seems little space for dynamic literature to flourish with all the big issues so decisively taken care of. Kim has thus opted to tackle large universal themes such as love, death, and the search for meaning. Despite his ambitious intentions in this freshman outing virtually all visions of literary grandeur get lost in the ephemeral emptiness of his characters‘ shallow lives. Perhaps that, too, is the author‘s point. If so, Kim has surely missed one of literature‘s central functions, that is to make some sense of, and possibly even redeem, the often confounding messiness of the human condition.

Admittedly, novels dealing with the theme of alienation have long straddled a difficult and ever so fine line. That is, the line between detailing the deep seated malaise and nihilism of modern society while finding some transcendent kernel in the midst of such a spiritual wasteland. Kim has unfortunately allowed his book to succumb to the very somnolent detachment and acute alienation that so readily afflict his fictional creations. The book could well be summed up with the line ―life sucks, then you die‖. Do we really need a work of fiction to drive this all too depressingly apparent point home? N

first watched this movie in the UK under the name The Boat that Rocked.

Fortunately, I was able to forgive the title of the movie and succumb to my love of all things British Invasion. At first I genuinely expected to have nothing but positive notes on the film, and was surprised at how that wasn't the case. The movie itself is not based on a true story; however the historical aspect is accurate. The premise is a conservative British government that believes rock and roll is a moral degradation aiming to ruin the nation. It takes place in the 1960's during the rock n‘ roll revolution and the listeners were desperate for radio stations that would play the music they loved. Due to restrictions holding them back on land, rock and roll radio stations rebelled by broadcasting from boats docked in the North Sea. Pirate Radio depicts a radio station of this kind, and follows the lives of the DJs who live on board. But while the fight between the pirate station and the government stayed consistent throughout, there seemed to be an exaggerated amount of sub-plots finding their conflict and resolution within minutes, never to resurface again. This disappointed me, as the characters are so interesting and lovable. Just when you start to feel like you're scratching the surface of one DJ, the plot changes, leaving you longing for more time with the last. I felt the movie read more like a marathon of a very short-lived television series. However short the sub-plots might have been, the ideas were all great.

The two key aspects of the film are undoubtedly the music and characters. The way the music ties into the scenes makes it become an active part of the film, rather than only serving as background noise and emotional stimulation. The intense charm of the characters played by an all-star cast made the shortcomings of the film so much harder to notice.

I can't think of a single actor that I would like to see replaced by another and I was thrilled to have seen such familiar faces, like Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Capote, Along Came Polly), Bill Nighy (Love Actually), Nick Frost (Shawn of the Dead), and Rhys Darby (Flight of the Conchords, the HBO television series).

If the idea of ―sticking it to the man‖ resonates with you and you are looking to be entertained, then this film is definitely worth watching. Do yourself a favor, though, and throw out any expectations or preconceptions. If you leave the over analyzing to the critics, you'll enjoy this film a whole lot more. N

– RYAN RUTHERFORD

– JAMIE GREER

Jjiages are Korean dishes similar to Western stews.

They are heavily seasoned with chili peppers and are served boiling hot.

Kimchi Jjigae (김치찌개) Often made with onions, scallions, diced tofu, pork or seafood. Usually eaten communally from the center of the table. It accompanies a main dish and other side dishes (see page 22).

DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE CHOPSTICKS? NEVER HAD CHINESE DELIVERY? LUCKY FOR YOU THE KIND PEOPLE AT LIFE IN KOREA (www.lifeinkorea.com) HAVE AN EASY THREE STEP DESCRIPTION OF HOW TO USE CHOPSTICKS. DITCH YOUR FORK, DO AS THE KOREANS DO.

1.

2.

3.

Place one chopstick inside of thumb and reach to 4th finger.

Place the other chopstick between the index finger and middle finger and hold by pressing with your thumb.

Freely move chopsticks by pressing thumb and only using your index and middle fingers.

oreans follow a very strict dining etiquette which is often negotiated based on the age of the individuals at the table. Oftentimes, Koreans observe a policy that allows the eldest or most senior of the group to begin eating before any of the others. For example, if you are at dinner with your principal or boss or someone who is higher ranked than you, it‘s polite to wait for them to start eating before you dig in. It‘s also good manners, if you are the youngest person at the table—especially at a restaurant—to set the table (passing out chopsticks, spoons and napkins) as well as making sure everyone at the table has a full glass of alcohol or water (however, an alcohol glass should not be refilled until it is completely empty.) When pouring a drink, it‘s customary to hold the bottle or pitcher in the right hand with your left hand touching your forearm or elbow: this particular custom originated from the practice of holding back the sleeve of the hanbok (Korea‘s traditional style of dress) so that it wouldn‘t get dirty by touching the table or food. Conversely, when receiving a drink, hold the glass with your right hand and rest it in the palm of your left hand while tipping the glass slightly to show additional respect. Between friends or people of the same age, it‘s common to just pour a drink with your right hand. Because Korea has such a heavy drinking culture, especially when dining together, it‘s considered rude or impolite to refuse a drink— especially from a senior.

At business or dinner meetings, you‘ll often notice that employees will take turns pouring and sharing a drink with the most senior members in attendance. Sharing a drink with a superior not only gives an opportunity for the employee to speak with their employer but it is also a sign of good manners and a chance to show that the employee has strong nunchi (a Korean concept referring to a person‘s ability to gauge their position in a social situation and within interpersonal dynamics.) Nunchi is seen as the embodiment of social skills necessary to effectively communicate in Korean social situations. Throughout THE GUIDE, we‘ve included additional dining rules and etiquette necessary for making sure your boss and colleagues don‘t accuse you of being nunchi eoppta (being absent of nunchi.) Pay close attention and maybe take some notes. N

Sundubu Jjigae (순두부찌개) Curdled dubu (tofu), seafood (usually oysters, clams or shrimp), mushrooms, vegetables, scallions and gocu jang (chili powder.) A raw egg is usually added to the jiigae while it is still boiling.

Budae Jjigae (부대찌개) Incorporates ingredients like ramen noodles, cheese, ground beef, sliced sausages, brown beans, onions, tofu, chili powder, garlic and mushrooms.

Nakji-jeongol (낙지전골) Also known as baby octopus stew. Features seafood mixed into a beef broth with vegetables.

Cheonggukjang Jjigae (청국장) Fermented soy bean paste soup.

Koreans often say “one shot” as a challenge to everyone in the group to drink their glass in one gulp. Are you up for it?

Low on money? Craving deep-fried vegetables? Searching for a place to satisfy your craving for blood soaked pig intestines? Have no fear, the streets of Korea are here!

Food tents are ubiquitous with the streets of Korea. I see them everywhere, but rarely do I partake in their deliciously greasy splendour. With a great dislike for squid, I fear ordering anything that I am not 100% positive to be tentacle-free.

Not anymore.

Thanks to the fountain of knowledge imparted to me by my Korean friends and an educational trip to the streets, I have figured it all out. As a kindness to our devoted NEH! Magazine readers, I will now share this wisdom with you.

Mat sal (맛살) Mat sal appears to be battered shrimp. It is not. It is deep fried fish cake made into the shape to look like shrimp. Deep fried shrimp is wonderful. Mat sal is deep fried shrimp‘s chewy and unmemorable cousin.

Kim madee The little white tubes Of chewy rice dough Can anything be better?

My answer is “No!” The sweet spicy sauce, The oversized chives, And deep into it My Kim Mari dives.

Well, the thin fish paste cakes, They’re not the best.

But I don’t hesitate To devour the rest.

Korea’s best snack, All the students sure know.

To the ddeok bokki stand After school, they go.

An Ode to Ddeok Bokki, My new favourite treat.

And the best place to eat it Is out on the street.

– CYNTHIA ADKINS

On first impressions kim ma dee appears to be an unappetizing black cylinder filled with all sorts of vile food. I learned from my expedition that the black is actually kim (seaweed) which is wrapped around glass noodles, carrot, and other vegetables.

Vegetarian friendly and a less greasy taste compared to mandu

Ohjinguh twikim: Deep fried Squid (오징어) I will admit I have a rather strong bias against all tentaclebased food. For those who enjoy squid, I am sure this is somewhat satisfactory. For me, my motto is ―if it‘s purple and unidentifiable– just say anio‖.

Goguma twigim: Deep-fried Sweet Potato (고구마튀김) Sweet potato, battered, then deep-fried. Vegetarian friendly and I have nicknamed it the McGoguma for its delicious resemblance to a McHash Brown.

Yachae twigim: Vegetable

Deep-fried

This a perfect mix of carrot, green onion, and sweet potato.

While eating I advise you to pretend that the small portion of vegetables outweigh the batter and grease, and therefore make it a healthy meal.

Kan: Pig liver Before I ate kan I tried to imagine pate, pate is a delicacy right?

If duck liver can be good, can‘t pig liver?

With images of creamy pate spread over canapés in my head, I tried kan. Kan is not pate; kan is not close to pate.

Kan at first bite is reminiscent of something bland, at second chew the chalk-like consistency rears its head, at third chew the abnormal rotten aftertaste begins to make its way down your throat.

Once swallowed you wonder how anyone finds this delicious.

Sundae (순대) Odang: Boiled Fish Cake Odang is fish cake that is weaved between a wooden skewer and left to stew in a liquid, which then creates odang soup. The slimy consistency of the odang coupled with the subtle fish taste of the soup leaves nothing to the imagination.

Have you ever left a hot dog outside on a warm day in July for seven hours, then decided to eat it? It is my belief that this would garner you the same taste as sundae. Sundae is made by taking sweet potato noodles, encasing them in pig intestine and then sweetening the dish with a healthy helping of pig‘s blood. Try it if you are brave.

When you are offered a drink of alcohol, never set the glass down on the table. Drink it right away. | Elders may sometimes offer

WHAT IS “ANJU”? Anju is snacks or sidedishes that are served along with alcohol. Usually, anju is savory or spicy dishes like chicken or octopus, but nuts and fruit are also popular. Often, it is a requirement to order anju along with drinks at a Korean bar, club or noraebang (singing room.) Small snacks like pretzels, popcorn, or the little bowl of crispy colorful corn bites are also considered anju.

f music truly be the food of love (and I‘ll punch anyone who says it isn‘t…) then let‘s face it: Korean bar food is a Lou Reed 4 hour feedback and dissonance experiment. I‘ve had some pretty good bar food and some absolutely awful bar food, which is understandable given my entirely random choices – based on the fact I know literally no Korean and tend to point and grunt.

I was thinking about Heisenberg‘s uncertainty principle, but it applies to bar snacks- SURELY if you had enough time and enough choices,

The hangul was rich with the little ‗J‘ symbols that look like hats.

you‘d be able to get something from a bar that‘s both delicious and cheap, without even knowing what you‘re ordering? So, I loaded a tame vegetarian up and set out to Souyaki, a great little bar about 10 minutes walk down the road from Sosa station. My hypothesis is that if I order 3 things, totally at random off the menu, at least one would be delicious AND nutritious.

– JOE EVANS

The delicious dichotomy of that ampersand. I was thinking Taylor and Burton, Lennon and McCartney, Beyonce and Jay-Z. It turned out to be more Ike and Tina.

Buttered squid with a million tentacles and raisins or something.

A choice between superpowers or millions of pounds, in plated form.

Bloody NACHOS. WITH SAUSAGE. Great day, or greatest day? (Answer:Both)

I went for broke went for sheer amount of letters. Surely bar food that might as well be a poem should be good?

A meditation on the changing seasons of Korea, itself a metaphor for the wafting breezes that carry us off to the eternal unknown of the grave, printed on ancient rice paper, with mustard.

Gingko nuts and mushrooms.

The nachos themselves were pretty average.

I‘m not from a country where they‘re eaten much, to be fair, but they were warm, and salty, and I would have probably made the sweetest love ever recorded to them given another 10 beers. The sausages, however were EXCELLENT, lovely and spicy. The salsa was also of a spicy leaning, the cheese sauce was… well, entirely without cheese, but it‘s not the fucking ritz, and it all went together rather well.

―I‘m just happy they didn‘t give us mayonnaise again‖. The tame vegetarian seemed VERY pleased at the separation between nacho and delicious, delicious meat for some reason.

CONSENSUS: 6/10

Think of gingko nuts as being the cooler-butstill-lame cousins of Peas, fake leather jackets included. You know there‘s a problem when the best thing you can say about them is that they ―arrived sizzling‖.

Nothing but stunned silence and a single tear rolling down her disappointed face. She knows deep down that vegetarians no longer hold the moral high ground.

Good mushrooms belie the fact that these little wankers are IMPOSSIBLE to eat. Nobody since 1884 has ever ordered a plate of shit peas whilst drunk. Case closed. 1/10

Hoengseong Korean native cattle sausage, fried rice, and almond salad.

Yes. Very yes. The meat was of a great quality, the fried rice was sculpted from Marie Antoinette‘s left tit, and I felt under no obligation to eat the ubiquitous yoghurt-based salad dressing.

―Peas and carrots? And rice? How very unkorean. even more so than the lemon frosting vinaigrette on this salad. Delicious nonetheless‖ CONSENSUS: 9/10

– JOE EVANS

a glass and then encourage you to drink from the same glass. This signifies that you have established a close relationship. You should accept the drink.

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We asked JOANNE KIM to eat twelve different flavors of ramen to tell us which one is the best amongst the kinds available at your local convenience store. We asked her to describe their taste, the pros and cons of each and to rank them based on a five star system. We also gave her some beer to wash them down.

Twelve bowls of ramen and beer. You can imagine how that turned out.

 CALORIES: 470 The yookgaejang is very spicy.

It’s heavy on the vegetables, but incredibly greasy. Definitely not what you should go for if you’re looking for something more on the healthy side.

Though you’re probably not going to lose any weight from eating it, it’s certainly a hearty meal that doesn’t disappoint: it’s flavorful, meaty and could easily fill you up if you’re looking for something quick and easy.

CALORIES : 420 If you’re looking for a mild kind of spicy, this is the one for you.

It’s totally what Korea would taste like if Korea was something you could eat. It’s like biting into all the good smells amongst all the bad ones.

Despite that though, it does leave you with the feeling that there is something better out there.

 CALORIES: 555 Similar to jjajangmyun, only it’s spaghetti. The bummer is, as delicious as it sounds, it tastes like nothing. Actually, it looks like a bucket of worms: totally unappetizing.

There aren’t many vegetables, it’s just a bunch of noodles and a whole lot of brown. It’s the kind of thing you should eat when you’re sick and feel like having a bowl of bland nothingness.

 CALORIES: 530 It’s very similar to the japaghetti in the sense that it just looks like a bunch of brown, only this one looks like noodles covered in chocolate which makes it much more appetizing. There are poke holes in the cover of the bowl to drain out the water, which is convenient but it also makes it very important to remember not to stir the powder and flavoring in until afterward.

 CALORIES: 470 Despite being compared to spaghetti, it doesn’t taste anything like spaghetti. It’s more like ketchup with a bunch of corn, carrots and little bits of brown something in it. If you want something similar, stick to Chef Boyardee. It’s like someone took noodles and poured a can of Campbell’s tomato soup on it. If you’re homesick, eat this. It will remind you of Spaghetti O’s.

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CALORIES: 490 Imagine being dropped into a pool full of shrimp. No water, just shrimp. Imagine what you would smell like after stepping out of that pool. That’s what this is like. It tastes like it smells. It’s not the kind of thing you’d want to eat all of. It’s like eating the ocean or mowing down on a beluga whale. Doesn’t much help your breath either.

CALORIES: 415 The noodles are like the hair of an angel, they are “pillowy” and soft. This one has a lot more broth, not so much oil but it does have huge chunks of something cardboardy and deep fried bits of monkey doo-doo floating in it.

RANKINGS OF RAMENS NOT PICTURED: RAMEN BOKKI (460 calories)  | FRIED FISH CAKES (415 calories)  | JIN RAMEN (480 calories)  | SEA FOOD SUPER KING (460 calories)  | 90 CALORIE RAMEN (90 calories)  In group settings, Koreans will cheers several times so that everyone drinks faster. It is important that all members drink up. N

“Sickening. You get the feeling that you never want to eat ramen again. But then you get to the stage where you have to and I have since eaten ramen again. Before we started, I thought that I could definitely eat them all. I felt so sick afterwards, walking home afterward was a nightmare. I thought I was going to swell up like a balloon.”

“Hated the shrimp soup. It was not good. It actually tasted like sea water. It doesn’t even deserve one star: it should have actually got half a star.”

Never eat 12 bowls of ramen in one sitting.

You’ll feel like you want to puke.

SHIN MINJI, KIM SUJI, AND BAK HYUNJU stood behind the platform staring out over the mass that had formed outside Seoul‘s City Hall. This was to be the day of their daths. Of that they were certain. The mob had not come to see just anything. This would be the first public execution to occur in Seoul in over one hundred years.

It was strange but now, watching the noose that would soon be around her neck sway from the wooden beam, Suji felt calm. She was thankful it was all coming to an end. The past three months had dragged on like a terrible dream. At first there had been hopes that the women would be released from Chungju, Korea‘s largest female penitentiary. The UN had called their imprisonment an extreme violation of human rights. Feminists in America, Japan, and across Europe had rallied for their freedom. But the newly reunited Korea took no notice. At the trial the verdict was clear; Shin Minji, Kim Suji, and Bak Hyunju were found guilty of adultery and treason for refusing to help procreate with their assigned partners, maintaining sexual relationships from before the unification, and using illegal birth control. Therefore all three women were held accountable for intentionally decreasing the birthrate in New Korea.

Minji lowered her eyes. If there had been a time she felt defiant enough to make eye contact with her superiors, her elders, or men for that matter- that time had come to an end. Those months at Chungju had been long enough to teach her this lesson. Minji had been one of the students rallying for unification, she had believed in New Korea. And now here she was, a traitor to the country she had been waiting to be part of her whole life.

She tried to quiet the sobs she felt rising from her chest. Her only comfort was to know her parents would be able to reclaim some of their honor and status with her death.

Hyunju was fuming. How dare they put her up here! Didn‘t they know who she was? She was in the top of her graduating class from Korea‘s most prestigious medical school. She had dreamed of working in the Ministry of Health, advising the new government. She had never imagined the new board wouldn‘t allow women to participate. This was 2025 for God‘s sake, Korea was a new nation with infinite opportunity. She had not foreseen that the dictatorship of the North would combine with the increasingly conservative views of the South in a way that would completely eradicate any social advancement Korean society had made.

A man in a black suit approached the three women, he gestured for them to climb the stairs. As Minji took a step forward she saw something move to her right. He is no bigger than my husband thought Hyunju as she deftly side kicked the Minister of Female Control in the head. He went down in one motion. Blood was pumping through her veins. Hyunju looked around for a way to escape, but armed men were clambering towards her. Nonetheless she kicked and punched at everything that came her way. The crowd was ferocious. She felt rough hands around her arms and suddenly her legs were off the ground. She was being carried up the stairs. She threw her body weight around but at 52 kilos she was no match for these guards. She felt the rope come down around her neck. With all her remaining strength she screamed, ―You are all fools…‖ And then the rope cut into her larynx.

Minji swayed at the sight before her. Her knees buckled. But before she could collapse she felt two strong arms lift her up the stairs. ―Gamsahmnida oh honorable one,‖ she said meekly as the rope dropped over her head. The moment she stepped from the stool, her hair closed around her face and all she saw was blackness.

Suji walked calmly up the stairs to the only empty noose. Suddenly there was no crowd, only the sea. She could hear waves and the sound of a seagull as she felt the rope around her neck. She thought of her lover, the fisherman, as she slowly stepped into the sea. N Sally Anderson is a teacher and writer living in Ansan.

including the best of … a triple patty hamburger, American style breakfast, fries, soju cocktails, jimdak, donkas, Indian cuisine, sandwiches, nachos, steak, Italian, pizza, fried chicken and bosintang, also known as dog soup (see page 30). ating takes up a huge chunk of everything we‘re about as foreigners. It takes up our time, our energy, our money, and more often than not—it could be better. It‘s too spicy, it wasn‘t cooked all the way through, it‘s still cold, why is there ketchup on my salad? Or, better yet, why is it still moving? With all that it takes for us to eat, wouldn‘t it be better if you knew exactly where to get the best of the best?

We‘ve created a list of the best places to eat in Bucheon. It was a process that we tried to get as much public feedback on

as possible: on Facebook, by asking around, by searching our memories for the best of the things we‘ve eaten in Bucheon.

Even more complicated was trying to make sure every facet of Bucheon‘s eating culture would be represented in the list. God knows, we‘ve missed some and maybe there are better places out there but for now, here‘s our list of the best of the best foods in Bucheon.

(IT COULD PROBABLY KILL YOU JUST BY LOOKING AT IT)

he triple burger at THE PUB IN THE PARK is probably the biggest and the tallest (standing about five or six inches high) burger you‘re going to find in Bucheon, which makes it the best. Stacked with three all beef patties, and topped off with the works: chili, a fried egg and three strips of bacon plus the usual lettuce and tomato, it‘s almost impossible to eat without taking it apart and eating it bit by bit which totally gives you more time to appreciate how awesome this burger is.

THE FRYPAN Imagine the biggest and the greatest plate of chicken fingers you have ever seen in your life piled on top of fresh cut and deep fried potato chips. It’s 22,000 won for this massive mountain of greasy greatness and the chicken fingers come in white and dark meat but you can ask for only white meat if you want. How do you ask for only white meat in Korean?

“Anshim sal ju-se-yo.” In Jungdong, there is a Frypan behind Hyundai Department Store, across from Rhythm and Booze.

CAFÉ NICOLIA The caffe latte at Café Nicolia is amazing. If you’re looking for something sweet, foamy and full of caffeine, head over to the café and get one. Forget the commercial coffee shops, go to the independent place and get your fix.

Think you have what it takes to tackle the triple decker burger? Order it at the Park and take a picture of yourself eating it. Send us the picture and we’ll publish it in the next issue of NEH. Send your picture and name to nehmagazine@gmail.com. Include a one line quote about what you thought about your “burger experience.” Do you accept the challenge?

icture this: you‘re craving a hearty, meat and potatoes kinda meal with a bit of kick but you‘re not up for cooking or going out. Why not order andong jjimdak, a steamed Korean dish with chicken, potatoes, noodles and vegetables marinated in a sweet soy sauce? The style of jjimdak varies but often you can order it with boneless chicken rather than big boney pieces. One order of jjimdak can usually feed two or three people so it‘s great if you‘re having friends over for dinner.

Everybody orders pizza from the usual places but Rhythm and Booze now serves up an amazing pepperoni and cheese pizza on two baguettes that is much better than any delivery pizza you could order. If you’re craving this crowd pleaser, head over and share it with your friends. Easily serves two or three people.

Call EEGA ANDONG 032) 665-5211 Say “ppyeo eobnun jjimdak” and give your address. A large jjimdak will cost 24,000 won and unless you’re eating with two or three people, you’ll have lots left over.

Café Nicolia is a French bistro style café near We’ve the State that serves a variety of delicious dishes perfect for sharing on a first date, an extensive wine and alcohol menu and an atmosphere reminiscent of Paris or Nice perfect for wooing that special someone. They are also famous for having both Guiness and Krombacher on tap. On your first visit, it can be slightly difficult to find. The best way to get to Café Nicolia is to find yourself a taxi and say: “Green Town Han yang Sang ga.” See Café Nicolia’s ad on the back cover for a map.

We asked our readers to give suggestions for some of the best places to eat in Bucheon based on different categories.

D’Maris buffet restaurant Recommended by Matt Schroeder and Jamie Greer Located on the same block as GS Square. Serves a buffet of varying tastes and styles, including but not limited to seafood.

Café Amande Recommended by Jessie Bauer and Jamie Greer Located right next to Della Casa, directly behind Hyundai Department store. From the center of Hyundai, walk out and turn left.

Taco Ria Recommended by Jamie Greer Located near Songnae Station down the street from Toona shopping plaza. Be sure to call in advance to make sure the restaurant is open before making the trip (tele: 032-326-1616.)

Na Lee’s Kitchen Recommended by Lori Browning Located in the We’ve the State plaza down the street from GS Square.

Della Casa Recommended by Matt Schroeder and Jamie Greer Located behind Hyundai Department store. From the center of Hyundai, turn left.

Around Bucheon Station The small street vendors around the station sell the best Western style sausages.

he Nicolia Club is the best sandwich in Bucheon. Grilled chicken, melted cheese, fresh lettuce, crispy bacon and tomato stuck between two pieces of toasted whole wheat bread. But, if you‘re not into the red ketchup maker, you can order your club sandwich with an apple substitute, which, to some is even better than the tomato. The apple gives the club a zesty sort of taste that is much different than the tomato. Served as two sandwiches cut into halves with a side salad, the club sandwich is amazing with the Nicolia house Australian red wine. On a first date, the club sandwich makes for a great sharing dish and is more than enough for two people or to share with friends.

The Nicolia Club is a must try. Go, go now.

 OTHER AMAZING DISHES AT NICOLIA Nicolia’s melted cheese and bacon fries. The fries are always crispy, cheese perfectly melted. Try it.

Irish style bangers and mash made using Jamie Oliver’s recipe.

One of the hardest things to find in the area is a good Western style breakfast. At Rhythm & Booze, breakfast is served all day long and includes two pieces of toast, eggs the way you like them, a generous amount of bacon and a hashbrown. For anyone who wakes up on the weekend and craves the comfort of a Saturday or Sunday breakfast like the kind at home, this is definitely your best bet. Totally satisfying.

Comes in batches of 10 or 20.

Located three blocks north of Bucheon Station Directions: When arriving at Bucheon Station, watch north passed Pizza Hut and through the series of small street food vendors. You will come to a major intersection where you will see SPEED night club. Passing SPEED, continue to walk straight on and turn right at two small street food vendors.

The street is small and usually crowded with parked cars. Looking to the second floor of the first intersecting street, you’ll see a series of movie posters—one of which is Angelia Jolie as Lara Croft from ‘Tomb Raider.’ At Lara Croft, turn left. Annapurna is on your right hand side and has a menu on the outside of the restaurant.

Made with chicken, beef or veggies.

 ORDER THE USUAL: Samosa (two pastries stuffed with vegetables, potatoes and nuts) and sauce, chicken tikka (served with salad and onions), chicken vindaloo and garlic naan.

 WHAT ELSE IS THERE? Two pages of varying curries both spicy and mild. Several different kinds of naan including regular, butter and paneer.

 SERVICE: The servers are some of the best to be found in Bucheon and many of the servers understand and speak English (tele: 032-662-5075.)

Bonjuk is a chain of restaurants serving a variety of different rice porridges including tuna, oyster with vegetables, pumpkin and banana, beef with vegetables and sweet potato. If you’re looking for something healthy, filling and full of flavor, the Bonjuk chain provides a delicious alternative to greasy galbi and other traditional meals. The porridge is served with spicy sauce and smaller sidedishes including kimchi and pulled beef. The restaurants provide eat in and take out services. For those living in the Hyundai Department Store area, there is a Bonjuk restaurant across the street from Bucheon Central Park’s exercise area.

Haejeok, located behind Hyundai Department Store (standing at the clock tower, face away from Hyundai and look for the big pirate sign: Haejeok is on the third floor.) The soju cocktails come in a variety of flavors but make sure to order the large size for full effect.

If you love donkas (a fusion of a Japanese and Korean recipe using pork or chicken cutlet which was originally made to appeal to the tastes of foreigners) as much as we do, you’re going to love, love, love King Donkas located behind GS Square. If you stand at the back of the Square and walk through the small “park”, you can see this

he Park‘s chicken parm sandwich is one of the most massive, delectable, cheesy and chickeny things you will ever seen in your entire life. Chicken fingers covered in tomato sauce and cheese slammed between a toasted bun. When it comes out, all melted and huge, two things go through your mind: 1) how am I going to

across the second street.

Get there early, the restaurant opens at 5pm and there is almost always a line -up around the corner during lunch and dinner time.

finish this all by myself and 2) am I going to be able to move afterward? A word of advice: you better be bringing you‘re A-game when you order this sandwich because if you plan to have room left for something else afterward, you‘ve ordered the wrong thing.

This is another one of those meals that your definitely going to need two or three or even four friends to help you finish.

NEH magazine is looking for a full time food and restaurant critic for its upcoming issues. If you have a sophisticated pallet, a creative writing style, and an honest way of delivering how something tastes, send an email to nehmagazine@gmail.com and apply to be our food critic. No prior experience is necessary. Knowledge of culinary practices and recipes are an asset. The deadline for applications is May 18, 2010.

Vegetarian

Western Grub

Side Dishes

Food Court

INTRODUCTION: Why are you still reading this? Don’t waste your time. You need to turn the page and start reading the actual ‘Breakdown’. This breakdown will change your life. Fact. NEH magazine has pulled together all of its resources researching and examining Korean grub. The next three pages are filled with wisdom, and all you’ve got to do is read it. So get to it!

SIDE DISHES Ever wondered what the hell all of those hundreds of magical side dishes they place in front you are? Well we’ve got the all the answers. Turn the page for the side dish breakdown. VEGETARIAN? Then we’ve got some great news for you. Meet some fellow veggies and try out some great vegetarian-friendly places. FUSSY EATER? Then meet RYAN RUTHERFORD. If you think you have trouble finding stuff to eat, then hear about his ‘Travails of a Pseudo-Vegetarian in the Republic of Korea’. TACOS Want some of these? We know a great place right by Songnae Station. Check it out. WANT A PIZZA DELIVERED? BIJU SUKUMARAN breaks it down just for you. FOOD COURT KRISTIN ANNABLE explains how to order food at a food court. Thank your lucky stars we’re here. Now. Get reading.

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  Korean sidedishes are actually called banchan in Hangul, kimchi being the most famous banchan. Banchan is generally served in small portions and are meant to be shared amongst the people at the table. Here’s a breakdown of banchan dishes usually served at a Korean meal.

 VEGETABLES PICKLED IN SOY SAUCE  SWEET & SPICY LETTUCE  FRIED ANCHOVIES  FRIED TOFU  KIMCHI PANCAKE

Fantastic news for vegans and vegetarians in Seoul: it's never been easier to stick with this lifestyle while living here.

The "Seoul Veggie Club" group on Facebook is a great way to meet other vegetarian and vegan people. There are two meetings a month organized by a volunteer. The meetings are usually at vegetarian or veg-friendly restaurants. There are also picnics and potlucks at members' houses. You can find out lots of stuff on the wall like about new veg cafes/bakeries or ways of finding veg food Alien‘s Day Out (http://aliensdayout.blogspot.com) is an awesome vegan -related blog. It's a really fun, witty and informative blog with lots of great food pictures and recipes. If you need to find cafes with soya milk or need to know which bread is vegan at the supermarket, there‘s information about that and other things on this blog.

Loving Hut is a favorite vegan restaurant in Seoul. There's an awesome buffet at Achasan, a cheap branch in Shinchon near Yonsei University and two in the Yangjae area. There are more than 20 around Korea so if you're on a trip somewhere you might be in luck to find one wherever you maybe, definitely give it a try. They also have a little shop attached to the restaurant where you can get vegetarian staples like ramen, frozen mandu and fake meats, vegan bread and cookies (http://www.lovinghut.kr/kr/

 STIR FRIED GARLIC STALK  BOILED DROPWORT  BEAN SPROUTS  FISH, SALTED AND TOPPED WITH SPICY SAUCE  GOOD OLD FASHIONED KIMCHI

index.php?&lang=_en.)

Dos Tacos has a few vegetarian burritos on their menu. They have branches in Hongdae, Gangnam, Apgujeong and Seoul station Just ask for sin queso or sour cream and it's vegan!

Dongdaemun area is great for finding Indian and Nepalese food. Everest, which is near Dongdaemun station and Himalaya near Dongmyo station exit 8 both have extensive vegetarian selections. Himalaya, which has Nepalese food, has a great veg thali set.

If you're after some baked treats check out Sticky Fingers. It's an all vegan bakery with cookies, muffins, apple pies, cakes and other yummy goodies (http://www.stickyfingers.co.kr/.)

Itaewon is full of unique places where you can get all kinds of ethnic food from Indian to Thai to Middle Eastern to Mexican. It's possible to easily get vegetarian food at these kind of places. It also has some good supermarkets like the Foreign Food Market where you can get uncooked and canned beans & lentils, spices and tortillas and pita bread.

If you are Korean literate or have a Korean friend you can buy veg food off the internet, there‘s a website for that too: http:// www.vegefood.co.kr/. N

orea may be many things to many people, but a vegetarian‘s paradise this country is most definitely not. Even as only a kind of, sort of, wannabe, and most definitely faux vegetarian-type person, Korea isn‘t a walk in the culinary park. The reason for all those qualifications regarding my own meat eating status is because, while I eat chicken and fish, I adamantly refrain from eating red meat such as pork, lamb and beef. To my Korean colleagues, and no doubt also to the society at large, I‘m quite sure this borders on a kind of heresy, though they are polite enough to not openly deride my odd ways. Then again I would never know if they were being brazenly contemptuous of this wagookin as my grasp of Hanguel is not even in the parking lot of the ball park of minimal proficiency.

During the occasional meal out with all the other teachers, which invariably involves making the short trip to a pork galbi place very close to my school, I usually have to resign myself to making do with the numerous tiny side dishes or maybe a bowl of bibimbap or spicy soup if I‘m really lucky.

At lunch there are no alternatives beyond what everyone else is served. Fortunately I can always have the rice and kimchi, and every now and then chicken or fish is on offer, but more often than not I find myself on the losing end of the battle to be served white meat or a decent vegetarian alternative.

As for the eating life beyond school, the options are certainly greater with supermarkets seemingly offering an abundance of choice comparable to that found in the Western world. In many respects this is an illusion which is most startlingly on display in the almost complete lack of actual cheese, as opposed to the tasteless barely edible processed variety, in this country. The other illusion is the one pertaining to the appearance of an incredible amount of eating establishments that line virtually every street in Bucheon. A cursory peek behind the façade, however, reveals a dire dearth of Western-style outlets unaffiliated to the broad church of fast food.

Some say that less is more, but in my experience of trying to find decent alternatives to the ubiquity of red meat and the strangeness (to my palate) of Korean cuisine, less is definitely, well, less. My motto since arriving in Korea could well be ―I came, I saw, I couldn‘t eat all that much‖. At least what I‘ve gained in ever more acutely frustrating lessons in self denial I‘m losing in the weight department. And as of this writing I am shedding still more poundage, that is if my prisoner of war style gauntness, jutting ribs and all, are anything to go by. N

Burrito…………Beef 5,000₩ Chicken 5,500₩

Enchilada……………8,000₩

Fajita……………Beef 6,000₩ Chicken 6,500₩

Quesadilla………Beef 5,000₩ Chicken 5,500₩

Tacos……………Beef 4,000₩ Chicken 4,500₩

Soft drinks …………………………………… 1,000₩ Beer …………………………………………… 5,000₩

Songnae station, walk thewest FromFrom Songnae station, walk to to the west of thebuilding.

Toona building.

Taco side of theside Toona Taco Ria is one is one of Toona block Ria north of block Toonanorth (on the right(on side of the right of the street). theside street).

Bucheon

Directions

NEH magazine is now accepting submissions for its 4th issue, “The Summer Lovin’” Issue. The issue will focus on activities and things to do in the summer in Korea. We are also accepting music, film, television, fashion and restaurant reviews as well as works of short fiction. NEH does not publish poetry or work that has been previously published in print or electronically unless prior permission is provided by the editors. We also regularly solicit photography and have an ongoing need for talented and creative photographers to join our photography team.

POSITIONS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE: Layout and design assistants Fashion Director Contributing Editors Graphic design assistants Photo Coordinator

Events Coordinator Advertising and business associates Online/Website Editor Promotions and fundraising associates Editorial Assistants

For more information on how to submit your work or about the positions available, please contact NEH at nehmagazine@gmail.com

New York Wedding Hall

Songnae

Toona

love Pappa John's, I'm not going to lie.

There's something about pizza that just brings back the taste of home when you're suffering a three month cold in Korea and have to go into work sick because no one understands what a damn sick day is.

The first time I ordered a pizza in Korea, I was scared shitless. The only Korean I had mastered at this point was "I speak a little Korean" which only resulted in people jabbering away at me full tilt as though I had stated I was fluent. The best thing I had going for me was my wild and expressive hand gestures, which to this day gets me farther than any Korean I ever learned.

That shit don't work on the phone.

Being smarter than the average bear, I scoured the internet, finding only a bunch of videos telling you how to order using the Korean language.

Huh. Now I don't know about you, but something about my essential foreignness seems to transmit itself to natives further and faster than my actual tone, no matter how long I've honed my accent, lodging into minds like waegook virus, flipping the master switch labeled "does not compute." And on the off chance it misses that switch, it inevitably triggers the other previously described button of "blabber my ear off in Korean for no reason."

With a hungry belly, I contacted a friend of mine who had lived here for half a decade and still refused to speak the language. A font of laziness and practical knowledge, he set me straight on how to order pizza, or really anything, over the phone.

Here's the transcript: Ring.

Them: [Some greeting in Korean] Me: [pause] Them: [Korean numbers indicating your phone number] Me: Ne. Them: [asking for your address] Me: [State my address with "dashee"] Them: [asking for my order] Me: Superpapa set-u.

Them: [no doubt compliments me on the wisdom of my choice] Me: Neee!!

Them: [lauds the multiculturalist tenden cies that have allowed Korea to sell pizza} Me: NEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Them: [weeps at the erosion of culture multiculturalism has engendered upon Korean soil] Me: Cash-ee!!

Them: (sing song) Byeeeee!

Me: (sing song) Byeeee!

In 30 minutes my piping hot pizza arrived, complete with several awkward moments with the delivery man, a perfect moment to test out my Korean. Too bad I just stuck to the wild hand gestures… N Biju Sukumaran now teaches in Xiamen, China and is a former Bucheon teacher.

ne of the first hurdles you must cross when arriving in Korea, is the grocery/ restaurant/clothing store/electronics/why the f**k can I only find the parking lot conglomeration that is a Korean Department Store. Your LotteMarts, Emarts, and Homplus’ all house within them one especially daunting hurdle: the department store cafeteria.

At first glance the cafeteria appears to be trying to sell you unappetizing plastic effigies of Korean food. Behind the plastic food effigies lies a row of restaurants all without a line up or menu, with a series of numbers affixed to their signs, and all without a cashier. Yet, this strange scene shows no sign of chaos or confusion. People are eating, laughing, enjoying themselves, and every so often you see a person walking by with their food. How did they order that? How did they pay?

How did they manage to make plastic cheese look so real? These are all fair questions, and with this article and step by step picture montage, we can give you the answers.

For the purpose of this article, we ventured to the Homeplus in Jungdong’s cafeteria.

Step 1: Picking your restaurant For this specific cafeteria there are six different restaurants to choose from. Each restaurant‘s food is represented in each separate window. It‘s pretty straightforward: window one equal‘s restaurant one. Within this cafeteria there is a Japanese, Casual, Cold Noodle, Western, Chinese, and Bibimbap restaurant.

Step 2: Picking your meal Although the plastic food looks painfully unappealing, it makes choosing food easier for us Hangeul illiterate wayguks. The food label holds all the key information to ordering. The top line written in Hangeul is the name of the dish, underneath that is the name of the restaurant which you will pick up the dish from, and underneath that is the price. The most important thing to note on the label is the number (for example in this picture the number is 313). This is the magical number that you will write down and give to the cashier at the front of the cafeteria.

Step 3: Placing your order For those of us who are Hangeul-challenged, the easiest thing to do is to write down the number of the food item and give it to the cashier. For braver folks you could tell the cashier the number in Korean. For those ―uber-brave I have been in Korea for three years and want to show off my amazing ability to speak Korean‖ you could say the name of the dish. I prefer just writing the number down.

Step 4: The wait Once you place the order you will be given your ticket.

The ticket holds two important pieces of information: the number that will flash on the screen when your meal is ready and the restaurant from where you must pick up the meal. Find your seat, and impatiently stare at the screen.

Each time the bells ring, it means that there is a new number on the screen. When you hear the bell, and see your number flashing, the wait is over.

Step 5: Picking your meal up When you see your number flashing on the big screen, look at your ticket and look at what restaurant it says. Once you reach the restaurant, you will again see your number on a separate screen attached to the restaurant. Then simply show them your ticket, pick up some utensils, grab your meal, and your finished!

Our Experience: We ordered Pork Cutlet Spaghetti, Bulgolgi Bimbimbap, and Omurice with Hamburg Steak. This came with two orders of kimchi, two cabbage salads, two soups, black beans, and pickles – all for under 16,000 won. It was fast, incredibly delicious and satisfying. Once we had the entire process of ordering explained to us by a Korean, it was actually pretty simple. Therefore, my advice to you NEH! Magazine readers is to skip the McDonald‘s or KFC next time you are at a department store, and instead enjoy this wonderfully cheap and deliciously unique Korean experience. N

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The cast of season one of Jersey Shore

Angelina “jolie” Pivarnick (left) left the show in episode three. Mike Sorrentino (right), also known as “The Situation, which is what he has nicknamed his six pack

The subject inside the enclosure with electric fan, iPod and roll of toilet paper.

Wilson the volleyball (top) and the vortex from the Fox sci-fi series Sliders circa 1996 (bottom).

A real live guido (top), Sammi Giancola (bottom left) and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro (bottom right), gee do you think he works out?

e was not unaccustomed to waking up next to an unfamiliar someone. She lies there, tangled hair drowning the pillow in her cool, dark smell. The pastel flannel caress of sheets accenting her soft, supple skin, exaggerating the lazy beauty of the other in his bed.

She rolls over, long, dark hair weaving itself over her face. She is not interested in brushing it from her face. Climbing down the steps from the loft, wearing one of his large shirts as a nightgown, she eases herself onto the couch. She gazes intently out the window, drawing a long, thoughtful drag from her cigarette. It is morning and the city is still asleep, the lights from the love motel across the street have let themselves fade out with the knowledge that they need no longer be artificially illuminated.

Pressing his chin on the rail of the loft, he gazes down at this woman. Yet unable to rouse himself from bed he sleepily surveys the scene. His first words require dedicated effort. His chin is unable to drop, rather his entire head must be lifted in order to force language from his mouth. ―What are you thinking?‖ She continues staring out the window at the bleak grey of morning, so enraptured that she must be wrestling intense thought. ―Nothing‖ Her response sets thoughts churning through his mind, futile attempts at deciphering meaning from her evasive response.

Memories roll through the viewing portal of his mind as he searches for meaning in this language. Images of an intoxicated evening. Returning to his house with this woman. Mellow jazz winding its way out of speakers perched on a wooden desk. White wine opened, poured into glasses gaping, empty, quickly filled with the potent liquid for fear that they might say something, might reveal some secret hiding in that half dark room.

Fingers locked, they moved up to the loft. The floor to ceiling window, opposite the bed, revealed something wholly different from the height of the loft. Rather than merely their seeing sky and the tops of distant buildings, they are watched. Its inquisitive eye, blinking occasionally to change from bright red neon, to explicit blues, greens, and yellows. Sitting astride him she was in full view of the eye. It consumed her flesh, bathing and brandin her with glowing red heat. She could never wash it off. She was unable to hide from it, even behind her veil of disheveled brown hair. ―What are you going to do today?‖ ―Working.‖ She stood up to ash her cigarette, take one final drag, and finally lay it to rest. She strolls about the room as though she were totally unfamiliar with the place, its contents and occupants. Shifting her attention to the mosaic on the wall, she questions it with hard, brown eyes.

He could not respond to her inquisition, only the images could do that, as she met his family, learned of his passions, internalized ideas about his friends, his youth, and his life experiences.

Having slipped into her own clothes and her heavy black coat, she prepares to take her leave and enter the winter atmosphere. He

speaks again: ―You want to see me later? We could meet for dinner.‖ ―I maybe.‖ ―Maybe? If you don‘t want to, we don‘t have to.‖ ―It‘s ok. We talk later.‖ ―Alright, I‘ll talk to you later.‖ ―Bye‖ she turns to leave, but he resists. He grabs her coattails, pulling her into an embrace. He offers a kiss. She, a hug. With the side of her face and that dark hair in his mouth, he is drowning like the soft pastel pillow.

Sitting at dinner, he leans forward, a slight weight on the hard brown table. With elbows bent, hands locked together, the rest of his weight seated on his haunches which lie on the green plush pew with the tall straight back. She leans back, owning her seat, hands resting on her thighs, heavy lips pursed, pulling softly at a cigarette. ―You want to eat? Or only drinking?‖ ―I‘m not really hungry, maybe just some beer.‖ ―It‘s ok. Strawberry milk and fruit?‖ ―Yea, ok‖ he responds, while thinking about their inability to communicate. What use was this language they shared if they were unable to communicate? Hiding more than it revealed, words, truths and feelings seemed constantly to be getting hung up on some snare, caught in the heavy, tangled hair, or to be floating up to the rafters with the smoke. ―What‘s wrong?‖ ―Me? Nothing wrong.‖ ―Why won‘t you talk?‖ ―Thinking.‖ ―About what?‖ ―Nothing, only thinking.‖ They sit staggered, not directly across from one another. Their eyes are gazing off into some other conversation. What could she be thinking about? He knew nothing of her mind. For any attempt she might make, he felt only that he knew less, recognized that hers could not be understood for its being other. ―All day you haven‘t said anything, what‘s wrong?‖ ―Nothing. I talking, you not talking. Just thinking.‖ The fruit arrives, cool and sweet, floating in a strawberry milk bath.

They now alternate between tasting the liquid and interrogating the ghost of the person across from them. The four of them sit talking to ghosts. She to his and he to hers, hoping that somewhere in her words, he might find something other than the phantom she has conjured, at whom he is now looking directly and with whom he inevitably finds himself conversing. Staring across the table, interrogating a ghost, eyes and mind ask questions answered only in his own words.

Leaning into the harsh wind they leave the restaurant, pulling their coats tightly around of their bodies, they walk in silence back to the apartment.

In bed again, they lie blanketed to hide from the damp air, air so thick he can see it, illuminated in spectral blue, floating, just above his head. The man leans towards his wife and kisses her lightly on the shoulder. N

some problems in the bedroom.

Every time they have sex he ends up crying like a girl! It really disturbs her because she doesn’t know if he’s crying out of bliss or disappointment.

His English is not so good so he can never explain what the problem is when they’re in the middle of everything (that’s what I heard anyways).

She tries to encourage him but he just keeps soaking the sheets. She’s really getting annoyed now and doesn’t know how to handle it. I thought I’d be a good friend and get some advice for her, not for me, for her.

Help Me Ronda

> I‘m going to try to speak English with you. Or, I‘m just going to speak Korean. I don‘t care if you understand or not. You try driving around with no one to talk to but a GPS for eighteen hours. > Taxis have their own system of measurement.

When the meter skips a number and suddenly your fee is double what it was when it started but you‘ve only gone a block, that‘s the taxi jumping through time and space. > Red lights? Just a suggestion. > Getting somewhere is like a challenge for both my memory and my right foot. > Seoul cabs suck. > Motorbikes are the bain of my existence. > Yeah, I‘m watching you in the rear view mirror. Slip her your tongue.

Go on. That‘s it. > You‘ll get where you‘re going … eventually. N

Dear Agony Ajumma I love my school. I really do. My principal is great, he speaks some English and always tells me, “You are best teacher, never leave this school!” Our lunches are amazing.

Every so often we get cream of mushroom soup with spaghetti. My co-workers force-feed me sweet potatoes in the morning because they know I skip breakfast. Everyone loves me. Everyone except my coteacher.

I have no idea what I’ve done to offend her. She regularly takes “business trips” which just happen to coincide with our classes together.

She begrudgingly greets me in the staff room and immediately disappears to gossip with the other teachers. I brought her a gift from my recent trip to Japan. She smiled when I handed her the handcrafted butterfly clip and said, “Oh, just like the ones they have in Insadong.” I’ve been told that she had a great relationship with the foreign teacher before me so I can’t figure out what the problem is.

Dazed and Confused Dear Dazed and Confused Ah the complexities of the coteacher relationship. Is she smiling because she likes me or is she smiling because she hates me? In my experience it’s best not to over-analyse. As

a newbie foreign teacher we often have to pay for the sins of our predecessors. Maybe your co-teacher felt somehow betrayed by the previous teacher. Maybe you unwittingly made some faux pas. I’ll never forget my first night in Korea.

My co-teacher took me, in my jetlagged state, to buy necessities at the local E-mart. After a few hours of awkward conversation, finding out that there was no subway station in my town and choking down a bulgogi burger, she left me to my own devices.

In my sleep deprived gratitude, I crossed the line and gave her a hug. I knew immediately that she was completely freaked out by this gesture.

Our relationship never quite recovered. She always had this nervous look in her eyes like she thought I was going to surprise attack her with another embrace.

In short, I would say, be yourself, be sickly sweet and keep buying her presents. Throw paranoia to the wind like that tiny towel in the jimjilbang.

Dear Agony Ajumma So this friend of a friend of this girl that I know has a Korean boyfriend.

He’s a good guy, he takes her to nice restaurants and doesn’t make her wear couple t-shirts. They’ve been together for about 4 months now.

Everything’s going fine but I just happen to know that they’re having

Dear Help Me Ronda Chincha? What’s this guy’s problem? She needs to tell him to get hold of some bosintang and all the other weird foods that are supposedly so ‘good for stamina’. Your friend’s boyfriend needs to explain to her what’s going on. The bedroom is no place for things to get lost in translation. He should toughen up or ship out. There are plenty of other wet-fish in the sea.

If there’s some kind of deeper psychological problem here I’d advise your friend to take the Seoul train right out of that relationship because it can only spell disaster.

Best of luck to your friend, not you, of course. N



> Here‘s a thought: when you‘re waiting for me on the side of the road, waving your arm like you‘re trying to take flight, don‘t step off the curb before I get to you—have you seen my driving?

Problems with your lover? Can’t take it at school? Day after day after day of kimchi got you down?

There’s a solution to your problems, you’re not alone: the Agony Ajumma is here to help.

Agony Ajumma is 100% confidential and anonymous. Though, for legal reasons we have to tell you that Agony Ajumma is not a real counselor and any advice that she gives is to be used with caution. If you have a real problem, please seek professional help. In your letter please include your real name and contact information for further consultation if necessary. Agony Ajumma is does not have any professional training and can not diagnose serious mental illness or disabilities.

If you have a question and what some handy advice, send your questions to agonyajumma@gmail.com.

Questions and answers will be printed with pseudonyms.

Real names will never be used unless explicitly expressed by the writer.

Cancer 22 Jun – 22 Jul

Taurus 20 Apr – 20 May

Are you crying?! ALREADY?! I haven’t even told you your fortune! What’s that? You say your life sucks? Well, damn. You must be psychic.

Gemini 21 May – 21 Jun

If the world’s an apple, you’re a dartboard. The road ahead shows random buttons growing on your clothing unless you: 1. Catch a dart with your teeth, 2. Walk around barefoot at work, and 3. Cry while eating spam.

Dude. Lions are beating you in the ESL game! But half of you don’t care. Forget that forbidden romance this month. You’ll get crabs. However, accidents happen. Pick out the crabs with sterilized chopsticks.

Aries 21 Mar – 19 Apr Fruity pebbles and fashion galore, skinny jeans are in. To find your love match wear a rainbow and scour the bars in Bucheon’s hooker hill. Oh, we don’t have one? Um... get drunk, fall asleep on the subway, and you’ll get there.

Leo 23 Jul – 22 Aug Stupefy little children with large doses of grammar to gain 500 experience points in this month’s ESL game. Do this daily to level up. To gain massive bonus points yell ‘Abracadabra!’ at the evil textbooks.

Virgo 23 Aug – 22 Sep Put a leash on your natural urge to run in the nude. Seeing puppies through glass on Saturday indicates an Aries in your life is looking for rainbow-colored hookers. Pop on Line 1 and join your fruity friend.

Pisces 19 Feb – 20 Mar What a bloody mess the world is in.

And you helped it get there! To repent, pray to the seaweed-lords and the pork cutlet queens. Midnight is best. As a bonus, taxi drivers will make u-turns only for you.

Libra 23 Sep – 23 Oct Perfumes of yellow dust will make your star sign sleepy. To awake from your stupor, sneak over to Home Plus and soak in a bath of liquid yogurt (preferably Yoplait- any flavor!). Don't forget to shake luxuriously.

Aquarius 20 Jan – 18 Feb Business clothes are not suitable for Jimjilbangs. But have no fear, you swore you would have vengeance on the naked elves. This is the month to do so. Onward. (Douglas Adams reminds you, "Don't forget your towel.")

Scorpio 24 Oct – 21 Nov Your inner voice warns about monsoons. Grab ahold of a floating ajumma to propel yourself over the rising tides. Don’t duck the duck. Put as many stickers on your private parts as you can...it's a rough ride.

Capricorn 22 Dec – 19 Jan Beware of yellow fever on Fridays. Mistranslations will cost you 50 dignity points.

Remember, don’t beg, cry, touch, or breathe heavily on Hagwon vampires unless you want to drown in a sea of tofu... oh, sorry, soju.

accepts no responsibility for any personal injury, death, loss or damage of any kind suffered by any person as a direct or indirect result from following the advice from the NEH magazine horoscope section.

Sagittarius 22 Nov – 21 Dec Running backwards on Thursday? Of course, it’s a good idea! Lick your hand before attempting the escalator. And when you finally hit that wall of idiocy, Kim Yu Na will graciously shoot you a James Bond kiss.

Perhaps the most controversial dish on a Korean menu, bosintang uses dog meat as its key ingredient.

According to Chinese medicinal principles, dog meat has been said to provide increased virility.

The meat is often boiled with green onion, parilla leaves and dropwort (a perennial herb.) Despite being technically illegal to serve dog meat, some restaurants still do. In 1988, the South Korean government urged citizens not to consume dog meat and for business not to sell it in order to improve the country‘s image with Western visitors. A recent survey by the Korean Ministry of Agriculture showed that 59% of Koreans aged under 30 would not eat dog.

Purportedly improves vitality, virility and stamina.

When consumed in the summer months, it can help to balance the body‘s heat and vital energies.

Improves the condition of a woman‘s skin and acts as an anti-aging remedy.

Dogs that are bred for consumption are different from the breeds that are kept as common household pets therefore making the eating of this animal no different than eating a cow, pig, sheep, chicken or fish.

Many anti-dog meat activists argue their point based on a personal connection with ―man‘s best friend‖ and are thus unable to be objective toward the consumption of dog meat versus the consumption of any other animal.

General practice has been to hang a dog upside down from a tree and to beat it to death in order to properly tenderize the meat.

The animal is made to suffer before its death as a result of a superstitious belief that the more the animal suffers, the better the meat will taste.

Over two million dogs are killed yearly as a result of the belief that eating the meat will improve a man‘s stamina.

Many of the reasons given to defend the slaughter of dogs for food are based on archaic beliefs such as ―keeping an old dog around a house may bring about disaster and a woman who is too fond of dogs will become infertile.‖

May 4th Cinco de May on the Cuatro May 7th The Noise w/ Reverse Engine May 8th DJ Pandemic May14th Angry Bear May 20th Hardtack and Gruel May 28th Songdo Social Club

EXP. 05/31/10