issue 10 by Nexus Magazine

10 14 MAY 2007

STUDENT BALL

S AT U R D AY 7 t h J U LY EVENT 路 TICKETS ON SALE E I T K NOW BLAC IT WWW.WSU.O RE INFO:VIS RG.N O M R Z FO

Ball Theme: 1920s swing

By Rocky and Steven Questions 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

When did you lose your virginity? What’s your star-sign baby? Would you prefer a sausage or pie? Do you know what Anxiety is? Should gamers be allowed to choose the sexuality of their characters?

EJ 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

Maybe this weekend. Gemini – Two for the price of one. Sausage, mmmm. Oh god I do. Hmmm, what do you think?

Jeff 1) 2) 3) 4)

When I was 17, but that was bum fun! Metal bore Libra Virgo. Pie’s and loads. Yeah, that includes preejaculation to. Doesn’t it? 5) Yeah totally.

Rosé 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

No comment! Give Way Baby. Mmmm pies. Something I never want to experience. I think people should be able to do whatever they want on the games they buy.

Matt 1) I think I was about 20-21, I was a late bloomer. 2) Aries. 3) I prefer fish tacos. 4) Yes, I wrote this week’s article on Anxiety. 5) I think it’s a great thing for online gaming (MMO)

Jessica 1) 2) 3) 4)

17, I tried to wait till I was 18 but couldn’t. Scorpio. Pies. Oh I have experienced it before. “I used to be called Anxiety on legs” 5) If it’s relevant to the game then why not, but you don’t want to marginalise sexual orientations. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

C’mon people, it’s not hard to do a Photochop! If it’s the funniest then you get a $20 voucher to Campus Pharmacy! Anyway, the Lunchboxes for Single Dads was OK, but I guess it didn’t inspire many people. Check here for other entries and past Photochops: http://www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum/viewtopic.php?p=5797

Theme: Lunchboxes for Single Dads

Next week’s theme will be “C-grade celebrity endorsed appliances”. Campus Pharmacy has offered a $20 gift voucher to the one deemed by Nexus judges to be the best of the bunch. Work your photo manipulation magic and win some free credit! Send ‘em in before 5PM Thurs, 10 May.

by Beholder by dj_llirik

by Beholder

This Week’s Winner:

Vitamin C Come claim your voucher at the Nexus office! Hopefully we’re in!

Kerry Dean. M.P.S.

PHONE: 838 4740 K.J. Dean Ltd. University of Waikato, Hamilton

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

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The Magic 8 Ball Magic 8 Ball answers the hard questions about sex with lecturers Is it that time of year when I need to seduce my lecturer? Without a doubt. Particularly if you’re not very bright to begin with. Now’s the time to work it, baby. You’ve only got a couple more weeks of classes to save your marks so start wearing low cut tops if you’re a girl and groin-hoisters if you’re a boy. So, has my lecturer just been waiting all semester for me to do this? As I see it, yes. While your lecturer mightn’t be too worried about which student to shag, exactly, she or he is definitely desperate for at least one of the students to make an advance. Is my lecturer’s office the best place to make a proposition? Very doubtful. There are too many distractions and interruptions in a lecturer’s office, particularly from those pesky department secretaries. Wait until the end of your lecture and then, when your lecturer is trying to leave the room, pull him or her down between the rows of seats. It might be uncomfortable but jeez will it be fun! Is there a particular department which produces the most shaggable lecturers? Signs point to yes. Signs point to the Philosophy department. Deep thinkers make great lovers. Doesn’t my lecturer just want to have sex with smart people? Better not tell you now. Who knows what goes through the sick minds of the intelligentsia. They control all the knowledge in the world and all of the circus sex tricks. Ever heard of the juhitweranga? Didn’t think so. It’s an ancient magical orgasm catalyst trick, known only to members of academia. Only a privileged few students get access to this information and most of them have to be killed afterwards. Does my lecturer like it when I sit up the front of class, interrupt a lot and ask inane questions? Signs point to yes. But signs only point that way because your lecturer is old and if she or he wasn’t a lecturer, she or he would be a mature student. When I seduce my lecturer, should I stick a copy of Foucault’s The History of Sexuality in my undies as a secret sex surprise? Outlook not so good. Foucault in the pants is notorious for making the groin look weird. Foucault in your shoe, however… well, that’s another story.

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ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

Nexus Issue 10 14 May 2007

Features

Credits

Insert Disc

The low down on homosexuality in video games

Panic! In your mind

Suffer from anxiety? A new group on campus can help

Open Day

Short interviews with University-students-soon-to-be

News 8-13

VISIT US ONLINE @ nexusmag.co.nz AND myspace.com/nexusmagazine

National J Day goes up in smoke Landlords locked into long leases Penile puppets come to Hamilton Execution Haiku News

Photochop Challenge Magic 8 Ball Editorial Lettuce CAB Advice Meantime WSU columns Notices Weird Facts $3 Chef

CONTRIBUTORS: ANDREW NEAL, BURTON C BOGAN, BLAIR, BRIE JESSEN, ROCKY, STEVEN, CYRILL, CAPTAIN AHAB, VITAMIN C, JOSEPH ROSS, ADAM SMITH, MOSKONOVICH, CANDICE BOTTOMSWORTH, JED LAUNDRY, ISA, ROZ, MATT, JOSH, ART FOCKER, PETRA JANE, JOE CITIZEN, DR RICHARD SWAINSON, BOULANGER, WSU. NO THANKS TO MIKE MILLER. ALSO, SORRY FOR ALWAYS SPELLING YOUR LAST NAME WRONG BRIE.

NEXUS IS A MEMBER OF THE AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS ASSOCIATION (ASPA) SO THEY CAN PLAY WITH OUR TRANSFORMERS IF THEY WANT. THE VIEWS EXPESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, WSU OR APN.

Regulars 04 05 07 14 15 17 22 25 27 27

EDITOR: ROZ CASE (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) DESIGN: MATT SCHEURICH (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: TONY ARKELL (Phone 021 176 6180) NEWS ED: JOSH DRUMMOND (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) BOOKS ED: BRIE JESSEN MUSIC ED: CAPTAIN AHAB (htownahab@gmail.com)

28 29 29 30 30 31 31 32 32 33

Puzzles Society Pages Guide to Pants static void Main() Vitalisa Boganology Los Libros Jeeves at your Cervix Sports Thoughts Walkthrough

33 34 35 36 37 37 38 38 39

Agony Art NZMM Spotlight Citric Books Film Auteur House Guide Arts Diary Gig Guide Busted

WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR PHONE 07 838 4653 OR VISIT www.nexusmag.co.nz/advertising-info NEXUS IS LOCATED AT GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING, GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO, KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON. PHONE: FAX: EMAIL: POSTAL:

07 838 4653 07 838 4588 nexus@waikato.ac.nz PRIVATE BAG 3059, HAMILTON

Editorial BY ROSALIND CASE

A day in the life of Nexus Monday Monday is when I get the best emails. People are so amazing about making sure that I know RIGHT AWAY that there has been a typo or that they are offended by the very nature of the student magazine. I really look forward to this stuff. Agony Art and Matt the designer are having an in depth discussion about post-modernism in the background and I’m wondering why nobody has mentioned Paris Hilton’s jail sentence to me this morning. Don’t they realise how earth-shatteringly important she is? Anyway, I get two great emails this morning. One is a letter to the editor asking me why we haven’t printed this person’s notice. Funnily enough, we had printed their notice. I have to ask the person if they still want their letter printed, in spite of its inaccuracies. I hope they do. I will give it Letter of the Week. Even if I don’t hear back, I still think it is such a superb letter that it should win a prize. I also have another great letter asking me why I didn’t print a letter. I let the writer know that the letter in question was over the word limit and also over the deadline. Nevertheless, I’ve saved it for print this week as I can allocate it some space. And so begins another fun-filled week at Nexus. Sometimes I really love this job.

volunteers. In the meantime, I’ll spend the day wading through the columns and articles we’ve been sent and editing them gently, with love. Actually, the day is full of interruptions and I’m finding it difficult to really make a dent in this workload. I give Matt my Rolos because he needs fattening and, quite frankly, I don’t.

Wednesday It’s already Wednesday and nobody has accused us of being communists this week. We must be losing our edge. Matt and I call an urgent meeting to mind-shower (which is a gentler process that brain-storming) about how we can make ourselves seem more PC, liberal, sappy and yet, militantly lesbianic. Matt is particularly keen on appearing lesbianic and I support him in his quest. Is lesbianic a word? Ultimately, it doesn’t matter – we will not let semantics stand in our way. Which is ironic, given this is supposed to be a magazine. As each page of Nexus is edited, I add it to a folder on the computer network named ‘Copy’ so that Matt can access it and work his graphic designer magic on otherwise boringlooking words. As he completes these pages and converts them to PDF, I double check them again and admire his handiwork. In spite of all this “checking”, I continue to miss little typos and apostrophes gone awry. It seems that there comes a certain point where you’ve just read too many words for that week and your brain stops computing things properly.

answers from this all-knowing inanimate object. Thursday is pretty much just a mad scramble to make sure that absolutely everything is in the copy folder for Matt by the end of the day. Plus, we’re also waiting to find out who is playing outside the banks on Friday 18th May – I had allocated a page for an interview but the WSU are having trouble getting a confirmation. Luckily, MC Stormtroopa comes to the rescue at the last minute and so we hastily get some questions together for this illusive Lucasesque character.

Friday I’m writing this on Thursday so I can’t predict what exactly will happen in the future. But generally, I arrive on Friday morning and hopefully Matt isn’t asleep under his desk – if he is asleep under his desk, it means that he was up until around 7am trying to finish his work. If he isn’t there, or if he’s sitting up happily at the computer, it means that he went home and got some sleep at some point in the night. Everything gets sent off to the printers who make sure Nexus is all fresh and lovely for you on Monday morning. And then we start from the beginning again. Kind of like groundhog day, except not at all.

Nexus Cover Art WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ/COVERART

Tuesday I checked my emails in a really weird way yesterday – somehow I missed out a whole bunch of important ones in the middle. So it’s like Christmas when I discover all these hidden emails that I should have already replied to and I’m excited to find that Vitamin C has written a three page feature article (which is three pages that I now don’t have to write myself!). All of the contributors are, as usual, being super on-to-it about everything. I’m constantly amazed at how dedicated the Nexus contributors are to their work – in spite of study and paid work commitments, they still manage to send in screeds of content on a weekly basis. It’s really cool when the magazine is entirely filled by student contributions and I hope that seeing themselves in print and having the occasional piece of pizza hiffed at them is enough payment for our many wonderful WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Josh (the news guy) tells us about some media theory he learnt at Special Journalism School and draws a graph to illustrate the point. Then he tells us about his science fair invention which was stolen by a corporation. “If it wasn’t for that darn corporation, I’d be a millionaire by now”, he laments while trying to ride around the room on a trolley. We nod in agreement. Matt gives me one of my Rolos from yesterday. He is saving them for emergencies.

Thursday What will we ask the Magic 8 Ball this week? I try to think of issues which are really relevant and interesting to students but it just keeps coming back to Paris Hilton. The Nexus team mind-showers a little and eventually comes up with some brilliant questions for the Magic 8 Ball which will surely yield wise and insightful ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

Artist: N**dles THE UNDERWATER COLLECTIVE

386 ANGLESEA ST, HAMILTON · OPEN 7 DAYS · PH: 07 834 3952

NEWS

News National J day goes up in smoke (in a good way) By Joshua Drummond

favourites such as every Bob Marley song and “Smack My Bitch Up.”

Marijuana reform proponents and stoners of all kinds staged a “peaceful protest” at the Band Rotunda park near Bridge Street in Hamilton on Saturday May 5, “International J Day.”

There were no visits by police to the park, although minor paranoia was sparked at several points by the occasional wail of sirens. Attendees enjoyed their day in the sun, with several commenting “Are we gonna be in Nexus? Cool, man.”

The protest attracted groups of people throughout the day, with attendance topping out at around 60 attendees at any one time. There would have been more, but for attendees frequently leaving to get food. Activities included smoking weed, playing hacky sack, sitting in circles strumming guitars, and signing anti-anti-marijuana petitions. A stereo was set up in the Band Rotunda and tunes were played, including

Others agreed that the day had been a success. “It’s just fuckin’ cool to see all these people out here supporting the cause,” said one, who asked not to be identified as Mike. “It’s a nice day out with like-minded people. I’m hungry,” he added.

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NEWS

No-Ho, No-Ho, it’s off to the Marae we go… By Andrew Neal In an effort to give international students a true “kiwi experience,” the Waikato Students Union organised an overnight trip for them to Papa O Te Aroha Marae in Tokoroa last Friday. The trip dubbed, “Noho Marae,” came to fruition after some research by WSU President Sehai Orgad showed 84% of international students came to New Zealand wanted to enjoy the cultural experience, but only 34% were actually experiencing New Zealand culture. Orgad says that many staff and students were concerned about them missing out and that internationals were “paying their visa and fees and that was it.” “This was something a lot can’t shake off,” she said.

A visit to a Marae of this scale has never been offered at Waikato University and there were plenty of students signing up at the WSU front desk during the week. The excursion was not only to give students from overseas an opportunity to experience New Zealand Maori culture but also to provide more interaction between international and local students. There were places for 150 international and 50 domestic students on the trip. Orgad said there were also around ten to twelve student volunteers at the event “to help organise, as well as provide interaction and smiles” At the time Nexus went to print around 75 to 80 students had signed up for the trip from all over the globe including Nigeria, Norway, Indonesia, Oman and many others.

Fundraiser for tsunami-stricken Solomon Islands to be held By Andrew Neal 19 May will see Waikato University’s Gate 2b car park turned into a large market in an effort to raise money for relieving the Solomon Islands which were devastated by a Tsunami in April. The market, which was a joint venture between the Solomon Islands Community group and Waikato Students Union, is to sell items donated to the WSU. Along with the stalls from the Solomon Islands Community, there will be a car boot and trailer sale. Anyone wanting to sell stuff out of their boot or trailer can pay ten dollars for a park or twenty dollars for a trailer area. Organisers are being “careful” with the situation and are working with people on

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the ground in the Solomon Islands to assure the money ends up where it belongs. Solomon Islands Community member Abraham Hauriasi said the idea came from members of the Solomon Islands Community in Hamilton “after seeing the scale of the devastation and the difficulties people affected” “After seeing the devastation in the region we thought we should also do something,” he said. Along with the market there will be a festival-like atmosphere, with cultural entertainment, food and a sausage sizzle planned to help with the proceeds. “The WSU is trying to contact groups working in the Solomon Islands, as we want all the money raised to go straight into the community,” said WSU Campaigns Officer Olivia Beattie.

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

The Solomon Islands Government believes that well over 11,000 people have been affected by the tsunami and earthquake that rocked the region on 2 April this year. Problems such as poor living conditions for displaced people, unclean water, and health care along with the emotion distress of the tsunami have plagued the already war-stricken country since the disaster. “We are very hopeful that once word about this fundraiser spreads, lots more people will donate towards this worthy cause and support the event,” Hauriasi said. If you would like to make a donation to the markets, then bring anything along worth selling to the WSU front desk or come along on the day, because you never know what bargains you might find.

NEWS

Landlords locked into long leases BY MIKAELA LEACOCK Students who find themselves paying rent for their empty flats over the long summer months can cackle with glee as the tables turn on their robber-baron landlords. One-year leases are causing headaches for investors as the Reserve Bank raised the official cash rate last week, and interest rates are expected to exceed 10% in the coming months. Investors may find themselves financially in trouble as they have trapped themselves in one-year fixed-rent leases, unable to raise the rent to cover the higher interest rate. Some may be forced to pay money out of their own pockets. Cliff Seque, president of the Otago Property Investors Association, said that the effect of the interest rises will depend on individual

investors’ financial positions. One-year leases have traditionally been seen as a smart tactic by landlords, enabling them to receive a year-round return even when the student tenants are not occupying the residence. Now with the rising interest rates investors are unable to raise the fixed rent on the property in order to meet the required interest rate. Seque says, “It’s a cost issue - if you buy property you have to borrow the money, and you have to pay the cost to borrow money.” Seque believes that the rising interest rate may scare off potential investors, slowing student rental property sales,. However, Seque told the Otago Daily Times last week that most investors were prepared to wait and see on the outcome. “Everyone seems to have a different opinion on the student market. But talking to one or two of the most experienced investors in the market they are taking a wait and see attitude.”

Masochists line up for opportunity to annihilate selves With less than a week to go until the annual Huntly Half Marathon, the countdown is on for organizers and competitors. May 20th will see the 27th running of an event that has become one of the area’s biggest road races and draws entries from around the country. The 10 kilometre companion race has also grown in popularity. Over $30,000 in prizes is on offer, including both merit and spot prizes. Hamilton Hawks are again organizing the event and hope to top 2500 entrants. Voon! An exciting lineup of New Zealand’s top runners are expected to contest the top placings in Huntly. Gott in Himmel! In the men’s half marathon, Tauranga’s Mark Williams will be doing well to hold off Auckland young gun Andrew Haigh, with two time Olympian Robbie Johnston also racing. Former NZ 800m champ Simon Harvey is also making a comeback for this race, and will push the front end of the field to fast times. Matt Sweetingham, also from Auckland, will be looking for a time close to 70 minutes and should make up a large lead pack including

local hope Kent Hodgson. Tauranga’s Kyle McDonald is also expected to challenge for the win as he prepares for the Gold Coast Marathon in July. Sufferin’ succotash! Top female contenders will be NZ Mountain Running team member Sarah Devoy and Anna Hamilton, NZ triathlon representative and runner up in NZ Half Ironman Champs this year. Outside of the elite section, the event also provides for everyone from the first time entrant hoping to complete the distance to individuals such as Huntly’s Brian Smith, who’ll be looking to notch up his 25th Huntly Half in a row. All levels of runner and walker are welcome, and may enter on the day until 10am. Slack students looking for a potential hangover cure are welcome. A carnival atmosphere prevails at the finish area in the Lake Hakanoa Domain with entertainment and food and drink stalls present. Smith Sports Shoes and Mizuno will present a sports shoe display, and Mizone Active will be providing drinks at the finish line. Drinks! For more information, check out the race website at www. coolrunning.co.nz/races/huntlyhalf/

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NEWS

Penile Puppets come to Hamilton BY SPIKE MOUNTJOY (DEBATE)

imon Morley will show you his cock, but it’ll cost you. Puppetry of the Penis is back in town. The original schlong master has returned, and he’s taking his tackle to the provinces. But you can catch him and his friend, David Friend, here in Hamilton for the Res-Erection tour. Puppetry of the Penis originated when Simon’s brother came to him with something he was calling the ‘Hamburger’; and so, the challenge was laid down. He had soon fashioned a little gem, the ‘Windsurfer’, which has survived the test of time. How will you recognise it? “Let’s just say it’s got a lot of sail,” says Morley. “It really started out as a little healthy bit of sibling rivalry”. The idea developed and Morley got together with his friend, Mr Friend, and they hauled their trouser trouts across 20,000 kilometres of desert.One festival followed another and soon they found themselves playing to an A-list crowd. The show was a smash hit at London’s West End, entertaining the likes of Hugh Grant, Naomi Campbell and Elton John. The LA Times called it an ‘unabashed celebration’ and the New York Times said the show “sends audience members into hysterics”. But don’t be fooled, it isn’t highbrow willy-waving. It’s no Vagina Monologue

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for boys. “The only thing they have in common is genitalia in the title. The show is all about belly laughs” says Morley. There is plenty of scope for audience participation, for both men and women. Audience members are invited to come up and “share a hamburger” with the performers. Apparently they’ve been “freaking people out” recently with something they call Yoda. The show has blossomed with new companies opening in Spain and France, each with their own special regional variations. The Spanish have something they call the “Bull”, and the Argentineans do a little number modelled on a traditional gourd, from which they drink the herbal mate’. The sheep and the pav might be a little harder - perhaps the kiwi fruit? Morley says he’s keen for another generation to take over. Although he’s been on the road for nine years he claims he’s not bored. “I get to see the fear of god in people’s eyes every night of the week.” Morley encourages puppetry enthusiast to career in penis-manipulation. It could be a bit like joining the circus, a beautiful marriage of freak and contortionist. At least that’s how you could sell it your mum. So how does Morley sell it to his? “Understandably mum wishes it was somebody else’s son. The last time she saw it was in the bath tub, I think she wants to leave it that way”, he says. Morley says potential new performers need to be well-endowed. “Let’s just say the more clay the sculptor has to work with, the more he can create.” The

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other prerequisite for the job is that you aren’t easily embarrassed. “Anyone that graces the stage completely naked has to have a complete lack of shame.” Both Simon and his brother have gone on to have successful careers making art with their doodles. His brother runs his very own “Dick Trick for Hire” outfit - look him up next time you’re organising an Australian hen party. You might think all this waving of the wiener in public would affect their chances with ‘the ladies’, but apparently not. Although he doesn’t have a girlfriend at the moment, Morley says he has had them in the past. “They cope pretty well, it was a little strange.” Apparently though, when people have been staring at your naked self for hours, it can take a little mystery out of the bedroom. If you want to see Simon Morley’s penis in all its flaccid glory, now’s your chance. And it could be your last opportunity to see a great of the art before he retires, as he continues living the dream of every true wanker – spending all his time playing with his dick. Nexus has two passes and a DVD to Puppetry of the Penis to give away in the unlikely event of anyone wanting them. To enter, simply email nexus@waikato. ac.nz with pics of something that looks like a penis – but isn’t.

NEWS

Execution Nexus sat up back for this week’s WSU Executive meeting, kept company by some disassembled desks, boxes, and a lonely toilet roll. Nexus arrived at the meeting as VP Moira Neho was presenting her report. She spoke about the Student Ball, which as readers should know by now is happening on 7 July. Volunteers are apparently coming along nicely, although apparently there is a need to tell people (through Nexus, she added with a meaningful look) that the theme is actually “1920’s” rather than simply Black Tie. Consider yourselves warned. There was something about a Vice Chancellors Scholarship, which may have something to do with the Vice Chancellor and Scholarships. Nexus doesn’t know, due to a momentary lapse in attention, and will chase it in due course. David West, the Union Manager, spoke about the “step challenge,” which several Exec members are apparently involved in. Members wear “pedometers” which measure how many “steps” they take in a day. It’s good that West mentioned this last part, as otherwise Nexus might have guessed that “pedometers” were for making sure no-one on the Exec kidnapped any children for nefarious purposes, and the “step challenge” was like Alcoholics Anonymous, only for… you get the idea. West said the “step challenge,” had a “great effect on office morale.” Which is always awesome. West then went on to discuss furniture and electronics movements within the WSU offices. It was hilarious. You had to be there. An item of some consternation was that a particular printer has been shifted, disallowing easy Exec printing of forwarded emails and other such important items. One member had concerns that “confidential emails” might be intercepted by parties unknown, and used for purposes mischievous. Considering the vital information of national importance that regularly passes through the WSU systems, this is a valid concern indeed. And isn’t the whole idea of emails that you don’t have to print them? This discussion raged for a bit. A phone call, quickly terminated, was a welcome interruption, and prompted some smirking amongst the members. Many, including a smooth and hairless-looking James Greenlees, (fresh from having his whole body waxed for Thursdays in Black) wanted the printer back where it was.

Integrity was discussed with reference to the Victoria Uni student union, where drunken Exec members recently made phone calls to psychic hotlines and vandalised their own offices. Nexus missed a few chunks of the printer discussion, being otherwise occupied trying to set the building on fire with Nexus’ mind. West finished by commending the Exec for successful execution (see what Nexus did there?) of the Thursdays in Black campaign and Open Day. James “Elmo” Harnett was not on hand to provide his usual hilarious commentary on events, due to a previous appointment. On an unrelated note, it is his birthday soon. It was ventured that the inevitable Sausage Sizzle be held for Environment Day. It is an unwritten rule of the universe that Student Unions must hold sausage sizzles for absolutely everything. Hell, they’d probably hold a sausage sizzle for Vegetarian Day, and Nexus hopes they do. $180 was duly allocated for Environment Day, as a lone skateboarder tore past outside, regarding the meeting with interest. The upcoming Solomon Islands Tsunami Fundraiser will also utilise – you guessed it! – a sausage sizzle for raising funds. A PA is wanted for “cultural stuff,” which surprised Nexus a bit, given that culture in the Solomon Islands doesn’t traditionally involve a lot of electricity or Public Address systems. President Sehai Orgad raised the matter of the Student Life group wanting to present their “exam cram” event over a PA at the Village Green. The consensus was that the fundamentalist Christians of Student Life were “very nice people,” and there wasn’t any reason why they shouldn’t publicly ask Jesus to help the students of Waikato University to do well in exams. Vice President Moira Neho, always one to put forward a good idea, said to Sehai to “tell [Student Life] that if they can get 70 students to show up at the SGM they can do whatever they want.” Nexus suspects that they will indeed do this, and we can all look forward to a new, theocratic WSU constitution very shortly. And on that bombshell, the meeting went into Hyper mode and Nexus left.

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NEWS

Haiku News

By Drummond-san

Anxiety fuels Confucius craze in China

Microchipping on cards for senior citizens

Confucius conundrum Causing Chinese crisis Craziness: Catching

Microchipped, just like pets, Now if only we could Take them to the vet

Holmes’ ‘lumpy disaster’ ends spell in spotlight

Beckham gets a new haircut... and a $29m mansion

Are they talking about The broadcaster’s dancing Or about his nose?

Beckham on spending bender Hair and a mansion: God, he’s a wanker

Neil Finn: I’m enjoying being unpopular after PM comments

Paris Hilton draws petitions for, against jail

Fans: Pessimistic After Split Enz frontman Goes all masochistic

A pity she’s not getting life She’s a crime against humanity

Akon under fire over ‘simulated sex’ antics with teen

Privy council decision – Bain wins appeal

Akon: Not cool You’re supposed to be a Muslim! Allah will smite you

Did Bain kill them all? New Zealand’s big crime question He still cries “Not me!”

Theft charge against Subway worker dropped

NZer denies groping passenger on plane

Idiot charges dropped Subway saw sense, stopped So, thank God, did the cops

Frisky hands inbound They will land in your crotch Uh oh! Turbulence!

Masturbation: Bad for you? Waikato University students are being sent to play Table Tennis at the World University Games this year. Students Michelle McCarthy, Sarah Ho and Simon Hoey-Burns will compete at the Games, which are second only to the Olympics in size as a globally held multi-sport event.

on previous tournaments, the playing standard at this event will be above the Commonwealth Games and University Sport New Zealand has agreed to include table tennis in its team for the event on the basis we are able to select teams made up predominantly of nationally ranked seniors. Table Tennis NZ will send both a Men’s and a Women’s team of four players each.

“It’s awesome that Waikato students have made the team,” said spokesman Phil Gilbert. “It testifies to the strength of our sports partnerships with Table Tennis Waikato and the Hillary Scholarships scheme, which is attracting good academic and sporting people to Waikato, and making us more recognised as a sporting university.”

Overall New Zealand will be sending between 130-150 competitors and officals from 12 sports. This makes the largest team ever from New Zealand to attend these Games. The 2007 Team is supported by the NZ Academy of Sport and the NZ Community Trust.

Table tennis has recently been included as one of the 12 “core” sports that are a compulsory part of the bi-annual event. Based

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“We wish all our athletes attending the games all the best,” said Gilbert.

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Lettuce

Lettuce policy

Nexus loves it when you give it some attention via the Lettuce page. We want to hear about your thoughts, views and opinions on anything so don’t be afraid to put down your words and send them to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. We’d appreciate the letters before Tuesday 5 PM but you’re more than welcome to send letters whenever you’d like. The best letter will win a $5 Voucher from Campus Kiosk, located at the Cowshed.

Letter of the Week We’d like to Techno lolknow why you keep NOT publishing our flat notice?? You say that it needs to be in on Tuesday for the issue the following Monday, yet every week we’ve sent it in more than a week in advance! Perhaps you guys are getting it mixed up with another flat notice of the same title, but working for a magazine we’d’ve thought you’d be a bit more diligent in your reading than that, and realise it wasn’t the same notice! Also, it’s not like you don’t have enough room to print it, there’s an ad on that page to fill in space! Thirdly, if you’re going to leave out anyone’s flat notice it should be the ones that read like a damn novel! Get to the f’n point already! This is the “notices page”, not the “creative writing” page! What’s your excuse, or are you just digging for some more controversial “lettuce”? Do you think you could start printing it for us, that would be nice?

No one said feminist epistemologies were steeped in logic… Dear Nexus, The University should have a ‘men’s space’ simply because men want one. No argument is required. Just as it is not acceptable for the university or student union to decide for women whether or not there should be a women’s space, so the institution should not impose its values on men. The notion that the provision of a gendered space requires any sort of justification (beyond simply being wanted) is itself a gendered, that is, a ‘female’, notion. As such it should not be applied to the case of a ‘men’s space’. There are lots of good reasons for a women’s room on campus. But there are no reasons for a men’s room on campus, and this is because ‘reasons’ themselves only fit within a female world view. So I say to the men out there who want a men’s space: don’t fall into the feminist, politically correct trap of assuming that you need to provide any reason to have a men’s space. There is no reason, and that’s why you should have one.

Thanks, tj Yours in feminist epistemology, Ed: Your notice was printed in Issue 8 of Nexus. You missed the deadline for Issue 9 so the notice was held back for Issue 10. The fact that you still took the time to write us a letter of complaint means that you win Letter of the Week! Congratulations! Your $5 Campus Kiosk voucher is waiting for you at Nexus.

Alan McQueen

Dirty vacuous girls are to blame Dear Nexus, Regarding the letter in last week’s Nexus: Who is Paul Simpson, and can I have his babies? As a woman and a misogynist, I am delighted

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

Nexus welcomes your letters and encourages debate through the lettuce page, just keep it under 250 words. Letters must be received by 5 PM Tuesday, no later. Letters may be edited for sense, length and/or legal reasons. Psuedonyms are welcome but you must also include your real name and contact details (don’t worry, they won’t be printed). We discourage the use of psuedonyms on serious letters.

that someone else on this campus thinks “women are becoming over represented at universities”. Too right, Paul. We all know women have genetically inferior brains to men (much like gays and non-whites) so I it makes sense to impose a quota system so we don’t choke up the education system with our feeling and our crying and our icky, icky girl germs. I’m not sure how, exactly, having a ‘women’s room’ on campus is “taking away from…every other parent at this University” and “robbing food from the mouths of babes”. But then, as a woman, my inferior brain probably just can’t comprehend this obvious causal relationship. Or why a male single parent needs private breastfeeding facilities. All I know is baking scones, making babies and sexually harassing men without fear of the consequences. The WSU should do away with the Women’s Space entirely. It’s time to bring breastfeeding women and their engorged titties out in the open. Why should the rest of us be denied an eyeful of areola? Tina

Short and sweet, like home baking (made by a woman, of course) Dear Nexus I would like to write in to say thanks to paul for his well-written article on the womens room. Although im fully in support of womens rights I agree that its double standards not to have a mens room. Why cant we have both?? Jackie

Vaginas and prohibition for all! Dear Nexus

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LETTUCE This letter is a response to Paul Simpson’s letters printed last week (7/5). I agreed with his view about the women’s’ room. It needs to be fair. Why can’t I go see a gynecologist?!?!?! I was concerned with his second letter though. It worried me to see how angry he was with a set of random university students who believed it better that cannabis remain illegal and then compared it to the right to consume alcohol. Cant people have an opinion anymore. To the point at hand though what would happen if weed was decriminalized? Would you want your daughter using it all the time? She may, it would be her right to after all. I’ve noticed a few human beings using it and after 2 years of use they have lost so much of their memory it’s staggering. Had a flatmate, who did a lot of weed, he was so bad he would forget where he left things in a matter of seconds, leave elements on the stove on at full bore and was the messiest s.o.b I’ve ever seen (evidence 1a: half eaten lamb shanks on the lounge floor). This may be a one off case but from what I see its a taxing drug in its own right. I do not claim to know a hell of a lot about it, but I know what is happening in front of me. Alcohol is not the greatest either but I don’t believe allowing mass consumption of weed would benefit society. At some point it will be decriminalized though, through the gradual desensitization of society and you will probably have to find something else to moan about, like how come girls don’t have urinals? DEATH TO THE NZ YETI The Bushman

Introducing Kahu Nikora Dear Nexus It certainly is very flattering to see that I have a following still out their amongst the students. 5’11 is not a jealous lady however there are limits of course. Page 17 had a very interesting notice to students - ‘oh be watchful, be alert’(Kia Hiwa ra) - this was the purpose of such a warning. I share the sentiment because the last group supposedly represented us were independent of the WSU and certainly not answerable to Te Mana Akonga. Manaki Tauira hasn’t left us it has been absorbed into grants to education students to aid the lifting of our skills base at all our schools (something we need)for these kids are our future (this is got to be a positive move). We already have a say in how the WSU spend our money - the students voted in two new Maori student Officers. Unless you are now saying that you can not handle the job. You were voted in as the representative voice of the Maori students - do your job. Maori students are not here for you to use as a political banner. Wananga and hui, we could do with in the space of time however this doesn’t require the WSU to create this option. Tangihanga and travel costs - these were provided before by the group Komiti Awhina - what guarantees do we have this new group won’t misuse funds - I am one student waiting for answers that the Maori

CITIZENS’ ADVICE BUREAU

Who needs an owl?! Dawn recently ordered a plain green sweatshirt from a mail-order catalogue. When it arrived it had a large owl embroidered on the front. What can she do?

Put the money into giving us back Komiti Awhina with proper policies that atleast guarantee tansparency and accoutability. Whilst I share the sentiment in your korero I feel that it falls way short of that which is needed. You should be working towards employment opportunities for those who graduate and keeping SJS/Studylink honest. To end I see the SGM is being used to appoint new exec members once again. Once again a travesty (what has happened to our normal election process) - I would rather have the audit 2006 brought out in the open. This is how all students will get to see how WSU spent our money and if groups who were given money have indeed been accountable. Peace out - this should rattle a couple of cages - ‘Remember it is not always the words that you are remembered for most, it is the deeds that you do for your fellow students’ Kahu Nikora

I’m not a racist, but… Dear nexus, Why are their so many ethnic minorities at this university. I’m not a racist but you know that a lot of people from overseas smell bad and you can really notice it in lectures when there is no air conditioning, some of them small OK but some are really offensive, like the ones from france smell like garlic and the onces from India smell like currie (yum). If they want to come here and study New Zealand tha’ts OK but they should try and have a shower or a bath sometimes so that the people who have more of a right ot be here don’t get put off coming to uni and then fail their degrees because they didn’t come to class because of the smell. Also people with curly hair and dreds. From Sharhys Grogan

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 11am – 2pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way Dawn can return it and get a refund or replacement sweatshirt, minus the owl. Goods must match the description or photograph shown in the catalogue. The company must also cover the cost of the return postage.

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Officers were once part of (KA Working Party). Good to see the feed draw card though. I hope when you record the #s attending that it is correct this time.

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Maybe they can keep this argument going all year! To Mr Safety Bigglesworth, Perhaps the sound of my exhaust deafened you and left you disorientated, for you again seem to miss what I’m trying to say. You make out like I hate any form of locomotion other than driving; I support cyclists and pedestrians and it just so happens I ride my bike to uni quite regularly. But only because I don’t want to

COMICS park my car on the roadside. When I have class early enough that I can get a carpark, of course I’ll drive, because I love driving, I love my car and I love doing burnouts in front of people. All I’m saying is that perhaps the university put a bit of our fees into parking; the gate 2b carpark could be extended, theres certainly room to do so and theres a huge amount of people that would benefit from it (i.e. all the people that can’t get a park!). I will keep driving to uni, because I love it. I hope you come back with a good rebuttal because I’m not writing another lettuce in to combat it; this is old news already. Have a nice day. Burnout King

Because I was high

amount of people who do drugs over here is equal if not larger as in Holland. hard drugs (in Holland heroine and cocaine are used instead of meth and p) are way more often used in New Zealand on a casual basis by non-junkies as in Holland. of course my own experiences may not match the ‘facts’ but i don’t think it is a question of legalisation to be honest. drugs are not appealing to me because i have been educated about them from a young age and always been aware of their effects and consequences, both positive and negative. this concerns the issue of alcohol as well. what use does it have to have a legal drinking age of 18 while there are 13 year olds getting drunk on the streets. keeping children away from things like sex, drugs and alcohol only makes them more appealing. knowledge is power and if New Zealand stops sticking its head in the sand and becomes responsible for their own actions, maybe we can resolve this issue rationally.

Kate Lamoen

The coke wars (that sounds kinda dodgy) have been going on for ages now and it started to piss me off that no one has realised the hypocrisy of the entire situation. no offense to any of the parties involved, i happen to drink coke and i thought the mural was better than a plain wall BUT (and thats a big but in case you didnt notice) the blatant display of product placement is in massive contrast with the demolished coke bottle a hundred meters further on the roundabout in front of the performing arts centre. for all of you who didn’t understand what that was all about, it is a work of art commenting on the imposing world of consumerism that surrounds us everywhere. i saw it in an exhibition with a nice big sign hating on our commercialised society. that explanatory sign seems to have disappeared quite conveniently. i also happened to notice there was quite a large price tag on the coke bottle. this raises a couple questions namely, did the university pay for this piece or is it on loan? the fact that coke sponsors our uni is hardly a well kept secret and wouldnt it be funny if coke has paid for a protest on consumerism? maybe the staff are having secret wars as well, on the one side there is capitalism and on the other communism.

Coke wars on campus

Viva la revolution!

Dear Nexus I would like to clear things up a little bit about the weed situation. I am a dutch girl and know one or two things about weed, simply because i come from an environment where soft drugs such as weed are legal. personally i don’t smoke weed cos of the damage it does to my head, but in Holland and over here i have a large number of pot-smoking friends. from personal experience i can tell you that the

I told you i was pissed off. btw if you ever go to a proper techno party you will laugh the outback in the face. something you should be doing anyway.

Dear Nexus a pissed of law student

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

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ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

FEATURE

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BY VITAMIN C

hances are, you have at some point recently overheard some conversation or argument that essentially revolves around whether the Playstation 3 or X-box 360 is the most gay. Now, I know we are all mature enough to use the word ‘gay’ as a completely meaningless adjective that rates next to ‘dumb’ on the insult severity scale, but it still raises an interesting point, and one that might just be worth a couple of pages: what’s the story with homosexuality in video-gaming? Straight Shooting Sexuality has been around in videogames even longer than programmers have been able to render a convincing erection, but like most mainstream entertainment at the time homosexuality originally stayed firmly in the realm of implication. Pac-man, first released in 1979, was probably one of the first games to have any degree of characterisation; Pac-man was in fact a man, and his sexuality was later established with the introduction of Mrs Pac-man. Most games before this involved controlling vehicles, or playing in first person with no reference to the name, age, or gender of the player. Donkey Kong took things a step up in 1982 where the main character had a defined name (Mario), gender, career, sexual orientation, and even an ethnicity (Its-a me, an Italian-a stereotype!).

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The earliest example of sexual activity in a game to garner any real attention was Custer’s Revenge, released in 1982 on the Atari 2600. The game basically involved using the joystick to get General George A. Custer past a series of obstacles to have sex with a naked American Indian woman tied to a cactus. This attracted the expected outrage, mainly due to the fact that the object of the game was to rape a native. Many people also found that the game-play and the pornographic detail fell short of the mark. While history does not record what those people were actually expecting, the only other erotic games around at the time were just as bad, such as Beat ‘em and Eat ’em, in which the player controlled two naked Swedish girls who had to run around the bottom of a building, catching in their mouths the falling ejaculate from a rather gifted man standing on the roof. Leather Goddesses of WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

FEATURE

1989 at its finest: Dogs Of War – Phallus not included.

1982: Custers Revenge. That poor guy has a 6-pixel dick (count them if you want).

Phobos was released in 1986, and featured the chance to play as a male or a female, which was determined by which restroom you used at the start of the game. The game made the assumption of heterosexuality though, and all sexual encounters in the game were with your opposite gender. Leisure Suit Larry, a series from the mid 80s in which as the main character, a middle aged man, the player must cruise around looking for sex from various women. At one point in the game, if the player chooses to flirt with a heterosexual male, Larry gets killed. Similarly, if an invitation is accepted from a gay character it is game over. The latter is probably the earliest explicit depiction of homosexuality in a videogame. Homosexual references throughout the rest of the 80s were generally comedic, involving what the ever-lovable Governator would call ‘girlie-men’. The odd bit of cross-dressing and effeminacy would crop up now and then, as various comedic relief characters would just generally run around squealing and living up to the heavily stereotyped image of their implied sexual orientation.

Fun for the whole family In the late 80s, Nintendo and Sega emerged as the dominating forces in videogames. While Sega made home consoles as well as arcade machines, Nintendo focused mainly on the home market, and this affected their policies. Nintendo had in place what was known as the Nintendo Code, which was similar to

policies in Hollywood and comic books at the time, and basically prevented sex, drugs, swearing, religion, politics and violence against women from being portrayed. Nintendo were aiming to be the Disney of the videogames market, and while Sega were a little more liberal, homosexuality was a strict no-go. The censorship was only applied outside of Asia, as Japan (where Nintendo is based) has had a generally higher tolerance for homosexuality and the inclusion of incidental homosexual characters went by with little remark. These inclusions and references all had to be censored or removed for release to the west; popular games like Final Fight and the Double Dragon series, which basically involved rampaging through a city filled with bad-guys, had to be subtly edited. Final Fight had a level set in a gay bar changed to be in a ‘normal’ bar, and Double Dragon, which featured a few scantily clad or topless women, had some hastily drawn clothes put in. Oddly enough, the setting for Double Dragon II, in which two brothers must kick untold legions of ass in search of their kidnapped girlfriend, never raised any questions as to the nature of this three-way relationship. Home versions of the game featured the final boss pulling the fingers during the fight, but removed the ending of the game in which, having rescued their hussy, the two players must fight each other to the death with the victor taking the barely dressed spoils. This style of action game was the norm for the time; an oiled-up, muscle-bound character in

a singlet takes on a bunch of goons armed either with a huge gun or his bare-hands, and the homo-eroticism contained within was basically on par with the 80’s action movies of the same kind: Plentiful, yet subconscious.

Hey sugar, want to quartercircle + low punch out back? The early 90s saw a new take on the virtual homosexual; as storylines in games became more developed the need for deeper characterisation arose, and what easier way to set up a creepy character in the 90s than to make them appear gay? Homosexuality was used in various adventure games (which were story-driven) such as the Police Quest series and Rise of the Dragon to shine a negative light on some characters, commonly portraying them as predatory or sinister through their actions and attitudes towards the protagonists. This was consistently a gay male theme as player characters were still predominantly male and because of this, references to lesbians were rare. This usually popped up in games on computers more than the Mega-Drives and Nintendos, as the restrictions were still in place at this time and these more overt references would not make it past the policies. Things, however, were changing. Homosexuals were no longer perverts in trenchcoats. The mid90s saw gay rights becoming an increasingly important topic in politics, and were finally being recognised as being as important as race and gender equality. At the same time,

At one point in the game, if the player chooses to flirt with a heterosexual male, Larry gets killed. Similarly, if an invitation is accepted from a gay character it is game over. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

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FEATURE

A notable example is the PS2 game Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, in which a plot twist results in the main character being a young, effeminate blond rookie instead of the expected gruff, battle-hardened veteran who was more reminiscent of an 80s action hero. the videogames industry agreed to submit to the Entertainment Software Ratings Board for rating the content of games in a similar way to movies. The main effect of this was to take liability for content away from the manufacturers of the hardware, since now consumers had fair warning of what they were purchasing. Nintendo began to relax their policies but were still aiming for the familyfriendly image, while Sega had dropped out of the home market after being eclipsed by the launch of the new Sony Playstation. An important precedent was set in Final Fantasy VII, a game released in 1997 which involved the main character dressing in drag and visiting a gay gym and a brothel in a rescue attempt. This showed that references to homosexuality and cross-dressing were not an obstacle in marketing to the west, and the game has gone on to be cited as one of the most popular of all time. Nintendo, however, did not officially repeal the restriction on references to homosexuality until 1999, and the first gay Nintendo character, a bartending frog, appeared in Banjo-Tooie in 2000.

Maybe just one more Fantasy The new generation of home consoles allowed for much higher quality of graphics and artwork, and as the videogame industry grew and the standards were relaxed, a lot more Japanese games were being received unedited in the west. This resulted in exposure to previously unknown aesthetic and cultural

2002: Final Fantasy X – “and then he said he never loved me in the first place…”

ideas; in particular the concept of bishounen, or beautiful youth. Bishounen is the idea of a young male with a universal beauty that can be appreciated by either sex. The general idea is of a mildly effeminate or androgynous male, one who usually possesses a high level of skill or talent. These kinds of characters lend themselves to antagonistic or protagonistic roles in fiction and as such are a common sight in Japanese videogames. This kind of artwork has caused some debate with western gamers, usually along the lines of “that guy is a total fag lol”. A notable example is the PS2 game Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, in which a plot twist results in the main character being a young, effeminate blond rookie instead of the expected gruff, battle-hardened veteran who was more reminiscent of an 80s action hero. Popular reaction to this was essentially unbridled gay-bashing, despite one of the common complaints being that the new character spent most of his time on the radio arguing with his girlfriend about what day they met. The game does deal with homosexuality though, at one point the player finds out that a character called Vamp wasn’t nicknamed for his bloodsucking habits but rather his bisexuality, and that he was in a relationship with a Marine Commandant (and, later, the Commandant’s daughter). This is not a point of focus however, nor is it presented as a good or bad attribute; rather a passing point of background in the narrative. A follow-up, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (aside from

2001: Metal Gear Solid 2 – Some people thought this guy might be gay.

the rather suggestive name) featured a sadist bisexual villain, as well as various other bisexual references made for comedic purposes.

Here and Now Looking at it now, it would seem that homosexuality in videogames has pretty much paralleled its real-life counter-part, with the possible exception that there are no gay videogame character parades. These days, games like The Sims and Fable allow you to pursue your sexual desires unrestricted, although it should be noted that the Nintendo Gameboy Advance and DS versions of The Sims have omitted any homo or bisexual content. The Temple of Elemental Evil, a role-playing game from 2003 featured a gay pirate who the player could rescue and marry, if they so chose; this too was featured as just another element of the story, as opposed to there being a particular focus on a gay character. The game Bully (Canis Canem Edit outside of the US), which was initially criticised for its theme of schoolyard violence, allows the main character to initiate relations with male or female classmates, including having a good oldfashioned grope in the schoolyard. The latest Legend Of Zelda games feature a grown man in a fairy costume called Tingle, who also claims to love fairies. Even the popular RPG waiKato is widely populated by homosexual characters. So, proof once again that there is peace, harmony, and equality in the world. For now…

Bishounen is the idea of a young male with a universal beauty that can be appreciated by either sex. The general idea is of a mildly effeminate or androgynous male, one who usually possesses a high level of skill or talent. ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

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FEATURE nerves. For example, a non-sufferer would feel nervous whereas an anxiety sufferer would be on the verge of panic; a non-sufferer would feel happy, an anxiety sufferer would be euphoric -- it’s like if you were on drugs or something. Because you’re feeling this everyday it makes you very tired and drains your energy. Often your nerves can give up, so the things you’d feel for, you don’t. You feel a bit empty, so you start to question or doubt how you feel towards people like family, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. and that screws you up quite well. It’s called “emotional fatigue”. Anxiety sufferers have what’s called the “voice of doubt” that’s always saying “what if...” Kind of like always going “No!”? Well, it’s more like “what if”. If it’s always there, you’re always thinking about it. The thing about anxiety is it makes you feel all these things but you don’t know how to control it and don’t know what to do. It gets quite intense.

BY MATT SCHEURICH

group on campus has recently started up to help those who suffer from anxiety to help deal with their experiences. Krysten Vonk, a first year student, began the group – which we’ll use our creative writing skills in naming it the “anxiety support group” - in the hopes that she could help those who suffer by sharing the methods and ways she continues to use in dealing with her own anxiety. Nexus investigates... Nexus: What exactly is anxiety? Krysten: It’s hard to define; it’s really individual but the symptoms are quite similar. I can at least say from my point of view that anxiety is like a fear or tension that is with you all day, everyday, and it makes you really tired and your emotions get really fucked up. You can be extremely happy one minute then totally depressed the next. It also stops you from doing things – for me it was travelling on a bus, because I had a panic attack on a bus and from then on I’d be worried about having another panic attack. I had to go on a bus because of school but I’d worry about what if this happened or what if that happened and I’d build myself up so much and feel anxious. It’s very internal and introverted – it’s really self-obsessed a bit because you’re WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

obsessing over how you feel. I also suffer from asthma, having an asthma attack is my biggest fear so I’m always thinking “can I breathe right?” For some people it might be a heart attack so they stress at any tingle in their left arm. Do you think it’s related to hypochondria? Thinking that you may have something wrong with you because of certain signals, when you’re just kind of blowing it out of proportion? Maybe. I’ve never really thought about it that way. Perhaps it’s more related to the individual and their experiences. The scientific term of anxiety is that it’s a nervous illness – it’s when you suffer from over-sensitive ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

With this Anxiety Support Group, how will you help those who suffer from anxiety? The worst thing about anxiety is that you feel isolated because you can try to explain to others who don’t understand but they can’t really sympathise. With this group I want to help others who suffer, to encourage them to get together and find people they can talk to who will understand them when they’re going through a bad day, and get together and share how they got through their bad days and help others with their experience. What has the response to the letter in Nexus (issue 4) been like so far? It’s been good -- I haven’t had too many people but the ones I have met I think I’ve been able to offer them something helpful. I was helped by someone, I suppose you could say still on my way to recovery, but I still have bad days. The group is good for me too but I’m hoping to pass on what I’ve learnt to get by to others. I wish there were more people but I can understand why. It’s hard for people to say “Yeah, I suffer from anxiety” but in saying that a lot of people can’t give it a name, it’s just how they feel every day. They feel this tension inside that just won’t go away and every time they start thinking about it too much they suffer a panic attack and then get quiet about it. They have this massive thing going on but [generally] they’re embarrassed to talk about it to others. If you’d like to learn more about this group, email Krysten at klmv1@waikato.ac.nz.

Ground floor, Student Union Building, University of Waikato, Gate One, Knighton Road, Hamilton Mon-Fri: 8:30AM – 4:30 PM Phone: 07 856 9139 Fax: 07 856 3161

www.wsu.org.nz

Overview SGM to be Tele-Linked to Tauranga Campus It is important for us that our whanau studying at the Tauranga campus have the opportunity to participate in this meeting, especially since the Tauranga student’s representative position is up for grabs. The SGM is scheduled for Wednesday 23rd May, 1-2pm and will take place in L1 as this is where the magic of video conferencing happens and if you are in Tauranga this will be transmitted to UWTB.G.26. GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Tran gendered) Officer Basically your job is to act as a liaison between students who are involved with ASKEW as well as with students who identify themselves as being gay, bisexual and transgender, and the WSU. You will also be responsible for representing your constituent’s views and their needs to the University as a whole as well as organise and participate in GLBT activities. Because of this, you will need to be motivated, innovative and committed to representing your students and making sure that WSU are aware of any issues that they may face. To do this role, you must have a good understanding of and empathy for the issues of GLBT students and you must be enrolled for B semester study.

EVENT RECAP

Thursdays in Black Launch – 3 May An enthusiastic crowd gathered to see Finance Officer James Greenlees’ blackhaired body waxed as a way of gaining publicity for the Thursdays in Black campaign. Students paid real money to wax James’ bodily parts themselves, or if they were not brave enough, to see others wax James for them. Highlights were the synchronizsed armpit waxings achieved by Andrew Corkill and William Gauntlett; James’ hairy shoulders being waxed by the President and Vice President of the WSU; and James’ flat account paying to see the Womens’ Issues Officer wax James’ butt cheek. Every Thursday, people around the world are invited to wear black as a symbol of strength and courage, representing our solidarity with survivors of violence, demanding a world without rape and

violence. Wearing black on Thursday’s indicates that you are tired of putting up with rape and violence in your community. James’ willingness to be waxed by amateurs in support of this campaign is truly inspirational. If James can go through the pain of getting his body waxed to support the Thursdays in Black campaign – as part of a desire to show that he is tired of putting up with rape and violence in the community - surely we can all search and find items of black clothing in our piles of laundry on the floor on Thursday mornings and wear them to show that we too demand a world without rape and violence.

Ana Moriarty WOMEN’S ISSUES OFFICER womens@wsu.org.nz

International Students Officer This role ensures that international students’ needs and concerns are represented and considered by the WSU and with regards to policy making and all other decisions. You will also be responsible for publicising international students issues through Nexus, notice boards and other media, liaise with working contacts and work with them on international students issues of concern, act as an advocate for international students and organise and participate in international students activities and events. To do this role, you must be enrolled for B semester study. As reported last week, the process will be as follows: Nominations for each position will be called for on the day and all candidates will be given a chance to speak. Ballot papers will then be distributed and collected by WSU staff, and a simple majority will declare the winner. If you have any questions about the SGM please feel free to contact me. Sehai Orgad PRESIDENT - president@wsu.org.nz

Student Events Coming Up MC Stormtroopa

Environment day

FRIDAY 18TH MAY 1-2pm – Village Green The WSU presents a live performance from the galaxy’s sexiest white black man Go to virb.com/mcstormtroopa for a sneak preview

WEDNESDAY 16TH MAY 8.30-10.30 am – Bike to Uni Breakfast 12noon-2pm – Village Green Get yourself a free brekkie, start your own vege garden, and find out how to do your bit for our environment. For more info contact: environment@wsu.org.nz

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

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Kia ora koutou katoa, nga mihi aroha kia a koutou Last Wednesday 9th May, a hui was held with the intention of establishing a Maori Roopu here at Waikato University. In attendance were approximately 40-50 students who showed keen interest in the kaupapa. Fortunately Victor Manawatu, Kaituhono from Te Mana Akonga, was available and present to facilitate the korero and answer any questions that arose. The kaupapa of establishing a Maori Roopu was well received by all and I am pleased to announce that several people have volunteered to form a working committee to bring this concept into fruition. The creation of this working party is a definite positive step toward the formation of a Maori Roopu and we, the Maori Students officers, will endeavour to tautoko them in anyway we can. All our Maori tauira need to be on board this waka, keep a watchful eye in nexus for updates mo tenei kaupapa whakahirahira, for this important issue. No reira I would like to thank my fellow executives for their presence and support at the hui and the volunteer BBQ cookers. Tatiana Hohepa & Elaine Kameta MAORI STUDENTSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; OFFICER maori@wsu.org.nz

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Events Calendar Environment Day: May 16th. Stay tuned for more details. Any questions, email environment@wsu.org.nz Bike to Uni Breakfast: May 16th 8.3010.30am. Bike to uni between this time and get a free breakfast from the main bike stand outside the WSU building. Any questions, email environment@wsu.org.nz SGM: May 23rd 1-2pm in L1. Any questions, email vp@wsu.org.nz NZ Music Month: Every Friday afternoon in May on the Village Green from around 1pm. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz Student ball: Saturday, July 7th. Starts 8pm. Tickets at the WSU Office. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz Re-Orientation 07: July 9 till 15. Stretch now, details coming soonâ&#x20AC;Ś. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

CLUBS

WSU SPOTLIGHT

Christian Clubs

WSU Advocacy Service

For the next few weeks I will be visiting some of the Christian clubs that we have affiliated with the WSU to see if I can be saved. I can already say that I have flicked though the bible once or twice, - as a child I was sent to Marist Primary and I’m still trying to figure who got the worst of that deal. For those who don’t know, and I could be wrong (as I often am), the Bible comes in two parts: the Old Testament (Part 1) and the New Testament (Part 2). Unlike Star Wars which started at episode IV. Anyway, in Part 2 the dude ends up dying and coming back. Sorry if that ruins the end for people who are still reading it. More importantly, I know that I will not be crucified by any of the Christian clubs as thanks to OSH it was discovered that crucifixion can lead to death and is not safe. Glen Delamare SPORT AND RECREATION OFFICER

A spotlight for some may be a search light for others; but here is just a taste of what the WSU does for you. WSU is the first student Union in the world to take advantage of an offer currently only available to trade unions. If you get into WSU reception and fill out a small form, you are covered for a Free $1000 accidental death insurance. For only $1, you qualify for an additional $5000 with guaranteed renew ability. AIL also provide a host of other covers that only you and your family have access to by your being a part of WSU! Advocacy! Feelings of being overwhelmed by it all and feel like you don’t know who to turn to? WSU has an advocate who can help you sort things out or guide you in a helpful direction. WSU, not only thinking of you, thinking of your welfare too.

University Sport New Zealand (USNZ) University Sport in New Zealand has a long and proud history from its beginning in 1902 when the first intervarsity competition occurred, to the present where University Sport New Zealand’s ten members compete regularly across more than 30 sports at national and regional events. USNZ is the national body for University Sport in New Zealand and is responsible for: • Organising Inter-University sporting competitions • Awarding prestigious NZU Blues to the best University sportspeople • Providing international representation opportunities • Assisting with the development of on campus sport, clubs and participation • Organising regional tertiary-wide competitions Why am I informing you about this organisation? As one of the ten members of USNZ it is important that Waikato students are aware of what they do or can do for you. If you would like to find out more about USNZ their e-mail address is www.universitysport.org.nz

Thanks to

BEAUTY WORLD On Thursday the 3rd of May James Greenslees – Finance Officer of the WSU – had his body waxed by amateurs in order to help gain publicity for the Thursdays in Black campaign. James’ patchy and somewhat rashed-up body gained him the sympathy of many around the WSU office. Beauty World answered James’ silent call for help and agreed to give James a full body wax for half price. Mr Greenlees is reported to have noticed several differences between his waxing experience at Beauty World and the one which he had for the Thursdays in Black launch: • There was nice music playing instead of the jeers of his peers • The place smelt a lot nicer • The beauticians were gentle and did not appear to enjoy putting him through pain The full body wax took 3 hours, required two waxists - the lovely Sarah and Erin - and a couple of room changes. Mr Greenlees thanks Beauty World and encourages all students wanting a beauty treatment to give Beauty World a call on 07 8539102 or visit them at 4 Tennyson Road, 5 Crossroads. He is now smooth as a baby’s bottom.

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Notices Accomodation Rooms Available: Just before second semester starts I have 3 rooms available in my flat. This is a one year old townhouse, so all appliances are brand new (including washing machine, fridge freezer, and dishwasher). Flat will be fully furnished except for bedrooms. It is two stories with 2 bedrooms upstairs and two downstairs, with a bathroom both up and downstairs. Located less then a two minute walk to management. Rent is $100 not including expenses. If you are interested give me a text or call on 0273448164 or email me at paris_hodder@hotmail.com female flatmate wanted to live with one friendly 4th yr female; available B semester/end June; off Hillcrest rd; VERY close to uni; carport parking; warm, bright & clean flat; room 2.3m x 3.5m; rent $85 p/w + expenses; ph 856-9585. four bedroom house with 2 bathrooms, nice 3 year old home. walking distance to universtity, short distance to town, all bedrooms are double sized. One double room available. $20.00 a week in expenses for power green waste telephone. Wireless/broadband$6.00 a month on top and tolls also on top of this. Smokers ok, no pets. $100.00 per week available 25th june. Ideal flat mate: professional mate between 21-26. Must be honest, reliable, trustworthy, clean habits and easy to get along with. Own bedroom stuff to be provided all the rest fully furnished. In new sherwood vale subdivision. 3 girls and 2 guys already in house, really easy to get along with and very responsible and trustworthy. Call or text 0274280871 Large sunny room for rent with external entry. Nice, tidy house with good indoor/outdoor living +

fireplace. Good if you like living with people as there is 4 others mix of students and workers. $80 p/week + exp. If you are interested phone 856 2718 or text 021 035 9933 Flatmate wanted. To share with two female students and a working male, all between 21-25 yrs old. Also two dogs, two cats, a rat a guinea pig and a rabbit. Yes our flat is like a small zoo so you must like animals. 73.30$ rent. Off st parking. Ham east.Ph 8561227 a/h or txt 0273188578 House avail. asap in Hillcrest. Ford street boi yuss. 5 rooms, parking, dishwasher, lawns mowed. Mackin’ neighbourhood. 5min to uni. Close enough to smell the new Hilly. $415 rent a week + bond. Refs please 2 take over contract till March. 859 0293 or 027 3285923. Female flatmate. 5brm, modern and exclusive apartment.. $96 weekly plus light expenses. Needed by 18th May. Bond required. Phone 856 2637 or 027 641 3841.

Lost

Services

Somebody stole a heart that belonged to me years ago from Western Springs College in Auckland. Evidentially, most links point to Samuel Mills- a tall, dark and handsome man with a passion for basketball shirts and law. Birth date: Waitangi Day, 1988. Unfortunately, Sam follows in his father’s footsteps, who is also a thief. Police are still trying to retrieve the stars from his eyes. If you see a man matching the name and description, please contact Lucy immediately.

Failed your WOF? Sick of being ripped off at a workshop?... or too tight to pay? I am experienced mechanic who would like to save you money. For more info email mister.fix@hotmail.com.

Meetings and Public Notices

Seeking website geek: I am a computer science student with a fun side-project website idea. If you are knowledgeable in ajax or other means of creating a web based guest book contact Logan lsm12@waikato.ac.nz

Red Cross is the largest impartial humanitarian organisation in the world, it’s non-political, and non-religious. Red Cross works to protect human life, health, and dignity. And now we have a group right here on Campus. Want to learn more about Red Cross? Join us in K.3.10 at 1pm this Wednesday!

Situations Vacant For short film being made in Hamilton: Male, 26-30 years old, wimpy/boyish looks. Experience would be beneficial, although not essential. Please contact Nadine Lee – nl1987@gmail.com

Looking for students/nonstudents between 20-25 years old to participate in a Focus Group on World Poverty. If interested please contact Nikita on new6@ waikato.ac.nz or 0274743296.

For Sale Mazda 323 1984 Auto Hatchback. Great first car! *Very easy to drive. 178 thou k’s. No rust, no mechanical problems. Wires installed for C.D. player, and comes with pioneer speakers. WOF, but rego almost gone. Belonged to old woman for many years. 3 owners. Very well looked after. Selling because I’m driving partner’s car now. 8583367 0272909119 or come in to 164b Old Farm Rd. $1600 NEG PRICE :-) Free: Single bed with matress and storage. Blake - 0274670591 Brown Formica Table, 90cm square with 3 chairs: $50. Phone 848 4475 Single Slat bed + mattress:$ 80. Phone 07 8484475

NOTICES ARE FREE FOR STUDENTS TO ADVERTISE WITH. SEND YOUR NOTICE TO NEXUS@WAIKATO.AC.NZ AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET. SENDING IT BEFORE TUESDAY 5 PM GUARANTEES THE NOTICE WILL HIT THE NEXT WEEK’S ISSUE. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

By NM & JL What is it that makes people want to come to Waikato Uni? What do they want to study? And what are their thoughts on this crazy world we live in? These are some of the questions posed to the future talent of Waikato University, at the open day last Friday. Many visitors were interesting and intelligent, others weren’t. There was a pleasing lack of emos around campus. We caught up with one specimen, and found he’s not coming here next year, so the campus was joyous once again.

Libby, 17, is a Cancer and is also from Tauranga Girls. She’d like to study computer graphic design, and chose Waikato Uni because it’s close to home. This brunette describes herself as a ‘shy ginger’, and likes chocolate and her friend Kate (presumably not at the same time).

Kate, 18, is a Gemini from Tauranga, currently studying at Tauranga Girls. She’d like to study advertising at Waikato because of the good reputation this uni has. Kate likes country guys, going out to Coyotes in Tauranga, and describes herself in three words as ‘blonde’. Her favourite thing in this world is her friend Libby. Kate feels internet network sites are a waste of time, and if she could change one thing in the world it would be to change the fact that emos think they’re cool.

Scott, 16, is an emo from Wamo High. He has no idea what he wants to study, but knows he wants to go to Auckland Uni, so he can be closer to his mum. In three words, Scott describes himself as the ‘coolest guy ever’, and his shoes are his favourite thing in the world. Scott enjoys spending time with friends on Bebo, Myspace, and Vampire Freaks.

Bianca, 16, and Stephana, 17, are local girls from Hillcrest High and are planning on studying performing arts and communications respectively. Describing themselves as ‘exciting, interesting, and sexy’, these two enjoy dancing and going to the Outback (not sure how they get in, but good on ‘em anyway). In very Miss Universe fashion, they would change poverty and have world peace, if they could change anything in the world.

Samantha and Jordan are both 17 and were over from Whangamata. Samantha wants to study nursing at Waikato, and Jordan wants to be a doctor (so has to study elsewhere). Samantha was drawn to Waikato Uni by the nice environment, and these girls both like city guys over country guys. Jordan is ‘cooler than Scott’, and Samantha is ‘cooler than Jordan’. If they could, the thing they’d change in this world is war and poverty. Samantha’s favourite thing is the sun and Jordan likes money.

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

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COLUMNS

BY CHEF CYRIL By Blair

Risotto

A rat can fall from a five story building without injury. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have one million descendants. A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.

1 cup Rice, preferably Arborio 2 cup Chicken Stock Chicken Chopped parsley 2 Tbs Cream

Rats can not vomit, which is why rat poison works.

$1 per person 50c $1 Grow it 50c

First we marvel at the fact that I managed to make everything add up to $3 (not bad for a math major eh?). Chop the chicken into small pieces. The fate of the parsley is similar and by that I mean it will fall under your rusty, blunt knife. If you are using chicken stock powder it’s best you make it now, so all hell doesn’t break loose later… cause hell resembles burnt rice. Now cook the chicken - just brown it, you want it to still be juicy inside. After that, take the chicken out, but keep the oil in the pan.

25% of all fires of ‘unknown origin’ are caused by rats. Rats destroy an estimated 33% of the world’s food supply each year. A rodent’s teeth never stop growing. They are worn down by the animal’s constant gnawing on bark, leaves and electrical wiring. Rats can, and do, eat birds, fish and other small animals.

Next throw the rice straight into the pan and mix it around so it gets all oily. Oily like two wrestling midgets. Cook it for two minutes. If you are cooking for someone else, give them just what is there now… continue with yours, say you’re making it kosher. Now this is the part where this stuff gets ruined, so don’t be like my Mexican maid but pay attention.

The province of Alberta in Canada has been completely free of rats since 1905.

Turn down the heat. Add one cup of the stock to the pan, mix it into a delicious mush. When it is absorbed add the other cup. Continue with all the stock. It normally takes about 5 minutes per cup, or 15 minutes all up.

In ancient Greece mice were sacred to Apollo and were sometimes devoured by priests in ceremonies.

When you’ve done all this, throw in the parsley, the cream and the chicken. Mix it all around. Now you’re done. That was as easy as my ex, and surprisingly less sticky.

In Cleveland, USA, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. Walt Disney was afraid of mice. A Great International Mouse Singing Competition was held in March 1937 in London, with five contestants (Minnie, three Mickeys, Toronto Tornado and Chrissie). There have also been reports of singing rats, but no competitions. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Today we will make Risotto. For those who aren’t in the know, like me, Risotto is a big pile of sticky rice. It is also kinda yellow and lumpy. I’ll start by telling you the basics of the whole risotto deal and then we’ll finish off with how to make it better. For a simple no frills Risotto you will need:

So now that we’ve clocked the risotto level, let’s move onto the bonus round. I hear in this one you can unlock the Tomb Raider nude patch… or my nude patch (ask editor for my details). So, first thing you can do is add bacon to the chicken. You can fry onions in the oil after the chicken, before adding the rice. In the last step you can also add Parmesan. In the spring you can add asparagus, because it will be in season. Otherwise, you can use seafood (octopus, calamari, shrimp) and use fish stock. For extra points (and that aforementioned nude patch) you can use you own stock… ya know, made from your flesh, you freak!

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

For long time I have been good ninja but you can be ninja too. Play Ninja Gaiden Sigma on PS4! F

M I

O M

R M

M M

N O

Only skilful ninja can complete this! Are you ninja? will draw

PACMAN PHALLUS SEGA SEXUALITY STEREOTYPES VIRTUAL

You draw line through all boxes and not go in box with ur drawn line in it

GIRLIEMEN GROPING HOMOEROTIC HOT LARRY NINTENDO

peace

ATARI BUFF CENSORSHIP DILDO GAMEBOY GAMING

Sudoku is warming

you picture

Be first with crossword finish to Nexus and win dvd rental from Auteur House (555 Victoria St)! So good to see! Write yor name below

if you

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

complete!

Ninja name: Ninja email: Tick you like Ninja Dookie: Yes Of course I like world! Yeh! Na! I would like to hear your voice and words to tell me info. Send your right comment to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

START/FINISH BOUNCE REFLECT TELEPORT

CANNOT GO BACK THRU block UNLESS REFLECT!

FOLLOW ARROW!

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COLUMNS

By Candice Bottomsworth

Text and the City

It seems to me that New Zealand is a country built on the quite modern idea of private land ownership. The Fatherland had only arrived at this system after millennia of variations on the tribal and feudal theme. But in New Zealand, due to its very short history, only the most recent arrangement of property rights has been able to make its mark on the countryside.

Hey kiddies! Chck nd Bnjo r hre 2 tlk bout txt mssgng nd tha dtrimntl fx it hs on mdrn sct…soc…wow, it’s really hard to abbreviate the word “society”. Text messaging has swept the world ever since its inception in 1986 when God decided to invent cellular telephones. Text messaging only came into vogue after it appeared in an episode of Dawson’s Creek when the ever-whining Joey Potter, played by Katie Holmes, decided to save her breath and text her whining, bitchy spiel to her boyfriend, her sister, and a small Guatemalan town (the technology wasn’t terribly advanced back then). Texting caught on like wildfire as scores of kids attempted to imitate Katie Holmes and text message each other.

It follows that while the British political party that represents the interests of the well-off is drawn from a cross-section of people, from peers to entrepreneurs, the equivalent party in New Zealand represents one main constituency: the farmer. The National Party is a most curious beast. On the one hand, it represents the interests of capital, and as we all know, the interests of capital are opposed to any ethical or normative meddling save that which ‘the market’ can provide. On the other hand, as the farmers’ party, it represents the interests of the most socially and morally conservative, parochial and closed-minded group of people in the Western world. The Kiwi farmer loves nothing more than to let his three-year old be crushed to death by the quadbike while paying his labourers youth rates until they are retirement age, shooting any Maori’s that stray onto his land and making sure his wife works twice as hard as he does without ever buying her anything nice for her six-monthly trip into what they euphemistically call ‘town’. In other words, gentle reader, the Kiwi farmer is an oaf and a simpleton. The free marketeer, by contrast, is a noble creature; a strong, capable, fearless person who braves the unpredictable seas of international finance and local opportunity – a veritable Nietzschean paragon of post-humanity. He is kind to little children and would never dream of letting his wife wear polar fleece. He is also a sex god. Next week we shall explore this conflict that so completely permeates the National Party. I will also clear up those pesky rumours regarding Murray McCully, two bottles of Jack Daniels and a Great Dane named Jezebel.

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The downside was that none of them had cellphones to text from; thus, beginning the Great Cell War of 1998 which lasted exactly three months. Much blood was spilt as people fought over cellphones worldwide. A lot of the blame was attributed to Katie Holmes who was quoted in an interview as saying “Blah blah teenage role model blah.” A small group of people from Nokia Finland calling themselves the “Special Mobile Squadron” made a successful attempt at reining in the warring peoples and united them. These brave individuals were commemorated by having the message service named after them; SMS. Since then, the popularity of texting has grown exponentially. Everyone was letting their fingers do the talking as text messaging became the norm. But, as Chuck will attest to, it bodes for a grim future. Before he went to Holland, his plane crashed on an island that mysteriously had a hatch which propelled him 68 years into the future. When questioning people about his whereabouts, they told him that he was in the Mega-City of Nokia; just 3 kilometres from SonyEricsson Mega-City. Well, they didn’t tell him, per se. They texted it into his mind. In 2022, Nokia created a mega-corporation which also dabbled in genetic engineering. Upon doing this, they began to implant text message devices into people’s hands and everyone essentially became walking cellphones. This began to spread worldwide, until the great-great-great-grandchildren of the original SMS group rose up and…this article is getting a tad out of hand. Next time you want to text someone who is sitting in front of you, just talk to them. Really, some people need it spelt out for them.

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COLUMNS

By Jed Laundry I used to laugh at you. Throughout my high school days, I’d constantly hear things like “I have Sasser, so now I have to delete XP” and “We have two phone lines so that we can have two computers on the internet at the same time” and “Java and Flash are the same thing”. While just about every other CS student will roll on the floor laughing, I’ve stopped, because I’ve realised that the problem holding back the computer industry is you, the undereducated consumer. Most people don’t realise that a decent firewall is much more important than any virus scanner. Or that even with dialup it’s quite easy to get 10 or more computers on the internet. Oh, and Java and Flash are nowhere near the same thing.

There are two main problems in today’s consumer technology saga: those who can’t learn and those who don’t want to learn. People in the former category are generally 40+ year olds who find it easier to get their kids to do things for them (hi Mum and Dad!) instead of taking notes and regular revision. People in the latter category create the bulk of the population. These are the people who will learn things simply to fit in with everyone else; the MySpace-based “website designers”, the YouTube-based “video producers”, the type-random-words-into-Google-based “researchers”. There’s nothing wrong with being in this category, it’s right on the verge of knowing how to do stuff, but unfortunately the buck stops once things start getting complicated. You’ve already demonstrated your ability to learn, but for some reason there’s a

Vitalisa

By Isa

Anxiety You feel tension building in your chest, your heart rate accelerates, you realise you have been holding your breath and consequently begin to hyperventilate. Infinite possibilities spin through your head, each more daunting than the last - you can’t win, and you can’t escape. STOP. Take a deep breath, relax. That’s better. Anxiety is defined by the modern deity, Wikipedia, as an unpleasant state that involves a complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, and worry. Anxiety can be provoked by social situations, deadlines or other uncomfortable things. It can also seem to appear spontaneously and for no good reason. According to psychologists, there is always a thought which instigates the cycle of anxiety although it may be unconscious.

Posture can play a part in exacerbating anxiety so pull your shoulders back and relax your arms, keep your head held high and your spine straight. This will take the pressure off your chest and stop it feeling constricted Vitamins such as B complex, B1 (thiamine), B3, B6 and B12 are all important for the production of neurotransmitters. Thiamine is particularly important for those prone to panic. A daily B vitamin supplement can be an effective ally against anxiety - good multi vitamins should already contain sufficient amounts. Minerals like calcium are important. Calcium is a muscle relaxant which helps bring in the calm during anxious periods. Magnesium also assists in muscle relaxation and works in partnership with calcium. Herbs such as passionflower, valerian, kava and camomile can also help the body and mind relax. If the wishy-washy pretty smelling teas from the supermarket aren’t ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

wall stopping you from diving into learning other simple things, like how to run regular backups or reinstall Windows when it keeps crashing. Here’s a secret from us geeks: a lot of the time, we have no idea what’s going wrong or how to use something. What we do have is an ability to find the information we need, and then apply it to a situation. It’s nothing that most people don’t already do in their daily lives, the only difference is that we can do it on a computer. I accept that not everyone is technology minded. But when the majority of people can’t even format proper searches, you know there’s a problem. But hey, I’m not complaining. I charge $30 per hour for callouts.

helping, see a qualified herbal practitioner. Exercise that is relaxing and focussed such as yoga or tai chi can help to centre and calm the mind and body simultaneously. If you’d rather lie down, try acupuncture, massage or see an osteopath Aromatherapy is also notable as anxiety relief. Essential oils can be rubbed onto points on the body or added to baths, massage oil or oil burners. For anxiety, try: bergamot, geranium, lavender, lemon balm, neroli, rose, sandalwood. Note: some essential oils are very strong and may burn the skin; it is advisable to dilute them with olive oil, almond oil or other base oils. Essentially, distraction is a great method for countering anxiety. Like many other conditions that the human body finds itself in, a placebo is amazingly effective in treatment and/or cure so do what ever you need to do to convince yourself you are calm, relaxed and in control.

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COLUMNS

By Burton C Bogan

The Education Library has a large collection of children’s fiction and picture books. The area next to them has couches and oversized cushions making it ideal for those wanting an environment where your children or younger siblings can curl up with a favourite book while you crank out those assignments (or for those wanting a quick nap between lectures). However, there is no reason why only children should partake in these books.

Tattoos I’m not talking about that short guy from Fantasy Island who shot himself with a shotgun. Nor am I talking about those Russian “lesbians”. I’m talking about the practice of carving one’s identity into the skin. Tattooing is the most established form of non-mainstream body art in the West (Pitts, 2003). Everything from band logos, tribal art, loved ones names to Disney art (shudder) can and has been tattooed on various parts of the body. I remember the movie Doom Generation (a shit movie by the way) where the guy has Jesus tattooed on his penis so that girls can “Say they’ve had God inside them”. Another pop-culture reference is the woman in prison on The Simpsons who has the MAD magazine fold-in tattooed on her back. There are several cool studies conducted on the art of tattooing from a range of cultural perspectives. But because this is a Bogan column, I’ll talk a bit more about that side. While tattooing is also about identity and self expression, the body can also be another site of resistance. “The stigmatization of the tattoo allowed for it to become a mark of disaffection for groups who sought to stage symbolic rebellion and create a sub-cultural style, and, eventually, to create personal and political body art” (Pitts, 2003: 5). People exhibiting tattoos do so, in part, to express social disaffection, membership to alternative communities, and to exercise some control over their bodies and felt identities. Yes this is cut and paste out of a psychology journal that I co-wrote a paper for. Sorry. What it means is that “coloured-folk”, as Paul Martin puts it so eloquently, can have tattoos for a variety of reasons. In part it’s about identifying with the Metal community, in others it’s about self-expression, to show others that tattooed people are alternative to mainstream, and also to show support for bands. I was talking to a guy in the weekend that had awesome tattoos of Dimebag (RIP), Lemmy, Iron Maiden, Zakk Wylde and Sinate. To me, tattoos are awesome. Girls with tattoos and piercings are awesome. My girlfriend has two. I’m one of those people who toys with the idea of a tattoo but will probably never get around to it. I’ve got some pretty cool scars that I feel partly expresses who I am and what I’m about so that might be enough for me now. But who knows? Stay Bogan…no matter what people tell you \m/

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It can often be a joy to re-read treasured childhood stories. Not only can it revive childhood memories, often deeper layers of a story can be revealed that remained veiled to a child’s mind. For example, the layers of philosophical meaning in Alice in Wonderland. Authors have also used children’s books as a means to convey important critiques of society. This can be clearly seen in Hans Christian Andersen’s The Emperor’s New Clothes. We could certainly use more people in our society with the courage to speak out against ideological conformity like the child in Andersen’s story. Sometimes these critiques have hit too close to home for the powers that be, as was the case with Dr. Seuss’s Lorax and its critique of the devastation caused by capitalist industrialism, which saw it banned in parts of America. Tales for children have also traditionally been a means for cultures to pass on values. Aesop’s fables are a good example of this, having been a source of moral lessons since at least 300 years before the birth of Christ. Although, these are far from the oldest children’s tales we hold. Lugalbanda is a tale from Ancient Sumer (modern day Iraq) at least 5000 years old, yet still capable of enthralling minds today as it would have wide eyed Sumerian youths all those millennia ago. The Arabian Nights and the stories collected by the Brothers Grimm have also been perennial favourites. However, if you track down the unexpurgated versions of these you may reconsider their applicability for young minds; the original Grimm tales living up to their collators name and serving up a smorgasbord of salacious slaughter and the Arabian Nights providing lashings of lasciviousness. Comparing these tales with a modern children’s book like Everybody Poos can certainly cause one to call into question our so-called ‘progress’ as a society. However, we should not be misled by such scatological literature as there is much modern fare of higher quality. Neil Gaiman, better known for his Sandman graphic novels, has penned some particularly fine tales. And even great authors such as Hemingway have produced tales for the young. Obviously, there are far too many children’s books currently being published to name all the quality ones here so feel free to grab a cushion or couch, find something of interest and re-enter that magical realm that we tend to forget as we grow older, much to our (and society’s) detriment.

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COLUMNS

Steve writes: “Besides solid evidence that they put out, what are the possible advantages of dating single mothers? You must be totally whacked out of your melon to be suggesting that single mothers are a viable long term dating option. Surely you are aware of the drastically increased stress levels, the additional financial burden; in short, the total reduction of freedom.” Good to see that we are not reinforcing any horny, selfish male stereotypes here, Steve; some respectable points nonetheless. Children and stress are pretty much synonymous, everyone knows that. If you have spent any reasonable amount of time with kids, you’d also realise that such stress is heavily outweighed by more gratifying times. A naïve outlook on life, for example, is the source of much entertainment. I was shopping at ‘Pak ‘n Save’ a few days ago. In front of me at the checkout counter was a leather clad gentleman of ample proportions. His dreadlocks and ruffled appearance suggested

By Joseph Ross Over the next four months, the three remaining tennis Grand Slams will be played. The world’s top players will be involved in intense clashes as they fight out the major titles of the 2007 calendar. The French Open, or Roland Garros, will be played from May 27 to June 10 on clay courts. Rafael Nadal, of Spain, will be trying to win his 3rd consecutive Roland Garros title, having not been beaten on any clay court for over two years. The only other player to win threeon-the-trot in Roland Garros is Bjorn Borg, of Sweden, who actually extended his run to four titles from 1978-81. Last year’s women’s single champ was Justine Henin-Hardene. Few people predicted former number-one ranked Serena Williams’s comeback from an injury which saw her miss most of the

that he had most likely been avoiding local authorities for some time. So did the potent smell of marijuana. The various patches on his jacket and tattoos on his trunk-like arms were indicative of a character I’d typically like to avoid. Mid way through this thought, Emily (all of four years old) who was with me at the time, loudly enquires “Why does the funny smelling fat man in front of us have long hair like a girl?” Stressing, yes, a little bit; but in retrospect, much more entertaining. As far as the financial side of things go, until things get fairly serious I’d say the degree of ‘burden’ is totally dictated by you. Everyone was getting along just fine before you rolled around. In fact, most single mothers I know would find it rather offensive if someone showed up with an in-your-face Lone Ranger ‘I’m here to save everyone’ routine. If you feel like contributing to the financial side of things that’s cool, but it is not something that is mandatory, or initially recommended in significant proportions.

2006 itinerary. She defied all odds to win the Australian Open in January after her ranking had slipped down to 99th. For the record, she has improved her ranking to 11th. Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, has recently announced her retirement from the ATP Tour at the age of just 23 ahead of her wedding in July. The 2005 Australian Open champion, and 2007 beaten semifinalist, said that recent struggles with injury had taken their toll. Clijsters won a total of 34 singles titles and retired ranked 4th. Wimbledon is from June 25 to 8 July, meaning that there is a gap of only two weeks between these two Grand Slams. Last year, Roger Federer won the Mens Singles title whereas Amelie Mauresmo won her second Grand Slam of the year after winning the 2006 Australian Open. Mauresmo is renowned for a powerful backhand, and her success in coming forward to the net. She was ranked number 1 in 2004 and has won 24 Career Titles but just the two Grand Slams. ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

Steve, think of ‘reduction of freedom’ more as a personal social experiment. As a male, you have the luxury of dating single mothers, and trialling life with children. You may find yourself buying a lifetime supply of condoms and having a vasectomy after a few days or so, in which case children are obviously not your scene. At the other extreme, you might consider adding one or two of your own to the family. There are plenty of more legitimate reasons to date single mothers too. For example, they have different priorities to the usual women we all tend to go out with. Family is the primary focus, so expensive flashy outings are not always expected. You genuinely earn more points through substance as opposed to giant price tags. Single mothers typically don’t have much time to kill through dating, meaningless flings and so on. For any single guys looking for a long term relationship, this is close to ideal. Having said that, there are plenty of single mother’s who have come to the conclusion that men are only good for satisfying certain biological urges and not much else. As with all things, find out exactly what you are getting yourself into before getting too carried away. Questions, comments, abuse? Direct them all to tundrashepherd@hotmail.com

Following Wimbledon comes the US Open at Flushing Meadows. This will be played from August 25 to September 10. In 2006, Maria Sharapova won her second Grand Slam at Flushing Meadows, and Roger Federer was the men’s champion. Federer has won 10 Grand Slams out of 31 he has played in and has won in excess of $30 million (US) in prize money. He joined the professional tour in July 1998 aged 16 and his first title came in early 2001. He has maintained a number 1 ranking since February 2004, (39 months) which is a record.

Top Five WTA Rankings as of May 6, 2007 Men 1. Roger Federer 2. Rafael Nadal 3. Andy Roddick 4. Nikolay Davydenko 5. Fernando Gonzales

(Switzerland) (Spain) (USA) (Russia) (Chile)

Women 1. Justine Henin-Hardene 2. Maria Sharapova 3. Amelie Mauresmo 4. Svetlana Kuznetsova 5. Martina Hingis

(Belgium) (Russia) (France) (Russia) (Switzerland)

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COLUMNS

By Vitamin C

Dear Agony Art

I’m back again this week, and I truly hope you survived being left in the hands of the one and only Flash Medallion. This week I will discuss the finer points of party forming; it seems that there is quite a lack of knowledge about this going by the examples I’ve been seeing lately.

I want to fuck one of my friends. Will it wreck our friendship?

First you will need the party members themselves. Hopefully you will have a few friends that…well, exist. For efficient partying you really want a mix of class-types, but practically it’s much easier to hang out with people who are like you; this is why you see party after party of Management and Coms students all hovering around bonking into each other. Here’s a nice set of ratios I prepared earlier:

Dear Afrika

Coms students (4 parts) Mainly to give the party eye-candy (EC) points, and lower the sausage rating at the same time. Having the right EC to Sausage ratio is important, too high and the party will be slowed down by the constant need to rebuff various make-up and perfume spells, too low and the overwhelming testosterone will start sending your alpha-males into berserk status; worst case scenarios include added confusion status, which can cause uncontrolled buffing of the sausage.

Afrika

Have you paid any attention to any of the columns I have ever had published in this magazine? Of course it’ll wreck your friendship. You’ll never see that person in the same light again, your conversations will never return to their pre-fuck level and you will probably want to fuck them again. Sex wrecks everything! Relationships are awesome, until sex comes along. You get a bit from your partner, then you start wondering what’d it’d be like with other partners, with your partner’s mother, with their father. Sex wrecks! Just stay at home, by yourself, and keep away from the disgusting world of fucky-fucky. You life will be fine and your friendships will remain intact. Agony Art

Black Mage (1 part) You only want a few black mages interspersed in the crowd. Keep them apart so they aren’t all targeted at once, and have them cast the appropriate elemental magic on attacking foes. One of the Black Mages should be equipped with the Dragon Sceptre, in case a high-level attacker has attacks that can ignore their vitality stats. Engineer/Law (2 parts) These two character classes are grouped together primarily because you just can’t have too much ego in one party, but also because they serve similar functions. They are best used for soaking up most of the damage taken to the party. It’s okay, Really - they are used to waking up in a strange place wearing half of last nights outfit. A Lawyer/Engineer tag-team duo is able to either charm or bludgeon their way through any opposition, and this perennial favourite combination has made for some very interesting stories the morning after some partying. Feel free to mix and match of course, it’s all a matter of taste, or how well you are able to put up with (Applied) Linguistics Majors. Next week will cover making the most of equipment for your party, as well as use of recovery items.

Dear Agony Art I caught my girlfriend in bed with my flatmate. They were having sexual relations. She dumped me and now they live together in the same house as me. What should I do? Itchy Trigger Finger Dear Itchy Trigger Finger Your pseudonym bugs me greatly. Are you aware of the punishment for murder in this country? It’s sweet fuck all! A life sentence in this country is 15 years max. Hell, at that price, why not ice two people! You’ll be out before you’re middle aged! If you behave, you can get out in seven years. A lot of people in New Zealand find our prison sentences to be piss-poor, but have they ever wanted to kill someone? I bet they haven’t. So, at the end of the day, you can kill someone, provided you are willing to go to jail. Then you go to jail for 15 years (remember, that’s the maximum you’ll serve) and come out again, rehabilitated and having paid your debt to society for your crime. No one can complain about that, can they? Agony Art Email your Agony Art questions to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

Gotcha!

Sci/Tech (3 parts) Someone needs to be putting their Ferment skills to good use, as well as their passive skillsets like Audio Maintenance. It will be their job to work out how to operate the various equipment you obtain for the party (more on rare item drops next week).

How do you class your music? It’s rap and hip hop based, but as an umbrella term I’d say it’s ‘nerdcore’. Nerdcore is all about rap and hip hop songs written about nerd stuff; subjects can range from mathematics and science to pop culture stuff like comics, movies and video games. Another thing about Nerdcore is that songs are usually available for free, although there is the option to buy the albums to support the artists. I generally try to not make any money off what I do as I’m sure there are licensing issues and all that. I’m just a fan making songs about a movie franchise I love, and also hoping to make people laugh too. What inspired you to start doing this? Well, I guess I’ve enjoyed rap and hip hop, even though I wasn’t always quite aware of it. I grew up with 80s cartoons and movies with rap theme songs, and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is another huge influence. Will Smith is like a big brother to me. About 4-5 years ago I saw a flash animated music video for a song called “Star Wars Gangsta Rap” by a group called Bentframe. It was really funny and they had some other funny Star Wars themed songs. Then I saw this other flash animated music video for a song called “Super Mario Twins” by a group called Group X that was freakin’ hilarious, then I found a song called “Fett’s Vette” by MC Chris and that was awesome. But what really got me going was a friend of mine did this freestyle thing and it sounded pretty cool, so I had a go at writing a song and composing a beat and that ended up being The Chewie Rap. A rap about Chewbacca? Precisely.

MC Stormtroopa is a strange blip on the New Zealand music scene. One part parody, one part comedy, one part satirical commentary, other parts just too funky to mention. If you haven’t guessed it from the name, he is a hip hop act that performs songs about Star Wars. Nexus checks in with the ‘troopsta. Nexus: So... Star Wars hip hop. What’s that all about? MC Stormtroopa: Y’know, just spreading the Empire Pride. It’s what I’m about. But seriously, I just like Star Wars. I’ve always liked drumming and making beats and wanted to try my hand at the vocal aspect of it as well. I’m not from a run-down neighbourhood so I can’t really rap about being hated on by the Government and cops, and I like Star Wars so I figured I could easily come up with some Star Wars themed lyrics and songs.

What other kinds of things in the Star Wars universe do you sing about? I’ve got songs about things like how awesome the Empire is and how lame the Rebels and Jedi are; I’m all about the Empire Pride. I’ve also got a song about seducing Padme – that’s my slow jam for all the ladies, which gets ‘em all hot and steamy for me. I’ve also got a song about Darth Vader that seems pretty popular with everyone that’s heard it. How do the lyrics go? Well, the chorus part of “Lord Vader” I’m quite pleased with as it’s quite catchy. “Yeah, Lord Vader, You are the greatest player / Fucking up all the rebel shit, you so bad you ain’t never gonna quit / Oh yeah, Lord Vader, dealing to all of the haters / Teach me some of your mind tricks, so I can get me some sexy chicks” Genius. So how much of a Star Wars fan are you really? ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

I’ve seen episodes 4, 5 and 6 about a million times each. I’ve also got a bunch of toys, I’ve played a lot of the computer and video games, read comics and tried to hone my force ability. I haven’t gotten into reading the novels yet but that’ll probably happen some time soon. What did you think of the new Star Wars films? I think George Lucas was drunk on making money off them, rather than staying true to the feel of the original movies. I understand he had stuff that he wanted to do for his vision, fair enough (even though Han shot first), but the new movies were abominable and I don’t touch the re-mastered versions of the originals. The Clone Wars animated series is quite good though, and I’m looking forward to the Star Wars TV series that’s supposedly in development. Your music is quite varied in terms of the styles. You’ve got some funky beats, some straight beats, and you’ve got some synthy stuff and some grimey stuff. Yeah, I like a lot of different types of music. I also try to parody different rap/hip hop styles and artists so you can probably pick out the influences of each track when you hear them. We saw some pictures of you playing at Camp A Low Hum and also when you supported The Vacants on their album release tour. How’d they go? Camp A Low Hum was awesome and it was also my first gig ever. I remember one night doing an impromptu gig in one of the cabins and since there was no mic I just sang into a road cone. The Vacants album release was really fun too. We played Auckland, Hamilton and Wellington. Sam and Adam from Mole Music were really supportive of the ‘troopsta as they invited me to come along on tour, and they also were keen to get involved dressing up as Darth Vader and Chewbacca and dancing on stage with me. They’re my dawgs fo’ life. Any upcoming MC Stormtroopa events and releases that we should know about? This Friday at the Village greens I’ll be playing a 30 minute or so set. Also, 26th May at Ward Lane is the third annual Hamilton Circle Jerk which will be heaps of fun for bands and gig goers alike. I’ve also been chatting to some people about the possibility of doing a music video, so any hot girls out there who look sexy and can dance should get in contact with me at flyjediguy@gmail.com. MC Stormtroopa will be rapping your face off at 1 PM Friday, 18th of May. If you can’t wait, have a listen to the full length EP Dark Side of the Death Star at www.virb.com/mcstormtroopa. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Citric

REVIEW

By Captain Ahab

Rumours

I hear that... • The members of Sora Shima have been squabbling publically on a well-known internet message board. • A local Christian singer-song writer is a prolific swinger, and may or may not be behind the “Christian Swingers” ads appearing in local student media. • A member of a Hamilton pop band is actually gay, and didn’t just take those photos “as a joke” when he was “really drunk”, and his band mates might be shocked. • The self-described “awesome/party/dance” band The Oversights has still not played a show. • A member of a Hamilton “country-indiepunk-garage” band may have got a renowned Hamilton ukelelist pregnant. • Electro-Acoustic guitars and Sublime covers are “in” this season. • Every chemist in Hamilton may or may not have sold out of ear plugs as a result. • The last one is a lie. There are not enough earplugs in the universe for that shit. • Noise cancelling headphones are a sensible investment. • MC Stormtroopa may be embattled in a feud with hack journalists who insist on spelling his name with an ‘e’. • A member of a local hardcore band may or may not want sometimes to “just fuck a guy”.

Sora Shima Ward Lane 27th April

Photos by Petra JanE

The Locust New Erections Reviewed by Matt Scheurich Once again The Locust have produced a work of blood-curdling noise punk, but this time they’ve tweaked their usual raw 1-minute-song style by having slightly longer songs (1 and a half to 2 minutes on average). New Erections includes some deeper sounds, reminiscent of Doom, and while still keeping the fast paced vocals it also slows down to a more restrained chant in parts, complete with soundscapes. Steeped in political commentary and disgust towards mainstream established norms, the lyrics are still what you’d expect from The Locust. Song titles range from the verbose such as We have reached an official verdict: nobody gives a shit and The unwilling... Led by the unqualified... Doing the unnecessary... For the ungrateful to short-but-sweet song names like Full frontal obscurity and Book of Bot (which, ironically, is 4 and a half minutes long). While I like the new deeper additions to the sound, nothing has really quite grabbed my attention on the album, aside from the first track Aotkpta. The tracks all sound quite similar so there’s not much distinction between them. The album is not “bad” per se, I just wasn’t wowed by it as I have been with their previous releases.

REVIEW

Manic Street Preachers Send away the Tigers Reviewed by Captain AHAB The Manic Street Preachers are one of those bands who always should have been bigger than they were. They have a back catalogue of fantastic albums stretching back to the early nineties. Then in 2004 they released Lifeblood, a musical abortion of Daisy Chain Halo proportions. With their new album, Send Away the Tigers, they have tried to woo back fans alienated by their overblown Lifeblood sound by producing... an album that sounds almost exactly the same! Everything is still drenched in “big” synth strings. That said, the very tight Guns’N’Roses-style guitar work of old is back, which is definitely works in its favour. The songs are catchy and melodic, but lack some of the intellectualism that made previous releases truly brilliant. The album is pretty much redeemed solely by Your Love Alone is Not Enough, a duet with Nina Persson of the Cardigans. Other than that, it has the soaring James Dean Bradfield falsetto, the fake strings and the jarring guitar lines we’ve come to expect from latter-days Manics records. I’m putting it on my take-it-or-leave-it pile. It’s definitely not party music, but if you find yourself drinking alone, this might be the album for you.

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store 07 839 4435 PHONE

CORNER OF WARD AND VICTORIA ST , HAMILTON WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

REVIEWS

Books Labyrinth Kate Mosse

Moving Mountains Claire Bertschinger

Reviewed by Brie Jessen

Released in New Zealand in early 2006, Labyrinth is one of those great books that you just have to read at some point. Although it did not quite manage to make it on to my favourite books list, it’s a great read and certainly one of those books that is really easy to re-read.

Moving Mountains tells the true story of hurt, pain, suffering, loss, disease, starvation and hope. It is hope that ties these themes together, and for Claire Bertschinger, it is hope that got her through. Working as a nurse for the International Red Cross, she has born witness to some of the most horrifying scenes, and travelled to some of the most dangerous places on the planet.

The book is based in Carcassonne, a beautiful region in the South of France. It begins in the present day when Alice Tanner, a volunteer on an archaeological dig in the mountains near Carcassonne, comes across two skeletons in a tomb. By stepping in to the tomb, she starts a chain of events with terrifying consequences. Running parallel to the story of Alice Tanner is that of Alaïs. In 1209 Alaïs, a young girl living in Carcassonne, is given a book which is said to hold the secret of the legendary Grail. Though Alaïs cannot understand what is written in the book, she comes to realise that it is her fate, and obligation, to protect the book, the secret of the Grail, and the mystery of the Labyrinth. As the two stories progress, the links between the story playing out in 2005 and the one in 1209 become clearer. Although Alaïs cannot understand what is written in the book, she comes to realise that it is her fate, and obligation, to protect the book, the secret of the Grail, and the mystery of the Labyrinth. Meanwhile Alice is led to the realisation that her fate is tied up with Alaïs’s, and with the fate of the Cathars, a mysterious spiritual group who lived 800 years prior.

In 1985 Claire appeared on TV around the world; the news clip showed her having to choose which children out of thousands who were starving to accept into a feeding programme. While Claire didn’t think twice about having been filmed, she had a huge impact on thousands back at home in the UK. It was this small news clip that inspired Live Aid. For many years she had been haunted by the choices she had to make at the feeding station in Ethiopia, haunted by the thought that she had sent some children to certain death. It wasn’t until 2005, twenty years later that she felt that was able to return, this memorable experience is one of only many in Moving Mountains. Moving Mountains will break your heart, it is the sweetest, most beautiful and moving account of a life spent helping others. It is well written, an amazing feat in itself given that the author is dyslexic. This book is incredibly truthful, and I’d be lying if I said it was easy to read. It was impossible to put down, certainly, but some of the stories she has to tell and experiences she has been through are just so horrific and very hard to read. A book doesn’t often move me to tears, but at points this one certainly did.

Before you write this book off as another Da Vinci Code, don’t; it’s not. This book is beautifully written, with an incredibly unpredictable plot, and more than a few twists thrown in along the way. The author, Kate Mosse, is the co-founder of the prestigious Orange Prize for Fiction and in 2000 was named European Woman of Achievement for her contribution to the arts. If this isn’t proof enough that she is a great author, then I’m not sure what is. I would recommend this book to anyone with an interest in contemporary fiction, alternative-historical fiction, or anyone after a good (thick) book to sink your figurative teeth into. Labyrinth is definitely worth checking out; it puts the Da Vinci code to shame!

After overcoming dyslexia as a teenager, Bertschinger qualified as nurse. Moving Mountains is the story of her life, the horrors she has seen, and the joy. But most of all, this book is about the hope that can be found in the most remarkable of places.

This book deals with some of the facts of life we tend to gloss over living a relatively sheltered life. It points out what is reality for much of the world and opens your eyes. It is a story which needs to be told, and one which really needs to be shared.

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

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REVIEWS THE

AUTEUR HOUSE INTRODUCTION TO

Film

Brad McGann

300

BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON

REVIEW BY JOE CITIZEN

The recent death of New Zealand director Brad McGann is a major blow to the local film industry as much as a tragedy in its own right. Only 43, he lived in the shadow of cancer for the last decade of his life, surviving this last year in part thanks to the generosity of his fellow filmmakers who raised funds for an expensive drug treatment.

Skycity Cinemas This movie reached the number three spot in New Zealand recently, so I thought I’d go along and see what all the fuss was about. I still don’t know. If you’re a 13 year old boy, you’ll love it because it’s mainly tits and ass with violence. All the guys in it are ‘real’ men, which is why they walk around in knee high boots, flowing capes and red Speedo’s. Honestly, I nearly died laughing – it’s World Wrestling Federation all over again without the belly flops. The women are just as bad, an entire city populated entirely by porn pin-ups hell bent on being innocently demure. There’s not an ugly, fat or old woman to be seen anywhere. It’s as if Ken and Barbie got together and had a psychotic amphetamine experience in a genetic cloning laboratory. The dialogue is atrocious. Whoever wrote it clearly isn’t writing for anyone with a tertiary education. It’s made by the same people who bought us Sin City and based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller so there has to be allowances for this type of thing, but it is definitely not as slick as that magnificent film. It’s not all bad however, the cinematography and art design are amazing. The action sequences that accumulate with brain numbing length are simply fascinating in their blood-letting capacity. I have never seen so many ways to die displayed so imaginatively. That the entire film appears to be an excuse for a spectacular pie-fight using other people’s innards, elicits the inevitable post-modern questions of ethics and pastiche. Where has the narrative gone? Is it no longer important to have one? If a movie such as this makes the number three slot in the country, what does this say about our needs as an audience? The story as it stands is classic GVB (good versus bad), with a disturbingly videogame approach to the baddies, what with them coming from Persia and being a simplistic all conquering horde, led by a no redeeming features whatsoever tyrant. That the heroes come from (cradle of civilisation) Greece and the invaders are definitively middle-eastern, borders on moronic hegemonic propaganda. It least they’re not Commies. So, if you’re a fan of beautifully rendered compositions of vacuity, this is going to be your kind of film. I recommend it to 13 year old boys and graphic designers. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

McGann’s sole feature, In My Father’s Den, is as fine a straight drama as has ever been produced in this country. A free adaptation of Maurice Gee’s novel, telling the tale of an ex-pat’s return home in the wake of his father’s death and the reluctant facing of several skeletons in the family closet (if not the titular den), McGann’s mastery of tone and strong visual sense offset the literary heaviness of the material. Seldom has a New Zealand film been so well acted or paced or had such universal appeal, its Oedipal themes powerfully coalescing in literal climax. McGann is not the only talented director whose career is confined, for whatever reason, to a single effort. Three others come to mind, each significant artists in another field: the actors Marlon Brando and Charles Laughton and the still photographer Bert Stern. Brando’s One Eyed Jacks is one of the strangest Westerns ever. Originally to be directed by Stanley Kubrick, Brando took over the project when relations between the two forceful personalities broke down. A revenge narrative which utilises coastal locations highly unusual for the genre, it’s long, indulgent and surprisingly brutal, with a whipping sequence that still has a sting in its tale. Unsurprisingly, it is also brilliantly performed, especially by long-time Brando friend and method collaborator Karl Malden. Charles Laughton’s Night of the Hunter is nothing short of a masterpiece, a one-of-a-kind synthesis of theatrical and cinema styles and ideas. Laughton draws on DW Griffith (casting Griffith’s favourite heroine, Lillian Gish, in a key supporting role), German Expressionism, and all manner of Romantic symbols. It takes talent to make a lyrical film about a serial killer, especially one nastily misogynistic, sexually repressed and note-perfectly played by Robert Mitchum. Like few before or since Laughton examines the difference between religious hypocrisy and true faith, between Christian cant and genuine good deeds. Bert Stern’s Jazz on a Summer’s Day is equally impressive in its own way. Arguably the best live jazz film ever, its strength lies not just in the calibre or eclectism of the performers (Louis Armstrong a particular stand-out, as is an out-of-genre, youthful Chuck Berry) but in the uniquely intimate manner in which Stern captures them. Especially devising new lens for the job and taking advantage of fast film stock, Stern shoots from a distance, and directly into stage lights. He gives such an impression of time and place that you feel as though you are part of the Newport audience. All of the films discussed above are available for rental at Auteur House.

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

Arts Diary Gig Guide One Act Playfest Applications for the One Act Playfest are currently open. The festival is being hosted by Hamilton Playbox Repertory Society in June this year. Entries close on May 31st. Rules and entry details can be found at www.riverlea.org.nz. If you have any questions, please contact Joy Shewan on joyshewan@hotmail.com or 07 824 3743.

Dutch Cultural Day Traditional Dutch food, performances of the Waikato Dutch Choir, the Waikato Dutch Folk Dancers, and the drama group ‘De Plankeniers’ with de Dutch children “De Kindertjes.” All performances are in Dutch. Saturday 19 May from 3pm to 10pm at Netherville Hall, 4 Admiral Crescent Hamilton. Cost from $10$15. For further details contact the NZ Netherlands Society (Waikato) Inc 07 823 3407 koetjesenkalfjes@hotmail.com

The first NZ Street/ Latin Dance Festival

Tuesday Hamilton Film Society meets every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Tonight’s screening is Costa Boces’ Struggle No More, an affectionate documentary about the Windy City Strugglers blues band. Memberships are available on the night, and entitle you to free entry to a full year of screenings from the joining date, as well as special deals at Victoria Cinema and Auteur House.

Wednesday Irish stand-up comic Ed Byrne does his thing at the Clarence Street theatre tonight. The Pink Floyd Experience also returns to Hamilton on its 10th Anniversary Tour. That’s at Founder’s Theatre from 8pm. Tickets to both are available from ticketdirect.co.nz or public libraries.

A dance/music event: workshops, competitions, shows, & parties. Salsa, Samba, Tango, Hip Hop, Modern Jive, and much more. Friday 1 June – Monday 4 June at the Academy of Performing Arts. Contact Carl Gordon on 07 855 2324 for further details.

Thursday

Artist Talk - Michael Williams

Alps (Aus), The Vacants (Auck), Fighting The Shakes (Wgtn) and the Lookie Loos (Ham) play Ward Lane, kicking off the Mole Music May tour. Head along and check out some fine local(ish) talent.

Michael Williams is a well-known and active figure in New Zealand composition. He has received substantial commissions from most of the country’s major musical institutions. Michael currently lectures in composition at the Waikato University Music Department. Wednesday 16th May at 7.30pm in the Waikato Museum. Entry is $8 and $6 concessions.

Friday Distinguished New Zealand pianist Read Gainsford performs at the Academy of Performing Arts tonight at 6pm. It’s only $5 for students.

Photosyntheses: A Natural Progression Hamilton based photographer Bridget Nicholls has an eye for the natural whether it is her unique close ups of local fauna, or a treasured family portrait. In her work Bridget likes to capture the essence of New Zealand’s natural environment. Exhibition runs until Thursday 31st May at the Lilypad Café, 1242 Kaipaki Rd, Cambridge. Entry is free.

The Second Level, art exhibition by Hillcrest High School

Some guys called Danny and Beans are having a birthday party at No Way Out Records from 7pm tonight. $5 gets you Brick vs Face, Cry Wolf, Problems and This Is This. And maybe cake. Dimmer are playing the Kings Arms in Auckland tonight. It’s around $20 and a bit of a drive, but around the closest they’ve gotten to Hamilton in a long while.

‘The Second Level’ is an exciting opportunity for top art students of Hillcrest High School to exhibit at the Academy of Performing Arts. The Second Level refers to them working at Level 2 last year when they produced the work and also by exhibiting at the university they are moving into a ‘second level’. Opening May 9th at 5.30pm.

Coming Up

Hiroshima: Responses to Dear John

Contact FM’s Third Annual Circle Jerk takes over Ward Lane next Saturday, with a dozen bands including The Shrugs, Yokel Ono and Mobile Stud Unit playing their own and each others’ songs. Don’t miss this show! It’ll be a great introduction to Hamilton music if you haven’t ever heard more than Chuganaut.

A collaborative show by 7 Waikato artists, who respond in there chosen medium to a photo album belonging to Private John Hamilton, documenting his time in Japan after the devastation of the Atomic Bombs in 1945. Featuring Mark Hamilton, Brooke Baker, Joshua Watene, Lana Marquand, Steph Chalmers, Emily Rumney and Marion Manson. Open daily at the Artspost until 28 May. Entry is free. If you know of any art events or you are an artist looking for some media exposure for your event, email nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Chug-a-lug a lager or three with Chuganaut, when they return to Axces bar next Friday night.

Ginge-core extremists In Dread Response hit No Way Out Records on the 3rd of June. Got gigs? Send your listings to petrajane@gmail.com or drop them in to the Nexus office by Tuesday the week before.

ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007

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Got any funny Busted! pictures of you and your friends out in town or getting totally busted you want to share with us? Send â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;em to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Thursday 5 PM for the next issue of Nexus.

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ISSUE 10 14 MAY 2007