S 2014 12 04

Sacramento’S newS & entertainment weekly

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Volume 26, iSSue 33

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thurSday, december 4, 2014

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SN&R | 12.04.14

December 4, 2014 | vol. 26, issue 33

Introducing ...

Anthony Siino is SN&R’s new jack-of-all-trades assistant editor. These days, he’s shining our scribble at the copy desk. In the future, he’ll be managing this paper’s social-media presence and writing about Cookie-Monster bands. Let’s find out what he’s all about.

How did you get here?

Went through a bunch of newspapers: The Chico Enterprise-Record, The Paradise Post, The Sacramento Bee, The Davis Enterprise and then here. Did design, reporting, editing and anything else, all while growing increasingly dissatisfied with the ethics of daily journalism.

Didn’t you get the memo? Weeklies have zilch for values.

Loving it here, though! SN&R gives me the least cognitive dissonance I’ve ever had in my professional and private life.

I have no clue what you mean. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know?

I have overwhelming anxiety when it comes to interactions with strangers. I thought spending a few years as a reporter would fix it, but it turns out self-imposed flooding therapy is not always the answer.

We actually hired you? What will you be doing here?

I like the idea of helping writers achieve the utmost efficacy with their material while contributing to positive change for the downtrodden.

More literally, I’ll be editing, harassing writers and chipping in thoughts on the fantastic metal scene around here.

What would you rather be doing?

Probably something selfdestructive.

What do you enjoy in your spare time?

Right now, I play a lot of Magic: The Gathering and I’m slowly picking up Python to work on a text adventure that will likely never be played by anybody.

[Blinks]

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STREETALK LETTERS NEWS + SCOREKEEPER FEATuRE STORy NIgHT&DAy DISH ASK JOEy STAgE FILM MuSIC + SOund AdviCE THE 420 15 MINuTES Bites is on vacation this week. coveR design BY haYLeY doshaY coveR Photo BY BRian BReneMan

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26 Rine, Patti Roberts, Ann Martin Rolke, Steph Rodriguez, Shoka Creative Director Priscilla Garcia Art Director Hayley Doshay Junior Art Director Brian Breneman Production Coordinator Skyler Smith Designers Melissa Bernard, Brad Coates, Kyle Shine Contributing Photographers Lisa Baetz, Steven Chea, Wes Davis, Taras Garcia, Bobby Mull, Shoka, Darin Smith

Our Mission To publish great newspapers that are successful and enduring. To create a quality work environment that encourages employees to grow professionally while respecting personal welfare. To have a positive impact on our communities and make them better places to live.

Chief Marketing Officer Rick Brown Advertising Manager Corey Gerhard Senior Advertising Consultants Rosemarie Messina, Joy Webber Advertising Consultants Joseph Barcelon, Meghan Bingen, Lee Craft, Teri Gorman, Dusty Hamilton, Dave Nettles, Matt Richter, Lee Roberts, John Saltnes, Julie Sherry, Kelsi White Senior Inside Sales Consultant Olla Ubay Ad Services Specialist Jovi Radtke Director of Et Cetera Will Niespodzinski Custom Publications Editor Michelle Carl

Co-editors Rachel Leibrock, Nick Miller Staff Writers Janelle Bitker, Raheem F. Hosseini Assistant Editor Anthony Siino Entertainment Editor Jonathan Mendick Editorial Coordinator Becca Costello Contributing Editor Cosmo Garvin Editor-at-large Melinda Welsh Contributors Ngaio Bealum, Daniel Barnes, Rob Brezsny, Jim Carnes, Cody Drabble, Deena Drewis, Joey Garcia, Blake Gillespie, Becky Grunewald, Lovelle Harris, Jeff Hudson, Jim Lane, Garrett McCord, Kel Munger, Kate Paloy, Jessica

—Nick Miller

nic kam@ ne ws r ev i ew . com

Custom Publications Managing Editor Shannon Springmeyer Custom Publications Writer/Copy Editor Mike Blount Custom Publications Writer Brittany Wesely Executive Coordinator Jessica Takehara Directors of First Impressions Courtney DeShields, Matt Kjar Distribution Director Greg Erwin Distribution Services Assistant Larry Schubert Distribution Drivers Mansour Aghdam, Daniel Bowen, Russell Brown, Nina Castro, Jack Clifford, Lydia Comer, John Cunningham, Lob Dunnica, Chris Fong, Ron Forsberg, Joanna Gonzalez-Brown, Aaron Harvey, Wayne Hopkins, Brenda Hundley, Greg Meyers, Kenneth Powell, Wendell Powell, Lloyd Rongley, Lolu Sholotan President/CEO Jeff vonKaenel Chief Operations Officer Deborah Redmond Human Resources Manager Tanja Poley Business Manager Grant Rosenquist Accounting Specialist Nicole Jackson Accounts Receivable Specialist Kortnee Angel Sweetdeals Coordinator Alicia Brimhall Nuts & Bolts Ninja Christina Wukmir Lead Technology Synthesist Jonathan Schultz

Senior Support Tech Joe Kakacek Developer John Bisignano System Support Specialist Kalin Jenkins 1124 Del Paso Boulevard, Sacramento, CA 95815 Phone (916) 498-1234 Sales Fax (916) 498-7910 Editorial Fax (916) 498-7920 Website www.newsreview.com SN&R is printed by The Paradise Post using recycled newsprint whenever available.

Editorial Policies Opinions expressed in SN&R are those of the authors and not of Chico Community Publishing, Inc. Contact the editor for permission to reprint articles, cartoons or other portions of the paper. SN&R is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts. All letters received become the property of the publisher. We reserve the right to print letters in condensed form and to edit them for libel.

Advertising Policies All advertising is subject to the newspaper’s Standards of Acceptance. The advertiser and not the newspaper assumes full responsibility for the truthful content of their advertising message.

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SN&R | 12.04.14

“I even like to pour the juice from the jalapeño can on top.”

Asked at the intersection of 65th Street and Folsom Boulevard:

What’s the best pizza topping no one lets you order?

Samantha Sowers

Ronnie Escorpiso Jr.

Rosa Haro

info desk attendant

bakery manager

I would say bell peppers.

I love them on pizza.

They’re so good, but my dad and my best friend, Marisa, hate them! So whenever I go out with either of them, I have to give them up. I pretty much like almost any pizza though, so it’s all good.

marketing assistant

Jalapeños. I can’t eat spicy food anymore, but when I could, no one would want to eat them on pizza with me.

They couldn’t handle the heat, but to me—without jalapeños or some sort of spice—food tastes like nothing.

Barbecued chicken. Most people that I hang out with don’t like it. They don’t like the idea of having chicken or barbecue sauce on a pizza, but I love it. It reminds me of eating ribs.

Maria Valero

Jose Hernandez

retired

Brandon Hunter

forklift operator

I love all the toppings, especially pepperoni, onions and peppers ... but my doctor, dietitian and family keep getting mad because they say I need to watch my health. They don’t want me to eat them at all ... but I love pizza.

I’ve managed to live this long, so I’m going to eat whatever the hell I want!

I like my pizza with extra jalapeños. I add my own on them because the pizza places don’t put enough on it! I even like to pour the juice from the jalapeño can on top. ... No one wants to eat it with me, but I don’t care. That means more for me!

engineering apprentice

I don’t have this problem because I will literally eat anything, especially if it’s free ... including any kind of pizza with any toppings.

I have always been that way. The grossest one I can think of that I’ve eaten had beans spread on the top of it with chicken and this gross sauce. It tasted like cardboard.

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3770 Hwy 45 • Colusa, CA • 530.458.8844 • ColusaCasino.com NEWS

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K.J. is OK

Fashion

Frames

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Re “Goo-goos and ethics reform� by Jan Bergeron (SN&R Letters, November 27): The author of this letter forgets that K.J. is also doing wonderful stuff for the community, such as saving our Sacramento Kings from relocation, as well as trying to bring professional soccer to Sacramento.

letter of the week

%

off

Mark Rodriguez

S a c ra m e nt o

Get it right about Oak Park

missing a beat, shouts, “What the hell for? Are you pregnant?!� A highschool friend had sent a letter after not seeing each other for nearly a decade, asking if my husband was, um, “troubled.� A distant cousin cornered me at my parents’ anniversary. “So are you trying?� Then, she modified it to, “Are you at least not preventing?�

Fortunately, my current boyfriend’s family, and him at two decades beyond me, think couples without kids are great, too. People, children are waiting to be adopted.

Be relevant in how you dote upon the next generation. You aren’t here to help me raise them. Do something nice for yourself. Get a cat. Don’t live through the activities of these great birthing hips unless I invite you into the room and offer an engraved bullhorn. Then cheer for me.

Otherwise, press hard, three copies on the “restrain your enthusiasm� order. Thanks to the writer above; this opened up a much-needed therapy session. I hope you’re all cured of “baby talk.�

Jennifer K. Machado Manteca

Plus, 2nd Pair FREE*

Re “Team K.J. wants do-overs�

by Cosmo Garvin (SN&R Bites, November 20): Who has an interest in moving the UC Davis Medical Center back into Oak Park’s district? Maybe the 600 people who attended a City Council meeting to oppose the move? Maybe the hundreds of other people who attended other council meetings to oppose the move? Maybe the residents of Oak Park, who saw it for what it was: a political slap at the mayor and Council member Jay Schenirer.

In last week’s column, Garvin wrote about the Oak Park Neighborhood Association’s submittal of a map that did not include the Med Center. True. But, if Garvin really cared about accuracy, he would recall that I told him (several times) that we made a mistake. We made a mistake, admitted it early and often, corrected it at every opportunity to the council and to the press, and yet Garvin still pretends that it reflected our wishes.

Perhaps one day Garvin will join us in our work to make one of the country’s most diverse communities  online buzz a model for the nation. Taking cheap “Bites� seems to be a much On Sheriff ScOtt JOneS’ easier path, and probably pays a lot diStinctiOn between “gOOd� better than we volunteers get. But, and “evil� immigrantS: we can hope.

Wow, you take 1 line out of context Michael Boyd and base the story on that? What Oak Park Neighborhood Association about the references he makes to hard working immigrant families and his desire to keep them safe? Or maybe its just another attempt to manufacture a race controversy as a ruse to increase your circulation...

“When are you gonna have a baby?� = ban it!

Re “Ban the baby talk� by Becca Costello (SN&R Essay, November 13): Usually, I disagree with banning certain things, because as a comedian, it’s my job to bring up the uncomfortable territory and point out what society needs to work on. Today, a flood of personal anecdotes remind me this lovely and civil advice is spot on.

I waited nine years to marry my high-school stalker/sweetheart. We told everybody, “No, no, never, never.� Got our ducks in a row.

Finished degrees, got cars nearly paid off, had a shack/place, jobs and the ring. We announced our engagement a day after Christmas. Grandpa, without BEFORE

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Water-meter update See NEWS

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Winners and losers See SCOREKEEPER

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Praise for the Bee See GREENLIGHT

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That howling infinite A friend remembers investigative journalist Gary Webb on the 10th anniversary of his death December 14, 2004. Four days after my friend Gary Webb left his living hell. Two days after the by Los Angeles Times turned carrion crow in a Tom Dresslar disgraceful obit.

The den’s black, and I’m alone with a bottle of Bombay gin and Neil Young.

Tom Dresslar worked “Ragged Glory” at high volume. I can’t for 13 years as stop the tears anymore, and memories ride Sacramento Bureau the saline stream.

Chief for the Daily Gary and I met when we worked in Journal, and served with Gary Webb in our respective newspapers’ Sacramento 2001 as investigative bureaus. The first time I saw him was at staff for the Joint one of those annual press conferences Legislative Audit Committee. the governor stages to unveil the state budget. At one point, Gary asked Gov. Pete Wilson why he insisted on taking the ax to programs that help the poor when tax codes that subsidize rich people and corporations contained many more-deserving targets.

The question didn’t go over too well. I decided then I had to meet this guy.

In subsequent years, we occasionally sat together at the back of the Assembly or Senate chambers. We spent a fair amount of those times laughing, joking, staring at each other in disbelief. Because, let’s face it, a lot of what happens in the Legislature floats Read Melinda Welsh’s in from some alternate reality.

I had my first real conversation with recent cover story on Gary Webb, who Gary at a going-away party I hosted for worked at SN&R one of our reporter colleagues. I put on before his death, here: http://tinyurl.com/ Neil Young. “Ragged Glory” at high garywebbSNR. volume. One of the guests came up to me and complained the music was too loud.

She said it was too hard for people to hear themselves talk, like what people say at parties has more listening value than Neil Young. I just looked at her and walked out the front door. Gary followed.

He said he never liked Neil Young that much, but that album rocked. We just walked around the neighborhood talking and getting our minds right with something legally considered medicinal now in California. It was a blast. When we got back to the party, the volume of the music didn’t matter anymore.

Then came “Dark Alliance.”

Bob Dylan wrote about “all the criminals in their coats and ties … free to drink martinis and watch the sun rise.” These are the people Gary lived to expose and bring, if not to justice, at least to accountability.

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Gary Webb appeared on SN&R’s cover after the traditional media attacked him and his CIA-crack cocaine investigation.

So it was with “Dark Alliance,” a 1996 investigative series about the CIA and crack cocaine he reported and wrote for the San Jose Mercury News. The suits, in this case, belonged to government spies, bureaucrats in the shadows and White House operatives. In “Dark Alliance,” Gary meticulously drew a link between the U.S. government’s funding of Nicaraguan contras’ war against the country’s Sandinista regime in the 1980s and the crack cocaine supply in Los Angeles.

Instead of winning credit for excellent work, Gary got smeared. Instead of standing up for him, his editors at the Mercury News abandoned him. Ultimately, Gary was ruthlessly cast out of the profession he loved.

What made the excommunication particularly maddening was that the media high priests who carried it out had zero credibility. The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times—they fashion themselves as titans of U.S. mainstream media. But when it comes to foreign affairs, they’ve always been more like the family dog. They get fed at the White House correspondents’ dinner, or maybe over drinks at some Washington, D.C., watering hole, then regurgitate the government’s propaganda.

These were the people who appointed themselves Gary’s Star Chamber judges.

Instead of tilling the ground Gary broke,

they made it their mission to tear his story, and him, apart. In this effort, they quoted and served their government patrons.

In the end, after it was too late, they were proven wrong. A CIA inspector general report ultimately confirmed the substance of Gary’s work. Faced with the facts, some papers, including the Los Angeles Times, subsequently confessed the errors in their rabid criticism of “Dark Alliance.”

In 2002, long after he was banished, Gary and I worked together as investigative staff for the Joint Legislative Audit Committee. There, the major project we collaborated on was a set of hearings into a big computer contract between the state and Oracle. The contract was like a lot of large California IT projects—a disaster. This affair, though, featured some juicy stuff others didn’t.

During those hearings, we spent long hours in an office crowded with boxes of documents. We ate late dinners there. We had a lot of laughs. But, mostly, what we had was great respect for each other. I was awed by Gary’s talent and work ethic. I remember going home one weekend, and when I got to work Monday, Gary had produced a detailed timeline from the piles of documents we had amassed. His timeline formed the core of our work on the Oracle hearings.

Ultimately, the hearings forced the ouster of bureaucrats who shouldn’t have been collecting paychecks at taxpayers’ expense. Gary deserves much of the credit for making it happen.

I believe Gary was happy during the Oracle investigation. When he worked he was a fire. You could almost hear him snap and crackle. And that wry smile that sometimes exploded into a laugh? I got to enjoy it a lot.

Unfortunately, the work didn’t last long.

A few years after our team was dismantled, Gary called me looking for work. In the end, I couldn’t help him. I will always feel I let him down.

Gary’s been gone for 10 years. I think about him a lot. Often, it’s when I’m trying to muster my guts. I decided about three years ago to write a 10-year memorial piece.

When I think of Gary, I remember a favorite Herman Melville passage. Gary had the courage to live and work in “that howling infinite.” The people who ruined his life didn’t. They slithered “worm-like” on the safe land.

Remembering Gary also makes me think of “Ragged Glory,” and how those words make a fitting headline for Gary’s life. Wherever you are, Gary, I hope you play the album from time to time. “Ragged Glory” at high volume. Ω

Reverse flow

BEATS

Sacramento to re-evaluate its costly water-meter install on heels of SN&R investigation Just weeks after SN&R’s investigation into Sacramento’s expensive, arguably wasteful plan to install more than story and photo 100,000 water meters and modernize by Joe Rubin its infrastructure, the program is about to dramatically change course.

At a November 13 city council meeting (the same day SN&R’s cover story on water meters, “Flushing money,” hit newsstands), Councilman Steve Hansen said this paper’s reporting introduced serious issues about the plan and its oversight.

“I’ve heard from my constituents about street conditions. There have been issues raised about contractors drilling through natural-gas lines and putting folks in danger,” Hansen said.

He called for more oversight of one of the largest capital works projects in city history, and for a peer review of the Sacramento’s water-mainreplacement policies by experts and utility officials in other cities.

A week later, on Friday, November 21, City Manager John Shirey sent an email to council members and executive city staff announcing what appeared to be a major shift in water-meter policy.

“You may have seen a recent article in the Sacramento News & Review criticizing the city’s program

A worker installs a new water meter in the sidewalk. City officials announced that they will be re-evaluating whether to put meters in sidewalk or lawns and landscape. The latter could save up to $500 per home.

Read Joe Rubin’s investigation into the city of Sacramento’s water-meter install: http://tinyurl.com/ NRWaterMeter.

This article was reported in partnership with the Investigative Fund at the Nation Institute.

Find out more at www.theinvestigative fund.org.

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for installing water meters,” Shirey began. In this email, the city manager claims that he asked for a review of the program “well before the article appeared,” because, he says, the city has to do more to install meters faster and conserve water.

“I expect that review to be completed in just a few weeks [by late November] and a new goal will be set to shave years off of the 2025 target to install meters at all residences,” he wrote.

Later, Shirey told The Sacramento Bee that the city plan to spend hundreds of millions of dollars to swap out backyard water mains would be re-examined. This was a huge swing in policy, given that Department of Utilities leaders were adamant about their plan to abandon old mains and install new ones in front of homes underneath the streets.

In recent months, SN&R spoke to numerous top officials at the Department of Utilities, and none ever hinted at any kind of city review. SN&R interviewed interim director Bill Busath on October 27 and 28; he remained steadfast in his defense of the program and did not mention a review. SN&R also spoke to the city’s coordinator for the water-meter program, DOU engineer Michelle Carrey, on November 11.

She stridently defended the backyard water-main policy during that conversation, and again offered no hint that a review was underway.

In his letter to council and senior city staff, Shirey also announced that the city would be “reconsidering” expensive sidewalk water-meter installs, exploring the possibility of saving tens of millions of dollars by instead putting them in lawns or landscape.

Regardless of what motivated Shirey’s policy shift, how it will play out remains unclear.

For the moment, the wholesale replacement of water mains in two areas of the city continues unabated.

In the leafy Little Pocket area, 88-year-old Hilde Tetlow recently wondered why her street had been dug up, leaving a stark black line where the new water main was set.

Tetlow said there has never been a single problem with the water main

F E AT U R E

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Cheap gas. Time to worry?

that ran through the back yard of her 1960 home. “No one asked for my input, this just happened,” she said.

The DOU says it gives notice to residents when major construction is going to take place near homes.

Watchdog group Eye on Sacramento says it will file a complaint with the county’s grand jury this month, asking for an investigation of the city’s water-meter plan.

SN&R also has learned of two more broken gas lines in Land Park.

The first incident happened on November 11, on Markham Way. A second occurred when a PG&E crew installing a new water line to a home on Land Park Drive cut though a gas line. While a variety of factors have to come together to cause a gas explosion, PG&E considers any severed gas line to be a serious incident. In both cases, the contractor doing the work, Teichert Construction, appears to have taken short cuts with what is called “potholing,” a timeconsuming process legally required to locate gas lines.

Watchdog group Eye on Sacramento says it will file a complaint with the county’s grand jury this month, asking for an investigation of the city’s water-meter plan.

Executive director Craig Powell says he hopes a U.S. Attorney will also investigate.

Assistant city manager John Dangberg played a key role in the water-meter project’s conception.

In an August interview with SN&R, he acknowledged that he and the Department of Utilities objected to a 2011 city audit, which disagreed with aspects of the DOU’s plan.

“Sometimes audits are just wrong.

The IRS is wrong sometimes,” Dangberg said.

Less than three months later, his boss is saying that Sacramento needs to look at whether it made some wrong moves. Ω

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AFTER

In Sacramento, the average price of retail gasoline dropped 1.6 cents per gallon to $2.93 per gallon over the past week, according to GasBuddy, which monitors gas prices.

As of November 30, local gas prices were 26.3 cents lower than last month and 52.7 cents cheaper than they were a year ago, GasBuddy’s survey of 720 Sacramento gas outlets revealed. Sacramento’s average price is slightly higher than the national average.

Faced with stiffer stateside competition, the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries put off what has been a commonplace tactic of lowering supply to increase demand.

Analysts say OPEC delayed tamping down its oil production in an attempt to pinch the profits of newer producers with large up-front costs. It’s anticipated to be a long-slog price war with ramifications even in non-OPEC countries like China and Russia.

“In my decade of watching oil and gasoline prices, I don’t think I’ve seen as steep a decline in a 48-hour time frame as what we saw on Thanksgiving Day and into last Friday,” said Patrick DeHaan, a senior petroleum analyst with GasBuddy.

DeHaan predicted a 15-cent-to-25-cent drop over the next several weeks. (Raheem F. Hosseini)

Grant drumline’s big surprise The drumline at Grant Union High School’s earned a lot of kudos lately. They were invited to play at next summer’s Fourth of July parade in Washington, D.C., the only line in California to receive such honors. They were featured in the Bee, on TV, and (first) on the cover of SN&R in September.

So, when Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts flew Grant teacher James “Mr. V” Van Buren and his drumline corps to Los Angeles last month, they thought it was another promotional opportunity.

Think again. On Thanksgiving, when Roberts’ show Thank you, America! aired on ABC, it was revealed that Roberts— with an assist from Jimmy Kimmel—had a surprise for Van Buren: They snuck him up on Kimmel’s stage, presented the drumline with a $20,000 check (to help pay for the D.C. trip), free hotel stays in the nation’s capital, and a new car.

Mr. V was honored on the show as well for being an exemplary teacher and mentor to kids. (Nick Miller)

Folsom fight night A chaotic brawl erupted outside of a suburban music venue early Sunday morning. And while we can’t tell you what the November 30 skirmish was about—even the police aren’t sure—it certainly featured plenty of unsportsmanlike conduct.

Unaware or uncaring that his pants were bunched around his ankles and his bare ass lit up the night, a man inched on hands and knees along the cracked sidewalk that curls around the Folsom Hotel Saloon. As he tried to leave the fight behind, a crowd of drunks, swooning like a savage collage, flailed at each other with merciless abandon.

The worst offender was a bearded chap who darted in and out for sucker assaults like a rangy mosquito. Case in point: When a dazed combatant propped himself against the Sutter Street bar’s lower wall to regain his bearings, the bearded chap took a skipping run and punted him in the skull.

Eventually, a patrol car with flashing siren lights rounded the corner and dumped two uniformed officers onto the street. Officers tackled two combatants and detained them.

Most of the participants simply walked away. No arrests were made, according to the Folsom Police Department’s online log. (R.H.)

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SCORE KEEPER Sacramento’s winners and losers—with arbitrary points

Ferguson > Black Friday

Mayor makes minimum moves

Something besides unbridled consumerism went down this past Black Friday at Arden Fair Mall.

More than 200 activists in solidarity with Ferguson’s Michael Brown peacefully protested last week’s grand jury decision. But then, later in the afternoon, some protesters decided to block traffic on Arden Way and failed to disperse, which resulted in five arrests. Scorekeeper says screw the Best Buy sale, keep up the civil disobedience.

Last week, Mayor Kevin Johnson said it is time to start a conversation about raising the minimum wage.

Which is great news—because a week earlier, SN&R’s editorial board wrote the same exact thing. (This is not the first time the mayor and SN&R have agreed, but we digress.)

So, let’s talk about it: What’s a fair hourly wage, how will a bump impact locally owned businesses and when should it happen?

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Sock the sock thieves Thieves burglarized local design firm Uptown Studios over the holiday, stealing valuables—and thousands of socks that they had collected for homeless Sacramentans! The community responded by donating hundreds of socks this past Monday. You can help by visiting http://uptownstudios.net/sock-drop/ and kicking a few socks to the cause. ocks And if you see thieves with a few thousand argyles, well, you know what to do.

+ 5,000 Keep the pizza guy safe!

SN&R

Call & schedule a tour today!

Cats & large dogs welcome!

No breed restrictions!

Gift certificates to local merchants for up to 50% off

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

by SN&R staff

ILLUSTRATION BY HAYLEY DOSHAY

K.J. critics wrong

It’s SN&R’s Pizza Issue—so let’s give it up for the pizza delivery guy! Especially this unfortunate driver, who visited a house on the 3100 block of Broadway this weekend, knocked on the door— and was robbed at gunpoint. Turns out, the building was vacant, according to police reports. The delivery guy was not injured.

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Again, Scorekeeper has to give it up for Mayor Kevin Johnson, who was criticized last week for showing solidarity with activists in Ferguson and criticizing the grand jury’s decision. Dustin Smith, head of the Sacramento Police Officers Association, went so far as to say that K.J.’s remarks undermined support for local police. Which is hogwash: Don’t these blowhard flacks know when to shut it?

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Remember Ebola?

Greystone

2505 5th St. Davis, CA 95618 (530) 758-2200

Stonegate Village 2950 Portage Bay W Davis, CA 95616 (530) 756-2950

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Eastlake

1420 Lake Blvd Davis, CA 95616 (530) 758-5253

Lakeshore

1175 Lake Blvd Davis, CA 95616 (530) 757-7926

As America gets over its Ebola paranoia, it’s worth noting that the epidemic in Africa still remains very much out of control in countries such as Sierra Leone.

In that nation’s capital, the World Health Organization says Ebola cases have quintupled in the past two months.

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Kudos, Sacramento Bee

Wells Fargo ome for the Holidays Donald Kendrick Music Director

Nursing home investigative series is a must-read If you are old, are planning to get old or have a loved one in a nursing home, then I highly recommend you read The Sacramento Bee’s three-part series on California nursing homes. This superb investigation examines the ownership of California nursing homes, showing dramatically different levels of care at for-profits and nonprofits. These findings, which were published over three days starting with the November 9 issue, are a must-read for anyone faced with choosing a health care facility as well as for those tasked with regulating this multibillion-dollar industry. l

by Jeff VonKaene This series, written by Marjie Lundstrom and Phillip j ef f v@ ne wsreview.c om Reese, is journalism at its finest. After reviewing mind-numbing data from 1,260 California nursing homes, the Bee team found that 25 for-profit chains control one-half of the 120,000 licensed beds. Twenty of these 25 chains had below-average staffing levels. And there were certain chains, such as Plum Healthcare Group, which operates many of the facilities in Sacramento, that had significant and repeated problems.

The big cost for nursing As good as the Bee homes is staffing. Inadequate series was, I doubt staffing can lead to hefty profits but also inferior care. The that any advertiser Bee contrasted the nonprofit called up saying, Eskaton, which has two of the top-performing facilities “I love your recent in Sacramento, with a higher ratio and a turnover story, let’s run staff-patient rate of only 21 percent in 2012, some ads for my with the for-profit Lifehouse and Plum chains that had more jewelry store.” than 70 percent turnover in the same year.

The Bee also illuminated a pattern of concealment, where a nursing home is owned by a limited-liability company, Read Marjie which is owned by another limited-liability company, which Lundstrom and is owned by another one after that, with the primary owner at Phillip Reese’s the top of the pile. This maze of ownership makes it hard for excellent series on California’s the public and regulators to connect the dots when an unfornursing homes tunate death or repeated staffing shortages occur at facilities at tinyurl.com/ with connected owners.

BeeNursingHomes.

In this story, the Bee connected the dots. This complicated Read Joe Rubin’s story not only took great work, it also took time. The Bee, story on the city’s to their credit, funded reporters, computer experts, photograexpensive and phers, editors and artists, providing the extra time and money invasive watermeter-installation required to produce this important story.

And they did it at a time when they had just announced plan at tinyurl.com/ NRWaterMeter. a company-wide loss due to declining ad revenue. As good as the Bee series was, and as good as the recent complicated story by Joe Rubin in SN&R on the city’s expensive and invasive water-meter-installation plan was, I doubt that any advertiser called either of us up saying, “I love your recent story, let’s run some ads for my jewelry store.”

Jeff vonKaenel Our community would benefit from more of these types is the president, of impactful stories. And most journalists would like to CEO and do more, but we struggle to find the additional resources majority owner of the News & needed to do it. Recently, some nonprofits have started Review newspapers assisting with the funding of journalism. The Bee’s recent in Sacramento, nursing home series and SN&R’s water-meter story both Chico and Reno. demonstrate the importance of funding and producing this type of journalism. Ω BEFORE

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Saturday, Dec 13 at 8:00 PM

Julie Miller

Radiant music for Christmas— A candlelit procession, audience singalong, new and familiar choral orchestral holiday songs.

Merriment guaranteed!

Sacramento Memorial Auditorium 1515 J Street, Sacramento

Special Guest Artist Julie Miller, Mezzo, Lyric Opera of Chicago Guest Chorus

Sacramento Children’s Chorus Lynn Stevens, Conductor

Guest Bell Choir Christ Community Church

New SCSO CD !

Home for the Holidays II at concert & online

TICKETS CCT Box Office 916.808.5181 or TICKETS.com

Donald D Do nalld Kendrick, Kendrick Music Director Directo

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ELK GROVE OPENING BLACK FRIDAY!

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VAMPIRE PENGUIN

6821 STOCKTON BLVD #110

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SHAVED SNOW & DESSERTS

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donning pizza-core fashions at her next gig. I personally don’t want to end up dead at Pieology, the new Chipotleization-of-pizza spot on L and 15th streets, because some clairvoyant machine blistered my dome.

Enter SN&R’s Pizza Issue: We’re going back to America’s pizza roots. What makes a good crust? Is that trendy, Neapolitan-style dough really the shizz? Or does thin-crust still prevail?

We visited Yelp for help. We looked up all of the area’s top pizza joints, from Colfax to Davis.

We cribbed the notes of local food writers. We sampled dozens of pies and slices. We even got into oven-baked debates with Capital Public Radio host Beth Ruyak, over whether dough or tomato sauce is paramount.

We asked friends for toppings tips. We consulted grandmas. We shared top-secret pizza notes on Snapchat.

And now, we have a list. Ten commanding pizza pies in the Sacramento area. Enjoy!

— N i c k M i l le r

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top. Hold the cheese. This country’s pizza obsession has far exceeded culinary necessity. Pizza-forbreakfast as acceptable dietary option is the least of our worries. America has pizza problems!

This year, for instance, pizza became pret-aporter: “Singer” Katy Perry was seen waltzing about in a pizza-themed onesie. And people thought it was cool!

Pizza is now lurky, too: National chain Pizza Hut got all high-tech and, on Monday, announced its “Subconscious Menu,” which literally scans your eyes and figures out what pizza you want to order before you ever open your pie hole (98 percent accurate, they say).

Sadly, it’s a New Pizza World Order. There’s even the Pizzaminati, a popular Tumblr account dedicated to all things dough, cheese, sauce and conspiracy. Pizza is always watching. (And I hear Round Table now delivers to Bohemian Grove.)

Needless to say, I am freaked the hell out.

I get the pizza shakes.

I feel like Domino’s delivery drivers are following me all around Midtown. (They are!)

All of this is why the editorial team at SN&R decided to take pizza back. We couldn’t stand to watch this country diss pizza any longer. We had to, as they say at Pizza Rock, “respect the craft.”

We don’t want to see local musician Autumn Sky

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‘the doritos PiZZa’

The elisa aT Masullo Pizza

Naming one of Masullo’s Neapolitan-style pies the best in town isn’t exactly breaking news. And The Elisa ($14) is quite simple, but every element hits the mark. Chef-owner Bob Masullo’s perfected dough—sourdough fermented for two days that gets wonderfully charred and chewy in a wood-burning oven—meets tomato sauce, salami, fennel, oregano, mozzarella and pecorino romano. The crust is unbeatable— what you’d expect from a former baker. And the meaty, peppery Fra’Mani Toscano salami balances beautifully against the fennel.

With the exception of some salty, hard cheeses imported from Italy, Masullo sources all of his ingredients locally. A fun, related fact: that romano apparently causes the Elisa to carry a most distinctive aroma.

“The staff calls it ‘The Dorito Pizza,’ I guess because it smells like Doritos when it comes out of the oven,” Masullo says.

Plenty of other Masullo pizzas could lead this list, though, as they all share the same amazing crust and the same restrained, minimalist approach. The Triana ($13)— Masullo’s favorite sauceless pie—packs a punch with dry chorizo, garlic, chili oil and fresh arugula. The Gilda ($13) is another fave—briny, salty and acidic with whole olives, raw red onion and a bright green swirl of anchovy, garlic and parsley sauce.

What’s Masullo’s secret? “There’s no secret,” Masullo says, laughing. “It’s the roller, not the ball.” 2711 Riverside Boulevard, (916) 443-8929, www.masullopizza.com.

(Janelle Bitker)

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Our No. 2 pizza, Rick’s Pie at OneSpeed (pizza-maker Shawn Caton pictured), changes with the seasons. But the vitals are always goat cheese, potato, olives, caramelized onion and pig.

And zero red sauce!

american but refined

Rick‘s Pie aT onesPeed

The self-titled Rick’s Pie is not chef-owner Rick Mahan’s favorite OneSpeed pizza. But that’s because he can’t choose a favorite—he just loves pizza, and all of his pizzas, way too much.

Well, Rick’s Pie ($16) is our favorite at OneSpeed. Tangy goat cheese, rich fontina, cubes of gold potato, thin slices of mortadella, sweet caramelized onions, salty olives and a brilliantly herby salsa verde all on one slice? It sounds potentially overwhelming, or even conflicting, but just trust that it induces bite-after-bite excitement. The Rick’s Pie does change every so often, but the vitals always remain: chevre, potato, olives, caramelized onions and something porky.

Mahan’s style is American but refined— reminiscent of legendary Berkeley restaurant Chez Panisse’s pizzas that he ate and adored as a kid. The crust is thin but sturdy, with a nice crunch but less chew than you might expect. Mahan says he’s always tweaking his dough recipe—ingredients change, people change—but he’s never been happier with it.

“What I love about OneSpeed pizza is that I think you just know when you’re having a OneSpeed pizza,” he says. “Lots of pizzas taste the same. Something about ours is distinct.” 4818 Folsom Boulevard, (916) 706-1748, www.onespeedpizza.com. (J.B.)

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Matteo Bonezzi of Trick Pony shows off his flagship prosciutto pie, which inched into the top three of SN&R’s best pizzas contest.

Redemption by pizza

The Trick Pony aT Trick Pony

Oh, Trick Pony. Your owners told us that there were no good pizzas in Sacramento. That whole “two-hour drive” to find good pizza controversy earlier this year. And then, yeah, your pizza was not so hot. That was rough. But you brought in a new team to run the spot. And Masullo alums Matteo Bonezzi and Andrea Vedovato to help. And now your pies are some of the best in the region.

Your eponymous pie, the Trick Pony ($16), is a classic and flawlessly executed prosciutto and arugula Neopolitan pizza, with three cheeses and red sauce. The dough is blistered nicely in Tuli Bistro’s old heater, with just a hint of char and wood on the equally chewy and crisp crust. The ingredients are top-level.

There’s even a gentle sweetness via balsamic reduction. Great house pie!

Ditto the sauceless Patate Pancetta Grana ($14). And let’s not forget your bold tuna and anchovy pizzas, respectively—offerings you just don’t see around town often enough.

You tricked us!

2031 S Street, (916) 706-1025, www.trickponypizza.com. (N.M.)

#4 ProsciuTTo aT selland’s CRo-izza?

MarkeT cafe

Question: If you don’t know this is a Zelda’s Gourmet Pizza pie, then are you truly a Sacramentan?

The thin coating of ham on this Prosciutto pie ($14.95) should be considered a bonus. Rich, jammy caramelized onions and fresh sage are the true stars, mingled with fontina and parmesan. But all of the American-style pizza crusts are unusually chewy, thin yet sturdy.

That’s the work of physical folding— think croissant dough—done long before you place an order.

“It’s got a pop and separation to it,” says Selland’s Josh Nelson. “When it goes into the wood-burning oven, it bubbles and creates layers within the crust.” Don’t worry, it tastes less highbrow than it sounds. 5340 H Street, (916) 736-3333, www.sellands.com. (J.B.)

Our writers praised Hot Italian’s airy crust and vegetarian-friendly options.

#5 MargheriTa sPecial aT #6 roMa‘s ii Truffle aT Pizza rock FluFFy endings

The Giuseppe family owns three Roma’s in the Sacramento area. But the oldschool, no-frills Folsom Boulevard location is the only one with the Margherita Special ($22.50 for a medium). This is a sauceless pizza garnished with chunks of raw tomato, creamy artichokes, tender bites of chicken, a drizzle of olive oil and a generous helping of torn basil.

The crust stays crispy on the bottom— holding its shape despite the heavy weight of cheese—with fat, fluffy ends.

Golden brown, crunchy but chewy and light—it’s almost like a few bites of delicious baguette at the end of each slice.

8491 Folsom Boulevard, (916) 383-9264, www.roma2pizza.com. (J.B.)

extReme deCadenCe

It’s easy to dismiss Pizza Rock. The noise, the gimmicks, the too-long menu, the name itself. A shame, because its Naplesstyle crusts exhibit pretty decent craft.

Seriously, the chef in charge of the menu, Tony Gemignani, is a World Pizza Cup winner—the first-ever American to take home gold in the Neopolitan category for his Margherita. But we crave the extreme decadence of the Truffle ($17). It uses mozzarella and burrata, fresh mozzarella made even richer with extra cream. And Cowgirl Creamery’s Mt. Tam, a powerful, buttery triple cream that’s totally unheard of to melt onto a pizza. Then throw on some earthy wild mushrooms, Parmigiano-Reggiano and arugula. And

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truffle oil, because why not? 1020 K Street, (916) 737-5777, www.pizzarocksacramento. com. (J.B.)

#7 Cinque Terre aT il Pizzaiolo best neopolitanstyle pie undeR $10

You will eat your anchovy pizza. In Rocklin.

And you will like it!

Everything in the 'burbs near the Galleria of Roseville mall is Michael Bay big. And that’s why Il Pizzaiolo’s charms: It’s a narrow, quiet storefront tucked away at the eastern end of one of the largest strip malls I’ve ever seen in the Sacramento area. Inside, teenagers deliver simple but flavorful pies into a 900-degree oven, heated by burning oak. These employees aren’t

seasoned pizzaiolo masters, but the end product is tasty—and easy on the wallet; every Napolatena-style pie at the place is only $9.

I was a sucker for the anchovy and capers, which they call Cinqe Terre.

The crust is nicely blistered, albeit a bit too doughy, and the ingredients (a tart crushed tomato sauce, extra virgin olive oil and mozzarella) are of a higher quality than most places where young kids are making the food.

Which begs this: Hey suburbia, why would you ever frequent a place like Pieology, one of those new “Chipotle of pizza”-style places that puts Subway toppings on cardboard dough, when Il Pizzaiolo exists in suburbia? 6696 Lonetree Boulevard in Rocklin, (916) 899-6944, www.ilpizzaiolowoodfiredpizza.com. (N.M.)

#8 sTella aT hoT iTalian

put an egg on it

The boss of all things pizza at Hot Italian, Fabrizio Cercatore, has come up with a pretty unique dough. At least for Sacramento. It’s not Napolatena in style, but it’s very much Italian in that it’s lighter, flatter and crispier than what you’ll find at American joints. This is because Hot Italian allows the dough to leaven for up to a couple of days—that gives it its airiness—and then puts it in a really damn hot (800-degrees plus) oven, which gives it that outside crunch.

Stella ($17, $19 with egg) is superior: thin prosciutto with fat that melts in the mouth, delicate mushrooms, salty Italian cows-milk cheese, mozzarella, and, if you’re a badass, an egg on top. 1627 16th Street, (916) 444-3000, www.hotitalian.net. (N.M.)

BeCCA COSTeLLO be ccac@ news rev iew.co m

aN opeN letter from a

HunGrY VeGan Dear Sacramento pizza purveyors,

of toppings. Hot Italian’s Muti ($14) and OneSpeed’s Garden Pie ($15) both use

I am vegan and I want to eat pizza at your restaurant.

All of your restaurants! (Don’t underestimate me. I really like pizza.)

When I visit Seattle, Portland or New York City, I revel in deep-dish vegan pies laden with faux meats and cheeses, or delicate leaf-topped vegan pizzas that are practically salads. Here in our farm-to-fork capital, famous for outstanding local produce, most pizzerias don’t celebrate plantbased pies or even mention the word “vegan” on the menu.

If you are an Old World pizza purist serving gourmet recipes handed down through generations, I respect that. I don’t want to mess with a meat-and-cheese tradition started by your great grandmother in her Italian kitchen.

I don’t expect every pizza joint to cater to California’s wide—and, no doubt, annoying—array of special diets.

That said, most pizzerias found a way to synthesize gluten-free dough when that trend took off. If you are willing to serve your proprietary recipes on an experimental disc of bean-and-rice flour, surely you can toss us vegans a bone. (A vegetarian, cruelty-free bone.)

Making vegan pizza is much easier than pleasing the anti-wheat crowd.

First, make a pizza. Then, when you are adding the delicious toppings you already stock in your kitchen, just don’t include meat or cheese. Voila.

Of course, topping selection matters.

Every vegan—and vegetarian, for that matter—has eaten a lifetime quota of the chopped bell pepper, sliced mushroom and black olive combo.

Trust me, this “Veggie Delight” delights no one.

Sacramento’s vegan-pizza pioneers maximize flavor profiles with a variety

seasonal vegetables such as butternut squash, broccoli rabe and fresh arugula to feature a balance of sweet and salty, crisp and sizzling tastes.

Hot Italian also offers Daiya vegan cheese on any of its pizzas. Chefs there understand that the physics of fake cheese are not the same as mozzarella, and a little goes a long way. They do Daiya right—with a minimalist touch.

Adding non-dairy cheese to your menu is a simple way to open your restaurant to vegans, lactose-intolerants and other heart-healthy diners. If you want to go further and synthesize some delicious animal-free sausage or pepperoni, you’d be breaking new ground in the Sacramento pizza scene.

But you don’t need to buy a bunch of new ingredients to make vegans happy. Your kitchen probably has everything you need to start serving awesome vegan pizza. Just create a plant-based combination that represents your restaurant’s unique style, and list it clearly on your menu.

Vegans will come running. We are hungry and we are organized. We celebrate national campaigns like Meatless Mondays and U.S. VegWeek, and local events like the annual Sacramento Vegan Chef Challenge. (Congratulations to Pizza Rock’s chef Billy Lundgren on his three 2014 Challenge wins, including Most Inspired New Menu Options for his vegan Garden Pizza with housemade cashew cheese.)

If a restaurant puts a new vegan item on the menu, we organize meetups to try it out. It is almost embarrassing how excited we get about food. Witness this letter.

Sincerely looking forward to dining with you,

MAkINg vegAN PIZZA IS eASY. FIRST, MAke A PIZZA. THeN, juST dON’T INCLude MeAT OR CHeeSe.

Timothy dario at Selland’s finishes off a pizza pie. Their pizza was described as having a layered crust that pops. photos By lisa Baets

#9

ClassiC ChiCago import

Spinoccoli at Zelda’S Gourmet piZZa

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#10 Burrata di pana at Hook & Not a Crummy afterthought

ladder manufacturinG co.

lot of respect: That pizza is usually a crummy afterthought. But not at Hook & Ladder. They churn out generously sized, thin-crust pies with high-quality ingredients, such as the burrata and San Marzano tomatoes on its cheese pizza ($15). Chef Brian Mizner says he wants a pizza with a “kind of chewy, crisp crust, but that actually holds the toppings.” Hook’s passes the test. And the process is simple: Yeast, salt, flour.

Stretch the dough by hand. Put it in a 575-degree oven. There you go.

Mizner says he prefers a regular cheese pizza, with a little spice and garlic on it. Buy my pro tip is to choose the special; there is a new one each day.

1630 S Street, (916) 442-4885, www.hookandladder916.com. (N.M.)

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Zelda’s—its pizza is more divisive than Strong Mayor, right? But you can’t leave Zelda’s off any Sacramento top-10 pizza list. (Or can you?)

SN&R won’t. So, allow me to defend the Spinoccoli ($7.75-$23.75), which I consider one of the top pizzas in town.

It’s a classic. It’s got history on its side.

Nearly four decades ago, it was one of the original recipes that Zelda Breslin herself brought from Chicago to the 916. It’s served sans tomato sauce (you can add it, and many people do, but that’s like colorizing Casablanca). Slices

of cheese are the foundation, layered atop Zelda’s admittedly Bisquick-y— yet inimitable and tasty—crust.

Spinach and broccoli are the next layer, topped off with laughably generous amounts of cheddar, feta and mozzarella. The chefs cook this one until the top layer of cheese browns and gives a crunch upon biting. Add hot sauce for the win. 1415 21st Street, (916) 447-1400, www.zeldasgourmetpizza.com. (N.M.)

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EP RFECT PIE A locAl chef shAres his personAl pizzA history by

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chef Adam pechal has been a s acrament o fix t ure fo r over 20 years. h av ing owned a h ot lo cal rest aurant and a t railer bot h ser v ing pizza, he knows his way aro und a go o d slice.

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s a chef who’s been interviewed many times, a common question is always, “What is your favorite food?” To which I always reply, “Favorite food at age 4? Pizza. Favorite food at age ‘blank’ (now a staggering 39)? Pizza!”

Uttered words have never been more true. I love pizza. I remember the sleepover birthday parties as a kid, consistently catered by the ubiquitous Round Table Pizza— pepperoni, of course. I still don’t understand those kids that only go for plain cheese; vegetarians in the making, I suppose.

And there were Dad’s softball games— which for the most part were dull, monotonous—but there was a glorious reward for tolerating a bunch of middle-aged men poorly performing athletics in an effort to justify their heavy consumption of tasteless light beer: There would be pizza.

And not just pizza. I was transported to the magical and wondrous palace where my favorite edible was created: the pizza parlor.

The sights, the smells, those textured red-plastic cups filled from enormous, overflowing pitchers of Coca-Cola—it was like we’d just slain a dragon, or defended the castle walls from invading marauders.

But the most special place of all was Sidewalk Pizza. For those poor souls who never had the chance to experience this long-lost institution, it once inhabited what is now Midtown Taqueria (in East Sacramento, which still boggles). Was it the pizza that stood out? Or was it the outdoor patio, which for a suburban 10-year-old felt like visiting an old-world country? Surely it was partly the stand-up Centipede game with the rollerball control. And definitely it was the two owners, who seemed as if they were pulled straight out of Super Mario Bros.

Not only were these guys responsible for crafting the masterpiece that would be our meal through a magical performance of dough acrobatics (this was the first time I saw pizza tossing), they also were nice enough to throw me a quarter or two after I’d bled Dad’s coffers dry.

But I digress. This was a time long ago, the pizza of my childhood. A boy needs to grow up to become a man, and so does his pizza.

Things have changed today. The chains aren’t quite what they used to be. Wolfgang Puck had his way with the American pizza—for better, for worse. Peyton Manning is doing pizza commercials. But most notable has been the heavy influx of Italian imports.

The Neapolitan pizza can be found all over town. Characterized by its black, blistery crust, light sauces and scant toppings, the Neapolitan is a tribute to the Associazione

Vera Pizza Napoletana’s very strict rules on pizza making.

Some chefs follow the rules more than others. Others take the structured technique and make it their own, adding subtle twists with unconventional flavors and toppings.

I prefer the latter. In my not-too-long-ago days of pizza-peddling, I classified my particular brand of pie as a cross between Neapolitan and Round Table. (Just having those two styles in the same sentence may have some pizzaiolos shaking their pins, but the Cal-Italian love child of them is a perfect juxtaposition of pizza principles.)

A cozy blAnket of melted whole-milk mozzArellA covering the lAndscApe, Allowing smAll rivers And pools of sAuce to bubble up.

A crisp crust, one that remains chewy yet just a tiny bit bready, coated with a thin, suede-like sauce that is equal parts tangy and robust, with a suggestion of sweetness. A cozy blanket of melted whole-milk mozzarella covering the landscape, allowing small rivers and pools of sauce to bubble up. All this scattered with slices of spiced-pork goodness that crisp and slightly curl at the edges, trapping the orange-hued nectar that only a fool would sop up with a napkin.

This is my perfect pizza. ‪

a c r U c i A l p i z z A c h A l le n g e

by A n t h o n y s i i n o anthonys@newsreview.com

the Ancient strUggle of Delivery versUs Digiorno … solveD!

A

t SN&R, we ask the big questions. Is our city hemorrhaging millions by replacing perfectly good water mains? Was Measure L a blatant power grab by our corporate lackey mayor? Can you really not tell the difference between delivery and DiGiorno pizza?

I figured I could handle that last one, so I set up a plan: Get three delivery pizzas and one DiGiorno, mix them up and see who can spot the frozen bastard.

I rang up Round Table Pizza, Domino’s and Giant Pizza. They delivered their finest large whateverthey-send-if-I-ask-for-a-combination to my apartment.

The Domino’s guy showed up first. I put the pizza on the table and as soon as my butt hit the couch, another knock. I open the door to a very confused delivery guy from Round Table.

“You order pizza?”

“Yeah.”

16 | SN&R | 12.04.14

He twisted his face and gestured with his thumb at the Domino’s guy getting into his car across the street.

I sent him on his way and got to work. I took the pizzas out of their boxes and mixed them up, then zoomed off to a bar, where a collective of fellow journalists from various local media outlets waited.

I asked these scribes to evaluate each pizza based on quality (flavor, execution, craftsmanship, ingredients, etc.), mouthfeel (how’s it feel in your mouth), enjoyment of the slice (do you actually like eating the thing?), whether they would eat the slice sober and whether it was delivery or the DiGiorno. The survey also included a space for indicating the drunkenness of the evaluator at time of consumption, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “inhumanely sober” and 10 being “alcohol poisoning.”

After all that work, the guy who opened the first box immediately knew that he was looking at the

imposter. In fact, all of the five not-me journalists who ate a slice from each pizza could correctly spot the frozen fraud.

But was the DiGiorno better than delivery?

The feedback on each slice provided useful insight into the realities of anti-artisanal pizza. For example, we now know that a mildly drunk person ranks the quality of a

PIZZA POLL we surveyed drunken hacks and asked them what they thought of these pizzas. here is a collection of their responses.

DiGiorno as “lamb balls” with a mouthfeel of “like butt.” Another journalist ranked enjoyment of the Giant Pizza slice at “would rather eat a bag of toenails.”

So what tipped everybody off to the presence of the frozen deceiver?

General consensus said that it was the crust, with its overeager sponginess. I thought the cardboard look of Giant’s crust would toss some off the scent,

but clearly I was underestimating the familiarity that journalists have with cheap, frozen pseudo-food.

And, for the record, each journalist would eat the Round Table and the Domino’s slices sober. But only two would eat the DiGiorno sober.

And only one would eat the Giant slice sober.

For those last two, a journalist wrote simply, “why.” ‪

pizzA

nice things

digiorno

fluffy

limited toppings my mouth hurts too much crust

domino's

actually pretty decent

too much dough

round tAble giAnt

premium ingredients reminds me of college

eh, it happened

trAsh tAlK

is there even tomato? a little too oily to actually want

would rather eat toenails

WoUlD yoU eAt this When yoU’re not DrUnK?

40 percent of the time 80 percent of the time 80 percent of the time 20 percent of the time

by B r i a n

Breneman

brianrb@newsreview.co m

slice OFLiFe

Our (gently intOxicated) writer wanders midtOwn in search Of the Best isOsceles in cheesy-greasy fOrm

W

right place: It is physically impossible to might yearn for a bored high schooler to e all know whatever pizza that play rap music on the online jukebox at serve up a tasteless slice that was somehow happens to take top honors Flame Club. overcooked and undercooked at the same in our inaugural Pizza Issue Stop two was Uncle Vito’s (1501 16th time. Oh, Pizzeria Urbano, the bar has been is going to be some overcomplicated, Street), which appears to be a giant projecset very low for you. paycheck-busting monstrosity. Some tion screen with a kitchen attached. We people prefer this type of fancy pie. ordered a basic pep and their slice of the Value: Better than luigi’s.

They see themselves as somehow above TasTe: way better than luigi’s. the day, the Smokin’ Hot. We took our seats drunkenly swaying back in forth in salsiccia deserves special mention. in the glow of the projection screen and line at 2:45 a.m., waiting for congealed it’s meaty, peppery goodness was like awaited smokin’ hot doom. grease that’s been reheated and formed pure-life-giving manna to an inebriated into the shape of a triangle. traveler.

Value: if you’ve got five bucks, you can Lucky for you, I am not one of those Drunkeness HanDicap: ±0. no amount own any slice you want. you’ll be like people. I’m ready to put some damn boots of liquor could disguise the fact that we Bruce wayne perusing his garage full on the ground and hunt for real pizza. With were eating a legitimately delicious slice of european supercars, except he’s a few friends, I recently embarked on my of pizza and not a stiff, two-hour-old a billionaire who dresses up to fight own late-night Pizza Death March. The piece of wood. in other words: better crime and you’re just the only person mission: to eat at every pizza-by-the-slice than luigi’s. in Vito’s who isn’t passionately invested joint in Midtown (with stops inbetween for in the outcome of the college-football drinks, so that we might forget the folly of With the end of our trek in sight, we game on tV. the task at hand). spilled onto the sidewalk at 2 a.m. Cut TasTe: for my money, uncle Vito’s is the This journey began at Slice Of Broadway best slice on the grid. Plus, they have off from our alcohol supply, we turned to (2424 16th Street), an establishment I once cholula. plan B: an enormous blunt the width of believed to be a money-laundering front Drunkeness HanDicap: ±2. my thumb. We’d need it, too, because our for the Yakuza. We ordered two slices, journey ends at Pieces (1309 21st Street). which actually became four, What can be said about Pieces because the folks at SOB are that you may not already know? overachievers: When you yOu can eat the Other half in a It’s arguably the most popular order a slice, you get two! Or, darkened aPartment, standing spot on our tour—a reputation more accurately, each enorthat is wholly undeserved. mous quarter-pizza you get near the refrigeratOr in yOur Any night owl can tell you its is sliced in half so you don’t prominence is derived not from underwear, wOndering what feel like a giant turd when quality, value or ambiance, but you’re eating it. We ordered a haPPened tO the smiling child solely because it’s open ʼtil 3 in basic pepperoni and something the morning. Does Pieces even yOu used tO Be. called the “Buff Chick,” which exist before 1 a.m.? was an attempt to replicate spicy buffalo wings in pizza Value: amazing. incredible. form (I support this idea).

Next on our list was Pizzeria Urbano TasTe: superlative. exquisite. Peerless.

Let’s break Slice of Broadway down: (1050 20th Street)—but first, more drinks.

Drunkeness HanDicap: ± 1,000 We decided to visit Goldfield Trading Post Value: seven bucks nets you a whole (1630 J Street), which is called a “Trading My editor is making me write a boatload of pizza. you can eat half now, Post” despite the staff ignoring my conclusion for this, even though I’ve and the other half in a darkened apartrepeated attempts to barter with them. The tried explaining to him that I don’t really ment standing near the refrigerator bartender wore a horseshoe charm on her remember anything that happened after in your underwear later that night, necklace, which struck me as so on-brand all that. There may have been some minor wondering what happened to the smiling that I briefly wondered if it was mandatory property damage. It was intoxicating to child you used to be.

Office Space-style flair.

By now, we were be vox populi—an advocate for those TasTe: delicious. the Buff chick is espewho have a deep hunger and five-to-seven cially great for people who don’t have the nursing an impressive buzz, the kind that can only be attained with multiple layers of dollars burning a hole in their pocket. time to eat both buffalo wings and pizza pizza and booze making their way through Every time someone stumbles out of but can’t bring themselves to choose.

Drunkeness HanDicap: 0. these were the one’s system. It’s the same buzz that causes their favorite bar and smells the siren smell you to sing along with Garth Brooks impressions of a completely sober group. of (more-or-less) fresh pizza, we’ll be when he comes on the jukebox—and then there. Every time a wiped-out partygoer continue singing when Will Smith comes Next up was drinks at Flame Club needs to eat something before passing out, on right afterward. Yes, we were full-on (2130 16th Street), the watering hole of we’ll be there. Every time a cross-faded White-People Drunk. choice for people in Midtown who want group of youngish people is making bad Upon arrival at Pizzeria Urbano, I was to hear music “with bass, but not, like, decisions, we’ll be there. flooded with memories of slices past at rap.” Turns out, sir, you’ve come to the But come tomorrow morning, you’re all the previous tenant, Luigi’s Slice. I shed a on your own. ‪ silent tear for its passing, and for those who

(new)

’pizza guy‘ SPEAKS by

s n & r sta f f

yOung king PhenOm Ben mclemOre in sn&r’s shOrtest interView eVer

W

e here at sn&r believe in the magic of The Pizza Guy. Allow us to explain: Locally owned chain Pizza Guys brought former King Isaiah Thomas on board a few years ago to be a spokesperson. The nickname stuck: He was The Pizza Guy. And his game got chili-flakes hot.

But then the Kings decided not to pay Thomas, so he left for Phoenix (where, coincidentally, one of the nation’s top pizza spots, Pizzeria Bianco, rests).

Today, Kings sophomore Ben McLemore is the new Pizza Guy. And wouldn't you know his game is spicy so far this year: Shooting nearly 50 percent from the field and, in general, being a spark on the court.

But whatever, basketball. Let’s talk pizza: Hi, Ben. Can you help us solve the riddle of a lifetime: How much should you tip a pizza-delivery guy?

How fast did he get it to me? LOL. Nah, I take care of delivery people. They’re working hard.

What’s the best thing about being The Pizza Guy?

Endorsing a product that I like and working with a great company. But [it’s] low key, free pizza.

All right, so what’s your fav style pizza?

Sausage and pepperoni.

What do you like to eat when you’re not eating pizza?

My mom’s cooking.

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For the week of December 4

efore silly videos like 1994’s Diane Horner’s Country Hip Hop Dancing (Google it!) can go viral on the Internet, they need to first be discovered—usually somewhere in an old pile of discarded VHS tapes. Predating the invention of YouTube by nearly a year, the Found Footage Festival debuted in New York City in 2004—and has been uncovering similarly bizarre, weird and unintentionally hilarious VHS clips ever since. In its 10-year anniversary showcase, the festival stops at the Witch Room (1815 19th Street) at 8 p.m. on Tuesday, December 9.

The pair running this series of off-kilter movie screenings comprises Nick Prueher (The Late Show with David Letterman, The Colbert Report) and Joe Pickett (The Onion). Back in 1991, the friends started building a collection of VHS tapes unearthed at thrift stores and garage sales. Then, in 2004, they showed some of their favorite clips in the back of a bar in New York City. People seemed to have a good time watching; so they polished it up, took their videos on the road and over the past decade, it’s grown into a nationally touring film festival.

This year, expect even more footage from awesomely awkward instructional tapes such as How to Have Cybersex on the Internet, Butt Camp, and a fitness regimen called “Tiger Moves” to be burned into your brain. Plus: film of Chef Keith (played by Prueher) pranking local television news outlets across the Midwest with a handful of bogus Thanksgiving leftovers recipes, and a mockup cover of a fake book to boot (Leftovers Right: Making a Winner of Last Night’s Dinner). Tickets for Tuesday’s show cost $11, and more clips and information can be found at www.foundfootagefest.com.

—Jonathan Mendick

wEEkLY PIckS

Tinker

Tamale Night

PJs in the Park

Friday, december 5

saTurday, december 6

If you’re looking to eat out this Friday and would like to support a worthy cause such as Sacramento’s art community, head on out to the Sierra Curtis Neighborhood Association’s First Friday Neighborhood Dinner: Tamale Night.

Bring your appetite along with some FOOD friends or family. Expect a vegetarian option in addition to the traditional pork and chicken offerings. $4-$8, 6 p.m. at Sierra 2 Center, 2791 24th Street, www.sierra2.org.

It’s the holidays—time to hang out at the park in your pajamas! No, really. At this family event, there will be games, crafts, pictures with Santa, breakfast HOLIDAY and lots of people in their PJs. Heck, it’s a Christmas tradition. Also, bring unwrapped toys for needy children; they’ll be donated to a local charity. Free, 9 a.m. at Raley Field, 400 Ballpark Drive, Sports Parkway in West Sacramento; www.raleyfield.com.

Thursday, december 4, Through sunday, december 6 Tinker invites attendees to participate in art installations by experimenting with digital animation, conductive ink drawings, light, sound, ART tiny engines and all sorts of other interactive tools.

The audience becomes the art—sort of like a Marina Abramovic piece, only with puppets and less crying. $8-$15, 7 p.m. Thursday and Friday, and 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. Sunday at the Benvenuti Performing Arts Center, 4600 Blackrock Drive, www.benarts. org/Tinker.

—Deena Drewis

18 | SN&R | 12.04.14

—Eddie Jorgensen

—Aaron Carnes

Tabletops for Tots saTurday, december 6, Through sunday, december 7 Here’s an event that may feel like an early Christmas morning for nerds, geeks and gamers: a 24-hour tabletop gaming marathon to benefit Child’s Play Charity, which provides games for kids in hospitals. Special guests include local stand-up comedians, actors and cosplayers. $10, noon Saturday to GAMES noon Sunday at Great Escape Games, 1250 Howe Avenue, Suite 3A; www.fourletternerds.com/ tabletopsfortots.

—Jonathan Mendick

Alternative Gift Fair sunday, december 7 By the time you read this, consumers will have descended upon Black Friday sales in massive numbers.

However, there is another alternative: this free gift fair where you can browse tables and make donations to many Sacramento HOLIDAY area charities.

Additionally, you can learn about green options and, of course, the Spiritual Life Center, which provides ministries and services for the public.

Free, 10:15 a.m. at the Spiritual Life Center, 2201 Park Towne Circle; www.slcworld.org.

—Eddie Jorgensen

Get in, out, & Clean.

The breakfast club

onl9y9* $19.

Harry’s Cafe 2026 16th Street, (916) 448-0088 Sometimes it’s difficult to decide what to order at a restaurant. That’s especially true of places that offer multiple menus. Harry’s Cafe in by Jonathan Midtown is one such spot. It boasts one menu Mendick for breakfast and another menu with general Chinese and Vietnamese meals. j o nathan m@ news review.c om Even harder: trying to evaluate the quality of a restaurant where it’s near impossible to sample one of everything. So when a server handed my dining partner and me a breakfast menu on a recent weekday morning, we decided to just start there. There was another Rating: confusing twist, though: The breakfast menu HHH 1/2 has a subcategory for “Asian Breakfast,” which features Hawaiian favorites such as Spam and Dinner for one: loco moco (rice topped with hamburger patties, $10 - $15 eggs and gravy).We decided to order both an American-style breakfast plate (a waffle with two eggs and bacon), and an Asian one (fried rice with two eggs and sausage).

The portions here are huge, especially the heaping plateful of fried rice, which has a playful texture.

To get started, we needed to first crack the yolks of two over-easy eggs sitting atop the H rice, which added saltiness and moistness to flaweD the crisp fried rice beneath. The whole plateful HH of food exuded the smokey wok flavor that haS MoMeNtS often comes from stir-fried Chinese dishes HHH cooked at extremely high heats. The BelgiumappealINg style waffle seemed overly fluffy, but the HHHH eggs (also ordered over-easy) were cooked to authoRItatIve perfection and the bacon crisp. Still, the more HHHHH memorable dish here is the fried rice. epIc On a subsequent visit, we sampled two more items from the “Asian Breakfast” list: a fried pork chop and the House Breakfast (a ground beef and veggie stir-fry with rice and eggs). The fried pork chop was served tender on the inside and crispy on the outside, with a Still hungry? simple but powerful salt-and-pepper seasonSearch SN&R’s ing. The House Breakfast, with its combina“Dining Directory” tion of veggies (cabbage, onions, carrots), to find local tasted much healthier, but also plainer. restaurants by name Later, we moved on to the Chinese food or by type of food.

Sushi, Mexican, Indian, menu. A takeout order of stir-fried green Italian—discover it beans, hot and sour soup, beef chow fun in all in the “Dining” black bean sauce and ginger beef was ready section at www.news just minutes after a phone call. The soup review.com. was still piping hot when it arrived at home.

Tangy, spicy and slightly salty, this is a nice way to heat up the belly on a cold night, even if the bamboo flavor might seem a tad overpowering for the uninitiated. The green-bean dish was also tasty, but could’ve used even more pickled veggies instead of onions for a more interesting flavor.

Of the two beef dishes, the ginger beef over rice is the better option. It contains huge slices of ginger, copious stir-fried veggies and tender slices of well-peppered beef. Though the beef chow fun in black bean sauce came with fluffy, wide chow fun noodles, there just

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Tangy, spicy and slightly salty, the hot and sour soup is a nice way to heat up the belly on a cold night.

Aside from all that beefiness though, this dish just doesn’t quite have the diversity of other flavors (star anise, onion, marrow or otherwise) to put it on par with the great pho joints of Stockton Boulevard.

Harry’s Cafe does many things fairly well: American breakfasts, Chinese food and Vietnamese food. It offers prompt and kind service, quick takeout and it’s a good value for the money. But where it excels—and whats sets it apart from other places in town—are its Asian breakfast plates. Ω

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wasn’t quite enough black bean sauce to coat the noodles and beef, and it ended up needing some extra sriracha and hoisin sauce.

Because SN&R readers voted Harry’s Cafe into the No. 3 spot for “Best Pho” this year, we also were curious to sample that. The bowl of Vietnamese soup came out piping hot, with fresh herbs, lime wedges and bean sprouts on a small side plate. It had a rich, dark beefy broth with thin slices of beef and beef meatballs.

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This is the way it works: You are seated in the cozy Shoki Ramen House II. You tell your server wearing a Japanese bandana that you’d like the Tan Tan Men without meat, the longstanding only vegan bowl of ramen on the menu. She says there’s another option, the Kurogoma Tan Tan without meat, made with black sesame seeds. “Yes, please.” The soup arrives. Its opaque seedy darkness looks like sewage, but in a good way. You taste it. You scarf it. You crave it for days afterward.

You last a week until you return and tell your dealer, er, server, to give you the good stuff again. You keep talking about the soup for weeks and finally give in, but you order the gluten-free version of it with yam noodles. It’s delicious, but you’ve finally been released by its addictive hold. Although you kind of want to go back to the restaurant (1201 R Street) anyway until somebody makes a quip about your name being one letter different from its name.

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Downtown Blackbird Kitchen & Beer Gallery

A recent selection included shaved almonds, neat piles of meat, mustard, pickled cauliflower and beets, served with small slices of bread.

The ’nduja sandwich is startlingly spicy and salty, with rich melted cheese and ground meat spread between pressed slices of bread. Or try the pressed serrano ham, manchego cheese, arugula and salsa sandwich—it’s like a cross between a cubano, a breakfast panini and a torta. Elsewhere on the menu there are fine cocktails, an intimidating whiskey list, and a small but diverse selection of beer and wine, both regional and international.

European. 1050 20th St., (916) 476-6306. Dinner for one: $10-$20. HHHH J.M.

Where to eat?

Here are a few recent reviews and regional recommendations by Janelle Bitker, Ann Martin Rolke, Garrett McCord, Jonathan Mendick and Shoka updated regularly.

Check out www.newsreview.com for more dining advice.

Blackbird is back with chefowner Carina Lampkin again at the helm. It’s located in its original space with a similar aesthetic, though with more focus on beer and bar food to better complement the seafood-inspired dinner menu.

A burger served with house pickles, seven-day housecured bacon, cheddar and sweet ’n’ chivey “awesome sauce” make for one of the city’s best burgers, no question. Chowder fries, however, are nifty in theory—fries covered in bay shrimp, bacon and parsley, then doused with chowder. It’s a play on poutine, but a lack of acid and serious sogginess issues mar it from being a landmark dish.

Better yet? Fish tacos featuring fried pollock served with pickled cabbage and chipotle crema. These and a beer will remedy any bad day you’re having. American. 1015 Ninth St., (916) 498-9224. Dinner for one: $10-$30. HHH1/2 G.M.

Capital Dime Restaurant With

Midtown

a new chef and menu, this Midtown eatery has transformed into a farm-to-forkthemed place for smart bar bites and appealing sandwiches and salads. Try the bacon lollipops, perhaps the tastiest little creations ever put on a stick. Here, salty rib bacon is slathered with melted brown sugar and whispers of cayenne and cinnamon more hushed than the juiciest of rumors.

Sweet-potato pierogis are tasty, puffy packets of potato drizzled with sour cream and shredded-duck confit. A duck burger with fig jam and plenty of crispy onions makes for a gamy change of pace, but the rib bacon whiskey burger—with crunchy lumps of house-made pickle, cheddar and a landslide of crispy fried

Block Butcher Bar This place serves the holy trinity of European cuisine: meat, cheese and alcoholic beverages. Most of its boards and plates are balanced using three basic tastes: salty (meats and cheeses), sweet (honey and jam) and sour (pickles and vinegar). The charcuterie boards impress visually and on the tongue.

LUNCH SPECIAL

onions—just might be the best burger in town. American.

1801 L St., Suite 50; (916) 443-1010. Dinner for one: $15-$25. HHHH G.M.

Goldfield Trading Post This new eatery rustles up much nicer chow than your usual cowboy fare with a menu that features dishes with names like Grandma’s Meat Loaf. Grandma knows how to make some meat loaf, that’s for sure: slabs of beef ground with bacon are glazed with a sweet sauce, served atop the cheesiest mashed potatoes this side of Wisconsin. The Gold Panner’s Pork Chop was flat-out fantastic, oozing juicy flavor from its fire-kissed crust. House-made cinnamon applesauce for dunking was a perfect accompaniment. Any good country bar worth its salt pork has chili on the menu, and Goldfield is no exception.

It’s made with chunks of tender chicken rather than ground beef, with plenty of nuggets of gold corn and black beans to boot. American.

1630 J St., (916) 476-5076.

Dinner for one: $5-$10.

HHH1/2 AMR

Izakaya Daikoku Izakayas are to Japan what pubs are to England: a place to grab a cheap drink and some easy grub.

The purveyors behind I.D. hope to bring this Eastern swagger to Sacramento with a menu

that’s rich in options.

Agedashi tofu is the big hit here: deep-fried cubes of delicately soft tofu served with a soy dashi broth form squishy pillows of flavor. The hamachi collar is also recommended.

Served with lemon and ponzu, it’s a boastful dish that exemplifies simplicity. The okonomiyaki is the biggest pull—it’s a traditional Japanese pizza made of cabbage and savory pancake batter. Each is buried under mayo, katsu sauce, and bonito flakes resulting in a rich, greasy mess that leaves you feeling heavy but guarantees you’ll sober up quickly. Japanese. 1900 S St.; (916) 662-7337. Dinner for one: $15-$20. HHH G.M.

East Sacramento Fahrenheit 250 BBQ This barbecue joint ups the ante with attentive table service and high-end ingredients.

Chef Jacob Carriker serves Southern staples such as pulled pork, brisket and ribs, plus the very California addition of smoked tri-tip.

There’s also chicken and trout—all smoked in a 7-foot hand-forged steel behemoth.

The pulled-pork sandwich is moist, smoky and falling apart with tenderness. The half-chicken is a bit dry, but benefits from a shot of sauce.

The tri-tip is well-smoked, but not as good as the brisket, although it still makes for a very nice addition to the Market salad, with baby

greens, grilled zucchini and onions, and cornbread croutons. Barbecue. 7042 Folsom Blvd., (916) 476-4508. Dinner for one: $10-$15. HHHH AMR

Land Park/ Curtis Park Boba Cafe For starters, try the scallion pancake; it’s salty, crunchy on the outside and chewy inside. Or, order the pan-fried beef bun, which with its doughy, crunchy wrapping strangely resembled the texture of a Taco Bell Crunchwrap, only smaller, with a much richer flavor.

Also worth sampling: pork dumplings served as a firm dough wrapping filled with a rich pork broth and a small ball of meat. The “Taiwan Style Stewed Pork Over Rice,” a red-braised pork, is a tender, deep-red colored pork marinated in earthy aromatic spices and copious amounts of soy sauce. Paired with an egg and a heaping pile of rice, it’s one of the most comforting rice plates in Sacramento.

Chinese. 5131 Freeport Blvd., (916) 455-1687. Dinner for one: $5-$15. HHHH J.M

Pangaea Bier Cafe Just as European wines are made to be enjoyed with food rather than sipped alone, the current tsunami of Europeanstyle microbreweries feature drinks often best quaffed alongside a well-crafted meal.

Pangaea Bier Cafe recently stepped up its food game to satisfy that need with a

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South Sac Bodhi Bowl This Vietnamese eatery’s menu is all vegetarian and mostly vegan, with plenty of high notes. The Heavenly Noodle is a can’t-go-wrong salad comprising snow-white vermicelli noodles with cooling mint, cucumber slices, houseroasted peanuts and jagged pieces of faux beef. The “beef” actually is slightly sweet, plenty umami and pleasantly inoffensive, as far as fake meat goes.

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revamped menu that includes an ever-changing rotation of seasonal, slightly upscale pub food. Try the Buffalo wings: They’re deeply flavorful fried morsels with a thick glaze.

The mac ’n’ cheese is creamy, with a bit of beer in the sauce and a crunchy topping of herb-flecked breadcrumbs.

The sliders are gorgeous little mouthfuls with Tillamook cheddar and house-made pickles. The main-course cheeseburger, one of the best we’ve had in ages, is made from a custom blend of brisket and chuck. This is a juicy patty that holds together, yet bursts with flavor. The locally made brioche bun bears up well, and the house pickles and cheddar simply gild the lily. American. 2743 Franklin Blvd., (916) 454-4942. Dinner for one: $10-$15. HHH1/2 AMR

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Kansai Ramen & Sushi House This place serves its own take on ramen and sushi, with varying degrees of success. The kakuni ramen, which features three thick slices of braised pork belly in lieu of the house ramen’s thin slices of chashu, boasts a nice, sweet marinade; tender consistency; and copious flavor. The sushi rolls here are Western style—aka loaded with toppings. Try the Mufasa roll. With crab and avocado on the inside and salmon and sauce outside, it’s particularly tasty, seasoned in sesame oil and baked— a somewhat unusual technique for sushi. Japanese.

2992 65th St., Ste. 288; (916) 455-0288. Dinner for one: $10-$20. HHH J.M.

Natomas The Waffle Experience A whole menu of waffles—sounds heavenly, no? But hold your forks—these aren’t your mom’s buttermilk beauties full of syrup. They’re traditional

Belgian liège waffles, which are closer to bread than pastry. Open for breakfast and lunch, the menu offers choices that include breakfast creations and dishes labeled “Two Hands Required”—i.e., waffle sandwiches. All are packed with flavor. The “Eggcellent” consists of applewood bacon, fontina, egg, arugula, and sundried tomato aioli sandwiched between fennel seed waffles.

It’s messy, but worth the extra napkins. “Cheeses Gone Wild” is a grilled cheese for grown-ups, with four kinds of cheese, bacon, kale, fennel confit and caramelized leek waffles. The rich cheeses are well balanced by the greens and slightly acidic confit.

American. 4391 Gateway Park Blvd., Suite 650 in Natomas; (916) 285-0562. Dinner for one: $10-$15. HHH AMR

Dad’s Kitchen The cooking at this Guy Fieri-approved joint is consistent and at times technically terrific. Try the Dad’s Burger (lettuce, red onion, tomato, Aleppo chili aioli, and a beef patty encrusted with blue cheese and bacon). With a firm and chewy bun and a sauce with kick, it’s one of Sac’s best burgers. Or get the Hot Blonde. It’s like a subtle, healthier version of a club sandwich, with organic chicken, avocado, spinach, cucumber, roasted onion and Swiss cheese—all set between sourdough bread and grilled

which specializes in French and American, serves a ton of breakfast and lunch options (pancakes, waffles, omelets, quiches, crepes, sandwiches) and diners can order them at any time of day. A chocolate crepe is huge and could make for an entire (sugary) meal itself. A Nutella filling option would also be nice.

Savory crepes are a good option; try the Crab and Spinach Crêpe.

With crab meat, spinach, garlic and a cheesy French Mornay sauce, this is rich haute cuisine at a bargain price. French and American. 3535 Fair Oaks Blvd., (916) 972-1911. Dinner for one: $10-$20. HHH1⁄2. J.M.

Field House American Sports Pub Launched by the same team that raised Shady Lady Saloon, this spot brings a bit more culinary hope to an often forgotten part of Sacramento. The whiskey burger is a mighty sammich of perfection with smoked Gouda cheese and bacon that serve as excellent counterpoints to the achingly sweet maple-bourbon glazed red onions. Fries-slashchips arrived pencil-thin and fiercely crispy. If you visit for brunch, don’t miss the signature bloody mary: a 32-ounce bloody mary that doesn’t skimp on

SUNDAY SINEMA

Not hipster-famous—yet

So far, in my lifetime of travels around the country (and sometimes abroad) I’ve found that some people only know about Sacramento because of its NBA team, the Kings.

Other people know about the Kings, but also still call it a “cow town.” Many Californians, at least, know that Sactown has a pretty good but under-the-radar food scene. And this Thursday, December 4, our humble city’s getting some national recognition on an episode of a show called Carnival Eats—airing on Food Network, the Cooking Channel and Great American Country—in which host Noah Cappe visits the California State Fair. In the episode, he’ll sample the fair’s “spaghetti ice cream,” (ice cream shaped like spaghetti and topped with a strawberry sauce) and lobster corn dogs.

Sacramento isn’t really a foodie destination—yet. But hopefully this exposure helps it at least seem more appealing to cable-watching hipster foodies. The episode premiers on Great American Country (www.gactv.com) at 5 p.m.

—Jonathan Mendick

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bring together Latin American favorites with modern presentations. There are Spanish tapas, for example, including bacalao, a buttery mash of potatoes and salt cod served in a mortar with toast and Spanish olive oil.

Argentinean-styled empanadas are exquisitely flaky and crisp, encasing juicy shredded beef and chopped hard-boiled egg. A garnish of cilantro puree adds the perfect balance of fresh herb.

Lola’s Plato de Quesos makes for one of the most interesting cheese plates in the area. It includes Catalan mató, a fresh cheese similar to ricotta, served with honey and a crisp cracker.

Blue cabrales and aged castellano sheep’s cheese garnished with spicy mustard, green olives and sweet apple complete the line-up. Elsewhere on the menu, a generous portion of cubed raw tuna is gorgeously presented with fried rice crackers dusted with chile and Szechuan pepper.

Eaten with a smear of aioli and a sprinkle of “caviar” from finger limes, it’s a menu standout. Latin American. 9085 Elk Grove Blvd. in Elk Grove; (916) 685-5652.

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the horseradish. It’s served with skewers of beet-pickled egg, sausage and bacon, tiger prawn, pickled veggies, and the most amazing slider. American.

1310 Fulton Ave., (916) 487-1045.

Dinner for one: $15-$25.

HHHH G.M.

on a panini press. It boasts a crunchy texture from all the veggies, a light boost of piquant flavor from a “pepper plant sauce,” and won’t leave you feeling overly stuffed after eating it. American.

8928 Sunset Ave. in Fair Oaks, (916) 241-9365. Dinner for one: $10-$20. HHHH J.M.

Arden/ Carmichael

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the Hot & Sour soup, a not-too spicy sunset-orange broth that teems with a tomatoey and citrus flavor, chunks of pineapple, semicircles of trumpet mushrooms, cubes of fried tofu and slices of faux crab. Or, try the stir-fried Eight Fold Path.

It features al dente celery, red bell pepper and triangles of the most savory, salty, dense tofu perhaps ever. Vietnamese.

6511 Savings Place, Ste. 100; (916) 428-4160. Dinner for one: $10-$15. HHHH S.

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Photo by: Keith Sutter

Ron Cunningham’s

Tinder mercies I’ve been dating a man I feel connected to. We have a lot of fun and he has said he sees a future with me. The problem is that the other night I caught him on Tinder. He denied it at first and then said it was just a game he played to see who might be interested in him but he would never act on it. I don’t believe him. He says I have no reason to distrust him. My last

by Joey ga boyfriend cheated on me and rcia I have had trust issues ever since. I thought my new guy a s k j o e y @ne w s re v i e w . c o m was different. Is it me?

Joey

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It’s not your fault that this man uses the attention of other women to give himself an ego boost.

It’s not your fault for wondering if you should trust him. However, you are responsible for your own heartbreak if you stay with him and he cheats on you. After all, you caught him fishing and when confronted, he lied to you. Of course, it’s possible that he will change. Here’s how you will know if that might happen (“might” means there is no guarantee). The experience prompts the two of you to have a conversation in which you both state that you will devote yourselves exclusively to each other. If you have assumed

If he can wake up and heal that wound, his capacity for love will mature. But you can’t be his nurse

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Got a problem?

Write, email or leave a message for Joey at the News & Review.

Give your name, telephone number (for verification purposes only) and question—all correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

Write Joey, 1124 Del Paso Blvd., Sacramento, CA 95815; call (916) 498-1234, ext. 3206; or email askjoey@ newsreview.com.

commitment because you text every day or are sexual partners or you date (or all three), then you have lied to yourself. No matter what activities you engage in with a partner, never assume exclusivity unless both of you have made a verbal commitment. Another positive sign: if he investigates why he is driven to use online dating as an ego boost.

Somewhere in his personal history there’s unresolved heartbreak. The pain has been buried for so long that it’s soaked with denial. If he can wake up and heal that wound, his capacity for love will mature. But you can’t be his nurse. This is work he needs to do with a neutral person, like a psychologist or spiritual director.

You have work to do, too.

I understand how difficult it can be to trust someone with your heart.

But when an adult proclaims he or she has trust issues, what they really mean is that they refuse to grow up.

It’s normal for children or teenagers to struggle with trust because they are learning how to care for themselves emotionally. Adults are still learning, too, but we have the capacity, tools and resources to work past the obstacles to trust. Like this: If we are honest with ourselves, and if we insist on honest communication from other adults, we lay the groundwork for trust. In addition, we must have quiet time for reflection or meditation on a regular basis so that we build a relationship with our internal life. That allows us to hear, understand and respond to our intuition. The combination of honesty and employed intuition contribute to the establishment of trust. Yes, that means you have work to do. I know you want a relationship but don’t cheat yourself out of a healthy intimacy with yourself.

My boss says things that feel like a put-down. I don’t feel like I can say anything back because I need this job. I’m in high school and I’m saving for college. One of my friends said you have good ideas about dealing with stuff.

When your boss says something mean, respond calmly and truthfully in your own mind. For example, if he says, “You forget everything.”

Hear the comment, question if it’s true and respond to yourself: “I remember lots of things. I am sometimes forgetful, but so is my boss.”

Keep the inner dialogue going. In other words, be the boss of you. Ω

Meditation of the Week “Literature is my Utopia. Here I am not disenfranchised. No barrier of the senses shuts me out from the sweet, gracious discourses of my book friends. They talk to me without embarrassment or awkwardness,” said Helen Keller. I believe in books, too, so I’m supporting a fundraiser for the Weed Library, which was destroyed by the Boles Fire. Join me Saturday, December 6, at 7 p.m. at the Sacramento Poetry Center, 1719 25th Street.

All Americana holiday 4

A Christmas Carol

Spinning Into Light Buck Busfield’s lovely gift of a new Christmas show at the B Street Theatre every year is a sweet one, and deeply appreciated by Sacramento theatergoers. by Kel Munger Spinning Into Light, this year’s offering, is his first musical, and it features music written by Noah Agruss, a composer with strong local ties.

Set in a Southern mill town in the 1950s, Spinning Into Light tells the story of four local people, all struggling with loneliness, disappointment and desire during the holiday season.

Vassar (Greg Alexander), a World War II vet, is the mill’s mechanic and the play’s strong comedic center. He is quietly in love with Sally (Melinda Parrett), a divorcee who works in the mill and who is emotionally chained to her ex-husband, the salesman Kenny (Jason Kuykendall). Also in the mix is the gregarious Mindy Sue (Tara Sissom), a wannabe Patsy Cline who takes a liking to Vassar.

Excellent acting is a high point, especially from Alexander, who says far more with his face than with his lines. Rather uneven singing—and some weird acoustic effects—is offset by energy (Alexander and Sissom have a kick-ass bluegrass duet in “Pig in a Pen”) and by Parrett’s incredible voice.

Another big plus is the set, designed by Samantha Reno, which makes use of the theaterin-the-round production to include elements of the mill—large pulleys, rope cables and old-style light bulbs—as well as textiles mounted above the back tier of seats.

Overall, Spinning Into Light is a good show—though it’s not the best of B Street’s holiday efforts. Ω

3

PHOTO COurTeSy OF B STreeT THeATre

Spinning Into Light; 6:30 p.m. Tuesday; 2 p.m. and 6:30 p.m.

Wednesday; 8 p.m. Thursday and Friday; 5 p.m. and 9 p.m. Saturday; 2 p.m. Sunday; $23-$35.

B Street Theatre, 2711 B Street; (916) 443-5300; www.bstreet theatre.org.

Through January 4.

BEFORE

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The Jungle Book

This witty adaptation of the Rudyard Kipling classic by Davis-raised playwright Briandaniel Oglesby is a thoughtful-yet-active and entertaining all-ages family show. The colorful puppets and masks (by Rachel Malin) and alluring “jungle” set were created with cleverly repurposed and recycled materials. F 7pm, Sa 2pm & 6pm, Su 2pm. Through 12/6. $6-$20. Big Idea Theatre, 1616 Del Paso Blvd.; (916) 960-3036; www.bigideatheatre.com. J.H.

4A Christmas Carol There are multiple versions of A Christmas Carol on the boards this month. So what makes this Woodland Opera House Theatre Company production different?

First, it’s a different script. This is the 1994 musical adaptation that originated in New York, with music by Alan Menken, who scored Disney’s Beauty and the Beast that same year.

City Theatre has a new adaptation by local director Luther Hanson; and Scrooge at Chautauqua Playhouse is the 35th anniversary of local actor and director Rodger Hoopman’s adaptation.

Second, this Woodland version features veteran Rodger MacDonald as Scrooge. He’s done four summers with the Music Circus, and he’s starred in community musicals. We fondly recall MacDonald as corporate titan Caldwell Cladwell in River Stage’s Urinetown in 2007—especially the gleam in his eye as he urged his daughter to “step on the poor” to get ahead. In retrospect, that role was fine preparation for Scrooge, who says “If (the poor) would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.” Scrooge, unlike Cladwell, repents.

Third, the Woodland Opera House itself functions as a time machine: This lovingly restored 1890s venue, emulating English music halls of that era, lends authenticity and class.

Fourth, director Robert Cooner, conductor Dan Pool, choreographer Tim Stewart and costumer Denise Miles all made good choices.

The gents grew real whiskers. The 10-piece orchestra sounds better than recorded synthesizers. The production numbers (with a huge cast) are fun. The kids are adorable, including secondgrader D.J. Michel as Tiny Tim. And the ending remains heartwarming.

5

Kate: The Unexamined Life of Katharine Hepburn

Playwright Rick Foster and actress Janis Stevens team up for this remarkable character study

A RT S & C U LT U R E

FOuL

2 FAIr

Sa, 2pm & 8pm; Su 2pm. Through 12/21. $15-$38. Pollack Stage at

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Sacramento Theatre Company, 1419 H St.; (916) 443-6722; www.sactheatre.org. J.C.

GOOD

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Snow White and Rose Red

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Playwright Dave Pierni takes the lesser known Grimm fairy tale of Snow White and her sister Rose Red and throws back the curtain to reveal sisterly spats and sibling rivalries. Actually, he doesn’t throw back the curtain. Rather, he opens up a traveling theater troupe’s gypsy wagon in this adaptation that is a story-within-a-story, capturing the familial fights of a theater family putting on a production of Snow White and Rose Red. So it’s battling sisters portraying battling sisters—realistic pettiness and meanness splattered between tragic, dramatic and, thankfully, lots of comedic moments. Sa, Su 1pm & 4pm. Through 12/28. $15-20.

B Street Theatre’s Family Series Stage, 2711 B St.; (916) 443-5300; www.bstreettheatre.org. P.R.

WeLL-DONe

5 SuBLIMe–DON’T MISS

Short review by Jim Carnes, Jeff Hudson, Kel Munger and Patti roberts.

It’s about to get crackin’ Much like awkward mistletoe encounters and forcing oneself to drink eggnog, the Sacramento Ballet’s production of The Nutcracker is an essential part of the holiday season, combining the otherworldly talents of the company’s professional dancers with the cuteness of local kiddie ballerinas. The sprawling narrative follows young Clara and her Nutcracker Prince, featuring an epic battle with rats, a lady whose kids live under her skirt, a sexy, borderline-inappropriate dance of Arabian coffee and dancing candy canes that do hula hoop tricks—what’s not to love? Select shows are made even sweeter by the presence of a live orchestra performing Tchaikovsky’s iconic score (see website for dates). The Nutcracker, various times from Saturday, December 6, through Sunday, December 21; $19-$90; Community Center Theater, 1301 L Street, www.sacballet.org/nutcracker.

A Christmas Carol, 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday, 2 p.m. Sunday (and Saturday, December 13); $7-$25. Woodland Opera House, 340 Second Street in Woodland; (530) 666-9617; www.woodland operahouse.org. |

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It’s starting to feel a lot like Christmas.

—Jeff Hudson

STORY

of Katharine Hepburn, the woman the American Film Institute called “the greatest female star in Hollywood history.” There’s not an ounce of artifice in Stevens’ portrayal of the iconic actress.

Stevens’ expression lightens and darkens in rambling recollections according to Hepburn’s like, dislike or mistrust of the subject. She seems to truly be reveling in the remembrance. W, Th 6:30pm; F 8pm;

PHOTO CreDIT By KeITH SuTTer

Throughout, we have the voice of the mill’s management (David Silberman, in an uncredited role) with encouragement to the “family” of employees in what is essentially a company town, dependent even for its electricity on the mill—and information about injured co-workers.

Unfortunately, the play itself could use some work. Agruss’ Americana- and bluegrassinflected compositions work well, but the lyrics are uneven—for every really good song like “I Hate Boys,” there’s one that just never gets quite where it ought—and the story is predictable (though with a strangely realistic and dark ending). There’s also some confusion about where the focus for the story is set; while some songs tell us that the mill is the most important thing, the real attraction is in the resilience of the characters.

Not your typical holiday carolers.

The Dickens classic tale of the awakening of Ebenezer Scrooge’s conscience remains the most thoughtful—and class-conscious—holiday tradition, and this excellent adaption

by Luther Hanson at City Theatre is a very good one. Mingling traditional Christmas music and an ensemble that functions as a Greek chorus, it’s carried—as it ought to be—by the outstanding performance of Lew Rooker as a towering Scrooge who scares the bejesus out of people until his heart is thawed. F, Sa 8pm; Su & 12/13 2pm. Through 12/14. $10-$18.

City Theatre in the Performing Arts Center at Sacramento City College, 3835 Freeport Blvd.; www.citytheatre.net. K.M.

—Deena Drewis |

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When we think of the “revisionist Western” genre, the implication is usually one of Peckinpah-esque ultraviolence or Dead Man artiness. Tommy by Daniel Barnes Lee Jones’ unexpectedly devastating The Homesman, while hardly lacking for flashes of brutal violence or moments of equally brutal introspection, takes a slightly different approach to its revisionist vision of the Old West. It is a film about the Western landscape as a psychological nightmare, and in its deepest and darkest moments, The Homesman questions how insanity should be defined in a world as savage and lonely as the one it depicts.

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However, this is also a full entertainment, filled with rich and profoundly moving performances, bawdy humor, powerful visuals and a genuine empathy for the forgotten heroes of history. But Jones, who also adapted the Glendon Swarthout novel along with screenwriters Kieran Fitzgerald and Wesley A. Oliver, only leads the viewer down comforting alleys in order to ambush them with ugly truths. The film is structured in a manner that is daring but not showy, allowing flashbacks and visions to slash into the narrative without showing their seams. All the beauty and promise of the vast Western landscapes has become a prison for these characters, an unconquerable world of desolation and death.

The Homesman is the second film directed by the Oscar-winning actor Jones—his directorial debut was 2005’s The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, another breed of revisionist Western—but here he displays the wisdom and confidence of a battle-scarred veteran. Jones, who frequently seems bored and unchallenged when he is acting in Hollywood dreck, also stars in The Homesman, and he gives his best performances in years. He also gets brilliant work from Hilary Swank as Mary Bee Cuddy, a lonely spinster working her own plot of land in the barren Nebraska Territory, described by an elderly friend as “a better man than any man in

these parts,” but dismissed by potential suitors as “plain and bossy.”

As the film opens, Mary is attempting to rope one of the local oafs into marriage, proposing a union of “land, animals, implements, lives,” with all the passion of a contract negotiation. He rejects her in order to find a bride back East, but like many settlers unprepared for the bleak and meager life on the range, he ends up deserting his homestead altogether. In fact, a mental fatigue and psychological sickness seems to have infected the entire populace, especially the town’s women. In short order, three of the farmers’ wives go insane—a teenage girl who lost numerous babies becomes catatonic; a viciously oppressed wife has visions of her dead mother; and in the film’s most disturbing moment, another woman chucks her newborn baby into the bottom of an outhouse well.

A decision is made to escort the women several hundred miles to Missouri, so that they may be returned to their families back East.

When the women’s husbands all prove unwilling or unable to make the journey, Mary heroically volunteers for the thankless and dangerous task. She comes across Jones, left for dead by the town fathers after he is found squatting on a deserted homestead, and saves his life in exchange for his help on the long journey. Along the way, his loutish behavior and cynical worldview—he quit everything that he ever started, including the army and his own pioneer family— clashes with her uptight and brittle nature.

The Homesman questions how insanity should be defined in a world as savage and lonely as the one it depicts.

That may sound like the set-up for a Two Mules for Sister Sara-style lightweight goof, and those mismatched-partners clichés are certainly present in the opening half, but The Homesman has much greater ambitions. The proximity to the madwomen, and to the savagery of the wilderness, also begins to affect Mary’s sanity, which may have been drastically frayed before the journey even began. As they travel further away from the imaginary values of civilization, Mary’s compassion comes to look like a form of insanity. Meanwhile, her matrimonial longings seem less mercenary and more like a desperate cry for tenderness and human connection in a world where no one is your friend, and where home is your prison. Ω

by daniel barnes & JiM lane

3

Big Hero 6

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A Marvel comic book reconfigured to look and sound like an animated McDonald’s commercial, Big Hero 6 is still the most tolerable film to be released under the Marvel banner in years, even if the superhero origin story stuff is the least interesting piece. The film takes place in the futuristic, East-West hybrid city of San Fransokyo, and the story follows a 13 year-old computer prodigy named Hiro Hamada, who forms a bond with an inflatable robot after his brother’s death. Despite a chaotic narrative that bloats the running time to nearly two hours, Big Hero 6 is colorful and fast-paced entertainment, easily watchable and easily forgotten, like a shiny new toy that isn’t much fun to play with. It is preceded by the 6-minute Feast, an enchanting Disney short that offers all of the warmth and soul that Big Hero 6 lacks. D.B.

5

2

Dumb and Dumber To

Lloyd (Jim Carrey) and Harry (Jeff Daniels) are back, 20 years older and as stupid as ever—though alas, not quite as funny. Yes, of course it’s crass and tasteless, even disgusting—but what do you expect from Bobby and Peter Farrelly, Masterpiece Theatre?

Some of the jokes land—law of averages, you know—but it’s a bit depressing to think that the Brothers F. had to enlist the help of Sean Anders, Mike Cerrone, John Morris and Bennett Yellin to write the kind of crude, any-raunchy-thing-fora-laugh script that they used to pump out all by themselves. It’s also just a tad dispiriting to see how … ahem … ungracefully some of the cast members have aged. Naming no names on that score, of course, but while we’re on the subject, the cast includes Rob Riggle, Laurie Holden, Rachel Melvin and Steve Tom. J.L.

3

Horrible Bosses 2

Those three dim-bulb heroes (Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day) are back. This time the bane of their lives isn’t their bosses, but an unscrupulous business partner and his son (Christoph Waltz, Chris Pine), who have just aced the trio out of a multimilliondollar invention. Our boys plot revenge with their customary Murphy’s Law ineptitude. Written

by John Morris and director Sean Anders, the movie has the usual sequel pitfall—what was fresh in 2011 has gone a little stale, especially the stars’ three-way motormouth banter—and it huffs and puffs a bit in finding ways to include the original co-stars (Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, Jamie Foxx). Still, it’s pretty funny (albeit less surprising), and Anders keeps the action prancing along smartly. Pine and Waltz show a nice flair for comedy. J.L.

2

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence), rescued from the aborted Quarter Quell Games, winds up in the rebellious District 13, where leader Alma Coin (Julianne Moore) and Plutarch Heavensbee (the late Philip Seymour Hoffman) lobby her to become the face of the revolt. Supposedly based on the first half of the last volume of Suzanne Collins’ wildly popular trilogy, the movie is sluggish, with very little happening. In fact it’s a cheat, a shameless ploy to squeeze another $600 million dollars out of moviegoers. The fans probably won’t complain because, after all, it does have Lawrence and her strong supporting cast (most of them reduced to cameos); still, the smarter ones (if they haven’t already taken the bait) will put this one in their Netflix queues and wait till next year, when the story actually gets rolling. J.L.

BEFORE

|

NEWS

“FASCINATING AND THOUGHT-PROVOKING.” - Todd McCarthy, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

THE

STARTS FRI., 12/5

WED/THUR: 5:00, 7:30, 9:50PM FRI-TUES: 11:25AM

FRI-TUES: 1:35, 4:15, 7:00, 9:40PM

BiRDMAN “A TRIUMPH.” - Peter Debruge, VARIETY

Edward Snowden’s tale of tech terror.

Birdman

A washed-up movie star (Michael Keaton), hoping to scramble out from the shadow of the Birdman superhero blockbusters he made 20 years ago, tries to mount his own Broadway adaptation of a story by Raymond Carver, but everything seems to go wrong—starting with the fact that Birdman has infected his own unstable personality.

Director and co-writer Alejandro Gonzáles Iñárritu’s movie invites comparison with the ultimate has-been-nut-cast-movie-star picture, Billy Wilder’s Sunset Blvd.—and amazingly, it holds up under the comparison, thanks to Iñárritu’s brilliantly surrealistic technique, the can’t-look-away messy state of the protagonist’s head, Keaton’s tautly pugnacious performance, and an equally strong supporting cast (Edward Norton, Naomi Watts, Zach Galifianakis, Emma Stone, Amy Ryan, etc.). J.L.

HOMESMAN CITIZENFOUR “ABSORBING.” - Todd McCarthy, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

4

WED: 11:15AM, 1:50, 4:30, 7:15, 9:45PM THUR: 11:15AM, 1:50, 9:45PM FRI-TUES: 11:35AM, 2:10, 4:45, 7:25, 9:50PM

I Am Eleven

Interstellar

Christopher Nolan has earned enough trust and respect to make the dark, thematically ambitious and potentially difficult films that studios usually avoid like the plague, and on the scale of his choice. Based as much on the success of his rabbit-hole actioner Inception as his money-in-the-bank Batman movies, he even got Paramount to back his moony and assaultive three-hour space epic Interstellar. Rather than liberating Nolan, however, the ability to make big-budget movies that aim to do more than sell souvenir soda cups has weighed on him like a divine task, and each film has become more dreadfully self-important than the last. Interstellar is a nonstop barrage of teachable moments, simultaneously bloated and rushed, and crammed with more topical detritus than a Lee Daniels film. There is no shortage of visual spectacle here, but Interstellar flirts with big ideas and weighty themes only to avoid probing beneath their surfaces. D.B.

3

Penguins of Madagascar

Although the Madagascar series has been a mid- to low-tier animated franchise from its very inception, the appearance of the penguins always provided a memorable highlight. The penguins are a self-anointed group of international superspies consisting of the delusional and devil-may-care Skipper, his overly literal-minded second-in-command Kowalski, wild-eyed demolition expert Rico and the pampered orphan Private. In the Madagascar films, the penguins were relegated

|

WED/THUR: 11:00AM, 12:10, 1:40, 2:40, 4:10, 7:00, 9:40PM FRI-TUES: 11:30AM, 2:00, 4:35, 7:10, 9:45PM

Citizenfour

The Michael Apted Up films, a long-running series of documentaries that check in with a group of ordinary British children from various backgrounds every seven years, have always positioned themselves as grand social experiments, taking their cue from the Ignatius Loyola quote, “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will give you the man.” There is no such pretense of experimentation or profundity from Genevieve Bailey’s thoroughly ingratiating I Am Eleven, and no intention of glorifying “ordinary” 11-year-old behavior. Bailey interviews 11-year-old children from around the globe about their worldviews, seeing the age as the last rest stop between the innocent wonder of childhood and the hormonal catastrophe of adolescence. She finds some amazing kids, including volunteers at an elephant sanctuary in Thailand, and their personalities were enough to make me hope for future Up-esque check-ins down the line. D.B.

3

THEORY of EVERYTHING the

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In early 2013, documentary filmmaker Laura Poitras (The Oath) began receiving encrypted emails from a hacker named “CITIZENFOUR” who promised proof of illegal information-gathering programs run by the American government in concert with foreign intelligence agencies. Of course, that person turned out to be Edward Snowden, and at his request, Poitras brought her cameras to his Hong Kong hotel room to capture him and Guardian journalists Glenn Greenwald and Ewen MacAskill as they prepared to break the largest civil-rights scandal in world history (Poitras also contributed articles). Most of Citizenfour unfolds against the antiseptic whiteness of that hotel room, and the terse visual palette recalls European arthouse cinema more than the Maysles.

Instead of wallowing in “Go Team!” polemics or bowing to the cult of personality, Poitras crafts a stark and chilling portrait of a world where connection is the new terror. D.B.

4

“A GRIPPING DRAMA.” - Joe McGovern, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

F E AT U R E

STORY

H A P P Y H O L I D A Y S

If it’s holiday ...it’s here!

to monotony-breaking cameos, so it is not surprising that after a fun first half, their star vehicle hits the wall. At a certain point, the plot is forced to take over, and the time-filling and talent-wasting nonsense that was cooked up by the film’s half-dozen credited writers should have never made it past first draft. It involves an octopus named Dave who impersonates a human scientist so that he can make penguins less cute. Even for a babysitting tool, that’s weak. D.B.

3

The Theory of Everything

4

Whiplash

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Jake Kasdan’s 2007 genre parody Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story so effectively skewered the hoary tropes of movie biopics, any film employing them with a straight face risks looking ridiculous. Cliches are not mandatory for the genre—films as diverse as Todd Haynes’ I’m Not There and Mike Leigh’s upcoming Mr. Turner have tossed aside biopic crutches while still landing emotional and intellectual impacts.

But James Marsh’s straight-faced biopic The Theory of Everything is engineered for maximum awards season appeal, and so it crams in as many those conventions as it possibly can.

The film might be unwatchable if not for the excellent performances from Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne as Jane and Stephen Hawking.

Redmayne especially does bravura work—he becomes Stephen Hawking, body and soul—but The Theory of Everything doesn’t have the imagination or ambition to be anything more than his showpiece. D.B.

In the propulsive and persistent Whiplash, writer-director Damien Chazelle takes a trope familiar to sports movies and boot camp films—the imperious coach/drill sergeant who horsewhips a raw but promising athlete/soldier into shape—and drops it into an East Coast music conservatory. Miles Teller gives another strong performance as Andrew, a hyperdriven jazz drummer languishing in second chair. Andrew catches the eye of Fletcher, the martinet conductor of the school’s most prestigious band, a black-clad, fire-breathing demon played by J.K. Simmons. Fletcher torments his student musicians with a level of vile emasculation unseen since R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket (“weepy willow shitstack” is one of Fletcher’s least offensive invectives), and Andrew endures the abuse in order to pursue greatness. Teller and Simmons don’t cut corners, even when the script does, and while Chazelle frequently seems to be fetishizing sadism, the lightning-fast tempo forgives a few off-key notes. D.B.

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AFTER

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ALLE Y K AT Z PRESENTS

Bigger, better, zestier Sacramento’s Sunmonks think outside the pop-music box Apparently not too indie for fast food chains, Geoffrey CK’s favorite word to describe his band is “zesty.” Or, he says, “anything the Taco Bell by Janelle Bitker marketing firm would use.”

Said band is Sunmonks, a local up-andj a ne l l e b @ coming five-piece that melds melodic pop, ne w s re v i e w . c o m soulful R&B and indie rock into a tasty, cheesy Chalupa at 2 a.m. Of sorts.

photo courteSy oF SuNmoNkS

But again, it all happened quietly. Sunmonks has a “man behind the curtain,”—a.k.a. a manager of sorts. Middleton says. That man is John Baccigaluppi, who previously owned the legendary Hangar Studios and manages beloved local talent Sea of Bees.

“It’s a little more old-world, traditional industry,” Middleton says. “And that involves timing, withholding things. It’s cool, and a striking difference to the sort of unmanaged chaos of being an unsigned band.”

It’s sometimes difficult for Sunmonks to take direction— namely, to not release music as its created, to not update fans regularly. They’ve even had to ask folks to take videos off YouTube and Facebook—you won’t find any real evidence online that Sunmonks has ever played. Hopefully the mystery fades when Sunmonks’ debut full-length drops sometime early next year.

For those who have managed to catch a show, note that Sunmonks comes across as more of a rock band than intended— CK writes brass-flourished pop, and he plays all the horns on the EP. But live, he focuses on singing and his band ends up playing horn parts on guitar. And apparently it’s tough to find brass players who like performing pop music.

SAT. DEC. 06 | 6PM 2019 O ST | 916.442.2682

Sunmonks, supreme.

p r e s e n t s

Santa’S

Sunmonks celebrates its vinyl-release show at 7 p.m. on Sunday, December 14, at LowBrau, 1015 20th Street, Suite 100. No cover.

For more, visit www.sunmonks.com.

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26 | SN&R | 12.04.14

“We just like a lot of different genres. We like to do things that excite us. And sometimes those things seem to be very different, but I think that we just like,” CK stops abruptly. A ladybug has been crawling on his hand back-and-forth for at least 10 minutes.

“To do the good shit,” he finally concludes.

Sunmonks’ debut EP In A Desert Aplenty, released in October on Crossbill Records, definitely has some “good shit” going on. Peppered with lovely harmonies and just a dash of synth, the four tracks show impressive range and focus for a band that’s remained relatively underground since its start in 2012.

Originally, the band comprised just CK and Alexandra Steele. They played around town with live loops, but CK said he’d always wanted Sunmonks to eventually become a full band. In fact, he still wants it to be way bigger—a 10-piece horn section would suit his vision nicely.

But CK and Steele continued to play in a bunch of other people’s bands instead—Sea of Bees, Life in 24 Frames, Be Brave Bold Robot, Green Audio, Broken Iris and the list goes on.

“That was fun—you get to be a cog in something and not necessarily have the weight of art on you,” CK says.

The band’s latest venture presents new challenges, he adds.

“This is extremely scary but also more fulfilling than anything we’ve done before,” he says.

Last year, Dave Middleton and Julian Loy (Cold Eskimo) joined on drums and bass, respectively. Guitarist Jason Ellis (Dance Gavin Dance) hopped on just a couple of months ago.

“ I just want to make nerdy instruments super awesome and cool.”

Geoffrey CK multi-instrumentalist, Sunmonks “Why don’t people play air sax, or air trumpet or air trombone? I think it’s sort of like an instrument relegated to academia or history,” he says. “One thing I want to do is move the language in independent music away from guitar-based, post-Civil War drum kit … I just want to make nerdy instruments super awesome and cool.”

First up: bassoons.

“A section of brass or a very large ensemble is a sensual experience,” CK says.

“You’re surrounded by speakers but you’re also surrounded by the speakers of the horns themselves. There’s this very primal thing that happens. It’s visceral. And intense. And orgasmic.

“And zesty. And supreme. And baja.” Ω

Andy Warhol would be proud

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—Janelle Bitker

NEWS

HA HA HEATHENS

AQUANET

jan el l eb @ne w s re v i e w . c o m

|

THURSDAY 12/4 “ATHEIST CHRISTMAS” CD RELEASE PARTY!

ENTERTAINMENT

In the stars: When Rebecca Gone Bad FRIDAY 12/5 - SUNDAY 12/7 DEC 5 and Mike Cobra finally decided to ditch FROM E!’S CHELSEA LATELY AND COMEDY CENTRAL! their drum machine, the San Francisco JO KOY duo sought out “a woman who plays 80’S COVER BAND / $5 drums as hard as Dave Grohl.”

WEDNESDAY 12/10 DEC 6 ROBERT BERRY’S Enter Sacramento’s Jess Gowrie, RETROCRUSH COMEDY SHOW now the third member of the anthemic rock band Happy Fangs.

THURSDAY 12/11 - SATURDAY 12/13 FROM LAST COMIC STANDING AND EXCUSED! Gowrie and Tycho’s Zac Brown MUSIC OF THE 80’S AND BEYOND / $5 ILIZA SHLESINGER comprise fuzzy rock duo I’m Too DEC 12 SAL CALANNI, JOHNNY TAYLOR Dirty. She was also an original in THURSDAY 12/18 - SUNDAY 12/21 Chelsea Wolfe’s too-short-lived FROM CHELSEA LATELY DANCE HITS FROM THE AND TRUTV’S BARMAGEDDON! indie band Red Host. And she 60’S, 70’S, 80’S, 90’S & TODAY / $5 MO MANDEL plays in local stoner metal band DEC 13 SANDY STEC, ROBERT BERRY Horseneck, too.

DOORS OPEN @ 5:30 PM • $10 COVER FRIDAY 12/26 - SUNDAY 12/28 The search was brilliantly timed.

FROM THE OFFICE AND COVER INCLUDES A FREE 70’S AND 80’S CLASSIC ROCK / $5 LOGOTV’S THE STRAIGHT OUT REPORT! Gowrie had been contemplating a AMAZING DINNER SERVED FROM MIKE E. WINFIELD EVERY THURSDAY permanent move to New York at JASON RESLER, CARLOS RODRIGUEZ 5:30 - 8:00PM that point—roughly a year ago—but TUESDAY 12/30 LIVE PODCAST TAPING! now she belongs to Sacramento forever COUNTRY DANCING ALL NIGHT DOUG LOVES and ever.

WITH LIVE DJ! $15 INCLUDES SHOES / 10PM-1AM KARAOKE UP FRONT MOVIES Gowrie says she gelled instantly BECOME A DOUG BENSON & SPECIAL GUESTS with Happy Fangs. “We credit it FOLLOW US ON TWITTER! BE SURE TO CHECK OUT OUR to all of us being Capricorns,” she GET REWARDED WITH SOMETHING FREE TWITTER.COM/PUNCHLINESAC • FACEBOOK.COM/PLSAC TEXT HALFTIME TO 31996 NEW LARGE DANCE FLOOR explained via email. “But it’s also WWW.PUNCHLINESAC.COM because we are all on the same page NEW BATHROOMS and want the same things out of HALFTIME BAR & GRILL NEW AIR CONDITIONING CALL CLUB FOR SHOWTIMES: (916) 925-5500 music.”

2100 ARDEN WAY • IN THE HOWE ‘BOUT ARDEN SHOPPING CENTER INSIDE STRIKES UNLIMITED 2 DRINK MINIMUM. 18 & OVER. I.D. REQUIRED. 5681 Lonetree Blvd • Rocklin Watch for the trio’s debut full1320 DEL PASO BLVD 916.626.3600 TICKETS AVAILABLE AT THE CLUB BOX length called, yes, Capricorn, on HALFTIMER OCKLIN.COM STONEYINN.COM | 916.927.6023 OFFICE WITH NO SERVICE CHARGE. January 27. Two songs—“Hiya Kaw Kaw” and “The Truth”—roll over from its self-titled EP, which you can stream on the band’s Bandcamp.

The live show usually sees stark juxtaposition between white and black, Bad’s brightness and Cobra’s darkness, the Happy and the Fang.

Gowrie sets her drums close to the front of the stage for ultimate energy feedback loop possibilities between bandmates and the crowds. Per usual, she hits hard. Bad’s voice Dec 5 FUNKY 16 CORNERS 2ND THURSDAYS | HOLIDAZE | DECEMBER 11, 2014 pierces through Cobra’s feedbackDec 6 FORESOCKS heavy guitar for a gritty, hooky pop-punk.

(TRIBUTE TO THESAC RED HOT NEWS CHILI PEPPERS)& REVIEW NEWSPAPER: “Since Rebecca isn’t tied down ABBY NORMAL by an instrument, she has no boundPUBLISH DATE: (TRIBUTE 12/04/2014 TO GREEN DAY) aries on where she can go or what ART DUE: 11/26 she can do, which makes it totally Dec 12 SIMPLE CREATION unpredictable,” Gowrie says.

CONTENT: PUNCHLINE One prediction: the band has a Dec 13 TIJUANA WEEKEND SIZE: 1.87” X 5.67” tradition of writing and performing Dec 19 HEARTBREAK TIME an original song based on audience ART PRODUCTION: MACHINE TANK DESIGN (415) 346-4000 X225 suggestion—improv comedy for rockers.

NOTES: Dec 20 ISLAND OF BLACK Happy Fangs opens for Sacramento’s ’90s noise-metal & WHITE outfit Will Haven at the Blue Lamp, 1400 Alhambra Boulevard, on 27 BEERS ON DRAFT Friday, December 12. Tickets cost TRIVIA MONDAYS $8 in advance, $10 at the door. Big @ 6:30PM deal, by the way. Will Haven hasn’t OPEN MIC WEDNESDAYS played a small local gig since 2012.

SIGN-UPS @ 7:30PM

—Eddie Jorgensen

VOTED BEST COMEDY CLUB BY THE SACRAMENTO NEWS & REVIEW!

EVERY FRI & SAT 9PM

Fifteen minutes of Hoods: Sacramento’s Hoods have endured line-up changes of Spinal Tap proportions. Thankfully, through the perseverance of Mike Hood, its sole constant member since 1996, Hoods has remained Hoods.

Last Sunday night, Hood, along with guitarist Jon Korn (Kill The Precedent), bassist Jason Wussow, a.k.a. “Twig” (Red Tape, Spinach, Kill The Precedent), guitarist John Abernathy (Conducting from the Grave) and stand-in drummer plus house sound man Basilio Salaices (Murderlicious), celebrated the recent release of Gato Negro on Artery Recordings at the Blue Lamp.

The show, which kicked off much later than the previously advertised time, was opened by Sacramento local quartet West Lords, who delivered a heady stew of spirited Oi! punk rock along with some nontraditional rock fare. The band’s rough and ready vibe worked perfectly to get things started.

Highlights of the band’s set included a rare cover of the 4-Skins track “Clockwork Skinhead” and the West Lord’s own follow-up song, “The Concrete Jungle.” And while the set seemed all too brief, the band announced it would release a new EP on January 17 at the Hideaway on a bill featuring two reggae bands alongside two punk bands.

By the time Hoods hit the stage, everyone in attendance was primed for some good ol’ fashioned hardcore.

There were many former Hoods members in attendance including bassist Mario Maynor and Ben Garcia (also co-owner of the Blue Lamp with his wife, Gabi), both of whom tend bar at Blue Lamp as well.

However, as raucous as the set was, it was over in less than 15 minutes, leaving many folks who haven’t seen the band recently scratching their heads.

Apparently, the band only played eight minutes at their previous local show.

Hood was in great form, dressed simply in shorts, a T-shirt, flannel and backwards hat. And he delivered a ferocious set of songs including a cover of Agnostic Front’s “Friend Or Foe” that was a preceded by a rant about his disdain with all that’s happened since the killing of Michael Brown in Ferguson.

BEFORE

LIVE

RESTAURANT •• BAR BAR CLUB •• RESTAURANT COMEDY COMEDY CLUB

|

F E AT U R E

STORY

KARAOKE THURSDAYS @ 7:30PM

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AFTER

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06SAT

Gloriana

Wolvhammer

Goldfield Trading Post, 8 p.m., $20

PhoTo by AdAm deGRoSS

05FRI

The Press Club, 5 p.m., $12

Taylor Swift handpicked Gloriana to open her Fearless tour in 2009—before the Nashville country band even released an COUNTRY album. Its breakthrough single “Wild at Heart” was the highest-grossing country debut of the year though, and its first record peaked at No. 3 on the Billboard 200 chart. Buzz has significantly slowed down for trio, but it’s still honestly telling stories with acoustic guitars and heartfelt harmonies. If country pop is your jam, 101.9 The Wolf is hosting two more acoustic holiday shows at Goldfield: Maddie & Tae on December 11 and Chase Bryant on December 20. Tickets cost $20 per show, or see them all for $50. 1630 J Street, www.gloriana.com.

—Janelle Bitker

06SAT

06SAT

Slime Girls

Kurt Travis

The Colony, 7 p.m., $8

This is a metal matinee show. For those of you who keep a busy schedule on weekend nights, now you can enjoy an early show of furious and spurious, harsh, atmospheric metal followed by hours of staring at your phone in a club afterward. Minneapolis via Chicago’s Wolvhammer, who released the fabulous Clawing Into Black Sun on Profound Lore records in mid-July, is in the midst of a tour with Black Cobra, inappropriately dubbed Desanctifying North America Part II. As luck would have it, they’re joined by METAL the ferocious one-man wrecking crew known as Author & Punisher and one of Sacramento’s coolest new doom bands, Church. You really can’t do any better in Sacramento. 2030 P Street, www.facebook.com/Wolvhammer.

San Jose’s Slime Girls are all about energetic drums, punk rock guitars and Nintendo Game CHIPTUNE Boys. Their genre, chiptune, relies on those old school video game bloops and bleeps, which are all over their tunes. Unlike a lot of the other bands in this scene, Slime Girls rock hard. They mix elements of punk, ska and surf, and have tons of fun. Their tunes are all instrumental, which is fine: Those Nintendo sounds more than make up for the lack of vocals. They just re-released their 2012 album Vacation Wasteland on cassette—for anyone with an old tape deck who wants to listen to early ’90s sounds. 3152 Stockton Boulevard, www.facebook.com/slimegirls.

—Eddie Jorgensen

2708 J Street Sacramento, CA 916.441.4693 www.harlows.com - December 07 -

COMING SOON

7PM • $15 ADV

12/12 Hot Buttered Rum 12/13 Dilated Peoples 12/16 Charlie Hunter 12/18 Close to You: A Carpenters Tribute 12/19 Haas Kowert Tice 12/19 Non-Drummer Drum Off 12/20 Solsa 12/21 Rat Pack Christmas 12/21 Diego’s Umbrella 12/25 Arden Park Roots 12/27 Brodi Nicholas 12/28 Anuhea 12/31 Lovefool 1/09 KRS-One 1/17 Whitey Morgan 1/22 Portland Cello Project 1/24 The Ting Tings 1/28 The New Mastersounds 1/29 Sage Francis 1/30 Will Kimbrough 2/03 The Motet 2/04 Nothing 2/05 Particle 2/07 Steelin’ Dan 2/10 the Dodos 2/14 Mumbo Gumbo 2/17 Wild Child

CALIFORNIA HONEYDROPS

- December 04 -

DUPLX

WHITE BOY DANCE PARTY OL’ FASHION 7PM • $8

- December 05 -

- December 08 -

GOAPELE

SZA

9PM • $20 ADV

6PM • $20 ALL AGES

SOLD OUT - December 06 -

ANDY MCKEE

- December 11 -

HAWAIIAN SLACK & STEEL SUMMIT WITH JIM “KIMO” WEST & KEN EMERSON 5:30PM • $15 ADV

5:30PM • $25 ADV

- December 06 -

DISCO REVOLUTION 9:30PM • $10

- December 11 -

BLACK UHURU

9:30PM • $20 ADV

28 | SN&R |

12.04.14

Witch Room, 8 p.m., $10-$12

—Aaron Carnes

Best known as the former vocalist for post-hardcore bands Dance Gavin Dance and Five Minute Ride and as the current vocalist of A Lot Like Birds, Kurt Travis plays on home turf for the evening in support of his first full-length solo album Everything is Beautiful. Released in May of this year, Travis has traded in the screaming and heavy guitars of previous projects for the synth of electro-pop à la Youth Lagoon (though there are still plenty ROCK of emotive vocals, to be sure).

Spoken-word band Hotel Books and Bay Area trio Tommy Boys open up.

1815 19th Street, http://kurttravis.band camp.com.

—Deena Drewis

06SAT

07SUN

08MON

10WED

Misner & Smith Trio

Down

The Icarus Line

Electric Christmas 2.0

The Palms Playhouse, 8 p.m., $20

Ace of Spades, 6 p.m., $26

Indie, folk and Americana are popular terms these days taken up by many. Some, like Sam Misner (guitar, vocals) and Megan FOLK Smith (upright bass, mandolin, vocals), know their way around the aforementioned genres. When this singing-songwriting duo released Seven Hour Storm in 2013 (their fourth album) it was clear that it connects to the core of folk music—stories about people—and that they honor each song. With harmonies reminiscent of Simon and Garfunkel or Crosby and Nash on “Lovers Like Us” or “Lost and Found,” Misner & Smith (in trio form this night with guitarist Josh Yenne) play music that would even make Woody Guthrie proud. 13 Main Street in Winters, www.misnerandsmith.com.

Starlite Lounge, 8 p.m., $8

Louisiana’s Down started as a supergroup with five members that all equally had earned respect in the metal community for playing down-to-earth heavy metal and, in some cases, punk. Although guitarist Kirk Windstein and bassist Rex Brown exited the band, make no mistake, the band is as strong as ever. Original members Phil Anselmo (Pantera, Superjoint Ritual, Phil Anselmo & The Illegals), Pepper Keenan (Corrosion Of METAL Conformity), and Jimmy Bower (Eyehategod) have not dropped the proverbial ball but, instead, hired two equally able musicians in bassist Pat Bruder and guitarist Bobby Landgraf. Their last EP, Down IV–Part I is their second extended play and features six songs that absolutely crush.

1417 R Street, www.down-nola.com.

—Trina L. Drotar

Sleep Train Arena, 6:30 p.m., $39.50-$49.50

Hollywood’s The Icarus Line has spent the better part of the last decade-and-a-half rocking hard. Its live shows are intense, and its records always found that delicate balance between being challenging on the ears and just straight-to-the-hips rock ’n’ roll swagger. It gets compared to the Iggy and the Stooges, mostly because of the ROCK group’s depravity, irreverence and proto-punk influence. But it’s also worth mentioning how the IL incorporates elements of sleazy glam-rock and noisy, feedback-driven shoegaze. The band gained a little bit of attention about 10 years ago, but has hidden in the shadows just outside of fame ever since.

1517 21st Street, www.theicarusline.com.

—Aaron Carnes

Gavin Rossdale brought back the drummer and resurrected Bush (pictured) with 2011’s The Sea of Memories. On the new follow-up, Man on the Run, Bush ditches that shiny old-school nostalgia for glossier hard rock ROCK colored with trendy electronic clatter and more processing than Tara Reid’s hair. Los Angeles’ Fitz and the Tantrums infuses the retro-soul pop of its breakout debut with enough synth-laden dance-pop to make last year’s More Than Just a Dream an even greater success. Irvine modern rock group Young the Giant—with a punchy effervescence that recalls Fun and the Killers’ atmospheric arena-size sensibility—rounds out this Radio 94.7-backed holiday-themed concert. 1 Sports Parkway, www.facebook.com/radio947.

—Eddie Jorgensen

—Chris Parker

ACE OF SPADES

1417 R Street, Sacramento, 95814 www.aceofspadessac.com

ALL AGES WELCOME!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 13

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 4

JEEZY

CHRISTIAN RASHAWN - CALI BEAR GANG - BLACK SKY - GATLIN

FMLYBND & THE WILD WILD

COMING

SOON

12/20 01/02 01/03 01/18 PRESENTS 01/20 TYLER RICH 01/21 01/23 TUESDAY, DECEMBER 16 01/25 01/27 01/28 WHITNEY PEYTON - SWEET ASCENT - INTERNET 01/30 FRIENDS - LONELY AVENUE 02/11 02/13 THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18 02/14 HOW THE GROUCH STOLE CHRISTMAS 02/17 02/19 02/27 02/28 CUNNINLYNGUISTS - DJ ABILITIES - DJ FRESH

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5

EASTON CORBIN

DANCE GAVIN DANCE

SECRETS - ALIVE LIKE ME DEFEAT THE LOW - WOLF & BEAR

BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7

DOWN

ORANGE GOBLIN - BL’AST

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11

ROYAL BLOOD LIFE IN 24 FRAMES - STAND OUT STATE

THE GROUCH & ELIGH

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12

JOHNNY MARR

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19

E40

03/17 03/21 04/09 04/15

Latin Christmas Show English Beat Save The Gemini Waka Flocka Saving Abel HedPe/Powerman 5000 G-Love & Special Sauce Tyler Farr The Expendables Silverstein Lindsey Stirling Hozier Stick To Your Guns Motion City Soundtrack Zion I August Burns Red Black Veil Brides & MMF Spice 1, B-Legit, Richie Rich, Celly Cell, San Quinn & RBL Posse Walk The Moon Rebel Souljahz Apocalyptica Reverend Horton Heat

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT ALL DIMPLE RECORDS LOCATIONS AND ARMADILLO RECORDS, OR PURCHASE BY PHONE @ 916.443.9202 BEFORE

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NEWS

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F E AT U R E

STORY

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AFTER

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NIGHTBEAT

THURSDAY 12/4

FRIDAY 12/5

2003 K St., (916) 448-8790

Tipsy Thursdays, Top 40 deejay dancing, 9pm, call for cover

Fabulous and Gay Fridays, 9pm, call for cover

Saturday Boom, 9pm, call for cover

BAR 101

Karaoke, 7:30pm, no cover

FUNKY 16 CORNERS, 9:30pm, no cover

THE FORESOCKS, ABBY NORMAL; 9:30pm, no cover

Trivia Night, 6:30pm M, no cover; Open-mic night, 7:30pm W, no cover

BLUE LAMP

1400 Alhambra, (916) 455-3400

SUPANOVA, LEFTY ROSE, MS. VYBE, MR. HOOPER; 8pm, $7

OCCUPY THE TREES, A. JONEZ, NOAH BYRD, TESSA; 6pm, $5

N-MEN, 8pm, $10

Open mic, M; ALLISON CHAINS, RED SKY SUNRISE; 8pm Tu, $5; Trivia, 8pm W

THE BOARDWALK

EQUIPTO, I.L.A.M., DIRTBAG DAN;

ELLIPSIS, EX SCIENTIA VERA, OCEAN PALACE, SALYTHIA; 8pm, call for cover

KOOL JOHN, 8pm, call for cover

BADLANDS

101 Main St., Roseville; (916) 774-0505

9426 Greenback Ln., Orangevale; (916) 988-9247 8pm, call for cover

SATURDAY 12/6

CENTER FOR THE ARTS

BLAME SALLY, 8pm, $18-$22

314 W. Main St., Grass Valley; (530) 274-8384

Allison Chains with Red Sky Sunrise 8pm Tuesday, $5.

Blue Lamp Grunge and alternative rock

COUNTRY CLUB SALOON

BOB WOODS, 5pm, call for cover; HOWLIN ALAN, 9pm-1am, no cover

4007 Taylor Rd., Loomis; (916) 652-4007

THE COZMIC CAFÉ

594 Main St., Placerville; (530) 642-8481

Open-mic, 7:30pm, no cover

DISTRICT 30 DIVE BAR

1022 K St., (916) 737-5999

Hip-hop and Top 40 Deejay dancing, 9pm, $5-$10

Hip-hop and Top 40 Deejay dancing, 9pm, $5-$10

1001 R St., (916) 443-8825

MARTY COHEN & THE SIDEKICKS, 8pm, call for cover

DOUG C & THE BLACKLISTED, SHELBY COBRA & THE MUSTANGS; 8:30pm, $5

ORANGE SCENE, 50-WATT HEAVY; 9pm, call for cover

THE GOLDEN BEAR

DJ Shaun Slaughter, 10pm, call for cover

DJ Crook One, 10pm, call for cover

DJ Whores, 10pm, no cover

1603 J St., (916) 476-5076

GLORIANA, BRODIE STEWART BAND; 8pm, $20-$50

CHRIS GARDNER BAND, 9pm, no cover

HALFTIME BAR & GRILL

AQUANETT, 9pm-midnight, $5

8 TRACK MASSACRE, 9pm-midnight, $5

GOAPELE, 10pm, $20-$25

ANDY MCKEE, 7pm, $25-$30; DISCO REVOLUTION, 10pm, $5-$10

FOX & GOOSE

2326 K St., (916) 441-2252

GOLDFIELD TRADING POST Blame Sally 8pm Saturday, $18-$22.

Center for the Arts Acoustic folk

5681 Lonetree Blvd., Rocklin; (916) 626-6366

HARLOW’S

DUPLX, WHITE BOY DANCE PARTY, OL’ FASHION; 8pm, $4-$8

LUNA’S CAFÉ & JUICE BAR

Joe Montoya’s Poetry Unplugged, 8pm, $2

MIDTOWN BARFLY

1119 21st St., (916) 549-2779

Dubstep, glitch-hop, house and electronic deejay dancing, 9pm, call for cover

NAKED LOUNGE DOWNTOWN

JELLY ROLL BAND, 8:30pm, $5

2708 J St., (916) 441-4693 1414 16th St., (916) 441-3931

1111 H St., (916) 443-1927

OLD IRONSIDES

1901 10th St., (916) 442-3504

ON THE Y

670 Fulton Ave., (916) 487-3731

List your event!

Post your free online listing (up to 15 months early), and our editors will consider your submission for the printed calendar as well. Print listings are also free, but subject to space limitations. Online, you can include a full description of your event, a photo, and a link to your website. Go to www.newsreview.com/calendar and start posting events. Deadline for print listings is 10 days prior to the issue in which you wish the listing to appear.

Dark ’80s, Goth, Industrial, synth, EBM dancing, 8pm, call for cover

Dragalicious, 9pm, $5

Karaoke, 9pm-2am M; Latin night, 9pm Tu, $5; DJ Alazzawi, 9pm W, $3

Trivia night, 7:30-9pm Tu, no cover CALIFORNIA HONEYDROPS, 8pm, $15-$18

SZA, 7pm M, $20

Goth, darkwave, industrial, electronic deejay dancing, 9pm-3am, call for cover

Swing dancing lessons, 7:30pm Tu; Salsa lessons w/ Nicole Lazo, 7:30pm W, $5

The Lipstick Weekender, 9:30pm, $5

HEATH WILLIAMSON, 5pm M, no cover; Karaoke, 9pm Tu; Open-mic, 9pm W

Badass Monster Killer fundraiser w/ Karaoke, 9pm, no cover Santa Elvis, Keith Lowell Jensen, 9pm, $10

DJ Peeti V, 9pm, call for cover

Top 40, Mashups, 9pm, no cover

DJ Club mixes, 10pm, no cover

Open-mic comedy, 9pm, no cover

PINE COVE TAVERN

Karaoke, 9pm Tu, no cover

Open-mic, 10pm-1am Tu, no cover; Trivia, 8pm W, no cover

502 29th St., (916) 446-3624

PJ’S ROADHOUSE

5461 Mother Lode, Placerville; (530) 626-0336

POWERHOUSE PUB

Trivia night, W, call for cover

CHRONIC VITALITY, THE CROSSING; 9pm, $5

DJ Eddie Edul, 9pm, call for cover Top 40, 9pm, no cover

Industry Night, 9pm, call for cover

Jazz, M; ELIJAH BELL, KOINCIDENT$, DELTA CITY RAMBLERS; 8:30pm W, $5

THE PARK ULTRA LOUNGE 1116 15th St., (916) 442-7222

Open-mic, 7:30pm M; Pub Quiz, 7pm Tu; Northern Soul and Cornhole, 8pm W

LUCKY LASKOWSKI, COLLEEN HEAUSER, BANJO FIDDLE; 8:30pm, $5

MISNER & SMITH, 8pm, $20

1009 10th St., (916) 448-8960

JOSEPH IN THE WELL, 9pm W, no cover

MARY PAKENHAM, HAWK TENNIS, JULIE MEYERS; 8:30pm, $5

THE BOBS, 8pm, $20

THE THREE WAY, 9pm, $5

ZEPHYR & GALACTICA, 9pm, call for cover

614 Sutter St., Folsom; (916) 355-8586

AMANDA GRAY AND WHISKEY SAVAGE, 10pm, call for cover

LOST IN SUBURBIA, 10pm, call for cover

JOY & MADNESS, 10pm, call for cover

SHANE DWIGHT, 3pm, call for cover

THE PRESS CLUB

Ignorant!, 9pm, no cover

Top 40 w/ DJ Rue, 9pm, $5

BLACK COBRA, AUTHOR & PUNISHER, WOLVHAMMER, CHURCH; 5pm, $12

TREMOR LOW, NUMBER STATION, DEATH PARTY AT THE BEACH; 9pm Tu,

TREMOR LOW, NMBRSTTN; 9pm Tu, $7; RAZORBLADE MONALISA, 9pm W, $6

SHADY LADY SALOON

TESSIE MARIE, 9pm, no cover

CRESCENT KATZ, 9pm, no cover

ZORELLI, 9pm, no cover

ALEX JENKINS, 9pm, no cover

DJ Crook, 9pm Tu, no cover; JANE THOMPSON TRIO, 9pm W, no cover

1409 R St., (916) 231-9121

SHENANIGANS

705 J St., (916) 442-1268

Want to be a hot show?

Mail photos to Calendar Editor, SN&R, 1124 Del Paso Blvd., Sacramento, CA 95815 or email it to sactocalendar@ newsreview.com. Be sure to include date, time, location and cost of upcoming shows.

Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

13 Main St., Winters; (530) 795-1825

PARLARE EURO LOUNGE

ISLAND OF BLACK & WHITE, 9pm, no cover

Nebraska Mondays, M; Open-mic comedy, 8pm Tu; Comedy night, 8pm W, $5

THE PALMS PLAYHOUSE

2030 P St., (916) 444-7914

Hey local bands!

DJ Miles Medina, 10pm, call for cover

Kamikaze Karaoke, 9pm-2am, no cover

2000 K St., (916) 448-7798

Open-mic, 7-11pm Tu, call for cover

MIDNIGHT PLAYERS, SOLSA; 9pm, $15

3443 Laguna Blvd., Ste. 150, Elk Grove; (916) 226-2625

FACES

PAIGE ANDERSON & THE FEARLESS KIN, 7:30pm, $15-$18

PLAN B COVER BAND, 9pm-1am, call for cover

Deuling Pianos, 9pm, no cover

DOUBLE NICKEL SMOKEHOUSE

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY 12/8-12/10 Mad Mondays, 9pm M, call for cover

JONNY MOJO, 8pm, $8 DJ Julian Pierce, 10pm, call for cover

1016 K St., (916) 737-5770

SUNDAY 12/7 Sin Sunday, 8pm, call for cover

Comedy Night and DJ Selekta Lou, 9pm, $5

SOL COLLECTIVE

Sol Mercado w/ DJ El Indio, noon, no cover

2574 21st St., (916) 832-0916

STARLITE LOUNGE

DOUG C & THE BLACKLISTED, SHELBY COBRA & THE MUSTANGS; 8pm, $5

JITTERBUG RIOT, THE DEVILS TRAIN, ATOMBOMB; 8pm, $5

SATAPANA BUTHKEN, SUN VALLEY GUN CLUB, ELI AND THE SOUND CULT; 7:30pm

STONEY INN/ROCKIN’ RODEO

THE TERRY SHEETS BAND, BLACKWATER; 9pm, call for cover

Country dancing, 7:30pm, no cover; $5 after 8pm

Country dancing, 7:30pm, no cover; $5 after 8pm

Fundraising event for local animal rescuers, 1-5pm, $10; Country dance, 8pm

Comedy open-mic, 8pm M; Bluebird Lounge open-mic, 5pm Tu, no cover

TORCH CLUB

X TRIO, 5pm, no cover; MARK SEXTON BAND, 9pm, $6

PAILER AND FRATIS, 5:30-7:30pm, no cover; VOLKER STRIFLER, 9pm, $8

AC MYLES, STEVEN ROTH BAND; 9pm, $10

Divalicious Christmas Benefit for Albie Aware, 2pm, $20

BILL MYLAR, 5:30pm Tu; Acoustic openmic, 5:30pm W; CON BRIO, 9pm W, $6

WITCH ROOM

FRANCISCO THE MAN, YOUNG AUNDEE; 8pm, $10

1517 21st St., (916) 706-0052 1320 Del Paso Blvd., (916) 927-6023 904 15th St., (916) 443-2797 1815 19th St., www.witchroomsac.com

ZODIAC DEATH VALLEY, THE ICARUS LINE, THE REMOVED; 8pm M, $8

KURT TRAVIS, HOTEL BOOKS, TOMMY BOYS; 8pm, $10-$12

DREAM POLICE, MERCURY LIVING; 8pm M, $7; Found Footage Festival, 8pm Tu, $11

All ages, all the time ACE OF SPADES

JEEZY, CHRISTIAN RASHAWN, CALI BEAR GANG, BLACK SKY; 7pm, $39.95

DANCE GAVIN DANCE, SECRETS, ALIVE LIKE ME, DEFEAT THE LOW; 6:30pm, $16

TRAIN, 7pm, $45

SHINE

CHICKADING!, INSTAGON, LUCID POPSICLE; 8pm, $5

LAVA PUPS, THE FUNICELLOS; 8pm, $5

THE BUMPTET, DANK OCEAN; 8pm, $5

1417 R St., (916) 448-3300 1400 E St., (916) 551-1400

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DOWN, ORANGE GOBLIN, BL’AST; 6pm, $26

Art, music, photography and fashion show w/ DJ Kittie Lynne, 7pm W, $15-$20 Classical Revolution, 7:30pm M, $5; Jazz jam, 8pm Tu; Poetry, 7pm W

Heat Up Your Night On RedHot TRY

Print ads start at $6/wk. www.newsreview.com or (916) 498-1234 ext. 5 Online Phone hours: M-F 9am-5pm.

All ads post online same day.

Deadlines for print: Line ad deadline: Monday 4pm Adult line ad deadline: Monday 4pm Display ad deadline: Friday 2pm

ads are

STILL

*Nominal fee for adult entertainment.

All advertising is subject to the newspaper’s Standards of Acceptance. Further, the News & Review specifically reserves the right to edit, decline or properly classify any ad. Errors will be rectified by re-publication upon notification. The N&R is not responsible for error after the first publication. The N&R assumes no financial liability for errors or omission of copy. In any event, liability shall not exceed the cost of the space occupied by such an error or omission. The advertiser and not the newspaper assumes full responsibility for the truthful content of their advertising message.

BEWARE OF FAKE CHECK SCAMS Fake check scams are clever ploys designed to steal your money.

You can avoid becoming a victim by recognizing how the scam works and understanding your responsiblity for the checks that you deposit in your account.

If someone you don’t know wants to pay you by check but wants you to wire some of the money back, beware! It is a scam that could cost you thousands of dollars. For more information, go to www.fraud.org/scams.

This reminder is a public service of the N&R

For Rent Spacious duplex, 1bdrm 1ba, good credit only, gated. $750/ mo. (916) 691-3799

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adult Absolute Deluxe Massage Red Crystal Red Lace Massage. $70 for 2 hours, Incall also, outcalls always. Great hands with a great girl.

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In call special $38. Call til late 916-256-7093

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every monday

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BEFORE

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NEWS

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$0.49 - $9.99 birthdays: We BuY uSeD aDult DvDS

BacHelOr / DivOrce PartieS 916.858.0444

916.480.6227 Try for FREE

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fe a t u re

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Discreet Chat Guy to Guy

fri 9:30, 11:30, 1:30am sat 9:30, 11:30,1:30am

free admission, drinks & vip

CHATLINE TM

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wed10pm, 12:30am thurs 10pm 12:30am

9:30 Pm - $450.00 caSH Prize

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1-708-613-2101 Normal LD Applies 18+

SUBARU SALES & SVC Recondit. Subarus. Saints Automotive in Garden Valley. saintsauto.com. (530)333-0491

Grew up in sacramento, started her career at Gold Club Centerfolds store signing fri & sat 6-8pm amateur contest/auditions

Tis the Season to be Naughty Sensual/therapeutic massage in an upscale/private location.

Massage table, soft jazz music, lotions & oils.

Shower avail.

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Call Lisa 916-678-9926

Clever Trevor Pls. call Tom. (916)470-9309

Notice of caution to our Readers!

Whenever doing business by telephone or email proceed with caution when cash or credit is required in advance of services.

916.480.6200

REAL PEOPLE REAL DESIRE REAL FUN

NSA turns into LTR

WeD Dec 3rd – Sat Dec 6th

CASH FOR CARS: Any Car/Truck.

Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer: 1-888-420-3808 www.cash4car.com (AAN CAN)

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AUTO INSURANCE STARTING AT $25/MONTH! Call 855-977-9537. (AAN CAN)

ASTROLOGY! GUARANTEED! Compatibility & Incompatibility in Relationships.

Call 916-546-0198

Special rates for seniors.

Private upscale home w/ shower. By appt only in Fair Oaks (Sunset & Minnesota). *82-916-961-3830

Chinese full body massage. Natomas area (916-706-4890) appt only.

great food

2013 Show of the Year Exotic Dancer Magazine

Need Holiday Cash! and willing to WORK for it? Sales positions. Call (916) 467-4333

The Cabin Needed: Bass Player, Keyboardist, & Drummer! to play in the Sacramento Area. Music from 1940s to present. Pop, Rock, Top 40, & Torch music. Already have fantastic female vocalist, guitarist & PA system.

Call Joe (530) 701-3917 or Marla (916)217-3380.

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Sacramento News & Review For other local numbers call:

1-888-MegaMates

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24/7 Customer Care 1(888) 634.2628 18+ ©2013 PC LLC 2579

A R T S & C U L TU R E

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AFTER

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Full Service reStaurant

OPen 7 DaYS a WeeK

SPOrtS actiOn On Our Giant Screen tv

11363 Folsom Blvd, rancho cordova (Between Sunrise & Hazel)

858-0444

M-Th 11:30-3 • Fri 11:30-4 • Sat 12-4 • Sun 3-3 Gold club centerfolds is a non-alcohol nightclub featuring all-nude entertainment. adults over 18 only.

12.04.14

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MASSAGE THERAPISTS Your Downtown Service Shop

SMOG OIL $60 CHANGE CHECK EMISSIONS All massage advertisers are required to provide News & Review a current valid

31

We offer complete automotive service & repairs

DIAGNOSTIC

26

$ or somatic $ 75 business license establishment permit 99 issued by either the cityofor county w/repairs at time service. (reg 120) most cars. in which they are operating in in order to run a printed advertisement. (reg $49.75) most cars.

Call for details. Same day.

Fast In/Out

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Call for details.

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MASSAGE THERAPISTS

All massage advertisers are required to provide News & Review a current valid business license or somatic establishment permit issued by either the city or county in which they are operating in in order to run a printed advertisement.

1598

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Gift Certificates available

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BH SPA

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IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ADVERTISING WITH US, PLEASE CONTACT CLASSIFIEDS AT 916-498-1234 EXT. 1338.

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SN&R | 12.04.14

All massage advertisers are required to provide News & Review a

Combination Massage Open Daily 10am - 10:30pm Walk-Ins & Couples Welcome

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Violet Massage 3260 J St #A Sacramento 95816 (916) 442-1888

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A1 Feeling • Swedish Massage • Deep Tissue Massage • Pain Relief • Backwalking • Chinese Therapies • Shower Available • Walk-ins Welcome

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Chinese Style Massage 7 days a week • 10 am to 9 pm

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Use your smart M-F 7:30 -5:30 Sat 8 -4IFsacsmog.com YOU ARE INTERESTED ADVERTISING WITH US, phoneINQR reader Bring in any competitor’s smog check coupon PLEASE CONTACT CLASSIFIEDS AT 916-498-1234 EXT. for more and we will match it - plus give you an specials additional $5 OFF

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1116 24th St

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WHAT’S INSIDE: The 420 35 Quick Hits 41 All About Strains 44 Capital Cannabis Map 45

5 GRAMS

$

4 GRAM 1/8THS STARTING AT $20 8 GRAM 1/4S STARTING AT $40 WIDE VARIETY OF CLONES 5 JOINTS FOR $20 14 NEW KINDS OF WAX

HORIZON COLLECTIVE

3600 Power Inn Rd Ste 1A | Sac, CA 95826 | 916.455.1931 December 4, 2014

Open 10am - 7pm 7 days a week

Find dispensary listings online at newsreview.com/sacramento

Safe, Professional, Compassionate.

The next step in medicinal cannabis

’14 BEST CUSTOMER SERVICE

Now that you have received your physician’s recommendation for medicinal cannabis, what’s the next step? The specialists at Abatin Wellness encourage you to come by and see for yourself.

We provide ample parking and safe access to our clean and secure, state-of-the-art facility. Our staff delivers professional and compassionate patient care in a secure environment. We screen all of our medicine to ensure it is free of pesticides, molds and bacteria. We also test our medicine for its cannabinoid potency levels and always carry CBD rich varieties. We offer a wide variety of strains that fit into every patients’ medicinal criteria and budget. We take great pride in knowing that our minimally-processed, minimally-handled medicine is right for you.

Abatin Wellness, the next step in medicinal cannabis.

2100 29TH STREET 916.822.5699 WWW.ABATINSACRAMENTO.COM

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OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 10 A.M. TO 7P.M.

The future is green

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With the coming decriminalization and legalization of marijuana in so many states, do you believe there will be new advances in marijuana science and culture? Weed farmers markets? New devices for getting high? GMO weed?

—Dollface Rae Thank you for your questions. Speaking of coming legislation, Georgia state Senator Curt Thompson just introduced two bills in the General Assembly: One EALUM B to legalize recreational marijuana for adults 21 and IO A G N by over, and one to legalize medical cannabis for people suffering from a wide variety of conditions. I hope it passes, because I am sure someone will create a strain a s k420@ ne wsreview.c om called Georgia Peach. Also, getting stoned at Stone Mountain would become a life goal.

Moving on.

New advances in science: As soon as cannabis is removed from the DEA’s schedule of harmful drugs (I am advocating for a complete removal from the list, not just bumping it down to schedule II or III. Marijuana is not a harmful drug), the U.S. will see an immediate increase in cannabis studies. It is so hard to perform studies here because the DEA keeps blocking proposals any chance they get.

Culture: This is an interesting one. As weed goes mainstream, marijuana etiquette may have to change. Is smoking weed on the street still acceptable? Or is it to swigging a beer in As weed goes akin a brown paper bag? Will mainstream, people that have liquor cabinets at their house also marijuana etiquette have a weed box? (I have weed box, but no liquor may have to change. acabinet.

Go figure.) Will there be Amsterdam-style coffee shops or will it be more like a cigar club? If weed is legal but they won’t let you smoke it in public, what do you do at a concert while everyone else is having a beer? These are things we must address.

Farmers markets: They are already here. The one in Los Angeles got shut down, but there are thriving markets in Washington, and I just visited one in Lake County a few weeks ago on my way to the Humboldt Harvest Fest. Marijuana farmers markets are awesome, and we ought to encourage them. I talked to Hezekiah Allen, head of the Emerald Growers Association, about the future of pot growing and he said farmers are startNgaio Bealum is a Sacramento ing to organize for 2016: “We need regulation before comedian, activist legalization. The word from Sacramento is we need a and marijuana expert. framework in place before 2016. I would like to see the Email him questions CA Department of Food and Agriculture in charge of at ask420@ newsreview.com. cannabis from the seed to the bag. Once it’s off the farm, someone else can regulate it. I would also like to see small, sustainable, decentralized farms.”

New devices: Vaporizers are all the rage now. In fact, “vape” just won the Oxford English Dictionary’s Word of the Year. (“Budtender” came in at third place. Go pot culture!) I don’t know what would be next, except for some sort of Star Trek-type thing that would inject THC right into your bloodstream, but I like the flavor of marijuana even more than I like the buzz, so I wouldn’t want one. Ω BE EF FO OR RE E B

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Budtenders can help cannabis patients find a strain with the desired effects.

b y E va n T u c h i n s k y

What’s in a Strain?

Sorting out the right one for you takes experimentation

F

or patients who’ve just received a cannabis card, the array of options for their medicine can prove jaw-dropping.

Medical marijuana comes in different forms as well as different strains with colorful — sometimes confusing — names.

Blue Hawaiian. Purple Kush. NK Ultra.

For newbies, it’s practically another language.

“It’s very overwhelming for a patient when they’re entering a dispensary, especially when it’s their first time ever,” says Ashley Horgan, head budtender at Safe Accessible Solutions in Sacramento. “It’s nice to be able to help them, see what effects they need and guide them in the right direction.”

Regardless of the name, cannabis in local dispensaries typically falls in one of three categories: indica, sativa or hybrid — a crossbreed of indica and sativa. (A fourth variety, ruderalis, which originated in Russia, is uncommon here.)

“At the end of the day, it’s all breeding,” explains Justin Robertson, budtender at two Sacramento dispensaries, Green Solutions and Two Rivers Wellness. “What people need to do is pay attention to the strain but also pay attention to the parent [plants’ lineage], because the further up the chain of purity you go, the more consistent results you get.”

Conversely, the more generations removed from the “land-raised” plant, the wider the variation.

Effects vary not just from strain to strain but from individual to individual.

“A lot of people forget the science behind cannabis,” Robertson says. “It’s a compound that’s being absorbed into your bloodstream that interacts with your body chemistry … but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be like Advil.

“Advil works the same for everybody; cannabis isn’t so consistent.”

Consistency is difficult to get in part because strain names aren’t like product brands. Blue Dream from one cultivator, at one dispensary, may have different properties than Blue Dream at another.

“ At the end of the day, it’s all breeding.”

Justin Robertson, budtender at Green Solutions and Two Rivers Wellness

So, while both Horgan and Robertson recommend www.leafly.com as a source of information on strains, reading only takes a patient so far. In sorting out strains, Horgan says, “trial and error is the best way.”

She adds: “There are tons of strains you can choose from. There’s always going to be new ones, something different. There are always new genetics being crossed. It’s hard to keep up with.”

Capital Cannabis Guide coverage is sponsored by its advertisers. This content was produced by the Custom Publications division of News & Review.

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by AnthOny siinO

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The National

Science Foundation estimates that we each think at least 12,000 thoughts per day. The vast majority of them, however, are reruns of impressions that have passed through our minds many times before. But I am pleased to report that in the coming weeks, you Aries folks are primed to be far less repetitive than normal. You have the potential to churn out a profusion of original ideas, fresh perceptions, novel fantasies and pertinent questions. Take full advantage of this opportunity. Brainstorm like a genius.

getting spam emails with outrageous declarations that are at odds with common sense. “Eating salads makes you sick” is one of my favorites, along with “Water is worse for you than vodka” and “Smoking is healthier than exercising.” Why do I love reading these laughable claims? Well, they remind me that every day I am barraged by nonsense and delusion from the news media, the Internet, politicians, celebrities and a host of fanatics. “Smoking is healthier than exercising” is just a more extreme and obvious lie than many others that are better disguised. The moral of the story for you in the coming week: Be alert for exaggerations that clue you in to what’s going on discreetly below the surface. Watch carefully for glitches in the Matrix.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 1989,

Amy Tan birthed her first novel, The Joy Luck Club. Her next, The Kitchen God’s Wife, came out in 1991. Both were bestsellers. Within a few years, the student study guide publisher CliffsNotes did with them what it has done with many masterpieces of world literature: produced condensed summaries for use by students too lazy to read all of the originals. “In spite of my initial shock,” Tan said, “I admit that I am perversely honored to be in CliffsNotes.”

It was a sign of success to get the same treatment as superstar authors like Shakespeare and James Joyce. The CliffsNotes approach is currently an operative metaphor in your life, Scorpio. Try to find it in your heart to be honored, even if it’s perversely so. For the most part, trimming and shortening and compressing will be beneficial.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

With both symbolic and practical actions, Sagittarius-born Pope Francis has tried to reframe the message of the Catholic Church. He’s having public showers installed for the homeless in Vatican City. He has made moves to dismantle the Church’s bigotry toward gays. He regularly criticizes growing economic inequality, and keeps reminding politicians that there can be no peace and justice unless they take care of poor and marginalized people. He even invited iconic punk poet Patti Smith to perform at the Vatican Christmas Concert. You now have extra power to exert this kind of initiative in your own sphere, Sagittarius.

Be proactive as you push for constructive transformations that will benefit all.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Every one

of us, including me, has blind spots about the arts of intimacy and collaboration.

Every one of us suffers from unconscious habits that interfere with our ability to get and give the love we want. What are your blind spots and unconscious habits, Gemini? Ha! Trick question! They wouldn’t be blind spots and unconscious habits if you already knew about them. That’s the bad news. The good news is that in the next six weeks you can catch glimpses of these blocks, and make a good start toward reducing their power to distort your relationships.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

The limpet is an aquatic snail. When it’s scared, it escapes at a rate approaching two inches per hour. If you get flustered in the coming week, Capricorn, I suggest you flee at a speed no faster than the limpet’s.

I’m making a little joke here. The truth is, if you do get into a situation that provokes anxiety, I don’t think you should leave the scene at all. Why? There are two possibilities. First, you may be under the influence of mistaken ideas or habitual responses that are causing you to be nervous about something there’s no need to be nervous about. Or second, if you are indeed in an authentic bind, you really do need to deal with it, not run away.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now and

then, it is in fact possible to fix malfunctioning machines by giving them a few swift kicks or authoritative whacks. This strategy is called “percussive maintenance.” In the coming days, you might be inclined to use it a lot. That’s probably OK. I suspect it’ll work even better than it usually does. There will be problems, though, if you adopt a similar approach as you try to correct glitches that are more psychological, interpersonal and spiritual in nature. For those, I recommend sensitivity and finesse.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): What feelings or

subjects have you been wanting to talk about, but have not yet been able to? Are there messages you are aching to convey to certain people, but can’t summon the courage to be as candid as you need to be? Can you think of any secrets you’ve been keeping for reasons that used to be good but aren’t good any more? The time has come to relieve at least some of that tension, Leo. I suggest you smash your excuses, break down barriers and let the revelations flow. If you do, you will unleash unforeseen blessings.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Science-fiction novelist Philip K. Dick has been one of my favorite authors since I discovered his work years ago. I love how he reconfigured my mind with his metaphysical riffs about politics and his prophetic questions about what’s real and what’s not. Recently I discovered he once lived in a house that’s a few blocks from where I now live. While he was there, he wrote two of his best books. I went to the place and found it was unoccupied.

That night I slept in a sleeping bag on the back porch, hoping to soak up inspiration. It worked! Afterward, I had amazing creative breakthroughs for days. I recommend a comparable ritual for you, Aquarius. Go in quest of greatness that you want to rub off on you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In 1662,

Dutch painter Rembrandt finished “The Conspiracy of Claudius Civilis.” It was 18 feet by 18 feet, the largest painting he ever made. For a short time, it hung on a wall in Amsterdam’s Town Hall. But local burgomasters soon decided it was offensive, and returned it to the artist to be reworked. Rembrandt ultimately chopped off three-fourths of the original.

What’s left is now hanging in a Stockholm museum, and the rest has been lost. Art critic Svetlana Alpers wishes the entire painting still existed, but nevertheless raves about the remaining portion, calling it “a magnificent fragment.” I urge you to think like Alpers. It’s time to celebrate your own magnificent fragments.

bRezsny

adept at forging links, brokering truces, building bridges and getting opposites to attract. I won’t be surprised if you’re able to compare apples and oranges in ways that make good sense and calm everyone down.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I enjoy

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Do you

enjoy telling people what to do? Are you always scheming to increase your influence over everyone whose life you touch? If you are a typical Pisces, the answer to those questions is no. The kind of power you are interested in is power over yourself. You mostly want to be the boss of you. Right now is a favorable time to intensify your efforts to succeed in this glorious cause. I suggest you make aggressive plans to increase your control over your own destiny.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You now have a special talent for connecting things that have never been connected. You also have a magic touch at uniting things that should be united but can’t manage to do so under their own power. In fact, I’m inclined to believe that in the next three weeks you will be unusually lucky and

BEFORE

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NEWS

You can call Rob Brezsny for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope: (900) 950-7700. $1.99 per minute. Must be 18+. Touchtone phone required. Customer service (612) 373-9785.

And don’t forget to check out Rob’s website at www.realastrology.com. |

F E AT U R E

PHOTO BY LAURAN WORTHY

by ROb

For the week of December 4, 2014

STORY

Upgrade your pub crawl You’ve probably seen it going around town, a festively lit wood-paneled megabike pedaling its way around Midtown bars, loaded with revelers and generally looking like the best mobile party in Sacramento. The behemoth bicycle known as the Sac Brew Bike has drawn confused and intrigued stares since the company launched in May by the husbandand-wife team of Chris and Sarah Ferren-Cirino, and with a recently added second bike and ongoing tours throughout the winter, it’s only picking up speed from here. Matt See, a part-time pilot for Sac Brew Bike and a longtime friend of the owners, has been pedaling along since almost the beginning, taking passengers on tours of local beer hotspots such as Der BierGarten, Lowbrau, Kupros Craft House and more. During an interview with SN&R, See shared insights on the company’s best custom parties and what it’s like to move a bike carrying 14 drunk people through Midtown streets during rush hour.

Give me the rundown on the beer bike.

It’s a 15-passenger pedal-powered pub crawl, as I like to call it. We go around and do a tour of different breweries, craft houses and bars around town. ... It’s all reservation based, we don’t do any hop-on and hop-off. It’s a set tour.

There isn’t any drinking on the bike?

Correct. We’re not permitted to serve alcohol. … As far as I know, just from hearing what Chris has mentioned to me, it’s a very gray area. The reason why we can’t do it at the moment is actually the California opencontainer law.

How did you get into this work?

I’ve been friends with Chris and his wife for over 10 years now. We all ran on the UC Davis track team. Last year, I left my job here in Sacramento and took off traveling and I came back in May, and Chris and Sarah had just started the business and were looking for a little bit of extra help. It was just a like a perfect fit for me—I was looking for part-time work while I’m trying to figure out what my next step is.

How often are you on the bike?

Typically on the weekend, I’ll do anywhere from about five to seven tours—two a day pretty much, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Throughout the week, I’ll probably do one or two during the week. ... The season right now is getting a little slower just because of the changes in the weather, but I’d say we’re still doing 15 rides a week or so. During the |

A RT S & C U LT U R E

summertime, we were doing probably closer to 20 rides a week, and that was just with the one bike.

So, you have two bikes now?

We have two bikes. We did a naming contest on Facebook and the first bike is yellow, and a gentleman suggested Barley and he suggested for the other one Hops—so we’ve got Barley and Hops and Barley is yellow and Hops is green, keeping with the beer theme.

Have you been a tour passenger?

Yeah, I’ve done it a few times. It’s hard to separate my own personal [experience], because I do the tours as well, but it’s kind of like a pedal crawl, it’s like a party on wheels. You kinda roll around town, go from place to place, music’s going, so everybody’s singing along. ... Whether you go as an individual group or with a bunch of individuals that don’t know each other, as the stops progress, the enthusiasm and the camaraderie between the riders gets a lot more entertaining.

What’s it like pedaling this thing through the streets?

As far as it physically goes, we cruise at an estimated 3 to 4 miles-per-hour on the average tour. It can go a bit faster than that—we’ve have some professional cycling teams get it closer to 8 to 10 miles-perhour. Dealing with traffic sometimes can be a little hectic. You know, you have a lot going on at once—you have cars going by you, you have people that are on your bike that are celebrating whatever they might be |

AFTER

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out doing, so you just kinda gotta keep your head up and kinda watch out for what’s going on around you. Our No. 1 goal is to make sure that everybody gets back safely.

Is the bike difficult to pilot?

No, actually it’s pretty easy. The lower half looks like a very basic car chassis. Once you’re moving it’s pretty easy to go. It’s just like driving a car. You get used to the dimensions and stuff, you learn where you can fit and you can’t fit.

You let passengers provide music for the bike. You haven’t been forced to listen to bad polka or anything?

No, no. There’s a pretty good selection of music. Sometimes I’ll put on my Pandora or something or I’ll let the group decide if somebody wants to plug it in. I haven’t had any experiences where I’m sitting there cringing.

Have you done any fun custom parties?

One of the first rides that Chris had done, he did it for a wedding party. A couple was getting married and they rode into the venue on the back of the bike while the bridesmaids and groomsmen pedaled them in. I think that so far is the coolest kind of idea that we’ve had. We’ve done custom parties for different birthday and bachelorette and bachelor parties. ... We work with whoever’s planning it and help them establish the route and the locations we go to. Ω For more information, visit www.sacbrewbike.com.

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SN&R

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