How to Stop Hidden Rage and Open Revenge Some people go through life with a sense of false entitlement, as if others owe them something. They don’t even consider to express what they need, because they assume that the others should "know" what is expected from them. Unfortunately this is a common situation and many “cold shoulder” episodes between partners stems from this assumption
What is underneath this idea of the "other should know"? Our way of thinking and perceiving the world determines our reality; there is no other way we can understand the world if it is not through those dark lenses of our own mind… Our definitions of what is life, of the world and who we are in it, of what a relationship is, are all part of the set of belief that creates our reality. If we are filled with emotions like anger and resentment, these are going to tint the glasses in a special way…shaping the quality of our present life. Chronic anger is highly visible for the people around us, which respond in turn according to what they perceive. Our negativities and resentments define our relationships with others, even without our conscious participation. So, we expect that the other person "should know" our needs and wishes, and if he/she does not behave accordingly, frustration is very high.
What is resentment? Resentment is a combination of the emotions and actions and thought patterns resulting from unresolved anger from past incidents. It's good to note that probably the incidents were 'perceived" by the person as 'unjust', and does not need necessarily to be recognized by the others as 'unjust'.
For example children have a basically strong sense of what justice is for them, and they perceive when their basic needs are not solved and upon that, when they are humiliated because being “needy,” adding insult to injury.
Those early lessons where we felt that we were not fit, not deserving to be loved or helped, stupid, not as good as our brothers, and a punishment for our parents, are still deep inside our minds. They are the lenses that our mind will use to see any injustice feeling of today…and under certain circumstances present events will just hit on the old wounds from the past and they will feel like real and present dangers.
The chain of perceived injustice, anger and resentment, leads to seek reparation or revenge.
“The Tao of Anger, Controlling Your Anger Explosions” © Creative Conflict Resolutions INC http://www.creativeconflicts.com