20 Women alone

Women, alone

More women than men above the age of 50 live alone in New Zealand, and the number is rising. In Nelson-Tasman-Marlborough, where housing and living costs rate among the highest in the country, we asked three women what it’s like to survive on their own. Tracy Neal reports.

Irish poet Oscar Wilde once said it is healthy to know how to be alone, and not defined by another.

Those who live alone say there are pluses and minuses – you get to watch your own television programmes late into the night, pick your own interior colour scheme, shop for your preferred food and choose your own holiday destinations. The drawbacks are lack of companionship, but are largely economic in a world where equal pay is still a pipedream for plenty. The legacy of this tends to show up down the track at about retirement age. A Nelson City Council report shows most of Nelson’s older people currently own their own home, but home ownership rates are expected to be lower for older people in the future. A 2020 University of Auckland Business School report on women and retirement in a post Covid-19 world points to the economic disadvantages many women face as they near their mid-60s. The report by Dr M Claire Dale and Susan St John says women are more likely to arrive at retirement without secure housing and have less savings because of caring duties and lower wages. They are therefore more likely to experience greatly restricted lifestyles in retirement. The 2018 Census shows the ratio of men living alone is higher across all age groups until the age of 55. From then, the graph switches rapidly, with women living alone far outnumbering men. Death of a spouse is the main reason, followed by divorce. Nelson children’s songwriter and entertainer Kath Bee has spent much of her adult life devoted to entertaining young children. The 56-year-old lives alone, which she feels she has “done forever”, even though she had had partners with whom she has shared a home.

Kath owns her own home, having picked fruit, worked as a cleaner, as a tour guide at Pic’s Peanut Butter and various other jobs that have helped pay the bills around her Kath Bee career.

It has not been easy. Menopause hit severely when she was 48, prompting a complete change that saw Kath take a break from entertainment and a move to Auckland for 18 months.

“I couldn’t perform. The hot flushes were constant through the day and night. I’d feel like death warmed up in the morning, I’d go off to a performance and have a massive hot flush. I just couldn’t cope.” Kath says the shift to Auckland and a role as a mathematics presenter, sharing hands-on math activities with school-aged children was good for taking some of the pressure off. “I could take my cardigan off, instead of having sweat pouring off me, playing the guitar and wanting to strip off and jump in a cold pool, and yell ‘f..k dinosaurs in the back yard, I’m freaking out here!’” Kath says the best part of living alone is having her own space and being able to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. The drawbacks have emerged in recent years. “As I get older it seems harder to live alone, and I think it’s to do with confidence. I used to have all the confidence in the world to bash a nail in the wall or put up a shelf, but these days I’m worried about leaving a big hole in the wall. Having to do everything herself is sometimes hard.

“There’s no sharing the household stuff. I know there are a lot of people who live with partners who don’t feel supported and, in many ways, that’s worse. “There are certainly things I miss about living with somebody. There’s no one to reassure you, to bounce ideas off – there’s no one to ease the worries you’ve got, or to help make decisions, and I really miss the pillow talk!” Kath is now at a crossroads, wondering about her future. The knock to her confidence has influenced whether she wants to continue her song-writing and entertaining role. She feels it may be linked to exhaustion from being self-employed, touring, part-time jobs, grief and lockdown uncertainties.

“Lockdown has given me time to soul-search and wonder if I can continue. I think I'm at the point where I just want a 'normal' job to take the pressure off.” The Auckland University report also says that post Covid-19, women will continue to be more likely than men to be reliant on superannuation alone, but New Zealand women are more fortunate in the design of the state pension compared to women in Australia or Ireland.

Gillian Williams says she has had “a lot of practise” living alone. The 82-year-old businesswoman, board member and recipient of a Queen’s Service Medal for her services to volunteering, is fortunate to be financially independent, but in her lifetime she has endured the loss of two husbands.

“My first husband Graham died 26 years ago from cancer. l remarried 14 years ago to John, but unfortunately he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He lived for only 20 months after we were married.”

I could take my cardigan off, instead of having sweat pouring off me, playing the guitar and wanting to strip off and jump in a cold pool, and yell ‘f..k dinosaurs in the back yard, I’m freaking out here!’

Kath Bee

TRACY NEAL

Gillian Williams

Gillian moved to Nelson 18 years ago from her hometown in Greymouth, where her late husband Graham and son Tony owned and operated a 105-room tourist hotel. She says living alone is a good prompt for taking up new opportunities, but she recognises she is lucky to have maintained good health and the means to take on new adventures. “I’m very content with my life. I enjoy caring for other people from all walks of life, and sitting outside in the sun, talking

I’m very content with my life. I enjoy caring for other people from all walks of life, and sitting outside in the sun, talking to so many people as they pass by, but it’s fair to say there are difficulties – the night times. I get a bit lonely at night, especially around Covid lockdown times.

Gillian Williams

to so many people as they pass by but it’s fair to say there are difficulties – the night times. I get a bit lonely at night, especially around Covid lockdown times.” Gillian has led a busy and hugely varied life, including gaining her heavy traffic licence when she was 18 so she could drive trucks for the contracting business she ran with Graham. She had three children by the age of 21 and is now blessed with 10 grandchildren and 15 great grandchildren. She continues to be active as a volunteer, including with the Cancer Society’s Nelson division. “I look upon things always with a ‘glass half-full’ approach. “My advice to anyone living alone is, if you’re able, make sure you get out and about, meet people, say ‘hello’ to people. I did find it a bit hard to break into Nelson when I first came here, but opportunities came along and I grabbed them.” Gillian’s latest new activity is developing her role as a Ngāi Tahu kaumātua, by learning Te Reo Māori and researching her genealogy. In New Zealand, older working age people (45-64 years) who are living alone have the second highest rate of income poverty after sole parents. This has doubled from 10 per cent in 1988 to 23 per cent in the early 2000s. It is currently at 29 per cent. Helen, a professional career woman, says aside from the obvious reasons why increasing numbers of women are on their own, another is that women are choosing to live alone. “Circumstances such as divorce (as in my case) may necessitate living alone initially, but once you get a taste for the independence and creative freedom it becomes a comfortable and enjoyable state to be in.” She says it has its advantages, as well as its challenges brought to the fore by the need to constantly upskill herself to tackle renovations on the Edwardian villa she bought. “I’ve done most of the decorating. I’ve restored a fireplace, reputtied windows and recently re-grouted the kitchen tiles.” There have been times she has needed to call in a tradesperson, which in Helen’s case is where she has noticed a big disadvantage in being a woman on her own. “Undoubtedly there are good and bad tradespeople. Anecdotally they have a reputation for taking “mature ladies” for a ride and while there is probably some truth in that, my personal take on this is that if I receive a substandard job - and it’s happened to me only once, I pursue them through the appropriate legal and professional channels. “That apart, there are some excellent tradies who are professional and go above and beyond.” A project she has flagged for her retirement is to set up a “positive register” of tradespeople. “Most feedback/review mechanisms focus on the negative, however we know positive reinforcement works so much better, in so many areas of life. “This register would simply list tradespeople who come recommended by women managing homes alone. If a subsequent poor report was received they would be removed from the register. “It would be great if it became the go-to place for finding tradies.” Helen says another challenge for women living alone can be issues around security. “Nobody wants to live in a fortress but there are now relatively accessible security systems you can get that link to your phone. “The best security of all though, is community, and I’m fortunate to have great neighbours who all look out for one another.” She says she would not write-off sharing a home again, but it would have to be with somebody very special, to entice her away from the lifestyle she has created for herself.

Nelson’s favourite outdoor museum free entry ... for locals from Nelson & Tasman*

IT support for local businesses

Spark New Zealand are helping give local businesses an edge in the ever-changing world of Information Technology (IT). With their finger on the pulse for everything digital, Spark are able to tie all business IT needs into one neat, steam lined, package to help each business become more productive and sustainable.

When it comes to all thing’s internet, Shane McKay, owner of Spark Business Upper South, knows what he is talking about. He first started working for the company in 2009 before buying into the business in 2016. Shane and his dedicated team are focused on finding the best tech solutions for each and every client, helping them to stay on track and heading in the right direction.

For Nelson-based company, Freeman Group, - New Zealand's largest family-owned roof and rainwater products manufacturer - having Spark help them make the transition from old, outdated IT systems to a more comprehensive and modern set-up was a game-changer. Jill Barr, Freeman Group Financial Controller, says, “our cellphones, land-lines, internet and IT used to all be under separate contracts and with different suppliers. Now that we are working with Spark, and their partners PC Media, these areas are all bundled together which makes really good sense because the functions are so connected. We now have one point of contact, get great service, have achieved some good savings and have much better visibility over these areas. It has been great to have all these eggs in the one safe and well-managed basket.” In the ever-changing world of IT, and understanding the need for reliability and productivity, Shane and his team are committed to making a transition as smooth as possible,

Shane McKay, owner of Spark Business Upper South, is focused on finding the best tech solutions for his clients.

offering local expertise and support. Spark Business Hub Tasman has products which can be tailored to suit each individual business’s needs.

Another area of interest for many businesses recently is IoT, otherwise known as the ‘Internet of Things’. IoT encompasses every object or ‘thing’ connected to the internet. From sensors to smartphones, vehicles to entire buildings, IoT is made up of connected devices that ‘talk’ to each other while collecting useful information that isn't available otherwise. For example, arrays of connected moisture sensors monitoring the condition of fields on a farm and constantly relaying that data to the farmer’s computer, or asset-tracking tags on the containers of a freight company allowing them to track where they’re currently located. Spark predicts that around 22 million ‘things’ will be connected in Aotearoa by the end of 2021. They believe our country is ready for a more sustainable and productive future, and that their Internet of Things can help make it happen.

Spark Business Hub Tasman Ph 0800 482 827 173 Haven Road, Nelson spark.co.nz/business

Tony McCombe, Tania Parr and Zach Parr get ready to take off in a GCH Aviation helicopter.

A flying escape

Flying high above the usual world of medical procedures and family turmoil – an exciting escape even for just a few hours. This was how Nelson pilot Tony McCombe decided he could help children and their families cope with serious and ongoing health issues.

Words: Renée Lang

The children – and teenagers – who are put forward for a flight now come from all over the country, which made it important for Tony to expand the concept nationwide. He sees what Uplift in Kind is doing as a kind of “dating service in the middle” between the charities they work with and a partner group of aviation businesses. Earlier this year he and his partner relocated to Nelson where he now flies part time on the local air ambulance. During a busy week he can dedicate anywhere between 20 and 30 hours to Uplift in Kind without any administrative assistance. Although Tony is very proud of what he’s achieved so far, and while he’d really appreciate help with the latter, his fondest wish is to have enough funds to support a full-time camera crew to record all the experiences. “We get some support from the Lindsay Foundation (whose mission is to support Kiwi individuals and organisations who aspire to make a positive difference in New Zealand), which helps with doing some video production.” Tony would also welcome anyone who would like to contribute their skill in graphic design and social media marketing. If you or your organisation – aviation-related or not – is interested in helping support this great initiative or perhaps just want to see some of the fun they provide, follow Upliftinkind on facebook or email Tony at tony@upliftinkind.com

It was in 2015 when he came up with the idea of offering children in extreme circumstances the opportunity to experience a dedicated flight in a helicopter or aeroplane. At the time he was living in Dunedin and commuting to Auckland on a week on-week off basis to fly the Starship air ambulance. His earlier flying experience for a commercial airline had made him aware that quite a few flights took off with empty seats and it was this fact that led to Uplift in Kind being born.

It started with him visiting some charities in Auckland to ask if they would support the concept. Not surprisingly, they thought it was a great idea. And by working with these charities Tony could be assured that the kids they put forward for a flying experience would be those who would really benefit from it. “I suppose it was a kind of ‘give back’ from what I learned from when I was a kid,” says Tony of his own involvement. He’s certainly no stranger to dealing with familial health issues; his older brother Mark was born with a disability and so his family had had a lot to do with the organisation that used to be known as IHC. “Dad did accounting for the Dunedin branch and as kids we would help with the annual collecting appeals.”