issue 11

Hamilton Music 路 Mole Music 路 Upsett Records 路 Metal Day Out 路 Uni Idol

Issue 11 22 May 2006

Name/Fake band name 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

BY MO

4

Favourite local band?

How often do you go to gigs?

NZ muso you’d like to have your way with?

Do tight black jeans make a band hotter?

NZ music month – farce or fantastic?

Tim?/Thor’s Mighty Toolbox

Amanda/“um… Concrete…Jingle Bones.”

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

1.

2.

3.

4.

Late ‘80s Mercedes Not very often No idea Depends if they suit it or not Good and bad – but there shouldn’t have to be a NZ music month

5.

Breaks Co-Op/Goodshirt About once every two months Lead singer from Goodshirt As long as no one from Elemeno P wears them Fantastic!

Issue 11 22 May 2006

Shaun/Cunning Stunts

(“it’s the name of my band anyway”) 1. Chuganaut 2. Half the time 3. That Russian chick who sings opera, ‘cos she can hit the high notes 4. Makes my band look hotter!

5. Farce.

Party Time

Party Review BY

BY SKOT SKOT AND AND JR JR The Stripper As soon as I set foot in the door of the surprise birthday I was told that the stripper was arriving soon and not to let the birthday boy know.

This however was damn near impossible. Trying to get 20 drunk dudes from not talking about what the stripper is going to do with her toys is like putting a paedophile in a kindergarten and telling him to keep his hands in his pockets. However the intoxicated birthday boy seemed clueless once the secret stripper arrived.

As she entered the garage at 11.30pm at about 3 degrees Celsius outside she must have thought she was going to freeze her nipples off. However once she got her music playing she seemed to warm herself up all right! I’d never realised how the presence of one woman at a party could quieten a bunch of dudes up so fast. The stripper didn’t leave the girls out though saving one last dance for them. The birthday boy finally emerged out of the garage looking like the marshmallow man out of Ghostbusters. It really is amazing how much shaving creme could come out of one can.

The night continued on with more talking about the stripper and what would have happened if it had been their lap she was dancing on. Thanks go out to Dirty Keith and the fantastic service his ladies provide. No matter how cold it may be outside.

Top three quotes If you got a glass jaw you should watch your mouth ‘cause I’ll break your face.

You can’t tell me to do that. It’s like telling the NWA to stop being black.

Randy only fights with his pants off because he’s worried that he’ll ruin his tight pants so when the pants come off... look... the **** out.

Party Rating: 7/10

Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party Issue 11 22 May 2006

Contents FEATURES 1

Mole Music – Making Mountains

An interview with Hamilton’s own music label

18

Nothing to get Upsett About

Hamilton’s new Punk/Metal record store

19

Metal Day Out – 666

Throw up your goats, Metal Extravaganza on 6-6-06

20

Ones To Watch

Details on a couple new Hamilton bands

22 23

Samplers: DJ Sample Gee I Fought Uni Idol and Uni Idol Won

Nexus’ very own Idol details her experiences so far

NEWS 08-12

Waikato Degrees, S Block, Naughty Graduates, 2006 Budget, Kiwi FM, The Span, Student Cafe Prices, Nexus Haiku News, Mr Safety Bigglesworth, Survivor

REGULARS I’ve Got 5 On It Party Review Editorial Lettuce Jerk Jokes Gig Guide WSU columns Notices Sports Engine Talk The Second Oldest Profession 34 How to…

34 Word Freak 35 Killing Time 04 05 0 14 16 25 26 30 31 32 33

Credits

If you would like a go at doing a cover, email graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz News Editor Joshua “Moderately Tired“ Drummond

Designer Matt “Super Tired” Scheurich

Music Editors

M. Emery, Mo

graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz

Books Editor

Michelle Coursey

Advertising Manager Tony “Well Rested” Arkell

Politics Editor

Chris Grenfell

Sports Editor

Gary Oliver

admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180

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Rage in a Cage Top 3 with The Panther Split Decision The Magic 8 Ball Classic Rock Review Boganology 101 Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page Comics Food Citric DVDs Books Films The Player Busted

Cover artwork by Matt (http://www.lvl99.com/)

Editor Dawn “Quite Tired” Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

35 36 36 36 3 3 38 39 40 42 43 44 45 46 4

news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Jane, Hannah Yen, Dave Snell, Mo Contributors this issue Keith Hornby, Mazzy, Nick Elliot, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Brie Jessen, Kerra McEwan, Matt Wills, Sanaz, Danielle Thomson, Burton C. Bogan, CJ, Nick, Chester, M. Emery, Sam Rogers, Tovah, The Panther, Gary Oliver, Uncle Jim, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Leigh McGeady, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, ASPA, WSU

Main Feature Writers: M. Emery, Petra

Issue 11 22 May 2006

Nexus – Like local music nearly as much as Marmite The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN. Actually we’re too tired to have views right now, so we faked them all. But if you have views, feel free to share them. As long as they’re not, like, libellous and stuff (not that we’re responsible for that either.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Editorial Call me 25% Loyal?

Sky will be launching an NZ owned and operated MTV in August. Frankly, I’m a bit indifferent. The truckloads of American MTV sashaying on to C4 haven’t impressed and traditionally New Zealand applies a sort of ‘divide quality by two, take away the star power and add Charlotte Dawson’ equation when imitating dross.

But it will involve local music, and that’s good, right? It gives us diversity and an identity and stuff. In fact, we should tie everyone up and force them to listen to it at least 2 hours a day, right?

A quote from South Pacific head John Barnett, ‘Cultural industries are high yielding economic plants which should be cultivated by design not left to accident…I don’t believe that diversity and its benefits will remain part of our future without regulation.’

That was from a paper called The Future of Broadcasting, presented at a broadcasting symposium in 1999. I guess now is the future, so where’s that regulating at?

The Radio Broadcasters Association does have a voluntary local quota (or ‘target’) scheme in place of 20%, and reckon they’re meeting this early – beating it by 0.8%, in fact.

Not bad, could do better.

Quotas engender a slight antipathy upon first suggestion, a stubborn ‘Why should they know what’s best for us? How about we just get armies of giant robots to accompany us

Designer’s Word

BY MATT

To be honest, I’m not going to say much. It’s currently 6.06am and I still need to finish my cover which will probably take another 2-3 hours which by that time will be hand-in to

BY DAWN

everywhere and make sure we exercise 5+ vegetables for an hour a day and and ring our mums more?’ Etc. It’s a dirty word, fraught with echoes of militant nannies.

but unexciting. But having said that, I rather like the song they’re playing right now. Don McGlashan, apparently.

I’m not convinced that a compulsory 8 pages of WSU material in Nexus forcibly creates an interested and involved student body, for instance, and that’s essentially a quota. But there are various complex factors involved in that situation - the famous student apathy, the quality of material submitted, general human preference for scatological jokes and cartoons over repetitive entreaties to care about something they don’t, much.

And therein lies the best argument for quotas. When choosing music to like, we select it from of what we’ve been exposed to.

If that’s ‘The Best of Irish songs’ or ‘Country Trucking Greats’ because you can buy a whole CD of them each week with your $7 pocket money, then give me 40 acres and call me a minstrel boy. Making sure the exposure options include a pile of local artists that one can support and cheer on and stalk on a daily basis is just common sense.

The NZ music scene has 10 times as many issues to consider. To name a contemporary two: should Canwest baby KiwiFM get potential Youth Radio Network frequencies for free? Do we need a Youth Radio Network anyway?

Introducing a quota isn’t saying thou shalt buy 25% NZ music and listen to 25% of it on your iPod for 25% of the day, or else get 25% of your butt kicked. Although, I bet the industry would love it.

I remember reading about the proposed YRN in Tearaway about…8 years ago. It doesn’t seem much closer to realisation. Realistically, how different would this network be to existing commercial stations which seem to be aiming pretty young already? However, a public youth radio network has “a crucial role to play in defining and celebrating New Zealand’s national identify (sic)”, according to a Public Service Association release. I think they mean ‘nafional identify’– it’s the scientific name for that disconcerting sensation you get when you’re overseas and a previously unnoticed Dobbyn number causes a swollen throat and the impulse to tackle someone violently while singing Pokarekare Ana.

So - a compulsory quota of 25% or so NZ music for radio? Bring it on (I am King Kong).

Do Voom still play that song live? Incidentally, the original lodging of ‘King Kong’ in my consciousness was courtesy of Contact FM. Here on campus, Contact are constantly promoting local music with their 60% NZ music ratio the highest in the country aside from KiwiFM. Good stuff.

Flaws abound in the quota system – it doesn’t actually help bands who need it, airplay should be decided on merit, NZ produces as much generic crap as the next country – but subconsciously implanting Voom and friends rather than Britney surely can’t hurt.

After checking out the maligned KiwiFM in its current incarnation online, it’s adequate the printers so it will all work out. I wonder how the cover will turn out. I had a cool idea, let’s see if it actually looks decent. I like drawing and illustration almost as much as I like Marmite. Speaking of Marmite, the brand manager there is the nicest guy because he gave me 4 Marmite t-shirts. This was the greatest day of my life as I really like Issue 11 22 May 2006

Marmite. It warmed my heart so much. This goes out to you Kit. You da man! Also, I want to say thanks to One Square Meal and Red Bull for their contributions too.

I had a really bad day today but when I look at Marmite, I just brighten up. Unfortunately I have no Marmite in the office but I do have my superbly swell Marmite t-shirt with me.

NEXUS NEWS MONDAY, 22 MAY 2006

“KEEPING YOU UP-TO-DATE WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK” COMPILED BY JOSH DRUMMOND

Communication Breakdown Over Waikato Degree Changes

BY JOSH DRUMMOND

Waikato University students are upset over a proposal that they say may devalue the quality of their education.

There have been charges from some that the latest proposal is an indicator that the overall quality of education at the University is in decline.

Chief amongst student concerns is the proposal that the popular Bachelor of Communications degree be replaced by a Bachelor of Business, which would operate parallel to the existing Bachelor of Management Studies.

More unease was expressed by students over the proposed changes of up to 47 degrees that do not meet current Committee on University Academic Programmes (CUAP) and NZQA guidelines for university degrees.

“We feel that there has been a lack of communication with the students over this issue,” said Moira Neho, the Student Representative on the BCS Degree committee.

“The BCS is only just being recognised by employers around New Zealand as a top degree. If the name is changed it will devalue our degree by showing future employers that the University we gained our qualification from didn’t believe in our degree enough to continue teaching it.”

Student response to the proposed changes

Drop in teaching hours?

In addition to the proposed changes to degree structure, another student approached Nexus with information that he said was “evidence of the declining quality of education at Waikato University.” This student, a Bachelor of Science graduate, said that total teaching hours in the BSc degree had declined 49% from 1987 to the present year. “An extrapolation of this data [is that] in 2025 you should be able to complete your degree in two semesters,” he said.

has been vehement, with approximately 10% of BCS students voicing their concerns in a mass of emails, according to Neho.

Most listed concern that their degrees would be devalued by a name change, with one submission saying that the proposed Bachelor of Business “sounded like a tech degree.” “A degree in Communications is different to Business and I don’t believe that a BBus would accurately describe in employers’ minds what our degree entails,” said another.

To student charges that the BCS is soon to disappear, Professor Sutton was more ambivalent. “Like all other degrees, it needs to be reconsidered. As I see it, it’s currently [just] a degree in management communications.”

Heagreedwith Neho’s observation that there needed to be more consultation with students over the issue. “I suggest that we consult with the students and find out what degrees they really want.” Professor Sutton also dismissed concerns about degrees being “axed,” under the new proposal. “That’s an urban myth,” he said. “There are no qualifications being axed.

The changes are designed to create greater student accessibility, and to bring some our degrees into line with what that Government says they should be.”

Doctor Tracy Bowell, of the Association of University Staff, cautiously agreed with Professor Sutton’s appraisal of the situation, while admitting that there were “plenty Acting Vice Chancellor Professor Doug Sutton denied that there had been any drop in educational quality. “The answer to that is no,” he said. “The reverse is true. Quality continues to rise, and student performance is an indicator of this. The University is committed to high quality education.”

He stressed that University performance could not be measured by teaching hours alone, and that structures were being put in place to monitor student and teacher Issue 11 22 May 2006

of staff,” who don’t want to see degrees disappearing. “If some of the existing degrees were to be discontinued some members would be very disappointed. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it,” she said. She added that the union was in favour of the proposal, as long as it benefited students. “I would say that we hope that the degrees that we end up with will remain academically sound. One of the things the proposal aims to do is provide more flexibility for students, and as union members we’d look favourably on that aspect.”

The President of the Waikato Student’s Union, Sehai Orgad, said that the proposal “wasn’t set in concrete,” and that the WSU looked forward to providing a forum for students to consult with University management. “I am encouraged and inspired by the amount of student feedback and questions over the qualifications review proposal. The only way in which students will have their say is through asking the questions, and by having the dialogue between the student body and the management of the University, and so far, these experiences have been positive.”

The proposed changes have been being discussed since early February, with a recently released Draft Review of Qualifications document outlining changes to 47 degrees, some of which include deletion or re-naming.

The process was initiated with the release of last year’s University Vision, and this year’s release of the university’s Strategic Plan.

performance, to ensure quality “was kept high.”

“It’s one thing to say ‘we have good teaching,’ and quite another to prove it,” he said.

But he expressed surprise at the allegations of the decline of teaching hours.

“I would be surprised if the hours had decreased, but if they have, we can find out.

And we can find out just what that means.”

News

Spotlight On Uni - What the heck has been going on with S Block?

Keith Hornby investigates…

Loud obnoxious bashing and drilling disrupting class?

Sodden pianos in the Music Department?

Obtuse detours round the Mathematics department?

Great big yellow diggers?

Sound familiar?

Well, it appears that the university was extremely tight on quality modern teaching space. The S block extension is part of a process to progressively address the – quote - “reinstatement of high quality teaching spaces”. Furthermore, the recent spate of course “rationalisations” necessitates the need more middle sized rooms – those approaching a capacity of 21 to 28 seats.

Our lovely new extension contains, at the top level, four new 60, 80, 100 and 180 seating capacity lecture theaters. These rooms, although tiered, are convertible into flat floored spaces for other uses. And of course, all are to be kitted out with top notch “full electronic teaching facilities” etc.

Down the bottom there are three computer labs, two associated rooms and a large foyer for displays, all for those crazies that do the BCDG; the CompMathSci Bachelors degree in Computer Graphics. I think this is great move to bring this highly creative element at the Uni to a more prominent and central position.

The area in front will be re-landscaped and partially paved. I sincerely hope that this new area, adjacent to this new hub of creativity, with help stimulate more general creativity on campus and interdisciplinary debate amongst students at Waikato…. am I only dreaming?

Talking about design, and this being the music edition, architecture was once referred to as being ‘frozen music’ (make what you want of it). Anyway, S Block is architecturally seen to be “variant in expression” away from the Universities characteristic Brutalist style.

Originally conceived back in 1995, it was to be a building of unique style, a “gem, a jewel” which would illustrate to visitors the quality of the U of W. The principle architect responsible for the initial design was Robert Hannah (then

working for Chibnall and Swain Architects).

Robin, influenced by an abandoned campus development plan concept, envisaged the idea of a promenade running though the building. Reinforcing this axis the columns, or ‘trees’, each sprouting 4 roof supports, ‘branches’ above which the concave ‘leaf’ canopy floats. (You’ve got to love the rhetoric of design rationalisation…) As can be seen, this concept has been continued in the extension, as has the general internal and external appearance.

Conclusion? Sadly, there’s no scandal to report. The works were initiated before the general budget cuts; the building is being completed on time (a little ahead in fact), well within its allocated budget and has been constructed without significant problems. The exact official opening and dedication is still to be announced, but it’s likely to be in late June (and there’d better be drinks and nibbles).

Policy To Catch Naughty Graduates Out

BY JOHN HARTEVELT

Prime Minister Helen Clark announced on Monday that Cabinet has approved plans for data matching between Inland Revenue (IRD) and Customs, which will enable the Government to identify student debtors who have been living overseas for more than six months. Under the Government’s interestfree student loans scheme, debtors who are out of the country for longer than six months are ineligible for the new interest write-offs.

Student loan borrowers are currently obliged to advise Inland Revenue when they have been overseas for three months. However, a spokesperson for Revenue Minister Peter Dunne notes that “there are a number of borrowers who have failed to advise Inland

Revenue of their absence overseas.” IRD figures revealed last month by National Party education spokesman Bill English indicated that 35,000 student debtors were overseas and unaccounted for. The value of their outstanding debt is put at $900 million by the IRD. Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen has said previously that he has been aware of the problem since December, and has claimed that a “lack of information exchange” was to blame.

The Government’s data-sharing plan appears designed to address that problem, and “ensure that only those who are entitled to an interest-free loan receive one,” according to Dunne’s spokesperson. She says that data matching is not expected to attract students back to New Zealand, but that the interestfree policy itself should have that effect.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

A bill enabling data matching is expected to come before the House in July and come into force before the end of the year.

5 things the government will buy for MPs in parliament with your extra interest when you go overseas: 5. Dog motorcycles for all the MPs who have dogs 4. Cat juggler costumes for all the MPs who have cats 3. Toilet seat ‘protector’ dispensers for the Beehive (y’know, those things you put on the bowl before you sit down)

2. Dental corrective surgery for Helen Clark to make her look more like her publicity photo.

1. Upgrade all MPs in parliament to OT XV and learn the truths about Xenu and the incident that happened 75 million years ago...

MATT IS TO BLAME FOR THIS

The Government has set in motion plans to cover its arse against ex-students abusing the interest-free student loan policy.

News

Budget 2006: Yawn

BY NICOLA KEAN

With Finance Minister Michael Cullen’s parade well and truly rained on after the Telecom leak, the Government’s seventh budget saw a return to the mantra of prudence.

Despite the forecasted surplus, the hopes of those waiting expectantly for tax cuts were dashed, with the focus instead on new spending in three key areas: “Economic Transformation”, “Families - Young and Old” and “National Identity”. Cullen reiterated that tax cuts would come at the cost of cutting spending, adding that there was “no such thing as a free lunch” - except, of course, at the budget media lock-up.

Transport was one of the big winners. Over the next five years the Government will be investing $1.3 billion in transport, with $425 million set aside to “accelerate major projects” including the Manakau Harbour Crossing and Transmission Gully.

The focus on families also sees spending on health increasing by $3 billion over the next four years with $1.6 billion “devoted to maintaining the real purchasing power of health spending over time”. This includes more money for care of the elderly and

KiwiFM Freebie Sparks Debate

BY JODY O’CALLAGHAN A Government initiative to keep KiwiFM on air has sparked debate about whether it can stick to its ‘not-for-profit’ aims.

The industry is wondering whether owners CanWest will benefit financially from the three frequencies the Government has given the operation.

Due to her reluctance to see the end of KiwiFM, general manager Karen Hay approached CanWest and together they put

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children, with $76 million set aside to fight the childhood obesity ‘epidemic’.

New spending on “National Identity” includes an increase in defence spending of almost $300 million, along with an extra $50 million to be spent on arts, culture and heritage - $20 million of which will go to New Zealand On Air. Having the Minister of Finance doubling up as Minister for Tertiary Education had no apparent windfall for students. Although a total of $2.9 billion of the Government’s operational expenditure was allocated to the tertiary sector in the next financial year, paying for the election promise of interestfree student loans was the centre-piece of the budget promises. Just over a billion dollars in new spending is to be sunk into the interest free loans scheme over the next four years.

Also in the budget for tertiary education: * The parental income threshold for student allowances is to be increased by ten percent from January 2007. This will bring the threshold up from $35,700 to $39,270, costing an estimated $14.3 million over the next four years. * The Performance Based Research Fund - providing funding based on an institution’s research - gets $23.7 million more funding over the next four years. forward a proposal to the Government to take on the three frequencies. The frequencies have an estimated worth of several million dollars, but they are not for sale. Auckland 102.2FM, Wellington 102.1FM, and Christchurch 102.5FM are now at CanWest’s disposal, with little restriction on advertising for the rest of the year. They will also receive NZ On Air funding for eight new specialist shows.

RDU’s station manager Andrew Meier believed the gifted frequencies were not the best decision for the future of KiwiFM. “It’s really just a short-term narrow focused decision to support Kiwi,” said Meier.

CanWest’s Radioworks already has the biggest market share of the radio network.

They now have the right to use KiwiFM as a commercial product.

According to the general manager of KiwiFM Karen Hay: “All radio stations that operate as non-commercial radio licences can supplement their income from the sale of advertising. If this weren’t the case, the taxpayer would be paying the entire bill.”

Issue 11 22 May 2006

* Allowance entitlements for PhD students are to be increased. * The Bonded Merit Scholarship scheme, a scheme that provides money for course fees while requiring students to stay in New Zealand for a number of years after graduation, is to be expanded by 500.

Responses to the announcements have been mixed. NZUSA Co-President Joey Randall says he was “disappointed”. With loan uptake not has high as previously expected, he says the Government had an extra $600 million to use to “deal with the drivers of student debt”. He says Cullen “missed a golden opportunity”.

Randall adds that the extra funding for allowances will only allow for an extra 620 full allowances, failing to compensate for a drop in the number of students eligible over the last few years.

Although there were no budget initiatives for increased staff salaries, General Secretary of the Association of University Staff (AUS) Helen Kelly says Cullen will be meeting with the University Tripartite Forum - consisting of the unions, the Vice-Chancellor’s Committee and the Government - next week to discuss staffing issues. It is understood that extra funding from a “contingency fund” may be announced.

Another issue in the gifting of these public frequencies is that they were originally on hold for the Youth Radio Network (YRN). Radio NZ had planned and researched a proposal to establish a radio network specifically for youth listeners.

However, with the Government’s decision to place the frequencies in the hands of CanWest the proposal is not likely to materialize in the near future.

Broadcasting Minister Steve Maharey said on RDU98.5FM that YRN “is still a possibility, but a long shot these days.” He said there was not enough evidence of an audience.

In order to fulfill the Government criteria, Hay said KiwiFM would remain dedicated to New Zealand music. “We agreed that we would work towards becoming a not-for-profit organisation and extend the Kiwi format to be more inclusive of a wider range of artists,” said Hay. The station will begin broadcasting on these frequencies from July.

News

Support Sought For Span Bridge Proposal

BY KERRA MCEWAN Kris Wilson is frustrated. A former world traveler and a third year Wintec architectural technology student, he feels that Hamilton’s number one asset, the Waikato River, is being overlooked.

Well, no more. In a matter of two years since returning to the Hamilton area from an overseas adventure, Wilson has taken it upon himself to research and develop the ultimate proposal to help make the river reach ‘icon,’ status, not just locally but nationally.

Enter the Span Proposal, a project in which Wilson has spent about 500 hours designing.

The Span will act as a pedestrian-only bridge, or promenade, and will run directly across the river extending from the end of Marlborough Place to the southern tip of Parana Park, on the eastern bank of the river. “The plan will increase appeal and social atmosphere to the city’s current negatively perceived reputation in the media,” says Wilson.

The idea was a result of his travels after he witnessed other city’s social environments thriving due to similar concepts. Wilson knew the bridge would be a perfect way to break down the barriers. “It just frustrates me that visitors and travelers come to Hamilton and could potentially not even know that we have a river. Something like the Span would give us pride and think of Hamilton and of the river and really enjoy the atmosphere,” Wilson said.

The projected $16 million structure would be 140m long, 21m wide and 16m above the water and would hold cafes and restaurants and act as a venue for public concerts, social focal points, a meeting area, and a walkway for students, runners, cyclists and CBD

HAMILTON NEEDS MORE INTERESTING AND UNIQUE THINGS LIKE THIS

workers. In short, the bridge would be a place for the young and old alike to either pass on by or hang out and have fun.

Wilson believes that this type of environment could possibly alleviate some of the criticisms the city has received of late, being labeled as boring place to live.

“I think a lot of people are in denial that we have an image problem. They just laugh it off and pretend it doesn’t exist, which can have serious repercussions. Anything we can do to change that would be good,” he added.

And a change is in the works.

As he presents his proposal to city council this Wednesday, he hopes to bring a refreshing idea to the table. But in order for the development to occur in the near future, it will also be proposed that the planned funds of $8.5 million allocated for the upgrading of Garden Place, could be considered an option for funding of the Span instead.

After a couple of local presentations under his belt, Wilson said that he is not nervous about his presentation to council this week. ”I believe it will be considered seriously with the amount of research gone into it. I can’t guess the outcome, but regardless I honestly think that something will happen with it. I’d really love to see it become the place to be in Hamilton,” he said.

As far as Garden Place goes, Wilson strongly feels that residents would prefer to see more development concerning the river. “Most people don’t see anything wrong with Garden Place. An upgrade there doesn’t seem to be for the people and it won’t get us down to the Issue 11 22 May 2006

river, which is what we’ve been trying to do for years now.”

Survey results from his website stated that a solid 97 per cent of respondents were in favour of the span development and a whopping 86 per cent felt that the span should take precedence over the Garden Place upgrade.

Former city mayor and Millennium chairperson, Margaret Evans, is also in full support of Wilson’s proposal. “Promenading is one of the most recreational activities in New Zealand,” Evans said. “I think his concept allows for us to come back to the importance of the river. It’s an idea that is just simply fantastic,” she said.

The need for a pedestrian crossing, less traffic, a link between the east and west, easier accessibility for students due to the numerous schools in the area, opening up the river bank and getting people down to the water’s edge, and of course, connecting the people to the popular south downtown area, are all ways in which the span would help the city, according to Evans.

Wilson said that he would love the Span to appeal to all ages and as a student himself, he hopes that other students in the city would also take a liking to the idea of a social gathering. “It would be such a good place to bask in the sun, play hacky sack or just chill out,” he said.

You can make your voice heard by supporting Kris Wilson and taking the Span survey at www.thespan.co.nz. “They can cast their votes and maybe give me some leverage with council on Wednesday,” he said

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News

Student Café Lacks Student Prices?

BY JOSH DRUMMOND

Several students at Waikato University say they have quit patronising the popular on-campus Memento Café over “non-student prices.”

Several students spoken to by Nexus said that they believed that prices at the Memento were too high for a “student” café, and that they’d get a better deal in town.

“At what it costs you for a coffee and a panini at Memento, you may as well bus into town for two bucks, get a coffee and a bite there, and come back, without it costing you any extra,” said one.

NEXUS HAIKU NEWS

Owner Craig Paul defended his establishment’s high prices, saying that the issue was not price, but quality. “It’s not just about the cost of the food, it’s about the environment we’re trying to provide. We’re looking to provide an atmosphere on campus that caters to students and staff and makes [Memento] a nice place to go to,” he said.

“Also, we don’t pay any of our staff minimum wage, and we employ a lot of students.”

best produce, and non-genetically modified food.”

He added that plans to put in a “budget,” student menu were underway. “We’re going to put in a budget menu with nachos and so on, but we’ll maintain the food that we have at the current price, so we can continue buying the

“It’s not that they’re bad – they’re not – it’s just that I don’t think, as students, we should be paying extra for the good stuff. We should get the best stuff, for cheap,” Holden quipped.

Because it’s fun to trivialise important national and world events by making them into 17 syllable poems!

Student opinion was unanimous on the quality of Memento’s wares, though. “They are expensive, but they make really good coffee,” said one, who wanted to be identified only as Maria. Third-year law student Ryan Holden said that he enjoyed the coffee offered, but that the prices were just too “un-student-y.”

Government releases 2006 Budget to a collective yawn Budget released Will a meteor come?

And kill Dr. Mike Cullen?

Average age of women giving birth Mums go to work.

Should be in the kitchen!

Those damn dirty feminists.

Telecom unbundling bombshell leaked to cycling buddy Here, have some Sensitive government information, My tight-pants pal.

Ex-Beatle Paul McCartney splits from wife Paul and Heather part, ‘Cos of media attention.

Aw, must be hard.

The furor over the whole Da Vinci Code thing (Go figure…)

Crazy Christians are annoyed At a crap movie Of a shit novel.

U2’s Bono is editor of a national newspaper for the day Bono’s the Ed What’s the headline?

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!

The Hamilton Doll and Teddy Bear Show (Don’t ask.)

The show will be full of dolls and bears Picnicking kids And paedophiles.

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Issue 11 22 May 2006

News

Mr. Safety Bigglesworth in the

“Crimebeat on Campus” Hello chums, it’s your pal Mr Safety Bigglesworth here, with a whole lot of safe sex advice. Actually, there’s no sex advice. That was last week.

No, this week there’s a whole lot of crime.

First up: the first car break-ins of the season are upon us, as I predicted a while back. Head of Uni Security Ray Hayward tells me there’s been a car broken into in one of the Halls of Residence car parks. Charming. There’s one thing for sure; there will be more. In an effort to foil those damn dirty car thieves, the Police will be conducting a “Beat That Thief!” campaign over the next few weeks. Sadly, this doesn’t mean they will be smashing the skulls of convicted thieves like so many plump watermelons. No, instead the Boys in Blue will be roaming the University car parks, armed with little yellow slips.

They’ll be tagging cars with them to raise awareness about just how vulnerable cars are to the crawling scum that is The Car Thief.

Next item: Burglaries. There have been shitloads of burglaries lately. Now, a lot of you live in Hamilton East, and a disproportionate proportion of “burgs” are occurring there – 23 in the week before last.

Burglaries have taken place during the day - “homes left unlocked have been burgled between 8pm and noon and laptops near windows taken.”

Why? Well, because students are easy targets, that’s why. Look at

Survivors….Die

BY NICK MAARHUIS

An investigation by Nexus has found a cover up of a botched survivor series, which won’t be making it to your TV screens.

The series was planned to be a revolution in Survivor TV, brought about by complaints by some viewers that the ‘Survivors’ on the islands aren’t really in any danger of not surviving, and it is in fact harder to survive on the mean streets of America, in the ghetto. Thus, Survivor Compton was born. With even more elaborate challenges than before and a new elimination ceremony, the show was touted to be the biggest thing in reality TV since The Osbornes.

But after one week of filming, this was found to not be the case.

One contestant, Eddy Johns-Johnsonson, a real estate agent from Milwaukee, was caught in the crossfire of a gang shooting and died after collecting four bullets to the head. Another contestant (who asked not to be named) was mugged after trying to barter their watch for some food. He was found in a park nearby with nothing but underwear on.

Another “survivor,” was Mary-Ann Phillips, mom of four girls, who hasn’t been seen since the third day of filming. The producers are confident she will show up soon. It’s not all bad though, as token gay contestant, Frederick Fyfe, an interior designer, found himself a “bling” boyfriend, and they plan on moving in together soon.

Survivor Compton was a disaster for the contestants, but not as bad

you, leaving your flats open all hours of the day, with your precious possessions just lying about, begging to be taken. Now, I’ve been robbed. I know people who’ve been robbed. And believe me, it sucks.

Perhaps the worst thing is the knowledge that you, a semi-smart aspiring Uni graduate, have been ripped off by a semi-literate moron who’s probably fuelling a P habit. Be smarter than them. I hope I don’t have to tell you how.

Tip of the week from the Cop Shop is to mark your gear. Get your valuable stuff engraved or some similar permanent marking method.

Also, keeping a record of the serial numbers and makes of your expensive things can be really helpful in the event of your stuff getting nicked.

Okay. Now for the crazies. There are plenty of people about this area who are, for lack of a more PC term, mental. I’m told that a short while ago, a bloke spent a good proportion of the day just standing on the corner of Clyde and Dey Streets snarling at people before the cops picked him up. Oh, and he wasn’t wearing any pants.

If you see any weirdness in action, the obvious approach is to call 111. But if you know about crime-type stuff after the event, call the ol’ Police Crime Hotline, 0800 BUSTEM. Yours,

Mr Safety Bigglesworth

as the other new series which has been banned from airing in America.

As usual, the survivors weren’t told where the series would be filmed, and were only allowed to bring what they could carry. Little did they know that as they were told to jump blindfolded off the boat to swim to shore, they would be the first contestants in Survivor Antarctica. Ten of the twelve survivors drowned instantly and the other two died later from hypothermia. A liability waiver contract signed by the contestants prevents the grieving families from suing the makers of the series.

After these horrid productions the creators tried to make more shows, such as Survivor Pacific Ocean, Survivor Iraq, and Survivor Sahara Desert, but they were all turned down by the producers because of fears that more people would die.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

13

Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, by Tuesday 5pm, and the best one wins a $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk – conveniently located in the Cowshed for all your snacking needs. Write to us now – it’s your last chance until semester 2!

Lettuce Policy

LETTER OF THE MONTH Religious Harassment vs Corporate Scum In the last couple of issues of Nexus I’ve noticed a common line of bitching, namely that some of us are sick and tired of deluded worshippers on campus asking us, with hopeful eyes, if we would like to embrace Jesus, either that or face the fiery depths of hell! Personally, I find a decisive “Fuck off!” does the trick or “Sorry mate, the only belief I have is in an atheist peace” or you could even try to convert the little buggers into non-believers. A great source of entertainment really, as opposed to devious advertisements in your face at every turn; trying to tart up their product as something that we all should have, the truth being that those evil sons of bitches who designed that pretty ad are only appealing to your weaknesses, trying to convince you into buying shit you don’t need. They only want your money in their pocket, whereas the joyfully deluded only want to save your soul, so instead of moaning pointlessly about religious missionaries, next time spray paint some scathing satire on a piece of misleading corporate advertising!!

Matt B Congrats, you win a $5 voucher to use at Campus Kiosk! Come up to the Nexus office and claim your booty.

Fat girls taking the big spoon?

Talking bout fat bellies, no not the bar but the ones located on the girls of Hamilton.

Not being the social creature I was back in 1st year I don’t really venture out from the comfort of my flat all that often any more and never with out the protection offered by enjoyment enhancing substances. However recently I made an ill advised trip into town unprotected. Now I don’t think anyone could accuse me of having overly high standards, personally I don’t believe my judgment calls

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Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages — serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected — proof it yourself or you’ll look dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed. We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

have been all that great historically but frankly I was shocked with what I saw. Now I’m not one to call people fat but I’m going to. There were girls everywhere with bellies the guys at the rugby club would have been proud of.

Not to be one sided though I’m sure there are those out their that enjoy the fuller figured ladies and iv been told that a small belly fits snugly into the small of the back when spooning, still who as a male really wants to be the small spoon. I suggest a compulsory run and cutting down on the gruel they serve in the hostels, maybe some sit ups to?? I don’t know I’m not a doctor, but what I can tell you is for gods sake guys don’t allow yourselves to become the small spoon, they’ve taken the fun out of being a chauvinist don’t let them take the big spoon too.

Generic Skinny White Guy

Dear Editor, this weeks cover (Issue 10) left my delicate behind in a delicate and rather black condition.

So I would like you to consider using less black color in your magazine for the sake of all the fair skinned behinds on campus. This has ruined the white knickers I stole from my grannies neighbour at the retirement village.

Especially for cold days they are indispensable and now I have to visit my granny again! Black colour on magazines is not cool but hideous.

Am currently reconsidering the use of shiny new paper - don’t make me do it.

Glossy Nexus too reflective

Chur Nexus Peepz, Was wondering where “Captian Evil” is at?

Can you fallas bring him back...please

Yo nexus wots up with the glossy paper?its hard to read nexus now in boring PWC lectures cuz of too much lights that shine off the paper.. Looks like you guys and uni got a bit xtra money (ur glossy paper & their lights) so why dont you just give us the extra money and help a poor student out..

Peace Broke stundent Hi Mr. Stundent. Thanks for your feedback.

Regarding your immediate issues reading the new glossy Nexus, I suggest acquiring a wide sombrero hat to shade the immediate reading area. This will also have the bonus effect of greatly increasing your pull power.

As for the alleged extra money being spent, I can’t speak for the Uni’s lights but I can tell you that, due to our nice printers APN Media and various excellent decisions by Nexus management, Nexus is actually costing less to print than before - despite looking so pretty.

Ed.

Glossy Nexus too black Issue 11 22 May 2006

Yours truly, the delicate, still slightly shaded behind and its big brain.

Bring Back Evil

Shot Whetz If he told you he’d have to kill you - Ed

Petrol Plan

With regard to Monty’s’ ‘petrol price’ letter I was forwarded an email which may provide a more effective solution to the increasing petrol prices.

This makes much more sense than the “don’t buy gas on a certain day” campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn’t continue to “hurt” ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. We need to take aggressive action to teach them that buyers control the marketplace. Not sellers! With the price of gasoline going up more each day, consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit

Lettuce someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas and, we can do that without hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can’t just stop buying gas. But we can have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here’s the idea: for the rest of this year, don’t purchase any gasoline from the biggest company Mobil.

If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices.

If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

Could be worth a shot!

Hamish

Fraudster(?) Letter Ousted

I am one of many Nexus readers very looking forward to the arrival of Nexus on Mondays every week.

Nexus rocks! But I was saddened by this week’s issue actually...

I could not stop myself responding to the letter by Erin Cave (Issue 10). Erin claimed she was a Japanese girl and made her comment as follows; “My country hurt the yummy whale. everyone please vote for my country (japan) for hurt the whale. I like very much (sic)” I believe the writer is highly likely to be non Japanese national.

Remember all int’l students studying at Waikato uni must have presented competent English test results. As you would notice her English appears not up to scratch to enter uni, her letter contains many simple grammatical mistakes. It is expected the writer wrote it in a foreign sounded manner on purpose.

The second point is unlike other int’l students Japanese students do not use English names, but keep own names. Erin, the name is not Japanese name at all, and sounds more like Irish name. Also, I found out your username is emc, which means you have a middle name. We don’t have it. Therefore I have to think that letter was not made by a genuine Japanese national, but somebody bullshitting for the very unfriendly purpose.

Our society functions under the name of democracy and I totally respect other people express their own views unless they are not assumed to be offending others. And you had better to write your letter, esp about serious topics without pretending your identity .

If you have any concerns in regard to Japanese whaling, I am more than welcome to discuss over this matter to learn different views in OUR NATIVE LANGUAGE Japanese. regards, Akihiro Yamasaki

Retractions In the AIESEC article from our last issue, the dumb Nexus editor spelled the vowel-heavy AIESEC ‘AISEC’ in the headline, despite Hannah’s impeccable efforts within the article. It does in fact have two Es, as you will see above. Sorry AIESEC. Also, a letter in issue 7 was found offensive by the person to whom it was directed. Nexus regrets causing any undue distress and will examine letters more carefully in future.

Opinion Heaters of Satan

BY NICK ELLIOTT

You could just call me another first year uni student fresh out of high school. And that’s probably true. I have to say that there’s no way I’ll ever regret the transition I’ve made in moving to Hamilton and starting my own life, it’s perhaps the best decision I’ve ever made. Of course, I expected there to be a lot of things that would be foreign and perhaps frightening, but surprisingly there wasn’t anything major that I had to deal with.

In saying that, here I am well into the 2nd term of the A semester.

By now you’d think that everyone would be at peace with their new lives. And that would be true for me as well - IF IT WASN’T FOR THE STUPID HEATERS IN Z BLOCK OF BRYANT HALL! For the Nexus reader who isn’t from Bryant Hall, odds are that you probably haven’t heard anything about it. I mean, I can take waking up in the morning and opening my door to find a saw-horse blocking the way, then having to climb around the saw-horse because the builder that was standing on it was replacing some panel above my door. I can take the shitty shower that 9 out of 10 times fires out a dribbly little stream of cold water. I don’t mind the drunken bastards walking back and banging on my door in the early hours of Sunday morning. But there’s only so much you can take.

The heaters in the rooms at Bryant Hall are just a radiator heater, hot water flows through it depending on how much you open the valve. Simple concept. However, it sounds that although there are some different symptoms of heater retardancy, there are some essentially constant problems. The main one being that THEY MAKE HORRENDOUS NOISES! My own heater tends to make tapping noises, sounding similar to the noise that it would make if there was an airlock in it. However, it happens even if the heater is turned off. And when I turn it on, it taps faster and faster until it suddenly stops. Then 20 minutes later, the tapping continues.

Turning it off now has the exact same effect as turning it on did before. And so we go around in a circle.

However, the tapping is the smallest and most insignificant issue. The major annoyance is that some people’s heaters (my friend Jake’s heater in particular, but mine has also done it) make horrendously loud and obtrusive noises that can only be described as a “dying pig”. These aren’t quiet noises, I can hear them coming from his room with a closed door in my room, down the opposite end of the hallway. The heater does this in bursts, often lasting up to an hour at a time. Its enough of a bitch when this happens in the day while you’re trying to write an essay or an Engine Talk article.

But it’s just too much when it suddenly wakes you up at 2:00 AM. And again at 3:00 AM. And again at 4:00 AM. You get the idea.

Bryant Hall is an awesome community to be a part of. It’s just that their heaters blow.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

15

Funny Business

A grizzly bear walks into a bar and says to the barman “Can I please have a rum.................and coke?”

The barman says “Sure, but what’s with the long pause?

The bear raises his arms.

“Cos I’m a bear!”

Why’d the crab get arrested?

For pinching Send yours to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and go in the draw to win a movie pass! Keep em coming. This week’s winner is ‘very funny person’.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident.” “OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff is stunned at this display of emotion, and nervously watches as the president sits, head in hands, inconsolable over the statement. Finally, the President looks up and asks...

“How many is a brazillion?”

Q: What was Bruce Lee’s drink of choice?

A: WATAAAARRRRRRR!!!!

Contributed by Gary Oliver (Sorry Gary, I needed the space so I cut a joke --M)

Relieving Stress in Class 1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.

2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters “CHECK YOUR FLY”. (At least for the male profs.)

4. Address the professor as “your excellency”.

5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream “AAAGH! MY EYES!” 6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.

7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he’s been drinking.

8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it’s Smith. Claim that the i is silent.

9. Sit in the front row reading the professor’s graduate thesis and snickering.

10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, “Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?” Become agitated when the professor can’t understand you.

11. Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute.)

12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write “Signup Sheet #5” at the top, and start passing it around the room.

13. Start a “wave” in a large lecture hall.

Contributed by ‘a very funny person. (a.k.a Disneyland’s Relative muahaha)’

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Because of the drizzle my nizzle What does an apple have in common with a bike?

They both have handlebars.....except for the apple What’s red and invisible?

No tomatoes Contributed by Chris Williams (I hope you like them lame cos I do!)

You know you’ve been around the Htown music scene too long when...

- Your htown.co.nz username becomes your real name.

- You’re actually considering staying in this shithole of a town longer than your education deems necessary.

- Your caustic wit becomes so caustic that your face melts.

- You’ve never said 4701 things in real life, but have on htown.co.nz.

- You’ve slept with all the people in the crowd at your band’s show.

- You’re considering a guest appearance by Kahu on your next recording, just to enlist some ‘fresh’ talent to add to your sound.

- Most of your “going out to gigs” actually involves driving up to Auckland.

- You yell “Hurry Up, OWW!” during a slow work meeting.

- You remember when it cost $2 to see the Datsuns.

- You’ve been in more than one band with Stan Jagger or Paul T. - The fact that you’re going to whatever gig is on this Friday is implied - your friends don’t even need to ask you if you’re going.

- Six degrees of separation becomes 1 degree to at least 5 different bands.

- You reckon someone’s a pussy if they can’t handle three gigs in one night.

- You can make a list of ways to know you’ve been around the Htown music scene too long.

Contributed by www.htown.co.nz frequenters

Issue 11 22 May 2006

Feature Htown label Mole Music Ltd crept into existence in late 2005 and amidst the pre–Christmas madness released their first CD, Go With The Movers.

Mole Music Making Mountains

M. Emery reports on the local Hamilton music label...

The compilation CD of kiwi acts included Connan and the Moccasins, Lady Luck (RIP), Grayson Gilmour, The Chandeliers, The Blunts, Nova Echo (Now called Shaky Hands), The Vacants, Robot Tigers, This Night Creeps, Amy Racecar, The Popes of Del Ray and The Batstorm (RIP). Go With The Movers was well received but possibly slipped under some people’s Christmas radar. Since then Mole has issued releases from This Night Creeps and The Vacants.

Recently Mole Music have expanded into shows and tours, with a monthly gig at The Castle in Ward Street and also taking bands through to Wellington and Auckland. The debut Castle show in April featuring This Night Creeps, The Shaky Hands, The Mint Chicks, Sunny Tokyo and The Vacants was probably the outstanding rock show of the year for Hamilton so far. The follow up show is

The Mole Music Transformer is made up of the following: Pads - Guns - Bad Cop - Half of the Brain - Left Leg - Quarter of the Heart - Ideas - Right Bicep - Half of the Face - Love Bot - Thumb Sam - Knees - Good Cop - Half of the Brain - Money Blower - Quarter of the Heart - Ideas - Day to Day Runner - Half of the Face - Toe Love Bot Chris - Money Giver - Right Leg - Quarter of the Heart - Ideas Shane - Money Giver - Arms- Quarter of the Heart - Ideas Hollie - Left Ear - Right Foot – Ideas What difficulties have you faced in setting up Mole Music?

Heaps. Sometimes our shows and CDs are just so fricken rad that people can’t cope with the radness so they explode all over our shit. New Zealand’s lack of interest in its fucking amazing music is something of a difficulty. Bad/cocky decisions. Castlepoint addiction. Band break ups. Terry the poster guy. And other stuff.

“Sometimes our shows and CDs are just so fricken rad that people can’t cope with the radness so they explode all over our shit” happening this Thursday, featuring The Mint Chicks, The Shaky Hands, Grayson Gilmour, Sunny Tokyo, and White Birds & Lemons.

May also saw the first International act Moggs come through from the states to play a tour of NZ organized by Mole Music and cheeseontoast.co.nz.

Half the Brain of Mole Music, Sam Walsh sheds some light on their background and beginnings.

Join the Mole Music crew and friends on Thursday, 25th May at The Castle (Ward St). Entry is $10 to see The Mint Chicks, Grayson Gilmour, The Shaky Hands, Sunny Tokyo and White Birds & Lemons. www.molemusicltd.com for more details

Where did the inspiration to form Mole Music come from?

I’d been wanting to run a label since I was about 12, and we were doing this kind of stuff already (shows, recording, etc) - just not as hard out and without the bigger plans, without looking at the bigger picture. That combined with encouragement from family and friends and some other stuff spawned the initial idea for the company.

Who is currently involved in Mole Music and what are their roles?

Issue 11 22 May 2006

Will there be a follow up to Go with the Movers?

Maybe at the end of this year, we haven’t really decided yet as we are focusing on other projects.

What do you think of the state of the current Hamilton music scene as compared to recent years?

The Hamilton music scene is only always going to be as good as the people in it make it. In the past I think it’s been a little better but that’s irrelevant - if the scene sucks then its no one’s fault but our own I guess. I don’t know, I don’t like questions like that. Blah blah blah.

What plans are there for the future of Mole Music?

You’ll have to wait and see…

In breaking news - Mole Music have recently started their own newsletter, available from Metropolis, Tracs, Defy, Rockshop and Weirs.

Check out Mole Music online at: www.molemusicltd.com

F

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Feature

M. Emery investigates musical treasure trove Upsett Records Upsett Records set up shop in Hamilton in late 2005, filling a void left since the demise of Bigtones and Youthzone.

For new and rare music from the darkest recesses of Swedish Death Metal to the sunny anarchist rants of Gainesville FLA, Upsett Records have a wide selection of punk, hardcore, metalcore and other cores on vinyl and CD. They are also stocking local releases and are not just limited to music of a brutal nature, heck I found a copy of the classic Ween LP, Chalk and Cheese on vinyl up there the other day!

With walls smothered in posters from gigs gone by and comic pop art masterpieces, Upsett Records looks like the kind of place you could find something amazing. Since setting up, the shelves have filled with more and more precious things, giving the store an appearance of a punk Aladdin’s cave.

Beyond music, Upsett also stock $6 guitar strings, $25 bass strings, $6 drumsticks and $0.60 guitar picks including glow in the dark picks with magnets. For eye candy and intellectual development Upsett carry a smattering of books and imported ‘zines ranging from SCUM Manifesto to scene-specific photo books. T-shirts, badges and other rock paraphernalia are in plentiful stock too. The corridor below the staircase has local and out of town free zines as well as gig flyers for folk to avail of.

Upsett are also happy to stock local releases and also help out with production on local zines. If every town had a place like this then surely we’d be a better off as a country!

Set in the space upstairs at 333 Victoria

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Street between The Chinese Massage Parlour and DTR, Upsett Records is operated by three local members of the band Gawj. Sean came up with the intial inspiration to create the store and currently handles music orders, mail orders and maintains the Upsett website. “Dane who is the main contact point at the shop and he’s the one who works in there day in and day out.

We also have him to thanks for making the shop such a visual feast, he’s good with his hands.”

States Sean. “Gabe deals with the Lease and all the maintenance to the store. He also does all the orders for Books and Magazines.” “He is the local scene whore as well!”

Upsett Records have regularly been host to all ages shows since January of this year. “The shows have been really good and I’m glad we started them. We were a little apprehensive to begin with and kept putting it off but it works well now.”

“Most of the shows are set up by Sam from Antagonist and he’s good at it so we seldom if ever have any problems. The crowds are really good and treat the shop and venue with a good amount of respect. It’s nice to have this sort of space for bands to play.”

As well as the all ages shows the venue has also been used for other events. “We’ve had a film showing by Snake Beings, an Art Exhibition from the guys who rent the back art studio and even a first birthday party for baby Cora.” states Sean.

Upsett are currently open Tuesday to Sunday from 11am til when they feel like it, usually sometime after 5pm.

Upsett Records are online and you’ll find information about future shows there as well as an almost complete list of the records that they are selling. F www.upsettrecords.com Issue 11 22 May 2006

Upcoming All Ages shows at Upsett include: 27 May: Simian Lines, Adam Killer, Gawj 2 June: Death By Stereo, Antagonist, The Warpath 17 June: A Low Hum 21st July: Suicide Dogs + Guests 29th July: Most Precious Blood + Guests

Feature

“Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short... Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast for it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty six.”

By Burton C. Bogan Once upon a time, in a far away land with strange and different ways (Auckland), there was a festival called The Big Day Out. It was a magical festival where rock and metal bands dominated and bogans, goths and alternative people could enjoy a whole day filled with their favourite bands, mixed with some alcohol and greasy food. But then a dark time came, and Big Day Out was overrun with bands with ‘singers’ that talked with their hands, glow sticks and guys with Z’s in their name. All the bogans, goths and alternative people ran away and it was a dark time in the land of Metal NZ. Okay - melodramatic I know, but it does piss you off doesn’t it? We were lucky to have Opeth and Korn respectively but other countries, as close as Australia, get Fear Factory, Korn and Static-X on the one bill! With this in mind, The Beast Entertainment was formed to address the lack of metal events and other events with no more than one token band. Their first event ‘Metal Day Out’ planned for 6th June, 2006 (6-6-6, when else could it be?) will be at the Champion Dragway, SH1, Meremere.

It boasts 18 bands, including representatives from Denmark, United Kingdom, United States, and Australia. Also featured will be representatives of kiwi metal as well. For those of you who still want more, there’s also going to be a drag racing, a tattoo show, various other amusements and ticket holders at the show will go into a draw to win a mini-chopper motorbike: all the Bogan bases covered. How much is all this? FIFTY BUCKS. Less than half

– Adapted from ‘Revelations’ by IRON MAIDEN

the price of Big Day Out, it’s closer, and you get all these bands. But who are these bands? I thought I’d profile some of them, just to let you know what you get for your money: ILLDISPOSED: To me, these guys will be the highlight of the festival. From Denmark, and their eighth album, released in 2004, 1-800Vindication is very cool. Arguably Death Metal but these days it’s so hard to nail shit down that who knows? I know that any band that samples Wayne’s World on such a cool song (Jeoff) has got to be worth a look. Another song highlight is the very cool When you scream.

They’ve also got a brand new album called Burn me wicked. www.illdisposed.dk FLATLINE: From Los Angeles, influenced

by Slayer, Metallica & Pantera (but what band these days isn’t?), these guys are kinda Hardcore/Thrash I guess. Their recent releases include an EP called Bred on Deception (2006) and if you wanna check out a full album there’s Massive Aggression (2005). www.flatlinemetal.com

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RISE TO ADDICTION: The only band from the United Kingdom on the bill, so they’ve got a lot to live up to! They’ve previously worked with producer Andy Sneap (MachineHead & Killswitch Engage anyone?) So you know they’re gonna be cool.

www.risetoaddiction.com.

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AREA 51: From Tampa, Florida – so you know they’re gonna be growling vocals. I have to be honest and say I hadn’t heard of Area 51 before but the website sounds pretty promising and if they’re from Tampa they’re sure to be cool. www.xarea51x.com

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Issue 11 22 May 2006

FRANKENBOK: Do I really need to talk about Frankenbok? THE BOK FUCKEN ROCK! Multiple tours with 8ft Sativa and a very cool album Blood Oath. One of those rare albums where there’s actually no filler and you listen to the whole album from start to finish. Current news says they’re working on a new album so we’ll all be eagerly awaiting that.

www.frankenbok.com

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Also coming from Australia are DIABLO & ROOK. I haven’t heard of them before but should be interesting…

BUT WHAT ABOUT NEW ZEALAND METAL? All the hard working bands that tour round New Zealand and overseas, touring their asses off, all in the name of kiwi metal? Well there are about 11 of them, all of whom you should already know and have moshed to too many times already. They include: CHUGANAUT, SUBTRACT, WORLD WAR FOUR, SINATE, CRIPPLE MR ONION, AGENT & SLIPPING TONGUE. And in this space of time I still haven’t listed all the bands that are going to be there, apologies to those I’ve missed out but word counts are a real bitch. Get your tickets from Ticketmaster outlets as well as from The Beast Entertainment (021 100 1410), The Generator 89FM, Tracs in Hamilton and CD/ DVD Warehouse in Hamilton.

All I can say to finish, is that it’s about time we had a festival of our own – a holiday that doesn’t mean the bars are all shut…but actually encourages them to be open!

See you all at ‘666’

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Ones To Watch

Hamilton’s party paparazzi Petra Jane shares her love of local music, and some of her picks for the best new bands in town...

Let’s get one thing clear: Whatever they tell you, May is not New Zealand Music Month. It is New Zealand Music Industry Month, a governmentsponsored patriotic fielday for local media to promote those few kiwi artists who are already household names.

If you need proof that NZMM is little more than a cynical marketing ploy for New Zealand music as ‘product’, just look at the official statistics the Government’s New Zealand Music Industry Commission is trumpeting: “In total New Zealanders bought 55,000+ albums by local artists in May last year - nearly twice as many than in the previous month”

(New Zealand Music Industry Commission factsheet “NZ Music Month Statistics 2006”) New Zealand music sells. But only during one month a year. Like any good marketing strategy, the success of New Zealand Music Month is measured in record sales and commercial airplay. It’s these standards of success that make NZMM so irrelevant to those involved in Hamilton music. Apart from a few anomalies -- if anything, 48May and The Datsuns are exceptions which prove the rule -- Hamilton doesn’t ‘do’ commercial-radio, major-label rock. It exists entirely outside the irrelevant and self-congratulatory New Zealand Music Industry that heralds its own supposed successes every May.

enjoyable music in the country is coming out of your own back yard. But you’re unlikely to hear these bands on a Hallensteins ad or see them on a Government-sponsored high schools tour this month. You’ll find them in dark and dingy bars, or the corner of someone’s mate’s lounge in the wee hours of a party, or maybe crackling over the airwaves of Contact FM. Any one of them could be your new favourite band.

But unless you get amongst it, you’ll never know what you’re missing.

Here are my picks for the ones to watch on the Hamilton scene, new bands who’ve made an impression on me. It’s but a snapshot, by no means a definitive overview of the bands or even the genres Hamilton music covers.

Some of the finest, most interesting and

Dynamo Go

The best-looking band in Hamilton, helped in no small part by the immaculate paired keyboard-girl stylings. Easily successors to early Flying Nun’s indie-pop legacy, this young band’s big sound gives nods to The Clean and The Verlaines, with the unabashed melodic melodrama of Roxy Music, The Kinks and even Abba. It’s sweet, cynical pop with humour, flair and a jaunty Mod edge. Fans of the Li’l Chief label and 60s beat groups will most definitely approve.

With talent and ambition to burn, Dynamo Go have already toured the North Island before playing a Hamilton show. Their public debut was at the barn-themed music festival Barnstock, in Waiuku just south of Auckland, followed by a rapturous reception from a packed Valve bar in Wellington. They’ve since been picked for the May A Low Hum tour and the 2nd annual Circle Jerk. They’ll be hitting the recording studio and then SH1 very shortly, so be sure to see one of the shows on their busy schedule over the next month.

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Sunny Tokyo

The Mole Music family has also recently given birth to Sunny Tokyo.

It would be fair to call this another super-group, combining the talents of Pads (Creeps/Popes/Shakedown) and his namesake Li’l Pads (The MC6), Jono Gemmel (also Creeps/Popes/Shakedown) with relative newcomer Nick and an as-yet-unseen keyboardist.

Sunny Tokyo rock a more 60s r’n’b vibe than the Popes or Dialtones, coloured with reverberating guitar and organ swirls. Like a young Yardbirds, they play simplistic compositions with soulful intensity.

It’s refreshing to see these stalwarts of blues-rock take their love of retro rock n roll in an unexplored direction. And they do it well. Catch them representing Hamilton at Mole Music’s next showcase at The Castle, Ward Street, on Thursday 25 May with The Mint Chicks, Grayson Gilmour, White Birds & Lemons and the Shaky Hands.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

PHOTO: CHICCO DORRO

Feature

Firecats

The Dialtones You might have seen The Dialtones playing at Max FM or opening for Batrider a few months back. Made up of half of This Night Creeps with half of the possibly-now-defunct Popes Of Del Ray, The Dialtones are independent record label Mole Music’s resident super-group. They blend the sounds of both bands into a compelling and unique blend of angular post-punk and dirty blues rhythms, guaranteeing one fun and frantic work-out for your dancing shoes.

The Dialtones have gone quiet in the last few months, the sadly toocommon symptom of Hamilton supergroups sharing members with more active bands. Catch their energetic performance if you can, it’s a sure ticket to a good time.

Like Voltron or Captain Planet, cartoon goof-offs Matt7 (drums/ bass/vox) and Ryan (uhh…drums/bass/vox) combine their forces to create the ultimate party band. They made their unannounced debut at my birthday party earlier this year, and their daft and danceable disco punk blew me away. It’s punk rock stripped back to the barest essentials: killer grooves, infectious tunes, humour and ridiculous sumo costumes.

They’ve been a bit quiet since a show supporting Teenwolf and The Vacants at Auckland’s Schooner Tavern. Rumour has it they’re bringing third Firecat into the fold very soon. Meanwhile, jump onto their myspace page – http://myspace.com/firecatsfirecats -and listen to the brilliant bedroom demo of ‘Dancefloor Bruise’.

And then there’s…

The Gills Another undiscovered songwriting genius, Mike Crook has been quietly assembling Hamilton’s greatest musical talent into a cult to do his musical bidding, reinventing songs from his solo release ‘Everything Is Dangerous’ and exploring darker, noise-laden territories.

The Gills comprise Mike’s distinct guitar and voice, Geoff Doube of The Shrugs on guitar, fellow Zebra/Goose Tony Sisam on bass, the incomparable and ubiquitous Stan Jagger on drums and Hamilton’s best-kept secret Gradon Diprose playing keyboards, flute and pretty much everything else. Like Dynamo Go, there are hints of early Flying Nun’s fractured indie-pop, infused with a sinister alt-folk flavour. It’s understated, emotive and evocative, twisted lullabies and latter-day murder ballads.

Too many to mention. Peace Skank Inquiry, The Shut-The-Fuck-Ups, Simian Lines, Goatse, Radioactive In Your Pants…maybe even your band. Remember, Hamilton doesn’t have a ‘Music Industry’, it doesn’t have to be a passive experience of accepting what you hear on the radio or the album charts. Get amongst it, and choose your own favourite band. Tune in to your student station Contact 88.1FM. Join me at the Mole Music show and Circle Jerk. And remember: Hamilton music isn’t just for May, it’s for life.

If you want to see more of the Hamilton Music scene, check out Petra Jane’s website at www.petrajane.com for photos of recent and past gigs that have happened in Hamilton.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

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Feature

Samplers Bite Sized Profiles for your gig-going pleasure Sample Gee

DJ Sample Gee (aka Grant Kearney) has a helluva bio. He’s gone from fanatical record collector to head of Universal Australia’s dance division, notching up some huge gigs along the way and playing with people such as Fatboy Slim and Paul Oakenfold.

He managed two top 20 singles before the age of 21 as part of The Chain Gang, ran Bassline Records with Sam Hill and was a presenter of ‘The Pulse’, a dance music show on Auckland’s Max TV. Sample Gee is also the mastermind behind the ‘Lagered’ series.

His total mix album sales in Australasia are in excess of 250,000 albums.

And he’s coming to Hamilton on Saturday 27th to play at the Loft. Nexus asked a few questions:

I’ve been blessed enough to have had many.

Being voted #5 DJ in Australia in 2003 from 700 nominees has to be up there, especially as I had only been touring the country for 2 years. The Brain (Auckland Town Hall)1993, Lagered 2000 weekender at The Powerstation playing to 3000 people, and The Mint monthly club gigs in Auckland are probably the best events I have ever been involved with.

Sum up the current state of the NZ dance music industry - is it in good shape?

I can’t speak for the rest of New Zealand as I don’t tend to tour much these days but Auckland is absolutely going off. We have lost a few clubs over the past couple of years (Centro, Morrisson, Starzz, Blend, Coast) which has been a real disappointment, but there are so many one off events and parties in new places it keeps things exciting. Some of the gigs on Waiheke Island this past summer were like something out straight out of Europe.

Career highlight so far?

I’ve seen many changes over my 19 years in clubland, not necessarily better or worse, just different. Dance music is constantly evolving, unlike most other genres.

What drew you back to NZ from Aus? The Mint monthly club nights and RNB Superclub which I promote once a month at Float on The Viaduct, which is absolutely huge.

I was also sick of flying all over Australia to DJ every weekend and then having to keep flying back to Auckland to promote my club nights. I miss the weather over there but it’s good to be back with friends and family.

What will your Hamilton show offer the punters?

An uplifting, happy vibe, with great tunes and plenty of energy. I have to apologize now for the large Auckland contingent coming down for the night...

See Sample Gee at the Loft on May 27th.

Don’t forget your dancing shoes.

Hannah Yen tracks down a few of her favourite NZ bands online Cobra Khan

Cold By Winter

Kitsch

If you are into punk music you might recognise some or all of these people.

Sommerset (Milon Williams), Day One (Andy Morton), Balance (Dean Cameron) and Cold By winter (Ben Lee) plus Sarah Fox blended together forms Cobra Khan. The band was created August 2005 and toured with the bleeders and Kitsch while playing at high profile shows. You might have seen them at 2006 Big Day Out or heard ‘Wrapped in Plastic’ on the radio (it stayed in the 10 top for 10 weeks the 95bfm). Cobra Khan can be spotted along with Kitsch and Cold By Winter on Saturday 27 May at Rising Sun (373 Karangahape Road, Auckland). The gig will start at 8pm. It’s highly recommend by me that you see them play; they sound fantastic!

Cold By Winter is an Auckland punk band with a little twist. They have played with hardcore and punk bands such as Shai Hulud, Terror, Day Of Contempt, Hot Water Music and Most Precious Blood. Cold By Winter released their first album We: The Living in November 2005. If you are fond of Eighteen Visions and Hopesfall you will enjoy Cold By Winter. During January this year these guys toured Europe, allowing Germany, France, Netherlands, Austria, Belgium, Czech Republic and the United Kingdom to experience New Zealand punk music, and went down well. Cold By Winter has strong vocal mix, viciously heavy guitars and complicated break-downs.

If you’re into punk rock that is hard and fast you’ll relish Kitsch. Kitsch first started out in Taranaki. The band consists of 4 members.

Sam Icke (Vocals/Guitar), Ben Crawford (Guitar/Vocals), Rodd Beeby (Bass/Vocals), Dan O’Neill (Drums). They have played basically everywhere; you might have seen Kitsch on The Warped tour and Big Day Out stages. They have been together for just over a decade and released two extremely successful albums The Way It Was (1999) and Love Songs for Romantic Punks (2002).

Currently they are working on their third album The Burning Ground which will be released August 15th, and will be a lot heavier and complex in comparison to their first album.

www.myspace.com/cobrakahn

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www.myspace.com/coldbywinter

Issue 11 22 May 2006

www.myspace.com/kitschrock

Feature

I FOUGHT UNI IDOL AND UNI IDOL WON

BY NEXUS’ IDOL MO-LE

A few of the Uni Idol semi finalists give us some info Junior Mac

It was with tremendous intrepidity, poise and confidence that I approached the WSU building’s entrance foyer, waiting area for others, who – like me – dared to face the music:

Describe yourself in 5 words: Some people think I’m Usher Would you enter NZ Idol?

I’m too old now Why should you win Uni Idol?

Because I turned up and because I can sing and because I can sing and because I had a shower.

WAIKATO UNI IDOL. Initially I wasn’t going to enter, but somehow Dawn managed to convince me into representing Nexus – “and you can write about it, it’ll be great, Mo!” – And I’m all about representing. Plus the prizes were totally sweet. Eh, what did I have to lose? (Perhaps my soul, but I’m sure I could find another one on Trademe).

Iput

Describe yourself in 5 words: Bubbly, smiley, shorty, dancer, jazzy.

Would you enter NZ Idol?

Yes Why should you win Uni Idol?

Cos I love singing and I love stages. I’ve performed quite a bit so I won’t only show you what singing is like but also how it could be.

I filled out the entry form the day before – “Describe yourself in 10 words.” OK. Awesome, Amazing, Cool, Talented,… awesome? Short, Asian, Mrs, Paul, McCartney (he’s always been my favourite). I don’t know, “About Me” sections are always hard, both for myspace and uni idol entry forms.

Anyway, back to the waiting room. I made small talk with the other contestants, some who recognized me from past contests of a similar ilk. Oh, my dirty, dirty past. As a seasoned talent quest veteran, I led the others in brief breathing and warmup exercises – “breathe IN, then SHHHHHHH!” – whilst we all waited our turns.

Mario Mo

Describe yourself in 5 words: Cool, amazing, awesome, short, SUPERCHARGED. Would you enter NZ Idol?

NAHHH! Why should you win Uni Idol?

Because…I dunno really. Good question.

Why should you indeed?

My plan of attack: power ballads. All morning I’d been refining my rendition of Mariah Carey’s Hero (other contenders were various Whitney Houston tunes and Total Eclipse of the Heart but Mariah was a winner at the end of the day). As my turn drew nearer, however, I found myself getting more and more nervous. I could totally empathise with those that freeze up on NZ Idol – you don’t know what it’s like to be judged until, well, you’re subjected to it, really. Panic eventually set in and I gave up my power ballads plan and settled for a safe jazz number that I sing way more in the shower than Hero – You’d Be So Nice To Come Home To, Ella Fitzgerald styles.

My turn finally came and I actually don’t remember much of how it went. I think I swayed my hips from side to side and clicked my fingers and stuff. They must have liked it, cos the next day I got an email saying I got through to the semifinals. Then I had my photo taken for Nexus, then I had a friend telling me he saw me on Maori TV – which surely means all is going well in this battle. And my soul remains intact.

Goodie.

So yes. To the other semi-finalists – congrats! Remember to take care of your voices (and souls) in this cold weather. See you on the 23rd, I’m looking forward to all the talent.

William Sipu

Describe yourself in 5 words: Shy, funny, charming, caring, friendly.

Would you enter NZ Idol? (no comment. Dark horse.)

Why should you win Uni Idol?

Why not?!

Come and see these four and the other 12 semi-finalists performing outside the Academy of Performing Arts at 3pm on Tuesday 23rd May. There is free admission to the live semis but you’ll need tickets for the big Uni Idol Final (26th at 7pm at the Academy) and these are available through the Academy itself.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

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Gig Previews STOLEN FROM LAST YEAR’S POSTER

Second Annual Circle Jerk New Zealand Music Month means nothing to most people, particularly musicians in Hamilton who have been overlooked by corporate sharks and, of course, the kind people at NZ on Air who only give money to bands that already have record deals.

In 2005, Hamilton decided that the inanity must stop.

Hamiltonians must fight back. And so, the first annual Circle Jerk was proposed – a gig where lots of Hamilton bands would pay tribute to other Hamilton bands, in what was effectively a massive public display of group masturbation.

Deeply entertaining to watch, but a metaphorical masty nonetheless.

Now, in 2006, it is time to revive the choked chickens of NZ Music Months past – the Circle Jerk is to be held again. Presented

by Contact 88.1FM, this years Circle Jerk will showcase something like 12 bands, with each playing two songs from other Htown bands and one song of their own. It’s an opportunity for bands and audiences to pay tribute to some of the amazing bands that Hamilton has given birth to and buried over the past 20 years.

The lineup this year is looking pretty spectacular thus far – Yokel Ono, Pumice, The Shrugs, Rumpus Room, St Lucy, Amy Racecar, Dynamo Go, Johnny Fist, Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers, Luna Spark and 4 Second Fuse will all join forces on Saturday the 27th May at Castle Bar (underground at 12 Ward St). Door charge $10.

The ODDFELLOWS Comedy Convoy Laughter is good for the soul, not to mention the exam-scrambled brain. Tip - forget the study for one night (just one night, now) and go wet yourself laughing at the Oddfellows Comedy Gala. This is coming to Hamilton on Monday 29th at the Community Theatre (the one by Pak’n’Save). Take your friends, buy some groceries.

The rundown - five of the finest local and international comedians have left the big smoke behind and are currently on a madcap road trip around New Zealand. All in the name of a good laugh, the convoy travels to six cities, for one night, for one show only. The Gala features Rhod Gilbert (Wales), Charlie Pickering (Aus), Te Radar (NZ), Sam Wills (2005 ODDEFLLOWS Billy T Award Winner), with accomplished comedy wrangler and host Jeremy Corbett. You can’t really lose. Unless

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you bet someone $5 that you wouldn’t laugh, and then you did laugh, of course. Then you’d lose.

So what does this mega night out cost? $39.90 for grown ups, or $29.90 for students/ concession. Tickets are available from the Academy or the library, or by calling 07 958 5858, or on the door 1 hour before. There’s a website too (ticketdirect.co.nz) but at the time of writing the Comedy Gala ticket page was somewhat inoperable. Students can’t use the website anyway, as they need to show ID when purchasing. Oh yeah, it’s on Mon 29 May. Guaranteed to be at least 178% better than Nexus’ Jerk Jokes, this show should be a riot and leave you thoroughly revitalised for exams.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

SURGEONS GENERAL WARNING: THE CONVOY IS A KNOWN CARRIER OF INFECTIOUS LAUGHTER THIS WAS ON THE PRESS RELEASE. I DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY.

GIG GUIDE Auckland gigs and going-ons are noted with this symbol:

A

Monday May 22nd In celebration of New Zealand Music Month, Urecka Barbershop Cortet are playing at 6.45pm at the Central Library, Hamilton.

The Castle is seeing some awesome acts this week. The ‘ever so popular at the moment’ Mint Chicks, Wellington’s ‘boy with the beautiful eyes’ Grayson Gilmore, Auckland rock’n’rollers Shaky Hands, Hamilton’s own rockers Sunny Tokyo and White Birds and Lemons are gracing The Castle’s glass stages. The Castle can be found on Ward Street, Hamilton. The show is R18 and will cost about $10 Nashville Pussy are playing with the Rock And Roll Machine and The Sorecocks at the Kings Arms, Auckland A

Tuesday May 23rd Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Student subscriptions are $85 full year or $45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are also available for $25.

Wednesday May 24th Jam Night is happening every Wednesday from 9:30pm till late. Fat Bellies, Hood Street, Hamilton.

Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

Dub kids Katchafire are playing in the New City Bar, Sky City at 10pm. This is a free gig in celebration of New Zealand Music Month.

If TV2s “Sensing Murder” is your thing, you can go and view Deb Webber live in action.

She is back in Hamilton for one night only, at the Founders Theatre. Tickets are available from Ticket Direct.

Thursday May 25th In celebration of New Zealand Music Month, solo artist Kayla Grant will be performing at 4pm at the Hillcrest Library.

Straight after Kayla Grant there will be Recorder Music performed 4.30pm at the Hillcrest Library.

Pop-rockers EmG will be performing at 6pm at the Chartwell Library.

The Body Corporate are playing with Punches and one of the friendliest band in existence The Debutantes at the Schooner Tavern, Auckland A

All Blacks/Irish Rugby Test I’m going be completely honest here; I don’t know a thing about rugby! What I do know is that my good friend the internet told me that this was an event worth mentioning.

Friday May 26th At 11am, singer Amber Evemy will be performing at the St Andrews Library in celebration of New Zealand Music Month.

Rock band Eqwanox will be performing at 7.30 pm at the Central Library

COMPILED BY MAZZY 2pm - Escape L2 Central Library 3pm - EmG Pop/Rock - L1 Central Library Come along to the Circle Jerk to see Hamilton Bands perform covers of other Hamilton bands – as well as a few originals of their own.

Should be a laugh! Bands performing this year include The Shrugs, Amy Racecar, Rumpus Room and Dynamo Go. This is all happening at The Castle, Ward Street, Hamilton.

Dynamo Go, Peace Skank Inquiry, Gawj Adam Killer & Simian Lines. The show is all ages, so bring your siblings, or whoever else you know to Upsett Records, Victoria Street, Hamilton. $10 Lily Green and Fideleo are playing live at Sohl Bar, Victoria Street, Hamilton. The show will start at 9.30pm and cost $5-$10 DJ legend Sample Gee plays at the Loft – see page 22 Style Explosion #4 This free show will feature 4 Second Fuse, St Lucy and DateMonthYear.

There will also apparently be stuff for sale from the fabulous Wowee Zowee. This is all taking place in the Saloon bar at the Outback, Hamilton.

Aucklanders Cold by Winter are playing with Kitsch and Cobra Khan at 420 (420 K’Rd), Auckland (R18). Generally CBW shows are about $10.

A

If you miss the Castle show, don’t cry! You can catch The Mint Chicks, Grayson Gilmour, Shaky Hands, Sunny Tokyo, White Birds and Lemons at the Schooner Tavern in Auckland.

Once again the show is R18 and will probably cost about $10 A

Saturday May 27th A Farewell to NZ Music Month 06 11am - Kimbra L1 Central Library 12pm - Addictive Torture L2 Central Library 1pm - Mill Road L2 Central Library Issue 11 22 May 2006

MetalFest Featuring Gomorrah, Aphelon, Ulcerate, Asphyxiate, Sinate, Trial by Fire, Odiusembowel and Creeping at the Kings Arms, Auckland.

A

If you are aware of any interesting gigs or other events happening around town, don’t hesitate to notify us at nexus@ waikato.ac.nz. All gigs are listed for free!

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WSU President SEHAI ORGAD

Vice-President CARL GORDON Is it safe to think outside the square at University?

Leaders in the field of tertiary education have some surprising advice for students:

Hello people!

I have been really busy constructing the submission to the University in regards to the student consultation and feedback on the University’s draft strategic plan. Thank you to all who participated and inspired us at WSU to continue the drive for greater student involvement and consultation in regards to the University’s operations and plans.

We will endeavor to bring more information and hold more forums for your input in the very near future. This is in order to not only have your say, but to also clarify and emphasize the impact of management’s decisions on students’ reality and the University of Waikato as a whole.

In other news, I have been on the judging panel for Uni Idol, and I must say that I am incredibly impressed with the talent that we hold here in Waikato. By the time you read this, the last heat would have taken place, and contestants will be practicing and getting ready for the semi finals to be held on May 23 down at the Village Green.

Okay, well that’s it for me at the moment, hopefully see you when I’m looking at ya, and hope you have a fabulous week!

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Question received wisdom.

Be innovative and controversial.

Be a critic of society, and its conscience.

Can they be serious?

The UoW’s 2005 ‘Vision’ lists, as one of its primary functions of a University, “To be a critic and conscience of society”. The New Zealand Vice-Chancellor’s Committee phrases it thus: to “accept a role as critic and conscience of society”.1 The Tertiary Education Commission, which funds the entire tertiary sector adds another element: “questioning and testing received wisdom, and putting forward new ideas and controversial options”. 2 The previous Minister of Tertiary Education’s Statement of Tertiary Education Priorities for 2005-2007 has as one of its key goals “to enable knowledge, teaching, and research activities to give greater support to innovation in all aspects of New Zealand life”. The key word is “innovation”.

Because of its small population and capital base, New Zealand can’t keep up with the developed world in terms of productivity and competitiveness. Its internal market is too small to generate the economies of scale required for the big capital investments needed if we are to match market leaders in terms of technological sophistication, productivity, and competitiveness.

For example, in NZ, the aluminium bodies for

Issue 11 22 May 2006

lawnmowers are die-cast using a technology 40-50 years old. It is 10-20 times slower than what could be achieved, but that’s only possible if we can export huge numbers (with high freight costs) and keep wages down to low levels.

So what do we do? Expand on those areas which give added value (e.g. make good wine from grapes), and build new industries which require innovation, and involve cutting edge digital technology.

Much of this involves a thriving tertiary education sector, which produces people who think outside the square, who are passionate about their field, and well-trained in the relevant intellectual, social, and business skills. That means rejigging the University.

So what happens to students who disagree with their lecturers, or question the system?

Ask around. Some academics encourage their students to be innovative; some don’t (ask them why). Are you being encouraged to be innovative; to be a critic; to have a social conscience?

Both analytical and creative abilities can and should be developed at University. But being a ‘critic’ means assessing not just ‘society’, but also the University, which links back to the University’s current focus on developing a strategic plan. It needs to deal with the question of developing critical and innovative thought. It hasn’t yet.

1

2

‘NZVCC Electronic News Bulletin’, Vol. 5, No. 2, 22 February 2005.

‘The distinctive contributions of tertiary education organisations: A Tertiary Education Commission Consultation paper’, May 2004: TEC, Wellington, NZ, p. 12.

GLBT Officer

Disabled Students’ Officer

Hey all

Greetings all

I have been going for entertaining rather than informative in my blurbs so far this year (sudoku anyone?), but I think it is time to actually put in some content.

Monday is the United Nations International Day for Biological Diversity, so just say no to cleaning this week, and see what kind of diversity you can encourage. There was that spaghetti growing in the back of the fridge, I was gonna eat it last week.

JEFF HAWKES

MEGAN MOFFET

So if you think you might be gay, or know you are but haven’t come out, or had a sexy dream about Richie McCaw and need to talk to someone, you can. The GLBT Mentoring Scheme is confidential and has non-judgemental people who have all been through the coming out process. They can help you work out if you are queer, or just had a bad curry and Richie actually looks kind of like your mother (and then you probably need more help than we can provide anyway). Just email sjhills@waikato.ac.nz or call Stephanie on (07) 838 4201.

Feeling like the only queer on campus?

You aren’t. There are lots! Quite a lot are part of Askew, and you can be too by emailing askew.waikato@gmail.com. They have events and share information through a mailing list.

The best weekend of the year is coming up soon. UniQ Conference is being held at Massey Palmy on the 7-9th of July and I will be taking a van load of people down for all the fun and games. The conference consists of workshops and speakers during the day then dance parties and socialising at night. It is a great opportunity for queer students from around the country to meet up and make friends.

GLAMZ is open soon (25th May). Don’t know what it is?

It’s Hamilton’s only Cabaret Dining Experience! They provide titillating entertainment and shows (drag, in case you were wondering), accompanied by a three course dinner. Then it becomes a nightclub from around 10pm. Located in Garden Place it will be the first queer friendly place in the middle of town. More info at www.glamz.co.nz if you want to go - everybody who’s anybody will be there.

This year will be the first National Student Pride Week and will be held 18th-25th September in many universities, polytechs and training colleges. I am looking forward to this and have started planning already.

If you have ideas for events, or would like to help, then come and see me. I am at the Student Union Building most of the time, or email glbt@ wsu.org.nz and tell me.

Tuesday is International Turtle Day. Wednesday is International Tiara Day, so come on everyone, find that princess and make her feel even more special.

Thursday is TOWEL Day, carry your Towel with you to show participation and mourning for Douglas Adams, “A Towel is the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch-hiker can have”. No need to drip dry!

Friday is Australia Sorry Day, Basically apologising for the mistreatment that was suffered by the Aboriginals; now called National Day of Healing.

Noice Not too much to report, just that exams are creeping up on us all, make sure you feed that machine that cradles your mind, and if need be, take a snack into the exam room. I often take a muesli bar or such into the room, open it in readiness to chomp away when I find I am hitting a wall, or mental block mid-exam. It picks up your sugar levels, and stimulates some thought, some how. Well, that’s what I find.

All the best

That’s probably more than enough information for this week, but email or txt 021 135 4727 if you have any questions.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

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Mature Students’ Officer VINCE MALCOLM-BUCHANAN Students are able to NOMINATE each other for Vice-Chancellor’s Award At a barbecue with friends last week we received a text joke which absolutely deserves to be shared in these pages: What is the speed limit for sex?

“68”, because when you get to “69” you’ve got to stop and turn around!

OK, back to business… we are now in the second to last lecture week of Semester A. On a personal note I am only too grateful to have reached this point in my graduate work without succumbing to a ‘meltdown’! In so saying, of a matter of course, deadlines loom ominously on the immediate horizon. LOL At a recent meeting of the Adult Learners Week Committee (ALWC), I was enthusiastically

reminded of the very significant number of students 25+ at our University. In fact our own Vice-Chancellors office reflects our institute’s pride in this matter by means of three ViceChancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards; each worth $1000. These are annual awards intended to encourage more adults to access learning opportunities and to celebrate the efforts, achievements and contributions of adult learner. The nominees must: (a) (b)

(c)

(d)

be at least 25 years old, and beenrolledattheUniversityofWaikato, either full-time or part-time, and stillbeenrolledintheBSemesterofthe year of awarding, and bestudyingtowardsthecompletionof their first tertiary qualification.

Easy as, HUH? Look, go to http://www. waikato.ac.nz/research/scholarships/ where you can access the requisite application form – alternatively, feel free to contact either the

scholarships office or myself at WSU for these forms. The closing date is the 14th of July 2006 – that’s the first Friday of B Semester, so I would encourage you all to please consider possible nominations!

In a forthcoming issue we are intending to run a full feature article in regards to Adult Learners Week events. I am trusting by that date we will also have some terrific new updates for you all in regards to this particular Award! But for the moment, that is of course just between you and I…hehehe.

On a lighter note, the WSU Executive is continuing to make an effort to meet with students on a Friday evening at the Opus Bar (Academy of Performing Arts) from 5.30 – 6.30, before moving on to our own Campus Bar at Don Llewellyn’s! So, I hope to get the chance to catch up with you there… have a great week, GO HARD! And Kia Ora.

WSU EXEC 2006

POST-HAKINAKINA CELEBRATIONS

28

Photos by Josh

PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

DISABILITIES OFFICER

INTERNATIONAL OFFICER

MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER

CAMPAIGNS OFFICER

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon

Jeff Hawks

Sonja Gruebmeyer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Jade & Joseph

Issue 11 22 May 2006

International Students’ Officer SONJA GRUEBMEJER Do you know where your towel is?

Well, all the blessed students who know this wholly remarkable book called ‘The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’, know as well why it is very necessary to have a towel with you. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide says some very interesting things about towels and all you poor guys who haven’t read it will not be told in this blurb. (Research it yourself! PR6051.

D3352H5 1979 p.24) But besides travelling in space, where a towel is really indispensable, being at uni requires a towel too. Just think of all the students, sweating at the uni rec centre: No Towel – No Workout. You see? Do YOU know where your towel is? And have you lately looked out of the window? Yup, it’s raining again, that means

you will be soaking wet before your reach your lecture and a considerate classmate will now be able to produce a towel before leaving a puddle of water on the floor or on the seat.

Clever commuters have a towel too. Yes, all you guys coming with a car to uni. A towel is very helpful for getting rid of condensation on your windscreen, it can cover your black steering wheel for the few days in summer when it is not raining and your car has more in common with your oven than a ride. And if you have found your parking space for uni again miles away from campus, you can wave frantically with it to make the bus driver stop for you outside the marked area.

uncomfortable if you work long hours hunched over some book in the library or sitting unergonomically in front of the computer. You can use a rolled up towel to support your wrists or lower back or rest your head on it when you have your 10 min nap after lunch.

So and with all these great tips I send you off home. To get your towel.

If you however are in desperate need of a spare towel you can win the one featured in this picture if you tell me how to leave the planet. Hint: PR 6051. D3352H5 2002

In the end, having a towel around is one of the best tips I can give you for your life on campus. Besides the above advantages, towels are good for preventing ‘Occupational Overuse Syndrome’. That makes you feel

Maori Students’ Officer SONJA GRUEBMEJER Generally these blurbs are often about embarking on a point of view – however today I find myself with the good dilemma of searching for the niceties in life and projecting an attitude of good heartedness and sincerity.

In this vein I call you all together to help me help you discus the issues that really make your world boil.

In last few months several groups have squared off looking for that one object of self autonomy. The purpose is clear for most however every now and again our collective groups get tangled and therefore seek the

way forward through less than accountable measures.

The job as I see it, is to provide a means for which, all students can meet in a safe environment to air any concern that they see as important to themselves. If this is the case I am prepared to provide a facilitated hui that protects the individual and allows for the maximum of input and then feedback to you the students.

I need to know from you all – how you see this being done? I am not about to set an agenda that does not meet the needs of all students, and neither am I about to allow any one group the ability to influence the makeup

of this hui. So using the consultative process you get to decide this; maori@wsu.org.nz is my contact address. Remember as always there are restrictions and for us it falls in the amount of money I can use to aid our resolve: • Firstly the meeting must be held early

next semester; • Secondly taonga has already been found

for any guest speakers or facilitators and

will be reflected in the budget

accordingly; • Agenda is set by you, and; • Very limited funds are available.

“In order to celebrate diversity, one must first know who you are as an individual”

S OFFICER

EDUCATION OFFICER

GLBT OFFICER

ENVIRONMENTAL OFFICER

MAORI STUDENT OFFICER

WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICER

Joseph

Andrew Pritchard

Megan Moffet

Frank Stubbing

Renee Rewi

Kim Armstrong

Issue 11 22 May 2006

TAURANGA OFFICER

Anthony Mckenna

29

Notices

Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues.

Flatmates Wanted. 2 Rooms of 5. $85 per week including power and phone. Close to uni. 106 Cook St. Call Ross, 0212651764 or ryalkane@ ihug.co.nz Flatmate wanted: good size house 5 min drive to uni to live with 3 others (1f2m) reasonable room with own ensuite, new 3bdrm house 2 living rooms, broadband, double garage house furnished but room empty. $95 rent +power/phone/food. melville ph/txt 027 559 2966, email lwm4@waikato.ac.nz Flatmate wanted asap!!!

To live with two chicks and one guy, all third year students on Greensboro St. Must be fun and easy going, $74 per week rent plus expenses.

Come check it out!! Phone 858 3143 or email heb2@waikato.ac.nz.

2 flatmates wanted to join 2 cool chicks in a nice flat in Nixon st, Ham East. Close to uni and town. $92 a week rent plus phone and power. 1 room available now, 027 6932761 evening.

Two rooms available in College Hall (university accommodation) only for female, full catered,$185 per week/single room including power. ph/txt 021 0644 908 or 021 0425 177.

Howdy, 2 cool chicks lookin 4 a flat or to establish a flat with 1 or 2 other gurls in ham east area. wantin cheep rooms 60 to 85 dollars per week. Separate food, poss flatm8 19-24yrs. email or txt Amanda on 0210465689 or gingergal53@yahoo.co.nz.

House for rent – 1 Helena Rd, 5 double bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Large sunny open plan living, lounge and kitchen. Parking for 5 cars and deck out front. $450 pw. Call or txt 0273524142.

OSM on Wednesday, 24th and 31st May in L.1 at 1 pm.

This is a policy-making meeting open to all students.

There will be a free lunch from 12.45 pm.

Desperately seeking grazing for one small horse. Free preferred, or cheap. Please can you help? Contact Rachel on 0274034423 Car 4 sale : Toyota Corona 1993, 5spd 2000cc, white 4 door, awesome reliable car and very economical. Been my daily driver but close to uni now dont need it ! Pioneer cd player aswel and new rear speakers. WOF + REG . $2000ono 027 332 0308 James Drummer available : for band preferably alternative/trippy or rock/ metal. But give us a yell and have a chat and go from there. Have drum kit and transport. Influences include tool, smashing pumpkins, kyuss, enigma etc. 027 332 0308 – James English Corner Would you like to improve your conversational English? This is for international students who want to learn how to talk more easily with New Zealanders. We will have fun classes where you can meet more people from New Zealand and overseas. Held every Thursday 7.30 – 8.30 at the drop-in-centre by Lady Goodwin Chapel (opp. Uni Rec Gym).

Costs nothing to partake. Any questions call Anna 021894154 Organised by ICF. Two Rooms Available: Need a new flat? We have two rooms in a house, less than 5min walk from uni, 2 bathrms, big kitchen andbackyard, all services (phone, jetstream) established. One room massive, one smaller - $77.50 & $70 p\week respectively, + Expenses. Avail. Early June, Ph\Txt 021387724 anytime.

On the whole, taking everything into consideration, after weighing it up carefully and looking at it from all sides, it is generally agreed by most reasonably intelligent people that clichés just take up space but say little.

Agenda: 1. Members present 2. Apologies 3. Minutes of previous meeting(s) 4. Legal outcomes of a resolution at 12 April 2006 OSM

on Te Ranga Ngaku’s requests for money and contract of

services 5. Komiti Awhina - progress on reregistration 6. The UoW 2006 draft Strategic Plan - update 7. WSU policy on student living allowances 8. NZUSA July Conference matters; & NZUSA’s tertiary

education funding reforms submission.

9. WSU constitution - report on updating plan 10. WSU’s strategic plan - Services, marketing, assets,

income, VSM, etc.

11. General Business

30

Issue 11 22 May 2006

We can help you get rid of them from your writing.

Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz When you write wrong, we right the wrongs.

Sports

Sports Update

BY GARY OLIVER Ok, due to Nexus schedule this is less an update than an out of date. But just in case you’ve been busy studying, here’re some result highlights and gossip. If you’d like to let our new sports editor know about your team and its results, send Nexus an email and some pics.

Super 14

Chiefs 30 – 9 Blues The Chiefs finished their Super 14 rugby season in superlative fashion. The three tries to none victory was the club’s third consecutive win over the Blues and their seventh of the season.

Having beaten the 3rd placed Waratahs the previous weekend; it has been another tail of ‘what might have been’ for the Chiefs. A mediocre start to the season, and a fantastic run near the end has seen the Chiefs finish agonizingly short of a position in the top four.

The captain Jono Gibbes, David Hill and prop Deacon Manu are all rumored to be investigating overseas contracts. Mark Ranby

has confirmed a move to Japan at the end of the current season. Regardless of current players’ intentions, the Chiefs have something to aspire toward in the next Super 14 season.

Netball

Flames 43-55 Magic The Waikato Bay of Plenty Magic continued their title defense in winning style.

Casey Williams had her first start of the season and played the entire game with no signs of a latent injury cloud resurfacing.

Coach Noeline Taurua stuck with her Australian goal attack, Tanya Lund, who shot 27 from 35, almost matching Irene van Dyk. As testament to the Flames defense, the South African’s accuracy was driven below the 90% mark.

Taurua rated her team’s performance as the best of the season to date; the players showing a great deal of adaptability and composure under very competitive conditions.

The Magic now have a run of relatively easy games running into the playoffs.

FA Cup

Liverpool 3-3 West Ham (3-1 on penalties)

West Ham looked destined to win the match, widely acclaimed as the most exciting FA Cup Final in recent years, until Steven Gerrard equalized for Liverpool in the final minutes of regulation time with another spectacular trademarked distance strike, making the total score 3-3.

With a own goal scored by Jamie Carragher in regulation time, and an exhausted Marlon Harewood fluffing a chance in the dying minutes of extra time, both teams would have to agree that the match result could have been very different.

Road to perdition turned into the road of redemption for Jose Reina, as he produced a superhuman effort in the penalty shoot out.

After a very suspect performance in regulation time, a transformed Jose Reina clinched the victory for the Reds with a number of excellent saves.

The match started with 6.8 million viewers, but rose to 11.3m as the match progressed. A BBC spokeswoman said the corporation was “delighted” with the viewing figures. “They show the nation is warming up for the World Cup next month,” she added.

Poetree

I got’s me waikato blues

guide her in the nations van

BY KILLER MIME

BY AKA

from your manifesto of impurities to your nostalgia for places you’ve never seen your architecture of obscurity posts paintings of other peoples drems

(With accompaniment by harmonica)

I saw your flags and oils that was metaphor for missile silos for your acid and dusty dogma give us angels with rusty halos she took the van to the station she took the moment right in hand She took the kids in the holden guide her in the nations van ah...men

Just down from the Station Management School sits On the ‘good side’ of the tracks, back to the rest of dem poor ol’ university stacks.

Amusing me so As it gazes towards provincially stagnating Deep South Waikato

Issue 11 22 May 2006

rather than North towards industrialisation towards inspiration towards aspiration towards Auckland. how sad… (harp. solo)

31

Columns

The “let’s dump a 13B in this old van” is becoming surprisingly common, and it’s actually funny to see a rota-van with a bunch of guys in it with their arms out the windows overtake you on the highway Rotaries. Some love them, many hate them, few don’t have an opinion on this one. There’s isn’t a person around that hasn’t heard of a rotary in one way or another, although it seems that most people don’t really know much about what they actually are or how they work, they just know how to draw the rotor. And that’s not that hard if you learnt how to draw triangles in pre-school.

I’ve never had one or worked on one, so my rotary experiences are pretty limited, but most people would be the same. But my opinion is borderline on this one; I’m not pro- or antirotaries. I was part way through writing an Engine Talk on another topic when I saw the feedback in the Lettuce last week. So, this one’s for James.

People generally think of an RX7 when someone brings up the topic of rotas, and its understandable; Mazda is pretty much the only well heard of make that put rotary engines in cars. It has to be understood that the term “rotary” is broad, and includes many different designs, some with pistons and some without, and are the common engines in propeller-powered aircraft. The design that most people are familiar with is the Wankel, the design that has been used by Mazda, and the only successful piston-less design. Of course there are others, such as the Sarich Orbital, but they’re widely unheard of because

32

of their lack of success. And I’m not going into aircraft engines.

People often know what the rotor of a rotary engine is, but usually not much else.

I suppose that’s mainly because the rotor is the central unit of the engine, turning inside the housing, turning the output shaft three times for every one of its own revolutions. It’s still similar to the reciprocating engine in that it has four “strokes” (intake, compression, ignition, exhaust) if you like. A lot of rotary engines use a dual rotor system (i.e. 13B), and some others use three or four rotors (i.e. 20B and 26B). But enough of the technical stuff, in short it puts out more power for unit weight than a four stroke reciprocating counterpart.

Everyone’s heard of the 13B rotary engine that Mazda commonly puts to use in the RX series. The “let’s dump a 13B in this old van” is becoming surprisingly common, and it’s actually funny to see a rota-van with a bunch of guys in it with their arms out the windows overtake you on the highway - one way of proving that rotaries aren’t always that bad. The rotary engine has a better power to weight ratio than conventional reciprocating engine, but they’re notorious for blowing gaskets. Power at the expense of reliability.

As a general rule they also use more gas than a counter-part reciprocating engine. Power at the expense of the wallet.

With every good application, there’s a bad application, and this goes for rotas too. Its one thing to drop a rota in an old van or ute, Issue 11 22 May 2006

because it’s funny, and they can still get their pace on. But then you get the guys who drop one in an old shitbox starlet or corolla, turn the idle down and drive slowly around town thinking their shit don’t stink. These guys are what give rotary drivers a bad name. Batty drivers are in a category completely separate again; although I’m more into the old school look, batty drivers who look after their car and do it up can end up with a nice ride.

Everyone knows a tuned batty can pull some substantial figures. The difference between a batty and an old shitbox with a rota dropped it is that the shitbox is a wannabe. The batty is the real thing.

To put my own opinion forward, I wouldn’t get a rota. I don’t have anything really against them, but I know reciprocating engines better.

It’d be a nice challenge and learning curve though, so maybe one day I might end up with a rota, if just for a project.

FROM CARDESIGNONLINE.COM

“The Second Oldest Profession”

Politics

BY CHRIS GRENFELL What is in a leader?

National Party leader Don Brash has had a hard time lately. He has suffered a few embarrassing events, such as turning up to a press conference under-prepared (he thought the issue of the American working on Nationals campaign was well and truly over) and then as part of a photo opportunity he was forced to ‘walk the plank’ quite literally.

Then during the 70th birthday party of the National Party Brash’s speech was apparently below par. It seems that this is a man who can do no right.

To be fair it is a reasonably unexciting time in politics at the moment, other than a little leak by the government, and not a lot is happening in the National Party. Perhaps it is fair to say that Don has become a little boring.

The job of the party in opposition is like that of the jealous kid at school who goes around

The Leak

telling everybody how the popular kid pooed his pants in standard one. After a while this becomes a little uninteresting.

The media are now turning their sights on the leader and once that happens, heads usually roll.

The National Party don’t have a great depth of charismatic potential leaders. There is of course John Key. Who is John Key other than the guy who smiles all the time during debates - what is he so happy about? Then there is Bill English who did such a great job of taking National to 24% in the polls before Brash took over. Maybe Gerry Brownlee could take over?

His qualification for Maori Affairs spokesman is he can count to ten in Maori so I am sure he is still holding out for the chance.

“A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not.”

If the National Party is smart they might just ignore us in the media.

News in Briefs

Well the leak has been plugged and it turns out that the ‘leaker’ must have a leaky brain…what a genius. Apparently the Telecom budget leak came down to a lone gunman who decided to dish out the secrets held by the government, for, well…ummm, nothing.

Genius. Don Brash is reported to be kissing strangers over the news that a damaging disclosure wasn’t made by the National Party.

Atom Ant – The New WMD?

Believe it or not part of the budget this year includes a major spying operation. Who is the subject of this covert surveillance? Iraq? The US? Our friends the Aussies? No. Ants. Yep the greatest threat to our way of life is not WMDs or global terror but the picnic molesting little fellas. How much will be invested here?....Well around about $13.2 million. But don’t worry, that includes some other initiatives too.

Cash not ‘the Bash’

To try and curb the ever increasing reports

of violence in the home a twenty per cent increase in government funding will see $9 million invested in family violence prevention services. Child Youth and Family Services Minister Ruth Dyson said the money, spread over four years, will go towards non-government community service providers such as 24-hour crisis lines, counselling, social work support, safe-house accommodation, advocacy and information. Also helping the pressure on families self-employed parents will be eligible for 14 weeks paid parental leave from 1 July this year.

Oh, give me another gangrene stick!

Images of rotting gums and teeth, throat cancer and gangrenous feet may be used on cigarette packets to warn against the health risks associated with smoking. Associate Health Minister Damien O’Connor unveiled a discussion document with the proposal.

The pictorial warnings are designed to inform people of the risks of smoking and minimise the uptake by young people. Canada, Australia, Issue 11 22 May 2006

Brazil and Thailand already have pictorial warnings on cigarette packets and many other countries are considering it. In Canada, the smoking rate dropped from 22 per cent to 20 per cent between 2001 and 2005.

Saving the Fuel

A new internet site giving New Zealand drivers up-to-date information on vehicle fuel consumption was unveiled by Transport Safety Minister Harry Duynhoven at Parliament.

Fuelsaver will help people make informed choices about the fuel efficiency and running costs of their vehicle or one they are thinking about buying. The website provides: a ‘cost calculator’ to estimate the fuel running cost of a vehicle and comparable vehicles; a function to compare fuel running costs vehicle to vehicle; and information and advice on fuelsaving driving techniques. Visit online at www.fuelsaver.govt.nz.

33

Columns

Avoid the flu It’s nasty winter ailment season, once again. Everyone is sniffing, cough and groaning with the pain of cooties. I have numerous theories surrounding flu avoidance, some helpful and some driven by a crazed obsession with not being ill.

• Contain those nasty sneezes and coughs in a tissue and dispose

of them. Despite what Nanna, Grandad and others may say,

hankies are Yuck and so is carrying boogies in your pocket. After

a good ole sneeze throw it out and wash your hands.

• Drink lots of fluids. The inner, mucous lining of the respiratory

tract is the body’s first line of defence against cold and flu viruses

and these membranes need to be protected!

• Be careful of using heaters for long periods of time in closed

areas, as heaters create dry air which compromises the body’s

ever important defence mechanism.

• I know it’s a harsh and tough call for some but quit smoking.

Smokers are more susceptible to colds, flu and other respiratory

illnesses.

• Stay home if you’re sick (I don’t want your germs) and avoid

visitors and visiting other people.

• Vitamin A or beta carotene supplements will help to protect

those above mentioned delicate (and kind of gross) membranes

or the respiratory tract.

• Keep moving. If you don’t stand still the flu won’t catch you… too

much time watching telly could give the flu a chance to sneak

up and ATTACK. Note this strategy may not be effective for all

those fighting the flu.

Although I hate being sick, there are added perks. Being sick often gives those busy beavers a chance to relax. I like to use all the hot water have an exceptionally deep bath in the middle of the day, top up on pain killers, and then cat nap in the sun. Or watch stupidly mundane daytime TV and catch on the happenings on Days of Our Lives. Let’s be honest, we’ve realised by now you only need to watch those daytime soaps once a year to stay up to date (it’s presented in real time) and the flu is that time.

My favourite flu activity is hogging the couch while younger (fluless) siblings sit on the floor to watch telly. They can’t sit next to you, you’re sick, and they can’t miss Shortland Street.

So happy flu season ladies and gentlemen, let me know if you can think of other sick day entertainment! Please note: a hot ‘toddy’ (brew of herbs and booze) will not kill nor prevent the flu but simply get you drunk enough to forget for a while. Your choice whether you use sick day entertainment or not, painkillers may help you require less toddy than other days.

34

‘Examination’ It’s getting towards that time of year, assignments are piling up, you have essays coming out your ears and exams are rapidly approaching.

In short, life is hectic! I decided to take a look at what ‘examination’ actually means.

For some people ‘examination’ induces feelings of horror, nervousness, panic and absolute terror. But for Uni students they simply become a fact of life, not something anyone particularly enjoys but one of those things we just have to do. I am yet to find someone who actually enjoys sitting exams (even word freaks aren’t that crazy!).

‘Examination’ entered into English from Latin, although the exact date of this is unknown, the fist recorded occurrence in English is in the late 14th century. Unlike many words in English, ‘examination’ has always had roughly the same meaning - ‘to investigate’, ‘to test’ or ‘judge’. So at least when we are wallowing in self-pity because we have exams for every paper, we can console ourselves with the fact that students have been sitting exams for hundreds of years (I’m not sure quite how that helps to console us though). If we wanted to put a really positive spin on exams, us females (not implying at all that word freaks are only females) could get excited about the fact that we are allowed to sit exams, because it is only in relatively recent history that women have been allowed to go to University at all. But we wouldn’t want to get to carried away. Being happy about sitting exams is odd even by word freakish standards.

I find that at this time of year ‘examination’ seems to go hand-inhand with ‘stress’. Not for everyone, but for quite a few people. So this word freak has decided to share some examination anti-stress tips:

1. Set time aside to relax – believe me this helps, just be careful not to take too much time!

2. Set small achievable goals – I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times but seriously – baby steps work!

3. Make lists of what you have to get done – lists don’t work for everyone, but if they work for you, make one! There is some satisfaction to be gained in being able to cross things off a list (this word freak is a huge fan).

4. Remember to eat – in all your rushing around crazily trying to get everything done it can be easy to forget things - especially eating, but fainting due to a lack of food really doesn’t help with the whole ‘stress’ thing!

Issue 11 22 May 2006

Columns

It’s that time of semester again, what’s happening - absolutely nothing. Or at least nothing that has grabbed my attention. Even the frequency and ferocity of tests and assignments are slowing down as exams approach. This has given me a rare number of spare hours to indulge in a few of my little vices.

Watching movies. A break from our own little dreary lives is just a channel flick, cinema or rental shop away. Whether you’re looking for a solid blast of entertainment, a raunchy dose of sleaze to fire up an erotic evening, or a cleverly crafted effort to get you thinking, the movies have you covered. At this point, I’d like to make a bit of shameless plug.

The Hamilton Film society (HFS) has been around for a little while now. Screenings occur every Tuesday evening at 8pm at the Victoria Cinema. Some of the movies tend to be dredged and dusted out of the archives, and can be a bit ‘hit and miss’. There are plenty of contemporary ones on the list too; a handful of documentaries, and even a few shorts and animations which provide a very good balanced mix overall.

Details for the next offering: What: For Me and My Gal Date: Tuesday 23 May 2006 Time: 8:00 PM Location: Victoria Theatre Origin: USA, 1942 Running time: 104 mins.

Director: Busby Berkeley.

The film has been described as a nostalgic foray into the pre-WWI, golden days of vaudeville, with a wonderful period flavor and patriotic undertones (in true American fashion).

The HFS offers a $25 3-Film sampler, so while the above may not seem very appealing; there are others on the agenda that you might find a bit more exciting. If you have a few spare minutes, go to the HFS web page http://hamiltonfilmsociety.org/index.php and have a snoop around. It’s a bit of a gold mine for all those screen and media buffs out there.

Hospital Pass One of the biggest issues facing New Zealand at the moment is hospital waiting lists. If you have a health problem that is not immediately life threatening, you get put on the end of a list that may take years to get to the top of. You may even get axed from the list completely. Surely in a civilized Western democracy like ours, we should all have access to healthcare when we need it. So why don’t we? And shouldn’t Labour use some of that huge budget surplus to get us out of this problem?

There are a lot of problems here, and personally, I think that the New Zealand universities have a lot to answer for. I realize this is going to be a very unpopular call, but I think I have a solution to the problem. So here you go Helen, no thanks required...

The quickest and easiest solution to this problem: For the next five years, do not allow international students to enroll in medical school in New Zealand. I know somebody who sat the exam at the end of the year of pre-med at Otago Uni. The top 5% in the class get to continue on to do training as a doctor. She got 96%, and didn’t get in, as the top 5% were all Asians who got 98-99%. Most of these Asians then went on to become doctors, then leave the country. I’m not against Asians coming here to study, but when it becomes a detriment to my health, that’s where I draw the line. By disallowing international students from entering med school for the next five years, we are sure to gain a lot more doctors and ease the problem of waiting lists.

I’m sure many people will see this as a “racist” solution, but it’s not.

I’m not saying international students can’t come here to study other subjects, but right now, we need as many of the doctors who come out of New Zealand med schools to stay here. Perhaps a less drastic plan would be similar to army training, where, after graduating, all doctors must work a minimum of ten years in New Zealand before being allowed to leave.

This may seem a radical suggestion but I’m sure if you ended up on the end of a waiting list, in considerable pain and desperate for help, you would see my point. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

The program gives a fairly comprehensive overview of the films to be screened, and there is also information regarding joining the HFS, and the benefits of doing so. You don’t need a crystal ball to tell there are going to be some cold and horrible nights ahead of us, and watching a couple of unusual movies isn’t such a bad way to spend them.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

35

Columns

Magic! Mystery! Glitter, glamour, fashion and fame! I am the Magic 8 Ball and I can predict your future. Send in your yes/no questions to 8ballknowsall@gmail.com and I will answer using all my cosmic powers.

So, we’re finally back from our extended vacation. Just in case you’re wondering, necrophilia is still illegal in Spain, as we found out the hard way (that’s a small rigor-mortis joke there).

Today as I was cycling to uni, a hip-hop tune came on my iPod Shuffle.

I found myself liking it a lot! Is there something wrong with me? Please advise, I need help. This strange new attraction has got me worried.

You might be wondering why we’ve been absent. Well, there is a hilarious, article-length story behind that.

“As I see it, yes.” Yes, there is something wrong with you. You like hip-hop.

I’m not one to judge but in this case, I will. Please please please put some Megadeth on your I-hate-people-with-white-earbuds iPod and grow some man-balls.

But then again, if you are one of the 5 people who will bother to read this, or has bothered to read a previous article, you will already know the whole story.

So anyway, the long summer months are gone and we are finally back in the icy-cold embrace of Winter’s Heart. Those of you lucky enough to be familiar with Hamiltron’s unique climate will know all about the Fist, but for those that don’t, let me (us) enlighten your brains. ‘Fist’ appears in the morning, when you least expect it. It’s that squishy white stuff that impairs your vision, but unlike last night’s anniversary present, it doesn’t sting your eyes, or contain three million knucklechildren. Scientologist-type people will try and tell you that it’s mist, or fog, but we all know it’s really Fist. Foggy Mist.

How’s it swinging? I hear ya about those people last week. I have a yes/no question for you: I got a touch game in the weekend and I was wondering if we’ll win.

Cheers brudda!

“It is decidedly so.” Yes, you will win your Touch game but I know for a fact that you don’t play Touch and that your game of “Touch” is actually copping a feel on The Outback’s dance floor. You will touch four women’s breasts but only one of them will be hot and that one will be with your elbow. You also have Gonorrhoea. Please go to the Family Planning Clinic to get that sorted out. They have free condoms there so go knock yourself out, wake up, then go and grab them while you’re having your tests.

Not Misty Fog, because fog comes off the sea! Misty Fog would be Mog, and boy would my face be gone.

Nope, Fist comes from the mountains, where the wee folk send it to us from their magnificent machines. It disappears when the sun comes out from his hole in the ground.

Nice and slowly he comes out, because Maui beat the sun with his hitty-stick. I’m going to say that again – some guy hit the sun with a stick…. causing it to slow down from its circumnavigation of the Earth. Sounds a little old-school Catholic to me. Try explaining that to American exchange students.

No 3 : The Nintendo Wii, with a name like that how can you fail? Just imagine asking all your friends to come to your place and play with your wii, great.

They keep insisting that Minnesota is in the center of the universe, and that Maui revolves around Minnesota. Go figure.

So anyway the moral of the story this week is…. Fist is great for sneaking up on people. Because it makes them sleepy. Trust me, when you wake up in a town where everyone is called Aaron, you’ll know just how sleepy.

Our fried friend Andrew gets sleepy sometimes, because he’s not used to Hamiltron either, and sometimes little bits of Fist get caught in his beard, and he drags it around the lounge and... you get the drift.

This sentence brings us to our word limit… bucket.

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Issue 11 22 May 2006

No 2 : The Xbox 360, With ipod design and computer coolness it’s the one to beat.

Sexxy!

No 1 : The Okama Gamesphere, the most powerful game dealy ever. It’s even hotter than the sun.

Columns

BY BURTON C. BOGAN

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everywhere…

Well, my life seems to get stranger by the day. Boganette broke up with me the other day. What with 6ft Under closing, my already bruised balls got another shoeing (now there’s an image!). But again, as I said last week, as tempting as it is this isn’t the forum for discussing my problems. I’m not gonna have the big fat cry! Besides, I still think Boganette is a real cool chick and I wish her all the best…just wasn’t meant to be (damn that zen!) Better off trying to do what I said last week, remember the good times and move on.

So apologies, my mind hasn’t really been on Boganology at the moment. So I thought I’d do one of those annoying narration of my life type things (which is what I swore this column wouldn’t end up being). But more the narration of my stereo, as Metal music has been pumping through my Discman as always. Here’s the music that’s been cranking lately to cheer myself up: IllDisposed 8ft Sativa DIC Fear Factory One Minute Silence Strapping Young Lad GWAR

‘1-800-VINDICATION’ ‘Season for Assault’ ‘Whose ya mutha?’

‘Demanufacture’ ‘One Lie Fits All’ ‘City’ ‘We Kill Everything’

Ah and now for a shameless plug…the Metal club is moving along nicely. We now have 35 members and they still keep coming. I chose a name tacky enough that it was funny but still serious enough that people weren’t gonna think it’s completely a joke…and Far Beyond Driven was born. If you wanna join, give me an email boganology@ yahoo.co.nz with your name, email address and student ID if you’re a student and I’ll send you an invite to join the Yahoo group. Some general questions for club members if you wanna help organize stuff: Anyone out there got links to WSU on a regular basis and can network? Any arty people wanna do some posters advertising the club? Any other networking out there that we can do to boost membership and get events organized?

I better go, word count is surprisingly looming…which it often does when you babble…but I can’t help leaving with a GWAR song quote (it’s playing in my Discman now): I love hate songs…bout mass destruction Other people’s pain takes my mind off you And I love puppies…when they’re road kill They’re too cute to live Too cute to live… too cute like you I hate love songs

Bruce Springsteen Born in the U.S.A. REVIEWED BY MACCA Bruce Springsteen, also known as The Boss, is one of the greatest names the rock business has to offer. The Boss ranks alongside such rock and roll figureheads as The Rolling Stones, Elvis Presley, The Beatles and Bob Dylan. Now, all those guys made cool music, but the boss made music cool. He was ‘da man’.

Many artists were good in the 70s and 80s, but Springsteen was the best of all his contemporaries, catapulting himself to fame on the unrestrained energy of his live shows (usually 4 hours long), his awesome songwriting skills, and the fact that he was real, unlike the manufactured crap we get today.

Released in 1984, Born in the U.S.A. is the record which propelled Springsteen into the rock ‘n’ roll stratosphere. It captured the sentiment of the times, and made people proud to be American (the cover looked a little gay though). Born in the U.S.A. sold 15 million copies (in the U.S. alone), making it one of the highest selling albums of all time. Seven songs from Born in the U.S.A. became top ten hits in 1984 and 1985. And no wonder – this album kicks serious ass.

The title song, ‘Born in the U.S.A.’, was in part a tribute to Springsteen’s mates who experienced the Vietnam War. Today it seems to be a patriotic American song, sung along with by the masses wherever it is played (except maybe Iraq). I have often wondered why we don’t have something similar, you know, like ‘Born in New Zealand’. Who knows? Another classic song on the album, and my personal favourite, is ‘Dancing in the Dark’. Springsteen wrote this about his difficulty in writing a hit single that would please his fans.

Ironically, it was a massive hit single. The song ‘I’m Goin’ Down’ in my view is one of the more underrated songs on the album. It has great vocals, great beat, guitar, everything. He even says the word ‘down’ 86 times during the four minute song! Now that’s gotta be good! 8.5/10

Competition The winner of last week’s prize is dms25@waikato.ac.nz, again.

Come on people, give him some competition.

This week’s prize is the album Heart and Soul by another legendary singer/songwriter, Mr. Joe Cocker. You know you want it.

Question: Where was The Boss born? (first correct answer wins) Email answer to cjw37@waikato.ac.nz

Issue 11 22 May 2006

37

Uncle Jim

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Issue 11 22 May 2006

Comics

Issue 11 22 May 2006

39

Food & Drink

 Here at Nexus we take food quite seriously. Due to all the late nights and crazy rushing production days, we’re connoisseurs of the grab-andeat snack. From chocolate licorice logs to Grain Waves to Turkish Delight Chocettes, we’ve tried it.

You can’t say it’s super healthy though. In vain have I scanned ingredients lists for something without piles of added sugar and saturated fat, even on allegedly healthy muesli bars. But now, via word of mouth recommendations, we have discovered the mighty One Square Meal.

Sorry for the advertorial tones, but we really like them. It’s the product we would have made if we’d thought of it (bastards) - a perfectly balanced and healthy work of culinary art that apparently took 2 years to knock up. It tastes good, it’s original and NZ made to boot. If you haven’t time to do a standard healthy lunch, here’s a tricky solution.

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So, each day we need about 2000 calories and various percentages of this should be iron, carbs, protein, magnesium, etc. The concept of the One Square Meal is this – it provides exactly 33.3% of those things, thus providing a perfectly balanced food that’s easy to grab on the run. It theory it can be a meal replacement product, but is a whole lot more appetising that the usual powdery shake affair.

The packet contains two individually wrapped bars, one of which is called an OSM (yup, just like the Open Student Meeting on this Wednesday but it’s tastier than greasy sausages). So you can eat one now and save the other for the evening’s history lecture.

The stats - low GI, so it keeps you going, no trans-fatty acids or artificial flavourings or colours, no added preservatives or sugar (although there is manuka honey and maltodextrin), no nuts. Not fully gluten-free, but I know a gluten-intolerant fan who’s a fan nonetheless. 10 vitamins and 5 minerals.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

MATT IS WON OVER BY ONE SQUARE MEAL

One Square Meal has many high profile friends, aside from Nexus staff. Saatchi and Saatchi CEO Kevin Roberts on One Square Meal - ‘It works, it tastes great, and it doesn’t cost much. It’s the next iPod.’ Weta’s Richard Taylor is pretty enthusiastic too. ‘A healthy crew is a happy crew thanks to One Square Meal. One Square Meal kick starts Weta Workshops day!’.

And I’m sure hobbits would have eaten them if they’d had them too.

At about $3.95 RRP each, the One Square Meal is slightly more pricey than one standard muesli bar, but they contain two good solid OSMs and will keep you going much longer. The ideal convenience food for grabbing between lectures or keeping you going through an all-nighter. You can get One Square Meal on campus at Campus Kiosk in the cowshed, and elsewhere at most dairies and petrol stations.

If you’d like to try the OSM for yourself, we’ve got some samples and info to give away. Just email us (nexus@ waikato.ac.nz) with a deserving reason or a good recipe and we’ll pick some lucky winners to get a sample.

Food & Drink

Spinach & Bacon Pasta

BY DANIELLE THOMSON Ingredients 1 tablespoon butter 1 chopped onion 1 garlic clove chopped (or the cheaters version) 4 rashers of chopped bacon 2-3 bunches of chopped spinach 250g of cooked pasta e.g. Fettuccine or spirals

I AM SUPERIOR!

Method

IT IS TRUE, I AM INFERIOR...

Melt the butter in a large frying pan. Add the onion, garlic and bacon to the pan. Cooking until the onion is clear and the bacon is cooked through.

Stir in spinach and cook for a further 2mins or until spinach is a rich, dark green colour.

Food Fact

Be sure to stir constantly.

Serve over the hot pasta.

If you’re a carnivore who requires more than bacon can offer try using stir-fry beef/lamb or pork.

BY SANAZ

The fattier the better In today’s ice cream production, it’s the fat content (usually around 10%) that adds richness and smooth velvety texture. The fat and protein allow ice cream to hold tiny air bubbles in the mixture before freezing.

The sugars (corn syrup or sweeteners) give ice cream its characteristic sweetness and palatability and enhance the perception of

various fruit flavours. The sugars also lower the freezing-point of ice cream. Usually around 70% of ice cream is water and there is still unfrozen water at the storage temperature of -15o to -18oC. The unfrozen water helps to make ice cream ‘scoopable’.

Premium brands (Mövenpick of Switzerland and Kapiti Fine Foods) have a much higher fat content (up to 20%) that contributes to its rich luxurious flavour and texture.

Restaurants

La Commune

REVIEWED BY HAZAZEL I’m always keen to try things that are new and different. La Commune is both! Located in the busy south end of Victoria St, it looks no different to any of the other eateries in the area... maybe a little less flashy. It’s when you get in the door and see the menu that you realise what makes La Commune special.

It took Sam and I a minute to realise that we weren’t seeing the words ‘bacon’, ‘beef’, ‘chicken’, etc anywhere on the menu. It’s entirely vegetarian, with some vegan and gluten free options. They have a small but interesting selection of brunch and lunch dishes, and they also have some baking in a cabinet. A fabulous aroma of coffee (fair

trade!) fills the small cafe, and they also have a large range of teas and other drinks.

We made our choices, ordered, and waited with grumbling stomachs for our food. We were already hungry when we arrived, so the 40min+ wait for food was not appreciated, but, to be fair, the place was very busy, and we probably should have specified that we wanted our breads and dip first. Coffees arrived promptly, and service was very friendly.

When the food finally arrived, we dug in with gusto. Breads and dip consisted of two kinds of wonderful, chewy bread with a heap of sun-dried-tomato hummus. Very tasty and satisfying. My tofu and feta scramble was unusual and incredibly good... cheesy, and loaded with tomatoes and olives. I’m not really a fan of olives, but the rest of the dish Issue 11 22 May 2006

made up for them. The scramble was served with more wonderful wholegrain toast, and a dish of butter. Sam had the beet burger, which was substantial and flavoursome, topped with roast capsicum, zucchini, lettuce, mayonnaise, relish, and a beet pattie the colour of raw beef - alarming-looking, but so good! We were pretty full after all this, but couldn’t resist sharing a brownie. It was fantastic - rich and hot, with occasional chunks of walnut and melted chocolate, a drizzle of chocolate sauce on top, and a dollop of cream on the side.

I’m no vegetarian, and sure, sometimes I want to chew on a big hunk of dead animal, but La Commune is unusual enough and good enough (in both food and atmosphere) to make me want to go back, and I’ll definitely be telling my vegetarian friends about it!

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Reviews

CITRIC

BY M. EMERY

Any rumours, porn, slander: htownslut@gmail.com

Another New Zealand Music Month winds up soon and so to do a lot of people’s enthusiasm for local music until next year, but hey there’ll be shows happening every week from now until next May in Hamilton, so don’t despair, keep an eye on the gig guide (page 25) and you will still have plenty of music to take in.

Citric is jumping on the net! Visit http://nexuscitric.blogspot.com/ Like a lot of blogs there’ll be the usual rambling from shows and pics but also every few days I’ll be throwing up a few tunes old and new for people to check out. It’ll be a pretty eclectic mix of music that I like. Remember kiddies, if you like what you hear support the artists and pick up their album. If you’re lucky I might even put some Angel Hammer up for you!

Art Metalling madmen æther have been busy this month with a schools tour and an acoustic live to air on The Generator. To cap their month off they are playing all-ages show at Upsett Records, 333 Victoria Street.

They will be joined by whores from the Auckland scene, Scenewhore and also the numerically challenged four piece, 1000. Once certain band members have finished educational commitments they have assured me they will be recording a new single and polishing some older material for release in the future. A step in the direction of Angel Hammer soundwise could only be a positive thing for any band in Hamilton.

There are a whole bunch of music performances happening in the Hamilton Public Library in Garden Place. A whole bunch of bands played last Saturday but this Saturday you can catch Kimbra, Addictive Torture, Mill Road, Escape, and Emg. Young rockers from Te Awamutu, Eqwanox, play at 7:30pm on Friday night.

A Low Hum came through town, last month, spreading cheer and joy and I understand next month A Low Hum will be holding an all-ages show at Upsett Records as well as the standard R18 gig. So for all the fanatics out there, you can catch these great bands twice!! No reports as to who is touring next month but I can confirm it probably won’t be Angel Hammer.

Not really music related but check out new La Commune on Victoria St a few doors down from Sohl Bar. It’s a new vege/vegan café joint with fresh food, wonderful coffee and friendly staff. When I went there a few days ago the staff made me feel like a real human being.

The Wednesday Jam Session at Fat Bellies will be absent for the next few weeks as State of Origin runs amuck. There is a possibility the mic will open at 12am but all you sane folk should surely be in bed on a school night by then!

Gomez How We Operate REVIEWED BY MO

I’d say I’m somewhat of a sporadic Gomez fan than a hardcore one. So I can’t really comment as to how essential How We Operate (Shock/ATO) would rank in amongst their previous six albums. What I can say, however, is that it’s good.

Producer Gil Norton (of Pixies and Foo Fighters cred) states that the Gomez fullas had never tried the pre-production thing, so this time they “got together in a room to really work out each song before [recording] them in the studio.” Seems the work’s paid off - production values are top notch, perhaps a little too slick for those who favour a more lo-fi approach but in no way does this detract from what Gomez are doing.

They don’t try to cultivate new ground, but simply write songs; songs that are sometimes heartfelt, sometimes brimming with optimism, sometimes with the Dave Matthews soundalike-singer that I don’t like so much but the clever instrumentation and pretty Beatlesesque 3-part harmony make up for it. I like this album. Fans of good, solid, honest would probably dig this.

Katchafire/Various Homegrown Dub – Aotearoa’s Finest

REVIEWED BY HOWZIT HOLMES Since releasing Slow Burning, skankin’ Jah-praisers Katchafire have been spreading their sounds overseas with success in similar fashion. It seems their praise may have come full-circle, with homage paid to ‘Aotearoa’s Finest’ by some of the country’s most prolific beat-merchants and electronica producers. Pitch Black, Sola Rosa and Baitercell keep their noses to the grindstone, teasing us with some polished, yet often scarcely recognizable remixes, while up-and-coming talent Chong Nee and Hamiltron boy J. Harry Long push the envelope with some innovative, although still highly palatable, tracks. The club and dub bonus disc is patchy, but features a couple of solid drum & bass remixes from Macro & High Speed Dubbing that have enjoyed massive UK club play. This is an album that stands out on its own merits, but might miss the mark with fans of Katchafire’s more radio-friendly material.

Reviews

BY KAZUMA NAMIOKA

Carnival of Sins Motley Crue Live

Transporter 2

Motley Crue, as a band, stumps me. I have read their book, but only recognise two of their songs, and one of them is called “Girls Girls Girls”. In the Docruementary, singer Vince Neil mentions that “beautiful women come to our shows”, looking as confused as I feel. Notorious wife-beater drummer Tommy Lee wields his “titty cam” mid-set and girls whip them out for him night after night in crowded stadiums.

Guitarist Mick Mars admits to being overwhelmed by the amount of breast on display. This is really saying something considering their stage show, which you firstly notice is huge, then secondly, full of stripper-types. Thirdly there are midgets and clowns and fire and choppers (the bike, not the helicopter or reindeer, though you get the feeling they’re only a step away).

In an effort to judge the film on its own merits, I avoided watching the first one. So Jason Statham is Frank Martin in Miami (that’s the guy drifting across the front of the case with two guns and a look like he forgot to feed the cat), and basically what he does is drive a rich family’s kid around.

Inevitably, the kid gets targeted by virus-wielding Russians or Ukrainians or just somebody with an accent unfamiliar to America or Britain, and then the war on terror is on! Cars (and taxis), jet skis, buses, planes and shanks’ pony are all forms of transportation that the mighty Transporter employs to get the job done.

So I was enjoying the DVD for the spectacle more than the music, but what a spectacle it was. Maybe props at a music show shouldn’t matter, but these ones did. It didn’t feel like they were back from retirement at all, but rather at the peak.

This was helped by a zealous audience involving a curious mix of old fat guys and the aforementioned multitude of loose young women. These two demographics usually don’t end up at the same events unless one is gyrating around on stage with a pseudonym. The Crue are obviously still huge in America, the show’s over 2 hours and the crowd keep screaming, doing the lighter thing. Good second disc of bonus features. I can’t see how it appeals to women, but it obviously does. Girls stump me too.

It’s pure comic-book fantasy land when it comes to the action: cars are flipped in just the right way so overhanging crane hooks dislodge the bomb hidden underneath, third floor windows leapt out of but it’s ok - a taxi broke my fall not my back. Punch a cop in the right place and yes, a convenient set of cuffs will fly out into your hand, like they’re piñatas containing instruments of justice. Frank will dive out of his way to catch a pushed-over lady, convince a wrong-doing girl to set her life straight, then kill and maim a multitude of bad men. He doesn’t even get any. It shows his complex character, an interestingly subtle aspect of the storytelling considering the brainless over-explanation found elsewhere in the movie. Frank Martin is a self-hating closet homosexual.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

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Books Reviews

My Latest Grievance

Forensic Detective: How I Cracked the World’s Toughest Cases

(Headline Book Publishing) Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

(Allen & Unwin) Reviewed by Jeff Rule

Robert Mann & Miryam Williamson

Elinor Lipman

There seems to be a surplus of books out there that think they are really funny. They hype themselves up to be hilarious; reviewers write about the “laugh out loud moments on every page”; they have quotes on the front cover proclaiming their comedic genius. Unfortunately, they turn out to be dryer than the Sahara Desert when it comes to actually reading them.

The main character of this book reminded me of Rory off The Gilmore Girls. Strike One. Frederica (and what a name that it) is a self-centred, precocious, loner-type figure raised on a college campus by overly PC, professor parents. The book follows a fairly mundane line for a while, harping on about Frederica’s experiences on campus, and making it clear enough for a six-year-old to see that somehow her peaceful/weird existence is going to be disturbed.

And of course it is. Laura Lee, Frederica’s boring father’s ex-wife, arrives on campus and messes everything up. She has an affair with the college president, whose wife tries to kill herself, claims a pregnancy, and generally wreaks havoc in this bizarre world of Frederica the Great.

While it might sound entertaining, it’s really just a circus of events that spans out over pages of strange conversations between Frederica and her parents which are meant to show her as being ‘different’ or ‘unusual’ from every other teenager.

Feeling particularly critical, I have to note that the writing doesn’t stand up to much either. I kept wincing all through the book at those moments where Lipman was trying to be funny but didn’t pull it off.

Cringe. Maybe, on a rainy day, with a cold or flu distorting your judgment and plenty of panadol in your system this book might help pass some time. Otherwise, it’s strictly for those that are already fans of Lipman.

If there are any.

Tired of the proliferation of CSI-type shows on TV, I approached this book with a certain amount of skepticism. This and numerous other books written to feed the current CSI chic might be seen as part of the wider development of the ‘forensic novel’ as a genre. Also a lucrative market for cut-price paper merchants. If Truman Capote’s much earlier In Cold Blood acts as the historical precedent, then this book is merely the latest evolutionary mutation. But then I judged this book by its overzealous publicity spiel.

I would be selling this book short if I said that it was a mere handbook to ‘CSI’ or ‘Bones’. The graphic details about forensic procedures, intended to inform and to bust TV-land myths, are only part of the flesh of this book. The book covers a lot of ground - and a lot of bodies.

Beginning with tales of adventure from his first job at a funeral home, Mann covers some of the many cases he was involved with over 20 years: including, the Jeffrey Dahmer and Poughkeepsie serial killings; the shattered aftermath of 9/11; and ongoing work of identifying soldier’s bodies missing in action. The rest is intensely personal and is written from an autobiographical perspective. Between chapters devoted to individual cases, Mann is at his yarn-spinning best with stories of hippies, hobos and his wider search for his biological parents.

Searching for evidence of murder or identity in bones and bodies, Mann recalls his ongoing search for his own identity.

For a book that shows the inside of forensic anthropology, and was slated as ‘morbid’, there are surprisingly few gruesome photos. The writing, although over-familiar, goes some way to make up for this. The narrative is accessible, candid and ironic. It is also frustratingly real.

Few of the stories/ cases have neat conclusions, and were literally constructed from skeletal traces and memories.

Read this book if: you like CSI, but hate the Jerry Bruckheimer effect.

One Book You Might Have Missed

Read this book if: You are easily amused and nostalgic for student hostel living

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The Unbearable Lightness Of Being Milan Kundera

(Harper Collins) Reviewed by D.T.

I like this book so much I still haven’t given it back to its original owner after…5 years (sorry). It’s original, imaginative, challenging and philosophical while remaining a fully absorbing read. Kundera muses on the nature of life, relationships and communism, offering an enduring and insightful view on the whole affair. It’s a bit hard to describe in full, so I won’t try. But I do recommend you read it.

Issue 11 22 May 2006

Reviews

Films The Da Vinci Code Village Cinemas

REVIEW BY JOE CITIZEN Some people take their conspiracies very seriously. To quote the movie – “We are in the middle of a war. One that has been going on forever to protect a secret so powerful that if revealed it would devastate the very foundations of mankind.” Stirring stuff indeed, all that’s needed is a heady mixture of facts, conjecture and violence and you’ve got yourself a movie. Add an all-star cast, a little controversy and you’ve got an audience grabber. Have it directed by the Hollywood veteran Ron Howard (Apollo 13, Willow and ex Ritchie Cunningham) and you have yourself a bona fide blockbuster. It’s as easy as 1-2-3.

Not that this film doesn’t deserve all the attention, it’s not bad watching with its long chase sequence plot. Don’t expect a serious expose of critical historical issues however, this mystery thriller touches base and moves on in a breathless whirlwind tour of 2000 years of Christian intrigue and secrecy. At

least it doesn’t have a love story to muddle up the hopelessly two-dimensional characters caught up in events they hardly understand.

Not so for the audience who have no trouble in deciphering what would otherwise be dry and inaccessible, thanks to a murder at the beginning of the film committed by an albino zealot with a self hate complex. Naturally our heroes are implicated and must race against the clock to solve the puzzle before being arrested or silenced forever. It could be Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom if it wasn’t so bloody serious.

At a bladder busting two hours and fortyfive minutes, this film kept me to my seat with its constant suspense. It drifts out only at the end for want of closure but most of it has enough action to keep my attention from wandering into those truly unimaginable questions like: “Why would Da Vinci write in modern day English?” and “Why would the Knights Templar give a damn about the oppressed?” Not that this hodge-podge of pseudo history needs a critical analysis, it’s just that when religion and fiction get mixed up there’s bound to be a reaction from

someone not liking it. Perhaps the most interesting thing about this otherwise fairly standard movie is the questions it raises about formation of the early Church. Mary Magdalene may’ve married Jesus, there may or may not be secret societies to protect or destroy their children and Christianity may or may not be based on pagan symbolism.

The important thing is at least we’re thinking about it.

Rialto Check

BY LEIGH MCGEADY

You just can’t beat a good British film. Generally British films reign supreme. Including the movie I am going to tell you about in this week’s lil column. The film is called On a Clear Day and if you’ve missed Billy Boyd since The Lord of the Rings, then don’t miss out on an opportunity to catch him on the big screen once again!

On a Clear Day tells the tale of Frank, (Peter Mullan who took the title role in My Name is Joe, and directed The Magdalene Sisters) a 55-year-old Glasgow shipyard worker, respected in his local community who is made redundant during a wave of layoffs. He tries to act unworried about the new situation, but he finds himself short of options and things get worse when he visits a job centre

and his employment advisor turns out to be his daughter-in-law (Jodhi May - Last of the Mohicans).

Frank’s best mates – rascally Danny (Boyd), timid Norman, and cynical Eddie – are there for him, but Frank still feels desperately alone. An off-hand remark made by Danny inspires Frank to challenge himself. Already contemplating the state of his relationships with his loving wife Joan (two time academy award nominee Brenda Blethyn) and all but estranged son Rob (Jamie Sives), Frank is determined to shore up his own self-confidence. And when Frank makes an announcement that he plans to swim the English Channel, his friends – once they get over the shock – agree to help him train, and they keep this goal a secret from his wife and son. It becomes obvious that Frank finds himself unable to confide in Issue 11 22 May 2006

those closest to him, but as the big day and moment of truth draws ever closer there is a sea change. Frank’s family finally confronts him, and he realises that he needs to repair his strained family ties.

First time director Gaby Dellal milks laughs but avoids caricatures and never loses sight of the film’s serious underlying themes. On a Clear Day is an inspirational drama with just the right amount of humour and it shows forgiveness and fortitude, from an exciting new voice in filmmaking. This film starts its season at Rialto on the 25th May. See you there!

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Reviews

THE PLAYER E3 Post-Mortem

BY MATT

E3 been and gone, now we can revell in the numerous releases and so on and so forth. Hey, guess what? Lots of sequels!

Also, the PS3 controller has been finalised and it’s just the Dual Shock but with wavymotion capture stuff — beats the ugly-ass Batarang. Pity they couldn’t make the PS3 much prettier. Wii looks cool and people finally got to try out it’s “revolutionary” controller. For me, Wii is looking the most promising, with the Xbox 360 giving you your straight-up no-fuss game experience and Sony lagging behind but still willing to charge an arm and a leg as usual. Enough of the pessimism, here’s my thoughts on some select games from E3!

Metal Gear Solid 4 – Looks good from the vid I saw. Old Snake looks old as the name would suggest. It looks like it’s getting even more of the movie treatment than the previous ones.

Dead or Alive Extreme 2 – No more volleyball (it wasn’t in the trailer), more unrealistic titty-bouncing.

Apparently Tecmo are trying to turn it more into a party game. Seriously though, who – aside from a majority of very lonely people, possibly myself included – will buy this game and actually use the “party” element?

Spore – Cool concept, excellent presentation. I watched a half-hour vid on Google Videos a while back and it was really amazing. Unfortunately, not a game I would actually spend time on! Not enough scantily-clad cyber girls.

Hellgate: London – I’m interested in how it will eventually turn out. I hope they incorporate a good single-player aspect to it like Diablo 1 and 2 had, unfortunately it seems that everything is either focused as being primarily one or the other nowadays (I’d play Guild Wars more if it had any kind of proper single-player mode).

Call of Duty 3 – I almost peed my pants while watching the vid (Brothers in Arms: Hell’s Highway looks fantastic too).

However, I do have an aversion to real-time team management.

Final Fantasy 13 – Looks and sounds like a cross between 7 and 8. PS3 exclusive, so I guess it means I’m eventually getting myself a PS3 now. Fuck! It sounds like it’s going to be a little more action-orientated now… I’ll wait and see how FF12 looks before I make any more assumptions on 13’s combat.

AND Fallout 3 was MIA from E3 2006 aside from some teaser posters. It’s still being worked on (it better damn well be!), fortunately, but I still don’t trust Bethesda with one of my most loved game series. As long as they don’t make FO3 first-person and real-time combat, then I will be happy.

Bring back Van Buren and Black Isle!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

FREE GAMES! Well, we had some entries for last week’s “why are video games better than sex,” comp. Some (two) were very good. The others were just bloody awful. After a long, exhausting process of picking through the seven or so entries we received, we picked the winner. And here it is… read the italic lines for a hidden message!

Obviously Playstation is Better than sex, saying its Crap compared to ‘poon’; that’s Crazy! Fun whenever, not like Sex. It’s sweaty and intensely Awkward. Only PS2 is Orgasmic! Everyone Get gaming, not Have sex!

Congratulations Opo1! Cruise up to the Nexus offices to collect your copy of V8 Supercars 3. And 24:The Game, if you can stand to be in the same room as it.

It’s hard to believe we got so few entries.

Shit, is 30 words or less so hard? It’s easy to win with so few people entering – you’ve just got to be a bit funny. This week’s competition is for The Godfather, a GTA type game from EA which is frickin’ awesome.

We’ll be reviewing it in next week’s Player.

All you have to do to tell us, in 30 words or less, how you’d go about becoming the Godfather of a crime syndicate. Entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz – make sure to put “the player” in the subject line.

GAMES PLUS - THE NEXT LEVEL: Providing you with all your necessary gaming needs S H O P 1 0 5 , C E N T R E P L A C E M A L L , V I C T O R I A S T, H A M I LT O N · P H O N E 8 3 8 0 8 0 1 XBOX · PLAYSTATION · GAMECUBE · PC · GAMEBOY · DS · PSP · MOVIES · ANIME

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Issue 11 22 May 2006

Issue 11 22 May 2006

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