Dear Ms. Price, I married my first wife in 1985, and we divorced seven years later. She eventually remarried, and I entered into a long-term relationship that lasted 17 years but has recently ended. Her second marriage just ended, and while she isn’t divorced yet, they separated three years ago. We get together for weekly dinners with our children. These dinners have become the highlight of my week. The two of us started to do things apart from the kids, and after a few months, we both admitted that we had some feelings. We decided to start seeing each other “casually.”
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Dear “Back,” “With age comes wisdom,” as the saying goes, but most people don’t know that the second part of this quote is, “but sometimes age comes alone.”
A few weeks ago, I noticed a change in her, and she’s been pulling back. I haven’t said anything about it because I don’t want to pressure her. She’s been through many changes, and I don’t want to be one more burden.
You both agreed that you have feelings, but you are most likely in different stages of healing and letting go of the last relationship. So many people make the mistake of “building a new relationship on the bones of the last.” Relationships must have a strong foundation, and you’re wise to be cautious and move slowly. You’re doing a good job by giving your ex-wife a long leash on this and by extending patience.
Being patient has been hard for me, and now that we’re down to just the occasional text, I feel like I’m losing her all over again. I want to do what’s best for all of us. Any advice?
Make arrangements to have coffee, something casual, and have the conversation about where you both stand in this journey. Be honest about your feelings, but be prepared to give more space if your ex-wife needs more time.
-Back to the Future in Dunedin
Best wishes to you both. -Ms. Price
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