issue 1 by Nexus Magazine

ISSUE 1

9 10 14 17 19 22 23 25 26 32 34 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 ISSUE 1

Contents

Editorial News Letters I know what they did this summer Jig on Sunday Parihaka EdgeFest Orientation schedule WSU pages Clubs special First Flat Guide Notices Columns Poetree Storytime with the Wez Uncle Jim’s Puzzle Page Comics Rialto Check What’s good on TV Book reviews Citric Artshole Meet the Nexus crew Become a contributor Mike’s Corner: OWeek special 5

ISSUE 1

Credits

Editorial Dawn Tuffery

Editor Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

It’s been a whole year since I started this job, and a whole 5 years since my first Orientation. Which is a bit scary really. But one interesting thing about that is that my first Orientation is the only one I really remember - the other 4 blend vaguely in together, a sleepy blend of various bands, jelly wrestling and things I couldn’t be bothered going to. So if you’re an Orientation virgin, go hard (so to speak). Unlike some other milestones, it should be highly satisfying first time round but won’t necessarily get better with time. Make the most of it.

Designer Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz Advertising Manager Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180 Interim News Editor Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz Contributors Hannah Yen Boulanger Hoof Jennifer Campion Kat Sam Uncle Jim Etta Harrie Unicol SIFE Danielle Thomson Scott Whittaker Nick Maarhuis The Wez Mike Jamie WSU Nexus – Fingering you(r pulse) since the ‘60s. The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN.

ISSUE 1

Welcome to Waikato Uni and welcome to O Week. And most importantly, welcome to Nexus. What is Nexus? Well, ideally, this magazine operates as an independent and vibrant blah blah forum to entertain and reflect students while keeping lucky old them informed on lots of exciting tertiary issues, and challenging the mainstream media blah blah etc. In practice, we’re usually lucky if 15% of you deign to do the puzzles while bored in lectures. However, we’re always striving to achieve that heady combination of mass appeal and editorial integrity while still containing advertising, news, information and the requisite WSU guff. Ooh, it’s a fun task. Despite our best efforts, I can’t really say for certain Nexus has its finger on the pulse of student life. A, Nexus doesn’t have fingers. B, I’m the editor and it’s tricky enough taking my own pulse in the morning - balancing the watch somewhere I can see it, not knocking it off while finding the damn place, trying to relax

so it doesn’t shoot up to 973 or something, and then all that counting. Screw taking the pulse of thousands. Nonetheless, I am constantly curious about what all you guys really want to read about in Nexus. What is your collective pulse, oh ambiguous Waikato student? What makes it go faster? Student apathy is a well-worn and appropriately yawn-worthy phenomenon, but there must still be things that you get passionate about. How about earning money? Desperate Housewives? Having frequent promiscuous sex? Getting good marks? Finding a partner? Becoming more spiritually aware? Bringing your band’s music to the world? Finding the best custard square in town? Humour me with some whaddarya navel gazing. After you qualify, do you want to be a freelance journalist with a lifestyle block and goats, or a telecommunications entrepreneur? What do you think about abortion? Politics? Processed food? Is pornography an integral part of a modern Western society? Should I be allowed to draw Mohammed blowing up the Virgin Mary if I want to, and publish it? Will tertiary study ever be free? Will Poverty ever be History? GE – Y/N? Etc. The beginning of University is an ideal time to start thinking about all that defining oneself kinda crap. When you’ve figured out where you fit in, do let me know. Tell Nexus what you want to see, because until we know about you we can’t reflect you. Write us letters. Send us photos. Sign up as a volunteer. Arohanui, and have a great O week. 9

News

THE HILLY: Enjoyed by many students over the years

Hilly’s Last Hurrah Josh Drummond The Hillcrest Tavern’s legendary “Back Bar” is due to close at the end of O’Week - for good. Current, new and ex-students with fond memories of drinking themselves to oblivion will have their last chances for Hilly-style celebrations, for a while at least. Hilly highlights over O’Week include a performance by Kiwi pub rock legends The Exponents - extra special, as this is apparently their “last ever show,” after their last “last ever show” in Auckland. Sunday the 5th will be the last day the bar will be open, for a ﬁtting ‘demolition party.’ Competitions will be run for anyone who has been to the bar on at least 3 nights during O’Week. Actual demolition begins later, with the bulldozers rolling on March 16th.

The demolishing of the back bar is part of a year long process in which the old two-bar and liquor store building will be replaced by a 9 shop complex, which will include a new bar and wholesale liquor outlet. “We’ll miss the old Hilly,” said James “Elmo” Hartnett, manager of the Hillcrest Tavern. “It’s one of the last original ‘beer barns’ left in New Zealand. She’s an old tart - 36 years with her legs open, and soon it’s time to shut ‘em for good. The old place is a piece of Hamilton student history, and it’ll be a shame to lose it. But we’re sure the students will keep the tradition alive when the new bar comes.” The Front Bar, not known for its popularity with students, will take over some of the back bar’s functions. Other Hilly staples - such as the now-famous Three Dollar Night - may be picked up by other bars owned by Mitchell

Enterprises, such as the new Bahama Hut bar in town or Don Lewellyn’s on campus. Come mid-year, plans are under way for the demolition of the rest of the building. “We’re planning another big demolition party when the time comes. We’re going to send the old bar off with a bang.” said Elmo. “We’re planning for the Don and the town bars to take up any slack while the Hilly’s gone.” For all those students despairing of walking further than 200 meters to a new watering hole, Elmo has encouraging news. “We’re hoping the new place is all done by the end of the year, all going well. The new bar’s going to be great. We’re going to be able to do a lot of stuff we couldn’t pull off at the current place,” said Elmo. Students with memories of just what the Hilly was, in fact, capable of pulling off will no doubt be looking forward to this. ISSUE 1

Citizen’s Advice Bureau to open on Waikato Uni Campus In a “ground breaking,” move, a New Zealand University campus has received its ﬁrst Citizen’s Advice Bureau. From 22 February students, staff and the wider Hillcrest/Hamilton East community have had access to the full range of information services offered by the CAB, from the new ofﬁce in the ‘Cowshed’ building located off Knighton Road. The idea was generated by a well-timed cup of coffee between Bethea Weir, the University’s Group Manager of Student Support Services, and Gill Denny, a retired University staff member and long-time CAB volunteer. Knowing that the university often referred students to the CAB in town for information and advice on issues such as tenancy, consumer services and legal advice, the two women thought it would be good to have those services on campus. “The University is like a small town, it made sense that we should be able to offer such a valuable community service,” said Bethea. “And it’s now much easier to get to than going all the way in to town.”

ISSUE 1

Xbox 360 delayed, rides giant bus

TEC Predicts Student Slump Rory MacKinnon

The release of the next-generation Xbox 360, successor to Microsoft’s Xbox console, has been delayed from its original launch date until the 23rd of March. Some consolation to gamers is likely to take the form of the Xbox 360 Roadtrip, coming to Hamilton on the 24th-25th of March. Microsoft is providing the largest ever bus in New Zealand to eager gamers, filled with hi-def TV screens and Xbox 360 consoles. Bafflingly, they also offer pre-registrants the chance to meet the fictional gun-toting heroine of the Perfect Dark games series, Joanna Dark. (Nexus suspects that Joanna may, in fact, be an attractive girl in a costume, and not really Joanna Dark. But don’t let that put you off.) Registration can be completed at: www.xbox360roadtrip.co.nz.

Preliminary figures released in January by the Tertiary Education Commission show an overall slump in the number of EFTS (Equivalent Full-Time Students) expected this year in tertiary institutions across the country. The Commission draws its conclusions from the results of the Student Component Funding application process, an independent assessment of tertiary education providers which takes into account types of qualifications and number of credits available, the length of the courses and the types of learning involved. The findings for this year indicate approximately 4000 fewer than in 2004. The figures come as a surprise to the government, whose own 2005 Budget projections foresaw a continuation of the steady growth seen in previous years. TEC Communications Officer Alistair Stewart could not give specific information regarding the economic impact of the decline, saying that there was “no simple answer. It depends on the course and level of course and type of provider”. - ASPA

News Turkey Brain Website Returns Joshua Drummond Used textbook e-commerce site, turkeybrain. co.nz, is back on the web today after being forced down in July. The re-launched site was created by ex-students of the Waikato University Management School, and is the brainchild of one Hoss Cartwright, a BMS graduate. Turkeybrain.co.nz sells used textbooks online for what Cartwright says is much cheaper than traditional used-textbook outlets. “The site works on the ‘buy now’ principle,” said Cartwright. “When a book or other item is listed on the site, the ﬁrst person to hit the buy-now button buys the book. One point of difference from an auction site is that the phone numbers of the two parties are made available so that the transaction can be swift.” Cartwright believes this system is different enough from traditional e-commerce sites for him to seek a patent for it.

The Plot Thickens Commenting on the mysterious events of last July, Cartwright said, “It’s difﬁcult to see why we were forced off last year. Essentially it was done by some idiot company threatening the reputation of one of the guys on the team. There was absolutely no substance in what was claimed and we would have beaten it in court it was so laughable.” “I guess that if someone’s knuckles bleed when they walk or if they drag a toy poodle named Feefee around with them, then you really have to watch your arse. Perhaps the university could include a Feefee testing kit with its business degrees, or maybe make sure that they teach you how to check to see if someone’s knuckles bleed when they walk. They could call it, Recognising-Sloping-Foreheads 101,or perhaps, Feefee 302. You’d get extra marks in the exam if the poodle had one of those little tartan vests on.”

(News Editor’s note: What, you may ask, is being referred to here? We have no idea. We’d wager you don’t either, but in the interests of humour we left this bit in.) Cartwright is taking turkeybrain to the web on his own, for reasons not entirely clear to Nexus. “When you have Neanderthals running around with ﬂint axes and blazing torches it’s best to be safe,” he said. “I don’t know if the site will attract the same large number of visits as last year due to the lack of press coverage this time,” said Cartwright. However, he remains hopeful that good number of students will sell their old books online. The original Turkeybrain team is upbeat about the future, with plans to launch another ecommerce site soon. “Development is well under way for the new site which seems to be another world ﬁrst,” Cartwright says.

ISSUE 1

Lettuce Write a letter to Nexus! It makes us feel loved. nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Where’s the Street Fighter? Dear Editor of Nexus, I would like to express my disappointment in the fact that there is no Street Fighter 2 arcade cabinet in the SUB building anymore. I have nothing to waste away my precious time with now and I am very sad. I believe video games are an excellent resource for students as they allow students to relax, chill out and recharge their batteries so that they can effectively learn and function as polite, respectable human beings. This is all achievable by bringing back Street Fighter 2. I would also like to request these games too: Galaga, Strikers 1945, Puzzle Bobble, Magical Drop 3, Daytona and Dance Dance Revolution. Sincerely, Matt

Freaky gayness It has come to my concern that this year will yield many of the gays on campus. I for one am strongly against this as I fear I will attract the unwanted attention of many of the gay boys due to my dark, sexy, smouldering looks. This will be rather harrowing on my person and I hope that the Waikato University will do something about the obvious problem that will affect such beautiful straight people such as myself.

wheelchair, just so I didn’t have to expend energy walking) and two weeks ago there was a massive downpour and the “detour” to get to Oranga wasn’t covered so I got rather soaked. I hope in the future the University will make more effort to protect its staff and students for things like this. If you’re going to put someone out of their way, at least have some shelter provided to protect against the weather! Regards, Reginald

Mildly promotional rant on philosophy and dentistry You might have heard of the Philosophy of Science, or the Philosophy of Mind but the Philosophy of Dentistry!!! Well, I don’t believe there really is such a thing, but there is a racy new text for PHIL150 The Big Questions, in the B semester this year, and it includes the strange tale of the rational dentist. Whether he (the male gender is possibly signiﬁcant here) is really rational, you be the judge.

Ashleigh

The story goes like this: you go to a new dentist and just before he injects the anaesthetic he reveals that he does not believe you feel pain. In fact he does not believe you have a mind at all. And, the cheek of it, he reckons that this belief is a result of him being rational. The point is that while he can observe your behaviour, every ﬂinch, every anguished look, he can’t directly experience your pain, or any other experience of yours for that matter. Even if he liked to moonlight as a brain surgeon, and had the opportunity to hook you up to the latest space age brain scanning machine and could monitor your brain activity, that wouldn’t

Village Green Access

prove there were any pain sensations along with that brain activity.

I’m really peeved that the access to the L blocks via the shop bit, or whatever it is called, is all blocked up. Walking from the Library to Oranga became even more annoying than it usually is (I wish I had a

Oh come on (you might say) he knows full well he feels pain when a dental scraper is stuck in his gums. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to ﬁgure out that if it hurts him it

If God meant for homosexuality to be natural then he would have made it so the parts ﬁt together more efﬁciently. I don’t see what is natural about going up the pooper.

will very likely hurt you. But, think about it! That would be arguing from only one case. If I get a queasy feeling every time I hear the Coro Street signature tune does it follow that every one else does too? I don’t think so! So what’s so different about this case? Don’t worry. You won’t leave the course with a fear of dentists or even thinking that dentists don’t feel pain. The point is that it is important to look at why we believe certain things we do. See you in PHIL150 (having a mind is widely believed to be a prerequisite) or, if not, at the ‘irrational’ dentists. David Lumsden Department of Philosophy and Religious Studies

Nexus Sux Yo Nexus, I hope you look cooler this year or else I am going to use you for toilet paper again. It’s a bit rough on the ring and my butt gets coloured from the ink but saves having to buy toilet paper! Percival Prentice

Chump change Hey Nexus, can I borrow a dollar? If you don’t have a dollar to lend, then can I borrow a feeling? Buck

Exploding Moslems Dear Sir, (That’s ‘Madam’ to you - Ed.) Aren’t the Moslems shooting themselves in the foot? The cartoonist depicted them as prone to, or about to explode, and what did they do? Proved him right. They claim to accept Jesus as a prophet. What Prophet Jesus (peace be upon Him) say? ‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God’ (Matt. 5:9). ‘Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also’ (Matt. ISSUE 1

Power Struggle

5:39). He also said He ‘came not to send peace but a sword’ (Matt. 10:34) but this is parallel to His other statement to His followers, ‘I send you forth as lambs among wolves’ (Luke 10:3). His followers are peaceable and bear His message of ‘peace on earth, goodwill toward men’ (Luke 2:14). But not everyone is glad to hear the Good News - they take up the sword and act like wolves. May God give us His lamb-like spirit. Milton Wainwright

Helmet thief scum To the scummy little twerp who stole my bike helmet on Monday, You’re a scummy little twerp. I need that bike helmet to keep my brains good. It also keeps the police away, as the second I’m not wearing a helmet they all fall upon me like rabid wolves – which is fair enough, because making sure people are wearing their helmets is much more important to our social wellbeing than preventing murder and rape and like, stealing stuff. There’s also the more important issue of my ﬁnances. I will now have to spend 30-odd hard-earned bucks on replacing that helmet, as opposed to buying food and clothes and porn and stuff. I know you’re probably about 7 and therefore don’t read Nexus. However, I’ll be transmitting this to you on my supersonic karmic Ethernet so don’t give me any of that ‘but I can’t read’ crap. What did you want it for anyway? It’s a cruddy plastic helmet. It doesn’t even look that cool. I bet you’re making drugs out of it or something. And with that, I will leave you feeling guilty…my soft windswept head as naked and vulnerable as a baby’s bottom in a hailstorm. Love, Helmetless Harry ISSUE 1

Dear Ed, Seriously. What’s with women and all their demands? I mean, I just broke up with this bitch, right, and she’s all like “do the fucking dishes!’ I’m a modern man, but a man’s place is the work place and a woman’s is the home. I’m out all day providing for my missus, and she wants me to do dishes? I mean, whats up with that? Why? Doesn’t the bible teach us, “thou shalt not covet?” So yeah, my missus. So I fetch her a quick clip, not a big one, took about 45 minutes off the net. And she’s like “what has this got to do with anything?” And I’m like, look, there’s clearly a marital problem here, and what’s wrong with lesbians anyway? I mean, she experimented with girls when she was a teenager, and I’m like, well thats hot, here’s some more! Well, she up and smacked me in the head, and yeah. So now, here I am, watching offensive religious cartoons on the internet. I’ve included a cartoon of the prophet Mohammed with this letter. Anyway the point of my letter is that people get offended too easily. Everyone should become athiests. And vote for the National Front.

otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words, and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected – proof it yourself or you’ll look dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable, but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed, and we discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters. Email your letters to nexus@waikato. ac.nz (subject ‘Lettuce’), post to Nexus, Private Bag 3059, Hamilton, or drop them into the Nexus box at WSU reception.

Yours Truly, Stephen D Taylor.

Letters policy Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages – serious or 15

Summerise Ah, summer. As students reluctantly ﬂood back to town and the cloud of study drifts over, we’ve organized some summery articles to keep the dream alive.

have some pics of the famous Jig On Sunday. And some of the best is still to come, as we look forward to upcoming gigs. The riotous Edgefest and huge peace festival Parihaka are both on their way and look to be pretty rockin’.

Hannah Yen and Jennifer Campion share their travel tales, and we

Nexus Summer Photo Competition See you and your mates gracing the pages of Nexus! Where did you hang out this summer? The beach? The BDO? Your grandma’s paddling pool? Send your best summery photos and pxts to ‘Summer pics comp’, nexus@waikato.ac.nz. We’ll print our favourites, and give away some movie passes and drink vouchers and exciting things like that.

ISSUE 1

Visiting Taiwan

Hannah Yen

Didn’t we all have a great summer holiday? Unfortunately, where I was these holidays was actually winter. Instead of enjoying the high temperatures in New Zealand, I got a return ﬂight to Taiwan! This is a shorter and edited version of my ﬁve week holiday overseas.

Week 1 - Found out a little about my family history

My Aunty took me to the National Museum of Natural Science; I highly recommend that you visit this place! We spent 8 hours there and still didn’t ﬁnish looking at everything. The reason would probably be that I took too many photographs. I wasn’t supposed to take some… but I did anyway.

I stayed with my Aunty, who has 7 daughters! I enjoyed my stay with her and she took me to heaps of places. She’s an artist and a qualiﬁed chef so I had nice healthy food. I never knew why where my business interest came from, since both my parents are both in the medical industry. My grandparents from my mother’s side were actually very well off in the business/ design industry, and I have a lot of cousins also doing the same thing.

Week 2 - Building 101

My favourite cousin has a large company in Taiwan, and because of this she has travelled all over the world. Each year 30 of her friends pick a different country to party in; they went to Hawaii last year. She took me to belly dancing class and an old fashioned Taiwanese resultant.

It’s been like Christmas everyday for me since my stay. My mum says that I’ve bought at least 30 tops… and she was right! Hey, clothes here are cheap! And I haven’t really been shopping all year!

ISSUE 1

By Sunday my dad had to pick me up. We went to his conference in Taipei; he just got another specialist to add to his doctorate. After the conference we went to the world’s tallest building - 101.

Week 3 - Home with Parents (you can’t live with them yet you can’t live without them)

Left to right: mum, nurse, me and two other nurses

at my dad’s clinic! I packed the drugs and entertained the nurses. The food here is all right, my parents are losing weight so they are on a diet, and making me go on one too. Mum has put me on a beauty treatment to get rid of my acne. I had to have snake powder everyday - not very nice. I managed to get myself invited to 2 weddings! They weren’t ordinary weddings; they were traditional Taiwanese aboriginal weddings so I felt quite special. There were some Europeans at the wedding too, and I got seated with them. A lot of guys asked me out for dinner and stuff, but this one Spanish guy wouldn’t give up. However, my dad is the overprotective type - he won’t allow any guy to go out with me alone The Spanish guy kept asking, so I told him he would have to talk to my dad here because I have no freedom in this country. He actually called my dad and asked for permission! Guys usually run when parents are involved!

You might be asking, is all this spending for free? Well no… I had to work as a nurse

Some tips on going over to Taiwan or any Asian country 1. If you want to party (and have overprotective parents like me), never go to another country with your parents. Or just make some friends of the same sex and stay over at their place. 2. The night market is great! Heaps of cheap deals! Warning to those who look not Asian - people there put up the price if they know you’re a foreigner, but it would still be cheap compared to New Zealand prices!

Visiting Taiwan

cont.

Week 4 - Teaching time

Week 5

Went to coffee with my dad and his friends. One of them is an English teacher at the local high school. She started to cry when she talked about her students… so I volunteered to help teach her classes.

1 day before New Years… I had 4 options in how to spend it. But I had limitations with 3 because of my overprotective dad (this was when I was ready to come back to NZ and get my independence again).

I taught 2 classes of 40 students. They were very nice to me… but in class they would be taking photographs of me with their cell phone. Maybe that’s how Taiwanese students behave these days!

I was allowed to stay over at my friend’s house, who I had not seen for ﬁve years! My ex was there. He already had another girlfriend - funny thing was that he is with the girl that set us up. She kept trying to lend him to me or something. I didn’t take the offer because I don’t like messing around with other people’s boyfriends even if they want you to.

I also got to experience camp in Taiwan for the ﬁrst time. My kids were very naughty and sneaking alcohol in, but I didn’t want to be a party pooper so I let them have it. They kept asking me to have some but I had to act sensible!

Anyway - in summary, I had a great and busy time. I got to know my parents a lot more and changed a lot.

You have to try fried ice-cream, it’s the best. The guy I met cooks it in canola oil so it’s not fatty either; I go there so much he gives me discounts! Another thing you have to try is pearl milk tea, it’s also the BEST! 3. Don’t drink the tap water in Taiwan, it’s dirty 4. Trust everyone but not the devil in them (from The Italian Job). Everyone might seem friendly but a lot of rapes and kidnappings go on over there. Always travel with someone – it’s too dangerous to be on your own. 5. When you’re in a foreign country and you have no idea how to speak the language, a good thing to do is to make friends from someone in that country. How do I do that? Well, check www.myspace.com - it’s a great place to make new friends. Make sure you’ve talked to them for a few months before actually meeting them in person, and always use a web cam so you know the person isn’t lying about what they look like.

ISSUE 1

The Jig On Sunday Te Pahu, 29th Jan

ISSUE 1

Taking The Scenic Route When Travelling Surpasses Destination

J.S. Campion

Remember the days when every primaryschool morning saw half an hour wasted with “news”? No, not anything resembling current affairs, more a nod to the gossip columnists as we were regaled with tales of dope-using elder siblings, of weekend socializing, and, painfully, there always had to be one whose contribution was the profound “what I had for breakfast”. Fast-forward and you’re the dope-user, when you talk about your weekend you know we’re only interested in Saturday night, and you know better than to tell anyone what you had for breakfast. But there’s one egotistical and shamelessly self-promoting tale that has survived childhood relatively intact: “what I did on my holiday”. Ostensibly a travel article (reﬂecting my “cultured” mind and extended world-view, and I mostly travelled in my holiday, so I bow to the “write about what you know” mantra), my tale begins with an invitation to Lake Whakamaru for my mate Rach’s workplace retreat. Having no idea where the place was (but having Shell Roadmaps Of NZ close to hand) I thought this may as well be a useful ﬁrst step. While I am no navigator (my sister takes care of me most of the time, ensuring

gave up when I couldn’t find the place. It worried me that I didn’t find it easily, you see, so I thought not thinking about it would be the best thing all around. And surely Rach would know where we were going. Well, she’d been given a workplace map, which I was to read while she drove. And Michelle came to my rescue again, finding it for me and supplying a general idea of where I should be headed. From this I took the key point “Go South”. So there I was, Friday night, contemplating a photocopied guide to a place I was still not completely convinced existed, while assuring Rach it wouldn’t matter if it got dark. Or if we didn’t find the place. We had her Ute, so we could go offroad. She kinda looked at me funny, like “why would we want to?” so I figured my desire to blaze my own trail (such is my abhorrence of following maps I cannot read – maybe because they look the same no matter how you regard them?) was inappropriate at the time. And, in any event, the Ute is her work car: she’s been analyzing soil and maize samples at the John Austin farming-complex thing in Te Awamutu over summer (I don’t completely understand it, but it’s a practical application of her biology and chemistry studies I gather, and it’s in aid of discovering

“It worried me that I didn’t ﬁnd it easily, you see, so I thought not thinking about it would be the best thing all around” I get from A to B more or less intact: despite numerous trips to Auckland I still struggle to locate Smith and Caughey’s without going ﬁrst to the Viaduct Basin), common sense would indicate that the map was the sensible start. Unfortunately I am not sensible, and 20

the best quality soil to maximize yield) so we were going to have to take it back and pick up her car there. It was quite funny when we got there: she’d parked where she thought was ok, but they’d ISSUE 1

obviously wanted to take stuff through there, so with her not around they’d dragged it to another location, which can’t have been good for the tyres. That said, they didn’t look to be in too bad a state, so she showed me around some of her maize sites while I tried to be attentive. I was thinking about what you could do with a maize ﬁeld – it’d be good camouﬂage if you wanted to grow something else in the middle of it, or hide something or

inspired dance of worship, but scenic, all the same. But Mangakino, that was funny. The signs advise “Welcome to Mangakino” between a half hour and an hour away from the township itself, so you spend the whole time wondering if you’ve missed it. And then, if you’ve got me as your navigator, you could well have. But no, you really do just have to keep driving and

“The potential for maize fields is probably more realized than I imagine” someone. I’m between 5’9” and 5’10” and it was easily over my head, and all tightly grown together. The potential for maize fields is probably more realized than I imagine: Rach’s supervisor Malcolm did tell us about how unidentified people ring up and say “so when are you harvesting your maize?” and when he tells them “not for a couple of days” they usually reply with “oh good” or variants on that theme. Because that’s not obvious at all. As it happened, we had to navigate to Whakamaru (there is a lake there, and we did have to get to it, but the idea of “Lake Whakamaru” was a little misleading) which is down past Mangakino. There were a few detours along the way as I advised “keep driving” whilst managing to take us through a national-park/reserve thing (that was potentially private property!), but I did get us back on the right track, whilst simultaneously revealing the beauty of rural NZ at dusk through my happening upon some unusual rock formations. They weren’t sufficiently unusual to warrant a Stonehenge PilgrimsISSUE 1

you’ll find it: suburban-dream-style houses (albeit with barbed wire where picket fences would be, and minus the odd window or four) sitting uneasily amidst the rural landscape they occupy – standing outside the Ray White offices I was to learn almost all of the properties were leased rather than freehold – while the owners scowl unpleasantly, it’s a real small town suspicion they fix upon you. Rach pointed out houses we could buy should we want a holiday home: “it could be a really nice place to live, Jen, there’s a town centre all coming together quite centrally, kinda like Raglan, with a real community focus – wouldn’t it be great to open a café or

to be a lot of competition for customers, but as I looked at the kids congregating around the dairy at 9 o’clock while we waited for our dinner to be cooked and their elder versions walking around trying to look tough and leering at us with only one thought plainly readable in their minds, I could only conclude that Mangakino is less “cellphone”, more “phone-in-your-cell”. And that wasn’t even checking out the pub. From there we again navigated with some difﬁculty to the lake at Whakamaru. It isn’t well sign-posted, and the guy we asked didn’t really make clear where we needed to go: if there’s a fork in the road, wouldn’t you tell people which road to take? Anyway, applying the strategy of “can I phone a friend?” we got directions and arrived at what is one of the most beautiful spots of native NZ I’ve seen. It’s essentially an outdoor pursuits centre, apparently for schoolkids, but a bit bootcamp compared to my school days. Naturally, I adored the kayaking and horse-riding, but those obstacle-courses were full-on – much more strenuous than anything we were ever supposed to do when I was ten or eleven, so maybe times have changed. “What I had for breakfast” may well amount to army rations.

“I could only conclude that Mangakino is less ‘cellphone’, more ‘phone-in-your-cell’” restaurant here?”

At least there’ll always be a place for the travelogue.

I wondered what she saw that I didn’t. Admittedly, her famous “Fucking Bean Salad” (so labeled after her insistence it was “the best fucking bean salad bar none”) could probably be served here with no need to adjust the title, and there’s not exactly going 21

The Hills Are Alive... Etta Harrie Parihaka International Peace Festival Fri 10th, Sat 11th, Sun 12th March 2006 Taranaki Over sixty years before Mahatma Ghandi revolutionised the way the world viewed protest and social justice, two Maori leaders were already practicing passive resistance and sacred peace in a quiet Taranaki village that would later become one of the most significant political, spiritual and cultural sites of Aotearoa – Parihaka. Famously immortalised in Tim Finn’s late 80’s hit single “Song of Parihaka”, the village is rising to prominence once again, hosting New Zealand’s first ever international peace festival over Taranaki Anniversary weekend. Taranaki seems to be THE place for largescale international events and artists these days; the region blossomed as a result of the sold-out WOMAD festival last year and has since seen performances from Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits, REM, the Doobie Brothers and will soon be visited by UB40. Go the ‘Naki! The Parihaka International Peace festival promises to be no less an enlightening experience than its high profile predecessors; it seems they’ve thought of everything to inspire even the most festival-hardened veteran. Super fine NZ artists are on the menu (Fat Freddy’s Drop, Katchafire, Kora, Anika Moa, Ladi6, The Little Bushmen, Upper Hutt Posse, Wayne Mason, the Warratahs and heaps more), as well as indigenous performers from around the world, international DJs from Africa, England, even Poland and the Czech republic. The festival boasts several hundred performances in total, spanning a smorgasbord of styles. Apart from the fantastic Te Atamira Nui main stage there’s also a Rongomau electronic music and visual zone where a peace-focused dance 22

party will ebb and ﬂow for what is rumoured to be the entire weekend non-stop. Where the festival really distinguishes itself is with its stunning array of ‘non-musical’ activities; forums of peace, education and empowerment featuring international guest speakers, an indigenous ﬁlm festival, an international poetry festival, a carving and weaving symposium, comedy festival, an indigenous arts and crafts village, international food village, Rongoa (ancient Maori medicine) healing zone, children’s interactive circus zone, and a special immersion area where only te reo Maori is spoken. And there’s more - Parihaka also offers a unique festival phenomenon to revelers; a cocoordinated ‘jammers’ zone where everybody and anybody is welcome to bring instruments and jam together. Ever wandered around wishing you could do that with all the buzzy people you meet at big gigs? Now’s your chance! A highlight of the Parihaka International Peace Festival will surely be the Celebration of Taonga Puoro, beginning with a commemorative concert for legendary Maori composer Hirini Melbourne. New Zealand’s most renowned living authority of preEuropean Maori instruments Richard Nunns

MIDNIGHT MARAUDERS AT PARIHAKA: Fat Freddy’s Drop

will be joined by 8 Taonga Puoro specialists for a soul-stirring celebration of the ancient music of Aotearoa. Bound to send the tingles right up your spine. The people of Parihaka have really opened their hearts to all for this weekend too it seems. Free camping and accompanied parking to all ticket holders is a MAJOR bonus, as well as free hot showers, ﬂushing toilets (as opposed to the normal festival long drop!) and running water. The event is actually held right in Parihaka village and the residents are conducting powhiri (welcoming ceremonies) and forums throughout the weekend for interested folks to learn about the marae, tikanga (customs) and the philosophies and vision of the Parihaka movement. It would appear that if there’s one place this summer where you can skank the night away, stimulate your mind, and nourish your body and spirit all at once; it’s got to be the Parihaka International Peace Festival! Tickets are reasonably priced at $125 for a 3 day pass, and one child 13 or under gets in free with every ticket. Available from Ticketek (www.ticketek.co.nz). For full details and extra information check out: www.parihaka.com

ISSUE 1

EdgeFest ‘06 It’s EdgeFest time again. The Edge radio station’s annual one-day music festival is happening on the 26th March in Hamilton, out at the Mystery Creek Events Centre.

Summertime’ has been an anthemic summer hit all over the TV and radio here in NZ, and who’re set for a big year in 2006. Nexus had a talk to the Merc-sters.

It’s sold out in previous years and EdgeFest ’06 is set to be no exception. With a huge line-up of acts across a wide range of musical styles, EdgeFest will be held in Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington and Christchurch. Hamilton is the ﬁnal stop this year, so expect plenty of amped-up end-of-tour revelry.

Nexus: Giz a brief bio on Thirsty Merc, for those of us who haven’t heard much yet.

Among the acts headlining this year are The Presidents of the United States of America, who will return to New Zealand after a soldout Auckland concert in October 2005. Best known for their hit singles ‘Lump’, ‘Peaches’, and the new single ‘Some Postman’, the Presidents will perform songs from their latest album, ‘Love Everybody’, which features the band’s trademark formula of ironic-punk, with catchy hooks and gleeful goofiness. Look out for a PUSA interview coming up in Nexus. Other international acts include P.O.D. (Payable on Death), UK duo Mattafix (hip hop, soul, reggae, and dancehall), and The Living End, one of the biggest punk rock bands out of Australia. Fellow Aussies Thirsty Merc will be there too – see below for an interview. There’s also a hefty contingent of eminent NZ-ers on the bill. Elemeno P’ll be back this year with their signature blend of guitar power-pop and big choruses. Savage was the name on everyone’s lips last year with the launch of his solo career and a couple of runaway hit tunes. He’ll be at EdgeFest to perform his songs including the smash ‘They Don’t Know’ featuring Aaradhna. Goodnight Nurse will also be there to provide the perfect mix of irresponsible punk, heart-pounding rock and pop that you’ll find yourself humming three days later. Also on the bill is veteran Edgefester P-Money, who’s bringing a special mystery guest. Nicely rounding off the line-up and also returning to EdgeFest for 2006 are Nesian Mystik. One of the biggest success stories in New Zealand music.

Thirsty Merc Also here for the Edgefest-ivities will be Thirsty Merc, the hot new Australianbased trio, whose recent single, ‘In the ISSUE 1

Thirsty Merc: We formed 4 years ago, which we just worked out today. Carl the drummer and myself grew up together in a small country town in New South Wales. I met Ray though doing some jazz around Sydney when we all moved there. Then one day we got together and that was 4 years ago. Our ﬁrst

N: Favourite way to get thirsty? TM: Being in a rock band’s thirsty work – that’s kinda where the name comes from, a play on words. Playing for an hour, that’s the best way to get thirsty. N: Favourite drink? TM: Once I’ve quenched my thirst, I’m a red wine guy. N: I was intrigued by some of your merchandise – do the Thirsty Merc undies sell

“For some reason there’s a high demand for these undies we’ve started to sell. Probably they don’t sell quite as well as the t-shirts though.” album’s been out in Australia for about 18 months, and it’s just come out in NZ. N: Favourite NZ band? TM: We’re all big Neil Finn fans, so anything that he’s done. I heard another good band called Goodshirt, and some newer stuff – the guys from Evermore? We love their music too, they’re great young guys. And there seems to be a mecca of jazz musos in Sydney, and Melbourne, from Christchurch and Auckland. I think I’ve met a couple from Hamilton too. Lots of great kiwi musos come to live in Australia and they’re usually all really good. N: What can Thirsty Merc virgins expect from your live show? TM: It’s just a rock band really…with songs… and I suppose accessibility. We have a good time on stage. (incomprehensible descriptive passage here involving either the ‘60s or ‘sexy’.) Just come and have a good time – it’s not wrist slashing music. N: Looking forward to anyone on the EdgeFest bill in particular? TM: I’m keen to see the Presidents of the United States – I’ve heard good things about them live, that they’re really wicked. Also the guys are big fans of The Living End, so that’ll be good too. And also all the NZ bands that I haven’t heard.

well? (see www.thirstymerc.com) TM: For some reason there’s a high demand for these undies we’ve started to sell. Probably they don’t sell quite as well as the t-shirts though. N: Do you sign ‘em? TM: Yeah…I’ve signed undies and g-strings. It’s a hard life. Final comments? TM: It’s wicked to be here, and it’s the ﬁrst time our album’s been released out of Australia, so it’s unknown territory. We’re going to try and make it part of touring schedule later in the year as well. See Thirsty Merc live at EdgeFest 06. The online bio promises ‘signature porno moustaches and wacky suits’. Edgefest tickets are available now from ticketek.co.nz and Sounds - $45 + booking fee. Pretty good value for such an extensive lineup. Want to go to Edgefest for free? Nexus has 2 double passes to the Hamilton show to give away. We’ll also be giving away some CDs. If you’d like to be in the draw, just email ‘Edgefest Giveaway’ – nexus@waikato.ac.nz and tell us what act is playing at both WSU Orientation and Edgefest this year. 23

Monday 27 February 11am 12noon 1pm 8pm

8pm

DJ Lotus WSU Village Green Student Initiation DJ Lotus WSU Village Green Hilly/WSU Launch Party Start off the biggest night of the year with crazy games, heaps of prizes, specials, entertainment and loads more! WSU Hillcrest Tavern Mystery Spot Prize to be drawn on the night! FREE movie - WSU Campus Movies: Serenity L1 lecture theatre

Tuesday 28 February 12noon 7pm

D Dub (Live Band) WSU Village Green D Dub & Rhombus Tickets on sale at the WSU reception: $15 Students / $25 Public WSU Hillcrest Tavern Mystery Spot Prize to be drawn on the night!

Thursday 2 March 11am 12noon 7pm

Friday 3 March 12noon

7pm

8pm

Wednesday 1 March 11am 12noon 7pm

WSU Clubs Day WSU Village Green Contact FM live to air Live bands WSU Village Green Kora & Katchaﬁre Tickets on sale at the WSU reception $15 Students / $25 Public WSU Hillcrest Tavern Mystery Spot Prize to be drawn on the night !

DJ Dunc tha Funk WSU Village Green WSU Waikato Olympics Foamy Ed & Elemeno P Tickets on sale at the WSU reception $10 Students / $20 Public WSU Hillcrest Tavern Mystery Spot Prize to be drawn on the night!

NZ University Emerging Artist tour: The Tutts & The Sneaks (Live Bands) WSU Free BBQ & Drinks WSU Village Green Odessa & BomFunk MC’S Tickets on sale at the WSU reception $20 Students / $30 Public WSU Hillcrest Tavern Mystery Spot Prize to be drawn on the night! Askew coffee and dessert evening To welcome new students and catch up with existing members. All welcome, including non-members. Metropolis

Saturday 4 March 12-1pm 3-6pm 7pm

Hell of a Pizza 8 slice eating race Hillcrest Tavern Waikato Mechanical Bull Hillcrest Tavern Exponents Tickets on sale at the WSU reception $20 Students / $30 Public Hillcrest Tavern

FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT WWW.WSU.ORG.NZ ISSUE 1

President’s Column Sehai Orgad Kia ora

incredibly tired or hung over!

The new student executive took ofﬁce in January this year and we have already attended our ﬁrst national student conference in Wellington. The various student representatives on the executive have come together and are in the process of developing a strategic plan for the coming year which is exciting and innovative.

It has been said that student apathy is rife, and that students do not care, or just are not interested in taking part in student activities or student politics. I personally believe that this attitude has been used, in the past, as an excuse to become complacent in delivering the services and experiences that students need. The student union has already started to address these needs as was evidenced through a week of political meetings prior to the general election last September. The campus was able to provide an active questioning audience of more than 3,000 students to attend and listen to leaders of the various political parties. We hope to build on this by having regular debates, forums, visitors and entertainment throughout the university campus.

One of our major goals for the year is to encourage a more active and involved student body and to extend the student experience at Waikato University. This is in line with the Vice-Chancellor’s vision for the university and we are looking forward to working closely with the management of the university for the development of student life on campus. We are working towards enhancing the reputation of the university both nationally and internationally so that all students can be proud of being part of the Waikato student body. A second goal is to provide the students with enhanced services and to enthusiastically advocate on their behalf. Students make up almost 30% of Hamilton’s population and this means we need a strong voice and liaison with the Hamilton community so that both communities are advantaged. The biggest event that the student union produces in the year is the WSU Orientation week that takes place this year from the 27 February to 4 March. This is a great opportunity for students to take part in the social scene that Hamilton is famous for, as well as to meet new people, have a fabulous time and then turn up to lectures either 26

As president, I am looking forward to a positive year of building successful relationships, community partnerships and journey towards a sustainable and viable student union which ultimately provides exceptional services and a unique experience for our students.

ISSUE 1

Vice President Carl Gordon Welcome to the Waikato Students’ Union (WSU). We exist to meet many of your needs on campus. We grant money to clubs and societies, own Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd which producse the weekly newspaper Nexus, help students in financial crisis, assist if you have problems with academics or the Uni admin, make representations to the Uni on a raft of issues, and campaign over high tuition fees, student debt and allowances, and tertiary education policy. We also do Orientation programmes each semester. WSU is run by an elected Executive, which is overseen by general meetings of students. It has three full-time administrative staff to ensure good financial and political management. All students are welcome to attend Executive meetings as observers - see WSU reception. WSU has general meetings of students as well, which are the policy-making forums. The main ones are Open Student Meetings (OSMs) at the Village Green (by the shops), each month during term. The first ones for the year are on Wednesday 8 March at 1 pm, and Wednesday 12 April at 1 pm. WSU and the University are both developing their own strategic plans. If you have any ideas on how WSU (or the Uni) should be developing over the next 5-10 years, do say. WSU also has a range of education policies, and we were the first student association to ask for the cancellation of interest on student loans for graduates who stay in NZ – that’s now government policy. This year the government is going to change the way ISSUE 1

it funds tertiary institutions, and will look at such criteria as relevance, teaching quality, customisable study programmes, research outputs, and dropout rates. This will be the biggest shakeup of the tertiary system for decades. We can make submissions to the process. Any bright ideas? WSU is a member of the New Zealand University Students Association, which lobbies and campaigns on tertiary issues. As a result of WSU’s submissions, the ﬁrst major strategic review of NZUSA for about 20 years began at its annual conference in January. A key issue is whether we should continue to campaign for free tertiary education when numbers at tertiary institutions have mushroomed in recent decades. Its structure is another. Over the summer, and at my own expense, I visited all the university students’ associations, and many of their service companies, in Melbourne and Sydney. My main goal was to investigate how the Voluntary Student Unionism (VSU) legislation was affecting them, and to compare WSU with similar associations. The Federal government in Australia passed legislation in the Senate on 9 Dec 2005 to make all student associations voluntary from 1 July this year. Universities will no longer be able to collect association levies, nor service or amenity fees. It will virtually destroy student associations, and greatly reduce services for all students. Even the Uni Vice-Chancellors are against the change, because it will put them under much greater service pressure, with less income. It will also mean that students won’t be able to exercise any real

influence on tuition fees, teaching quality, Uni admin policies and procedures, and the like. This could become an issue for the 2008 General Election in NZ. NZUSA will debate it at its July Conference at Waikato University. Komiti Awhina (KA) has been the Maori students’ organisation on campus which WSU recognises as our official parallel student body. It is the representative body of the Maori student associations in each School/ Faculty. WSU has funded KA for a decade or so. Last year KA ceased to exist as an incorporated society, but there are moves to reconstitute it. International students comprise about 25% of all students on campus. They have unique needs, and the university does not always meet them adequately. For example, there need to be more resources put into raising the English language skills of most international students, so they can get more value from their courses and the very high fees they pay. The University is planning a building programme which includes an indoor Events Centre, major extensions to the shops, extensions to the Library, and more. A vital issue is whether student money will be used for non-student construction. All the best with your studies. Enjoy the social side of Uni too - but be safe. Keep a finger on the pulse of WSU, and on the pulse of the Uni. If you have a problem, or some good ideas, be in touch - vp@wsu.org.nz

Sexy Ex-xy Proﬁling one lucky Exec member every week. First up – the WSU president.

Name: Sehai Orgad Position: WSU President Programme of study: Masters of Management Communication Favoured mode of transport: Car Suburb lived in: Horsham Downs Hobbies: Kicking back with family, shopping, coffee. Favourite website: trademe at the mo, cos I’m looking for a new car. Favourite TV programme: Boston Legal Favourite sandwich ﬁlling: Tuna Favourite snack: Tuna snacks and Magnum ice cream Magazine of choice: Vanity Fair

Fatal weakness: Having a short fuse at times, and patience is definitely not a virtue of mine! What flavour do you go for first in a box of chocolates? Soft caramel What CD is in your stereo/car right now? Stevie Wonder greatest hits What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? Deep Blue Sea Worst habit? Making plans to go to the gym and then finding every opportunity not to go!

How much money would it take for you to run nude down Victoria St? Well over $1 million!! Which of these do you prefer to pick – nose, ears or teeth? Teeth What should Nexus contain more of? Controversial items to debate over a good coffee. In 10 years, you will be: Prime Minister! In 40 years you will be: Over it.

The seri-arse stuff In regards to your exec portfolio, what are you working on..

where communication with our stakeholders is essential and automatic.

Today? Orientation welcoming speeches and writing my Nexus report!

How are you making sure you and the executive remain accountable to students?

This term? Planning events and activities with the executive to hold on our campus. Drafting a business and strategic plan with the executive, so that we are always evaluating and monitoring our objectives and plans for the years ahead.

We will be doing this by involving our students on every possible level. General exec meetings will be advertised, the constitution will be available on the web sight. We need to involve our students with everything we do, and decisions that we make. This has not been done for some time. Student apathy has been an excuse for WSU complacency in the past, I plan to demolish it!

WSU EXEC 2006

This year? Laying down a foundation for this organization to run on a professional level

What do you think is the most important issue facing the executive right now? Developing rapport with the general student community and mobilizing students overall. How do you survive long executive meetings without jumping up on the table, foaming at the mouth and screaming ‘Just pass all the motions, damn you!’ and running off into the distance cackling freakishly? Or falling asleep? Who said we don’t?

PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

DISABILITIES OFFICER

INTERNATIONAL OFFICER

MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER

CAMPAIGNS O

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon

Jeff Hawks

Sonja Gruebmeyer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Jade & Jos

ISSUE 1

International Ofﬁcer

Tauranga Ofﬁcer

Hello all you summerly tanned new students of the Waikato University.

Hi my name is Anthony McKenna and I am the Tauranga Rep ofﬁcer for this year. At the moment I am new to the whole Waikato Students’ Union thing, so if you Tauranga students have any questions or problems, drop me a line. Last year there were problems over here in Tauranga with courses being cut or threatening to be cut. I will be keeping a close eye on courses this year in Tauranga to ensure that any disruption to students like the above events can be minimized.

I have no idea what I could write about. I just started as International Officer and still haven’t found out how to use the phone in the office. So I could tell you again about my reasons to become International Officer but they are worn out and available on the WSU website. I was at the NZUSA conference though. I could tell you that I was very surprised and happy to find out that student unions have real influence in this country. You can actually have influence on your current situation while you are in it. That’s cool. Yes, maybe I should write about the fact that this gift of power you have to change your fate as a student is very fragile, because it is relying on your participation. Your power is as fragile and valuable as any freedom and it takes responsibility to keep it safe. I won’t ask you to appreciate it or to get involved because ‘it’s your duty’. It’s not. “ If you don’t want to vote, don’t“ - that was sprayed on the wall of the bus station on campus last semester. They were right, you always have the right to turn down your rights and I won’t blame you if you come complaining to me afterwards although you have never contributed. I have the honor to represent you even if you are not interested in it. And I thank you for choosing Waikato University. Your student levy helps providing a lot of cool events like the O-week and important services like mine, the Culture Crisis Clinic, to help internationals to overcome culture shock. You are helping us with your sheer presence, you are helping me to help the students who need help and representation. This is why we love you. Yes, WSU exec loves you! And actually we would like to get to know you better, so why don’t you drop in and tell us who you are? Have a very successful and intensive semester, good luck to you all! Sonja

I know some students in Tauranga are dissatisﬁed with the level of services provided by the WSU for Tauranga Students and this is something that I will be looking into over the next couple of weeks. Tauranga Students pay the same union fees as the Hamilton Campus yet there is a discrepancy with the level of services between the two campuses. Some of these can be put done to economies of scale but not all. It is a matter of ﬁnding out what can be realistically provided and what can not. Hope you have all enjoyed the start to the new academic year.

Attn International Students! Do you feel like Nexus represents international students? If not, how could we do it better? What would you like to see more of? Would you be willing to contribute ideas and articles? If you’re holding an event or ceremony or festival you’d like covered in Nexus, send us details and passes in plenty of time. Perhaps you’d like instructional articles on assignment writing, or personal stories about how international students have gone about integrating themselves into Waikato life?

Bye for now Anthony McKenna

The lack of sufﬁcient content for international students in Nexus comes up periodically, but to change that we need your input, at least on a feedback level. To provide what you want to see, we have to know what it is and who’s able to write it. Get in touch – nexus@waikato. ac.nz.

OFFICER

EDUCATION OFFICER

GLBT OFFICER

ENVIRONMENTAL OFFICER

MAORI STUDENT OFFICER

WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICER

seph

Andrew Pritchard

Megan Moffet

Frank Stubbing

Renee Rewi

Kim Armstrong

ISSUE 1

TAURANGA OFFICER

Anthony Mckenna 29

GLBT Officer Hey All Welcome to 2006 at Waikato University! I’m Megan and I’m having writers block at the moment. What I really want to say is something like ‘I am here to help queer students and I really hope you will come to me with any problems’. However, in much flasher words and with something drastic done about the grammar. I was the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Issues Officer last year as well so I do know what I’m doing, even if my eloquence has deserted me at this point. I represent queer students on the Student Union and at other groups and events around Hamilton. This means that I spend time attending meetings so I know what’s going on, especially the meetings of our own queer club Askew. Askew is a WSU affiliated club for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, takataapui, fa’afafine or intersex students and friends. It exists to coordinate social events and provide support and friendship to members. You can join by emailing askew.waikato@gmail.com Members of Askew meet on campus every week during term, Wednesdays at 1pm in

Maori Students’ Officer the QueerSpace. This room is open all year from 8:30am - 4:30pm (Monday to Friday) for GLBT students, friends and whanau to relax in a homophobia-free environment. The QueerSpace is located in room G.26 of the Students’ Union Building. Walk past the WSU reception towards Nexus, or follow the little pink signs. I am usually at the WSU Building, so come in and have a chat during these first few weeks so I can get to know your face! My email is glbt@wsu.org.nz if you have any questions or problems. This first blurb is an overview of some services and opportunities that are available here at campus but there is much more where that came from. Finally and most importantly is the social event! There is a Coffee/Dessert Chatterbox Evening on Friday 3rd March, hosted by Askew. We are meeting at 8pm at Metropolis on Victoria St, both members and non-members all welcome. Get to know your fellow queer students, make friends and settle in to uni life. Confidentially, just look for the table with the Viking Hat. That’s all folks, Megan

Kia Ora te whanau whanui o te motu – heartiest greetings to one and all in your preparations for your academic year. Firstly I would like to on your behalf thank the outgoing MSO for his work in representing all Maori students of Waikato University. Secondly I think you should also recognise the tireless work this individual completed as advocate for all student needs and for this I on your behalf also thank this individual. Unification seems to be a word in the dictionary for which I see is very necessary and on your behalf I send an invitation to all the representative Maori groups of all the seven schools of Waikato to meet in open forum to discuss and make resolutions to resolve all past issues. Even if you do not have a group at your school – come along and have your say, which to me is very important in building relationships of trust. The reason for unification is important because under the WSU Constitution it formally recognises parallel development therefore allowing for Maori students under a properly constituted body to form and receive 100% EFTS funding. The power base is already done so the achievement of such an ideal is in your hands – my job as I see it is to facilitate and provide a limited resource to enable Maori students the chance to meet, and to find common ground which they all agree on. Renee Rewi WSUMSO

ISSUE 1

Mature Students’ Ofﬁcer If this is your ﬁrst day ever on campus (maybe even being away from home?), and you’ve arrived straight into the O Week festivities, then this might well be a slightly daunting event – BUT it need not be! Welcome. Take a DEEEP BREATH - don‘t be afraid to ask for assistance - aim to make it to your introductory lectures - and in between lectures make sure to grab all and every possible freebie being offered throughout all the stalls!!! To all returning students, welcome back mates! We’ve returned to the fun, frivolity and exuberance of a new year, so let’s make it an excellent one! If you need to dash away for free refreshments (tea, coffee, and milo) then

make yourself comfortable in the ALMS Common Room up in the Cowshed (Room G14) by the WSU Building. There’s a microwave available to warm up meals, recliners and work/dining tables, a bed (in case you need a power nap), and we’ll be implementing an exchange library to go with our current magazine collection. A.L.M.S (Adult Learners and Mature Students) Association will be seeking reregistration in order to operate barbecues, and facilitate fund raising events as well as other private functions throughout the year. ALMS will also be seeking to amalgamate with the Environmental Officer’s efforts this year. So please sign up in order that we have an influential membership (which makes a difference when seeking WSU financial support!).

Of course you’ll notice all the O Week posters advertising the fantastic events organised, but if you’re a mature student (with children?) then maybe you’d be content with a DVD or game? So remember that we now have the Silver Fern Video operating just down from our own ALMS Common Room. SO! I look forward to catching up with you all, either throughout the FASS Graduate Facilities, ALMS Common Room, or undoubtedly during the great events lined up for 2006. Have fun, be safe, and Kia ora! Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Campaigns Ofﬁcers - Joe Wilson & Jade Kameta Yo, what up Waikato! I’m Joe and I am one of your campaigns ofﬁcers this year. I am currently studying towards my B.A in Maori and Screen

Kia ora tatau Te Whare Wananga o Waikato! I’m Jade and I am your real campaigns ofﬁcer this year. Joe’s a fake - LOL. And, like Joe, if

& Media Studies and if all goes well, I hope to complete my degree this year.

everything goes according to plan I also hope to complete my Bachelor of Arts degree this year.

Our role as campaigns ofﬁcers is to organise and facilitate any campaigns of NZSU or WSU. It is also part of our job to inform students what is going on around campus, such as functions, events and so forth. Jade and I have an open door policy so if you have any ideas just come up to WSU ofﬁce and we will try to help, to the best of our abilities. Well that’s it from me for now- have a good O week and enjoy studies at the best Uni in Aotearoa.

Joe and I have taken a step into the political arena as campaigns officers to fight for the greater good of our students. And also to trine great a strong campus culture within this awesome University. That’s rite! I strongly reckon that Waikato is truly better then the rest, not only academically but definitely socially. That’s all I have got to say for now besides that Waikato is the place 2 B. WAIKATO WUUUAAAAAT!!!!!

Noho ora mai Joe

Kia pai to tatou wiki e kia nei ko te O week, kia kaha hoki tatau ki te mahi i nga mahi a kura mo te tau kei te eke mai, kia eke pai tatau katoa ki tera taumata teitei. Kaua e paati 2 haati!! Noho ora mai Jade

ISSUE 1

Ace of Clubs Poor student? Join the club. There are heaps of different clubs and societies at Waikato, all keen for you to come and be involved. Each week, Nexus is going to put the spotlight on a club or two and give you the lowdown. Make sure you don’t miss Clubs Day – March 1st.

Unicol Soccer Waikato Unicol AFC is the university based soccer club. We are a fun club with social and competitive teams for both males and females. Unicol has a great atmosphere as a club and we enjoy ourselves on and off the ﬁeld. For anyone wanting to try out a new sport ﬁrst time - new soccer players are always welcome. Soccer is a great break from study, and a good chance to let out some energy and meet new fun people. Although soccer is our main focus, we enjoy socialising throughout the year. During the 2005 season we had great fun down at the Don Llewellyn’s bar on campus. We had a ‘70s party, with many exciting and atrocious costumes. Our prizegiving came with a theme of ‘Your favourite movie, TV or cartoon character’. We had everything from Pippi Longstocking to Superman.

Comments from Unicol members ‘If you’ve always thought about playing soccer but never got round to it, join Unicol. It doesn’t matter if you can’t play very well to start with (hey, they took me) – it’s very social and you’ll have heaps of fun.’ - Dawn ‘Yes, all the girls do have sexy pillow ﬁghts in the changing rooms afterwards. Apparently.’ – Kirsty

Training 6pm on the university ﬁelds. Competitive teams train Tuesday and Thursday nights. Social teams train Wednesday night.

Games Men’s teams play at either 12:30 or 2:45 Saturdays. Women’s teams play at 11am Sundays. COME ALONG TO THE FIRST MUSTER: Saturday 4th March from 2pm. On the University ﬁelds, near Don Lewellyns. Gate 3a and 3b. We welcome everyone: WINTEC students, Non-University students, Etc. Please contact our secretary Brooke for more information. Email: hbas1@waikato.ac.nz Mobile: 027 566 1111

ISSUE 1

SIFE – Students In Free Enterprise Over the past three years, 100 Waikato University students of differing degrees, age groups, genders, races, and movie tastes, have changed the lives of over 20,000 people in Aotearoa and around the world. They’re part of a worldwide movement of students that believes that businesses should perform to a cultural, social, environmental, and economic bottom line. Last year alone students involved in SIFE changed the lives of over 3.5 million people worldwide. SIFE Waikato’s projects have been far reaching. Over the past three years, SIFE Waikato has undertaken development projects from such far-ﬂung places as the North West

Frontier Province of Pakistan to places a little closer to home - such as Tokoroa. Projects have ranged from a market day in Tokoroa to helping a kapahaka group sell Maori artworks to creating educational DVDs and movies. Annually SIFE teams compete at a national competition against other University teams in New Zealand. There, representatives of the SIFE team make a presentation to a panel of judges who evaluate their projects against set criteria. SIFE Waikato has a strong history of success at these competitions. In 2003, SIFE Waikato won the competition and competed at the World Cup in Mainz Germany. At the 2003 World Cup SIFE reached the ﬁnals

of the SIFE World Cup and was recognised as one of the the ‘Top 5 SIFE teams’ in the world. Pretty impressive considering 2003 was SIFE Waikato’s ﬁrst year of competition! The successes just kept on coming. SIFE Waikato won the National competition in 2004, the second country in the world to win their national cup twice in a row. At the 2004 World Cup in Spain, SIFE Waikato was placed 3rd in their round, being narrowly beaten by Great Britain and Malaysia. And last year, the team came a respectable 2nd to AUT at the SIFE National competition.

To show how random and great the SIFE experience is, here are some quotes from students and famous people: “Before I couldn’t even speak in public, now, I’m…here..” - Ben Gilby-Todd (presenting to a crowd of 50 of New Zealand’s top business leaders at the 2004 SIFE National competition) “SIFE is the schiznuts. Seriously, anything that allows you to help the community AND beat other Universities has got to be good for you” - Dileepa Fonseka “I owe my interrogation in Hyde Park under the Terrorism Act section 42 subsection 6 to SIFE. Man, why does SIFE Waikato’s colours gotta be black. Thanks a lot!” - Sajjad Ali (accused by Britain’s security services after SIFE World Cup 2004 of taking photos of the US Embassy wearing ‘Black shoes, black trousers, black jacket, black bag’). “I support the worldwide SIFE enterprise to get the chickens going, get people more self reliant and teach them a little bit of fundamental economics as well” - Michael Cullen, Minister of Finance (yup, SIFE Waikato has even done stuff with chickens) “I am delighted to hear of SIFE program and successful involvement of Waikato University. I certainly support projects like this…and I wish them all the best in their endeavours.” – Sir Edmund Hillary “SIFE Waikato has developed simple edge-driven ideas that are helping communities grow” - Kevin Roberts (CEO, Saatchi & Saatchi) SIFE’s membership is open to everyone from every faculty and year group. Currently there are students from Screen & Media, Engineering, Communications, Politics, Law, and Management to name a few. The concept of SIFE cuts across all the normal university social boundaries. Every student can identify with the idea of helping ones community and creating sustainable change in a connected world. For more information students are encouraged to visit SIFE Waikato’s recruitment site: http://www.sife.lol.geek.nz or attend one of their information sessions: Thurs 2nd March 11am-12noon in room L.G.05 Fri 3rd March 12noon to 1.00pm in room S.1.01 Mon 6th March 12noon to 1.00pm in room I.1.09 Wed 8th March 1.00pm to 2.00pm in room MSB.1.03 ISSUE 1

Student Guide The First Flat Scott Whitaker

Setting up a new flat always seems like a daunting task. Whether you’re an experienced flat hopper or it’s your first time flatting, there will always be something that will jump up and bite you on the arse when you’re not looking. Flatting is often a student’s introduction to things such as contracts, power bills, grocery shopping for others and household bills. It can be a very busy and stressful time so here are some tips on how to set up your flat with as little stress as possible:

Notices Is yr spelin as apawling as ths sentins is? We’ll help you get the grades you want by proofreading, editing and revising your assignments for you. Visit us at: www.editwrite.co.nz When you write wrong, we right the wrongs. Room available in Student Village - $105 pw. Suitable for male Asian. Self-catered. Contact Tat: 0210340583 or 8592628.

Be nice to your mother. Mums have the ability to look at your flat and tell you the things that you will need. They think of things that you wouldn’t even think of until you went to use them. Nothing worse then buying a crate and not having a bottle opener. Make sure that everyone is on the same wavelength. Tell people what you’re bringing to the flat otherwise you’ll end up with two of everything. Doing your first big shop? Make sure that you stock up on the essentials, cleaning products etc, and believe it or not a 15kg bag of rice from Pak ‘n’ Save will come in handy when the money tree loses its leaves in winter. Get to know your neighbours. With any luck they may be seasoned veterans that you can ask for advice, if not, at least you’ll have company up shit creek.

Wanting a bassist who can do vocals, for a band that is forming possibly mid Feb-March. We have drums, rhythm guitar and lead vocals. Age is not applicable. We want someone we can socialise with. Ph or text 021 2550045. No landline sorry. - Singer Wanted for originals rock band txt - 027 3246016

Annoy your landlord. Some are lazy, but make sure that they inspect the flat and take note of any damage that has been done to it before you were there so you are not held responsible for others destruction. Get contents insurance! Do it! Have everyone’s names on contracts. You don’t want to be left to pick up the bill. Don’t sign anything before you know what it means, make sure at least one of your flatmates knows what it means and can explain it to you. Be a geek. Make a cleaning and or cooking roster. You might think being nice to your friends and doing their share is your good deed but you will soon get pissed off. Have a big house warming. Everyone loves a good party but move it off to town before people start thinking that kicking holes in your wall would be a good idea. The best tip for any flatter is to be flexible. When moving into a flat you have to realise that each person is coming from a different background to you. People are used to doing things differently to you. Whether it be putting the forks away in a different draw or leaving shoes in the hallway you’re all individuals and you will all piss each other off. Living in a flat is hard but if you can be flexible you might just get through it without killing each other. 34

Want a ﬂatmate? A lawnmower? A drummer? A guinea pig for your science experiment? Send your notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz or drop em into the Nexus box at WSU reception by Tuesday 5pm for the following week’s issue. Non-proﬁt notices of up to 100 words are free to students. For businesses, advertising rates are available on request. ISSUE 1

Confessions of a List Maker Danielle Thomson A few words about myself Introducing me. I like candle-lit dinners, not so much for the romantic atmosphere but purely because of my love for food. Long walks on the beach are okay, but my legs get tired and someone has to carry me back to the car. If those lucky enough to be tall have “legs that go on for days” I have “legs that go on for hours”. Like my dad I’m vertically challenged, although choose to live the illusion that I am average height and anything taller is freakish. Up until recently I was shopping at HBK. Either I’ve shrunk or kids are getting taller - HBK pants are even too long. Unless you’re really looking, you may fail to notice me. I’m not strikingly beautiful; I’m not ridiculously funny nor amazingly talented. I am however an easily annoyed, over-thinker, with a passion for nanna naps who has developed a list-writing obsession. Currently I’ve got seven lists on the go. Just as I started getting used to the summer holiday, extra income and fewer deadlines, uni starts back. I had amazing things planned for my study free summer. I was intending on making the most of it, I was going to jump in my little pink car and cruise (at the speed limit) into the sunset. I was meant to do lots of things, I was even intending on sticking to

to do list, which has been combined to include resolutions and must-do’s like ‘pay Telecom before they come after me’. I can’t figure out what I’ve done instead. I’m no richer, but no have an extensive shoe collection. I’m no fitter, thinner or tanned but have mastered the art of nanna naps. I started my great novel (on shelves soon) and it has a nicely typed, correctly spelt by-line. The novel itself is on the semester A or B to-do list. I started my C.V; it has a catchy yet classic title - “Danielle Thomson, Curriculum Vitae”. Some of the must-do’s are half done. I’ve paid everyone yet completely paid off no one. I’m starting to rethink this list craze - seven lists, nothing finished and a whole lot started. My resolutions are beginning to nag at me too. The quote in my diary for January 13th says “Good resolutions (I choose to include to-do lists) are like crying babies in church. They need to be carried out immediately.” Perhaps mine aren’t specific enough and therefore aren’t any good. Hence why nothing is done. Resolution 1: Become a hottie

my pesky resolutions. I had stuff to do. My neatly scribbled holiday to-do list has been re-titled “Semester A to-do List” and some items may even be carried over to semester B. I was going to read a myriad of novels and extend my vocab, but I stumbled at the Women’s Weekly. Vocab not extended but I do know plenty more about the stars of Desperate Housewives. I was going to wash my lil pink Honda City till she gleamed, but as it rained I felt it an unnecessary task. The letter writing never happened. The spring clean didn’t either. Uni is back, I’ve got two half ﬁnished projects, no bedside table (staining it was on the list, it’s half done) and an unﬁnished ISSUE 1

Or maybe they’re a bit beyond me, and I’m asking too much of myself. Should I start small and build up? Resolution 2: 1 hour’s exercise AT LEAST per day. Nothing per day to 90 minutes is a massive leap. I could be focusing my energy on the wrong things. Resolution 3: Make the people I work with less annoying. Personally I think: Resolutions are like crying babies in church. Let them cry, they’ll soon give up. 35

Poetree An ode to the Hilly written upon hearing rumours of its closure

It is with fond memories and glee that i remember the Hilly oh yes, i was a V.I.P there was no wednesday door charge for me i was getting in for $3 drinks for free. always on the midnight bus that’s for sure even after spewing on the men’s room ﬂoor. we’ll miss your lengthy bar and that hot chick who served, phwoooar! your Tuesday pool your drinks so cool. the pharmacy, the danceﬂoor, and the stage the Hilly is where i went to spend my wage. only a short walk from Bryant to walk lots of drunken shit we did talk good times spent there with mates and numerous failed attempts to get dates so much to remember about the Hillcrest Tavern seeing it demolished will make my stomach churn where do we drink now, where do we go? students will be lost, nobody will know like at the Hilly thinking, damn I’m gonna be hungover tomorrow. as we say our goodbyes there will no longer be Hilly fries raise your glasses in a great big toast to the bar that gave us the most - the Hilly. Nick

(Ed’s note – see the News pages for more info on the Hilly’s future) Send your poems to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

ISSUE 1

Storytime With The Wez The Bazzinator - Part 1

blow away any parts of the American blobness that had inﬁltrated me while I was living in

I’m on Great Barrier Island. It is a bastion of untainted old timey wilderness at the end of the world. I have come from urban Sacramento- California. Living on the fat lined artery of the Schwarzenegger fueled heart of the sixth biggest economy on the planet.

the States on my couch, or sitting hunched and dribbling over a bucket of clams and calamari rings in a fake leather clad booth at Red Blobster; and give me back the long and near forgotten feeling that I am a true wilderness warrior.

Fat of the land. Eating the fat. Becoming the Fat. I was soiled from the taint. I once felt

In a moment of past hard man bravado I had made the grandiose claim that I was forged in

“I had to walk the walk and use my ass to cash the check that my mouth had written.” so strong as to liken my body to have been carved out of wood. I was now made of cookie dough. And not wholesome organic cookie dough either, but the nasty cheap chocolate chip ﬁlled stuff that you squeeze directly into your mouth while beached on the couch in front of Jerry Springer.

the ﬁres of Australia’s blistering outback sun and tempered in the 14 foot snow drifts of northern Ontario. I had to live up to my own self created reputation. I had to walk the walk and use my ass to cash the check that my mouth had written.

But now I’m here and I’m working myself over. Punishment for blobbing.

The warrior is within. The spirit controls the body. I don’t care how high that mountain is or how brutal the trip - I shall drive myself up there bleeding and screaming.

A week of ﬁshing and carting concrete and bricks about as well as diving and the occasional mini jog down to the wharf readied me for the big mission.

And so I set out in the early afternoon along the gravel road to the farm that I had to cross

To the top of the nearest but biggest mountain and harsh it out through the night.

Yesterday I packed my swag, which consisted of a Moro bar, a bottle of water, a thermos of Tibetan tea (genus Camel’s Breath), two thick vegemite, cheese and onion sandwiches, two carrots, three bananas, a bottle of Monteiths stout beer, and an apple. I had my hammock tent to sleep in and a little grey blanket for warmth. As it was summer I thought I wouldn’t need much. The utter purpose of the journey was to fully ISSUE 1

All the old friends were there - Rimu, Rata, grabby Bush lawyer, Pohutakawa and many stands of small iron wooded Kauri, I counted ten in one cluster, and pounded upon their rock like trunks. ‘Back to nature!’ I mouthed. I didn’t hug it though. I just felt I didn’t know them well enough. After about half an hour of trying to just blaze up the trail hardcore bushman style I was so sweating and burned out I was starting to fall over and my eyes were beginning to sting. I had to rest but that would go against everything I had told others was the true way. So I got into a good head-down-knees-up drunken pirate stagger. When the dry red dirt skidded out from under my stinging bare and dough-soft feet I would try to turn the fall into a forward motion and come bursting up. When it was really hard to breath and my lungs were burning I would focus on things - a tree, a leaf, a stone, the shrill cry of some endangered bird on this island sanctuary.

“I didn’t hug it though. I just felt I didn’t know them well enough.” to get to the track.

Well, I got to the top of the mountain. I didn’t get to do the things that people do at the top of mountains - but she came with a view.

through and up the ridge of the mountain - a good 45 degrees in some parts and actually downhill in others.

Immediately I regretted packing too much stuff. I was so weak. My muscles had suffered deep atrophy in my two year USA Blob Fest. I was near exhausted before I even got to the bush. Staggering through the overgrown ﬁelds I saw a big brown cow lying in the grass and it gave me a glance from 10 feet away. It had big wicked horns and it knew it could take care of me if I suddenly saw red and charged. I climbed over a style and entered the native forest - hooﬁng it up the trail with self manufactured gusto. The rugged path wound

About half way up and an hour and a half after I had begun, my legs gave out utterly and I lay there spinning with a strange dusty taste in my mouth and feet that throbbed from harsh rock and stick jabs. I wasn’t actually bleeding yet. But I had achieved my goal. I had gone till the body gave up and fell down. I was the master again. I picked that body up and made it mission up the path again and it didn’t like that. But I’m the fuckin boss and it will now do everything I say. Next week – part 2 of The Bazzinator. Will he make it to the top of the mountain? 37

ISSUE 1

Rialto Check Leigh McGeady Hello everybody! Welcome to 2006 at Waikato University. Alls I’m gonna say is Movies Movies Movies! Damn, are there some mighty ﬁne ﬁlms out there at this time or what? And some awesome ones lined up for the year ahead. Being a recently graduated student, I realise that although we like to think we’re always busy with our uni workloads, we know deep down that this is just not true all the time. We tend to appreciate taking time out for ourselves and our friends by hanging out,

doing that will draw more of these students in to watch the ﬁne ﬁlms we show? As we also realise that the majority of students are poor and like to spend the majority of their money on food, we thought, “Well…what about free movies?”

getting drunk, partying, playing games or sport, doing nothing much at all and watching movies. Well, this is where we come in.

and then join to sign up to be in our ﬁlm club and not only do you get updates about upcoming releases sent to your email (and we know every single one of you have one, being a student!) but you’re pretty much guaranteed a free movie each month at Rialto for the rest of the year. What will happen is that you’ll get the invite to the ﬁlm screening sent to your email and you AND a friend can come

This year at Rialto we are trying to offer the best possible deals for students, as we realise that you guys make up a great part of the Hamilton population during term. So the question is - what can we do or what are we

to see the ﬁlm before it has even opened to the rest of the public. How cool is that? Just don’t forget to choose Rialto Hamilton as your ‘preferred’ cinema! So now, when you come to these screenings all you have to worry about is ﬁnding that $3.80 for the delicious huge supercone ice creams on offer!

How to get free movies So there you go! Alls you gotta do is go to our website www.rialto.co.nz, click on members

In between these free movies however, we also try to keep the price of watching a ﬁlm down as much as we can. Those of you with a BNZ ‘Student Card’ get $10 tickets Monday through Friday. And those of you with community services cards get tickets for between $7 and $8 from Mondays to Fridays before 5pm. So come on! Now you have no excuse to come to Rialto Cinemas, Hamilton - home of ﬁne cinema and now fully licensed!

What’s Good on TV? My Name is Earl 8:00pm, Thursday, TV3 Reviewed by El Groado This show follows Earl, a cheeky criminal who believes that karma is giving him bad luck because of all the bad things he has done in his life. So to ﬁx his luck, he’s righting all his wrongs one at a time and crossing them off his list. This show is great because it doesn’t take itself too seriously. Some of the funniest moments are racist, sexist and poke fun at handy cappable people (I want chips!), kind of like that uncle everybody frowns upon but secretly ﬁnds funny. With a show that features masterful character creation such as ‘hot mexican maid’, ‘crab man’, ‘hot psycho ex wife’ and ‘braindead brother’, how can you go wrong? (You can’t - that was a rhetorical question). All in all, fanfuckentastic!

Good Eats 7:30pm, Weeknights CH38 Reviewed by Jimmy Ex-cinematographer/scientist/noob Alton Brown goes into ridiculous detail about the science of cooking. He thinks he’s so great but I bet he doesn’t know the processing power of a over clocked nvidia 7800gt graphics card or if he’s even reached level 60 super mage in World of Warcraft. You don’t see me showing off about my fucking sweet computer hacking skills, keyboard skills, magic skills, mouse skills..

ISSUE 1

Book Reviews Family Guy – The Ofﬁcial Episode Guide, season 1–3

New Zealand Driving Holidays

Steve Callaghan Allen and Unwin RRP $35 Reviewed by Polomaster

Donna Blaber Deerace, RRP $24.95 Reviewed by Pheobe Meryll

Having already purchased the first three seasons on DVD and pirated seasons 4, 5 and the movie from limewire, at first glance I didn’t think an ‘Official Episode Guide’ for The Family Guy would be much use. How right I was. If you’ve never seen The Family Guy don’t bother reading on – you’re not worth it. I’m serious – don’t bother, you won’t even understand it, because I’m going to complete this review entirely using obscure Family Guy quotes and references. Nah, I won’t do that, but I do seriously recommend you buy the DVDs and ‘acquire’ some of the newer episodes online. Now… the book. As well as being an easy quote reference and lyrics sheet for the many Family Guy songs, this book gives some super little ‘backstage’ tidbits about the creation of the show. Character voices Seth Green (Austin Powers: Scotty), Mila Kunis (The ‘70s show: Jackie); creator Seth McFarlane and other influential writers and producers each share their little insights into the creation of some of the best moments on the show, which makes for a good quick read. Interesting Fact Example: The character Neil Goldman is named after, and based on one of the show writers. However, for the $35 price tag, I would recommend this book ONLY to: enormous fans wanting to reminisce without actually watching the show (for some reason); or Mormons/Amish Folk/Brethrens who can’t watch the show, but want to fit in at school/uni/parties. For the general public I don’t really see enough there to grant spending precious moolah on it.

If the travel stories in this issue have stoked the wandering urge and got the petrol pumping through your veins, perhaps you should consider a bit of a road trip yourself. New Zealand Driving Holidays could be a good reference to chuck in the glovebox. In general, the book is probably aimed more towards an older age group than the average ﬁrst year, in terms of style and budget. Joe Student doesn’t tend to play much golf, or hire many cars. However, it isn’t a bad taste tester for all the nice touristy attractions around that us Noo Zilders usually never get round to going to and certainly has its uses. There are some handy maps and a lot of great pictures of scenery. One of the most useful features would be the suggestions of the various itineraries one can take to see particular places. And it does make you want to go to those places. I now have a deﬁnite hankering to ride horses up Karekare beach, and drive around the South Island for two weeks looking at pretty glaciers and pristine lakes. Here’s a challenge – over the next, er, ‘study’ break, you could do the ol’ pick a page with your eyes closed, grab a few mates, and go to that destination. Win - If you’d like a copy of NZ Driving Holidays for yourself, we have one to give away. Just email nexus@waikato.ac.nz with your favourite holiday destination and why, and it could be yours. The book, not the destination.

Hey you! Yeah, you. Want free stuff? Wanna be a books editor for Nexus? I’m thinking someone exceedingly reliable - a super-skilled reviewer, with impeccable grammar. Or at least as close as we can get. If this interests you, get in touch – nexus@waikato.ac.nz. ISSUE 1

Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy Summer In The Southeast (Live)

Citric Sam Sam && Kat Kat

Reviewed by Sam Brown

Kia Ora and welcome to another year with Citric. For the newbies at Waikato, Citric is the music lovers’ page written by people who think they know what they are talking about (namely Sam and me). With Citric you are treated to a gig breakdown and the latest CD reviews each week. We strongly encourage you to get into local music. By blending a couple of things together you will be an indie nerd before you know it. Hamilton has huge potential and homes some killer bands. Seeing them live, loud and up close is the best thing you can do with your weekends in Hamilton. Your university has its own radio station known as Contact 88.1FM. It’s situated up at the Cowshed by Brett’s dairy, Campus Kiosk, and plays the best Local, National and International music across the genres minus the crap. Contact is always looking for fresh blood so go up and introduce yourself to one of the DJs or www.contactfm.co.nz.

Fortuitously timed on the heels of Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy’s just completed small venue tour of New Zealand, this album captures the live show experienced by those of us lucky enough to see him in Raglan last month. Drawing not only on his ‘Prince’ Billy output but also his various other guises spanning his proliﬁc career, Summer In The Southeast captures the intimacy both of his shows and for which his albums are renowned. Encapsulating his remarkable lyrics and fragile yet powerful voice, tracks are transformed from their album counterparts, some for the better (see ‘Blokbuster’ and ‘Break of Day’), and others to the point of being almost unrecognisable (‘May It Always Be’ is cranked up to a volume to which fans will be unaccustomed). Overall it is a rewarding insight into a fascinating musician. If you’re unfamiliar with the work of Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy / Will Oldham, he’s most deﬁnitely worth checking out. For fans, especially those that missed the tour, this release is essential listening.

There is an all ages Rock n Roll gig at Max FM (Ward St, across the road from Kmart) coming up where you can see The Lastimes, The Romanovas, Dialtones and The Debutantes. Actually, it’s already been by the time you’re reading this. Hope you enjoyed it. Local band This Night Creeps have their EP release coming on the 10th of March at Ward Lane after their successful launch of their full studio album. They will be accompanied by The Vacants, The Wrongmen and The Shaky Hands. Also coming soon - HAMTOWN SMACKDOWN, FIRST WEEKEND OF MARCH! Friday, 3rd March Capone, Saving Grace, Brick vs. Face, The Warpath, Louis Knuxx, Stronghold [Aust.]

Saturday, 4th March The Wrongmen, Ryan & the Rockets, Damaged, Antagonist, One Must Fall [last ever show]

@ THE METEOR, ALL AGES HARDCORE GIG DOORS AT 8.20pm, FIRST BAND 9.10pm FRI. $10, SAT. $5 Internationally, keep your eyes on the approaching Sigor Ros and Dinosaur Jr who are gracing our shores shortly. Aside from this, any artists/bands - you can send your gig details and music news to us so we can tell the world on your behalf kat@contactfm.co.nz.

Cat Power The Greatest Reviewed by Kat Cox Someone once asked me who I thought would win best female singer/ songwriter out of Fiest and Chan Marshall (Cat Power). There really is no competition. Cat Power is such a rarity. The Greatest is a gem, subtle, complex and completely beautiful. Marshall possesses such a raw quality to her voice, a drop dead hot huskiness. Sometimes you completely tune out the lyrics just to be carried away slowly, lost in the murmurs. Then you realise she’s singing ‘I hate myself and I want to die.’ This album shows you a positive side to Cat Power’s music, maybe from a rise in conﬁdence or from industry success. She is creating music to swing to, to make you smile which is a change from her last two albums. Standout tracks like ‘The Greatest’ and ‘Willie’ that create a stir. All sorts of instuments join Marshall to contribute to a fuller sounding studio album however the essential elements are still the same - a beautiful piano/vocal combination that never sounds dull. It’s just a stunner, Cat Power is a ‘must get into.’

Artshole Why should I care about art? Art is interesting. Concepts, and the subverting of concepts, get a contemporary artist all hot and excited. Consequently, their shows will quite possibly make you think which is ostensibly why you’re at Uni (I know it’s really just so you can get a job somewhere other than your mum’s ﬁrm or a ﬁsh and chip shop, but bear with me). After attending a few exhibitions you will start to develop your own artistic sensibility and eventually be able to discourse intelligently on whether something appeals or not and why, which is always handy. Plus, exhibition openings are a cool thing to check out with friends - and potentially good for a cracker with cheese if your cupboard’s empty.

But it’s all just wanky stuff anyway

Oi! Arts contributors wanted Do you have an ear to the ground, an interest in art and fancy putting together a page of info each week? Or maybe you’d just like to review an exhibition now and then? Can you write articles about artists? Email ‘Artshole’, nexus@waikato.ac.nz. Ditto if you have any arts or theatre news to publicise.

Art Exhibitions Ramp Gallery

Mixed Media

Exhibition: Time Capsule From Japan 14/10/04-5/11/04

Exhibition: Just Naked

Where: Ramp Gallery at Media Arts, Wintec. Gate 2, Collingwood St. When: Exhibition runs Feb 27 to March 17.

Where: Mixed Media, Casabella Lane (off Barton St), Hamilton CBD When: Exhibition may be viewed until 16th March. Paintings by Ian Calloway.

Wank - /wangk/. 1. To get sexual gratification from selfstimulation. 2. a noun denoting a clever technique or person or the result of such cleverness (sl.) Yes, like in all good music, film, and academic, circles, there is a certain amount of wank in the art scene. But why feel threatened by cleverness, or blatant selfgratification? The former you can learn from and the latter you can snigger at, while edging towards something that appeals more. Besides, there are all kinds of art – from quirky to aesthetically pleasing to completely abstract. If you seriously don’t give an installation for art or its perpetrators, then by all means give it a miss. But overall, art has plenty to offer even the most dubious viewer. It can question social paradigms and routines. It can be aggressive and confrontational. It can stir emotional responses without an obvious reason. Even if a piece just makes you smile as you wander past, it’s playing its part in making life a tiny bit more remarkable.

ISSUE 1

Meet the Nexus Team Dawn Tuffery Position: Slouched over computer editing Nexus, generally. Boss girl. First 3 websites you check when you go online: Gmail, Ontri.net and Trademe. Favourite snack: Homemade oaty fruit cookies Best thing about your job: People randomly send me chocolate and books for free When I grow up I want to be: A kickass animator If Nexus was an animal, it would be a: Ruffed lemur (the black and white sort) <make up your own inane question> Who are the coolest people around, d’ya reckon? Well, I’d have to say those who come up and write for Nexus. They’re the best. Hint. Cough.

Tony Arkell Position: Advertising Manager First 3 websites you check when you go online: I save the dodgy sites till I get home, of course. Favourite snack: Nuked supermarket pies Best thing about your job: Oh shit. Is this supposed to be a job? When I grow up I want to be: Hugh Hefner If Nexus was an animal, it would be a: A puppy – warm and fuzzy <make up your own inane question> What’s an inane question?

Matt Scheurich Position: Graphic design monkey First 3 websites you check when you go online: Myspace, Htown, Livejournal Favourite snack: Peanut butter and jam sandwiches Best thing about your job: It’s fun When I grow up I want to be: A chocolate bar If Nexus was an animal, it would be a: Thundercat <make up your own inane question> What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes

Josh Drummond Position: Interim News Editor First 3 websites you check when you go online: Google, penny-arcade.com, nzherald.co.nz Favourite snack: Play-doh Best thing about your job: I get free stuff When I grow up I want to be: King of New Zealand If Nexus was an animal, it would be a: Captain Planet <make up your own inane question> Why is a raven like a writing desk? Yes, Nexus IS staffed entirely by geeks.

ISSUE 1

Mike’s Corner – O Week Special Every Boy’s Guide to Bars Town, the ﬁnal frontier. For many of you, your journey has just begun. For years you have wondered, and now, with your eighteenth birthday tucked under your belt, and your mum no longer being able to tell you what time to go to bed, you will no doubt go out and have a go at the whole night club scene, which, if you are a young guy, is of course all

3. Pre town parties - This will be your best chance to make human contact in the whole night, if not your whole life. Don’t give up a good conversation with a soc-sci girl for the miniscule chance of touchie feelie with some drunk slapper at the [insert bar here]. A bird in the hand is worth about ten who wouldn’t

“You will be feeling horribly self conscious at this point, which indicates you are not drunk enough” about trying to get your end away, dipping your wick, taking the log boat to tuna town, if you know what I mean. So, from my aged position, I would like to offer you a little advice, just to get a “foot in the door”, so to speak, nudge nudge, wink wink, say n’ more, say n’ more. 1. The Basics - Clean your teeth! Do your hair! Wash your knob! Smeg is the opposite of oysters in terms of an aphrodesiac! Don’t speak when you can smile winningly! Remember, going out is all about the illusion that you are Mr Right! Don’t ruin it by talking! 2. Dancing - Don’t do it near the toilets. Yes, there is more room there, but it’s for a reason. Toilets are associated with crap. Do you want to be associated with crap? Your choice. Push on into the middle. You’ve come all this way, so you might as well go for the top. Find a space. Dance, but take it easy. No point jostling some big surly guy. Ooh, she looks cute, try to catch her eye. But not if she is with a guy. Look left, look right, look left again. Ahh, she is just with her girlfriends. You’ve caught her eye? Well done. You will be feeling horribly self conscious at this point, which indicates you are not drunk enough. Drink. Ahh, there you go. The rest is old as nature - there are some things that just cannot be taught, especially by me, who has no idea. 46

piss on you if you were on ﬁre. 4. Groping is not a good way to introduce yourself. First impressions last, so don’t make yours on someone’s chest, no matter how good it looks. 5. Remember, look into someone’s eyes when making eye contact. Sounds obvious, but put a bit of alcohol in some people and

homophobic, and think that the only way to prove that they are straight is to approach all events that could even remotely be construed as homosexual with a murderous, alcohol fueled rage. However, when walking around, don’t be a coward either. Strike a respectful medium. Whistle a happy tune, but softly. 7. The odds are against you, so don’t feel bad if you fail, repeatedly, in what many would consider to be a futile and shallow endeavour. Whilst checking NZ Dating.com the other day, I counted about 40 women in the Waikato region who wanted to meet up with men for sexual liasons, whereas there were over two hundred men looking for women. And you know that the women are probably the type who will be screaming directly into your ear, or asking if “while you’re up” you could give their pet a good rogering, or stabbing you in the eye with a biro as she climaxes. Some people will probably think that it’s sexist of

“Most guys hanging around outside and cursing are hideously homophobic, and think that the only way to prove that they are straight is to approach all events that could even remotely be construed as homosexual with a murderous, alcohol fueled rage” they lose all sense of perspective. Yes, due to what is no doubt heavy socialisation and image reinforcement in the media, you have become a good appraiser of breasts, and take pleasure in the curve, shape and swell of a well presented ma’am. But, sadly your visual training has been in vain, as this is not a skill that is of any use at all, except when jacking off, and the dance ﬂoor is not the ideal place to jack off, unless the bar in quesion is having the Jack Daniels “Jack-Off ‘06”. Anyway, eyes up, soldier. 6. This does not apply when walking around on the street, however. Don’t go looking into some drunk guy’s eyes. Most guys hanging around outside and cursing are hideously

me to say that, but it’s not, because women are generally more sensible than men, and don’t want to contract diseases from some random sex ﬁend, who almost has almost collected the whole set, or be tricked by some psycho into being part of an animal snuff movie where you are the one who has to die, whereas a horny guy would probably take the risk if there was certainty of sex happening. To those of you who cannot take the frustration any longer, there were two hundred men looking for men too, so, you know, if the coach isn’t giving you enough time on the ﬁeld, you may want to consider playing for the other team. ISSUE 1

ISSUE 1