issue 07 2011

Recent brain probing has lead to our NEW range of ...

APRIL 4TH 2011

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CONSPIRACIES AND MYSTERIES

IS IT A TRAP?

This week we take a look at conspiracies and mysteries.

OR DO WE? We do.

PUZZLES

For some reason this is the most popular page in the magazine.

Maybe it’s a communist plot!

GREEN LANTERN

Daggard inspects the greatest conspiracy of them all...

RYAN REYNOLDS

BLAIR MUNRO

Is he a man, a lizard, or a lizard-man? Who knows? We do.

He’s just a man.

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For the average paranoid fashionista!

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Wednesday

*excluding tui blonde and during quiz only

TEAMS OF 4 - 8 Thursday

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EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz)

CREDITS & CONTENTS

Credits:

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EDITORIAL

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PREZ SEZ

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THE MAGIC 8-BALL

NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (j.mann@windowslive.com) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Shannon Rolfe, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle Wall, Mrs. Matthews,

Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Sam & Zane, Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Monique Hamilton, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES

AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

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NEWS SPORTS THOUGHTS

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LETTUCE

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WSU PAGES

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DAVES GALLERY OF GLORY

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FEATURE - CONSPIRACIES

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PUZZLES

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COMICS

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FOOD

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COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

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GIG GUIDE

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THE BUSTED PAGE

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EDITORIAL WITH ART CONSPIRATORIAL There are many things happening in the world and it is the internet that rebirths these events as conspiracy theories.

Simple events, such as the moving of tectonic plates or the oceans response to an earthquake were once the actions of gods and brought down upon our heads through our own pride or sin or whatever. Then science came to the rescue and explained the movements of the earth, the phases of the moon and the nature of our Sun. We were safe from the gods and for a while it was good. Earthquakes still happened with the same frequency as they always had and no one needed to hurry up to the top of the closest volcano and kick a few pure maidens in.

Then came the internet.

Initially set up as a means of coordinating a response to a Soviet missile attack in the Cold War, it was reinvented by Al Gore in the 1980s and soon spread to every computer in the world.

Then, for some reason which is forever lost to history, someone told the crazies about the internet.

Somewhere (I’m going to assume America), someone hit on the idea of putting their batshit insane ideas online. “If people read it on a computer”, they surely said, “then they will assume I am smart, because I know how to use a computer”.

Dammit. The logic worked and now it is hard to go into any public debating arena online without being barraged with ideas from end times prophets and Zeitgeist enthusiasts. The noise from all of these conflicting views, along with all of the other crazies online, is so deafening and uncoordinated that it is becoming harder and harder to delineate fact and fiction online.

Maybe, just maybe, the things that happen in the world happen because that’s how the world works.

We have replaced the ancient gods with science, which is in turn being replaced with belief in Ken Ring and HAARP weaponry. Earthquakes, once a sign of an angry god, are no longer tectonic activities and are instead caused by the moon, or chemicals sprayed into the atmosphere by the American’s ‘Military Industrial Complex’. Tsunamis are caused by weapons developed right here in New Zealand during World War 2. Why a country with this much coastline and this many coastal cities would want to help develop a weapon that would possibly only be super effective against us is beyond me.

I almost wish we could get back to the good old days, when earthquakes were caused by mysterious and angry gods, and volcanic eruptions happened if we stopped feeding them virgins.

PREZ SEZ

NATIONAL DEGREES – A HOMOGENOUS PROBLEM FOR STUDENTS

Remember third grade. Remember how your primary school teacher encouraged you to express your personality, to become an individual?

Now fast forward to 2011 and the NZ tertiary sector. You’ve just finished high school, gained UE, and are considering your study options. You want to become an engineer but don’t know which university to enroll in. Sound familiar?

Well, in the not too distant future you may be relieved to know that students may no longer be required to consider heuristics and make that final decision. How? National Degrees – the idea that a national framework of degrees be established based on unit standards. In other words, a student could study in Waikato, Otago, Canterbury, Victoria or Nelson Polytechnic – and graduate with the exact same degree achieved through studying the exact same curriculum. It may sound like a good idea, but let’s take a brief look at the details.

National Degrees isn’t a new concept, the issue was previously raised in 1994 and has recently resurfaced ruffling some feathers as it is based on the fundamental issue of whether all degrees be incorporated into a single, harmonised framework of qualifications; and who does/ does not have the power to effect this change.

It’s not surprising that the issue has also been ITO/ITP-driven.

ITO/ITPs argue that there is value in a collaborative approach for education providers to push for National Degrees. Benefits include a common curriculum able to be picked up by any provider, sharing of IP, a common bank of resources to reduce costs, and the enhancing of critical mass in the academic community.

Universities don’t agree. In fact, Universities NZ have consistently stated that any National Degree approval based on unit standards is inconsistent with the Education Act and would run counter to the Tertiary Education Strategy’s emphasis on quality degree provision.

It could open a window for other degrees of this type which could adversely affect the international reputation of NZ degrees.

But despite the debate happening between universities and nonuniversity education providers, has anybody considered the views of students? Do students want the ability to access a homogenised tertiary education sector? My discussions with our students have resulted in an emphatic “NO”.

Waikato students value the independence of their degrees and the consequent advantage this offers them within the global employment market. Students have told me that they are serious about studying, serious about achieving all they can and more, and that they want to graduate with a degree that distinguishes them from their peers. We have world-class degrees here at Waikato University, and National Degrees will destroy that.

Deni Tokunai WSU President 027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

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NEXUS HAS A FACEBOOK With over a thousand fans and growing fast, the Nexus Magazine facebook page is fast becoming our most useful tool to keep you guys informed and up to the minute with news.

MAGIC 8-BALL

From the darkness at the edges of all human consciousness, where fish swim upstream and then turn into dragons that turn into robots, comes the MIGHTY 8 BALL! When the sun sets and clouds cover the moon, the 8 BALL stalks the streets of Hamilton East, rattling and rolling into your nightmares and shaping you in its own image!

For countless millennia, the 8 Ball has waited for this exact moment, this precise second in time, where you read this page and cast away foolish faith in a loving God! SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE 8 BALL AND PERHAPS THOU SHALT SURVIVE THE COMING APOCALYPSE! Is Bob Parker a Lizard Man? Don’t count on it What is it with you a lizard men dude? Like why not scorpion person or amphibious hominid. Although he does look a bit alien, Bob Parker isn’t a Lizard man, but he’s still rocking apparently.

Did people actually land on the moon?

Debatable The Russians definitely did, but are they really people? I mean they’re more shaved mutated bears… though I’m certain the US didn’t land on the moon - simply because they’re not capable of anything aside from over eating and grilled cheese making – and even then, they stole it from the French.

The Nexus facebook also has frequent prizes and competitions, as well as giveaways and information about upcoming events of interest to you, the students of the University of Waikato.

It’s also a great way to meet people, analyse their beliefs and call them an asshole.

FILL THE HOLE IN YOUR LIVES LEFT BY FINISHING THIS WEEKS NEXUS WITH THE NEXUS MAGAZINE FACEBOOK PAGE

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Are crop circles a warning from crops?

Reply doubtful – even in milk Not so much a warning, it’s more a desperate plea to stop eating them.

In other news, Cornflakes and bread are tasty! Om nom you’ll love them.

Do aliens exist and is the government just covering them up?

All signs point to no If aliens where real and more advanced and capable of space travel, we’d be enslaved or dead by now. Also, if we did manage to survive a war with the aliens and it WAS covered up by the government, Julian Assange would have already told us.

Where is my other sock?

Ask again later I don’t know! I’ve lost one too. I’m getting seriously paranoid; the government or the aliens or Bigfoot might have taken them! But why would Bigfoot need my size 11 sock.

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NEWS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY GETS READY FOR KĪNGITANGA DAY “Our relationship with the Kīngitanga and Waikato-Tainui, but also many other iwi across the country, has always been a fundamental aspect of this university,” she says.

Earlier this year the university signed a Memorandum of Understanding with the Waikato-Tainui College for Research and Development to help deliver MBA programmes and to further provide strong educational channels for Māori students.

This Thursday Waikato University will be celebrating Kingitangi Day, an annual celebration of the university’s distinctive relationship between the university and the Kīngitanga.

The University of Waikato has had strong connections with the Kīngitanga and Tainui since the university was founded in 1964 and it is this distinctive relationship that the university honours each year through Kīngitanga Day. Professor Linda Smith, the university’s Pro Vice-Chancellor (Māori), says Kīngitanga Day is now into its third year and has become a permanent fixture on the university’s calendar.

“Kīngitanga Day is a great opportunity for the university to engage with the wider community through activities that celebrate our distinctive heritage, histories and relationships.”

“Kīngitanga Day enhances the university’s distinctive identity and recognises our strengths and interests,” says Professor Smith.

“Waikato University was the first university to establish a School of Māori and Pacific Development and we have the highest proportion of Māori students of all universities.”

Waikato University will be holding activities throughout Kīngitanga Day at its Hamilton and Tauranga campuses. Activities include a variety of seminars, panel discussions and presentations from guest speakers and leading academics. Weaving and craft workshops, a tā moko demonstration, Māori merchandise and food stalls and a range of entertainment are also planned. All University lectures, tutorials, workshops and labs will be cancelled for the day.

Also on the day, the university is hosting a University Commercialisation Offices of New Zealand (UCONZ) event which will feature seminars and presentations from a range of speakers including MP Dr Wayne Mapp. The seminars and presentations will focus on Māori business with an emphasis on research and development opportunities.

To wrap up the day the university will hold a banquet at the Academy of Performing Arts for Kīngi Tuheitia, who is due to spend the day on campus, and other invited guests.

Celebrations for Kīngitanga Day kick-off at 9am on Thursday April 14, with activities free and open to the public. See pages 14 and 15 for more information and aschedule of events.

SATAN SKYPES, WHY CAN’T YOU?

David Bennett MP M P for h aM i l t on e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz 8

Satanism is on the rise thanks to the internet. That’s the view of the 60 members of the clergy, physicians and psychologists at a six-day long Vatican conference on exorcism and possession. “The internet makes it much easier to find out information about Satanism”, said one spokesperson. Former exorcist Gabriele Nanni acknowledges numbers of possession of the devil are few, he warns the public to still be on guard against the internet and other new technologies, as the fallen angel seems capable of infiltrating such devices. Satan sure has come a long way. 40 years ago he was putting backward messages in records and now he can skype and tweet and facebook and he is a few thousand years old. No more excuses, Granddad you lazy bastard! Learn to take caps lock off your emails. Satan can do it.

NEWS WAIKATO CELEBRATES 20 YEARS OF LEGAL EDUCATION Waikato Alumnus: Māori Land Court Judge Craig Coxhead is the keynote speaker, along with Hamilton Mayor Julie Hardaker, at the Te Piringa-Faculty of Law gala dinner. The dinner is part of celebrations to mark 20 years of legal education at Waikato.

fostered and developed and of more relevance than before,” he says. “The energy and vigour of staff ensured students got a sound and broad education.”

Waikato University’s Te Piringa-Faculty of Law celebrates 20 years of legal education this month.

Judge Coxhead says it is this approach that has enabled the law school to build its reputation. “The law school has to be of value to communities and this law school definitely is,” he says.

Waikato opened its doors to its first law students in 1991 promising to be different from other law schools. Waikato’s distinctive curriculum focused on professionalism, law in context, biculturalism and the Treaty of Waitangi.

“Waikato produces graduates who obviously have the legal skills, but they also have the attributes which provide value to a broad spectrum of areas, such as law firms, government departments, community groups, and hapū and iwi.”

Current Māori Land Court Judge Craig Coxhead was an early

Judge Coxhead, along with Hamilton Mayor Julie Hardaker also

graduate. He completed his bachelors and masters degrees in law at Waikato and later taught in the faculty, then known as the School of Law.

a graduate of the faculty, is the keynote speaker at the Te PiringaFaculty of Law gala dinner which will be held later this month. The dinner is part of celebrations to mark 20 years of legal education at Waikato.

“Going to New Zealand’s first new law school in over a century was both a challenge and an adventure. Everyone was enthusiastic and excited about being involved in a ground breaking new law school.

“As a student it was exciting to be a part of a new way of learning and a new bicultural dynamic not seen before in any other law school. It was also exciting to be a part of the establishment of student groups and the formation of Te Whakahiapo – Waikato’s Māori Law Students Association,” he says.

“Later as a staff member it was positive to see the underlying principles upon which the law school was established still being

The gala dinner will follow on from the international Justice in the Round conference, being hosted on campus by the faculty on April 18-20. The conference will see speakers address issues of justice from custom and cultural perspectives, rights, and dispute resolution.

Throughout April the faculty will also hold student-oriented events including a student debate and a Thesis in 5 competition, which sees PhD law students present their research in just five minutes.

TE REO ONLINE JOURNAL TAKES OFF An online academic journal published solely in Te Reo is to be launched on Thursday at the University of Waikato.

The University’s Pro Vice-Chancellor Māori, Professor Linda Smith, says the new journal, Te Kōtihitihi – Ngā Tuhinga Reo Māori, has been established by a group of emerging researchers at Waikato who were looking around for opportunities to publish in Te Reo. “They were talking about how difficult it was to get research published in Te Reo and how hard it was to provide their students with contemporary Māori research published entirely in the Māori language,” she says. “So I encouraged them to solve the problem themselves!”

Guided by a four-strong editorial team from Waikato’s School of Māori and Pacific Development and Faculty of Education, Te Kōtihitihi aims to attract original research on a wide range of topics. The editorial team aims to publish Te Kōtihitihi twice yearly, and the journal will carry academic papers, opinion pieces, book reviews and creative work – all in Te Reo. Issue No 1 contains six academic papers written specially for the journal on topics

ranging from language revitalisation, Māori history, tikanga and mātauranga Māori. Also featured is an original haka composition that was performed at Te Matatini, the national kapahaka competition.

Contributors came from the Universities of Waikato, Massey and Victoria.

“There’s a wide enough Māori-speaking audience to publish in Te Reo,” says Professor Smith. “Te Kōtihitihi is aimed at students, institutions, academics and iwi groups who might not otherwise get access to this kind of writing.”

The name for the journal, Te Kōtihitihi means “the summit” and was coined by co-editor Korohere Ngāpō of the Faculty of Education who says it sets a challenge for the journal. “We’re aiming for the summit, to write in Te Reo at a high level, and make our scholarship available to the community.”

Te Kōtihitihi is supported by a grant from Ngā Pae o te Māramatanga, the National Institute of Research Excellence for Maori Development and Advancement.

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SHORT NEWS FOR TALL PEOPLE WHERE IS BUFFY WHEN YOU NEED HER? A Mexican woman, who changed her entire appearance by implanting titanium horns, vampire teeth and covering her entire body with tattoos, says she did so to achieve immortality. The mother of four asserts the changes are due to the trauma and abuse suffered during her life. She claims the tattoos have freed her, and explains she feels like a normal woman. If her attempt at immortality proves unsuccessful we are confident that she will live on in the nightmares and therapy bills incurred by every child she comes in contact with.

COPS, DRUGS AND DOUGHNUTS A 20 year old Florida of man is being charged with theft and being in possession of a controlled substance. Reports state Randall Roberts stole a doughnut delivery truck filled with almost 400 boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Police eventually found him asleep coated with crumbs and icing, and 10 grams of pot. Mr Roberts told police he had stolen the truck because he was tired and further claimed he had not actually eaten any doughnuts.

Lessons that can be learned: 1. Don’t do drugs 2. If you are doing drugs and don’t want the police to get involved don’t steal a doughnut truck

SPOTTED: THE RAREST OF ALL CREATURES, THE JERSEY COUGAR A 28-year-old New Jersey woman has been charged with sexual assault after engaging in long term sexual relationships with two fifteen year old boys. Charges were filed after the boy’s parents became aware of the tryst and reported it to the police. The woman was charged with two counts of sexual assault of a minor and two counts of endangering the welfare of a child. The boys were charged with 15 counts of being awesome by the boys at their high school and are probably dominating the field to become prom king. No doubt the escapade will be next year’s made for TV movie extravaganza: “Confessions of a Young Jersey Cougar,” staring Scarlett Johansen, Justin Beiber and let’s say Snookie as an authentic Jersey ompa-loompa.

BADMINTON & THE DARK SIDE Ever wondered what would happen if Star Wars and sports collided? The coolest youtube video ever, that’s what. A Badminton match between Denmark and China has been spruced up with lightsabers and sound effects that would make John Williams proud. Created by YouTube user ‘Bamobellamy’, the players swish and swipe at the shuttlecock with the all-powerful sci-fi weapons.

With the video turning into an internet sensation, we look forward to other sports embracing the inner Jedi.

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SPORTS THOUGHTS

WITH C-BALL

BANNED FOR CANNABIS USE? HONEY BADGER DOESN’T CARE...

New Zealand softball player Aaron Neemia had his 18 month ban for a cannabis offense lifted recently, with the 28 year old Wellington catcher receiving an exemption to make the Black Sox squad set to tour North America in the coming months. Neemia spoke of his cannabis violation as being a silly decision, and then went on to identify that he planned to “go on and be a good role model.” This pissed me off. Why should any athlete HAVE to be a good role model? Their occupation is to succeed in their chosen sporting arena, to develop their skill levels, get the result and bring home trophies. Whether it involves kicking a ball, throwing hay makers or something cool like running faster than everyone else (damn you Kenya), there should be no illusion to the fact that athletes are paid to do these exact things first and foremost. If they succeed in this and win more often than not, I don’t really care if they decide to smash wacky tobacky cones in their spare time.

On top of that, an 18 month ban is just downright fucking stupid considering the punishments others have received for the same transgressions.

There is nothing worse than a competition between two athletes or teams being flawed by the advantage someone has gained from using drugs, unless it involves riding a bike - then it was already completely lame in the first place. However, that being said, not all drugs give an athlete an advantage. So, for the ones that don’t,

My flatmates are being difficult!

Bryce has gone flatting with a group of friends he met in the Halls but the flat is not working well and he would like some help.

There is a lot of information on the web about flatting. CAB also has a lot of Waikato Students Union pamphlets and brochures. The WSU has an advocacy service which can help if Bryce can not get agreement about how the flat ought to be run.

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

you’d think any athlete caught indulging in them would receive a pretty lenient penalty. Wrong, because in this shitty day and age little Rodney needs a positive role model while growing up, and if that role model is kicking it native American Indian style on the peace pipe it no longer matters if he is, say, the greatest Olympic athlete ever. Michael Phelps got caught hitting the bong, and we all saw the shit storm that followed. You’d think after winning 16 medals, if the man wants to time travel he’d be allowed to. Instead, he got a 3 month ban. Tall Black Mark Dickel tested positive for cannabis in 2006 and received a 10 day ban, while New Zealand Cricket captain Stephen Fleming also indulged in a little bit of the spicy shit, which in turn cost him “tens of thousands” of dollars in legal fees and lost sponsorships. None of them got an 18 month bitch slap.

These three examples all make me wonder where Neemia’s 18 month ban came from. It seems a little harsh, like maybe a topical joke about Japan, tsunamis or collapsed mines. But the thing I still can’t work out is why athletes are seen as role models to the public in the first place? They are given a semi-celebrity status by the media, but I’m pretty sure the contract they sign usually relates to their performance on a field. They are athletes, not politicians, and because of that they are idolised for their skills, not their personality. Don’t get me wrong, an amazing sportsman who also turns out to be a moral upstanding citizen for all to admire is great. In saying this though, it shouldn’t be a requirement. Case in point – Ricky Ponting. He comes across as a massive knob, but he has the hairiest forearms I’ve ever seen and he can also crunch a pretty dope cover drive, so I respect and admire him all the same. His personality becomes irrelevant when he can induce boners through shot selection. Athletes are there to entertain and succeed. If a drug is giving you bigger muscles, better abilities or some sort of advantage over other players of that sport, then by all means get banned and let me laugh at you. But cannabis, and 18 months? Ouch. I bet all Neemia wanted was to enjoy watching a documentary on Honey Badgers, whilst demolishing three bags of cheese and bacon Bigguns, washed down with an icy cold cola. You know he probably had an awesome sleep afterwards. To be honest, it sounds like it would’ve been worth the ban. Chuck in a bag of peaches and creams and I’d take it in my stride.

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Lettuce Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Also, I question why the university hasn’t made an attempt to upgrade our parking facilities.

The Rage from Morrinsville Dear Car Park Thieves After spending a good 20 minutes driving around gate 10 car park, wasting my precious and extraordinarily expensive gas, I couldn’t find anywhere to park my car. I even drove up hillcrest road looking for somewhere to parallel park but some young girl who obviously had no idea how to manoeuvre her vehicle into the small space had taken the only park. On a side note, sometimes its best to stay and watch these people as they usually get so flustered at not being able to park and in fear of looking like a right plonker, they bugger off and forfeit their park. But then you run the risk of being backed into. It’s a shame that nobody is sincere enough to leave a note if they knock your headlight out with their tow bar.

Living out of town and not within walking distance of uni, I somewhat rely on a carpark being available so I can get to my classes.

In saying this, I would quite happily walk to university if I lived close enough. I know that is not the case for some of you lazy shits that are only a block over and get up late/CBFd walking and steal all the car parks! If you actually worked it out, most of the lecture theatres are in the middle of the uni so by the time you wake up late, drive, emit more gases and wreck our ozone, steal my park and doordle up to class, you probably would have walked a similar distance if you had of walked from home. If you are so lazy that you have to drive, why not car pool with your other lazy friends instead of meeting up in the car park before class? Its a basic win win. You save our earth, gas money and people like me might get a park! Oh and you might be able to have your big gossip session on the way to uni instead of in a lecture that I have paid money for and can’t listen to anything being said because all I can hear is you talking about how shit your life is. Smile children.

I’m sure some of the features in the new library could have been forfeited in exchange for parking. I can tell you now there is only one place I enjoy mood lighting, and it’s not when I am reading journals while people with bad hygiene are sitting around me farting and emitting other foul bodily smells. A car park building mightn’t go amiss. Theres a load of space down at Gate 10. If you can’t build out, build up! Access to this building would come with a yearly fee, of course. This way we would weed out the lazy people that won’t walk and people who actually need a car park would be able to get one. In saying that we could probably put a membership fee on the car parks we currently have and all you tight asses would piss off and jump on the Wae Wae express (yes I’m from Rotorua) and walk to uni. The university might find they actually increase attendance if facilities were made more readily available. But I forget, they have already been paid so if we don’t show up they couldn’t care less. So they keep telling us.

Get your shit together Waikato.

Yours sincerely, Carparkless in Morrinsville Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Pakehas: Not My Future Dear Nexus You need a revolution. From your girl Wednesday to the wicked little horrors writing in this very column, you exude white selfimportance and the brown people don’t dig it from us Maoris to the Muslims to the Asian midgets you loathe so much. Your content is like a slow leak of radiation. The more we read the worse it gets. Firstly your obsession with sex is disgusting and just because we are students does not make us all whores and STD kings. Some of us cool kids actually say ‘AS IF’ and don’t hand job guys while in a lecture. On the subject of dicks, to all the stink men who don’t wear deodorant I hate you! You seem to

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION

like sitting close to me (fuck knows why I am a lesbian! duh!) but you all smell like a wet dogs arse and it makes me sick. Buy soap buy deodorant or dont fucking sit next to me! YOUR BODY ODOUR IS DISGUSTING! Secondly Nexus talks politics; with Sehai- she may have dodged the question Of Israel but saying she does not want to talk about Israel because it doesn’t affect us here in Hamilton, highlights a growing ignorance. My friend Mohammad has lost both his parents during the war in Palestine he lives here in Hamilton East. He prays five times a day that his family and friends remain safe and well in Palestine, it does affect us here in a small but significant way. FREE PALESTINE! How about your next interview is not done with a white politician?

Or have all the brown politicians been culled already?

Thirdly I agree ACT on campus should off been drowned at the first chance in the lake.

Anyone who supports ACT supports the raping of Papatuanuku and should be spanked thoroughly with a wooden spoon on his balding head.

BTW a friend of mine has been hassled here at uni while wearing the hijab so to all you filthy can’t score loser scumbags hear this if these women don’t want your eyes feasting on them, its because you mean shit to them, so good job!

If it keeps you swamp creatures always from us, maybe we should all start wearing them! Please to all the Muslim women here at uni, speak up and tell these loser men who thinks the sun shines out their arses to get FUCKED!(Only language these idiots understand).

watch Orc Ball because of the loud music being played. But there was a phrase in the letter that really pissed me off. The writer called Orc Ball players ‘assorted losers’! Well, as a seasoned Orc Ball practitioner I would like to say a big ‘fuck you’ to anybody who wants to call us losers. As far as I’m concerned anybody who’s not getting involved is a loser. I’m glad that you enjoyed watching the game but don’t label us please. We’re actually the coolest folks on the block. Its splendid fun to whack boys and some brave girls with rubber swords. Who wouldn’t want a skull as a ball? There are some pretty chubby Orc Ball players but man are they passionate about the game. Orc ball is not for losers but for the real rebels of our society. We are the ones you will turn to for protection when the system fails and chaos rules supreme.

Orc Ball is bad-ass and not for the faint hearted!

I just wanted to set the record straight.

Love from Robin Hood’s mistress.

P.S The Sexy Vikings are the best goddamn team in the game!

Caity Said So! I would just like to write in and agree wholeheartedly with last week’s lettuce about people who talk in lectures. Just shut the fuck up alright?! Sitting at the back doesn’t make you any quieter. Talking in a low voice doesn’t make you any quieter, ‘whispering’ doesn’t make you any quieter, and whispering really fast doesn’t make you any quieter.

Today in my class we had a guest lecturer, and

K that’s all feel part of your furniture now Nexus.. bye Kiely

OrcBall, Not DorkBall Ello Poppet!

I am a keen reader of nexus and am vain enough to try and get a letter published each week. There was a letter last week about someone moving from the village green to

I know it wasn’t THAT exciting, but it was a heck of a lot better than our usual lecturer (you know I’m right here), the least you stupid girls sitting behind me could do would be to cut out that incessant, mind numbingly boring chatter about your weekend. If you’re that fucking bored in class don’t bother coming, or if you must tell your friend sitting next to you all about your riveting weekend write them a note, old school, on paper. Just don’t open your mouth.

I pay A LOT of money to go to class and learn from my lecturers, and I don’t think you realise how difficult it is to sit there and focus when

there’s some fuckwit behind you talking the whole time.

Do you realise too that talking while there’s a guest in your classroom, who has taken time out from their busy work day to come and talk to a bunch a students is probably the most disrespectful thing you can do.

So next time, communication girls, please show a bit of respect, grow up, shut up, and listen.

Caitlin Hayns

Erotic lettuce An ode to Art I am writing this because I want 20 bucks I’m not even going to say that Nexus sucks You see the only reason I am writing in Is to flatter and make Art grin Art please give me the uni mart cash If you don’t I’ll probably give Josh the bash Yes, you read that sentence right, I’ll bash the Nexus mascot into the night.

I’m poor and spend all my money at Flow bar Telling everyone how Arts dreamy eyes are This is the end of my shameless ode I didn’t even bother to write in a subtle code.

I love Art and Nexus and everyone there is hot I also love uni mart an awful lot..

Love Chippo x

Rage from Blomfontein Making a point...

I just wanted to state the obvious. I am so sick and tired of the sexism on campus. Everywhere I go I have to overhear guys talking about a girl they got with and what a slag she is. If a girl doesn’t want to have sex with you she is a tease, if she does she is easy. I just wanted to remind every DICK (no pun intended) on campus that for every girl out there that is ‘getting screwed’ there is a guy screwing her!

So stop judging girls for letting you get it in! Be thankful you are getting some and don’t forget it takes 2 to tango!

Much love sick of the double standard!

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VP SPEAK Thursday 14th April 2011 is Kīngitanga Day! Kīngitanga Day is a day for all students both Māori and non Māori to celebrate as one the special relationship the university has with its host Iwi Tainui, and the link it has forged over the years with the Kīngitanga Movement. As the Vice Chancellor puts it,” Kīngitanga Day enhances the university’s distinctive identity and recognises our strengths and interests”.

But for us as students Kīngitanga Day represents a day where we can get more than just the ramblings of the usual lectures; instead it is a place to expand our minds, learn by doing and getting involved.

A day where what degree your doing, who you’re with and what you wear is overshadowed by the knowledge and experience you will gain.

Kīngitanga Day is about participation the events and activities that are on offer

WITH TOKO

deliberately free and deliberately cultural in content. So Kia Kaha (Be Strong), grab a friend, and come to see what’s on offer!! We are the only uni to do it and the only uni who can proudly say are endorsed by the King.

The WSU are fully supporting this initiative with an awesome program based at the Village Green

WSU Kīngitanga Day 2011 9.00am - Karakia / mihi whakatau / waiata

tautoko (volunteers) MCs intro 10.00am - Haka/Rākau & Poi

Demonstration 10.30am - Entertainment 1 – Dane Moeke 11.00am - Giant Games / Prize giveaways 12.15pm - Entertainment 2 – Adam

Whauwhau 1.00pm - Karen Barbour – Dance Troupe 1.15pm - Zumba with Ninakaye 2.15pm - Final Entertainment – Band ‘Spirits’ 2.50pm - Mihi Whakamutunga

Toko Baker VP Māori Waikato Students’ Union 027 2065126 vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

MĀORI SCHOLARSHIPS Are you Māori and interested in Māori culture? Studying business commerce at the University of Waikato? If so, the Tāwera scholarship might be for you!

So who are Te Pūtea Whakatupu Trust and the Māori Education Trust looking for? Key characteristics of applicants sought include:

in building personal skills and expertise to support Māori or Iwi economic and social development.

The Tāwera Scholarship is a new initiative

•Te Ao Māori me te Ao Pākehā: Recipients will be capable, comfortable and skilled to

If this sounds like you, then start applying now! Application forms can be downloaded

launched by Te Pūtea Whakatupu Trust in partnership with the Māori Education Trust. It provides support to up to 30 Māori who are enrolled in a business, commerce, or management degree at bachelor level.

Recipients receive $10,000 to put towards their study costs this year.

walk in both worlds.

•Ngā kawa me ngā tikanga Māori: Recipients will be confident in their identity, language and culture.

•Whanaungatanga: Recipients will be well grounded amongst their people and committed to supporting their development.

from the Te Putea Whakatupu Trust website (www.tpwt.maori.nz) or the Māori Education Trust website (www.maorieducation.org.nz).

However, this is no ordinary scholarship. As well as the $10,000 scholarship, recipients will also attend the Charting Māori Industry Futures Conference – Ngā Whetū Hei Whai in Rotorua, from 3 to 5 July where they will meet Māori and iwi industry leaders and get a sense of their potential role in supporting Māori industry futures.

Preference will be given to those students who are in their last year or second to last year of study towards their bachelor degree.

Successful applicants will demonstrate a commitment to tikanga Māori and te reo Māori; demonstrate a commitment to Māori, iwi, and hapū economic development; have proven academic merit and are interested

Te Pūtea Whakatupu Trust is concerned to ensure the potential of the Post-Treaty Settlement Era is maximised by leveraging capacity and capability building to support greater Māori control and involvement in decision making in Māori industry futures.

Applications close Saturday 30 April 2011. If applicants have any questions, do not hesitate to contact (04) 499 8041 or at info@maorieducation.org.nz

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WSU SERVICE SPOTLIGHT: BOOKING SERVICES

As you’ve been hearing throughout the year, the WSU aims to make life easier and better for students. One of the key services we have taken on over the past few years is to become a booking agent for a number of services that students use or are interested in. The WSU reception desk (inside the Student Union Building – that’s right, the one covered in scaffolding) has become a hive of activity thanks to the various booking services that we offer:

Ticketmaster Yes, that’s right: at the WSU you can book tickets to any Ticketmaster event. This is ideal for those of us whose flatmates have used up all the internet for the month, and can’t be bothered waiting ages on the phone.

Instead, all you have to do is pop in to the WSU reception, say hello to our friendly receptionist (her name is Annie, we think she is awesome), and ask if you can buy a ticket to whichever Ticketmaster show tickles your fancy. Whether you want to trek up to Auckland to see the Walking with the Dinosaurs exhibition, or perhaps want to be enthralled with Dorothy the Dinosaur’s Travelling Show, then come down to the WSU reception today and book your ticket with us!

Naked Bus We also act as a booking agent for Naked Bus, a reasonably cheap bus company (we may take a look at bus company fares in our student saving column later in the year).

Naked Bus is excellent for those of us who live close to the uni, as they actually have a stop outside Gate 2A (by Bryant Hall and Student Village). If you want to go on an exciting bus trip, then WSU can book this for you.

StudentCard StudentCard’s mission is ‘making cheaper Still itonly! to be a student’, by sourcing better than average deals on products and services students already buy. WSU is a registered supplier of these cards, which means that you canGet buy one at the WSU reception. Once you yours now at the Waikato Student Union, Bennetts online www.studentcard.co.nz have one, or you getatheaps of discounts: wellknown ones include $6.90 for large value and traditional pizzas from Domino’s, 10% off all spirits, wines and RTDs at Liquorking, 10% off all full-priced items at Jeanswest, and 5% off student prices for textbooks at Bennetts.

For only $20, StudentCards can be great value, if you shop at the right places.

Event VIP Card If you like watching movies, think about coming down to the WSU and grabbing yourself an Events Cinema VIP Movie Card.

For only $15, you get a free movie, plus $10 movies for a whole year!

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Lightwire Some of you may have noticed that the internet on campus has switched to being provided by Lightwire. Their pricing scheme is a bit different to the old university scheme (where we were charged per megabyte) so it may end up saving some of us some money.

In any case, the way Lightwire works is that you prepay your internet usage - though most students are automatically entitled to a ‘free’ 1GB per month. The good news of all this is you can actually buy a Lightwire top-up card from the WSU reception! So if you don’t have a credit or debit card, and want to buy some more internet credit, come and see us today.

WSU Events Of course, you can also register yourself for WSU Events at reception. Remember to do this for ticketed events, such as those that happen during Orientation, as otherwise you might miss out on a place at the event! The WSU reception desk is also the place to go if you have any questions about your Students’ Union, want to talk to any of the Board, or want to ask about contributing to Nexus. We hope to see you soon!

SAVING OF THE WEEK: TERTIARY BANK ACCOUNTS

Welcome to the fourth edition of our Student Saving of the Week page. If you missed last’s week edition, this is the page where we outline an expense item that could save you money. It might be something expensive like contents insurance, or it might be something a bit more down-to-earth like where you can get the cheapest fish ‘n’ chips! In any case, flick to this page each week to see where you could be saving money.

This week we had a look at something that most students have: a tertiary account with one of the major banks in New Zealand.

Having a tertiary account seems to be some sort of rite of passage for many students, with most of us opting to take one up. After all, there are a multitude of reasons why you might want one: No fees No fees is a major reason. Most tertiary accounts do not charge you an account fee (a fee just to have the account) or any transaction fees (such as a fee for using your eftpos card). Some of them also waive certain fees (such as setting up an Automatic Transfer) if you do it online.

Access to interest-free overdrafts This is essentially access to (almost) free credit, although you have to apply for it first!

All of the major banks offer an interest-free overdraft as part of their tertiary limit, though they all also charge a monthly facilitation fee for providing you with this service. Just remember that you will have to pay this back though, so don’t max it out thinking it’s ‘free’ money. Similarly, when you stop studying an overdraft has a high rate of interest so make sure you have paid it back before then.

A Credit Card All tertiary accounts also come with access to a credit card: normally with a $500 limit.

Just remember that this does incur interest (and quite substantial interest at that) even when you are still studying. Be careful about using this to make cash withdrawals too: you are charged a higher rate of interest to do so.

As with last week, we’ve prepared the table below for you. It compares all the major banks’ tertiary accounts. We’ve given you each bank’s contact details and where its nearest branch is. We’ve also provided the interest-free overdraft limit (the largest arranged overdraft you can have) and how much you will pay in fees each month for the privilege of doing so. We’ve also provided the credit card limit for each bank’s tertiary credit card, the rate you will pay in interest each year, and how much you get charged every six months to have the credit card. Finally,

we’ve added some interesting notes about each account: some banks provide access to a loan of up to $5000 with no security; other banks provide a visa debit card (like an eftpos card, but you can use it to buy stuff online) for free for a bit. Hopefully you find all the information useful.

Again, as we said last week: the information in the table is just a guide, so don’t trust your life on it! Things might have changed since we looked at the banks’ accounts online, or we might have even made a mistake when we copied it down: some of the banks’ information is quite confusing. We suggest you have a look yourself and ‘shop’ around for the account that best suits your need. Finally, remember that whilst all that debt may sound appealing, it does cost money (in terms of fees) to get, and you will have to pay it back: you don’t want to end up as a 22 year-old with multiple defaults on your credit rating and Baycorp trying to hunt you down!

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CLUB CORNER: PICTURE LOG HISTORY CLUB

HISTORY CLUB Hear Ye, Hear Ye…the History Club is back up and running for another year!! 2010 was such a great success that we most definitely had to continue. Co-Presidents Marissa and Allie steered the History Club and brought the club back to life from the dead – apparently the club was formerly known as the Dating Club (the Grad students’ way of meeting new people!). Last year, the History Club rose from a very modest number of about 20 people, to now having over 200 people on our mailing list.

But what is the History Club all about?

Well, in case the name didn’t give it away, we’re essentially a bunch of people who are interested in History! It doesn’t matter whether you’re doing history at university, or just have a life-long passion for it: anyone is welcome to join. Similarly, you might be interested in a particular aspect of history, or you might simply enjoy learning interesting ‘factoids’, feel free to come along and join up to the club!

In the past, we have had a tradition of movie nights and pizza, which we still do annually, in addition to our History Club Quiz Nights, which we hold at Momento each semester.

This year, we are looking for new people

We also won the very cool trophy last year for the best new club at the WSU Club Awards last year, which was an honour, and something we are very proud of, as the competition was incredibly fierce!

The History Club has associations with both other clubs in the University and other organisations outside of the University and are always looking for new clubs and people to join up with to do events with; after all, it’s always more fun meeting new, like-minded and opinionated people If this sounds like you, then please send us an email at waikatohistoryclub@gmail.com or find us on Facebook: The History Club of Waikato University.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Allie and Marissa, Co-Presidents of the History Club at Waikato University

DIRECTOR INTRO: MELISSA TOMU

Email: melissa@wsu.org.nz Portfolio: Campus Life, Library Committee Studying: Bachelor of Tourism Hello everyone, it is 2011...WooHoo! My name is Melissa Tomu and I have the honor of being the Campus Life Officer for this year, YAH! That means I can socialize more with you people reading this Nexus Magazine.

This is my second year at Waikato University studying Bachelor of Tourism.

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to join up, though we already have a whole bunch of awesome first years keen to make our club even better! Historic pub-crawls, tea-parties on the green (in our Sunday-best of course!) and the odd social gathering at one of our houses are on the event-planner for this up and coming year.

My portfolio is based on the campus here at Waikato, and includes dealing with issues like parking, internet and also getting involved with the halls of residence. During O-week I met a lot of the first year students and it was an opportunity for me to get to know them and also maybe build my relationship with them and seeing how they like the uni lifestyle and also how they liking the halls.

As a Campus Life Officer it’s important for me to get to know all of you guys, especially if you have any problems in the campus. If you do, or even if you just have some ideas, then come and see me at the WSU where you can come and hang out with me and talk or have lunch (your shout? – jokes). I can help you in any way, so if you have any problems about anything in the campus then don’t hesitate to drop by or drop me an email:

melissa@wsu.org.nz. You will see me around campus or maybe I might be in your classes.

Please do come and interact with me; any problems or suggestions that you have I will take to our board meeting and from there we can do something about it. After all, our job as directors is to be here for you students so come and tell us what you want!

Communicating with me makes it easier to make things better for you, so do come and say hello! I’m quite keen to organise some events later in the year to make life on campus more exciting, so let me know what you would like to see.

So if you have any problems or questions don’t hesitate to contact me via email, have a awesome year and look forward to meeting you all.

DAVES GALLERY OF GLORY

THINGS OUR GRAPHIC DESIGNER LIKES

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Conspiracies and Mysteries By the Nexus Coven

Everyone enjoys a conspiracy theory. Dan Brown and Matthew Reilly have cashed in on this in a big way and we have gladly followed them to the depths of human paranoia. Now, some of the things we’re covering here aren’t actually conspiracy theories. Cryptids, such as Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster, aren’t conspiracies, they’re more like mysteries that could be solved by Scooby Doo and his stoner pals. A cryptid is any animal which has a large number of sightings, but no solid evidence of its existence. Examples of cryptids include Sasquatch, the Loch Ness monster and the Big Black Cat of Canterbury. This is a fun piece and if you’re going to get all up in arms and start screaming at us because we published some theories about America attacking itself, then you can go screw yourself. It’s just some theories. So, while you’re reading this, you may find yourself looking at a conspiracy theory that you think is pretty offensive. Most likely it will be the September 11 conspiracy theories. That is fine, but remember to write a letter, rather than storming into the office and calling the editor a prick. We’re at university: use your words and the proper avenues of communication.

Roswell: Perhaps the oldest and most “documented” conspiracy theory revolves around a crashed weather balloon in the New Mexico desert in 1947.

Few, if any, people in the Western world would not have heard the claims that the American military covered up a crashed alien spacecraft in the years after the Second World War. Everything from first contact to gruesome alien autopsies supposedly happened. Men in Black paid haunting visits to backroad yokels and journalists had their notes confiscated.

The problem with the theories surrounding Roswell and later Area 51 is that very few of them were mentioned before about 1980.

In the late 1978, between Watergate and the Iran Contra Scandal, two UFO researchers 20

announced that a former US officer had participated in several recovery missions of strange and unusual wreckage. In 1988, a man named Bob Lazar claimed to have worked on a reverse engineering program at Area 51, near Las Vegas.

Pretty much all of these claims are bullshit and made by known liars and sun-addled rednecks.

We’re going to go ahead and say that no UFO crashed at Roswell.

If anything untoward was happening there in the late 1940s, you can be pretty sure it had something to do with Operation Paperclip, the real world plan which spirited Nazi scientists out of Europe and put them to work getting Americans to the moon. The Nazis were miles ahead of just about everyone in rocket and jet technology

Princess Di: We love you, we do. It’s too late to deny it now, after the public lined the streets in mourning.

We’re on your side but we’re all curious as to what really went down.

I can understand why you stopped sleeping with Charles. He’s a creep. He wanted to be Camilla’s ‘tampon’. When you met him he was seeing your sister, advised to “sow his wild oats” before settling down.

Marriage however had to be a careful consideration. You fit the picture perfectly; aristocratic and Anglican, the virginal English rose. You were beautiful and caring, the ideal wife - but apparently not for Charles.

Within 5 years your marriage was falling apart.

Camilla was constantly present and you were

suitably jealous and resentful. You were deeply unhappy and we can sympathise.

You were the people’s princess, hounded by paparazzi and under a huge amount of royal pressure. You were never one for the confines of royal counsel or society. After you confessed in an interview to having loved James Hewitt, the Queen requested that yourself and Charles divorce.

One year after settlement it all came to an end.

And it was looking so good for you Diana. A budding romance with Dodi Al-Fayed was a chance at love and happiness.

So what happened that fateful night of August 31 1997? Was it a faked death so that you and Dodi could live happily ever after? A failed fake death?

Surely driver Henri Paul wasn’t drunk by accident. Despite the fact that he wasn’t AlFayed’s usual driver, it seems a bit ridiculous for such high-profile people to be driven by a drunkard on any occasion. Rumour has it he received a large sum of money leading up to the accident. But you can’t believe everything you read.

The paparazzi were blamed by the public, held responsible for your death just as they were for portraying your royal life. Photographers caused Paul to drive at reported speeds of up

to 200kmh, or did he swerve so as not to hit them? Unless you were going somewhere you really didn’t want people to know about, this sounds unrealistic.

Did the royal family and British secret service do it? Were they worried to have a Muslim influence so close to the heirs to the throne?

Harry doesn’t even have blue blood. Or a soul.

Prince Philip had years earlier threatened the life of poor ginger James Hewitt if he spoke out about the truth of his affair with Diana. It’s all about protecting the Monarchy.

That is the power the Crown holds. Prince Philip had already taunted you with taking away your title. Watch out for that conniving old bastard Kate, that’s how he rolls.

You did write a letter to Paul the Butler, suspecting someone was plotting your death.

“Brake failure and serious head injury in order to make the path clear for Charles to marry.”

From the get-go, there are conspiracy theories surrounding the 9/11 attacks. There are elements in the conspiracy theory world who say that the attacks never happened and it was all a clever, media controlled event, computer generated and scripted.

Those people are obviously batshit insane.

Other circles in the conspiracy theory world claim that America knew about the attacks before hand and did nothing to stop then, hoping to use the attacks as justification to begin a war that cannot be won in order to make a lot of rich white people even richer and more white.

This may seem a little crazy, but it sure makes more sense than those who say the attacks never even happened.

September 11:

At several points during 2001, intelligence officials from the UK, Jordan, Egypt, Italy and Israel all gave information about an impending, large scale attack on America. In August, George Bush received intel from the British that specified that planes were going to be used in the attacks. Also in August, the Israelis gave the CIA a list of 19 terrorists living in America who were believed to be planning an attack.

The biggest and most in depth conspiracy theories in modern times are those which surround the terrorist attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Centre.

Now, Condoleeza Rice, who was National Security Advisor at the time of the attacks, claimed that “the threat reporting that we

Camilla has nothing on you still, don’t worry.

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that, not only did America know it was going to happen, but that America attacked itself as a precursor to war with oil rich regions, coincidentally populated with people of the same ethnic and religious backgrounds as the attackers.

received in the spring and summer of 2001 was not specific as to time or place or manner of attack. Almost all the reports focused on al Qaeda activities outside the United States”.

On August the 6th, however, a full month before the attacks, the daily briefing given to the President was even entitled “Bin Laden determined to Strike IN the US.”

Now, we’re not going to say America DID attack itself, we’re just going to say what other people are saying and show you some of the evidence they use as proof.

The ‘big one’ in this theory is the idea that no plane hit the Pentagon.

Detractors from this theory say that the genuine shock of the Americans at this attack proves that they truly had no idea that such methods or targets were ever suggested or even considered.

The Pentagon, headquarters to America’s military, was hit by an aircraft, specifically a Boeing 757 and apparently, for the most part, vapourised due to the high temperatures being generated by the burning fuel. Despite this, enough human remains from the passengers were found to successfully identify them as passengers on the flight.

We’re going to go ahead and call “bullshit” on that one.

That in itself leaves a lot of questions, but the biggest one on the internet is this:

In 1999, two years before the attacks, the American air defence guys (NORAD) planned a war-game which featured hijackers using airliners as missiles in attacks on targets in the United States. One aspect of the war-game, featuring a suicide attack by a hijacked airliner into the Pentagon, was scrapped for being “too unrealistic”.

“How does a plane 125 ft. wide and 155 ft. long fit into a hole which is only 60 ft. across?”

On the day of the attacks, the Washington buildings of the National Reconnaissance Office were running an exercise simulating an aircraft attack on their headquarters.

All of these seem reasonably plausible, or at least more so than the more extreme end of the 9/11 conspiracy field. These people believe 22

Some people have claimed that the explosion and deaths in the Pentagon were caused by a missile, or perhaps even a fully loaded military aircraft being rammed into it. Again, the purpose of this, for those of you wondering “why would America attack itself derpa-derp”, would be as justification for a war which is still being fought a decade later.

People also claim that United 93, the aircraft which crashed in a field in Virginia was actually shot down, with the American’s knowing it was to be used in an attack on Washington D.C., rather than being heroically

crashed into the ground after a storming of the cockpit by cabin crew and passengers.

This type of event is known as a “false flag operation”. The Germans and the Soviets both used it to justify wars with Poland and Finland respectively. In 1962, Operation Northwood was floated by the American Department of Defence. This operation, which thankfully never eventuated, included hijacking airliners in American airspace and terrorist attacks on American assets in Florida and at Guantanamo Bay. This is fact, not theory.

And that’s all I’m going to say on September 11.

Moose: This elusive creature is a cryptid. Hallenstein’s launch their ‘Hunt for the NZ Moose’ competition, April 10. Good quality photos of the Fiordland Moose can land a $100,000 bounty. Conditions apply of course.

It seems we in New Zealand are just as delusional as those who see Sasquatch in Canada, Bigfoot in the remote wilderness of the North-western United States or Yeti in the Himalayas. Every mountain range has its Abominable Snowman. Except those are all humanoid and have no scientific facts. Some people devote their lives to the pursuit of proof that these beings exist. Take Nessie for example, the legend such a creature creates can overcome the curiosity of some people to the point of insanity. Most people simply move on, embrace the ambiguity and leave cryptids to the crackpots.

CIA Here in Godzone we have the mysterious moose and other animals of which we have some evidence of their existence. Enter science. The New Zealand Wildlife Trust is conducting The Fiordland Moose study in order to track its ecology and history. In 2000 a moose hair sample from Dusky Sound was identified by DNA. Due to the moose being so good at hide and seek, sightings and traces are extremely rare. It is difficult for any seasonal movement patterns or moose numbers to be determined. The study aims to interview people with unpublished accounts of moose encounters. Photographic evidence from self-triggering video and still cameras is being sought in order to gain public interest. The Wildlife Trust is really just using it to drive their message about wilderness, wildlife and adventure, but thanks to Hallenstein’s, it’s working.

From 1886 to 1888, right here in the Waikato, numerous people recorded run-ins with a large lizard like creature, resembling a crocodile with shaggy hair. Two boys described the animal which chased them from the creek and re-enacted its alligator amble. The Waikato Times reported that “both boys are bright and intelligent, and there is nothing in their manner or appearance to justify a suspic¬ion that they have made up a yarn”.

Soon after this first sighting, the carcass of a sheep was found to have been taken from its hook in the slaughterhouse. The bones were found clean, near a place where unknown animal tracks were discovered. Earlier unreported incidents were called for but with mixed results. A man recalled a massive eel eating a dead bullock, with the strength to shake the animal as a dog would a rat. Mr James Benshaw shared his story of a great splashing in a nearby creek whilst pig hunting with a friend and three dogs; “The creature

came straight towards us. The dogs were by this time growling in chorus, but I noticed that every hair on their bodies seemed to be standing on end.” The dim description was of a long flat head and two fore feet which could have been paws. Supposedly Benshaw’s company returned to the spot and lit a match revealing “two great glaring eyes, like balls of fire, and a great gaping mouth, with rows of saw-like teeth.”

However the mystery became confused with a settler’s daughter sighting an animal likened to a tiger from her schoolbooks. Do we have the character reference on her likeliness to spin us a yarn?

Similar to cryptids are the fossils and unbelievable, ancient reports of incredible creatures. The now extinct Haast’s Eagle would be thought the stuff of myth and legend if not for the remains. It is thought to have died out with its food source, the Moa. Seriously. We don’t care a whole lot for Moa information, but they were fucking huge. Moa adapted to the conditions with an increased body size, in turn causing Haast’s Eagle to also evolve.

Females were thought to weigh as much as 13kg and have a 3 metre wingspan. According to nzbirds.com the Haast Eagle had the talons of a tiger and could kill a human. I would say with joy. However such instances were not recorded despite some bones being young enough for the bird to have been alive after the settlement of New Zealand.

The discovery of new species is a transition from paranoia to proof, suspicion to science.

In many cases it does happen, with both alive and extinct animals. People however, will always create inconsistencies, confusing what

they know and have seen. We all interpret things differently and some of us do fewer drugs.

Here’s a quick look at the smaller or larger conspiracies which didn’t grab our interest as much as the rest. Some, such as a belief that Lizard Men control all of Earth’s governments, are just fucking retarded. Others, such as Paul McCartney’s supposed death, are almost too much fun to be true.

The Lizard People: WTF? David Icke, failed ex professional footballer for Coventry City and television personality, would have us believe that the central power structure of the world is dominated by inner earth reptilians. Yeah, you read that right.

These inner earth reptilians are also referred to as Anunaki in the Babylonian creation story.

Mr Icke believes they came from the Draco constellation and have the ability to appear as Human. You may be asking yourself why they are here, well much like early prospectors they have come for our gold. Specifically, according to Mr Icke, monoatomic gold and other resources. What’s more is that they will stop at nothing to get it, cross breeding, starting wars, and leading our countries.

Why it is completely true: Turn on Parliamentary Question time 2pm, any Wednesday and there is enough evidence to suggest that one or two members from both sides of the isle could be reptilian half-breed.

Plus ever dated someone that was cold to the touch?

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Why we call bullshit: It’s two fold really: On the one hand there is every chance Mr Icke and others just took LSD and watched Dino-riders and every other 80s Saturday morning cartoon, but the second reason is even more damning. A supporting researcher of Icke claimed that the now deceased queen mother was “seriously reptilian.” I mean Charles sure, hell Camilla, but the Queen Mum? She was like England’s Judy Bailey. Just a step too far.

K.K.K.F.C WTF? It has been suggested that KFC was a secret front company set up by the KKK whose secret herbs and spices included a chemical that made men of African descent sterile.

Why it is completely true?

It isn’t! And we found a way to justify lizard people.

Why we call bullshit: Because we are capable of movement and speech. Our research also turned up a myth that KFC was “owned by a black man” as a de-bunking of the sterility rumour. Also untrue KFC is owned by Pepsi, which is owned by the lizard people.

The Moon Landing That Wasn’t: WTF? This one has been the subject of theories and speculation almost as much as the death of 24

Kennedy. Was the moon landing faked by Nasa and the CIA to solidify American superiority in the increasingly tense cold war? One small step for man, one giant leap for the democratic ideology?

Why it is completely true?

The flag was changing direction in a windless environment. The space race itself was hardly a race. The Russians had Sputnik, put Yuri Gagarin in the air and were already planning what the next small step would look like while JFK was making promises he couldn’t possibly keep. A classic example of fake it till you make it.

Why we call bullshit: The creation of a whole programme and billions spent both in the space race and since.

The shear amount of images and technology we have seen as a result of the landing.

Besides, after all this time, would Buzz Aldren still be happy sticking to the cover story. He was the second man on the moon.

He’s not the Walrus: WTF? In 1969 with the Beatles contemplating a split rumours began to circulate that Paul McCartney was dead and had been replaced by another man who had assumed his identity Why it is completely true?

The clues are there. Play a Revolver 45 backwards and you may hear “turn on me dead man,” He’s the only one not wearing shoes as the band cross the road in the iconic

abbey road cover. He’s dead alright, those sneaky Beatles.

Why we call bullshit: Well…um…we can’t. Not definitively at least.

This is one of those fun theories that must be bullshit, it has to be, but like virgin birth we don’t have the DNA tests to prove otherwise.

One thing’s for sure the current Sir Paul hangs out with Presidents, has a fashion designer for a daughter and allegedly still indulges in herbal remedies. If the original Paul was replaced they did a hell of a job re-casting because this one’s awesome.

Norman Kirk: WTF? Norman Kirk, bastion of liberal politics, the best liberal voice since Michael Joseph Savage and the man who inspired countless imitators.

Norman Kirk assassinated?

Why it is completely true?

Big Norm had a habit of pissing people off. It wasn’t his fault. He gave us a national identity, stopped the Boks from touring, stopped testing in the pacific, set up the Waitangi Tribunal, He even wanted to get the queen declared as the Queen of New Zealand. Someone must have wacked him Why we call bullshit: Middle aged, over-weight, workaholic who liked the occasional drink and smoke. The defense rests.

The Birther’s and Secret Muslim guys: WTF? Over 50% of likely Republican voters in America believe Barrack Obama to be a secret Muslim.

Why it is completely true?

Where is the birth certificate? They have seen a certificate of live birth but not a birth certificate. As to why he’s a secret Muslim, apparently it’s because his dad was a Muslim.

The problem is that speculation has become a substitute for fact. The notion presented earlier that we use these theories to give us a bearing on what is crazy should be true but it isn’t, at least not anymore.

Why we call bullshit: Ok. This is the last conspiracy theory I’m writing so listen up. If anyone believes this shit you’re a space cadet, a whack job, a complete nut case. First of all an advert was placed in the paper three days later by his family announcing his birth in Hawaii. That would have to be a hell of a long con, establish the birth and hope that in 50 years America would be in a place to finally elect a black man on the strength of the super-delegates so he can enact your secret agenda?

Since the Vietnam War there has been a growing movement to distrust and discredit the things that are presented to us as fact.

The problem is that someone took that idea, invented the internet and all of a sudden a healthy distrust of authority morphed into a complete lack of credibility and content filters.

The truth of the matter is that conspiracy theories are the tip of the iceberg that we are heading for.

The bigger question is why people believe he has to be a secret Muslim. He could just convert to Islam. What’s the issue? Where is it written that presidents have to be a certain religion? Anyway: debunked.

In Conclusion:

Conspiracy theories are fun, they entertain us.

They should be covered by student media and wheeled out every now and then so that we can indulge in our favourite pastime; speculation.

Gone are the days of the news anchor, the radio DJ and the reporter seeking out the truth and presenting a balanced argument . We no longer turn to only one source for things and instead open ourselves up to anyone with a believable interpretation of information.

The media can and should take some of the blame here. It’s like Paddy Chayefsky on steroids. We created news channels and then sat idly by while they filled them with opinion.

We made a rod for our own back and now we can’t possibly accept the news in the morning until we have heard what Petra Fucking Baghurst thinks about it.

America’s invading Lybia for Humanitarian reasons but don’t take CNN’s word for it, let’s consult google and find out what three guys living in their parent’s basement think the reason might be. Oil? Fuck yeah lets run with that if “Moby426” said it then it must be as credible as CNN with their many news bureaus and reporters. Was there a second gunman?

Did the Royals kill Diana? Did the US know about the Towers? Or Pearl Harbour? We don’t know. We don’t know anything anymore.

Wikileaks released thousands of classified documents into the public under the guise of getting the truth out there. But Hank Moody was wrong. The truth isn’t out there. The truth is that truth is dead.

There is fact and there is news, with budgets and advertisers and a need to keep ratings high and I swear to god its turning us all into people wearing tinfoil hats.

For every person who read these theories today and laughed at the absurdity of all of them there are thousands out there that believe 911 was an inside job caused by the reptile people who killed Princess Diana, Kennedy and Kirk, and when they are done sterilising your chicken they are coming for your gold and the secret Muslim foreign American President will hand it to them. I don’t know about you but I’m ready to bury my head back in the sand and wait for the iceberg to hit.

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DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

When describing the difficulty of this week’s Sudoku, I shall be quite proper. Because Hannah says my puns are bad. That’s what she. I was sadface. I cried. But not really. Are you ready to stop uni work the week before the break? Yep. What are you going to do? How about some tips for what not to do? Except for playing Minecraft and listening to Contact FM. You should always hit up some of that shizzizle. Unless of course you have assignments to do. They shouldn’t be allowed to set assignments during the teaching recess. Am I right, or am I right?

THE BIG BAD wordFIND the wORDS MINECRAFT ROADTRIP GET DRUNK DO THE ROBOT GET ARRESTED HIRE A LAWYER GO TO COURT GO TO JAIL

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

LISTEN TO CONTACT FM

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

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SUDOKU TIME

COMICS GALORE RL - BY TOM BEISLY AND DANIEL KEEGAN

Fancy yourself as an artist? Got some sweet comics you want to share? Let us know! Contact us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz

NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE. WITH DEE It’s gotten to the final week before the “mid-semester break”, and assignments, tests and life in general has gotten busy.

It’s brilliant really... I quite like busy. I always feel like I am more productive when I have deadlines. In saying that, I have been watching a lot more movies and DVDs. Watching a whole season of something doesn’t seem quite as much fun as doing it when there are other assignments due. For example, last week I had two tests and an assignment... and I watched a whole six hours of Pride and Prejudice.

Another reason to procrastinate this week is Kingitanga Day. Sure, procrastination isn’t the main aim of the day, and last year I really did enjoy the festivities. As much as I wish our landlord wouldn’t mind if we put in a hangi in the back lawn, somehow I think I am going to have to find another way to celebrate the day. So far, my plans are to have a look at the list of special lectures on Wednesday night to see if any of them take my fancy. I’m also going to take it as time to finish my essay due on Friday.

CHOCOLATE ANZAC BISCUITS: Ingredients: 1 cup of flour 1 cup of caster sugar ½ cup of coconut 1/2 cup of chocolate chips 2 cups of rolled oats 125 grams of butter 2 tablespoons of golden syrup 1 teaspoon of baking soda 3 teaspoons of boiling water 1. Start by heating your oven to 180°C, and putting sheets of baking paper onto two baking trays. This stops the biscuits sticking, and helps if your flatmates aren’t good at the dishes.

2. Put the flour, sugar, coconut, chocolate and oats into a bowl, and mix them up. Make a bit of a hole in the middle to help mix things later.

3. Put the butter and golden syrup in a pot and melt them together.

4. In a separate bowl, dissolve the baking soda in the boiling water.

Once the butter and golden syrup is melted completely, and the baking soda is mixed properly, mix the two lots of wet ingredients together.

5. Mix the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients until it’s all mixed together.

6. Roll an average sized spoonful into a ball, put it onto the baking tray and then press it down a little. Make sure you leave some room around the biscuits, because they will spread out a bit. Keep rolling them out until you have finished with all the biscuit mix.

7. Bake them for about 15 minutes, or until they are firm and golden brown. Take them off the tray and put them on a wire rack to cool down. As nice as they are straight out of the oven, they will be just as good in a few days time.

8. Eat, and enjoy.

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This mid-semester break is actually going to be a holiday for me. I have close to two weeks after the break before my first assignment is in. So I’m actually going to be able to enjoy Easter this year, even though it makes the ANZAC Day holiday a little bit pointless. To commemorate the two holidays (and since I don’t have a recipe for fry bread to celebrate Kingitanga Day) I’ve decided to add a chocolately twist to a Kiwi classic. There are a few more processes in this recipe then in most of mine, but it is well worth it.

DIARY OF A RAVER

WITH THE GIRL WHO GOES OUT LOTS

THE CARE BEARS

WITH SHARE BEAR AND LOVE-A-LOT BEAR.

When it comes to gigs, of any type, attire and what you wear is important. Not only does your outfit need to look good, it also needs to be practical.

So, this year all (well almost all) of my friends are turning the big 21. I should be excited about this, lots of parties, free alcohol and just general good times, and for the most part, I am. Until I get to the part of scheduling my friends from high school, and

So what does one wear to a gig? Well, being that I am a girl, my advice is only going to extend to the female gender. Boys; there’s really not much point in reading further.

uni friends. It gets harder when my friends start fighting over a date, and I somehow end up being put in the middle. What on earth can I do? Do I tell them to pull their heads in? Or just tell them I won’t go if they keep arguing?

Rule 1: Wear flat shoes.

I cannot stress this enough. There is no way that you are going to be able to dubstep, shuffle or even, mosh all night in heels. Don’t try it. Well unless they are wedges, which are somewhat acceptable.

But otherwise, flats are the way to go, as a girl limping in heels is ridiculously unattractive. I say go for canvases, chucks or military style boots. And to the girls who wore heels to R&V all I can say is: WTF! Rule 2: Don’t bother with lots of make-up, or if it’s a must, make sure it’s a decent brand.

If you are anything like me and you rage when you are at gigs, you are going to get hot and your make-up will run, or come off. If make-up is a must my personal favourites are: - Smashbox High Definition Healthy FX Foundation. Your skin looks flawless in photos and it has awesome staying power. Devereux and Villiger on Victoria St is the only place in Hamilton you can buy Smashbox, so go and see Michelle and she will find the perfect match for your skin colour.

- Estee Lauder Smoothing Creme Concealer. I live by this. It hides blemishes, dark circles under your eyes and is just pure amazingness in a tube.

- Maybelline Define-A-Line Eyeliner. Not much to say, other than buy it. Best eyeliner, EVER. Rule 3: Don’t be afraid to dress differently With gig’s, don’t be afraid to have fun. Wear cropped tops, inner wear as outer wear, costumes, things with feathers, things with bows. At dance parties in particular, people are always dressed differently, so now is the perfect time to express your creativity and individualism with your outfit. Those who know me have come to expect something different and crazy. I like to shock and I don’t care what people think.

Follow these rules, and you will be amazing.

Please help with all your amazing knowledge! xx Share Bear says: I think telling your friends that you won’t go to their 21st’s if they keep arguing is definitely cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Why don’t to try to talk to your friends again and get them to try and sort it out amicably. If they can’t do this and they keep arguing about it, I would keep my nose out of it. Essentially it’s not your problem and I wouldn’t spend time worrying too much about it. If they choose to have their 21st’s on the same night, they have to realise that you can’t choose one over the other (unless they are in different cities) and will have to divide your time between them.

Your friends should realise that they need to make sacrifices, like the possibility of having their 21st three weeks after the actual date if they want everyone to attend.

Love-a-lot Bear says: Is it your uni friends fighting with each other or your friends from home? Or is it a combination? I would advise not getting too involved but just make it clear if they make you choose they can’t be too upset if you can’t choose them. Try suggesting a combined party or getting them to be more flexible with their dates – two weeks after your actual birthday isn’t really a big deal if it ensures all your friends can make it.

I have always thought a combined party is a great idea; it can work really well providing the two (or three) friends are all quite close and their families get along. It can be a great solution because all your friends can come and it can work out a bit cheaper too - sharing the cost between two or three people can work wonders for your (or your parents) wallet.

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CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

UNICYCLE!

WITH SAM AND ZANE

Hydro 33 Jellicoe Drive, Hamilton East.

This week UniCycle will be talking about plastic bottles. Did you know that the plastic bottle you are holding as you read this week’s Nexus can be recycled?

I came to Hydro because I was supposed to have a lunch date with the husband, but have discovered that when it comes to holding a boys attention, breasts are no match for two wheels and an engine, especially when combined with other boys with two wheels and engines. I put out the facebook call and quickly assembled a small group to brunch with; we picked a random place based on a google search with the words ‘Hamilton’ and ‘brunch’. Bad idea.

There are recycling bins all over campus that are quite eager to take this bottle from you and send it away to be recycled into other products. In recycling that bottle the need for new plastic in the production of goods is reduced. That means less oil needs to be devoted to creating new plastic. That has to be good, reducing the consumption of a finite resource.

My friend and I ordered Eggs Bene, and the others a Smoked Chicken Tower and a Steak Sandwich. When the meals came out there were only three of them; our (we suspected slightly hung-over) waiter had missed the second Eggs Bene. I was offered half hearted apologies and told it would only be another five minutes or so.

Now be sure to note that rubbish bins do not provide this most excellent service. Do you know what these dastardly rubbish bins do?

They take your empty bottle and put it into a landfill. The bottle will sit in this landfill and there the chemicals within the plastic will leach into the ground, polluting the water that we drink and the soil that we grow our fruit and vegetables in. How do those chemicals taste? Not good I reckon. So why not recycle that bottle instead of throwing it in the bin.

The thing about Hydro is that it becomes almost comical to read the menu and count the times they have used the word ‘Hydro’ in each menu item. It appears they make a lot from “Hydro hollandaise” to “Hydro berry compote” themselves, which would be fantastic were it any good. The hollandaise that came on the Eggs Bene and the Steak Sandwich was non-existent; hollandaise is supposed to be thick and rich, this was a puddle of yellow liquid that tasted like nothing. At $19

How about reusing that plastic bottle? Fill it with water and freeze it for an ice pack. Cut off the top of the bottle and use it for a candle holder. Cut the bottom off the bottle and use the bottle as a funnel.

Why not use the bottle in gardening, bottom half used as a pot for seedlings. Once finished, just put the bottle in the recycling bin!

for an Eggs Bene I really do expect it to be amazing. It wasn’t. The other two meals were given a ‘good but nothing special’ assessment.

We all ordered iced mochas which came out looking amazing, and tasted pretty good, but I was surprised that they didn’t offer to waive the cost of mine after I had to wait an extra ten minutes for my breakfast. I’m always amazed that businesses don’t bother to give something that will cost them a few dollars to make a customer happy, because it can cost their reputation a lot more not to.

Hydro has a great location, and the set up of the cafe is pretty cool.

You would get the impression that they were understaffed by the way the owner acted when we ventured up to pay, but from my experience I would say they had plenty of staff, they are just badly organised or badly staffed. I won’t be back.

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However, we also need to reduce our consumption of plastic. How about instead of reaching for that bottle of drink next time you are at the shops you instead think to bring a drink to university in a reusable bottle. Not only will this save on plastic consumption but it will also save you money. SIFE sells some pretty nifty MEIT 1L Stainless Steel Ewan Bottles for $25 each. These stainless steel water bottles contain no BPA and use non-toxic inks. As well as saving you money in the long run, the profits from the purchase of the bottle will be donated to the Maungatautari Ecological Island Trust, a fantastic organisation keeping pests off Mount Maungatautari, allowing New Zealand’s local wildlife to flourish. If you are interested in purchasing one email us at unicycle.waikato@gmail.com

OUT AND ABOUT

RANGATAHI IN THE WORKPLACE

WITH C-TIDDLE KIDDLE YOUNG WORKERS’ RESOURCE CENTRE

Reasons why you should join ASKEW: The straight perspective I am a straight woman, and I am proud to be a regular member of Waikato University’s GLBT group, ASKEW. I went to my first meeting early in 2010 with a friend, and have been a regular member since the middle of last year. There are many reasons why ASKEW are a wonderful group to be a part of, and here are just a few I wish to share with you today.

• The students there are awesome. There are no two ways about it; those that hang out in Queer Space on a regular basis are super friendly. There is always someone there who is ready to listen to what you have to say, and have a joke about the events of the day/week/ month.

Employment agreements are a necessity: Part Two Rebecca was lucky enough to score a job with a department store as a sale representative, when she was offered her job Rebecca’s employer presented her with two employment agreements.

The first option was an individual agreement and the second was a collective agreement.

Rebecca’s employer said that ‘the individual and collective agreements were pretty much the same, except the collective agreement came with a weekly fee’. Rebecca, selected the individual agreement and signed it on the spot, and was asked to report to work at 8.30am the next day.

• We have a pretty sweet clubroom. Up in the Cow Shed is the ASKEW room. This is where we have our meetings every Wednesday, and it is a safe zone where the taunts of the homophobic can be avoided.

Queer Space is a place you can hang out without fear of being judged for your sexuality, regardless of what it may be. There is almost always someone there, so feel free to come up and have a chat. We don’t bite.

Rebecca took her copy of the employment agreement home and was pleased to learn that all her minimum rights were included in the employment agreement including the minimum rest and meal breaks (One 10-minute paid rest break if your work period is between two or four hours, one 10-minute paid rest break and one unpaid 30-minute meal break if your work period is from four to six hours, two 10-minute paid rest breaks and one unpaid 30-minute break if your work period is from six to eight hours).

• The culture is beautiful. As well as our regular meetings we have our own social events, so we can get to know one another and have a bit of time out to relax. This year, Waikato ASKEW group is responsible for

After a week of full time work Rebecca noticed that all her workmates took 15min rest breaks, not ten minutes so Rebecca thought that it would be okay if she did as well. Rebecca was issued a letter from her

organising and hosting the UniQ conference, a national conference for queer youth.

employer indicating that he would like to have a disciplinary meeting with her. Rebecca was horrified; she was working hard and getting along with everyone really well. Rebecca went to the meeting and her employer asked her if there was a reason why she was taking 15 minute breaks, Rebecca replied “everyone else does so I thought it would be okay”. The employer told her that everyone else was on the collective agreement and their Union had bargained for 15 minute breaks, she was on the individual that clearly stated 10 minutes.

Rebecca was issued a formal written warning.

• ASKEW is like a family. The members are always there for one another. Like any family, there will be little tiffs, however it is always known deep down that any member is accepted and loved for who they truly are. We support each other, we help each other, and we listen to each other.

So there you have it, just a few reasons why ASKEW are an awesome club to be a part of. We have our meetings every Wednesday at 1pm during cultural hour, and would love to see you there, regardless of your sexuality.

An employment agreement should cover as many specific situations as possible such as pay, over time, minimum and maximum hours worked, holidays, sick pay, benefits, the name of your employer, your name, place of work, a description of the work you are to do, a plain language explanation of the services available to you to resolve problems in the employment relationship etc. Once you have signed the employment agreement it is your responsibility as an employee to adhere to the terms of employment.

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FASHIONISTAS!

WITH LADY HAYNS

Who loves short shorts?! Everyone, that’s who!

Since we live in Hamilton, capital of having four seasons in one day, I figure there’s got to be a few more days left sunny enough to let us rock some denim cut offs.

First up, unless you’re loaded with cash, don’t bother buying some flashy brand name shorts. You’ll end up paying $90+ for something you can make yourself, and I’m certain poor students like yourselves have better things to buy.

‘How can I make my own shorts?’ I hear you asking. ‘Very easily’, you will hear me reply.

1. You need to hit up some op shops for some jeans (if you have a pair of old jeans at home, they’ll do fine). Savemart is a good place to start, mainly because they have a TON of clothes, otherwise check out one of the many Salvation Army stores or Red Cross stores. Try finding a pair of high waist Levis. Remember to try them on and make sure they fit well around your bum.

2. Buy them and take them home! Try them on again and make a mental note of how short you want them to be.

3. Lay the jeans flat on a table. With a pair of very sharp scissors, cut in a slight upwards angle from the inside of the leg to the outside of the leg.

4. Try them on again to check you’re happy with the length and cut of them.

5. To get a ripped effect, grab a cheese grater or some sandpaper and run it over the newly cut edges to roughen them up.

6. Use the same method to distress the rest of the shorts 7. You can bleach your shorts until they’re white or just a little so the blue looks faded.

8. If you’re handy with a sewing machine there’s heaps more you can do to your shorts from sewing patches, sequins or lace. It’s all up to you!

Another thought – For winter you can customise any pair of jeans this way too, just don’t cut the legs off! Remember with jeans; you’ll need to make sure you have a pair you really like.

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POST-RAD

WITH BLAIR MUNRO

They tell you to write what you know. Anyone, whether it’s an award-winning author, or a stupid bloody English teacher who has spend weeks inferring deep themes from one of Shakespeare’s many dick-and-fart-based plays, will tell you this. I offer this as a half-assed explanation as to why these columns are so bizarrely disjointed.

Because I know people. Disjointed, crazy, hyperactive people. Other Nexus columns provide you with consistency, with café reviews, or advice. These columns are Mary-Sue, the girl next door, tall and plain, who will love you, and never run around on you.

I, dear reader, am not a fucking Mary-Sue. I am the lovechild of Ramona Flowers and 1980s Tim Curry. I am the disembodied voice, which hints at leather and piercings. I am the one spitting venom into the faces of whoever pisses me off that day. I am a literary rebel, I do not love you, and most of the time, and I do whatever the fuck I like.

I’ve noticed that I tend to accrue hatred like other people accrue crotch-sweat. Just throughout the course of the day, I catch stares from shadowed hallways, dirty looks from shops I’m not allowed to go into anymore. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t really mind.

Life is too short to go to all the effort of being a nice person just to be loved by everyone. Niccolò Machiavelli said “The best fortress which a prince can possess is the affection of his people,” or something to that effect.

Screw that, folks. I find that caution should be reserved for the stupid.

This might seem a little flawed, but I reason it like this: If you’re too dumb to know if you’ll be able to cross the road before getting hit by a car, THEN maybe you should wait until there are no cars. Extend this logic to your dealings with people, and you’ll soon realise that you’re hanging out with the kind of cool kids you want to be around.

See, somewhere in this crusty, hate-covered carapace there beats the heart of a sage. I relish the opportunity to perhaps pass on a few of the lessons I’ve learned. There is no “U” in “life”, but there is an “I”. Do whatever the hell you want, and piss on the shoes of anyone presumptuous enough to force you to consider other people. Consider others only if you want to. Then piss on their shoes anyway.

AUTEUR HOUSE FARLEY GRANGER WITH RICHARD SWAINSON

An actor only needs to make one classic to achieve cinematic immortality. Farley Granger is a name that would only be known today by film buffs and even in the early 1950s, at the height of his fame, he was hardly a star of the first rank. However, it was Granger’s good fortune to appear in four classics, two of them out and out

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH JADE CAREY

For those of you out there who don’t know who Rebecca Black is, you really need to go straight to a computer and You Tube Rebecca Black’s “Friday” video, as this week’s column is all about this up and coming star and you will understand it a whole lot better if you know what I’m talking about.

masterpieces.

His first couple of parts were in WWII propaganda features made by Hollywood’s preeminent exponent of the combat film. “The North Star” and “The Purple Heart” are far from director Lewis Milestone’s best work but Granger did enough to warrant being cast in one of Alfred Hitchcock’s more interesting late 1940s experiments, “Rope”.

Inspired by the infamous Leopold and Loeb case, “Rope” is equal parts black comedy and psychological thriller. Granger plays one half of a snotty nosed, arrogant prep school duo who decide to kill for kicks after reading Nietzsche. It is strongly implied that murderous pair are, like Granger was in real life, homosexual.

Granger’s first great role came the following year. As a gangster in Nicholas Ray’s debut crime melodrama “They Live by Night” he enjoyed his most sympathetic part. As with everything else Ray touched the movie has a cult reputation. Granger lends it an emotional depth uncommon in film noirs, his doomed antihero anticipating the intensity of James Dean in Ray’s “Rebel Without a Cause”.

A 1951 reunion with Hitchcock was a happy one for both director and star. In “Strangers on a Train” Granger proved he could play a straight lead, in all senses of the phrase. Cast opposite Robert Walker’s camp psychopath he is convincing as the tennis champion with the complicated personal life. “Strangers on a Train” is as tense and as exciting as anything the master of suspense ever produced.

Granger’s most memorable performance came on foreign soil.

“Senso” is set against a nineteenth century backdrop of war and revolution. Granger is a cowardly cad whose seduction of an Italian aristocrat leads her to betray friends and family and the political cause she believes in. “Senso” is stunningly realised, operatic and sensual, a visual tour de force for director Luchino Visconti. Granger might be dubbed but brings impressive physicality to a part on which everything hinges.

The balance of the Granger career was completely negligible. Four films were more than enough.

Rebecca Black is a young singer whose video on You Tube has made her famous. Unfortunately for this 13 year old aspiring singer, her rise to fame has not been a gracious one. Her video has had more views, at 59 million, than Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” which sits around 26 million.

Rebecca’s parents, wanting their daughter to reach her dreams, paid $2000 for a “professional” music video. If Rebecca was genuinely talented she wouldn’t have needed a video to make her a star. As it is the video is possibly the best thing to come out of this situation.

Her video soon went viral after it gained traction, for all the wrong reasons, on music blogs. The video is not too bad but it is definitely not good enough to make up for the terrible singing. In response to the video so far 126,370 people like it and over 1 million dislike it. Some of the comments left on the video include, “God, just SHUT UP!” “I made a youtube account just to dislike this video itz trash,” “eeee she can’t sing! She sounds like her nose was blocked when she sang” and “child, please shut your orifice... We don’t hate her because she is famous; she is famous because we hate her.”

This last comment says it all; Rebecca may have wanted to be famous for being a great singer and having heaps of fans who really love her music, but that’s not what happened. Her parent’s money has not totally been wasted as Rebecca has definitely become famous.

Black commented on her unlikely fame, saying “I think that’s an accomplishment you know, even a person who doesn’t like it, it’s going to be stuck in their head, so that’s the point of it, it’s a catchy song.”

So although it doesn’t seem as if Rebecca Black will be the next biggest thing discovered on YouTube, she seems to be remaining positive and even looks at her fame as a good thing.

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THE REALM OF INFINITE CHAOS AND COMICS WITH DAGGARD GREEN LANTERN’S LIGHT

PRESENTED BY MARK 1 COMICS AND GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

Alan Scott was the first Green Lantern, originally created by Bill Finger and Mike Nodell in July 1940. The mystical ring he wore gave him special powers. After World War II, DC Comics began to revive their super heroes and in the process they decided to make some changes. BIG changes. It was out with the phoneybalony magic and in with the sci-fi and Green Lantern became something far more epic.

Enter Hal Jordan, a test pilot who stumbles upon dying alien Abin Sur, member of the Green Lantern Corps. Sur gives Jordan his ring and asks him to take up the mantle of the Green Lanterns - a division of intergalactic peacekeepers. The ring chooses Jordan for the job - a man with a big heart and bigger balls. And so begins Hal’s fight for justice on a cosmic scale with any number of extraterrestrial threats and dastardly baddies to contend with. No pressure then.

Luckily, that emerald bling on his finger ain’t just for show. It can create anything the wearer imagines, whether it is a giant boxing glove or massive force field or a mini-gun – as long as the wearer’s will is strong. The catch? It has to be charged every 24 hours and may have a little trouble against anything yellow. What makes Hal so damn cool though is that he’s our own space cop. Bats patrols Gotham and Supes watches over Metropolis - but GL has an entire galaxy to babysit. His responsibilities are on such a pants-wettingly daunting scale, you have that much more respect for the dude because he takes it like a man and still keep on trucking.

Jordan’s story is a long one, filled with betrayal, tragedy and ultimately redemption. He’s gone from insane murderer to fallen hero all the way back to revered super hero. Geoff Johns’ “Rebirth” series kicked off a massive revival of the character that put him back on top

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as THE pre-eminent Earth Lantern of choice (there have been a few substitute Lanterns along the way, but none as popular). No, Hal is the man and back where he belongs, as an intergalactic lawman bringing justice to the space frontier like an old pro.

For hardcore fans of GL check out the new Green Lantern film Wondercon footage that’s appeared online. Feel free to post your reactions to the Nexus facebook page!

Waikato General Careers Expo 2011

Come down to the University of Waikato General Careers Expo to discover what options are available to you on the completion of your studies. It’s a great chance for you to establish relationships and networks with companies in your chosen academic field, and seek some great career advice.

DATE: Wednesday 13th April TIME: 10am - 2pm VENUE: Academy of Performing Arts

For more information phone 0800 WAIKATO or visit www.waikato.ac.nz

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MOVIE REVIEWS

RED RIDING HOOD DIRECTED BY CATHERINE HARDWICKE

GET LOW - DIRECTED BY AARON SCHNEIDER

Happily, I have so far avoided exposure to the contemporary cult of vampires, be they on the small or big screen. When I say then that “Red Riding Hood” embraces the “Twilight” aesthetic I’m basically guessing. Given that the ‘re-imagining’ of the fairy tale as some kind of teen angst fable has a director in common with the first instalment of the neck biting franchise and that it is an absolute

Some movies sound great on paper. “Get Low” promises so much by virtue of casting alone. Having Bill Murray play opposite Robert Duvall is a mouth watering prospect. The prince of dead pan comedy together with the most subtle and restrained American actor of the post-Brando generation. Throwing Sissy Spacek, another 40 year veteran, into the mix makes the combination even

piece of melodramatic shit devoid of any redeeming cinematic qualities it’s a safe bet that I’m right.

more interesting.

Actually, I overstate the case. The premise isn’t necessarily an awful one. Nor is the cast uniformly appalling. There are a couple of British veterans on the pay roll trying their best not to look embarrassed. Julie Christie makes a fair stab of Granny, playing her as a pagan witch. Gary Oldman goes over the top as only he can as a Spanish Inquisition type preacher, one mighty proud that he had the sand to kill his wife in cold blood when he discovered she was a werewolf. He chews the scenery far more than the CGI lycanthropes do.

There’s not much to say about anyone else in the film. In the title role, Amanda Seyfried looks at best vacant, an acting standard that her co-stars can but dream of achieving. I guess Virginia Madsen isn’t too bad as her slut of a mother either.

There’s no evidence that the writers know how to construct a story.

The beginning is so confusing that it takes a good quarter of an hour to work out who is who. Catherine Hardwicke directs like she’s a first year Wintec student. Pointless camera movements, bad framing, jarring editing, anachronistic music, flat lighting and dull costume and set design all add up to a b-grade mess lacking in the kind of atmosphere and tension necessary in even a post modern variation on a horror movie.

It’s an extended, below average MTV video, full of stock types rather than actual characters. Red Riding Hood’s fellow villagers, for example, are meant to be hard working, hard drinking folk yet all are unaccountably clean and sober, as though they’ve just come straight from central casting, by-passing the make-up room.

And one last thing. The whole fiasco reflects the usual North America double standard where bloodletting and violence is okay just so long as the heroine remains virginal. No sex please, we’re morons.

- Reviewed by Richard Swainson 36

Duvall plays Felix Bush, a grizzled hermit in the depression times of the American south. Nearing death and carrying a huge weight of guilt Bush emerges from self imposed isolation and engages Murray’s Frank Quinn, an undertaker, to organise and promote a living funeral. Bush encourages attendance by raffling his property at the event. Initially suggesting that he’s curious about what his neighbours think of him, it slowly emerges that the funeral’s real purpose is to provide Bush an audience for public confession.

It goes without saying that Duvall and Murray are both excellent.

The script gives the latter space for his trade mark dry comedy yet Murray’s character is melancholy and ethically challenged and requires much more of him than the old “Ghostbusters” schtick.

Duvall’s role recalls perhaps his finest ever leading part, the guilty preacher in “The Apostle”. A practicing Christian in real life, Duvall excels at playing sinners struggling to reconcile human passion with spiritual grace.

There are flaws only on the periphery. One or two lines of dialogue are anachronistic, expressions of the early 21st century not the late 1930s. There’s also a colour blindness in a crucial piece of casting that detracts from the film’s verisimilitude. Having Bush’s best friend played by a black actor lacks credibility considering the racial politics of the era. The fact that no one seems to recognise or comment upon the character’s ethnicity reflects more the wishful thinking of today than the realities of Tennessee in the Great Depression where segregation and prejudice would have been the norm.

If you can get past this and the even more unlikely suggestion that as a young man Bush built a church for a black congregation without being shunned as a “nigger lover” and strung up by the Klan, “Get Low” is a moving tale of redemption, one whose humour and human warmth offset any threat of piety. Whatever liberties have been taken with the story on which it’s based as both character study and moral fable it rings emotionally true.

- Reviewed by Richard Swainson

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS

THE WORLD OF THE BOOK - DES COWLEY AND CLARE WILLIAMSON The ‘World of the Book’ is a pretty boring title as far as titles go. It’s not exactly going to make you gravitate towards it on the shelf. It also makes you wonder what other titles the author was considering using. ‘Books - about them?’ Or maybe ‘Books - they’re really interesting?’

That aside, there’s a larger question at stake. What is the point of reading a book like this anyway?

What is the point of reading books at all? We have the internet now - a data resource far in excess of the world’s largest library. Isn’t reading off a computer screen just the same as reading off a printed page? Are books simply an obsolete technology, like the VCR or Nintendo Gameboy?

The ‘World of the Book’ seeks to correct such foolish assumptions. The book is a technology that has been in use for almost 3000 years - and it’s not going anywhere soon. Using photos of ancient manuscripts and religious texts the book is presented as an object of incredible craft and

beauty. The thing about these objects is that they still exist. Will digital documents that can be deleted with the click of a button still exist in 3000 years? Not likely.

Cowley and Williamson showcase the book as an object d’art, not just as a source of knowledge and entertainment.

From ancient tomes to lurid pulp fiction, the book is seen as a collectible item, to sit in a lounge like a painting or vase. However the authors don’t neglect the role of the book as an agent of, and documenter of social change either.

From Mao’s Little Red Book, to Gold lined Renaissance editions of Plato’s Dialogues, we are reminded that the history of the world, is the history of the book. Indeed history only exists, when it is written down.

So now you know what you must do. Release your inner luddite, smash up your computer, and head down to the local library. ASAP.

JUDY READS...

THE DOOR TO DECEMBER – DEAN KOONTZ So I guess this is the part where I admit that I will read anything by Dean Koontz.

I think he writes some great, if not necessarily intellectual, stories. But I get a pass on this one, because it was originally released under the pseudonym Leigh Nichols, right? The Door to December is one of his supernatural thriller/horror stories, which are the ones that I like the best. This one has a very strong science theme and a moral that goes along with it. Science can be good, it can be helpful and make our lives easier, but you NEED to have respect for human life and what it means to be human no matter what you’re doing. A child can’t be a lab rat for your experiments.

The basic gist of the plot is this: 8 years ago a baby girl was stolen by her father, and in the present day that father shows up dead. They find the girl wandering naked through the streets in some weird kind of trance. The police call in the mother who they think might be able to provide some insight, because she is a psychiatrist. It turns out the father and his crazy buddies were doing experiments on

the little girl to see if they could get her to walk through “The Door to December” and leave her body. The experiments that were preformed were sick; no one cared about the girl except as a form of scientific advancement. All they really wanted to see was if the lofty heights of astral projection could be achieved through science. And I was not so secretly happy when the people who had done the terrible things died incredibly gruesome deaths.

The Door to December was an easy fun read. It made me feel the emotions I was meant to feel when I was meant to feel them. I felt protective of the little girl, pissed off at the men who had experimented on her, and relieved when they died. I was anxious about what would happen to her, and the ending made me smile. I was glad everything had worked out okay. Overall the story grated on my nerves morally, I agree strong with the writer’s moral view. But that people would do something like experiment on a child for 7 years, even in a story, makes me worry about humanity.

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38

PRESENTS

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