issue 02 2011

MARCH 7TH 2011

02

THE WIDE WORLD OF RELIGION

SPORTS THOUGHTS This week C-Ball gives you the run down on the up and coming NRL season

WSU PAGES

Words from your student president, SIFE Club and the heroes of your union

RELIGION

We’ve got a feature about religion, because thats never controversial at all

COLUMNS GALORE Columns old and new to keep you healthy, informed and generally entertained in lectures

WEDNESDAY

8pm Fuse, Handles, & Doubles (excl. Tui Blond and during Quiz only)

Teams of

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-

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THURSDAY

smirnoff ice cans, fuse, tiger, amstel lite, barrel 51, handles, export 33 & house doubles with student i.d

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EDITORIAL WITH ART QUAKE-ATORIAL As you must have heard, Christchurch was devastated almost two weeks ago by an earthquake.

At the time of writing this editorial, 160 people have been declared dead, there is a national state of emergency and dust storms are causing an ass-load of hassle for the rescue workers.

Aftershocks, while lessening, are still present in Canterbury, shattering nerves and causing further damage to already unstable buildings.

In this emergency, an army of volunteers are getting out and getting into it. Student groups are marching out into the suburbs of their adopted home and shovelling bagfuls of mud and shit off the streets and out of people’s front yards. Truck loads of supplies are heading along every major highway and across the ocean, with Christchurch their destination. People are donating money like it’s going out of style.

Now, at this time of national emergency, when we’re seeing New Zealand come together in such a way, they are arresting looters in Christchurch.

the legal system says it is. Even though sometimes the legal system gets it wrong.

The TV news is already doing its best to make the accused accessible to the angry, stupid masses who are sitting outside the hallowed halls of academia.

That’s right; looters. These are people who are going into buildings which have been evacuated and taking things out of them. They have been caught stealing jewellery and stamp collections from the homes of the elderly. They have been caught stealing energy drinks and booze from CBD pubs and bars.

Now, another thing is that a lot of these people being arrested are “already known to the police”. That’s fancy talk for “they have law breaking experience”. When they’re arresting these guys, they’re also collecting firearms, drugs, drug money and all the assorted stuff that being “already known to the police” requires you to have.

In reaction to these crimes, there has been a call for the public naming and shaming of the criminals. There’s a huge facebook presence of people both for and against it. Some people have

It’s not terribly hard to imagine that these guys, who are accused of being bags of human shit, would be breaking the law on any number of days, regardless of the luck or

even gone so far as to suggest that they are put in the stocks, a Medieval disciplinary advice, where the criminal was pelted with rotten food and generally displayed for public humiliation.

misfortune of their victims. They would be looting if there was a tsunami, an earthquake or a flood. They would be burgling homes and businesses if Cantabrians didn’t have a care in the world.

It’s a pretty divisive issue. Well, pretty much anything that goes on facebook ends up being divisive. Look at Campbell Live’s page when Ken Ring was on there and tell me I’m wrong.

And, as this is an editorial, I’m gunna tell you my opinion on these looters.

I’m going to say that I’m not a big fan of the idea.

At the moment, news crews are going with on patrol police and sitting in all of the court appearances, giving us pretty constant access to the faces of the accused. They are accused at the moment, they’re not guilty. We have a reasonably good legal system in New Zealand and it means no one is guilty until

If we’re going to name and shame these crooks, once they’re found guilty, should we also name and shame other criminals in New Zealand? Why should these crooks, who are crooks regardless, be punished any less than crooks who are caught in, say, Hamilton tomorrow?

So, in these times when we have a destroyed city and fifteen years of rebuilding ahead for Canterbury, should we allow ourselves to depart from the process of law and give in to the maddening hordes, battering their way into editorials through facebook rage? Or should we look at our reaction to this event and think about what we become in times of adversity?

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EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: To be decided by virtue of content submission (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Dirty Hipster Kevin Pryor, Sash With

CREDITS & CONTENTS

Credits:

The Goatee Nixon, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, those babes from College Hall, James “Towlie” Manning”, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT STEPH FROM HOUSE IS A BABE.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

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EDITORIAL

5

MAGIC 8 BALL

6-9

NEWS

11

SPORTS THOUGHTS

12

CRIME REPORT

12-13

LETTUCE

14-19

WSU PAGES

20-25

FEATURE - RELIGION

26

COMICS

27

PUZZLES

29-37

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

MAGIC 8-BALL From the deadly mountains of Norway or possibly somewhere else, the MAGIC 8-Ball speeds across the surface of the Earth, laying friend and foe alike to waste!

In brightest day, in blackest night, No stupid’s shall escape my sight Let those who worship stupidity’s might, Beware my power... Magic 8-Ball’s light!

Is Art going to die of a cold because he has no beard?

All signs point to yes.

Though not straight away, when the cold harsh winter grips the lands and the goose bumps spread up the legs of the alpha skanks still skanky enough to wear miniskirts then Art will most certainly die of frostchin. Frostbite is fixable-ish with amputation, but sadly, no one can survive a chin-ectomy. Perhaps there is still time to grow it back.

Will I get an Sti from foam partys?

As I see it, yes Judging by your question one might assume you’re already infected with several ‘Sti-s’ but it’s not all bad, you’ll probably drop out in three weeks. Also, do you write reports with that language? I want to wash your mouth out with a dictionary.

When will they stop building the outside of the WSU Building?

Ask again later.

I can’t get into the office.

Is the WSU going to ever do anything about that shitty Rush FM station that’s stinking up 89.0FM? Reply hazy.

I thought it was some other inferior radio station. WSU of the late nineties shouldn’t have sold it in the first place and they’re a bunch of assholes for it. They should fight to reunite it with the beloved Contact FM, where they make cake out of sunshine and rainbows out of music!

Can squirrels actually fly?

My sources say yes.

The internet and YouTube are on your side, if all else fails, all rodents (including: guinea pigs, rats, hamsters and John Key) can be assisted in getting to suitable altitude / orbit by affixing a firework of appropriate size up the rodent’s asshole –makes for a great party trick and solution for 70% of this country’s problems.

I had sex with a girl on my floor, and then she had sex with someone else. Should I kill them both?

My reply is no.

I’d label her a slut and get her ostracised by the rest of the girls on the floor –thus driving her to suicide, then tell the guy that she killed herself because she had aids and if you’re lucky, he’ll kill himself too.

Wow, pretty ruthless for a plastic ball filled with water…

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NEWS WELCOME TO UNIVERSITY, O-WEEK STYLE

BY JAMES MANNING

Each O-Week the Village Green gets spruced up and turned into a frenzy of freebies, live music and outrageous shenanigans, all in the hope of pulling hung-over first year students to the first classes of their University life. At the time you read this you’ll be disappointed that it’s all over, and that you’re now expected to actually work (welcome to the real world, suckers!). This is where Nexus comes in to strengthen that disappointment by reminding you all what happened during the2011 O-Week!

Monday went off with a bang as hundreds of new and returning students piled onto the Village Green throughout the day to claim free pens, WSU bags, wall planners, food, lollipops and the occasional Bible and Harry Krishna lectures from their respected bashers. The sun set the mood for the day as everyone wore a smile of excitement and quiet anxiousness. Rock band winners ‘The Good Fun’ performed a brave brunch slot to a crowd of people older than them, and did so with the quirky class and energetic live show they’re known for.

Tuesday morning saw an inflation of sunglasses used to hide hungover eyes more so than protect from the blazing sun. Sexual Health Day got in full swing with condoms given out left, right and centre, while a large inflatable penis on the centre of the green became the envy of every man and woman (let’s be honest now) on site.

The fun stopped out of respect for Christchurch as two minutes of silence was devoted to the crumbled city.

As the sun kept burning and students meandered from class to class, pit-stopping at the green for a quick glance of the events, comedians Simon McKinney and Jared Fell took the stage to perform to a mid-afternoon hazy mess of students. Catching up with them afterwards, Simon was very happy to be part of the Waikato O-Week. “O-Week is as fantastic as it’s always been! I’m always so proud to be a part of it, despite my immense fame. All I ever wanted to be was more recognised then any NZ drummer and I feel I’ve achieved that.” When asked for advice to the students for O-Week, Jared Fell had this to say: “Take as much drugs as possible. Party it while you’re still in debt. Cocaine’s a bit hard to find, so maybe just stick to caffeine.”

Next up was a lovely game where students were encouraged to perform sexual acts on the inflatable penis and breasts in order to win WSU t-shirts. This saw the return of the Nexus Editor’s alter ego Queen Chlamydia, fashioned in drag and the large inflatable

breasts, while Fell and McKinney wielded the inflatable penis. Both males and females motor-boated the breasts, shoved their crotches into the penis, and mimicked saucy blow jobs. Fell and McKinney called it quits when one overly excited student took his top off and began to ride said dick.

Wednesday brought rain to clubs day, though it didn’t damped the spirit of those who still braved the weather to join up to the wide variety of clubs Waikato has to offer.

The real highlight of the day though, was Hypnotist Guy Cater. 400 students turned out in the rain to see people get used and abused all in the name of comedy, and oh how funny it was. Cater used his magic to make the volunteers dance wacky dances, walk on a Victoria Secret fashion parade, morph into jockeys at a horse race, make them believe they had x-ray vision, and orgasm at the shake of his hand.

At the later trick, many volunteers went bent at the knees and began stuttering at the overwhelming pleasure, while one refused to let go. When asked how the students were feeling, the responses were varied from an excited “FUCKING AMAZING”, a worried “please stop” and a bewildered “Who are you?”

Some of the more clever uses of his voodoo were seen as he convinced his puppets they had lost their penis, breasts, butts and belly buttons, then told them people in the crowd had stolen them.

What followed was a treasure hunt of desperate proportions.

Due to deadlines and the timetable of magazine production, the Thursday and Friday of O-Week events will be covered in the next Nexus issue!

Interested in playing Squash?

3 Courts, close to university, online bookings Social or weeknight interclub options available Tertiary discounts. Join online at www.lugtonparksquash.org.nz 6

NEWS TOXIC FUNGUS FOUND IN DIRTY LAKE. WHAT’RE THE ODDS? BY JAMES MANNING The scenic and beautiful Hamilton Lake has another secret hiding beneath its thick duck-shit layer of vile green water: toxic fungus.

The public are being advised to keep their dogs, kids, wives, husbands and anyone else cared for out of the lake and to avoid all contact with the water due to the potentially toxic bloom of bluegreen algae.

An initial sample examined by the National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research (NIWA) has confirmed the presence of cyanobacteria, otherwise known as blue green algae. This organism may form toxins – so it’s probably not the brightest idea to go swimming in it. Exposure to the algae could cause amotrophic lateral sclerosis, otherwise known as Lou Gehric’s Disease, which

Blue green algae blooms can occur when hot, still weather leads to low oxygen conditions in the lake sediments and the release of nutrients, particularly phosphorus, into the lake. The blue

basically destroys the nerve cells that control voluntary muscle movement.

green algae fix nitrogen so a surplus of phosphorus gives them an opportunity to expand very quickly.

Concentrations will occur on the down-wind side of the lake and these areas particularly should be avoided.

The bloom is expected to die down as it follows its natural course and as weather conditions change, but there may be scum around the edge of the lake for some time.

NIWA will conduct further analysis to confirm the concentration of the cyanobacteria and detect whether it is forming toxins. If the presence of toxins is confirmed further information will be issued.

Use your god dam common sense and just avoid the lake at all costs.

MONDAYS - Texas Holdem

Texas Holdem Poker from 7pm. It’s FREE and you could qualify for the NZ Series of Poker. $1000 Main Event. Plus we have $5 RTDs!

TUESDAYS - Speights Trivia Night

Speights Trivia Night from 7pm. It’s FREE to enter, plus you could WIN a $100 BAR TAB and Hell pizza!

WEDNESDAYS - Student Meal Deal

• Heaps of parking

THURSDAYS - Pool Tournament

• Eighteen gaming machines

FRIDAYS - Spin & Win

• Awesome loyalty card: Earn points with every dollar you spend

Grab yourself a Hell pizza and a beer for only $10! No student ID required.

NZ Series of Pool Tournament from 6pm. You could qualify for thousands in prize money, plus WIN a BAR TAB on the night! Also follow your statistics online.

Spin and win between 5pm & 6pm on our spinning wheel and you could win your drinks for FREE!

SATURDAYS - New TAB

We have all the live sport and racing on the big screen. With a new T.A.B. the Hillcrest Tavern is the place to be for a beer and a bet with your mates!

SUNDAYS - Pool Tournament

NZ Series of Pool Tournament from 3pm. You could qualify for thousands in prize money, plus WIN a BAR TAB on the night! Also follow your statistics online.

• Relax in our Garden Bar • Great new menu The Hillcrest Tavern - Cnr Clyde & York Streets, Hillcrest

Ph: 07 856 9159

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NEWS

THE CHRISTCHURCH EARTHQUAKE: A WARNING FROM GOD?

BY JAMES MANNING

A sickening article has been published online which attempts to prove the recent Christchurch earthquakes have been God’s way of punishing the city for a long list of sins.

Published on christchurchquake.net, the article notes the city’s Anglican history and analyses the first September earthquake as a warning from the big man upstairs. It states the fact that it happened during Gay Ski Week was no co-incidence, that the city is doomed to hell for condoning racism and for allowing 12 year old prostitutes to run amok.

“The Christchurch earthquake was a warning – God has decided to clean out NZ of its wickedness, perversion, prostitution, bullying, gangs, drugs, paedophilia, and of its witchcraft and black magic.

Either the people heed the warnings and change, or God replaces them with someone else.”

The article goes on to attack the gay community, bluntly suggesting that God is offended by their chosen sexuality.

co-incidence -- but, despite their shrieking and bullying, they can’t PROVE it was only a co-incidence.”

“The God who onced nuked Sodom has every right to be offended.

Is it a surprise that He hit the island with its biggest earthquakes ever -- on the morning the perverts began their ‘Gay Ski Week’.

The ‘buglies’ (butch uglies) and the poofs, will claim it is just a

The article, titled ‘The September Christchurch Quake was a Warning – Stop the Violence, Stop the Perversion OR FACE MUCH WORSE Next Time’, can be read in full at http:// christchurchquake.net.

Supercity University Games Tues 26 – Fri 30 April – Auckland CALLING FOR COMPETITORS You just need to be a student currently enrolled at Waikato University.

REGISTER your interest NOW by emailing uowsport@uleisure.co.nz

FREE MOVIE*

$300 p/p gets you EVERYTHING... » 4 nights Nomad Backpackers – City Centre Accommodation » Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner for 4 days » Team Hoodie » Bus to and from Auckland plus vans to and from venues » Entry fee

»

Accreditation pass for social programme

on sign up

$10 TICKETS

to all standard movies, $15^ for 3D sessions

to aatiiokna W pecial S ient

TION OR ORIENTA IAL! S DURING IS SPEC PU M TH A C ET TO G SE ON CINEMA PURCHA IN R YE IS FL ESENT TH

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Card available to all current tertiary students, lecturers and faculty staff on presentation of a current valid tertiary institution ID. *Conditions apply, refer to actual membership card for full terms & conditions of use. ^ Price excludes $1 glasses fee.

NEWS

SWEET STUDENT DEALS AVAILABLE WITH A WULSA CARD!

BY CHUCKLES The Waikato University Law Students’ Association (WULSA) wants to remind everyone that WULSA cards are on sale this week! Available for a mere $10 per student, a WULSA card offers fantastic discounts to card-holders, as well as entry to WULSA events throughout the year.

Feel like a sweet 10% off the student price of textbooks at Bennetts Bookstore or at A+ Textbooks? Or perhaps 5% off something purchased from Liquor King? Maybe you’re looking for a free coffee up-size OR an extra short of coffee at Momento, or perhaps 10% off a meal at the Cook? Or perhaps you’re keen to get $5 Pints, $5 House Wines, $7 RTDs or $10 cocktails at Agenda? All of these benefits are available for WULSA card-holders so get yours today!

At only $10, it’s well worth it!

If you’re keen to get yourself a WULSA card, come down and see the WULSA crew outside Bennetts Bookstore or outside the Law Reception from 12-2pm every day this week! You don’t have to be a law student to get one either; any student at the University of Waikato is more than welcome to purchase one so go and get yours this week before they’re all gone

HOCKEY TRIALS!

BY CHRISTINA STRAWBRIDGE

If you’re good at stick and ball handling, hockey is the sport for you.

A second trial will take place towards the end of March, Men from 1.30pm and Women from 3 on the 20th, also at St. Pauls.

Also of note in the Varsity Hockey calendar is the Mahurangi Exchange on the 12th of March – essentially another trial, but mostly a trip to Auckland to play some hockey and attend a fun filled after function. The cost for this is $20.

For more information contact Men’s Club Captain - Paul Davies: mens@varsityhockey.co.nz Women’s Club Captain - Christina Strawbridge: womens@ varsityhockey.co.nz

David Bennett MP M P for h aM i l t on e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz

A QUEER CLUB FOR EVERYONE!

BY CHUCKLES Are you a homophobe? No? Then ASKEW might be for you!

For those who don’t know, ASKEW is the resident GLBT club on campus. They are a group specifically set up for Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual and Transgender students. You don’t have to be gay to join ASKEW though; perhaps you are simply in limbo as to your sexuality, or merely want to make a new gay friend.

Despite the GLBT focus, ASKEW is essentially a social club and are all about having fun, being friendly, and meeting new people. Both Queer and Straight students are allowed to come and join the club, as long as they leave any homophobia at the door.

ASKEW is also a member of UniQ, which is the national support group for Queer Students. In fact, ASKEW will be hosting a National UniQ conference here at Waikato in June/July this year.

If you are interested in ASKEW, you should definitely go and check the club out. They meet each Wednesday at 1pm (i.e.: in Cultural Hour) in the Queerspace, which is in the Cowshed, near the radio station and between the student union building and the back of the gym. You can also email ASKEW at askew.waikato@gmail.com.

V48 HOURS IS BACK!

BY MR P RESSRELEASE This year teams from all over New Zealand (or all over the world in same cases) will again spend two days writing, shooting, cutting and surviving over the weekend of May 20th -22nd and Hamilton will once again be stepping up to plate. This year sees Rotorua join the fold as the latest centre to try and win the Grand National title, which was last year won by Aucklands Downlow Concept the team behind the hit shows 7 Days and Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger. Hamilton Manager Paul A. Barlow feels though that this year is Hamilton’s year to take the crown, “Waikato film makers are a versatile bunch, I’m sure that while we, as a nation are grieving, film makers will be able to take those emotions and create some wonderful cinema which can help people move forward - as always I have high hopes that our local talented film makers will show the world that they can lead the way”.

While the competition is built on surprises, with four compulsory elements for each film not being announced until the launch event on the 20th, this year has seen a return of the V48 Seconds - an optional competition where teams can recreate a famous movie scene replacing an element of that scene with V. Details for the Hamilton competition will be announced at a later date.

Registrations open at 10am at www.v48hours.co.nz, For more details regarding the Hamilton branch of the competition please contact Hamilton Manager, Paul A. Barlow, (027)3300344 or email pawb3@waikato.ac.nz 9

SPORTS THOUGHTS

THE NATIONAL RUGBY LEAGUE – IT’S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR

WITH C-BALL

Due to popular demand (which pretty much means that Arjun Patel asked for it), Sports Thoughts this week is a brief preview of the upcoming NRL season. I can’t give you some fancy detailed description of all 16 competing teams along with their chances, so instead I’ll focus on three possible title contenders. The NRL’s 11th of March kick off doesn’t just mean Smashed ‘em Bro won’t suck anymore, but it also marks the start of the hugely anticipated Virtual NRL season, NRL.com’s option for those like me who are less inclined to willingly become the victim of a real world crunching Ben Matulino shoulder charge. Smart choice if you ask me, so if you are a fan make sure you join up because beating and abusing your friends as if you are superior when it comes to Rugby League knowledge is a lot of fun.

When talking about NRL title contenders, you can never really ignore the defending champions, but I’m going to. So instead of talking about the Dragons, welcome my less obvious title contender; the Cronulla Sharks. The Sharks have been pretty inconsistent over the past decade, finishing as high as third some years, only to tongue the coin purse and finish bottom of the table the next. But 2011 could be different, as the Sharks’ young and inexperienced line up has had time to gel, and a strong pre season could see the Cronulla based club primed to sneak up on relaxed opposition. The Sharks have also acquired in my opinion one

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of the best players the NRL has on offer, with contender for my made up award Hardest C of the Year Jeremy Smith joining their ranks. A man that seems to have the respect of most opposition players, Smith will surely inspire the young Sharks side, while also providing the team with another much needed enforcer.

The Melbourne Storm, regardless of their 2009 rape of the salary cap, is another team that can’t be ignored. Okay, they’ve had to shed more weight than Kirstie Alley, releasing 12 players to get under the expenditure limit allowed, but the Storm still have three superstars in Cameron Smith, Billy Slater and Cooper Kronk. Let’s hope unlike Kirstie, they manage to keep the weight off. Coach Craig Bellamy and the players have a chance to take a club that was reduced to rubble and stripped of its premierships back to the top of the NRL table, so expect a passionate attempt from the Storm to secure yet another playoffs berth, this time without handing players cash under the table. Wait, that’s not fair, because as Cameron Smith said, the players were never aware of excessive amounts of money being mysteriously put into their bank accounts.

He probably then got chauffeured to a private airstrip where his G6 waited to fly him to some secret island in the Bahamas.

It wouldn’t be an acceptable NRL article by me without biased mad love being handed out to the New Zealand Warriors. But in all honesty, 2011 is shaping to look like an important year for the club. Famous for being consistently inconsistent, the Warriors have managed to put together a daunting looking roster with a nice amount of prime Polynesian power. The loss of Steve Price to retirement will hurt but the recruitment process has seen the Warriors welcome offload king Feleti Mateo, Krisnan Inu and the extremely experienced services of former Origin and Australian star hooker Shaun Berrigan. Warriors fans will be looking forward to seeing opposition teams squashed by Manu’s thighs, and I for one can’t wait for those typical Warriors games when they are behind with a minute to go. Every fan knows that when that happens, much like when a DeLorean hits 88mph, you’re gonna see some serious shit (usually in the form of dope basketball passes, no look flicks over the back of the head to Tuimavave, ridiculous jams and sometimes time travel). Grab an icy cold Speights and enjoy, you’ve earned it.

HAMILTON EAST POLICE REPORT

14TH FEBRUARY - 27TH FEBRUARY 2011

Welcome to the University Crime report, that is published every fortnight in the NEXUS magazine and on the University Campus Police Webpage.

The report will inform students of the burglaries that have occurred in the Hamilton East and adjoining rural areas.

In the last fortnight there were 37 break-ins that occurred daily during the week, but peeking over the weekend period. Most of the offenders have used force to either jemmy open the window / door or instead smashed the glass to gain entry.

The offender(s) are aware that students go out on Friday / Saturday nights into Hamilton City. This makes your flats an easy target for items, such as laptop computers, digital cameras and cash.

Home security advice is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St.

WITH CONSTABLE NICK SICKELMORE

QUESTION FROM THE POLICE: How often do you leave your flat unlocked or windows and door open?

If you go out at night, do you ask your fellow neighbours / students to keep an eye on your flat.

In future please call the Police, so we can investigate and help stop burglaries from occurring.

If you have any information that might help Police resolve offences burglaries.

Please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or e-mail nsj639@police.govt.nz

As a minimum precaution Police recommend recording the serial numbers of valuable appliances and storing that data somewhere safe- other than on your laptop.

This enables Police to identify recovered goods and return them to their rightful owners, recently several items have been found by Police when executing search warrants but officers have no way of tracking owners.

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Lettuce Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is no prize!

However rest assured that we will have something awesome for the winning letter next week. We promise!

How many roads?

Hi I’m not sure if this is the correct email to send replies and things to, but I’ll give it a shot anyway.

Having just read this week’s Nexus article about traveling I want to give my personal opinion on safety while traveling. It seems a lot of people just accept the idea that New Zealand is very safe, I have to disagree. We can talk about natural disasters and pirate attacks all we like, as Christchurch has just shown us, even New Zealand can have a real disaster.

But that is not my point. I want to talk about more common situations university students might find themselves in while traveling. I have been lucky enough to travel a fair bit around Europe for the last half of 2010.

Summing up, traveling is awesome. Don’t ignore the fears but don’t get strung up about them.

Just go. New Zealand isn’t as safe and nice as most of us think.

Cheers, Mark Underwood

Educators Uneducated Dear Nexus, I write to you in the hope that my voice will be heard. Failing that, I will stand in the middle of the village green and scream until someone listens. But not really, because that would be uncool. Anyway, now I’m getting off-track. Here follows my plea to the University of Waikato.

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look

I spent 2 months of this time in Ukraine in an unheard of city named Dnepropetrovsk and also went through pretty much all of Eastern Europe, including Kosovo, google Kosovo War, and a few other places people stay well clear of. After walking home at ungodly times in the morning in a rather dodgy parts of town in cities like Kiev and Dnepropetrosk in Ukraine, to Belgrade in Serbia, and cities such as Warsaw in Poland or Riga in Latvia I can honestly say that the city I have felt the most threatened and exposed in is our own little safe city of Hamilton. I’m not saying these other cities are 100% safe, but

PLEASE, Waikato, teach your staff how to use the technology you put in your lecture theaters.

I am sick of lecturers wasting the first ten minutes of the short fifty minute lectures trying to access moodle, or trying to turn the projector on.

like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

I would like to stress that New Zealand isn’t either. After talking to people overseas and going from my own experiences here in New Zealand and abroad I believe for a young male, we are just as likely, if not more likely, to get beat up and mugged right here in Hamilton compared with any city in maybe some of the more ‘dangerous’ parts of Europe.

sake, make moodle the home page for internet explorer, give it a huge bookmark, or put a button on the waikato.ac.nz home page if you have to!

I am considerate enough to turn up to my classes five minutes early, have my books ready on my desk and be settled for the beginning of the lecture. I do not expect to have a fifth of my lecture time wasted by lecturers trying to get the content on the screen. For goodness

I don’t think I can continue to be polite, calm and reserved if I have to sit and watch one more lecturer search “moodle” on the waikato.ac.nz home page, let alone deal with her confusion

and disappointment when she doesn’t find the right link.

have any student loan repayments taken out of their income.

Come on Waikato, you invest so much on providing the technology in the lecture theaters, teach them how to use it! Print the instructions on a card and tape it to the desk! Give a copy to each lecturer. Do SOMETHING to ensure that I get the amount of learning time I expect when I attend a lecture.

What the government wants to do is change the annual repayment threshold to a weekly one (presumably of about $300). This is a problem, as it may mean you end up having to lose more money to student loan repayments. Let’s say you earn $200 per week during the semester.

Sweet; you won’t have to pay any money back off your loan during this time. But then, let’s

I am certain that I am not the only student frustrated by this. Hear my plea, and educate your lecturers.

say you go and work full-time and earn $600 per week during the summer to save for uni.

Suddenly, you’re earning over the repayment threshold, and 10% of your cash is going back on your student loan, even though you may still earn under the (old) yearly repayment threshold. Also, under the bill, if you ‘over-repay’ your student loan, you can’t claim the money back at the end of the tax year.

Sincerely, a Modern Student.

TL;DR Dear Nexus, First off, I just want to say that you guys are fantastic! Thanks for providing an awesome read each week.

Seeing lettuce seems to be the place to have a rant, I want to have a go about the changes the government is proposing to make to student loan repayment thresholds through the student loan scheme bill.

At the moment, if you earn money you are supposed to pay back your student loan. So, if you earn $200 per week, 10% of this (or $20) is automatically taken out of your pay and given to the IRD to pay back your loan. If you earn less than the current annual repayment threshold of around $19,000, you have been deemed to ‘over-repay’ your student loan, and therefore can apply for the money back. Most people who don’t earn $19k though, simply don’t put down a student loan (SL) taxcode, and therefore don’t

What does this mean? Well, it means that you may end up having to lose a solid 10% of your earnings during the summer when trying to save up for a bond etc on your flat. Or, students might not realize about the changes, simply not bother to put down an SL taxcode, and therefore end up with a student loan repayment bill at the end of the tax year. At the same time, the ability to claim back over-repayments is now gone. All of these changes seem, to me, to be pretty shit.

Stella Drynob

Warm-up Troll Dear Nexus, Monday Morning of A-Sememster, Highlight of the week. Summer Mondays were long without you.

so 2011 is upon us, here’s to lettuce 2011, where first years bitch about stuff we all heard the year before, where the rainbow flag debate shall rage once more as people hate on the Gays, where us Christians will hear about how our God isn’t real, and other cultures will have the shit mocked from them too. Looking forward to hearing more debates on how the vagina monologues are sexist etc etc. Where we will no doubt hear from that rambling Bernard idiot it’s good to have you back :) Mel

New Student, Old Problem Dear Nexus, The lake smells like poos and its gods fault because he isnt real. This matters to me because the events that the WSU organized were suboptimal and did not address my needs.

Also, I vote for John Key because Labour just want to dole out all the money.

A white middle class first year.

Someone got drunk and wrote to us Dear Nexus, I’m sick of your fucken magazine always being mean to people! All you guys do is report news on shit and write columns full of shit and your letters are all shit too. You guys should go die in a fucken fire! JESUS HATES U! AL

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 13

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PREZ SEZ Everybody wants an exciting and entertaining O-week and that’s exactly what your Waikato Student’s Union (WSU) gave you to kick off the 2011 academic year – a bloody good O-week!

From the WSU Pool Party on Sunday where over 250 students turned up to lap up the sun and waves of the university pool, to the Saturday finale where town was packed with students Soundscape-ing – you wanted something to remember and you got it!

Overall, it was a memorable O-week and one that would not have been a success if you (our students and the life of this university) had not given your time, your energy, your patience and your participation to help us kick off 2011 on a great note.

Remember, even though your WSU O-week has now finished, that doesn’t mean that the fun doesn’t stop. Over the course of this year WSU will be providing you with lots more entertainment – keep your eyes and ears open.

YOUR: WSU

Make sure in particular that you come down to the Village Green each Wednesday from 1-2pm (Cultural Hour) for our Wicked Wednesday events: free food and/or entertainment await you each week!

You are also always welcome to come along to a WSU Board Meeting, where your elected WSU Executive decides on the direction that the WSU should take into the future. Feel free to come along and see student democracy at work! Of course, if you have your own ideas, feel free to send a proposal to president@wsu.org.nz or come and have a chat with me.

If you want to send me feedback regarding O-week, from what you loved to what you didn’t like so much, please feel free to send me an email or a text. Of course, you are also welcome just to come and have a chat with me about anything that you think would improve students’ time of campus: feel free to get in contact as I’d love to hear from you!

Deni Tokunai President Waikato Students’ Union 027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

VP SPEAK WITH TOKO Tēnā tātou kātoa kua kara nukunuku, kua kara nekeneke mai, tai noa kia tātou e whai mānako nei ki roto i o tātau mahi rangahou ki tēnei whare wānanga.

Ngā mihi mata kuikui, mata korokoro kia tātou kātoa kua whaiiti nei.

Ko rātou kia rātou, ko tātou ngā mahuetanga iho o rātou kua poto kite pō.

Nōreira tēnā tātou kua rauika mai nei.

Kia ora and welcome to all the new students that will be here with us this year and a big welcome back to all returning students!

My name is Toko Baker and I am a 3rd year university student studying towards a BA, majoring in Te Reo Māori and second major in Tikanga Māori. I hold the position of VicePresident Māori for the Waikato Student Union 2011. As part of this role I provide a voice for the people, uphold all tikanga and Māori customs and provide a greater insight of the Māori perspective and customs to all non-Māori students. This year I will be organizing awesome

events including Kingitanga ō Te Rā, Te Wiki ō Te Reo Māori (Māori Language week), Nōho Mārae, Te Paki o Matariki and many more, so keep an eye out for information on these so you don’t miss out!

2010 was a big hit, 2011 is going to be an even a bigger HIT!!! With the V.S.M (Voluntary Student Membership) going through parliament, the Rugby World Cup being held here in New Zealand, and Te Matatini ō te Ra (Polynesian festival) already been it’s going to be one busy year for all of us. We have a big year ahead of us, a lot of work to do, so heads down bums up and don’t forget to have a good year!!!

Touch base if you need assistance with anything, any issue big or small. (Come see me if you don’t have a date, or a friend to go to a party with, or even if you have some Maori issues or problems related to campus life.) You know where to find me, up in the Student Union building…..NAU MAI……PIKI MAI…KAKE MAI...

HAERE MAI…KIA ORA!!!

Toko Baker VP Māori Waikato Students’ Union 027 2065126 vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

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WSU: SUPERHEROES ON CAMPUS WSU: WHO ARE YOU? Many of you will have seen the huge pie chart in Nexus last week which broke down how your $100 WSU Student Levy is spent. Over the next few weeks we are going to take a more in-depth look at some of the areas in which this levy is spent, so that all WSU Members (you guys!) know what services your student union provides.

This week, however, we thought we’d provide a brief introduction to the top five services that WSU provide to you! Hopefully you saw the Directors and Volunteers down on the Village Green during O-week wearing a different coloured T-shirt each day. If you looked carefully, you may have even noticed that each T-shirt related to a specific core WSU Activity: Representation, Events, Advocacy, Clubs and Nexus.

Each of these five areas forms the basis of the powers of the WSU: Your Superheroes on Campus!

REPRESENTATION: email: president@wsu.org.nz One of the key roles of the Waikato Students’ Union is to represent our members (you guys – the students) within the University framework. This is made easier by the fact that the WSU currently has universal membership, meaning that every student is automatically a member. As a result of this, the WSU is deemed to represent a ‘key stakeholder’ of the University (YOU as a student) and has a huge amount of input into university policy-making. We sit on all the top boards and fight to make sure that students are not forgotten at the upper levels of the university.

President Deni Tokunai, for instance, sits on the University Council, which is responsible for setting the strategic direction of the University. Deni also sits on the Finance Committee, which approves major financial expenditure at the University. Finance Committee are also the people who recommend the student tuition fees. Deni’s seat on these important boards means that we as students get a voice when the University goes to make major decisions that may affect us.

WSU also has input into the student admissions process. Toko Baker, who is the WSU Vice-President Maori, sits on the Admissions Appeals Committee, who hear any appeals students have if they are declined entry into their programme of study. Having a WSU representative here is incredibly valuable, as Toko is able to present a student perspective regarding studying when AAC members make their decisions.

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WSU Directors also sit on a number of portfolios which are relevant to their portfolios or interests. WSU VicePresident Charlie Gillard, for instance, sits on the Cultural Committee, which reviews student applications for funding.

If you have a great idea for an event or activity to make the University of Waikato a better place, email vp@wsu.org.nz today! Similarly, Director Melissa Tomu, in her capacity as Campus Life Officer, sits on the Library Committee. International Students’ Officer Tammy Scott sits on the International Students’ Support Group. If you are keen to know more about which Directors sit on which committees, follow their profile pages in Nexus (one Director will be profiled each week) or email President Deni Tokunai at president@ wsu.org.nz for the full list.

One final note on representation is that WSU only represents you with your choice. Obviously, we’d love to have you as part of our organisation, but if you strongly object to being a member then the Education Act allows you to apply for exemption on the grounds of conscientious objection. If your application is granted your students’ union levy must be donated to a charity (it can’t be returned back to you). If you want to do this, then email manager@wsu.org. nz for the details on how to do so.

YOUR: WSU

ADVOCACY:

Cost: $9.15 per Student

Email: advocacy@wsu.org.nz

One of our key services at the Waikato Students’ Union is that we provide a free Advocacy Service for students of Waikato University. Our advocate’s job is to represent (or advocate for) students with whatever issues they bring forward; whether this be university- related issues (e.g.: plagiarism), personal issues (e.g.: landlord issues) or hardship issues (e.g.: help paying the unexpected dentist’s bill). Make sure you grab Nexus next week for the full details on the advocacy service!

CLUBS:

Cost: $6.95 per Student

Email: clubs@wsu.org.nz

Some people think that clubs are just for old ladies who like knitting sweaters for their ten cats. A WSU Club, however, is simply a group of people who have similar interests and meet regularly over those interests. We have over 50 different clubs, including cultural clubs (such as the Red Tie Club), activities-based clubs (such as the Debating Society), sporting clubs (such as the Waikato University Rowing Club) …the list goes on. So next time you feel like making new friends, come down to the WSU and join (or start) a club! Clubs receive financial support, administrative support, and all-round super awesome support from the WSU so sign up today!

NEXUS:

Cost: $9.20 per Student

Email: nexus@waikato.ac.nz

The WSU owns Nexus; your student magazine! Nexus provides an entertaining and informative read and is a great way to get your own work in print: if you’re keen to contribute then send Nexus an email pronto. Nexus is available each week during the semester in the bright orange boxes around campus, so make sure you pick it up for those Monday morning lectures and so that you can be in to win one of the awesome prizes regularly given away in the magazine!

EVENTS:

Cost: $11.72 per Student

Email: events@wsu.org.nz

Throughout the year, the WSU run some awesome events for you to enjoy. We organise Orientation, B Semester Fiesta, two end-of-semester parties and we’re down on the village green every Wednesday keep campus culture buzzing. Just take a look at some of the photos to the right to see some of the events we’ve put on in the past, and remember: if you think of an awesome event that we could run, come and let us know! Make sure you grab a copy of Nexus each week and turn to the WSU Pages to see which events are coming up!

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CLUB CORNER: SIFE WAIKATO SIFE stands for Students in Free Enterprise.

It is pronounced SIFE, as in rhyming with: life, wife, Rob Fyfe etc. What we actually do is use our collective business knowledge to drum up ideas and develop projects that’ll fly with those in need. Or if you follow our international head (SIFE Worldwide) we “impact lives through the positive power of business”.

Each week we intend to highlight one of our many super awesome clubs on campus! Clubs at Waikato [play an important part in creating an exciting and interesting campus for you, so we think it’s worthwhile that you know about some of them!

If you are interested in having your club showcased, email vp@wsu.org.nz

In effect, SIFE is all about social, economic and environmental sustainability. As part of an international organisation we compete nationally for a place in the SIFE World Cup – being held in Malaysia this year.

Winners of the Nationals get flights and accommodation. On the side, however, we also do a bit of socialising events (Casino Night, Town scavenger hunt, Picnics, Volunteering and Backyard BBQ’s).

It’s not really for everyone, but we like to believe that all students have the ability to command change and do a bit of giving and helping WITHOUT any financial gain.

Of course our members do gain through things like practical application, networking, differentiation (goes on your CV), social development (e.g. public speaking).

Chamber of Commerce.

So to recap – we are a student org, we do what we do for nothing (and love it), we are head hunted for some of the best grad jobs in NZ (and abroad too), we socialise and have good times all year round and we want like minded students to get involved and join.

Recruitment for A Semester has just begun so email sife@waikato.ac.nz if you are keen to be involved, or if you see one of us in our sexy Green T shirts in one of your classes, come up and have a chat!

EVENT PREVIEW WICKED WEDNESDAYS

Ever find yourself with not much to do on a Wednesday during 1-2pm? Keen to get a free feed, enjoy some free entertainment, and

just want to know more about the upcoming entertainment, email events@wsu.org.nz.

win some awesome prizes? Then come down to the Village Green for the WSU Wicked Wednesdays! Held during Cultural Hour, this updated WSU event aims to feed you and entertain you each week. Run by the WSU Events Team, WSU Wicked Wednesdays are not to be missed.

So remember, come down to the Village Green each Wednesday during cultural hour.

In case you didn’t know, this is the 1-2pm period on a Wednesday where the University is not supposed to schedule class (if you do have a class at this time, let us know: email president@wsu.org.nz). If you can come down a wee bit earlier at 12pm, that’s even better.

The plan is that each week the WSU will (subject to good weather and volunteer support!) be down on the Green running some form of free feed: it might be sausages one week, soup the next, and nachos the week after, just to keep things exciting. We’ll also often organise some form of entertainment: on March 9th, for instance, it will be the Ultimate Dodgeball Competition! If you’re keen to be involved in this competition, or 18

The proof is in the pudding with our alumni getting grad positions in places such as: Ernst & Young, Westpac, Deutsche Bank, PriceWaterhouseCooper, Saatchi & Saatchi, Goldman Sachs and Fonterra. To keep up with the name-dropping frenzy, we are also advised by business leaders from: Deloitte, KPMG, NZ Trade & Enterprise, Coca-Cola Amatil, Evonik, WMS and the Waikato

So, this week, on Wednesday March 9, at 1pm, we hope to see you down on the Village Green. With a free BBQ, The Ultimate Dodgeball Comp, and the chance to win a week’s worth of groceries AND a couch for your flat, it’s going to be epic, so make sure you get down to the Village Green and come and say hello!

BOARD TALK

WHAT HAS THE WSU BOARD BEEN DOING FOR YOU?

Welcome to Board Talk. This weekly update intends to overview how your elected WSU Board have been working for you. This is just a summary, so if you are interested in having a chat about the full ways in which the Board has been working for you (or if you have some ideas of your own for the Board) then email vp@wsu.org.nz.

Kia Ora, and welcome to Board Talk! Over summer your WSU Executive have been working hard to serve your interests.

The first WSU Board meeting of the year was held on the 15th January. Here, the Executive passed a number of policy documents to ensure that the board runs smoothly

Eight members of the WSU Board attended the first NZUSA Conference, which was held in Wellington in the last week of January.

Here, WSU delegates received training to improve their ability to represent you on the WSU Board. throughout the year. The Board committed to a new policy regarding payment of its honoraria (so that now a proportion of each Board Member’s honorarium is linked to specific key performance indicators) and a new policy regarding attendance and expenditure at conference. The Board also granted sponsorship to the Computer Science Department’s Global Game Jam, which we hope was a fantastic success.

Finally, the WSU Board has been heavily involved in last week’s Orientation Week.

Hopefully you got a chance to come down to the Village Green and meet some of your WSU Directors at the WSU Tent. Whether we were giving away cupcakes, or filling you up a nice cup of slushy, we were delighted to meet you all and look forward to working for you.

DIRECTOR INTRODUCTION TAMMY SCOTT

Email: tammy@wsu.org.nz Portfolio: International Students’ Officer Committees: International Students Support Group (ISSG); Pathways Language Council Studying: BMS (Hons) in Economics; Finance

My name is Tammy Scott and I am the WSU International Students’ Officer for 2011.

Basically the main role I have on the WSU board of directors is to act as a support person for International Students as well as incoming and outgoing Exchange Students.

Although my portfolio may focus on International /Exchange students, all students are more than welcome to contact me regarding issues they may have with

how the student union represents them so I can relay these to the WSU board. I can be contacted via the following email address: tammy@wsu.org.nz. I will also consult with students throughout the year to identify some of these key issues.

Finally being on the WSU Board of Directors will give me the opportunity to attend Conferences held by the National Student Union body (NZUSA) to look at how other tertiary level student associations operate and how we can improve the services we offer.

As the WSU International Students’ Officer I intend to organise events that facilitate interactions between International students and Domestic students, as well as increasing

I look forward to being your WSU International Students’ Officer for 2011.

Feel free to get in touch with me; I’m really looking forward to meeting you all!

the cultural awareness of all students towards one another. An example of one of these events is Noho Marae where all students are given the opportunity to visit a Marae and increase their knowledge of Māori culture. I will also attend the meetings of two University of Waikato committees that specifically look at the welfare of International Students; these being the International Students’ Support Group and the Waikato Pathways College Language Council. Attending these committee meetings will allow me to report back to the Board about how the University assists International and Exchange students and facilitates their learning.

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz

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FEATURE

DENOMINATION DERBY

WAIKATO IS A TRULY MULTICULTURAL CAMPUS. THIS IS THE FIRST PART IN A SERIES WHICH WILL EVENTUALLY COVER THE FUNDAMENTALS OF EACH FAITH ON CAMPUS.

BY THE WAIKATO FIST

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FEATURE Religions are a huge part of the world, whether you’re involved with one or not.

“If more people who called themselves Christians actively became a part of the answer”, he continued, “so many areas of society that are falling apart would just be a whole lot better.

Religious violence shatters the rebuilding effort in Iraq and, to a lesser extent, Afghanistan. Ireland is still divided by political and class struggles, all traceable to the religious history of that nation. Religion has destroyed works of art, science and even architecture. Entire civilisations have been ground into the dust of history in the name of religion.

So, with all this shitty history to religion, why is it still going on? Why is there an explosion of Christian youth churches in the United States of America and even here in New Zealand? Why is Islam still so popular after all the bad press? Why, when science is so clinically clear cut, does God still find a place in the hearts of men and women the world over?

So, Nexus hit the campus.

Through the Waikato Student’s Union, there are a whole lot of clubs for students of a variety of faiths. There are the “Latter-Day Saints Students Association” (Mormons, for those of you who don’t like book learning), the “Waikato Uni Muslim Club” and the “Eastside Church Young Adults” among others.

“Arise Church in Hamilton” is the newest of these clubs and is based around Arise Church (a Christian church) members on campus.

They meet in the Academy of Performing Arts every Sunday night and volunteer for WSU events. By far the most visible of the religious clubs on campus, they’re made from an interesting hodgepodge of people, from Pastor Steve Jefares all the way down to my own flatmate.

I ask Tom if it’s a do-or-die-commitment to Christ that he’s made and he can’t agree that it is fast enough. “My faith impacts most of my day to day decisions, hugely, 100%. God can’t factor into a small part of your life. It’s not a ‘church on Sundays’ thing for me.”

Jesus - a very famous Christian

world over. Perhaps one of the most fractious religions on the Earth today, Christianity, as with almost every other religion here, has gotten a bad rap. When George Bush prayed to his Christian God before the invasion of Iraq, people saw this as one in a long line of points through history, where God has been asked to bless a destructive force.

Tom Biesly goes to Arise church. I have personally known Tom for about 8 years. A fan of tough guy music (Stretch Armstrong, Sick of it All and even Hatebreed), it would be easy to mistake Tom for your regular Kiwi nerd-bogan hybrid. Tom is anything but run of the mill, however.

Tom believes, as do almost all Christians, that Jesus Christ died for his sins and is all that allows man to have a relationship with God. Without Jesus, we’re just groping in the dark.

“I grew up going to church. I was made to go to church, essentially. I didn’t really exercise my faith until I got to university, however.”

Tom is active in the Arise Church family

Christianity is the quickest growing faith in the world. Missionaries trek through distant jungles, fly to villages in the middle of deserts and even smuggle themselves into warzones, all in order to get God’s word into the hands of everyone on the Earth. American politicians thank God, as do sportsmen the

“Toward the start to halfway last year, I really clicked that being part of the local church community was part of what it’s all about. We are a part of the answer, in a really practical way. I wanted to do as much as I could, just to show people love”.

“I think having some kind of faith is 100% important, even in this day and age. Faith is at the core of human life, even if it’s faith in God, faith in you, or faith that there is no God. Faith in this day and age is just as important as it ever was”.

Someone once told me that religion is all about the exit strategy, so I asked Tom what will happen when he dies.

“Heaven. Some people have pretty interesting concepts of heaven. The best description I’ve ever heard is ‘Heaven is just like this, without sin’. That’s the best description, without a doubt”.

After interviewing Tom, I was given a lollipop by a new student called Michelle.

Like Tom, Michelle was on campus to get the word out about a church. Link City Church meets in the Gallagher Hub at Wintec.

Michelle studies at the School of Education.

She is also unashamedly a Christian.

Her parents are both pastors in New Plymouth, but it wasn’t until she was around 18 years old that she decided to go all in.

“I live it and I breathe it”, she told me, as we sat under the Link City Church tent on the Village Green. “Everyone has faith in something. People have faith in things even if they don’t call it faith”.

Like Tom, Michelle believes that when she dies, she’ll enter the presence of God and stay there for the rest of eternity.

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FEATURE Michelle doesn’t like the term ‘religious’, just like the rest of the people I met. “If ‘law’ imposes on your relationship with God, you’ll have a religious spirit. What I have is faith, not religion”.

The more people I spoke to, the more I realised that ‘religion’ has become an ugly word.

When people think of Wicca, they often think of covens and witches. Courteney is aware of several of each.

“Nature makes the world go round and that’s what Wicca is about for me; sitting outside in the forest, looking at the moon, enjoying a lake.”

Wicca is perhaps the oldest religion. Taking its roots from the animistic beliefs of the earliest men and women on Earth, Wicca is another religion that gets a bad rap. When someone flies the Wicca flag, others are quick

“When I was about 8, I got into Christianity.

There’s a lot of peer pressure to swear to God. When I got a little older, I realised it didn’t make sense. There were questions that weren’t being answered. One day I was at the library and in the section on religion

to jump on them with other labels – witch, Huffle Puff and Hermione, according to Courteney, a science student at the University of Waikato.

there were books about witchcraft and Wicca.

Being 11, I was like ‘That sounds awesome, what’s that?’ I read some stuff and it made a lot more sense to me, that nature is central.”

By far the most interesting person I talked to, partly because she was named after Courteney Cox, but also because she has beliefs I knew nothing about, bar the odd misconception. An ‘atheistic Wiccan’ or ‘scientific Wiccan’ is how Courteney describes herself.

It was Courteney’s choice to become a Wiccan. There was no set text, nor any Wiccan youth groups to egg her on in her journey to what she believes.

“I don’t believe in a sentient deity. I don’t believe anyone created the universe. Wicca is pretty open, pretty free. Wicca is about nature. The sun and the moon are the “gods”.

They get personified as the Maiden Mother and Crone, but I don’t really follow the personifications so much.

“There are a couple of central ideas”, Courteney says. “The main one is the threefold rule: everything you do to others happens back to you three times over. I returned someone’s wallet once and have since had my wallet returned twice, with nothing missing either time”.

Science definitely plays a part in Courteney’s beliefs though. When Christchurch was hit by earthquakes and people asked themselves “What have we done to piss of God”, Courteney says “You did nothing. It is tectonic plates. It sucks, but shit happens” “We also believe that numbers and colours have significances. Different stones and different trees also feature” “Wiccans cast spells, but you can’t do harm to anyone else. It’s more about the ritual, setting yourself to something. It is the act of prayer that is important, rather than the results of prayer.

Evil witches - nothing to do with Wicca

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Here’s where my ears pricked up. This is the standard concept of what Wicca is to outsiders like me: Magic.

Courteney opened a book she’d brought with her, which had rituals for new couples, for finding love (NOT making someone fall in love with you) and all sorts of other things.

“If I were to cast a luck and protection spell, I would use red. A red candle, red shoes, something like that. The number five is also for luck. It’s even a mental thing – I’ve given myself this piece of luck, so I will feel it”.

Spells are no guarantee; Courteney is quick to point this out. Just like Christians who pray for things which don’t unfold the way they want them to, Wiccan prayer is not a sure thing.

“Religion is probably a misnomer for what I believe”, Courteney admits. “When people ask me what my religion is, I say Wicca. I got given shit for it in high school, but you can expect that. My group of friends at school was pretty well split between agnostics, humanists, hardcore Christians and all sorts and we generally got along”.

“I took Wiccan off my facebook profile, because people have misconceptions and it caused trouble”.

Other faiths, such as Voodoo, are often lumped together with Wicca, I was told.

Courteney does not enjoy that.

“Voodoo is about doing harm to people.

Wicca is not about harm”.

“When I die, the screen will go blank and I’ll decompose”, Courteney said, the science student in her coming to the fore. “Other Wiccans might believe in reincarnation or moving to a higher level, but I think people die. New shit grows from old shit dying.

Circle of life. There is a lot of variation in what Wiccans believe”.

I don’t know about you readers, but that sure opened my eyes to what Wicca is all about.

There are a billion Catholics on the Earth.

One in every six people sees the Pope, an elderly German. Over the years they’ve gotten a bad rap, due to the behaviour of the few, rather than the many.

FEATURE had attended Catholic primary schools, and then slowly worked their way out of the church on their own. Others I met at university. Few of them had different tales.

Kevin Pryor went down the path of atheism.

The Pope - A popular guy. One in six people will see the Pope in their lifetime

Atheism is not really a religion at all, but you might be forgiven for thinking otherwise. There are atheists, just as there are Christians, Muslims and Jews, who will shove their belief down other people’s throats.

Kevin, who writes the book reviews for the Nexus Magazine, is a self-confessed atheist, but he’s yet to shove it down anyone’s throat in my presence.

Sexual abuse charges, as well as doctrine that bans condoms and helps the spread of AIDS in the Third World, haven’t done a lot of favours for the image of the Catholic Church.

Most of the Catholics I know are, in fact, lapsed. Several of my friends at high school

When I asked Kevin what it was he believed, or more specifically what he defined his belief system as, I got quite the answer.

I can touch, feel, see. I guess you could call me a materialist, I believe in material things. I think people in general have vivid imaginations (which I think is a good thing; I prefer fiction to non-fiction for example) but God is just one of those imaginary things, like the Easter Bunny or Father Christmas, to make people feel better.”

In case you’ve got a full blown case of the herpa-derp, that means he thinks religions are full of it.

Raised in a ‘strict Catholic family’, Kevin can remember thinking that the goings on in church were quite odd. Transubstantiation, the Catholic belief that the bread and wine of the communion table transforms into the body and blood of Christ upon entering your body, is one of the things which he found inconceivable.

“I believe in what’s in front of my face really, so I guess it’s an absence of belief in what’s not there. I trust in reality, what

Can I get my tax back?

Join us for...

Janice has been working over the holidays and knows she is entitled to some tax back. What can she do?

Go to the Inland Revenue website www.ird.govt.nz. You can do it online quite easily and will cost you nothing.

Be wary of the tax refund firms. They will take a percentage of your refund and will also have access to your bank accounts.

Read the small print. If you have already signed up with these firms, contact CAB on how to get out.

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

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FEATURE “When I got older I started reading the likes of Nietzsche and Sartre who pretty much gave validity to my early gut instincts” Kevin doesn’t even like the term ‘religion’. It makes him ‘froth at the mouth.

Faith only factors into Kevin’s life in sports: “Faith is very important, if you’re a supporter of the Black Caps. What else would keep you watching the Cricket World Cup?” When I asked Kevin about what would happen to him when he died, he wistfully replied: “Hopefully my children will have enough money to bury me in a crypt. I would love that! To be buried in a big ostentatious tomb as a monument to my materialistic beliefs. The best way I’ve heard death described is this: The Big Sleep. Now that doesn’t sound too bad, does it?”

“I love incense and robes – Catholics really understand really understand stand how to satisfy all the senses. Except for the sexual ones. I wish the songs were more oldfashioned. I really hate that they’re trying to make it all jazzy and evangelical sounding.”

Maria observes the festivals of the Catholic Church, particularly Lent, which happens just before Easter.

“We observe Lent, because I think some form of fasting or sacrifice nicely reflects the anticonsumerist views that our family holds.”

The loss of control, with a car doing nothing he wanted it to, left Carl with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

“It was in that moment, in that darkness, in that violence, that I went: I’m going to die and there’s nothing else. There’s nothing else after this moment. I had no qualms with that at all. This was it. The lights are going to go out. This is it”.

“I had a complete sense of loneliness. I am in this car and any moment, I am going to be snuffed out. I am totally alone here. Just before I hit the windscreen I said ‘this is it’.”

“I believe in science. I engage in religion”.

“When I die, I will be dead. And I can never know the rest. And that, my friend, is okay” Carl, another student at Waikato, is a Humanist. By far the heaviest interview I had during the research for this feature, I left it with a heavy feeling and actually thought a lot about my own beliefs.

“Because I considered myself a Christian at this time, I tried to write a rationalisation to my friend. I couldn’t do it. My idea of God was God as ‘energy’. That energy could be called God, could be called Allah, whatever you want.”

After the accident, Carl began to study the different religions, to see if there was a place for him in the religious spectrum.

“For me, Humanism is that idea that man, in his state of nature, before society, religion, all those things which put us into a box, we have everything that we need. We can work things out ourselves. It’s basically Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a Genevan philosopher, is key to the modern form of Humanism.

Ritchard Dawkins - god of the atheists

Maria Wysocki (not her real name, for fear of being excommunicated) was also raised a Catholic, but opted for a path slightly off the beaten track.

“I call myself a Catholic Atheist”.

Is Humanism simply a fancy name for atheism then?

“Yeah, there’s nothing like [gods]. There’s nothing. Humanism doesn’t even give it consideration. It’s not that I don’t believe in God, it’s just that I don’t believe in anything like that”.

A student at the University of Waikato, Maria lives her life “full of pragmatism, but engages in Catholic rituals just in case you were wrong about there being no God”.

Carl experimented with other faiths in his teenage years, or at least as best he could in a small New Zealand town. “It’s a very natural tendency. You say ‘I believe in this thing’, then you ask yourself; ‘Why do I believe in this thing?’.

“I’ll be excommunicated for writing this, but it’s okay. I’ll wear a wig and sneak back in.”

When he was 21, Carl was in a car crash which sent him through a car windscreen.

24

Carl Sagan - another humanist called Carl

“I started getting more Buddhism. It’s a short step from Buddhism to Humanism. The only way out of my morass, out of suffering, is through knowledge of myself and through trying to mitigate the effects of suffering for me and other individuals. I can’t stop anyone’s suffering by praying, because that’s not going to do anything. Prayer isn’t going to do anything for that person”.

FEATURE Humanism is where Carl ended up.

Islam is one of three religions closely linked; through geography, mythology and god. The others, again for those of you who don’t like book learning, are Christianity and Judaism. Coming out of what is now Saudi Arabia around 610 AD, Islam spread across the world, from southern Spain to Indonesia in less than a thousand years. Islam has also had a bad rap in the last thirty years or so, pretty much since the Iranian decided that they wanted an Islamic theocracy over an American backed dictatorship. Since then, terrorists (who just happened to be Muslims as well) and Muslim dictators have done a lot of damage to the West’s view of Islam.

We sent a few emails out, and did some shout outs on Facebook, but we never managed to get our hands on a Muslim student for this article. If you’re reading this and ARE a Muslim student, practising or simply raised in Islam, then send us an email. We are more than happy to talk with you and there WILL be another religious feature later, this time covering everyone we missed.

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COMICS GALORE RL - BY TOM BEISLY AND DANIEL KEEGAN

26

DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

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Welcome to week 2! We’ve had O week and got completely wasted. Now we have hangOver week.

Yep, you may experience elongated periods of pain because of the 168 hours of nonstop alcohol consumption last week. Have fun in lectures this week. To help out, we’ve got some hangover cures in the puzzles this week. Want proof? http://www.rupissed. com/hangovercures.html check it out. Almost time to start studying...

QUIZ TIME: Q. “Hangover cures” are: a) Remedies that cure a hangover b) Remedies that cure the symptoms of a hangover c) Old wives tales Q. What were hangovers treated with in ancient times?

Q. What is the length of the longest recorded hangover?

Q. Medically, why did the guy’s hangover last that long?

NEXUS HAS A FACEBOOK! With over a thousand fans and growing fast, the Nexus Magazine facebook page is fast becoming our most useful tool to keep you guys informed and up to the minute with news.

The Nexus facebook also has frequent prizes and competitions, as well as giveaways and information about upcoming events of interest to you, the students of the University of Waikato.

It’s also a great way to meet people, analyse their beliefs and call them an asshole.

FILL THE HOLE IN YOUR LIVES LEFT BY FINISHING THIS WEEKS NEXUS WITH THE NEXUS MAGAZINE FACEBOOK PAGE

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28

POSTCARDS FROM A FORMER STUDENT

WITH MACKENZIE MCCARTY

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH MR MINTY FISH

It’s 7:30am and we’re boarding the bus in Syapru Besi, Northeastern Nepal. Our ride will cover about 150k in its journey to Kathmandu, but those 150ks are going to take us eleven hours to swallow, because the back roads of Nepal are fit for mountain

Here’s the thing about tights as pants.

goats, not modern vehicular travel.

In wearing tights as pants, what you are really saying is “I have a good ass,” which is awkward because people that actually have good asses are off wearing shorts and skinny jeans and tight dresses. So what we have left over is just a worrying section of the population that is quite obviously delusional and still wearing tights as pants.

Our bus is ancient and painted garish shades of lime green and magenta. The driver has ominously planted a religious alter on the dashboard, and incense sticks are smoking in the morning haze. With the seats taken, people stand perched on sacks of rice; a woman plants her right buttocks on Nick’s arm rest.

Two hours into our ride and the bus is going slower than a constipated tortoise. Nick is squeezing his eyes shut beside me, his knuckles ivory white at his knees- he hates heights, and the drop to the right side of the bus goes straight down for more than a thousand feet, so that the river below is an invisible strand of hair.

On our left, the cliff rises a further hundred feet, the road we’re on is not paved, and it’s one lane wide. When another bus comes we must stop and press ourselves into the left-hand cliff so that it might squeeze past while the driver maneuvers along the razoredge of the cliff side.

The other passengers are lively. Those inside the bus chatter and those on top of the bus (there are about twenty men

Tights are not pants.

That’s the thing about fashion. I have come to the conclusion that it is a set amount of looks so repulsive that although they change about as readily as your sexual partners they’re still fascinating enough to spend money on... Probably also like a few of your sexual partners. Dirty.

Queue male opposition: “Whatever, fashion is for girls, gays, and fairies”. Really? Is it? I thought fashion was actually the last thing that got you laid.

It’s just science. You dress a little flashy = you get a little lucky.

Boom. Bang. Science. Remember that time you tried to get into Agenda and what you thought happened was that the bouncer didn’t let you because your shoes had Velcro where most big kids have laces? Yeah. What actually happened is that you just got cock-

up there) sing. More and more people are sucked up off the dusty road-side, a puppy is brought on and promptly lost in the sea of feet and rice bags and filth. A baby boy is dumped in my lap. I have no idea who his mother is, and no idea if she intends to pick him up again, but he falls asleep within minutes and never says a word to me. His eyes are lined in black paint.

blocked from an entire club of DTF’s. An entire club.

We arrive in Kathmandu and step out into the thick soup of bodies, fruit stalls, diesel smoke, rubble and smells of frying food. It’s time to find a taxi.

Again.

So the next time you went wearing some suave black numbers and boom. Laid.

Do you know what won’t get you laid though? Tights as pants.

It’s just science. * I use this term about as loose as you were in your 101 photo.

Seriously. Wear a bra. **They’ll take you out to dinner. But only if you’re DTF.

29

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

Furnace Restaurant and Bar 150 Victoria Street, Hamilton I understand that Furnace isn’t a cafe, but I don’t give a flying rats-arse because the Ed gave me permission to review whatever I want within the confines of foodyness. We came here because we had vouchers from a certain internet daily specials site and wanted to take advantage of the $12 lunches, and for the first time in the almost two years since the wedding the husband had taken annual leave from work so was actually free on a week day (the vouchers can’t be used on Fridays and Saturdays and we’ve had a string of busy Sundays since acquiring the vouchers).

I ordered the green thai chicken curry and the husband ordered a chicken wrap. When the modest looking meals arrive it can be easy for you to think that they are not going to be filling, but you’d be wrong. My curry came with a poppadom and cashews and was delicious, although, I’m sure it wasn’t as good as the first time I had it a few months ago, the husband pronounced the wrap to be yum and just the right size, even for a boy!

The dessert menu looked amazing, I especially wanted to try the ‘central otago tart’ because toffee ice cream sounds damn good, but I didn’t have any belly space (or voucher credit) left so I settled on a baileys on ice, with a dash of milk, which the bartender then preceded to fill completely with milk, the waitress was swiftly sent back to the bar as I didn’t really feel like a glass of milk with a hint of baileys.... I didn’t have a coffee because I have a general rule about not having coffee in restaurants as they tend not to be very good at it, which is to be expected when it is not their one of their main cash cows.

The staff was friendly enough but seemed a little green. The furnishing of the restaurant is well done; I especially liked the inside of the lampshades. I’ll be back to try that tart, and besides, I have another voucher left!

30

OWEN’S VIEW

WITH OWEN HINTON

Hello. If you are reading this it means you have made the wonderful decision to either begin, or return to, a degree at Waikato university. Well done on your academic efforts! I like this uni. We have a lake! With ducks! How many uni’s have that? I got in that very lake to retrieve something the other day. It was pretty icky. I don’t recommend it.

Another icky thing I don’t recommend is freaking out. My first year at this uni was in 2005. I didn’t really know what I was doing or where I was going with life. I finished high-school and just went to uni cause thats what you do. Ended up failing miserably across several subjects. Smoked alot of weed. Pretty much behaved along the lines of what I had constructed uni to be based off my impressions of what you see on TV. I was a total rebel unicorn.

I bailed from uni and went to Australia for four years. Pro-tip: Bailing from uni makes it very hard to get back in. Talking like my Dad here, but don’t burn your bridges. No matter how young/cool/ aimless you might think you are.

However, my failing was due 99%-ishly to me just not getting help from anyone. And there are so many services here. Theres counsellors and mentors and pastors and all sorts of people who are here because they want to make sure that you succeed. Asking for help is hard. Admitting your failures and all that. Took me four years! But it’s worth it.

You’ll quickly discover that study is not all fun and games. It’s hardly any fun and games! Unless you’re doing study on fun and games. (thats called Ludology. It’s actually pretty neat. Look it up!)

But it’s that hardwork that makes the time you do have for fun more rewarding. Provides a contrast and stuff. And you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you can better yourself. And once you know that, you’ll be whatever you wanna be.

POST-RAD

PICK-UPS AND PUT-DOWNS

WITH BLAIR MUNRO HUMPELSTILTSKIN AND GOLDIECOCKS

I imagine that all students, bar those that chew silver spoons, will have dealt with StudyLink at some point. We all have fees to pay, and allowances to beg for, and an addiction to alcohol that result in the creative interpretation (read: fraud) of “course-related costs”

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? This is not a pickup line, although the warning is appreciated. Who even knows what chloroform smells like,” apparently” it’s fairly sweet in small quantities but rather rotten in large puffs…Good to know but isn’t

to mean “whatever I can’t afford on my pittance/what my parents give me”.

that what town smells like in general. However we can’t yet prove that this won’t work as a pickup line, this column is going into the seedy depths of first contact between two budding love birds to discover what pickup lines work, and what gets our lab rats slapped and publically rejected.

So while those locals can trundle along to the nearest StudyLink office, there are far too many of us who are subjected to hours upon hours of collective waiting time on the telephone. To the casual observer, this would seem rather standard procedure for bureaucratic overlords to exercise control over the riff-raff that beg their consideration.

However, to those of you lucky enough to have not spent time waiting to have your loans approved, the truth is far more sinister.

The truth, put simply, is Dave Dobbyn. Now, you can argue that he’s a national treasure, and were it not for the influence of StudyLink, I’d be inclined to agree with you. But when I wish to talk calmly to a person about having changed papers at uni, and the paperwork I need to fill out in order to make sure my education provider is paid, the last thing I need is fucking DD Smash driving an icepick into my earhole.

Admittedly, there’s not much to be done about the situation. Oh, hang on. CHANGING THE FUCKING HOLD MUSIC MIGHT WORK. That’s right. Something as simple as putting on something a little more contemporary, a little more appealing to the modern consumer, would likely reduce the incidence of would-be students losing their rag, and going on a shooting spree.

I’m partial to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, myself. A nice, mellow guitar sound, with a little funk, some real emotion. That would have me on good terms with StudyLink employees, for certain. But entering post-graduate study, and another two years of having to deal with Nature’s Best? The only thing that will make me loyal to is the idea of stabbing someone through a phone.

Now you may be thinking what-the fuck, but hear us out, we have all been there before. Finding that special someone to spend the rest of your live with…just don’t make eye contact… eye contact leads to babies... Woah!! Back up the serious commitment bus!! It’s just a night in town and a casual romp in someone else’s pants. Full drunk consent given of course, and a use for the free condom in your O Week bags. This column is your fortnightly fix of the trials and tribulations of our rigorously tested lab rats.

Not everyone can have a witty scripted line, like Disney teaches us.

A mermaid won’t fall for you in real life if you just ask her where she came from. Building a relationship on theft and lies won’t get you your own Jasmine. That will get you on Jeremy Kyle, and we all know those kind of people are real, take home, meet your parents kind of folks.

Now Kiddiewinks three bits of advice on a slightly related note, to help you survive the coming weeks.

1) If you want to keep the Government off your hairy man-back here are three things not to Google search in one session. * Chloroform * Pick-up lines * How babies are made 2) There are 2 rules to success in life: 1. don’t tell people everything you know.

However on the other hand... you have different fingers.

Happy flirting

31

Woman” and “Macao”. A singer and busty dancer, her performance of “Looking for Trouble” in the otherwise forgettable musical “The French Line” is the most mammary quivering number ever by a golden age star. Russell had the equipment and knew how to use it.

AUTEUR HOUSE

To a wider public Russell will be remembered as Marilyn Monroe’s co-star in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”. It is a performance of wit and sophistication in one of the key sex farces of the 1950s. Other than the “A Little Girl from Little Rock” opening number Russell’s finest screen moment is perhaps the comic lament “Anyone Here for Love?”, an ironic song sung in a gymnasium against a backdrop of toned but disinterested body building men.

WITH RICHARD SWAINSON

There were always at least two reasons to watch Jane Russell on screen. Her natural endowments became the obsession of one of the 20th Century’s great eccentrics. Inventor-cum-billionaire madman Howard Hughes personally designed a bra to best show off the Russell norks. After a fashion he directed her in a minor western, a version of the Billy the Kid story called “The Outlaw”. On the strength of plunging cleavage and the Hughes publicity machine it became a major sensation. A star was born.

Russell’s career was short but not without achievement. A competent comedienne, she held her own with Bob Hope in the pleasant western parody “The Paleface” and its sequel. An alluring femme fatale, she partnered Robert Mitchum in the film noir classics “His Kind of

Russell retired from the screen in 1970 and became a particularly poisonous political reactionary. Lamenting the passing of key Hollywood conservatives like Hughes, Chuck Heston and John Wayne, she bemoaned licentious trends in contemporary film, only dimly perceiving that she had a hand - or a breast - in starting it all. The hypocrisy was breathtaking, her “born again” Christianity reflecting residual guilt at being a sex symbol just as her vehement “pro-life” attitudes had their origin in a botched abortion when a teenager.

40

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32

NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE. WITH DEE Hi all, This week’s article is proudly sponsored by... no-one. In fact, this is likely to be the most rushed, half-arsed article you are (hopefully) likely to read by me. I admit it... between moving into a new flat, getting to classes, signing up for tutorials and general O-Week distractions, I’ve barely had time to sleep, let alone write about food.

procrastination. I started working on my procrastinating skills when I was in first year... probably in the second week of classes. It has gotten me in a lot of trouble, but it has also given me a chance to try and keep my room clean. It has made life more interesting. I now tend to work best when I’m working to a deadline.

I can hear my conscience right now telling me that later in semester when things get busy with assignments I will probably rush these articles even more. But there

The moral of the story here is that planning is a good skill to work on. Now that the drunken haze of O-Week is gone, and the hangovers are in their final stages, it’s a good time to put up the wall planner you got free from the WSU and write on it when your assignments are due. And

is a flaw in that idea. My conscience forgets that I am a master at the art of

when the holidays are... you know, all the important things.

When I don’t have much time to throw together a meal, one of my favourite things to do is cook Bacon and Egg Pie. As far as food goes, it’s pretty selfexplanatory, but you can experiment with it a bit. Try adding some vegetables to it, like frozen peas, or spinach. If there are leftover cooked potatoes, I normally chop them up and add them to the pie. Anyway, here is a recipe to work from

SUMMER DIP PASTA SALAD. Ingredients: 1 packet of puff pastry (roughly 450 grams) 250 grams of bacon 5 eggs Salt and Pepper A teaspoon of butter 1. Pre-heat your oven to 200 degrees and select your pie dish. You can use a metal dish, or a pyrex pie dish, or any dish really. The trick is to not have it too deep. Try for something about 23cm around.

2. Split your pastry into two pieces, one slightly bigger than the other. Roll the bigger one out to fit into the bottom and up the sides of your pie dish. The smaller bit of pastry just needs to cover the top.

3. Put your big piece of pastry in the bottom of the dish.

4. Chop the bacon, and put that in next. Then put in your eggs. I like to crack the eggs straight into the dish, and then just break the yolks a little. If you aren’t confident in your egg cracking abilities, crack them into a bowl first.

5. Sprinkle in a little salt and pepper, and then put your pastry cover on top. Press the edges together and cut away bits that overhang the edges.

6. Melt the butter, and then brush it on top of the pie. This will help it to cook to a nice brown colour. Making a couple of small slices into the top of the pie will also help it to cook.

7. Bake it for about 20-30 minutes, or until the top is nice and golden brown. If you are unsure what this looks like, then do a google images search for “golden brown cooking”. It will give you a bit of an idea.

8. Eat and enjoy!

33

PWNED

VIDEO GAMES WITH SUSAN B. ANTHONY

TOTAL WAR: TEN YEARS OF AWESOME Without a doubt, Total War is the greatest series of strategy games to be produced.

I can actually hear the Warcraft III fanboys and the C&C dickheads grizzling in their basements, but I’m flippin’ right I tells ya!

Since the year 2000, when Shogun: Total War came out, they have adapted game play and technology to keep up with the latest trends and tech. The end result is that each game has its own charm.

While Command and Conquer is the same game sporadically produced for the last two decades and Warcraft III is a game for giant nerds who like magic and bullshit, Total War is the thinking man’s game. Geography, history and religion all play a part in your

It may be the naval battles they added for Empire: Total War in 2007, with grappling hooks pulling frigates and men-of-war together in Caribbean clashes.

management of your domain.

I’m not even sure why Total War first caught my imagination.

It may even be the simple act of burning down a whole lot of temples and establishing your own faith in some frozen corner of Europa Barbarorum in Rome: Total War.

I mean, it may have been the epic battles, where tens of thousands of soldiers die at your command, crushed beneath the hooves of Carthaginian cavalry, or dropped by the hundred after a volley from Turkish Janissaries.

There is actually no way I can explain Total War to you on paper. The range of activities you undertake as you grow your empire from a handful of regions to a globe spanning superpower. All I can say about Total War is that it’s not Warcraft III.

34

THE RELM OF INFINITE CHAOS AND COMICS

WHERE’S IT ALL BEGIN?

PRESENTED BY MARK 1 COMICS AND GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

BY THE WITCH OF ENDOR

“A graphic novel is a comic book that you need a bookmark for.”

- Art Spiegelman Comics have existed in one form or another since 1895. People have argued the merits of the Bayeux Tapestry, Egyptian hieroglyphics and even Trajan’s Column as forms of graphic novels, as they use words and pictures for the purpose of telling a story. For the sake of this article, we’ll call Hogan’s Alley the first regular comic. It was a single frame and starred a homeless child in a yellow nightshirt.

In 1935, the popularity of these single and multi-framed newspaper comics, often featuring serialised tales of adventure in darkest Africa or the Far East, had risen to such a point that they were collected together for publication. They sold for 10 cents each. Soon the publishers found that the demand for these ‘comic books’ was outpacing the amounts being created by newspaper cartoonists.

In 1938, a company called National (now known as DC Comics) released Action Comics #1. Within its pages was Superman, soon joined by Batman, Wonder Woman and a buttload more.

The 1950s saw a dive in comic book readership. The television now carried serialised versions of the adventures of Batman, Superman and even cartons of the major superheroes. Horror comics were a new force in the market, however, and Tales from the Crypt, originally a compendium of short stories, was created in this era.

Puritanical forces in America, however, brought laws to govern comic books into effect. The Comics Code demanded the following: •Forces of Law and order could not be portrayed in a negative light.

•The good guys always have to win •You cannot use “Horror” or “Terror” in the title •Females had to be drawn realistically, with no exaggeration of breasts or butts.

These were actually the laws brought into effect in America about 60 years ago. The Comics Code Authority still exists, but it doesn’t seem to have much power. Few, if any, publication firms still send their comics to the CCA.

This, while retarding comic book growth, was possibly the best thing ever for comics. These laws had the result of driving many, nonmainstream (read: superhero) comics underground.

In the 1960s R. Crumb began publishing a series called Zap Comix.

Other artists who turned up on the radar in this time frame include Harvey Pekar and Art Spiegelman, the creator of Maus.

One of the first graphic novels I read, Maus, it is the one which has stuck with me the longest. It also won a Pulitzer Prize in 1992 and solidified the place of the graphic novel in the world of literature.

Maus deals with Art Speigelman’s father and his experiences in Nazi Europe during the Second World War. A Jew, Speigelman Senior experienced the Holocaust firsthand, surviving and immigrating to America after liberation. In Maus, the Americans are pictured as dogs, Germans as cats, Jews as mice and Polish townsfolk as pigs. These caricatures of the racial groups do not detract from the seriousness of the subject matter, rather depersonalising both victim and criminal to the point where the story alone seemed to pull me through, without characters. It also creates a good sensation of the power balance in Nazi Europe, inside and outside of the camps.

While, Maus is the first graphic novel I ever read, graphic novels are a whole lot older. Love and Rockets, by the Hernandez Brothers, was published in 1981. The Adventure of Luther Arkwright was published in 1978. Raymond Briggs, creator of Fungus the Bogeyman, published When the Wind Blows in 1982. This told the story of two English pensioners and their attempt to survive in the aftermath of a nuclear war, slowly sickening in the ruins of their home and fantasising about the glory days of England and the threat of Communist soldiers on the sacred fields of Fair Albion.

That’s just a very loose outline of graphic novels, mostly researched from the internet and from Danny Figeroth’s book, The Rough Guide to Graphic Novels. Next week, I’ll look at some Japanese comic genres.

Crazy stuff.

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MOVIE REVIEWS WITH DR. EZY

BLACK SWAN - DIRECTED BY DARREN ARONOFSKY “Black Swan” is the first great film of 2011. For dramatic engagement, sensuality, raw emotional performances, thematic depth, and a kitchen-sink-and-all technique that collapses distinctions between the musical, the horror and the melodrama, it’s an idiosyncratic masterpiece like no other.

Comparisons have been made between it and the Michael Powell/ Emeric Pressburger classic “The Red Shoes”. Both stories are set in the world of professional dance. Both tell a story in which a ballerina’s personal life overlaps with and eventually becomes subsumed by the role she enacts on stage. Both have to do with the relationship between life and art as negotiated by the individual artist.

The differences between “Black Swan” and “The Red Shoes” are just as telling. Visually, the British film is sumptuous in his colour scheme and set design. “Black Swan” has a deliberately muted palette to stress the literal black and white distinctions that play out in mind of its protagonist Nina Sayers, a technically proficient dancer with little or no romantic experience who is challenged by the company’s director to explore her sexual side. Whereas “The Red Shoes” is in effect a love triangle in which a ballerina becomes caught between her husband and ballet itself, the “Black Swan” is a record of psychological collapse, of the disintegration of a personality unable to reconcile tensions between two competing halves of its psyche.

“Swan” director Darren Aronofsky seamlessly shifts from an objective point of view to one that subjectively reflects Sayers’ mental aberrations. His technique because increasingly hysterical, with dream sequences, faulty perceptions, masturbatory nightmares, full blown, horror inspired stabbings and bodily growths and anything else he and his writers can think of to illustrate the clash between buttoned downed repression and sensual exploration.

As should be clear in this description, “Black Swan” is not for everyone. Any elderly folk looking for a nice sweet ballet movie to relive the innocent, tutu-ed pleasures of youth should look elsewhere. It’s a film buff’s film, brave to the point of being untidy in places, going over the top with a humorous aplomb that suggests neither Aronofsky nor excellent lead actress Natalie Portman are taking themselves too seriously. Poised delicately between silliness and profundity, black comedy and white tragedy, it spins around and around like a dizzy dancer whose let herself go, intoxicated by the art form and as free from the strictures of convention as Nina herself yearns to be.

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TRUE GRIT - DIRECTED BY THE COEN BROTHERS As a dyed-in-the-wool John Wayne fan I approached the Coen brothers’ version of “True Grit” with a little trepidation. It’s not that the 1969 original adaptation of Charles Portis’ novel is a great movie more the fact that the part of drunken Marshall Rooster Cogburn is a Duke defining role, the only one a fickle Academy ever saw fit to recognise.

Putting aside for a moment comparisons between Wayne and Jeff Bridges, the 2010 Rooster Cogburn, the Coens’ film proves an improvement on Henry Hathaway’s on every level. Returning to the source novel for primary inspiration, their script is a model of narrative economy and pace, so much so that if you know the earlier interpretation well it’s possible to mentally check off in your head all the extraneous detail that got in the way 40 years back. Like the novel, the Coens have the story told in retrospect, employing as they often do voice over narration. A middle age Mattie Ross recalls it as the great adventure of her life, the quest to avenge her father’s killer which she initiated as a 14 year old, employing Cogburn and enduring the presence of a Texas Ranger after the same man but for a different crime.

Something has been made in the American press about how “True Grit” was granted a comparatively low censorship classification, enabling the Coens to broaden their audience and enjoy the biggest box office success of their 26 year career. This may be true, as is the fact that it is least ironic, most purely generic movie in their oeuvre. However, its strength is the way it undercuts the sentiment inherent in the premise, refusing to portray Mattie as anything other than a precocious, pre-maturely litigious puritan. Such rapport that develops between her and Cogburn is based more on grudging respect than declared affection. This makes the elegiac coda - the only major departure from the 1969 plot, following up events 25 years later - unexpectedly moving.

For Bridges it’s a thankless task recreating a part so closely connected with one of the cornerstones of American cinema.

There’s milking of neither laughs nor tears and Cogburn’s drinking seems more credibly - and disturbingly - part of his character.

At times I just wish his gruff accent didn’t interfere with the enjoyment of excellent lines. No other actor could possibly say “fill your hand, you son of a bitch” with the intonation of the Duke.

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS FEVER PITCH - NICK HORNBY There are certain people, many who have studied sociology or gender studies, who would argue New Zealanders have an unhealthy obsession with rugby. They would contend that rugby promotes aggression and boorishness, and that its pre-dominance in media and culture is a problem in our society.

Relationships became strained or broken if Arsenal was having a bad year. Moods were dictated by Arsenal’s position on the premiership table.

These people are of course, wrong. Or maybe just poorly travelled. Because compared to football (soccer) fans in Europe and South America, our fans are candy-floss. Or to put it another way, there is no obsession with rugby here. Watching and playing rugby in New

But Hornby only occupies a middle rung on the football fanatic ladder. He details the mindless violence and hooliganism of 1980s British football fans, where wearing an opposition jersey could result in a severe beating, or even death. In the Heysel disaster in 1985, where 39 people died from a stadium collapse, the victims were running away from a rioting band of Liverpool

Zealand is simply a keenly followed past-time.

supporters.

The aptly titled ‘Fever Pitch’ gives a true picture of obsession. Fever Pitch is an autobiography of a football fan - which is in itself quite telling.

For in England, being a ‘fan’ is a fulltime occupation. It defines you. By contrast who here would call themselves a full-time Chiefs fan?

The picture Hornby paints of a hardcore English football fan is not a pretty one.

Pathological support for the club substitutes for real life and relationships. At a certain level, the game of football is no longer even enjoyed, but becomes a masochistic duty where one competes with other fans to outdo each other in ‘loyalty.’

But for Nicky Hornby he constructed a life on being an Arsenal supporter. Holidays were booked around home and away games.

There are many weird subcultures in modern life; and this is an excellent expose of one of the most popular.

GRITTY REBOOTS: NOT FOR BOOKS PLEASE

BY GRUMBLY MCGRUMBLESON

I have one. I love it. It’s awesome. Mine’s a kindle which has a screen that’s made out of stuff that doesn’t reflect light while you’re trying to read it which I think is pretty sweet, but some of the cheaper ones don’t have that, and I still think they’re sweet too. The readers range in price from around $130 to about $500, depending on brands and features.

Having an e-book reader means you can take 1000 books anywhere with you, but don’t have to carry the weight of 1000 books. The file size of each book is tiny, like 1MB, maybe 2 for a huge book. So a reader with 4GB of memory holds around 4000 books which is pretty amazing for something so small.

Because of the huge number of books available online through stores like Amazon, you’ll never run out of stuff to read and won’t have to spend a fortune on books. Books that are still in hard cover in the stores seem to be roughly half the retail price as an e-book and with the kindle you can download books direct from Amazon with wi-fi access (the 3G ones aren’t available in NZ) and email yourself .pdf files for free. Lots of the e-book readers come preloaded with a certain amount of books, and access to those in the public domain.

The only thing that’s really bugged me so far is that I was hoping to use mine to grab some (or all) of my text books for my classes

this year, but I haven’t been able to find the New Zealand editions of any of my textbooks anywhere online. This was backed up by an email I sent to one of the publishers who told me that they had no intention of turning any of the titles I was after into an e-book format.

However if you’re doing English papers that require novels, it could be exactly what you’re after. After a 3 year degree it would have paid for itself at least twice over from my rough calculations of what I spent while doing my B.A. 37

MAKING LIVING CHEAPER WITH HONEST MATT Hello friends, First of all welcome to all the new students starting at this fine tertiary institute. If you’re new to the glorious city of Hamilton welcome as well. You’re in for a treat living here, as we are the events capital of New Zealand!! Every year you can have a great giggle watching the bogans at the V8s, or feel the love as the entire population of Taumaranui come visit for the Fieldays (rednecks are a hoot). She’s all go in H City. You’re gonna love it.

Anyway I go by the name Honest Matt and I run the new, local discount card ‘The H Card’. This piece is meant to be about Making Living Cheaper. To be honest I’m just going to use this piece to coax you into buying an H Card (they don’t call me Honest Matt for nothing).

Anyway a bit about the H Card: The H Card (the H is for Hamilton) is all about making living cheaper for us Hamiltonians. You can check hcard.co.nz for info on what deals you can get. Sign up to the mailing list on the site as well for special as specials.

Over the next few issues ill try make this more of an interesting read. I’ll be using this piece to subtly drop in the new H Card deals

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while trying to cleverly disguise this among some hurriedly written nonsense about Making Living Cheaper.

If I was to honestly try sell the H Card to you, I’d probably say this.

If you plan on drinking in Hamilton this year the H Card is going to quickly pay for itself. As a drinking enthusiast I think it’s my duty to inform you other drinking enthusiasts of this. If you’re not a big fan of the sauce there are plenty of other benefits you can get from owning one.

I know you cynics are going to have a look at the website and see there are not one hundred deals on there at the moment (you just wait!). How about instead of being cynical tell your business owning Mother or farther to give Old Honest Matt a call so I can tell them how they’ll benefit from offering a deal on h card. Better yet get them to email me hcardbusiness@gmail.com.

Best of luck to all you students this year. I look forward to meeting you all at the pub.

www.zmonline.com

10PM - 3AM. DRESS UP TO GET DOWN. $5 ON THE DOOR AWESOME DRINK DEALS ALL NIGHT