issue 10 2011

MAY 16TH 2011

10

SUSTAINABILITY & FAIR TRADE

A RAW DEAL?

Fair trade features for fair trade fortnight

BUDGET 2011

Check the news pages to find out how the forthcoming government budget might affect you

RED ALERT 96

Cold war chaos! This is Red Alert.

This is RTS Genesis

AUTEUR HOUSE

This week The Doctor regales us with stories of Hollywood’s silver foxes

1

Wednesday

*excluding tui blonde and during quiz only

TEAMS OF 4 - 8 Thursday

2

10

SUSTAINABILITY & FAIR TRADE Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Shannon Rolfe, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle Wall, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Sam & Zane, Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Monique Hamilton, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653

CREDITS & CONTENTS

MAY 16TH 2011

4

EDITORIAL

5

PREZ SEZ

6

THE MAGIC 8-BALL

7-10 11

NEWS SPORTS THOUGHTS

12-13

LETTUCE

14-19

WSU PAGES

20-23

FEATURE - FAIR TRADE

25

LEFT VS RIGHT

26

PUZZLES

27

COMICS

29

FOOD

30-37

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

38

GIG GUIDE

39

THE BUSTED PAGE

FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

3

EDITORIAL WITH THE WAIKATO FIST MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Yet another one of our nation’s representatives has been caught scrapping in Hamilton’s bars.

Declan O’Donnell, a promising young player for our Sevens squad and an H-Town local, is charged with assaulting two men in The Outback, one of the most popular student bars in the city.

His request for diversion has been declined.

Really? A promising sports star, a proven try-scorer, a future All Black has been denied diversion? What kind of mixed up, upside down world are we in, where this kind of injustice goes without so much as a demand for inquiry from our local MPs. Remember a while back, if you will, when Sione Lauaki got into his fisticuffs. Diversion and anger management classes. Keep in mind that Sione was 29 at the time and was playing for the Chiefs, while Mr O’Donnell is only 20 and a freshman for our Sevens team. Sione was on the verge of signing to a Japanese club when he was charged. Declan is the top try scorer of the 2010-11 Sevens season.

More importantly, Sione Lauaki has 1,088 fans on facebook, while Declan O’Donnell has 11,219.

Suck on that Sione.

I am a little bit confused about the differences in punishment between these two sportsmen and even more confused when it comes to what the punishment should be for our national sports heroes.

Should these young men be given diversions, in the hope that they then get back on the wagon and train their little hearts out, annihilating all past wrong doings with solid sportsmanship?

It does sound like an appealing idea. New Zealand is all about giving people a bit of leeway when it comes to drinking. I myself have had a diversion for a drunken mishap.

The other side of the coin is more Spartan: no diversions for our sportsmen. They represent our nation at home and overseas.

They are heroes to those too young, or too old, to be an All Black. They wear the uniform, not of a team or an individual, but of an entire nation.

Giving these men diversions on the grounds that it may affect their future hopes of playing internationally isn’t a good enough reason to grant what should be a warning, rather than a right.

Would a student who was part way through a teaching degree be granted a diversion, if he argued that a conviction would hurt his chances of teaching overseas? Not likely.

So, the question remains: should sports stars be getting diversions, or should we be using them as moral compasses, to be punished for even the slightest transgression?

These questions, which will no doubt never be answered, are a side bar to what’s really grinding my gears: violence in our bars.

I don’t care how many tries you score or how many fans you have on facebook. I don’t even care if you write for Nexus or are a super cool DJ. When I’m out and about I want to talk some shit with my friends and have some drinks, maybe smoke a lot of cigarettes as well. I don’t want some arrogant, crayon-eating homophobe cracking skulls (mine or others) in the club, just because your team lost a game of rugby.

So, in closing dear friends: diversions – yes! Dick heads fighting in our clubs – no dice!

PREZ SEZ The recent announcement by the Minister of proposed moves to increase institutional transparency and accountability for student services levies will be welcomed by many learners. Learners have been concerned over the past few years at quite high increases in those fees without commensurate increases or enhancements to the services they fund. Learners believe that institutions should behave responsibly and recognize the pressures that significant levy increases can pose on learners.

Currently, most tertiary institutions charge student services levies which fund the provision of non-academic services (non-academic services could include things such as carreers services, study support, health, counseling, accommodation, crèches, and/or financial assistance. Some institutions also charge building fees and internet access fees, as well as one-off enrolment and/or administration fees).

These compulsory levies sit alongside tuition fees for courses. These levies are different from student association fees which are set by learners and go to the students’ association not the institution.

Under the proposed changes in the Education Amendment Bill (No. 4), the Minister will have the power to issue directions to providers on any of the following matters: • The categories of services that providers can use compulsory student services fees to fund • How the fees are held by the provider (for example, in a separate, audited, publickly disclosed trust account to be used for the purpose of expenditure on student services) • Arrangements for decisions to be made jointly or in consultation with students on matters associated with student services • Include in the annual report (for institutions) or a written statement to students (for PTEs), a description of the services funded out of the student services fee and a statement of the fee income and expenditure on each type of service If the Minister is not satisfied that an individual provider is complying with the directions he has issued, he will have the power to issue a further direction specifying to a provider the maximum limit on the amount that may be charged for those services.

Learners will see these proposals as a welcome step in the right direction. New proposals to increase student oversight and involvement in levy decision-making are especially welcome.

Deni Tokunai WSU President 027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

BURGER PACK 1 BACON BURGER 2 EGG BURGERS $2 CHIPS

FISH & CHIP PACK 2 FISH 2 CRABSTICKS 4 SQUIDRINGS $2 CHIPS

5

MAGIC 8-BALL Hail Magic 8 Ball and burn thy so-called holy texts in his name! Tear down the churches of your false gods and throw up altars of sacrifice to the glory that resides within this column! Drive out the priests and through yourself onto the altar of the 8-Ball! When the sun sets and the night beasts wander the surface of this cursed Earth, the 8 ball watches from the eaves of long dead homes. Listen to its wisdom and pray for a quick death!

Are there enough pictures of girls kissing on the Snapstar page?

Outlook not so good.

But you weren’t asking about email software, were you? You wanted to know about girls kissing. And as the great sky-prophets once foretold, there are two kinds of girls kissing. There are the kissing girls you’ve got, and there are enough girls kissing. And you can never have enough girls kissing.

Is the Double Down the death knell of Western Civilisation?

Ask again later.

Turns out that fat is the one substance in the aether that can cause conjunctivitis of the All-Seeing Eye. The Double Down has a lot of this (but not as much as The Boss from McDonalds), so it may be some time.

Will the democracy protests in the Middle East mean cheaper petrol?

Maybe.

That depends if what the people want is less money for the one commodity they have that THE ENTIRE WORLD wants. Which they won’t, because they are people. So no. The Eight Ball has no need for your earth-human fiat currency!

Was Obama on the Cosby Show as Theo Huxtable?

All signs point to no.

The Cosby Show starred black people. Obama can’t have been on the The Cosby Show, because that would mean he would have to be black.

There is no way in the lower bowels of great Satan’s filthiest underling that America would have voted in a black President.

Should gays be allowed to get married?

Yes. The gays should be allowed to get married. A more important question, one that your feeble brain-meat failed to ask, would be “Will the gays be allowed to get married?” Of course not. There’ll be a black President before that happens.

Will there be a civil war in New Zealand, between the Maori and Mana parties?

Outlook not so good.

What chance is there of a civil war between politicians? That implies some semblance of inherent civility, does it not?

6

NEWS BUDGET 2011

BY JAMES MANNING

Radical alterations to KiwiSaver and Student Loan’s are among the many changes that will impact tertiary students in the upcoming Budget 2011. In his pre-budget speech last week, John Key revealed the Budget will make changes to these two schemes, but Key believes the changes will benefit the programs and will “ensure their survival in the long run.”

“Post-recession, it is clear the high costs of KiwiSaver and interestfree student loans are unaffordable in the longer term,” he stated.

“The changes we will make in the Budget will ensure they are more enduring and sustainable.”

Key stated multiple times throughout his speech that the student loan and KiwiSaver changes would not come into effect until after the election, and if National is re-elected. ‘’People will have the opportunity to decide whether a responsible approach to balancing the books and building growth is one they want to support.”

The 2011 Budget will focus on the government’s plan to grow national savings, setting a credible path back to surplus, repaying debt, and rebuilding Christchurch will be revealed this Thursday May 19th.

Key said the Government had put in nearly half of all the money that had built up in KiwiSaver accounts, and will be considering

Nexus talked to students around Campus, asking their

lowering the $20 tax credit added to each account weekly. The $1000 kick start will remain in place.

opinions on the option of paying their student loans off with Kiwisaver. This is what they had to say!

Adjustments to the student loan scheme should be expected, though Key stated they will remain interest free. ‘’We need to ensure borrowers understand that when they choose to access the loan scheme they are also taking on all the responsibilities that come with it,’’ Key said.

While these changes to student loans will not be released till Thursday, the government was encouraged with a proposal to ensure Key’s goal of lowering national debt is met by benefitting both students and kiwisaver programme members.

Milton Jennings, chief executive of Fidelity Life, believes that allowing KiwiSaver members to use their accumulated funds to repay student loans would create a win-win situation between the Government and KiwiSaver’s 1.7 million members.

“For KiwiSaver members, they’d be able to reduce their student loan obligations to the Government and the Government, in turn, will be able to reduce the balance of its student loan books,’’ Jennings said.

Under present legislation, KiwiSaver funds, which totaled $8.8 billion as at March 30, can be withdrawn before the age of 65 only when buying a first home, emigrating, or suffering financial hardship or serious illness.

The median loan balance for New Zealand-based borrowers was $10,600 per person. This matches the KiwiSaver balances of those who have contributed to the scheme since its inception.

Many members, especially those who were not first-home buyers, would happily use their KiwiSaver funds to repay their student loans, especially as there is uncertainty over the long term future of interest free student loans, he said.

Daniel Marsom - BCMS “Yeah, I’d use it. The student loan is really just something you’ll have to pay off sooner or later anyway, and I’m not too worried about retirement just yet.”

Virginia Kalla, Sean Aurigemma - Management Virginia – “I’d pay off the student loan, just wanna have it outta the way, otherwise I’d worry about it my whole life.”

Sean – “I probably wouldn’t use it. I’d wait. Just pay student loan off while I work.”

Ali Rage Ali - Social Sciences “It’s a good idea, some people are bad at saving money. Yeah, I’d definitely go for it.”

Emma Newman - Social Sciences “It’d be good to have to option to be able to withdraw it for a student loan, but I’d prefer to find another way first.”

Athena Hodes - Arts “I’d leave it for retirement. You’re gonna be retired for a long time and need adequate amount of money to live.”

7

may 7th-22nd tue 10th 6-9pm

Movie night at Gaura in SUB

wed 11th 12-2pm

Wicked Wednesday with WSU & Freeset and Trade Aid stalls 2-3pm Guest speaker Priya Kurian at room L.G.03 “The Bitter Sweet Story of Chocolate”

fri 13th 1-2pm

Guest speaker Russel Norman “WTO & Trade In NZ” at K.B.07

tue 17th 6pm

Freeset at room S.1.03 “Trafficking and Child Prostitution”

wed 18th 12-2pm

Wicked Wednesday with WSU 6-9pm Movie night at Gaura in SUB

thu 19th 5:30pm Public debate at room S.1.03 8

NEWS FACEBOOK PRIVACY BREACH

BY JIMMY OLSEN

Social networking sensation Facebook accidentally left a cyber door open for advertisers to access profiles, pictures, chat and other private details, according to US computer security firm Symantec’s blog.

Symantic discovered that certain Facebook applications leaked tokens, which act as spare keys for mining personal information from profiles, to third-party applications including advertisers.

“We estimate that as of April 2011, close to 100,000 applications were enabling this leakage,” the blog post said.

The leak, which dates back to 2007, was reported to Facebook by Symantec, who have taken action to correct the issue. A Facebook Developer Blog stated they’ve been “working with Symantec to identify issues in our authentication flow to ensure that they are more secure.”

However, users are still being advised to change their passwords, as profile data may still be stored in files on third-party computers.

“Concerned Facebook users can change their Facebook passwords to invalidate leaked access tokens,” Doshi said.

“ ... Over the years, hundreds of thousands of applications may have inadvertently leaked millions of access tokens to third

“Changing the password invalidates these tokens and is equivalent

parties,” posing a security threat.

to ‘changing the lock’ on your Facebook profile.”

Nishant Doshi of Symantic stated that the third-parties may not have realised their ability to access the personal information, suggesting the security of Facebook profiles was dependant on the ignorance of such advertisers.

Change your Facebook password now so sleazy middle-aged advertisers can’t perve at your drunken photos!

ARMAGEDDON: 2012

BY KATE COGSWELL

Look out Hamilton, we’re all going to die. Actually some of you may enjoy it –and not in a sadistic way. Claudelands Events Centre is set to host the first Hamilgeddon, an all-gaming, someentertaining extravaganza. Tickets should be available for the April 14-15 expo in December so comic book fans get your costumes ready and brace yourselves for comic creators from both Marvel and DC. Perhaps not the place for a face-off, the convention will be complete with animation voice actors, sci-fi celebrities and live wrestling for an all-out riot. If you’re into gaming, anime, fantasy you’ll be already there but the expo is yet to confirm the event’s guests. For those who aren’t so sure there will be live entertainment, TV and movie stars, as well as a tonne of stuff to do from paintball to pillow fights and trading card tournaments. Get along and check it out –unless you have nightmares of Revenge of the Nerds. For those of us with nerdular tendencies, the new technologies, collectibles and general hype are cause for a little excitement. If you can’t play the waiting game, check out the Auckland Armageddon Expo at ASB Showgrounds, October 28-31 to catch the voices of Batman and Gohan amongst the mayhem.

Prepare yourselves for April Hamilton: it might be the end of the world.

9

SHORT NEWS FOR TALL PEOPLE HILLARY CLINTON NOT KOSHER A recent picture published by New York based Yiddish language newspaper, Der Tzitung, removed Hillary Clinton from history.

The picture, showing President Obama, Secretary of State Clinton and Vice President Biden in the situation room during the raid on Osama bin Laden’s Pakistan compound, was edited to remove Mrs Clinton, along with another woman who was probably bringing bagels in.

ACT on Campus decided to launch this promotional offer (read: vote buying from stoners and fuckwits) in order to “stick it to the healthists, busy-bodies and nanny-staters”.

Good for you, ACT on Campus, good for you. Doctors and this ‘science’ stuff be damned.

BLACK SEA KIWI A New Zealand Kiwi has been found in the Black Sea port of Sochi, leaving local authorities wondering how it reached Russia.

Der Tzitung, an ultra-Orthodox publication, has since apologised, explaining that the printing of images of women in their newspaper could be sexually suggestive.

Research by Nexus has found that the longest recorded flight by the New Zealand Kiwi bird is not a record recorded.

Nexus is yet to find anything sexual or suggestive about Hillary Clinton.

Visiting cruise ships have declared that there is no way a Kiwi could have made it on board one of their ships undetected. We didn’t want to go on their stupid cruise anyways.

ACT ON CAMPUS HATE WAIKATO ACT on Campus, the super-powerful youth wing of the ACT Party, have declared their love for the KFC Double Down burger, giving five away in each of the major centres. Hamilton, being a wretched hive of socialism and healthy eating, has not been blessed by a visit from ACT on Campus.

UPDATE: it has been discovered that the Kiwi found in Russia was in fact a Bittern, a type of bird common and native to Eurasia and North Africa.

In other news: Russia is stupid.

* Offer valid until 31st May 2011

10

SPORTS THOUGHTS

WITH C-BALL

FWD THIS OR THE GHOST OF SOME MURDERED GIRL WILL KILL YOU, TWICE A wise man once said, “if in doubt write more about Rugby League”. That saying around here used to be about Union, until the Super whatever the fuck number it is up to now ceased being entertaining, and the Chiefs showed you several things – like how to lose even when you have a wicked team, and how to amount massive debt while painting pictures of success to the public like the United States of America. Oh did I offend our American students? That’s alright I’m sure you guys are still buzzing out harder than one of those pinga-lingin’ Hamilton socialites at Flow on a Saturday night, after the death of the most wanted man in the World (by your decree). Smile guys, throw another party outside the White House, make some cool posters and dance around in the streets. Motherfuckers have even already started on a movie about Osama’s death, and made a game where you can shoot him yourself. Life just couldn’t get any better right?

Wrong. Life could get a lot better; like for instance if Ross Taylor stopped getting caught slog sweeping over cow corner after the opposition puts 5 men out in the deep, or if the Time Zone in town by the Bakehouse collapsed and everyone inside died so I don’t have to worry about getting jacked up when I’m hankering for some crabstick after town. The only way you are going to make me happier than that is if the Warriors win the NRL Grand Final, which brings me to the somewhat vague and half hearted premise of this article, whether the Warriors can actually win a premiership this year. Short answer is no. They are about as reliable as Stephen Donald’s goal kicking. But there are signs that they offer up genuine contention this year. Don’t be fooled by their pretty average start to the season - the Warriors have never been renowned for their speedy starts. Usually it takes a few big losses for them to panic, start throwing the ball around, and in the process hit classic Warriors form.

Key players are starting to fire. Brett Seymour looked like he couldn’t even make it playing Netball and got dropped as a result.

Once brought back into the fold, he has been commanding shit at a far more satisfactory level. Maybe he thought about those days as a brick layer and realised throwing a ball at a behemoth like Manu Vatuvei for a three figure salary classified as living the dream. Even the ginger little penalty conceding gnome Maloney has hit his straps, especially against the Titans where he pretty much leaked dump all over them. His kicking is awesome too (take note Donald). Jacob Lillyman has justified his selection in the Queensland Origin squad. Coach Ivan Cleary’s decision to change him from second row to prop has been a masterstroke, as he has rediscovered form and stopped looking like a waste of space. And while everyone can’t seem to stop polishing one off over Mateo, I think the Warriors owe far more to his other Eels defect – Krisnan Inu. That man could catch a ball even if it was on fire and weighed the same as Joe Cotton before she babe-ified herself. The fact that he wasn’t included in the Kiwis pissed me off, because as much as I do like Hohaia, he hasn’t been the nugget speedster we loved in previous years.

So, even though the Warriors love to let you down, their squad is looking pretty formidable suddenly. The halves are playing with confidence, the front row is beasty and even the Warriors’ defence is looking sound. There is competition for spots on the team, with Kevin Locke showing Hohaia how sometimes at fullback it helps if you sprint instead of jog. Manu has returned too, so now we can resort back to little kid park football mentality, throwing the ball to that token behemoth who then clobbers through the opposition.

Let’s just hope they smash the Knights’ faces in, because everyone knows Newcastle are boring and crap. Kurt Gidley is overrated, and the Blues will never win Origin with that chump in their squad.

Since he got injured, I pick the Blues may stand a chance now.

11

Lettuce Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Name Dropping Good Times

B+ Lettuce Wins Dear Present and Possible Future Honours Students, I have a problem with our Honours being conferred as ‘First’, ‘Second’, or ‘Third’ class.

The required average to enrol at Honours level is only “B/B+”. Presumably to capture more of us. However, if we maintain this average during our Honours year, it seems we will receive ‘Honours, Second Class’, when we graduate.

It seems to me that the university is conferring

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

something that should be a positive academic distinction in a negatively discriminatory way.

And, since we are the ones paying, it seems we ought to be able to change this?

I propose that the university should instead confer ‘Honours with Distinction’ to mark out those people who do brilliantly well. I propose ‘Honours with Merit’ for people who attain above the B+ minimum but below the stellar levels of those who get straight A+s, and then just plain ‘Honours’ if you maintain the minimum that you were admitted to the programme with. Slackers who can’t be bothered get nothing except their original degree, but nobody needs to know any more about it than that.

I want to graduate with Honours if I work hard enough, without any accompanying slaps in the face. I want extra glory if I work extra hard. Am I

Yo what up Sexus!

Its that magnificient month again where New Zealand’s music is celebrated. Let me reflect upon the talent. Is there any NZ music worth listening to? I think Gin has soul. Dane Rumble is a bit of a pop pin up singing through autotune. Holly Smith has the voice but no writing ability to back it up. The Finn Brothers are living legends although Neil is the better songwriter. Opshop are NZ’s version of U2. The Mint Chicks are great but lack ambition for large scale success. Kids of 88 have catchy tunes but are shit live. Midnight Youth know the art of melody. Brooke Fraser is a sweet saint. Dave Dobbyn is an institution and kumara is nice with sauce. I like NZ music but I’m not a fan of DJ’s thinking they’re musicians. Fuck techno and stop copying American trash. NZ rap is doing alright with Scribe (but where’s he been?),Young Sid (who takes himself way to seriously) and Savage (who could use a diet coke). I love New Zealand musicians that can put on a good live show. Its one thing to create a song in the studio but its another thing to recreate it in front of an audience. Call me old fashioned but for once in your life go out and busk on the street. Maybe you will see music in a different way. NZ Music is doing alright. Pick up a guitar sometime and sing some Zed but spare us from Avalanche City (cause that guy makes me want to punch all the love out of him).

Baby, this is baby goodbye. (Cheers Dane) Call me Loyal

Get Out Of My Lectures!

being unreasonable here?

Is anyone else with me on this?

Sincerely, H. A. Vespoon Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Dear Nexus Don’t you hate it when in winter half your class is full of sick people? People coughing, sneezing, blowing their nose, sniffing?

I hate winter and sick people. Not saying I don’t get sick and all myself, ‘cause I do, I hate that even more. I hate catching colds and when I’m sick I try to avoid giving people my sickness.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION

I was talking to a friend of mine the other week who was telling me how crap she felt because she was sick. I was like - well why are you here? it’s not compulsory to come to uni all day every day and you can get notes for being sick, it totally isn’t that hard and student health people are friendly and helpful (from my experience anyway) plus if you have nice friends or lecturers you have the class notes/slides anyway..

Another friend of mine compared it to having an STD and sleeping with people - you have a high chance of getting them sick.. Why would you do it?

(However, that’s a pretty extreme take on things.)

Pretty much my letter is to say to all sick people, stop sharing your icky germs at uni. I don’t want to get sick!! I’m fairly sure if you have smarts you won’t fail because you missed a lecture or two. Think twice before coming in with your sickness, because the six people you are sitting by don’t want to catch whatever you have.

Over being sick

Thoughts for the Foreign Hey Nexus!

All of your writers seem to be white, middle-class men! You really need to get some fine wahines and some mean as Indian ladies writing for you! I mean, I’m not a racist. Some of my best friends are white, middle-class men. In New Zealand, everyone has white, middle-class men as friends, so I guess I’m a little bit stuck. But seriously Nexus! MORE DIVERSITY IN YOUR WRITERS! Whitey Lover

Mystery Chalkers Thanked Hey Nexus!

I don’t write letters to Nexus, but I just want to thank the cool person or people who wrote those nice things on the steps going up to S block, you are a legend! I don’t know why you did it or if it was for Student Life or the fair trade thing but it was pretty neat.

Thanks, Me

Blowing Smoke Up Your Arse Dear Nexus, I’ve noticed that lately the Nexus has been receiving a larger than usual number of complaints about smokers on campus. Why could this be

happening, I ask? The percentage of people who smoke is going down, so it’s not that there are any more smokers than usual. No, what’s changed is people’s attitudes towards smoking in general.

Given the health hazards associated with smoking, I can only think it’s a good thing people are smoking less and less. But one thing that fucks me off, even though I’m not even a smoker myself, is this new breed of militant, openly anti-smoking assholes that act as if they’re doing everyone a favour by sharing their planet with the rest of us. Part of living in a free society is accepting that other people like different things to you, sometimes things you don’t like, and joining in the mutual understanding that if you allow others to live as they please then they will extend you the same courtesy. You get to smoke, I get to access all the internet porn my penis can handle. I my eyes, simply having a smoke in an outdoor public place as large as the university does not encroach on the lives of others enough to void this simple social contract.

To me this issue seems straightforward. I don’t smoke, but if you want to that’s your choice, you’re and adult and you should be free to decide for yourself. If you have a problem with cigarette smoke, you’re asthmatic perhaps, then simply use some initiative and stay away from smokers. There is plenty of space on campus to allow everyone to coexist peacefully.

Lots of Love, A Reasonable Man

If it sounds too good to be true... it usually is!

Neville came into the CAB office very excited to say he had an email congratulating him on winning a trip to Australia. He wanted to know how to reply.

IT’S A SCAM! Beware...If it sounds too good to be true it usually is.... Any email, phone call or letter saying you have won, or will win something, is a SCAM. Don’t reply or the scammers will then have your details. You can check on scams on the Consumer Affairs website at www.consumeraffairs.govt.nz/ or come and discuss it with CAB. The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (MonFri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

13

Are you interested in being a member of the WSU Board of Directors?

There is currently a vacancy in the WSU Board, which will be filled by appointment.

If you are interested in applying, send you CV and a one-page cover letter to Charlie at vp@wsu.org.nz Applications close 3 June, 2011

14

VP SPEAK Hello again everyone!

First off, I want to say a huge thank you to those students who came to the University Council meeting with me on Wednesday last week: I hope you found it interesting to see the Council in operation, and to see who the key decision-makers are regarding university governance. Although the public part of the meeting only lasted around twenty minutes, it was interesting to hear that the University is tracking ahead of budget and that it is in the process of reviewing its committee structure. I was also really impressed that just before the public part of the meeting ended, University Chancellor Jim Bolger asked the students who were present if they had any questions for the Council. While none of us had any questions (at least, not this time!) it was a nice touch from the Chancellor, and something that we as students really appreciated.

Secondly, thank you to the students who came along to the WSU board meeting held

WITH CHARLIE

last Thursday. It’s always great to have students come along and contribute their opinions on what they see as the core things that the WSU should be doing. If you are keen to come along to a WSU board meeting, the next one is scheduled for Thursday 26 May at 5pm in the WSU: email me at vp@wsu.org.nz if you are interested and I will distribute you a copy of the agenda when it is released.

Finally, as you can see from the poster opposite (and from the column below) there is currently a vacancy on the WSU Board. At our last meeting, the WSU board resolved to fill this vacancy through appointment, and as a result we are now calling for expressions of interest. If you are keen to apply, then email me at vp@wsu.org.nz or pop in to the WSU for a chat! We are particularly keen to hear from those of you who are interested in running for the 2012 board in the elections later this year, so if you were thinking of doing just that, why not apply for the vacant position now and see what the WSU is all about.

Charlie Gillard Vice-President Waikato Students’ Union 027 4670276 vp@wsu.org.nz

Apart from the above, that’s all from me this week. Good luck for those of you who have a mountain of assignments to complete, and all the best for the upcoming tests and exams.

APPLY FOR THE WSU BOARD!

Are you keen to be involved in the governance of your student union? Interested in making sure your voice is heard? Think you’d be good at representing students’ interests and pushing for their needs to be met? Keen to be involved in events? If you answered yes

one-page cover letter detailing why there are suitable for the position, to vp@wsu.org. nz before 4pm, 3 June 2011. If you have any questions, then feel free to email Charlie at vp@wsu.org.nz.

to these questions, then apply to be on the Waikato Students’ Union Board of Directors!

Directors are concerned with representing students and governing the WSU. As a director, your key job is to put forward the interests of any student who approaches you.

WSU Directors are each assigned a portfolio based on their interests: a student interested in women’s rights (as Holly was) might take on the Female Welfare Position. Directors are generally expected to run and help out at WSU Events. If you want to be involved in the WSU and meet lots of new people, this is the position for you! Directors are part-time positions (about 10 hours per week) and are currently paid approximately $3000 per annum.

In the last WSU Board Meeting (held on May 12), the WSU decided to act on the vacancy in the board created by the departure of Holly Hudson.

The WSU Board has resolved to fill this position. The vacancy therefore means that the WSU is now calling for applications from WSU Members (University of Waikato Students) to fill the position as a Director of the WSU Board as per Article 17.2 of the WSU Constitution. Applicants should send a CV of no more than four pages, plus a

15

WSU SERVICE SPOTLIGHT:

WSU SCHOLARSHIPS

The WSU provides four major scholarships for undergraduate students of the University of Waikato: the Waikato Students’ Union scholarship for cultural contribution, Waikato Students’ Union sole parent/caregiver award, Waikato Students’ Union first in family scholarship and the Waikato Students’ Union John Houstoun Memorial Scholarship.

Together, these scholarships total to $8000, or about $1 per student member of the WSU.

application process for each scholarship and the selection panel criteria.

The reason we provide these scholarships is to assist students in their studies and provide some degree of financial support. We also look to commend and celebrate those

Of course, as we’ve been saying all along, the WSU is your student union, and your voice is definitely entitled to be heard. So, if you have an opinion on these scholarships, come

students’ that expend more effort during their study to not only maintain a good academic record but also contribute to the student experience at the University of Waikato.

Basically the WSU’s aim is to reward students that excel at all areas of University, be they through cultural, artistic or sporting involvement or academic merit through the following scholarships. We believe in offering scholarships that are slightly different to the rest; something which is represented in our focus not being just on excelling academically or showing that you need the money, but rather in our focus being on how you have contributed to the University, how you have overcome the challenges of being a sole parent, or how you have overcome the challenges of being the first in your family to attend university.

and tell us what you think! Whether it’s an idea for a new scholarship, or an opinion on whether some of the existing scholarships are still relevant, we’d love to hear your opinion: email vp@wsu.org.nz and Charlie will set up a meeting to have a chat with you.

For more information on any of these WSU scholarships refer to the Waikato University scholarships website www.waikato. ac.nz/scholarships. They each have a link that describes the exact

16

The scholarships close at various dates in the year. These are yet to be confirmed, so we have provided you with the 2010 dates instead. If you are keen to apply for these scholarships, then go and meet with the University Scholarships Office, or drop in to the WSU for more information!

Waikato Students’ Union scholarship for Cultural Contribution: 30 Sep: $2500 This scholarship is awarded for ‘outstanding cultural contribution’ to the University by a student and is assessed on artistic contributions or involvement in promoting activities that enhance student’s experience on the Waikato campus. An important aspect of this scholarship is that students applying for the scholarship are assessed independent of their academic performance. Basically you should apply for this scholarship if you have made some kind of artistic contribution to the University including contributions of an ethnic nature or if you have encouraged some kind of cultural activity that has benefited other students of the University. You don’t have to have high academic grades to get

this scholarship rather you just have to be passionate about enhancing the culture of the University of Waikato. Applications for this scholarship come up later in the year with all applications being due by the end of September 2011 and the scholarship usually takes a value of $2500.

Waikato Students’ Union sole parent/ caregiver award: 15 July: $1000 The Waikato Students’ Union sole parent/ caregiver award has been created to encourage and commend the contributions and achievements of adult learners who are also sole parents or caregivers. In this case you should apply for this scholarship if you are the sole parent or caregiver of a child and have completed at least one year of study at the University of Waikato already. Students and staff members can also nominate a candidate for this award. The selection panel will take into consideration the applicants financial situation, academic merit and their community contribution. This award aims to recognise the hard work and dedication that goes into studying while being the sole caregiver or parent. The applications for this scholarship are due in mid-July each year and this scholarship usually takes a value of $1000.

Waikato Students’ Union First in Family Scholarship: 19 November: $2000 The WSU first in family scholarship is a relatively new scholarship, set up in 2010, that aims to acknowledge, acclaim and assist undergraduate students who have never had a family member attend university before. Any student who is the first in their family to go to university and that is in their penultimate year of their degree is encouraged to apply. The selection panel will look at a description applicants provide of the hardship or difficulties they faced (if any) in gaining access to tertiary education. This

What does the application process involve?

Many people don’t apply for scholarships because they think the application requires too much effort, or that they don’t know what to write about on their application. To show you that it is not a tricky process, and to give you some pointers on what to write about, we caught up with two scholarship winners from 2010 to hear what they had to say about the application process.

award aims to recognise and help students who have overcome hardships to be the first in their family to engage in University.

Applications for this scholarship are generally due in later in the year around the middle of November and the scholarship generally takes a value of $2000.

Ashiq found the application process for the WSU John Houstoun Memorial scholarship to be a good one. His application included his contributions to University life through his value added to the law school. Ashiq was the Education Officer for WULSA (Waikato University Law Student Association) at the time and initiated education seminars for law students. He also engaged in several other activities and events that enhanced the Law School’s reputation. Ashiq’s advice for anyone thinking of applying for this scholarship would be to join a club on campus and be a team player and integral part of this club, in an effort to improve student life.

Waikato Students’ Union John Houstoun Memorial Scholarship: 31 October: $2500 The Waikato Students’ Union John Houstoun Memorial scholarship is awarded based on a candidate’s academic diligence and contribution to the student life or cultural and sporting life of the University of Waikato. Each of these things will be looked at equally by the selection panel of this award, so one of these attributes is not more important than the others. If you have a good academic record and have contributed to the student experience through cultural, sporting or overall campus life then apply for this scholarship. Cultural, sporting or student experience contributions encompass a broad range of activities so candidates applying should make sure they emphasise their particular strengths in these areas.

Applications for the WSU John Houstoun Memorial scholarship are due by the end of October and the scholarship usually takes a value of $2500.

Ashiq Hamid, 2010 Joint-winner of the WSU John Houstoun Memorial Scholarship

Carley Sheerin, 2010 Joint-winner of the John Houstoun Memorial Scholarship Carley also found the application process for the WSU John Houstoun Memorial scholarship to be relatively simple and easy to complete. In her application she talked about her work as a Student Ambassador and as her contributions to the University through her role as the President of the Biological Society.

Carley obtained a character reference and academic reference to include in her application. Her advice to anyone applying for this scholarship is to just go for it and apply and to include references about your character and ability.

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz

17

SAVING OF THE WEEK: DEALS ON CAMPUS

Welcome back to our “Student Saving of the Week” page After a brief break, we’re back to bring you information on how you can save money. It might be something expensive like contents insurance, or it might be something a bit more down-to-earth like where you can get the cheapest fish ‘n’ chips! In any case, flick to this page each week to see where you could be saving money.

This week we did something a bit different to normal. Rather than looking at a specific item that we all purchase on a regular-ish basis as students, we instead took a look at the various places on campus. We thought, ‘perhaps the companies on campus have some special deals that students aren’t aware of’, so we went and had a chat. This included the banks, the various cafes and eateries on campus, and the textbook/paper suppliers.

It turned out that quite a few of these allow you to get some substantial discounts on campus, but only if you know about them! As a result, we’ve printed the results in the table below for you to have a look at.

Organisations on Campus A+ Textbooks ASB

Buy a WULSA card and get 10% off textbooks Get your life and contents insurance with ASB on campus and they will refund the first month

Bennetts

Buy a WULSA card and get 10% of textbooks

Bongo Cafe

Bring your own container to put your sushi in and save 50c

Espresso Plus

Bring your own cup and get charged a small for a regular size

Le Zat Cafe

Bring your own container and save 50c

Momento National Bank Waikato Print Student Job Search The Station Cafe STA Travel

18

Discounts available for Students

Bring your WULSA card and get a large drink for the price of a medium one!

OR, bring your own cup for a hot drink and save $1 off the price.

Come in and make sure you get a Tertiary Plus account so that you have no fees.

Get to their website to print off discounts: there are specials each month: waikato-print.its.waikato.ac.nz Register On-line and look for jobs!

Have a student card which can save you 10%. Go up and ask about it! Free games of pool between 5-6pm.

Can sell you an ISIC card for $25, which gives you great discounts overseas (but not in NZ)

As you can see, we found out that pretty much all of the coffee places on campus allow you some form of discount, whether it’s by brandishing a WULSA card or binging your own cup to fill your coffee in. Similarly, both Le Zat cafe and Bongo Cafe (known to many of us as ‘the sushi place’) knock 50c off your price if you bring your own container. Sure, 50c might not be too much, but it’s useful to know, and could save you a bit if you have sushi quite a lot. Don’t forget to go and visit the friendly people in Student Job Search as well: they can help you find a job to pay for all of these wonderful deals!

As we’ve always said, please don’t bet your life savings on the information in this table! We’ve done our best to make sure it’s correct, but we may have made a mistake copying down information or just not heard something correctly. Just remember, we were able to get these discounts just by asking about them, so be prepared to ask yourself: you never know what you might be offered!

19

The fair trade movement was developed in the 1940s and 1950s by religious groups and non-governmental organisations to improve the conditions of workers through instituting fair trade supply chains. In the 1960s the movement was taken up by students against multinational corporations and neo-imperialism. Today however most of us probably experience fair trade via the Trade Aid store or by noting the Fairtrade Certification on some types of coffee. Looking for the symbol is an exercise in consumer choice, the chance to support marginalised workers in industrialising countries with the spending of a few bucks.

difference towards the work Oxfam does in addressing global poverty and injustice. Help change the world and have a cuppa? Why not?

Also on the fair trade table is a petition for the university community to express their support of the University of Waikato becoming a Fair Trade University. Since 2003 over 70 universities worldwide have been awarded with Fair Trade Status by the Fairtrade Foundation and now the movement has hit home. The criteria for achieving this status is not difficult, but only requires a commitment on part of the university community to proudly own the responsibility to plan and action change towards greater utilisation of fair trade products. This would be a lasting change within the university and together we can all be a part of this.

This year the Greens on Campus and Amnesty at Waikato have joined forces to get the ball rolling and bring Fair Trade Fortnight to the wider audience on campus.But fair trade is in no way specific to any one club or organisation, exercising ethical patterns of consumption should be a universal attribute. The two weeks from May 7th to the 22nd are Fair Trade Fortnight and during this period over a thousand of Oxfam’s Coffee Breaks are being hosted and last year over 20,000 New Zealanders took part, this year that figure it expected to exceed 30,000. This annual event is aimed at promoting fair trade through the simple personal choice to choose a fair trade alternative for your next coffee and in doing so generates awareness of the wider political and economic factors associated with trade.

The team of committed volunteers will by now have hopefully enticed you with a coffee, tea or hot chocolate in return for a donation to Oxfam. If not, make sure you visit their stall which will be at the bus stop every day and support the cause. Every donation makes a 20

The generous Kiwi spirit is evident in that New Zealand is actually doing rather well internationally where fair trade is concerned. We are one of the world’s fastest growing markets for fair trade products, in 2010 sales increased by 100%. As the range of fair trade products continues to expand locally the biggest selling fair trade product in New Zealand is coffee, of which in 2010 sales increased $2 million to $18 million. In recent memory the addition of palm oil to Cadbury chocolate was received by strong public backlash, this resulted in the switch to fair trade for Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate.Dunedin and Wellington have become fair trade cities and there are currently moves to see Auckland awarded the same accolade. Yet the biggest fair trade community in New Zealand with 5000 employees, drinking on average 1 million cups of tea or coffee each year is the Bank of New Zealand which switched to fair trade in early 2010.

Had a banana lately?

Would you have guessed that New Zealand actually imports more of the yellow things per capita than any other country?

But through no fault of the humble banana, the global banana industry is a juxtaposition of large industrial sized plantations owned by even larger multinational corporations which compete with the small plantations where the farmers struggle to pay their costs, and while some of the workers earn less than $3 a day.

The majority of workers cannot afford to support their families. This situation leads to the deterioration of working conditions for the growers, lower wages and having to work longer hours.

Fair trade offers a solution. A price is agreed that covers the cost of the sustainable production and still allows workers to provide for their families. This cost can end up being double what a producer would normally have received. Even cooler still, fair trade banana producers working in a cooperative receive a Fair Trade premium which the farmers themselves decide how to invest, which pretty much means it ends up invested in community health and education projects.

Thanks to All Good Bananas, fair trade bananas are readily available in New Zealand. But better still All Good Bananas are grown with sustainable agricultural practices, no unnecessary herbicides or chemicals spoil the land and by only using organic fertilizers the health of the planet and the workers is greatly improved. All Good Bananas are sourced from El Guabo in Ecuador, a cooperative comprised of 430 small family owned farms. These bananas are available in most supermarkets, if unsure ask the staff and encourage those stores that do not stock fair trade to do so.

We live in a finite world with finite resources and there is no planet B. The patterns of consumption fuelled by developed nations has lead to unsustainable patterns of resource extraction. The effects of pollution, habitat destruction, biodiversity loss and climate change are being felt worldwide, accompanied by expected poverty, greed and a system of unjust trading relationships. To address this, one feature of fair trade is that it is also aimed at improving future conditions for families and communities. Unsustainable production and

development does ill in achieving this.

Instead when opting to purchase fair trade goods you are making a decision to support community level organisations reinforcing the potential of low emission and environmentally impacting cottage industry. Last year for the first time the World Fair Trade Organisation joined in events for World Earth Day.

...Salay Handmade Paper from the Philippines has been making paper from agricultural waste, weeds and pineapple leaves.

As an example of the union of helping workers and the planet, a fair trade business, Salay Handmade Paper from the Philippines has been making paper from agricultural waste, weeds and pineapple leaves. Fair trade prices help alleviate the burden of concern over profits, coupled with the usually small scale of fair trade industries, the push for intensification is reduced and so too the need for excessive fertilizing, toxic chemical use, unsafe work practices and also unsustainable levels of resource extraction.

21

Fair Trade has done much to materially improve the conditions under which significant numbers of third world producers live and work. A recent article by Sarah Lyon in the Journal of Consumer Policy describes how fair trade in the coffee industry has improved human rights in Guatemala and, indeed, has encouraged the “reestablishment of civil society” after decades of war and shocking human rights abuse.

Most economists agree that trade itself can be a powerful tool to aid the progress of underdeveloped countries and, no doubt it can be, but the cards are very much stacked against those countries. The trade terms of poorer nations have only become worse in recent decades.

This means the primary products (generally) they produce have to be grown and sold in greater quantities merely to gain the same value.

Indebtedness means some countries are spending a huge proportion of their income in debt repayment. (According to Oxfam, at one point, Sierra Leone, a worst case no doubt, was paying nearly ninety per cent of government revenue in debt repayment.) Structural adjustment imposed on these governments by the International Monetary Fund only adds to the economic hardship of the people.

The developed nations, particularly the United States of America with its so-called Washington Consensus, preach Free Trade whilst at the same time offering massive protection to their own producers.

The underdeveloped world has had enough of the hypocrisy and is not so willing now to play this losing game, with the rules rigged against them. Free Trade is a hypothetical construct which does not in reality exist. The poor have got progressively poorer and there is no grand plan to rescue them from this fate.

No one would argue that Fair Trade alone can correct all the injustices of an unfair system - this will require a systematic approach involving binding international agreements - but it has done a lot in recent years to raise consumer awareness of the underlying issues of injustice. This is no mean feat. Slavery and Apartheid, for instance, were not eradicated without this kind of important consciousness raising. Likewise, when we realise, that for us to sit comfortably with our flat white, often, a third world farmer is toiling for next to nothing for the privilege of allowing us this additional luxury in our already luxurious lives.

22

A recent article by Sarah Lyon in the Journal of Consumer Policy describes how fair trade in the coffee industry has improved human rights in Guatemala and, indeed, has encouraged the “reestablishment of civil society” after decades of war and shocking human rights abuse.

When we consciously make a choice in consuming fair-trade coffee, or some other product, with the object of changing unethical arrangements, we are making a political statement. It’s only a small gesture, but all these combined can lead to a significant statement.

Shopping has become in this way inextricably linked with human rights. We are sending a message to the corporate world that we are holding them accountable for their predatory practices. Big buyers, for instance, have the means to buy up coffee or some other product in the third world at basement prices, leaving farmers struggling just to meet their costs This is the current situation, for instance in the Ivory Coast, which has only recently been embroiled in a bloody civil war. I’m not claiming this is the cause of the turmoil, but economic deprivation in the coffee-growing areas, at least one commentator has argued, has been a factor in political instability.

Fair Trade consumerism will not change the world over night, but it is a statement that we are connected to and feel some responsibility to those who produce the goods we consume. It is a small but practical step we can all take to ensure those producers are fairly rewarded for their efforts. Globalisation means that we can no longer ignore our impact.

Fairtrade International is looking to extend its global outreach in order to give more communities the freedom that comes with fair trade products. The organisation aims to make a practical difference in the lives of people by giving them good work conditions and the opportunity to market their products globally. The local economic gain helps to organise communities and reduce poverty. Fair trade gives small businesses in developing countries a chance to surpass marginalization and compete in the market.

Fairtrade International empowers people by giving them control over their work and lives. A new strategy being implemented is an increase in the support given to businesses so that they can develop in the way that they wish. The organisation does not interfere in business ideals with a one-size-fits-all expansion pack but intends to help plan individual development. Standards have been redeveloped for smaller producers. Local Liaison Officers will provide the support and business advice needed for producers to implement their personal expansion plans. Specific technical, financial and marketing help will be on offer to producers with Fairtrade agreements worldwide. Companies are given strength to potentially hold their own in the global business community.

Worldwide alliances of Fairtrade producers are building a support network. According to the Coordinator of Fairtrade Small Producers in Latin America and the Caribbean, “It is very important to share and to discuss problems and how we can create a more just and equitable system and how we can advance together”. Fairtrade International is trying to attain a more cohesive global unit in order to strengthen Fairtrade industries. As the label gains credibility many producers wish to improve their business practices accordingly.

Continual advancement will be possible as producers can share opinions and get feedback. Businesses in developing countries can further themselves greatly thanks to Fairtrade International.

Across the world many more small industries in developing countries are being exploited. Fairtrade is continually increasing its scope and offering its benefits to businesses in all corners of the globe.

Fairtrade Label South Africa became the first group to promote Fairtrade certified products in a developing country. This creates the opportunity for local growers to have their products sold directly to the national market and have the profits benefit their country’s economy. Similar organisations are doing the same in developing areas of Europe, Latin American and Asia.

In 2009 the Czech Fair Trade association opened, a first for Eastern Europe. This organization promotes and markets Fairtrade certified products in the Czech Republic. Fairtrade ideals have been present in the area for some time but according to Dan Swartz who supplies the Hungarian president with Fairtrade coffee, “there is much space

for fair trade on the Central and Eastern European markets”.

Just this year an agreement with a fair trade organisation in Brazil, a country with over 50 Fairtrade producers, has made it possible for Brazilian stores to sell Fairtrade labeled goods. This allows access for the development of the local market, a crucial factor in empowering people. People can support their own communities through the products they buy, but only if the goods are being marketed and made available to stores. The global push for such promotion is giving the Fairtrade label greater coverage and encouraging more buyers to do the right thing.

The Europe-Korea Foundation also signed a Fairtrade agreement which allows consumers, businesses and other organizations to more easily engage with the Fairtrade market. This partnership means that Fairtrade International can make an effort towards a fair trade movement in Korea. Companies will be given information on importation, processing and selling goods with the Fairtrade mark in order to build interest. Promotion to build consumer awareness will create a demand and urge sellers to supply Fairtrade products. This is part of a global encouragement to fight poverty, allowing everyday people to get involved.

The range of products eligible for Fairtrade labelling is ever increasing as the organisation tries to encompass as many business industries as possible. Purchasing Fairtrade certified products has never been easier and the availability of these will continue to grow.

As a wider range of products are given the Fairtrade label, buying Fairtrade will be a lifestyle choice. The strategy aims to action more adaptable certification processes so that more producers can sell their products on Fairtrade terms. Research is being undertaken in order to target goods to specific areas and to determine possible new markets. Fairtrade International is pushing the boundaries in order to make a difference to people’s lives worldwide.

The Global Strategy of Fairtrade International is something the organisation is extremely passionate about. Initiatives are being implemented and their effects can already be seen in many developing countries. The scope of Fairtrade certification is increasing as is the availability of Fairtrade goods. A new fair trade movement has begun.

23

Got your student discount card? If not head into Hell Rototuna or Hell Hillcrest and ask for one.

Hell Rototuna - 07 853 9666

Shop 30, Rototuna Retail Centre (next to Liquor King)

Hell Hillcrest - 07 856 1666 247 Clyde Street

24

www.hell.co.nz - 0800 666 111

Student discount cards redeemable at both Hell Rototuna & Hell Hillcrest.

A QUICK ONE-TWO

LEFT JAB WITH MISS COGSWELL We’re supposed to be living in a democracy. Yet since their election in 2008 our National government has excessively used urgency to avoid public scrutiny on legislation. Before the passing of the Copyright (Infringing File Sharing) Amendment Bill, 17 others had already bypassed the select committee process.

Compare this to previous parliaments five or fewer each three year term. Why is this necessary?

What’s more, on this occasion urgency in the House was called for Canterbury earthquake legislation. What the fuck has this got to do with the Christchurch recovery? Why was this bill kept from public submissions? It’s simple; we don’t agree.

We believe the internet shouldn’t be regulated in such ways but anything that might be holding back the economy is an issue for John Key. What about, as Greens MP Gareth Hughes put it, “our basic human right to the internet”? The general public feel like big brother is watching. The issue is of freedom and our right to privacy. Copyright infringing file sharing is a civil rather than criminal offence. Hardly serious enough to give out the information of internet users let alone disconnect the services we pay for and are entitled to. Labour’s 2009 Section 29A first proposed this termination of IP addresses and ignited an internet ‘blackout’. New Zealanders don’t see this monitoring and restriction as legitimate.

More outrageous still, is the notion of ‘guilty until proven innocent’, upon accusation suspected infringements will have notices issued. We’re all guilty in their eyes. That’s why they had to undercut our input in the legislation. Our politicians don’t even understand file sharing. After speaking out in support of the bill Melissa Lee tweeted about her K-Pop compilation. Yet not only is that copyright infringement under the new law, it is one of many music genres which have experienced a boom with internet file sharing. The music is getting out there and people are hearing it.

We’re living in a new age. Social networking; MySpace offered the opportunities for many bands to launch and get their sound out there without having to wait for a big break with a label.

RIGHT CROSS WITH HILDE I’ve always found the advertising for anti-piracy to be stupid. You wouldn’t steal a car? You wouldn’t steal a handbag? You wouldn’t steal a movie but actually you do steal movies, downloading is theft. People aren’t morons so let’s stop treating them like they are.

They know piracy is theft and they break the law knowingly. So we should treat it like any other crime. Game over.

I could leave the next 300 words blank or fill them with insulting phrases about Miss Cogswell but I’m not going to do that, well maybe a little but only because she is a dirty, unbathed gypsy .

She has tried to distract you by building a picture of things that are a little on the trivial side. Frankly she can do better, but she kind of phoned it in. The argument about Melissa Lee is dumb. Even if she did knowingly accept a pirated CD it doesn’t change the merit of the law it just means that Miss Lee and her friend could be fined and have their internet access revoked for six months.

Was this bill passed under urgency? Yes. Does that make it a bad bill? No! See, the problem with these distractions is that they dance around the actual issue. If you’re not doing anything wrong you have NOTHING to worry about.

The one that really gets me though is Gareth Hughes saying the “Internet is a basic human right.” Did that come off a little douchey to anyone else. Those world vision ads with Jeridech would have been a little different if Hughes, Cogswell and alike had their way; “For only $1.20 a day you can give starving children like Jeridech access to water, food, medicine and basic broadband.”

Don’t get me wrong; I love the internet as much as the next person.

It brought us email and porn, facebook and porn, comprehensive networks to build and communicate with those across the world, the ability to have unsigned artists spread their own intellectual property through youtube, streamed podcasts , talk radio, and porn.

The biggest thing it gave us is freedom. This freedom allows us to decide what we view, what we listen to and what we download.

The corporations have been taken out of the equation in many situations. So they’re not making the money they crave. With this remedy for copyright infringement will it really be the creative who

We also have the same freedom when it comes to deciding to steal a car, a handbag or a movie. But freedom just gives us choice and

benefits or the company behind them? For the Government it’s about money and it’s about power.

with choice comes consequence. Anyone who tells you differently is a whiney, self righteous kid with an entitlement complex.

25

DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

Ah, so I’m sure you are sick of going to lectures by now. So, what are you going to do about it? Find things to watch other than your lecturer talk about stuff you probably don’t want or need to know. This week, we got some suggestions. Want to suggest a topic for the puzzles? Why not email puzzles@nexusmag.co.nz. But don’t email that asking for the answers like someone did last week... Not cool.

THE BIG BAD wordFIND

the wORDS WATCH PRON WATCH TV WATCH YOUR NEIGHBOUR GET DRESSED WATCH YOUTUBE VIDEOS WATCH YOUR NEIGHBOUR GET UNDRESSED WATCH MORE PRON

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

26

SUDOKU TIME

COMICS GALORE RL - BY TOM BEISLY AND DANIEL KEEGAN

Fancy yourself as an artist? Got some sweet comics you want to share? Let us know! Contact us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz

28

NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE. WITH DEE Hello again Nexus readers. I’ve had a lot of people recently asking me how I’m doing, if I’m busy, how I’m keeping up with assignments and the likes. And for the most part life is grand. Everything seems pretty much in control... until you add in doing some catering for a friends birthday party. It’s pretty well known amongst my family that I love to bake. I’m the go-to girl for birthday cakes, which last year included a rainbow cake (with a layer for each colour) and a Spongebob birthday

cake (after taking hours to ice it, I was glad to see a knife through Spongebob’s face). After a little research, I’ve found there are a few people who sell cakes over Trade Me... maybe I have found a new part time job...

For this party in particular, my flatmates and I are doing a three tier vanilla cake, and three different type of cupcakes, with lots of chocolate decorations. I must admit that we may be going a little overboard

when your ingredients list calls for 22 eggs and 3kgs of chocolate... we will need most of that to make an Eiffel Tower to go on top of the cake.

The party happened on the Saturday just past, which means it is between our publication date and the time you read this, so I don’t have any cool photos of the cake to show you. Instead, here is one of the cupcake recipes I am using.

CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES: Ingredients: • 1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda • 2 teaspoons baking powder • 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder • 1/8 teaspoon salt • 3 tablespoons butter, softened • 1 1/2 cups white sugar • 2 eggs • 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract • 1 cup milk

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Line your muffin tins with paper or foil liners. Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa and salt.

2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Take your time with this, as it will make the texture of the cupcakes so much better if you do this properly.

3. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well with each addition, then stir in the vanilla.

4. Add the flour mixture alternately with the milk, starting and finishing with the flour. Keep mixing it as you go.

5. Fill the muffin cups 3/4 full.

6. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean. Wait till they have cooled before you try and put on any icing,.

29

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

Fair-trade Coffee, Hamilton.

This week I wanted to do something a bit different, in honour of fairtrade fortnight which we are now in the second week of. I was actually a little disappointed with the lack of fair-trade cafes in Hamilton. I was ignorantly unaware of how few cafes in Hamilton actually use fair-trade, if they are using it they don’t advertise the fact very well.

Regardless I did find a few delicious fair-trade cups you can get your happy little paws on, right here in Hamilton, enjoy!

UNICYCLE!

WITH GREENS ON CAMPUS & SIFE

Ever wondered where your recycling goes once you abandon it at the curb or drop it into a designated bin on campus? Probably not, as it isn’t your problem so I doubt you even worry about it. However just in case you are now pondering this, recycling is actually a very complex

Bean: Laroma- fair trade blend. Where you can get it: The FirePot Cafe, Gordonton Village. Laroma is one of my favourite fair-trade blends, it is smooth and chocolatey, I mean, it actually tastes like chocolate, amazing. It’s delicious and with a lil bit of raw sugar it’s like dessert in a cup. Did I mention that these cats roast right here in Hamilton also sell to the public? Pop into the roastery or the cafe next door (now Impresso Cafe) on Somerset St and take some home for the moka pot.

process from when you throw your exam paper into the closest recycle bin, to when you happen to be holding it next week in the form of the Waikato Times. Before you happen to see your test marks again the paper must have its ink separated from it, be “slushed” into a pulp, then funneled through a machine to remove anything from sellotape or dirt, to metal staples or plastic. What you once called paper is now a watery mixture with a consistency and colour probably quite similar to the lakes on our campus! This must then be bleached and mixed with wood chips to strengthen, before being poured onto a constantly moving “wire belt” to help siphon out the liquid. Finally steam heated rollers finish the drying process, while flattening and compressing the material to increase its tensile strength. While you may think this part of the cycle resembles more of a hard quiche than the sports section you’re reading, it is only a brief trimming, rolling and inking before it is ready to reach your hands.

Bean: Sierra. Where you can get it: Sierra Cafe, Barton St. I’m not usually a fan of any cafe that’s part of a franchise, but Sierra gets a gold star just for roasting their own, and the fact that that blend is fair-trade. My flat white was delicious and had hints of vanilla to it, I hadn’t even added vanilla syrup! The milk was well steamed and fluffy;

Did you know that it requires 40% less energy to recycle paper rather than to produce it from raw materials? By putting the effort into recycling you’re not just improving the environment, but also using less energy, helping to sustain resources and theoretically dropping your energy bill in 20 or so years time. So next time you go to dispose

it was like I was drinking a big coffee marshmallow.

of your C-minus graded paper, have the peace of thinking there are probably two other kids who have discovered that they failed on the same recycled wood fibres as you.

Lastly, these chaps get an honourable mention. They are not technically fair-trade because some of the restrictions involved with fair-trade coffee meant the head roaster couldn’t always get the beans he wanted. So they set up their own system for fairly traded coffee, trading directly with smaller estates with a focus on equitable relationships. They even visit the coffee plantations on a regular basis to ensure the standards are always kept up. Bean: Allpress. Where to get it: Scott’s Epicurean. Allpress coffee is strong and sharp, with a subtle smoky depth to it. Have it strong enough and it can be a zingy slap in the face; unlike the other two this one can have real bite. I have it short and sharp, in a tulip flat white.

Overall, fair-trade is a winner, getting a better deal for workers and growers worldwide. Support it!

30

Remember to check out our Campus Scavenger Hunt event next Wednesday on the 25th May and don’t forget to email us your thoughts and ideas at unicycle.waikato@gmail.com Scavenger Hunt details on our Facebook page - www.facebook.com/ UniCycle.Waikato - as well as the poster in Nexus. Pre-register on our Facebook event page to enter a special prize draw - winners to be drawn on the day.

SEX ON CAMPUS

WITH DICK AND FANNY

Welcome to another edition of sex on campus. It’s been a while, but we’re back. This week we decided to do something a little bit different.

Instead of publishing your letters for the world to see, we have written one ourselves to the University. Enjoy.

Dear University of Waikato, We here at Sex on Campus would like to thank Nexus for the opportunity to contribute to this fine magazine. Nevertheless, because we believe in the whole ‘giving back’ thing, and particularly so from a sexual standpoint, we are writing to YOU, dear University, with an idea that we believe is in the “student interest” which you supposedly care about.

We know that the University currently has a number of rooms available for students, such as a Muslim Prayer room, the Adult Learners’ Room etc. We think that there is need for a Sex Room. We think it would be nice if there was a discrete place on campus where students could go for the purpose of intercourse.

Given the rate at which students obtain Chlamydia in this town, we believe that there is demand for a University-provided room where students can just fuck about between classes, or perhaps go for a casual root once a week.

The sex room could also be useful in terms of encouraging students to engage in safe sex. The University could, for instance, make the use of the sex room conditional on the use of Universitysupplied condoms; flavours could include strawberry-flavoured, chocolate-flavoured, and VSM-flavoured for that ‘free’ (but not really) feeling. Perhaps someone from the University could even go to the room in black leather and make sure that this condom rule was enforced?

Furthermore, a sex room would help to overcome barriers faced by long-distance learners, who often miss out on the provision of University services. We feel that not having a sex room disadvantages students who live far away from uni, as they are more likely to find themselves in the position of having a casual fuck ready, but no place to make use of this fantastic opportunity. A sex room would help to solve this problem.

Love, Dick and Fanny We’ll be back next week with the usual format (perhaps including a University reply?), so email your letters togivemetheclap@gmail.com.

See you next week!

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH MR MINTY FISH

Fun fact. 97% of all paper money in the US contains traces of cocaine.

In other news, don’t be a dick.

I have very little necessary advice. You probably thought I did. You probably saw the name MrMintyFish and thought, shit... Bet she’s got all the answers. Well I don’t; but if you want one piece that you should never ignore, it’s don’t be a dick.

You won’t go out because a 1500 word essay is due in 2 weeks = DICK You argue that your opinion is fact = DICK You wear high waisted jeggings = DICK DICK DICK So many dick moves, so little time. Are you a dick? I’m not going to lie, I commit the odd dick move. I jam to the Biebs and I may or may not have once blasted “The Lord is our Sheppard” to stop my flatmate fucking so that I could sleep. You can do dickish things because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be human, but please, please just don’t BE a dick.

Want people to like you? Maybe don’t tell them they’re too huge to fit in the lecture hall. Want people to hang out with you? Stop stealing their Scrumpy’s. We all want shit; half the time we wish we didn’t; so ladies and gentlemen, fair people of the land. I have a solution. Do something.

There are exceptions of course. For example I genuinely find that no matter how badly I want something, I will do whatever I can to ensure that I don’t get it.

Example: I really wanted a new camera. Too keen. As soon as I got the cash moneys, I revaluated the situation and decided that actually, you know what? I don’t even want a camera. I would way rather have 3 new refill pads, a paintbrush and some gum. Dick.

“Oh Jess. Tell us what happened once you went back to being povo?” I was all “Arghhhh woe is my life, I want a camera but I’m povo.” Dick.

As humans we are programmed to want what we can’t have and have what we don’t want. If your tits are huge, you complain that they don’t fit your clothes. If you have vodka, all you want is wine. Fucking typical.

Writing this at 12:15am with Channel Four on I have just realised that all TV salesmen sound like pedophiles. Hide yo kids.

31

POST-RAD

WITH BLAIR MUNRO

DIARY OF A RAVER

WITH THE GIRL WHO GOES OUT LOTS

The news, to the extent that I actually pay attention to it, has been essentially saturated with news about Osama bin Laden. Nexus, of course, followed suit, with every man and his dog giving their views on how this whole debacle went down. Chances are that the Nexus

Dubstep.

containing this column will be full of complainants moaning about the abundance of Osama-related content, because university students are nothing if not masters of irony.

Dubstep has slowly become the ‘in’ thing in dance music. There’s your commercial dubstep, such as Mt Eden Dubstep, right through to the more unknown filthier artists, such as Quartus Saul. Britney Spears’ song, Hold it Against Me, labelled by many as Britstep, has introduced many more ears to the sound that is dubstep (despite being slandered by keen enthusiasts) and as a result the more commercial artists and tunes have made their way into popular Hamilton bar Agenda, where many students flock purely due to the fact that an array of dubstep tunes are thrown into the mix every now and then.

Now, taking this into consideration, it seems prudent to stop this train of thought right here. There are always bigger fish to fry. I’m fast approaching the most important exams of my life thus far, and in place of intelligent discussion regarding oxidative addition of ligands to a catalytic metal centre, my information bubble is filled with people hollering about Osama bin Laden, and Barack Obama, and Brad Pitt’s views on the whole thing.

A little bit of perspective would be nice, is all.

I’m all for people caring about global issues, and I have no problem whatsoever with people uniting against a common threat. How relevant is all of this to our individual struggles though? Peace in the Middle East won’t get me a degree, and while it certainly would be nice to have half of the balding twats in parliament replaced by halfway competent people who have an understanding of how exactly a country needs to be run to benefit its citizens, a vigilante firing squad

If you haven’t heard about it, you’ve been living in shell.

Hamilton has been very lucky to host a variety of international dubstep artists such as Vaski (USA), Jakes (UK), Ajapai (Japan) and Borgore (Israel) to name a few and all artists have been met with warm reception. However one thing I have always noticed is that these gigs are usually only always attended by the enthusiasts, very rarely by the masses.

So to the masses I say, go. Experience dubstep live. And to make it easier for you, to make sure you fit in and don’t feel like an idiot, I am going to provide you with a guide on how to dance to dubstep. As I know there are many of you out there that do not know how to do this.

won’t get rid of my student loan.

Because of a man so twisted that he could swallow nails and shit screws, I will be working for years and years trying to get rid of the debt I’ve accrued to study. Shovel-faced bastards wanting to continue charging interest, smiling a smile so sharp and so thin you could use it to peel a potato. A face so plastic that it belongs in Madame Tussaud’s Museum, and he’s in charge of the country?

Of course, that’s not immediately important, is it? If I don’t pass my exams, I’ll never get a job that will allow me to pay off my student loan. So I have to study. I have to ignore the fact that my future lies in the hands of a man who wears a mask to work every day, and I have to learn about chemistry.

I guess I’m just thankful that John Key restricts his terrorist attacks to my wallet.

32

Step 1: Listen to the beat and bass of the music and let it consume you.

Step 2: Now squat, bow and head bang, in the listed order at pretty much at the same time.

Step 3: Add in a few arm movements here and there and every now and then perhaps some jumping backwards, forwards and side to side.

Step 4: You have now successfully learnt how to Dubstep. Practice this at home first in your mirror and make sure you have it down pat.

Step 5: Go to a gig that plays dubstep such Medicate or Fuck Yeah, Thursday nights at Flow Bar for only $2 Disclaimer: I accept no liability for any injuries caused whilst performing the above steps, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided. Above actions performed at own risk; serious aching of legs may result the following day.

AUTEUR HOUSE DIRTY OLD MEN WITH RICHARD SWAINSON

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH JADE CAREY

How do you people feel about Sean Penn hooking up with Scarlett Johansson? Are some first year stomachs churning at the thought of the lecherous old sheep dog getting his paws on those succulent, twenty-something breasts? For those of us closer in age to Penn he’s

This week’s column is something a little different; I am a third year political science major so I thought I’d try mixing Hollywood and politics together. This week is all about Osama bin Laden, a name made infamous for all the wrong reasons 10 years ago. I’m assuming

become a bit of a hero. Winning two Best Actor Oscars is one thing, surviving a marriage to Madonna is another but sleeping with the finest movie star mammaries in the world really takes the cake. It beats even those earlier rumours about him and Natalie Portman for this time there’s photographic evidence. Get to your nearest internet connection or women’s magazine and check out Sean and Scarlett playing inter-generational footsies!

you all heard he’s dead. If not you really need to climb out of that hole you’ve been living in because it’s been everywhere. To be honest I’d kind of forgotten about the guy, I mean 10 years is a long time.

I thought he died a long time ago. I understand its different for Americans and those with family or friends who went to war over the 9/11 attacks, but for me I can’t really say I felt anything when I heard the news (except maybe “Oh I thought he was already dead” and then “man he looks younger than I thought”) Pretty sad, I know, but that’s just my opinion and this is my column!

Age differentials in leading couples are part and parcel of Hollywood folklore. Bogie and Bacall? He was 45, she was 19. Charlie Chaplin and wife Oona O’Neill? He was 54, she was 18. Woody Allen and former step-daughter Soon Yi Previn? He was 57, she was 21. Cary Grant and final squeeze Barbara Harris? He was 77, she was 30.

Things have been known to work the other way around too, especially if the female is the bigger star. The world continues to take guilty pleasure in the last gasps of 94 year old Zsa Zsa Gabor as she’s exploited by a bogus prince of a spouse who’s over a quarter century her junior. 1930s beauty Merle Oberon married for the last time at age 64 to then 39 year old Robert Wolders. After her death he romanced Audrey Hepburn, a comparatively insignificant 7 years his senior.

Off screen romantic patterns reflect on screen sexism. In an industry where an actress’s use-by date tends to be around 40, chronological mismatches are legend. Who could blame Hepburn for ending her days in the arms of a toy boy after a studio career in which she endured a succession of geriatric leading men? Gregory Peck was a mere 13 years older, but Henry Fonda was 24, Cary Grant 25 and Gary Cooper 28. Fred Astaire and Humphrey Bogart were born in a different century, a full three decades before Hepburn.

Woody Allen’s unusual private life has had plenty of precursors in his art. Allen’s “Manhattan” is the definitive middle-age man/teenage girl relationship film, his character’s fling with barely legal high school student Mariel Hemingway the template for the seduction of Soon Yi 15 years later.

They felt a bit differently about the news over in Tinsletown though.

I would say it very much brought the 9/11 attacks and the loss of so many lives back into the thoughts of many people. The Americans welcomed the news and as soon as Obama confirmed Osama (wouldn’t be hard to get those names mixed up) had been shot and killed the crowds erupted into chants of “USA! USA!” Kenneth Specht, a New York fire-fighter on 9//11 told CNN “I’m proud to be an American tonight.”

President Obama said that bin Laden’s death was the greatest victory in a decade-long fight to defeat Al Qaeda and prevent more attacks on American soil. He called bin Laden a mass murderer and a terrorist who killed nearly 3000 Americans, including many Muslims.

The thing that I have to wonder is do they really believe that just because bin Laden is dead Al Qaeda wont function anymore? Robert Fisk, foreign correspondent for the Independent newspaper, has interviewed bin Laden three times and said that his death would have very little impact on Al Qaeda’s operations or on the Arab/Muslim world. He was quoted as saying “I don’t really think Al Qaeda needs a leadership and I don’t doubt very much bin Laden was still the leader.

He was certainly the founder ... but to suggest he was in control of Al Qaeda ... is complete rubbish. What he wanted to do he has done and I don’t think his death will make a difference.”

33

PWNED:

YESTERDAY WHEN THE WAR BEGAN WITH NICHOLAS ALLISON COMMAND AND CONQUER: RED ALERT DEVELOPED BY WESTWOOD STUDIOS AVAILABLE FOR PC

Congratulations doctor with Hitler removed….

Time will tell…sooner or later, time will tell.

Those lines, soon followed by the sound of marching of boots set to rock metal, began my love affair with a game; a love affair that would continue right through my childhood right up to today.

himself call you ‘The Hero of the Soviet Union’ after you have crushed the Allies! And nothing is more awkward than to see him saying to his female assistant “Come my dear, I have an assignment that requires your special skills.”

Command and Conquer: Red Alert is the granddaddy of real time strategy games. It is the sequel to Westwood studios “Command and Conquer”. In the early nineties Westwood Studios came up with a gaming idea that was revolutionary. The idea was simple - not only did you command multiple units, but you also had to build and maintain

When playing the game one must remember that they are playing a game that is nearly 15 years old. Even so it has almost all the features that modern RTS gamers take for granted. Essentially the game is based around the player collecting ore in order to fund his economy.

All the stock standard RTS units are there, with infantry, tanks, aircraft etc. All these units act in a rock paper scissors way against each other. This is all standard RTS fare today in the 21st century, but back in 1996 this was truly mind blowing. Unit path finding, however,

bases as well as collect a continuous supply of resources to fund your war machine with the ultimate aim of annihilating your enemies.

is painfully primitive and the player may find himself rediscovering the lost art of mouse bashing.

Red Alert is set in an alternate history where Einstein travels back in time to assassinate Hitler. With Hitler out of the way Nazi Germany never rises and the red scourge of communism threatens Europe. You have the option to take control of the Allied forces (Germans, Greeks, and French etc) or the Soviet forces in two separate campaigns. The campaigns are brilliantly done, with each side requiring the player to utilise his given sides weakness or strengths. The most striking, and no doubt hilarious feature of the campaign is the live action cut scenes before each mission (this was unheard of before Command and Conquer). Nothing is more satisfying than having Joseph Stalin

When looking back on this game I find myself alight with a mixture of emotion and nostalgia. No matter how much I may enjoy “Supreme Commander” with is endless micromanagement or the Total War series with its amazing beautiful battles, or even the modern Command and Conquer series, I always look back and smile. I think of the squares with sticks that passed for tanks, I think of the 5 pixel infantry and I think of Tanya saying “shake it baby” in a way only Tanya could say. When I think of all those things I can’t help but stop playing black ops, brush off the old CD and step back into the awesome world of Red Alert.

34

Y T I L I B A N I A T THE SUS

R E G N E SCAV UNT H

!

WEDTHN ESDAY

25 M12A:Y 0 5 0 2 : 2 1 GRE EN

come and grab a free

wicked wednesday

feed from wsu at 12 pm then join in the hunt!

@VILLAGE

PRIZES INCLUDE

$80

WORTH OF MOMENTO & A+ VOUCHERS

FREE ENTRY

TEAMS OF UP TO 3

FOR MORE INFO AND A CHANCE TO WIN SPOT PRIZES VISIT WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/UNICYCLE.WAIKATO

35

MOVIE REVIEWS

SOURCE CODE - DIRECTED BY DUNCAN JONES For a film from the director of Moon, Source Code is not incredible.

Duncan Jones, who also happens to be the son of David Bowie, has dived into the world of Hollywood with a big budget, big name blockbuster.

RIO - DIRECTED BY CARLOS SALDANHA Rio is the first animation film for 2011from 20th Century Fox Animation. They have bought us such animated films as Horton Hears a Who, Robots and Ice Age. Rio definitely fits the animated kid’s genre with lots of bright colors and animals that can talk, dance and sing.

Michelle Monaghan, an old hand at techno-thrillers, sits and smiles pleasantly, neither adding nor subtracting from her scenes. And my favourite cowboy and time travelling depressive, Jake Gyllenhaal, attends to his scenes with the usual sweaty, angry, confused and stubbly young man performance.

A terrorist attack on the mass transit system of Chicago is the herald of a wave of attacks and it’s up to our time travelling hero, Gyllenhall, to spend eight minutes at a time in the past to discover the bomber and pass that information on to the future, in order to stop a future attack. Eight. Minutes. At. A. Time.

Every time the train Gyllenhaal is riding erupts into slow motion flame and silent screaming, he awakens, Twelve Monkeys style, in a dark and moist laboratory. His only contact with the outside world is through a video-phone hook up on the wall, at the other end of which a group of military scientists hesitantly give him any information related to anything other than his mission.

The action scenes are actually rather varied, considering that he is only there to stop one bombing on one train, but everything else becomes a nagging, repetitive cycle of a carriage load of passengers performing the same actions time and time again. One of the passengers, the Canadian comedian Russell Peters, seems to play himself. One part of the film even features him delivering a stand up routine of questionable merit, bringing laughter and smiles to the passengers, but certainly not the audience.

The twists in this film are warm and fuzzy, not the jarring, perception-altering experiences we have become used to since the halcyon days of The Sixth Sense. You certainly don’t see them coming, but they won’t melt your eyes like seeing Tony Soprano murder Christopher Moltisanti for the first time, unspoiled by forewarning.

I expect too much from movies. Over the years, I have watched so many films, that it is only truly outstanding, brain crushing films have remained in my memory. This film is a good time, but I doubt I’ll remember seeing it at the cinema in a year or so - Reviewed by Waikato Fist 36

Rio starts off in the colorful jungles of Rio de Janeiro where the Blu (Jesse Eisenberg) is a young bird awakening for the first time to a singing forest of other birds, but then is suddenly disrupted by bird poachers. He then is shown being transported to the US and is shown all grown up with his owner Linda (Leslie Mann) a lonely bookshop owner. They are then introduced to a Dr. Tulio (Rodrigo Santoro) who tells them Blu is the last male bird of his kind and wants to breed him with the last female in Rio de Janeiro.

After protesting they finally fly to Rio de Janeiro where all the fun starts and where he meets Jewel (Anne Hathaway), Nigel (Jemaine Clement) and Rafael (George Lopez).

I love the setting of this film. The colorful bustling streets of Rio are the perfect setting for this film. The film is set in the time of the year when Rio has Carnival, which is a giant party/parade, which makes a great stage for the birds. There are parts of this film that make me think of the Lion King because of the songs and dancing which is a nice touch for 20th century fox. Rio has the typical storyline of a children’s animation; Boy meets girl (in this case bird meets bird) then the girl doesn’t like the boy, then the girl and boy end up angry at each other. In the end, we all know that everything in Hollywood, has a happy ending.

Although Rio is not a Pixar film its still enjoyable if you like kids films. Rio is offered in 3D, which would enhance the viewing of the film a lot and especially bring out the wonderful colors of Rio de Janeiro. I think the one problem with this film is the depths of the story in which movies like Toy Story or Up have but kids film don’t need much of story anyway.

If you enjoy animated films go and give this one a watch its funny has a good range of famous voices and drops a catchy tune in at the right time and remember everyone has fun in Rio.

- Reviewed by Josh Cooper

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS CHILDHOOD’S END - ARTHUR C. CLARKE Arthur C. Clarke helped invent Britain’s WWII Radar system, drew up plans for the first orbital satellite, and wrote the screenplay for Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey. He also is arguably the greatest science fiction writer of all time.

Yet when he died three years ago, One Network News devoted a mere 20 second obituary to him. I remember this well. For when vertically challenged T.V star Gary Coleman died, it was one of the lead items on the news. Gary fucking Coleman! Famous only for the delivery of lame catchphrase ‘What ya talking about Willis,’ from a forgettable 1980s sitcom. As if that wasn’t enough, in the following days his life also featured numerous times on current affairs shows. With media priorities like these, is it any wonder the world’s so screwed up?

So anyway back to Clarke. ‘Childhood’s End’ is one of his best efforts. One day the inhabitants of Earth wake up to see giant spaceships hovering over their major cities. Unlike movies like ‘Independence Day’ however, the intention of these aliens is

not hostile. Instead using their superior technology, the aliens usher in a golden age of peace and prosperity. War becomes extinct and crime is outlawed. Material goods become free for all. The ‘Overlords’ as they are dubbed by the world’s media, become humanity’s guardian angels.

Not everyone’s entirely happy with this development however, a minority arguing that even benevolent ‘Overlords’ are still bad, no matter what the positive benefits.

Kind of like the A.C.T party. And as the narrative progresses, it becomes clear that the Overlords mission is not entirely altruistic. They are agents of a cosmic scheme, in which humanity has to play a part. A new stage of human evolution is ushered in, resulting in the extinction of life on planet Earth.

Childhood’s End promotes one of Clarke’s favourite themes. That is, there is a higher intelligence at play in the Universe. It’s just its origin is alien, not a fantasy figure with a large white beard.

JUDY READS...

HEAT WAVE – RICHARD CASTLE I actually feel guilty about having read this book.

It’s terrible. It’s terrible for an understandable reason, but that doesn’t really make it any better.

Heat Wave is a book written by a fictional writer, Richard Castle, from the TV show “Castle”. On the show he talks about the books he’s going to write

a crime occurs (SUPRISE!). A middle – where there are subsequent related crimes and clues for the detective and journalist to follow. And an ending – in which things are wrapped up quite nicely, but there could also be a follow on story with the

about Nikki Heat, and this is it apparently. And it’s bad. I can and will read pretty much anything.

This one was a struggle; I had to force myself to get to the end so I could write this thing. It was totally lacking in entertainment.

same characters. Oh wait... Wikipedia just informed me that there is another Richard Castle novel in the real world. I think I’ll be happier if I choose not to read it. But if you want to look out for it it’s called Naked Heat and it was published late last year.

I’m pretty biased though, I only watch the TV show when there is absolutely nothing else on. I do have friends that watch it though, and one of them has read the book and she loved it. Thought it was an awesome piss take type thing. I think it’s brilliant in terms of marketing, but that about all I can see going for it.

The stories on the show are average at best. And the Heat Wave story is pretty average too. There’s a beginning – in which a journalist is following a police detective to write some kind of article, and

Heat Wave follows the same formula as the TV show, but possibly with a little more sex. If you’ve watched one episode you can make a pretty good judgment as to if you’ll enjoy the book. I think it owns the fact that it is trash pretty well, but I don’t feel it’s up to the “best-selling author” quality that Richard Castle is meant to produce according to the TV show. But it sold pretty well, so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about and you should just buy and read the book any way.

37

38

PRESENTS

THE BUSTED PAGE

BATTLE STEEZE MAY 7TH - FLOW

BOREGORE

PINCH AND A PUNCH

ALL PHOTOS BY SHANNON ROLFE - SHANNONROLFE.COM

There’s even more To see each week on...

39

7pm - 9pm Every Sunday

W h y c oo k a t h o m e w h e n yo u c a n

with LIVE MUSIC til 11pm

40

http://www.facebook.com/thebankbar www.thebank.co.nz