Let’s Be Civil! Ann Skelton*
Ann Skelton founded and co-ordinates Mediation Partners - a network of dispute resolution practitioners, working throughout New Zealand. Ann describes the true cost of incivility. How you show up at work means everything. As Maya Angelou, poet and Civil Rights activist, said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. Saying ‘hello’ when passing in the corridor; making eye contact; respecting people’s time; being inclusive – small and socially acceptable ways of displaying civility in the workplace.
When civility is the norm, co-workers probably don’t even notice it because they are engaged, productive, creative, and happy at work. But the opposite? “Lowintensity deviant behaviour with ambiguous intent to harm the target” (Andersson & Pearson, 1999), not only jeopardises any workplace harmony but slowly chips away at the bottom line and workplace culture. Incivility may be hard to pin down. On its own, incivility may not amount to bullying or harassment, but it can have the same impact. Take texting while in a meeting – rude to some people, civil behaviour to others. Incivility and unchecked rudeness can lead to stress, an atmosphere where door slamming, exclusion and disregard for people’s time is normal. Equally damaging but more subtle behaviour can also equate to an erosion of morale, engagement, trust, and increased conflict. Through years of research at the McDonough School of Business at Georgetown University, Associate Professor Christine Porath found that incivility had a significant effect on motivation: 66% cut back on work efforts, 80% lost time worrying about what happened, and 12% left the job. Interestingly, the research shows that work performance decreased even for those who only witnessed incivility to co-workers.
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Rudeness is contagious. Experiments undertaken to show the effect of merely reading words categorised as “uncivil”, (for example “obnoxious”, “impolite”, “interrupt”) resulted in those people being five times more likely to make significantly more errors, such as skipping or missing obvious information, and taking longer to make decisions. Teams exposed to rudeness didn’t share information as readily and stopped seeking help from their teammates. Clearly, incivility is not good for business and is wholly damaging for individuals – so why does it continue? What’s so hard about lifting someone else up rather than holding them down? Arguably professional success is often played out according to a competitive narrative – so being ‘nice’ doesn’t fit. Being civil doesn’t mean there can’t be conflict, disagreement, or debate. And most uncivil behaviour reflects a lack of self-awareness, rather than an intention to be hurtful. But civility isn’t simply the absence of rudeness; it is the presence of warmth, appreciation, and kindness. And these simple actions equate to a showing of respect – the factor employees want most from their workplace.
So, if you think your workplace is suffering from an attack of incivility, what can you do? If you’re a leader, walk the talk – say thanks, share credit, listen attentively, and acknowledge others – it’s infectious. Addressing small instances of incivility makes it clear that such behaviour is not acceptable and that there is only room for respectful interactions. As Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s Soup Company said, “Be tough-minded on the standards and tender-hearted with the people”. Civility lifts people. Incivility robs potential. * Ann Skelton is a barrister and mediator practising out of Mediation Partners in Christchurch. She can be contacted at ann@mediationpartners.nz.
DECEMBER 2021
