issue 04 2011

MARCH 21TH 2011

04

THE MASSIVE BAR GUIDE PART 2

INTERVIEW

We got your local representative in government, David Bennett, and asked him about stuff

THE BAR GUIDE

Nexus returns with part 2 of the biggest bar rewiew we’ve ever undertaken.

CRIME REPORT

Community Constable Nick Sickelmore has some friendly advice from the Police

UNICYCLE!

Read our columns to find out what useful hints our environmentalists have for you!

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Wednesday

*excluding tui blonde and during quiz only

TEAMS OF 4 - 8 Thursday

2

EDITORIAL WITH ART ACT KEEPS DIGGING...

Rodney Hide is a bona-fide clown.

He might not have excessively baggy trousers, or a funny face, but he’s definitely a clown. Well, he’s doing a good job of entertaining people and scaring children at least. Some ACT voters might already be up in arms, but calm down guys; I’m just getting started.

Rodney Hide, the spray tanned hurricane from Dancing with the Stars, who used reality TV to get enough spotlight for his far-right party to become a valuable coalition partner, who took his ‘secretary’ on ‘business trips’ on the tax payers dollar, thinks open cast mines are grand and dramatic.

Rodney Hide wants us to mine the treasures hidden beneath our real treasures.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not a Green Party supporter. I like to consider myself reasonably centrist in terms of all of the political options we have. But this plan, to rip up our national parks and replace them with “dramatic and grand” open cast mines, is truly beyond belief. Before you come and knock our door down and claim that “surely Rodney Hide can’t have said this” in New Zealand, what with our history of ecological conservation and protection schemes for endangered creatures, here’s his direct quote: “What is wrong with a few open-cast mines? I find the scale of them dramatic and grand. Plenty of other people do, too.”

Keep in mind that he didn’t say this in a dusty old tome from the mid-1990s. He said this about a week ago, on the 13th of March, 2011.

were active during O-Week, as were those two old ladies from Te Pahu, demanding we recycle. It’s not a hip thing to do and sometimes it’s just plain hard work. But we do it, because we who were born into this generation are well read enough to realise the importance of the environment.

We know that there is nothing more valuable beneath the earth than what is on top of it. Ancient forests, groves from Maori legend and early settler letters, rivers and mountains unlike any in the world; all of these are surely worth more than the 30 pieces of silver we as a nation will get for betraying our own land.

This is exactly the kind of policy that ACT brings with it to parliament: MONEY: Money before people, money before rights and money before nature.

It’s an election year and already Rodney Hide is polling badly.

No one is even a hundred per cent sure that Rodney himself will keep his seat, with likely ‘topplers’ including Don Brash and a former mayor of Auckland I’ve never even heard of before.

Surely this kind of political statement, driven by clear and present greed, is not going to win him any new supporters, apart from that small section of New Zealand who look to profit if we decide “Nature can sniff my arse – I want money!”

This being an election year, it should be a no-brainer to tell Rodney and his goons where to go. The sad thing is that some people will get sucked in by the hype. You’re smart and you should be morally buoyant enough to see that money isn’t the be all and end all of life, especially not in New Zealand and especially not now.

Who are these “other people”, Rodney?

I don’t think for a moment that Rodney knows many people, let alone a large enough number for him to use the word ‘plenty’ when talking about them. I’m sure people do look at open cast mines and thinks “nice work guys”, but those people probably make a lot of money from open cast mining, and there certainly are not plenty of them. Thank God. New Zealand has, as I mentioned, a long history of preservation and conservation. For the first time in a long time, Nexus has a sustainability column. I am quite confident that a large number of you will read it and take things from it for you to use around your flat or home. The Green party representatives on campus

Beautiful?

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EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz)

CREDITS & CONTENTS

Credits:

3

EDITORIAL

5

MAGIC 8 BALL

NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (j.mann@windowslive.com) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Dirty Hipster Kevin Pryor, Sash With

6-9

NEWS

10

SPORTS THOUGHTS

11

CRIME REPORT

13

LETTUCE

The Goatee Nixon, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, those babes from College Hall, James “Towlie” Manning”, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”,

Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle

Wall, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Sam & Zane.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT OLIVIA FROM STUDVILLE SHOULDN’T WALK HOME ALONE!

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

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WSU PAGES

21-23

FEATURE - BAR GUIDE

24-25

INTERVIEW - DAVID BENNETT

26

PUZZLES

27

COMICS

28-37 39

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS THE BUSTED PAGE

MAGIC 8-BALL From the Hellmouth of Hamilton springs forth the dark arts of fortune telling and sexual innuendo! Tremble as the hammer of the gods rains down on your pathetic skull, puny human, and sniff the odour of your bowels evacuating!

YOU ARE WORTHLESS IN THE EYES OF THE 8-BALL! Are people with iPhones better than me?

Answers point to no If by better, you mean several hundred dollars less rich than you then yes, otherwise no. If you want an awesome phone, pick an android, they’re better and cheaper. Google > Apple any day of the week.

Is print media dying a dreadful death?

Yes It’s both dreadful and slow. People are too lazy to get up and do anything; if you can click your way to something instead of getting up, then there’s no point in getting up.

Will Charlie Gillard stop trying to fight Nexus staff members?

Eventually When he tries it on yours truly, he’ll have his ass handed to him. I’m a 3rd Dan black ball.

Are the Christchurch Earthquake and Japanese Tsunami forewarnings of the end times?

Ask again later Yeah ask me around December 22nd 2012, I’ll give you a definitive answer.

Is Robot Unicorn Attack the answer to all my hopes and dreams?

Depends Do you dream of robot unicorns? Do you dream of an ethereal plain of sickening pinks, revolting purples and rainbows as far as your eyes can see? Then yes. Though I wouldn’t stay in Dreamland for too long you might fail the semester.

Would firing a bow and arrow into a crowd help me beat HIV? Cannot predict now I am flummoxed by this question. I don’t know how you even came up with this… I suppose you could try it?

Is it all beard under Art’s face?

No No beard, only wisdom.

My friend needs help!

Ruby’s friend Debbie has asked her to act as a guarantor for a car Debbie wants to buy. Should Ruby do this?

If Debbie defaults on her loan, then Ruby is liable for the loan plus interest and there is no way out. The guarantor is legally liable for the debt. Do not act as a guarantor for anybody, even family.

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

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NEWS

CHANCELLOR SHAKEN BUT NOT STIRRED BY JIMMY OLSEN Waikato University Chancellor and former Prime Minister Jim Bolger spoke of his experiences in the Canterbury earthquake at last week’s Waikato University Council Meeting.

The Right Honourable Mr Bolger described being in the city at the time the 6.6 magnitude earthquake struck as “ the Gods becoming unhappy with the world as evidenced by the amount of strife and turmoil being thrown about.” Later he added “Mother Earth tries to shake things around.”

Mr Bolger was attending Canterbury University as part of his duties as the Chancellor on February 22nd when the quake struck and was taken in by total strangers who offered him a place to stay during the quake, and was amazed by the compassion of the people during the aftermath.

Over 15,000 students have taken part in the volunteer Student Army based in Christchurch to aide with recovery and rebuilding.

The Hillcrest Tavern - Cnr Clyde & York Streets, Hillcrest

Ph: 07 856 9159

Vice Chancellor Roy Crawford stated that Waikato University has been in contact with the South Island Universities which have been affected by the Earthquakes.

“We’ve been working closely with all the universities in the South Island – not just Canterbury and Lincoln, but Otago and the Massey Christchurch campus”, said Crawford.

“All of the Vice Chancellor’s of Universities of New Zealand have had regular teleconferences with them (South Island Universities) in the last couple of weeks, and there is a collective offer in some of the faculty’s of taking students away from Canterbury if they wish to spend time away. Sometimes its 6 months they want to spend away, sometimes the students have decided they wish to continue their studies elsewhere.” Less than 30 students have transferred to Waikato.

National MP David Bennett estimated the cost of the rebuild would be over 15 Billion dollars. At the time of writing the estimated death toll from the quake is 182.

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NEWS SMOKEFREE AOTEAROA? Government is in plans to make New Zealand the first smoke free country by 2025, much to the approval of The Heart Foundation, The Cancer Society and Plunket.

The Government has considered many of the 48 recommendations contained in a report proposed by the Maori Affairs Select Committee (MASC), the most controversial being the goal of supporting New Zealand to become a smoke-free nation by 2025.

“The Government made tremendous headway when late last year it banned powerwall displays of tobacco, by a date yet to be announced. Now New Zealand could lead the world by committing to a Smokefree country by 2025,” said Dalton Kelly, Chief Executive of the Cancer Society. “We couldn’t be more delighted.”

In its response, the government has also agreed to develop targets for reducing tobacco consumption and smoking rates towards achieving a smoke-free country, and will also consider the promotion, packaging, and display of tobacco products through the Smoke-free Environments (Controls and Enforcement) Bill which is currently before the House.

It will also be reviewing the addictives and nicotine levels present in tobacco, along with the supply and availability of tobacco, once New Zealand has made more progress to reduce smoking rates.

Plunket General Manager Māori Health Services, Sonya Rimene says the decision is an historic commitment which will set a precedent around the world.

“We acknowledge the work that went into the report by the Māori Affairs Select Committee.

“We all know that smoking shortens lives, reduces quality of life and is a factor in numerous negative health statistics. These statistics weigh more heavily against Maori than non-Maori.”

Tobacco smoking is one of the biggest contributors to the number one killer of New Zealanders, cardiovascular disease (heart, stroke and blood vessel disease). The impact of tobacco on cardiovascular disease and other devastating illnesses such as cancer and asthma makes the government’s response last week both crucial and timely.

Statistics tell us that Māori, particularly Māori women, make up the highest number of smokers in New Zealand.”

The Heart Foundation identifies with the plight of many struggling quitters.

“We know that most smokers would love to quit. The adoption and

“We welcome measures such as plain packaging and banning point of sale tobacco displays, which will support Māori to put their hand up to quit smoking,” she said.

implementation of the Maori Affairs Committee recommendations will see more people making quit attempts and fewer people starting.” Says Maggie McGregor, the Heart Foundation’s Strategic Public Health Advisor said.

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NEWS

MORE MONEY FOR COMPUTERS association membership fees could be paid out of the general student loan, but if the Bill passes this will no longer be possible.

“It’s vital that students are able to be part of democratic students’ associations on their campuses, but the Government is making this harder by supporting Act’s bill.”

“Having to pay student association fees out of course-related costs will create another strain on the already tight budget of $1000 for many students, and provides another reason to increase the amount available.”

Mr Hughes said the Green Party ultimately supported phasing out the student loan scheme in favour of a universal student allowance and a public ‘fee-free’ tertiary education system.

The Green Party is working to raise the amount of money students can borrow for course-related costs to $1500.

Proposed by Green Party Tertiary Education Spokesperson Gareth Hughes, he claims that the present figure of $1000 is out of date, and should be increased to reflect inflation.

Sadness struck the Hamilton Zoo and wider animal loving community last week as one of its chimpanzee’s passed away during a surgery to save his life.

“The course-related costs component of the student loan scheme hasn’t changed since 1992, but the cost of being a student has risen dramatically.”

The Monkey Mike had his arm amputated during a five-hour surgery, after the limb was discovered to be infected.

The student loan scheme allows students to borrow up to $1000 per year for course-related costs, including text books, computers, course materials, and more increasingly, holidays abroad. Mr Hughes stated the figure was unreasonable for this generation of students.

“It is unrealistic and unfair to expect students in 2011 to equip themselves to study for the same dollar amount as students in 1992. $1000 in 1992 had the same purchasing power as $1492 today,” Mr Hughes said.

“A more realistic figure for course-related costs in 2011 is $1500, and this should be indexed to inflation in future to ensure it doesn’t get so out of step again. I have written to Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce asking him to make this change.”

Mr Hughes then went on to identify with the hardships of students saving that grand for the B Semester costs.

“As the academic year gets underway, we need to make sure that every student has access to the resources they need to study successfully. Ensuring that course-related costs reflect the true cost of being a student is one way to do this.”

Mr Hughes reinforced his proposal by acknowledging Act’s bill to introduce voluntary student membership. Previously, students’

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CHIMP DIES IN SURGERY

Hamilton Zoo director Stephen Standley said the infection occurred after the tip of the middle finger on Mike’s right hand was bitten off during a brutal battle with another male chimp. Typical of chimp behaviour, the man Mike attempted to prove himself as the more dominant of the troop. He was unsuccessful.

“Staff first suspected Mike had sustained an injury last Wednesday [9 March] after noticing that he was not using his right hand when he returned to the chimp house to go to bed that night. While the keeper was unable to view the extent of Mike’s injury at that time, the next morning the chimp was examined by the zoo veterinarian who confirmed that he had lost the top of his right middle finger, including the nail bed,” he said.

Mr Standley said while it initially appeared hopeful that Mike would come through the surgery, he wasn’t able to fully recover from the anaesthesia and passed away painlessly about 8.15pm.

“Mike is a much loved member of the Hamilton Zoo family and it has obviously been a distressing time for us to firstly see him go through this major surgery and then secondly be unable to recover from the surgery as we would have hoped,” he said.

Hamilton mayor Julie Hardaker said Mike’s loss will be felt strongly by many at this time.

“Mike is going to be sorely missed by staff and visitors, and certainly by the other members of the chimpanzee troop,” she said.

Charlie Sheen says

“Nexus is an F-18, bro, fueled with tiger blood!”

Nexus has a proud history of righting wrongs and singing songs!

Help us march into the Jedi Temple and kill some padawans and we’ll buy you a beer! Donate us a kidney and we’ll let you smell our fingers! The possibilities are endless!

We want people to do bar reviews! To write political columns! To worship forgotten gods in the bowels of L-Block! Help Jimmy write news! Write us letters telling us your darkest desires! We want comic strip artists, political satirists and Dutch Rudder enthusiasts!

JOIN OUR LEAGUE OF CONTRIBUTORS AND USE YOUR TIGER BLOOD TO DRIVE BACK THE DARK GODS!

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SPORTS THOUGHTS

WITH C-BALL

CRITICISM MIGHT BE A BAD IDEA, ESPECIALLY IF IT GETS YOU BEATEN DOWN WARNING: THIS CONTAINS SWEAR WORDS. When it comes to criticising sportsmen, I’m all for it. Sportsmen are paid ridiculous amounts of money to perform to a certain level, and when they don’t reach that standard, like most of you I too feel aggrieved. However, just because I think someone like Anthony Mundine is a raging douchebag, it doesn’t mean if I ever see him in person I’m going to stroll on up to him and tell him. You might say I’m a coward, but I’d say I’m a survivalist. I’ve already located the closest gun store, hummer dealership and high above sea level geographical location to get through the impending end-of-theworld tsunamis, because when shit hits the fan I definitely want to be in mantrol. Precautions like this are smart, and abusing sportsmen from a safe distance in a large crowd is the intelligent way to go about releasing your opinions. Knowingly confronting someone who can drop you and then telling them about what you perceive to be their shortcomings, is just asking for a one hitter quitter.

The issue I have is with the scum among us that deliberately goad sportsmen to their face, get dropped as a consequence, and then go and piss their pants to the police about being assaulted and victimised. When Rugby League star Benji Marshall was racially abused by a man outside McDonald’s early one morning. Marshall

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is being investigated by police after the man reported he had been assaulted by Marshall and had his lip cut. What did the shit-weasel think was going to happen after he called Marshall a black cunt?

That someone would even approach the NRL’s leading excitement machine to say dumb shit like that is astounding, even more so on a night when Marshall had been attending a cancer fundraiser for affected Australian children. Way to go champ. A cut lip sounds like you got a pretty good deal.

Mike Tyson has been pestered by Paparazzi for years. When one reporter continued to get in his way and invade his personal space at the Los Angeles airport while was with his wife and 10 month old baby, Tyson laid a beating down upon him. Tyson was charged with assault, when the reporter should have been arrested for being a dumbass. It’s not rocket science. If you are going to piss someone like that off to their face, you deserve what comes your way. Same goes for the man who allegedly stole Sione Lauaki’s drink in town, and then wore two to the chops. DON’T DO IT. You don’t fuck with grizzly bears or David Bain do you? So, annoying someone who is physically far superior physically is obviously a bad idea, especially when you are either showing off to your friends or trying to be a smart arse. The only person I respect that has been beaten by a sportsman is the guy who snuck a megaphone into an India versus Pakistan cricket game, then proceeded to chant jibes at Pakistan captain Inzamam Ul Haq about him being ‘a fat potato’.

Ten points for creativity, ten points for comical criticism, ten points for killing the Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, and another ten for luring an enraged Inzamam into the crowd with a cricket bat.

I guess it all comes down to whether you are willing to voice your opinion, and live with the consequences that follow. If you are enough of a dipshit to infuriate a professional sportsman with a size and physicality advantage when they are just enjoying a night out with friends or family, I can’t understand how you can look at yourself in the mirror when you complain to police that you got hurt as a result. Safety in numbers. Those “you fucked up” chants at the cricket never get old. Just ask Ryan Sidebottom. For added fun, take a slab of luncheon to throw at unsuspecting old people, and remember; always stay in mantrol.

HAMILTON EAST POLICE REPORT

1ST MARCH - 14TH MARCH 2011.

In the last fortnight there were 37 break-ins that occurred in Hamilton East.

As shown on the map, several break-ins occurred between the locations of York Street and Knighton Road near the University.

The majority of the burglaries are occurring during the week mainly between the hours of 10.00am to 2.00pm, when students are in lectures at University.

It appears that offenders are walking around looking for opportunities to enter or invite themselves into student flats.

WITH CONSTABLE NICK SICKELMORE

QUESTION FROM THE POLICE: How often do you leave your flat unlocked or windows and door open?

Are the door and window locks in the flat working?

If you have any information that might help Police resolve burglaries, please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or e-mail nsj639@police.govt.nz

Students need to be mindful that if they leave their student flat, they need to lock the windows and doors, to minimise any opportunity for the offender to enter.

Home security advice is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. As a minimum precaution Police recommend recording the serial numbers of valuable items and storing that data somewhere safeother than on your laptop.

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SPONSORSHIP

the WSU Board has a sponsorship

female handballer’s uniform!

Lettuce Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Not A Stick-Mag! Dear Nexus, I love you! I want to have your babies! Can you even have babies? Can magazines even do that? Every Monday morning I race around campus, looking for new Nexuses (or is that Nexxii?) to read. It’s just great. From the awesome editorial by the sexy editor guy right through to the advertising at the back, I just love Nexus. I want to eat Nexus. I want to rub myself off to Nexus. I want to find Nexus and cuddle it to sleep. Nexus, will you marry me? Or civil union me? Or de facto-relationship me? Then I can divorce you and take half of your large assets with me when I leave. But while we are together we could engage in sexually intimate relations. I could stroke you, and you could lick me. I could let you sex me – it’s not like I don’t do it already with the rolled up magazines once I’ve finished reading them. We could go outside afterwards and have a cigarette together. I love you Nexus. Keep it up, because that’s the sort of thing I’m looking for.

Kisses, Not-so-secret Nexus-lover Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Martian Rockstar

God allow this suffering? Why does he stand by as a city crumbles and people perish? Why doesn’t he intervene?’ On a different tangent I want to ask them why God allows happiness?

Why does he allow the sun to rise every morning and breathe its warmth upon the earth. Why was Hamilton not pinpointed by mother nature for disaster? We’re all lucky to be alive, I guess.

If God exists, I don’t think he/she is behind natural catastrophe. Whether you believe in God or not isn’t important. I’m just saying that I’ve noticed we seem to call out for answers only when negative things happen. We tend to play the blame game when human life is in jeopardy but when do we actually question the positive things that take place. I think that suffering is necessary to help us understand joy and happiness. Without the darkness, there would be no light. God’s ways are still a mind-blowing mystery.

From Mars Child

Just Plain Racist Hey Ron-bro, I agree. What IS up with all the little tiny midget Asian people who won’t play basketball with us?

They always choose to play with their friends or people they actually know over me and my sweet bros. What’s going on with that? And what is also up with all these incredibly small Asians sitting on the end of an empty row in a lecture, forcing other students to ask them to move along so they too can sit. Always sitting on the end of a row, these Asians. No other race does this, right mates?

Dear Nexus, Due to the Christchurch earthquake and now the Japanese disaster I have been thinking a great deal about human mortality and the chaos that occurs in the universe. We never know when we will be leaving for good. We live as if tomorrow will always be there. It seems as though we just have to accept that nature has a mind of her own. At this point some people bring God into the picture.They say,’Why does

You know, people always think us white people are the racist ones, but you know what? It was Asians all along! This whole time! Undetected, because they’re so small! White men can’t jump! Because the Asians won’t play with them!

Basketball!

Sweet, Charlie Machine

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PREZ SEZ Hello again everyone! I hope that the semester is going well for you so far as those first assignments start to roll in. This week I want to talk about something that may make your lives a little bit easier if you believe in the benefits: teamwork.

Effective teamwork can be something that defines your success both at university and in the world beyond. This is particularly true for those of you who are management students, where the use of team assignments is common. Furthermore, some of us may find doing preparation for class more effective in a team environment (such as splitting up the weekly readings between several people, who each provide a summary, rather than having each person read 200 pages or more each week) In any case, all of us will end up working in some form of team situation when we go out into the workforce.

But what is teamwork all about? Essentially, teamwork involves working with other people, and developing a degree of interdependence between you. My own

YOUR: WSU

experience tells me that teamwork is rarely successful when this interdependence does not exist; for instance, if George and Sally are working together on a project, and George does not really depend on Sally, then George does not really have any incentive to do his share of the work.

Teamwork is also all about meeting your commitments. This is probably the most important thing you have to bear in mind when working in a team. If you promise to do something, then do it. If you don’t, you’ll just end up annoying the rest of your team members who end up covering for you, which is never a fun situation. So remember, stick to whatever you’ve said you’ll do, even if it means a little bit of extra work on a very late night.

Deni Tokunai President Waikato Students’ Union 027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

If you’ve had a teamwork experience at varsity that went either really well, or perhaps really poorly, I’d love to hear about it. Email me at president@wsu.org.nz or come up and see me on campus.

VP SPEAK WITH TOKO Following on from Charlie and Deni last week, in my column this time I want to overview what I do for students as VicePresident Māori. If you have any questions about my role, then feel free to email me at vpmaori@wsu.org.nz or come up and say

Committee dealing with student appeals for re-entry. Later this year I will also sit on TeRōpū Manu Kura. I also attend a number of university student meetings to touch base with students, staff and various tumuaki.

hello if you see me on campus!

It is also within my role to be involved in the organizing of Maori events. For example I am currently organizing Kingitanga day, and Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori. I also give support to the Hakinakina interschool Maori sport days, and will attend the marae graduations.

I am also hoping to organize some events for Matarikitetouhou, the Maori new year.

Everyday I come into work at 9 o’ clock. I check my emails, where I receive different emails from people such as the Pro Vice Chancellor Maori. I also get emails from many of the different rōpū, and Maori groups on campus letting me know what they are doing, and inviting me to various meetings and events. I also am in touch with national groups like TeManaAkongaInc which is the National Maori Tertiary Students Association Aotearoa.

As part of my role I also sit on a number of different University committees representing the students. So far this year I have been most involved with the Admissions Appeals

A large part of my role as VP Maori is that I sit on the WSU Board of Directors and ensure that a Maori perspective is given, ensuring that Maori tikanga and customs are upheld.

That said, it is my role to support all students on campus, specializing in Maori students.

This means that students can come to me with any problems they are facing, and I will help them, so come and see me today!

Toko Baker VP Māori Waikato Students’ Union 027 2065126 vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

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WSU SERVICE SPOTLIGHT: HARDSHIP

Flatmate walked out on you, and left you with their share of the rent? No food in the cupboards this week, because you needed a textbook for class? Need to get home for a family emergency, but you’ve got no money?

These are just a few of the reasons why you might visit the WSU hardship officer.

Being new to WSU and all the amazing things they have to offer students, I Priscillla decided to catch up with our friendly hardship officer, and check out what hardship is all about.

Hardship in this instance means financial hardship. The WSU has a special fund set aside to help students, who for whatever reason (and there’s loads of them), need a hand. The fund is for an emergency or unexpected occasion (just like an insurance claim), and is to help students to get through a crisis, with little or no collateral damage.

The amount of money available varies according to the situation, but there is always enough for those in need. All payments are made via the internet, so there are no cheques or cash. If, however, your hardship involves food, and you need to do some shopping, this will also be arranged by way of food vouchers (which can be used at all major supermarkets). WSU has a friendly payment option for all of its hardship loans. This will be arranged at the same time and is interest free – at a price you can afford!

Okay, so now you know what hardship is all about, let’s walk through a scenario. So, you’ve got no money and you need a hand... walk into WSU reception and ask to speak to

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the friendly hardship officer, Shannon Kelly (who just happens to look after advocacy as well). Our receptionist will make an appointment there and then, and you can usually see someone straight away (fingers crossed). The hardship officer will come out and walk you down to her office. Next, sit on this really comfy red couch and have a chat about what’s going on, what help you need. Then, you will be asked to fill out a form (don’t worry; it’s really short!). There are a few documents you will need to provide, such as a bank statement and the bill you need to pay (bring these in with you and save time), and our wonderful hardship officer will organise an automatic payment to your creditor on your behalf. Or, pick up some food vouchers, so you’ll be eating more than noodles when you get home.

So...let’s double check, what you need to do if you have financial hardship: (1) Come to WSU reception (2) Meet with our hardship officer (3) Fill out a form & provide documents (4) Get your bill paid, or pick up a food voucher (5) Pay back your WSU interest-free loan (6) Let someone else know, if they need help This service is available to all WSU members (enrolled uni students at Waikato), and even if you’re unsure you fit the criteria, just pop in and see, you never know your luck!

SAVING OF THE WEEK: VEHICLE INSURANCE

Welcome to a brand new (and super exciting) segment of the WSU pages.

In our new Student Saving of the Week page, we’ll outline an expense item that could save you money. It might be something expensive, like vehicle insurance (such as this week), or it might be something a bit more down-to-earth like where you can get the cheapest fish ‘n’ chips! In any case, flick to this page each week to see where you could be saving money.

This week we had a look at the costs of third party, fire and theft, to see if there were any insurance companies that were clearly charging far more than the rest. For those who don’t know, Third Party, Fire and Theft insurance is a common type of insurance purchased by students for their cars. This type of insurance covers damage or loss from theft and from fire). The ‘third party’ bit is possibly the most important part: it means that if you crash into someone else, the insurance company will pay any repair or replacement costs of the other party. This means that if you crash into a Mercedes for instance, you won’t be stuck with a tens-ofthousands dollar bill to repair the car. Note that third party does not cover your own car in such accidents.

So what did we do? We rang up (or used the online quote function) for four of the major car insurance companies in New Zealand. We

told them that we were an 18 year old male, living in Hamilton East, who was just about to buy his first car and wanted to know the insurance costs. When asked what we were buying, we told them that the car in question was a 1987 Toyota Corolla GL, 4 Door Automatic Sedan, with no modifications. We said it was worth about $1200.

The table below shows our results from this information. You can see the premiums (the amount you pay to the insurance company per year), and the excesses (the amount that the insurance company deducts in the event of a claim). We found that most insurance companies charge an additional excess for under 21-year-old drivers, so we’ve given you both the base excess, and the total amount you’d pay as an excess if you were under 21.

Tower even lets you choose your own base excess (with a higher excess equalling lower premiums), so we’ve shown both a $300 base excess and a $1150 voluntary excess.

Just one note: the information in the table is just a guide, so don’t trust your life on it!

Things might have changed since we rang the insurance companies, or we might have even made a mistake when we copied it down. Similarly, just because one company was the cheapest in our test, doesn’t mean it will come out cheap for you: do your own research and find out which insurer is best for your own circumstances!

So what did we learn?

• It seems that most of the insurance companies are within a $25 margin of each other, so it pays for you to shop around and find out which is the best deal for you • Think carefully about the level of excess you are comfortable paying. If you know that you wouldn’t be able to afford a high excess in the event of a claim, perhaps accept a higher premium in return.

• Try not to pay fortnightly or monthly if you can afford it: the insurance companies charge you the earth to do so.

• Consider whether you need the ‘fire and theft’ bits. Some insurance companies will insure you for just third party. Check whether a claim in the event of theft or fire will result in the base excess or the under 21 excess being paid: if it is the latter, what is the point if you have to pay a $1000 excess (for example) on a $1200 car?

Insurer

Contact Details

Annual Premium

Monthly Premium

Base Excess

Total Excess if under 21

Notes

AA

0800 500 231

$276.86

$25.38

$400

$900

Includes discount for purchasing online

AMI

0800 100 200

$418.97

$38.41

$300

$750

Also covers glass repair

National Bank

0800 438 668

$399.48

$36.62

$300

$800

State

0800 80 24 24

$251.10

$22.76

$300

$1000

Tower

0800 808 808

$266.38

$24.15

$300

$1050

Tower

0800 808 808

$201.54

$18.27

$1150

$1900

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CLUB CORNER: THE BIO SOCIETY PICTURE LOG THE BIO SOCIETY

Who we are: Attention Biology students! The University of Waikato Biological Society aims to enhance communication and inspiration within and beyond the Biology Department at the university of Waikato. We want staff and students to spread their knowledge and passions, to inspire budding young biologists and to give Biology an identity at the UoW. We are in our second year of existence so are still bright eyed, bushy tailed and hungry for ideas of how we can help our fellow Biologists and add some fun to our time at uni!

What we’ve done: Last year we put on a meet and greet social event that saw students, postgrads and lecturers alike getting to know each other in a casual environment. We also held an end of year “Mad Biology” party with a dress-up competition, cool party games and of course pizza and beer! Clubs days have been a great success for us, with WSU vouchers won and an epic cabbage eating competition in B semester last year. Other people seem to think we’re pretty cool too; The Biological Society was shortlisted for 1st year club of the year and Kohji Muraoka (club founder) won the WSU award for service to clubs.

Plans for 2011: If you want to know what exciting stuff is planned for the year, then check below: • T-shirts and hoodies are here! Viewing and order forms are available at the Biology office (E.2.20) - colours and designs as shown here in Nexus • 2011 meet and greet in the second half of A semester • Fieldtrip!! Location yet to be decided We also want to get more people on board in organisational roles so that ultimately we can have an annual Biology Ball. Club involvement (as in being an active member) looks great on your CV!!

Contact details: Check out BioSoc on facebook (Waikato Biological Society) or on Moodle (BioClubHub, for those enrolled in Biology papers). Or if you prefer doing the email thing, then send Carley a message at carley. sheerin@gmail.com for more information.

So sign up to the Biological Society on Moodle and help give Biology an identity at the UoW!

CLUB NOTICES: QUIZ NIGHT ON CAMPUS! Everyone loves a good quiz night, whether it’s down at the pub or even just as a fundraiser.

Luckily for you, the Greens on Campus are holding a quiz night this Wednesday 23rd of March down at Momento Lakes on the Village. Bring a couple of friends and form a team of 3-6 people at a cost of only $8 per person. Each team also receives a free bowl of fries. Excellent prizes are up for grabs so make sure you’re down at Momento by 5pm for some live music, followed by the actual quiz at 6pm. Make sure you come on down for a fun-filled night with your friends!

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DIRECTOR INTRO: DANIEL MORALES

is to work in conjunction with our Female Welfare Officer (Holly) to represent students on Men’s, Women’s, GLBT and Disability issues on campus or in the wider community.

I will be working closely with ASKEW, our GLBT Club on campus as well as our very own Shannon Kelly, current Advocacy Coordinator in supporting students and looking in depth at student issues both internal and external to our University.

Email: daniel@wsu.org.nz Portfolio: Male Welfare Officer Studying: BA/ BTch in History & English

I also have the associate portfolio of dealing with first year student issues. The WSU Board has indicated that the success of our organisation lies in the very students we serve

Kamusta, Kia Ora, Ni Hao, and Gidday. I am Dan Morales, WSU Director for 2011. I have just finished my BA //BTch, majoring in History and English, three weeks ago. I am now thinking about Honours or maybe even post-grad studies. I currently hold the Welfare Portfolio with Holly Neilsen.

My Associate Portfolio is that of First Year Issues and I am also the Chairperson of WSU University Issues Sub-Committee. I also sit on the University Student Experience Taskforce Committee.

and the most important of those are those of you who are first years. This year I want to make sure that the WSU looks after you, engages with you, and makes sure that you are aware of the current issues in the tertiary sector.

This year it’s all about you. It is all about how we, your elected representatives, can effectively represent you and address the issues that may affect you in the coming year. My role as the Male Welfare Director

So there you go! That is a bit about me and what I do and I hope to meet some of you this year. O-week was awesome and if any of you were on the late night bus with me and the big man David West (WSU General Manager) then you are welcome! Looking forward to the rest of the year and I hope that you all have a successful academic year. To all the first years out there... Good Luck, Have Fun, And Don’t Screw the Crew!

OOPS! Last week the WSU featured our wonderful Campaigns Director: Kate Magazinovic.

Unfortunately, the Nexus Graphic Designer (Dave...) accidentally forgot to export the correct version of the pages to the printers, and you all ended up with the wrong details.

So to put things right, and to make sure that Kate doesn’t continue the need to put cyanide in Dave’s coffee, here is the correct info for Kate: Email: kate@wsu.org.nz Portfolio: Campaigns Officer Studying: BA in Theatre & History OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz

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FEATURE

PART 2 Last week, we looked at ten Hamilton bars and told you a little about the prices, clientele and so on. This week we’re wrapping it up with another TWELVE BARS! As in last weeks, we’ll be doing a cursory glance at prices, musical styles and why you should (or should not) go and put some dollars on the bar.

Now, it might pay to keep in mind that this is all opinion. We’re not lying when we say we did or did not enjoy a bar. It’s just, like, our opinions man. We’re not lying when we say a bar wasn’t open.

It actually wasn’t and that abr suffered heavily in the review as a result.

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Naturally, there are some bars we have missed, due to constraints on time and space. Several of our reviewers didn’t even know Keystone existed, or that Mexico Mi Das was licensed. Whatever replaced Vespa was also a shock to the system. If the people in those bars want some coverage, flick us an e-mail to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and we’ll sneak some reviewers in for a stealthy peek.

Anyways, let’s get some verbal drinks down your gullet and start this bastard off with House Bar!

FEATURE HOUSE House has, by far, the best value beer in the city. You won’t get much in the way of Double Brown or Ranfurly and it may cost more than some of you want to spend, but the quality is unmatchable. A huge range of microbrewery beers lie in wait within House, all on tap and all delicious. Beer Club every Thursday has become wildly popular, bringing in a wide range of young and old and offering a new tap beer each week.

House has also recently started a Wednesday night “Skint Student Night”, with highly appealing offers such as $5 pizza and $5 beers, which are currently proving extremely popular. Our team went in during one of these and had such a good time that we bought a couple of tasting racks for a random table of students.

For just $16 dollars, a beer virgin can gather up a ‘tasting tray’, holding six of the tasty options. A mere $21 will get you a selection of the wines on offer.

THE BANK The Bank is a bit of a mystery to us.

It has a huge location on prime real estate, but it was decidedly empty when we entered. The staff at the Bank were friendly, but not the creepy kind of friendly that some empty bar’s staff tend to have. It wasn’t like we’d walked into Children of the Corn.

We didn’t get the time to actually get INSIDE the Bank per se, as reviewing fourteen bars is a mammoth task and we simply ran out of time, so we’ll let the facebook page speak for them.

“The Bank has a great new after work special every week day of 2011. Come in Monday to Friday between 4.30pm and 6.30pm because all of our tap beer, house wine, Steinlager Pure and Corona is only $4.50. PLUS, if you book in advance you can also get a platter and your first drink free for any group of five or more people.”

Those prices are good in anyone’s books. We also have it on good authority that, for a bar that also serves meat, the Bank has the greatest selection for vegetarians.

BAR101 No Hamilton bar review would be complete without the fiercely good time that is Bar101. Since its launch a few years back, Bar101 has drawn a lot of flak for its policies on tattoos, age and door charges.

As with most other bars, we say: TOUGH! If you don’t like it, there are plenty of other places to go for a drink.

Don’t want to pay a minimal fee to have a good time? I’m sure Kahu, the whistling homeless guy on Victoria Street could use the company.

Bar101 has, and continues to have, a huge level of popularity among students due to competitive drinks prices and highly danceable music. It even won Best bar of the year for two years running. Art and the boys from Helena Road used to party hard there in 2008, and Johnjohn the Aussie still does.

A handle will cost about the $4 mark, with an RTD around the same price. Double Brown on tap is sure to catch the lad’s eyes, while Fuse is the vodka on offer from the fridge.

Wednesday nights also have the Bar101 Quiz Night, with bar tabs up for grabs for the sharp cookies out there.

GRAND CENTRAL Grand Central is Hamilton’s best kept secret. It can be found in the alleyway to the side of House Bar. As the name suggests, it’s a reasonably small bar, with zero dance floor. Grand Central isn’t about the music or the dancing, however, and rests its reputation firmly on the quality of cocktails it provides.

Occasional musical acts, as well as conversational and skilled bar staff make Grand Central the perfect place if you feel like having a drink alone, or in a small group.

Outside seating gives you a good view up Alexandra Street and gives you the feeling of being in the centre of town without having to deal with all the foul smelling crowds found on Victoria Street. The prices are not so cheap (keeping in mind, as we are, that you are students, not millionaires), but the $14.50 you throw down for a cocktail is well worth it, especially if you’re on a mission to impress a new friend.

Now, we have it on good authority that Hugh Jackman’s cousin works behind the bar at grand Central. He won’t admit it, and they use candles instead of electric lighting to help hide his identity, but Alex is definitely the blood relative of Wolverine.

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FEATURE GOTHENBURG It’s important to note that Gothenburg is not a student bar in any sense of the word.

It’s not going to offer you a student deal or give you a lot of space to dance in, but that’s not what they’re about. Beers are the key to the drinks menu at Gothenburg, with Hofbrau Original and Hofbrau Munchner Weisse both there to satisfy even the snootiest of beer palates.

The alcohol menu at Gothenburg actually blew my mind. However, I feel the need to say this once again: Gothenburg is NOT a student bar. Gothenburg only got on this list due to the wide variety of beer on offer. If you are a beer nerd, check this joint out. You’ll pay top dollar, but no beer nerd thinks twice about price if the drop is nice.

That’s a rhyme I just made up.

One thing which did make us think twice about Gothenburg was their description of themselves on their facebook page. We’re all for aggressive marketing, but this just makes them sound arrogant:

KGB It is easy to forget KGB in the rush between larger bars. Billy, the owneroperator, is something of a Hamilton legend, always ready with a drink and a smile. He is been in the game for a long time, with KGB now in its third location and incarnation. Karaoke, still popular but growing dated, is the main draw to KGB, which sits on Victoria Street a few doors north of Bar 101. The microphones and screens come alive from 10pm. It doesn’t take much imagination to realise that you’ll be having a better time getting involved than not.

One thing which may put people off (but really shouldn’t) is the slot machines section of KGB. A lot of bars have them, but I don’t really notice them. The ‘G’ in KGB stands for gaming, so one shouldn’t be surprised to see them. The fact they take up a large portion of an already small locale may put some of you morally up-right types off.

A delicious range of shots starts from $3, with some pretty interesting concoctions. The one which caught my eye was called Black Samurai; sake and soy sauce. It may have caught my eye, but I’m not going to put it anywhere near my mouth. Go and try it and let us know how you’re feeling.

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ALTITUDE/ GRAVITY The review team agreed on one thing before we even got into Altitude: too many stairs. It could not be called Altitude, however, if it was on the side walk though, so up we went.

Some of the older guys in our review team have a lot of time for Altitude. Mobile Stud Unit, Shihad, Blindspott and many more live bands have played sell out shows to capacity crowds at Altitude. It hosted Club Classics during Soundscape and went off. Altitude always has things going on.

During the Field Days, which happen out at Mystery Creek in June, they run a Wet T-Shirt competition. Need we say more?

Drink deals can have you paying as little as $5 for a beer or an RTD, while $4 Happy hours on Friday and Saturday (unless something big is going down) will see you coming in.

Gravity is the bar below Altitude, which played host to Sexy House and the wonderful Angela Fisken. The also play host to regular DJ sets, including one coming up on the 26th with Fevah FM and Cheeky Chicks.

AGENDA Another of the recent additions to Hamilton’s nightlife, Agenda impressed our review team straight off the bat. A staff member behind the bar welcomed us in, while another came up to us and asked us if we wanted a table, or a drinks menu.

I would expect this from a business struggling for customers, but when we entered the joint was humming. Three groups, including a young family were eating dinner, while we and another two groups were there for the drink selection.

Agenda is quite popular as a night club venue, along with the dinner and post work drinks crowd. It is in a prime location for it, sitting directly at the mouth to the Outback alleyway.

A beer from Agenda will cost you around $7.50, but they are all high class drops. The range of cocktails and shakers is also nothing to sneeze at. We got a Pimm’s drink for about $13, because we’re old and wanted to get nostalgic about dead grandparents. If you haven’t had a Pimm’s drink before, get to Agenda and give one a jam. They do it well.

FEATURE ROUTE 66 Route 66 is in a prime location and has apparently wasted no time in getting their crowd pumping. A lot of people told us it was a strip bar. This is not the case. If you have seen the brilliant piece of cinema Coyote Ugly, then you’re already halfway to understanding how Route 66 works. Beautiful women dance on the bar top, clothes stay on, everyone leaves slightly aroused.

Route 66 was not open mid-evening on Wednesday, but I can’t imagine there being much of a market for mid-week, after work bartop entertainment. We can only imagine how much fun it must be, both to work there and drink there.

A quick look on their facebook page told us all we need to know.

We’ll let their info page speak for them: “Our Hot Girls are experienced BarTop Dancers. Our Music consists of Rock, Hip Hop, Dubstep, Dance etc so there is something for everyone! Body Shots, Controlled Chaos! come visit our bar!”

So, as you can see, Route 66 doesn’t care about grammar and punctuation, but they definitely care about you having a good time.

Go check it out, simply because it’s something different.

FURNACE Furnace is perhaps more of a food location, rather than a night club. It won the Best Restaurant category in 2009, as voted for by Waikato Times readers. While we are sure that it goes off at night (because several friends of Nexus regularly go there in the hope of hearing the Grease medley one.... more... time....), we went through with the dinner crowd. The staff seemed rushed, but didn’t cut back on the welcoming nature we’ve come to experience from John Lawrenson’s bar staff.

On a quick side note, while there, the Nexus bar review team saw the “Bar Baron” himself, rushing food between his various establishments. Not his staff. Not some catering firm. John Lawreson himself. Say what you will about him, but you can’t deny he doesn’t work hard.

Furnace is open 7 days a week and is a great location for a date, without breaking the bank or losing out on quality service.

COYOTES Coyote seemed to be working hard to not impress the review team, as the sign on the door listed “Wednesday - 7PM” as the opening hours. We strolled by at getting on 8pm and there didn’t appear to be anyone inside, let alone an open bar.

Coyotes has received unwanted media attention in the past, with Sione Lauaki lashing out at bar-goers he suspected of stealing his drinks last year.

Here’s the replay for those of you who missed the Waikato Times’ series of articles about Sione’s fun times in town: “When Lauaki’s drink went missing he asked the man if he took it. When the man denied taking it, Laukai punched him in the mouth. The man denied taking the drink a second time, so Lauaki punched him in the mouth again.”

As with all the other bars, however, we shouldn’t let a few bad incidents colour our view of them. The bar should speak for itself.

As previously stated, Coyotes was not open at the time advertised on the door. That’s not a good start.

Coyotes has a very small smoking area, separated from the sidewalk by only a rope fence. A huge bar takes up the middle stretch of Coyotes is a good design feature, meaning you can get at the service whenever you want. Booths along the wall give tired feet a chance to rest and give a slight privacy.

We would recommend Coyotes for people who don’t give a fuck.

There simply are a lot of bars out there that offer a similar, only better, product.

So, there’s another bunch of bars. As we said earlier, this IS NOT ALL OF THE BARS IN TOWN. We simply did not have enough time to cover them all, so we went with the big ones, the crazy ones and the beautifully small ones.

Remember: plan before you party. If you’re in town and shit is falling apart and you see one of the Nexus team around, give us a shout. You guys are our favourite people in the whole world. NEXUS BLOODY SAYS SO.

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For those of you who don’t know, when

it did teach me a lot about being in your own

winnings for your region, because that’s when

you live on or around campus, you are in the Hamilton East electorate. As 2011 is an election year, you’re going to be hearing a lot from our politicians, both incumbent and wanna-be, both on and off campus. Some of you might get bored with these elements in the magazine, but most of you will be eager to hear what all the different parties have to say and what they can offer you – the students.

business and things like that, which then lead to me wanting to go into the business of farming.

your political party puts the most out there to go try and win the election. When you’re in government things change a little bit, in that you’ve probably got a little bit more of a defensive model, in the sense that you’re promoting the policies of the day rather than advocating for change just for the sake of change.

David Bennett is up for a third term, representing our little slice of Heaven, down in Wellington. He’s young, studied at Victoria and has got a bit of farming under his belt. He’s also a former Saint John’s boy.

They’re those little buggers who sneak over here from school to try and get us to buy cigarettes for them David Bennett doesn’t want us to buy him cigarettes.

Nexus got David Bennett for an entire hour, in which time we asked him the basics and chucked a few sticky questions in there as well. We feel he did well.

Dairy farming is where we make a lot of our foreign exchange, so I went into that and loved it. I then was fortunate to get the nomination for Hamilton East. In the time I was farming, National took a really bad hit at one election and we had do reform the party and everything. We set up a board structure which was different from how it had been in the past, where it had been “do your twenty years and you move up in the system”.

I stood up and said that we need to change direction, we need to be a bit more centre, rather than too right wing, and it worked.

From there we re-invented the party, we rebranded it essentially, Steven Joyce was a big part of that, he was the CEO at the time and so we turned the message around and then we turned around the profile of the party. We didn’t win the next election but we got close and we won the one after that.

Nexus: How’s your second term going?

Nexus: Just for the benefit of the students who are new to your electorate, how did you get into Politics?

David Bennett: I originally went to St John’s. When you see boys walking around the Uni at lunchtime, which was me a few years back. Then I went to Victoria to do law and commerce there, before working for KPMG for a couple of years. I probably wasn’t the best employee they ever had, but 24

David Bennett: Very Good. In the first term National was the opposition, so that was a little bit difficult.

The big win we got was the Waikato Express Way, which is the $2 billion roading project.

National got that when we were in opposition and when we got into government we actually put it into the works and are doing it now.

In opposition you get the ability to get some

That’s the focus and that’s also being tempered by the fact that we’ve had the recession and some major natural disasters. The Canterbury Earthquakes have complicated things, in the sense that economically we’re in a very difficult situation (as many countries around the world are) and we’ve really got to promote growth to get out of this situation. There is not a lot of leeway for having a lot of wild promises about new things, because basically we’ve got a quite a few costs to meet, what with the current situation.

Nexus: It is looking like a $10 billion bill for Christchurch, right?

David Bennett: I think it’s 15 plus. That’s something no one expected. We had expected growth in Christchurch, especially the rebuilding from the September earthquake, to be starting to come through around about now. This would have given the the economy a much needed boost. On top of that, we would have actually had a strong economy for this year. The re-building is now being put back about nine months. That boost is perceived to come around at the end of 2011, early next year for re-building rather than now so the nature of that is basically

it’s a country that’ll take about a year in that economical development process through having a natural disaster like that.

Nexus: What are the big accomplishments that National has made?

David Bennett: Well we’re at difficult times, but I think the first thing is that our economic management has been the best you could get, in the sense that we have maintained a stable economic environment where we haven’t cut services or anything like that. We have kept away from the austerity measures, which you can see happening in Europe.

Instead we’ve tried to set a direction were we can see the investment in savings and the support for savings and investment.

There’s a re-balancing of the economy to be a productive, tradable export economy that’s a big part of what we’re doing and there’s also the continuation of social spending. This is because we realize that there are not a lot of opportunities out there at the moment and we need to grow those.

We need to a keep level playing field while we’re doing that. That’s a difficult balance when you’re in a recession, so we’ve had to borrow heavily as a government. The natural disasters in Christchurch have meant that we’ve had to borrow even more to continue that process. I think it’s the right decision to make.

Your only other options are to cut staff or increase taxes. If you increase taxes you’re going to kill the economy, while if you cut staff you’re going to cause a lot of pain in the

community, so either way that doesn’t work. I think the balance we’ve got is about right.

Nexus: Lets step back a moment to your initial election. The front page picture in the Waikato Times was Dianne Yates not wanting to shake your hand. Is there a lot of that?

David Bennett: It’s very rare. I don’t really say much about that night, but it’s one of those things that happen. It’s not really for me to comment on, but I don’t find it’s something you really find in politics a lot.

Most people can get on pretty well and there’s no need for that, in the sense that it the end of the day you do have an understanding of what a politician goes through once you’re in there.

It may be that they’re in a different colour of political party and they have different points of view which you just don’t agree with and you can’t see how anyone would agree with them, but at the end of the day they do, and they do the same stuff that you do and they have to put their message out there. We have a healthy respect for each other, so I wouldn’t see that as being the norm. The norm is that people are pretty respectful, just like after a rugby game when everyone shakes hands.

They still want to win, but they all know what it takes to play on the field and work hard.

Nexus: The VSM Bill was opposed by numbers in the high 90s, in terms of percentages. Despite this, it has still gone through to its third reading.

David Bennett: The Act party put the bill up. We don’t have a situation where one party gets 50% of the vote. That doesn’t happen

and you don’t see that happening, so it’s lot of coalition governments and therefore you have a lot of give and take.

The second thing is that through a lot of those submission processes, not just on this bill but on most bills, you often find that while there’s a vast majority of submissions against something (for example, the alcohol law), the consequences and the arguments about it aren’t fully explained and it’s very difficult to change some of those mind sets.

In a lot of submission processes you do find a skewing of the submissions, one way or the other. I think in this case you have got to take into account that MMP environment we have and also the number of submissions will be generally from those parties that will be most interested in it will be submitting their point of view.

You’ve got one of the best student unions in the country right here at Waikato. They deliver a lot of good services and they’re not overcharging on their fees. I would like to encourage students to become voluntary members of the Waikato Students’ Union because they will get value for money. It’s worthwhile for students. It’s quite a good tension to have in an organisation, as it make sure the WSU is delivering value for money.

So there you have it. Our MP, Mr David Bennett is not only a local boy and a Kiwi bloke, but also a big fan of your student union. Our next interview is WINSTON BLOODY PETERS! We’re not even kidding!

Our buddy Cam from DebSoc sorted it out and it’ll be here, in print, next week.

“You’ve got one of the best student unions in the country right here at Waikato. They deliver a lot of good services and they’re not overcharging on their fees. I would like to encourage students to become voluntary members of the Waikato Students’ Union because they will get value for money.”

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DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

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So, it’s week four. You’ve only been studying for a week, so it’s not really too much to ask for you to be still studying. Two weeks isn’t too much, is it? Cs get degrees, but Ds don’t. So studying might be a good idea. There’s only two weeks after this week until that sweet, sweet freedom of the Teaching Recess. Oh, and two Sudoku puzzles this week – that’s by request.

THE BIG BAD wordFIND the wORDS Watch Lectures Online Listen To Contact FM Read Nexus Facebook In Lectures Twitter In Lectures Check In On Foursquare

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

As usual, the first person to complete all the puzzles will win not one, but two free movie passes!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

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COMICS GALORE RL - BY TOM BEISLY AND DANIEL KEEGAN

Fancy yourself as an artist? Got some sweet comics you want to share? Let us know! Contact us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz

NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE. WITH DEE Hi all, It’s official... I love autumn. I love how the days are hot and the nights are cold.

I love how there are slowly becoming less flies, and that I’m living somewhere that (hopefully) won’t have issues with mice.

I love that I’m getting into the swing of things with uni. I know where my classes are, and what times they start. Along those lines, I love that I can get from my front door to most of my classes within ten minutes. Another reason the beginning of autumn makes me happy is that it is my birthday.

Growing up, I was a weird kid. I didn’t associate my birthday with presents, or parties. I associated it with the fact that my grandparents grapes always ripened around my birthday. My birthday made

me remember that it isn’t far off feijoa season. My birthday used to mark the end of being able to get cheap sweet corn, watermelons and some stone fruit. For me, birthdays were more of a time to reflect on the past year then New Years was, and as far as this previous year goes, there has been one big food achievement, and no, it’s nothing to do with fresh produce. It’s much more ordinary then that... I have finally become comfortable cooking rice.

She is a fan of the absorption method, which I never quite got the hang of. Still, I persevered, and now I feel a lot more comfortable cooking rice, even though I still stuff it up some of the time. So, in the spirit of rice and the changing season, here are a few simple things I like to create with rice. These quantities are what I would consider a side dish for a few people, rather than proportions for a main.

Rice and I have had an interesting past.

I’ve always swung between not cooking it long enough and cooking it far too long. I have thought about buying a rice cooker (and one day I probably will), but I always thought it would be better to just learn how to cook it properly myself. My mother always cooked rice to perfection.

CHEATS FRIED RICE:

TUNA CHILLI RICE:

Ingredients: Two cups of cooked rice

Ingredients: Left over rice (yeah I cook “too much rice” a lot)

Two or three eggs Soy Sauce One cup of frozen peas

A tin of tuna Sweet chilli sauce

1.

Cook your rice according to the packet instructions, or use left over rice if you cooked too much the night before (if I’m being honest... I almost always overdo my portions of rice) 2.

Crack the eggs into a bowl. Mix them until they look pretty well combined. Heat a frying pan, and tip the egg mix in. Try and cook it like you’re pretending it’s a pancake. Cook it till it’s not runny any more.

3.

Cook the frozen peas according to the instructions on the packet... basically, put them in a left-over plastic Chinese takeaway container, and microwave them for 2-3 minutes, or until they are all hot.

4.

Cut up the egg mix into bit size pieces. Mix the egg bits and the peas in with the rice. Drizzle a tablespoon or two (or however much tastes good to you) onto the rice mix. And then you’re done!

1.

Drain the water or oil that is in the tin with the tuna. Mix the tuna in with the rice, and a decent amount of sweet chilli sauce.

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2.

Heat it all in the microwave until it is hot.

3.

Don’t share it with your flatmates, because it is awesome, and it’s that easy that they should be able to make it themselves.

4.

Eat and enjoy!

MAKING LIVING CHEAPER

RANGATAHI IN THE WORKPLACE

WITH HONEST MATT YOUNG WORKERS’ RESOURCE CENTRE

Hello Friends, Last week one of my tips for “Making Living Cheaper” was to befriend people who are flatting at home with their rich parents. I’d like to elaborate on this.

A good start is to befriend former students of St Peters and St Pauls.

Do this by striking up a conversation about past school sport matches or something: “Hey aren’t you the winger for… We played you guys etc, etc”.

St Peters and St Pauls are decile 9 schools which means the parents can probably afford to feed you (try hanging around the house at dinnertime). Avoid being mates with students who went to Fairfield College or Melville High. If a person from Fairfield or Melville tries to befriend you tell them in no uncertain terms to piss off. They are no good to you.

After you’ve gained the parents trust start subtly trying to get them to lend you money. When they ask you the inevitable generic question of “How’s your studies and flat going?” it’s your opportunity to give them a sob story.

Say something like “Yeah it’s ok, but I’m just finding it real stressful with study and work” (just lie about having a job if you don’t have one). Then bleed your heart out about how Studylink is being a real prick and how you got a fine the other day for having no warrant or rego. If you can turn on the waterworks (looking at you ladies) then use it.

Try getting a $100 loan (you can up it later). When you get that $100 the first thing you should do is head to hcard.co.nz and buy your H Card for $25. With the rest of the money hoon down to Liqour King Hillcrest and buy a bunch of discounted beverages (I suggest a box of Double Browns for around $20). A box of beers tastes a lot better when it’s paid for with some other suckers money. Afterwards head into town with your H Card and spend the rest of the loot at Bar 101 and The Outback (you’ll get $1 off all drinks at Bar 101 and The Outback). After that you should have enough to get a taxi home.

PART TWO: BRIEF RUN DOWN ABOUT THE 90 DAY TRIAL LEGISLATION. The Employment Relations Amendment Act was passed with the hopes to stimulate employment. The NZ Institute of Economic Research (NZIER) recently released a report concluding that “the analysis suggests that the policy has had a small but positive impact on the job numbers for Small, Medium Enterprise (SME) employers, during a time when the labour market overall was shedding workers’ due to recession”. This seems like a positive outcome for employers and employees alike however, Rosenberg’s 2011 paper disagrees with the NZIER conclusion stating among other things that “the paper makes the elementary error of mistaking timing for cause” and “not investigating job losses in any depth” hence further research investigating all aspects of the legislation should be conducted.

“Recent experiences the YWRC has had with young people has indicated that many young people are having difficulty with the new legislation.”

Recent experiences the YWRC has had with young people has indicated that many young people are having difficulty with the new legislation. In some cases young people have been put on a trial period after a trial period (this is not allowed) others have been paid under minimum wage for the duration of the trial period (also not allowed) and others have had their hours cut. In many of these cases the young workers’ have been too scared to raise these issues with their employer because they are worried they will lose their job if they do. In addition to this some have been fired from their job and feel uncomfortable applying and starting in the new workplace. This is a serious problem for young workers’ as this can affect a young person long term career goals.

If you have any questions about this article, or would like further information about the 90 day trial period and or a copy of the NZIER, or Dr Rosenberg’s report please contact Kylie, kylie@ywrc.org.nz, 07 834 7124.

If you can live with using people then do heed this advice. Remember at the end of the day, it’s all about looking out for number one.

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CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

POSTCARDS FROM A FORMER STUDENT

WITH MACKENZIE MCCARTY

Banana Pepper 57 Seddon Street, Waihi

Southern Laos

We came here because we were staying with a friend in Waihi, in an effort to prolong our holiday after a few days camping in Cook’s Beach we weren’t quite ready to head home to face work and uni again.

It was early morning and coffee was needed after not enough sleep and a little too much vodka the night before. Banana Pepper came recommended by the aforementioned friend as the only good place in town to get coffee.

southern Laos. I’m not going to tell you the name of this particular island- if you want to see it, you must go searching for it, like we did.

But I will tell you what to expect when your canoe arrives:

Upon entering we were confronted with cabinets filled with a range of good looking food for ridiculously cheap prices. For the princely sum of $1.40 I chose a date scone, which was promptly heated and buttered for me, and turned out to be possibly one of the best date scones I have ever had. The husband, in that was that boys do, selected a pie and a sugar donut, and pronounced them both to be delicious. I may have ‘sampled’ some of the pie, you know, just to substantiate his claims.

The coffee arrived next, looking good, and we both agreed it was pretty good, my latte was nice and creamy, just the way I like it.

Banana Pepper has an interesting and eclectic selection of furniture, which was probably picked up in an op-shop, and is kinda awesome.

There was also a comfy looking couch corner, which I dearly wanted to sit in, but was occupied at the time. The only downside would be that the ‘bakery’ feel it has does attract the kind of customers you may not want to be sitting next to, the kind of customers who probably shouldn’t be wearing a baggy black singlet, who should find pants that fit and who should probably shower before leaving the house. Oh well.

The staff did seem pretty cheerful, but I got the strange feeling that they didn’t want to be there, maybe that’s because their uniforms were kind of ugly. Anywho, if you are in Waihi Township you should probably come here, you know you want to.

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This postcard comes from a hammock, strung between a coconut palm and a bamboo shack, located in the 4,000 Islands region of deep

“Overhanging the river, with a diving board in one corner of the seating area, this venue specializes in ‘happy’ foods.”

There is a hammock waiting for you too, and watermelons the size of a troll’s head piled beside fresh pineapples and overweight papayas.

There aren’t any cars here, but villagers and occasional tourists will pedal by on bicycles or scooters, tossing a “sawadee” (hello) in your direction. If you manage to leave the folded embrace of your hanging cocoon, you might venture down the dirt road, past naked Laos babies swimming in the Mekong River, fat puppies tearing at the ears of older dogs, and onwards to the Reggae Bar. Overhanging the river, with a diving board in one corner of the seating area, this venue specializes in “happy” foods. A dreadlocked Austrian expat serves up the local crop of marijuana in numerous forms: pizzas, smoothies, cookies; you can even buy a whole “happy” birthday cake. Or, rather than beating around the “bush,” you might just buy a sandwich bag of buds for around NZ$10.

If happy meals aren’t quite your thing (or you’re like me, and one sample is more or less enough), order up some traditional local grub, like a whole steamed fish cooked with coconut milk inside a banana leaf, or the fantastic curries from neighboring Thailand. Hire an inner tube for NZ$1.50 a day and float down the languid Mekong, keeping a lazy eye out for rare freshwater dolphins.

Looking back on this “postcard,” it reads more like a travel brochure.

But what the heck- I’m in a hammock on the river beach in Laos, sipping a (non-happy) watermelon smoothie, it’s beautiful as anything, and I can do it all for about NZ$20 a day…seriously: finish uni and find yourself a canoe!

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH MR MINTY FISH

If you are over the age of 12, your excuses for wRiTiNg LyKk DiZz are as follows.

1)You are retarded.

2) Your caps lock flicks on and off at random, forcing you to freak out and occasionally hit ‘z’ instead of ‘s’ and ‘sHaWtAy BaYb’ instead of ‘girl.’

3) You never had friends close enough to sit you down and explain why your milkshake doesn’t bring anyone to the yard.

“If you write like this, please write in. I want to pick your brains. I want to meet your friends. I want to drug test you.”

For a few hundred words, I will be that friend. Granted I don’t know you, I probably don’t like you well enough to spare your feelings and the name ‘Mr Mintyfish’ most likely has you thinking I’m actually a guy with eclectic taste. Regardless, I will be that friend.

Fellow students, let me break it down for you!

“Thr is txt language”, and then “There is text language” but then, “tHr Is JuSt BeInG a DiCk.”

UNICYCLE!

WITH SAM AND ZANE

UniCycle is a project aimed at implementing and promoting recycling and sustainability initiatives on campus. It is collaboration between ULeisure and the WSU student clubs SIFE Waikato and Greens on Campus. SIFE Waikato creates student-run projects which focus on positively impacting the community as well as addressing environmental issues. Greens on Campus are a diverse group of students who have a passion for environmentalism and social justice and provide a social forum for those who are like minded. SIFE Waikato and Greens on Campus are responsible for engaging with Waikato University students throughout the year to educate students and change their habits towards a more sustainable lifestyle.

You may have seen our UniCycle stall during O-Week and witnessed the ‘Mad Grannies’ wandering around and drawing attention towards the correct disposal of litter on campus. We also had two guest speakers: Sam Judd from Sustainable Coastlines and Nandor Tanczos, a former Green Party MP, who talked about e-waste. We had over 100 entries in our quiz display competition and we would like to congratulate the following winners who have won some neat prizes: Anna Carter, Talissa, Cameron Harper, Caitlyn Brickland, Rachel, Janine Haycock, Mathew, Rawina Davis, Steven Salnan, Aimee, Chaneal, Chloe Groom, Callum Braithwaite, Matts Brindley and Leanne Russ.

A very big thank you must go out to the WSU for their sponsorship of the quiz prizes.

Do you still have a Bebo account? Do you still call your mates your ‘girlies’? Do you straighten your straight hair and then pour Janola it?

These are the questions that haunt me at night.

“Jess you’re so judgemental.” Yes. I am. I’m judging you and ‘yEwWw’ deserve to be judged.

If not for the fact that no-one can understand you, I would have thought that for someone too lazy to learn English, alternating between upper and lower case would have been a bit too hard.

If you write like this, please write in. I want to pick your brains. I want to meet your friends. I want to drug test you.

I want to understand.

Coming up this Saturday, the 26th of March is Earth hour, where across the globe people turn off their lights for an hour to take a stand against climate change. It started in 2007 with 2.2 million individuals and 2000 businesses switched off their lights in Sydney. It has since become a global event, with major landmarks switching off their lights to show their support for the fight against climate change. So tell your friends and show your support by switching off the lights from 8:30 for an hour this Saturday.

Watch this space in the upcoming weeks for tips on how to live more sustainably, further UniCycle events, and other such fantastic things.

If there is a particular issue you would like UniCycle to address or event ideas for the promotion of sustainable behaviour, please email us at unicycle.waikato@gmail.com

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POST-RAD

WITH BLAIR MUNRO

I have started planning my days, and this is a fair indication to me that the End of Days is upon us. I used to fly by the seat of my pants, on a space rocket made of jellybeans, but I now have to have some idea of what tomorrow is planning to use to slap me in the face.

Being old implies responsibility. There are those readers who may scoff at my claims of being old, but having been birthed with the cynicism of a middle-aged man, I can safely tell them to fuck themselves. A little auto copulation never hurt anyone, least of all if you’re sufficiently equipped to actually do it.

“Consider the black death that resides in the eyes of the elderly, as they stare boldly into the unknown. Consider this, and be afraid. Be very afraid.”

There is marking to do, and lab sessions to demonstrate, and obscure literature to read. There are solutions that need to be centrifuged, and crystals to futilely attempt to characterise. There are a thousand little injustices that have to be ignored, because apparently there are clauses in the University guidelines prohibiting shooting sprees.

All of this has to be planned out. There are only twenty-four hours in a day, and I no longer have the time to improvise, to throw caution to the wind, to get dragged out of a shopping centre by a security guard with more tattoos than brain cells. I don’t have time for these things, because my days are now filled with red pens and highlighters, with journal articles and mass spectrometers. It is no longer prudent for me to tackle random passers-by for using words like “irregardless”.

(That’s one, Blair. Ed.) However, with great responsibility comes great power. There is a certain air that comes with age. A swagger, if you will; an unmistakable confidence that arrives thundering in the wake of someone who has shrugged off the worst of their troubles. What terror does the mortal world have left for these mighty titans?

Fuck all, is what. Consider the black death that resides in the eyes of the elderly, as they stare boldly into the unknown. Consider this, and be afraid. Be very afraid.

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OWEN’S VIEW

WITH OWEN HINTON

During my travels in Burma (or Myanmar, for you supporters of military dictatorships. You know who you are.) A friend and I spent a few days in a town which bordered on a massive lake called Inle.

Whether it was as big as Lake Taupo I couldn’t say, although I was told recently that “there’s no way it is bigger” by a guy who just ‘knew’.

Ahhh, those sorts of people are funny, and kind of worrying.

The town of Inle featured a range of restaurants, all catering to the (then dead) tourist trade. Military takeovers have a way of discouraging visitors. It was hard to walk down the street and see their faces light up at the possibility of customers. There was only so much I could eat and drink. It’s a shame too, as the Burmese people were some of the nicest that I met whilst travelling through South East Asia.

“ On their breaks they would play pool relentlessly, all the while smoking like chimneys, roughhousing and joking, not unlike young men everywhere.”

Much of the Inles industry centered on tomato farming. From our hotel, we could see guys lifting huge crates of tomatoes up onto this truck and stacking them. All of them just wore jandals and most were shirtless. They were as buff as humanly possible. On their breaks they would play pool relentlessly, all the while smoking like chimneys, roughhousing and joking, not unlike young men everywhere. It looked like a pretty sweet, simple lifestyle. But it’s easy to romanticise while looking at little bamboo huts and such.

Each morning the horde of hotel staff (comparatively, as we were the only guests) would wait for us and with huge enthusiasm ask us ‘do you want egg?’ whilst gesturing frantically at their mouths. I thought it was adorable. The only problem was that nobody eats bread there.

This resulted in a situation where the bread they gave us was a sort of ‘cake bread’. Egg on sweet toast isn’t very nice, but I always told them it was, just because they seemed so proud of it.

AUTEUR HOUSE

WITH RICHARD SWAINSON

For a country regularly demonised by the west - particularly Uncle Sam - Iran punches above its weight when it comes to internationally renowned directors. Individually and collectively the artists of the ‘New Iranian Cinema’ have forged a humanistic, deceptively simple style detailing the microdramas of ordinary citizens, a powerfully evocative body of work that’s often compared to that of the Italian Neo Realists of the immediate post-war years.

Auteur House stocks works by three of Iran’s greatest filmmakers: Abbas Kiarostami, Majid Majidi and Jafar Panahi.

While Kiarostami is thought of by many as the best director in the world his oblique dramas and deliberate repetitions can alienate audiences expecting the type of basic narrative information usual in western cinema. His 1997 Palm d’ Or winning “Taste of Cherry” is for example the story of a man driving around the streets of Tehran, looking for someone to help him commit suicide. Why he wants to kill himself is never made clear. It’s almost as if it’s irrelevant. The crux of the film is how, through the example of those he interacts with, the man changes his melancholy perspective on life.

Majid Majidi’s output is much more accessible. His 1998 “Children of Heaven” became the first Iranian movie ever nominated for an Oscar. His seemingly basic stories about childhood aspirations and disappointment have a universal appeal that transcends cultural specifics.

Jafar Panahi’s early film “The White Balloon”, the tale of a 7 year old who wants a goldfish, shows surface similarity to Majidi’s work.

However, Panahi’s art also has a political edge. He is particularly interested in the plight of women in Iranian society. His 2006 comedy “Offside” is about a group of females disguising themselves as men in order to watch a soccer game.

For daring to in anyway criticise the ruling regime Panahi was sentenced to six years imprisonment in December 2010. Whatever the sophistication of Iranian filmmakers, there is precious little evidence of such in their government.

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH JADE CAREY

Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson has been branded an insensitive asshole by his twitter.com followers, after his shocking comments on the recent tragedy in Japan. As the world watched on in shock and horror 50 Cent was tweeting distasteful things about the disaster.

He started by sharing his shock about the disaster and revealing his plans to flee Los Angeles, after the entire U.S. west coast was placed on tsunami alert. This seems fair enough, who wouldn’t want to leave if a tsunami threatened their coastline, but the disturbing tweets followed.

In a series of insensitive posts, he wrote, “Man I hate to say this but the world is coming to an end. Look at Japan, tell the people you value you love them.” He also wrote, “US west coast tsunami watch fuck this I’m going back to New York.”

The controversy really started when he appeared to make light of the situation by saying, “Hawaii under a watch this shit is crazy. I can’t swim... Now they are saying they know it’s gonna hit the west coast damn.” Of this threat to the west coast he wrote, “wave will hit 8am them crazy white boys gonna try to go surfing.” Then, “look this is very serious people I had to evacuate all my hoes from LA, Hawaii and Japan. I had to do it lol.” 50 Cents fans made it clear that he was the only one laughing.

Kelly Osbourne was one of the many who were appalled by his tweets.

She wrote, “its truly disgusting that people r making jokes about whats going on in Japan not 2 mention posting videos thanking god. It makes me sick!”

Fitty, apparently realising he was being insensitive tweeted, “nah this is nuts but what can anyone do about it. Let’s pray for anyone who has lost someone...some of my tweets are ignorant I do it for shock value.

Hate it or love it. I’m cool either way.”

Everyone reacts differently to a disaster and some will, no doubt, find nothing wrong with what Fitty said. But there is no doubt that these comments were insensitive no matter what you believe and perhaps it was a little too early for things like that to be said, when there are thousands dead and missing and millions without power and homes.

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PWNED

VIDEO GAMES WITH DAGGARD

RED DEAD REDEMPTION: UNDEAD NIGHTMARE DEVELOPED BY ROCKSTAR GAMES AVAILABLE FOR XBOX 360 & PS3 RATED R16

The old west is dead. It’s about to be undead.

As bona fide rancher John Marston returns home one night, he’s greeted by a curse that will unleash a hellish undead nightmare upon his world.

So much more than a zombie add-on – Undead Nightmare is an entirely new single player experience for Red Dead Redemption, a completely separate episode featuring its own story, returning characters, and all new scenes with more top notch dialogue and superb vocal performances.

But ‘Nightmare’ is no mere cash-in for the zombie craze that’s happening right now. This is an all-encompassing Undead Western, in all its pulpy glory. Every part of RDR is here, the challenges, the outfits, the missions, the humour and the action - only it’s all turned on its head, as if the entire game has become cursed and corrupted.

Every critter has a nasty and feral undead counterpart. Towns have become overrun with undead hordes and need saving. Ammo is now currency. Even the weather is playing along with rolling fog on the hills and murky purple rays pitifully pushing through dark clouds. There are four horses of the apocalypse to be tamed (each with their own quirks and abilities), Sasquatches to be hunted and even a unicorn to be found. There are new weapons like the awesome tomahawk and blunderbuss (which loads undead body parts for ammo) and instead of wanted missions we have missing person missions.

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Once again John Marston is used to great effect, a tour guide tasked with keeping us firmly grounded throughout all the flesh-chomping proceedings. While we have come to know what to expect from zombies – our protagonist does not (it’s still the early 1900s after all) and the more crazier things get, the more he comments and reacts and the more appealing he becomes - call it the John M. factor (for Maclaine and Marston).

Content-wise value for money is fantastic with around 8-10 hours for casual players, and 15-20+ easy for hardcore adventurers. Rockstar could have churned out a quick and easy zombie add-on to cash in perhaps, but instead they opted to go all in and commit to a fresh, twisted take on their new western, cursing the entire land and its people and in doing so have done the unthinkable. Last year’s game of the year just got more game.

THE REALM OF INFINITE CHAOS AND DEEP THOUGHT

PRESENTED BY MARK 1 COMICS AND GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

HERO WORSHIPING ON THE FILM SHOW From X-Men to the gritty satire of Kick Ass, superhero films have flourished in the last decade. It’s great because guys like me (who grew up on Captain America, Iron Man, Hawkeye and Hulk) can finally geek out about seeing an Avengers (2012) movie arrive in their lifetime. But with market saturation also comes apathy and complacency; much of the magic of the “event” superhero movie that began with the Superman: The Movie (1978) or Batman (1989) has become lost. In the last ten years producers have been buying up comic book properties like they’re buying winning lottery tickets. But anyone who’s seen Blade 3, Daredevil or the horror that was Batman and Robin, knows – with great power must come great responsibility.

So what makes a good superhero film?

Let’s look at Batman. Tim Burton thankfully put the ‘goth’ back into Gotham, but even by ‘Returns’ Batman was resorting to remotecontrolled batarangs to fight poodles. Christopher Nolan took Frank Miller’s “Year One” and then grounded it in realism and made the character totally believable. And last (and definitely least) Joel Schumacher succeeded in modernising the Adam West 60s series with Dutch tilts, Batmobiles that drove up walls, butt-shots and rubber nipples on bat-suits. All that was missing were the POWS and BAMS.

BY DAGGARD

2012 brings all the superhero franchise heavyweights to the cinema in one year. Christopher Nolan’s concluding Dark Knight Rises, Joss Weadon’s Avengers epic, a new Spider-Man reboot, and finally, Zack Snyder’s take on the Man of Steel. As for quality, only one thing can be certain - if the filmmaker can respect the character and the source material all while trying to make a well-paced, fun and exciting film in its own right, fans should come away pleased.

Yes, we worship superheroes. We’ve grown up with them. Some of us even wear their symbols on our chests. I still remember the thrill of the first Batman cape my mum kindly made for me. I also remember her eyes roll when I handed it back to her demanding she cut the crescent-moon shapes out of the end.

The Film Show discusses cinema in an informative, critical and amusing manner. This is a weekly radio show broadcasted on Community Radio Hamilton, an access radio station proudly sponsored by NZ on Air and produced by Community Radio Hamilton (To download On Demand, go to: www.communityradio.co.nz and search: The Film Show)

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MOVIE REVIEWS

TAMARA DREWE - DIRECTED BY STEPHEN FREARS

JACKASS 3D - DIRECTED BY JEFF TRAMAINE

Any fooled by the “Tamara Drewe” trailer into thinking that it’s an old fashioned British sex romp will most likely be disappointed.

Not that there isn’t plenty of rumpy-pumpy or that Gemma Arterton, the actress in the title part, doesn’t look good in short shorts. It’s just got an awful lot more going for it.

Jackass 3D. What can I say; it’s not really a movie where I can rave about the acting or the cinematography or even the story line, but it did keep me watching and laughing for the whole hour and forty minutes. There are some parts where you just think “are they honestly doing that? That’s not funny!”

Tamara Drewe is a successful London journalist who returns to her home village after the death of her mother. A supposed ‘ugly duckling’ in youth, blighted by a huge proboscis, she has blossomed in her 20s courtesy of a nose job. Her presence becomes a catalyst for change. She reignites the passion with the hunk who took her virginity, plays around with an older neighbour who once featured in her father-figure fantasies and briefly becomes engaged to a rock n roll drummer who’s passing through town.

For the most part I was thinking “I want to do that” or “that’s hilarious”.

Tamara’s property borders that of a smug, best selling crime author, a compulsive philanderer whose long suffering wife runs their estate as a retreat for writers and academics. Her association with the musician piques the interest of a couple of local 15 year olds, girls with much the same outlook on life as she had at their age.

It’s rare for a farce to credibly reference middle aged malaise, 20 something ambition and teenage angst. “Tamara Drewe” pulls it off with a confidence that reflects director Stephen Frears’ 40 years of experience, managing slight tonal shifts into drama and even tragedy without sacrificing pace or humour. The characters are exceptionally well delineated and the actors - all of whom are essentially unknowns - collectively cast to perfection.

Arterton makes for a sexy lead but Roger Allam equally stands out, delivering a superb, Allan Rickman-like performance as the cad. American character actor Bill Camp also impresses as a mild mannered professor who slowly falls in love and Tamsin Greig is touching as the betrayed spouse. Best of all is Jessica Barden’s frustrated teen, a mixture of innocence, rage and lust.

That “Tamara Drewe” is based on a graphic novel says as much about the current, excellent state of that emerging art form as it does for Frears’ and scriptwriter Moira Buffini’s skills of adaptation. It’s an entertainment that never once condescends to its audience, an unpretentious slice of rural life that avoids cliches and delivers big laughs.

- Reviewed by Richard Swainson 36

One thing this movie did really well was the use of the slow mo shots. They use it a lot, but only when necessary. It works really well with the rocky scenes and at the start and finish of the film.

There isn’t much more to comment on the cinematography of this film because it’s filmed to seem like home videos. I didn’t see this in 3D so I’m not sure if this would have been any better in 3D. I don’t see where 3D could have been used to make it better viewing, although I’ve heard they just did it for the poo scenes.

I laughed for about 80% of this movie. There were some things that were just not funny like Roller Buffalo, the field goal and the Apple of my Ass. Although those names sound funny they are just ways to get the Jackass guys getting hurt. I have to say the best scenes were the Gorilla Tamer Gone Wrong, Shit Mountain, Electric Avenue and Johnny Knoxville as an old man. These were defiantly the best of the lot.

The Jackass boys have still managed to pull off hilarious stunts without repeating anything from the TV series or the other two movies. If you want a good laugh with a movie you don’t have to really watch, you should really pick this movie up and give it a watch. If you don’t like seeing poo or spew, it’s probably not the movie for you. If your one of those mature students that like movies with meaning and storyline, Jackass 3D probably not the movie for you either.

- Reviewed by Josh Cooper

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND - ROBERT HEINLEIN Stranger in a Strange Land is a title that exudes existential cool.

so deeply, so fully, that the knowledge is absorbed into one’s actual physical being.

Who hasn’t felt like a Stranger in a Strange Land at some point in their lives? Well there’s probably some people, but they won’t be reading this column anyway.

There was even a Hamilton band in the mid1990s called Grok - which goes to show how awesome an idea it is.

Robert Heinlein’s novel is hailed as one of the classics of science fiction, but there’s precious little sci-fi about it. It features far more philosophical dialogue on religion and God, than scenes of rocket ships and silver spacesuits.

The ‘sci-fi’ element is the character Michael Valentine Smith who is brought back from Mars, a human orphan of a failed mission to the red planet. Raised by an ancient Martian race, Smith is a complete alien on earth, despite his human parents. The main theme of the book is Smith’s attempt to ‘Grok’ human existence.

‘Grok’ is one of the best fictional concepts I’ve ever come across. It’s never fully defined in the tale, but it means to understand a concept

Smith’s guardian on earth is the character Jubal Hanshaw, a polymath who dispenses witty dialogue like a 23rd century Oscar Wilde. This is the distinguishing characteristic of the novel; brilliant writing that is sustained for 655 pages. Astute insights into the human condition are reeled off on page after page, without slowing the pace of the narrative.

Eventually after two thirds of the story, Michael finally ‘groks’ human existence.

From there he decides to use his Martian insight to set up a utopian religion, celebrating free love, brotherhood, peace and all the rest of it. Needless to say, the masses don’t take too kindly to this message of hope, and the ‘Christ-like’ Michael is stoned to death by an angry mob.

There, I just ruined the ending for you. But go ahead and read it anyway.

JUDY READS...

RELIC - DOUGLAS PRESTON AND LINCOLN CHILD I read Relic after watching the movie of the same name. I wouldn’t normally do that but I needed something to read and write a review

The story of the novel is much more interesting and involved than the one depicted in the film. The histories of the

about. I have to say that the book is MUCH better than the movie. The basic story in both is that there are a bunch of murders in New York’s Museum of Natural History in the days before an exhibition on superstition is set to open. It gets to a point where all of the evidence leads to an expedition to find a lost tribe in the Brazilian rainforest from years earlier. The expedition was doomed, and all that returned were some crates. A relic from this exhibition (a depiction of Mbwun, who is a crazy lizard god and the son of Satan) is about to be displayed for the first time at the exhibition. It gets a little bit twisty when the ‘high ups’ at the museum are shown to know more than they are letting on about the murders and the relic.

characters and the murderous creature are better developed, which helps things to make more sense than in the movie.

A thing that really got me excited is that this isn’t the end, there’s a sequel too.

Reliquary picks up where the epilogue of Relic left off – with one of the more minor characters fooling around with genetics to try and further develop the Mbwun creature.

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